Staten Island Parent - February 2023

F eat U res

14 | parenting

Talking to kids about miscarriage

42 | cover: Lucie Fink

Lucie Fink’s on her unique professional journey, her relatable postpartum experience, and how she’s balancing being a public figure with keeping her family’s privacy intact.

stories & ColUmns

6 | editor’s Letter

8 | community and s chool n ews

10 | a sk the e xpert Peaceful Parenting and how it works

16 | crafts Valentine’s Day Hot Air Balloon

18 | education

Everything you need to know about Catholic Schools

26 | Family Fun Kids’ Night on Broadway

28 | a sk the e xpert Should I make my kids hug their relatives?

30 | c amps

10 reasons your teen might love to be a camp counselor

34 | Health

Keeping kids’ teeth healthy

38 | Local s potlight

New Dorp Teen Raises Awareness Arout Skin Cancer on Staten Island

40 | a sk the e xpert

Why empathy is the key to preventing bullying

46| b irthday club

Celebrating January birthdays

Family FU n

44 | c alendar

All the fun events and activities for February

Dire C tories

22 | charter school Listings

on tH e cover

Photo: Yumi Matsuo | yumimatsuostudio.com

Hair & Makeup: Buffy Hernandez | buffysaintmarie.com

Cover Story written by: Cris Pearlstein

Produced by: Donna Duarte-Ladd

Fabulous February!

Isn’t it funny that Valentine’s Day and Dental Health Month are both in February? Given the amount of candy consumed around February 14, I’m not sure if that’s ironic or done on purpose by whoever gets to decide which months are designated for awareness. But we’ve got you covered on both in this issue! Flip to page 16 for a fun craft you can do with your kids (or as a surprise for them); it’s an adorable hot air balloon filled with Valentine treats! While the kids are enjoying their treats, check out page34 for the tooth - I mean truth - about keeping children’s teeth healthy.

We definitely don’t need a month for bullying awareness (it’s October, FYI), because unfortunately, it’s something that happens every day in schools all around the world. We chatted with the founder of an anti-bully group and learned there just might be a cure for the problem after all. Go to page 40 to read what it is.

Here in Staten Island, we have a plethora

of Catholic Schools for parents who choose a private education for their families. If you’re considering sending your child to a Catholic School, be sure to check out page 18 for everything you need to know.

Jeannine Cintron

Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Email Jeannine at jcintron@siparent.com Get news, tips and humor all month long: siparent.com/signup

n ewYorkFamily.com

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Staten Island Parent has been awarded the PMA Gold Award for Excellence in Editorial and the Bronze Award for Excellence in Digital Media. New York Family is published

What’s Happening on s taten i slan D

appLications For nys coLLege scHoL arsHips noW open

Have a student at home interested in attending college in New York? The state recently announced that the application for the Excelsior Scholarship program is now open. The scholarship, in combination with other student financial aid, allows eligible full-time students to attend a SUNY or CUNY college tuition free.

Students from households with federal adjusted gross incomes up to $125,000 are eligible for a spring Excelsior Scholarship award. Students must also:

• Plan to attend a SUNY or CUNY two or four-year college

• Complete 30 credits per year toward their program of study (including summer and winter terms); and

• Be on track to graduate with an associate degree in two years or a bachelor’s degree in four years

The spring application is open to first-time students entering college in the spring 2023 term and current college students who have never received the Excelsior Scholarship. Students currently receiving an Excelsior Scholarship do not need to complete this application to receive continued award payments.

Applications will be accepted through Feb. 9. More information is available at hesc.ny.gov.

matH can be Fun!

Early childhood, between the ages of 2-8, is an important period for developing math skills. But it’s a subject so many children — and adults! — struggle with.

The U.S. Department of Education created online resources and activities to help younger kids learn math at home. Guidance to support parents and caregivers to include math during play activities and embed math into daily routines is included. Plus, the activities are a fun way for parents and kids to spend time together!

Topics include:

• Numbers and operations

• Geometry, patterns, measurement and data analysis

• Support math throughout the day

• View and describe the world mathematically

• Observe and build on what your child knows

Check out the resources and learn more at ies.ed.gov.

by barbara russo

2023 community anD city WiDe eDucation counciL eLections open

Looking to get more involved in local education issues? Joining a community education council (CEC) is one way to go. The NYC DOE recently announced the start of the bienniel community and citywide education council election season—with changes to create more inclusive parent governance bodies.

Parents can apply to run for a council—and for the first time ever— families with a child in a District 75 school or program can vote for a District 75 representative to sit on each local CEC.

Each CEC has 10 elected members who are, or were at the time of election, parents of students in grades Pre-K-8 in district schools, and two borough president appointees. The CECs work closely with the district superintendents, approve school zoning lines, hold hearings on the capital plan and provide input on instructional and policy issues.

“Parent leadership of our public schools is an essential part of them being truly reflective of the hopes and needs of our communities and becoming a parent leader on a community or citywide education council is a powerful way to represent your community in our public schools,” schools chancellor David Banks said. “One of the core pillars of this administration is engaging families to be our true partners. They are the experts on their children, and we need their voices to be reflected in how we develop the whole child in and out of school.”

Other education councils are:

• Citywide council on high schools

• Citywide council on English language learners

• Citywide council on special education

• Citywide council for District 75

Candidate forums will run Feb. 27 through April 20. Voting will take place between April 21 and May 9. Results will be announced in June, and members will take their seats on July 1, 2023.

important pubLic scHooL Dates

Feb. 20-24 – Midwinter recess, schools closed

What is Peaceful Parenting?

By Donna Duarte-LaDD

We all know parenting can be challenging which is why many of us parents love to share and commiserate about what is and is not working in our parenting journeys. Maybe you chatted or heard about the Peaceful Parenting Revolution, and if the words ‘parenting’ and ‘revolution’ pique your interest — you’re not alone. But what exactly is it? Is it doing yoga with the kids or burning some sage?

We connected with parenting expert and author of the new book The Peaceful Parenting (R)evolution , Kiva Schuler, the Founder & CEO of The Jai Institute for Parenting (jaiinstituteforparenting.com), where Kiva trains parenting coaches to help families parent with compassion, balance and communication.

What is the Peaceful Parent Revolution?

In today’s chaotic world, there is a need for a radically different approach to parent-

ing. One that helps parents and children create a life-long bond by accessing emotional intelligence, conscious communication, and an understanding of our children as evolving human beings. The Peaceful Parenting (R) evolution redefines the way parents support their children as they face the complex challenges of this world.

The real change that Peaceful Parenting advocates is that parents shift their role from disciplinarian to being our child’s mentor and guide. Traditional parenting strategies like punishments, arbitrary consequences (meaning the consequence isn’t directly related to the mistake our child made) and “tough love” aren’t necessary to teach children values, boundaries, rules and morals.

Today, more than ever, our children need us to be their safe-harbor, knowing that they can trust us to support them through the ups and downs of life.

When we give children what they need, they will give us what we need. The shift to Peaceful Parenting creates a family system

where every person in the family’s feelings and needs matter, and families thrive.

In what way do parents (unintentionally) bring their generational trauma into their parenting?

One of the biggest myths of parenting is that it “comes naturally.” But what actually comes naturally is affected by the way we were parented. Especially in moments of highstress, overwhelm, exhaustion or conflict.

Our emotional reactivity is the outcome of the culture we experienced in the home we grew up in. Whether you avoid conflict at all costs or you’re always ready for a fight, you likely learned this from your early environment.

If you grew up in a family of yellers, you yell. If you grew up in a family that simmered in silence, you simmer. Unhealthy conflict strategies create disconnection, resentment and have an impact on our nervous system, keeping us in a constant state of fight or flight.

Unchecked, we pass these unhealthy communication strategies down, generation

An expert shares on building stronger, more balanced communication between generations

after generation, even if we want to act differently. The good news is that we all have access to something called neuroplasticity. This means that with intention and practice we can learn new ways of relating to our children, and break any generational cycles of harm that impacted us as children.

Is it possible to transform your parenting style with older kids?

One of the things that we hear from parents all of the time is “I wish I had this information when my kids were younger!!” But truly, it’s never too late to repair the relationship with our children, even if they are teens or adults. It requires three things:

1) Vulnerability

The first step in regaining trust and connection is a willingness to speak to the reality and truth of our awareness of the past. This takes tremendous courage. But for your child to hear – from you – that you recognize the mistakes you’ve made and are open to hearing their experience lays the foundation for a new relationship to emerge.

2) A willingness to listen without getting defensive

Defensiveness is a natural response to shame. But it serves its purpose, and creates a wall between people. It’s helpful to think of yourself as an interviewer in these relationship-rebuilding conversations. Ask a lot of questions! Things like:

“What was it like for you?”

“How did you feel when ____ happened?”

“Tell me more.”

“What do you wish things were like?”

You’ll probably notice a tightening in your chest or heat rising in your face. Just breathe and resist the urge to negate, explain, justify or give context. Just listen.

Let their words sink in. The simple act of being willing to just listen is a gift your child will relish. It’s truly what they’ve been longing for the whole time. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel had your parents been willing to do this for you?

3) Patience

When our children are older they’ve stockpiled a lot of evidence about who we are and how we treated them. Repairing relationships takes time. It may take several of these empowered conversations over the course of months or even years for the relationship to heal.

In my book I share a story about a very difficult experience I had with my own daughter when she was 14. She was justifiably

furious with me. But I was trapped in believing that I was doing the right thing because of my own fears and beliefs. Once I realized what I had done, and used the framework above, it took almost a year for her to come back to me with an open heart. I am so grateful to have had the support of one of our parenting coaches at The Jai Institute for Parenting, because I now have an incredible connection with my daughter.

This experience strengthened our relationship. We learned to trust, hear and forgive each other. This is the foundation of the intimacy that I believe all parents truly want with their children.

What tools can new parents exercise when they lack a foundation/understanding of peaceful parenting?

One of the biggest misconceptions of Peaceful Parenting is that it is permissive parenting. Effective peaceful parents set boundaries, make rules and have expectations of their children’s behavior.

The difference is that we don’t use any tools of manipulation, shame, punishment or threats to instill these valuable life lessons in our children. The idea that we have to cause our children pain and suffering to teach them to be good people defies logic. Power-over strategies perpetuate so much of the suffering we see in the world.

We don’t need to look at children to see

that they don’t work. We can simply look at adults: how we judge other people… or become people-pleasers because we learned this was how to get our needs met when we were kids… or become demanding because now we’re the grownups and we finally get to have the power.

So the first tool would be the recognition that the power-over strategies of traditional parenting cause unnecessary pain. Next, I would recommend simply getting curious about why we believe that we have to treat our children this way for them to learn. Is it possible that they could learn the same things without compromising the trust and connection in the relationship we have with them?

We can absolutely parent peacefully without compromising our role as parents.

What principles do you use in your parenting?

As the founder of a Peaceful Parenting institute, I feel extraordinarily lucky to have had these tools as I’ve raised my children. They are 16 & 18 now, and I get to reap the rewards of doing the work of becoming a better person in the name of raising good people. I’d say these are the core three principles that have guided us through:

1) Trust :

I trust them to be able to create solutions for their challenges. The way children learn to make good decisions is to make decisions (and sometimes bad ones!). So I don’t rescue them from their challenges. I’ve learned to talk less and listen more. And to step back to make room for their confidence to grow.

2) Honesty :

Children can handle anything when we tell them the truth. They are so incredibly smart and wise, when given the chance to be. Our family has experienced our share of adversity, from divorce and financial struggles, to illness and death. I’ve learned that being direct and honest with my kids about what is really going on allows them to feel safe and respected.

2) Fun :

Parenting is no easy feat. So it’s really important to remember to make as much time and energy for fun as possible. Whether it’s impromptu dance parties in the kitchen or one of my favorite family activities: speed cleaning the kitchen after dinner (can we do it in under six minutes?!!) These moments strengthen the relationship I have with my kids and fill our cups for the more challenging situations that arise.

The Peaceful Parenting (R)evolution: Changing the World by Changing How We Parent by Kiva Schuler is available now!

Kiva Schuler, author of The Peaceful Parenting (R)evolution

@lindsayhite

Talking to Kids About Miscarriage

By MoMMyBites.coM

Sharing the loss of a baby with siblings is often unbearable for parents who are grappling with emotions and trying to process the tragedy themselves. “Many parents question if they should share this info with their children at all,” says Dr. Lauren Starnes, a child development expert and chief academic officer for The Goddard School, “but it’s a critical conversation to have if a child is expecting a baby to come into the home and they will no longer be arriving as expected.”

Young children lack perception so their thoughts, ideas, and concerns might be worse than reality. “Talking to them helps them make sense of what they are seeing,” says Dr. Starnes. Here, her advice for one of life’s hardest conversations.

Practice & Plan (What You Can)

As with all tough convos, it helps to think through what you’ll say, plus where and when you should have it. “Talk in a place where your child is most comfortable and when he or she is well rested to maximize their attention and focus,” suggests Dr. Starnes. This means not interrupting their play (at least for the initial convo) and minimizing distractions. Reading a book with your child can help open up the dialogue more naturally, too.

Because this convo can be very difficult for parents, Dr. Starnes recommends taking time to prepare in advance. “Parents can practice with another adult or write down the words,” she says. And if it’s too painful, having another person speak with your child is a perfectly acceptable solution. Dr. Starnes says, “The most important thing is letting your child know and giving them the opportunity to process and ask questions.”

Be Direct, Even When It’s Hard

Young kids don’t understand pregnancy and childbirth from an emotional perspective because they have concrete ideas of what is. Dr. Starnes suggests starting with a simple statement about what has happened and how you feel. For example, I think you saw me crying. Mommy/Daddy and I are sad because we are not going to have a new baby right now.

We both love you very much. The goal is to share the important information and reassure your child.

Dr. Starnes says it’s also important to avoid euphemisms, like gone to a better place, and clearly label the emotions to help children understand what they’re seeing and why. You can say, It makes me feel sad because I wanted to have a brother or sister for you. “You don’t need to share too much detail. Be simple and matter of fact,” says Dr. Starnes.

Pause So Kids Can Process

Adults tend to be uncomfortable with silence, but it’s important to resist the urge to keep talking. “We need to give children time to think about the words and any questions they have,” says Dr. Starnes. “They need to think and respond–or not. Silence as a response is totally okay.” Their response really depends on their verbal skills, their own life experience, how much exposure they’ve had to the idea of siblings and how much they knew about the baby on the way.

By pausing, parents also have a chance to take a breath and observe their child. Some children will physically exit the convo, while others may fidget or show they’re actively thinking. Parents can ask a simple follow-up question like, Are you okay? Do you have any

questions for me? How are you feeling? to allow them to respond if they wish.

Let Kids Control The Convo

It’s important to give your child control and let them own the conversation. As long as your child is having questions and showing interest, follow their lead but be mindful not to force a response.

“You know your child and their emotional level, so trust what you’re seeing and experiencing,” says Dr. Starnes.

Parents should also revisit the conversation at least once because the child may not be sure how to bring it back up. “Young children are curious and it takes them a while to process what they’ve seen and heard,” says Dr. Starnes. “This shows the child it’s okay to talk about and gives kids the chance to ask unresolved questions.” You can say, Yesterday I told you X, do you have any questions or do you want to talk about that?

Expect The Unexpected

Young children aren’t always aware of what should and should not be said. “This lack of life experience can lead them to make statements that are unexpected and may feel hurtful,” says Dr. Starnes. “Acknowledge how your child feels, then explain how you and other adults feel.” You can say, I’m glad you’re okay, but we’re still sad and we might be sad for a while so you might see us crying. Be careful not to negate or minimize a child’s egocentric emotions.

Be Reassuring, But Honest

It’s okay to tell your child you don’t have all of the answers, while reassuring them that their health and well-being are not tied to the loss of the baby. “The goal is to offer honest reassurance,” says Dr. Starnes. “Answer any questions in simple terms and avoid metaphors or abstract phrases that children may not be able to understand.” If your child asks a scary question (such as Will this happen again?), it’s important to refrain from minimizing their curiosity, which is completely normal, adds Dr. Starnes. Answer simply and explain your emotion with the basic facts.

�alen�ine’s �a� H�� Air Bal����

COURTESY OF JUICY JUICE

Valentine’s Day is here and that means fun ways to show your little one how much they mean to you. Your kiddo’s imagination will take flight with this cute hot air balloon that’s perfect for holding Valentine’s Day cards and plenty of candy!

Materials

• Tape

• Permanent marker

• Felt heart stickers

• Basket

• Bakers twine

• Colored paper shred

• Scissor (Under parent supervision)

• Hot glue & hot glue gun (Under parent supervision)

• Paper straws

• Clear school glue

• Ribbon

• Balloons

• Cardstock

• Name tag

• Valentine themed favors/candy

Directions

1. First cut the handles off your basket. Be safe and help your little one by cutting it for them.

2. Now you’re ready to begin decorating your basket. Start with wrapping some ribbon around the edge of the basket and adhere it using the hot glue gun. Give your hot glue some time to dry.

3. Now you’ll need something to attach the balloon to the basket. Take your paper straws and hot glue them evenly around the basket rim. Then give it a couple of

minutes to dry.

4. Blow up your balloon and tie in. Then cut out several red flags from the card

stock. Using school glue, glue these red flags to enough twine to wrap around the balloon. Separately, cut some twine and glue it to a length of ribbon.

5. Wrap both your flags and ribbon around the balloon. Attach the balloon and the basket, either by simply resting it on top of the straws or cut a few small strips of tape to attach the balloons and straws.

6. Write your little valentine’s name on the tag and use school glue to attach it to the side of the basket.

7. Add shredded paper, candy, and gifts to the basket. Finally, tape your favorite photo of your little one to the balloon.

STEP 2

STEP 4

STEP 6

Catholic Schools

Everything you need to know

By Mia Sala S & BarBara ruSSo

Choosing a school for your child is always a time-consuming, challenging process. If you have been considering a Catholic School future for your child - to save you time (and stress!), we’ve got the scoop on Catholic Schools in New York City and Westchester. If you’re considering a Catholic School for your kiddo, read on to learn how these schools have thrived since the pandemic, continue to maintain community, implement safety precautions and so much more.

First things first, here’s something you should know: The Archdiocese of New York invested over $18 million to ensure schools could open on time and without incident for the 2020-21 school year. School principals worked with the Catholic Schools Reopening Advisory Council to draft an opening plan that got kids back onto a regular schedule. The plan was accommodating and flexible for different family situations.

The schools also put out the “Rising Above” opening plan for 2022-23, detailing facility requirements and guidelines when it comes to COVID-19 safety.

It’s also important to note that the Archdiocese offers a variety of tuition assistance programs, including scholarships and financial aid to qualifying families at participating schools.

With investments like these, we feel good about kids continuing to get a great education well into 2023-24. Let’s take a look at some more highlights that are making Catholic schools stand out for the next school year.

Test Scores: Improving Since the Pandemic

When it comes to a good education, there’s something to be said about test scores. In 2022, the Catholic Schools in the Archdiocese of New York reported continued excellence in test scores. The all-important ELA (English language arts) state test scores went up 7.3 percent, while math scores held nearly steady with only a slight decline from pre-pandemic levels.

“This is a testament to the dedication of

our pastors, principals, and teachers in delivering a Christ-centered, academically excellent education,’’ Michael J. Deegan, superintendent of schools in the Archdiocese of New York, said. “These results demonstrate that our work will continue to achieve positive outcomes and elevated expectations for all our students.”

Deegan has previously noted that state test scores are one factor of academic success. The Catholic Schools in the Archdiocese use multiple measures of student growth and achievement. Deegan also noted that the schools took action throughout the pandemic that helped lead to educational success.

“Catholic schools have distinguished themselves in a way that we always knew but now the country recognizes,” Deegan said. “Through our strong test scores and post-pandemic performance, parents have recognized that what goes on in a Catholic school is not only richly Catholic but academically excellent. These two principles—our faith and our high-quality curriculum—are the underpinnings of everything we do.”

COVID-19 and Respiratory Illness Precautions

Although schools have remained open fulltime for in-person learning since September 2020, the Archdiocese has still made health and safety a priority.

The Catholic schools have been—and

continue to be—prepared for peak levels of respiratory illness including flu, RSV and COVID-19. Many of the precautions Catholic schools have had in place remain in the schools. These include:

• Exhaust fans in every classroom

• Frequent cleaning

• Ensuring good ventilation and air circulation throughout the buildings

• Thousands of HEPA filters deployed

Throughout the height of the pandemic, safety was a priority. Speaking of health and safety, you may be wondering how NYC Catholic schools took precautions during the pandemic to ensure little ones returned home from school happy and healthy. Maria Regina High School said last year: “All students are required to complete a daily health screening through the app SchoolPass…Students and staff entering the building have their temperature checked before signing in and moving to their classes for the day…Lunches are pre-ordered and individually bagged. We have increased our maintenance staff to deeply disinfect our school building each night after students and staff have left for the day”.

The Catholic schools also supported students by maintaining normalcy when possible. Many kept with their traditions by turning virtual. St. Raymond Academy for Girls, for example, hosted virtual spirit week and Christmas activities. St. Joseph’s School held virtual coffee house events.

ST. JOSEPH HILL ACADEMY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

COEDUCATIONAL PRE-KINDERGARTEN TO 8TH GRADE UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE DAUGHTERS OF DIVINE CHARITY

Where Tradition Meets Innovation

Open House

SUNDAY, MARCH 12, 2023

9:30 am - 12:00 pm

850 Hylan Blvd. | Staten Island

We are accepting new student applications for the 2023-2024 School Year! Seats for September are limited so we encourage you to apply now!

Award-Winning Junior High STEM Program, 11:1 Student to Teacher Ratio, Three Classes on a Grade Level for Pre-K 3, Pre-K 4, 6th, 7th, & 8th Grades, State-of-the-Art Cooperative Learning Spaces and Tools, Early Literacy Team, Morning and Aftercare Program, After School Clubs, Athletics Program, Spotlight Theater Program, Spanish Language for Grades Pre-K 4 to 8, Hands-on NGSS STREAM Program for K-8, Annual Summer Camps, & more!

A Strong Community

We all know that support also means communication. So if you choose an NYC Catholic school, how will you stay informed with what’s going on? “Our families stay connected to the school community via a number of channels,” said St. Raymond Elementary School, “We post updates of important information for parents both on our school website and on our Facebook page. In addition, our principal Eugene Scanlon emails updates to all parents and also sends home hard copies of announcements…Mr. Scanlon also publishes his Monthly Messages newsletter, which goes to parents and is also posted on our website.” We appreciate how St. Raymond Elementary School provides not just one, not just two, but multiple outlets for communication.

Jennifer Cedro Puglio has two boys who attend St. Peter’s Boys High School on Staten Island. She loves the sense of community and support network that thrives among the staff and parents.

“The staff and parents are a family. We all get along and work together and support

OF ST.

each other’s boys,” she said. “ We look out for each other. If the boys are doing something wrong, we are always there to guide them. The principal is amazing. He knows each boy by name and treats the parents the same. He is always there to talk and is open with us. This is what makes it a Catholic school.”

Is a Catholic School the Right Fit for Your Child?

Now that you know all about the current state of NYC Catholic schools, you may still have some more general questions about whether a Catholic school is the right fit for your kiddo. Well, we’ve got you covered with that too.

Here’s the rundown: Catholic values and academic excellence guide NYC Catholic Schools. Students learn in an environment where respect, courtesy, and service to others are always part of the curriculum. Not only do these schools offer Math, Religion, English language Arts, History, and Science, but they have expanded technology in the classroom and STEM programs. Recent New York State Education Department

DOROTHY STATEN

Examination results show that Catholic Schools in the Archdiocese of New York outperformed New York State and New York City schools in performance growth once again. Immaculate Heart of Mary, for example, has over 90 years of exceptional Pre-K to 8th grade education, and it’s been recognized as a National Blue Ribbon School of Excellence.

But New York Catholic schools are about a lot more than academic results. “When you send your children to Catholic school you are sending them for the community,” explained one parent in a recent Archdiocese of New York survey. Another parent said: “My children love their school. It is like family to us. They love their teachers. The teachers are the backbone of the school.” Community is a foundation at these schools, and it’s been a top priority to maintain during these challenging times.

Want to learn more about Catholic Schools and see if they’re the right fit for your family? Visit catholicschoolsny.org, check out catholicschoolbq.org, you can also go online to book a virtual tour.

r o t h y ( A S D ) Academy of St. Dorothy (ASD) i s a p r i v a t e is a private e l e m e n t a r y s c h o o l w i t h a f o c u s o n a c a d e m i c elementary school with a focus on academic e x c e l l e n c e I n a n u r t u r i n g c o l l a b o r a t i v e l e a r n i n g excellence. In a nurturing collaborative learning e n v i r o n m e n t , A S D i n s t i l l s s t u d e n t s w i t h t h e v a l u e s environment, ASD instills students with the values o f c o m m u n i t y , s e r v i c e , r e v e r e n c e a n d l e a d e r s h i p of community, service, reverence and leadership. A S D o f f e r s i n s t r u c t i o n , a c t i v i t i e s a n d s p o r t s o n i t s ASD offers instruction, activities and sports on its v a s t a n d e a s i l y a c c e s s i b l e 1 3 - a c r e c a m p u s vast and easily accessible 13-acre campus.

Learn More Learn More

Upcoming Open Houses

Saturday | Feb 4th | 9:30 AM - 12 PM| K-5th Grade Open House

355 Morningstar Road, Staten Island, NY 10303

Wednesday | March 8th | 3 PM - 5PM | 6th-8th Grade Open House

285 Clove Road, Staten Island, NY 10310

Hellenic classical charter schools

Park Slope: 646 5th Ave., 11215 Staten Island: 1641 Richmond Ave., 10314 718-499-0957

officesi@hccs-nys.org hccs-nys.org

The Hellenic Classical Charter Schools provide their diverse student populations with rigorous education enriched with the Greek and Latin languages, Paideia Socratic Seminars, and career and college ready curriculum. HCCS ranks among the top charter schools in New York City, and was named a National Blue Ribbon School in 2019. HCCS is designated a Repeat Reward School and High Performing School by the New York State Education Department.

John W. Lavelle preparatory charter school

1 Teleport Dr. 3rd. Fl., 10311 929-419-9011 lavelleprep.org

John W. Lavelle Preparatory

Charter School provides a rigorous college-preparatory education that equips and empowers students to achieve success. They provide a fully inclusive K-12 educational experience, ensuring students with disabilities and emotional challenges learn alongside their peers. Lavelle Prep provides a multi-sensory approach to education within small class sizes supported by a socialemotional learning program. Once enrolled, your child is guaranteed a seat at Lavelle Prep through the 12th grade.

n ew ventures charter school

1 Corporate Commons at 1 Teleport Dr. 3rd. Fl., 10311 929-419-9004 newventurescharter.org

New Ventures Charter School places high school students on a personalized track toward obtaining their high school diploma by offering real-world experiences and college

and career exposure. Their personalized curriculum is offered in a warm and nurturing environment to under-credited, disconnected youth, pairing academics with internships and fieldwork outside the school building. New Ventures provides a fresh start for transfer students. By offering year-round enrollment, small class sizes, internship and fieldwork opportunities, and a unique social-emotional learning program, New Ventures is a safe and supportive space for students.

n ew World preparatory charter school

285 Clove Road, 10310 Stephen Gonzalez, Coordinator of Recruitment & Social Media 718-705-8990 Ext. 211 Sgonzalez@newworldprep.org newworldprep.org

New World Preparatory Charter School (NWP) is a public college preparatory charter school serving

kindergarten through 8th Grade. NWP’s Guiding Values are Pride, Respect, Excellence, and Purpose. NWP supports the academic, social and emotional needs of their students.They primarily serve the North Shore Community of Staten Island. Lottery preference is given to scholars who come from a home where English is not the primary language spoken in the home. NWP’s new building will be open in 2024.

the Lois & r ichard n icotra e arly college charter school

1441 South Ave., 5th Fl., 10311 929-419-9003 nicotracharter.org

There is no time like the present to prepare for the future. At Nicotra Early College Charter School, students earn college credits and learn practical career skills through internships at local businesses. Every child is placed on a personalized plan that speaks to

HELLENIC CLASSICAL CHARTER SCHOOLS

We are a growing tuition-free school that offers a rigorous math and literacy curriculum, immersive Modern Hebrew instruction, and a nurturing school community.

their unique academic, professional, and personal goals. Nicotra offers up to 21 college credits, small class sizes, unique internship opportunities, and a socialemotional learning program. Once enrolled, your child is guaranteed a seat at Nicotra through the 12th grade.

r ichmond preparatory charter school

1 Corporate Commons at 1 Teleport Dr. 3rd. Fl., 10311 929-419-9002

richmondprepcharter.org

Through computer science pathways, Richmond Preparatory Charter School’s unique education model is designed to set students up for success in technologyoriented careers before graduating high school. Richmond Prep is inclusive of all students, particularly those living on the autism spectrum. Small class sizes and a social-emotional learning program create a safe and supportive space

for students. Once enrolled, your child is guaranteed a seat at Richmond Prep through the 12th grade.

staten i sland Hebrew public charter school

829 Father Capodanno Blvd., 10305 347-694.-5090

hebrewpublic.org

info@sihebrewpublic.org

Staten Island Hebrew Public is a growing tuitionfree, public charter school open to students of all backgrounds. They offer a robust curriculum in math, literacy, science and arts, teaching Modern Hebrew and preparing students to become global citizens. The school features a state-of-the-art facility, after-school programming, differentiated instruction, free transportation, and a warm and nurturing school environment. Accepting applications for grades K-2 for the 2023-24 school year.

829 Father Capodanno Blvd., Staten Island, NY 10305

Kids’ Night on Broadway

By New york Family

Mark you calendar for one special evening this winter, kids will take over Broadway! The Broadway League is once again inviting young people ages 18 and under to attend a participating Broadway show for free when accompanied by a full-paying adult.

The 25th annual Kids’ Night on Broadway takes place one night only on Tuesday, March 21, 2023. Fans can sign up for The Broadway Fan Club at KidsNightonBroadway.com to be the first to know when tickets go on sale.

A Kids’ Night on Broadway ticket also includes restaurant discounts and other perks. Select shows will offer in-theatre activities for kids including talkbacks, Kids’ Night on Broadway activity books, and other events still to be announced.

Attendees celebrating their first Broadway show experience will receive commemorative stickers to wear and add to their Playbill.

Kids’ Night on Broadway will also take place in multiple cities around the country, with different shows and venues putting their own spin on the event on several dates throughout the year. For more information, visit KidsNightonBroadway.com.

Kids’ Night on Broadway is a year-round

national audience development program of The Broadway League, the national trade association of the Broadway industry. Designed to introduce young people to the magic of live theatre and make Broadway accessible to a new generation of theatergoers. Kids’ Night on Broadway has welcomed young people to Broadway shows in New York and on tour across the U.S. since the program was created in 1996 by the League and Theatre Development Fund.

Should I Make My Kids Hug Their Relatives?

By Kaitlyn Riggio

The doorbell rings. Your loved ones are here, and everyone’s ready to spend a day as a family. After greeting your guests, you turn to your little one.

“Come give your grandparents a hug!” you say. But they refuse: your child doesn’t want to hug their relatives.

This is a story that many parents have experienced before. Children don’t always want to hug their relatives, especially if they’ve never met them before or they’re not as familiar with them as they are with other relatives, like their parents.

So this begs the question: what do you do when your child doesn’t want to hug their relatives?

We sat down with Kendra Moyses from Michigan State University and talked to her about what parents should do if their kids don’t want to hug their relatives.

Let’s answer the most important question off the bat: you shouldn’t force your child to hug their relatives, no matter who the relative is.

“We want to make sure that we’re not forcing kids to hug or to do physical touch with adults that they’re not comfortable with,” Moyses says.

This is especially true for relatives your child might not know as well.

“Developmentally, with young children, they have ‘stranger danger’ already, where they’re very shy of folks that they don’t know or that they’re not comfortable around,” Moyses says.

Asserting this boundary and supporting your children in this decision can be an uncomfortable conversation with some family members, but it’s not something that parents should be ashamed about.

Moyses says it can help to be upfront with family members and explain that you’re not comfortable making your child do something they don’t want to do and that you’re “making sure that they understand that they have the ability to say no.”

Letting children, especially younger

children, know that they have the ability to say no is important as they’re developing a sense of their own body and boundaries to avoid sending a “mixed message,” Moyses says.

“It can be confusing if, on the one hand, we’re telling them ‘you can say no to uncomfortable physical touch,’” Moyses says. “But on the other hand, we’re telling them, ‘no, no. You have to do this even though it makes you uncomfortable.’”

This consistency is incredibly important as children continue to grow and develop.

“When you’re not there, how will they know whether or not this is something that they feel comfortable with if they haven’t been given that autonomy to decide that for themselves?” Moyses says.

How can I prepare my children to see family?

If you know you have a family gathering with “new” relatives coming up, it can be helpful to think ahead. Give your child a heads up ahead of time, and talk with them about how they’ll feel comfortable greeting these new people. If your child doesn’t want to hug a

relative, it can be helpful to present them with some alternative greetings, like handshakes, fist bumps or even just a simple “hello.”

“Being able to have those in your back pocket so if they don’t want to do the hug or the kiss on the cheek, they’ve got these alternatives,” Moyses says.

Should I be concerned if my child doesn’t want to hug one of their relatives?

Your child not wanting to hug a relative isn’t necessarily a red flag related to something bigger. It could be, for example, just a case of conflicting personalities.

“Maybe your child is quieter and this adult is very loud, and that just bothers them,” Moyses says.

All children are different, so it’s a matter of knowing your own child’s personality. If your child changes significantly around a certain person, it might be worth looking into.

“It’s probably a good idea to ask some questions in the privacy of your own home,” Moyses says. “And give them the opportunity to open up and share.”

10 Reasons Your Teen

Might Love to Be a Camp Counselor

BY JANEEN LEWIS

Did your teenager love summer camp as a child? Does he or she need a job but can’t work during the school year because of homework and activities? Maybe you’re ready for your teen to get employment experience but still have some carefree time outdoors away from electronics. Day or sleepaway camp is the perfect place for teens to transition to the world of the employed. The paycheck is nice, but being a camp counselor has other rewards, too.

The Gift of Responsibility

As much a teens sometimes protest about it, learning responsibility is the gateway to more independence as they grow into adults. Camp is an ideal place to build accountability

because teens are in charge of other kids or activities, but they are still being supervised. If they work at a sleepaway camp, they must keep their cabin quarters neat and guide younger children to do the same. If they work at a day camp, they must show up on time, care for children and lead activities. Working at camp is fun, but it also gives teens a glimpse into the adult world with the guidance they still need.

The Opportunity to Be a Role Model

Do you remember a teen you looked up to when you were a kid at summer camp? Maybe he or she helped you perfect your back stroke, taught you how to throw a curve ball or gave the perfect advice for dealing with disagreements between friends. Teens can connect to kids in ways that adults sometimes

can’t, and when teens work at camp, they experience the fulfillment of helping younger kids meet their goals and develop new skills.

Refi ned Relationship Skills

From fun-centered sports competitions between rival teams to getting chores done for inspection, counselors and campers have to work together. Being able to do this teaches teens to hone their communication and interpersonal relationship skills. Camps even offer staff communication trainings and morale building activities before camp starts to increase awareness and create discussion about how to get along with others.

Improved Time Management Skills

Teen counselors have to be on time to meals, the morning meeting at the flag pole, and the activities they lead. They’re also responsible for gently prodding their campers to be punctual. If they are in charge of a lesson, craft or game, they must plan ahead and make sure they have all the supplies ready and set up on time. These time-management lessons will benefit them as they enter college and the work place.

Time Away from Technology

Most day camps and sleep away camps either

Mommybites.com provides expertly curated resources for all parents in the New York area, including our most popular feature — our mom-generated nanny board — the best online source for parents to find vetted (by other parents), experienced nannies and childcare providers who want to work in New York City, Westchester, Long Island and Northern New Jersey.

Visit Mommybites.com; we can’t wait to see you there!

have a no device policy or have only short scheduled times with technology. Camp is the perfect place to do a “digital detox” and get back to nature, sports and face-to-face socialization.

Preparation for Being Away at College

If your teen works at a sleep away camp, he or she may get a taste of what college life is like. He or she will be responsible for meals, getting up on time or using a coin laundry. These are all valuable lessons that will prepare him or her for college. Also being away from home for an extended period of time for the first time can take some adjusting to and it can create some homesickness. Teen camp counselors have experienced these feelings and dealt with them before they go to college.

A Chance to Share Talents and Skills

Is your teen an athlete? An artist? A nature enthusiast? Can he or she dance, write or program computers? Camp is an ideal

place for teens to share strengths. I served as a camp counselor when I was in college, and it was the first time I realized I had a knack for teaching kids. It was the gateway to me becoming a teacher, even though I was a journalism student at the time. Camp introduces teens to opportunities that maybe they hadn’t considered. It builds confidence and opens doors to future careers.

Saving on Summer Expenses

One of the advantages of working at an overnight camp is that in addition to a pay check, meals and lodging are usually provided by the camp. Staffers’ work and life all happen at the camp, so gas use is minimal. Teen counselors chaperone camp trips to amusement parks and museums which are usually covered by the camp. Granted, these covered expenses do require responsibility and work, and are not solely carefree outings, but they are positive perks for a summer job.

Resume Building

Working at camp is great experience to put on a resume when your teen is ready to enter

the adult world of work. Camp experience is beneficial if your teen wants to teach or coach, but working at camp also builds communication, collaboration and problemsolving skills, all worthy resume additions that may catch a future employer’s interest.

A New Appreciation for You

Being a teen counselor is indeed hard work. It involves stamina, patience and responsibility. Oh, and teen counselors must also teach, guide and care for children younger than themselves. It sounds a teeny bit like parenting, right? Teens who are camp counselors may begin to recognize how hard parenting is. With that recognition, they may have a new appreciation for all their parents do by the end of the summer.

Being a camp counselor is a great start for teens who want to join the world of work. If your teen is interested in beginning the adventure that comes with being a camp counselor, you can find more information at the American Camp Association website at acacamps.org/staff-professionals/job-center.

GRAND OPENING!

Elise Vetere, PhD., ABSNP Director Licensed Psychoiogist

Diplomate in School Neuropsychology with extensive experience evaluating, diagnosing, and providing behavioral interventions for over 30 years.

Dr. Vetere has advanced training and is certi ed in the administration and scoring of the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule-2.

Dr. Vetere is also well versed and lectures on topics including “The Psychology of the Exceptional Child" and "Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA)".

Keeping Kids’ Teeth Healthy

During the COVID lockdown, parents wore many hats. Teacher, cafeteria cook, and barber were just a few of our tasks, but the one challenging area was dental care. Of course, the kids brushed their teeth, but many of our kids went without dental care for a significant period. Once in-person appointments opened up, at least for me, it took time to get an appointment. I would have had better luck getting tickets to see Taylor Swift! This is because dental care is critical, especially for growing teeth. Thankfully lockdown is over, but the need to know how to take care of our kids’ teeth is not.

We checked in with our dental partners to answer questions about keeping our kids’ teeth healthy. We have the answers from in-between visits to a hack on warding off cavities after a meal to when is the best time for braces.

How can I make brushing fun?

Want to help a child brush better? Use music and a rhythm during the brushing routine. Also, let the child pick their favorite toothpaste and toothbrush. Have them involved in their oral care. Remember to brush and floss for 2 min twice a day. — Dr. Parul Makkar, Kids Dental, pdmfamilydental. com

Any fun tricks when you dont have a tooth bush handy?

After eating cookies, crackers or chips, eat a piece of fruit. It acts as a cleanser and prevents anything from sticking to the teeth causing cavities.” — Dr. Penny ResnickGraulich, Main Street Pediatric Dentistry, mainstreetpediatricdentistry.com

I have seen kids get braces pretty young and as teenagers. When should a child have their first Orthodontic consult?

The American Association of Orthodontists recommends that children have their first orthodontic consultation around age 7. This is because by this age,

most children have a mix of primary (baby) and permanent teeth, which allows the orthodontist to identify and evaluate potential issues with jaw growth and emerging teeth. Early evaluation and treatment can prevent more serious problems from developing and may make treatment at a later age shorter and less complicated. However, It’s important to note that every child is different, and some may need to be seen earlier or later, depending on their specific needs. If you notice any concerning issues with your child’s teeth, jaw, or bite, you should schedule a consultation with an orthodontist as soon as possible. — Dr. Seth, straightsetortho.com, straightsetortho.com/ staten-island

When is the best time to schedule appointments for kids, especially your child’s first visit?

One of the most common questions

new parents ask about the dentist is when to bring their babies for their first visit. You should have your child come for their first visit as soon as the first teeth begin to come in. Pediatric Dentists specialize in treating babies and children can use this time to check and make sure teeth are coming in correctly and give you advice and tips on how to take care of your child’s teeth until they are old enough to manage the techniques themselves. By setting up regular appointments with the same dentist, your dental provider can keep a record and track your child’s unique dental progress. The rule of thumb is to schedule the first appointment between six months and one year. Starting around the age of three, it can be expected to start up the “regular check-up” routine, visiting the dentist every 6 months for an exam and cleaning. — Dr.

Phyllis Merlino, Todt Hill Pediatric Dentistry Staten Island, DrMerlino.com

KIDS DEN ENNTA KIDS DENTAL

Helping

sunday

Our office follows all Covid-19 safety guidelines from the CDC, ADA & AAO. Mini & clear braces, Invisalign, Digital Scanner, Free Consults. Gentle, personal, quality care for children/adults. American Assoc. of Orthodontists & Diplomate of American Board of Orthodontics Member.

New Dorp Teen Raises Awareness About

Skin Cancer On Staten Island

16-year-old Nicole Foto founded Project Sun Safe Staten Island

by barbara russo

Nicole Foto is a New Dorp High School student working to make a difference in her community by raising awareness about skin cancer on Staten Island.

The 16-year-old is part of a student-led group called Project Sun Safe Staten Island. At the core of the group is an Instagram campaign that teaches kids and adults how to protect themselves from skin cancer while outdoors.

The group has 15 students. It’s run by Columbia University’s Herbert Irving Comprehensive Cancer Center (HICCC) under the Cancer Prevention in Action (CPiA) grant from the NYS Department of Health and Health Research, Inc.

Nicole has been a member and leader of Project Sun Safe for two years now. With a talent for art, she designed many of the initial templates used in the campaign. In addition to using Instagram, the group holds presentations to spread the word about the dangers of skin cancer. Just recently, the CPiA and Project Sun Safe teams presented to over 600 students at New Dorp.

“The main goal is to talk about the issues with misinformation around skin cancer,” the 11th grader said. “So, we’re targeting Staten Island specifically. Adults as well as young adults in Staten Island. We teach them about the different types of facts that they might not know.”

s kin c ancer o n staten i sland

Skin cancer is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in the United States. Over 100 people die from melanoma—the most dangerous type of skin cancer—and nearly 1,000 people are newly diagnosed each year in NYC. The incidence rate for melanoma in Staten Island is substantially higher compared to the rest of NYC, according to the HICCC.

At four separate assemblies at the school, the Project Sun Safe core team taught students about skin cancer prevention. They discussed social media campaign content creation, inviting students to share their existing knowledge about skin cancer. This included sun safety and dispelling misinformation. A focus was placed on the ability for skin cancer to affect people of all skin tones and backgrounds. Each assembly ended with an invitation for students to join Project Sun Safe and work with the group to create simple, understandable Instagram content that educates other youth about skin cancer risk reduction.

using social m edia to s pread awareness

The Project Sun Safe Instagram page is colorfully designed and eye catching. Posts contain quick, easy-to-read information about skin cancer on Staten Island, information about sun protection and more. Many posts go into depth with videos and illustrations for those who want to learn

more. Information includes:

Types of sunscreen : Any sunscreen with at least an SPF of 15 is good to use outside. There are many types of sunscreen you can use that are also specific to you skin type.

Where to find free sunscreen on Staten Island : As part of the CPiA grant, free sunscreen is available at several Staten Island locations, including Snug Harbor and Wagner High School.

Wearing sunscreen year round—and every day : It’s important to lather up daily and year round, not only in summer. You can still get damage from the sun on cloudy or snow days.

Not only is Nicole playing an important role in raising awareness about skin cancer on Staten Island, she’s learning lots of valuable life and professional skills, too.

“This working group has taught me numerous skills that include public speaking, leadership, public health, and teamwork,” Nicole said. “It’s given me many opportunities that have strengthened my resume as well as provided me with a network of supportive individuals that I look up to. It has driven me to be more involved with activities that benefit my community. And I am excited to see how much this group will grow and how much its impact will spread.”

a c areer i n m edicine

Nicole’s desire to help her community

doesn’t stop at Project Sun Safe and raising awareness about skin cancer on Staten Island. She’s also an intern with Columbia Cancer Center’s prestigious YES in THE HEIGHTS program. The program is a competitive summer internship for high school students who have an interest in pursuing STEM fields.

“I want to go into medicine,” Nicole said about plans for her future. She added, “I specifically want to get into cardiology, but I’ve always wanted to do cancer research. I think I want to do that on the side. I don’t know if I see myself as an oncologist, but I definitely see myself doing cancer research.”

Maya Lipsman, MPH, is the leader of the student-led group. She works with Dr. Larisa Geskin, Dr. Ashley Stephens and medical student and cutaneous oncology fellow, Celine Schreidah at Columbia to give the

teens guidance on their project. Lipsman is also the project director for CPiA in Staten Island and research project coordinator at Columbia Cancer Center’s Office of Community Outreach and Engagement.

CPiA has a strong presence on Staten Island. It works closely with local community organizations to help them adopt sun safety policies and purchase materials like sunscreen dispensers, shade tents, and signage that helps the public reduce their risk of skin cancer. Columbia Cancer Center is

partnered with Dr. Ana Mendez at Richmond University Medical Center (RUMC) and Dr. Ginny Mantello at the Office of the Staten Island Borough President to complete the activities of the grant. The partners work together by making connections with local organizations to implement sun safety policies and deliver HPV vaccination education.

For more information about the program contact Maya Lipsman, project director, at: ml4082@cumc.columbia.edu.

“

the main goal is to talk about the issues with misinformation around skin cancer,” the 11th grader said.

“ s o, we’re targeting staten island specifically. adults as well as young adults in staten island.”

Is Empathy the Cure for Bullying?

Anti-bully group Sweethearts and Heroes says emotional skills are key to prevention

By Jeannine Cintron

We don’t have a bullying problem in America. At least that’s what Sweethearts and Heroes founder and former MMA fighter Tom Murphy says.

When I first approached the anti-bully group, my goal was to learn ways a parent can help their child who is being bullied. After talking to Murphy, I decided to reframe my plan because, apparently, there is a larger issue at hand, and it starts with improving the emotional health of our children.

Sweethearts and Heroes is an organization that visits schools across the country, educating students of all ages on the negative impacts of bullying and empowering them to be more empathetic and compassionate individuals. Since its inception, the group has met with over two million kids, including over a thousand schools in New York State alone. I chatted with Murphy to get an understanding of what kind of social and emotional issues are plaguing today’s younger generation – one that is facing a whole new kind of bullying –and what parents can do about it. He began by explaining the group’s approach to the topic.

“From day one, the bullying problem has never been our focus,” he says. “Our message has always been about empowering students. People think our focus is empowering only the kids who are marginalized. But it would be a silly little trick for me to give a motivational speech and some kid is sitting in a sea of a thousand students and thinking ‘Tom Murphy said I can protect myself!’ Unfortunately, it’ll be a short period before that kid is humiliated again. Because that is that kid’s reality. You have no idea where they are coming from, what they have been subjected to, neurologically how they’ve developed over time, the culture that they’re in. It’s crazy to think that I’m going to fix a

bullying issue in a one-time speech. But you know who has the opportunity to help that child? The other kids who are walking the halls with that student on a regular basis.”

According to Murphy, we can’t be quick to label a child a bully.

“Bullying is habitual; it happens over and over. There has to be an element of intimidation or fear involved. It is an intentional act,” he explains. “But many kids operate on their feelings. Sometimes they have really difficult things going on at home. Maybe their parents are getting divorced, or their pet died. You can’t expect that kid not to come to school and say something mean or hurtful. We do it as adults! And we label that kid as a bully because he hurt someone’s feelings? This kid is labeled because he is struggling in life? Not that these issues can’t lead to actual bullying, but essentially bullying is an intentional act.”

Statistics show nearly 170,000 students skip school every day in North America because they are afraid to face their bullies. So what can be done about it? The short answer

is to stop it before it starts, using effective parenting methods. Murphy points out that while most people spend over 20 years preparing for their careers, they spend less than nine months preparing for parenthood. Yet essentially it’s on us as parents to teach our children to be kind and compassionate human beings.

“The greater issue is these human skills,” he says emphatically. “Empathy has been nearly cut in half in the last 30 years — both cognitive and affective empathy have been sliced in half in our students. So while we can develop a curriculum to teach kids about bullying, if you don’t have the neurological circuits in your brain that have been developed around things like empathy and compassion then good luck. Without empathy, there is no society. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s interreality and to say ‘ok they’re not me but I’ve got to work with them’, that’s the greatest struggle in our society. So I spend a lot of time identifying why empathy has degraded, and what activates it, and how to create environments

sweethearts and heroes founder tom Murphy (left) visiting a school with pat Fish (middle) and rick Yarosh (right).

and conditions where it can grow and thrive.”

“We need to start having conversations dealing with feelings,” he continues. “Parents love to say ‘don’t be sad’ to their kids. But what’s wrong with being sad? I used to be so uncomfortable when kids would get upset around me. But then I realized that was MY issue. Anger is a natural feeling. And dads, in particular, are often terrible at stopping those natural feelings from happening. You can’t do that to your kid because they will grow up and not know how to manage those feelings, and they’ll be uncomfortable around people.”

Conventional educational methods don’t seem to be working, Murphy says. You can’t send your child to school and expect they will learn the human skills needed to be compassionate and empathetic beings, because it’s just not possible in that environment.

“The famous psychologist Benjamin Bloom talked about something called learning for mastery, ” Murphy continues. “He said that anyone can learn anything given the right strategy and the right time. Unfortunately our society doesn’t allow us to treat each child differently – but they are! They’re all unique individuals, and every child has 120 billion neurons that do 10 quadrillion things per second and they’re all unique! But it’s just really hard when you have a class full of kids that are jumping up and down and screaming, not to just treat them all the same.”

Perhaps the biggest problem is the role technology plays in bullying today. It’s nothing our parents ever had to deal with and nothing we, as parents of Gen Z children, were ever prepared for.

“Bullying has been around for thousands of years, and it’s always been the same format” Murphy remarks. “But when you talk about the last two decades, it’s drastically changed. There’s no reset button anymore. When we were in school, we got to go home Friday and escape from that feeling or the behaviors directed at us. For many kids, that reset button has been ripped away. I had one mom say to me ‘My son took his own life in his bedroom, in his private misery.’

“In over a decade, I’ve never seen these challenges young people are facing today. We were in two schools this year that had suicides the week before we got there. A school in Kentucky had three in the last year, after not having one in 22 years. One school had a 12-year-old young man take his own life on the playground and his best friend found him. It’s beyond belief that our children are

in such a state of hopelessness that they don’t feel like they can hold on to the possibility that exists for their future. How did we get to this space?

“Most kids don’t know how to talk about feelings of hopelessness. If your parents were born in the 50’s or 60 you didn’t talk about that stuff; you just hid it. But the research is extremely clear that talking about these things never makes them worse. The parents of today just don’t know how to talk about these things because no one talked about it with them.”

Technology isn’t the only difference between then and now, he goes on. “The most important thing is the human skills that we used to get when we were baking with mom or working on a car with dad or in the barn with grandpa,” Tom mentions. “These human skills have been nearly cut in half because we

just don’t spend that face time with people anymore in play. Self-directed and selfcontrolled play has been eviscerated. We just don’t allow kids to do it at even a fraction of the rate that they did 100 years ago. So when you ask me about creating a curriculum to end bullying, sure we can do it, but I think the greater need is for these human skills that used to be taught naturally by parents and extended families. Nowadays it’s about just rushing kids to get them to the next thing to do instead of really working on the whole child and these emotional states.

“When I was a kid, the kid who had down syndrome or was in a wheelchair was the easy target. I’m not saying it’s always the case, but largely, I feel like we fixed that. That kid is rallied around today. I think the kid with the mental health issues or emotional health issues is the new target today and we haven’t figured out how to talk about it and to understand that it’s a condition like any other condition.

“But I feel like maybe there is a change coming in our consciousness that these issues are not to be made fun of. The kid who sits in the back of the room with his hoodie up, he’s talking to us. He’s saying ‘I’m not doing good. There’s things going on in my life that I need help with and I need different strategies than other people because the ones you’ve given me, they don’t work for me.’”

Sweethearts and Heroes aptly calls kids who help other kids superheroes. “Every superhero is ruining things with their powers when they first start using them,” Tom says. “It’s your job to teach your kids how to use their superpowers to help the kid who is not being treated the right way.”

For more information about Sweethearts and Heroes or to book a visit to your school, go to sweetheartsandheroes.com.

Sweethearts and Heroes' goal is to teach kids to be a "superheroes" by helping others.

“I spend a lot of time identifying why empathy has degraded, and what activates it, and how to create environments and conditions where it can grow and thrive.”

We Love Lucie

By Cris Pearlstein

It was a Saturday morning, I had just made my daughter breakfast, watched her eat it and then asked her to go up to her room to pick out an outfit and get dressed. She listened. At almost 5 years old, it’s hard to imagine her as the reckless, never-stopsmoving toddler she once was, or, better yet, the sleepless baby who woke up three times a night almost every day for the better part of a year. It’s even harder to imagine the frazzled, exhausted, overwhelmed me that existed during that time. But here we are. Now, she almost always sleeps all night, gets herself dressed and feeds herself. It’s wild.

But after breakfast I was suddenly transported back to those early days during my interview with social media content creator, Lucie Fink. Lucie is a new mom (son Milo is just over a year old) whose postpartum story is as relatable as they come—at least for me it was. As she recounted her experience I found myself either furiously nodding along or just sitting there, paralyzed by the similarities. I know motherhood is different for everyone, and I know that every baby is also different, but I believe moms have more in common than not. She said it best during our chat, “Since becoming a mom…I just feel this connection to moms that I never felt and it’s kind of wild.” I couldn’t agree more. It’s like we’re all in this secret club that’s not so secret, and no matter how we gained entry (biological birth, IVF, adoption, egg/sperm donors, the list goes on) we all share the burden and the blessing of being in charge of keeping a little human alive—and being their shining North Star in the process. It’s a lot to carry. Lucie says it’s “heavy” and she’s right.

She is set on keeping her platforms varied and exciting and not just about mom stuff— especially now that she’s feeling more like herself again. Many of Lucie’s 213K followers on Instagram, TikTok 440K and 417K subscribers

on YouTube are not mothers, so while she tries to balance her content to reflect all facets of her life, she can’t deny the major shift this last year has brought. Read on to learn about Lucie’s journey through her professional career, family life, and how her and her husband try to keep things as 50/50 as possible.

CP: Tell me a little bit about how you came to be a content creator.

LF: So I guess if I go back to my youth, I kind of had this split interest—I was fascinated by medicine and thought I wanted to be a doctor and then the other half of me was fascinated with TV and media. I grew up with a radio DJ for a dad and an interior designer for a mom, so I was raised in a very artistic, creative household and definitely was not pushed into a traditional career path. I was allowed to follow my passions. When it came time for college, I decided that the route I wanted to go down was the medical route. So I went to Johns Hopkins, and my first semester I was pre-med. Very quickly, while being surrounded by other students that were going down that medical route, I realized that my passion for media was actually more fitting with my personality type. Like, all throughout high school, I was in plays, I was the president of the Scarsdale High School Drama Club, my senior year and when I got to college, I immediately joined an acapella group—I was always performing. But really the one thing in college that I guess kind of kick started my career was during my freshman year I pitched a YouTube series that would live on the Johns Hopkins admissions website. My vision for it was like a travel channel type show about the city of Baltimore so that prospective students from around the world could see what the city has to offer without having to come to visit. They had never had a student that wanted to do something like that, so they said, ‘By all

means, here’s a student videography crew, go do whatever you want.’ It started as a total, extracurricular side passion, but after my first year, it turned into a full time job on campus where I was actually getting paid to make these videos. There were thousands of students who in their applications were writing that my videos were the reason that they were applying. So that was really my first experience .

CP: Let’s talk a little bit about how your presence on social media has changed since becoming a wife and a mom—what that means for your son, and how you’re navigating all of that.

LF: I’m lucky that I was with my husband since I started doing this because he’s always been a way more private person who has agreed to be in videos with me, if I ask him early enough—sometimes I need to put two weeks notice on his calendar that I need him for a video so he can mentally prepare (laughs). But I’ve always had to navigate being conscious of the fact that while I’m an open book and nothing’s taboo, I realized that a lot of elements of my personal life are actually his personal life, too.

CP: It’s not just your story.

LF: Exactly. I just feel like I try to be as open as I can myself while respecting his boundaries. And so when we got pregnant, we started talking about what are we going to do, because there’s just so many different theories—some people who are completely not sharing their children’s names or faces at all, then there’s some people who share a little bit or put emojis on top of the kids faces, and then some people who the whole channel is the baby.

CP: So where did you guys land? Or have you not landed somewhere yet?

Lucie Fink on her unique professional journey, her relatable postpartum experience, and how she’s balancing being a public figure with keeping her family’s privacy intact

LF: We landed in a place where we knew for a fact that we did not want my platforms to become a family vlog channel. My husband said to me, ‘If social media was a thing when our moms were young, if both of our moms were influencers, and put you and me on social media, maybe because of you and your personality, you would have been happy. But because of my innate personality, I would not have been pleased.’

CP: Do you feel like your love has deepened since having Milo?

LF: Definitely, but a lot of people warned me, our relationship has shifted a lot. And it has become way harder to find the time to connect just the two of us without Milo there, or without us talking about Milo. It actually takes a dedicated concerted effort to put in our calendar date nights and make sure we have someone to watch him. To go out and force ourselves to not look at pictures of him, to not talk about him. It’s definitely hard work. And even our New Year’s resolutions, a lot of them were about how at the end of the night, when we put him to sleep, not just putting in our own headphones and going about doing our own tasks, but connecting and doing highs and lows of the day, and looking at each other and sitting together and doing things together, because otherwise it’s easy to just put the baby to bed, finish up your work, and then get in bed and watch a show. So in a lot of ways, it’s gotten a lot harder, but the crux of it, has gotten way, way stronger. And I genuinely think my husband is in like the top 1% of partners in terms of how hands on they are with the baby. He works from home so he’s here physically, and he’s so 50/50. I hate to say that because I don’t like scorekeeping, but he’s definitely very involved.

CP: Again, very relatable. I loved talking to you about motherhood and hearing your journey into social media because I think it’s actually a very unique story. I think will be interesting for people to read about.

LF: What’s been exciting is since becoming a mom…I just feel this connection to moms that I never felt and it’s kind of wild.

You can find Lucie at: Youtube, Instagram, TikTok: @luciebfink. Facebook: Lucie Fink

This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity, please visit newyorkfamily.com to read the article in its entirety.

Photo by Yumi Matsuo

calendar

Things To do in February

by barbara russo

As winter continues, there are many local events for families and kids to enjoy! Here are some of this month’s most exciting events in Staten Island and nearby. Be sure to call ahead or visit event websites to confirm details. Go to siparent. com/events for info on the events listed here and even more stuff to do with your family throughout the month and all year long!

Lunar New Year Celebration

Saturday, Feb. 4, 4-5pm Staten Island Children’s Museum

1000 Richmond Terr.

Celebrate the Year of the Rabbit with artists from the New York Chinese Cultural Center. Enjoy a Kung fu demonstration and Chinese folk dance pieces.

Class for Kids: Emergency

First Aid

Saturday, Feb. 4, 9am

Zimmer Club Youth Conservation Program

4411 Arthur Kill Rd.

Head to this important class where kids learn what to do during an emergency before help arrives. Special presentation from the SI Drug Awareness Unit – Richmond County DA’s Office. Ages 5-17.

Family Eco Event

Sunday, Feb. 5, 3:30-5pm

Joan & Alan Bernikow JCC

1466 Manor Rd.

Celebrate the Birthday of the Trees (Tu B’Shevat) and enjoy fun family activities about the environment at this free event. Register online.

Kids Cooking Class: An Italian Snack

Monday, Feb. 6, 4-5pm

Italian Cultural Foundation at Casa Belvedere

79 Howard Ave.

Learn how to make delicious Italian munchkins. Register online.

Black History Month

Expressionist Art

Tuesday, Feb. 7, 3:15pm West Brighton Library 976 Castleton Ave.

Using abstract shapes and patterns from flowers and trees around her,

Alma Thomas is one of the most talented Black artists in the 1960s. In celebration of Black history and Thomas’s expressionist art, kids will craft their own expressionist work of art using pieces of torn paper, card stock and glue.

Make Slime!

Wednesday, Feb. 8, 4pm

Todt-Hill Westerleigh Library 2550 Victory Blvd.

Nothing says true love like a handful of slime. Create your own special batch of slime for the one you love.

Junior Lounge and Middle School Madness

Saturday, Feb. 11, 7-9:30pm

Joan & Alan Bernikow JCC

1466 Manor Rd.

Kids can socialize and enjoy activities including indoor laser tag, swimming, sports (including gaga), arts and crafts, interactive games and more. Register online.

I Heart the Zoo

Saturday, Feb. 11, 11am-2pm

Staten Island Zoo

705 Clove Rd.

Help the zoo show its animals

s how your love for animals at the staten island Zoo’s “ i heart the Zoo” event on Feb. 11.

how special they are by making them enrichment toys and special Valentine’s Day messages. Bring your Valentine!

Valentine’s Pet Photography Day

Saturday, Feb. 11, 3-8pm NycArtsCypher

12 Broad St.

Make memories with your furry friend at the NycArtsCypher and take a professional photo at the market.

Class for Kids: Robotics

Saturday, Feb. 11, 9am

Zimmer Club Youth Program

4411 Arthur Kill Rd.

Enjoy this exciting robotics demonstration class presented by the St. Joseph by the Sea Robotics Team. Ages 8-17.

Kids Flicks: Celebrating Black Stories

Feb. 11 and 12, 2-3:30pm

Staten Island Museum

1000 Richmond Terr.

Black stories take the spotlight in seven short films. Explore a range of genres and styles in a program that spans the globe from the New York International Children’s Film Festival.

Teen Valentine’s Jar Decorating

Monday, Feb. 13., 3:30pm Richmondtown Library

200 Clarke Ave.

Make your own Valentine’s Day

mason jar lamp. Put a tea-light inside to make it light up.

College and Career Presentation

Saturday, Feb. 18, 2-3:30pm

Dongan Hills Library

1617 Richmond Rd.

In partnership with the College of Staten Island, the Dongan Hills Library will host a college and career presentation with a specific focus on the experience of teens with disabilities entering college and the workforce. Parents and college students are welcome to attend.

Crafternoons: Mosaics with Janice Patrignani

Saturday, Feb. 25, 2-4pm Staten Island Museum

1000 Richmond Terr.

Design professional, visual artist, and art educator

Janice Patrignani will walk participants through the process of selecting a color palette for their designs, laying out pieces of tile and how to glue and grout them to a surface. No previous experience necessary and all materials provided.

Kids Cooking Class: Pigs in a Blanket

Monday, Feb. 27, 4-5pm

Italian Cultural Foundation at Casa Belvedere

79 Howard Ave. Learn how to make the classic snack, pigs in a blanket. Register online.

The Shifting ADHD/ADD Lens: Moving From Disability to Ability

With New York Times-bestselling author Dr. Edward Hallowell Thursday, March 2, 2023, 4 p.m. ET

A Parenting Playbook for Raising the Happiest Kids on Earth

With cultural researcher, parenting expert and columnist Jessica Joelle Alexander

Wednesday, March 22, 2023, 2 p.m. ET

PRESENTING SPONSORS

l aser tag is one of activities at the Junior lounge and m iddle s chool madness event at the J cc on Feb. 11.

Next month's FREE Parenting Talks you don't want to miss!

February 1

carmen Spurrell

Alexandra Mauro

Riley corson

Robert Ralph Russo

Rebecca StengleWilson

Patricia Aponte

Kylie olivia norman

Michael casale

Shannon Riley carter ogbu

Anthony Lodestro

Kylie Rodriguez

February 2

Dominic hughes

Abigail harlow

Angeliah negron

Dominic hughes

Zacari Kizer

gabrielle Peragine

Landon Zeng

ethan oliveras

Kristen oliveras

February 3

Justin Levine

Juan carlos Roblescorona

g eorge elkik

giavanna Anwar

corey newell-hopkins

Kyle Kavanagh

Luna Velasquez

Raina garcia

Amiya harris

February 4

Joseph R. thompson

Jr.

Amanda guarino

Silvia Sereno

hiba Ahmed

Blake Benevento

Samantha Smith

Alyssa Bavaro

February 5

Lori caban

Mariham tharwat

Leilani Jenkins

Jason Anzalone

Matthew tzur

Mirai Adame

gracie Abel

emily Sciusco

nadia Delvois

February 6

nicole Buccellato

Kevin Schoenau

nicholas Dropp

elizabeth Maira

Adam Shapiro

Roty g rais

Isabella Rose Butler

February 7

J.D. o verton

Xavier g onzalez

Stefania R. Santoro

gabrielle Darretta

Arianna Monteleone

Alexandra Velez

February 8

gianna clarke

gabrielle Morri

Kyle taylor

Jacob Alvarez

Jake terzo

Amy Bautista

Justin crespo

Leah Ayzenberg

Amy Bautista

February 9

Dennis Mitchell

giada gagliardotto

Susan Borazzo

Byrant Sandiford

caleb Larsen

Pedro Rivera

Dominic Acevedo

naeyli Francia

caleb Larsen

February 10

gia Reyes

Roshan Mathew

Alexandra nat Bajek

Kristinia Lamberti

nicholas Barbieri

Lily olsen

Ryan Milone

Rivka Steinherz

Michael o’Leary

Juliana Rae Melisi

Ameer elsamanoudy

February 11

Katie Schoenau

gianna Borriello

Ayana Angell

Aiden ciero

Liam Morales

Aza Villodas

halle Marie nova

Isabella carrescia

Aiden Briggs

theresa Diaz

February 12

hunter Pesin

Lisa Lamberti

Ryan Rocchio

Kassandra Mojica

Sasha tolbert-Francis

Kailani collado

Kassandra Mojica

Violet Rivera

Vicente g uevara

February 13

Julianna Milillo

Joel Rivera

Rebecca holzer

Alishah Warraich

Sophia Deserto

Brianna Sampson

Joseph turturro

Dominick capuano

Kaitlyn hebner

February 14

taylor Ryan

Angelica Reyes

Maxwell Roach

Salvatore Isolda

Sophia esposito

teddy novick

Sabrina Velez

Damian Moran

February 15

Joseph Anthony guarnieri

Michael Joyce

chris Best

Brianna osorio

Alyssa cianfrone

Ralphie cimmino

Joshua Bocchiaro

February 16

Anthony Sercia

Joseph McDonough

Alexandra nonnenmacher

Isabella Delehanty

Antonio Bordwick

Aria Brousseau

Kalvin Ball

Isabella Delahanty

nicolette Brancoccio

carter eisenberg

nathaniel g omez

February 17

Kaitlin Jennifer Arroyo

Joseph A. temperino

Jr.

Samantha taylor

Slovitz

Michelle Piazza

Joseph DePalo

Alyssa Sperrazza

connor higgins

Marianna g oriva

nia Sanders

Julian Munoz

February 18

Adrian Rzonca

gia Koppie

christina Losinno

christian Wikande

Jenna hershkowitz

Daniel Palmeri

Sydney eil

emmett MccoyDickerson

Lily cammarata

Jaxon Papio

February 19

Jordan clanton

emily Retino

Jade Yu

Joseph g ottlieb

Juan Diego cordova

tyrese tucker

Devon nieves

henry cartier

Blake Breland

Mohamed Shehata

February 20

Jakub Rodriguez

John chernack

nadia chernack

David Kurbalidze

Joe Lamberti

Paulie Battipaglia

David ginsburg

oliver Rijo

christina Mangia

February 21

Andrew Snyder

Lauren Marino

David Kholodovsky

christena Armento

Victoria Lopez

tyler Wise

Lucas gasparino

Joseph DiStefano

Mya Vasquez-ortiz

February 22

nicholas Medordi

connor Kealy

Sienna gallego-

Montantine

haelee chan

Pamela Aliotta

Mikayla Prather

Matteo herrera

olivia Rijo

Aviana noia

giuliana Boffa

Matteo herrera

February 23

Samantha Sicari

Sabrina Mogollon

Jenna Labarbera

Michael Vergo

olivia Medordi

Brandon g entner

Isabella tadros

Leigham guzman

Zhyier Jenkins

nicholas Valentine

February 24

Alexis Rivera

Daniel Agarunov

Jose carlos Aguilar Jr.

Antonio M. Antonaros

Matthew Marino

christopher Zandler

Vincent Villani

Sean Keag

hunter Mccarthy

Anthony Del Re

Lucas Jiminez

Shardasza Johnson

Massimo gambino

February 25

Lawrence Frank

Joseph Pellegrino

Daniel guariglia

Daniel Dewakumara

giselle Rau

giavanni esposito

Luis Rios

hallie Roteman

Kayla ortiz

olivia Murtagh

February 26

John Marsh, Jr.

Francesca Delapi

nicholas garcia

Jessica Paoli

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Ava Valenti

Meaghan Viviani

Julia Jamrog

Makai Jenkins

Julia Jamrog

olivia Foster

February 27

Jordan hafiz

thomas Mantellino

Dominique Litrell

Lauren Minks

Amaya Lewis

hunter Mahoney

Sydney calabrese

Dominique Litrell

Benjamin Mailloux

Mila Martinez

February 28

Jordan Roman

Jordana Roman

Andrew trapani

cristina Mogollon

Diandre green

Ayden Villodas

ta’Jon Duncan

Kelton cheuk

Andrew gise

Duwa Shah

February 29

Joseph A. toto

Daniel Korenski

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