Second Supper | Vol. 13, No. 4

WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

APRIL 2013 | VOLUME 13, NO. 4

the free press A

Digest

of

Coulee

Region

Culture

Trigger Happy One man’s quest to pack some heat

photo by: Jacqueline Marcou

[P. 3]

PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING [P. 2] | BEER REVIEW [P. 6] | THE ADVICE GODDESS [P. 7]

2// April 1, 2013

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Tickets available at

beginning April 6.

Social Networking

Second Supper | The Free Press "dear" when you are clearly younger than me

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Bloody Mary (with pickle, sausage and cheese ... get that olive outta here!)

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Zac Efron (woof.)

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? "Fifty Shades of Grey" (I will take all dirty looks and judgment now.)

TELL US A JOKE: My love life.(Ha!) TELL US YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE: Happy Hour anywhere (love me a cheap martini or beer)

NAME AND AGE: Marcia Brendum, 24 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, WI

wish. Genies need love, too.

CURRENT JOB: Box office coordinator at Viterbo University

WHAT ONE PERSON ALIVE OR DEAD WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH? Honey Boo Boo (I hope she tells me

DREAM JOB: Sitcom star

all her beauty secrets, and we can have a belching contest.)

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: 100 Floors level 15 seasonal (It's a game app and now you all know I am a cheater, for shame.)

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Lady Gaga (a couple of

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? In my own apartment (Shout out to my mom for letting me live in her basement. Help me, I'm poor.)

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Conquer a food challenge (Man vs. Food realness)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? Calling me "hun" or

EIGHT DAYS ONLY! + tax

Pre-Sale Pricing at Festival Foods and Online

APRIL 6 - 13 ONLY*

I Like to WatCh *General Admission tickets increase to $45 on 4/14/13

By Dean Robbins Special to Second Supper

Find Us... f

Facebook.com/ FreedomFestLaCrosse Twitter.com/ FreedomFestLAX

Tickets and Information at

FreedomFestLaCrosse.com ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT VETERANS CAUSES

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? I would wish for that genie to grant his own

the free press 444 Main St., Suite 310 La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Cover and Ad Design: Jenn Bushman Second Supper is a monthly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601

weekends ago. I know, sheltered.)

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Caesar salad at Hooters (I go there for the chicken.)

WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: No pockets! Holler!

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

Defiance Monday, April 15, 8 p.m. (Syfy)

Syfy boasts that Defi ance marks the fi rst conversion of TV and online gaming.

The drama will unfold as both a series and a multiplatform videogame, with connections between the two mediums. That’s an intriguing gimmick — but luckily there’s nothing gimmicky about the TV premiere, which stands on its own as richly imagined science fi ction.

We’re thrust into a near future where multiple alien species have landed, fought with Earthlings and transformed the planet. Post-armistice, the various races maintain an uneasy peace in post-apocalypse St. Louis, which look like a Mad Max landscape graced by a still-standing Arch. Into this powder keg come a roguish former marine (Grant Bowler) and the orange-haired alien (Stephanie Leonidas) he’s adopted as his daughter. Our heroes dream of traveling to the promised land of Antarctica, but fi nancial problems dictate that they fi rst navigate the tricky political and social dynamics of this multilayered culture.

The pilot is a fully formed world, with a large cast of strange characters and a vast, unfamiliar terrain. Every detail has been thought through, from the aliens’ language (frequently subtitled) to the awful futureEarth music. Best of all, the relationship between the unconventional father-daughter pair has emotional resonance, despite the video game trappings.

Defi ance is highly recommended for members of all species.

Visit us online at www.secondsupper.com

Second Supper | The Free Press

Gun shy

By Bob Treu

Contributing Editor

I hadn’t thought much about the gun debate until one night Wayne La Pierre, head of the NRA, changed my life with a single sentence. It wasn’t his stage presence that did it, which is, after all, roughly equivalent to the classroom manner of Ichabod Crane. Nor was it the force of his logic-free discourse. But one night, as I listened to him defend our God-given, constitutionally protected right to carry any weapon we like, whatever its size or killing capacity, he hit me like Moses reading the tablets. “If you don’t own a gun,” he said, ”You’re part of the problem.”

That was hitting below the belt, a blow to the already swollen and violently discolored organ where my Lutheran guilt resides. La Pierre made it clear I was putting my neighbors and fellow citizens in serious danger by failing to carry a gun. I was a 2nd Amendment sycophant, living off the sacrifices of the people who courageously stood ready to defend me while I sipped coffee at the People’s Food Co-op. It was time to man up and share the load. It was time to get my gun out.

There was only one problem: I didn’t have any. I had never owned one. Nor had my father been particularly helpful, having lost his appetite for the sound of gunfire at the Remagen Bridge and other such places.

Nonetheless he took my older brother and me to the woods one day with a shotgun, a .22 rifle and a grocery bag of tin cans. He showed us how the guns worked, had us rap off a few rounds at the cans, and that was that. He even quit hunting deer with a gun, although he did eventually take up stalking them with a bow and arrow. I realize now he completely neglected our weapons preparation, though neither my brother nor I protested.

Actually we did have other guns in the house: two snazzy German Lugers and an impressive German submachine gun. We didn’t have bullets for any of these weapons, so my brother and I used them in our living room war games. The machine gun was too heavy for either of us to hold properly, so one of us would prop it up on an overturned kitchen chair and make machine gun noises while the other returned fire with the Lugers.

Then one night two FBI agents appeared at our door with a serious interest in the submachine gun. My father wondered aloud if he was in some kind of trouble. “Not with us,” one of the agents explained. “But if we know about the gun so do other people, people who would be happy to kill all of you to get it.” That got my father’s attention. The machine gun was not technically confiscated, but it was disabled and placed in a glass case on the wall of our local VFW with Dad’s name on a little metal plate below it.

That left us pretty much defenseless.

The shotgun and the rifle were somewhere in the basement, but we had used all the ammunition shooting at cans. After this loosely strung childhood I wandered around for

April 1, 2013 // 3

COVER STORY decades without thinking much about guns or the possibility that I might need one. The two wives and four children I lived with over the years went without the protection I was supposed to provide. None of them complained, but I suspect they all thought they were safer if I didn’t have a gun.

But I was alone in the world now and didn’t need to worry about protecting family.

Also, I was getting older, and the irrational optimism about human nature that supported me through most of my life had jumped ship. At any moment, I felt, some hoodywearing, Skittle-sucking monster could invade my neighborhood. So I decided to go shopping. A friend who works at the co-op warned me that guns were pricey, so I decided to start at Walmart, where I thought I might score a Saturday Night Special cheap.

A lot of my friends are boycotting Walmart, so I waited until the supper hour, when the chances of running into any of them would be minimal. As it turns out Walmart doesn’t carry handguns, or assault rifles either, because they cater to hunters. Apparently it’s a local option thing, and other Walmarts offer more choices.

So I continued my search at Gander Mountain, where I found a much larger selection of firearms. I asked a young man working there to show me the handsome Beretta I spotted near the back of the display case. It cost nearly $500, so I asked him if he had something in a .22. I wasn’t sure a .22 would be much help in facing down the gangs of four or five bad guys armed with assault rifles La Pierre had warned us about, but what the hell, it was better than nothing.

The .22 was $300, so rather than look foolish I asked him if he had an M-16, the assault rifle Americans used in Vietnam. When he shook his head to indicate a negative, I asked if it was store policy not to carry such weapons.

“Not at all,” he explained. “We can’t keep them in stock. We’re months behind, and we can’t keep up with the demand.” That at least was good news. The idea of hundreds, perhaps thousands of assault rifles in the hands of neighbors who had no experience with them would surely strike fear into the hearts of the bad guys. I also learned that the average price of an assault rifle was around $1,500. Apparently gun security, like most things in America, was based upon income.

I found myself wondering about young couples who were putting off marriage or that first child until they could afford adequate defense.

As I rode the bus back home I looked around at the eight other passengers and wondered which of them was carrying a weapon. I hoped it was the middle-aged, balding guy wearing a pea coat and resting one arm on the gym bag next to him.

If someone started something, we might get lucky and he’d have an AR-15 hidden in there. I considered taking out a second mortgage on the house and getting into the game.

Then one night, after putting down a particularly indigestible bit of beef and quaffing a mug of undistinguished ale (gun ownership was even changing my eating habits) and after barely falling into a troubled sleep, I was roused by a pale green light emanating from the imperfectly closed dresser drawer where I kept, or would keep, my putative

gun. It was still in its putative box, waiting for the appearance of that Skittle-addicted, hoody-wearing intruder.

Whether this was a dream or not, I’m certain the gun spoke, if not in actual language, then in tone and attitude, in the very greenness of its weird light. It wanted me to know it wasn’t loaded. In a series of sleepdazed movements I found the box of imaginary ammunition, stuffed some rounds into the gun’s magazine, and went back to bed, but the green light persisted. Apparently having a loaded weapon a few feet from my head wasn’t soporific. By morning I concluded that no matter how responsible I was being, I was totally inept, green as grass, and I would have to get better fast.

I would take a concealed carry class. Up to now I had been thinking mainly of protecting myself. I would tame my nervousness by carrying a gun everywhere and saving others. Of course my favorite coffee house doesn’t allow guns, but then that’s the point of concealed carry, isn’t it? No one would know. And when push came to shove and I put down some bad guys, I would be a hero.

At the same time, my actual attempt to arm myself was going nowhere. But then, as fate would have it, I came across an ad for a gun show at the Onalaska Omni Center the following weekend. I had been to a similar event a few years previously, where I had encountered a mild-looking bald guy running a Nazi paraphernalia booth. He had tons of the same swastikaed junk my father had stuffed into a desk drawer and forgot about after the war, but Dad never dreamed those relics would quickly be illegal in their native country while gaining value rapidly in ours.

The show turned out to exceed my expectations. For one thing, the turnout was awesome. Cars lined the road in front of the center as far as the eye could see. Inside, the crowd was made up of ordinary people in camouflage coats and baseball caps, quietly going about the business of buying armaments. Particularly interesting were the Gungoth girls, a bevy of young women with hair dyed jet black and wearing studded dog collar necklaces. Judging from their T-shirts, their attraction to guns was a piece with their interest in vampires and zombies. What I hadn’t expected was a small group of Amish men. Weren’t they pacifists? Of course they were, but they were also deer hunters.

Then I spent 15 disappointing minutes searching for a usable handgun. There were a few B.B. and pellet pistols, and even a few ancient cap and ball dueling pistols. But that was it. The Nazi guy I had encountered in my earlier gun show experience wasn’t there either, although I did find a vendor who offered, in addition to a variety of rifles, photos of Hitler at $5 a crack. Another booth offered bumper stickers. One praised the president as the #1 gun salesman, while another showed Hilary Clinton and admonished us that since life is a bitch, we shouldn’t vote for one. I bought one of each. For friends.

I also picked up a brochure from a group called the Appleseed Project, claiming it wants to turn America back into a nation of riflemen. It will do this by training young boys and girls to defend America against its enemies, foreign and domestic. Just being in this atmosphere raised my spirits. Wayne La Pierre had explained that the 2nd Amend-

ment didn’t just give us the right to bear arms, but to bear them against a tyrannical government, like the Obama administration, for example. No wonder assault rifles were selling like hotcakes. We might have to stand shoulder with those little Appleseeds to fight off a gun-grabbing national government.

I felt sorry my father wasn’t around today, when he might have had the firepower to send those FBI guys packing.

Finally I got around to asking a vendor about the dearth of handguns. “Can’t get ‘em,” he explained. “Everyone’s sold out because folks are afraid of what kind of bans are going to be passed.” This was essentially the story I had heard about assault rifles. The administration’s ill-conceived plan to frighten people about guns was clearly backfiring.

In spite of the vendor’s warning, I did find a seller with a supply of 50 or so handguns, but his prices were roughly the same as Gander Mountain’s. By the time you added in the cost of a concealed carry class, the price of security was climbing out of reach.

Liberals were making it difficult for people like me. Besides advocating restrictions designed to make us feel guilty, the administration was creating false scarcity, a phony gun shortage aimed directly at the middle class. I narrowed my options to three: 1) I could take out a loan; 2) I could get a copy of a gun registration record, have it laminated in some durable material, and display in on my front door. This would be like those townships that can’t afford radar but display the sign anyway. It’s pretty effective and much less costly; or 3) I could steal a weapon. I was definitely making progress sorting things out and I would keep trying.

Wayne La Pierre would be proud of me.

The Top Things that make us nervous 1. Eurozone banking policy 2. Kyle Lohse 3. Monsanto 4. Lil’ Wayne summer tour 5. Minnesota Vikings spies 6. Skrillex, soundtrack king 7. Print media economy Things that could be awesome 1. “Off Pitch” 2. The Cavalier Theatre 3. Daft Punk’s new album 4. The Great Gatsby movie 5. Jean Sugura 6. President Biden 7. The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon

4// April 1, 2013

April

The Month in Preview April 6 & 7 @ Onalaska Omni Center

open to the public. Make reservations for Cost for food is $12.

Sun., April 21

to do ridiculous things such as tempting

FUN AT THE EARTH FAIR

hypothermia? Of course not. It’s probably too

@ Myrick Park

late at this point to join the other plungers at this year’s Coulee Region Special Olympics Polar Plunge (you need to raise pledge money to actually plunge), but it’s not too late to be a spectator. There’s all kinds of stuff for those who stay away from the water. Other than watching costume clad crazy people get cold and wet, you can run/walk the 5k Polar Dash, participate in the Blazin’ Wing Eating Challenge, dance the Chicken Dance, or play kid games. There’ll also be a warm

earth day | things to do | beer | cheese

the 11:30 pre-talk buffet before April 5.

caring enough to donate without having

just hope that people will be generous and

fine arts | april fools | wine | theater

us be more aware and informed about fracking-sand mining. Event is free and

money for good causes. Is it not enough to

music | entertainment | spring is here

Radisson from noon to 1 p.m. to help

ALL THE PRETTY GIFTS AND CRAFTS

Oh the things people must do to raise

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE PLANNER

Just in time for Earth Day, the generous folks at the Coulee Partners for Sustainability, the YMCA, and the Earth Fair Committee are hosting another year of earthfriendly family fun. There’ll be plenty of stuff for you to do: check out the green vendor booths from all kinds of area organizations, learn how to be a better earth resident by

at Myrick Park at 8:30 a.m. Or participate

and goes till noon. As a thank you, there will

listening to eco-presentations, and enjoy live

in the 15th Annual Walk MS at the La Crosse

be free food and prizes at the Copeland Park

music and other performances. There’ll also

Center at 9 a.m. These ones are free, but

Shelter starting at noon.

be lots of things for the kids to do such as the

you’ll have to do some fundraising. On the

Earth Day Dash which starts at 10:30 a.m.

28th is the 2nd Annual Avery’s Wish 5k run/

(registration in advance necessary). The fair

walk for juvenile diabetes at Old Hickory

is free and runs from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. P.S.

Park in La Crescent starting at 11 a.m.

April 20th is Spring Clean Up Day at Myrick

@ The Radisson

Register before April 19th for $20 or day of

Park.

for $25.

@ Southside Oktoberfest Grounds

There’s quite a bit of fracking going on in this

April 21, 27 & 28

Sat., April 27

In Oliver Twist, the orphans at a workhouse in

WALKS TO REMEMBER

HELP OUR RIVER LOOK NICE

@ Various places

@ Various River Areas

process is complicated, and there’s a lot of

How about walking for some good causes

We all know winter is cold, but did you know

ask for more is met with swift castigation.

talking around town about getting this sand.

now that the threat of slipping on the ice and

it’s also dirty? During the course of the winter,

In an odd way bar patrons of La Crosse,

It might have a little to do with pollution,

breaking all your bones is gone? Walk or run

under all that snow, all kinds things like

Wisconsin aren’t much different. We wait

environmental destruction, health issues,

for cancer on the 21st at United Healthcare

empty chip bags, beers cans, and Taco Bell

in line to receive unfairly small portions of

energy needs, and money — the old “can’t

in Onalaska. Registration starts at 8:30 a.m.

wrappers seem to magically grow. When

beer, and if we think to ask for more, we are

have one without the other” argument. La

walk begins at 11. Pre-registration cost is

all the snow finally melts, and the spring

commanded to cough up another handful

Crosse County Community Resource Agent

$20 for walkers, $25 for runners ($25 and

blooms and spreads out all the greenery, this

of our cash. Such is not the case with the

and Geologist Karl Green will be at the

$30 day of). March for babies on the 27th

unsightly trash makes it hard for us to fully

Between the Bluffs Beer, Wine, and Cheese

comprehend the beauty of the great river.

Festival. You’ll only have to pay once ($30),

Do your part on the 2013 Mississippi River

then you’ll be free to sample more than 200

Clean Up Day and rid the river of what winter

beers, 45+ wines, and plenty of cheeses, all

left behind. Cleanup locations are the Upper

of supreme quality. There will also be music

Brice Prairie Landing, 7th Street Landing,

and beanbag tournaments. The fest goes

Clinton Street Landing and the Goose Island

from 2 to 6 p.m. Get your tickets before they

Middle Landing. Be sure to check in before

sell out like last year. Tell’em Oliver sent you.

tent with concessions if you just can’t bear the cold. Be there at noon and stay till 3 p.m.

Tue., April 9 WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THIS FRACKING SAND?

area, and it’s causing a lot of controversy.

Frac sand is a natural resource that’s pretty abundant around here. It’s used elsewhere to help get oil out of the ground. The whole

cleaning. Spring cleaning begins at 8 a.m.

Sat., April 27 BEER, GLORIOUS BEER (& Wine & Cheese)

Mudfog, England receive their daily portion of gruel from a gruff and churlish overseer.

The portions are generally much too small for the growing kids, and any attempt to

Second Supper | The Free Press

MuSiC DireCtorY FEATURED SHOWS Monday, April 1st Del’s Bar – Dave Armstrong Wednesday, April 3rd Del’s Bar – Acoustic Vision Friday, April 5th Boot Hill Pub – Luke Thering (Piano) • 6 p.m.

Freight House – Muddy Flats and the Hep Cats • 7 p.m.

Friday, April 19th Warehouse – Letter to the Exiles, Miss August, Erasi, Lasting Impression, Benevolence Cavalier Theater – Deaf Ear Records 35 Year Celebration • 6 p.m.

Pump House – Lucy Kaplansky • 7:30 p.m.

Root Note – Savannah Smith w/ Ryan Hartkopf • 8 p.m.

Bottoms Up – Hard Hat • 9 p.m.

Root Note – Pocket Vinyl • 8 p.m.

Sunday, April 21st Root Note – Kristy Larson Honky Tonk Trio • 8 p.m.

Saturday, April 6th Freight House – Muddy Flats and the Hep Cats • 7 p.m.

Monday, April 22nd Del’s Bar – Derek & Sam

Warehouse – The Moms, Sweet Nothings, Day 42, Friend Zone • 7 p.m. ($9 cover)

Wednesday, April, 24th Warehouse – Late Night Reading, Farewell My Love, Catching Your Clouds

Root Note – The Poor Nobodys • 8 p.m.

Monday, April 8th Del’s Bar – Erock Tuesday, April 9th Warehouse – That1Guy, Captain Ahab’s Motorcycle Club • 7 p.m.

Wednesday, April 10th Del’s Bar – Mayfield Experiment Friday, April 12th Cavalier Theater – Spring Fling Open House (various entertainment) • 5 p.m.

Freight House – Paxico • 7 p.m.

Starlite Lounge – Third Charles • 8 p.m.

Root Note – Shivering Timbers w/ Mike Munson • 8 p.m.

Del’s Bar – Bandsaw Brothers Root Note – Thomas Hentges of Burlap Wolk King • 8 p.m.

Warehouse – Of Virtue, After me the Flood (metal)

Xword ANSwerS

Soduku ANSwerS

Special to Second Supper

Root Note – We Are The Willows w/ Adelyn Rose • 8 p.m. ($5 cover) Monday, April 29th Del’s Bar – Adam Palm

WEEKLY GIGS

Freight House – Paxico • 7 p.m.

Monday Popcorn – Grant’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

Root Note – Ruben w/ Bon Bon Fire Fire (folk) • 8 p.m.

Del’s – Cheech’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

Cavalier Theater – Houses in Motion (Talking Heads cover) • 10 p.m.

Tuesday Jade Café – Open Mic Night • 7 p.m

Sunday, April 14th Warehouse – Guardians, Valor Tracks

Popcorn – Paulie • 10 p.m.

Thursday, April 18th Warehouse – Set It Off, For All I Am, I the Mighty, The Perfect Picture • 5:30 p.m. ($10-$12)

Here’s some good news: Spring will soon feel (and sound) a lot more like summer. The perennial Midwest Music Festival will be in full bloom for its fourth year and it promises to be bigger and better than ever. Get ready to scrap any plans you have to lounge around this upcoming 4/20 weekend. The MWMF, which takes place right up the road in Winona, runs from the 18th all the way through the 20th and offers so many performances going on simultaneously and at all times that it may cause a minor bout of cognitive dissonance. Relax, this is a good kind of anxiety.

This year’s MWMF will be gathering well over 100 musical acts of all kinds from all over the Midwest region. Everything from hip-hop and folk, to indie rock and electronica will grace the many stages and venues.

Minneapolis’ well renowned indie-rapper Astronautalis and Duluth’s big time indierockers Retribution Gospel Choir will be two of the headlining performers, but they are just two drops in a huge pool of musical talent that will be on display. La Crosse’s

own indie-rock sensation, Porcupine, will be there along with other local names like Reed Grimm, 64 Squares, and Click Track. Again, the acts just mentioned make up maybe 5 percent of the festival’s total output, so please note that discovering great new music will inevitably happen.

So how does this colossal mass of music work? Take all these performances and spread them out to 13 different venues and stages over the three days. This makes for an experience that might be similar to channel surfi ng or traveling. Either plan ahead for what you want to see, or be serendipitous and go to whatever feels right at that moment. Of course, a combination of both methods might be best. Check out www.midwestmusicfest.org for an extremely helpful (and almost necessary) schedule of everything going on.

There are a few options to consider when buying tickets: day passes are $20, three-day passes are $49 in advance, $55 at the gate (there is also a special 6 ticket group rate of $35 each).

You can also sign up to volunteer, which means you trade four hours of work at the festival for a three-day pass and a T-shirt.

Pretty nifty.

By Kevin Sommerfeld

Saturday, April 27th Bluff View Concerts (Holmen) – Carrie Elkins & Danny Schmidt • 7:30 p.m.

Sunday Popcorn – nnocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10 p.m.

Wednesday, April 17th Del’s Bar – Andy Hughes

Spring's big Midwest fest

Friday, April 26th Root Note – In telescope • 8 p.m.

Saturday, April 13th Warehouse – Broadway Calls, The Right Here, Anchor the World, Charlie Siren

Monday, April 15th Del’s Bar – Colin Marshal

April 1, 2013 // 5

MUSIC

eat fresh! eat local! go co-op!

Root Note – 3rd Relation Jazz • 8 p.m.

Thursday Starlight, Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.

Root Note, Open Mic • 8 p.m.

315 Fifth Ave. So. La Crosse, WI

Popcorn, Dave Orr’s Blues jam • 10 p.m.

tel. 784.5798 www.pfc.coop

Send your music schedule to editor@secondsupper.com.

open daily 7 am–10 pm

all are welcome

6// April 1, 2013

Second Supper | The Free Press

DIVERSIONS

The Beer Review

"Classical remix" Recomposing composers

By Matt Jones

Answers on Page 5

Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale Lazy Magnolia Brewing Company Kiln, Mississippi

By Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

ACROSS 1 Insult hurled at 30-across 6 Mediterranean island nation 11 Two for Juan?

14 Block, as an Arctic ship 15 Message sender SETI hopes to detect 16 Hose problem 17 Photography size, based on Elgar?

19 Lance with a gavel 20 Driver around Hollywood

21 Spectator 23 "The Price Is Right" game 25 Ernie's special friend 26 Reverberate 29 "Wowzers!"

30 "South Park" protagonist 32 Understand fully 34 Dropped a line 36 Longtime Harry Belafonte label 39 Polite 41 Shakespeare nickname 43 Bizarre

Soduku

44 Tahrir Square's country 46 Disturbed 47 "If it feels right, do it" 49 Public regard 51 Caustic substances 52 Scotch mixer 54 Chew out 56 Game where you tug on your ear 59 Smokin' 63 Rand of "Atlas Shrugged" 64 2013 dance all over YouTube, based on Mahler?

66 Was winning 67 Went on the radio 68 Toss option 69 "Gangnam Style" rapper 70 Times to eat cake, casually 71 Dark-skinned wine grape DOWN 1 Get on tape 2 Berry in juices 3 Sea bird 4 Stake out by the road, perhaps 5 Reporter April, friend of the Ninja Turtles 6 Great Leap Forward name 7 Jovial weatherman 8 Pole dance?

9 Loose-leaf selections 10 Stud fee?

11 Seriously irritate, based on Verdi?

12 Like a rind 13 Make pig noises 18 "Bridesmaids" director Paul 22 Diamond stat 24 Word before created or elected 26 Breakfast brand 27 Street ___ 28 Useful, based on Haydn?

30 Numerical suffix 31 Diver's place 33 Banana shell 35 Weasel's cousin 37 Plains language 38 Contributes 40 Driving force 42 Did some farm work 45 "The Pelvis" 48 Rowboat mover 50 Chicken ___ (dish on "The Sopranos") 52 Make some money off those tickets 53 "I just remembered..."

54 Quotable Yogi 55 Tries out 57 "Moby Dick" captain 58 "Pore Jud Is ___" (Rodgers and Hammerstein song) 60 It'll grow on you 61 Tulsa's st.

62 New age musician/ former TV host John 65 Alt-weekly workers, briefly

©2012 Jonesin' Crosswords

I recently spent a week in New Orleans, which is one of the world’s finest drinking cities, but possibly the worst place I ever visited for beer. There are probably many sociological, geographical and economic reasons why the Mississippi Delta doesn’t produce quality craft microbrews. But mostly it seems like the Big Easy prefers getting bombed on booze.

Of course, they do have a thriving industry of walk-up bars serving blended rum drinks in fun plastic vessels, so I can’t really hate on that. I’m more inclined to blame the water. Seriously, the mighty Mississippi River is a filthy beast down there, and the aquifers don’t exactly run deep. Yet between a solid week of bar hopping and even a jaunt to a beer festival, I tasted perhaps four new beers that I would consider above average. The rest were mostly metallic pale ales, uneven wheat concoctions, and light-drinking lagers that hewed closer to Bud Light than Bavaria. (In fairness, New Orleans does have some “beer bars” with largish menus of Belgian and German imports.)

But one thing I did appreciate about my bayou beer tour was the variety of southern flavorings that seeped into their brews.

Strawberry and chicory beers were relatively common, and one brewery even produced a spring seasonal to pair with crawfish boils.

Yet the beer I brought home for this month’s review seemed to be a special point of pride among New Orleans beer enthusiasts. The

Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale, I was repeatedly told, is the first beer to be brewed with roasted pecans, a cash crop in neighboring Mississippi. At the very least, it doesn’t taste anything like a beer from Wisconsin.

Purchase: One bottle of Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale, from a corner deli.

Style: English brown ale

Strength: 4.5 percent ABV

Packaging: Lazy Magnolia bottles this in a two-tone brown label, more tastefully understated than other exports from Kiln, Mississippi.

Appearance: This is the clearest brown ale I’ve ever seen, akin to yesterday’s Dr. Pepper and melted ice, but at least the head is foamy and tan.

Aroma: The aroma has a heavy malt backbone with faint hops and toasted grains with a heavy dose of burnt brown sugar. It has little pecan aroma but a strong lactose presence like a banana cream pie.

Taste: I would have preferred an earthy brew ground with gritty pecans, but Lazy Magnolia plays up the sweetness to largely mask the original flavor. Instead, it comes on like a Payday candy bar then mellows to biscuits with cocoa powder before souring on creamy flavors at the limp finish.

Mouthfeel: Incredibly thin bodied, even for the style.

Drinkability: This beer should be quite drinkable, given the alcohol and mouthfeel, but I’m struggling to even finish this bottle.

Ratings: BeerAdvocate gives this an 83, while RateBeer scores it a 69. Even those grades seem charitable, I think those hospitable Southern beer reviewers are just too nice to criticize.

The Rumba Beat Ongoing and upcoming art events in the Coulee Region

Art Rumba reporting on the newest and latest art shows and events happening around the region.

At The Root Note, 115 S. Fourth St. La Crosse, Pocket Vinyl will be appearing Friday, April 5, at 8 p.m. Eric Stevenson plays piano and sings, and Elizabeth Jancewicz paints to his music. At the end of the evening her work is auctioned off to the highest bidder. To learn more about this unique duo, check out www.pocketvinyl.com.

The Poor Nobody’s will be appearing Saturday, April 6, at 8 p.m. A film will be shown to which they will play the soundtrack live. Check out www.thepoornobodys.com.

Viva Gallery, in Viroqua, will be show ing the paintings of Jamie Heiden. Go to www.vivagallery.net for more info and hours.

The Lanesboro Art Center, 103 Parkway Ave. N., will be featuring the ceramic work of Linda Lewis in a show titled “Mothers and Their Dreams” April 6-June 20, with an opening reception April 13 from 6-8 p.m.

Go to www.lansboroarts.org for more info.

The Pump House Regional Art Center, 119 King St., La Crosse, will be showing “Coming Into View,” a show of graduating senior art students from UW-L, Viterbo and WTC from April 12-May 4. Reception April 26 5-7 p.m. For more info, check out www. thepumphouse.org.

Across the street from the Pump House, The Wine Guyz is featuring the abstract paintings of Chris Johnson through April 13.

State Street Gallery, 1804 State St., La

Crosse, continues to show a mix of local, regional and national artists covering all mediums and styles. If you like an intimate environment to explore your art tastes, this is it.

Continuing at the Grand River Station Gallery, Third Street, is the show “Small Works.”.An opening reception will be held April 5 from 6-8:30 p.m. For more info, call 608-782-0101.

Enjoy the art, support the artists and Rumba on!

-- Art Rumba

Second Supper | The Free Press

The AdviCe GoddeSS

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Stammer time

I can’t talk to really pretty girls. If I’m talking to a girl I’m not that interested in or a dude, I’m golden. But if I’m attracted to a girl, my thoughts get totally scrambled. After a party, I walked this sweet, gorgeous girl to her car. She said some funny or cute thing about me, and I meant to say something witty back. Instead, I just said, “Huh.” Somehow, it was all I had at that moment. It felt too awkward to keep standing there, so I just mumbled goodbye and walked to my car. Pathetic, huh?

—Kicking Myself

It’s good to keep a woman guessing — but not as to whether you want her to go out with you or give you the Heimlich maneuver.

April 1, 2013 // 7

THE LAST WORD

A Dutch study confi rmed what you and most of us already know — that talking to a hot woman can turn a man’s brain into a pudding cup. The researchers — a team led by Dr. Johan C. Karremans — did the study after one of them was chatting up a “very attractive girl” he’d just met, intent on impressing her, but when she asked him where he lived, he suddenly couldn’t remember his street address.

University of Chicago researcher Dr. Sian Beilock, author of “Choke” — a book about overcoming performance anxiety in sports, business, and the arts — explains that we have different types of memory.

The type crapping out on you every time your head says “Well, hello, beautiful!” is “working memory,” the cognitive horsepower that allows you to hold relevant information in mind (and protect that information from disappearing) while you’re trying to do something else. Stressing about what a woman might think of you and overthinking things you normally do without much thought, like tossing around witty banter, depletes working memory resources that would otherwise be available — maybe to the point where you fi nd yourself glancing around the bar for help recalling the simplest facts about yourself: “My name? Uh…Bud. Bud Light.”

You stop the pretty ladies from pulling the fi re alarm in your head and evacuating

your every thought the same way you, haw-haw, get to Carnegie Hall — practice.

Beilock lays out numerous examples that suggest that the more you practice under pressure the less likely you’ll be to choke when the stress is on. For example, golfers who had their putting practice sessions videotaped and judged by coaches did much better in competition than those who practiced without scrutiny. You, likewise, would probably be helped by going out and practicing hitting on hot women with your friends watching in the wings or — better yet, to raise the stakes — with them watching and placing bets with you on how you’ll do. To avoid self-conscious overthink, shift your focus from fretting about what a woman thinks of you to having a good time saying things you fi nd interesting and fun. With practice, words should stop deserting you and you should have fewer grammatical accidents, making you far less likely to compliment a beautiful woman on how smashing she looks with, “Drop dead, gorgeous.”

Speed mating

This guy and I ended up having sex on the first date. I asked him whether he’d done this before and still had a relationship, and he said yes, but it didn’t last. He said that for our next date, we should do something not involving sex and said we should meet for coffee on Friday. He

texted to say the sex was great, and I told him I hope he doesn’t feel different about me, and he said he doesn’t. But, now he’s texting me much less, and Friday came and went with no mention of getting together.

—Huge Mistake?

There are two surefi re ways to see that a guy sticks around after sex on the fi rst date: handcuffi ng him to the headboard or developing magical powers to control men and small appliances with your hair.

Otherwise, you should assume that sex on the fi rst date will be sex on the last date.

This isn’t to say it necessarily will be. But no matter how good a man’s intentions, he can’t reprogram male psychology, which evolved to push him to seek sex without commitment with as many women as he can. (All the better to leave lots of offspring to pass on his genes.) What keeps a man coming back aren’t good intentions; it takes an emotional connection that overwhelms his urge to be on to the next. So, whenever it’s possible you’ll want a particular guy in your life for more than an afternoon, see that you take things slowly enough for an emotional bond to develop. In other words, if you wind up on your back on the fi rst date, he’d better be standing over you asking, “Oh, my gosh…you OK?” (c) 2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Our May edition of Second Supper | The Free Press publishes April 27. Our advertising deadline is April 22. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.

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8// April 1, 2013

Second Supper | The Free Press