2 minute read
The Beginning Of My Story
THE BEGINNING
OF MY
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STORY
By: Raushanah N. Butler
From the time I was in my mother’s womb, I was in an environment that was violent. Let me explain. My mother and I (and later, my brother) lived with my grandparents. And as far back as I could remember, there was always a lot of yelling, screaming, cussing, fussing, and fighting going on. Oddly enough, Sundays seemed to have been the designated day for all of these to happen, although it occurred more frequently than that. This isn’t to talk ill of my late grandparents, or to even make anyone feel sorry for me, but to give some context and a foundation to my story. So, the last incident I remember was being called to their home (we had moved out by then) due to a fight that went too far. And then, right before my 6th-grade year in school, they finally got a divorce. I was embarrassed, relieved, and sad, all at once.
Fast forward to my Junior, in undergrad, I was frantically trying to dial my grandmother’s number. Why? Because I had just experienced my first violent situation with someone that I was intimate with. Prior to that, I was never yelled at, cussed at, or had any hands laid on me. However, that night, it changed. I wasn’t cussed or yelled at, but the way he jumped on me with the look of possession in his eyes scared the hell out of me. He started choking me, and for a split second, I thought I was going to die. In between his laughs and taunts, I somehow managed to grab my keys and hit him. I can’t even remember if I had on shoes, but I ran to the nearest gas station, used a payphone (cell phones weren’t as accessible then), and paged the only number I knew at the time. I stayed away for a few days until everything died down and eventually called the only person that would understand, my grandmother. That really shouldn’t have been the case, but it was.
Throughout my adult years, I found abusive situations sprinkled in all my relationships,overall. The last one was my ex-fiancé about ten years ago. Yes, it took me that long, because to some degree, I was numb to abuse. But I thank God that I snapped out of it, literally, and have been free ever since.
