“OOPS!” I DIDN’T MEAN IT TO COME OUT THAT WAY.
“How to Make Sure What They Hear is What You Wanted Them to Hear”
Presented by:
Scott “Q” Marcus www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com • 707.442.6243 Facebook.com/ThisTimeIMeanIt • @ThisTimeIMeanIt
IT’S ALL ABOUT “MEE!” Motivation Education Entertainment
GETTING EMOTIONAL Buy what we want, not what we need. Not what you say, it’s what they feel about what you say. Perceptions is reality. Catch ‘em doing something right. Pass the credit, take the blame. Under-promise, over-deliver.
THE CYCLE ATTITUDE!
Result Unbreakable Link
Behavior
ATTITUDE
Beliefs
Feelings
ATTITUDE Feelings
Experience (Observations)
Biology
Response
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THE BASICS
Logical
Emo.onal
Physical
Spiritual
If you don’t say it It might still be heard.
If you don’t acknowledge it It won’t be resolved.
<<<<Change
ATTITUDE (Habit)
If you don’t see it - It might still be there.
CALM
Follow Up
Expectations Resolution Noise
CONFLICT CYCLE
NOISE!
Text Group Memo Email Letter Group Meeting Private Conversation
> > > Competence > > >
STRESS ZONE
3. Conscious Competence “Learning”
4. Unconscious Competence “Skilled”
2. Conscious Incompetence
1. Unconscious Incompetence
“Aware”
“Oblivious”
< < < Consciousness < < <
STRESS ZONES
CONFLICT REASONS ❖
Shoulds & Musts
❖
Disqualifying
❖
Inappropriate Rescue
❖
Perfectionism & Selective Viewing
❖
Boundary Violation
DRAMA TRIANGLE Vic?m
Can I help?
(“It’s Not My Fault!”)
Do I want to help? Does she want my help?
Happiness Mental Health Contentment
Persecutor
(“It’s Always Your Fault!”)
Rescuer
(“Let Me Fix It For You.”)
POWER TACTICS ✦
Slow & Calm
✦
Small Chunks & Pause
✦
Notice Feelings
✦
Eye Contact
✦
Confirm
✦
Feedback
✦
Acknowledgement
✦
What do I want? Open
✦
What must happen?
✦
Can I do that?
✦
Closed
Inquiry
Confirmation
Will I?
APPROPRIATE QUESTIONS
DEALING WITH GADFLIES ❖
3 Rs
❖
Feel - Felt - Found
❖
Open & close
❖
Think LAST
❖
Most Powerful Word
KEEPING THE CALM Fair Fighting
Personal Talk Time
❖
Start with “I”
10-20 Minutes
❖
No Interruptions
I want / I like
❖
No Denials
You want / You like
❖
No Cross Complaints
Agreement
PERSUASION
confidence
Buy Me Trust Me Like Me Know Me
MAKING THE PITCH Benefits
Attributes
Facts
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