Unraveled
illustrated and written by Elizabeth Rosales
Unraveled
illustrated and written by Elizabeth Rosales
published and researched with these free 24/7 helplines: Crisis Textline
Text HOME to 741741
Childhelp
National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453 (4-A-Child)
RAINN
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
NCADV
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Suicide Prevention Lifeline
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
The Trevor Project
National Crisis Prevention for LGBTQ+ (ages 13-24) 866-488-7386
Trigger Warning: This book contains triggering and/or sensitive material. please remember to practice self-care before, during, & after reading.
This book is dedicated to everyone that I know who has also suffered through these traumatic experiences and to those that are helping me heal from it.
Matthew Dassira Patrick Starnes Henry Rosales Nick Himmer Janet Rosales Julissa Rosales
Contents Story 1 - Homophobia - Self-Harm - Toxic Friendships
10
Story 2 - Domestic Abuse - Cultural Abuse - Neglect
24
Story 3 - Rape - Sexual Assault - Incest
36
Story 1
10
Growing up, I didn’t have many friends. I had friend groups in elementary school through middle school since it’s easier making friends the younger you are. But once I got to middle school, things were changing and pointless drama was starting. I lost all of my friends once I got to high school, except for one. I considered her my best friend since we always hung out and told each other everything. We would also go over to each other’s houses all the time since we lived within walking distance to each other. Unfortunately, at some point in our friendship, I started to gain feelings for her. I tried to ignore the feelings since I’ve never really had any female crushes while growing up. I did sometimes think about the possibilities of it all, but overall they were only guys when it came to people I knew in person. It was very confusing 11
and alarming for me.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it since I already knew my parents were homophobic and religious so they taught me to believe its not normal. When it came to my siblings, only my sister had mentioned something about being bisexual. Even still, I was afraid of getting disowned by my parents or even getting kicked out for something I couldn’t control. One of my brothers would also tell me to never be like “those
people on tv.” There
wasn’t much gay representation back then but I did enjoy watching Glee at the time. I would tell myself the feelings are nothing, but eventually more things would start to relate to me whenever I watched other shows like Steven Universe. It was because of these shows that I started to slowly let these emotions free and try to not be afraid of myself. I would try to keep my feelings a secret from my best friend since she never showed any signs of being gay. 12
There were times where she would have selective crushes on female celebrities and muscular women, but that didn’t mean there was a chance for me. I don’t remember entirely what I did during that time in highschool, but I do remember writing down song lyrics and gifting her things. Since she was such a close friend, I trusted in telling her that I was bi and I haven’t told anyone else. Horrifyingly, my crush on her eventually started to turn into me being so in love with her that I had no right mind anymore to really understand boundaries. Things started to become obvious and my friend eventually began to ask questions over text. I had finally admitted that I did indeed have feelings for her. But, to my surprise she responds by saying she already knew and that nothing
is ever going to happen.
This then makes me freak out. 13
I start to panic and apologize for ruining the friendship. It was during our Thanksgiving break, so I didn’t have to see her for a few days. From this point on I just remember things going south in our friendship and things never seemed to get any better. We did still talk a little with each other, but it was never the same as it used to be. She would ignore me at times or wouldn’t hang out as much with me. I would go to the library for lunch since I had no friends to sit with in the crowded lunchroom. She would also start to hang out with other people she had recently met or would randomly meet up with guys she doesn’t know too well. She was very reckless and troublesome so it would always keep me worried and I’d always tell her to not go about so recklessly. I remember she met this one boy who also went to our school that she ended up having a crush on. 14
The situation was very weird. He ended up having a crush on me and she would be jealous because I didn’t care about him. I would have to keep rejecting him and ignoring him since I disliked him due to him getting more attention from my best friend. He would also stalk me in the halls and try to match my clothing style which I found super creepy. Since those two chatted more often, he eventually asked her why I wasn’t interested in him and apparently she had told him that I had a crush on her so it’s never gonna happen. I was annoyed she outed me but never thought much of it since it helped him get off my back. After a while though, they actually got together and that’s when things got worse. She would tell me about things they would do together, how they hang out all the time, and how he shows that he cares about her. I became super depressed and didn’t know how to feel. 15
I started to write things down like a diary but would also draw out my emotions to help get my feelings out more. It was a little red sketchbook that I still have to this day. So one day, she sent me photos of them on their first date. That’s where everything
broke for me. It felt
like my whole world was tumbling down. It felt like she was showing how better off she was with someone else and rubbing it in my face. At this point I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was crying so much I was shaking and
couldn’t think. I wandered off around my house looking for something, but I wasn’t sure what. It was when I found a sharp blade on the table that I knew what I was looking for. I grabbed it and contemplated what to do with it. I put it to my wrist and slowly pushed into the skin to break through it. I didn’t feel anything at first, 16
but once I saw the blood start to slowly trickle out, that’s when I started to feel something. I was so numb that cutting myself finally made me feel a sense of relief. I would keep doing it until I finally felt some pain. It strangely felt good, like I deserved to feel in pain. I thought I deserved to suffer for feeling the way that I felt. I thought that maybe if I kept punishing myself then maybe I’ll stop having the “sinful” thoughts my parents would call towards gay people. I kept my cutting a secret from my family since I wore sleeves a lot already. It was at some point that I confessed to my brother how I began to feel suicidal.
I didn’t know what to do with my life. Everything felt so meaningless and lonely. I told him about the things that have been going on and he signed me up for a therapist as he didn’t know how else to help me. 17
The therapist recommended I cut off communication with my friend for a month to try to take care of my mental health. They also tell me to talk to my parents. So I finally confess to my parents that
I’m bisexual to see what
reaction they’d truly have. They tell me
it’s not normal to feel that way and to
“pray the gay away.” They also tell me to stop cutting as it’s not good for my health. I beg them to not tell any other family members as I have many homophobic relatives. They tell me that they can’t do that because “they’re
family and need
to know everything about me.” I was completely disgusted and absolutely pissed. This is why I couldn’t trust them in the first place. 18
To this day I don’t trust them with any personal information. After a month, my friend actually came over to sit with me in the library. She apologizes for how she treated me and says she will change. Still, things were never the same. There would be awkward moments and times where she would show that she didn’t fully trust me or feel comfortable near me. Even after graduating high school our friendship wasn’t fully positive. She would often take advantage of me by having me buy her stuff or get me involved in her reckless shenanigans since she had no one else that wanted to get into trouble. She knew I would do anything for her and she abused that power. She would treat me like garbage and toss me aside if she found someone better to hang out with instead. Whenever I had ideas for plans she would never want to unless she 19
gained something from it. It was always me accepting any plans she involved me in. One time she wanted to go to a party in D.C. late at night. I told her I was afraid of the time and location so she told me we could leave whenever it was too late. But she got annoyed with me when I did just that and told me to go home. We carpooled and took the metro there so she was basically telling me to go walk to the metro alone late at night and figure out how to get a ride home. There were many situations where she would show how toxic of a person she truly was and how
heartless she could be. She also brought up how she thought it was funny that I wrote a diary about her and how I made depressing drawings. She even asked if I still had it years later and that she wanted to keep it. Once she got to the point of making fun of my past traumas that I never told anyone else, I began to wonder. 20
‘Is this friendship was really worth keeping?’ ‘This wasn’t healthy.’ I started to lose feelings for her and even began to resent her. I stopped trying to keep a conversation going with her over text and only give short replies to whenever she messaged me. After months of hardly chatting and not hanging out, my friend notices and sends an apology out of the blue. She admits that she has been treating me selfishly and that she still feels weird about me having a crush on her. At this point I no longer care whatsoever about her. She tells me that she will try to work on herself and change so she can be a better person. She has already stated this in the past. I can’t keep giving her second chances. She then ends her long apology by saying I don’t have to reply to anything she says 21
and that if I wanted to cut ties then she understands and wishes me well. I take this chance to finally get rid of this toxicity once and for all and never hear from her again. To this day I haven’t spoken with her, but I do ever so rarely spot her in the distance as we live in the same city and attend the same university.
22
Story 2
24
Ever since I was little, my parents weren’t easy to get along with. Whenever I did something wrong, they would punish me by beating me. I remember getting hit by shoes, belts, hands, cords, or my mom would yank my hair. They would get angry over every little thing. I would hear some things from other hispanic families but would make nothing of it since it got normalized to me. They typically always had a temper and would hardly be in a good mood. I would always be walking on eggshells with them. They would yell at me or talk with a negative tone which led me to fear people with loud voices. I would be scared to do anything near them or tell them anything about my life. They would always threaten to hit me with a belt even for just thinking about something. I remember back in elementary school when I wouldn’t finish a meal or wasn’t hungry at the time, my dad would pull out a belt saying I was 25
ungrateful for my mom’s cooking. I would have to forcefully eat the food and feel sick after. I don’t know what they would expect out of a kid. They just weren’t good parents. My dad would stop hitting me once I was in middle school since he was always out of the house working so he would just come home exhausted.
My mother, however, was always home. Finding work was hard for her, so she would always do chores around the house or make sure dinner was ready for when my dad got home. I remember I liked to be tucked in as a kid because It would make me feel cared for and it felt nice getting a forehead kiss. At some point though, I remember my cousins coming over and chatting with my parents. I was coming down so I could ask to get tucked in for bed, but once I got halfway through the stairs, I hear my mother telling them about how annoying 26
I am about wanting to get tucked in and how stupid it is that it makes me happy. They hollered in laughter so I went back to bed silent and hurt about what had just happened. I also remember she took me to a dentist appointment and I cried the moment I sat down in the doctor’s seat. I was afraid of the pain they kept creating in my mouth, I had no idea what they were doing. They didn’t seem to be good dentists for children, so it was my mom’s fault for not taking me to a children’s dentist. The dentist gave up after five minutes of me screaming and crying so my mom paid them for their trouble and drove us home. I remember the fear I had on the drive home knowing I was in big trouble as she kept cursing at me and threatening me about whipping me once we got home. She grabbed me to force me out of the car and pulled me into the house. She pushed me onto the couch and told me 27
stay still while she found something to hit me with. I remember her dragging along the vacuum. She would pull off the cord and it was then that I got up to get away from her. She would push me down to continuously
whip me while screaming at me saying I’m worthless and a waste of money. Once she gave me the order to leave her sight I ran upstairs to cry in my room. I would start to get depressed and paranoid at any hint of danger in my own home. When it came to waking up for the school bus, I always struggled waking up as I ignored my alarms. This would then lead to my mom bursting in and screaming at me to get up and yanking on my hair to force me up and out of my bed. She was infuriated that she would have to get up with me just to drive me to school. This started happening once a week, to a few days, to every weekday. Waking up early just wasn’t something easy for me. 28
I absolutely hated school. Waking up for it every morning just to get abused didn’t help. I would sometimes arrive in tears at the front doors of school and be told to stop crying or she would hurt me. I remember one morning a friend of mine was dropped off near me and she noticed I was crying. She asked what was wrong and I told her my mom keeps yanking my hair every morning but she did nothing more than just apologize for my pain. I didn’t know what to do back then, I never thought getting help was an option. This would happen up until I graduated highschool. My siblings never did anything either as they would also get abused by my mother. I remember one night when I was hanging out with my sister at night in my room. I was laughing a little too loud which led my mom to burst in while screaming and yanking my hair while also smacking me. I was screaming for her to stop and for my 29
sister’s help as she didn’t know what to do since she was in shock of what was suddenly happening. I was pretty much trained to either keep my volume low at all times or to just shut up. I also remember some other time where my mom got upset at me for some reason and I ran upstairs to try to hide in my sister’s room. My sister tried to stop my mother from getting closer to me as I hid behind my sister’s legs and her desk. It was difficult growing up with my mother. She would always switch on and off between being nice and in a good mood to the
worst human on earth. Since my dad is always out of the house at work, he never sees any of the harassment my mom did to us. I remember one time he was asking me for help on something sewing related and I told him I had no knowledge about anything of it. He would then raise his voice at me and tell me how worthless I am for not 30
knowing womanly stuff. He would go on about how I don’t know how to cook, sew, do laundry, etc. I would just leave the room after his once-in-a-while “you’re worthless” talks. I had to learn how to do laundry from my brother. My mom never tries to teach me anything. I have tried asking her in the past but she tells me to just look it up or to just figure it out on my own since that’s how she grew up. She has never taken her role as my mother seriously besides the bare minimum of feeding me, clothing me, and giving me a room. She would never take my feelings seriously. Whenever I cried about something, she would just stare at me and laugh. My father would just look away or not know what to do when I cried near him. Another thing about my father, is that he had a drinking
problem.
My parents would always host parties in our basement that would last until the sun came up. There were tons of 31
guests getting wasted while letting their kids run around and come upstairs to bother me and my siblings. We would always have to stay up to watch our things and wait until we got too tired to care for the loud music. There were times our father would drunkenly come upstairs to lecture us about how we don’t care about him and that we were selfish or ungrateful. He would also get sick in front of us and he would never remember a thing. I believe I grew up with
no father figure. Back in middle school I started
playing this one game on my brother’s ps4 that was really fun and easy to make friends. It was called LittleBigPlanet. I made a few friends there that were mainly male. I remember every year in that game having a different male friend that would feel like a father figure. I realized it in highschool since the latest guy friend I made became a close friend to me and he even accepted the role as my 32
father figure. He’s around the same age and knows about the things I’ve gone through. I’ve known him for around five years now. There was also another close friend that I made who was my best friend and accepted the role as my mother figure, but we had a falling out recently. I had to play with my online friends in secret all the time since my parents hated that I would spend so much time gaming. I remember staying up some nights hiding in my brother’s room so my parents wouldn’t find out I was online. I would also try to turn off the tv and leave the room once my dad got home from work since he would get angry if he found me sitting near it. I remember confronting my parents a few times once I was out of highschool about how they had treated me in the past. My mother at first claimed to not remember anything she did to me which left me utterly confused. 33
How does someone just forget about the abuse they caused to someone for years and years? After the first confrontation, both my parents then apologized for everything they had done and claimed to have learned about christian practices and changed their ways. My mother said she wasn’t in the right mind back then and didn’t know what she was doing. I consider it as some heavy BS, although they do start to diminish in the abuse from then on. It’s no excuse to how they had treated me. They try to remind me that they will never hurt me again and to not be afraid of them. It’s difficult to brush off everything they have done to me psychologically. Especially after my mom told me to forgive her and hug it out to then never speak of it again. It’s not something simple to just forget about. I think about these things every day.
34
Story 3
36
I think I was around 7 when everything started. I needed a babysitter and had a few siblings to consider for the job. They would be too busy doing their own things like homework or whatever though. My parents would go out to parties every weekend and I would be babysat by one of my older “brothers”. Half brother, we share the same mother but not the same father. Either way I don’t consider him anything to me, to this day I
hate him.
I would be alone every weekend with him and would want to play since I was a young child. But he made up his own game and taught me how to play it.
Him: “You just lay down flat on the floor” Child Me: “like this?” Him: “Yes just like that” 37
He starts to position himself over me, not on me but hovering over me. I would laugh a little since I was excited to play whatever game it was he was teaching me. He would just stare at me for a long time looking me up and down with a disgusting lustful look in his eyes. It’s still stuck in my head.
I can still see his eyes in some people. My memory is still foggy on what else may have happened during those nights. I think I remember rolling away thinking it’d be fun to run around. He would try to get me accustomed to his behaviors and I remember after a few weekends I got used to getting physical with him and would think laying on him was normal. I would also hang out in his room on other days outside of the weekend and would stay while he would get dressed after a shower. It’s disgusting thinking back to everything that happened. 38
At some point, I have no idea why, I remember the thought of “this
doesn’t seem right” creeping into my
thoughts. The night that happened I would start to get a little distant and try not to be alone with him or run around more so when he is babysitting me there’s less touch. At this point, I question why I have to put up with this and why he’s acting weird in the first place. I remember the next day being alone with my older sister in the garage with our dog. I see my brother’s car pull up outside of the garage and I sigh at his arrival. Child me: “(BLANK) is home” Her: “yeah” Child me: “He loves me too much” She brushes off my comment thinking I mean a normal type of family love. 39
Child me: “Like LOOOVE love, too much, like he does stuff to me” This picks up her interest and she begins to question me. Her: “what do you mean?” This is where I use our dog as a prop in demonstration of what he does to me when we’re alone. She then begins to get upset and tells me to wait outside and play with the dog. I question what she’s gonna do and she says to just go outside and do not come in. I remember going outside for a few minutes..
..but getting bored and curious very quickly. I went inside ignoring my sister’s orders and found them arguing with each other very loudly. 40
Her: “YOU’RE DISGUSTING, YOU SHOULD BE PUT IN JAIL, YOU CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS.” Him: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE EVEN TALKING ABOUT, YOU’RE ALWAYS ANGRY AT ME” He was right about that, even before then, they would always argue and my sister never seemed to like him. I didn’t know why at the time. They would keep going back and forth and he would deny any accusation she threw at him. He was very clearly lying. I would call him out on it and he would tell me to shut up and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. My sister threatens to tell our mother about everything and he tells her to go to hell as she then carries me away from him to be kept on watch. A few days after that I remember his room being empty and not seeing him for years. 41
I was in highschool when we moved houses, I remember him moving in downstairs in the basement. The house had two floors above it and my room would be at the very top floor. I didn’t feel safe knowing he was in the house. I grew up feeling disgusting near any male figure. Any skin showing on me near a guy would make me feel completely disgusting and exposed. I remember wearing baggy clothing all the time and avoiding any touch with men. My father would hang out with him in the living room downstairs by the kitchen. I was afraid to leave my room so I would be stuck having to wait until hes gone while starving. I would always hear his
disgusting laugh
that no one else
had. It always made my ears bleed and want to scream. My mother also hated his laugh, but she would never have a good answer to me asking why she keeps him around. “He’s my son, god would never forgive me for disowning him.”
42
I remember my father eventually mentioning how that disgusting man is going to move upstairs with us in the spare bedroom. Immediately I started crying at this
horrifying decision of his. My parents didn’t care about how I felt towards him.
It felt like no one did.
Eventually I wanted to see a therapist to feel like what I say matters to someone. I had to go in secret with one of my brothers that actually cared about my mental health. The only problem was, if my mother found out, I didn’t know what would happen. We kept going on Thursdays around the same time and eventually my mother started to notice how we kept leaving. I would make excuses to get her off our backs but eventually something bad happened. During one of my sessions, I mentioned the issue with the guy in our basement. At the time I was there, I was a minor. 43
And because of that fact, my therapist suddenly tells me I can’t go back home knowing “I don’t feel safe in my own home.” I start to panic and ask her what she’s talking about. She explains that she needs to tell the authorities about everything I had told her even if I beg her not to. Internally, I start to get angry. I trusted this person to tell them my issues for therapy, not to be forced away from my home against my will and have the police involved. I bring in the brother who drove me there to try to get help and she says there’s nothing she can do since it’s her responsibility to tell the authorities. She only made things
worse. Once we manage to get home, I tell my parents what just happened and they freak out and get furious with me. My father goes downstairs to warn the guy that my therapist put in trouble. 44
My parents start yelling at me asking why I caused all of this and to just let things go already but I couldn’t say anything as I was paralyzed in fear and sadness and the loss of wanting to continue my life. My parents didn’t care about me still, they only cared about his safety. My siblings had to speak for me as they knew more than my parents did. This then leads to my mother breaking down and violently crying and saying she’s a terrible mother. My father: “YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SURVIVE IN THIS HOUSE, WE GIVE YOU EVERYTHING AND YOU’RE STILL STUPID AND UNGRATEFUL. THERE’S NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE DEPRESSED OR SUICIDAL. YOU’RE JUST MAKING THINGS UP. GET OVER IT. YOU’RE MAKING YOUR MOTHER SAD. APOLOGIZE TO HER.” 45
I don’t move from where I am, I’m still paralyzed in fear as I’m contemplating how to end things. My siblings try to stand up for me but it’s no use as my parents still don’t seem to care. After an hour of my father yelling at me nonstop, he decided “hugging it out” would be a good idea. The closer he got the more scared I became. I slowly stepped away as he stepped closer to signal that I did not want any touch whatsoever. He forces a hug on me and I start to
scream. I scream as loud as I can to get him
off of me. I push as hard as I can to make him let go. He only forces me more as my siblings start to tell him to get off me. It only leads to them trying to pull him off me as he still doesn’t let go immediately. My siblings told me to go to bed as I had school the next day and they can handle things with my parents. I laid in bed hearing them argue with each other and yelling over one another. 46
In the next session with my therapist, my mother decided to come along with me to speak for me. I remember her talking to me beforehand telling me to go with whatever she says and to lie about everything. She told me I need to let the past go and learn to forgive. I couldn’t do anything else so I was forced to agree to it. Once we were inside, she told my therapist everything is fine with me at home and I don’t need to come to any more sessions. After their back and forth about my safety they finally let me go on the exception that I go to a hospital for more help. I lie and say that I will, but I never went to another therapist to this day.
I don’t trust them after what happened. It was a week later or so that I was pulled out of class one day. I remember being escorted to the school officer’s room. I met a woman who claimed to be an investigator. 47
The first thing she says is that our conversation will be recorded. I try to stay as silent as possible and am wary of what I say to her remembering what my mother said to me. She starts asking me how I’m doing in school and changes the subject to my homelife. When she mentions what I told my therapist, I start to tell her the lies my mom wanted me to say. “I’m not sure about what happened, I don’t really remember it that well. Maybe it didn’t really happen.”
She looks at me confused and a bit upset that
“I lied about the whole thing just for attention.” She then stops recording me and lets me go. Once I got home, I remember telling my mom what happened and she was surprised they came to my school. 48
I told her I lied to them so they would leave me alone, and she praised me for following her orders. Eventually, the guy goes back to his country outside of the U.S. to escape any other authorities that might come to our house. I didn’t care as long as he was away from me. After a year or two, my parents brought me along on their trip back to their country in the summer. One day while I was there, I was hanging out with my pets outside and saw someone walking towards me. It was him. He looked disheveled and his English was really broken when talking to me. He was asking for forgiveness while I was nervous just being around him. I also felt bad for him since he seemed really miserable the way he looked and sounded. At this point I didn’t care and said whatever, “it’s okay”, mainly to get him away from me quicker and because it felt like my fault that he was looking like this. 49
I absolutely did not forgive him. I just didn’t want him to be near me any longer.
A few years ago I learned from my mother that apparently she was pregnant with him back in her country due to some guy raping her. Like father, like son, I guess. I also learned that the reason why my sister hates him so much even before finding out about what happened with me, is because he also did stuff to her. If anything, this makes my mother look worse. Why would she let him be near her daughters knowing the way his father was and let things happen to both daughters? Had I known this information
I would have never given him any pity. 50
About The Author It was hard to put this novel together. Creating this as my Senior Project was a roller coaster. I kept changing my ideas every week to be slightly different each time. I started out creating fake scenarios where there would be other characters that went through their own traumatic experiences. I was afraid of writing down my own personal experiences due to what everyone would think of me after knowing what I went through. I would keep asking my partner if I was doing the right thing. I would constantly have breakdowns after writing down certain memories. Having a strong imagination has its pros and cons. I would go on and off to myself asking if I should keep going with it.
It’s scary enough thinking about presenting this to people. My parents have no idea I’m creating this and I plan to keep it that way. My trust is limited as it is. But to those wondering, yes I am better now with the help of those who truly care about me. But that doesn’t mean I’m fully healed, or if I ever will be. I hope to have helped even just one person in getting the help that I was never able to receive.
You can find me on Instagram: @Sketchy_Blep
Statistics & Information On Rape & Sexual Assault 24/7 CELL PHONE LINE:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
operated by RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. Every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. Every 9 minutes, a victim is a child. Out of every 1,000 sexual assaults, 310 are reported to the police. From these reports, only 25 out of every 1000 perpetrators end up in prison.
1 in 6 women
GENDER DIFFERENCE IN VICTIM OR ATTEMPTED
1 in 33 men
Reasons Victims Choose To Not Report: • To stop the incident or prevent recurrence/escalation • They may not know that help is available, or they don’t know who to trust • They did not want to get the perpetrator in trouble. • They may also be concerned about other family members’ reactions, fearing they won’t be believed or will be accused of doing something wrong • They may have already tried to tell someone what happened, but the abuse was ignored or minimized. • They have been told by the perpetrator that what is happening is normal or happens in every family, and they don’t realize that it is a form of abuse • They believed it was not important enough to report
Effects: • • • • •
Depression Flashbacks Ptsd Suicide Eating disorders
• • • •
Self harm Substance abuse Panic attacks Dissociation
Victims Under The Age Of 18: 1 in 9 girls
SEXUAL ABUSE OR ASSAULT AT THE HANDS OF AN ADULT
1 in 53 boys
34% of victims of sexual assault and rape are under 12, and 66% are 12-17. 82% of all victims are female. Females ages 16-19 are 4x more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault.
20.7% of adults report being sexually abused as a child. They are 4x more likely to develop symptoms of drug abuse, experience ptsd as adults, and 3x more major depressive episodes as adults. The majority of children and teen victims know the perpetrator.
Victims 18+ Attending College: Women ages 18-24 who are college students are 3x more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence.
1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. Males ages 18-24 who are college students are
approximately 5x more likely than non students of the same age to be a victim of rape or sexual assault. Sexual Violence May Occur at a Higher Rate at Certain Times of the Year: More than 50%
of college sexual assaults occur in either August, September, October, or November which means students are at an increased risk during the first few months of their first and second semesters in college.
21% of TGQN (transgender, genderqueer, nonconforming) college students have been sexually assaulted, compared to 18% of non-TGQN females, and 4% of non-TGQN males.
Statistics & Information On Domestic Abuse & Cultural Abuse 24/7 CELL PHONE LINE:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
operated by NCADV (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than
10 million women and men.
People tend to overlook that men get abused too. They suffer from abuse more often than gets announced.
1 in 4 women
GENDER DIFFERENCE IN VICTIMS
1 in 7 men
Abuse can take on many forms including: physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, psychological, neglectful, and cultural.
Reasons Victims Choose To Not Report: • The fear that the abuser’s actions will become more violent and may become lethal if the victim attempts to leave • Unsupportive friends and family • Knowledge of the difficulties of single parenting and reduced financial circumstances • The victim feeling that the relationship is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear • The victim’s lack of knowledge of or access to safety and support • Fear of losing custody of any children if they leave or divorce their abuser or fear the abuser will hurt, or even kill, their children • Lack of means to support themselves and/or their children financially or lack of access to cash, bank accounts, or assets • Lack of having somewhere to go (e.g. no friends or family to help, no money for hotel, shelter programs are full or limited by length of stay) • Fear that homelessness may be their only option if they leave • Religious or cultural beliefs and practices may not support divorce or may dictate outdated gender roles and keep the victim trapped in the relationship
Victims Under The Age Of 18: 24/7 CELL PHONE LINE:
National Child Abuse Hotline
(1-800)-422-4453 (4-A-Child) operated by Childhelp
A report of child abuse is made
every 10 seconds in the United States.
Every year, more than 4
million reports of
child abuse are made in the United States. law enforcement estimates there are
50,000 predators
online at any given time. Adults reporting on being abused as a child:
10.6% 28.3%
emotionally physically
Individuals who reported 6 or more adverse childhood experiences had an average life expectancy
two decades shorter than those who reported none. Children who experience child abuse
and neglect are about 9x more likely to become involved in criminal activity.
80% of 21-year-olds who reported childhood abuse met the criteria for
at least one
psychological disorder.
Mental Health Disorders, Addictions And Related Issues: • • • • • •
Risk for intimate partner violence Alcoholism and alcohol abuse Illicit drug abuse Smoking & drinking at an early age Depression Suicide attempts
Cultural Abuse Legally speaking, it’s not illegal to punish and harm children. One study found that immigrant Latino children experienced physical abuse at 3x the rate of U.S. born Latino children. The government doesn’t know how to go about controlling immigrant behavior on punishing children since that’s how they were culturally raised in their home country. These children tend to stay in their abusive homes due to not knowing what may happen to both their parents and themselves.
Other Reasons May Be: • Fear of their parents’ deportation • Things may be worse if they get taken away and sent into a child shelter • Fear of running away due to starvation and danger • Having a normalized mindset to believe everyone goes through abuse • No knowledge of how to get help • Fear of leaving their siblings behind
Women between the ages of 18-34 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner. A majority of physical abuse is committed by dating partners rather than spouses.
19% of domestic violence involves a weapon. Psychological Abuse Includes: • • • • • • • • • •
Humiliating the victim Controlling what the victim can or cannot do Withholding information from the victim Deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed Isolating the victim from friends and/or family Denying the victim access to money or other basic resources Stalking Demeaning the victim in public or in private Undermining the victim’s confidence and/or sense of self-worth Convincing the victim (s)he is crazy (a.k.a. gaslighting)
Statistics & Information On LGBTQ+ & Housing 24/7 CELL PHONE LINE:
The Trevor Project is a National organization
866-488-7386
for providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ+ people ages 13-24.
1 in 7 kids between the ages of 10 and 18 will run away at some point.
There are 1 million to 3 million runaway and homeless kids living on the streets in the United States. Homelessness and housing instability were reported at higher rates among
transgender and nonbinary youth.
28% of LGBTQ youth
reported experiencing homelessness or housing instability at some point in their lives.
48% of LGBTQ youth reported they wanted counseling from a mental health professional but were unable to receive it in the past year.
80%+ of LGBTQ youth stated that COVID-19 made their living situation more stressful.
55% of LGBTQ youth reported that they ran away from home because of mistreatment or fear of mistreatment due to their LGBTQ identity.
40% of LGBTQ youth reported that they were kicked out or abandoned due to their LGBTQ identity.
42% of LGBTQ respondents seriously considered
attempting suicide in the past twelve months. Unfortunately, foster care is no better. There are many stories of terrible experiences people had gone through while growing up in a shelter.
Statistics & Information On Suicide, Depression, & Self Harm 24/7 CELL PHONE LINE:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Crisis Textline
Text HOME to 741741 Suicide is a leading cause of death. It causes
1 death every 11 minutes.
There are many signs to watch out for to know when someone might be in danger to themselves. The lack of knowledge and care to detail is what leads to another loss of life. The smallest
cry for help
is often overlooked and realized after the deed is done.
Someone actively contemplating suicide may act impulsively or recklessly. Some signs might look like: • Drinking more alcohol and abusing drugs • Looking for ways to end their lives, including searching online for possible methods • Withdrawing from activities • Isolating themselves away from family, friends, and loved ones • Sleeping too much or too little • Saying goodbye to others • Giving away valued possessions • Becoming aggressive Other signs of danger may include any type of self-injury.
The most common types of self-injury are: • • • • •
Cutting Scratching Burning Carving words or symbols into the skin Hitting or punching oneself (including banging one’s head or other body parts against another surface) • Piercing the skin with sharp objects such as hairpins • Pulling out hair • Picking at existing wounds
Why People May Decide To Harm Themselves: • Process their negative feelings • Distract themselves from their negative feelings • Feel something physical, particularly if they are feeling numb • Develop a sense of control over their lives • Punish themselves for things they think they’ve done wrong • Express emotions that they are otherwise embarrassed to show
Some Warning Signs To Keep Top Of Mind: • • • • • • • •
Scars Fresh cuts, burns, scratches, or bruises Rubbing an area excessively to create a burn Having sharp objects on hand Wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather Difficulties with interpersonal relationships Persistent questions about personal identity Behavioral and emotional instability, impulsiveness, or unpredictability • Saying that they feel helpless, hopeless, or worthless
Other reasons that may apply to why people turn to self-harm include Depression and/or Loneliness. There are differences and connections between the two. The most commonly known being:
Depression • • • • • •
Depressed mood. All-day. Every day. For days. Unintentional, significant weight loss Not having any energy even after you’ve slept well Feeling worthless or guilty Having a hard time concentrating or making decisions Thoughts of death or ending your life Depression is rising in popularity as the years go by. About 1
in 3 people
today claim to be severely depressed.
It’s highest and most common around ages 15-25.
Loneliness
(not to be confused with depression) has it’s own signs and types to be distinguished from.
Types Of Loneliness: Situational Loneliness— Occurs when there are
changes in your life that cause you to feel isolated. Things like moving away from family or starting a new school. Thankfully, this loneliness often gets better with time as you adapt to your new normal.
Developmental Loneliness— It feels like everyone else is
moving on with their lives without you: acing tests, getting promotions, or starting families. Sometimes, this feeling of being behind (of feeling like everyone is moving on and excelling without you) can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Internal Loneliness— Instead of feeling surrounded by
the people you love, you can’t shake the feeling of being totally and utterly alone. Sometimes, people feel lonely when they are actually hardly alone at all. Internal loneliness comes from a perception of being alone in any and every situation.
Signs Of Loneliness: • Low energy or brain fog • Sleep problems (including difficulty with falling asleep or problems staying awake) • Lack of interest in food • Drinking more or using drugs • Feeling hopeless, worthless, or increased feelings of depression • Increased feelings of anxiety • Getting sick more often • Physical aches and pains including headaches, migraines, stomach aches, or muscle tension • Excess shopping or increased attachment to material things • Binge-watching television