Miss CeeCee

CeeCee Ms.

Althea with WOVE Inspirations recently had the honor of interviewing Miss Cece, who is a reality TV personality from Love & Hip Hop. In this interview we get to a delve little bit in to Miss Cece’s story, and her advice for anyone dealing with abuse.

So Ms. CeeCee thank you so much for wanting to share your story tonight.

Thank you for having me, really.

It is an honor and a blessing. So Ms. CeeCee as you know, everybody has a story to tell and with any story there has to be a beginning. So tell me a little bit about what it was like for you growing up?

I grew up on the streets of Compton, so I knew what loyalty was before I could spell it. And because I came from where I came from, I have always lived kind of a hard life where I didn’t take no wooden nickels and wasn’t passing out none.

I love it, so as you were growing up, what were some of the experiences that you had? Because you said that it was kind of a rough life for you, so what were some of the things that you were going through in your younger days?

By the time I was 13 I was a fullfledged gang member. I have done things I’m not really proud of. That’s real hard for me right now. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but I did things that I had to do for the crew. I don’t know if you understand that or not?

Yes, Ma’am I do. So in your journey as a teenager having to do some things that you didn’t want to do, was there a father figure in your life?

My stepfather was amazing. I could drive a truck by the time I was 12, a diesel truck. We had Kenworth’s, I could drive the truck, couldn’t drive with the trailer on it, because I couldn’t push the trailer behind me, but I could drive a whole tractor. Change tires, because we had a tire shop, I was a beautiful young girl, I was beautiful as a kid, beautifully built, all that, it didn’t mean nothing to me because of what I had gone through earlier. You know I’ve even had some of my mom’s boyfriends before my stepfather - who I loved, and came, to me he was like a rescuer - to fondle me.

Okay. And usually what happens with that, that’s where the, I want to say acting out, comes in to play, because what they did is they took something that wasn’t theirs and they manipulated it for their pleasure. And so now, you’re, as a young lady, trying to recapture that same thing the way that it’s supposed to be for you, but then you had to basically rediscover yourself through other, different, people. So in making your decision, going in to a gang and any other things that you did, that’s basically the foundation that started it all.

Yeah, that’s why I fought back. I think that was my reason for wanting to fight back. I think I thought every man who ever did something to me I think that was my reason for fighting back.

And so as you got older let’s like around in your twenties or so, was there ever a relationship that was like okay yeah, I can see myself being with that person?

I had my son when I was 19. His father pursued me from the time I was maybe 14, he pursued me. By the time I was 19 and had my son, he was totally out of the picture. I was just a piece of ass to him, I didn’t understand that then because I had never been with nobody. So to him I was that amazing piece of ass that he wanted to get that everybody wants. I had my son at 19 and I met a man, I can call him a whole bunch of things, but I met this guy, whose name was Robert Myers, and you can print his name. I married him and he beat me from Amazing Grace to a golden opportunity.

My God. Okay. And what age were you when you got married to Robert?

I married him when I was 20. My son was a baby. This guy made me

think that I was the whole thing, all while he was talking to me he was in service, sending me home his allotment checks and I was just amazed that somebody would do this for me after what my son’s father did. This man f#cked me up mentally. And today I know that I wasn’t a bad looking young lady. Today I know that. Then I thought I was the ugliest bitch in the world because he’d say ain’t nobody going to want you but me. F#ck you bitch, you ain’t sh*t. That’s how he’d talk to me.

So during your time in that relationship, or that marriage, was it something constant that he did or what was his reasoning behind doing all of that?

Yeah. He beat me like clockwork. Sh*t, because he felt like it! Because it was morning. I told you he beat my ass from Amazing Grace to a golden opportunity. He just whooped me anytime he thought. He would take me out, he would dress me up real cute. I had everything I ever wanted, anything a black girl wanted I had. And he would dress me up real cute, take me out and I always looked down at the ground, I looked down because if I looked at somebody, they knew who I was and that was the worst time in my life. But he would beat me, this man beat me. When he got out of service and we moved in to a nice, beautiful home in California he brought devil locks. He bought that sh*t and he brought that sh*t from wherever the f#ck he was because I never seen that sh*t before. He would lock me in the house, me and my son. It wasn’t his son. It wasn’t his son and he said that I f#cked around on him and got pregnant. He never abused my son though, and I’m not going to say that. He f#cked me up but he never abused my son. But he would lock me in the house with the devil lock, you know the key in, key out and take the keys with him. What if the house caught on fire? He would take the phone a lot of times, because we had the phones that plugged in to the wall, and he could unplug them and take the phone’s with him and he would take the phones and wrap them up and lock them in a room. So I couldn’t use the phone. He did me a whole bunch of injustices, whole bunch.

That’s madness! You see that’s what an insecure man looks like because if you have the audacity to terrorize a woman then you’re not a real man, you can’t call yourself a real man. Ms. CeeCee how long were you guys married?

I guess Junebug was a baby when I left him. When I divorced him Junebug was about 3, but when I left him, Junebug was just still a baby. Because I was arching my eyebrows sitting at a breakfast nook and I had arched my eyebrows and it was a razor blade and alcohol sitting on top of the breakfast nook. And he came home that night and I had fixed his dinner and put it in a pie can, because back then we didn’t have microwaves. So I had put it in a pie can, so I could put it in the oven and warm it up for him, because I had to have his dinner ready. So I put it in the pie can, I warmed it up, I put it on a plate and took it to him. That mother#cker took that plate and flung it up in the top of the bedroom ceiling and broke the light. That nigger beat me so bad, when I woke up I was laying in the kitchen in a pool of my own blood. That’s how bad he had beaten me. I got up and I went to the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was like “I can’t do this no more.” My face, I was just like the f#cking elephant man, he had beat me so bad. He was drunk, so I eased the keys out of his pocket and took all the keys off the ring and stuck them in to the door on the outside. I took my son and put him in the car. I took his bank book and stuff and transferred the money to my account, because I had an account that he was putting like $40 in for when I walked to the goddamn store and he would stand in the f#cking, okay I’m getting mad, I’m sorry.

You’re fine, we’re going to keep it real tonight, okay?

He would stand in the window of the apartment and watch me go to the store and I took the keys and put them outside the doors, took my baby and put him in the car. I mean nowadays, I would go to jail for some sh*t like that, but I put my baby in the car, in the car seat and started up the car and put them keys in the doors, so I know if he came running for me, that I can lock the door. I took the razor blade that I had, arching my eyebrows, and the first time I cut him he just kind of clenched a little bit and then I cut him again and the more I cut him the easier it got. And he got up and said “bitch, I’m going to kill you!” and all I saw was that alcohol that was sitting on that breakfast nook. All I was saw was that and I took that alcohol and dashed it on his back, because that’s where I had cut him. So that made him go the other way. So once he went the other way, I locked all the locks on him and left him in there. If it had not been for my mom, having pictures of what he had done to me in the past, I probably would still be in jail. But she had pictures of what he had done to me and there wasn’t no self-defense laws back then, there just wasn’t, not in ‘79, there wasn’t no self-defense

“My story is don’t give up. I don’t care who you are, don’t give up.

Just keep moving forward.”

laws for what men did to women. Because there wasn’t no like spousal abuse, there wasn’t no laws against that. You know you take a walk and then you come back home, you know. Because I called the police on this mother#cker many times, I called the police a million times, he beat me a million times.

And see one of the problems especially in our black community is that it wasn’t something that was uncommon. It’s like oh so-and-so had a fight. Even though they may be out all in the middle of the street fighting, clothes half way off and everything and they fighting, it’s a constant the theme. But it wasn’t uncommon.

But there’s a difference when you’re fighting and when you’re not fighting back. It’s a difference because I would not fight him back because he told me he was like “I’ll burn your momma’s house down, I know where your sister go to school at”, you know he was telling me all kinds of weird sh*t.

So after him what was it like for you going forward? Were you just like “I’m just done with men” or what was your next level?

No. It wasn’t like that because I met my daughter’s father, who was Bambi’s dad and he made me realize that all life wasn’t like that. That every man wasn’t like that. And I treated him bad for like the first year and he would always tell me “I’m not him. I’m not him.” I didn’t understand that for a long time. “I’m not him.” I did not understand. But he rescued me from that f#cking asshole.

And this was your husband? Your new husband?

Yes, I married Bambi’s dad. I’d been married to him for 25 years, but we were together for 35.

Okay. It’s not uncommon when a woman has gone through domestic violence and they try to go forward in other relationships that that residue kind of stays with you and comes with you in a big old bag of stuff and if that person that you’re with isn’t able to understand that then it makes the relationships a lot harder to deal with and even stay together. So for you guys to have stayed together for 35 years, that is amazing and he was there sticking with you through thick and thin.

But he understood what I had gone through and what I was going through right then because I could cuss that man out. I talked to that man so bad, if I was him I’d have left my ass! I would have left my own ass.

And so are you currently married at this time or?

No I’m not married, but I do have a friend, we’re going to get married next year, but I’ve known him 10 years, you know what I mean? But I’m just scared to open myself up and say this is what I want because you don’t know, niggers are just crazy. And not only niggers is crazy, bitches are crazy too! But at this point in my life I’m not going through that sh*t no more. I’m not doing it no more, I’m not going through that no more, if you have issues then you take your issues somewhere else but don’t bring them to me.

So Ms. CeeCee, how have you been able to go forward since all of that stuff has taken place in your life? What is some ways that you are able to say, you know what, I’ve been there, done that, I’m going forward in life and now being a TV personality, a reality TV personality, how were you able to?

Because I look can past the bullsh*t, I can see bullsh*t coming for real, I can see it coming. And I just look passed the bullsh*t. I’m not looking for you to come to me with no, and you know because you’re a TV personality, niggers come to you sideways. “Let me talk to you.” No boo! Because you got me mixed up with somebody else. Because I’m just not doing that. I’m just not doing that. I’m good in the space that I’m in.

If you wasn’t famous what you would be doing right now?

The same thing I’m doing right now. Making tacos, feeding people, making sure everybody is happy and enjoying life because that’s what I’m about.

Yes, and I heard about your tacos. I’m going to have to check them out, hopefully.

When you come here and check this I got you boo. My tacos is the B-OM-B, Boom! And I make amazing guacamole.

Ooh okay! Well I’m definitely looking forward to it. So Ms. CeeCee why is it so important that people hear your story?

I need my story heard because not only because of the abuse that I’ve gone through, the physical abuse - I’ve been shot, stabbed, beat up and whooped and I’ve defeated cancer 3 times. So I mean I have a story. My story is don’t give up. I don’t care who you are, don’t give up. Just keep moving forward. Because there’s more to life than when try to make it. You know we say “oh woe is me, I ain’t never going to find no nigger because of what I’ve been through.” No bitch, you ain’t going to find no nigger because you don’t want to. Sit your ass down somewhere and regroup. Oh woe is me, I had cancer and don’t no nigger want me because one of my titties ain’t real. Bitch you don’t need no titties if you don’t have a baby. Please sit down. Sit down. Wait for a real man to come your way. Because a real man don’t give a f#ck about none of that. Oh woe is me. I hate a woe is me bitch, I really do. “Oh well I just don’t have, and oh I have never been and oh I can’t do.” Okay. And you ain’t going to never. You ain’t never going to push forward because you so and going backwards. You ain’t never going to go forwards. Your ass is stuck right where you at and that’s where you’re going to be at. If you put a car in neutral, it ain’t going nowhere. It ain’t going forward, it ain’t going backwards, it ain’t going sideways, it’s going to stay right there. It’s going to be right there in neutral. You can push the gas as long as the f#ck you want it ain’t going no damn where. It ain’t going no damn where. Ah bitch, let’s put it in park. Okay. At least you know you resting right now. Let’s put it in drive and let’s go forward. Let’s put it in reverse, we going back up and see where the f#ck we been. But don’t just keep pressing the gas in neutral you stupid mother f#cker, what the f#ck!

I love your personality, oh my God.

But I’m who I am because I don’t know how to be nobody else.

Do you, for real, do you. I’m so serious, just do you.

But I’m really, really serious, when it comes to these younger women and not knowing about who they are, they don’t know who they are because their parents didn’t know who they were, you know and I just came through this sh*t with this breast cancer and of course in the beginning I felt like oh, and I was the woe is me bitch too. I was like, oh, cancer, oh. I went to bed one night and woke up I was like bitch what the f#ck is wrong with you? What the f#ck is wrong with you? I woke up the next morning, I went to my treatment and the people at the place was like Hi Miss Denton are you okay? I was like I’m fine, how the f#ck is y’all? Is y’all titties all right because if they not tell me to go put them in the goddamn machine because they told me I was f#cked up when I was going to radiation therapy, the nurses, the f#cking doctors, them mother#ckers waited for me to come, because they said I made their day. I talked so much sh*t up in that goddamn place and said to the people that were sitting in there and these people have probably been going longer than me. But I talked so much sh*t to these people, it would be like Ms. CeeCee, we’ll see you tomorrow, I’ll be like okay bitch I’ll be right back!

Yeah to keep it real and being honest about it for real.

I was there for their families because I understand, because I don’t know when I’m going to leave here. But when I do, I have made my mark. So you all going to remember the fuss I made. That bitch was a crazy mother#cker and that’s what you all are going to say, that bitch was crazy but I love her.

Ms. CeeCee what is one message you would like to give to your fans?

I want them to know that I am who I am and that’s all that I am and I can’t give them nothing more than that, because I am who I am who I am. I don’t want to tell them oh I need you guys to do this, listen I need you to slow down, I don’t need to tell you that. I am who I am. If I’m not good enough or who you think I should be, then you all go and do what you all go and do because I’m a realist, number one, I’m a realist. I live in a senior citizen building, not that I have to, I live here because this is where I chose to be, because I can afford this mother#cker by myself and I ain’t got to worry about my son-in-law and my daughter paying my goddamn bills, I can pay this sh*t. I’m not asking nobody for nothing, I do what I do because I choose to. I’m not doing nobody no wrong. I am who I am and I’m all that I am. And I’m who I need to be.

I just want my fans to make sure they check for breast cancer. I mean for real for real because this is sh*t is so serious and we always think oh it happens to other people and it doesn’t happen to us. It happens to us. We think as a rule it doesn’t happen to us, it doesn’t happen to our family. It happens to other people, because when they told me I had breast cancer I was like what the f#ck? And it was just a year previous to that I had taken a mammogram and if it hadn’t been for my grandson, when I picked him up it felt like I had strained a muscle up under my arm, that’s how I found out about breast cancer. And if you look at my daughter’s page or at my page, under his picture it all says my reason. He’s

“Never be ashamed, never.”

my reason. He’s the reason that I’m here. People don’t ask me why I say that, but he’s my reason. I just want them to get checked, stay healthy, this sh*t don’t care who it gets, it affects little kids, its even affecting men now. When I was going to have breast cancer radiation and stuff, it was even men in there. When I went to chemo therapy and the first man told me that he was there for breast cancer I rolled up the dam cord that was in my arm I was like what the f#ck? But it happens to everybody, there’s nobody that’s singled out, this just for women, this just for men, nobody’s singled out.

And not to be ashamed about telling somebody what happened, what you had to go through.

Never be ashamed, never.

Ms. CeeCee do you have any advice for those who are being abused?

The first instance that they’re afraid, they need to tell somebody. If it’s their mamma, their sister, their friend, they need to tell somebody, they need to say something right then, because if it goes too far it’s going to continue. And sometimes

we’re so ashamed of what’s going on we don’t want to tell nobody.

Yeah, and telling somebody, now there are instances where somebody will tell their mom or any relative and they don’t believe them. Then what do you think they should do then? Because that does happen unfortunately.

Yeah, it does happen, it does. That’s hard, because when I was getting abused when I was little, I mean I was too little to lead myself and when I told my momma that her boyfriend was messing with me, she told me it was my fault. But that’s a whole other story. She told me I was always starting stuff. You always starting sh*t. So in the instance of that happening to a child I don’t know what that child should do. Tell your teachers, and then you have to risk going home and your momma beating the hell out of you. I don’t know. I really don’t know. But if your husband is beating your ass, you need to tell somebody. When I was a kid I didn’t know what to do and who to tell because you don’t know who to trust. Because now you see it as all adults, because you don’t know who going to do what to you.

I didn’t know if you wanted to add any more, because one of the things you said you had to fight back when you were a teenager. All men, it didn’t matter, you had to fight.

And what’s crazy is right now it doesn’t matter because I’m always on the offence and I know I’m always defensive. Anybody that’s coming, it’s a reason to me. That you want to be close to me and a trust factor that never goes away. I don’t care who you are and how many times you’ve had help and you think that everything that you’ve gone through it’s over. It’s never over, because those nightmares don’t go away. People say you need to get over that and move on. Okay. You need it to happen to you so you see how I feel. Because you don’t know how I feel unless you’ve walked in my shoes. Because if you’ve never walked in my shoes don’t tell me how I should feel. Everybody who don’t have cancer used to tell me you need to take turmeric and you need to do this, now you need to eat ginger and you need to do this. And it’ll help. Okay, then I need you to do that because I already got this sh*t, I need you to do that so you don’t get it. It’s not that I’m being funny about you telling me what it does to help me, but help yourself and do these things. If you know that that’s going to help you with the cancer, then you do those things. Don’t be telling me what I need to do if I‘ve already, I’m already in the disease. I’m in the disease, I’m in treatment for the disease and you telling me what I should do. No, boo. You go do that, so that you don’t have to go through what I’m going through.

Now are you still in treatment Ms. CeeCee?

I just finished up my treatment, I’m still a cancer patient, I’ll forever be a cancer patient, I have to take medicine for the rest of my life. For the breast cancer. I’m still on treatment either way because I have to take Azerol for the rest of my life I’ll be in treatment. But as far as me having to take chemo again or radiation, not at this point in my life. Not at this point. I’m not going to say never because never is a lie. Never is a real lie. So I’m not going to say that but as today, I didn’t have to take it. Today I didn’t have to have no treatment done to me today. But do you know through all of that I pressed through it, through all of that I just kept moving. I never stopped moving because I was always scared if I stopped moving this sh*t’ll catch up with me, if I keep running, it can’t catch me. I never stopped moving, no matter how tired I was. I went to the doctor every day for 46 days I had 46 treatments in a row, I was off for 2 days, like Saturday and Sunday. But I went for 46 treatments in a row, when they would bring me home from the doctor, the cancer society would pick me up in front of my door and they’d drop me off. I would have them drop me off in the shopping center so I could walk home because this sh*t is not going to beat me. You ain’t going to beat me, you ain’t going to catch up with me. Because I’m not going to have it. There’s a few more things that I need to do. Sometimes I was halfway home and have to sit down at the bus stop and just sit there for a few minutes but I know I ain’t got no car and I ain’t got nobody to call that I can say well come here right now and take me home, so that mean I got to rest for a minute and I’m going to get up and keep on walking. And that’s what I did.

One more question that I wanted to ask you, have you ever sought counseling after everything that you’ve been through, because, listening again to the audio that we did previously, you have been through some stuff. Was there ever any time that you wanted to maybe seek counseling or something to help you get through like the nightmares and stuff, because I know there’s PTSD involved in there too.

But my counseling was talking to other people who have gone through or who I knew was going through, because you know I can pick you out in the streets and I know that you being abused. I can pick you out in the store, in church, in the school house, and know. My counseling and what got me through is talking to somebody else about what I had gone through and telling them and that made me stronger. Every time I tell my story to somebody who was going through what I went through and to see them be able to ease out from under that is what helped me. I never sought counseling because I was embarrassed in the beginning. I was embarrassed, I didn’t want to embarrass my family, I didn’t want to embarrass my children. Until you have gone through something like that, you don’t know what you feel and how you feel about doing different things. So I used other people I used to tell them to give them advice that same advice I wouldn’t have taken. That I knew was right, but I could tell you what you need to do.

Use your voice. That’s the whole thing, is using your voice and when more women like you come stand up and that’s a way of freedom for not only yourself but it also shows it front of other women that okay if she went through all of that, and she’s able to share her story then I can do it too.

Right. And there’s some people out there that need to really, really share their story, they need to really talk to somebody because it’s only two things can happen, and that’s them killing their man, or their man killing them.

Ms. CeeCee you going to be who you are, and ain’t nobody going to change you. I love your personality, you going to keep it real and I am so thankful and grateful to be able to have met you this evening.

Well thank you sweetie.

And I’m looking forward to them taco’s too.

You got it!