Oops! I didn't mean it to come out that way

“OOPS!” I DIDN’T MEAN IT TO COME OUT THAT WAY.

“How to Make Sure What They Hear is What You Wanted Them to Hear”

Presented by:

Scott “Q” Marcus www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com • 707.442.6243 Facebook.com/ThisTimeIMeanIt • @ThisTimeIMeanIt

IT’S ALL ABOUT “MEE!” Motivation Education Entertainment

GETTING EMOTIONAL Buy what we want, not what we need.

Not what you say, it’s what they feel about what you say.

Perceptions is reality.

Catch ‘em doing something right.

Pass the credit, take the blame.

Under-promise, over-deliver.

THE CYCLE ATTITUDE!

Result Unbreakable Link

Behavior

ATTITUDE

Beliefs

Feelings

ATTITUDE Feelings

Experience (Observations)

Biology

Response

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THE BASICS

Logical

Emo.onal

Physical

Spiritual

If you don’t say it It might still be heard.

If you don’t acknowledge it It won’t be resolved.

<<<<Change

ATTITUDE (Habit)

If you don’t see it - It might still be there.

CALM

Follow Up

Expectations Resolution Noise

CONFLICT CYCLE

NOISE!

Text Group Memo Email Letter Group Meeting Private Conversation

> > > Competence > > >

STRESS ZONE

3. Conscious Competence “Learning”

4. Unconscious Competence “Skilled”

2. Conscious Incompetence

1. Unconscious Incompetence

“Aware”

“Oblivious”

< < < Consciousness < < <

STRESS ZONES

CONFLICT REASONS ❖

Shoulds & Musts

❖

Disqualifying

❖

Inappropriate Rescue

❖

Perfectionism & Selective Viewing

❖

Boundary Violation

DRAMA TRIANGLE Vic?m

Can I help?

(“It’s Not My Fault!”)

Do I want to help?

Does she want my help?

Happiness Mental Health Contentment

Persecutor

(“It’s Always Your Fault!”)

Rescuer

(“Let Me Fix It For You.”)

POWER TACTICS ✦

Slow & Calm

✦

Small Chunks & Pause

✦

Notice Feelings

✦

Eye Contact

✦

Confirm

✦

Feedback

✦

Acknowledgement

✦

What do I want?

Open

✦

What must happen?

✦

Can I do that?

✦

Closed

Inquiry

Confirmation

Will I?

APPROPRIATE QUESTIONS

DEALING WITH GADFLIES ❖

3 Rs

❖

Feel - Felt - Found

❖

Open & close

❖

Think LAST

❖

Most Powerful Word

KEEPING THE CALM Fair Fighting

Personal Talk Time

❖

Start with “I”

10-20 Minutes

❖

No Interruptions

I want / I like

❖

No Denials

You want / You like

❖

No Cross Complaints

Agreement

PERSUASION

confidence

Buy Me Trust Me Like Me Know Me

MAKING THE PITCH Benefits

Attributes

Facts

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