MARCH 2012 | VOLUME 12, NO. 3
WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM
the free press A
Digest
of
Coulee
Region
Culture
MAKING IT
Our blue-collar heyday is long gone... But our intrepid reporter hunts down La Crosse manufacturing.
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New Taste of India We've been pleading; finally it's here — a review
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la Crosse Idle Rock band Ecstatic to break out in 2012
Cover photo by: Ashly Conrad
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2// March 1, 2012
Second Supper
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Second Supper
FIRST THINGS FIRST
March 1, 2012 // 3
the free press
This month in local politics all it can to lose this recall election. In those intoxicating marches of 2011, everyone in attendance wanted so badly to believe in something, any alternative that was superior to the destructive politics that brought them out into the streets in the fi rst place. A year ago, that crowd would have voted anybody into the governor’s mansion — Russ Feingold, Jon Erpenbach, probably even Tom Morello or Ed Schultz. Those people still want to believe in something, but who are they going to believe in now? I have a hard time believing it’s Kathleen Falk. She’s an able administrator, but she’s not an inspiring leader, and Dane County is a four-letter word in much of this state. Kathleen Vinehout, the other offi cial candidate, may be the best representative of western Wisconsin, but with her dim name recognition and pro-
life politics, she’ll have a tough time grabbing voters and the type of campaign cash Gov. Scott Walker rakes in every day. Feingold, Erpenbach, Herb Kohl, David Obey, Ron Kind — these are the candidates Wisconsin Democrats want to see on the ballot. All apologies to the fairer sex and Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett, but it’s true. (Doug La Follette, whose campaign is a rumor as of this writing, is probably a push.) I’d like to believe the electable candidates are just laying in waiting. Perhaps they look to the self-destruction in the Republican presidential primary and see the wisdom of rallying the party around a single candidate. But until I see some grand strategy, a bold burst of leadership and unity that’s usually in short supply among Democrats, I can’t help but feel that they’re blowing it. In the meantime, Walker continues to stuff his campaign chest, and the spirit of the Wisconsin spring continues to fade like some hazily remembered dream. And that, more than any political spat, would be the biggest shame of it all.
er” into his desk during sixth-period biology.
Leprechaun endorses Ron Paul
Democratic gubernatorial edition By Adam Bissen
adam.bissen@secondsupper.com One year ago last month, I attended the grandest show of participatory democracy I’d ever seen with my own eyes. If you were at the state Capitol during those tumultuous weeks, you may never forget the spirit in the air. And if you didn’t make the trip, I’m sure you saw 100,000 protesters marching, chanting and occupying (before anyone called it that) in nightly updates splashed across the national news. Those were truly heady times, and although Democrats followed them with a string of legislative defeats and then an impressive recall effort, a funny thing happened on the road from populist revolt to electoral reality: the state party seems intent on doing
The BLuFF
A Bit of Satire
Governor’s hipster son protested Walker before it was cool
As the Wisconsin gubernatorial recall election continues to grow, an unlikely supporter of the effort has emerged: Gov. Scott Walker’s son, Alex. “You guys don’t know my dad like I do,” Alex explained to a throng of reporters between third and fourth period at Whitefi sh Bay High School. “Like, for the last fi ve years, he’s been giving me an allowance of $50 per week, which is the amount we negotiated back when I was in seventh grade. Now that I’m a sophomore, he suddenly stops giving me my allowance and tells me that I have to earn it myself with a job!” As of press time, the governor had refused to restore his son’s bargaining rights and Alex was busy scratching “Recall Walk-
Bon Iver sign as Farm & Fleet models
Following their high-profi le Grammy victories and late-night television appearances, members of the indie folk band Bon Iver capped a celebratory week Wednesday by signing a modeling contract with Blain’s Farm & Fleet valued at over $1,000. “It’s really hard to accept this endorsement,” lead singer Justin Vernon said during an often uncomfortable press conference at a Chippewa Falls outlet. “There’s a lot of fashionable people who aren’t here today and won’t be wearing reasonably priced Wrangler blue jeans and Carhartt jackets that look so nice with northern beards.” In his Grammy speech, Vernon namedropped Eau Claire, which led some marketing observers to conclude he was angling for an even more lucrative endorsement from hometown employer Menards.
Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul received his highest profi le endorsement yet Tuesday when he secured the support of cereal spokesman and prominent gold enthusiast Lucky the Leprechaun. Speaking at a campaign rally at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, Leprechaun praised Paul’s libertarian political views as well as his pledges to cut federal programs and taxes. “They’re always after me Lucky Charms,” Leprechaun said to a boisterous crowd of college students on a sugar high. “Lucky here knows that we need to abolish the Federal Reserve,” Paul said to thunderous applause. “If the Fed, Chase Bank and J.P. Morgan can just create hearts, stars, horseshoes and clovers with no deposits to the pot o’ gold, then there’s no guarantee they’ll be magically delicious!”
444 Main St., Suite 310 La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 Online: secondsupper.com Publisher: Roger Bartel roger.bartel@secondsupper.com Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com Sales: Mike Keith mike.keith@secondsupper.com Cover and Ad Design: Jenn Bushman Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Mary Catanese, Ashly Conrad,Ben Deline, Marcel Dunn, Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jonathan Majak, Matt Jones, Nate Willer Second Supper is a monthly alternative newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 444 Main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 444 Main St., , Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to editor@secondsupper.com.
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COVER STORY
Making it: By Bob Treu
Special to Second Supper This has always been a good place to settle in and make things. It sits on the right bank of the Mississippi River, just where two other rivers enter, and it’s surrounded by heavily forested bluffs and rich farmland. Even now the fishing is good. In spite of the challenging weather, or perhaps because of it, the people who live here like to be comfortable. It’s no Silicon Valley, but people have learned to make the basic, comfortable things, like blankets and beer and air conditioning. A thousand years ago, long before the first Europeans arrived here, people grew food, fished and kept as comfortable as possible in the furs of animals. The rivers made possible an extensive trading system that included the exchange of furs and tools and pots for metal. People traded for copper from the islands of Lake Superior and used it to make more tools. All this was in place when the Europeans arrived looking for gold and silver. They had to settle for furs, but ended up managing something like the first leveraged takeover, in some cases becoming fabulously wealthy. The pattern had been set for manufacturing in La Crosse. In the 20th Century, the city became even more successful. Railroads came on the scene and began to move goods to more and more remote places. The interstate highways were built, and when I-90 came to La Crosse, trucking was suddenly more important. And through it all the river traffic continued. All in all, things worked in our favor. And, relatively speaking, they still do. The unemployment rate in La Crosse, coming out of the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression, is 5.7 percent, almost 3 points lower than the national average. One of the first enterprises to find continuing success in La Crosse was The Company Store, which celebrated its centennial in 2011. Its motto is — wouldn’t you know — “We are all about comfort.” In the beginning the company specialized in blankets and comforters to keep the immigrant population warm in their new, harsh environment. Back in the day (the ‘60s) the store manufactured quilted jackets and coats of various lengths designed for warmth, which were popular wherever the winters were cold. If you visit the Company Store outlet on French Island today you will notice that the outerwear so many of us have come to associate with the firm is in short supply. True, there are a few racks of clothing, even a few jackets for children and women, but the place is mainly crammed with comforters. The factory, which is also on the island, is kept locked, but if you do find a way inside you will be surrounded by even more comforters. If you look closely at the Com-
Second Supper
La Crosse's blue-collar heyday is long gone, but lower-profile manufacturing continues to be part of our community
pany Store sign outside, you will see it says, in smaller script, Hanover Direct. That, as it turns out, is the Pennsylvania parent company, and just one example of how local companies get taken over by larger ones. Trane Company is another case in point. In 1885 a Norwegian immigrant named James Trane opened a plumbing business in La Crosse that would transform itself into a worldwide provider of comfort contraptions, i.e., heating and air conditioning. (Even today, it still employs people called “comfort specialists.”) James’ son Reuben went off to the University of Wisconsin and came back with an engineering degree. In 1913 (next year it will observe its centennial) the modern Trane business was formed. In 1925 Trane Company developed a convector radiator that replaced the old steam radiators and revolutionized the business. In 1931 the company began to offer air conditioners. To give an idea of the success of the business, here is a small sample of the places Trane Company makes comfortable: The Statue of Liberty, the Washington Monument, The Kennedy Center, and La Scala, the opera house in Milan. Then, after years of fighting off leveraged buyouts, Trane succumbed to the advances of American Standard. If you ask on the street, you will find most people think Trane is still owned by that company, but American Standard soon found itself in difficulties of its own. By the beginning of the millennium it consisted of three divisions, two of which it quickly dropped in order to concentrate on the Trane enterprise. It even changed its corporate name from American Standard to Trane. That was in November 2007. Just one month later the new Trane was devoured in one hungry bite of the Celtic Tiger, an Irish company called Ingersoll-Rand. Even so, it still employs nearly 2,000 workers in La Crosse. Tom Mikulina, former vice president of the company, once said the air conditioning business is recession proof, since it depends as much upon replacement as new construction. He was mainly right, without even mentioning global warming, but if you asked the 98 local production workers who were laid off last December about their jobs being recession proof, you might get a different response. The story of brewing in La Crosse is similar. You would expect a fair-sized city in Wisconsin to know something about making beer, and so it is with La Crosse. We have enshrined brewing in our public events and even in our public art. Pilgrims come considerable distances to doff their hats and tug at their ears before the statue of King Gambrinus and the world’s largest six-pack, and behind it all lays an intriguing and finely woven tale. Local brewing was dominated from 1858 to 1996 by the G. Heileman Brewing
Company. Its Old Style and Special Export brands were well known nationwide, so it was through no fault of the products that the company was ultimately savaged by a financial adventurer. Alan Bond, an Australian brewer who wanted to become THE world wide brewer, acquired G. Heileman through the proceeds of junk bonds. In 1996, when Bond’s financial empire collapsed, Stroh Brewery purchased G. Heileman, and La Crosse continued making beer as if nothing has happened. For two years. That’s when Pabst came on the scene, took over the Old Style and Special Export labels, and the brewing of beer nearly ended in La Crosse. Eventually the handsome old red-brick brewery complex and the 6-pack were taken over by City Brewery. In choosing a name, the company hearkened back to the brewery’s beginnings, when Gottlieb Heileman called his business City Brewery. In fact, if you look at the archway above the Fourth Street entrance, you will see the name still clearly carved there. But if you’ve always wanted to take the local City Brewery tour and put it off, you are too late. The hospitality center is now closed and the tours have stopped. If you want to communicate with someone in the company you enter the main office and talk to a pleasant woman through a small hole in the glass partition that protects her. If you have ever purchased gasoline late at night in a big city, you will feel right at home. Like the Trane production sites, it is a hard place to visit. City Brewery changed rather quickly from a brewer of a decent local beer to something called a “co-packer.” In fact it is the largest co-packer in North America. If you’re thinking this is something invented by the NRA and the Wisconsin Legislature, you’re not quite there. Rather it means City Brewery produces beverages, including energy drinks, for other labels. That, as the pleasant lady on the other side of the glass explained, creates “confidentiality issues.” For now, what were once proud La Crosse labels have been replaced by an undefined array of beverages. On the plus side, the brewery says it employs more people than Heileman did in its best years. But wait a moment! Something is missing in this discussion. Behind the locked doors, somewhere in the artificially lit spaces provided by the job-creators, there are actual people, the men and women who spend their lives making the things that keep La Crosse a good place to live. How are they doing? How are the 98 workers laid off by Trane managing things? There isn’t space in this piece to do them justice, so they will have to wait for another story. If we can swing it. While manufacturers are still tempted to test the rarefied air of megabusiness, or fall prey to the outsized ambitions of foreign
bidders, a counter movement is developing, the urge to create smaller businesses to serve local markets. In the dairy industry, for example, large farms, often with corporate structures, replaced family farms, especially during the 1980s. Before long people with real agriculture skills turned to smaller organic farms, with the result that Wisconsin now has more organic farms than any other state. So big is not everything, and it just wasn’t in the cards that La Crosse would be without its own brew. Pearl Street Brewery (which is not actually on Pearl Street, but Saint Andrews), is filling the gap.According to owner Joe Ketchever, it currently produces five different regular brands, and he estimates he is putting out 2,000 barrels annually. Is that a micro-brewery? (Editor’s note: yes) In any case, La Crosse beer is once again being shipped all over the state. But there are other local stories of inventive people using their skills to manufacture things on a small scale. Dave Enos and his partner Scott Hauser began to manufacture custom-built golf clubs in a small workshop behind their sporting goods store on George Street in 1991. They make every kind of club from putters to drivers and use materials purchased from a number of larger providers, and they are currently producing 300 to 500 sets annually. It will take about 30 minutes while they measure you and fit the clubs to your game. Finally there’s Penny Fassler, who took a class in working stained glass 20 years ago and soon after started a stained glass business which, in its current form, is called Vision of Light and is located on Fourth Street, next to Rocky Rococo’s. Half of her business is the making of beautiful objects from glass, while the other half consists of teaching classes and selling supplies. One of the high points of her career came a few years ago when the captain of the Delta Queen dropped by to ask her to create stained glass windows in the bar area of his steamboat. Unfortunately the Delta Queen no longer cruises the Mississippi, so you’d have to travel a bit to see what she did. Or you can get an idea of what she does by visiting the store. If you stand at the right place next to the Mississippi at night you can hear the hammering engines of the big tows, the mournful howl of a freight train, and the steady hum of the big trucks on the interstate, all at the same time. People still make things here. Wisconsin now has 15.6 percent of its jobs in manufacturing, which is first in the nation, but that’s down from 17 percent a few years ago. Although the tendency for local businesses to be bought up continues, La Crosse has something going for it, a legion of skilled people who know how to work hard. They like a beer with their fish fry and they know how to live comfortably. They are the story that still needs to be written.
Second Supper
The Month in Theatre In case you missed it:
La Crosse Community Theatre’s production of Tennessee Williams’ “The Glass Menagerie” sported great acting from its ensemble of Kate Clausen, Will Leonard, Diane Breeser and Matthew Tukua. Leonard and Clausen were particular standouts as the frustrated children of Breeser’s stifling Southern belle mother. Some flat acting in the second act as well as some illtimed laughter from the audience momentarily interrupted the pace of the show, but overall the show succeeded at making the often-assigned-play-in-high-school not feel like homework come to life.
On stage this month:
Love Letters The Muse Theatre, March 4 and 5 Even though Valentine’s Day may be over and most of the clearance candy you stockpiled has been eaten, love is still in the air at the Muse with their ongoing production of the play “Love Letters.” The play follows two characters over the course of 50 years through their letters. You remember letters? They’re like long-form, hard copy Tweets. Leading Ladies La Crosse Community Theatre, March 9-25 Sometimes when you’re down on your luck, you have to pull yourself up by your boot straps. Or your garters in the case of Leo and Mark Gable, the central characters
THE ARTS of LCT’s production of “Leading Ladies.” The story details what happens when two out-of-work actors end up in drag, posing as long-lost heiresses to a fortune.
Rusted Spoon (Viroqua) — "Murder Me Always" (Dinner Theatre) • 6 p.m. UW-L Toland Theatre — "The Drowsy Chaperone" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m.
Drowsy Chaperone UW-La Crosse, March 1-4 The “Drowsy Chaperone” is a musical about a musical. It’s like a Broadway “Inception.” As told through the eyes of a devoted theatre patron, the show details the farcical adventures of a starlet trying to find love and happiness amongst the footlights of the Follies.
Sunday, March 4 UW-L Toland Theatre — "The Drowsy Chaperone" (comedy) • 2 p.m.
— Jonathan Majak
Saturday, March 10 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Vitamin Studio — 4-Year Celebration & Art Exhibition • 6 p.m.
Arts Directory Thursday, March 1 UW-L Toland Theatre — "The Drowsy Chaperone" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 2 Gallery La Crosse — Reception • 6 p.m. Muse Theatre — "Love Letters" (drama) • 7:30 p.m. Rusted Spoon (Viroqua) — "Murder Me Always" (Dinner Theatre) • 6 p.m. UW-L Planetarium — Jethro Tull "Live at the BBC" (Album Encounters) • 8 p.m. UW-L Toland Theatre — "The Drowsy Chaperone" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 3 Muse Theatre — "Love Letters" (drama) • 7:30 p.m.
Friday, March 9 Vitamin Studio — Community Art Critique • 7 p.m. La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, March 11 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 2 p.m. Thursday, March 15 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 16 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Pump House — "The Movie Game" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 17 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading
March 1, 2012 // 5 Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Pump House — "The Art of the Drinking Vessel"(juried exhibition) • 5 p.m. Sunday, March 18 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 2 p.m. Viterbo Fine Arts Center — "The Musical Tale of Peter Rabbit" • 3 p.m. Friday, March 23 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Pump House — "The Movie Game" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Studio Gallery 1311 — "Looking East, Interpretations of China" • 6:30 p.m. Saturday, March 24 La Crosse Community Theatre, — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Pump House, — "The Movie Game" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Sunday, March 25 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 2 p.m. Friday, March 30 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. Saturday, March 31 La Crosse Community Theatre — "Leading Ladies" (comedy) • 7:30 p.m. UW-L Frederick Theatre — "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" • 11 a.m.
6// March 1, 2012
Second Supper
STREET BEAT
Social Networking
what is your beverage of choice? Water, coffee, beer/wine, ginger beer … in that order
Speak Your Mind
with Ashly Conrad
What is your favorite spring break memory?
celebrity crush: Marcel the Shell What is your biggest pet peeve? Consumerism, superficiality, and excessive waste What book are you currently reading? Small is Beautiful” tell us your guiltiest pleasure: Analyzing utility bills tell us a joke: The cost of education and health care
NAME AND AGE: Patrick O’Donnell, 27 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? The Midwest CURRENT JOB: Energy engineer
What one person alive or dead would you want to have dinner with? A good friend what's the last thing you bought? Espresso
DREAM JOB: Nothing in particular, just more time for hobbies, cooking, travel, and visiting friends and family
what's in your pocket right now?: A Kleenex
last thing you googled: Beastie Boys, Make Some Noise
If a genie granted you one wish, what would you ask for? An end to senseless violence and greed
if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Here, we control our own destiny. what is Something you want to do before you die: See a live World Cup match
Name: Ryan Fohrman Age: 26 Occupation: Sales A. Lots of golfing with good friends and just hittin’ the bars!
Name: Andy Baldwin Age: 24 Occupation: Entrepreneur A. I went to Mexico, walked out onto the beach and, none the less, I actually saw T.U.G.G. playing live! On a beach in Mexico. Ooohhhhh yeaaaaa, all right!
Name: Forest Knutson Age: 17 Occupation: Student A. Woke up on a poolside chair, Duct-taped, covered in mayonnaise, in Missouri. I guess we were doing some mayonnaise wrestling?
Name: John Smith Age: 26 Occupation: Being awesome A. Jumped on a Greyhound bus with just enough cash to get me to Idaho, got picked up my by buddies in their "band van," reunited with my old buddies and hit the hillbilly pool (like a free water slide).
Name: Paige Freeman Age: 18 Occupation: Goodwill A. Went whale watching in San Francisco and saw a seal throwing up. Once everyone saw this on the boat, everyone started getting sick. It was hillarious!
Name: Bridgit Albright Age: 19 Occupation: Server A. Got lost in Santa Barbara after just getting off the plane and somehow I found a $100 bill on the ground and it got me where I needed to be!
Name: Craig Olson Age: 23 Occupation: Student A. Went to Vegas and won $5,000!
Name: Paul Marshal Age: 27 Occupation: Musician A. Went to Los Angeles and went to the UCD theatre.
FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Gravity Kills and 311 at Edgefest outside of Omaha, Neb. — Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson,
The Top Irish drinking buddies 1. Oscar Wilde 2. William Butler Yeats 3. Peter O'Toole 4. Colin Farrell 5. Arthus Guinness 6. Sinéad O'Connor 7. The Edge
Name: Traci Elton Age: 29 Occupation: Server/student A. Went to Sedona, Ariz., did some awesome hiking in the mountains, saw some vortex formations and beautiful scenery. It was lovely.
Things La Crosse shouldn't be proud of 1. Renting the most romantic comedies 2. The smell of Wing Night 3. Pine Street 4. Kül 5. A well-attended Hooters 6. '80s cover bands per capita 7. 90-year-old elementary schools
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Second Supper
MARCH
The Month in Preview Sat., March 10 JAZZ DELUXEMBOURG @ San Damiano Chapel Viterbo, 10th & Fransiscan Way
Little known fact about Second Supper: We’re overflowing with Luxembourg pride. Perhaps it’s because we have a soft spot for miniature sovereign nations. Maybe we like that it borders Belgium, France and Germany without acting so, you know, Belgian, French or German. True, it is fun to say and challenging to spell, but probably the biggest reason we love that country is that one of our staff members is a full-on Luxembourger– which is the most hipster of all European nationalities. You may not be aware, but here in the Coulee Region we’re practically surrounded by people of Luxembourg descent. We once sported one of the largest Luxembourger communities in the world (think about that), and a few times per year those of use with Luxembourger pride invite others to join in on the fun. So it will go on Saturday, March 10 at 7:30 p.m. when the Luxembourg Jazz Trio, a hot ensemble of young musicians, swings through town on a regional hospitality tour sponsored by the Luxembourg American Cultural Society. The La Crosse performance is booked at the beautiful San Damiano Chapel on the Viterbo University campus. As an act of goodwill, the concerts are free and open to the public, so c’mon down and be a Luxembourger for a night.
Sat., March 10 GRAB THE 7 INCH PORCUPINE @ the Cavalier Lounge, 114 5th Ave N. Porcupine just might be La Crosse’s most consistently impressive band. Their driving indie rock is always played with passion and precision and they have a general air of professionalism that more local bands could emulate. They have the best merch in town and some of the most creative
Porcupine
March 1, 2012 // 7
THE PLANNER
st paddy’s day | music | entertainment theater | fine arts | festivals | things to do shows | bands | day light savings time
bookings, and all of these attributes will be on display at the band’s record release party on March 10. But this won’t be your typical record release. For one, the band is releasing a new single – on vinyl – which is awesome. For two, the show is at the Cavalier Lounge, which is a pretty swank environment for a rock concert, but we caught the last Porcupine show there and everything went swimmingly. Finally, the group is bringing along a legend of a guest artist: Henry Cluney, founding guitarist for the British punk band Stiff Little Fingers. It’s sure to be a banging evening. The concert starts at 10 p.m., and there is no cover charge.
Sat., March 10 VITAMIN STUDIO 4 YEAR CELEBRATION @ Vitamin Studio, 129 6th St S. Vitamin Studio is celebrating four years of creativity on March 10, starting at 7 p.m. The art studio’s Four Year Anniversary reception and exhibition will have work by local artists and studio members and students on display, including Matt Duckett, Jenn Bushman, Erich Boldt and the numerous people who study at the studio. Come for food, drink and the company of your local arts community!
Sat., March 17 GET IRISH FOR A DAY @ Dublin Square & Eagles Club If St. Patrick’s Day is the only time of year you celebrate Irish pride, you better start celebrating early! By good fortune, this happy holiday falls on a Saturday this year – March 17, specifically – so you’ll have no excuse not to live it up. Start the day off right with a traditional Irish breakfast at Dublin Square, where the popular pub that will open its doors at 8 a.m.
Photo by: Ashly Conrad
We’re not quite sure what foods contribute to an Irish breakfast, but we imagine there will be some Guinness and adult coffee flowing, too. Once you’re appropriately festive, head down to Riverside Park, the jumping off point for the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade. March down Main Street with a drum corps – or maybe just on the curb, catch beads, and look really good in green. The post-parade social is at the Eagles Club, which will be serving up more traditional Irish cuisine such as corned beef and cabbage, Irish stew, fish and chips and even a children’s menu. (While it lasts, there may even be free beer – but you didn’t hear that from us.) The parade will go on rain, snow or shine, but of course you wouldn’t let a pesky thing like inclement weather ruin one of the best parties of the year.
Friday, March 23 SMELT IT ON OUT @ Onalaska American Legion, 731 Sand Lake Rd. If you ever Google “smelt fry” – I know, this happens all the time – you’ll find almost all of the hits involve some combination of Wisconsin, Minnesota, an Elks Lodge or an American Legion. It’s hard to speculate why deep-fried, anchovy-sized finger food isn’t more popular in the general culture, but that’s everyone else’s loss.
‘Round here, we eat fried smelt. Despite our Googling, we’re not quite sure what smelt is, other than little fish, but we have eaten dozens of them before, and they are tasty. They also pair quite well with coleslaw and light American lagers, and we imagine the Onalaska American Legion will be serving up plenty of both when they host a smelt fry on Friday, March 23 from 4:30 to 7 p.m. It’s the allAmerican way to consume this all-Upper Midwest cuisine.
Sat., March 24 AND YOUR BAND CAN SING @ La Crescent-Hokah High School Fine Arts Center, 1301 Lancer Blvd. In the surprisingly wide-ranging and competitive world of Beatles cover bands, one of the premier acts is 1964…the Tribute. In fact, Rolling Stone magazine, which knows a thing or two about rock & roll nostalgia, declared 1964…the Tribute “the best Beatles tribute band on earth.” We’re not quite sure what to make of that, but it’s definitely not faint praise. The group is so beloved among Beatlemaniacs, that they’re actually headlining Colorado’s Red Rocks ampitheatre later this summer. Yeah, we know. So consider yourself darned lucky, Coulee Region, as 1964…The Tribute will be passing through the La Crescent-Hokah High School Fine Arts Center on Saturday, March 24 for a 7 p.m. concert. Nineteen sixty-four, of course, is the year the Beatles invaded America. The band’s Web site says the group aims to recreate the feel of an early ‘60s Beatles concert, with no material performed from the post-Sgt. Pepper era. Of course, not even the Beatles ever performed that material in concert, so we’ll predict this will be a pretty accurate tribute indeed. Tickets are $26.
8// March 1, 2012
Second Supper
THE CASINO TAVERN Remodeled — Rejuvenated — Refrigerated We w i s h t o a n n o u n c e t h a t o u r t a ve r n h a s b e e n c o m p l e t e l y r e f r i g e r a t e d w i t h True Equipment. All bottle beer and soft drinks will now be ser ved DRY and COLD from our new 1,000+ capacity bottle cooler. NO WET, STICKY L A B E L S - N O WA R M B E E R .
B u s i n e s s I s GOOD A t t h e CASINO!
The above high speed, candid camera shot, shows the Casino personnel “SWINGING INTO ACTION” at the NEW CASINO BAR. Drop in any time and meet these alert, wide-awake bartenders. Sleeping from left to right...
DAN SCHMITZ “ZIP”
MARY ROBERTSON “HI-GEAR”
KEVIN SOSALLA “FLASH”
Due to the new influx of business we are pleased to announce t h a t f r o m n o w o n o u r s e r v i c e w i l l b e “ E X T R A L O U S Y. ”
— 304 PEARL STREET — “Good Merchandise — Extra Lousy Service”
— GRAND OPENING —
Specials — Music — Enter tainment
March 23 – 31st, 2012
Second Supper
March 1, 2012 // 9
CONSUMPTION
The Beer Review Peruvian Morning 2012 Central Waters Brewing Company Amherst, Wisconsin While lubricating over a few draughts, my friends and I will sometimes delve into a bit of a parlor game, identifying those Wisconsin beers we consider among the best in the country. I’m quick to endorse Capital’s bocks, and I have a soft spot for select brews from Lakefront, New Glarus and Sprecher. But despite Wisconsin’s foamy culture, the best-received brews come from outside our state. On BeerAdvocate’s list of the world’s top 100 beers, Michigan, Minnesota and even Illinois are well-represented while Wisconsin’s only contribution are the Belgian Red and Raspberry Tart, two fruit beers from New Glarus. The populist in me is quick to shake off the snub. We don’t do elitism here, but it is nice to savor the best local beers in the world. I get that feeling every winter when Central Waters releases my all-time favorite coffee stout — and quite possibly my favorite stout, period — the Peruvian Morning. A bourbon barrel-aged imperial stout brewed with freshly roasted coffee, the Peruvian Morning serves up flavors of my three favorite beverages, but its complexities go even further. It’s a hot commodity in the craft beer world. I scored my fourpack after receiving a text message that Festival Foods received a morning delivery, but when I arrived at the store that evening I bought the last pack on the shelf. The poor clerk seemed confused as to why I was asking about Central Waters when he had just finished stocking the store’s first shipment of Hopslam. Sorry, beer guy, my tongue cried out for Wisconsin. Purchase: 4-pack of Peruvian Morning from Festival Foods in Onalaska, $10.99 Style: Imperial coffee stout Strength: 8.5 percent ABV Packaging: The stark grey and white label appears to show a photo of Machu Picchu, or some other Incan village dwarfed by a mountain. “Peruvian Morning” appears blood red and in all-caps. Appearance: The beer pours an opaque ruby black color with a frothy chocolate brown head. Aroma: The bourbon aroma is strong on the nose, even over huge whiffs of milk chocolate and lighter notes of raisin skins, cherries, coffee beans and vanilla extract. Taste: Glorious. The first sip is sweet chocolate that turns tart on cherries before mellowing out on smooth bourbon with an oaky richness that culminates in nicely roasted coffee. It hits the whole spectrum of sweet, rich, roasted and warming, and it gets even more delicious as the beer approaches room temperature. Mouthfeel: This is actually on the watery end for an imperial stout, but the bourbon has an excellent drying effect. Drinkability: Peruvian Morning is potent and supremely flavorful, and the only thing keeping me from drinking every bottle is the fact I’m cellaring the remainder of my stash. Ratings: BeerAdvocate scores this a 92, while RateBeer grades it a 99. I’d agree with the second score, yet Peruvian Morning doesn’t even place among BeerAdvocate’s top 50 imperial stouts. Oh, well. Score this as another liquid jewel that rarely leaves Wisconsin.
— Adam Bissen
Dining Out New Taste of India 1812 Jackson St. La Crosse, 608.782.8133 By Marcel Dunn Special to Second Supper La Crosse doesn’t get out much. We are a city that embraces food with its roots firmly planted in Americana. Sure, we’ve had our share of restaurants that offer foreign cuisine through the many years, but few seem to stick and those that do are fairly Americanized. So establishing an Indian restaurant bold enough to say, “Yes, we consider ourselves fine dining,” might seem like the height of folly to some. Well, at 1812 Jackson St., such boldness has paid off. Though they haven’t been open for more than a few weeks, it seemed as though the folks at New Taste of India had their hands full. After walking in the door at 5 p.m., when the full dinner menu is open to customers, I noticed that what was at first a trickle of customers had become a packed house by the time our appetizers arrived. This just doesn’t happen at new restaurants in La Crosse, especially non-franchise locations that are not located in Onalaska. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I’m going to choose to take it as a sign that there is a buzz about this place that is rare to see in a city where people get jazzed for the likes of Texas Roadhouse. Where New Taste of India succeeds first is in understanding that less is more. Adorning the walls are tapestries that have a simple elegance and paintings that draw your eye yet do not distract. The lighting is low key, there is nothing on the tables
that does not need to be there and, most importantly, no obnoxiously loud radio. Black tablecloths lay under your food, black clothes are worn by the staff and white napkins lay flowered in your water glass. It’s class without snobbery, simple and elegant. Once you’ve been seated and placed your drink orders (they offer a small but surprisingly robust selection of beer and wine), you will dive into a menu that is overflowing with options. There are small samplings of finger food in the appetizers such as the aloo tikki, a crispy potato cake accompanied by three different sauces that included this incredibly robust cilantro mint chutney. Further along in the menu you’ll find soups, a rather impressive variety of different Indian breads such as the pita-esque naan and entrees of chicken, lamb, goat, shrimp, and fish, all offered in several different styles and served with sautéed veggies and a side of either rice or naan. For the purposes of this review, I decided to try the boti kebab, which can be found in the tandoori section of the menu, because I enjoy the word “tandoori” and anything that’s cooked in a clay oven is OK by me. The dish is basically pieces of lamb that have been marinated in a yogurt full of spices such as cumin, cinnamon, coriander, cardamom, etc., and then cooked in a traditional tandoor oven. What accompanies the lamb can vary among Indian restaurants, but here they serve the lamb up atop a bed of fresh cabbage, sautéed onions and green pepper. Between the flavors of onion, cool cabbage and the spices within the marinade, a perfect balance is struck. Each bite of lamb is a flood of flavors, spicy yet gentle, that fills the palette. And yet keep in mind that the “spice” of this dish does not correlate to a degree of heat on the
tongue, but rather an aromatic, robustness. This idea is best seen in the contrast between cumin, a warmer, more traditional spice such as paprika, and the cardamom, a cooler, more aromatic spice that is smoky in flavor. Together these two spices work wonders on the well-cooked lamb. Most importantly, when eating these kinds of dishes, it’s helpful to enjoy eating vegetables, as the crisp, cool crunch of cabbage is a great accent to the texture of the meat. Without the onions and green peppers and cabbage to help it along, the lamb would ultimately just be flavorful meat cooked on a kebab. It truly is a dish not served as a whole, like a sandwich or stew or even a fine cut of meat, but rather pieces of a whole that have to be played with to see what fits your palette best. You can choose to simply spear the lamb with your fork and scoop up the veggies as you go along or you can dip the meat into the mild lentil sauce that comes with, or even use a combination of the warm naan, lamb and veggies to make a haphazard pita sandwich. In short, it was a joy to simply sit there and eat. It had been a while since I last sat down for a meal of Indian cuisine and I must confess that I was a bit apprehensive. I had been following the blurbs in the Tribune and hoping that, quite frankly, this place didn’t suck. So it is with absolute excitement and a full belly that I implore you, dear reader, to set aside some time for yourself, a friend or the whole damn family to head on over to New Taste of India. But maybe call ahead first, for when I left I couldn’t help but notice the small line of new patrons waiting patiently for a table to open up, eager to see what all the fuss is about. Yep, I have a very good feeling that they will do just fine.
Beer Directory The Casino 304 Pearl St. Beer list: Wittekerke Franziskaner Hacker-Pschorr Weiss Weihenstephan Kristall 16.9 oz Delirium Tremens 750 ml Melange A Trois Reserve 750 ml Pearl Street Pale Ale Paddy Pale Ale Moon Man Crooked Tree Hopslayer Centennial Hop Stoopid 22oz LambickX 750 ml Petrus Aged Pale 750 ml Goudenband 750 ml Smuttynose Farmhouse 22 oz Spotted Cow Prima Pils Golden Pheasant 16.9oz Brew Farm Select Lager Grain Belt Nordeast Lost Lake Light Rhinelander Export-7 oz La Crosse Lager
La Crosse Light Spaten Optimator Huber Bock Doppel Weizen 22oz Downtown Brown Hobgoblin Founder's Porter Cappuccino Stout 22oz Founders Breakfast Stout
Matacabras Dark Ale Gouden Carolus 750 ml Achel Trappist Extra 750ml Kasteel Donker 750ml Happy hour: $1 off all beer over $3 $3 off all beer over $6 $6 off all beer over $18
10// March 1, 2012
Second Supper
MUSIC
More than Idle thoughts La Crosse rock quartet looks to break out in big way in 2012 By Jason Crider
The Majak Mixtape By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com Oh Mixtapers, 2012 is shaping up to be a bad year to have a va-jay-jay, isn’t it? Seriously, think about it. You had Susan G. Komen Foundation briefly bowing to pressure to rescind funds from Planned Parenthood, and also the state of Virginia wanting to impose a law that would require women getting abortions to first undergo a medically unnecessary “transvaginal ultrasound.” But nothing has galvanized people quite like the ongoing debate about whether Catholic workplaces such as hospitals and universities should be required to offer birth control to employees as a part of their health plans. Seriously, we haven’t heard this much about contraception since our junior high health class. This is why we’ve put together this mixtape we’re dubbing the “V For Victory Mix” to tackle the matter. We kick off the mixtape with “Wrecking Ball” from Bruce Springsteen’s new album of the same title. When it comes to the birth control debate, each side believes the other is taking a wrecking ball to some intrinsic value they believe in. For people opposed to the measure, it’s a slap against Catholic beliefs against contraception as well as an intrusion on the government’s part, while people for the measure feel like it blows a hole through women’s rights to basic health care. So naturally the two sides have met to engage in thoughtful, rational, devoid of hyperbole debate about the matter. And if you believed that, we here at the Mixtape say hello and welcome because you must be new to planet Earth. Watching mainly male TV news pundits debate the pros and cons of women’s reproductive rights falls somewhere on the awkward scale between Channing Tatum trying to emote in “The Vow” and Nicki Minaj’s Grammy performance. This leads us to our next song, Gigamesh remix of Grouplove’s song “Tongue Tied.” Out of all the things we’ve heard on the various stations, Rick Santorum supporter Foster Friess said on MSNBC, “You know, back in my days, they'd use Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn't that costly.” We’re pretty sure after the remark, the next thing that was between Friess’ knees was a woman’s foot to his testicles. Whatever happens with the birth control issue, we’re sure the true winner out of all of this will be “Vagina Monologues” scribe Eve Ensler. How could she not be? Every year a new monologue is written to address some new issue and this seems tailor-made for it. Hell, Eve could even outsource it to “The Help” author Kathryn Sockett. I can hear it now. “My vagina is kind. My vagina is smart. My vagina is important.” Artist of the Month: Magnetic Fields I’ll Tumblr For You: LogoTv.tumblr.com
jason.crider@secondsupper.com Although La Crosse rock quartet Idle Ecstatic has been around for a while, there’s a good chance you haven’t heard of them — yet. Formed in the summer of 2009 by guitarist/singer Cody Miles and drummer Mitch Wiltgen, Idle Ecstatic was truly born when Miles invited Nick Shoults, guitarist from his now-defunct folk/Americana group This Machine, to join. He, in turn, invited bassist Brandon Ford, and they began working on a setlist. The guys quickly became regulars at venues such as JB’s Speakeasy before working on their first demo in 2010. The majority of 2011 was spent meticulously tracking their debut record, Operating While Intoxicated, which they released Feb 25. Now, with an album and over a year of live shows under their belt, Idle Ecstatic is coming out of hiding to support the album
and show off their polished sound to the people of La Crosse. Their first full-length release, Operating While Intoxicated features an finely crafted sound mixing elements of ‘80s hard rock, ‘90s grunge and a bit of alternative influences from the ‘00s, culminating in a release that is both familiar and fresh. This album is a true gem, whether you’re looking for something nostalgic or something smart and loud that rocks. The guys in Idle Ecstatic have found their niche: a sound completely independent from the typical “bar rock” aesthetic that saturates La Crosse’s music scene, but one that can still be integrated into venues that cater to the genre. “We don’t consider ourselves a typical bar band,” Miles said over a beer at JB’s Speakeasy. “We just happen to play a lot of bars and don’t mind getting paid in beer,” chimed in Shoults with a laugh.
While the guys in Idle Ecstatic say it would be great to get signed and do some touring, their expectations are well-grounded, and they’re just happy to be making music and having fun playing shows. “Now that we have our record finished we can finally focus on playing shows and showing people what we’re all about,” Miles said. “We’re really grateful for places like JB’s and The Joint that bring in people who actually want to listen to music.” Look for these guys to start making a name for themselves this year. A band as well-rounded as Idle Ecstatic should not have any trouble rising in the ranks of La Crosse’s music scene, and it might not be very long until they’re among the biggest names in local rock. If you didn’t make it to the band’s record release show, make sure you don’t miss them rocking out at The Joint on Saturday, March 10, with local act Sowbelly Bitchhog.
Music Directory featured shows Friday, March 2 JB’s — The Steepwater Band (rock) • 10 Piggy’s — Blue Vibe (blues) • 8 p.m. Saturday, March 3 Cavalier — Misgenre Mixtape, I Am Daniel, Talk O'Destiny (indie rock) • 11:30 p.m. Hog Wild — Altered Vision (rock) • 8 p.m. Piggy’s — Blue Vibe (blues) • 8 p.m. Trempealeau Hotel — Gregg "Cheech" Hall • 8 p.m. Sunday, March 4 Warehouse — Mod Sun, Pat Brown, Meta (indie) • 6 p.m. Friday, March 9 JB’s — Of Conscience, Harbinger and A Dive to Depths Below (metal) • 10 p.m. Piggy’s — the Pumps (blues) • 8 p.m. Warehouse — Metal Madness Tour • 6 p.m. Saturday, March 10 Cavalier — Porcupine, Henry Cluney (7” release) • 10 p.m. Piggy’s — the Pumps (blues) • 8 p.m. San Damiano Chapel — Luxembourg Jazz Trio • 7:30 p.m. The Joint — Sowbelly Bitchhog, Idle Ecstatic (hard rock) • 10 p.m. Trempealeau Hotel — Galynne Goodwill (acoustic) • 8 p.m.
Thursday, March 15 Viterbo — Soweto Gospel Choir • 7:30 p.m. Friday, March 16 Piggy’s — the Pumps (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn — Sexy Ester, A Torrid Affairr, and Click Track (indie) • 10 p.m. Saturday, March 17 Hillbilly’s — The Fabulous Baloney Skins (St. Paddy’s party) • 4 p.m. Piggy’s — the Pumps (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn — T.U.G.G., Jon Wayne And The Pain (reggae rock) • 10 p.m. Starlite — Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m. The Joint — Monkey Wrench (rock) • 10 p.m. Friday, March 23 Piggy’s — Shufflin Duprees (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn — steez (creepfunk) • 10 p.m. Saturday, March 24 Piggy’s — Shufflin Duprees (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn — The Far Outs (classic rock) • 10 p.m. The View — The Fabulous Baloney Skins (anniversary party) • 8:30 p.m. Trempealeau Hotel — Clock (rock) • 8 p.m. Friday, March 30 Piggy’s — Doghouse Jon and the Misbehavers (blues) • 8 p.m. Popcorn — Roster McCabe (jamband) •
Freedom Fest inks Steve Miller, Foreigner
The Steve Miller Band and Foreigner will headline Logistics Health Inc.’s fifth annual Freedom Fest celebration Saturday, June 16, in La Crosse. Billed as the Coulee Region’s premiere outdoor music fest, Freedom Fest is unique in that it benefits veterans causes. Freedom
10 p.m. Saturday, March 31 Cavalier — 1, 2, 3, Walrus (ska) • 11:30 Fieldhouse, Julica Rose Band (rock, soul) • 10 p.m. Piggy’s — Doghouse Jon and the Misbehavers (blues) • 8 p.m. Trempealeau Hotel — Beef Slough Boys (bluegrass) • 8 p.m.
Weekly shows Sunday Popcorn — Innocuous Voodoo (funk) • 10 p.m. Monday Del’s — Cheech’s Open Jam • 10 p.m. Popcorn — Grants Open Jam • 10 p.m. Tuesday Popcorn — Paulie • 10 p.m. Root Note — 3rd Relation Jazz • 7 p.m. Wednesday Cavalier — Jamal’s Open Jazz Jam • 7 p.m. Popcorn Tavern — Terrapin Shells/Open Jam • 10 p.m. Thursday Popcorn — Dave Orr’s Blues Jam • 10 Root Note — Open Mic • 8 Starlite — Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 5
Fest will be held at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse Veterans Memorial Field Sports Complex. In addition to Steve Miller and Foreigner, musical performers will include The Remainders and the 451st Army Band, which is made up of members of the 88th Regional Readiness Command stationed out of Fort McCoy.
Our next edition publishes April 1. Our advertising deadline is March 23. For information, email roger.bartel@secondsupper.com.
Second Supper
DIVERSIONS "So they say" It goes something like this
By Matt Jones
March 1, 2012 // 11
410 Main Street LaCrosse, WI 54601
Answers on Page 12
Name: Phone: E-mail: Signature:
410 Main Street LaCrosse, WI 54601
410 Main Street LaCrosse, WI 54601
ACROSS 1 Taco Bell entree 8 Ewe-nique noise? 11 Orch. section 14 Auto shop cloth 15 Fond du ___ (city in 25-down) 16 Tea, in French 17 The Pequod, for one 19 Hoover opponent's monogram 20 Put on a ship 21 "See ya," in Sorrento 22 "Scarborough Fair" herb 24 Pen 25 Phrase heard close to dinnertime 27 Life's work? 28 Major London insurer 29 Globe trekker's book 32 "Snug as ___..." 34 "The Cask of Amontillado" author 36 Motto for the four long across answers 40 Lucy of "Charlie's Angels" 41 Ultrafast Usain
42 Unable to sit still 43 Shredding tool 46 Org. central to a 1999 Seattle protest 47 It can follow "Party people in the house!" 50 Mad scientist's haunt 53 One way to be taken 54 Lecherous look 55 Marquis de ___ 56 Understood 57 Grape that makes a golden-hued dessert wine 60 It may be more than enough 61 Dance co. once directed by Baryshnikov 62 Fluy cleaning tools 63 The Legend of Zelda console, for short 64 Boxer Jones, Jr. 65 Bobby Fischer opponent Boris ___ DOWN 1 Monastery cover-ups 2 Drum kit component 3 "You're once, twice,
three times ___" 4 Lovett with a "Large Band" 5 Mentalist Geller 6 Mexican revolutionary ___ Villa 7 Texas A&M student 8 Urge to kill 9 Small battery size 10 When Jud dies in "Oklahoma!" 11 Decided not to move 12 Secretive organization 13 Stopwatch button 18 Cessation 23 "___! Wait! I got a new complaint..." (Nirvana lyric) 25 Madison's st. 26 Olympian Korbut 27 Corked item, perhaps 29 Tool used for handpunching belt loops 30 Longest of its kind in the human body 31 Nobel Prize winners 32 Absence of guiding principles
33 ___ Paese (cheese) 35 Ice cream maker Joseph 37 Follow instructions 38 "Round and Round" hair metal band 39 Lennon's "bed-in" mate 44 Storyline shape 45 Sci-fi series written by William Shatner 46 Get ready for exercise 47 Toy with a long handle 48 Disappoint, with "down" 49 English university city 50 They can get tangled up 51 "It was ___ and stormy night..." 52 Heavenly woman? 55 Very fast flyers, for short 58 "Boardwalk Empire" network 59 Olympics chant Š2012 Jonesin' Crosswords
wE have moved! 444 main St., Suite 310, La Crosse, WI 54601
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12// March 1, 2012
The ADvice GoDDess By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com Looking for the gaia next foor
I’m an Occupy girl, age 45, into eco-shamanism and planetary consciousness stuff. I’ve mostly dated engineers with a playful side who initially seemed open to my interests but quickly became resentful of them. My boyfriend of two years is different — easygoing and willing to expand his horizons. He actually reads the articles I post on Facebook and discusses them with me. We laugh effortlessly and are very giving to each other, but I can’t shake the feeling that I should look for somebody more my type (more artistically, politically and spiritually inclined). I fantasize about meeting an artistic shamanic guy who is gorgeous and open and shares my sense of purpose, but the truth is, guys in my social milieu can be very competitive, neurotic and immature. I guess my question is: If you can IMAGINE a better partner, does that mean you should break up? — Restless
THE LAST WORD These guys you dated probably believed they were open-minded … until they were invited by their eco-shamanistic girlfriend to something like the “Embrace of the Earth” rite, in which participants spend the night in a grave they dig themselves. As refreshing as you may fi nd it to “tap into the earth’s restorative energies,” their fi rst thought probably went something like “Thanks, I’ll take the night on the 800 thread count, slave-labormade sheets. Could you turn on my electric blanket, please, before you go?” If a guy thinks a girl’s hot, he’ll buy into whatever her trip is for as long as he can. My steak-loving boyfriend once dated a militant vegan. (He’d hit the Burger King drivethrough on his way home.) Obviously, it’s a problem if you go out with some engineer dude, tell him you’re an “Occupy girl,” and he says, “Wow, my company designs the water cannons the police use to spray you people.” But, your current restlessness may stem from the notion that it’s a great big drum circle out there with a lot of chakra healer-boys and past-life counselors in it. Having a lot of choice sounds great, but research by social psychologist Dr. Sheena Iyengar suggests that most people get overwhelmed when they have more than a handful of options. Essentially, when it seems the sky’s the limit, we’re prone to keep looking skyward. We end up not choosing at all, or we choose poorly and end up dissatisfi ed. A solution for this is “satisfi cing,” a strategy from economist Herbert Simon of commit-
ting to the “good-enough” choice — instead of marching off on a never-ending search for spiritually evolved, Burning Man-certifi ed perfection. Sure, you can probably fi nd your ecoshamanistic cloneboy — a guy who’ll take the initiative in signing you both up for “soul retrieval training” when you worry that you forgot yours at Macy’s in a past life. But then maybe he’ll go all hateful on you on the way home about whether to save the whales or go to the movies. The longer your list of musthaves in a man, the more you shrink your pool of potential partners. Your own appeal is also a factor, and it’s probably narrowed by things like not being 22 and your plumpitude, if any. Consider whether it’s possible to have friends be your spiritual colleagues and have that be enough. You can wish for the gorgeous, artistic, shamanic perfect man — along with world peace and all the hemp bacon you can eat. But, maybe the realistic man is your sweet spiritual trainee who is fun and giving, dutifully rinses off his used foil, and smiles and pulls the Prius over when you tell him that your spirit animal needs to pee.
Sperm limits
I’m a 32-year-old woman who doesn’t particularly like kids. I told my last boyfriend I didn’t want kids, but three years in, he said he wanted a family and left. He said he thought I’d eventually change my mind. How do I keep this from happening again? —Nobody’s Mom
Second Supper
You can’t just sit down on the fi rst date and ask a man if his semen has a lifeplan. But, let a kid-wanting man get attached (even second date-attached) and he’ll want to believe you’ll eventually mommy up. So right on date one, you need to drop into conversation that you aren’t a “kid person.” Make sure a guy responds like he’s gotten the bottom-line message: His sperm, your egg, they ain’t gonna party. Now, some guys might not have fully considered the issue of kids, so you might weave the subject in on subsequent dates for reinforcement. If you’re 22, a major compatibility issue is “Eeuw, you like Coldplay?” At 32, you really need to know up front if one of you is musing “I wonder what we’ll name the twins” and the other’s thinking “Whatever they called them at the pound is fi ne by me.”