The Billboard Battle by Second Supper

PHOTO BY ASHLY CONRAD

INSIDE...

La Crosse's Free Press VOLUME 11, NO. 22 | JUNE 23, 2011

Progrebra brings fine food to the Northside Page 4

The Billboard Battle In a city saturated with signs, is this the last straw? Page 5 PLUS: RYAN DUNN'S MIXTAPE • PAGE 7 | A JUNE DOPPELBOCK? • PAGE 9 | FEAR OF FLYING • PAGE 11

2// June 23, 2011

Second Supper

COMMUNITY

Social Networking NAME AND AGE: Katie Bakalars, 23 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, WI

Switch today and your family can $ save over 1,000. A family of four can save over $1,000 a year by switching to the Premium Plus Plan from U.S. Cellular. It’s another reason to be with the happiest customers in wireless. ®

CURRENT JOB: Ultimate double life: bank teller by day, actor by night DREAM JOB: To have my own theatre acoustically tuned to my voice like The Great Celine Dion. LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Auditions in D.C. IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? On a beach with a hammock and an endless supply of margaritas. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: See the Mayan ruins. WHAT IS YOUR PET PEEVE? Not using time adequately. WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Pearl Street's Downtown Brown. CELEBRITY CRUSH: Russel Brand WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? Just finished re-reading my favorite book of all time: "The Picture of Dorian Gray." WHAT IS YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE? Cigarettes

Now–new phones for the whole family, including:

TELL US A JOKE: I'm a terrible joke teller.. My stories become too elaborate and then I always forget the punch line. I used to be good at them when I was younger, and had this great joke that I would tell and my friends at slumber parties and they would laugh and laugh....Wait, what was the question again?

HTC MERGE

an Android -powered phone TM

• HTC Sense interface with multiple home screens TM

LG GENESIS

• Promote family togetherness with apps like Flipboard and BeejiveIM

an Android-powered phone

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? D.C. Metro Pass WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: Lint? IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? More cowbell.

• Dual touch screens—a full one outside, another inside • Keep tabs on the kids with apps like SkypeTM and HeyTell

WHAT PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH? Princess Diana FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Sugar Ray WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? Top 5 Things To Do.

To learn more, visit uscellular.com/planalyzer or call 1-888-BUY-USCC. Kansas Customers: In areas in which U.S. Cellular receives support from the Federal Universal Service Fund, all reasonable requests for service must be met. Unresolved questions concerning services availability can be directed to the Kansas Corporation Commission Office of Public Affairs and Consumer Protection at 1-800-662-0027. Limited-time offer. Trademarks and trade names are the property of their respective owners. ©2011 U.S. Cellular.

USC-ICON-11-002 USC-ICON-11-006 USC-ICON-11-009

BURST_10_Upper_A

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHUGGYPOP? Through the lovely grapevine of theatre networking. — Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

Second Supper

June 23, 2011 // 3

FIRST THINGS FIRST See downtown's latest splash of color

Things To Do

A long-vacant downtown space is finally filled with a business, and we’re proud to report that it completely kicks ass. The Twisted Skull tattoo shop will have its grand opening celebration this Saturday from 6 to 8 p.m. Located at 206 Fourth St. S., former home of the Mark and Psychic Gina’s, Twisted Skull brings a splash of color and energy to a long dormant stretch of downtown. Attend the grand opening celebration to sip some free Pearl Street brews and eat fine local munchies. Then congratulate owner Jake Phillip for all the hard work he put into his shop, and maybe make an appointment to get some ink.

Take it to the Riverfest!

The Top American advertisers (2010) 1. Proctor & Gamble ($4.6 billion) 2. AT&T ($3 billion) 3. General Motors ($2.9 billion) 4. Verizon ($2.4 billion) 5. American Express ($2.2 billion) 6. Pfizer ($2.1 billion) 7. Walmart ($2 billion)

Musicians that peaked with their debut album 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Guns ‘n Roses Van Halen Hootie & the Blowfish John Prine Belle & Sebastian The Strokes 85% of all rappers, ever

No, we didn’t jump a week in the space-time continuum. The Fourth of July is still 11 days away. But due to some scheduling formalities, we get to promote Riverfest in this week’s Things To Do (although we’ll probably give you a reminder next week, too). So first things first: Buy a button! They’re $5 if you pick one up today, and $7 if you get one during the fest. But don’t fret, homebodies, this year you can even order buttons online! We’ll be sure to give you the complete entertainment rundown next week, but here are the highlights for when the fest kicks off next Thursday: Sand sculpting, that venerable impermanent art, starts at 11 a.m. and lasts all day. Walk a Mile in Her shoes, the inspiring stumble/walk, lasts from 6 to 7:30 p.m. There are also bingo and lumberjacks and a magician and Puttin’ on the Lips, and Thursday’s big musical acts include Latin Vibe, La Crosse Concert Band and Sell-Out. And if you want to mark your calendars early, the Spin Doctors play July 3.

Now this sounds like our kind of party!

You had us at hello, Beer Camp 2011. It sounds like you stand for two of our favorite things, so combining beer and camping into one handy festival really seems like a place we want to be. If that appeals to you, too, head up to the Rivers Edge Campground near Galesville on Friday night for a party that also includes local bands Moon Boot Posse, Reimer Revolution and King Friday. We also hear they’re building a bonfire that will melt your socks off.

Get Muddy

Have you ever enjoyed Human Powered Trails? Located on a bluff on the backside of La Crosse, on Highway FE near the National Weather Service, this network of hiking and biking trails is a true gem of the city. The whole organization runs on volunteers, so maybe you could take your duff up the bluff for their weekly trail building sessions, dubbed Muddy Monday. HPT supplies the tools. You’ve just got to show up in appropriate dress — and that includes bug spray. Who knows, maybe you’ll lay the foundation for a century of La Crosse fun.

Buy the whole seat, only need the edge

Want a little more vroom vroom in your life? Head up to the La Crosse Fairgrounds Speedway on Saturday night for a weekly race of Late Models, Sportsmen, Thunderstox, Hornets and Outlawz. The first race starts at 7:30 p.m., with an autograph session scheduled for 6:30 p.m. Pro tip: races are BYOB.

4// June 23, 2011

Exemplary eatery opens on Avon St.

. .

. ..

.........

.. . . . . ..

.........

Second Supper

COMMUNITY

.........

TUESDAYS at 8PM

WEDNESDAYS from 4-11PM

○ NOT YOUR GRANDMA’S ○

Pogreba is the most surprising restaurant our reviewer ever loved By Marcel Dunn Special to Second Supper

Never judge a book by its cover. It’s a cliché as old as time and Joan Rivers and in the case of both, just as irrevocable. And in the case of my latest outing, that is exactly what I did not do. I pulled up to the address on Avon Street on the Northside, took one look at the empty lot of overgrown weeds across the street and the gloomy brown façade of the building I was supposed to walk into and immediately set my expectations at paltry. Well shame on me. You’ll probably think the same thing before you walk into Pogreba. Located in a renovated Baptist church that may remind you of those awkward dances you went to at your church as a kid, the restaurant doesn’t look like much. In other words, it’s kind of an ugly book. Then you put one foot in front of the other, open the door and step into one of the most exquisitely designed restaurants in La Crosse. The average height of the ceiling above the bar and waiting area opens up onto a dining area that is twice the height of the entrance, an obvious carry-over from the original church design. However, the low ceiling of the entrance is not a design quirk, but rather an additional secondstory dining area that is much more private than the rest of the dining room, most likely meant for parties or working lunches. Below the second floor, two curved walls roughly six feet tall loosely divide the dining tables in the center of the room, with booth seating lining the north and south walls. Hanging upon the eastern wall is a tall sculpture in the shape of a single flame with backlighting that gives it a dull orange glow. In combination with the subdued lighting,

Second Supper is a proud member of the Alternative Weekly Netowrk

MyEaglesNest.NET

The view from inside and outside Pogreba Restaurant,1232 Avon St., the longtime home of Pogy's Catering. stained glass windows and high ceiling, this focal point of the entire room lends a wonderful ambiance to the experience. And this was just during the lunch hour. Unlike the imagination of the local architect who designed it, however, the Pogreba lunch menu was a bit limited. Except for a couple of salad options, the menu was all burgers and sandwiches. Fortunately, this was my only real gripe with Pogreba, as the food lived up to the lofty expectations set by the excellent setting. After some tough choices, we settled on the poblano grilled chicken sandwich and a burger topped with marinated mushrooms, both of which come on a ciabatta bun and an optional side of fries. My sandwich, the poblano (a kind of pepper) chicken, was without a doubt the best chicken sandwich I’ve had in this area. It was perfectly grilled and topped with a slice of pepper jack cheese, roasted poblanos and a jalapeno and garlic infused mayo. This combination of flavors was fantastic. Honestly, it is hard to adequately describe how good of a sandwich this was with simple adjectives. I could try with words like juicy, spicy, tangy, and light on the stomach. Even

Photos By Marcel Dunn

the lettuce and tomato, which I’m not usually a fan of, were both nice and crisp as veggies on a sandwich should be. Sandwich fans take note. On the other plate, my stalwart companion had a delicious looking burger smothered in wine marinated mushrooms. The few bites I had were burger heaven, though I would have liked to have maybe seen some cheese and ketchup and mustard that didn’t come in a little gourmet side dish. But the burger itself was incredibly juicy and accented by a grill flavor that’s tough not to love. Though it isn’t an immediate recommend like the poblano chicken, it still gets two thumbs up in my book, and you can always ask for cheese if that’s your preference. I truly cannot say enough about the lunch hour I spent at Pogreba’s and because there is a finite amount of space filled up with the sublime prose of my fellow writers in our fair paper, I’ll have to make this short. Visit Pogreba’s at any hour of the day in which they are open immediately. Smash your piggy bank with a steel hammer and turn over the cushions on the couch. It will be the smartest thing you’ve done since you went to Kate’s. You did go to Kate’s right?

Second Supper

COMMUNITY

June 23, 2011 // 5

The Billboard Battle

In a city saturated with signs, is this the last straw? By Anna Soldner anna.soldner@secondsupper.com They say a picture is worth a thousand words. In the case of the new electronic billboard just north of La Crosse on Highway 16, it’s also worth thousands of dollars, LED light bulbs and conflicting opinions. On May 19, 2011, Olympus Media — an Atlanta-based company that recently purchased local business Collins Outdoor Advertising — erected a two-sided LEDpowered sign near the Highway 16 overpass entering the city. The sign, which alternates between flashy, colorful advertisements every 6 to 8 seconds, was a source of immediate complaints from citizens who view the bright, shifting sign as a scenery-spoiling eyesore and a distraction to both drivers and neighboring homeowners. Initially, Olympus installed the sign with no prior notification to the neighbors, which technically isn’t a violation of law, but it wasn’t Midwest courtesy either. “The way the state interprets the state law when you go from a static billboard to an electronic billboard, it’s considered to be just a mere change of message,” explains La Crosse County Board supervisor Maureen Freedland, who represents the area near the billboard. “It’s like, not a big deal; but to the people who live in the area and also to the greater community, it really is a big deal.” Olympus Media’s real estate manager Keith Carson declined to comment for this story. Frustrated neighborhood residents complained to county board members and the town of Medary (where the billboard resides) about spill-over light shining into their windows, making it especially difficult to sleep. “When you take the view coming out, you see the hills, you see the marsh — it’s definitely a natural green area — but then you’ve got this bright, obnoxious sign standing right in the middle of your view,” laments Rich Kastenschmidt, who lives on nearby Milson Court. “When you’re standing in your room, you gotta close your blinds because I mean you could go out and read the newspaper in front of that sign.” Following the outpouring of complaints, the county board then passed a 6-month moratorium on new electronic billboards or additions to existing signs until the board can adopt a new set of rules governing outdoor advertising. However, this controversy is proving to be not just a neighborhood issue, but an issue that affects the entire community, especially one so tied to scenicbeauty. “We’ve had an environment where we’ve attracted people to our area because of the beauty, and we feel as though when you prop a huge, gigantic billboard right there at the marsh — or at other difficult spots — that you take away from the enjoyment of the area,” says Freedland. “And frankly, we’re worried that this kind of activity is something that could keep people from moving to La Crosse and businesses from

wanting to start up here.” Others argue that billboard bombardment will only boost local business, given that Highway 16 has the heaviest traffic of any highway in the area, with an estimated 25,000 cars passing on an average day. “It’s an advertising wonderland,” states Jeff Bluske, director of the La Crosse County Zoning Department “Advertising is something that is very traffic-dependent. Nowhere else in the city or the county are you going to get that many people seeing your advertising.” That’s an issue that may be lost on the vocal cadre of billboard opponents, who don’t necessarily represent the views of the entire community. “Everybody has to understand what’s in the equation here before they jump overboard and regulate or not regulate,” urges Bluske. “People can’t have their cake and eat it too. The other 99 percent of the population that doesn’t really give a hoot ends up paying for this because it’s kind of like the minority is wagging the dog.” Freedland disagrees, saying that money can’t trump the comfort and privacy of our citizens. “Just because you’ve got a captive audience there doesn’t mean that the billboard company has the right to put something there that isn’t suitable for the community,” she says. “When people a half-mile away have to change their lifestyle to accommodate advertising, there’s something wrong with the picture.” What’s especially notable about the Highway 16 billboard — which was erected 5 years ago in non-electronic form — is that it stands out from the sea of public advertising in the area. La Crosse is the 12th largest city in Wisconsin, yet it has the most billboards per capita after Milwaukee. So why do we have such a high proliferation of billboards? County planner Charlie Handy believes it’s a combination of La Crosse’s growing job market and a booming local business. “Seventy percent of our region’s jobs are in the city of La Crosse...so what you have is kind of a funnel, or a center, if you will, where people drive to on a daily basis... it’s a scenario that generates a demand or a market for those signs,” Handy explains. “I think the other reason is that we do have one of the more successful sign companies in the state of Wisconsin with Collins Outdoor Advertising now being purchased by Olympus.” To citizens like Kastenschmidt, the electronic billboard was the final straw.“We don’t need any more signs, and we definitely don’t need any more huge, electronic, jumbotrons that they’re putting up.” According to Bluske, that “Jumbotron” — which citizens have likened to “a giant TV screen,” “junk in the sky,” and “texting in the sky” — is shocking because it’s unexpected. “If you’ve gone past the thing during the day it’s pretty unobtrusive, but because that’s kind of a dark stretch of the highway ...you don’t expect to see that kind of a light,” he explains. “If there were street lights

Over 25,000 cars traverse this stretch of Highway 16 everyday. It's the reason Olympus Media picked this site in the fight for eyeballs. Photos By Ashly Conrad

in that area, it probably wouldn’t be as obtrusive.” La Crosse city councilman Bob Seaquist, who refers to the recent influx of electronic signs as “carnivalization,” reiterates that everyone, from general community members to sign companies, should have a say in the issue. “We’re going to ask the community: Do you want your town to look like downtown Wisconsin Dells?” Seaquist said. Aside from an aesthetic standpoint, opponents are afraid that the billboard poses a threat to drivers. “It’s at a very tricky part of Highway 16 where cars are already going faster than they should be, then they get to an overpass where there’s a speed decrease, so you’re concentrating on decreasing your speed,” warns Freedland. “It’s an overpass that freezes more quickly in the winter time, and it’s a winding road. It’s at a dangerous spot.”

There’s no doubt the sign could produce hefty earnings for Olympus; however it may be at the environment’s expense. Each month the single billboard uses as much electricity as a combined total of thirteen monthly electricity bills of average homes. “There’s a half million LED’s on each side, so it’s a tremendous electronic drain,” Kastenschmidt reiterates. “Plus...they have to air condition it because there’s so much heat created from it.” Seaquist, along with other advocates and citizens, emphasize their desire for compromise and a fair balance between the needs of the sign companies and the community. “I am very deeply concerned about [electronic billboards], but I’m not on a mission to ban them...or kill the outdoor advertising industry,” Seaquist says. “I’m on a mission to do the right thing for the community.”

6// June 23, 2011

COMMUNITY

The Backseat By Brett Emerson brett.emerson@secondsupper.com There was one lucid moment in the past year of my musical breakdown which sums up the silliness and absurdity of music as culture. It happened around the time of Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” a fantastically brainless musing about partying and the days of the week that, with the help of the Internet, turned one hapless teenage girl into the Antichrist. Maybe it’s because I’ve come to cherish the weird and terrible instead of condemning them; maybe it’s just because I’ve stopped defining myself by what I’m entertained by. In any case, I didn’t get the outrage against “Friday.” If I was 16, still awash in brand name rebellion and mass marketed introspection, I’d probably have gotten offended and howled for her head with the rest of the uppity jackasses. So here’s one more reason why I’m glad I’m no longer 16. It’s a dumb song. The end. Get over it. It was while I was in this line of thinking that I was treated to a performance of late ‘90s pop classics sung by a room full of girls drunk with nostalgia and beer. So many songs that I actually did rail against back in the day, songs I was sure would bring about the downfall of civilization, were being sung in earnest by people who this night acted like this music was civilization’s apex. I’ll admit that I had to get out of there after the third Spice Girls song, but I also realized that someday Rebecca Black, Justin Bieber, and the next test tube babies from the Disney Channel and American Idol will be the elder statesmen of all music. “Mmmbop” by Hanson is no less absurd than “Friday,” but it’s more tolerable because it’s not happening now. Because it’s history, and thus safe. Beyond this moment and a few others, my past year has been spent loathing the grand idea of music. This isn’t to say that I’ve spent that time in silence; in fact, I’ve often clung to music as a means of evasion and inspiration. But any and all moments when music went beyond my headphones and me and became social in any way drove me nuts.

LA CROSSE’S NEWEST & TRUEST PUB & EATERY WITHOUT THE FRANCHISE! Monday: All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a $8.99 frosted Pint. 4-9:30

Tuesday: Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich with a frosted Pint. $8.99

Wednesday: Ladies Night, $1 Off All Drinks 4-Cl. Pint-Aritas $3.00 (lime or strawberry)

Thursday:

Karaoke on Thursdays

All U Can Eat Wings includes choice of potato, slaw and a frosted Pint. 4-9:30 $8.99

8 Plasma TV’s • Food & Drink Specials e o

Bucket and s Food Specials For All Nascar Races! 400 Lang Drive, La Crosse T HE F

20222585jg

(Across From Menards) 784-2242

’S UB

Sales Wanted Help your local press. Build your career. Second Supper is seeking an advertising representative to beef up our local presence. Candidates may submit a letter of introduction and resume to editor@secondsupper.com.

Second Supper The earliest break was a continuation of a problem I’ve had since I began reviewing albums four years ago. Essentially, I think music journalism is bullshit. I knew it was bullshit when I started doing it, and I think it’s bullshit now, and there has never been a period when I didn’t believe this. Even more than any other form of media, music works on a visceral, personal level. Attempting to foist your tastes upon someone else, especially in the impersonal realm of media propaganda, is as illogical as it is invasive. The last year has seen long stretches of time when I threw up my hands and stopped being a music journalist, but I’ve never quit for good. The question arises: if I hate music journalism so much, why am I still doing it? The first and easiest answer is that I don’t write about music for music’s sake but for writing’s sake. I don’t want to be some desperately hip tastemaker. I’m fine with giving my opinions on a thing, but I don’t have the attitude that my opinions are law. In fact, I don’t really care if anyone picks up an album at my suggestion. I write to write, and I write for myself. Reviewing albums is good, constant exercise. More importantly, I also review for myself. I’ve found quite a few really good albums that I wouldn’t have discovered had I not been reviewing music on a semi-regular basis. Even as I loathe the telemarketing aspect of music journalism, I’ve personally benefited, learned, and grown as a result of pursuing it. My final point on why I write about music is that I’ve found that I really like interviewing people. A review is black or white, life-changing or total shit, but talking with people about what they do provides a lot of context to the work that is sometimes wonderful to discover. I did have a bit of a meltdown in the past when I realized that, with the possible exception of David Bowie, every musician in the world is going to answer the question of what sets them apart with the cliché that they’re honest and real. Nonetheless, I get much more out of interviewing than being a product shill (and in media, even when you’re savaging a product, you’re shilling it). The other big reason behind my break with music comes back to age. Just as I no longer take music I dislike as heralding the apocalypse, so too do I no longer tie my identity to music I do like. I have favorite bands, I suppose, but my sense of brand loyalty is gone. Furthermore, I’m falling out of the target audience. Pop music is a teenager’s game, and I’m a decade past the expiration date. I’ve heard the same lyrical themes of phony, desperate romance and phony, triumphant rebellion for my whole life. With every repetitive sentiment music becomes more pointless. I’m kind of over it, which means that music is kind of over me. It’s a strange and occasionally alienating feeling, but one I can live with. Music, I still like you, even if you do sometimes act like an obnoxious twit who doesn’t realize that you’re wallpaper, not religion. We’ll be friends for life, and nothing will change that, but the time has come for a little clarity between us. It might help our relationship if you occasionally shut the fuck up.

Second Supper

The Majak Mixtape By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Can you consider it a celebrity feud when one of said celebrities is dead? Maybe? This week, the MTV crowd were rocked by the sudden and untimely death of Ryan Dunn, a member of the popular “Jackass” crew who never saw a part on their body they didn’t want to abuse for the delight of their fandom. Less likely to break furniture than Steve O or star in a “Dukes of Hazard” film than Johnny Knoxville, Dunn was sort of the Zach Galifianakis of the “Jackass” boys. Barely 12 hours after his death, a Twitter feud erupted between a certain film critic and friends of Ryan Dunn because nothing is real until it’s been tweeted. In honor of this back-and-forth in 140 characters or less, we’ve put together this mixtape we’re calling the “Everybody’s a Critic Mix.” We kick off the mixtape with Beyonce’s Slick-Rick-sampling tune “Party” from her new, leaked-ten-thousand-weeks ago album “4.” As soon as Ryan Dunn’s death was announced across the Internet, those intrepid minds that make up the gossip website TMZ were all over the story and immediately got a photo that Dunn had tweeted of him and his

Medium: Literature Stimulus: Scarlett Thomas—Our Tragic Universe Anno: 2010 There’s a point toward the end of Our Tragic Universe where the protagonist, a disappointed author of genre fiction, advises a peer to cloak his nonfiction research in a fictional clothes. The reason behind this proposed deception is that while most people approach nonfiction with a critical eye and aims to disprove its theories, people tend to approach fiction in the opposite direction, ready to put all the pieces together in the way that most makes sense. It’s clear that this attitude colored the entirety of Our Tragic Universe, which is ostensibly fiction but also brings to bear many philosophical asides. It’s in many ways a mixture of Scarlett Thomas’ previous works, mixing the crippled and frustrated storytelling of Going Out with the metaphysical and sexual End of Mr. Y. Sometimes the mixing gets a bit jarring, the narrative and human lives suddenly getting usurped by discussions on the nature of reality. To be honest, it took me the better part of the first hundred pages of Our Tragic Universe to get behind the story. In this open-

June 23, 2011 // 7

MUSIC friends enjoying some beer. But who needs an autopsy report when you have the far more reliable evidence of heresay and suspicion? Works for us every time and apparently famed movie critic Roger Ebert is of the same belief as he took to his Twitter to say, “Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive.” This leads us to our next song “Little Words” from Liam Finn’s new album “Fomo,” since Roger Ebert’s little words have led to a lot of big anger from folks. Bam Magera took to his Twitter to call Roger Ebert out on the fact that he was criticizing Dunn less than a day after his death. We’re all about having teachable/The More You Know moments, but we’d at least wait for the wreckage of the car to be moved before tweeting something. Since the tweet, Roger Ebert has come out and apologized, saying he never intended the tweet to be cruel but just the truth. We end this Mixtape with Diamond Rings’ song “Wait and See” from his new album “Special Affections” as that is the attitude we have about the Dunn situation and especially when it comes to taking to a Twitter about the matter. And hopefully we’ll come through this whole thing without Roger Ebert accidentally tweeting a pic of his privates. #AnthonyWeinerJokesNeverGetOld. Buy: Jill Scott, “The Light of the Sun” YouTube: Weird Al “Perform This Way” Read: Texts From Pawnee www.textsfrompawnee.tumblr.com Get your daily dose of all the wig-snatching antics of The Majak Mixtape at The Majak Kingdom blog, www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com

ing, the author in question, a late thirties DIY chick named Meg, tromps around her small town, poking her head in and out of the local dramas of her friends and fellow esoterics. Most of these people are a combination of frustration and insanity, usually attempting to screw, scream, or bullshit their way to a state of distraction. It’s kind of a depressing slog at first, but as I was trying to work my way through I came to a realization. It’s about failure. After my change in perspective, Our Tragic Universe became rather wonderful. I should have picked up on this point earlier, when Meg recalls a vacation in which she as a child met a pair of magical — possibly mythical — people out in the middle of nowhere. At the end of her vacation, the man of the duo tells her that she would come to nothing. And really, this sets the tone for the remainder of the book, in that Meg’s purpose here is to discover what nothing really is and how that doesn’t have to be a negative concept. Slowly and with the assistance of some events that may be either simple fortune or supernatural intervention — an ambiguity which is purposely unanswered – Meg begins to dispel her life’s inertia. It’s likely that in my accepting that this book was about failure, I set myself up to be satisfied when the main character outgrows her nothingness and gives evidence that it’s never too late.

— Brett Emerson

The Arts Review

Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre Medium: Film Stimulus: The Maddams Family (1993) Director: Herschel Savage Cast: Ona Zee, Mike Horner, Ron Jeremy Writer: Cash Markman

Beyond function, I don’t really care about porn. I like the absurd stories and personalities that populated smut of the ‘70s, but otherwise it’s all interchangeable to me. I guess I’m of the opinion — in both life and in porn — that if a person doesn’t have anything interesting to say, then shut up, get to business, and stop trying to make yourself a star. Still, there’s always been one dirty film that never fails to bring a smile to my face when it comes to mind: a wonderfully absurd parody of The Addams Family in which the family opens up a whorehouse. For some

reason I’ve always found porn parody names to be hilarious (see: Forrest Hump, Spongebob Sorepants), and in its own Oscar Wildelike wordplay Maddams Family delivers. The whole Addams clan gets new names: Morticia is now Whoreticia, Lurch becomes Crotch, Cousin It is, well, I’m sure you can guess. And that disembodied hand that was an Addams family hallmark — guess what it does. The stars of the show, however, are Cortez, the Maddams patriarch, and moronic man-child Uncle Pester, played by Ron Jeremy. While Pester’s bumbling eroticism and comparisons of sex acts to ice cream are delightful, the swashbuckling Cortez is just brilliant. Actor Mike Horner could have coasted on a pinstripe suit, pencil mustache, pilfered lines and a boner, but instead his Cortez runs on all cylinders: cracking wise about the arms industry, somersaulting around his backyard, competing in what is essentially a one-man fencing match with his Frankenstein butler, and engaging in some fine spastic humping. The man is gold. I’ve always thought that porn actors are kind of like stand-up comedians, and that there ought to be an element of comedy involved in the act of screwing on camera. The Maddams Family seems to agree with me. I’ve seen a great many mainstream comedies that made me laugh far less than this dirty film. The ability to get off to it is a strong bonus.

— Brett Emerson

VITAMIN STUDIO

wednesdays 6pm–8pm $8 public $5 members/students

artvitamin.org

VARIETY OF MODELS , RANGE OF POSES ALL MEDIA & LEVELS WELCOME VITAMIN STUDIO

ArtVitamin.org 129 s. 6th st. la crosse

8// June 23, 2011

Second Supper

MUSIC

music directory // June 24 to June 30

FRIDAY,

just a roadie away

June 24

Milwaukee

FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Mark Harrod (singer/songwriter) • 8 p.m.

population

PETER GABRIEL // JUNE 29 Marcus Amphitheater • $30-50

PEARL STREET BREWERY // 1401 St. Andrew St.

Kin Pickin’ (jamgrass) • 5 p.m.

JACK’S MANNEQUIN // JUNE 21 Summerfest Grounds • $11.75

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Annie Mack & the Havenots (blues) • 8 p.m.

KANYE WEST // JUNE 30 Marcus Amphitheater • $20-66

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Heatbox (“one man entertainment system”) • 10 p.m. SHER BEARS // 329 Goddard St. The Stoney Ridge Band (classic rock/ country) • 8:30 p.m. THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. The Adam Palm Band (fusion) • 10 p.m. THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. Blank Image, Cain & Abel, Befriend & Betray, Look I’m Burning, Guilty of Destruction (hardcore/metalcore) • 6:30 p.m.

SATURDAY,

June 25

FIELD HOUSE // W5450 Keil Coulee Rd. Rich Wooten (acoustic rock) • 8 p.m. FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St. Mark Harrod (singer/songwriter) • 6:30 p.m.

JASON MRAZ // JULY 2 Marcus Amphitheater • $28-35

Heatbox, the self-proclaimed “one man entertainment system,” will be beatboxing his way to the Popcorn Tavern this Friday, performing what he has described as “a capella techno funk.” The Minneapolis-based artist creates his distinct sound without the use of samples or any other type of prerecorded music, but rather implores the use of a loop pedal and voice modulator to create all of his music right there on the spot. Good or bad, this will almost definitely be entertaining, so head on over to the Popcorn at 10 p.m.to witness this truly unique event.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Porcupine, Ralphed, The Spacepimps, Paulie (one-man band) • 10 p.m. Neon, Click Track (local rock showcase) • 7 p.m. THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. 3rd Relation Jazz Trio • 8 p.m.

SUNDAY,

June 26

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. The Blend (rock) • 10 p.m.

MONDAY,

June 27

HUCK FINN'S // 127 Marina Dr Moon Boot Posse (jamband) • 8 p.m.

BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St. Larry Langen (easy listening) • 6 p.m.

MR STIX // 948 Jackson St Cheap Charlie Band • 4 p.m.

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Open Jam with Cheech • 10 p.m.

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S. Annie Mack & the Havenots (blues) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Shawn’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

RIVER JACK'S //1835 Rose St. Guitar Logic, Rode Hard (acoustic rock, country) • 8 p.m. SHER BEARS // 329 Goddard St. Dan Berger(acoustic rock) • 5 p.m. THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Hallowed Ground (hard rock) • 10 p.m.

596,974

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Palm Sunday with Adam Palm • 4 p.m.

TUESDAY,

June 28

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N. Bran(…)Pos, Boyle, Igloo Martian, B.R.U.N.C.H. & Voodoo Sunshine (noise) • 7 p.m.

DEF LEPPARD // JULY 5 Marcus Amphitheater • $28-35 THE BLACK KEYS W/FLORENCE & THE MACHINE & CAGE THE ELEPHANT // JULY 6 Marcus Amphitheater • $17.50-30

THURSDAY,

June 30

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N. Hipster DJ (pretentious indie) • 10 p.m. DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Michelle Lynn (folk) • 10 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. I Call Fives, Handguns, We Are The Union, Sweet Nothing, Of The Fact JAVA VINO // 1505 Losey Blvd South Dan Collins and a Piano (rock) • 6 p.m. (pop punk) • 6 p.m.

WEDNESDAY,

June 29

NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St. Shawno & Echant (acoustic open jam) • 9 p.m.

BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St. THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S. Jerry Anderson & Neil Duresky (piaOpen Mic Night • 8:30 p.m. no/vocal variety) • 5:30 p.m. THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St. CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N. Kies & Kompanie (Jazz) • 5 p.m. Reggae vs. Hip-Hop (rare vinyl) • 10 p.m. DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St. Adam Palm (Caa!) • 10 p.m. POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Dave Orr (man about town) • 10 p.m. RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S. Kin Pickin' (jam grass) • 10 p.m. RIVER JACK'S //1835 Rose St. Guitar Logic (acoustic rock) • 6 p.m.

THE VIEW GRILL & BAR // 222 Pearl St. Don D. Harvey (singer/songwriter) • 6 p.m. THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. Dr. Acula, Miss August, A Break In The Storm, Controller (metalcore/grindcore) • 6:15 p.m. TREMPEALEAU HOTEL // 150 Main St. Fish Frye f/ Joe Tougas and Ann Fee (acoustic duo/classic rock) • 7 p.m.

Second Supper

The Beer Review Platinum Blonde Doppelbock Capital Brewery Middleton, Wisconsin You’ve never really known thirst until you’ve spent 8 hours sprinting after floating plastic discs on a sweltering soccer fields. That was the gist of my weekend at my first ultimate Frisbee tournament, a two-day affair outside of Madison that attracted 32 teams. Competitive flying disc athletes, you may be surprised to learn, are big fans of drinking, and I certainly saw way more PBR cans on the field than Gatorade bottles. But the classy drinking came out on Saturday night when tournament organizers rented out Capital Brewery’s beer garden for a love-

ly mid-tournament soiree. After spending all day battling heat stroke and superior athleticism, I can’t tell you how good it felt sit with fellow my disc enthusiasts (freshly showered, if you’re curious) in an ivy-enclosed urban oasis drink some of summer’s finest beers. I just can’t review any of those right now. By far my favorite beer all weekend was the recently revived Kloster Weizen, an exquisite Bavarian-style wheat beer that was perfect on summer nights like these. When I go back I’ll be sure to remember my pen and notepad — but perhaps it’s just as well since you can’t get Kloster Weizen in La Crosse anyway. But what you can still find at Festival Foods in Onalaska is one of my all-time favorite lagers, Capital’s Platinum Blonde Doppelbock. This is now tremendously out of season, but it was my own fault for not reviewing it in February,

so let’s just do this now. Purchase: 4-pack of Platinum Blonde Doppelbock from Festival Foods, $7.99 Style: Doppelbock Strength: 7.8 percent ABV Packaging: Like almost everything from the brewery, the label features a drawing of the capital rotunda, this one framed with a snazzy blue and blonde color scheme. Appearance: The beer pours a lovely golden rose color with a fluffy white head that leaves excellent retention. Aroma: This Doppelbock can only be described as a malt bomb with huge notes of raisens and toffee. The booze is prevalent, but it’s enticing rather than off putting. Taste: I love the taste of a complex Doppelbock, and this Platinum Blonde is among the nation’s finest. It comes on sweet like honey

The Best Food & Drink Specials in Town LOCATION

SUNDAY

BODEGA BREW PUB BROTHERS

CLOSED

306 Pearl St. 784-0522

CARLIE'S ON THIRD

$5 domestic pitchers

1914 Campbell Road 782-7764

FEATURES

W3923 State Highway 16 786-9000

FISH'S BAR & GRILL

Bar Menu

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free

$4 Rueben Sliders

$1 Wells, $5 Domestic pitchers All specials 9 p.m. to close

Wristband Night: AUC2D domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. to close

15-cent wings, $1.50 Keystone Lights, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call drinks. 2 For 1 Captains All specials 9 p.m. to close.

Wristband Night: AUC2D, Domestic taps, rail mixers and Long Islands. $2.50 SoCo & Jack. All specials 9 to close.

Mug Club 9pm-12:30pm $5 for filled mug $1 Domestic Taps, Rail & Long Islands 12:30-Close Ladies night Free Taps Rails & Long Islands *excludes premium long islands.

5 domestic taps for $1; $2 domestic pitchers

$2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers; $1 shots of Doctor (3 flavors);

All specials 9 to close.

$3 Bacardi mixers; $3 Three Olives vocka mixers (8 flavors); $2 domestic pints and $2 rail mixers

CLOSED

1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400

IMPULSE

214 Main St. 782-6010 www.impulseoflacrosse.com

Free Beer: 5:30-6:30 p.m. Free Wings: 6:30-7:30 p.m. Free Bowling: After 9 p.m.

Taco buffet 11-2; $1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9

All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2 (Holmen)

All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; un- Prime rib dinner 4-10; limited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99 unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

Bar Menu

La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50

La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50 Dog in a Diaper, $5

Fish’s Fish Taco $3.50

La Crosse's Best Tacos: Beef $2, Chicken $2.50 Chimis and Burritos, $5

9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans

9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs

9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy

Free Wing Night (while supplies last); $5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close ($7 after 11p.m.):; live DJ

$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands; Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

Bar Menu

Ladies Night, $1 off all drinks, 4 to All you can eat boneless wings, inclose; Pint-Aritas $3 (lime or straw- cludes a choice of potatoe, slaw and berry) a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch- $5 all you can drink close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch- pitchers ers, beer pong ers of the beast CLOSED

SATURDAY

Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

Happy Hour: 2 for 1 domestic bottles Karaoke 9 p.m. to close and rail drinks, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.

All you can eat wings, includes a Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted with a pint of beer, $8.99 pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

400 Lang Drive 784-2242

HOWIE’S

CLOSED

FRIDAY

$1.50 domestic taps and rail drinks, Bird Brain Trivia 8 p.m.; $1.50 do- Wing Night - 25-cent wings (dine- $1.50 domestic bottles and rail 4 p.m. to close mestic bottles and rails 4 p.m. to in only); $1 Miller High Life silos and drinks, $2 craft bottles, 4 p.m. to close PBR silos; $1.50 taps and rail drinks; close $2 craft taps. All specials 4 to close.

1452 Caledonia St. 782-6446

FLIPSIDE PUB & GRILL

— Adam Bissen

$2 BBQ Pork Sliders

CLOSED

115 3rd St. S 782-7550

THURSDAY

and brandy but soon fills the mouth with big bready notes topped with caramel, banana and raisen skins. Behind it all sits a full spice rack, and it ends with a warm boozy burn. Mouthfeel: This Doppelbock feels like velvet in your mouth, probably the best body of any Capital beer. Drinkability: Potent, rich and assertive, you probably don’t want to drink more than one of these in a sitting. You probably wouldn’t want to drink any in June, either. Ratings: BeerAdvocate grades the Platinum Blonde a B+, while RateBeer scores it a 91. I’m one of the community’s rare Doppelbock lovers, and I’d match this up against anything in the country. It’s just not the beer I want on summer solstice.

MONDAY

122 4th St. 782-0677

EAGLES NEST

June 23, 2011 // 9

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

CLOSED

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close

JB’S SPEAKEASY

$1.75 domestic bottles, $1.75 Dom Monday Madness: $1.75 domestics bottles and rails, $2.50 Bombs and rails, $2.50 Bombs, $1 off all top shelf and specialty beers

SCHMIDTY’S

$1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER 163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos;: $11 Tacos: $11 buckets during pro and 12-inch pizza $8.99 buckets during pro and college foot- college football games. Happy Hour Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. ball games. 2 to 6 p.m.; $2 pints all day

14-inch pizza, $2 off; Wings Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.89 hamburger + toppings Ladies Fish Dinner Special-$7.89 night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m. Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos; $11 buckets during pro and college football games.

THE LIBRARY

Wristband Night

$5 Wristbands and $2 Cherry Bombs

$2 bottled beer, double rail mixers & JUMBO long islands, $3 double call mixers & $2.50 shots of Jack Daniels, SoCo & Tuaca

$5 Mug Club (gets you a cup and first drink) with $1 refills & $2.50 Miller Lite bottles and 16oz. silos Ladies Night after 12:30AM, Check it out!

TOP SHOTS 137 4th St. 782-6622

$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller prod- $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/ ucts (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry $3.50 Jager Bombs Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1 a.m.) Bombs (7-1 a.m.) (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)

5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 $2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1 a.m.) a.m.)

$5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1 a.m.)

POPCORN TAVERN

$2 Lost Lake cans

$1.75 PBR Bottles $2 Lost Lake cans

$2 Miller Light Bottles $2 Lost Lake cans

$2 Grain Belt $2 Lost Lake cans

$2 Coors & Coors Light Bottles $2.50 Skyy mixers $2 Lost Lake cans

$2 Lost Lake cans

WHO'S ON THIRD

Happy Hour until 10 p.m. $1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

$1.50 taps PBR, $1.50 rails

$2 domestic bottles, $3 call doubles

$2 taps, $3 Jack and Captain doubles

$2 Miller products, $8.50 fish bowls

$2 domestic taps, $3 Three Olives products

717 Rose St. 796-1161

3119 State Road 788-5110

Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: (after 8 p.m.) shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.) $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger

$1 domestic taps and rail mixers and 1/2 price tequilas

123 3rd St. 784-8020

308 4th St. S. 782-9069

126 3rd St. N. 782-9467

Tuesday Boozeday $1 off all liquor Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. drinks and 50 cents off all shots, $2 Bombs

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.; lunch buffet 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., $6.99

10// June 23, 2011

DIVERSIONS

Maze Efflux

By Erich Boldt By Matt Jones

• La Crosse • Sparta • Richland Center • Prairie du Chien Birth Control Services Annual Exams for Women STD Testing & Treatment for Men and Women Pregnancy Testing Emergency Contraception Call for an appointment today!

800.657.5177

Helping create healthy lives and families.

www.optionsclinic.org

614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Student Editor: Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com Sales: Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com Sales: Ansel Ericksen ansel.ericksen@secondsupper.com Graphic Designer: Jenn Bushman Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Mary Catanese, Jason Crider, Ashly Conrad, Ben DeLine, Marcel Dunn, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Briana Rupel, Julie Schneider, Stephanie Schultz, Nate Willer, Ralph Winrich Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

ACROSS 1 Jumbo-sized 6 Cinnamon-covered snacks 13 He was found in a spider hole 14 It's shown with a rolled-up sleeve 15 Deodorant options 16 Plant used in food coloring 17 Former domestic carrier 18 Streamlined 19 Without a goshdang thing on 25 Added boost 26 ___ noire 27 Actor who played himself in "Zombieland" 29 Give off

Second Supper

"That's So Money" leaving a paper trail.

30 Comparable to 31 Interior designer's concern 33 Standing upright 38 Prolific science fiction author Isaac 44 Palindromic fashion mag 45 Substance that may be donated 49 Get ready (for) 50 Highest point 51 Chewy fried seafood dish 53 Job that determines chicken genders 55 "Hungry" board game animal 56 Put complete faith in 59 "Is it bigger than a

Answers to June 16 puzzle "Back and Forth and Back"—initially, there's a pattern

breadbox?" asker 61 Speak haltingly 62 How some words are best left 63 It's on the mast 64 Nobel Prize-winning physicist Bohr DOWN 1 Like interplanetary travel 2 "Sounds fun" response 3 Deck out 4 Palindromic woman's name 5 Symbols after brand names 6 Hoops group until 2009 7 Solo on the big screen 8 Coffee dispensers 9 Less phony 10 Like movies for "mature audiences" 11 Sandinista leader Daniel 12 Robinson of R&B fame 13 "What're you gonna do about it?" 15 Got the genie out of the lamp 20 "This is only a test" gp. 21 Spectra maker 22 Airline in Holland 23 Tahiti, par exemple 24 Ethnomusicolo-

gist's deg., maybe 28 Exploit 32 Aries, e.g. 34 Revenge tactic 35 Punctuation that lets you trail off 36 Gave a round of applause 37 Kind of muscle 39 ___ fly (baseball play) 40 Dublin's country, in the Olympics 41 Blood vessel imaging machine 42 ___-pah bands 43 Beetles and Rabbits, e.g. 45 Most vile 46 Words before "interpretation" or "the public" 47 Like batters in the on-deck circle 48 Puts forth effort 52 "One of ___ days..." 54 Trebek's "High Rollers" co-star Lee 57 Six, in Italy 58 Carson Daly's former MTV show 59 Piece 60 Start for sex or corn ©2011 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@ jonesincrosswords.com)

Second Supper

June 23, 2011 // 11

Fear of Flying By Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com I think I need to get the hell out of here. It’s been about 3 weeks (I think?) since I stepped off the stage in Mitchell Hall after being handed my snazzy red leather diploma holder — empty aside from a photograph of Hoeschler Tower — and walked out into the sunlight, out into what was purported to be the Real World. I wish I could say that these few weeks have been rife with epiphanies — that somehow I’d come out on the other side of College Life with the ability and motivation to pay my bills on time, eat balanced meals, and fall asleep at a reasonable hour. Instead, I’m very much back where I was when this

all started — just a kid, utterly free and with far too much leisure time in which to perfect the art and craft of degeneracy. That’s not to say that I haven’t had a few productive, or at least constructive (at the very least, less destructive) days. Numerous bike rides around La Crosse, reminders of summer like walnut burgers at Rudy’s and a trip to my favorite undisclosed cave, writing and reading and watching Harold and Maude: these are the simple things my post-college days are filled with, and they are, indeed, good, worthwhile wastes of time. But despite my appreciation for my new-found ability to read things that aren’t assigned and write poems that will never see the light of day for the simple pleasure of it, I can feel these summer days burning away like kindling on a bonfire and I know I need something more. Unfortunately, the job market for English majors in La Crosse is fairly abysmal. My prospects are limited: I could use my training in rhetoric to soothe irate callers as a customer service representative, or perhaps I could entertain restaurant patrons with impromptu poetry as I serve them steak and Sam Adams. But these options don’t exactly fit in with the vision I had for my post-baccalaureate life, if ever I had such a vision. My solution, then? Do what I always do — act utterly irrationally and make some arbitrary decision without really considering the consequences, I guess. Hop on a plane and fly halfway around the world, live in a city I’ve only seen pictures of in a country in whose language I can only say “hello” and

“thank you.” I came to the conclusion that I should move to South Korea to teach English while a friend and I were drinking mystery beers at the Cavalier (thanks, Jason). I was ruminating on my situation when the answer bubbled up from within my frothy amber glass. “F*** it,” I thought. “This has to be it.” Yes, it’s absolutely irrational. But I’ve found that that’s sometimes the best way to go about things. When I was sixteen and broken-hearted, I decided to participate in a German foreign exchange program. I flew to Stuttgart and attended high school there for several months, and while I was mostly miserable for the first few weeks, it’s that experience that gives me the ammunition, makes me know I can, at the very least, survive in a place where I know absolutely no one and no one knows me. I’m trying to prepare myself for this possibility while simultaneously maintaining a safe mental and emotional distance from the potential reality of it. I can try to imagine what it would be like to live in Seoul: the smells of strange new foods, the claustrophobia of the subways and the sidewalks. The confusion of being simply one among ten million others, the frustration of street signs and restaurant menus, the fear of being utterly alone. But all that imagining is still not tangible — it’s still merely a fantasy. I keep thinking about this, but I can stop at any time and revert into my comfortable reality, go back to the bike rides and walnut burgers and just find a job somewhere downtown.

But I don’t really think that’s what’s in the cards for me. I’ve been doing my research — most of these hagwons (private English-language academies in South Korea) pay for the housing and airfare for English language instructors. Some of them can be a bit shady, so I’ll have to get in touch with the teachers who actually work there. The language is confusing as hell, but there’s a hotline for help in English available 24 hours a day. And the nightlife looks incredible — rock and roll and punk clubs, art galleries, and markets that close at daybreak. Thousands of other people do this every year — if they can do it, why can’t I? Like I said, it’s still merely a fantasy. Right now, this week, this is what I want to do, and I hope the person I am right now can find the fortitude to convince the person I’ll be in a few weeks to follow through with this. I’m not sure what I’m so afraid of — La Crosse, and the people here whom I love, would still be here while I’m there. But maybe that’s exactly it: fear that I’d miss something, or fear that I wouldn’t be missed. It’s something to think about, at least. But even if I change my mind and my plans, at least I’m developing the ability to envision a life for myself beyond UW-L, beyond La Crosse, beyond the confines of the world I’ve grown accustomed to, to the point of being afraid to leave. But that’s all the more reason: if I’m afraid to leave, then it really is time to go.

MONDAY 9-BALL TOURNEYS!

Check out our new Beers on Tap!

STARTING: Monday, April 18, 2011 TIME: 6:30 Sign-up, 7:00 Start FEES: $7.00 Entry, $3.00 Greens Fee FORMAT: Handicapped by the ball. Race to 5 - Double Elimination. Player Ratings may change based on performances. 6-7 Rating Levels. 16 WEEK TOURNEY: All who play in at least 6 Weekly’s will be eligible for cash added tourney after 16 weeks.

Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times

SUNDAY

$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm) $2 Corona Bottles $2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

MONDAY

$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps $2.25 Micro/Craft Taps $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1am)

TUESDAY

$1.75 Rails $1.50 Domestic Taps $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1am)

SATURDAY

WEDNESDAY

$2 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Skyy/Absolute Mixers $2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

THURSDAY

5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10 $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

FRIDAY

$2 Captain Mixers $2 Long Islands Mixers (7-1am)

12// June 23, 2011

The Advice Goddess

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com

The shopping cart before the horse I had to talk a guy friend out of showing up on a first date with a rose and a book the woman had casually mentioned she liked. He's a genuinely nice guy and professionally quite successful, but he repeatedly turns women off by coming on too strong too soon with these gifts. Can you please explain to guys why they shouldn't do this? —- Woman Who’s Been There It’s a really bad idea for a guy to give flowers to a girl he’s just meeting, unless she’s just won the Kentucky Derby. In that case, he could also slip her a carrot and slap her on the rump. Unless a woman shows up for your first date wearing a saddle, limit your gifts to an on-time arrival and smelling like you’ve showered recently. Anything more comes off like a sales promotion: “Date your way to a free panini maker! Trip to Mazatlan after

Second Supper

THE LAST WORD five completed sex acts!” Selling a woman on liking you before you see whether you like her suggests you have wildly low standards. Never mind who she is; you’ll take any woman who’s a woman and not in jail or too busy filing a restraining order against you to meet you for a drink. Evolutionary psychologist Gad Saad, author of the terrific new book “The Consuming Instinct,” has studied the timing of gift-giving in romantic relationships. He explained to me that courtship behaviors need to be modulated in their timing and frequency. “Telling a woman that she looks beautiful is nice. Repeating it 35 times during dinner is not. It creates an asymmetry in the power dynamics that renders the guy less attractive.” Likewise, giving gifts too early in dating “reeks of desperation,” Saad said. “Recall that many women are attracted to alpha males who can otherwise only be ‘tamed’ by the love of the one unique woman (the classic rendition of the male archetype in romance novels). If the guy is swooning all over the woman on the first date, there is nothing to tame.” There’s that saying that gifts should be given from the heart, which always makes me flash on gift-wrapping Grandpa’s stent. But, as a rule, you shouldn’t give a present to a woman until you’ve worked up some affection for her and she seems to have some for you. Expensive gifts early on tend to make a woman who isn’t a gold digger uncomfortable and tell a woman who is that you’re a prime chump. Instead, give fun, inexpensive things that tell her you were listening when she said she loves monkeys

and weren’t just saying “Yeah, uh-huh” and running baseball stats in your head. By showing that you care about what’s special to her, you’re telling her that she’s becoming special to you, sending the message “It had to be you,” as opposed to “It could’ve been anyone, but you’ll do.”

That special thumb one This guy I’ve gone out with only contacts me late at night via text (just looking to text, not for a booty call). I work early, and I’m always about to go to sleep when he texts, but because he so rarely contacts me, I always respond (and usually fall asleep while texting). I’ve told him repeatedly I’d like to talk during daylight hours and given him my work number. How do I get him to call during the day instead of playing Textmaster Flash until midnight? —- Eye Bags

messaging, that makes the heart grow fonder. If you want a guy to respect your boundaries, show him that you have them. When he texts you too late, wait till the next morning and send him a single text telling him you go to bed early and asking him to call you during the day. If he can’t swing that, let him call the sort of woman who’ll pick up the phone for a man at any hour —- whispering sweet nothings like “Thank you for choosing 24hour roadside assistance. This is Erica. Do you need a jump or a tow?” Got a problem? Send an e-mail to AdviceAmy@aol. com (www.advicegoddess.com)

There’s a reason he won’t contact you during daylight hours, and it isn’t because he’s a vampire and that’s when he lies in his coffin watching Judge Judy on his iPad. You’ve actually been setting the time for your texting sessions. Nothing says “How dare you text me at 11 p.m.?!” like spending 20 minutes texting with a guy who just has. Think about what you’re telling him: All he has to do is make a bell ring, and you’ll roll over and start texting. (Are you looking to be somebody’s girlfriend or Pavlov’s dog?) The fact that a guy “rarely” contacts you is all the more reason to avoid texting him back pronto. It’s absence, not unlimited text

This is what A+ Checking

looks like.

This is what Altra does for me. No minimum balance. No monthly fees. Altra’s highest dividend rate. Up to $20 ATM refunds every month.

Earn

2.50%

APY*

Open 7 days a week inside Festival Foods, La Crosse

608.787.4500 • www.altra.org *Most people who live, work, worship, or attend school in the area are eligible to join Altra. Membership eligibility required. A+ Checking available for personal accounts only. Use of four free Altra electronic services required to receive dividend and up to $20 per month in ATM fee refunds. Portion of account balance over $25,000 earns 0.50% Annual Percentage Yield (APY). Non-qualifying accounts earn 0.10% APY. ATM fee refunds available for withdrawals from A+ Checking. Dividends calculated and paid each calendar month on daily balance. Rates shown effective 04 -01-11; subject to change monthly. Please contact Altra for complete account details. Federally insured by NCUA up to $250,000.