Second Supper | Vol.12 No. 5

MAY 2012 | VOLUME 12, NO. 5

WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

Live Music Issue

the free press A

Digest

of

Coulee

Region

Culture

Reelin’ in the Years

We stow away in a time trip through La Crosse music

Cover photos by: Ashly Conrad (color) & Richard W. Brown (b&w)

[p 3]

PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING [P. 2] | THE MAJAK MIXTAPE [P. 4] | THE ADVICE GODDESS [P. 12]

2// May 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

STREET BEAT

Social Networking what is your beverage of choice?

Bourbon

Speak Your Mind

with Ashly Conrad

Who is your favorite musician or band?

celebrity crush: Heather Armstrong

What is your biggest pet peeve?

That Second Supper doesn't have a best bartender category in their Best Of issue

What book are you currently reading?

“The Lost City of Z” by David Grann

tell us your guiltiest pleasure: Potato chips and champagne (together) tell us a joke: My love life

If a genie granted you one wish, what would you ask for?

NAME AND AGE: Michael Feuerhelm, 48

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? La Crosse, Wisconsin

World peace, with a couple million earmarked for me somehow

Name: Ian Haller Age: 28 Occupation: Student A. Simple Rogues. They are a rowdy good time and they have a drunken Irish lead singer!

Name: Shannon Pittman Age: 32 Occupation: Chef A. Sweat Boys. Because they are hilarious!

Name: Laura Elowson Age: 23 Occupation: Bartender A. Talk O Destiny. He has a sweet van and he's my boyfriend, so I have to love him!

Name: Alan Derrick Age: 32 Occupation: Client Services A. Jacob Grippen. I really enjoy his music, just really nice to listen to.

Name: Michael Bueltel Age: 26 Occupation: Jimmy Johns A. Adam Palm. He’s good stuff, used to work with him and he just plays good acoustic music.

Name: Laura Merin Age: 28 Occupation: Teacher A. 3rd Relation Jazz Quartet.

They provide a nice relaxing atmosphere for the Root Note, and it’s very soothing.

Name: Lily & Esme Brekke Age: 8, 11 Occupation: Students/ pet owners A. Nick Shattuck. He has a cute little tiny guitar and it sounds good!

Name: Carly Petrausky Age: 28 Occupation: Co-op A. 1,2,3 Wallrus. Super high energy, lots of fun. The first time I saw them I knew nothing about them, and now I’m always scanning for upcoming shows!

Name: Lacy Hansen Age: 22 Occupation: Cake Decorator A. Paulie. He's like a god on guitar, and I LOVE his one-man band!

What one person alive or dead would you want to have dinner with?

CURRENT JOB: Bartender/manager, 4 Sisters Wine Bar & Tapas

JC

DREAM JOB:

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO:

Tending roses on a beautiful estate

last thing you googled:

My crazy aunt Betty took me to America circa 1977

what's the last thing you bought?

Movie show times

four David Austin rose bushes

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

two Kleenex, Labello and my schedule

what's in your pocket right now?:

Switzerland

what is Something you want to do before you die:

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

Live on the Big Island

The Top Underutilized music venues 1. La Crosse Center 2. Hollywood Theatre 3. Barns 4. Pettibone Park 5. La Crosse Queen 6. Industrial warehouses 7. Anything near UW-L

Baseball teams not in Milwaukee 1. Texas Rangers 2. Detroit Tigers 3. St. Louis Cardinals 4. Los Angeles Dodgers 5. Washington Nationals 6. New York Yankees 7. Atlanta Braves

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Second Supper | The Free Press

Rock of ages

By Bob Treu

Contributing editor

Today’s music ain’t got the same soul.

I like that old time rock and roll -- Robert Clark Seger The first time I heard rock and roll I was in my girlfriend’s bedroom, somewhere on Wausau’s East Hill. I’m not sure why I was there, but no doubt she was one of several young women who undertook the hopeless project of improving my dancing ability. We were in junior high at the time and she had a 45 rpm record player, a plastic box about 10”x10” with a four inch high spindle mounted on the top. If you saw one now you wouldn’t guess that innocent contraption was part of a revolution. My parents, like many adults, owned a console radio with a record player hidden inside on which they played 78 rpm recordings of big band music from the World War II era: the Dorsey brothers, Glenn Miller, and Clyde McCoy, music my father had listened to on the Armed Forces Network in France and Germany. I still love that music.

But that girl on East Hill had the secret, the magic machine that liberated us from the family room and her parents’ music. We could listen to Elvis and Buddy Holly without having to defend our wild tastes to anyone. We also listened to the Crew Cuts singing “Shaboom Shaboom” and the Everly Brothers doing “Wake Up Little Susie.”

Her parents would let us hang out in her bedroom if they didn’t have to hear our music. Listening to it now, you couldn’t imagine how it ever got on anybody’s nerves. But it was about to change the world.

Slowly at first, and then, by 1960, with amazing rapidity, something was happening everywhere a kid could spend a buck, or less, on a 45 single. And of course it was happening in La Crosse, in ways that were particularly dramatic. It’s a great story, with some great characters, and I wish I had time to tell it all.

Much of the narrative centers on two music stores, roughly a half mile apart. The first is Leithold’s, where Lindy Shannon worked for more than three decades. He was christened Charles Lindbergh Shannon, after the aviator. And like his famous namesake, he was nicknamed “Lindy.” He was La Crosse’s human dynamo, the super-

The BLuFF

May 1, 2012 // 3

MUSIC

Our intrepid reporter gives a spin through La Crosse music history

charger of local rock and roll. He worked as manager of the record department of Leithold’s Music Store, but found time to serve as deejay, manager of bands, promoter, agent, and all around impresario of La Crosse rock. In 1953 he even interviewed Elvis when he performed at the old Mary E. Sawyer auditorium, but mainly he labored on behalf of local music. And he was good at it. For eight weeks in 1968 it wasn’t the Beatles that topped the charts in La Crosse, it was a local group called Unchained Mynd with their hit “We Can’t Go On Like This,” and it stayed on the charts for 26 weeks.

The band was just hitting its stride when the guitarist got drafted.

In 1992, when diabetes was sapping his energy, Lindy’s friends arranged a tribute concert at the Octoberfest Grounds, which turned out to be a reunion of musicians, all of whom felt they owed something to him.

People came from all over the country, including The Shy Guys and the Fax. Lindy died in 1995 and in August 1996 there was a second tribute concert. Bobby Vee was there, along with Everyday People and Unchained Mynd. John Sundquist, who had been one of the Fendermen, brought his new band. The Fendermen were never a La Crosse band, but Lindy helped them with “Muleskinner Blues,” their signature hit, and they remained friends.

It’s hard to know much about Lindy outside the musical world he created. He was born here, he spent two years in the army (1950-52), and the rest is nonstop rock. People say he was a loner. A loner with a lot of friends. In spite of the enormous influence he had on the La Crosse music scene, there was never a sense of a hierarchy, never a sense of being favored or left out. Lindy simply helped wherever he could.

But if Leithold’s was one of the anchors of La Crosse rock, the other is a half mile away on Third Street. If you stand by the giant six-pack and look south you will see a giant guitar. You might think you’ve stumbled into Gulliver’s Brobdingnag, but it’s really the sign for Dave’s Guitar Shop.

It’s the destination of thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Japan. They come to gawk at a really impressive collection of guitars. The models downstairs are for sale, and you can find every guitar you have ever heard of there. Upstairs you will find Dave’s private collection. They aren’t for

sale, though he did sell his Les Paul Flame to Eric Clapton for $300,000. The store is filled with paraphernalia, including signed photos and messages from a host of rock greats. Perhaps the most intriguing piece is a solid silver pick which, while it could be used, has never struck a string. It’s a gift from Clapton.

Dave is from Marshfield, but he came here in the ‘70s to work in a music store and play in a variety of bands. One of his longest runs was with Park Street. By 1982 he had his own, relatively small, guitar store. What happened next remains something of a mystery. How did a small shop in La Crosse become one of the largest, certainly one of the most famous, dealers in the world?

When I asked him about that he gave me a big, generous grin and said, “The place could be in Pittsville, you know.” In the beginning his success came from visiting as many guitar shows as possible, making connections and learning what he could. But then the Internet opened the world to him, so that now 75 percent of his business is done online. He says “I could close the store if I wanted and just have a lot of people answering the phone and filling orders.” But that’s not going to happen any time soon. Dave enjoys talking to people about guitars. He can spend hours talking to a client about the tone and action of particular instruments, which might just be the hidden mystery of Dave’s Guitar.

Since I can’t begin to do justice to the history of local bands, I’ll give you the example I know best. In the ‘90s I came as close to becoming a groupie as I ever would. The band was called Migrant Workers Bound for France, and whenever they played, I would try to get there. The group consisted of Rick Weeth, lead guitarist; Rick Brown on bass; Jim Lachman on drums; and, some of the time, Irene Keenan, a vocalist with a gritty voice and fiery way of presenting a lyric. Eventually I got to know them all, but Rick Brown and I remain friends.

When Rick got his bass he found some friends at Central High with similar musical tastes and together they formed a band.

It was the era of garage bands, but in this climate indoors is better, and as it turned out the Brown’s basement was available.

They called themselves Excalibur, perhaps

for Philip Morris, Kraft Foods, and Nabisco, announced that the decision was based on the desire to create a more “family-friendly” product which would eventually help the “young smokers of tomorrow.”

“For far too long, we’ve had a product that has been derided by egghead scientists as ‘potentially harmful for pregnant women’. With our new edition of ‘Camel Lights + Baby Care!’, we hope to shake off the idea

that we are simply an uncaring corporation who simply profits off the unhealthy habits of our users.”

Szymanczyk added: “ We still stand by our product to deliver the utmost nutritional value to expecting moms across the nation, as well as letting those mothers-to-be experience a well deserved trip to Flavor Country.”

CONTiNUED ON pAGE 4

A Bit of Satire

Philip Morris announces new line of pre-natal vitamin cigarettes Philip Morris announced at a press conference Wednesday morning that they would be revealing a new version of Camel Lights that contained the 100 percent daily recommended value of pre-natal vitamins for pregnant women. Michael Szymanczyk, CEO of Altria Group, the parent company

the free press 444 Main St., Suite 310 La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Sales: Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com Cover and Ad Design: Jenn Bushman Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Mary Catanese, Ashly Conrad,Ben Deline, Marcel Dunn, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Nate Willer Second Supper is a monthly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 444 Main St., , Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to editor@secondsupper.com.

• La Crosse • Sparta • Richland Center • Prairie du Chien Birth Control Services Annual Exams for Women STD Testing & Treatment for Men and Women Pregnancy Testing Emergency Contraception Call for an appointment today!

800.657.5177

Helping create healthy lives and families.

www.optionsclinic.org

4// May 1, 2012

MUSIC

Second Supper | The Free Press

The Majak Mixtape

By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Oh Mixtapers, after countless hours of studying, writing papers, and avoiding drinking tickets, the time has come for you to go forth from the world of academia and into the marketplace with diploma in hand. And when going into the real world, a recent college graduate is going to be faced with all sorts of problems like paying back student loans, getting employed, and whether or not those photos from Spring Break two years ago will put a halt to any future political aspirations (spoiler alert: yes).

But never worry my capped and gowned Mixtapers, we are here to offer better advice than that dumb ass R.A. who thought all problems could be solved through Frisbee golf in a mix we’re dubbing, “Graduating Mixtape Cum Laude.”

We kick off the Mixtape with the Dirty Projectors’ newest tune “You Against the Larger World” as that’s how it can feel for a college graduate trying to land a job. According to the Associated Press, 50 percent of college graduates under 25 with bachelor degrees were either unemployed or underemployed last year. Pretty sure that’s not going to be in a college tour guide’s spiel unless it’s for the School of Hard Knocks.

But take heart graduates, there are always unpaid internships, which is basically indentured servitude with copy machines so that’s totally helpful, right?

And while students are struggling to find a job, there is that little sword of Damocles hanging over their heads called student loans. This leads us to our next song “MoneyGrabber” by Fitz and the Tantrums. Fifteen percent of all Americans, according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, have outstanding student loans. And by outstanding, we’re not saying their loans are fabulous. The debt amounts to around somewhere between $870 billion to $1 trillion dollars, which, incidentally, is how much it would cost for us to care about One Direction.

We close out this pomp and circumstance extravaganza of a mixtape with “Future Days” by Drink to Me as we look to the future of what may happen with student loans.

As of July 1, the rate for federally subsidized student loans could double, going from 3.4 to 6.8 percent if the Congress doesn’t act to keep rates at their current, well, rate. And in a move more shocking than casting Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor, President Obama and Mitt Romney agreed that the student loan rate should not be increased. Apparently college makes everybody go bi, whether it’s sexual or partisan.

I’ll Tumblr For You: F*** Yeah Socially Awkward Penguin (f***yeahsociallyawkwardpenguin.tumblr.com) Artist of the Month: AlunaGeorge

Photo by Ashly Conrad

The La Crosse music scene has featured a variety of bands, venues and styles over the years.

Rock CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3 because they discovered music could be a magic sword. Soon they were good enough to play at some decent local venues, mainly the ones they could enter legally.

For Rick that was a time for developing his skills, and eventually he found his way to the Migrants. Mainly they did covers, but they also wrote a few things. Inspired by the small town up the river that passed a local ordinance against transporting spent nuclear fuel rods through the community, Rick wrote a piece called “Maiden Rock.”

As good as the Migrants were, they did little rehearsing. Most of the modulations and innovations happened on stage, spontaneously. But as destiny preaches in nearly all such happy instances, the Migrants slowly ground to an end as the new millennium came on. Irene started her own band and eventually did solo gigs. Rick W has moved to the Cities but comes back to sit in with whatever is happening. Rick B did bluegrass for a while, and then hit the rock circuit again with Olson Dunn, a group of rock vets with similar backgrounds. Rick told me he

still gets charged at live performances, but not as much. When I’m home,” he tells me with a grin worthy of Buddha, “I don’t listen to rock; I listen to Miles Davis and Stan Getz.” Maybe there’s a secret there, a proof against burnout perhaps.

The story of La Crosse rock is a complex story with a lot of twists and turns, but detailed histories exist. I was lucky enough to find one such historian at the People’s Food Co-Op, where he works in the produce department. Edward “Ted” Johnson is a veteran of the local rock scene. He has been percussionist for a number of bands, perhaps most memorably with Chris Zobin in a duo called Altrusion Grace, so he was well situated to do an oral history of local rock.

Ted describes the 1970s music scene as a bubble. Major concerts took place in Mary E. Sawyer auditorium, now part of Western Wisconsin Tech, before La Crosse Center was built in 1980. And the local bands were doing well. Ted even remembers a punk rock concert at the old Concordia ballroom.

Then came the 1979 recession, followed by oil shortages. According to Ted, vinyl discs became thinner, more flexible, and less durable; record companies were less willing to take risks. For the first time sales went down

and even Led Zeppelin found itself losing air and making its slow descent.

The eighties was an era of good local bands, but as bands found themselves in competition with MTV and big screens, it became harder to make a living. Bands came to resemble farm league baseball teams. If the right scouts saw you, you might move up. Ted’s tastes have changed with the times, and he has enjoyed seeing La Crosse become an important industrial rock site, with the Warehouse as a major venue. You can also find him occasionally contributing to a “noise” concert at the Cavalier, delightfully uproarious events where the players use every manner of electronic device, including homemade ones, to create original sounds.

Who knows the future? From the perspective of 2012, it’s hard to defend my easy assumption that rock changed the world.

No matter how often we stand with candles and sing “Imagine,” rock has been at best a momentary stay against confusion. Still, it’s impressive how many of the veteran rockers I spoke with still play, and when they do, it’s mainly music from that other millennium, when kids in garages thought they could pull the magic sword from the rock and make something happen.

Second Supper | The Free Press

La Crosse: A life with music

Local scene has been great. Now listen together.

By Adam Bissen

The Historic Trempealeau Hotel Presents

Reggae Fest Saturday, May 19

adam.bissen@secondsupper.com "I can be your constellation or a common vagrant.

My soul is ageless, forever young, without the aid of facelifts. I'm just planning on slaving in the basement, waiting for my creations to cause revelations amongst the planet's patrons."

— Gavin Theory, “Dreamer” Music has a way to pause, pass, and parse time. This struck me last month as I was reflecting on the life and death of Gavin Soens, a longtime friend of this newspaper who passed away in Portland, Oregon at the age of 27 after a two-year battle with cancer.

He went by many names — most notably Gavin Theory, but I always loved his personal rune symbol, a stick figure with boxes for hands, feet and head that can still be found in hallways and alleyways around La Crosse.

If you knew Gavin, you probably remember him like I did, on-stage, brown hair tussled over his brow, microphone clutched in a forehand grip, head nodding to bombastic woozy beats — almost always his own and distinctly ahead of his time. Gavin was the production maestro behind Hives Inquiry Squad, a hiphop duo that formed in Kenosha but took root in La Crosse about five years ago. That group changed the tenor and sound of this town faster than anyone I ever knew.

It’s startling to think about, but Gavin lived in La Crosse for fewer than two years.

Yet all those late nights at the Joint, Bluffland Bloom and Brew, Loungin’ in the Arts and “the Second Supper House” are some of my most vivid memories. Out of a dormant hiphop scene, Gavin and fellow MC Lucas Dix took it upon themselves to make their music an event. Every show featured new songs, boundary shifting beats, risky, confident improvisation, and a sense that no place else in the world was as special as the room we were in that night.

Yet I look around La Crosse today, and the Joint, Bluffland Bloom and Brew, Loungin’ in the Arts and the Second Supper House are no more. Could it only have been five years? I remember when you could hardly find a tile to dance on at the Popcorn Tavern. The Joint, which was birthed as a biker bar, was packed for live hip-hop on Wednesday nights. National bands rolled through the Vibe, and Bluffland — which has been reincarnated as the Root Note — had an amazing anything-goes aesthetic where you could see rap, bluegrass, folk and electronica all in the same night. There were summer shows — all those Bandit County Fairs, the sublime Loungin’ in the Arts, the infamous party at Pettibone — and packed houses even in the dead of winter.

And then I think about Gavin — and how he’d scoff at me for acting like a clichéd Baby Boomer right now. It’s not hard to wear rose-tinted spectacles, but the music in this city is as vibrant as it’s ever been. We just need to get out and listen to it.

The rise of T.U.G.G. and Porcupine have been some of the more encouraging

May 1, 2012 // 5

MUSIC

rain Fest held or shine!

All a welcogmes e!

2-5pm T.U.G.G. 5-8pm Innocent 8-11pm Dub Dis ft Devon Brown Bring a blanket or a lawn chair and ENJOY!

$15adv/$20day

Jamaican music, food, arts, crafts and plenty of Peace, Love and Happiness!

Order online, by phone (608 534 6898) or stop by one of our ticket outlets: LaCrosse-Dave's Guitar Shop, People's Food Co-op, Deaf Ear Onalaska-Blue Heron Bicycle Works Holmen-River Trail Cycles On the banks of the Mississippi River! Just 23 miles north of La Crosse. www.trempealeauhotel.com

Photo by Ashly Conrad

Gavin Theory developments of the past half-decade. These bands work hard, hone their craft, deserve their accolades, and are great inspirations in the scene. And whether or not you’ve noticed it, there’s also a blooming crop of young artists, ready to make this city as musically vital and even more diverse than it was in my mid-aughts heyday.

Click Track kicks out angular dancerock with just two musicians and the enviable tendency to unveil loads of new material each show. Nimbus has seized the baton from a rich jamband tradition, but their exploration and boom-bap precision reaches rare heights. On a younger tip, Neon is cultivating a well-deserved fanbase with the sort of savvy few people ever display in high school. 1,2,3 Walrus whips fans in a frenzy, Fayme Rochelle wails with an original twang, Bryan Zannotti blasts behind every kit, the Disabled act as elder statesmen, and Dave Orr is the glue to this city. Then there all the rappers, noise artists, basement rockers, Warehouse slayers, bluesmen, metal heads, banjo pickers, free-range horns and open mic all-stars that constantly turn out to spread the joy of music (and whom I hope don’t feel slighted if I don’t mention their name in print).

But the real trick — what separated Gavin Theory’s La Crosse from that of to-

CONTiNUED ON pAGE 6

308 4th Street (608) 782-9069 WEEKLY SHOWS

BAND SCHEDULE FOR MAY

Sunday | Innocuous Voodoo

Wed., 5/2 | 300 Plus

Monday | Grant’s Open Jam

Fri., 5/4 | Steez

Tuesday | Paulie

Sat., 5/5 | Dave Orr’s Cinco de Mayo Birthday Party

Thursday | Dave Orr’s Damn Jam Steez

Wed., May 9 | Andy and Joe’s jam Fri., May 11 | Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank Sat., May 12 | More Than Lights Wed., May 16 | Terrapin Shells Fri., May 18 | Bandsaw Brothers Sat., May 19 | TBA Wed., May 23 | Andy and Joe’s jam Fri., May 25 | Too Many Banjos Sat., May 26 | Cheech & Friends

More Than Lig hts

Wed., May 30 | Andy and Joe’s jam

6// May 1, 2012

Music CONTINUED FROM PAGE 5 day — is bringing everyone together for the show. In the past five years, the local music scene has evolved in all sorts of fascinating ways. Our musicians seem more polished, plugged in, and less inclined to group-think than I remember from the past. Thanks to the Internet, local bands cultivate an original voice and land high-profile gigs from Minneapolis to Milwaukee. But when it comes to

MUSIC the essential energy of a “scene,” we seem fractured. Crowds are down everywhere, and whether that’s due to a depressed economy or fans’ reluctance to take risks is a perpetual conversation in empty clubs.

But Second Supper is here to lift the scene up, and I want to use this column as a call to action. This town has fantastic venues of all types, the sort of spaces that would be the envy of cities twice our size. We have classic rock clubs and beautiful band shells, allages hangouts, classy rooms, vacant spaces crying out for PAs and outdoor areas waiting

to be taken over.

Last month I went to the Mid West Music Fest in Winona, and I don’t think I’ve ever attended another festival that was better planned or reflected finer on a city. If you had the gumption you could see a hundred bands at a dozen venues, all within walking distance in a charming downtown. The music came from all different genres and bands from different states, but the Coulee Region acts were given a platform to shine — and they seized the opportunity before musichungry crowds.

Second Supper | The Free Press

This is what La Crosse should aspire to. We need to come together, and we need to branch out. I remember planning those lineups for Loungin’ in the Arts. We woke up to death metal, heard some folk, grooved to prog-jazz, saw Hives Inquiry Squad when the sun went down, and listened to experimental electronica all night.

Those were great days, and we were all there together. With a look to our history and a scan of our present, we can be there again.

Music Directory FEATURED SHOWS Wednesday, May 2 Leo And Leona's — Michael Martin Murphy (La Crosse legend) • 7:30 p.m.

Popcorn — 300 Plus (‘90s rock) • 10 p.m.

Thursday, May 3 Fat Sam’s — Paulie (loop maestro) • 8 p.m.

Hog Wild — Andy (from T.U.G.G) • 9 p.m.

Leo And Leona's — Michael Martin Murphy (Western) • 7:30 p.m.

Friday, May 4 Popcorn — steez (creepfunk) • 10 p.m Root Note — Cheeba (Cheech and Chubba) • 6 p.m.

The Waterfront — Saner and Gibbons (acoustic) • 8 p.m.

Yesterdaze — Shot To Hell w/Lustrous Mud (CD release) • 10 Saturday, May 5 Field House — The Space Heaters (rock/ ska) • 8 p.m.

Hog Wild — Altered Vision, Pat Watters Band (anniversary party)• noon Nell’s — New Blues Crew (Ari & Dovy fundraiser) • 6 p.m.

Popcorn — Dave Orr’s Cinco de Mayo Birthday Party • 10 p.m.

Pump House — Storyhill (acoustic duo) • 7:30 p.m.

Trempealeau Hotel — “Baron of Bird Mountain” (Cinco de Mayo) • 8 p.m.

Warehouse — The Disabled,123 Walrus, Life Puzzler, Common Kids, 64 Squares (Cinco de Mayo) • 7 p.m.

Sunday, May 6 Moka — Prairie Smoke (old-timey) • 12:30 p.m.

Wednesday, May 9 Popcorn — Andy and Joe’s jam • 10 p.m.

Friday, May 11 Popcorn — Hobo Nephews of Uncle Frank (roots) • 10 Root Note — Michelle Lynn with Click Track (indie, folk) • 9 p.m.

Saturday, May 12 Gays Mills Community Center — Gays Mills Folk Festival • noon Popcorn — More Than Lights (live hip-hop) • 10 p.m.

Root Note — The Ericksons with Kevin Steinman (indie folk) • 8 p.m.

Trempealeau Hotel — Chris Silver Band (rock) • 8 p.m.

Tuesday, May 15 Root Note — Star & Micey with Carolina

Story (rock) • 8 p.m.

Wednesday, May 16 Popcorn — Terrapin Shells (Dead ahead) • 10 Friday, May 18 Popcorn — Bandsaw Brothers (roots rock) • 10 Trempealeau Hotel — T.U.G.G., Innocent, Dub Dis featuring Devon Brown (Reggae Fest) • 2 p.m.

Saturday, May 19 Cavalier — Nick Peterson (acoustic/comedy) • 7:30 Wednesday, May 23 Popcorn — Andy and Joe’s jam • 10 p.m.

Friday, May 25 Popcorn — Too Many Banjos (bluegrass) • 10 p.m.

Saturday, May 26 Popcorn — Cheech & Friends Wednesday, May 30 Popcorn — Andy and Joe’s jam • 10 p.m.

WEEKLY SHOWS Sunday Popcorn — Innocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10 p.m.

Monday Del’s — Cheech’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

Popcorn — Grants Open Jam • 10 p.m.

Tuesday Popcorn — Paulie • 10 p.m.

Root Note — 3rd Relation Jazz • 7 p.m.

Wednesday Cavalier — Jamal’s Jazz Jam • 7 p.m.

Thursday Popcorn — Dave Orr’s Blues Jam • 10 p.m.

Root Note — Open Mic • 8 p.m.

Starlite — Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5 p.m.

Visit us online at www.secondsupper.com

Second Supper | The Free Press

MAY

The Month in Preview Thurs., May 3

May 1, 2012 // 7

THE PLANNER

cinco de mayo | music | entertainment graduation | craft beer week | mother’s day | art & theater | steez | memorial day

BE A KNOW-IT-ALL @ the Popcorn Tavern, 308 4th Street Little known fact about the editor of this newspaper: Adam Bissen really enjoys trivia. He likes to absorb it, share it, lord it over people in friendly conversation, and imbue competition into the provenance of human wisdom. In short, he’d make an OK bar trivia host, so join him this Thursday at 8 p.m. as he kicks off his weekly trivia residency at the Popcorn Tavern. Bring along some friends, a breadth of cultural knowledge and a fresh team name (obscenities encouraged). And turn off your cheatin’ smart phones, because Popcorn Tavern Trivia is going to get serious!

Fri., May 4 ARE YOU READY TO ROCK? @ Yesterdaze, 317 Pearl St. This is our live music issue, and we’d be remiss if we didn’t recommend at least one kick-ass show for May. So if you have discerning ears, a head to bang, and a desire to rock out in La Crosse’s darkest bar, we wholeheartedly encourage you to attend Lustrous Mud’s CD release show this Friday night at Yesterdaze. Loud but artful, Lustrous Mud puts on one of the more dizzying shows in the local rock scene, with racing guitar riffs and post-punk grooves that border on shoegaze. Opening the 10 p.m. concert is Shot To Hell, another La Crosse band with a hard rock rush infused with outlaw country. This Friday night show is free, and copies of Lustrous Mud’s Sun Hawk EP will be available.

Thurs., May 10 BEE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE @ Western Technical College The Beehive Design Collective are a pretty interesting bunch. They’re a nonprofit political organization that employs intricate visual media, especially sprawling pen drawings, to promote social justice and education on complicated global issues.

We’ve bumped into the Maine-based collective at a few events around the country, and their passion and especially their artwork are something to behold. Join the Beehive Collective on Thursday, May 10, as they present their newest graphic “The Trust Cost of Coal.” To develop the piece, members of the collective worked with grassroots organizers in Appalachia to

www.beehivecollective.org

research and depict an epic canvas that reveals the connections between mountaintop removal mining, climate change, and the struggle for justice throughout the world. It promises to be a feast for the eyes as well as the mind. Join the collective at 5 p.m. on May 10 at the Kumm Building stage at Western Technical College. Much like their anti-copyright art, this event is free.

Sat., May 12 BIKE TO WORK

footprint and don’t get hung up in traffic either. Of course, you could do this almost any day of the year. But it feels extra special to do it with thousands of your fellow riders, so join us in La Crosse’s Bike To Work Week, from May 12-19. There are way too many events for us to mention them all here here, but if you want to learn how to get free coffee, take bike tours, or earn the coveted Golden Helmet award, visit www.driftlessbicycle.org/biketowork.

Sat., May 19 GIVE A SHORELINE A FACELIFT

You know how cool it feels to ride a bike?

No, we’re not talking about the wind in your hair, the sunshine on your shoulders, or the way birds chirp while you idly pedal past a park — we’re talking about how smug it feels to pass cars idling at a stoplight. You like that, gas burners? Put $4-a-gallon of this in your tank and smoke it! Yeah, we’re lowering our carbon

Lustrous Mud

You like the Mississippi River, right? Then pick up after yourself! We used to think there was nothing worse than discovering broken beer bottles on sandbars, but tires and oil drums washed up on boat landings aren’t much better. You can help do your part on Saturday, May 19, by attending the annual Mississippi River Clean Up.

The spring cleaning will take place from 8 a.m. to noon at the following landings: Upper Brice Prairie, Seventh Street, Clinton Street, and the Goose Island middle landing. If you have a boat, bring it to help tidy the shorelines that aren’t easily accessible by foot. The river will thank you.

Fri, May 19 GET IRIE @ the Trempealeau Hotel Nothing says “Heloooo, summer!” like reggae music, and nothing says “reggae music” quite like the Trempealeau Hotel’s annual Reggae Fest on Saturday, May 19. Between the river, the bluffs, the walnut burgers, and the jerk chicken, you’d already have the makings of a pretty stellar Saturday afternoon. Spice it up with three renowned reggae bands, and you’ve got a real humdinger! Our boys T.U.G.G. will once again kick off the fest with an outdoor set that begins at 2 p.m.

Innocent, a chief in his native Tanzania, mixes traditional reggae with a world music influence and is scheduled to perform from 5-8 p.m. Closing down the outdoor stage is Dub Dis, a globally touring ensemble that is based in Chicago but has members that originally hail from Jamaica, Japan, and elsewhere. After the lights dim on the outdoor stage, follow the crew inside to watch T.U.G.G. bring the house down. Reggae Fest tickets are $15 in advance, $20 day of show.

8// May 1, 2012

The Month in Theatre In case you missed it:

In retrospect, you could’ve called it My Big Fat Greek Weekend of Theatre as yours truly attended productions of “Antigone“ at UW-La Crosse and “Hippolytos” at Viterbo.

And what the productions lacked in ouzo and baklava, they more than made up for in interesting interpretations of Greek tragedies filled with suicides, family strife and societies put in peril because of interfering Gods. You know, your typical light-hearted fare. While the scripts of the shows mined a lot of the same emotional territories and plot arcs, the productions could not have been more different in their approaches to the material, giving this reviewer two starkly different nights of theatre.

Over at UW-L, a choice was made to update the story of “Antigone” to a more modern/future setting, a good idea in theory that seemed to be somewhat muddled in its execution. For instance, the set design of student Laura Tracey set up a wonderfully dystopian feel that didn’t match up with the relatively clean-faced, Kohl’s ad look of the majority of the cast. When stories are moved from their original setting to a modern setting, there needs to be some sort of point or it can feel like a tiresome exercise in making something have a sheen of relevancy.

The acting, overall, was solid with par-

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE ARTS ticularly strong performances from Kaylyn Forkey in the title role of Antigone as well as Donald Hart as a soldier tasked with the unfortunate duty of delivering bad news.

The rest of the cast did well, even if some of the acting choices were curious at best and horribly distracting at worst. Allowing members of the audience to sit on the set was a brilliant move and seemed to add an extra level of intensity/commitment out of the cast.

While UW-L gave their show a modern look, Viterbo’s production of stayed true to its time period while ironically feeling like the fresher of the two shows. Under the direction of David Gardiner and in the confines of the intimate Black Box theatre at Viterbo, the cast of “Hippolytus” excelled at not letting little things like playing Greek gods and kings stop them from delivering performances grounded in a realistic truth.

There isn’t enough column space to detail all the great performances in the show, but Charlie Ward as Theseus proved why he was become one of all-time favorite actors in this town with his seemingly endless amount of versatility. It is not often a performer can get me to lean forward in my seat to try to get an even better view of their performance. Cast members John Dobbratz, Libby Anderson, Courtney Toepel, Margaret Teshner and Jhardon Milton as well as the ensemble were no slouches and created a palpable tension that kept the show from ever being boring.

Coming up this month

La Crosse Community Theatre will be putting on the popular British musical “Blood Brothers” from May 4-20.

Over at the Pump House, they’ll be dealing with a band of brothers in the form of the classic Neil Simon military comedy “Biloxi Blues,” running May 25 through June 8.

At the Muse Theatre, sisters are doing it for themselves in the musical “A … My Name is Alice,” running April 26 through May 20.

— Jonathan Majak

Arts Directory

Planetarium event features Pink Floyd

The final Album Encounters of the school year at the University of WisconsinLa Crosse planetarium will take place at 8 p.m. Friday, May 4.

The show will feature disc 2 of “The Wall” by Pink Floyd.

Admission is $3 at the door. For information, call 608-785-8669 or visit www. uwlax.edu/planetarium.

Crossword Answer

Thursday, May 3-6, 10-13, 17-20 Muse Theatre — “A … My Name is Alice” (musical) • 7:30 p.m.; 2 p.m. on Sundays Friday, May 4 Gallery La Crosse — “First Fridays" Reception • 6 p.m.

Friday, May 4-6, 10-13, 17-20 La Crosse Community Theatre — “Blood Brothers” (theatre PG) • 7:30 p.m.; 2 p.m. on Sundays Friday, May 4-5 UW-L Toland Theatre — “Kinesis” (dance) • 7:30 p.m.

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Second Supper | The Free Press

May 1, 2012 // 9

THE ARTS fascinating burst of screwball tales is captivating enough on its own.

Medium: Literature Stimulus: Chuck Palahniuk -- "Damned"

By Brett Emerson brett.emerson@secondsupper.com

Medium: Literature Stimulus: Josh Olsen -- "Six Months"

I half expected this book's back cover declaration of returning to the womb every six months to refer to some transgressive transvaginal exploitation film scene. The funny thing about my Rorschach reaction to the noirish packaging of "Six Months" is that the true meaning behind that line became the thing in this excellent book of one-page stories that resonated with me most. Instead of being a tale of sexy sadist slapstick, the title story tells of the author's biannual returns to his hometown, which is also my hometown.

My fellow expatriate describes the sadness found in returning to La Crosse only to discover that nobody there has improved in any significant way. The only changes to the author's friends and family are those of age. This saddens him in part because he can't join in with their lack of success, that he can't find the old camaraderie and fellowship within shared disappointments, that he can no longer be a lifer. He's become a visitor, and every six months he leaves the old world behind.

If I hadn't felt exactly those things about exactly this place, "Six Months" may have simply been one more very good story. But as I'm also filled with that same sort of self-nullified nostalgia for our hopeless hometown in western Wisconsin, the story picked up a really powerful, fascinating sense of despair.

Beyond this, Olsen fills the rest of this quick book with the sort of warped yarns that will appeal to a certain sort of man approaching middle age. Most of these tales are presented as stories from the author's life, anecdotes about his messed up life and his attempts to square being a respectable father and neighbor with the deviant malcontent (and husband) within. The perv is certainly on display in the showroom, though these tales steer far from becoming grotesque and trans-vaginal, and this warped Ward Cleaver is most interesting when he's not being a little hard on the beaver.

Two of my favorite stories are clever little bits of weird, the first involving the author attempting to meet the great Capt. Lou Albano and the second being a musing over the creator of the classic Holocaust comic book memoir "Maus" and my beloved, forbidden Garbage Pail Kids. Until here, I didn't know that the creator of these vastly different cultural artifacts was the same person.

I'm also a fan of Olsen's hateful reminiscences of his own father figures, as well as his adventure in shitting in a sandbox.

Much of what makes this mishmash of bizarre stories function is that there's a humor and humanity to them that doesn't wallow in the sordid details. I suppose that the fact that each story is but one page long helps this. I definitely want to read something longer from Josh Olsen, but this quick,

In Chuck Palahniuk's new world, hell is Hollywood. Hell is also hell, full of the typical wailing, gnashing teeth, and rising lakes of wasted jizz that serve as hell's equivalent of global warming. But if we're stacking up the hierarchy of the awful, consider this: even Palahniuk's Satan has a script he's trying to sell.

"Damned" promotes itself as "The Breakfast Club" in Hell, and if Madison, its pudgy, oft-neglected hero, resembles any member of that Saturday morning detention crowd, it's the Ally Sheedy neurotic girl. (In discussing that '80s film classic, our girl notes that she howls with terror when the popular cheerleader gives said outcast a condescending makeover.) Madison's quite a bit more than that dark, mousy type, however. In true Palahniuk fashion, this preteen is quick to assert that she knows middle of the road words like gender, excrement, tenacious, and feign -- yet in casual moments she nonchalantly drops bigger words and phrases such as colonoscopies, biological imperatives, vivandiers and coals-to-Newcastle. I have no idea what that last phrase even means.

This newly lost soul spent life as an unloved prop to her vapid Hollywood parents, the sort of people who adopt kids from around the world shortly before shipping them off to boarding school, the sort of people who fly their kids via private jet to ecology retreats. I get the impression that there's a healthy portion of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in these absurdly cosmopolitan celebrity caricatures.

After dying from a marijuana overdose, Madison meets up with the requisite Emilio Estevez, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall and Judd Nelson characters, and this infernal Breakfast Club goes traipsing around the hoary netherworld in search of misadventure. As time goes by, Madison gets kind of awesome. She preaches the joys of damnation in her telemarketing job, beats up Hitler in grand, hilarious style, and goes on a spew-soaked revenge haunting.

The last book of Chuck's that I picked up before this one was "Snuff," whose porno gangbang setting was the most obvious and inevitable thing an author inclined toward burying his readers in freakshows and trivia could have produced. That book was so over the top as to become really, really boring. In contrast, "Damned" is kind of delightful. Perhaps the choice of setting absorbs some of that stereotypical shock. Sure, Palahniuk's paintbrush colors up a pretty disturbing landscape of the inferno, but it's hell, so that's kind of expected.

With the need to shock sort of canceled out, the story ends up relying on wit and characterization, and Palahniuk, perhaps having no choice, ended up writing a book combining the scope and cleverness of Robert Olen Butler's "Hell" with the innocent charm of Judy Blume, right down to beginning each chapter with "Are you there, Satan? It's me, Madison."

Damned seems to be a reworking -- if not total subversion -- of Chuck Palahniuk's established formula, and as such, it made me a fan again.

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V I T A M I N S T U D I O See artvitamin.org for upcoming workshops, classes and events!

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info@artvitamin.org

10// May 1, 2012

The Beer Review

"Let's go sigh-seeing" We won't miss a thing

By Matt Jones

ACROSS 1 Practice in the ring 5 Country between Canada and Mexico, cheesily 10 Off-road rides 14 "A Shot at Love" reality star ___ Tequila 15 Lose one's cool 16 Salad ingredient that stains 17 Home of the Runnin' Rebels 18 It may be stuffed in a jar 19 Actress Sofer 20 "Come run the rapids at this specially assigned locale!"

23 Overly 24 Words following "doe" in song lyrics 25 It may be amassed 28 Emma Peel's show, with "The" 31 "Come see the view, for all you nosy types!"

33 They're in their last yr.

Second Supper | The Free Press

CONSUMPTION

34 "Uh-oh, better get..." company 35 Ave. crossers 38 "Come see how everything crystallizes during the winter!"

42 "Sure thing!"

45 More creepy 46 "Barracuda" band 47 Oktoberfest's beginning mo., oddly 48 "Come to the sheltered spot you can't wait to get away from!"

56 Ohio's Great Lake 57 Actor Crawford of "Gossip Girl" 58 Defensive spray 59 Jazz great Horne 60 HBO founder Charles 61 Feels under the weather 62 "Dianetics" author ___ Hubbard 63 Fork over 64 Slot machine fruit DOWN

Answers on Page 8

1 Poker variety 2 Scent of a tree on a rear-view mirror 3 Superior athletes 4 Pillows on a plate 5 "___ my word" 6 Room in a Spanish house 7 "Put a bird ___" ("Portlandia" catchphrase) 8 "Take ___" (Dave Brubeck classic) 9 Scored 100% on 10 Shorten into one volume, maybe 11 The idiot box 12 Wood cover 13 Ringo and Bart 21 Seek out 22 Went off 25 Bathrooms, poshly 26 Continent on the Atl. 27 Subject for the Mark Twain Prize 28 Type of marble 29 Sotto ___ 30 Wear away gradually 32 Be bratty

35 Fail to appear in court, maybe 36 Ball prop 37 Georgia, once: abbr.

38 ___ Times (UK mag taglined "The World of Strange Phenomena") 39 Frequent early "Hollywood Squares" panelist Lee 40 "___ we forget" 41 Local layout 42 "Darn it," a little more strongly 43 Phobic sort 44 Place to place bets 49 Calculator displays 50 "Just ___, skip..."

51 Area between hills 52 "___ Has Cheezburger?"

53 Cell phone button 54 Gp. concerned with rights 55 Southern response ©2012 Jonesin' Crosswords

wE have moved!

444 main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601

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Office hours by appointment only

Shift New Belgium Brewery Fort Collins, Colorado

Tony Magee, owner of Lagunitas Brewing, set the Twitter beer community abuzz last month with an unprovoked rant against beer cans. While hailed by enthusiasts for their portability, freshness, and accessibility in recreational areas, aluminum cans do have a dirty side. It begins with the environmental destruction of bauxite mining, and @lagunitasT takes it from there, critiquing everything from geopolitical economics to the carbon footprint of aluminum recycling. “…THIS is just the start of how those ‘green’ cans are made,” he posted.” We’ll be last brewery in the US to use aluminum cans…

Viva Silica.” This created a, well, twitter in the brewing world, one that won’t be ending soon — least of all by me. I enjoy cans of beer and I enjoy bottles — and so does the New Belgium Brewery, whose latest release, Shift, comes in 16-ounce tall boys.

Shift is the first offering to roll down New Belgium’s new multi-million dollar canning line, one that reportedly fills 360 cans per minute. This isn’t NB’s first canned release, but after pushing Fat Tire and a string of hoppy camping cans, Shift comes closest in style to your daddy’s canned beer. A pale lager with a fine craft kick, Shift slides comfortable into any serious drinker’s repertoire, and I expect to tote it to many of my favorite places this summer, from tailgates to sandbars to Frisbee golf courses.

Purchase: 4 pack of Shift 16-ounce cans from Woodman’s, $8.99

Style: American pale lager

Strength: 5 percent ABV

Packaging: The Shift comes in blue and white “tall boys,” vaguely resembling a Red Bull can, but the logo features proletarian bicycle gears and chains.

Appearance: The beer pours a nice golden color with perfect clarity beneath a frothy bone-white head. If every American lager looked this way, we wouldn’t need to hide it in cans.

Aroma: Shift has a biscuity body with a nose like bread crumbs and a deep whiff that evokes peach pie. Herbal Germanic hops waft over the pint glass and give the beer a nice balance.

Taste: Shift comes on with a clean, bready flavor thanks to crispy toasted malts, though it turns a bit sour at the middle of the tongue. Thankfully, spicy hops pick up at the finish to end on a zippy note.

Mouthfeel: This has a fairly rich mouthfeel that is appreciably non-fizzy, something more American lagers could aim for.

Drinkability: New Belgium promotes this as an “end-of-shift beer,” and it has a nice workingman’s drinkability. Pejorative critics would call this a “lawnmower beer,” but it’s an artful step up from Miller Lite.

Ratings: BeerAdvocate gives this an 83, while RateBeer scores it a 73 overall but a 97 for the style. If that style is canned American pale lagers, that doesn’t really seem like a fair fight. As for the fight over canned beverages, I’ll leave that to my comrades in California. If you are truly having a beer crisis, drink local and fill a growler.

— Adam Bissen

Beer Directory The Casino 304 Pearl St. Beer list Wittekerke Franziskaner Hacker-Pschorr Weiss Weihenstephan Kristall 16.9 oz Delirium Tremens 750 ml Melange A Trois Reserve 750 ml Pearl Street Pale Ale Paddy Pale Ale Moon Man Crooked Tree Hopslayer Centennial Hop Stoopid 22oz LambickX 750 ml Petrus Aged Pale 750 ml Goudenband 750 ml Smuttynose Farmhouse 22 oz Spotted Cow Prima Pils Golden Pheasant 16.9oz Brew Farm Select Lager Grain Belt Nordeast Lost Lake Light Rhinelander Export-7 oz La Crosse Lager La Crosse Light

Spaten Optimator Huber Bock Doppel Weizen 22oz Downtown Brown Hobgoblin Founder's Porter Cappuccino Stout 22oz Founders Breakfast Stout Matacabras Dark Ale Gouden Carolus 750 ml Achel Trappist Extra 750ml Kasteel Donker 750ml Happy hour: $1 off all beer over $3 $3 off all beer over $6 $6 off all beer over $18 Pearl Street Brewery Tasting Room 1401 St. Andrew St. Beer list D.T.B Pale Ale El Hefe That's What I'm Talkin' 'Bout Stout Rubber Mills Pils Tambois Raspberry Framboise Java Lava Dankenstein Double IPA

Second Supper | The Free Press

May 1, 2012 // 11

COMING SOON! Voting begins May 15

Voting ends July 1 Winners announced August 1

www.secondsupper.com

12// May 1, 2012

gether, but now I don’t want her near my husband!

Should I confront her?

— Disturbed

The Advice Goddess

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Vulture capital

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE LAST WORD

This woman and I have been friends for a year. She’s a free spirit of sorts with zero boundaries. In the time I’ve known her, she’s been married and divorced and then engaged, and now that has ended. She always has another man on the side. (She did even when married and engaged.)

She frequently mentions my husband — how he likes animated films and so does she (they’re not my thing) and offers to accompany him to them.

She always gives him a big hug hello, even when I’m around, and goes on about how similar they are, and it just strikes me as odd. Here’s the killer: Last week, she saw my husband at a gathering, came up behind him, and kissed him on the neck!

Of course he told me, as he has no interest in her, but I was shocked. We are planning a business to-

“She’s a free spirit of sorts.” Of sorts.

The classic, harmless sort is the cute hippie girl who dyes her hair teal, changes her name to Magic Rainbow, and goes off for a year to live in a teepee. What does your free-spirited friend do, make lingerie out of found materials that she can wear when she climbs on your husband?

Boundaries aren’t such a bad thing; they keep the cows from roaming the freeways.

Should the urge strike to let one’s lips prowl the neck of another woman’s husband, true friendship and empathy make the best fences.

A true friend might find herself attracted to your husband but would be careful to avoid saying or doing anything to tempt him or make you feel threatened. This “friend’s” sneak attack on your husband’s neck meat, along with her notion of sexual fidelity — “Till death do us part or the NBA shot clock runs down” — suggests that she’s a narcissist, a selfabsorbed, manipulative user.

Narcissists lack empathy and can’t be true friends or partners because their aggressive self-interest always comes first, although they tend to be good at faking friendship or partnership and painting their toxic opportunism as, say, free-spiritedness: A woman

must follow her bliss!…right down the pants of another woman’s man. (Oh, come on, Stuffy…she always has another man on the side — why not yours?)

Do you really want to be in a partnership with a woman whose moral compass seems fixed on magnetic ME! ME! ME!? In deciding that, be careful not to let momentum get the best of you. We’re prone to want to continue down the path we’ve been on and rationalize why that’s a good idea — even when evidence that it isn’t keeps popping up like dogs in humiliating outfits on YouTube.

If you’re hellbent on working with her, get a partnership agreement drawn up by a lawyer (one who is not your alcoholic brother-in-law). Probably your best bet, however, is bowing out now with a host of vague but plausible reasons: You’re not ready; you don’t have the energy right now; it wouldn’t be fair to her.

Keep the actual reason to yourself: A startup takes a hands-on approach, but she’s only got two hands, and they’re usually crawling up some other woman’s husband.

Life Is methy

My girlfriend had a drug problem but claimed she’d been clean for seven years. It turns out she’s been using for the entire year we’ve been together. Two months ago, she went to rehab. I thought she was doing all right afterward, but

then she admitted that she’d twice gotten high and had sex with a guy she met at rehab. I think I can forgive her, but I’m wondering whether I can ever believe her again.

— Duped Random urine tests can say a lot about a person, like that she either got the dog to pee into a cup or could one day give birth to a fine litter of Labradoodles. Drug addicts lie. Yours has been lying to you from day one, and not about inconsequential stuff.

(Don’t run to get an HIV test; grow wings and fly there.) Your girlfriend’s motto appears to be “Just say ‘Don’t mind if I do!’ to drugs.” You could say she’s been cheating on you with drugs. Actually, she’s been cheating on drugs with you. Make no mistake about what comes first and who comes second.

That’s not going to change overnight — and maybe not ever. You can someday have a loving, mutual relationship — once you find a partner whose moments of painful honesty involve admitting to stuff like scraping your new car getting into the garage, not “Oh, I had sex with a crackhead I met in rehab.

And how was your day?” (c) 2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon at AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com).

Our next edition of Second Supper | The Free Press publishes June 1. Our advertising deadline is May 21. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.

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