Second Supper

INSIDE: WISPOLITICS.COM SEES JUDGE GONZALEZ'S POLITICAL STOCK FALLING • PAGE 4

La Crosse's Free Press VOLUME 10, NO. 7 | FEBRUARY 25, 2010

Queens Day for the

Behind the scenes with Illusions: The Show

ALSO ...

Organic farmers plant seeds of change

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Punch Brothers doing what comes naturally Page 9 PLUS: SOCIAL NETWORKING • PAGE 2 | LIVE MUSIC DIRECTORY • PAGE 8 | THE ADVICE GODDESS • PAGE 11

PHOTO BY MARY CATANESE

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2// February 25, 2010

Second Supper

Social Networking

NAME AND AGE: Jessica Lynn Gautsch, 22 WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Holmen CURRENT JOB: Business customer service rep for Sprint DREAM JOB: Artist, mechanic, fabricator ... all of the above.

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Black suede Puma shoes. Boring!

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Alaska WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE? Go to Antarctica.

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? I would ask to never get sick again!

CELEBRITY CRUSH: Fred Durst, hahaha.

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: Slaughter, Quiet Riot and Vince Neil at Fort McCoy

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Coffee, just black.

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? "The Toothpick," by Henry Petroski TELL US YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE: Cigarettes

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? It would be ... when people hang the toilet paper so that it comes out from underneath the roll.

TELL US A JOKE: YOUR FACE! WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? Coffee from BK. WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: My cell phone.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? The cover, ha.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHUGGYPOP (INTERVIEWER)?

From Jules', where else?

Second Supper

Things To Do Be heard about the drownings

The Top

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Sharon Needles Devoida Taste Penny Tration Tequila Mockingbird Rachel Tensions Bridgette of Madison County Ginger Vitis

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Curling Bobsled Ice hockey Biathlon Moguls Speed skating Figure skating

February 25, 2010 // 3

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Now that memorials have been held and a scholarship fund established in memory of Craig Meyers, who drowned last week in the Mississippi River following a night of drinking, folks continue to try to understand how eight other young men have met the same fate over the last 13 years.

Police discount the serial killer theory, but some residents are unconvinced. The most widely accepted explanation is a culture that not only accepts but glorifies binge drinking. Concerned residents will gather at noon Sunday, Feb. 28, at Riverside Park for a peaceful demonstration "to have our voice heard on river drownings," according to organizers. There will be speakers and a moment of silence for each victim.

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View local artist's abstract paintings

Dale Montgomery has been busy in retirement. After working for the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse for 22 years, including 20 as director of Murphy Library, Montgomery retired in 1999, enrolled in some art classes and developed a style that has led to several exhibitions. A reception will from held for 5 to 7 p.m. Friday, Feb. 26, for his latest show, "Exhibit in Color," at Gallery La Crosse, 320 Main St. Montgomery is showing a series of abstract paintings featuring the Jackson Pollock-style drip painting.

"I enjoy working with the colors and texture," Montgomery said. "Since it's abstract, I have a lot of freedom to express what's going on in my mind at the time." For information, contact the gallery at (608) 782-4278 or GalleryLaCrosse@charter. net. Gallery hours are 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday and "by serendipity." Also, the gallery hosts a casual First Friday reception from 6 to 8 p.m. each month.

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ROFL with Ronnie Jordan

Since being named “Rookie of the Year” of 2001 by the Uptown Comedy Corner in Atlanta, Ronnie Jordan has continued to build a name and career in comedy. He has performed with well-known comedians such as Dave Chappelle, Rickey Smiley and Mike Epps. He also developed a wide fan base as a headline act for the Miller Light Kings and Queens of Comedy Tour and the RJE Comedy Cabaret Tour. His performance at 7 p.m. in the Cellar in the Cartwright Center, 1725 State St., on the UW-L campus is free.

For more information visit: www.uwlax.edu/CAB.

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Restock the wine cellar ... or cabinet

If you're a wine drinker, this is a special weekend. The Wine Guyz, 122 King St., will hold a wine rummage sale from noon to 4 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 27. The sale features close-outs, vintage changes, products lost by distributors and other products at discount prices. For information, call (608) 782-9463 or send an e-mail to dan@wineguyz.com.

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Relax with folk music therapy

Lucy Kaplansky, the folk singer who became a psychiatrist and then found her way back to the stage, will perform at 7:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 26, at the Pump House Regional Arts Center, 119 King St. Early in her singer career, Kaplansky teamed with Shawn Colvin, and those folk sensibilities remain part of her acoustic performances, which also tap into a classic country style. Kaplansky has six records released by Red House Records, the latest — Over the Hills — in 2007. Tickets are $15 for members, $18 for nonmembers; $21 day of the show. For information, call (608) 785-1434. The Pump House, 119 King St., is open from noon to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Friday and from noon to 4 p.m. Saturday.

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COMMENTARY

4// February 25, 2010

Second Supper

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Lawmakers finished the budget on time in 2009 for the first time in years. But lobbyists didn’t let up much after lawmakers packed it in for the year, new numbers show. Overall, lobbyists spent $36.2 million trying to influence policy during 2009, up slightly from the $34.4 million spent in 2007, the last time lawmakers were working on a budget. That year, budget deliberations stretched into October, helping to push the spending higher. Last year, lobbyists reported spending almost $20.8 million during the first half of 2009 while dropping the pace to $15.4 million during the second half of the year. The Wisconsin Education Association Council led all groups in spending last year.

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The Dane County DA pulls in more than half of the vote in a three-way primary to fill an open seat on the 4th District Court of Appeals.

Blanchard’s presence on TV likely helped, along with the fact he’s from the most populous county in the district. Insiders say he’s a good bet to win the seat come April, but some caution it’s not a lock.

La Crosse County Judge Blanchard Ramona Gonzalez, who narrowly missed the second spot on the ballot, immediately endorses Richland County Judge Edward Leineweber. If those who didn’t support Blanchard stick together, it could make it a real race.

Plus, who knows what will drive turnout come April? Still, most seem to be betting that Blanchard will be soon taking a spot on the appeals court.

Insiders say the bleeding has stopped, and the speaker seems poised to survive his bad run. But now they ask: can the wounded leader be effective? Insiders say the chaos that swirled around Sheridan over the last few weeks calmed considerably, in large part because of JFC Co-Chair Mark Pocan's return. The Madison Dem helped Sheridan climb the ranks to the speaker’s office following the 2008 elections, and he immediately declared his full support after returning from his two-week vacation.

Sheridan also went to work trying to mend fences with the Capitol press corps after misleading reporters about his relationship with payday industry lobbyist Shanna Wycoff. Sheridan says it's over. Some insiders predicted Sheridan succumbing to a death by 1,000 cuts. But the stream of stories that sprouted from the controversy has subsided, giving Sheridan some space to recover, they now say. Still, insiders question how effective Sheridan will be for the rest of the session.

JEFF WOOD

The independent lawmaker gets another delay in his expulsion proceeding, and his attorney signals plans for an aggressive defense as he tries to ward off being booted from the Assembly. Attorney John Hyland questions whether the chamber really has the power to oust Wood for actions that occurred outside the Capitol and that were unrelated to any of his official duties.

Wood has also been making the argument that others have done much worse and no one tried to expel them from the Legislature. Republicans have had little sympathy for Wood, who bolted the party in 2008 to run as an independent. The GOP also has a host of concerns that the process is being dragged out to give Dems a vote they need with a slim 52-46 edge. Dems are a little more sympathetic to Wood’s plight and some continue to believe it’s up to the voters, not the Assembly, to remove Wood from office.

STATE STIMULUS SPENDING

The national partisan bickering over the 1-year-old federal stimulus package gets Wisconsin play, too, as each side tries to make its case. While the White House and guv’s office play up numbers on the jobs created and retained thanks to the billions pumped into the economy, Republicans ask, “Where are the jobs?”

Some insiders see the GOP focusing in on the stimulus money as a piñata they can whack all the way to the November elections as they play up to voters’ fears over runaway federal spending and deficits.

Dems counter Republicans run a real risk of being exposed as frauds as they show up to speak at ribbon cuttings for projects funded by the stimulus money they’re criticizing out of the other side of their mouths.

The La Crosse County judge strikes out again in her quest for a higher office.

This time, Gonzalez narrowly misses out on the second spot on the April ballot to fill an opening on the 4th District Court of Appeals after Richard County Judge Richard Leineweber edges her by about 180 votes. It’s the latest in a line of near misses for Gonzalez. She applied for the openings on the federal bench in Madison and made the first cut for both spots. But U.S. Sens. Russ Feingold and Herb Kohl didn't include her in their recommendations to the White House, and the nominations ultimately went to Louis Butler and William Conley. She’s also flirted with a bid for the state Supreme Court, leading some to say she needs a win to avoid the “perennial candidate” label.

DOYLE'S ENERGY BILL

Few insiders believed Gov. Jim Doyle's "Clean Energy Jobs Act" would make it through the full Legislature intact during an election year, and comments from some prominent Dems confirm that. Milwaukee Mayor Tom Barrett, the leading Dem candidate for guv, says the bill shouldn't pass until it's significantly changed. Barrett says he supports reducing energy efficiencies but that the legislation grew to significantly more than that, singling out things like proposed auto emissions that mirror those in California. Business groups have been hammering the package, saying it would kill thousands of jobs, drive up energy prices and give the state an even less competitive environment for creating jobs. Doyle has made the legislation a major priority for his final year in office, and environmental groups continue to back the legislation as a needed step. Doyle has also touted the legislation as a job creator, and a new study supports his contention.

The Washington, D.C.-based Center for Climate Strategies says implementation of the bill in Wisconsin would add more than 16,200 new jobs in the state by 2025 — but critics point to their own studies about lost jobs. Insiders believe the bill will either die, be broken up or scaled back in the weeks ahead as election-year pressures mount.

LEGISLATIVE FUNDRAISING

Lawmakers and the four legislative campaign committees took in about $1 million less in 2009 than they did in 2007, the last time a budget was considered. The Wisconsin Democracy Campaign, which compiled the numbers, attributes some of the drop to the Assembly’s ban on individual fundraising while the budget was in play. Insiders also say the crummy economy didn’t help. The WDC report found the total take in 2009 was $2.91 million, compared to $3.86 million in 2007. The '09 haul is the lowest annual amount since 2003, when legislators raised $2.6 million.

Second Supper

Q&A about organic farming

By Adam Bissen

adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

The Midwest Organic and Sustainable Education Services (widely acronym’d as MOSES) will hold its 21st annual Organic Farming Conference this weekend in La Crosse. Around 2,500 people are expected to attend the three-day event, which makes it the largest of its kind in America. Chuck Hassebrook, the executive director of the Center for Rural Affairs, will give the conference’s keynote addresses. An agricultural activist for more than 30 years, Hassebrook is an enthusiastic promoter of family farming and rural entrepreneurship — and a vocal opponent government subsidies and “megafarms.” This week, we picked the Nebraskan’s ear by telephone, and trimmed this transcript for length.

Second Supper: Through the past, say, 20 years organic farming has evolved from a novelty to people thinking it would be the savior of the American farmer to becoming a luxury item with the market bottoming out in the current recession. How do you view the state of organics today?

Chuck Hassebrook: Well, I think the organic sector, like a lot of other regular parts of the economy today, is staid. But I think the fundamentals of the organic farming business are still strong. What happened in organics is that it stopped growing real fast. People were trying to grow production rapidly because demand was up like 20 percent a year, and once we hit a recession the demand has kind of held flat.

SS: What can organic farmers do to bring the demand for their products back up?

CH: I think one of the most important things is to protect in the long-term the authenticity of organic farming, so that people know that when they buy organic, they really get what they’re paying for, that they’re getting products that are produced in ways that they support. So I think that’s probably the most important thing. There are other things you can do to add to that. I think it would be good to add some sort of family farm label, perhaps, alongside organics because I think many of the people who are paying premiums for organic really want that they come from family-sized farms.

SS: Can the effort to spur on the independent family farm come from Washington, or is this something that farmers have to do on their own?

CH: I think that the answer most likely needs to start in rural America. I think that more farmers need to do what organic farmers have done, and that is be entrepreneurial — identify what consumers want and demonstrate that they can produce it if they want to pay for it. And so I think that organic farmers have really led the way for what American agriculture has to do in order to be changed.

Change also has to happen in Washington.

We have to change policy so that we’re no longer subsidizing the biggest farms and driving the neighbors out of business. That, too, has to start in rural America. Until family farmers start demanding something different from Washington we’re going to keep

February 25, 2010 // 5

COMMUNITY getting what we’ve got — a farm policy that subsidizes mega-farms and that drives out family farms and that really helps agribusinesses control agriculture.

SS: What should organic farmers be demanding from Washington?

CH: One, stop unlimited subsidies to megafarms that drive smaller farms out of business.

And then take the money that we save by doing that and reinvest it by creating programs like organic research, organic power share, investing in small business development in rural America. All those kind of things are important. I think the other thing is that corporate America has been taking more and more control of American agriculture through genetics. And I think one of the things we need to start talking about and start demanding is that to the extent that public research dollars fund the development of genetics, it ought to be publicly available. It shouldn’t be possible for taxpayers to fund the development for new and improved seeds and then have a public research institution sell the rights for those improved genetics to a particular seed company.

SS: Let’s talk about biofuels and ethanol. Do you think those kind of products can help the American farmer, or do they do more harm than good?

CH: Well, I think that biofuels have been somewhat helpful to American farmers because for so long market prices have been just so severely depressed. I think there are real limits to how much we can increase productions of biofuels without ultimately damaging the land. So I think we need to be very mindful on how far we can push fuel production, because the demand for fuel is such that you could commit every acre in America to biofuels and still not indulge the demand.

SS: Do you think the state of the American farmer can improve under the Obama administration?

CH: Um, you know, I think that the Obama administration has done some positive things and they’ve been disappointing in some respects — probably more positive than negative at this juncture. The big disappointing one was that the Obama administration backtracked on its pledge to close the loopholes and the limits on payments to the mega-farms. So that’s been a big disappointment, but the Obama administration has done some positive things as well. You asked me what needed to be done to revitalize the economy in rural America and I said microenterprise, small business development. Well the Obama administration is investing real resources in that. The Obama administration is putting a new priority on local foods and organic foods, and I think that’s going to help farmers in those markets. The administration has done some positives, but if they can really focus on supporting farm entrepreneurship and helping family farmers reach new markets, high-value markets, and help rural America participate in the economy — if they really keep the emphasis on those things, they can be a positive force for rural America.

Dispatches from HQ Outdoors store opening new area for used gear

On March 10, locally owned Three Rivers Outdoors, located in the Doerflinger Building at 400 Main St. in La Crosse, will expand its business to the Batavian Building at 319 Main St. The new store will be strictly used gear that is in good condition, sold in a manner similar to a gear swap.

There will be three options available to anybody who is looking to get rid of gear they no longer use: on consignment, sell direct to Three Rivers Outdoors or sell direct for in-store credit, which will offer a higher price than you'd get in cash. Items being resold will vary according to what customers bring in, but one can expect apparel and gear for hiking, camping, backpacking, snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, canoeing and kayaking.

For information, call (608) 793-1470 or e-mail info@threeriversoutdoors.com.

Root Note celebrates with food, art, music

The Root Note Cafe, 115 4th St., will celebrate its one-year anniversary Saturday, Feb. 27. This local business, cooperatively run by several individuals, specializes in an all-organic vegetarian menu and offers live music on the weekends. To celebrate their anniversary, they will unveil a new breakfast menu and have food and drink specials throughout the day. Also, artists will create artwork live in the cafe

all day. The celebration culminates with a 7 p.m. concert featuring The Ericksons, Saints and Sailors, Harmony Ink and Our American Cousin. For more information, call (608) 782-7668.

Skating center donating money for breast cancer fight

High Rollers Skating Center, 3624 East Ave. S., in La Crosse, will donate 100 percent of all admission fees Sunday, March 14, to Steppin' Out in Pink, a non-profit group that raises money to support breast cancer research at the Gundersen Lutheran Norma J. Vinger Center for Breast Care by way of the Norman L. Gillette Jr. Cancer Research Fellowship. "Pink at the Rink" will run from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. Cost is $10 per person or $30 for a family of 4, which includes admission, skate rental, playground, and free passes for your next visit. For more information, visit highrollerskating.com.

Second Supper plans poetry contest

Second Supper will sponsor a poetry contest featuring cash and other prizes. Categories are Free Verse (maximum 60 lines) and Haiku (three lines). Poets can submit no more than one poem per category. The deadline is 5 p.m. March 18. Entries must be typed or done on computer or word processor. For more details, visit www.secondsupper.com or call (608) 782-7001.

6// February 25, 2010

Medium: Literature Stimului: Joe Hill, "Horns" Anno: 2010

This is a case of an author being held hostage by his own brilliance. Joe Hill’s debut novel, Heart Shaped Box, hit the book world like a ton of bricks, and his earlier collection of short stories, titled 20th Century Ghosts, showed a dazzling spectrum of nuance and terror. Expectations ran high for his follow-up novel, which tells the tale of a man turned devil out to avenge the death of his girlfriend. And while Horns begins and ends with a rather straightforward, if supernatural, premise of injustice and retribution, Hill’s talents give the story vitality far beyond the expected.

But first, the drawback. It’s clear that Hill fully intended this, but his usage of diabolical imagery and references often ranges from heavy-handed to outright corny. When devil-print underwear became a factor in a trailer brawl, it raised an eyebrow. When “Sympathy for the Devil” was mentioned, it rolled my eyes. But when Ignatius Perrish tracked down his girlfriend’s father wearing only an overcoat and a blue skirt and reintroduced himself as a “devil in a blue dress,” I groaned at the book.

Yet the plays on words do work both ways. The titular horns not only refer to the two pointy things growing from Ig’s head but also to the instruments his father and brother played to make their living. The recurring

Second Supper

ARTS

use of cherry also has multiple meanings, including virginity, explosives and a possible fruit from Eden’s Tree of Knowledge. Ties are also important, both as articles of clothing and implements of bondage. While Hill must have been aware of his campy turns of devil phrase, his cleverness wasn’t limited to them alone.

In fact, much of what makes Horns so compelling is beyond the demonic. What this story is really about is the growing and fracturing relationships between three friends. Ig’s naïve outlook runs into direct contrast with that of his best friend, Lee, who is guarded and worldly. Ig’s initial idolization of his new friend soon changes into genteel competition over the affections of Merrin, who develops a deep relationship with both.

As much of the story is told in flashbacks, the point of Horns becomes not what happened between then and now, but how and why.

Despite a superficial adherence to theme, Joe Hill’s sophomore novel has firmly established him as a writer who can bury depth within the conventional. He seems primed to become the next big voice in horror, and there’s nothing in Horns to disprove that.

— Brett Emerson

6Q

Six Questions Walter Elder Director "Into the Woods," UW-La Crosse production

By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Since the words “Once upon a time“ and “Happily ever after” were first penned on a page, there has been a long history of writers trying to reimagine what exactly those terms mean.

Opening Friday at UW-La Crosse, Stephen Sondheim’s musical Into the Woods is a dark take on a variety of tales from Rapunzel to Little Red Riding Hood to Cinderella to Jack and the Beanstalk as Walter Elder the various stories find themselves crisscrossing one another as these fairy tales figures try to examine what exactly happens after “happily ever after.”

Recently the Second Supper met with Walter Elder, an assistant professor of theatre arts and the musical’s director, to dis-

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At A Glance WHAT: Into the Woods WHERE: Toland Theatre, Center for the Arts, UW-La Crosse campus WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Feb. 26-27 and March 4-6; 2 p.m. Feb. 28 and March 7 FYI: Ticket prices: $14 adults; $12 seniors/non UW-L students; $5 UW-L students cuss the university’s upcoming production.

Second Supper: So why did you choose Into the Woods?

Walter Elder: One of the main reasons it was chosen was because of the variety of roles. It’s very challenging for everybody — design, acting, etc. There is a familiarity with the show too.

SS: Since the show deals with fairy tales and these very famous figures from it, how do you get the actors/actresses to make these people feel fully-realized?

WE: Part of the journey of the actors is the journey of the storybook characters. The characters get fleshed out the more you go into the woods, the more you become three dimensional.

SS: Sondheim is notoriously difficult to sing. How do you prepare the cast for that?

WE: It was very important to have good singers. It’s almost classical, large demand.

I’m really happy with the sound I’m getting.

SS: Why do you think fairy tales stay with us and especially why do we get trying to reimagine them?

WE: It’s always been part of what we’ve done in theatre. The audience already knows the story so the emphasis is on how the story being retold. They are so symbolic. You go on a quest, learn something, a hero quest mythology. It’s a journey.

SS: Why do you think Sondheim remains such a popular figure?

WE: Sondheim is clearly a genius and is a little bit ahead of his time. He opens up to questioning.

SS: One last, entirely silly theatre question.

If you were trapped in a theatre and death was not an option, which one of these musicals would you rather sit through: Annie 2: The Revenge of Miss Hannigan, Carrie: The Musical, or Urban Cowboy ?

WE: [laughs] And death isn’t an option?

SS: Nope WE: Well I guess Urban Cowboy.

Second Supper

February 25, 2010 // 7

ARTS

'Chess' challenges Viterbo cast

By Jonathan Majak jonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Let’s get one thing out of the way first: There are no dancing rooks, no singing pawns and no bishops delivering monologues in the musical Chess, opening Friday at Viterbo University.

The symphonic rock musical, with lyrics penned by Tim Rice of Jesus Christ Superstar and Evita fame and music composed

by ABBA band members Björn Ulvaeus and Benny Andersson, follows the assorted professional and personal intrigue during a chess tournament between an American player and a Russian player and the Hungarian assistant or “chess second” who gets caught between the two.

With the American vs. the Russian storyline and the backdrop being the Cold War, the musical could at this point feel like an artifact of a bygone era, but according to Ken Risch, the dean of the school of fine arts and the director of the musical, Viterbo’s production of the musical shifts its focus away from the politics.

“The Cold War was very immediate then and we focus more on the relationships now,” Risch said.

Risch explained that, in particular, the Hungarian chess second named Florence forms the emotional heart in this production of the musical.

“It takes her on the journey, the connection to the past. Most productions leave her hanging at the end but we try to resolve it.”

According to Risch, the story behind Chess is worthy of its own musical treatment.

The musical originally started out as a highly successful concept album before it made its move to the West End in London to become a stage musical that was operaesque in its constant singing. Proving to be a success in London, the production was moved across the pond to Broadway where the show was promptly gutted and overhauled, changing it from rock operetta to more traditional book musical with the music being extension of dialogue.

“In streamlining it, they made it a little more complex,” Risch said.

While Chess ran for three years in London, the Broadway version closed after a scant two months. Each production since that has come about ,whether in concert or stage form, has tinkered with the play to one degree.

Throughout all versions of Chess, the music has been what has kept a loyal fan base. Chess scored a UK hit with the song “I Know Him So Well” and an international

At A Glance WHAT: Chess WHERE: Fine Arts Center Main Theatre, Viterbo campus WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, Feb. 26-27, and 2 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 28 FYI: Tickets are $17 for main floor, $16 for lower balcony and $13 for upper balcony seating. For more information, contact the Viterbo box office at (608) 796-3100 or visit www.viterbo.edu/fac. hit with “One Night in Bangkok.”

The vibrancy of the music was a chief reason as to why it was chosen to be done at Viterbo.

“The theatre department felt it was time to look at rock musicals,” said Risch.

“It’s something different than what you’re used to.”

According to Risch, the production is a complex venture for a variety of reasons.

Starting at the acting level with the number of characters with accents, Risch enlisted the help of Paul Meier, a famed dialect coach who came and worked on accents with the actors for three days.

It’s also been a challenge from a technical standpoint, due to the way that Chess is written with little or no scene breaks in the traditional sense.

“It moves like a movie,” Risch explained.

The stage consists of one large unit structure with additions and subtractions to it being able to be done depending on what is required in the scene.

Even lighting gets a bit of a work out, according to Risch, as the musical has a mix of the traditional theatrical lighting as well as what you see at rock concerts.

These kind of musicals seem to be a byproduct of the 1980s rise of the director/ choreographer.

“With the director/choreographer, there is constant fluidity in a production,” Risch asserted. “In early productions [of Chess] the technology bogged it down and it’s become a major challenge for amateur productions.”

For those coming to see the production, Risch said he believes people will come away from it having seen something different than the standard musical.

“Our hope is our audience will give it a chance.”

THIS REVIEW IS AVAILABLE ONLY ONLINE AT WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM ...

'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell' (2009) Director: Bob Gosse Stars: Matt Czuchry, Geoff Stults, Jesse Bradford Writers: Nils Parker and Tucker Max, based on his book Reviewed by: Nick Cabreza

Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre Film: ''Doctor Giggles" (1992) Director: Manny Coto Stars: Larry Drake, William Dennis Hunt Writers: Manny Coto, Graeme Whifler

It’s easy to say that horror movies have gone to shit. For every brilliant film that crawls into your head and leaps out from every shadow, there are a dozen of gore-turds in which topless, blank-brained chicks get mangled with all the gravity of a refrigerator magnet. Wes Craven movies have been replaced by remakes of Wes Craven movies. Friday the 13th has given way to Jason X. Even the Saw series, whose first film was among the decade’s best horror films, is running on life support, trading in the interesting idea of the noble serial killer for convoluted murder traps. But present-hating the horror genre is foolish. There have always been brilliant horror films, and there has always been crap, and there will always be room for both.

Still, I have a special place in my heart for the slasher schlock of the '90s. These were the bastard spawn of Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees, the type of films that were a marriage of invincible shadow killers and bad puns. My favorite of which actually comes from Freddy’s Dead, in which Freddy takes out a deaf kid and quips: “Nice hearin’ from you, Carlos!”

In this vein comes Dr. Giggles, which may qualify for the most accurate casting ever. Larry Drake, best known for winning an Emmy for playing a handicapped guy in L.A. Law and playing a sadistic mobster in the Darkman series, is one of the creepiest looking guys to stride the screen. His pudgy frame and moist, pouty lips certainly add to

be ill ril 8 w p ers ed A n n c Wi oun n an

the formula, but what really puts him over the edge are his eyes. They’re pale blue, beady, and piercing, giving Drake a sickly terrifying glare, perfect for the part of a laughing, murderous doctor.

Giggles, M.D. is a recent graduate from Psych Ward U., where his doctoral thesis involved murdering the staff and escaping. His father — played by William Dennis Hunt, the same thespian behind Flesh Gordon’s Emperor Wang — taught Giggles everything he knew about murderous heart surgery.

When Giggles Sr. caught the wrong end of mob justice, Junior pulled a slick Wombescape and hit the road. Decades later, he’s back for blood, sidetracked only by his attempt to replace a poor waif’s bum ticker.

The doc’s bedside manner is great. After wielding medieval-looking implements, swordfighting with a rubber mallet, or simply getting wild with the humble scalpel, Giggles has an Oscar Wilde-like quote for every occasion. And when his nine lives are finally up, he unleashes that creepy stare upon the camera, asking us all: “Is there a doctor in the house?”

This is a man with his finger on the pulse of horror.

— Brett Emerson [PS: To read Brett's stirring defense of Rob Schneider's film career, go to www.secondsupper.com.]

Wat of o ch for d ur P oetr etails y Sl am

La Crosse poetry contest •1st place: $100 •Gift certificates •Other awards •Publication in Second Supper 1. Free verse (maximum 60 lines) 2. Haiku (three lines)

1. Enter no more than one poem per category.

2. Each entry must be original, not previously published.

3. Entry must include category, poet’s name, address, phone, e-mail.

4. Poet must be permanent, temporary or former resident of La Crosse, Onalaska or La Crescent.

5. All entries must be received by 5 p.m. March 18.

6. Entries must be typed or done on computer or word processor.

Second Supper Poetry Contest 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 or via e-mail to editor@secondsupper.com Authors retain rights to poetry but agree to allow publication in Second Supper. Submissions will not be returned.

8// February 25, 2010

Second Supper

MUSIC

music directory // February 26 to March 4 FRIDAY,

February 26

Madison

NEUIE'S VARSITY CLUB // 1920 Ward Ave. Time and a Half (classic rock & country) • 9:30 p.m.

population

G. LOVE AND SPECIAL SAUCE // March 6 Barrymore Theatre • $20

ONALASKA AM. LEGION // 731 Sand Lake Rd.

UMPHREY'S MCGEE // March11 Orpheum Theater • $24

Buck Hollow Band (classic rock & country) • 7 p.m.

NORAH JONES // March 15 Overture Center • $44.50-$59.50

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Dubskin (Colorado reggae) • 10 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Howard Luedtke & Cheech (full-band show) • 10 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St.

Dan Sebranek (“adult guitar”) • 8 p.m.

SATURDAY,

February 27

FOX HOLLOW // N3287 HIGHWAY OA

The Troubadogs (reunion show) • 9 p.m.

MY SECOND HOME // 2104 George St. The Stingrays (‘50s and ‘60s rock) • 8 p.m.

NIGHTHAWKS TAP // 401 S. Third St. Heavy Water (rock/blues) • 10 p.m.

NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St. Fuzzy HD, Peeled Alive, Urine (rock ‘n roll) • 9 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Heatbox (human beatbox) • 10 p.m.

THE ARTERIAL // 1003 S. 16th St. Bad Axe River Band (rock) • 9 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. Unable Heir (alt-rock) • 10 p.m.

208,054

GOMEZ // March 5 Majestic Theatre • $10

NIGHTHAWKS TAP // 401 S. Third St. Heavy Water (rock/blues) • 10 p.m.

THE ALPINE INN // W5717 Bliss Road Pat McCurdy (Wisconsin’s Jimmy Buffet) • 9 p.m.

just a roadie away

The first major-label rap artist in who-knows-how-many years will perform in La Crosse next Thursday night when Toki Wright brings his Black Belt Tour to the Warehouse. Wright, perhaps best known as Brother Ali’s hypeman, is a progressive MC and a dedicated social activist in the Twin Cities area. He is signed to Rhymesayers Entertainment — home to Atmosphere, MF Doom and many other lauded rappers — and recently posted an EP, BlackMale, for free download on its Web site. The show on Thursday, March 4 includes national acts Haziq Ali and Omaur Bliss as well as local rappers Hyphon and Efftup and Enable Mind. Tickets are $7, a steal for all that talent.

THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St. Kies & Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. No Wings to Speak Of, Behind These Eyes, Reaping Asmodia (hardcore) • 7 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St. Dan Sebranek (“adult guitar”) • 8 p.m.

TRACK II // 716 Gillette St. Famous Baloney Skins (big band) • 8 p.m.

TREMPEALEAU HOTEL // 150 Main St. Ian Hilmer (folk) • 7 p.m.

BODEGA BREW PUB // 122 4th St. S. Cheeba (Cheech & Chubba) • 9 p.m.

SUNDAY,

February 28

DAN’S BAR // 411 Third St. S. Chasing Tales (acoustic duo) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Som'n Jazz (jazz) • 10 p.m.

March 1

MONDAY,

RJD2 // March 16 Majestic Theatre • $16 PERT NEAR SANDSTONE // March 26 High Noon Saloon • $10

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Mitch’s (open jam) • 10 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Shawn J. Wooden (Wild West jam) • RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S. Dox Phonic (open jam) • 10 p.m.

10 p.m.

TUESDAY,

March 2

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. Fayme Rochelle and the Waxwings (bluegrass jam) • 8 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St. SOMA (open jam) • 9 p.m

THURSDAY,

March 4

NIGHTHAWKS TAP // 401 S. Third St. Dave Orr's Damn Jam • 10 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St. LAX All-Stars (elite) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 Fourth St. S. Jazz jam • 8:30 p.m.

SPORTS NUT // 801 Rose St. Big Daddy Cade and the Blues Masters (blues) • 8 p.m.

VITERBO FINE ARTS CTR // 929 Jackson St. Punch Brothers (bluegrass) • 7:30 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 Fourth St. S. Open Mic • 8 p.m.

WEDNESDAY,

March 3

NIGHTHAWKS TAP // 401 S. Third St. Howard Luedtke & Blue Max (open blues jam) • 10 p.m.

THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St. Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St. Toki Wright, Omaur Bliss, Haziq Ali, Hyphon and Efftup, Enable Mind (hip-hop) • 7 p.m.

Second Supper

MUSIC

Punch Brothers mix bluegrass, folk, and classical — naturally

By Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

WHAT: Punch Brothers WHERE: Viterbo Fine Arts Center WHEN: 7:30 p.m. Tuesday, March 2 FYI: Tickets are $28 for lower balcony, $23 for upper balcony. For information, call (608) 796-3100 or visit www.viterbo. edu/fac. to form for those members of the Punch Brothers who grew up playing bluegrass.

Eldridge, for example, founded the critically acclaimed The Infamous Stringdusters, while Noam Pikelny played banjo with Leftover Salmon, and Gabe Witcher has fiddled or played violin on over 300 records. The band’s final member, Madison native Paul Kowert, is a classically trained bassist.

Although the band members’ roots are diverse, Eldridge sees the Punch Brothers as a natural continuation of the American string band tradition.

“I think there are a lot of people from the string band world who didn’t just grow up listening to the Stanley Brothers — and the Stanley Brothers are amazing! They’re one of the most incredible bands ever,” said Eldridge, referencing a pioneering bluegrass group. “They were kind of combining and assimilating things, too, so I think that’s just how music works. It will continue to evolve, and it should. Because if it evolves, it’s alive.”

Second Supper is a weekly newspaper published by Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 Phone: (608) 782-7001 E-mail: editor@secondsupper.com Online: secondsupper.com

©2009 Treasure Island Resort & Casino

Judging from the newspaper stories posted on the Internet, the Punch Brothers must be some kind of string band iconoclasts. Reviewers laud them for their “daring” forays into chamber music and progressive folk, and half their write-ups seem to contain the phrase, “this isn’t your father’s bluegrass.”

But for guitar player Chris Eldridge, whose father Ben formed the seminal bluegrass band The Seldom Scene, the Punch Brothers’ music is just the natural creation of five twenty- and thirtysomethings who grew up playing string instruments and listening to everything else.

“What we do is actually very natural from our perspective. The goal is not to try to shock anybody,” Eldridge said in a telephone interview. “We all have a lot of diverse influences and a lot of diverse musical loves, so I think it’s pretty natural for us to try and find similarities.”

The Punch Brothers, who are in the midst of a 22-date winter tour, will swing through Viterbo’s Fine Arts Center on Tuesday night. Although the band only has one official release — 2008’s Punch — they’re debuting new material from their forthcoming Antifogmatic (planned for an early summer release) and drawing from five years of collaborative playing.

The band that would become the Punch Brothers first came together to help record Chris Thile’s 2006 solo album How To Grow a Woman from the Ground. Thile — a mandolin prodigy best known for his work with Nickel Creek — brought the group back together when he began composing “The Blind Leaving the Blind,” a four-movement chamber suite on bluegrass instruments that was inspired by his pending divorce.

“He really wanted to assemble younger musicians that would be able to pull that off,” Eldridge said. “Because before that he had been using all these acoustic superheroes like Bela Flek or Jerry Douglass, all these guys who are ridiculous musicians but probably wouldn’t have the time to work on something as ambitious as ‘Blind.’ It was just a massive undertaking.”

The intricate, 40-minute “Blind” suite would comprise the bulk of Punch, but it wouldn’t define the band. They also have more typical folk and bluegrass numbers, the sort of songs that will predominate Antifogmatic. (The album takes its name from a turn-of-the-century phrase for an alcoholic beverage one imbibes at the start of the day in anticipation of bad weather.)

“This record has a lot more short song forms, but I think we’ve tried to give them the treatment,” Eldridge said. “The music is still as rigorous in its own way as the music on Punch, although I think we hopefully will have tricked people into hearing them as songs, as opposed to super-dense music.”

As such, the album may be a return

At A Glance

February 25, 2010 // 9

10// February 25, 2010

MUSIC

Oh hi, right now it's time for what newish stuff I have gotten Shuggy with in February. And away we go... "Black Noise" by the German minimal techno producer Pantha Du Prince is an atmospheric slice of ambient beats to launch you to the land of daydreamville. I've given this nuanced beast a spin about a dozen times so far, and each time I discover something new buried within the layers of beats and blips. And if that isn't enough for you, Panda Bear from Animal Collective makes an appearance on a track to give this release automatic cred.

"Sisterworld" by the art damaged noise rock trio Liars is a creepy slab of experimental headflucking. Droning and looping guitars butt heads with tastefully adding cellos and xylophones to create a stoned out psychedelic gem. Borrowing heavily from '80s post punk bands as well as modern indie rock sensibilities, thesetrippy rockers are pushing the limits of how spacey and abstract a band can get while still staying within the structure of a song. Heavy, man. "Transference" by the hook-filled indie rockers Spoon keeps up the pace of what they have been doing with consistency for the past 15 or so years.

While indie rock has become the unofficial soundtrack to the modern 20- to 35-year-old demographic, used in marketing campaigns and quirky movies by the boatload, Spoon is a personal sentimental favorite of mine

Second Supper that helped put the indie genre on the map during the aughts. Nothing mindblowingly new with this one; all you get is a solid album of catchy rock and roll songs. "Fabric 50" by Dutch record spinner Martyn throws down a wicked DJ set that breaks the somewhat stagnating mold of dubstep and shows the direction British club music is heading. Mixing in UK funky house, 2-step, and downright nasty dance-floor funk, this boogie monster will get the head nodding of even the least funky of you out there. "Heartland" by Canadian technicolor baroque pop artist Owen Pallett drops an album that follows a similar path blazed by cats like Sufjan Stevens and Andrew Bird. And that path is orchestral compositions blended with catchy pop ditties that harks back to the heyday of studio experiments done by icons such as Lennon/ McCartney, Brian Wilson and their ilk. String sections, swirling brass and symphonic flourishes embellish these pop gems and make for a whimsical listen. Nick Cave and Warren Ellis teamed up to do the soundtrack for the film "The Road" based on the Cormac McCarthy novel (you should read this dude's books) about a post-apocalyptic father and son road trip. Darkness, haunting beauty and downright bone-chilling music capture the bleak and hopeless landscape one would expect to find in such a futuristic world. This has been one I have been playing at night as I fall asleep, as it's somber meditative melodies lull me into a deep and restful slumber.

Plus it's Nick Cave, so it automatically gets awesome points.

— Shuggypop Jackson

Second Supper

February 25, 2010 // 11

ADVICE

The Advice Goddess

By Amy Alkon amy.alkon@secondsupper.com

Crouching Tiger, hidden drag

I love how you write about the evolutionary psychology driving us. So, what do you think about the Tiger Woods scandal?

Was this just a man being true to his genes?

Or, is there more to it than that, since most other men aren't running around to the extent he was?

— Curious George

People are speculating that Tiger has a "sex addiction," when all the ordinary guy can usually be accused of is a porn addiction. What separates the sex addicts from the porn addicts? Being rich enough to get the girls in 3-D.

You'll hear people sneer that gay men are promiscuous. And they are. All men are.

Unfortunately for straight guys, a woman's timeline for putting out is typically three

dates, not three minutes or whenever the stall is free, whichever comes first. Men evolved to want sexual variety far more than women do. Evolutionary psychologists Alan S. Miller and Satoshi Kanazawa write in "Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters" that a man who has sex with 1,000 women in a year can potentially produce 1,000 children.

"In sharp contrast, if a woman has sex with 1,000 men in a year, she can have only one child (barring a multiple birth)." In other words, "there's little reproductive benefit for women in seeking lots of sex partners," while, as my blog commenter "sterling" put it, "Men like sex the same as women like shoes. No matter how many cool shoes you already have, you want different shoes."

So, Tiger's really no different from Henry the Eighth or Fred, the fifth guy on the left. Henry had to practice what could be called "rolling monogamy" — beheading one wife before marrying the next. Fred might cheat with the occasional cocktail waitress — if he gets really, really lucky. But, beyond being a bazillionaire, a golf virtuoso, and boyishly handsome, Tiger's famous. Really, really famous. And even just being borderline famous seems to be a wildly potent aphrodisiac (after all, women chase Gary Coleman).

It isn't wrong for a guy to want his sex life to be all "I love a parade"; he just needs to figure that out before he marries the nice Swedish woman and makes babies with her.

Of course, Tiger had to publicly apologize for the bimbo malfunction because he isn't just Tiger the guy who plays golf, but a role model who has countless people de-

pending on him for their livelihoods. If he weren't, he could either have said nothing or said what I suspect is the truth: "I'm not sorry for having sex with all those models, escorts and busty wafflehouse waitresses. I loved every minute of it. I'm sorry I got caught. But, I'd do it again. And, hope to in the future."

Is there a lesson in this? There is, for the ladies. Women who marry rich, powerful men should recognize that there's a strong temptation for those men to cheat — especially during the horndog 20s and early 30s. Women can ignore this if they want, or tell themselves their love will make the difference. Or, they can decide the homes, the cars, the yachts, and annual trips to the cheating husband section of the diamond mine are compensation enough.

transmission, but in certain areas of life, it's plain ugly. Could you maybe do the warm, generous thing, and extend your good wishes in the form of a toaster? Even if they end up hating each other, it may still come in handy (maybe one can throw it out the window at the other). If you're just cheap, and prefer never to be invited to another wedding, give the happy couple a beautifully wrapped package with a note inside: "If you don't hate each other in two years, call me and I'll buy you a lead-crystal turtle."

Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, at AdviceAmy@aol.com or Second Supper, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601. (c) 2010, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved.

Aisle give it to you two years later

Since many marriages fail, what do you think of the idea that wedding gifts should only be given after the two-year mark, to celebrate a couple making it past the "honeymoon stage."

— The Realist

Don't stop there, Mr. Realist. Avoid giving Christmas presents to family members in high-risk occupations: "No iPod for you, electrical line worker!" Keep tabs on friends with unhealthy habits: "Oh, wait, you're smoking again? Gimme back that sweater."

Wedding invitations generally say something like "Come celebrate Don and Donna's happy day," not "Take the risk that your investment in their marriage will be a lasting one."

Pragmatism is wise if you're getting a new

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12// February 25, 2010

Second Supper

ENTERTAINMENT

About four hours before showtime, Champagne, 63, who Illusions cast members call Grandma, helps Holiday with her makeup while John chats with a visitor about last-minute reservations for the show that night at Howie's.

A day behind the scenes with Illusions: The Show

8 AM: EARLY START

A sign left by the previous owners of Howie's captures the spirit of an Illusions show day at the popular La Crosse Street bar: "Abnormality is the normality at this locality."

Setup begins at 8 a.m. and within an hour sweat streams down the creases of John Unnasch's face.

Wood and materials stored under the stage have been retrieved and the four-hour transformation from bar room into showroom is well un-

Queens for the Day Story by Denise Lockwood & Roger Bartel Photos by Mary Catanese

der way. He's hustling as he moves tables and stools, arranging them to match a seating chart listing about 90 reservations for the Feb. 13 show.

It has been an especially difficult week for Unnasch and Peter Reinhard, who performs as Champagne, producers of Illusions: The Show. Dee, their Rottweiler who had been with them for the past 14 years, passed away — in John's arms.

But there is little time to mourn. The show must go on, and the Illusions crew is making it happen yet again.

Holiday and Avery, dressed in everyday clothes that are drab compared to the iridescent costumes they don as female impersonators, are helping hang the "bling," the glitzy, sparkling strands that bring color to the walls and stage.

Cory and Eugene erect a wall that will

separate the temporary dressing room from the showroom.

Scotty and Aaron, who won't make it to the show tonight, nevertheless are testing the white lights lining the stage floor. They shine brightly, blink off and then relight.

"Don't move," everyone shouts.

Nancy, fondly called the Showroom Nazi out of appreciation for the way she keeps the showroom organized amidst the inevitable last-minute chaos of no-shows and incorrect reservations, and "Door Maiden" Kim work with John on the seating plan that will go through more makeovers over the next few hours than the entire cast of drag queens.

An inflatable sun and guitar protrude from a box: hints of Cory's insatiable appetite for fun and campy props. Passionate about every detail, he is teased time and again

Continued on Page 13

COMING SUNDAY: AN AUDIO SLIDESHOW ON ILLUSIONS: THE SHOW, INCLUDING DOZENS OF ADDITIONAL PHOTOS, AT WWW.SECONDSUPPER.COM

Second Supper

ENTERTAINMENT

Illusions' show is about being happy not gay

"The only one who really know what a woman goes through is a drag queen," she says. "I've worn shoes that became so tight, when I took them off, my feet bled."

When Holiday is ready, Champagne helps with some finishing touches. The whole process takes about two hours. John, meanwhile, has showered, shaved, applied and removed a facial mask, and moisturized.

The show, they tell visitors, is their passion. While remaining practical, they dream of someday being booked into a big-city lounge or other venue that would catapult them all to a more financially rewarding level.

"We've perfected the 99 percent of it — the art," John says. "Now we're just waiting for the 1 percent — the luck."

The ideal gig, John says, would be on a cruise ship. "That would be better than hot fudge sundaes."

Tonight, however, they're traveling by van. Shortly after 6:30, garment bags, suitcases, makeup and props are packed and ready to go.

Drag/variety troupe finds comfy niche in La Crosse

By Roger Bartel

roger.bartel@secondsupper.com

La Crosse natives Peter Reinhard and John Unnasch followed a crossdressed Alice into the rabbit hole that was Las Vegas in the 1980s and emerged more than 20 years later as producers of a kinky Wonderland of their own.

Reinhard-Unnasch Productions is the Lewis Carroll of Illusions: The Show, a La Crosse-based variety show that features a cast of female impersonators and other entertainers.

Despite La Crosse's somewhat conservative and rural roots, Illusions has enjoyed a successful four-year run, which might surprise longtime residents who remember when flamboyant drag queens were about as welcome as Asian carp.

Reinhard, who performs as Champagne, enjoys recounting that a forerunner of Illusions created "quite a scandal" in La Crosse in 1982 when, apparently uninformed about the nature of drag shows, a local charity's representatives walked out of a sold-out performance being held to benefit their organization. The story made Page 1 in the La Crosse Tribune, appeared on local newscasts and generated many letters to the editor (most criticizing the charity's actions).

Not to be deterred by some smalltown attitudes, Reinhard and Unnasch followed their dreams of stardom to Las Vegas in the 1980s, where they performed nightly on the Strip and honed their acts.

They loved their time in Vegas.

Champagne became a headliner, mingled with the stars, enjoyed the excesses of the '80s and — in her own words — "made it." But Vegas changed. "Vegas became what it is today: essentially a Disneyland," she says pointedly. It lost the glitz and glamour, when shows drew audiences dressed in their finest, and the Strip was no longer that special for the impersonators from La Crosse. So they moved on to Detroit, where they performed and Unnasch worked in real estate, until 2003, when they returned so John could care for his ill mother.

Upon returning to La Crosse, Unnasch was impressed with the changes he saw in the community, especially "the way it has opened its eyes up to the world."

Within a year, Reinard and Unnasch were co-producing Illusions: The Show, which began building a loyal following with monthly performances at Players,

Continued on Page 16

February 25, 2010 // 13

Holidays takes a cigarette break before getting dressed for the Feb. 13 Illusions show at Howie's. Although she has been performing for several years, Holiday says she still feels some nerves before a performance.

Continued from Page 12 about being a "stage whore" and answers each time with a good-natured laugh.

Lights and sound are tested. Music from the show plays in the background.

Everyone seems in good spirits. When a phone rings, Holiday and John harmonize, badly, "You can ring my be-e-ell, ring my bell."

The Illusions sign goes up, completing the transformation, and the showroom is ready.

4 PM: THE MAKEOVER

"My face is really dry," laments Holiday.

"This weather sucks."

Holiday, who just turned 30, scrunches down, leaning over the kitchen table, looking at her face in a small mirror in the 27th Street home of John and Champagne. The bungalow looks like so many others in the quiet, secluded neighborhood tucked under the outstretched arms of electric transmission towers. Inside, too, the house has a familiar lived-in look and feel. "We're not housekeepers," John apologizes before heading off to moisturize.

Holiday begins her transformation while listening to a compact disc with songs she will perform that night. She applies a shade of brown she hasn't tried before. "Livin' on the edge here," she jokes.

She learned how to apply makeup from other drag queens. "When I first started, I was a hot mess," she says. "Like Whitney

Houston on crack."

Holiday performed first as a male comedian with the Red Ribbon Group. At a Halloween show, a couple of drag queens convinced him to "put on a face ... and it just kind of stuck."

Now she typically performs twice a month, including her monthly gig with Illusions. In March, she is booked all four weekends. A salesperson by day, she makes more money doing drag shows than she did as a comedian. And although the gowns, shoes, makeup, wigs and travel make it an expensive lifestyle, Holiday's act is popular enough that "drag pays for itself now."

She developed her reputation and show skills through the drag queen pageant circuit, winning the Miss Gay Mississippi Valley crown in 2007, and continues to work toward her goal of winning the state title within five years.

She has considered moving south, perhaps to North Carolina, home to clubs such as Club Odyssey, where it's possible to make a living doing drag. "Down South, they are really appreciative of their queens," she says.

Her support group here includes John and Champagne, whom she calls Grandma, as well as family, friends and co-workers.

She has gotten some strange looks in drag but has not experienced any hateful encounters. Being 6-foot-3 probably helps, she reasons with a laugh: "Even straight guys know they don't want to f*** with a linebacker in a dress."

While Holiday works at the kitchen table, Champagne sits at a vanity in her own room adorned with photos and illustrations of her days as a female impersonator in Las Vegas, the women she admired as well as some of the stars she met: Lucille Ball, Marlene Dietrich, Joan Crawford, Cyd Charisse, Marilyn Monroe. Hormone treatments have given her female breasts. Her long acrylic nails are a bright look-at-me pink. And she probably knows more about makeup and glamor than most women.

7 PM: THE SHOWROOM

Even as they prepare to leave home, John fields phone calls with last-minute reservations. Sixteen additions Saturday afternoon raise the total over 100.

After arriving at Howie's, one of his first orders of business is to meet with Nancy to adjust the seating; adding two here, moving two there, moving more tables and chairs into the showroom. A couple more reservations come in, and the crowd now will spill into the upstairs area.

As John heads backstage, Cory successfully tests the lighting, sound and smoke machine. Wisps of smoke still hang low over the empty seats as Nancy opens the showroom doors. Almost immediately a couple of seats are filled by two women toting a gift bag, the earmark of another Illusions birthday celebration and a big shiny target for one of John's forays into the audience.

The room begins to fill slowly. Many are regulars. Tina often comes with a group of about 10 people. "It's fun and we know everybody. It's like they are one big happy family," she says. "Once you know them, you see them even though they aren't dressed in drag and they say hi to you."

The early arrivals are serenaded with 20 Grammy winning songs, excluding those that will be featured in the show, that Cory burned onto disc for the pre-show music.

Even with everything else he's coordinating, Cory corners John for a last-minute question — which of the two plastic pairs of sunglasses that Cory holds in front of him does John want to wear for the grand

Continued on Page 14

14// February 25, 2010

ENTERTAINMENT

Second Supper

Continued from Page 13 finale ("Aquarius"). He then communicates with David, a frequent performer who this month is filling in for Avery on the spotlight, and finally heads off to a makeshift dressing room behind the sound board to check the Michael Jackson trademarks he will don for his rendition of "Beat It" midway through the show.

7:30 PM: BACKSTAGE

Holiday unpacks the tools of her trade: five outfits, corset, silicone breasts, fake nails, spray adhesive, hairspray, hairpins, fake eyelashes, wigs and make-up case.

"We admire the hell out of women,” Holiday says. “Obviously we’re gay men, but we can look at a woman and appreciate beauty."

Being a big gurl ‑— big enough to wear a men’s size 12 shoe and require two people to cinch up her corset, Holiday says "If the audience can tell that you love yourself, no matter what your size, all is forgiven."

The queens for the night's show — Holiday, Champagne, honorary cast member Helyn Ducati, and guests Kyllie Stevens and Tammy WhyNott?? — don’t really "impersonate" a character on stage; they, instead, come out as versions of themselves.

"Just about every entertainer has some sort of self-esteem issue or insecurity, but when you are a drag queen you change into a different person as the night goes on and then you don’t worry about those insecurities anymore," Holiday says. "You learn to get comfortable in your own skin and have on a pound and a half make-up."

Out of drag, Tammy doesn’t feel as flamboyant.

"But as soon as I start powdering, there’s Tammy – I just become someone else," she says.

To accomplish this transformation, the performers gag every part of their manliness by wearing over-the-top makeup and colors such as cranberry cocktail and rich suede, pouring themselves into control top pantyhose, shaving their legs, eyebrows and chest, and reshaping their flesh with corsets ... until a womanly figure emerges.

Champagne, who wears a sexy silk, flowered nightshirt and no pants before changing into her first gown of the evening, smokes a cigarette and talks to Holiday. Her platinum blond wig swings a little as Champagne chats about her killer pink rhinestone stilettos; she can only wear them for seven minutes before she has to take them off.

“Hey, do you want me to do your hair?”

Champagne asks Holiday.

“Sure,” Holiday says, acknowledging that Champagne knows how to work a wig.

“She did hair for Hairspray when they were in town.”

It takes a couple extra sets of hands to tighten Holiday's corset backstage as she prepares for her first number of the night. She recalls she once threw up after Champagne pulled the corset a little too tight.

Champagne runs a brush through Holiday’s long brown hair, which reaches past her shoulders. With a twist of her hand, Champagne grabs onto a fistful of it and forces Holiday’s hair into a pony tail.

“The bitch has beautiful hair and she has to put a wig on it,” Champagne says, half joking. Holiday often uses only her real hair, but sometimes it's just easier to don a wig, she explains.

Champagne says she’s a drag queen because she loves to entertain people, but she also likes the shock value of watching the audience as they see a man dressed like a woman.

“But then, what do you think they are going to say when they see this?” she says, flashing her breasts. “Then they don’t really know what do.”

8:30 PM: SHOWROOM

It's 8:30, time to pull reservations and some seats remain vacant —most noticeably a table of eight, front and center.

Is it time to panic?

"I try not to ever panic," says Kim, who is taking money from walk-in customers as Nancy readjusts the seating chart yet again.

Another table of 12 with more guests than anticipated will be allowed to claim the empty table, Nancy decides. The group, fans of guest performer Tammy, applaud the move and scramble for the seats.

Nancy next herds a few walk-ins to fill other gaps.

"I'm tired. I need a drink," she whispers to a photographer and then laughs, heading back to the door to join Kim at the door.

Cory turns down the music for the final sound check about 8:48 p.m. "La Crosse, can you hear us?" John asks from backstage in a booming voice. The crowd responds. But John wants more. He asks the question again, and the response is louder. The show, he tells them, will start in about 15 minutes.

All the seats are filled, people linger at the bar, the crowd is having fun as Cory's selections whet their appetite for the escape that Illusions has promised.

Continued from Page 15

Second Supper

ENTERTAINMENT

February 25, 2010 // 15

Continued from Page 14

9 PM: SHOWTIME

The spotlight picks up the glimmer of the metallic red and silver bling as John bounds to the stage. In his opening shtick, John polls the audience for virgins — drag show virgins.

He also points out celebrities in the audience, including Muse Theatre founder Vicki Elwood, and Judge Ramona Gonzalez, who good-naturedly accept the attention and John's sometimes unprintable jokes, as do other audience members he visits throughout the show.

John introduces each performer, often enlisting the help of an audience member, by announcing a Grammy category, year and the nominees ... and then the winner.

“Ladies and gentleman, please welcome the hardest working bitch in the business — Holiday Rose,” he screams to the audience.

Holiday bursts onto the stage doing Ella Fitzgerald's version of "Mack the Knife." David's spotlight follows her across the stage and the crowd screams. Wearing a blue ball gown with a broach, she glides and sways to the music, lip syncing the words to the song. She moves from the stage to the showroom floor, performing through the crowd, hugging men and women alike. She ends the song, head back, arms wide open, belting out the tune as if she were Ella incarnated.

Champagne, wearing a hot pink dress and, yes, those stilettos, performs Sheena Easton’s “My Baby Takes the Morning Train” for her first number.

During their songs, each performer dances, strolls, struts through the audience collecting dollar-bill tips from the sometimes screaming, often adoring and always smiling audience. John, meanwhile, has connected with the audience, and the night unfolds just as scripted.

Each impersonator performs two solos and then returns for a group finale. Cory has only one song, but the King of Prop's onegloved salute to the King of Pop is wildly popular, just as Nancy predicted during setup 12 hours earlier: "They all love Cory. The women just go crazy. The guys, too."

For Holiday, performing is still nerve racking at times.

“It depends on the audience,” she says.

“This one gives us a lot of energy and I really enjoy what I do. I think it gets the audience more excited, you know, and I have fun.”

And for Champagne and John, that’s what Illusions is all about — entertainment.

“After the show though, I look forward to taking off my girdle, kicking off my heels and getting this bra off,” Champagne says.

At least, that is, until the next show.

After two hours doing makeup and two hours preparing backstage, Holiday works the room with one of her two songs during a monthly appearance with Illusions: The Show on Feb. 13 at Howie's.

Guest performer Kyllie Stevens does Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" for the Illusions crowd.

ABOVE: Emcee John Unnasch engages the audience with jokes and banter.

RIGHT: Helyn Ducati collects tips while performing a Shania Twain song.

Guest performer Tammy Whynott?? greets one of her fans.

16// February 25, 2010

ENTERTAINMENT

Illusions

Continued from Page 13

Champagne, who has been performing since she was 17, still enjoys the spotlight and the fans.

Producers of Illusions credit their cast and crew, who all gather at 8 a.m. on showdays to create the showroom, for the show's success.

then at 214 Main St. Looking to grow and broaden its audience, the Illusions troupe moved to Howie's, 1125 La Crosse St., in February 2007, took a month off, and has been performing there monthly ever since.

The show includes female illusionists, live vocalists, comedy, dancing and whatever other mayhem happens to break out. "It's an hour and a half of fun," Unnasch says, or a 90-minute escape from the doldrums of everyday life. The producers proclaim it's "where reality stops and fantasy begins."

They take pride in producing a show that they say rivals the best in the genre. "It's a show you'd see in Las Vegas without having to travel to Las Vegas," Unnasch says.

"And without having to pay the price," Champagne adds.

The producers credit the show's success to its troupe or, as Unnasch and Reinhard often say, "the kids," and the professionalism they bring to each and every performance. "There are no stars in the show," Unnasch says with pride, meaning not that they are not talented — they all are, he stresses — but rather that no one acts or is treated differently than the others.

"It takes a special person to be an entertainer," he adds, especially with Illusions, which requires more than silicone, synchronization and shiny glitter from its performers.

Reinhard and Unnasch stress an oldfashioned work ethic, with each member of the house cast filling multiple roles — on and off stage. Everyone, for example, helps set up the showroom, arrange seating, hang "bling" (shiny curtain material) and erect a temporary dressing room at 8 a.m. on show days. They can be fined or docked for unprofessional actions. Rules include coming to work sans attitude, never disrespecting an audience member, and showing up for work with clean hair, clean clothes and new songs. Performers rehearse on their own and bring a finished performance to the shows.

"It's the love of Illusions by the cast members that has made it very successful," Unnasch says. When Scotty, one of the show's live vocalists, was out of town Feb. 13, for example, it was the first show he had missed in two years. But he still helped set up.

And it's the universal appeal of the spotlight that keeps each of them coming back for more. "The moment you step out on stage and the spotlight hits you, you're

ABOUT US > • Mary Catanese is photo editor of Second Supper, photography instructor at Mt. Mary College in Milwaukee and a freelance photojournalist. She recently received first place in the Wisconsin Newspaper Association's annual Better Newspaper Contest in the Photo Story category.

• Denise Lockwood is a freelance multimedia journalist and blogger who has received several awards for her writing. Her

Second Supper in a different world," explains Champagne, 63, who has been performing since she was 17.

The goal for each show is simple: perfection.

That applies not only to the performances, but also to the staging, lighting and planning. No two shows are alike; each has a unique theme. February's show, for example, featured Grammy winners. The March 13 theme is The Great Kahuna Drag Show.

Previous themes have included At the Hop, Disco Revolution and Favorite TV Theme Songs. There are also some annual shows, including The Wonderful World of Disney.

"We have them hanging from the rafters for that one," Champagne says.

The $7 door charge generates the show's income, and performers also earn money through tips, but no one makes enough show money to live off it alone.

Plus, it's not inexpensive to be a diva. Performers, for example, must buy their own wigs, gowns, undergarments, padding and shoes. All have typically mundane day jobs: sales, social worker, warehouse worker, horse trainer, disc jockey, hospital employee and so on.

Although many cast members are gay, Unnasch stresses the show is not defined by gender or sexual orientation, and he says Illusions' audiences at Howie's are predominantly straight.

"It isn't a gay/straight thing. It's not a political statement," he says. "It's a business."

An adult business.

"It is an adult show," Unnasch concedes without hesitation. "The F word is dropped; tastefully, but dropped. We push the envelope to the outer limits."

The bawdy sense of humor is readily accepted, he says. "We know what the audience wants and what sells," he says, pointing out that he sees many regulars each month.

Many of the Illusions' shows at Howie's, which holds up to 150 people, have been sellouts, Unnasch says, and generally attract a good mix of men and women, often including birthday, bachelor or bachelorette parties.

With a little push from Unnasch, as emcee, the audience also becomes part of the show. When it all works, Unnasch says, the interaction, the jokes, the entertainers, the music and the staging combine to create a little slice of entertainment magic.

Unnasch says the producers hope to send audience members home "feeling better than when they walked in."

For if they do that, "We know they'll be back," he says.

Just like Alice.

investigative story about the Milwaukee County mental health system is featured in this month's Milwaukee Magazine.

• Roger Bartel is publisher of Second Supper and former longtime editor of daily and non-daily newspapers in Wisconsin.

Second Supper would like to thank the Illusions cast, crew, producers and guests for their cooperation on this story.

ILLUSIONS' NEXT SHOW IS 9 P.M. SATURDAY, MARCH 13, AT HOWIE'S. FOR INFORMATION/RESERVATIONS, CALL 608.785.0501 OR E-MAIL ILLUSIONSRESERVATIONS@YAHOO.COM.

Second Supper

YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

Food & Drink Specials Editor's Note: Food and Drink Specials is a free listing for Second Supper’s regular advertisers. For information, call (608) 782-7001.

Sunday

HOWIE’S Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to close: Night Before Class - $3 pitchers of the beast IRISH HILLS Happy Hour 4 to 7 p.m. daily JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PLAYERS Price by Dice SCHMIDTY’S $6.95 lunch buffet $9.95 breakfast buffet 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $11 buckets of beers (pregame-close), taco specials during game THE LIBRARY Sunday Fun Day - Wristband Night TOP SHOTS $5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller products (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ Ask for great eats WHO'S ON THIRD Happy Hour until 10 p.m. $1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

Monday

BROTHERS $2.50 Blatz vs. Old Style pitchers BODEGA $2 BBQ Pork Sliders FEATURES Free beer 5:30-6:30; Free wings 7:30-8:30, Free bowling after 9 HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic pitchers JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PLAYERS Happy Hour all night long, two-for-one SCHMIDTY’S BBQ sandwich SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) $11 buckets of beers (6-close) SPORTS NUT Buck Burgers THE CAVALIER Martini Ladies’ Night, James Martini: vodka, triple sec, orange juice TOP SHOTS $1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1AM) WHO'S ON THIRD $1 taps of PBR, $1 rails

Tuesday

BROTHERS Wristband night BODEGA 2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free COCONUT JOE’S $2 Tuesdays, including $2 bottles, import taps, beer pong, apps, single shot-mixers, featured shots, 50-cent taps FEATURES Taco buffet 11-2; $1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9 HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitchers, beer pong IMPULSE Karaoke 9 p.m.-Close JB’S SPEAKEASY $1.75 domestic bottles PLAYERS Karaoke @ 10 p.m., 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., all you can drink rail mixers @ 10 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S Tacos SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.) 12" pizza: $8.99 up to 5 toppings (4-close) SPORTS NUT Tacos $1.25 THE LIBRARY

Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps and rails TOP SHOTS $1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., extra side with sandwich; 4 to 9 p.m., $1 off rib dinner WHO'S ON THIRD Wristband night, includes rails and domestic taps, 8 p.m.-1 a.m. $3 call doubles, $2 Bud products

Wednesday

BROTHERS 10-cent wings 9 p.m.-close, $1 Miller High Life bottles, $1.50 rail mixers; new - $2.50 call drinks COCONUT JOE’S $1.25 for 1 pound of wings, $1 PBR/PBR Light bottles, $1.50 Rolling Rock, $2 jumbo rail mixers, $2.25 Bud Lights, $1 shot of the week HOWIE’S $5 all you can drink IMPULSE Wine & martini night JB’S SPEAKEASY Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

PLAYERS Karaoke @ 10 p.m., 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., $1 Pabst cans, Dr. shots @ 10 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S Chili dogs SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER Wings, Wings, Wings... $2 off 14: pizza, $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.)

SPORTS NUT 15-cent wings THE CAVALIER $1.50 taps 6 to 8 p.m.

THE LIBRARY Karaoke, $2 double rails & all bottles TOP SHOTS

BEER

Review

February 25, 2010 // 17

St. Bernardus Tripel Bouwerij St. Bernardus Watou, Belgium

For some inexplicable reason, American gourmets are close-minded to beer.

Wine — and seemingly only wine — is the beverage that’s paired with expensive meals and fine dinner parties; never mind the fact that wine is acidic. It has its positive attributes too, but beer comes in just as many styles as wine and maybe more flavors, so it deserves an equal spot at the dinner table.

On Monday night, around 20 aficionados gathered at the Root Note to experience just how well food and beer pair together — and wedidn’t get MGD and bratwurst. Instead, we sampled six selections from the St. Bernardus brewery in Flanders and paired them with a full course meal and an assortment of fine Belgian chocolates. The beers ran the gamut from a basic Wit to some high-alcohol masterpieces, but my favorite came in the middle the spectrum: the St.Bernardus Tripel, with an 8 percent ABV. Of course, it was served between the steak on rosemary mashed potatoes and the lobster macaroni and cheese, so that may have influenced my opinion.

Out of my tiny tasting glass, the Tripel poured a dark amber color, so cloudy with particles that one TV weatherman at the tasting (not Breeden) compared it to looking

at sea monkeys. The aroma had a fruitiness typical of Belgian yeasts, but there were also some English-style hops on the nose that, to me, evoked a lager. The beer hit the Appearance: 9 tongue with a splash of apricots. It warmed Aroma: 8 up to burnt sugar flavors and turned a bit peppery at the finish, Taste: 8 which really somerMouthfeel: 9 saulted the taste buds after sampling a bit Drinkability: 8 of chocolate. That combination — more than any other beer or morsel I’d sampled Total: 42 individually — was exquisite. TheTripel had a thick, almost creamy mouthfeel, but it finished with a surprising dryness that left you wanting more.

Like many of the high-gravity St. Bernardus beers we sampled that night, the Tripel was dangerously drinkable, but my bellyful of delicious dinner kept me in check — further proof that beer and food were meant to be together.

— Adam Bissen

BODEGA Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

COCONUT JOE’S Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single-shot mixers and all beers, $2.50 jumbo Captain Morgan mixers, $2.50 jumbo Bacardi mixers (all flavors), $3 Jagerbombs FEATURES All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99 HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs IMPULSE $25 open bar (incl. martinis, calls/rails, imports/domestic) 9-Close JB’S SPEAKEASY Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

PLAYERS 2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 to 9 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S Fish sandwich SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER Friday Fish, $2 can beer (2-6) THE LIBRARY $3 domestic pitchers, $3 micro and import taps, $3 burger basket, $3 pound of wings TOP SHOTS $2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Chicken on fire $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Bones and briskets $13.95 WHO'S ON THIRD $1 off Three Olives, $2 domestic taps

HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy JB’S SPEAKEASY Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

PLAYERS 2-4-1 Happy Hour 3 to 8 p.m.

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER 2 for 1 pints/pitches w/ student ID over 21 THE LIBRARY $3 Three Olives mixers, $3 Long Island Iced Teas TOP SHOTS $5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ One-half chicken three bones $12.95

$2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1am)

TRAIN STATION BBQ Special varies WHO'S ON THIRD Ladies' Night: $2 top shelf, $1 Pink Tacos Everyone: $2.50 bombs, $2 taps, $3 Jack/Captain doubles

Thursday

BROTHERS $5 domestic taps, wells and Long Islands. $1 shots with wristband COCONUT JOE’S Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single shot mixers and all beers.

Wristband Night: $5 college I.D., $9 general public FEATURES All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2 HOWIE’S 9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans IMPULSE 18+ night (1st and 3rd Thursday of each month) JB’S SPEAKEASY Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

THE CAVALIER All Mojitos $5 PLAYERS 2-4-1 Happy Hour 5 to 10 p.m., $2 Captain mixers, $1.75 domestic beer, $1.50 rails, $1 Pabst cans @ 10 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S Tacos SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER Ladies night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), $2 can beer (2-6 p.m.)

SPORTS NUT $8.99 12-ounce T-bone THE LIBRARY Beer Pong Tourney and wristband night TOP SHOTS 5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1AM) TRAIN STATION BBQ 11 a.m. to 3 p.m., Barn burner $7.95; 4 to 9 p.m., Hobo dinner (serves two) $30.95 WHO'S ON THIRD $8.50 Fish Bowls, $2 Miller products

Friday

BROTHERS $3 Bacardi mixers, $3 Long Island iced Teas

To advertise Food & Drnk Specials, contact Michael Keith at michael.keith@secondsupper.com or call us at (608) 782-7001.

Saturday

BROTHERS $3 Bacardi mixers, $3 Mojitos, $2 Cherry Bombs, $1 Bazooka Joes CHUCK’S 12 to 3 p.m.: Buy one, get one domestic beer; Holmen Meat Locker jerky raffle COCONUT JOE’S Happy Hour 7 to 9 p.m.: $2 for all single-shot mixers and all beers, $2.50 jumbo Captain Morgan mixers, $2.50 jumbo Bacardi mixers (all flavors), $3 Jagerbombs FEATURES Prime rib dinner 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

COMING SOON SUGGEST A CATEGORY ...

E-MAIL US AT EDITOR@SECONDSUPPER.COM

GRAY MATTER

18// February 25, 2010

Maze Efflux

Second Supper

'It's a tough job' But you totally get used to it

By Erich Boldt

By Matt Jones

Sudoku

Answers below

Reminds you to support the retailers, restaurants, taverns and bands that support us. We are funded solely by advertising so if you want to support us, support them!

CONSCIENTIOUS COMMERCE: THE ALTERNATIVE IS KIND OF A DRAG

WE'RE HIRING!

• Advertising account representative E-mail roger.bartel@secondsupper.com

ACROSS 1 Convertible's cover 7 Frowned-upon aerosol chemicals, for short 11 Controversial flavoring 14 Without a compass 15 Slave in Pearl S. Buck's "The Good Earth" 16 iPhone program 17 Her hair hissed 18 Rapper with the hit single "How Low" 20 Anguish over a huge credit card bill?

22 Goes to the TV screen 23 Waste of fireworks 24 Bill Cosby's late son 26 Shaq, once 28 "Gone With the Wind" plantation 31 "See ya" 32 What perverts did to dream of being more perverted?

35 Skosh 38 Gnarls Barkley singer ___-Lo 39 Conk out 40 Suffix with Power or Gator 41 Textiles elevated to a higher status?

45 "Parklife" group 46 Capital on a fjord 47 Fish, on an Italian menu 51 They help you limber up 53 Washroom, to a Brit 55 Airport stats 56 Did a baby care activity (or this puzzle's theme, literally) 60 Home of a chicken mascot 61 Mafioso's code of silence 62 "The Fifth Beatle" Sutcliffe 63 Menial laborer

Answers to Feb. 18 puzzle "So many words - Throwin' em out at random"

64 Laura of "The Squid and the Whale" 65 ___ Willy (schoolyard annoyance) 66 In ___ (at heart) 67 Venomous snakes DOWN 1 Flautist Jean-Pierre ___ 2 Title role for Hilary Swank 3 Suddenly lose power 4 Secured tightly 5 Brewer's kiln 6 Kilt pattern 7 Hades rarity, it's said 8 Chimney passage 9 Contemptible guys 10 Rickman, in the "Harry Potter" films 11 Red sauce 12 Full of life 13 Navigational tracker 19 "Why ___?"

21 Scissors users 25 "Soldier of Love" singer 27 Flavorful 29 It may list sped-up terms and conditions at the end 30 Garage sale condi-

tion 33 Take back property 34 Hatchery noise 35 Fro-yo establishment, for short 36 Earmark 37 It's cheaper by the dozen 42 Threesome 43 "Finished!"

44 Where the diving boards are 48 "Tristram Shandy" author 49 President who won the Nobel Peace Prize 50 College application pieces 52 Take shots (at) 54 String quartet member 57 The Bee ___ 58 Inflated self-images 59 In the center of 60 Dir. opposite NNE For answers, call (900) 226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Or to bill to a credit card, call (800) 655-6548. Reference puzzle #0456.

Have an opinion?

Send your letters to the editor to Second Supper, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601 or by e-mail to editor@secondsupper.com.

Letters should be signed and include phone number for verification purposes.

Please limit letters to no more than 300 words. For more information, call (608) 782-7001.

Second Supper

February 25, 2010 // 19

THE LAST WORD

Taxicab Confessional

By Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

There was a time in my life when I was willing to buy into the irrepressible La Crosse Serial Killer theory. Then I took a job driving taxi cab on Saturday nights and my capacity for believing conspiracy theories went right out the window.

More times than I care to remember, I’ve picked people up downtown who had no idea where they were. I know exactly how many times people have vomited or passed out in my cab, but that’s not the point of this column.

Through sober eyes, La Crosse drinkers can resemble an army of zombies, mindlessly staggering toward the nearest loud noise or bright light. I’ve seen people get intoxicated beyond the point of charm, dignity, health or well-being — and tens of thousands “Wooo!”-ing as if that were a

point of pride.

And drinking is something La Crosse is proud of. Beyond that, it’s a livelihood, one of the few sustaining economic sectors this city has left. Lest you misinterpret me — as anyone who’s ever met me or really reads this newspaper would know — I’m not antidrinking. To the contrary, beer is one of my very favorite substances, and I’ve probably strung together 100,000 words on the topic.

But what I hope I’ve conveyed in my weekly beer reviews is an appreciation for the product, the process, the culture and the history.

At the very least, I hope to have discouraged people from drinking from a funnel.

But unfortunately — or maybe not — La Crosse doesn’t have an epidemic of oenophiles or beer snobs strutting around with their noses in the air or their pale fingers around a snifter. We have people who want to slam the most alcohol for the least amount of money and don’t care that they behave like complete boors while doing so.

And that’s fine. People are free to live any lifestyle they chose as long as it doesn’t endanger public safety or put an unjust burden on their fellow citizen.

Therein lies the rub. Of course this is a column about La Crosse’s binge drinking culture and how it’s led nine young men to drown in the Mississippi River in the past 13 years. Sadly (and I could use a much harsher adverb here), this has been the single biggest news story in La Crosse during my lifetime. If this were a larger city, these drownings would elicit a single mention

in the Local section and people would go about their lives — coldly oblivious to their neighbors. I’m not advocating we all start living like New Yorkers, but it would be nice if we adopted a little perspective on these deaths.

Here we are, two weeks after Craig Meyers drowned in a river, and his story is still being told on every single television newscast — as if there were any new developments. The La Crosse Tribune came out with some timely blanket reporting, but I applaud it for not going as overboard as it had in the past. To the radio callers, Craigslist posters and online trolls insisting there is some kind of conspiracy at hand, I don’t really have anything to say to you. All this talk of a serial killer is just a sexy way to ignore our own drinking problems.

It may be hypocritical of me to complain about overexposure and then pen a newspaper column that doesn’t offer any new suggestions for change, but that’s exactly what I plan to do. After about river drowning #5, La Crosse really did some soul searching and came up with constructive plans to address our drinking culture. Some of these, like the voluntary River Watch program that police chief Ed Kondracki credits for saving over 50 people in recent years, are excellent and deserve to be applauded.

Others — like changing the phrase “All You Can Drink” to “All You Care to Drink” or insisting bartenders take shots on the patron’s side of the bar — are laughable. Community education programs are both the best

way to reduce drinking deaths and the most in need of tweaking, so consider this column a bit of alternative schooling.

Really, for a night of drinking to end non-fatally, you need only two safety nets: yourself and your friends. Don’t drink to the point of where you don’t know where you are, stumble away, or — as a personal request — act like a complete asshole. Failing that, have a friend with you who ensures you make it home safely. What we don’t need is a string of surveillance cameras or fences along the Mississippi River. In fact, I can think of no worse plan than walling off our city’s greatest natural asset in the name of overzealous prevention.

Respect. Respect is all we need — respect for ourselves, respect for our friends, respect for alcohol and respect for our city.

Cultivate that, and we’ll have a safe and enjoyable place to call home.

Exactly one week after Meyers' drowning, La Crosse Police encountered four highly intoxicated men staggering near Riverside Center. You may have heard about that on the news or placed one of the dozens of paranoid comments on the Tribune Web site. I saw the incident firsthand after officers called my taxi company and I was dispatched to the scene. Although it took some time, I got two of the incomprehensibly wasted men home that night. To me, that was the system working. It may not have been pretty, but that’s just me doing my job, keeping people safe out here on the front lines.

Downtown La Crosse, above Fayzes - 782-6622

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SUNDAY

$2.00 - 1 Player, $3.00 - 2 Players 50 Cents Off Drinks, $1 Off Pitchers

MONDAY TUESDAY $1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps $1.75 Rails

$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm) $2.25 Micro/Craft Taps $1.50 Domestic Taps $2.50 Cherry Bombs $3.50 Jager Bombs $2 Corona Bottles (7-1am) (7-1am) $2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

Saturday

WEDNESDAY $2 Domestic Bottles $2.50 Skyy/Absolute Mixers $2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

THURSDAY FRIDAY 5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10 $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

$2 Captain Mixers $2 Long Islands $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1am)

20// February 25, 2010

Second Supper