Tees for Two

INSIDE: THE ADVICE GODDESS RESCUES HANNAh AND HER SCISSORS • Page 11

La Crosse's Free Press VOLUME 10, NO. 27 | JULY 22, 2010

for

Tees Two Our search for area's best golf holes leads to one course Page 5

PHOTO BY ROGER BARTEL

ALSO: Our midsummer golf guide looks at area disc golf courses Page 4 PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING • PAGE 2 | THE MAJAK MIXTAPE • PAGE 7 | The BEER REVIEW • PAGE 10

2// July 22, 2010

Second Supper

Social Networking

NAME AND AGE: Noah James Mayhew, 5 Second Supper 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Student Editor: Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com Sales: Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com Sales: Jenaveve Bell jenaveve.bell@secondsupper.com Sales: Ansel Ericksen ansel.ericksen@secondsupper.com Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Brett Emerson, Jake Groteuschen, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Julie Schneider, Anna Soldner, Nate Willer Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

WhERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, WI! CURRENT JOB: Kindergarten DREAM JOB: High school!

LAsT ThING YOU GOOGLED: PBS Kids IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWhERE IN ThE WORLD, WhERE WOULD IT BE? Minneapolis WhAT Is sOMEThING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE? Collect all the Ben Ten Alien Force aliens IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WIsh, WhAT WOULD YOU AsK FOR? All the Ben Ten Alien Force aliens CELEBRITY CRUsh: Huh? FIRsT CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Sound Tribe Sector 9

WhAT Is YOUR BEVERAGE OF ChOICE? Capri Sun juice boxes WhAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? “Pirates of Underwhere” TELL Us YOUR GUILTIEsT PLEAsURE: Eating ice cream with chocolate syrup and sprinkles and chocolate milk with whipped cream WhAT Is YOUR BIGGEsT PET PEEVE? Time outs!

WhAT ONE PERsON, ALIVE OR DEAD, WOULD YOU WANT TO hAVE DINNER WITh? Ben Tennison TELL Us A JOKE: Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock.

Who's there? Banana. Banana who?? Knock knock. Who's there?!

Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

WhAT's ThE LAsT ThING YOU BOUGhT? Ben Ten Alien Force aliens: Ditto and Waybig WhAT's IN YOUR POCKET RIGhT NOW?: Ditto and Waybig WhAT Is YOUR FAVORITE PART OF sECOND sUPPER? Erich Boldt's mazes! hOW DO YOU KNOW KATIE (LAsT WEEK's INTERVIEW)?

She's my mommy.

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

L'Editor Dear Reader:

It’s been a memorable three days.

That’s how long it took Nate Willer and me to play the six Frisbee golf courses that we review in a package beginning on page 5. That may not sound like much work for a person who’s never frolfed before, but I can’t even imagine how many miles we walked, how many hills we climbed, how many discs we chucked in pursuit of some birdies. Today my shoulders ache and I have blisters on my calluses, but that hasn’t scared me away from the sport of disc golf. In fact, I want to play even more.

If I’ve learned anything from our Tour de Frolf, it’s that we have some pretty cool courses in the Coulee Region, but we could use some more. The course at Pettibone Park is fun to play, but on a nice afternoon it can be as crowded as a mall at Christmastime. One solution could be driving to one of the other fi ve courses we review in our feature, but I’d like to propose another solution: build another course in town. There’s a lot of wide open land on our blufftops that could make for some spectacular holes, though I imagine the Mississippi Valley Conservancy is a little reluctant to let us play our games. Still, that property is held by a public trust, so let’s at least start a dialogue to get our beautiful city on the Frisbee golf map.

We can’t let Winona — possessor of two fi ne frolf courses — show us up, can we?

— Adam Bissen

Show us where Altra has taken you and win a Flip Mino™ Send us a photo of you with your Altra Debit Card.

Maybe it's a vacation, an unusual setting, or an everyday experience. Be creative!

Each month through December, a team of Altra judges will pick our favorite photo and award that lucky Altra Debit Cardholder a Flip Mino™ camcorder to keep recording their adventures.

Visit us online for complete details.

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Second Supper

Things To Do Kick it up at the Kickapoo Country Fair!

The Top

Golf movies 1. Caddyshack 2. Caddyshack 3. Caddyshack 4. Happy Gilmore 5. Caddyshack II 6. Tin Cup 7. The Legend of Bagger Vance Mad Men characters we can’t figure out 1. Betty Draper 2. Dick Whitman 3. "Duck" Phillips 4. Peggy Olson 5. Roger Sterling 6. Don Draper 7. Harry Crane

July 22, 2010 // 3

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Get ready, people who love the earth, delicious food and having a good time. It's the Kickapoo Country Fair this weekend!

The Midwest's largest celebration of organic foods and lifestyles, the fair kicks off on Saturday, July 24 at 10 a.m. and lasts until 10 at night. Saturday highlights include Temple Grandin, a national authority on livestock handling, who will speak at 1 p.m. and 3 p.m.; a beer, cheese and chocolate tasting at 4 p.m.; and the “acrobaticalists" Nanda who will also perform at 4 p.m. The beloved Americana artist Miles Nielsen will play a headlining concert at 8:30 p.m. on the Main Stage. Sunday's activities begin at 8 a.m. with a Kickapoo Country Breakfast.

Wisconsin author Michael Perry will read from his memoir "Coop" at 11 a.m., and perform with his band the Long Beds at 2 p.m.

Tickets are $10 for Saturday, with children 12 and under $5.

Sunday tickets are $5 for adults, and kids under 12 get in free.

1

Take in a view

Check out one of the area’s best kept natural secrets when the Mississippi Valley Conservancy hosts a tour of Sugar Creek Bluff on Saturday, July 24 from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. Sugar Creek Bluff, located in Crawford County near the Mississippi River, is a 276acre bluffland preserve that offers hunting, fishing, hiking, bird watching and natural enjoyment. The tour will be lead by a Conservancy naturalist who will point out interesting facts about the topography, vegetation and wildlife. The views of the Mississippi River will be breathtaking so be sure to put that camera in your pocket! The best way to access the bluff is to take Hwy 35 south to Ferryville, then get on Hwy C or North Buck Creek Road, and make sure to look for the MVC signs.

2

Jazz hands!

3

Jazz it up at Riverside Park this Sunday, July 25 at the Riverside Jazz Party at the bandshell from 3 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. The Jazz Party will feature the internationally renowned vocalist Janet Planet and her Trio and other local and national artists.

(Rain site is Valhalla Hall at UW-La Crosse’s Cartwright Center.) This event is free and open to the public, but donations are greatly appreciated. Bring a lawn chair or blanket, and enjoy over six hours of great tunes in the park!

See some water-skiing

4

Come see some some sweet flips and tricks at the River City Waterski Show at the Airport Beach on French Island on Wednesday, July 28 at 7 p.m. Bring a lawn chair or towel and sit on the sandy beach. There is no charge to watch the show, but donations are greatly appreciated to help cover expenses. For more information, visit www.rivercitywaterski.org. And if you can’t make it this week, the team will put on a show every Wednesday night at Airport Beach through Aug. 18.

Art Fair on the Green

Browse through some awesome artwork at the American Association of University Women (AAUW) Art Fair on the Green at the UW-L campus, Saturday July 24 from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday July 25 from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

The art fair is held on the campus lawn at 16th and State streets and will feature over 100 artists of all media. Tickets are $4 per person, and all proceeds fund local scholarships. For more information, call (608) 788-7439, or email pstaupe@centurytel.net.

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4// July 22, 2010

The Arts Review Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre Medium: Film Stimulius: The Oh My God, These Uwe Boll Movies Don’t Suck! Double Feature

Over the years Uwe Boll has amassed a legion of despisers who hold that he is the worst film director of all time. As the director of such cinematic bombs as House of the Dead, BloodRayne, and Alone in the Dark, he is so hated in some circles that at least one petition has been circulated calling for his retirement, one of which amassed thousands upon thousands of signatures. One notable event to come from the Uwe Boll hatefest saw the director boxing five of his harshest critics, beating them all to a pulp.

Obviously he’s not loved.

Boll has been referred to as the German Ed Wood, yet having slogged through the monumentally atrocious House of the Dead I feel that comparison does the Emperor of Bizarro a grave disservice. Yet beyond House I’ve avoided Boll’s curriculum vitae like the plague, so my knowledge of his work is essentially that everyone else says he sucks — and who knows how far that hearsay goes. On one point, at least, I’m willing to give Boll the benefit of the doubt and write off his bad reputation on the fact that he’s made little beyond video game movies for the past few decades. There has never been a great video game movie, and Uwe Boll is probably not the man to make the first.

Still, I’m sure I’m not alone when I assumed that Uwe Boll’s recent foray into more serious filmmaking would turn out to be a sick joke that would fail magnificently.

Yet I was stunned — stunned! —to discover two Uwe Boll films that were actually quite good. For a director who has engendered such low expectations, such backhanded praise is akin to nominating him for an Academy Award.

Both Stoic and Rampage take long, un-

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Second Supper

ARTS comfortable views of angry young men who leap (and are not pushed, a vital distinction) into terrible acts of violence. Neither allows its disturbing savagery to become gratuitous or exploitative. Of the two, Stoic is the superior film, whereas Rampage is more visceral.

Stoic’s story involves a real case in the German prison system in which three inmates tortured a fellow prisoner to death.

Well, the official story is that the prisoner committed suicide, but the film’s stance is unambiguous about it being a murder. None of the three torturers are innocent — each committing horrible acts upon their victim — but what this movie becomes is a question of degrees, of who is most guilty and most evil. Interviews conducted after the murder show the three inmates fluctuating between states of remorse and nonchalance, each trying to wriggle his way out of blame. It’s hard to tell who is really on the level, but the skinny guy who gets saddled with the lion’s share of blame comes off as remorseful and (comparatively) sympathetic. In contrast, the cell’s big German skinhead and tubby Edward Furlong soon emerge as the callous monsters, and each gets away with reduced punishment. Yes, Edward Furlong is in this film, and he’s as whiny and nasal as ever, but he also turns in a sinister and conniving performance that is easily his best work since American History X. One idea advanced at film’s end is that not every criminal deserves to be tossed into prison with the rest of the dogs. Furlong’s scumbag and the German hulk were in prison for violent crimes, but skinny boy got busted for drug dealing while the dead kid’s crimes were vagrancy and resisting arrest.

Throwing violent and nonviolent offenders in the same environment, Boll asserts, is a miscarriage of justice.

Rampage affords no such moral ambiguity; it is a straight-out spree killer film.

The machine-gunning marauder who serves as this film’s focus spouts out high-minded screeds about overpopulation and anticapitalism (parroting his friend’s more sincere beliefs), but when he puts on his body armor and starts the slaughter, the gunner makes sure to hunt down those who wronged him earlier, and he runs off with a wad of cash.

The result is nothing more than an act of revenge terrorism.

There are a few aspects of this film that annoy the hell out of me, facets that flicker through the scenes leading up to the carnage. Boll repeats the same monologues and soundbites over and over in an attempt to show the insanity of the world, a move that instead drags the movie and is really irritating. A smaller complaint is the beginning shows second-long bursts of the killing to come. I know that the film is called Rampage, and it’s not as though the viewer doesn’t know what to expect, but I’d like the action to happen in its own time.

Nonetheless, the rampage itself is gripping and surprisingly restrained. The motivations and acts of the killer are unsettling in their realism. However, there is one scene in the movie that falls to surreal humor and doesn’t fit with the rest of the film. The killer, armed and in full body armor, wanders into a bingo hall, where the old folks are too

engrossed in the game to notice him. Disgusted, he leaves without firing a shot, noting that they don’t need his help to be dead.

It’s a weird moment of levity that, at least, is funny.

Uwe Boll, you’ve done well! Hey, maybe I’ll review BloodRayne 3 when it comes out! OK, maybe not. — Brett Emerson

The Screening Room

The Designer's Drugs

Inception is a grandiose, ambitious science-fiction thriller. It is the meticulously crafted combination of architectural precision and unbridled creativity. It is a film of limitless potential. Its director, Christopher Nolan, appears to have a mind incapable of imagining conventional stories. On the other hand, this complexity, this ability to conceptualize on a large scale, comes at the expense of precision and clarity. It’s unclear whether the questions Inception raises are intentionally there to provoke thought and discussion, or whether they’re simply the products of oversight on Nolan’s part. Nevertheless, the film is so exciting, so inventive, so unlike anything in theaters right now that its copious holes and inconsistencies can easily be forgiven.

The film has inevitably drawn comparisons to many great sci-fi action films of yore. (I have seen it referred to as The Matrix meets James Bond, Total Recall meets Ocean’s Eleven, etc.) I will now offer my own take: Inception is eXistenZ meets Dark City. Or — because it is basically a heist/ con flick that takes place within dreams — perhaps it is more like The Sting meets Waking Life. I could continue until exhausting every sci-fi movie and thriller I’ve ever seen, but the point is this: While it’s easy to pinpoint Nolan’s influences, Inception — about a team of dream-invaders hired to plant an idea in a young energy tycoon’s subconscious — is an innovative thriller that cackles in the face of easy description.

As such, Nolan’s epic is a beast of a movie both in length and in structure, which consequently leaves more room for error. It’s first half hour is essentially a lecture in which Leonardo DiCaprio’s Dom Cobb explains the rules of dream infiltration. (Inception’s “dreams” are not much like real dreams; the characters could just as well be entering “video games,” “virtual realities” or “matrices.”) Despite this heavy exposition, the film is not immune to creating new rules and rescinding others for the sake of convenience. This unintentionally pulls us out of the story — how can we invest in the film’s emotional core (Cobb struggles with his wife’s obscure death) when the structure and its rules continually change? This is something that may become clearer in subsequent viewings, something that Inception certainly warrants. It helps that its middle 90 minutes is an endlessly stimulating thrill ride, complete with a benchmark action set-piece on par with The Matrix’s bullet time sequence. Inception has the best of both worlds: It dazzles with groundbreaking thrills and stimulates the mind while never skimping on scope and ambition. This may very well be the next step in cinematic science-fiction.

Medium: Literature Stimulius: The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ (2010) Writer: Phillip Pullman

It’s difficult to view this book as anything beyond a Jesus Christ-themed version of Fight Club. While there are subtleties and nuances to Phillip Pullman’s reimagining of the New Testament, the book’s title pretty much sums up what the tale is about. The only questions to answer relate to how Jesus is good, how Christ is bad. The answer: an evil twin!

Through what can be inferred to as angelic intercourse, Mary gives birth to two boys, the hardy Jesus and the sickly Christ.

Jesus is the outgoing, well-liked and troublesome member of the duo. Christ is more of a nerd. He’s the one with the encyclopedic rabbinical knowledge, and as his name implies he’s the one who was acknowledged as the Messiah by the three wise men. Ultimately, however, he becomes Satan, Judas and St. Paul in one, watching his more exceptional brother from the shadows and with the best of intentions corrupting the “history” of Jesus’ acts and teachings into the dogmatic “truth” of a new church.

Though this story is an interesting retelling of the life of Jesus Christ, its greatest flaw comes in the Patterson-short chapters that run through the high points of the Lord’s career as a checklist. The fact that Christ alters his brother’s adventures into their commonly known forms feels awfully like a brief, vestigial disclaimer. It’s far from the literary plagiarism of books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but Pullman’s work doesn’t make the tale of Jesus Christ his own, either.

Thus, the book’s allure is not in the story but the ideas behind it. Christ’s doubt and flaws make him the story’s most compelling character, but the main source of ideas is a mysterious stranger who occasionally visits and steers him toward dogmatism.

This satanic character is the person who advocates propaganda over reality and who leads Christ to betray his brother, both philosophically and physically, for the good of the whole. And after that, Christ completes the con job, and Christianity is born.

From its arresting title to the heretical ideas contained within, The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ will certainly not win acclaim from the Christian hierarchies.

Yet it casts a bright light upon the human responsibility for religion and the lengths humanity will go to create order. And how’s a Savior supposed to stand up to that?

Medium: Film Inception (2010) Directors: Christopher Nolan Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt Writer: Christopher Nolan

— Brett Emerson

The WisPolitics.com Week in Review Returns Next Week

— Nick Cabreza

Second Supper

COMMUNITY

PHOTO BY ADAM BISSEN

Nate Willer makes his approach on hole #8 at Justin Trails, a tight forest shot that requires pinpoint accuracy. Frisbee golf is an inexpensive and healthy hobby that is growing in popularity, with at least six courses to play in the Coulee Region.

Frolf: A disc course discourse

By Adam Bissen & Nate Willer adam.bissen@secondsupper.com, nate.willer@secondsupper.com

Ball golfers may get the fame, but disc golf (a.k.a. Frisbee golf, or "frolf") is a more leisurely and egalitarian game. The 18 holes at Pettibone Park get plenty of play, especially in the after-work hours, so here is a guide to some lesser played courses, all within the range of an easy day trip.

Justin Trails

Sparta, Wis., 40 minutes from downtown Holes: 36 (easy and pro courses) Cost: $5, unlimited play Game play: 2-3 hours (easy course) Course description: Nestled in and around two valleys, Justin Trails has long, open holes that traverse hay fields and short tight holes that run through the woods. That’s just the easy course, which the 18-hole pro course stretches to insane extremes requiring over 3 and a half miles of total hiking. A birdwatchers dream, Justin Trails is a serene course located on a working farm. But a word of advice that’s applicable to all frolfers this time of year: Bring bug spray.

Favorite hole: Hole #8 on the easy course is the start of “Bambi Lane,” a skill-testing gauntlet that requires pinpoint accuracy through a narrow forest trail. But as a 225foot par 4, it’s still plenty playable, as long as you keep it on the fairway.

Recommended for: Ornithologists, serious disc golfers, hikers who like to frolf

Meier Farm Park

Onalaska, 15 minutes from downtown Holes: 8 (basket stolen from hole #1) Cost: Free Game play: 30-45 minutes Course description: Most local disc golfers

don’t even know there is a course in Onalaska, but they’re really not missing out on much. Incredibly short (half the holes are under 100 feet) but also super-challenging due to thick forestation, Meier Farm Park is a truly frustrating frolf course. (What the F' can you do with a par 2?) For many of the blind holes, the best strategy is just to pitch and hope.

Favorite hole: Hole #3 is a 94-foot uphill shot that differs from many other holes on the course because you can actually see the basket from the tee box. It’s ace-able, but veer even slightly off course and you could easily double bogey.

Recommended for: Onalaska residents, thieves

Pettibone Park

La Crosse, 2 minutes from downtown Holes: 18 Cost: Free Game play: 1-2 hours Course description: La Crosse’s only course, Pettibone is an easily accessible and well-rounded course that holds its own against others in the area. The front nine is wide open with long holes peppered with old-growth trees. The back nine heads into the woods with tight, curving holes that are capable of eating discs or giving up aces. It’s probably one of the nation’s premier disc golf courses situated within a 100-year-old city park.

Favorite hole: We’re partial to hole #11, a 214-foot par 3 that doglegs left through leafy terrain. You can’t see the hole from the tee box, but there’s no sweeter sound than the crash of chains after a disc hooks around the tree.

Recommended for: Beginners and downtown employees on their lunch breaks

CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

July 22, 2010 // 5

6// July 22, 2010

Disc golf CONTINUED FROM PAGE 5

Twin Creeks

Hokah, Minn., 30 minutes from downtown Holes: 9 (18 by the end of summer) Cost: $3 Game play: 1-2 hours Course description: Once a ball golf course put under by one too many floods, Twin Creeks rises Phoenix-like as one of the funnest courses around. There are water hazards around every bend, but it’s a highly playable course, and there’s a real thrill to hitting baskets on the other side of a creek.

Right now there are only 9 holes, which is certainly short, but when a back nine rises later this summer, Twin Creeks will warrant repeat trips — though it’s probably worth it for the drive alone.

Favorite hole: Hole #4 is almost chess-like in the strategy required to play it. A 20-foot

Second Supper

COMMUNITY vertical levy rises about 100 feet from the tee box, and it’s topped by a pond with very little flat ground on which to drop the disc.

There’s no clear way to play it, which makes it a perfect par 3.

Recommended for: People who enjoy fun, which may include a stop at the on-site mini-golf course or volleyball pit

The Willows

Winona, Minn., 35 minutes from downtown Holes: 18 Cost: Free Game play: 1-2 hours Course description: The Willows is a quick little course on the banks of Lake Winona; however, water is only a hazard on a few of the holes. The rest of the course is fairly open and runs throughout the busy park, which makes it a little confusing to follow and requires frequent stopping for other parkgoers.

Favorite hole: Hole #4 is the best of the course, with a basket tucked behind a dog-

wood tree only feet from the shore. Risky players could try a big backhand that bends over the lake. Everyone else will pitch wide to try to make the par 3.

Recommended for: Winona residents on their lunch breaks

The Woods

Winona, Minn., 40 minutes from downtown Holes: 18 Cost: Free Game play: 2-3 hours Course description: The Woods absolutely lives up to its name. Stretching through an expansive forest on the St. Mary’s campus, the course fits the topography perfectly and is challenging enough to warrant repeat plays. The front nine can be unforgiving, with several baskets perched at the rim of precipices and riverbanks, while the back nine opens up to let the disc fly.

Favorite hole: After tramping up a bluffside meadow with several steep shots, Hole #8 is its own reward: a 503-foot par 4, chucked

How to Disc Golf

1. Disc golf is played like ball golf, using a flying disc. One stroke is counted for each time the disc is thrown, and when a penalty is incurred.

2. After teeing off, the player whose disc is furthest from the hole always throws first. The player with the least amount of strokes on the previous hole is the first to tee off on the next hole.

3. A disc that comes to rest inside the disc hole basket or chains constitutes as a succesful completion of that hole.

4. The golfer with the lowest score wins.

Source: Justin Trails scorecard from a vista overlooking the entire campus.

Rarely will you see a disc soar so far or so long.

Recommended for: Frolfers looking to try a new course or develop their short game

Search for the best golf holes in the Coulee Region leads to one course

When Second Supper launched its search for the most fun and challenging holes in the Coulee Region, we contacted more than a dozen area courses.

Yet as we compiled the information and our deadline approached, it was clear we did not have to go far from home to find our selections. Forest Hills Golf Course, located off Losey Boulevard in La Crosse,

had two holes that fit the bill.

The first hole, for example, is picturesque and offers a unique challenge: railroad track crosses its fairway. The 17th hole, meanwhile, with Grandad Bluff as a towering backdrop, could be a postcard touting the scenic splendor of the region.

It's even more stunning as the colors begin to change in fall.

But you don't have to take just our word for it. We talked to a couple of golfers we found on the course this week.

Bill Swan enjoys No. 1 because of its length (nearly the longest par 4 on the course) and also appreciates the work put into maintaining the course. "Roy Janzen keeps the entire course in tremendous condition," he said.

Dan Hansen and Tom Bieber, meanwhile, summarized their experiences on No. 17 quite succinctly: "It’s a nice hole and fun to play."

So here, then, is a glimpse at two of the best golf holes in the Coulee Region (Distances listed are from the blue tees.):

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The MAJAK MiXtAPe

By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

What is it about the summertime that turns everybody into lovers? Is it the heat?

Is it the humidity? Or is the abundance of half-off drink specials? Whatever the reasons, we here at Mixtape always like to stoke the bonfi res of love and romance for our faithful reader(s?) so this week we’d like to put together a mixtape for the lovebirds and the horn dogs in a mix we’re calling, “Love means never having to say, ‘Who the hell are you?’ the next morning” mix.

First up is the sleek pop/rock track “Wanna Be Loved” by Swedish singer Erik Hassle off his amazing debut album Hassle.

Looking like the child of Napoleon Dynamite and La Roux lead singer Eleanor Jackson, the quirky looking Hassle makes unabashedly radio-friendly tunes with big hooks heart-on-his-sleeves emotions with “Wanna Be Loved” being one of the best with its simple yet grand proclamation, “Of all the lonely people, I wanna be loved by

Sudoku

July 22, 2010 // 7

MUSIC

Answers on Page 11

you.”

Next up is “Heard it on the Radio” by The Bird and the Bee off their album Interpreting the Masters Volume 1: A Tribute To Daryl Hall and John Oates. The only noncover song on the album, The Bird and the Bee crafted the perfect summer love-y tune all about associating a song you’ve heard on the radio with a lover as Inara George says in a cool, sweet but not twee voice, “Every time I hear it play, I think of you and those summer days.”

Lastly is British act Jamie Lidell and his tune “Another Day” from his album Jim. A quirky soul singer of sorts from that postWinehouse school, Lidell gleefully sings

about how each day is “Another way for me to open up to you.” The production is sunshiny with requisite handclaps and tambourine giving a delightful throwback sound to the proceedings. So unrepentantly earnest and jubilant, the song could even make a hipster crack a non-ironic smile.

Buy: Big Boi of Outkast‘s blaxploitation-sounding solo album “Sir Luscious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty” YouTube: Converse “All Summer” Read: Sheena Beaston www.sheenabeaston.com — Jonathan Majak

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8// July 22, 2010

Second Supper

MUSIC

music directory // July 23 to July 29 fridaY,

just a roadie away

July 23

Milwaukee

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St. Cheech (blues) •10 p.m.

population

Vans Warped Tour // JULY 29 Marcus Amphitheater • $42

Neuie's varsity club // 1920 Ward Ave. The Junkyard Saints (classic rock) • 8 p.m.

Cornmeal // AUG. 5 Shank Hall • $5

Pearl Street Brewery // 1401 St. Andrew St.

Guitar Logic (acoustic duo) • 5 p.m.

Primus, the Dead Kenny G's // AUG. 7 Eagle’s Ballroom • $30-$40

piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St. S. Mudcat and the Bottomfeeders (roots blues) • 8 p.m.

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Mikel Wright w/ members of Shoeless Revolution (“Beach Soul Rock”) •10 p.m.

Seven Bridges // 910 Second Ave. N. B. Squat Woody (songwriter, 12-string guitar) • 10 p.m.

The Starlite Lounge // 222 Pearl St. The New Jazz Infidels (jazz) • 8 p.m.

The Warehouse // 324 Pearl St. Wrecking Crew, Tez and Trill Life Music, the 608, the Belligerance, King Clari-T, Cutty Currency, Tito the Flow (hip-hop) • 7 p.m. the waterfront tavern // 328 Front St. Greg Balfany/LaX Jazz4tet (jazz) • 8 p.m.

saturdaY,

July 24

Huck Finn's // 127 Marina Dr 3 Beers Til Dubuque (variety) • 8 p.m.

JB'sSpeakeasy // 717 Rose St. Dude Worthy, Tripping Icarus, Nimbus (rock) • 10 p.m.

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St. E-Rock (Alive & Wailin’) •10 p.m. piggy's blues lounge // 501 Front St. S. Mudcat and the Bottomfeeders (roots blues) • 8 p.m.

596,974

Melissa Etheridge // AUG. 11 Riverside Theatre • $35 - $75 JB's Speakeasy is poised to host a wild and crazy rock show this Saturday night with three bands that are incredible for different reasons. Dude Worthy (pictured) is Minneapolis-based accordion and guitar duo that features Rudy Pavich, a former 95.7 The Rock DJ – though we’re not saying on which instrument. Next is Tripping Icarus, a more traditional alternative rock band that includes Chris Kluwe on bass. Kluwe, for those who aren't diehard sports fans, is also known as the punter for the Minnesota Vikings. (We can't make this stuff up, folks.) The final band on the bill is Nimbus, a rising local group that mixes trance and jamband influences for a live show that's so powerful we're legally prohibited to discuss it. The show starts at 10 p.m. with a $5 cover.

French slough // 1311 La Crescent St. Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Kin Pickin’ (jam grass) • Noon Adam Palm & Friends (variety) • 10 p.m.

The Black Crowes // AUG. 13 Riverside Theatre • $39.50 Redman/Method Man// AUG. 14 The Rave • $23-$28

Del’s Bar // 229 Third St. Rich Wooten (rock) • 10 p.m.

recovery room // 901 7th St. S. Honey, Summer & Fall (folk) • 10 p.m.

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Som'n Jazz (jazz) • 10 p.m.

JB'sSpeakeasy // 717 Rose St. Hip-hop show and MC battle • 10 p.m.

Red Pines Bar & Grill // W7305 Hwy Z Dan Sebranek (acoustic) • 8 p.m.

The Joint // 324 Jay St. Adam Palm & Mike Caucut (Palm Sunday) • 4 p.m.

Howard Luedtke and the Blue Max (open blues jam) • 10 p.m.

Seven Bridges // 910 Second Ave. N. B. Squat Woody (songwriter, 12-string guitar) • 10 p.m.

mondaY,

The Joint // 324 Jay St. Angree Hippie, Ya See Three • 10 p.m.

Del’s Bar // 229 Third St. Open jam • 10 p.m.

July 26

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. The Warehouse // 324 Pearl St. Casey Jones, Stiff P, Ro=Toon, K.N.O. Shawn's Open jam • 10 p.m.

T-Hen, Boog (hip-hop) • 7 p.m. the waterfront tavern // 328 Front St. Chris Bucheit with Steve Meger (jazz guitar duo) • 8 p.m.

sundaY,

July 25

bAND SHELL // Riverside Park Janet Planet Quartet, Great River Big Band, JP Quartet, Alan Townsend's Wonderful World Jazz Band (all-day jazz party) • 3 p.m.

tuesdaY,

July 27

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Open Jam • 10 p.m.

wednesdaY,

July 28

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St.

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. Jazz Liver (jazz) • 10 p.m.

recovery room // 901 7th St. S. Kin Pickin’ (open jam) • 10 p.m.

thursday,

July 29

Freight House // 107 Vine St. Muddy Flats & the Hepcats • 8 p.m.

Del’s Bar // 229 Third St. Moon Boot Project (rock) • 10 p.m.

Nighthawks Tap // 401 S. Third St. Dave Orr's Damn Jam (open jam) • 10 p.m.

Popcorn Tavern // 308 S. Fourth St. bAND SHELL // Riverside Park La Crosse Concert Band (History 101: The Kokopellians (jam grass) • 10 p.m.

Musical La Crosse in 60 Minutes Or The Starlite Lounge // 222 Pearl St. Less ) • 7:30 p.m.

Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.

Second Supper

The Best Food & Drink Specials in Town LOCatiON

July 22, 2010 // 9

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

MONdaY

tUEsdaY

wEdNEsdaY

thUrsdaY

fridaY

satUrdaY

ARENA

sUNdaY

Midwest Poker League 7 p.m.

Closed

Wyld Wednesday: $2 Jumbo UV, mixers $1.50 Coronas

Ladies' Night, $5 Long Island pitchers

$1 Cherry Bombs, $1 Keystone Light silos

$1 Cherry Bombs, $1 Keystone Light silos

BODEGA BREW PUB

$2 BBQ Pork Sliders

2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free

$2.50 Coors vs. Keystone pitchers. All specials 9 p.m. to close

AUC2D: $5, domestic taps, rail mix- 10-cent wings, $1 Miller High Life ers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. bottles, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call to close drinks. All specials 9 p.m. to close.

107 3rd St. S. 782-1883 122 4th St. 782-0677

BROThERs

Closed

306 Pearl St. 784-0522

FEATUREs

Free beer 5:30-6:30; Free wings 7:30- Taco buffet 11-2; 8:30, Free bowling after 9 $1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9

W3923 State Highway 16 786-9000

hOWIE’s

Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

AUC2D: $5, domestic taps, rail mixers and Long Islands. Wristband Night: $2.50 SoCo & Jack. All specials 9 p.m. to close.

$3 3 Olives mixers, $3 Mojitos, $2 $3 Bacardi mixers, $3 Mojitos, $2 Cherry Bombs, $1 Bazooka Joe's; Cherry bombs, $1 Bazooka Joe's.

FAC: $3 domestic pitchers, micro/ All specials 9 p.m. to close. import taps, anything that pours.

4-9 p.m.

All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2

All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

Prime rib dinner 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99 9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy

1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400

Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch- $5 all you can drink close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch- pitchers ers, beer pong ers of the beast

9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans

9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs

IMPULsE

Closed

Closed

Karaoke 9 p.m.-Close; Happy Hour daily 5-8

Wine & martini night; Happy Hour daily 5-8

18+ night (1st and 3rd Thursday of each month); Happy Hour daily 5-8

$25 open bar package, 11 p.m. to Happy Hour daily 5-8 close: domestic/import beer, rail, call drinks, martinis; Happy Hour daily 5-8

JB’s sPEAKEAsY

$1.75 domestic bottles

SIN Night

$1.75 domestic bottles

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

$1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.)

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: (after 8 p.m.) shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger

214 Main St. 782-6010

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

717 Rose St. 796-1161

sChMIDTY’s 3119 State Road 788-5110

sLOOPY's ALMA MATER 163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245

sPORTs NUT

$2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) $11 buckets of beers (6-close)

$2 can beer (2-6 p.m.)

12" pizza: $8.99 up to 5 toppings (4-close)

Wings, Wings, Wings... $2 off 14: Ladies night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), pizza, $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.)

Buck Burgers

Tacos $1.25

15-cent wings

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Friday Fish, $2 can beer (2-6)

$8.99 12-ounce T-bone

2 for 1 pints/pitches w/ student ID over 21 15-cent wings

801 Rose St. 784-1811

ThE LIBRARY

Sunday Fun Day - Wristband Night

Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps Karaoke, $2 Double rails and all Beer Pong Tourney and and rails bottles; $3 Double call drinks wristband night

123 3rd St. 784-8020

TOP shOTs

$3 Bacardi mixers, $3 Jumbo Long Island Iced Teas

$3 Jumbo Long Island Iced Teas, $3 3 Olives mixers $5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1AM)

137 4th St. 782-6622

$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/ products (11-4pm) MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry Bombs $3.50 Jager Bombs Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots $2 Corona Bottles, $2 Kilo Kai Mixers (7-1AM) (7-1AM) (7-1am) , $3 Bloodys (7-1AM)

5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 $2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1AM) 1AM)

TRAIN sTATION BBQ

Ask for great eats

11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Barn burner $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Hobo dinner (serves two) $30.95

WhO's ON ThIRD

Happy Hour until 10 p.m. $1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

601 St. Andrew St. 781-0005 126 3rd St. N. 782-9467

$1 taps of PBR, $1 rails

11 a.m. to 3 p.m., extra side with sandwich; 4 to 9 p.m., $1 off rib dinner

Special varies

11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Chicken on fire One-half chicken three bones $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Bones and bris- $12.95 kets $13.95

$3 call doubles, $2 Bud products

Ladies' Night: $2 top shelf, $1 Pink $8.50 Fish Bowls, $2 Miller products $1 off Three Olives, $2 domestic taps Tacos Everyone: $2.50 bombs, $2 taps, $3 Jack/Captain doubles To advertise here, call (608) 782-7001 or e-mail us at advertising@secondsupper.com.

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10// July 22, 2010

Second Supper

DIVERSIONS

Maze Efflux

"Vow your head" And keep on going

By Erich Boldt

By Matt Jones

The Beer Review Cave Creek Chili Beer Chili Beer Company Cave Creek, Arizona

There are some beers so completely bizarre that conventional ways of describing them don’t do any justice. Such is the case with Chili Beer, a beverage so unlike anything I’d ever tasted that I can hardly believe there’s one sitting next to me right now. It came to me in a serendipitous way — though if you’re one of the many online critics who consider this the worst beer ever brewed, you’d probably consider it a curse.

But anyway, I was in Winona today, missed my turn to the Frisbee golf course, ended up in front of Warehouse Liquors and wondered if I could find anything new inside. I was hoping for something tasty from a Minnesota microbrewery, but instead I found this Arizona beer with a chili pepper floating inside the bottle. Hot damn, was this something else! On the golf course on a stifling July afternoon, Chili Beer was actually refreshing in a hot-enough-for-ya? sort of way, though not everyone else is such a fan. One reviewer on BeerAdvocate.com (where it received a cumulative grade of D-) politely called it “one of the weakest efforts at beer making that I've ever encountered,” while another likened it to “the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus.” Me, I think it’s actually a pretty neat beer.

It pours a yellow-orange color resembling apple juice with no head — and did I mention there’s a green chili floating in

there? That’s a serrano, and there’d be no Chili Beer without it. I’ve tasted other “chipotle ales” on the market, and while they may be better crafted brews from top to bottom, none of them tastes quite as fresh as this. The aroma of Chili Beer is like something Appearance: 7 approaching pickled jalapeño juice Aroma: 1 — quite awful, really. There are no Taste: 7 hops to speak of, but that isn’t why Mouthfeel: 3 people drink this beer. The drink it Drinkability: 4 because there’s a spicy friggin’ pepper floating inside!

Total: 22 The first sip snaps at the tongue like a rattlesnake bite. It doesn’t even get the taste buds so much, but the esophagus starts to feel like it’s on fire. This gets the body temperature rising, but as anyone from an equatorial climate would attest, consuming spicy foods makes a person feel cooler. If it weren’t for that strong kick to the cajones, Chili Beer would be a truly awful, watery lager. It only has drinkability if you’re a sadist, or just want something different from your everyday microbrews. Because of that, Chili Beer seemed like a perfect beer for this day, although we’re yet to see what tomorrow morning brings.

ACROSS 1 Fictional dieter Jack 6 May honoree 9 Hutt in the "Star Wars" series 14 Refrain heard with animal noises 15 Lawyers' gp.

16 Company that makes "Dial Up" mascara 17 Don't buy it, in a way 18 Peppermint Patty, to Marcie 19 Hangman's knot 20 "___ all come out in the wash" 21 Freezes the twos out of a deck of cards?

23 "OK, now I'm ready to play!"

25 ___ Aquarium (Chicago attraction) 26 Obligation 28 "Te ___" 29 Only Norwegian band to do a James

Bond theme song 32 "National" mag for celeb breakups 36 "The ___ Sanction" 38 Rakish fellow 39 Home to the National Bunraku Theatre 42 Movie vampire, for short 43 They need wind 45 Brad Garrett sitcom that ended in June 2010 47 Gossip site 48 Toward the stern 51 Generation ___ 52 "Gawwwd, how boring" 54 Pearl Jam leader Eddie 58 Picture scribbled while talking on the phone?

62 It's fought by willpower 63 "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" boy band

Answers to July 15 puzzle Block party: No themes, no worries

64 By way of 65 Old saying 66 Uttar Pradesh's country 67 "Plus a bunch of other stuff" 68 Bricks for kids 69 Breaking even 70 That anonymous lady over there 71 Together DOWN 1 Baseball commissioner Bud 2 Michelangelo marvel 3 Empire 4 Fencing showdown in a grocery store?

5 Corn site 6 Like some nouns, in Ger. 7 "Village Voice" awards 8 Warfield of "Night Court" 9 That anonymous lady over there 10 Fun way to read 11 Frat leader, maybe 12 Two, for binary 13 Enthusiastic votes 21 Opening bars 22 Rep.'s counterpart 24 Cannes-sent?

27 "90125" band 29 Taj Mahal's locale 30 Firearms, slangily 31 Make like an angry cat 32 Prefix for "while"

33 Linguist Chomsky 34 It may be unwelcome when popped 35 Chinese New Year animal for most of 2008 37 Guys who only celebrate mid-month?

40 "Kid-tested" cereal brand 41 Tylenol rival 44 Temporary flood stopper 46 Dr. of "The Chronic" 49 "To Wong ___ Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" 50 Piles of booty 52 Take effect 53 Singer Piaf 55 "Rocky IV" rival Ivan 56 Goad 57 Witherspoon of "Four Christmases" 58 Letter in the middle: abbr.

59 Letters on fashion labels 60 City south of Sacramento 61 It may be untied 65 Words before carte or mode For answers, call (900) 226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Or to bill to a credit card, call (800) 655-6549. Reference puzzle #0475.

— Adam Bissen

Visit us online at www.secondsupper.com

Second Supper

July 22, 2010 // 11

THE LAST WORD

The ADviCe GODDess

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Hannah and her scissors

My wife is a hairstylist, and I recently learned that she continues to cut the hair of a guy she had a fling with seven years ago.

We're newlyweds but dated for three years. She's always been truthful and forthright, so I was dumbfounded that she kept this from me. She claims they're “just friends,” insists the past is the past, and won't discuss anything. I had trust issues with my ex-wife and have abandonment issues (thanks, Mom), but had ZERO insecurities about my wife until this. She honored my request and told the guy he needs to get haircuts elsewhere, but I know her other male clients occasionally discuss their sexual escapades. Inappropriate! I think marriage comes with boundaries. I’ve been working hard to rid my mind of visions of her with others before me, but find myself prying into her past for details, which only increases my anxiety.

— Love Stinks

Yes, your wife had sex with other men before you — because she was probably raised in some suburb in America, not locked away by her sultan father until you could buy her from him for a Lamborghini and a really nice herd of goats.

Instead of spending your evenings giving your wife something to smile about the next morning at work, you’re giving this seven-year-old fl ing of hers more late-night reruns than “Godfather II.” Sure, she still sees the guy, but consider the environment.

Yes, it’s what I always advise a man who wants to stage a seduction: Put on a big pastel smock, sit between two little old ladies getting smelly perms, and give the woman a bird’s eye view of his bald spot. Before you know it, he’ll be telling her how he likes it, and she’ll be begging, “Lemme take off my top!” — in that secret language all the hussy hairdressers use: “Want me to take a little more off the top?”

You’re right that marriage comes with boundaries — and it’s time you started respecting your wife’s. You’re her husband, not her owner, so you don’t get to give her a list of acceptable topics of conversation: 1. “Nice weather we’re having.” 2. “Still nice weather we’re having.” Since you’re also not her boss, she doesn’t have to ask you if she’s allowed to do her job: “My 2:30 appointment fooled around with me once seven years ago, but he really needs a trim.”

What stinks isn’t love, but being a guy who’s never bothered to put his mommy

issues and ex-wife trust issues on a leash and walk them to a therapist’s offi ce. Instead, you take them out on a woman you describe as “always … truthful and forthright.” Nice!

And easier on the ego than admitting you’re insecure, seeking reassurance, and fi xing what’s broken. As for those dirty movies of her you’ve been playing in your head, all the better to feel sorry for yourself. You break a habit the way you picked it up, through repetition, so next time your mental projector starts whirring, swap in footage of Bob Vila replacing a toilet fl ush valve.

Mmmm, sexy!

A woman is most likely to be faithful to, well, to a man who’s so insecure that he keeps her in a hole in his basement and lowers her food in a bucket. Unfortunately, this is not exactly a prescription for marital joy. To have a woman make you her one and only by choice, do your best to make her happy and strive to live in the moment — instead of that moment in 1990 when she failed to pop up from her prom date’s back seat and say, “I can’t. Twenty years from now, I might have a really jealous husband.”

himself more articulate, and having sex isn’t one of them. Chances are, the guy felt a rush of emotion, reached into the cupboard in his head, and found it bare — save for a seriously tired line from “Jerry Maguire.” Either that, or he was trying to tell you “Having sex with you reminds me of this 1996 Tom Cruise movie.”

As for whether it’s more than just talk, time will tell. For now, perhaps you can fi nd what he said endearing, as many women would.

Personally, I fi nd borrowed expressions of appreciation kind of a mood-killer. Then again, at least he didn’t roll over and yell, “Show me the money!”

Sudoku

Be stale my heart

What does a man mean when, after sex, he says, “You complete me”? I’m a woman just dating again after being married for quite some time, and want to make sure I’m not jumping to conclusions.

— Wondering

There are things a man can do to make

Downtown La Crosse, above Fayzes - 782-6622

top shots joke of the week What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Check out our new Beers on Tap!

Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times

SUNDAY

$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm) $2 Corona Bottles $2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

MONDAY TUESDAY

$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps $2.25 Micro/Craft Taps $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1am)

$1.75 Rails $1.50 Domestic Taps $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1am)

$2.00 - 1 Player, $3.00 - 2 Players 50 Cents Off Drinks, $1 Off Pitchers

WEDNESDAY $2 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Skyy/Absolute Mixers $2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

THURSDAY FRIDAY 5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10 $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers

SATURDAY $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

$2 Captain Mixers $2 Long Islands $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1am)

From Page 7

12// July 22, 2010

Second Supper

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