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305 Pearl St. Downtown La Crosse Publisher: Mike Keith
mike.keith@secondsupper.com
Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief: Adam Bissen
adam.bissen@secondsupper.com
graphic design: Rick Serdynski rick.serdynski@secondsupper.com
Copy Editor: Briana Rupel
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Student Editor: Ben Clark
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Photo Editor: Peter boysen
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Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
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Sales Associates Blake Auler-Murphy 608-797-6370
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blake.auler-murphy@secondsupper.com
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Shuggypop Jackson Sarah Morgan Nick Nelson Maria Pint Radar Briana Rupel Rick Serdynski Noah Singer Bob Treu
Gregg Scharf 608-397-8188 gregg.scharf@secondsupper.com 5,000 Second Suppers can be found weekly in over 300 locations in La Crosse, WI & Winona,MN
Free-Range Media
Speaking Sconnie Page 8
ToC
Ya, Dat's Good Eatin, eh? Page 9 Wisco Music: Killer or Filler? Page 11 You Know You're From Wisconsin if... Page 13 Can a Cow be Tipped? Page 13
August 28, 2008
Social Networking
the top
Second Supper’s finally on the social networking bandwagon, with a whole chain of townies to answer our deliciously revealing questions. Each week, the interviewee will name someone they're connected to, who will become the next person interviewed, and so it shall continue. You see? We really are all connected.
Folks we’re proud to call Wisconsinites
NAME: Fred Ludwig, 23
Largest Wisconsin Employers
BIRTHPLACE: Marshfield, Wis. CURRENT JOB: Field Director for Congressman Kind DREAM JOB: To be mayor of a small town in the Pacific northwest while also running my own microbrewery. COVETED SUPERPOWER: Ability to freeze time and see the world standing still DREAM VACATION: Dropped off on a subway in Frankfurt with no German skills. FAVORITE LOCAL RESTAURANT: Yoko's FAVORITE BAR IN TOWN: Bodega 3 MOVIES YOU’D TAKE ON A DESERTED ISLAND: Three Ninjas, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Dogma 3 BOOKS YOU’D TAKE TO PRISON: Tao Te Ching, 1984, Nicomachean Ethics
bar & grill
CITY OR COUNTRY? City
TELL US A JOKE: **Editoral note: This man had absolutely nothing funny to say. We apologize for the inconvenience. 3 CDs YOU’D TAKE ON A ROAD TRIP: Minus the Bear-Highly Refined Pirates, Between the Buried and Me-Silent Circus, POS-Audition IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT PERFECTLY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Trombone WHAT IS IN YOUR POCKETS RIGHT NOW? My evil "smart phone," one quarter, keys and a much too expensive receipt from Bodega
1. Wal-Mart 2. University of Wisconsin 3. U.S. Postal Service 4. Milwaukee Public Schools 5. Department of Corrections 6. Menards 7. Walgreens
Largest Wisconsin cities in 1900 1. Milwaukee (285,315) 2. Superior (31,091) 3. La Crosse (28,895) 4. Oshkosh (28,824) 5. Sheboygan (22,962) 6. Madison (19,164) 7. Green Bay (18,864)
HOW DO YOU KNOW SARAH? I used to be Student Body President. I fucking know everyone.
Breakfast Mon-Fri 6 - 10AM $3.99 Great Lunch Menu!!! Subs, Sandwiches, Melts, Amazing Alumni Specialties andaaWide WideArray Aray of And ofBurgers Burgers
Sunday Funday! Beer Pong $7 Four Cans 8 - Close
Eh...not so much 1. Jeffrey Dahmer 2. Joseph McCarthy 3. Tony Romo 4. Greta Van Susteren 5. William Rehnquist 6. Kato Kaelin 7. Aldrich Ames Wisconsin icons due for a comeback 1. Don Majkowski 2. 18-year-old drinking age 3. Progressivism 4. Milwaukee Bucks 5. The family farm 6. Gene Wilder 7. Polka
Your community owned natural foods store
Wii Free yday r e v E 315 Fifth Ave. So. La Crosse,WI tel. 784.5798 www.pfc.coop
Every Tuesday Open Jam open daily 7 am–10 pm
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
1. Robert La Follette Sr. 2. John Muir 3. Thorstein Veblen 4. Bob Uecker 5. Danica Patrick 6. Orson Welles 7. Chris Farley
organics • deli with vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free selections, fabulous soups & interesting sandwiches • fair trade coffee & tea • bakery • specialty cheeses • local products • fresh, local, & conventional produce • wine & beer • vitamins • cosmetics • health & beauty • floral • housewares and so much more ...
Do this...
The Hunt is on!
WHAT: Flowfest WHERE: Romance Valley Campground WHEN: Saturday,Aug. 30, beginning at noon
The quest continues! Somewhere within our official distribution territory we have hidden our very own Second Supper Medallion. Your job? To follow our clues, find the prize and bask in the riches* that await if you, Dear Reader, are clever enough to decipher our riddle.We've established the following guidelines to aid you in your quest:
Let’s give it up for HEADflow,Viroqua’s favorite band.The six-piece has been on the scene for three years, throwing dance parties all around Vernon County and occasionally bringing it up to La Crosse and parts beyond.They’re one of those groove bands with a mix of musical styles, but their infectiously positive energy brings a real community spirit out to their shows. That’s why we’re so amped to check out Flowfest, an all-day music and camping party in the heart of the Romance Valley on Saturday. It’s always great to see a band come of age and throw its own camping festival, and HEADflow booked a nice day of music that includes a rare Mitgee Evers show, two sets from SoapBox Project and other performances from Vernon County bands we’re not too familiar with yet.To add to the fun they’re also bringing belly dancers, fire breathers, stilt walkers, jugglers, face painters and two DJs for some late-night fun.The best part, though, could be hanging with the cheery crowd from Viroqua.We’ve seen plenty of fun folks flock to HEADflow shows, and at only 10 bucks a ticket (which includes camping) the party should be open to everyone. It’s certainly open to children, as anyone under 12 gets in free.
-The medallion may be found in any of the communities we serve, including La Crosse, La Crescent, Winona, Onalaska and Holmen. -The medallion is not hidden inside any businesses or buildings. -One need not break any laws to find the medallion (unless you really want to). -We will print a clue each week until it is found. Clue #1 At the place to go to get a five, You've seen this all before, Clocks and tools and kitchen knives When you walk into the store. Clue #2 Sometimes colors bland, in the city of Grand, The seasons reflect the change. And change is what's left, when I open my hand A fact that I sometimes find strange.
Clue #3 They're more than landlocked to the east But the river is to the west They do their best to keep the beat But we supply the rest
Clue #4 At Second Supper we make you laugh And sometimes shed a tear. So why haven't they even cracked a smile In over 100 years?
Find it? Call 608.397.9679. Must have medallion in possession to win. *May include, but are not limited to, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
August 28, 2008
My New Place in LAX Golf Special Monday - Thursday 10am - 2pm 9 Holes ---------18 Holes
$20
$11
By Maria Pint
August 30th - 1/4 Barrel Party September 6th J J Hardy Jersey September 8th Brett Farve Jersey
ason
n Away at End of the Se
Flat Screen Plasma Give
Watch Your Favorite Teams on the 11 Foot Big Screen
p shi r e n Ow out w e k r N Chec e k! d o o Un ome wL C
e
N The
- Monday $3.50 Domestic Pitchers
- Friday -
$2
Captain Mixers and Domestic Cans/Bottles $3 Jaeger Bombs
- Saturday -
$2
Bacardi Mixers and domestic Pints 784-7400 Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
maria.pint@secondsupper.com It’s pretty easy to look at your neighbor and want what they have.You know, its tough keeping up with the Johnson’s. That’s why it’s sp freaking cool and relatively unexpected when you actually want what you have. Now I don’t think it’s much of a surprise to say that I’m the type of girl that normally gets what she wants, like duh. I’m the baby of the family and my daddy rarely says no; some people say I’m spoiled but I just think I’m lucky. That said, I’m still guilty of being a little green with envy here and there; it’s definitely my preferred deadly sin, though gluttony is a close second. Oddly enough though, right now I’m pretty darn content with my life and all the crap in it. I just got done moving into my new apartment for the year in La Crosse and it’s actually nice.After every last box was unpacked and every little thing was in place, I stood in the exact middle of my new room and slowly turned around in a circle to get a 360 degree view. I paused for a moment to process the information and then said, to myself, “My room is tits dude!” Or at least I hope no one heard me talking to myself while slowly spinning in circles, that’s just kind of something I like to do in private. With my new room in my awesome apartment, I feel like Goldie Locks of La Crosse: my room isn’t too big and it’s not too small, it’s just right! Or I’m kind of like the Cinderella of La Crosse, basically just because I like to think of myself as a princess. Either way, my life feels very much like a children’s book right now; I’m just waiting for the furniture to come to life and do a little song and dance for me. I think my new found satisfaction really stems from my year-long discontent last year though. For those of you who missed my “moving in” column from last fall, I was basically living in a broom closet. I got screwed in drawing straws for bedrooms with my three other roommates and ended up with a room that measured six by eight feet, right under the stairs of the upper level tenants. I felt very much like Harry Potter but without quite as much fame and definitely no magical powers.
In the year of discontent we also had a lot of varmint problems. I had to catch bats in pots and pans in the fall, and then by spring we had gotten rid of a half a dozen mice or so that we had caught in traps. Oddly enough, the sticky mouse traps we put out also caught a bat once, which was so weird. I know they’re essentially just rats with wings so it’s not that far fetched, but I just didn’t expect it and I screamed. Then there was the problem of the sex offender who lived right next door, which was sweet because we lived on ground floor. I also pissed him off right away in the beginning of the year by playing Soulja Boy very loudly, numerous times in a row in an effort to learn the dance. Basically I’m just glad that I made it out of that house alive. This year just seems like a whole new beginning for me. I have a feeling my new pad will open new and exciting doors for me; heck, it can’t hurt at least. If anything, I have a feeling it will just make me happy to go home now because my new room has a very good energy to it. All of the colors coordinate, unlike last year, and I actually have a full bed instead of a tiny little twin bed! It’s all so perfect. I’m sort of walking on egg shells however, because I know that like most things, happiness is fleeting. That’s why I’m really careful in who I choose to go visit these days; I don’t want to walk into some other girls apartment who has really cute crap and be jealous again. So I’ve been hanging out with a lot of guys with no sense of style and girls who have less style than the boys. It’s been working out really well because I still feel great about my material possessions. Maybe it’s not just perception though, because all of my stuff in the apartment is wicked cool. I like to brag about how I got a new flat screen TV from Sam’s Club for super cheap: 32” for $528, suck it! And since my sister lived in India for two years or so, she got me a hand knotted rug for super cheap because there are a billion people in that country and labor is cheap, which suits me just fine. So I would say that my apartment is not only cool, but classy which is hard to do as a poor college student. The only problem is that right now, only one other roommate and I are living in the apartment; those other two bitches better not bring ugly stuff and expect me to stand for it. The standards are set high this year and nothing will bring them down, so help me god! I’ve determined that this is the year of class…for the apartment at least; I can’t promise it will translate into all aspects of my life.
1128 La Crosse St.
The Divine Endorsement of Human Pestilence
Y M A R K S
By Brett Emerson
brett.emerson@secondsupper.com It’s no longer standing – thank Xenu – but for many moons a sinister billboard cast its shadow on the south side of town. If you drove north on South Avenue, you couldn’t miss it. The first time I noticed the abomination, I was driving home from Wal-Mart at night, my popemobile loaded with groceries. As I approached the intersection of South and West Avenues, I looked up, and there it was. At first, the weight of the billboard’s message didn’t hit me. All I saw was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, smiling down at the whizzing cars below, yellow laser beams emitting from his miraculous person. To the right of this planetarium light show were five simple words, black upon white. They read: “Jesus, I trust in you!” I raised an eyebrow at the towering homily, though for the moment I wasn’t entirely offended. Our town’s billboard propaganda has always been rather Fox News rednecky: get fat, pump out the kids, United We Stand. I believed I had seen worse things on billboards than this Jesus, before I looked down and read the fine print. Until this night, my all-time champ in billboard offensiveness was a sign I saw in California while driving home from the airport. Against a gigantic black background were massive white letters which screamed: “PIMP MY WHOPPER.” That message is wrong on so many levels. Coming in at a strong second was an old La Crosse favorite, a dilapidated chestnut on Sixth and Main that morbidly pleas to the public to remember Christian Education and the town’s medical centers in their wills. Both of these signs left me dumbstruck upon first viewing, but not in the state of total dismay that I felt when I saw the Web address beneath Mr. Laser Christ – truthaboutcontraception. org. That’s right – Jesus has been personally co-opted to be the official spokesman for the Rhythm Method. My initial response to this jaw-dropping audacity was to wonder if this meant that it
was OK to screw like mad, so long as the guilty parties didn’t seal up their spawn juice. Was Jesus Christ proHerpes, pro-orphanage, pro-barebacking, in comparison to the devilries borne of latex and the Pill? Please. Expecting Jesus Christ to have an opinion on overpopulation and the AIDS virus is like looking to George Washington for answers to nuclear warfare. You’re just going to find a lot of crap written in their names. And of course, when I wandered into truthaboutcontraception.com, that’s pretty much what I found. There was a smattering of the usual Biblical quotes from the Old Testament and Paul of Tarsus. Jesus himself was tellingly unavailable for comment. It was the classic sexual totalitarian’s bait-and-switch. One thing I did learn, however, was that these breeder fiends HATE Onan. You’d think they hated the poor guy more than all the Bible’s villains combined. Just because Onan didn’t want to knock up his dead brother’s wife, and pulled out for the money shot instead. Where are these haters when Ron Jeremy is dousing interchangeable dames on camera? If you’re not willing to unleash hell upon a porn industry which commits the Sin of Onan by the bucket, leave the poor hoser alone! Lest you be led to believe that this We site has no ground in reality, however, take note that truthaboutcontraception.org does admit that we are suffering from a population problem. We’re UNDERpopulated! Yes, the problem we face today is that there are not enough young people able (or willing?) to support the elderly! Are you kidding me? Is society supposed to function as little more than a retirement home? Are we all to enroll in nursing classes at TC? Get real! Additionally, the site alleges that there is no shortage of food or land whatsoever to support our exploding numbers. I guess that those starving kids from the Christian Children’s Fund are just whiners. Take your damn 70 cents and eat your Taco Bell! I’m no friend of our shallow Fuck Culture, but my friend the Laser Jesus Billboard has not offered a viable alternative. I’ve always liked to think of Mr. Christ as a quality over quantity guy, anyway. Still, I did find one fragment of sublime humor. A pithy little quote, uninspiring in any way, states: “Without God, chastity is impossible.” The author of this line – and I swear I’m not making this up – goes by the questionable handle of Father John Hardon. Father Hardon… is supporting chastity. Thanks, Jesus. One side note before I come to my flaming conclusion. Recently, I read an editorial column in USA Today which discussed the country’s horse overpopulation problem. Due to the rising costs of maintaining a horse, hun-
T H E
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dreds of thousands are being abandoned to starve. Some horse activists have spoken out in favor of euthanizing these animals in the same manner as unwanted cats and dogs. Days later, responses came trickling in to the article, lamenting the animal overpopulation problem. Not one word was said of any need to curtail our own numbers. Consider that the U.S. horse population was listed at 9.2 million in 2005, and our nation’s human population broke 300 million the following year. I find this selective oversight to be monstrous.And as a species, we have become a plague of monsters, mindlessly careening to the point where only a severe halt
in our numbers will save the world. The fact is that we’re approaching a tipping point in human history. Only through stepping up and taking some goddamn responsibility for our behavior – reproductive and otherwise – will mankind steer the world from ruin. Personally, I support a program of temporary sterilization, implemented at puberty and ended at age 30. Cut out the awkward years. If you can’t play nice with your genetics, you shouldn’t be able to play with them at all. I’d also give Jack Kevorkian a nice cushy corner office. Consider my position Anti-Life. We begin the maternity ward protests after Labor Day.
Silver Strike Bowling
Red Pin Challenge
110 N. 3rd Street Downtown La Crosse
helD daily
DANK BEER nite $2.50 --- TUESDAYS --- 9- CLOSE
If you: brew it, bottle it, Lug it, Sling it, Sell it, You're Drinking TOP SHELF for $2.50! Fill Your Official Animal House SIN Card & Enter For A Top Shelf Bottle Party!
August 28, 2008
Speaking Sconnie By Briana Rupel
briana.rupel@secondsupper.com It was July of 2006. My best friend Amanda had spent an agonizing amount of hours flying over the Atlantic to visit me in Europe during my year abroad. We were throwing back a couple of Heinekens in Amsterdam at a quaint outdoor bar patio, gabbing and laughing the way recently reunited girlfriends do. "Are y'all from Wisconsin?" Asked a woman, smiling at us from a nearby table. "'Scuse me?" I said almost out of habit, since I had certainly understood the question posed in English, I was only a bit shocked. "I just thought maybe y'all are from Wisconsin." There it was again.Amanda met my eyes, knowing I felt as exposed — and slightly embarrassed — as she did. "Oh," I smiled back, "actually, yeah." We exchanged brief pleasantries that are unspoken requirements when people from the same area meet randomly in a foreign land and then went back to our conversation. A conversation spoken in a language that not a lot of the American population knows, but apparently a language that they know of: The language of America's Dairyland. "Wisconsinese" — as it's sometimes coined — definitely stands on its own, from our custom-created explicative gems like "cripes" to our overuse of the addendum "...ya know?" But it's our accent itself that says Wisconsin to most people, and it's one that is often playfully picked on and exaggerated for comic relief. Just catch an episode of the TV show Metalocalypse on Adult Swim; I don't need to tell you which character is from Wisconsin. (Interestingly enough, co-creator of the show and voice of said character is from Springfield, Ill.) When you ask non-Cheeseheads how they would describe the Wisconsin accent, they may drop words like: sharp, intense and nasally. Or they may go as far as a friend of mine from Colorado did when I asked him. "You sound like you're trying to be from Brooklyn, but you're really from North Dakota...and you have a cotton ball stuffed up your nose." In response, you have two options: you could laugh, or you could laugh and then drop the bomb that, actually, two dramatic vowel changes across the country meet in Wisconsin, where they push the state from the east and west, creating a full — and unique — cornucopia of vowel sounds. If you were to look at a linguist's map, it would resemble that of a meteorologist. Each region has its own linguistic fronts moving in — fronts that include vowel pronunciation. Here in Wisconsin we're at the meeting point of the Northern Cities Shift, coming from the Southeast, and the Low-Back Merger, coming from the West. In the Northern Cities Shift, the "a" sound (as in "apple") is being reversed with the "eh" sound (as in "especially"). Thus, a word like "actually" is pronounced more and more like "ektually." From the West, the Low-Back Merger comes in with another change: the "o" sound is merging with the "au" sound, meaning a word like "caught" is sounding like the word "cot." With Wisconsin in the middle, she's left to be the host for these two parties to mingle. That's why you might stop at Kwik Trip for "melk in a beg" instead of "milk in a bag". Of course, vowel pronunciation isn't the only part of our accent that's "intense." Just listen the next time Uncle Bob asks you to
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
pass him "one o' dem der beers." It's no secret that Wisconsin has a history of a diverse immigrant population. Though Wisconsin's first immigrants ranged from Belgian to Norwegian to German, their mother languages have one thing in common: No "th" sound exists. Makes sense then, that the state's new inhabitants naturally replaced the foreign sound with one that could float easily off of their tongues. Like native speakers of Slavic languages, who replace "th" with "z," many of Wisconsin's immigrants replaced the sound with "d." With the mispronunciation being passively acquired by descendants, the consonant replacement simply became a natural way of speech for many. Aside from pronunciation, the German influence is heavy in other areas of Wisconsin speech as well.This should come as no surprise; the Max Kade Institute for German-American Studies has documented nine different German dialects in Wisconsin, ranging from what's spoken in the German state of Schlieswig-Holstein (where our cows came from) to Swiss German. A notable structural uniqueness we Wisconsinites claim is the tendency to put prepositions at the end of sentences. For example, we would opt to say "I'm taking this with" instead of simply saying "I'm taking this." Take a look at the German verb for "to take with," mitnehmen. This verb is one of many with a separable prefix. Meaning, that when you conjugate the verb to form a sentence, the "mit" at the beginning of the word gets lobbed off and pushed to the end of the sentence. Thus, the German version of the example sentence above would be "Ich nehme das mit." German immigrants most likely translated these kinds of sentence structures verbatim as they began to speak English. Similarly, translation by early immigrants may also account for Wisconsinites' ignorance of the verb "to lend." Think of how often you hear friends say things like "Hey, can you borrow me 20 bucks?" or "She borrowed me her car for the night." Go easy next time you feel the urge to correct someone. Interestingly enough, the verbs "to lend" and "to borrow" have no differentiation in German . The word borgen means both borrow and lend. The situation is the same with two other immigrant groups who heavily influenced Wisconsin: Norwegian and Swedish. The words låne and låna, respectively, mean both "to borrow" and "to lend" as well. None of these languages, however, can be used to explain our use of the word "bubbler." We've all been there, especially if you've lived in La Crosse long enough.You're walking down the street with your friend from Minnesota when your friend mentions she's dying of thirst. "Oh," you say, "there's one of those green bubblers on the next block." "A bubbler, huh?" She replies cooly, "You mean a DRINKING FOUNTAIN?" You spend the next 10 minutes trying to justify the term bubbler, but to no avail. Next time you find yourself in that situation, you can win the battle. The Kohler Company in Kohler, Wis., whose toilets and sinks grace bathrooms all over the world, coined the brand name Bubbler in 1914 for its water fountain. Does your friend say Kleenex instead of tissue? Rollerblades instead of inline skates? Then your friend should agree: It's your right as a Wisconsinite to call a <ahem> drinking fountain a Bubbler.
Two months after the woman pegged my friend and I as Wisconsin natives just from overhearing us, I returned to the U.S. It was while killing time at my gate at Washington Dulles International Airport when my ears perked up. Across from me was a middle-aged woman speaking voraciously to the person next to her. I recognized the accent immediately, and though it's considered by many to be intense and nasally, there's another side to it too. We have a flair to our speech; a desire to communicate with emotion and vibrancy. Our dialect is easy-going, friendly and conversational. I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry," I began, "are you from Wisconsin?" "Sure am!" She replied, with a kind of pride and enthusiasm that made me feel a bit guilty about my feeling of embarrassment in Amsterdam. "Why," she continued, "you too?" I responded the only way I could at that moment. "You betcha!"
Wi•scon•sin dic•tion•ar•y believe-you-me: Used at the end of a statement to add credibility. ("Dat crappie was a beaut, believe-you-me!")
born in a barn: Posed as a question to a person being crude. ("Ey, ya left da door open. Ya born in a barn, er what?!")
come 'ere once: Pretty obvious. Except for the "once." We don't get it.
couple-two-tree: More than one. ("Ya, durin' da game me 'n Walter had a coupletwo-tree cold ones.")
davenport: Sofa or couch. ("Why don'tcha go take a breather on da davenport?")
'n so?: Added to the end of a statement to
Have a favorite Wisconsinism? Tell us about it for cripes sake! editor@secondsupper.com
seek confirmation ("Ya went to da Badger game yesterday, 'n so?")
Pert-near: Close to. ("Da truck been runnin' funny. I think she's pert-near dead!")
youse: A way of addresing more than one person ("Youse goin' huntin'?")
Ya, dat's good eatin, eh?
By Ben Clark
benjamin.clark@secondsupper.com Ahhhh, Wisconsin, the grand ol’ dairy state. And with our affectionate love for all things dairy, there is one food that is guaranteed to be with every meal: Cheese. Whether it’s on top, injected inside or completely smothering it, cheese has become the glue that holds the majority of Wisconsin recipes together (beer not included). So join me while my Point Special and I take you on a mystical journey through the wonderful world of Wisconsin cuisine and the cheeses that hold it together! As every good Wisconsinite knows, appetizers automatically become 1,000X better when cheese is thrown into the mix. Take for example the delicious Brick Cheese Spread. Made with 1 tbsp. of chives, 2 tbsp. of onions, ½ tbsp. of hot pepper sauce and 8 oz. of Brick cheese and cream cheese, the Brick Cheese Spread is a perfect example of how cheese has been incorporated into the most mundane of activities…like eating crackers! Fun fact: Brick cheese is only made in Wisconsin, is derived from the culturing of aged white cheddar and needs Corynebacterium and Arthobacter bacteria to culture correctly. In addition to appetizers, soups and salads have also gotten their fair share of cheese piled on. Recipes like Beer Cheese Soup (beer AND cheese…together? Awesome!) Even if cheese isn’t the chief ingredient in the soup, you can bet your marbles that cheese will be added on for good measure. Chili, baked potatoes, toast, eggs, even salads. Every salad ordered in this majestic state comes piled with cheese. Caesar salads have parmesan cheese spread up to the heavens, while tossed salads come with piles of shredded cheddar, Colby or any of the thousands of varieties of cheese that come from the Badger State. Wisconsin isn’t just known for its cheese, but it came up with the great idea that if everything had cheese made into it, it would automatically become Ambrosia. Take for example, the glorious cheddarwurst. Not only does it have the awesomeness of sausage, but each bite contains a hearty helping of delicious cheddar.
I dare you, my humble reader, to recall the last time you had a hamburger. Let’s face it, Wisconsin has become the undisputed champions of utilizing cheese to its fullest, and kick-assingest, potential. And it would be unfair for us to keep these cheesy secrets to ourselves, dear readers. I have seen Johnsonville Cheddarwurts make it as far North Carolina. Forget the shame-stick (1 stick of butter, place on stick, dip and roll in sugar, enjoy), Wisconsin takes the (fat) cake for producing foods that will kill you faster than any state. In addition to our cheese-filled sausages, we also have burgers filled with bits of cheese, fish fillets with melted cheese placed on top and, of course, all of the glorious work that went into the modern-day cheese curd. God bless the man who first looked at a curd of cheese and said to himself: “You know what? I bet if I deep-fried that piece of cheese, it would be goddam’ delicious. Screw my triple bypass next month; I’m doin’ it.” Seriously. We take PIECES OF CHEESE, AND PUT THEM IN A DEEPFRYER! For the love of God, if that doesn’t deserve the fattest state in the union, I don’t know what does. A true Wisconsinite turns his nose up at what other states consider to be extremely cheesy, and if it’s comparable in cheesiness, then we up the ante. Oh, Florida has cottage cheese too? Well, let’s add cocoa to ours and call it “Chocolate Cottage Cheese.” You’re broiling your brats in beer too? Oh, we added cheese to the inside of the brat. It makes it BETTER. Your pizza has only two types of cheese layered on it? Ours has FIVE, and if you want any more, it’s going to cost you. Oh, is that a fruit salad you’re enjoying? Well, our fruit salads have cheddar, monterey jack, swiss and gouda cheese mixed in with berries, apples, pineapples and other fruit. Even with our “healthy” options, we realize that cheese will make everything taste that much better. Well, my humble readers, I hope you’ve enjoyed this rousing tour of all that is cheese in this grand state of ours. Wisconsin has a rich heritage from the Germans of eating a shit-ton of meat, and from the Swiss of adding cheese to said meat. Every time you hit up a festival this year, and before you take a bite of that delicious “fudge cheese” you just spent your last 150 tickets on, remember how cheese is in everything you eat. I dare say, cheese is in everything you do. Rivers of melted swiss cheese coursing through your veins as we speak.Thank God for Cheese.
Intimate Treasures Downtown Book & Video Downtown Book & Video 310 4th St. Downtown 220 SW First Ave 72 E Third St. 608-782-3287 507-252-1997 507-453-9031
August 28, 2008
Capital gains By Emily Faeth
emily.faeth@secondsupper.com I needed a break from the noise of La Crosse, so when my friends asked me to join them on a jaunt to Madison, it was a relief. So after downing some absinthe at Jai's Bar, we hopped in the car and began our trek down a stretch of Wisconsin. The drive to Madison is always hellish. I always forget about that part of the deal--two hours in a confined space doesn't offer much in terms of fun. But my various editors here at Second Supper have taught me to always try to look at things from various perspectives, so I decided this time to enjoy the good tunes crawling into my ears and the lovely view of this little chunk of Wisconsin. We got to Madison, we stretched our legs and we cracked open some beers brewed in a little town I know called Milwaukee. We had gone to town to celebrate my good friend Sarah's birthday, so it was clear we were headed toward an adventure that warm August weekend. My friend Jared, the most beautiful androgynous gender fuck I know, had given us the scoop on a cool industrial/techno show at the High Noon Saloon. We slowly meandered our way over to East Washington Street, sipping some tasty brews and taking in the sights and sounds of Friday night in Madtown. The show was pretty cool--they were nice enough to let this broke writer in for free, so I was obligated to have a good time. The only negative moment of the evening was when some pusher tried to simultaneously grab my ass and sell me some unidentifiable drugs, but of course my friends came to the rescue and we disappeared once again into the vinyl clad dancing mass. After getting our fill of DJ WhiteRabbit's wicked beats, we began our pilgrimage once again back to our Mecca, the famed Willy Street neighborhood. My friends were ready to crash, but I wasn't. Luckily, the friendly folks across the street beckoned me over with promises of laughter and newly formed (if momentary) friendship. I know it wasn't the brightest thing to do--22 year old girl hanging out with complete strangers at 3 a.m.--but something told me that everything would be alright. Mike--the cowboy boot-wearing trucker from a small farming community somewhere north of La Crosse--did the honors of introducing me to the colorful cast of characters I met there on Jenifer Street. We talked long into the night about dozens of topics I'm sure none of us remember, but what I do recall is that I was safe, they were kind, and I went to sleep in the breaking of the dawn with a smile on my face. Let's fast forward a bit; I want to get to the truly funny part of my adventure in Madison. Saturday, in a nutshell, went like this: woke up, went to St. Vinnie's (one of the coolest thrift stores ever), had a lunch of Vietnamese cuisine with my friend from English class, celebrated Sarah's birthday with margaritas, ice cream cake and pizza. Fate would have it that there was a little block party happening at Orton Park, so we headed that way and weaved our way through the crowd for a while. Speaking as a person who has a bizarre phobia of people on stilts (it's a form of caulrophobia, apparently), I must admit that I was somewhat uncomfort-
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
Bad Gothic Lawn Ornament Poetry able when I noticed several 10-foot-tall people dressed as praying mantises gazing mischievously at me, but I appreciated the art of it, at least.The night air was peppered with the tangy scents of Caribbean treats and traditional fare alike, along with the sounds of a classic rock cover band playing for a crowd of families and hippies peacefully sharing their community with one another. But then we heard there was a polka band playing downtown; as German Americans, it was our responsibility to attend. The music was loud and the beer flowed freely at the Essen Haus that night, and at some point I got mixed up with a bachelor party on a scavenger hunt in need of a girl willing to do a body shot off the "bachelor" in question. Being the charitable person that I am, I obliged; the guys were nice enough people and I knew I would never see them again, but as they drifted off into the night they were no longer strangers to me. The night wore on, and once again, I found myself walking back to the house on Jenifer Street. I noticed a small orange cat somewhere along the way. He was alone, looked hungry, and didn't appear to be rabid, so I knelt down to pet him. Then I continued walking, and the cat followed me. I tried to tell him to go home; I didn't know if he belonged to anyone, and I didn't have any food for him. But he kept following. For approximately 15 blocks, each time I thought he'd run off into the darkness, I'd look around and there he was. So when I got back to my friend's house, I jokingly told him, "Alright, Mr. Kitty Cat. If you're still out here in the morning, you're coming with me to La Crosse." And what do you think happened? There he was in the morning, all packed and ready to head home to God's Country. Walter's asleep on my bed now. Walter Peaches Cronkite, in fact, is Mr. Kitty Cat's new name. And I think, out of all the new friends I made during my adventure in Madison, that stray cat is the one who taught me the most. I think what he wanted me to learn was this: that even though we all complain that our little ol' state is boring, there's never anything to do, Wisconsin is lame, et cetera, et cetera, sometimes we just need to stop our whining and look around.There are beautiful things happening everywhere all the time, and we just become blind to them because we take them for granted. Wisconsin is a pretty cool state. Walter wanted me to pass the message on to you.
The Ornaments of Fate By Caspian Shadowmort ‘Neath cover of night I creep Twixt totems of the trailer park My ascot stuffed shirt puffed with Schlitz And a madman’s vandal gleam doth glisten Listen! The pigs are blissfully shiftless Drinking Lethe’s draught in Jerry Springer slumber Their front yard bounties lie open for plunder ‘Twill be I whose fortunes take wing I wrap blood cloak ‘round my visage Swoop beneath faint blue cover of their televisions I arrive and make supplicance in dirt-covered boulevards To the sagacious lawn ornament gods at my knees Oh, sweet sod-o-me! How the Dutch boys gleam! Lush romance dew-drops their eternal clay kisses Vestal maidens requite such smoldering passions Cherished forever in their Netherlands Netherworld Flamingo! Flamingo! Pink plastic disarms me Your equatorial armada seems amiss In this dry pastoral largesse With nary a drop of water to drink Could you not read the stars in the crystal ball? The nascent reflective green orb crowns its tower, Gorged with the dictions of temporal sands Its beacons weigh heavy in fettered prediction The exquisite rear view of a wench bending over Stirs buxom lust within raging loins Dear me, what’s this? A Chinese Fortune Cat? Your polite paw salute is so precious! My greetings gestated, I behold the center The Gnomes! The Gnomes! Smoking their pipes with merriment languor Perched upon mushrooms, hushed by their joy Donning conical hats and comical garb Existence was never so fine! My envy breaks free to the night “Liberation, my brothers!” I cry. Oh, zounds! The porch light alights! The fatties have risen from torpor I must take flight! Home schooled homophobes mount trucks and give chase, Wail Goblin and Weirdo whilst in pursuit Flustered, I lamely leap to the bushes And gift the rubes with the slip I retain for myself a sigh of relief No more community service for me.
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PUB & BISTRO 10
Wisco Music: Killer or Filler? By Adam Bissen
adam.bissen@secondsupper.com You know the Sconnie Nation can polka with the big boys, but it’s a little more difficult to assess Wisconsin’s contribution to the rest of popular music. Fer sure we’ve had our innovators — Les Paul and the Violent Femmes come to mind — but we’re also responsible for Liberace and that godawful Friends theme song. Worse, we’ve also killed some of the world’s best rock & rollers in a flight crashes. Otis Redding and four members of his Bar-Kays band crashed into a Madison lake in 1967, and Stevie Ray Vaughn died in a 1990 helicopter accident after lifting off from Alpine Valley. Our Midwestern guilt makes us complicit in “the day the music died,” when Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper crashed into Clear Water, Iowa after playing a show in Wisconsin, thereby creating the Badger State Triangle that haunts us to this day. To assess our musical karma, Second Supper compiled this ledger sheet of musical assets versus liabilities, ranked on the established five-accordion scale.
ASSETS
LIABILITIES
The Bodeans — Coming straight out of Waukesha, a Rolling Stone reader poll named them the
The Bar-Kays — A scintillating mix of Memphis soul and blues, the Bar-Kays were the hottest
best new band in America in 1987. Six years later, Friends producers picked “Closer to Free” as the show’s iconic theme song, and we’ve been trying to get it out of our head ever since.
band around when they recorded backing tracks for Stax/Volt, and even when we killed them, we couldn’t stop the funk. Four of the six members died in the crash with Redding, but they reformed and stayed a top-notch act for the next two decades.
Liberace — Here’s to Mr. Showmanship, the favorite son of West Allis. He once performed before 110,000 people at Chicago’s Soldier Field, and anyone who struts in a rhinestone cape across the belly of the Bears can’t be all bad.
The Big Bopper — Now the answer to a trivia question, the Big Bopper is a sad case of what might have been. “Chantilly Lace,” the hit that got him on tour with Holly, still sounds rocking today. He also wrote "White Lightning," George Jones’ first #1 hit, and died at age 28.
Steve Miller — Born in Milwaukee and rocked out on Haight-Ashberry, Steve Miller named a band after himself and thus completed the trifecta of the rock & roll dream. By the time he dropped “The Joker,” “Swingtown,” “Take the Money and Run,” “Fly Like an Eagle” and “Jet Airliner” his place in the pantheon was set.
Buddy Holly — Holly’s recording career lasted only two years and he died at age 22, but his affect on early rock & roll is immeasurable. He mixed the twang of west Texas with the groove of R&B and molded a driving new sound that not only shook up the ‘50s, it set the template for almost all ‘60s pop. “Peggy Sue” and “That’ll be the Day” may never be topped.
Les Paul — The Bodeans may have the swagger, but Paul is the real Waukesha rock star. Basically, he designed the modern electric guitar and then taught everybody how to play it. It’s hard to imagine modern music without him.
Clyde Stubblefield — He wasn’t born here and he didn’t record here, but Stubblefield played drums for James Brown and lives in Madison now, so we’ll claim him. He’s the beat behind “Cold Sweat” and Say It Loud - I'm Black and I'm Proud,” and his “Funky Drummer” is the most widely sampled record ever.
Timbuk3 — The jury is still out on whether Timbuk3’s name is awful or beautifully ironic, but there is no question they got their start in Madison. In 1986 they released "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" and then promptly fell of the planet. Two decades later, there’s still a hung jury on whether that song was any good.
Butch Vig — And now for the Virtuoso from Viroqua. Vig produced Nirvana’s Nevermind, the
Otis Redding — Of all the musicians taken down by the Badger State Triangle, Redding was one of the least known at the time of his death. An electrifying performance at the Monterrey Pop Festival helped expose him to the rock world, but it was his popular posthumous singles like “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay” that cemented his reputation as one of the most gifted R&B vocalists ever.
Ritchie Valens — The first Hispanic rock star, it’s hard to calculate where Valens’ career would have taken him, since he was only 17 years old when he died. But with “Donna” racing up the charts and the innovative flipside “La Bomba” doing equally well, Valens lived large in his short life.
Stevie Ray Vaughn — In the 1980s it was hard to ignore the virtuosity of Stevie Ray Vaughn, one of the greatest guitarists ever and possibly the biggest blues artist since the 1960s. His crossover success rekindled the sound of American blues music, and his solos still drop the jaws of high schoolers and guitar freaks everywhere.
Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream and other classics by Sonic Youth and South Asylum from his studio in Madison. He then set his eyes on the other side of the booth, formed Garbage and entrenched the sound of ‘90s rock radio.
Violent Femmes — In the early ‘80s the Violent Femmes captured the feeling of jittery teen angst, and they owe at least some of the credit to Milwaukee. Although many have tried, the trio’s folk-punk stylings are practically inimitable, and geeky high-schoolers will be listening to “American Music” and “Blister in the Sun” for decades.
11
Musical assets 23 accordions, liabilities 22 accordions This survey undoubtedly proves that Wisconsin has given more to the world of music than it has plucked from the sky. So raise your Leinies high, throw on your shades, crank the Femmes debut and give a Prost! to all the greats that came before. Then scuttle off to the Pat McCurdy show, Wisconsin’s Jimmy Buffett, and vow to keep some music to ourselves.
August 28, 2008
La Crosse Death Match!
Wisconsin Fests
By Brett Emerson
brett.emerson@secondsupper.com Though both of La Crosse's favorite sons have kicked the bucket, it's long overdue for these two to duke it out and decide, once and for all, who truly rules our fair city. Death is no excuse! Thus, thanks to the Second Supper's long-standing friendship with the dark god Hades, we've ferried these Coulee Region luminaries back from the grave and set them loose upon each other in a battle to the finish! Necromantic fights to the death sound redundant, no? Philistines! Behold... The Battle for La Crosse!
MR. WIZARD Born: Donald Jeffrey Herbert Kemske, July 10, 1917, Waconia, Minn. Died: Multiple myeloma, July 12, 2007, Bell Canyon, Calif. Age: 89 Height: Of imagination Weight: Heavy, man. Heavy. Reach: Nickelodeon Family: All adopted
GEIN Born: Edward Theodore Gein, Aug. 27, 1906, La Crosse Died: Respiratory and heart failure, July 26, 1984, Madison Age: 77 Height: Of insanity Weight: Dead Reach: The Ed Gein Ghoul Car Family: Mommy!
Education: Central High School, La Crosse State Normal College Occupation: Wizard, moonlights as occasional Mister Finishing Move: Flaming hydrogen balloons Body Count: Mr. Wizard Science Club, 500,000 members Legacy: Weird Science Influenced: Bill Nye, Beakman's World, Ben Clark, Thomas Dolby
Education: Um, sure Occupation: Babysitter, handyman Finishing Move: The Lampshade Body Count: Two killed, unknown digs Legacy: The Insanity Defense, setting transgender relations back 50 years Influenced: Buffalo Bill, Norman Bates, Leatherface, Death Metal
THE BATTLE The clash between these gladiators started slowly. Ed Gein shambled over to a waiting Mr.Wizard and sniffed around his person. "I ain't got no use for ya," Gein muttered. "Yer a fella." Gein turned and walked away to a chorus of boos.The fight would have ended there, in a forfeit, but Wizard charged the killer and smashed a beaker filled with a bubbling purple liquid over Gein's head. Gein dropped to the floor, howling in agony, while Wizard opened a barrage of penny loafer stomps upon his person. "Get up and fight me, you mongoloid son of a bitch!" Wizard screamed at his quarry. Gein rose to his hands and knees and crawled to his corner. He rifled through a grimy red dufflebag while Wizard watched in disgust. From the dufflebag emerged a mysterious costume, which Gein slipped over his flannel jacket. No longer willing to hold back the beating, Wizard charged Gein, only to stop in his tracks when Gein turned around, revealing his anatomically correct lady skin suit. "You wouldn't hit a lady, would yeh?" Gein asked, fluttering his eyelids.Taken aback,Wizard hesitated. Gein capitalized by head-butting the baffled scientist and unleashing his own beating. For ten agonizing minutes this fracas raged back and forth, with no clear advantage to either combatant. Gein would menace Wizard with a hacksaw, only to have Wizard counter with a blistering Bunsen burner. Wizard would press his advantage in flinging floppy disk shurikens, only to be thwarted by a vicious lashing from Gein's belt of nipples. Neither man gained sufficient inroads to finish his opponent. The match was headed for a draw, when from out of nowhere Wizard leveled Gein with a lightning bolt, ripped from his own body. Gein collapsed to the floor, smoldering. Wizard then painted arcane symbols on the ring canvas and chanted a sinister incantation. The crowd squealed in horror as a twenty foot demon tore its way from beneath the ring, howling in murderous triumph. Seeing the felled Gein, the demon devoured him whole. "I told you people I was a goddamned wizard!" Wizard addressed the crowd following his victory. "None of you pansies can take me!" THE WINNER, AND LA CROSSE'S FAVORITE SON: Mr. Wizard at 13:25, via wizardry. Congratulations to Mr. Wizard for his amazing victory! Look for him to defend his prestigious championship this Oktoberfest, when he steps into the ring with The River Killer!
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
Hollidazzle: Beloit
Big Pig Gig: Menomonee Falls
Hmong Summer Festival: Sheboygan
Kiddleywink Pub Night: Mineral Point
The Great Wisconsin Cheese Festival: Little Chute
Madison Area Pagan Pride Day: Middleton
Walleye Weekend: Fond du Lac
Amcore Bank Faire on the Square: Baraboo
Salmon-a-rama: Racine
Halloween Food and Foto's and Film Party: White Lake
Kites on Ice: Madison Movie's at Harry's Place: Beloit Lifest Christian Music Festival: Oshkosh Corn and Brat Fest: Herbster Broiler Fest: Eleva Spud City Rama Lama Auto Rama: Stevens Point South Shore Water Frolics: Milwaukee Cranberry Festival: Warrens Wisconsin Sheep & Wool Festival: Jefferson Fitchburg Days: Fitchburg Big Bull Wausau
Falls
Blues
Festival:
Harbor Thunder: Kenosha
Lions Fest and Fish Derby: Pot Washington Living Well Northwoods Festival: Hayward Wisconsin Book Festival: Madison Muscoda Morel Mushroom Festival: Muscoda Pig in the Pines Rib Fest: St. Germain Flambeau Rama: Park Falls Green Spirit Festival: Barneveld Heritage Days and Rail Fest plus Western Stunt Shows: New London Wilton Wood Turtle Days: Wilton Endeavor-Moundville Festival: Endeavor
Firemen's
Celebrate the Fox Cornroast: Omro
Fuddfest Country Festival and Theater: Deerbrook
A Summer Evening in the Country â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Heart Pig Roast: Sparta
Little Bull Falls Log-Jam Festival: Mosinee
Yesterfest: Portage
CenturyTel's Sand on the Riverfront: LaCrosse
Paul Bunyan Fest: Eagle River Chicken & All The Jazz: Sheboygan St. Francis Public Library Festival: St. Francis Hayward Rib and Brew Fest: Hayward
Wo-Zha-Wa Days Art Fair: Wisconsin Dells Gemuetlichkeit Days: Jefferson Frodo Fest: Salem Estrogen Equinox: White Lake
Sauk Prarie Today's Women Arts and Crafts Fait: Prarie du Sac
Pumpkin Patch Festival: Egg Harbor
Omro Labor Day Celebration â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Big Band on the Island: Omro
North Hudson Pepper Festival: Hudson
Fighting Bob Fest: Baraboo
Lake Superior Dragon Boat Festival: Milwaukee
Fondue Festival: Fon du Lac Pardeeville Watermelon Festival: Pardeeville Thirsty Troll Brewfest: Mt. Horeb Scarecrow Fest: Delevan Threshing Bee: Coon Valley
Rapids Balloon Rally & Music Fest: Wisconsin Rapids Hustler Fest Celebration: Hustler Bearstock: White Lake Sputnikfest: Manitowoc
Whooping Crane Festival: Necedah
Hodag Country Music Festival: Rhinelander
Cider Daze Fall Festival: St. Gillett
Port Fish Day: Port Washington
Ethnic Festival: Two Rivers
Rendezvous: Prairie Du Chien
Septemberfest: Ripon
Bastille Days: Milwaukee
Shindig in the Pines: Crivitz
Strawberry Festival: Cedarburg
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You know you're a Wisconsinite if... Someone asks where you live and you point to your hand. The retirement of a quarterback can make you cry. Your blood alcohol content and body fat percentage are the same. You'd never consider wearing a tie but have been on national television sporting a foam cheese wedge. Your library consists of a Bible and a collection of Ole and Lena jokes. You have embezzled a bottle of Secret Stadium Sauce. There is a painting of Thor above your mantle. You can eat lefse without throwing up. Your parents brought you to the bar as a child. The only family vacations you ever took were to Hayward and Wisconsin Dells. Your other car is a riding lawnmower. You add cheese to your frozen pizza. You can think of few things worse than an FIB. You drive a truck, and there is a plow on the front of it. You think a meal at the the Olive Garden is fine dining. You thank the bartender by saying "bitte schoen," and he responds with "danke schoen," and you're not being ironic. Your wardrobe is equally co-ordinated between green, gold and blaze orange. You keep a backup supply of ranch dressing....you know, just in case. Your skin is either pasty white or sunburnt red. Friday Fish Fry is the highlight of your weekend. You wonder what the people at the Grammys have against Pat McCurdy. You have venison for Christmas dinner. Major League makes you wistful for County Stadium. You still haven't forgiven Mike Holmgren. You can recite at least half the lyrics to "Da Turdy Point Buck." The farthest you have been away from home is "up north." You only eat vegetables from a can for 6 months out of the year. Mexican food is the most exotic thing you've ever eaten. You have made special trips to visit the World's Largest 6-Pack and the Bong Recreation Area. You have sunfish mounted on your wall. Your family reunion could be mistaken for the cast of Roseanne. You know what custard is, and your thighs resemble it. You are not entirely embarrassed to admit you enjoy polka. You know what lutefisk is, and you've eaten it in a church basement. You know how to gut a fish. Or a deer. Or your neighbor. You can pronounce Menomonie, Fond du Lac, Eau Claire, Waukesha and Sheboygan. You learned to play euchre before you learned to write your name. You have seen the world's largest muskellunge. You get misty-eyed when you think of Bob LaFollette, Robin Yount and the late Menards guy. 417 You have eaten summer sausage while ice fishing. You have asked a friend "Do you think a 30-pack will be enough?" You have been internationally ranked as a curler. If it weren't for the supper club, you'd never wear a blazer. You can explain the nuances of a cowchip toss. You have gotten into arguments over Frank Lloyd Wright and Tommy Thompson. You've ever thought "Hmm...I wonder what that would taste like deep fried in beer batter." Your ski mountain is 400 feet tall. So is your sledding hill. You've contributed more to Menards than you have in federal income taxes. Your Make A Wish Foundation dream is to hang out with Jacob Leinenkugel. Your preferred apple pie topping is cheddar cheese. You wake up in the morning and think "Yep, feels like a Wranglers day."
13
Can a Cow be Tipped?
By Kel Englehardt contributing writer
Author's note: I would not recommend trying this at your home, or at the homes of others, either. I was very excited when I was given the assignment to find out once and for all if a cow can be tipped.We have all heard the stories, we all know a friend of a friend who knows some one who successfully tipped a cow. But has any one ever done it firsthand? This was the task assigned to me. I live just to the left of the middle of nowhere. I am surrounded by corn and cows. Comes in handy when I want to throw loud parties, but if I was to be attacked by rabid wombats, I would be eaten alive before anyone heard me scream. My point is that I am surrounded by corn and cows, so getting up close to one would not be a problem. I decided to do a little research for my expedition, so I watched a YouTube clip of Tommy Boy with the late great Chris Farley, an excellent source of information. I also decided to go on the Internet and search “cow aggressiveness.” My computer was not working at the time, so I decided to wing it. I made a checklist of all the things I might need to my endeavor. Running shoes, flash light,
padded clothes, helmet, camera and cows. I had no running shoes or helmet, so I had to settle for my Napoleon Dynamite Boots and my Batman stocking cap. I looked something of an '80s throwback. But I was ready to attempt to tip a cow. My supposedly accomplished assistant, was jittery and scared. Not to mention falling asleep on her feet; it was 12 a.m. after all. We set out camera in hand to get photographic proof of the tip-ability of cows. First things first, find the cows. Shouldn’t be hard, right, I’m surrounded by corn and cows. We drove around for an hour or so, looking for cows, but get this, this is going to blow your mind, no cows. So I decided that we would go guerilla style and sneak onto the farmer's land to get at the cows that were in the fenced in area. I do not recommend trespassing at any time, but in the name of research one must not be held back by the law. We parked far enough away from the farm so that the farmer and the cows would not hear us coming. It was dark; I didn’t turn on the flashlight that I brought, because I didn’t want to give the cows any warning. We snuck up to where the fence was, we could hear the cows snoring. It sounded like a low, distant thunder. My assissee COW, page 19
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Delivery Available 785-BABS(2227) Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
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Reviews: Your Guide to Consumption Black Light Burns – Cover Your Heart and the Anvil Pants Odyssey Cover Your Heart is a covers album with an instrumental subsection. Despite this somewhat weird paring, this is an album you must hear. It’s to be expected that listeners will bolt to Duran Duran’s “Hungry like the Wolf” and Iggy’s “Search and Destroy” – and these tracks don’t disappoint. However, there are others here that are just as good, if not better. Lard’s “Forkboy” is a speed violating juggernaut that should comfort those still in mourning from Ministry’s demise. It’s followed in violence by the band’s take on The Jesus Lizard’s “The Art of Self Defense,” an exhibit of severe guitar abuse at the hands of frontman Wes Borland. The most surprising song on this disc is a cover of “Lucretia My Reflection” by the Sisters of Mercy. Borland’s voice – which often pales in comparison with his musical prowess – swoons through the song in Dave Gahan urgency. Combined with the rumbling bass and high end guitar will o’ wisps, the result is the prettiest song on the album. Not all of these tracks are spotless – Fiona Apple’s “On the Bound” sounds like a badly produced Deftones tune which abruptly transforms into a Mars Volta jamout. Some of the instrumentals come off odd in the context of an album (much less a covers album), but most can stand on their own. The last man on earth overture “Drowning Together, Dying Alone” is particularly stunning, as good as Nine Inch Nails’ best instrumental work. The combination of all these elements, even the jarring ones, creates a tremendous offering that shows nothing but promise for Black Light Burns. Mega bonus points go to Wes Borland for covering himself, as well. Big Dumb Face rules. – Brett Emerson
Scorpions – Humanity: Hour 1 Unfortunately, this isn’t your father’s Scorpions. They still rock, to be sure, but there are times when this album strays from what made the band so epic, and descends into lowend staccato Nu-Metal riffing.The hard songs sound like music you’d expect to hear promoting pay-per-view wrestling, not something that would come from one of rock’s greatest bands. Considering that this is a concept album about the fall of man, the epic rock songs that made the band are strangely absent. The closest this album comes in reaching their usual heights is in “The Cross,” a slow rising fist opera that makes full use of Billy Corgan’s face time. Most everything else on here is either average metal or subdued balladry which trumps the metal. Nothing’s irredeemably bad, but after taking the big dick from the Scorpions’ back catalogue, this album fits like a pinkie. Not for strippers. – Brett Emerson
Bavarian Black Sprecher Brewing Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin Sprecher Bavarian Black is the reason snobs lust for Wisconsin beer. Our Germanic state’s brewing traditions are rightfully celebrated — by 1900 almost every Wisconsin city had a brewery; La Crosse had eight, and Milwaukee had 80 — but the untold story is that Prohibition put almost all of the nation’s local producers out of business.When macrobrews reigned following the repeal of the 18th amendment, lagers became cheap and bland-tasting while microbreweries worked to develop uniquely American-flavored ales. But not in Wisconsin. Here, many of the first brewers to jump to the microbrew ship retained their GerAppearance: 10 man heritage, and, accordingly, we sip Aroma: 10 some of the finest German-style laTaste: 8 gers served outside of Deutschland. Mouthfeel: 6 Consider Randy Sprecher, a forDrinkability: 7 mer brewing inspector for Pabst who studied beer Total: 41 making in Bavaria and founded his eponymous brew-
ing company in 1985, right at the cusp of the microbrew revolution. First off the line? The Bavarian Black, a traditional Schwarzbier (German for “black beer”) that’s the color of coal but doesn’t taste heavy like a porter or stout. Traditionally that’s due to a high hop content, which rises nicely here over burnt caramel aromas and hints of chocolate. Expecting a thick lager, I was almost jolted by how quenching this tastes. The hops shock the taste buds, but the delectable balance of malts reveals the master’s touch when the flavor turns smoky over chocolate notes and hints of something like meat. The mouthfeel is robust but still highly drinkable.The finish is enviably bittersweet and flush with hops, but if the Bavarian Black has a weakness it would be the acidic aftertaste. Still, this is a versatile beer to keep in rotation, perfect if you want something refreshing in the midst of winter. It also pairs especially well with grilled sausages, and this time of year who in Wisconsin doesn’t lust for that? — Adam Bissen
Jesse James Dupree – Rev It Up & Go-Go This is what I’d classify as Bar Rock, the sort of music that feels incomplete without smoke and pool chalk floating in the space between speakers and ears. Even though Jackyl’s chainsaw maestro has bisected his newest release into the expected dirty south rock side and a full-out country-by-way-of-HeeHaw side (titled “Saturday Night” and “Sunday Morning,” respectively), it’s hard to imagine listening to any of these songs without beer serving as chaperone. Dupree and backing band Dixie Inc. may not be reinventing these wheels, but their chrome does come highly polished. The song “Reality Star” is a Sunday Morning track, a satire of our famous-for-beingfamous pestilence that stands as the album’s standout. The only real shortcoming to be found is Sunday Morning’s excessive use of skit tracks to introduce each track and give the illusion of a live hoedown. Dupree would have been better served to leave these out and cut to the chase. But beyond this, this album is a solid merger of two styles that don’t need much help to get along. – Brett Emerson
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Reviews: Your Guide to Consumption Cult Classics Hard Rock Zombies (1985) Directed By: Krishna Shah Starring: E.J. Curse, Geno Andrews Written By: David Allan Ball, Krishna Shah This movie lies! These aren’t hard rock zombies at all! The zombie part may be true, and they do rock (depending on your definition of the term), but rigor mortis and dick jokes aside, there ain’t a hard bone in these greaseballs.This movie should have been called New Wave Butt Rock Zombie Wusses.Then, we would have had a little accuracy. But no! They had to intentionally mislead us all.This is a cinematic travesty of the highest severity. The authors of this deception were no imbeciles; they knew that the public, upon recognizing the lie, would rise in wrath and lay waste to the responsible parties. They needed a red herring to purchase their escape from public scrutiny. And what better patsy could there be, but Adolf Hitler? Yes, our misnamed Hard Rock Zombies roll into a quaint little Podunk, where they run afoul of the Fuhrer and his foul clan of midgets, werewolves and limber babes. Being not at all Hard Rock, the band gets dispatched in short order, through defenestration, weed whackers and bare-breasted Hitchcockian shower scenes. But fear not for these
sonic impostors! They have an ace up their sleeveless sleeves, a Necronomicon rock song that tears them from their graves and sends them on a robo-rampage. You read that right; these zombies apparently learned their craft from RoboCop. Hitler doesn’t stand a chance, but the problems don’t end there. Guess what happens next? That’s right… HITLER ZOMBIES! After that, things happen, including a zombie rock concert, and a terrible musical montage featuring the sleazy lead singer wearing a white suit and prancing around with his lady. And one of the zombified Hitler midgets eats himself. That was kind of neat. When will people learn that you can’t just go around bungling everything up to high heaven and then blaming Hitler? The man has enough blame to bear without being dragged into your phony hard rock movies, Internet troll debates, and YouTube clips about Burning Man. The creators of this atrocity alone must be brought to account for their titular fraud. Leave the farty old genocidal fuckhead in his flaming ditch where he belongs. – Brett Emerson
Bibliophile Kurt Vonnegut – Welcome to the Monkey House (1950) Recently I decided that I would finally read a Kurt Vonnegut book. The man had always existed in the part of my brain that stores propaganda, known as a subversive writer who would probably give me a thrill. But I never sought him out. There were other things to do, far less significant entertainments that came far easier. The closest that Vonnegut and I ever came to crossing paths came in a Showtime film adaptation of his short story Harrison Bergeron, where Sean Astin was buried under the weight of government-enforced egalitarianism. Seemed like a well enough place to begin. What took me aback while I read through this collection of short stories was the amount of heart put into each tale. For a writer who often gets pegged as an anarchist nutjob, Vonnegut displays a clear respect for conventional storytelling, tying things up, bringing the story around full circle. Whether the characters are as somewhat commonplace as JFK’s Goldwater-worshipping neighbor or as fantastic as a separate world of bodiless people, all are invested with stark humanity. By themselves, none of the plots of these stories – and I’d go further and say no plot – is enough of a draw. Anyone can write the skeletons of these same stories and pack it in with gray mystery meat. What makes this collection so arresting is in the compassion it evokes amidst catastrophe, the spaces between events which color these
pictures. Plot is far less relevant – when that isn’t the case, the result is more sitcom than story, without any sense of consequence. Television shows, by the very nature of being constructed along the boundaries of seasons and fixed casts, have long since fallen into this trap. Even shows that progress a story through the course of a season are dictated by a rigid timing, with the requisite plot twist dropping at the end of each hour and making the whole thing feel rather forced.The first and only example that comes to mind of a television show which bucked this trend and focused on real honest storytelling was Mr. Serling’s The Twilight Zone. That was 50 years ago. Comparatively, books rule the school.The dear things can be as long or short as they like, provided that they don’t drag and aren’t short on detail. Their running time isn’t adjusted for commercials or dumbed down for the summer.Yes, publishing is still a business, but books are the only form of mainstream media that has largely retained its integrity, though with fortune, music piracy will kick out the centralized hive-mind and clear room for a little more aural purity. No surprise that the Vonneguts of the world tend to avoid the electric media, and preserve their dazzling visions on paper. It’s even less surprising that this will not be the last Vonnegut book I read. — Brett Emerson
Film Tropic Thunder (2008) HHHH Director: Ben Stiller Cast: Ben Stiller; Robert Downey, Jr.; Jack Black Writers: Ben Stiller, Justin Theroux, Ethan Pretend you're an avid movie-goer, and then pretend there's a new Ben Stiller comedy coming out. Because of crap like Meet the Fockers and The Heartbreak Kid, you're hesitant to see it. But then you learn Stiller wrote and directed it and, briefly forgetting about The Cable Guy, think of the excellent work he's done when the script and/or direction have been under his control. You're a big Zoolanger fan, and Tropic Thunder, a film not unlike Zoolander, oozes self-deprecation from every frame of film and line of dialog. As formulas go, Tropic Thunder reutilizes Zoolander's bumblingly satirical tone, combining it with the playful ignorance of a Christopher Guest mockumentary and the raunchy set-pieces of something Judd Apatow. Huge actors come and go in cameos, gleeful over two seconds of face time. Meanwhile, Tropic Thunder makes mincemeat out of everything from tyrant studio execs, to misogyny in rap, to the thin line uber-liberal Hollywood treads between making sensitive issues seem either offensive or touching. The majority of laughs, and there are plenty, come at the expense of Hol-
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
lywood. Even moviegoers not hip to the layers and layers of satire (i.e. punk teenagers) will enjoy the many sight gags and welltimed profanities. Even while turning out good reviews and box-office earnings,Tropic Thunder has garnered more press from both its bountiful helpings of the "R" word and Downey, Jr.'s blackface.There's an audience out there that's unwilling to see Tropic Thunder, regardless of the film's implications.There's a level of political correctness that actually does more harm than it does good, and this may be the case with boycotts of Tropic Thunder. A Second Supper reader should know; it's come to the point where context and subtext mean nothing compared to the physical use of the word. Stiller knows what he's doing, and I think educated moviegoers, like yourself, will understand Hollywood's need to stretch its own boundaries in order to strengthen them. And what better vehicle than a self-mocking comedy to do it? What better man than Ben Stiller to helm it? — Nick Cabreza
Hiring For: Sports Columnist: Write about professional Sports issues Statewide - e.g. Packers/Vikings, Brewers, Bucks, Badgers, marquette, La Crosse.
Website Designer: Create and post A website that allows for updatable content, new sections, and current and past issues online. Send Inquiries to: editor@secondsupper.com 16
I'm Jonesin' for a Crossword "Flippin' Sweet"--that's how it's gonna be. Answers to Issue 128's "Hit the Bricks"
by Matt Jones Across 1 Not a lot 4 A followers 7 "Would You Like to Buy ___?" ("Sesame Street" song) 10 Smog watchdog: abbr. 13 "American Gladiators" co-host Laila 14 Iberia's cont. 15 "That's funny!" on the message boards 16 "Mayor of Simpleton" band 17 The art of sculpting shrubbery 19 Emphatic speaker's phrase 21 Je9ns 23 Cremation containers 25 Miniseries whose final episode was the third-most-watched scripted show in U.S. history 26 Philosopher David Hume, for one 29 Exasperated exhalation 30 Doctor's re-
quest while holding a tongue depressor 31 ___ Valley, California 32 Waters, in Oaxaca 34 "___ Married an Axe Murderer" (1993
movie) 35 Passport endorsements 36 aldde 39 Grab a bite 40 Be in the red 41 Pink Floyd founder
Barrett 44 They're pulled from the shell, in a Squeeze song title 48 ___ Kippur 51 One of five children born at the
same time, slangily 53 Reese of "Touched by an Angel" 54 "___ Feel Like a Woman!" (Shania Twain song) 55 sa>le) 58 Sleep problem 59 "All Those Years ___" (George Harrison song) 60 Make happy 61 Handle effectively 62 ___ Te Ching (classical Chinese text) 63 ___ Tag (1980s toy set) 64 Items on a chain 65 Button on some cell phones 66 Spider egg holders Down 1 Like some chances 2 "Hold On Tight" band 3 Getting rid of a spill 4 Wally and the ___ (classic TV brothers, for short) 5 Meat preparers that use salt and smoking 6 Prepare peanuts, perhaps 7 "Masterpiece Theatre" host Cooke
8 "That's okay, take your time" 9 Kennedy couturier Cassini 10 It's good to get some every so often 11 Bake sale sponsor, sometimes 12 Get one's ass in gear 18 Fit 20 Inactive 22 "Happy Birthday ___" 23 Men's 4x100 meter medley relay winners at the 2008 Olympics 24 Latvia's capital 27 Giants shortstop Vizquel 28 "___ the season to be jolly" 33 Poetry competition 35 Wedding exchanges 37 Chopin piece 38 Baseball Hall-ofFamer Ryan 41 Complain loudly 42 "The Year of the ___" (1984 designation by Newsweek) 43 "WALL-E" co-releaser
45 Put under 46 Campaign encapsulation 47 The only Blues Brother to reappear in "Blues Brothers 2000" 48 Japan's equivalent of the Mafia 49 "It'll be just a moment" 50 Stingy people 52 Nobel Prize-winning physicist Bohr 54 Michelle Phillips and Cass Elliot, musically 56 Nuclear family member
57 Silent ___ (presidential nickname) Š2008 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-2262800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0377.
Like to work with your hands?
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SUMMER OPENINGS - Fast Paced/Physical Labor - 1st & 2nd shifts - On bus route on French Island
August 28, 2008
Happenings classifieds 2001 18ft Bayliner ski boat snap fit cover, 125hp Mercury, ski pylon 608-385-5315, $9400 2001 Jeep Cherokee Sport blue, cd, pl, pw, 262-893-8313, $5900 Oak Entertainment Center Glass Doors 262-8938313, $150 King pillow top mattress set in Package, $255, Full Sized Set $120 Deliverable 608-3994494
GOT SOMETHING TO HAWK? We’re starting a new classifieds section just for you. For $10/wk, you get three lines (25 words) to get rid of that old grill, those sweet rollerblades, promo your Garage Sale, or sell that extra kidney quick! (Just kidding, that’s not legal.)
Interested? send your 25 words to: copyeditor@secondsupper.com Submissions will be edited for length and inappropriate content. Please include current billing address and contact info.
ongoing events SOCRATES CAFE
Every Monday Acoustic Cafe Winona, Minn. 8 p.m. Philosophical discussion group YOGA
Every Tuesday Bluffland Bloom & Brew La Crosse approx. 7 p.m. All ages, skill levels welcome Donations gladly accepted FIGURE DRAWING
Every Wednesday Bluffland Bloom & Brew La Crosse 7 p.m. - 9 p.m., cost is $3 OPEN STAGE/MIC
Every Thursday Bluffland Bloom & Brew La Crosse 8 p.m. - 11 p.m. Free and open to all ages.
ongoing events WINONA AREA PEACEMAKERS VIGIL
Every Thursday Central Park Winona, Minn. 4:30 p.m. COMMUNITY HARVEST
Every Sunday Sobieski Park Winona, Minn. 2 p.m. Free food and talent
upcoming events FRENCH ISLAND 8TH ANNUAL RUN/WALK
August 30 French Island 7:00 registration, 8:00 race time. $10 before August 12, $15 day of race. Medals awarded for all age groups. 1st, 2nd & 3rd places. Refreshments and door prizes. Proceeds benefit the WI Lions Camp, Lions Leader Dogs, WI Eye Bank and Lions International. WISCONSIN HIGH SCHOOL REGIONAL RODEO
August 30 - 31 Holmen Coulee Region Riders Club 608-526-4684 www.ridersclub.net Horseback riding, barrel racing, pole bending, goat tying, break-away roping, open jackpot barrels, saddle bronco, bulls, steers, calf roping MUSIC ON THE RIVER WITH MISSISSIPPI EXPLORER CRUISES
August 30 1835 Rose Street, Behind the Best Western Midway Hotel La Crosse www.mississippiexplorer.com 5 p.m. - 7 p.m. Join us for our "Music on the River" backwater adventure cruises! Live bluegrass music onboard featuring The Beef Slough Boys. Purchase tickets and board at the Best Western Midway Hotel. BYOB (Bring Your Own Beer)! ARTS ON THE RIVER ART FAIR
August 31 Trempealeau Hotel, 150 Main Street 608-534-6898 /www.trempealeauhotel.com 11 a.m - 4 p.m. Arts, music and food on the Mississippi!
upcoming events ICE CREAM SOCIAL AT SKUMSRUD HERITAGE FARM
August 31 Norskedalen Nature & Heritage Center Coon Valley, Wis. 608-452-3424 www.norskedalen.org 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Come join an afternoon of fun at our old-fashioned Ice Cream Social. We are offering free admission for the day to our open-air museum. Stroll the grounds and visit with the families who lived in the various log homes, play lawn games, enjoy a live auction of antiques and other items and of course, there will be delicious ice cream treats for sale. There is a Chicken-Q lunch available from 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. Skumsrud Heritage Farm is half mile west of Coon Valley ELVIS EXPLOSION
camping GOOSE ISLAND 3 mi. south of La Crosse on Hwy 35 W6488 County Road GI Stoddard, WI 608-788-7018 Open until October 30 VETERANS MEMORIAL 9 mi. east of La Crosse on Hwy 16 N4668 County Road VP West Salem, WI 608 786-4011 Open until October 15 WHISPERING PINES 15 minutes north of La Crosse, on Hwy 53 925 Dana Ln. Holmen, WI 608-526-2152 NESHONOC LAKESIDE CAMP RESORT N5334 Neshonoc Rd. West Salem, WI 608-786-1792
performances HARVEY
Commonweal Theatre 208 Parkway Avenue North Lanesboro, MN 800-657-7025 www.commonwealtheatre.org Dreams and dreamers figure prominently in this 1940s comedy. Running from May 31-October 25. HARD OF HERON
Presented by the Heart of La Crosse New, locally written sketch comedy, music and improvisation show. The Pump House 119 King st. in La Crosse. 608-785-1434 Shows are Sept. 4-6, 12, 13, 19, 20 at All shows start at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $15 in advance, $18 day of show (Tickets are 2 for 1 on opening night!)
September 5 - 7 La Crosse Center 608-785-7464 www.lacrossecenter.com Elvis Shows are Friday and Saturday at 7 p.m. Sunday's finals are at 1 p.m. There is also a Legends Show – Great Pretenders – on Saturday at 2:30 p.m. The Legends show will feature Elton John, Tom Jones, Rod Stewart, Ricky Nelson, and Elvis. Individual show prices are: Gold Circle - $45.50,VIP - $35.50, General Admission - $24.50 (GA only goes up $2 on day of show). There is a discount when all four shows are purchased - $10 off Gold Circle, $7 off VIP and $5 off of the General admission. STORY FEST
September 5 - 6 Myrick Park La Crosse (608) 797-2807 /www.lacrossestoryfest.com Storytelling, storytelling workshops, folk music, local artists` work and the best festival food you have ever enjoyed. Featuring nationally recognized storytellers. STEPPIN' OUT IN PINK
September 6 Gundersen Lutheran La Crosse www.gundluth.org/steppinout 9 a.m. - 1 p.m. Walk for local breast cancer research. 5 miles walk and family fun event. Includes shopping, raffles, door prizes, entertainment.
PETTIBONE PARK RESORT 333 Park Plaza Dr. La Crosse, WI 608-782-5858 GREAT RIVER BLUFFS STATE PARK 43605 Kipp Drive Winona, MN 507-643-6849 BEAVER CREEK VALLEY 15954 County 1 Caledonia, MN 507-724-2107 JOHN A. LATSCH PARK From Winona go approximately 12 miles northwest on U.S. Highway 61. (507-643-6849
art exhibits A SEASON OF ART
First Saturday in June - Sept. 7203 N. Shore Drive, County Z Brice Prairie, on Lake Onalaska. (Look for the white barn) Enjoy extraordinary shopping at an outdoor art fair. This FREE event is sponsored by the La Crosse Society of Arts & Crafts. Open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. UCHIKAKE: WEDDING KIMONOS
July 24 through August 30 Pump House (La Crosse) Lecture and fashion show July 25
farmers' markets CAMERON PARK Every Friday, May - October 4 p.m. - 8 p.m. Downtown La Crosse Fresh produce, pasture-raised buffalo and beef, honey, maple syrup, plants, artists, handmade jewelry, paintings, beeswax candles, live performances and more! BRIDGEVIEW PLAZA Every Wednesday, June - Oct. 8 a.m. - 1 p.m. Bridgeview Plaza parking lot Northside of La Crosse LA CROSSE COUNTY Every Saturday, June - Oct. 6 a.m. - 1 p.m. County parking lot Downtown La Crosse CROSSING MEADOWS Every Sunday, June - Oct. 8 a.m. - 1 p.m. Festival Foods parking lot Onalaska WINONA Every Saturday, 7:30 a.m. - noon Every Wednesday, 2 p.m. - 5 p.m. May - October Downtown Winona Fresh produce, plants, eggs, chicken, turkey, beef, elk & buffalo meat, bakery. jams, pickles, honey, decorative gourds, wreaths & Indian corn. Our herbalists bring salves, teas, & catnip.
Trying to get the word out about your event? It's simple! Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
Email copyeditor@secondsupper.com and receive a free listing.
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COW, from page 13 tant wanted to turn back and flee. But I grabbed her coattails and gave her a stern look of authority. She fell back into line quite obediently. As we got closer, it got easier to see. You would not believe what I saw. The cows were all, but one, sleeping, on the GROUND!! How can you tip an on the ground cow?? I felt robbed, I wanted to tip a cow, or at least get pictures of me leaning on one, pushing with all my might. Defeated, I stepped up on the fence to get a better look and that’s when I heard it. A moo. First one, from one cow, then another from another, before I knew it all the cows were standing up and looking at me mooing, while one ran to get the farmer. I don’t know what I was more afraid of, the cows glaring at me or the idea of the Farmer chasing me with a double-barrel shot gun. Either way, I followed the lead of my fleeing assistant and ran like the dickens! I passed where I parked my car; I was so eager to get away from the cows. At this time my assistant, getting confused off of her fear, probably thinking the camera was a cell phone, tried to call 911 and ended up taking a picture of me while tears of fear streamed down my face. In the end I have come to one conclusion, cows cannot be tipped, because A: they sleep on the ground, and 2: they keep a *%$# lookout. But this is not the end, I refuse to roll over and be defeated. I will join a traveling ninja squad and learn the art of shadows, and I will tip a cow. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a year, but one night when the moon is high and the air is warm, I will visit those cows again, and they will be tipped, even if they do sleep on the ground, oh yes, they will be tipped. I shall make it my life’s goal, as Captain Ahab hunted the great white whale, I will tip a cow before I die. Mark my words.
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August 28, 2008
COMMUNITY SERVICE [ Area food & drink specials ] LA CROSSE All Star Lanes 4735 4735 Mormon Mormon Coulee Coulee
Alpine Inn W5715 W5715 Bliss Bliss rd. rd.
Alumni
620 620 Gillette Gillette st. st.
Sunday
Monday
33 games games for for $5 $5 starts at 8 starts at 8 p.m. p.m.
33 games games for for $5 $5 starts at 8 starts at 8 p.m. p.m.
bucket bucket special special
Bud Bud Night Night 66 -- CL: CL: $1.75 $1.75 bottles bottles $5 $5 pitchers pitchers
Beer Pong $7.00 $7 four cans 48 Cans p.m. -8-close close
16oz top sirloin $7 22oz tbone 5-8 p.m. 16oz Sirloin $7, Blue 9.75 sutffed sirloin 8 Cheese Stuffed Sirloin $8, Jack jack daniels tips 8 $1 shots of Daniels Tips $8, 22oz T Bone Doctor, cherry doctor - 8-cl $9.75, $1 shots doc and cherry Happy hour 4-6 $1.75 cans, $2 doc 8 p.m. - close mix drinks
Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Buck Buck Night Night starts starts at at 66 p.m. p.m.
33 games games for for $5 $5 starts at 7 starts at 7 p.m. p.m.
Import Import night night starts starts at at 77 p.m. p.m.
66 -- CL CL $2.50 $2.50 Sparks Sparks
1/4 1/4 barrel barrel giveaway giveaway 8-11 8-11 $1 $1 burgers burgers
bucket bucket night night 66 for for $9 $9
$6.00 $6.00 AUCD AUCD
Beef & Etc.
1203 1203 La La Crosse Crosse st. st.
Italian beef w/dog meal: $6.69 Pizza Puff meal: $4.49
meatball sandwich sandwich meatball meal: $6.15 $6.69 meal: Chicago dogs meal: 22 dogs meal: $ 5.25 $5.89
Italian Italian beef beef meal: meal: $6.15 $6.69 Chicago Chicago chili chili dog: dog: $3.45 $3.89
Big Al’s Brothers 115 S 3rd st.
free pitcher of beer or soda with large closed pizza
meat or marinara spaghetti:$2.50 $3.45 Italian sausage: $4.95 Blatz vs. Old Style
$1.25 make your own tacos, $4.75 taco salad $2.25$1.50 margaritas, $2 U-Call-Its off large taco pizza
2005 2005 West West ave. ave.
306 Pearl st.
Brothers The Cavalier 306 Pearl st.
22 for for 11 cans cans & & bottles during bottles during Packer Packer games games
closed
114 5th ave.
pitchers
$2 off all martinis
12 - 7: 2-4-1 rails $2.50 beers
7- CL: Margarita Monday Martini Madness $2 off $2.50 all martinis (rocks only)
CheapShots
77 -- CL CL $1 domestic $1 domestic 12 12 oz oz $2 $2 Stoli Stoli mixers mixers
77 -- CL CL Tequila’s Tequila’s chips chips & & salsa, salsa, $2 Coronas, $2.50 $2 Coronas, $2.50 Mike’s, Mike’s, Mike-arita Mike-arita
$3.00 $3.00 Domestic Domestic Pitchers, Pitchers, $2.00 $2.00 Shots Shots of of Cuervo, Cuervo, Rumpleminz, Goldschlager Rumpleminz, Goldschlager
Mexican Mexican Monday Monday $2.00 $2.00 Corona, Corona, Corona Light, Corona Light, Cuervo Cuervo
318 318 Pearl Pearl st. st.
Chuck’s
1101 1101 La La Crosse Crosse st. st.
Coconut Joe’s 223 223 Pearl Pearl st. st.
closed closed
Thirsty closed Tuesday
77 -- midnight midnight Ladies: Ladies: 22 for for 11 Guys: $1.50 Guys: $1.50 Coors Coors and and Kul Kul Light Light bottles bottles
closed closed
$.50 $.50 domestic domestic taps, taps, $1 $1 microbrews, microbrews, $3 $3 domestic domestic pitchers, $6 microbrew pitchers, $6 microbrew pitchers pitchers
$2 $2Tuesdays, Tuesdays, including including $2 $2 bottles, bottles, import import taps, taps, beer beer pong, pong, apps, apps, single single shot shot mixers, mixers, featured featured shots, shots, and and 50 50 cent cent taps taps
chicken & veggie fajitas for two
football night dollar domestic beer: $1.50 burgers Mexican beer: $2.00
chicken dollar primavera
chicken veggie Build your& own fajitas Bloody Mary N3287 County Coulee OA 5200 Mormon for two 16oz Mug - $4.00
football night Homemade Pizza domestic $1.50 & PItcherbeer: of Beer Mexican beer: $2.00 $9.00
chicken $1.25 primavera BURGERS
Fiesta Mexicana The Elite 5200 Mormon Coulee 412 Main st.
Fox FiestaHollow Mexicana Goal Post FoxCampbell Hollow 1904 rd.
N3287 County OA
Gracie’s Goal Postrd. 1908 Campbell
1904 Campbell rd.
Huck Finn’s Gracie’s 127 dr. rd. 1908Marina Campbell
Bloody Mary specials 10 - 2
Bloody Mary domestic JB’s Speakeasy Huck Finn’s $1.75 specials bottles
717 Rose st.
127 Marina dr. vol. 8, issue 10 - 2129 Second Supper
Cosmic Cosmic Bowl Bowl starts starts at at 99 p.m. p.m.
3-7 3-7 happy happy hour hour
10 cent wings (9 - CL) 4 - 7 HAPPY HOUR Wristband $1 High Life bottles
$1railDr. shots $1.50 mixers $2$3 Guinness pints Jager Bombs
2 for 1 Night taps
-7
7- CL: Guys' Night 2 for 1 $1.25 taps beers & rails
batterfried cod, fries, 5-8 p.m. beans, and garlic bread fish dinner $5.25 $5.50
pepper pepper & & egg egg sandwich sandwich meal: $4.50, meal: $5.00 fish sandwich meal:meal: $4.99, Italian sausage Italian $6.69 sausage meal: $6.15
Italian Italian beef beef meal: meal: $6.15 $6.69 22 Chicago Chicago dog dog meal: meal: $3.45 $5.89
$6.75 $3.00 Three Olives mixers/ mojitosshrimp dinner $2 Cherry Bombs $1 Bazooka Joes
$3.00bloody Bacardi mixers/ marys mojitos 11 a.m. - 4 p.m $2 Cherry Bombs $1 Bazooka Joes
$3.00 Captain mixers/ mojitos50 cent taps 4 - 7 $2 Cherry Bombs (increases 50 cents per $1 Bazooka Joes hour) $1 rails 5010 cent- taps CL:4 - 7 (increases 50 cents per $1.50 rails hour) $1 rails
77 -- midnight midnight $2 $2 Malibu Malibu madness madness $2 $2 pineapple pineapple upsidedown upsidedown cake cake
77 -- midnight midnight $1 $1 rail rail mixers mixers $2 $2 Bacardi Bacardi mixers mixers
Topless Topless Tuesday Tuesday
burgers
$2.00 $2.00 Cruzan Cruzan Rum Rum Mixers, Mixers, $2.50 $2.50 Jameson Jameson Shots, Shots, $3.00 $3.00 Mixers Mixers
$3.00 $3.00 Patron Patron Shots Shots WING NIGHT-$1.25/LB WING NIGHT-$1.25/LB BUFFALO, SMOKEY BBQ, PLAIN BUFFALO, SMOKEY BBQ, PLAIN $1.00 PABST AND PABST LIGHT $1.00 PABST AND PABST LIGHT BOTTLES$1.50 ROLLING ROCK BOTTLES$1.50 ROLLING ROCK BOTTLES BOTTLES $2.25 BUD LIGHTS $1.00 SHOT $2.25 BUD LIGHTS $1.00 SHOT OF THE WEEK OF THE WEEK
$2.00 $2.00 Captain Captain Mixers Mixers
Wristband Wristband Night Night $5 COLLEGE $5 COLLEGE I.D. I.D. $9 $9 general general public public
live live DJ DJ $1 shot $1 shot specials specials
shrimp Early Bird Special 20% offburrito dinner items 3:00 - 5:30 p.m.
chili verde Happy Hour 4-6 $1.75 domestics
Ask server Fish for details
HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 3 - 6
chili 25 Cent Wings verde
HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 3 - 6
beer pong 6 p.m. $8.95$1.25 16 oz steak
BURGERS Buy one gyro free baklava, ice - 9 AM getHAPPY one HOUR 6 AM cream or sundae beer pong 6 p.m. half price with6 meal free wings p.m. - 9 p.m.
$5.99 gyro fries & soda
EVERYDAY 3 BuyHAPPY one gyroHOUR free baklava, ice get one cream or sundae half price with meal
$1.75 domestic bottles
free wings 6 p.m. - 9 p.m.
Bucket of Domestic Cans 5 for $9.00
$8.95 16 oz steak
$1.75 domestic HAPPY HOUR bottles
$3.00 Bacardi mixers/ mojitos $2 Cherry Bombs $1 Bazooka Joes
50
Happy Hour 12 - 7 cents off most items
HAPPY HOUR 25 Cent Wings 5 p.m. - 10 p.m.
$1.25 domestic taps buy one burger HOUR getHAPPY one half price 5 p.m. - 10 p.m.
-7 $1.25 and 9domestic - 11 taps buy one burger get one half price
HAPPY HOUR 5 - 7 EVERYDAY 3 -7 and 9 - 11
$2.00 $2.00 Malibu, Malibu, $2.50 $2.50 Jaeger, Jaeger, $3.00 $3.00 Jaeger Jaeger Bombs Bombs
$2.50 $2.50 JUMBO JUMBO CAPTAIN CAPTAIN AND AND FLAVORED BACARDI MIXERS FLAVORED BACARDI MIXERS $3.00 $3.00 JAGER JAGER BOMBS BOMBS
Karaoke Karaoke $1 shot $1 shot specials specials
Homemade Pizza & PItcher of Beer $9.00 $5.99 gyro fries & soda
$1.50
Happy Hour 12 - 7
Ladies Ladies Night Night buy buy one, one, get get one one free free wear wear aa bikini, bikini, drink drink free free
Bucketshrimp of Domestic Cans burrito 5 for $9.00
2-8 p.m. AUCE wings $5
$4.50 $4.50 domestic domestic pitchers pitchers barrel barrel parties parties at at cost cost
HAPPY HOUR 6 AM - 9 AM
Build your own Bloody Mary 16oz Mug - $4.00
Cosmic Cosmic Bowl Bowl & & Karaoke starts Karaoke starts at at 99 p.m. p.m.
All All day, day, everyday: everyday: $1.00 $1.00 Shots Shots of of Doctor, Doctor, $2.00 $2.00 Cherry Cherry Bombs, Bombs, $1.75 $1.75 Silos Silos of of Busch Busch Light/Coors Light/Coors
$1 $1 Kul Kul Light Light cans cans
411 411 3rd 3rd st. st.
hamburger hamburger meal: or $3.69 cheeseburger meal: $3.89 cheeseburger meal: Italian Beef w/dog $3.89 meal: $7.89 soup or salad bar $2.25 burgers, $2.60 HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 PM cheeseburgers, $2 off FREE with entree or 10 cent wings (9 - CL) sandwich until 3 p.m. Wristband large pizza, $1 fries $1.25 High Life bottles ($3.95 by itself) with anyrailpizza Night $1.50 mixers grilled grilled chicken chicken sandsandwich wich meal: meal: $5.29 $5.29 Polish Polish sausage sausage meal: meal: $3.99 $4.49
HAPPY HOUR 4 3- CL: 7- CL: 2 Beers,closed 1 topping pizza Ladies' $1 Dr. Night shots $11 $1.25 beersBombs & rails $3 Jager
$4 $4 full pint full pint Irish Irish Car Car Bomb Bomb
Dan’s Place
33 p.m. p.m. -- midnight midnight 25 25 cent cent hot hot wings wings $1 $1 shots shots of of Dr. Dr.
HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 PM
$2.50 Blatz vs. Old Style Martini Madness pitchers
The Cavalier Chances R 114 114 5th 5th ave. ave.
AUCE wings $5.00 11 a.m. - 9 p.m. AUCE free crazy bingo Wings $5, Bingo buyBOGO one cherry bomb $1 cherry get one bombs for $1
$1 5-8 11 softshell a.m. - 9 tacos p.m. $5 p.m. bbqBBQ ribscounand $1 shots of doctor, try style ribs $5, fries hard or soft shell cherry doctor
euchre tourney 7:30
Barrel Inn
Saturday
$2 $2 Silos Silos
tacos $1
beer pong
Friday
Fry
Karaoke Karaoke
reservations available
Ask server for details HAPPY HOUR 3 - 8 $8.95 16 oz. steak $8.95 1/2 lb. fish platter
GREEK ALL DAY
buy oneHOUR appetizer HAPPY 3-8 get one half price appetizer half price
$8.95 16 oz. steak $8.95 1/2 lb. fish platter
with meal
buy one appetizer get one half price
GREEK ALL DAY appetizer half price with meal
20
Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday & drink specials ] COMMUNITY SERVICE [ Area food
LA CROSSE JB’s Speakeasy 717 Rose st.
The Joint 324 Jay st.
Legend’s
$1.75 domestic bottles
123 3rd st.
Loons
1128 La Crosse st.
$1.75 domestic bottles
HAPPY HOUR EVERYDAY 4 - 8, $2 domestic beer and rail drinks ALL DAY, EVERYDAY $1 shots of Dr.
closed
223 Pearl st.
The Library
$1.75 domestic bottles
come in and find out ... you’ll be glad you did 9-cl- NBC night. (Night Before Class) $3 pitchers of the beast Happy Hour 4-9 p.m.
closed
closed 9-cl$3.50 Domestic pitchers
HAPPY HOUR 5 - 7
$1.00 off all Irish shots $2.50 pints of Guinness $3.00 imperial pints
$2 Love Stories $5 Wu Tang Teas $1 shots of the DOC! WING NIGHT $2 SVEDKA MIXERS $2.50 JACK MIXERS $2.25 BUD LIGHTS $2 SHOTS OF ALL DOCTOR FLAVORS
closed $1 taps $1 rails 1/2 price Tequila
9-cl- $1 rails, $2.50 pitchers, Beer Pong
AFTER COMEDY: PINT NIGHT $1 PINTS OF RAILS MIXERS AND DOMESTIC TAPS $2 PINTS OF CALL MIXERS AND IMPORT TAPS $3 PINTS OF TOP SHELF MIXERS
KARAOKE $2 double rails $3 double calls $2 ALL bottles
Wristband Night and Beer Pong Tourney
9-cl $2 pitchers miller lite til midnight. After midnight $2 ucall its
9-cl $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans
$2 SHOTS OF GOLDSCHLAGER $5 DOUBLE VODKA ENERGY DRINK $3 Three Olives $3 Bacardi Mixers $3 jumbo Long Islands mixers
$3 jumbo Long Islands 9-cl -$2 captain mixers, 9-cl $2 bacardi mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 jager $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy bombs
HAPPY HOUR 3 - 6
Nutbush
3264 George st.
Players
Price by Dice
214 Main St
Ralph's
In John's Bar 109 3rd st. N
Ringside 223 Pearl st.
Schmidty’s
Chef specials daily Mighty Meatball sub $6
closed
3119 State rd.
breakfast buffet $9.95 10 a.m. - 2 p.m.
Shooter’s
$1 Shot Night
120 S 3rd st.
Tailgators 1019 S 10th st.
Top Shots 137 S 4th st.
Yesterdays 317 Pearl st.
LA CRESCENT
Crescent Inn 444 Chestnut st.
WINONA Brothers 129 W 3rd st.
Godfather’s 3021 Walnut st.
2 for 1 Happy Hour ALL NIGHT LONG
happy hour all day
closed
Karaoke @ 10 p.m. 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 AUCD Rail mixers @ 10 p.m.
Karaoke @ 10 p.m. 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 $1 Pabst cans, Dr. shots @ 10 p.m.
chicken parmesan sub $6
Italian sandwich w/banana peppers and parmesan &6
$2 mixers, taps, bottles $1.00 OFF YOUR CHOICE OF FOOD
2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 - 9 Best Damned DJ'S @ 10 p.m.
2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 - 8 Best Damned DJ'S @ 10 p.m.
Chicken salad on rye w/ lettuce, tomato, onion $5 $5.99 FISH SANDWICH FOR LUNCH, $6.99 FISH SANDWICH FOR DINNER, $9.99 ALL YOU CAN EAT FISH FRY ALL DAY
happy hour all day long! $1.00 OFF WILD WINGS, $1.00 PHILLY STEAK AND CHEESE.
LUNCH BUFFET $6.45 LUNCH SPECIALS CHANGE DAILY Ask Nicely See What Happens $4 domestic pitchers
Tie Tuesday Great Prices For Sharp Dressers
$1 Rails, $1.50 Pint Taps, $3 Long Island Pints
$2 Bacardi mixers
$2 Spotted Cow & DT Brown pints $2 domestic bottles 7 - 12, $2.50 Skyy/ Absolute mixers 10-1 $2 Dr. drinks
$1 Point special bottles
$2.50 pints Bass & Guinness
$1.75 domestic bottles
$2.25 Pearl st. pints $1.50 PBR bottles
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday Wednesday
$2 Rolling Rocks $2 domestic beer
8 - CL $1.50 rails $1.75 Bud cans
$1 shots of Dr. $2.50 Polish
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday Wednesday
$1 martinis $2 mojitos $3 margaritas & Michelob Golden pitchers
family buffet 5 -8 kids under 10 pay .45 cents per year of age
$2.50 Bacardi Mixers, $3 Long Island Pints
HAPPY HOUR 10 AM - 12, 4 PM - 6 PM $1.50 Bud/Miller Lite/ PBR taps all day $1.75 rails 10 - 1
closed
Southwest chicken pita $5
HAPPY HOUR 4 PM - 7 PM $1.00 OFF CHICKEN HOOP DAY!! MAKE PHILLY, $1.00 OFF YOUR SHOT AND CHEESE CURDS YOUR ENTRÉE IS FREE!
$1.75 light taps and Dr. shots
Fiesta Night 7 - 12 $2 tequila shots $2.50 margaritas
2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 - 10 $2 Capt. mixers $1.75 domestic beer, $1.50 Rails, $1 Pabst cans @ 10 p.m.
$1 domestic taps $3 Jager Bombs
Bucket Night 5 for $9 5 domestic bottles for $10, $2 Bacardi mixers, $1.50 rail vodka mixers 10 -1
$1 Dr. shots $3 16 oz Captain mixers
$1 Dr. shots $3 16 oz Captain mixers
$2 Long Islands, PBR bottles, Captain mixers
$2.75 deluxe Bloodys ‘til 7, $5 lite pitchers 7 - 12
$1.75 rails $1 PBR mugs
Thursday
Friday
Thursday
Saturday $2.50 Captain $2.50 Jager Bombs & Polish
$2 u-call-it (except top shelf)
HAPPY HOUR 3 PM - 8 PM $1 off anything that pours $1 O-Bombs/ 10 cent wings, $3 filled 2 for 1 mug ($1 tap refills, $2 Bazooka Joes, anything rail refills) $1 High Life Wristband Night 9 p.m. - close bottles/kamikaze shots
any jumbo, large, or large 1 topping pizza medium pizza up to 5 $9.99 toppings: $11.99 (get 2nd large for $5)
$2.50 Bacardi Mixers, $3 Long Island Pints
Friday $2.50 Three Olives Vodkas $1 Cherry & Jäger Bombs
Saturday $2.50 Bacardi Drinks $1 Cherry & Jäger Bombs
August 28, 2008
Ã
Thursday, August 28 Dan’s Place Live DJ
9:00
Popcorn Tavern TBA 10:00 Nighthawks Dave Orr's Damn Jam (gear provided, no cover) 10:00 Ringside Comedy Night 8:00 Kreekside Adam Palm
7:00
Popcorn Tavern Sol Spectre
Popcorn Tavern The New Blend
George St. Pub Adam Palm’s Open Jam Popcorn Tavern Shawn Wooden w/ Up and Coming
population
9:00
10:00
Tuesday, September 2 Nutbush Live DJ
10:00
Popcorn Tavern Paulie
10:00
Wednesday, September 3 10:00 Loon’s Comedy Night
8:30
Library Karaoke
9:00
10:00 10:00
Saturday, August 30
9:00
Popcorn Tavern Bourbon Bros. 10:00 Players Live DJ 10:00 Nutbush Live DJ
Winona
Monday, September 1
Coconut’s Live DJ
All Star Lanes Karaoke
10:00
Alumni Open Jam 10:00
Friday, August 29
Nutbush Live DJ
Just A Roadie Away...
Sunday, August 31
The Recovery Room Live DJ 9:00 Nutbush Live DJ 10:00
Player’s Live DJ
Ã
Entertainment Directory 8/28-9/3
10:00
Second Supper vol. 8, issue 129
10:00
Longhorn Karaoke
10:00
Player’s Karaoke
10:00
Popcorn Tavern Brownie’s Open Jam 10:00 The Joint Wu-Tang Wednesday
10:00
Got a show? Let us know! We'll put it in, yo. copyeditor@secondsupper.com
27,069
Soapbox Project
Draught Haus Thur., 8/28
Michelle Lynn
Ed's no-name bar Thur., 8/28
Lem Genovese
Acoustic Cafe
Fri., 8/29
Chokecherry, Cuomo!, Darren Deicide
DDBC Bike Co-op
Fri., 8/29
Charlie Parr & the Black Twig Pickers
Ed's no-name bar
Thur., 9/4
Minneapolis population
387,970
Backseat Goodbye
Station 4
Fri., 8/29
Ruby Isle
Kitty Cat Klub
Fri., 8/29
Acting Normal
Acadia Cafe
Sat., 8/30
White Light Riot
O'Gara's
Sun., 8/31
Culture Feat. Kenyatta Hill Triple Rock Social Club
Mon., 9/1
Anti-Flag
Minnesota State Capitol
Tues., 9/2
Rage Against The Machine
Target Center
Wed., 9/3
Are you a recent graduate looking for a career opportunity? Have you called Olsten Staffing Services? We have Direct Hire Opportunities with top local companies: -
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Contact Olsten Staffing Services for more info: 608-782-1100 1202 State Street Suite B La Crosse, WI 54601 22
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Downtown La crosse, above fayze’s - 782-6622
Sign up now for Fall Pool and Dart Leagues! Top Shots IN-House Pool Leagues Every Sunday and Wednesday Stansfield Traveling Pool and Dart League Every Sun, MOn, Tues, and Thurs.
$2
$1.75 - Light Taps $1.75 DR. Shots
Saturday 23
Pabst Tappers, Domestic Bottles, and Rails!
$1.50 Bud/Miller Lite $2.00 Domestics 7-12pm & PBR Taps $2.50
$1.75
Skyy/Abs. Mixers 10-1AM
$2.00 Dr. Drinks
$2.75 Deluxe Bloody Marys ‘til 7:00 PM $5.00 Light Pitchers 7:00PM - Midnight August 28, 2008
Film Review Step Brothers (2008) Director: Adam McKay Cast:Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly, Mary Steenburgen Writers:Will Ferrell and Adam McKay By Nicholas Cabreza
nicholas.cabreza@secondsupper.com If you've seen more than one Will Ferrell movie in the last five years, you'll notice they all follow a very clear cut formula. Be it Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory, or the new Step Brothers, every Ferrell movie concerns a wacky, bumbling man-child whose zany antics cause him to fall from grace, requiring an even zanier scheme to set things right. Luckily for Ferrell, it's a formula that's worked well so far. Ferrell and writer/director Adam McKay have seemingly mastered the man-child prototype they introduced in Anchorman. The one thing they haven't mastered? Writing a unique third act that's as funny as the rest of the film. In Step Brothers, McKay and Ferrell again team with John C. Reilly who, thanks in part to McKay and Ferrell, is now more popular as a comedy star than he ever was as a dramatic actor. Again Reilly seems content with playing
sidekick to the powerhouse Ferrell, though screen time between the two appears to be rationed a little more equally. The plot alone, which focuses on their rivalry, is completely unoriginal, relying on copious f-bombs and penis humor to make the formulaic comedy-competition feel original. Essentially, Step Brothers is a dirtier Talladega Nights, minus the racing. You can visibly see how much fun Ferrell and Reilly are having making movies together, and it's impossible not to enjoy Step Brothers on some childish, whimsical level. The first act is relentless; Ferrell and Reilly are in rapid-fire mode, effortlessly slinging jokes and insults off each others' egos. Unlike Anchorman, this Ferrell/McKay isn't littered with too many colorful supporting characters, so it's no surprise that Ferrell and Reilly run out of both steam and material as the movie wanes. But the first half is a riot, full of laugh-out-loud moments. Sober, the laughs are decent; drunk, they'll probably have you upchucking with joy. ,
La Crosseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Largest Sports Bar
Y A D N SU
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223 Pearl St - Downtown La Crosse - 608-782-9192 CHECK OUT ALL OUR SPECIALS IN COMMUNITY SERVICE