YOUR BODY Their Own Personal Journeys Always Seek Medical Treatment From Your Primary HealthCare Provider I was active, not eating clean but making healthy choices, I didn’t drink soda, sugary drinks, or frequent fast food. I was getting more frustrated, some days I couldn’t get out of bed, I had no energy, and sexually I felt off!! I thought I was dying. No matter what I did I wasn’t losing weight the way I should have been based on my lifestyle. I started feeling overwhelmed, work was unbearable. I was traveling, I probably was drinking too often, and I started having panic attacks. I was being harassed at work and I was losing my grip, my cool, my hair and then the job was gone, I could have fought but I took the settlement and I started making doctors appointments. I was specifically looking for a black woman OB/ GYN, I knew something was wrong. I had been told all my life just lose weight and your cycle will regulate, just have the surgery. I wanted to do it naturally because I enjoy exercise, I like healthy food, I knew something was wrong!! I found my OB/GYN sooner than I expected. I had not menstruated in forever. I got to the appointment, changed into the hospital gown, took a urine sample, got a PAP smear, and a vaginal sonogram. There was build up in my Uterus and blood in my Urine. I walked into her office and she said you have PCOS, I was too exhausted to really react. She explained my symptoms and I was slightly relieved. She suggested Surgery and an IUD. That was a process that was harder than I expected, I had never been in an operating room. My surgeon asked me something to the effect of, if something went wrong should she save me or my Uterus, I'm paraphrasing but that's what the question felt like. I started thinging about what if couldn't have children, that changed everything for me.
Having a family wasn’t on my radar but that's a deeper conversation that I haven't worked out in Therapy yet. I had always had a tough side to me, I could compartmenalize, remove the emotions, remain logical. Once I got the (IUD) Mirena the floodgates opened, I became more sensitive, more maternal, Jazmin Sharelle more vulnerable, still logical Once I got the (IUD) Mirena the floodgates opened, I became more sensitive, more maternal, more vulnerable, still logical but I am different, baby fever different. This estrogen is still kicking my ass 3 years later. As a kid I was a chronic Asthamatic and I took high doses of steroids and that's why I believe I don't have a metabolism, and therefore the start of my hormone and weight problems, also a larger conversation about Healthcare Inequality. I believe this is where my PCOS stems from. I am very proactive but the fatigue and insomnia are kicking my ass right now in this moment as I type this. I am overwhelmed and a bit frazzled so I am only able to give you a general experience. I just started a blog called “Pretty Unattractive, The Social Construction of My Beauty”. I am working my way through all of this alongside Therapy. PCOS feels like exhaustion, it feels like I am constantly at war with my body. I feel like I like I am in a body I didn’t ask for. I am constantly finding new ways to love myself, be kind to myself, to accept my body but some days like today the fatigue is unbearable and I just want to crawl into bed but I can’t, life still is happening and I have things to do! Jazmin Sharelle Instagram Pretty_Unattractive Website
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