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Safety Rocks Working together to keep children safe Parent & Carer Newsletter

Spring 2016

In this Spring edition we look at online safety, talking to your child about serious incidents like the refugee crisis, and give tips for developing healthy body image and lifestyle.

Online safety Online screen time: could it affect exam results?

There are a lot of benefits of technology, but experts warn that too much screen time can affect young people’s education as well as having health risks.

In 2015 Cambridge University researchers recorded the screen time activity of more than 800 14-yearolds and analysed their GCSE results at 16. They found that an extra hour a day on screens (TV, computer, games console, phone) resulted in a fall in GCSE results equivalent to two grades overall. Two extra hours of screen time was linked to 18 fewer points or dropping a grade in 4 subjects. On average the 14-year-olds said they spent four hours of their leisure time each day watching TV or in front of a computer. The study suggested that even if pupils spent more time studying, if they also spent more time online or watching TV they still got worse exam results.

Turn the page to take the quiz to see if your child is spending too much time online and for some top tips to manage screen time.

Adapted from www.pcadvisor.co.uk.

Useful websites for parents Thinkuknow - the place to start: www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents

Vodafone Digital Pareting Guide www.vodafone.com/content/parents.html

Common Sense - Honest reviews of games, apps &

Childline - free, confidential calls for children.

Online counsellor available 24 hours a day: www.childline.org.uk

Helping Kids Stay Safer Online The NSPCC has joined forces with

films by parents and children:

O2 to provide parents with

www.commonsensemedia.org

online safety skills and tools:

Family Lives - Advice and support whenever you

www.nspcc.org.uk/

need it, online mentor available:

preventing-abuse/keeping-

www.familylives.org.uk

children-safe/online-safety/

• Agree to turn off devices at the same time every night, or set limits on using them until chores and homework are done • Organise activities to make it more appealing to

Hot Topic: Screen Time Top Tips for Parents

spend time offline • Charge mobiles outside of their bedroom; you could also turn off your Wi-Fi at night • Know what devices at home connect to the

Experts recommend the following ideas to manage your child’s screen time • Monitor how much time they spend online. The recommendation is no more than 2 hours a day • Are underlying worries making this worse? If so they may be using the internet to help them cope • Gradually change the amount of time they spend online say by an hour a week. Tell them about the changes in advance and stick to it, even if they complain

internet and how to use parental controls • Set an example – are you constantly checking your phone all the time?

• As a family, try going cold turkey for a day a week and turning off all devices • Set a limit of screen hours per week and let your children decide how they are going to use them – this gives them a sense of control and teaches self-discipline Adapted from ‘Digital Parenting’ issue 4 by Vodafone.

Quiz: is your child is spending too much time online?

Choose the response that best represents the frequency

...do they seem preoccupied with being back online

of the behaviour described in the following 20-item

when off-line?

questionnaire. 0 = Not Applicable, 1 = Rarely,

...do they throw tantrums when you interfere with how

2 = Occasionally, 3 = Frequently, 4 = Often, 5 = Always.

long they can spend online?

How often...

...has your child chosen to spend time online rather than doing hobbies and/or outside interests they used

...do they disobey online time limits?

to enjoy?

...do they neglect household chores to spend more

...does your child become angry when you place time limits

time online?

on how much time they are allowed to spend online?

...do they choose to be online rather than with the rest

...does your child choose to spend time online rather

of your family?

than going out with friends?

...do they form new relationships with other online users?

...does your child feel depressed, moody, or nervous

...do you complain about the amount of time your

when off-line but feel better once they’re back online?

child spends online? ...do their grades suffer as a result of their online time? ...do they check their emails before doing something else? ...do they seem withdrawn from others because of the internet? ...do they become defensive or secretive when asked what they do online? ...have you caught them sneaking online against your wishes? ...do they spend time alone in their room playing on the computer?

Now add the numbers for each response to get a final score.

0 – 30 points: your child doesn’t have an issue with too much screen time.

31 – 49 points: your child is an average on-line user, they may spend a bit too long online at times, but seem to have control of their usage.

50 – 79 points: your child may be experiencing

...do they receive strange phone calls from new

occasional to frequent problems, start talking to them

“online” friends?

about the impact of online time and setting some limits.

...do they lose their temper if bothered while online?

80 – 100 points: internet usage is likely to be

...do they seem more tired than before the Internet

causing significant problems in your family life. You

came along?

need to take action to address these problems.

Parent Page: Your safety questions answered ……

A parent emailed us to ask: “I want to talk to my child about the refugee crisis but don’t know what to say, what would you recommend?”

Q: Should I even talk to my children about such upsetting things, like the refugee crisis or terrorist attacks? When terrible things happen, our first instinct is

often to protect young people from them and this is totally understandable, but experts say it may not always be the best approach. Harold Koplewicz, President of the Child Mind Institute says “don’t delay talking to them, as it’s very

secure. It is also quite common for teenagers to say they don’t want to talk; but if an opportunity presents itself, use that as an opening to talk about the issues.

Experts also say that while it’s good to stay calm it can also be helpful to share your own feelings on the

likely they will hear about what happened anyway and it’s

issue, as part of keeping the discussion going.

best that it comes from you so you are able to answer any questions, tell them the facts and set the emotional tone”.

Q: My child is really anxious anyway, won’t this just increase their anxiety? All children are different, and

By talking about these situations, you are very unlikely

you are best placed to judge what will work. Following

to make it worse for young people but silence may

these events, some children may have fears about things

prevent them from understanding and coping with it.

that we don’t expect, like an attack on their home or

Q: So how should I go about it? Older young people are likely to have quite a lot of information already through social media and their friends. Finding out what they know already, how they are feeling about it and answering any questions they might have is usually the best approach. Often what they need is someone they trust who will listen to their questions, accept their feelings, and be there for them. You don’t

something happening to their family. Take time to find out what they are worrying about, let them talk about it and acknowledge that it’s ok to feel scared, horrified or anxious. Reassurances that they won’t ever get hurt or lose someone in a terrorist attack for example will not be believed, it is better to speak in terms of probabilities.

You could also talk to them about what to do in the case of an emergency, where they should go if they can’t get

need to worry about knowing exactly the right thing to

home or who they should call if they can’t reach you.

say – Just be as honest and straightforward as you can.

Q: I feel really angry about this myself, how do I handle that? Set the tone - try to stay calm as you

As children get older, it might be worth explaining in a bit more detail what we know and what we don’t. These are complex issues which are likely to go on for some time, so it can be an opportunity to help them think through issues that they may need to think about in the years to come. Try not to be overly dramatic or use frightening words. It is better for example to talk about ‘people who do violent and bad things’, rather than ‘evil people’.

Q: What if they get upset? Remember, it is okay if to get upset when talking about scary or disturbing things.

talk about the events as young people will take their cue from you. However, experts also say that it can be helpful to share your feelings on the issue as part of keeping the discussion going. However we need to discourage stereotypes and prejudice which can so easily grow from hate and fear. Use the opportunity to teach respect, empathy and understanding and explain prejudice. You could also think about the things you could do to be positive like raising money for a charity, standing up for others or supporting human rights.

As a parent or carer, you can then reassure them that it’s natural to feel like that and help them to feel safe and

To suggest a safety topic for us to cover or to make a

Adapted from BHCC guidance for schools.

Join our Editorial Team - We are also looking for parents

comment, please email us at newsletter@safety-net.org.uk. For

to join our editorial team; to give feedback on the

an online edition, go to our website: www.safety-net.org.uk.

newsletter and suggest topics. This could be via email,

Visit www.brightonandhovelscb.org.uk to find out more about

phone or coming to meetings at Safety Net Offices. It can

the Local Safeguarding Children’s Board (LSCB).

be one or two hours a month or more if you have time.

Topics for the Term: Healthy Eating and Lifestyle This term sees a focus on physical & mental health with Eating Disorders Week in February (22nd – 28th) & World Health Day on April 7th.

What are eating disorders?

A lot of young people want to be thinner and may try to lose

similar situations by accessing support groups, online

weight by dieting or skipping meals, but for some, a

and/or telephone support.

worry about weight becomes an obsession which can turn

Keep talking - eating disorders thrive on secrecy and talking about it, even if it feels difficult will help you move forward as a family. Never let the eating disorder be the ‘elephant in the room.’

into serious eating disorders. These are conditions that are triggered by stressful life events and are a symptom of distress which can be very difficult for young people to talk about.

What are some of the signs?

Weight loss or unusual weight changes.

For girls, periods being irregular or stopping.

Missing meals, eating little & avoiding ‘fattening’ foods.

Avoiding eating in public, secret eating.

Large amounts of food disappearing from cupboards Believing they are fat when underweight.

Exercising excessively, often in secret.

Becoming obsessed with food, calorie counting and setting target weights.

Going to the bathroom or toilet immediately after meals Using laxatives and vomiting to control weight.

Getting Help Don’t panic – you are not the only family with a child suffering an eating disorder. Get support from others in

Don’t go it alone – therapeutic support is available for families so speak to your GP or healthcare professional to find out the options available and don’t hold back.

Be there - Support from friends and family can be essential for people struggling to get over an eating problem or disorder, but it can be difficult to know how to help. Let them know you are worried about them that you love and care for them. Gently encourage them to seek help and try not to judge.

Support one another – eating disorders are difficult for everyone involved and impacts on families in a way that nothing else can. The key to recovery is to work at it together as a family, despite the challenges and try to stay positive through the ups and downs.

The national charity Beat has useful information about eating disorders and a helpline: www.b-eat.co.uk

Healthy Body Image Young People are increasingly influenced by pictures in the media of what an ‘ideal body shape’ should be. This can lead to worries that their body is not the shape it should be, low self-esteem and an unhealthy obsession with diet and exercise. By the age of 10, around a third of all girls, and 22% of boys, say how their bodies look is their number one worry and is the average age when children start dieting.

You can help boost young people’s positive body image by: Helping them understand that their bodies will change & that’s normal Letting them know that there is not one “ideal” body shape Pointing out that models & celebrities are often air-brushed to make them look better Watching what you say about your own and other people’s bodies Avoiding stereotypes, prejudices, and words like ugly and fat Helping them focus on their abilities & personalities rather than their physical appearance Promoting physical activity and exercise which is proven to improve self-esteem and body image Discouraging them from weighing themselves too often

Working with communities to keep children safe Manor Offices, Emmaus, Drove Rd, Portslade, BN41 2PA www.safety-net.org.uk tel: (01273) 411 613 @safetynetbtn safetynetbrighton Registered Charity No. 1108772 Company Limited by Guarantee: 05319388 www.brightonandhovelscb.org.uk @LSCB_Brighton

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by East Sussex Fire & Rescue Service

East Sussex Fire & Rescue Service