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COMMUNITY vOICes
February 2021 volume 2 issue 6
lgbtqsd.news
lIfe beYONd THeraPY Michael kimmel —Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.
c
elebrity/model/witty person Chrissy Teigen recently went public with her decision to quit drinking. As a psychotherapist for San Diego’s LGBTQ+ community, I’ve observed that the ongoing psychological and economic distress of the COVID-19 pandemic has definitely encouraged more people to drink more alcohol more often. Using alcohol to cope with depression and stress is nothing new, but alcohol can also make depression, dysthymia (a mild, ongoing depression) and bipolar disorder worse. It may make you feel more “chill” today, but, tomorrow, it could leave you feeling worse. Alcohol can also mess up your REM sleep…not to mention make you gain weight. Some people are afraid to look at how much they drink. A client recently asked me, “Do only ‘weak’ people drink in bad times?” It’s more accurate (and helpful) to realize that we’re living in a pandemic that has killed more than 406,000 Americans, decimated the job market and jacked up loneliness to unbelievable levels. And alcohol is so easy to get. Couple that with all those drinking-centered virtual events (Zoom happy hours, online dating) and having to deal with things we’ve never had to cope with before — like working from home, not seeing friends, no more indoor gyms or yoga classes — and it’s no surprise that drinking rates are up. There have been historic increases in alcohol use following other traumatic events like Sept. 11, but what’s unique about the COVID-19 pandemic is that it’s much longer lasting and universal. The whole planet is suffering and — unless you’re an accomplished Buddhist — most of us are not very good at suffering. Advertising tells us that we can buy something to deaden our pain: clothes, sex, drugs, cars and, of course, alcohol. Plus, so many people on social media encourage each other to drink more. To address problematic drinking, many people turn to 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). If it works for you, that’s great. For some of my clients, however, the program isn’t a good fit. Does AA really work? Most independent research finds the success rate of AA at somewhere between 5-10%. However, according to AA, 33% of their members said they had been sober for more than a decade, 12% claimed sobriety for five to 10 years, 24% were sober for one to five years, and 31% were sober for under a year. For some people, AA works beautifully. Not so for everyone. If it’s working for you, do more of it. Whatever treatment program/ self-help group/spiritual community you’ve found that is meeting your needs and keeping you healthy is the right one for you. Unfortunately, not everyone has access to good mental health care. And in the past year, there’s been an overwhelming demand and not enough supply. People are going to engage where they feel comfortable and connect with like-minded folks, especially in LGBTQ-friendly groups that destigmatize addiction and make the concept of sobriety more do-able. The first step for many folks will be
are YOU drINkING MOre during the pAndemiC?
image by shutterstock.com
recognizing — like Teigen, Ben Affleck and countless others — that they need support, regardless of whether they choose to label themselves as alcoholics or not. Most of us know in our gut if we’re drinking more than is good for us, or drinking for the wrong reasons (not to celebrate, but to escape/avoid/ numb something). If you are concerned about your drinking, a good first step is aware-
SaTurDay, fEBruary 20Th from 1 – 3pm SaTurDay, marCh 27Th from 1 – 3pm
ness and questioning. Be neutral — not judgmental — about your drinking. As your self-inquiry moves forward, start to see what resources are available to you. One resource for personal growth is joining me (and 20 other Gay men) in my Feb. 20 workshop: “Power, Love & Presence: The Joys of Getting Older.” This Zoom workshop will be based on my soon-to-be-published book: “The
Gay Man’s Guide to Aging Well.” The Saturday, Feb. 20 workshop will be an interactive experience: you’ll be talking with different men individually (through the use of breakout rooms) as well as discussing topics with the entire group of men. The workshop is limited to a maximum of 20 men, costs $25 and will run between 1-3 p.m. Interested? Email me at beyondtherapy@cox.net
ZOOm WOrkshOp series
poWEr, LovE & prESENCE: the JOys Of getting Older
o
n January 16th, I held the first of three Zoom workshops on “Power, Love & Presence: The Joys of Getting Older”. The workshop was quite a success: participants found it very therapeutic talking with a group of gay men about the joys (and challenges) of aging as a gay man. Registration is now open for the February 20th and March 27th workshops. Each workshop - while focusing on the same subject - has its own unique content and focus. Although the workshops are on Zoom, they’re interactive experiences: participants will be talking with different men individually (through the use of breakout rooms) as well as enjoying discussions with the entire group of men. To keep it easy and fun to participate, each workshop is limited to a maximum of 20 men and will run for 2 hours with a short break midway. Both workshops will be based on my soon-to-be-published book: “The Gay Man’s Guide to Aging
Well” and informed by my twentyplus years of clinical work in both institutional (Kaiser Permanente, Psychiatric Centers of San Diego, San Diego Hospice and the County of San Diego) and private practice settings with the LGBTQ communities in New York, San Francisco and San Diego. During the workshops, we’ll discuss questions like: • What do you like best about becoming a gay elder? • Where is the power in aging? • Are you able to release the past and old regrets? • What brings you peace? • As you age, are you becoming more cynical and bitter, or carefree and happy?
• Are you experiencing more love as you get older (or less)? • What from your past is still haunting you? • How is your erotic/sexual life? What’s missing? What would you like more of? • As a gay elder, what gifts do you have to share with others? • How can you love your aging body? • Who have you found it hardest to forgive? • Are you happy with your life? If not, what’s missing? • What have you longed to try but haven’t (yet)? If you - or anyone you know - have any questions, please reach out to me at 619-955-3311 or beyondtherapy@cox.net
