Second Supper | Vol. 12, No. 12

WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

DECEMBER 2012 | VOLUME 12, NO. 12

the free press A

Digest

of

Coulee

Region

Culture

The End of the World As We Know It

PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING [p 2] | PORCUPINE REVIEW [p 11]

| THE ADVICE GODDESS [p 12]

2// December 1, 2012

Social Networking

FIRST THINGS FIRST

12/21/12 ... Cliff Notes for the end

By Bob Treu

Contributing editor

“I never thought the end of days would cost me so much sleep.”

Glenn Beck, reviewing a Tim La Haye novel

NAME AND AGE: Jen Kulasiewicz, over 25 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Chanute Air Force base in Illinois CURRENT JOB: Senior Account Director at Kaplan DREAM JOB: Fortune cookie writer last thing you googled: Mini Golden Retrievers if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Düsseldorf, Germany. That city is a hidden gem. what is Something you want to do before you die: Fly a Cessna what is your beverage of choice?

Strawberry Powerade celebrity crush: Ryan Reynolds What is your biggest pet peeve?

People who park like morons. Leave enough space for another car when you’re on the street and stay between the lines in parking spaces. That difficult?

What book are you currently reading?

"The Watchmen" tell us your guiltiest pleasure: Reality TV shows…except "Survivor," more along the lines of "Bad Girls Club" tell us a joke: A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

If a genie granted you one wish, what would you ask for?

An endless supply of fancy sushi whenever I want it served by Aaron Rodgers. If he chooses to feed it to me…that’s cool too.

What one person alive or dead would you want to have dinner with?

Chris Farley, he was such a goofball and gone too soon. I think the conversation would be incredibly entertaining. Plus, I’m sure he’d order a few different meals and I could sample them all :)

I’ve taken some weird assignments in my time, but this was the goofiest. The editor, generally a good guy with a penchant for realism, even when he reviews beer, asked me to write about the end of the world. “And make it funny,” he added, as if to test me.

“It’s a loser, boss,” I told him. “We get it wrong, we’re dunces; we get it right, no one cares.”

“Not with our demographic,” he explained, so that was that.

“When’s the deadline?” I asked, as I left the office and headed toward the elevator at a trot.”

“It’s all supposed to go south on December 21st, so let’s say the 5th.”

It’s hard to get information on a topic like this, especially since the guy who used to hang around the university campus in a dirty robe that might have been white once, carrying a sign that told us the end was near and we should repent, had moved east and taken a job posing for New Yorker cartoons. But then I heard through the grapevine about some skinny little guy called Popol Vuh was hiding out in the bluffs somewhere and fooling around with Mayan calendars. Like most people I had heard the Mayans predicted the end would come on the date the boss mentioned, so this seemed like the best lead I had.

All in all, the uncertainty was depressing me. I mean I had just learned a year ago my birthday and Festivus both fall on Dec. 23. I had planned on celebrating, but now, who knew what to plan?

It was a hard climb, made interesting by icy surfaces, sharp rocks and plants that defended themselves with machete-sized thorns.

There was a path to follow, a thin road that might have been made by deer avoiding the Thanksgiving hunt or by religious pilgrims making a last minute foray toward enlightenment, like those tormented beaus who finally think of the perfect gift for the apple of their eye (the one they met two weeks ago) and rush out to the mall at 6 p.m. on the 24th.

The path ended abruptly in front of a cave.

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Highway 101 when I was 6 years old and I wanted cowgirl boots ever since. what's the last thing you bought?

Packing tape what's in your pocket right now?: A bobby pin, $4.37, and my drivers license — Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson, shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

Second Supper | The Free Press

The Top

Here I found a man, one of those guys who could be anywhere between 35 and 70. He was grey, with a Ho Chi Minh mustache, but his eyes sparkled and he looked fit. He sat on a camp stool before a fire he had going; behind him the cave was littered with discs about a foot in diameter and covered with odd markings.

“Are you Popol Vuh?” I asked politely.

“Sheeesh,” he exclaimed. “You’re like the fifth person to ask me that today. Can’t any of you get this straight? I’m Paul Vue, and only my nephew calls me Poppy. Popul Vue’s the Mayan book, or tablet or scroll, or what the hell ever, they used to write their history.”

“It sounds like you know something about the Mayans, even if you aren’t one.”

“Yeah, I’ve studied the stuff, mainly out of self-defense from all you people.”

“So that’s why the discs? To do mock ups of the calendar?”

“No, actually they’re pizza platforms. Jim is the only restaurant that delivers up here.”

“So is the world going to end on the 21st?”

“Who knows? But the Mayans never said it would. They only had so many blocks to play with, so when they reached the end they had to start a new calendar. There never was any physical cliff.”

“Did you say fiscal cliff?”

“No. Physical cliff, with three syllables. It’s the end of everything, where every atom is shattered and matter turns something else.

Nothing we’d recognize.”

“Pretty scary.”

“Yeah, I guess so, but it’s nothing the Mayans talked about. All they said was one calendar would end on December 21, 2012, and another calendar would begin on the 23rd.”

“What about December 22nd?”

“A day of rest maybe, or contemplation.

Maybe they needed it to reorganize. You want to know about the eve of destruction, go talk to Barry MCGUIRE, or better yet, go talk to the guy downtown and talk to the guy with the Web site.”

“How do I find him?

“Just go to the corner of Third and Pearl and walk south until you hear this strange sound.”

“There are a lot of strange sounds on Third Street.”

“Don’t worry. You’ll know it. It’s human, but not quite.”

Newcomers of the year 1. New Taste of India 2. Kendrick Lamar 3. Norichika Aoki 4. Elizabeth Warren 5. Stein Haus 6. The Alabama Shakes 7. Legal weed

I thanked him and as I left I thought I heard him say, “Good luck with the search.”

Third Street was as noisy and distracting as I thought it would be. I was about to give it up when I finally heard it: something between a moan and a growl, the sound of a cornered, dying animal and a water boarded human. It seemed to be coming from a sort of recessed section of the red brick wall that defined the rest of the block. More precisely it came from behind the space protected from the street by a green metal door, which was in turn covered with crudely made stickers advocating doing nasty things to liberals or expressing manly love for the current governor, while others called for the public whipping of teachers or war against the Muslim currently masquerading as the president.

The whole scene was a little intimidating, but I’m a professional, so I knocked on the door. The noise stopped, the door opened a crack, and a voice that suggested time in a corn dryer somehow, asked what I wanted.

When I explained I wanted information about the end of the earth, he let me in. The room was littered with a large assortment of curious but unrelated objects, the inner workings of one of those old consul televisions, lacking the screen, parts of a mix master, a green slice of what seemed to be the engine cover of a John Deere tractor.

The man in charge of this mess was something of a miscellany himself. He wore work pants that seemed freshly ironed, a white dress shirt, a corduroy sports jacket with the wale rubbed off in several places, and a baseball cap. He introduced himself as Jim DeBaye, independent entrepreneur.

“I collect this stuff from everywhere,” explained, “practically free, because people think they don’t want it. But then somebody wants an old gearbox or toaster, and they contact me. Almost all my business in online.

It keeps me going." If you wanted to buy any of his stuff, you could contact him on the late-model iPad he doodled on as we talked.

When I asked him what he knew about the end of the world, he was clearly irritated.

“Who sent you? That little Mayan creep up on the bluff? That Mayan calendar stuff he’s peddling is all crap. First all it’s all pagan superstition, and he’s probably illegal anyway.

Somebody needs to check his papers.”

I’m a newsguy, so I didn’t think it was my

CONTINUED ON PAGE 4

Things we won't miss when we're gone 1. Winter 2. Dubstep 3. St. Louis Cardinals 4. Jeff and Scott Fitzgerald 5. Alarm clocks 6. "Two and a Half Men" 7. Bud Light

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE BLUFF

December 1, 2012 // 3

This is the end, beautiful friend

By Second Supper Staff

Hippies bummed, psyched about end of world

A poll of the nation’s hippies this month — widely considered to be the fi nal month in the history of the world — revealed an aura that was equal parts bummed and psyched.

“Aww, man, I loved living my life according to the 13-moon calendar, but it’s just so heavy realizing it’s all going end,” explained one Viroqua hippie who would only give his name as Cirrus.

While many hippies expressed a generally harshed mellow at the impending apocalypse, others are making the most of the end of days, believed to be Dec. 21, 2012.

“Dude-brah, I can’t wait for this totally bitchin end-of-the-world gathering,” said Lake Tahoe hippie Fast Trevor. “I already love the solstice, but when you combine that with authentic Mayan moon cycles, man, I’m never going to party like this again!”

Bold congressional leadership averts 'Apocalypse Cliff'

With the very future of planet earth hanging in the balance, members of the U.S. Senate, House of Representatives and White House reached an unanimous agreement to avert the so-called “Apocalypse Cliff.”

House speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, announced the deal during a sparsely attended press conference Thanksgiving Day: “We had nothing but bipartisan support on this bill, in which both parties reached across the aisle and united in saving ourselves from what will surely be hell on earth come Dec. 21.”

The bill allows representatives of the federal government to fl ee earth in giant space arks, which will allow them to survive and continue the delicate process of governing from outside the atmosphere. Following a plan laid out by Dr. Strangelove in 1964, each government offi cial will be given 10 mates to repopulate the planet.

Sen. John McCain, R-Arizona, praised the strong leadership from the White House that made the passing of the bill possible. “I would like to personally thank the president for agreeing with all members of Congress that it would be most benefi cial to every American if we safely watched the destruction of earth unfold from a safe distance in space,” he said.

At press time, new Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Massachusetts, was safely ensconced within the 1 percent.

Cute girl at the coffee shop still not asked out

Despite the pending end of the world, area barista Amy has still not been asked out by Pete Newfi eld.

“That Amy is such a cool chick, always

wearing these retro T-shirts and playing the most interesting mix CDs,” said Newfi eld in a hushed-tone interview near the back of Jules Coffee. “I’ve always wanted to ask her out for Vietnamese noodles or open mic night or something, but I guess it’s just not in the cards.”

Although he is aware of the pending apocalypse, Newfi eld, an organic farmer, said he was just too nervous to ask out Amy, last name unknown, who has worked at Jules since at least the beginning of last summer.

“She’s probably dating a DJ or a skateboarder anyway,” Newfi eld sighed.

Man dies like he lived: stoned, watching 'Boardwalk Empire'

Area Man Jeffrey Randell, of Hokah, Minn., told friends and loved ones that he plans on spending his last night on earth as he has spent all previous nights for the last six months: completely blazed and watching reruns of "Boardwalk Empire."

“At this point in my life, I feel that I have really hit my full potential,” Randell announced to his cat, Andromeda, as he packed another bowl. “I mean, watching Nucky navigate around life during Prohibition is something I can totally relate to, and want to be witnessing as this mortal coil fi nally falls away.”

Randell then proceeded to spill queso dip all over his T-shirt while sirens began to wail outside.

Oxford University, Logan Middle School to join Big Ten

Eager to round out its conference expansion before the end of time, the Big Ten on Friday announced two new institutions that will be joining the league before the end of the month: Oxford University in the United Kingdom and Logan Middle School on Liberty Street.

Joining them in the revamped Big 10 are Rutgers University and the University of Maryland, obvious rivals in the 106-year-old conference of Midwestern land grant universities.

The new schools are expected to bring increased television ratings, lyric poems, and Combos snacks.

Said Big Ten chairman Jim Delany, "We're all leaders here. Unless you're a legend. Or unless you’re an adolescent. Hell, we don't really care."

Upon hearing news of the conference realignment, Las Vegas oddsmakers immediately favored the Logan Middle School Panthers by three points over the visiting Oxford Sporting Blue.

Dogs, cats living together as the end draws near

Local sources reported mass hysteria this week with dogs and cats living together.

Accordingly to Dr. Ray Stantz, this city

is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions. When asked to clarify, Stantz indicated real wrath-of-God-type stuff, “fi re and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling!”

When he also explained this could also mean years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanoes and the dead rising from the grave, the mayor allegedly responded “All right, all right! I get the point!”

Romney to mirror: I’ve never seen that man before in my life

Former presidential candidate Mitt Romney gazed into the mirror Monday morning and denied ever seeing his own refl ection.

“I don’t know who that suave gentleman with the high cheekbones and wellgroomed follicles may be, but to label him Mitt Romney is a complete mischaracterization of my appearance,” Romney reportedly cooed to no one in particular.

“I have the weather-beaten skin of a Colorado wheat farmer, the sooty fi ngers of an Ohio coal miner and the distinguished jowls of a senior in Boca Raton, Florida,” the former Massachusetts governor boasted to the mirror.

Before boarding his 6 a.m. fl ight, Romney also denied enjoying yogurt with fresh blueberries, the Wall Street Journal editorial page and his favorite monogrammed silk pajamas.

the free press 444 Main St., Suite 310 La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Cover and Ad Design: Jenn Bushman Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Mary Catanese, Ashly Conrad, Marcel Dunn, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Nate Willer Second Supper is a monthly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 444 Main St., , Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to editor@secondsupper.com.

CNN begins casting 2016 election

In the aftermath of a gripping season fi nale that attracted millions of viewers and lucrative political advertisers -- and in defi ance of the doomsday lobby, CNN executives leaked their 2016 casting plans.

“Oh, Rubio, that handsome Latino, he’s in for sure. And Nikki Haley — hey girl!” senior vice president of national affairs Thad Delaney said on Wednesday. “But no Biden, he’s just so 20th century. And Pawlenty? Yeah, like he’ll ever be a trending topic.”

Industry observers have praised Delaney and his counterparts at Fox News for casting a compelling 2012 race that’s become a must-see event for democracy insiders.

In particular, the news networks have been on a victory lap since anointing Paul Ryan, a toned and intellectual but little known Wisconsin congressman, to become America’s Next Top Political Star.

“It’s too bad Paul and Mitt couldn’t pull this one off,” Delaney said in a moment of self-refl ection. “It would be a shame if we only get Paul for one season. It’d be like the Ben Stiller Show of presidential tickets.”

Delaney then scrolled rapidly through his Blackberry before pausing with raised eyebrows. “How old are those Bush twins again?”

If it isn't the end, you can still visit us online at www.secondsupper.com and follow us on Twitter

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4// December 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE BLUFF

12 things to do in La Crosse before it's too late

1. Ice fish the Black River — It could be a long, lonely, boring apocalypse. Better start practicing.

2. See a play at the La Crosse Community Theatre — Their new digs are like our Chitzen Itza.

3. Run for mayor — There’s a vacancy. And it sure didn’t look that hard.

4. Occupy Pearl Street — With the rest of the 99%.

5. Play broomball — Might as well go out in the most Upper Midwest way possible. Who cares if you fracture a coccyx? Only a couple-week bed rest.

6. Return your library books — It’s best to go out with a clean conscience 7. Like Peachez — On Facebook. On the sidewalk. Everywhere. That girl’s got swag.

8. Leave — Via our gorgeous new transit center!

9. Drink a personal Fishbowl — Just make sure your friends

Speak Your Mind What's in your bag?

Name: Ron Age: 39 Occupation: Food services A. Just what I wanted!

A Marvel Legends action figure.

Name: Carolyn Age: 23 Occupation: Server at the Waterfront A. Thee Oh Sees Castlemania. I just saw them in Chicago!

Name: Mark Age: 25 Occupation: Student A. Three White Stripes 7 inches, only released for Record Store Day!

with Sarah O'Neil

point you in an eastward direction.

10. Watch the Aquinas vs. Onalaska game — Southwestern Wisconsin has two of the greatest high school basketball players in the country. Nicely played, Mayans.

11. Spend an entire day at Coney Island — Get there at 7 a.m. Stay until close. It’s the nearest thing we have to a roller coaster.

12. Explore Oehler’s Cave — Well, the world’s ending.

Suppose we can finally let you readers know where the cave is, right? … Nah. Find it yourself.

13. Make a cameo on that Show Choir reality show — Leave a record for the post-apocalyptic alien race that will no doubt be captivated by VH1.

14. Throw a kegger on the bluff — It’s the end of the world as we know it! Party like it’s 1999! Or 1977! That’s just what we do!

15. Visit the Shrine of Guadalupe — This is always a good idea, even if it’s not end-times 16. Play Adam Bissen’s Popcorn Tavern Trivia — It’s also important to die humble.

17. Order every beer at the Bodega — It’s the end of the world. Why not splurge a little?

18. Curl! — Cuz there ain’t no party like a bonspiel party!

19. Take a drive; warn the Amish — Although they’ve never seen the movie “2012,” they probably haven’t met hippies either.

20. Send us hate mail — We want to go out the way we came in, pissing off this entire city. (adam.bissen@secondsupper. com) 20.12. Eat the Unk’s Mess at Marge’s on Rose — Or maybe just 12 percent of it.

END CONTINUED FROM PAGE 2 business to correct him. Instead I asked, “So the world’s not ending? We’re just being a new cycle?”

“Hell yes, the world’s ending. As we speak, we’re only inches away from the fiscal cliff.”

I gave him my most knowing look, an eyewink that said I was in on it, and said, “You mean the physical cliff of course, the three syllable one.”

“No sir, I mean the fiscal cliff, the economic collapse that’s gonna happen on account of this last election. We are doomed.”

“You mean the world will end if the President and Congress can’t agree on a debt- reduction program?”

“It’s all there in scripture, if you know what to look for. This is just the beginning of end times, which will take years to play out, the economic collapse followed by worldwide chaos and war. And I gotta say, the birthers weren’t wrong, but who cares? It don’t matter where the anti-Christ is born. After this election, my advice is buy all the Spam and ammo they’ll sell you and hunker down somewhere. It’s gonna be nasty.”

I took out my notepad and pretended to be taking notes.

“Myself, I’m looking at another option.

I’m planning to move to one of the secession states, Texas probably. That’s where they’re gathering the most signatures on the petition. On the other hand they got Governor Perry to deal with. He’s way too moderate and won’t go along with it, so I’m looking at other states where the secession movement is taking off, maybe South Carolina or Mississippi.”

“Pretty much the same places that tried it last time right?”

“Any place where there’s a true conservative Republican governor. And where they keep the bad folks from voting. That’s why we elected the anti-Christ. Too many bad people got to vote.”

“That’s because the anti-Christ cheats; he wins by giving away free stuff.

“And they stole the election. But like the last righteous president said, bring it on.

Romney was a turkey as a candidate, but he

got one thing right. For a long time we’ve been dividing ourselves into two groups, the righteous and the damned liberals. Look at the map, Bub, you got red states and blue states. That’s just going to make the rapture that much easier.”

“I’ve heard of that. How does it work.?”

“It’s kind of a mystery, I guess. If you’re one of the good people you’re just walking along and suddenly your lifted up to the better place, just like a vacuum cleaner does it.

If you’re bad people you get left behind in the vale of tears. You don’t even notice anything’s changed. You just know something’s missing.”

“Like Republican members of Congress?”

“A few southern Democrats too. God’s been known to reach across the aisle. But mainly it’ll be all the Makers, the job creators the 47 percent live off of.”

“Then it could have happened long ago, right? I mean if you were left behind you wouldn’t know.”

“You better watch your mouth, Mr. Smartypants. When you’re one of the good ones you know it, so look to yourself.”

Well, that seemed a good place to end the conversation with Mr. DeBaye. To be honest, I hadn’t learned that much about the end of the world. It all seem rather open-ended, with lots of room for error. I decided to plan for my birthday and Festivus after all. And maybe the boss would give me an extension.

Back on Third Street there was plenty of activity, and that cheered me up. Then that quasi-human noise started again, only this time I thought I could distinguish a lyric as well:

This is the way the world ends,

This is the way the world ends,

Not with a bang but a whimper.

ON THE COVER:

Clockwise from top-center: Mitt Romney, Lindsay Lohan, Chris Brown, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, Psy, Barack Obama, Todd Akin, Herman Cain, Paul Ryan, Kim Kardashian, Honey Boo Boo, David Petraeus.

Second Supper | The Free Press

COMMUNITY

DiNiNG Out

ReStore will recycle your holiday lights

Iguana's Mexican Street Cafe 1800 State Street Habitat for Humanity of Wisconsin La Crosse, Wisconsin

has announced a new initiative for the upcoming holiday season -- holiday lights recycling!

Habitat ReStores throughout the state, including the La Crosse ReStore at 434 Third St. S. will be accepting nonworking or no longer needed holiday lights throughout the holiday season.

“Don’t throw those old strings of lights away, donate them to our ReStore,” said Steve Baker, ReStore manager. “We’ll recycle them and use the proceeds to assist low income families in our community.”

“It’s an easy way to give back this holiday season,” stated Sara Kierzek, executive director of Habitat for Humanity of Wisconsin, the statewide support organization for Habitat affi liates throughout the state.

“Plus, you may be able to take the donation as a tax deduction. And, you’ll be helping us keep materials out of our landfi lls.”

Lights will be collected during regular store hours, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Wednesday through Friday and 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday. The ReStore will be closed on Saturday, Dec. 22, and Saturday, Dec. 29.

The store always accepts new and used building materials. All profi ts go directly to Habitat for Humanity-La Crosse Area for building more houses and to fi ght poverty.

By Marcel Dunn Special to Second Supper

At the risk of being entirely unoriginal, I’ve decided to give you the Tarantino presentation of this review by beginning at the end. Iguana’s Mexican Street Café, quite literally a stone’s throw away from the UW-La Crosse campus, is the best Mexican restaurant in the city. And here’s how I came to that conclusion.

From the street, it is striking just how unimpressive Iguana’s appears. It’s almost as if the owners took the phrase “hole-in-thewall” and married it with the mental image of a cardboard box, but stopped short of ugly by painting a colorful iguana (it actually looks more like a gecko) on the side of the building. Fortunately, the interior seems like an apology for the quirky eyesore outside, where the walls are painted a simple dark yellow and the menu is scrawled in neon colors on black dry erase boards above the counter. With a total of fi ve tables, there isn’t much space for large crowds, but the vibe of Iguana’s is that of a take-out restaurant rather than “sit and stay awhile.” However, I found my time spent there to be very welcoming, as the service was very helpful (and

Drive Away Altra Federal Credit Union recognizes the need in our community and would like to help.

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gorgeous).

Perhaps what is most telling about the quality of the food itself is that I rarely go back to the places I review within a week’s time but this time found myself dragging several friends back so that I could selfi shly try something new. The menu lends itself to return visits, as it touches upon the many different aspects of Mexican cuisine. They also know exactly who their customer base is, as the section entitled “Hangover Specials” will indicate. But the food is far from the generic, greasy slop that most college students ingest in order to fi x hangovers. It is creative, well-balanced, fair-portioned, and delicious.

For instance, the fi sh and shrimp tacos are a great example of the cook’s understanding of how the spicy and sweet dynamic operates as one of the cornerstones of Mexican cuisine. There is a great balance between the mango salsa and the traditional pico de gallo that top the quality fi sh and shrimp inside the small fl our tortillas. Again, this dynamic of spicy and sweet is displayed in the chipotle cheese steak wrap, where the onions and chipotle sauce in the steak balance out the heat of the red peppers. Both dishes came with a choice of two sides, where the traditional choice of rice and beans stood out in particular, as both options were prepared with taste in mind, rather than as second-rate fi ller.

The restaurants that succeed in La Crosse, the really good ones, succeed through word-of-mouth and prime location.

Iguana’s has the latter, in spades, and it feels

December 1, 2012 // 5

like their buzz has been slowly building since they opened in September. Being so close to campus, they could have been lazy with their menu, uncreative in the kitchen and still done well, but instead they chose to pursue excellence and give La Crosse a Mexican restaurant that dares to be original.

SoDuku

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6// December 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

The annual holiday gift guide Please support these small businesses, who support us.

They are committed to serving the community and its guests, not only during the holiday season but throughout the year, which is one reason they were voted Best of La Crosse.

When doing you're holiday shopping this year, please Shop Small and Shop Local!

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2011

Winner - Soup Selection & Cheap Lunch Finalist - Sandwich/wrap selection

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Sundays: Breakfast Buffet starting at 9am, Chances to win Packer ticket every game!

www.fayzes.com 4th & Pearl • Downtown La Crosse (608) 784-9548 Like us on facebook!

SECOND SUPPER READERS & FAYZE’S FANS – THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PATRONAGE AND SUPPORT! - ALL FAYZE’S L a CYOUR r o s s eFRIENDS ’ s F a v o r i tAT e O pen Mic

Sing your song and don't be ugly.

Thanks La Crosse, for Runner Up Favorite Coffee Shop Runner Up Favorite Ar t Space

115 4th St. South

|

La Crosse, WI 54601

|

608 782-7668

Second Supper | The Free Press

December 1, 2012 // 7

shopkickshoes.com

Gift Certificates. Free Gift Wrap.

Free Parking. Open Everyday.

What more do you want?

La Crosse’s Home of Live Music

Best Pizza in La Crosse 212 Main Street | Downtown La Crosse (608) 78 AMORE [608-782-6673] www.katespizzaamore.com

308 4th Street (608) 782-9069

After 40 years downtown, thank you for voting us La Crosse’s favorite home of live music -- and runner up for best open jam

Best Fine Dining 1810 State St | La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 784-3354 www.katesonstate.com

THANK YOU FOR VOTING US BEST ART PLACE!

To show our appreciation, we’re going to provide you with more great music!

Thank you for voting Bodega La Crosse's best beer selection.

Special congratulations to Alicia Stoltz, runner up, La Crosse's favorite bartender.

Thank you for voting Bodega La Crosse's best beer selection.

Tue. 7/31:

Evergreen Grass Band

Fri. 8/3:

The Greatest Story Ever Told

Fri. 8/10:

Porcupine

Sat. 8/11:

Moon Boot Posse

Test your wits at Adam Bissen's trivia. Every Thursday night at 8 p.m.

The 7 wonders of your world Voted Best Cocktail Bar Best Jukebox Favorite Bartender–Jason LaCourse

114 5th Ave N | La Crosse, WI 54601-3309 | (608) 782-2111

Special congratulations to Alicia Stoltz, runnerBodega up, Thank you for voting Thank you for voting Bodega La Crosse's favorite bartender.

La Crosse's best beer selection.

La Crosse's best beer selection.

To help bring balance to your life, go to BalanceYour7.com every day!

Special congratulations to Alicia Stoltz, runner up, Special w w w .Lad uCrosse's bcongratulations l i n sfavorite q u a rbartender. e p u b . c o mto Alicia Stoltz, runner up, La Crosse's favorite Stop inbartender. today and

see why we were voted BEST BURGER IN LA CROSSE

La Crosse’s most decorated establishment!

-Runner Up Favorite International Cuisine-Runner Up Best Outdoor Dining-Runner Up Best Bloody Mary(visit our Bloody Mary bar on Sunday!)

-3rd Place for Favorite Bartender - Amy Fellenz103 N. 3rd Street, La Crosse, WI 54601

THANK YOU FOR VOTING LINDY'S Best Sandwich & Wrap Selection 3 years in a row!

FRESH, DELICIOUS & CONVENIENT Free Deliver & Online Ordering! lindyssubsandsalads.com Best Wings | Finalist

FOLLOW US ON you, FACEBOOK! Thank voters, for selecting

Best Wings | Finalist

Freighthouse Restaurant www.facebook.com/politospizza

WINNER: BEST STEAK

8/31/11 221 Main St. (Downtown)

All the wings you can eat @ $.50 each All the wings you can eat @ $.50 each Wednesday Nights Wednesday Nights

Best Wings | Finalist 716 2nd Ave. N., Onalaska

716 2nd Ave. N., Onalaska 608.781.6800

608.781.6800

Open at 6 a.m. daily, seven days a week.

304 Sand Lake Rd.

Finalist: Best Fine Dining FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK! Finalist: Best Bartender www.facebook.com/politospizza FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK! Mark Wuensch

www.facebook.com/politospizza And to our employees and customers…who are truly the BEST!

Thank you La Crosse for letting us Rock You for 34 years !

T h e Fr e i gh th o u se Re sta u r a n t | 1 0 7 Vi n e S t. | D ow n tow n L a C r o sse w w w. f r e i gh th o u se r e sta u r a n t. c o m

8// December 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE PLANNER

December

music | entertainment | theater | fine arts

The Month in Preview Dec. 1–31 ALL OF THE LIGHTS! @ Riverside Park The La Crosse holiday season would be a whole lot darker if it wasn’t for the yearly Rotary Lights display at Riverside Park. Now in its 18th year, this tradition has only gotten brighter with time. Each night until New Years Eve, more than 2.5 million lights will transform the park into a magical electric wonderland.

Also, Santa’s reindeer will be vacationing there until the day before Christmas Eve, their big day. Many other fun events such as free family hayrides on Dec. 4, 11 and 18 add to the magic. A 5k run will also be held on the 11th at 4 p.m. Visit www.rotarylights.org for information on other events and treats. The only thing that would make this experience brighter would be a slight dusting of snow. Be sure to bring your own energy in the form of perishable food items or a cash donation for the Hunger Task Force. Lights go on each night at 5 p.m.

Sat., Dec. 1 & 15 DUDE, WHERE’S THE MARKET? @ The EcoPark Due to the noticeable coldness of this time of year, the La Crosse farmers’ market, which is typically held at Cameron Park, will be moved indoors to the EcoPark for the comfort of vendors and shoppers alike. There are still

holiday parties | cabin fever | christmas things to do | silent nights | winter sports

plenty of goodies on sale around this time of year, all from local growers, producers and artisans. And when you’re done gathering the goods, take a look around the EcoPark, or get out and walk the wintry marsh trails (snowshoes will be available for rent if there happens to be snow). The market runs from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. on Dec. 1 and 15.

Rotary Lights Display

Dec. 1 & 2 OLD-SCHOOL X-MAS @ Norskedalen Nature & Heritage Center Yearning to live the yuletide of years long past, Norwegian style? Bundle up your friends and family and head to the Norskedalen Nature & Heritage Center on Dec. 1 or 2 for the 28th-annual Old-Fashioned Christmas. The two days will be filled with an abundance of old-timey sights, sounds, smells, and tastes.

The grounds will be specially decorated for the event, and musicians will be playing, food will be baking, and Santa will be waving.

Many other fun opportunities await, and you can even ride on a horse drawn wagon to experience it all. The past will be alive both days from 10 a.m to 4 p.m. Admission is $6 for adults, $3 for children. A special family rate is available for $15 (covers two adults and their children under 18).

Apparently Psychostick, the “humorcore” metal band, think that giving gifts to all the children of the world isn’t a very nice gesture. Or maybe they think Santa does these nice things to cover up how much of an asshole he really is. One might wonder if they’ve even considered if Santa exists or not. Either way, Psychostick is embarking on the Santa’s an Asshole tour to spread the sad yet funny news. They, along with fellow bands, Lasting Impression, Asphyxiator, and Rosedale, will be stopping by the Warehouse on Dec. 4 to make people bang their heads and laugh at the same time. It all begins at 6:30 p.m. Tickets are $10.

Come celebrate the great American musical at the Pump House Regional Arts Center. The show will be put on by the UW-La Crosse Department of Theatre Arts and will showcase the many talents of UW-L’s music theatre and performance majors. The ensemble will perform the hits of the greatest Broadway musicals. All the singing begins at 7 p.m. By the way, the show is free, so we don’t want to hear any bah humbugs or excuses for not going.

Tue., Dec. 4

Sun., Dec. 9

THE GOOD (END)TIMES ARE KILLING ME

PSYCHOSTICK SAYS SANTA SUCKS

HOP ON THE “LIGHT” RAIL

@ the Warehouse

@ Amtrak Station It’s too bad the Polar Express doesn’t make a stop in La Crosse. We are, however, lucky enough to be one of the stops for the Canadian Pacific Holiday Train. The train’s cars will be all decked out in colorful lights, which makes it kind of like a moving version of the Rotary Lights. Bands will perform in one of the train’s open boxcars and plenty of cookies and hot chocolate will be served. The Holiday Train’s journey is all for spreading awareness about hunger and giving to local food banks, so be sure to bring some perishable food items to help the cause. Train arrival is set for 9:15 p.m.

Thurs., Dec. 13 SING ALONG (SILENTLY) AT THE CABARET @ The Pump House Psychostick | “Santa’s An Asshole” Tour & Xmas Album

Fri., Dec. 21 @ The Trempealeau Hotel, Root Note, & Popcorn Tavern Thankfully, it seems most people would rather party than do any number of terrible things just before the world ends. Good thing there are places willing to hold these last minute pre-apocalypse parties. May we recommend the Trempealeau Hotel, Root Note, or Popcorn Tavern for your End of the World fiesta? In Trempealeau, psychedelic rockers Nimbus will be filling in for the violin players as Earth goes down, and Chef Sam will make sure everyone has a last chance to commit the sin of gluttony.

This farewell party starts at 10 p.m. and admittance is $5 (money should be your last concern at this point). At 9 p.m., Root Note’s pre-death funeral party will feature 64 Squares and Lustrous Mud, among others, to make sure the good times keep going until Earth is blown from its orbit. And at the Popcorn Tavern, Moon Boot Posse will take the stage and play until bar time … if there is a bar time.

Second Supper | The Free Press

The Art RuMBa Review Linda Levinson / Vestiges Pump House Regional Arts Center La Crosse, Wisconsin

By Andrew Chulyk Special to Second Supper

Before I begin this review of Linda Levinson’s work I need to take a moment and defi ne for you the term Minimalist Art.

According to Phaidons Press, The Art Book, Minimalism is defi ned as; “abstract, objective and anonymous, free of surface decoration or expressive gesture. Minimalist painting and drawing is monochromatic and often draws on derived grids and linear matrices; yet it can also evoke a sensation of the sublime and of states of being. Minimalism can be seen as a reaction against emotionalism that relies on the bodily and (mental/ psychological) experience of the spectator.”

So if you HAVEN’T put down this paper to go clean your garage or see what’s hiding under the kitchen sink, then please read on.

Levinson’s show ‘Vestiges” is an intriguing and somewhat mystifying excursion into what is NOT Midwest Art. Collecting empty photo albums from yard sales and fl ea markets, Levinson has assembled a unique collection of “what is not there.” Levinson states, “In the ‘Photo Corner Series,’ each print reproduces an album page, keeping in place those photo corners that are still adhered long after the tipped-in photographs have disappeared.”

And this is where it gets tricky. At fi rst the framed images you see look like photo album pages, but are in fact photographs of album pages reproduced through inkjet printing. So now you’re looking at something that you think is real but is only a facsimile and the fact that what you’re looking at once held precious photographs of some ones life experience that are no longer there adds to the mystery. So, how does one begin to appreciate this artwork?

Step One: Step back, take a deep breath and accept that you are not the cen-

Local art showcased at Caffé Galleria

Grounded Specialty Coffee, 308 Main St., in La Crosse is now showcasing art produced by local artists on a monthly rotating basis in its Caffé Galleria.

Many of the pieces will be for sale, however, Grounded is leaving that to the artist, and is are not taking a commission.

Feel free to stop in anytime during business hours to admire at the art. Gazing is completely free.

Stay tuned on Grounded's Facebook (www.facebook.com/GroundedLaCrosse) for updates each month as the exhibits begin.

For more details or to contact Grounded, send email to groundedlacrosse@gmail. com.

December 1, 2012 // 9

THE ARTS ter of the Universe.

Step Two: Stop pretending that you know anything about art if you only like landscapes.

Step Three: Look at each piece without judgment. Enjoy the abstract quality and arrangement of the photo corners for what they are.

Step Four: Imagine what is missing based on the written clues that are provided by the original album maker.

Following these four steps will allow you to enter another dimension. That’s the signpost up ahead. You’ve entered the Art Zone.

To appreciate Levinson’s work, you must slow down and take time to experience the unseen. These works are truly meditations, not only about the abstract patterning of the photo corners on each page, or the vacancies left behind, or what was saved and then for some unknown reason discarded as unimportant, but about how you the viewer experience them through the memories you have of similar images and places. It becomes a total inward journey that is about acknowledgement of the past.

Today’s world offers little in the form of “Photo Albums.” Instead we have digital fi les and memory sticks, (which years ago were real sticks that were actually carved with images) that we can download and email and post. This information about ourselves has reached its most ephemeral point. Through a simple click of a mouse we don’t even have the chance to become ghosts.

Levinson’s photos display a simple minimal purity. The photo corners seem organized and yet disordered. They reminded me of early video games like Pac Man and Pong, little geometric shapes moving through space on formulated, but arbitrary paths. Her work has titles like “Paris has its aesthetic side,” “First snowfall in our new home,” and “water + cliffs+ mystic air = God,” all written by the original composers of the photo albums. So please don’t be put off by the lack of recognizable imagery in this show. It is all there, not in front of you, but inside you.

The MoNth iN Theatre

By Kallie Schell Special to Second Supper

Viterbo University's Black Box Theater is easily the most intimate theater in La Crosse. As I walked in, I was struck by how I would not only be seeing a show but would also feel like I was part of the show.

The theater was about three-fourths full for this performance of "Marat/Sade."

The play's concept was that the audience was inside the mind of America. As the lights went up, patients of an insane asylum staggered about the stage. They would tell the story of the assassination of Jean-Paul Marat, who was played by AJ Porter. The play took place during the French Revolution, a time when the rich were getting richer and the poor were getting poorer. There was higher unemployment and a great political divide. Sound familiar?

The asylum patients' beautiful, unconventional dance served as an interesting backdrop to this intense story. Marat believed he was the revolution. On the other end of the spectrum was De Sade, played by Skyler Erickson. He disagreed with the inmates’ cries of injustice, generally mocking them by saying he didn’t care about France.

The show featured many memorable lines, such as “What are a few looted mansions compared to their [the poor] looted lives?” and “If you repeat something enough, it can be believed.”

As the charismatic narrator (Paige Hauer) builds to the climactic assassination , the cast grows more and more passionate about the revolution and angrier about how their leader, Marat, is not doing anything.

Finally, Charlotte (Libby Anderson) assassinates Marat, ending the play on a tragic note. The play was incredibly powerful. I walked away with a sense of awe and much food for thought.

Coming up "A CHRISTMAS STORY": This is the classic tale, based on the much beloved fi lm, of the family with the leg lamp and the boy who wants a BB gun. If you want to take a

Filmmaker looking for cast, crew in February

The Film Commission of Western Wisconsin (FCWW) has been contacted by a Los Angeles production company regarding a feature fi lm, "Appleton" to be shot in Appleton. Producer Greg Cibulski said there are a few remaining roles to cast and crew positions to fi ll.

This is a non-union shoot, but the production has signed a SAG low-budget feature contract. Pay for cast will be $100 per day.

The production company anticipates covering gas costs for cast, and overnight accommodations for actors when necessary. Due to a limited costume budget, it is expected the wardrobe coordinator will ask most of the actors to bring some of their own clothing to utilize as costuming.

The shoot is scheduled for three weeks,

Feb. 11 through March 2. Six-day work weeks will allow for Sundays off. Most roles call for a maximum of four or fi ve days on set.

Any crew members who can commit to the whole shoot will be given priority when hiring. Crew positions available are a sound team (mixer and a boom op.), a camera team and an art department team.

Potential cast/crew should contact Greg Cibulski directly at 818-903-9597 or email the production company at appletonmovie@gmail.com. Please mention that you received this information from the Film Commission of Western Wisconsin.

Available roles include two for males 3555 years old, male 30-45, female, 30-45, male 20-30, female 20-30, male 50-65, male 25-35.

break from watching it on television 24/7 come check it out at the La Crosse Community Theater , where you defi nitely won’t shoot your eye out.

WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Dec. 7-8, Dec. 13-15; 2 p.m. Dec. 9 and Dec. 16 "THESE SHINING LIVES" This is a tale of four strong-willed women during the Depression-era who form friendships at a factory where they paint numbers on the faces of watches. They learn that the paint they are using has radium in it, which is slowly stealing their lives. They decide that they will not allow future workers to be affected in the same way that they have been. So, if you want to fi nd out more about their story and ambition, head on over to UW-L to see the play.

WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Dec. 1, Dec. 6-8; 2 p.m.

Dec. 2 and Dec. 9.

"AMAHL AND THE NIGHT VISITOR": This show is a unique opera in one act about a boy named Amahl who tells many tall tales. Three kings come to visit Amahl and his mother one night on their way to meet a wondrous child. Amahl discovers many wonders with these kings. At the same time his mother tries to steal gold from the king for her son. To fi nd out how this story ends ,come visit the Muse Theater.

WHEN: Contact Vicki Elwood at 608-3973752.

"THE TWELVE TURTLEDOVES": Catch the Christmas spirit with a night full of traditional yuletide favorites, modern Christmas classics, poetry, and dance presented by Viterbo University's The Twelve Turtledoves at the Pump House Regional Arts Center. This merry mix of Turtledoves include Charlie Ward, Aubrey McCarthy, Kajsa Jones, Vasiliki Fafalios, Miranda West, Katie Carney, Jennie Butler, Joe Gay, Joey Miller and Thomas Squires. The accompanist is Seth Kieser, and Laura Weber is the stage manager.

WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Dec. 12, at the Pump House Regional Arts Center.

CrossworD ANswers

10// December 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

DIVERSIONS

The Beer Review

"Cross purposes" You'll be working at them

By Matt Jones

Answers on Page 9

Local Acre Wisconsin Wet Hop Lakefront Brewery Milwaukee, Wisconsin

By Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

©2012 Jonesin' Crosswords

ACROSS 1 Looney Tunes voice Mel 6 Proof-ending abbr.

9 Petraeus who stepped down as CIA head 14 Mushrooms have a weird effect on him 15 "Burn Notice" network 16 Month before febrero 17 Advice like "Don't fly so low you crash into the Death Star"?

19 Gainesville collegian 20 Drift into dreamland 21 Stars with a belt 22 Cub Scout leaders, in the U.K. 26 Like restaurants that serve sushi, pad thai, and 58-down 29 Do a medical scan on a British royal?

31 ___ Dinh Diem 32 ___ Deportes (Spanish-language channel) 33 Moves, in real estate jargon 34 Amethyst, for one 35 Elected official

straight from a Fox singing competition?

39 Not the sharpest knife in the drawer 42 In ___ (mad) 43 A shot 47 ___ Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg's "Ghost" role) 48 Resort town for video game enthusiasts?

51 Honorary flag position 53 Wine agent 54 Tinseltown, in headlines 55 Old-school laundry detergent 56 Word after wake or Ouija 57 Oinker who designed a commercial space shuttle?

63 Highway sign 64 Start of most John Grisham book titles 65 Olympic skater Slutskaya 66 "___ to recall..."

67 Animal pattern on Gateway computer

the free press

boxes 68 Young accounting partner?

DOWN 1 Bike race with hills 2 Rule 3 The Diamondbacks, on scoreboards 4 See 10-down 5 Courvoisier or Remy Martin 6 Pound, in British slang 7 Unproven ability 8 "___ Kapital" 9 Junior high in a 1980s teen show 10 With 4-down, "Delta of Venus" author 11 Putting the kibosh on 12 Historic period for blacksmiths 13 Palme ___ (Cannes Film Festival prize) 18 "___.0" (Comedy Central webclip show) 21 ___ the other 22 Body spray brand with hot ads 23 ___-One (rapper who guested on R.E.M.'s

"Radio Song") 24 "The Raven" monogram 25 Bobcat cousin 26 False reason 27 Sanctions 28 ___ de guerre 30 Ursus ___ (brown bear) 36 Office machine 37 Equally awful 38 Alternative to ja 39 "I blew it," to Homer 40 Big potatoes 41 Scary programs 44 Shaker founder Lee 45 F/X animation 46 QVC rival 49 Spittoon noise 50 Award for a bomb 52 Fake a signature 55 "Celebrity Rehab with Dr. ___" 56 Fat measure 57 "The Mayor of Simpleton" band 58 Saigon soup 59 Slip up 60 Wrestling victory 61 Border org.

62 Gangster's sidearm

wE have moved!

444 main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 Office hours by appointment only

I’m writing this review on Small Business Saturday, a term I had never heard prior to this year but am proud to see take off a viral tenet of conscientious commerce. Today is the ideological inverse of Black Friday, that distinctly American holiday, but consumer awareness shouldn’t be limited to just one day per year. Supporting small businesses is a lifestyle — and one that goes especially great with beer. Exhibit A: Side Note Bottle Shop, a locally owned craft beer and spirits emporium which recently opened at 123 4th St. The Side Note has everything you’d want out of a beer store — knowledgeable staff, fun vibe, free samples — but that’s not the only reason to spread your money locally. It also carries fantastic beer.

Nothing exemplifies the triumph of small business more than the new line of Wisconsin Wet Hopped beer. Coordinated by the Midwest Hops & Barley Co-op, this innovative coalition pairs five Wisconsin microbreweries (South Shore, Bull Falls, Central Waters, Sprecher, and Lakefront) with four Wisconsin hop and barley farms, and the results are remarkable. All five breweries recently released seasonal “wet hopped” beers, and three were available last week at the Side Note. They all had their funky individuality, but my favorite was the Local Acre from Lakefront.

Purchase: 22 ounce bottle of Local Acre Wisconsin Wet Hop from the Side Note,

I Like to Watch

By Dean Robbins Special to Second Supper

The Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour is widely regarded as a failure, but Magical Mystery Tour Revisited (Friday, Dec. 14, 10:30 p.m., PBS) gives it an overdue reconsideration. The documentary interviews Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Martin Scorsese, Terry Gilliam and those involved with the 1967 project, in which the Beatles filmed themselves on a surreal bus trip around England. In retrospect, it’s impressive that the band strove to make an avant-garde statement capturing the spirit of the psychedelic era, rather than a safe, polished prod-

$6.99

Style: Imperial pilsner

Strength: 7 percent ABV

Packaging: The front of the bottle depicts the outline of Wisconsin filled with yellow brew, topped with a white head and featuring a floating hop cone. The back of the bottle tells the story of the Midwest Hops and Barley Co-op and how all ingredients came from the Badger State.

Appearance: This Local Acre pours like a beer in a magazine ad with a rich amber brown body and a foamy three-finger white head that leaves excellent lacing.

Aroma: As far as pilsners go, this one smells decadent. The malted barely, toasted and fresh, dominates the nose. The wethopping technique (which employs freshly picked hops, rather than dried pellets) gives off a musty dankness like wet straw over fruit rinds.

Taste: The flavor comes on surprisingly sweet, like pomegranate mixed with a banana popsicle. The hops stand out but don’t dominate, and the flavor effortlessly blends into a warm, malty lager. The heavy alcohol content serves the beer well, creating an indulgent, balanced brew that’s an inspired take on the style.

Mouthfeel: Thick, chewy, rich and wet — basically, the opposite a typical pilsner.

Drinkability: This beer’s so good you’d want to drink the whole bottle. You should probably share it, though.

Ratings: Now in its third year, this Local Acre earns an 86 on BeerAdvocate and an 83 on RateBeer, but I believe this is the first release to be wet-hopped. That could explain the average grade, as I consider this to be of Lakefront’s finest beers. It’s an inspired take on a difficult style, and thanks to small business collaboration, it’s pulled off beautifully.

uct that would have protected their market share. (By comparison, think of the stupid romantic comedies Elvis Presley was releasing at the time.) The anarchic filmmaking process was itself part of the movie’s meaning, incorporating the ‘60s-style spontaneity that had found its way into the Beatles’ music. “We thought having an improvised film would show the kind of playfulness and freedom we were experiencing as the Beatles at the time,” McCartney says.

The BBC showed Magical Mystery Tour at Christmastime in 1967, right after an oldfashioned Petula Clark holiday special. It confused and enraged most of the country, and McCartney had to go on the air defending a movie with no apparent plot or theme.

Forty-five years later, Magical Mystery Tour looks like a pioneering attempt at counterculture cinema, influencing the likes of Scorsese and Gilliam with its rule-breaking approach. McCartney’s contemporary defense of the film places it in perfect perspective:

“I don’t want to elevate Magical Mystery Tour to the great heights of Most Important Things in Cinema History. But I think in a lesser way, it did set a tone that people could pick up and say, ‘Oh, well, if they’ve done that, we can do this.”

Second Supper | The Free Press

Music Directory FEATURED SHOWS Saturday, December 1st Trempealeau Hotel – Vocal Point, Aric Sampson (G-E-T Holiday Parade) • 7 p.m.

Freight House – The Ultrasonic Duo • 7:30 p.m.

UW-L Cartwright Center – Swinging Yuletide • 7:30 p.m.

Root Note – Jabob Grippen • 9 p.m.

Popcorn – J.J’s Zydeco Paydirt • 10 p.m.

Sunday, December 2nd Warehouse – Rival Summers, Late in the Playoffs, Space Heaters • 6:30 p.m.

Tuesday, December 4th Warehouse – Psychostick, Lasting Impression, Asphysxiator, Rosedale • 6:30 p.m.

Wednesday, December 5th Warehouse – Sea of Treachery, Onward to Olympus, Creations • 6 p.m.

Root Note – William Stobb (Poetry) • 7 p.m.

Popcorn – 300+ • 10 p.m.

Del’s – Colin Marshall • 10 p.m.

Thursday, December 6th Trempealeau Hotel – Mike Munson (Blues) • 7 p.m.

Friday, December 7th Freight House – La Barge • 6:30 p.m.

Fat Sam’s – Open Mic w/ Colin Marshall • 8 p.m.

Root Note – Mayfield Experience • 9 p.m.

Popcorn – Porcupine • 10 p.m.

Saturday, December 8th Freight House – La Barge • 7 p.m.

Root Note – All Good Things (experimental folk) • 8 p.m.

Popcorn – Simple Rogues • 10 p.m.

Wednesday, December 12th Popcorn – Andy and Joe’s Jam • 10 p.m.

Thursday, December 13th Warehouse – Narrow Hearts, Look I’m Burning, Wretches • 6 p.m.

Friday, December 14th Freight House – Kevin Hall & Mike Stidolph • 6:30 p.m.

Root Note – Third Relation Album Release Party • 7 p.m.

Popcorn – The Hobo Nephews of Uncle Fran • 10 p.m.

JB’s Speakeasy – End of the World Rock Show • 10 p.m.

Saturday, December 15th Freight House – Kevin Hall & Mike Stidolph • 7 p.m.

Fat Sam’s – Joe & Vicki Price • 9 p.m.

Root Note – Neato Fe Neato, Space Heaters • 9 p.m.

Popcorn – The Bandsaw Brothers • 10 p.m.

Wednesday, December 19th Popcorn – Terrapin Shells • 10 p.m.

December 1, 2012 // 11

MUSIC Thursday, December 20th Trempealeau Hotel – Greg ‘Cheech’ Hall • 7 p.m.

Friday, December 21st Warehouse – Guns at School, Sabaoth, Burning Loinz • 6:30 p.m.

Fat Sam’s – Open Mic w/ Colin Marshall • 8 p.m.

Root Note – End of the World Party feat. 64 Squares, Lustrous Mud • 9 p.m.

Popcorn – Moon Boot Posse • 10 p.m.

Trempealeau Hotel – End of the World Party feat. Nimbus • 10 p.m.

Saturday, December 22nd Freight House – Dave Sebranek • 7:30 p.m.

Popcorn – Innocuous Voodoo • 10 p.m.

Trempealeau Hotel – Simple Rogues • 9 p.m.

Sunday, December 23rd Freight House – Runaway • 7:30 p.m.

Wednesday, December 26th Popcorn – Andy and Joe’s Jam • 10 p.m.

Friday, December 28th Warehouse – Local Bands Showcase • 6:30 p.m.

Freight House – Nick Stika • 7 p.m.

Popcorn – Evergreen Grass Band • 10 p.m.

Saturday, December 29th Warehouse – Local Bands Showcase • 6:30 p.m.

Freight House – Nick Stika • 7:30 p.m.

Popcorn – Sum Chunk • 10 p.m.

Sunday, December 30th Warehouse – The Disabled, Timeline Tragedy, 64 Squares • 6:30 p.m.

Monday, December 31st Root Note – New Year’s Eve Party • 9 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Trempealeau Hotel – New Year’s Bash feat.

The Far Outs (variety Rock) • 9 p.m.

Popcorn – Nimbus • 10 p.m.

WEEKLY GIGS Sunday Popcorn – Innocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10:00 p.m.

Coulee Cuts The Sensation of Being Somebody Porcupine

By Jason Crider jason.crider@secondsupper.com

Following the release of their 2009 debut full-length offering, The Trouble With You, Porcupine, La Crosse’s favorite indie rock trio, is back in action with an incredible sophomore release, The Sensation of Being Somebody. As if the band hadn’t produced enough solid gold in its tenure as La Crosse’s top rock outfit, The Sensation of Being Somebody continues to show its exemplary understanding of the indie/alternative genre, while expanding into exciting new territory.

The opening track “You Go First” kicks off with traditional Porcupine grunge-pop (that’s a thing, right?), but quickly segues, mid-song, into a sort of early-Foo-Fightersmeets-The-Shins quirky breakdown, and shifts back into a catchy and clean tune. The first half of the record continues in this manner, with frontman Casey Virock’s catchy vocals adding an addictive element to even the band’s most grisly tracks. Virock’s melodic range and attitude on “Calendar” is reminiscent of a slightly more pop version of Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age fame). The following track, “Is It Real,” is a nice, chill shoegaze ballad that is a sweet change of pace before the album’s much more eclectic second half.

There seems to be an invisible turning point in the record right in the middle, halfway through track six of 12, where the album takes a chaotic and slightly darker turn. At this point the shackles come undone, and the album feels free to move in almost any direction it chooses. “Second Thoughts” starts off pretty straight forward before erupting into a mathy breakout that closes in a pretty sexy guitar distortion background. The guitar fuzz continues into “Pushing Your Buttons,” bleeding in and out of a dirty bassline that culminates into the most intense back and forth on the album.

Tracks “No Surprise” and “Him Me With A Smiley Face” are probably more emotive than any of Porcupine’s previous releases, without being cliché or melodramatic in any way. The contemplative closing guitar

Tuesday Popcorn – Paulie • 10:00 p.m.

Root Note – 3rd Relation Jazz *8:00 p.m.

Send your music schedule for the month to editor@secondsupper.com.

Porcupine will be playing its record release show on Friday, Dec. 7, at the Popcorn Tavern alongside local rock act Day 42 and Milwaukee shoegaze rockers Brief Candles. If you’d like to hear some Porcupine you can pick up The Sensation of Being Somebody, The Trouble With You, or one of the band’s 7-inch releases at Deaf Ear records.

eat fresh! eat local! go co-op!

Monday Popcorn – Grant’s Open Jam • 10:00 p.m.

Del’s – Cheech’s Open Jam • 10:00 p.m.

Thursday Starlight – Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5:00 p.m.

Root Note – Open Mic • 8:00 p.m.

Popcorn – Dave Orr’s Blues jam • 10:00 p.m.

solo on the latter track would almost be completely heartbreaking if it didn’t sound as if the amp would explode at any moment. It’s these sort of confusing mixed emotions that make The Sensation of Being Somebody such a truly endearing listen, and also grace the album with a lasting charm.

“No Surprise” has a light piano melody that seems to be fighting the tepid guitar feedback hidden in the background, which showcases the two things that Porcupine has always arguably been best at: control and restraint. That’s not to say these guys are some boring chillwave act though; these elements just lend to a more satisfying listen when the music really starts to get frantic. Anyone who’s seen these guys live will tell you they know how to truly rock.

There are definitely layers to this album, so it may not be something you fall in love with in just a listen or two, but, as with most music, slow burns tend to be the best.

The Sensation of Being Somebody is currently available on CD at Deaf Ear, but if you’d like to try it before you buy it, the good gents in Porcupine are also now on Spotify.

If that’s not enough to get you excited, the band is also releasing their new album as a limited edition 12-inch LP.

315 Fifth Ave. So. La Crosse, WI tel. 784.5798 www.pfc.coop open daily 7 am–10 pm

all are welcome

12// December 1, 2012

Second Supper | The Free Press

THE LAST WORD

The ADvice GoDDess

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Jenny from the blocked

I appreciate that you tell it like it is instead of telling people what they want to hear. You’ve said an online dating site isn’t a very good venue for women over 40 who aren’t very physically attractive. Honestly, on a scale of 1 to 10, I’m probably a 5. My marriage ended last year, and I’m ready to start dating again. Should I bother with online at all?

— Realistic

Like the 24-year-old part-time model you’re competing with on the online dating site, you are female and have owned swimsuits. In fact, you’d wear that same tiny little gold bikini she’s got on in her profi le pic — if it were socially acceptable to go out on the town in a little gold sleep mask.

Online dating is like going to a very snobby bar where everybody has the attention span of a fi refl y. People do fi nd love and even marriage online, but those most likely to get lucky are hot 22-yearold women just looking to get lucky. Hot 40-something women will get dates, but because guys tend to go for younger women, many of those messaging them are one foot out of the nursing home (if they aren’t using the computer in the home’s Activity Room to troll for younger meat).

The problem for anyone online dating is that the format — endless choice — is overwhelming to our quaint little human brains, according to research by social psychologist Dr. Sheena Iyengar. Although we think having loads of options is ideal, when presented with more than a handful, we often choose poorly and are bummed out afterward, or we fi nd ourselves unable to choose at all. So, like a rat pushing a lever for more cocaine, even a man who sincerely wants a relationship and who’s just gotten home from a promising date often can’t help but make a beeline for the computer.

(There’s always another one…thousand where that last one came from. No need to stop and smell the 45-year-old roses.)

Especially for women who are over 40 and physically underfabulous, a more fruitful and less confi dence-eating option than a dating site is a group meetup site

like meetup.com or grubwithus.com, where you sign up for group dinners and other activities with people who share your interests. Some groups have hundreds or thousands of members, and the criterion for joining is whether you, say, like to combine tennis and Bible study, not whether you have a waist the size of a chewed pencil.

Also, online, the risk of humiliation is low for a guy who’s a 5 messaging a woman who’s a 9.6 (on the off chance she’s bored with rich guys with movie-star looks). In person, it becomes clear that he can either go home alone for the rest of his life or go for the more evenly matched. That’s when he starts talking to the nice 5 lady on his right — giving you a chance to sparkle in a way you can’t online. But, all the better if you sparkle inside and out. (Get “Staging Your Comeback,” by Christopher Hopkins.)

A little money smeared around in the hair, wardrobe and makeup departments can be a powerful thing. Without it, as you see in shots of famous actresses caught sans makeup and groovywear, even some pretty stunning women can end up looking like they’ve taken a break from picking their pimples in the doublewide to duck into the holler and shoot a squirrel for dinner.

states: “If you have or want kids, we are NOT compatible. Move on. Non-negotiable! I don't care if you think your kids are different. They're not.”

Yet, somehow, men with kids read this and still ping me! Are they stupidly optimistic? Horrifically lacking in reading comprehension?

— Nobody’s Stepmom

Maybe they’re hoping it’ll be like getting a 6-year-old to eat his green beans: They’ll just pour some ranch dressing on the kid and you’ll suddenly fi nd him appealing.

Your irritation is understandable.

What about “No kids/non-negotiable!” says, “Octodad, I’ve been waiting all my life for you”? The answer is, you’re hot. I’m guessing you are, anyway. In the face of female hotitude, men have an incredible capacity to rationalize: “Shouldn’t have to miss out on a babe just because I got some girl pregnant in high school!” or “You’ll change your mind when you see what a sexy beast I am.”

Consider the annoyance an attractiveness tax, and try to focus on the joys of unparenthood, like how you can spend the estimated $200K you’re saving (by not having kids) on white carpet, sharpedged furniture, and homeschooling your cat.

Spawn Juan

(c) 2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

I’m a woman whose online dating profile

Our January edition of Second Supper | The Free Press publishes Dec. 29. Our advertising deadline is Dec. 21. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.

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