Coming Home to Regulation
A Polyvagal Perspective on Healing Our Polarized World
Deb Dana, LCSW rhythmofregulation.com
The autonomic nervous system is at the heart of our lived experience…
With gratitude to Stephen Porges for his development of Polyvagal Theory…
The science of connection…
The science of feeling safe enough to fall in love with life…
We are always engaging with the nervous system…our own and other people’s.
Besieged by signals of danger and disconnection
Searching for signs of safety and connection
Unfamiliar territory
Unpredictable events
No time to catch our breath
Neuroception is the word Stephen Porges coined to describe the way the autonomic nervous system takes in information without involving the thinking parts of the brain.
The autonomic nervous system responds to signals of welcome and warning from:
• inside our bodies (embodied)
• outside in the environment around us (environmental)
• in the relationships between us and others (relational)
Where does your neuroception take you?
(toward, away, against, detached)
What story does your brain create? ©
When cues of safety outweigh cues of danger, connection is possible, options appear, and new stories emerge.
When cues of danger outweigh cues of safety, survival strategies activate and we get stuck in a survival story.
©
Our responsibility is to tune into what happens in our own nervous system…
…and be curious about what is happening in another nervous system.
Parasympathetic Nervous System
Ventral Vagus
Sympathetic Nervous System
health, growth, restoration protection through action
Parasympathetic Nervous System
Dorsal Vagus
system of safety and connection system of mobilization system of immobilization
protection through disappearing
• Our biology supports or restricts access to body sensations, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, beliefs.
• The emergent properties of each state are only available when we are in that state.
• When we move from state to state, we gain and lose access.
This is not a cognitive choice…it is a biological one.
not unwilling. I’m unable.
…a story of connection, communication, and possibility
co-regulate and self-regulate connect to self, others, the world, Spirit tune into the moment and tune out distractions resourced and resourceful reach out for, and offer, support curiosity, compassion, self-compassion explore options flexible, resilient hope
memory of stories of connection
stories of a dangerous, polarized world
stories of disconnection and despair
Emergent Properties of Sympathetic Survival
a polarized world alarmed, hypervigilant
…a story of an unsafe world and unsafe people
Emergent Properties of Dorsal Survival body enters conservation mode numb, foggy, collapsed lost connection to self, others, the world, Spirit disconnected, untethered, floating alone, lost, abandoned safety and hope feel unreachable
…a story of disappearing, disconnection, and despair
Thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and beliefs make sense when we look at them through the autonomic state.
Instead of a story about motive and moral meaning, we can listen to the story of a system that is feeling invited into connection or reacting to a need for protection.
Listen to the stories that emerge from each state.
I am…
The world is…
People are…
We all have a home in ventral…
a home away from home.
We are wired for connection…
We wish for connection…
We wait for connection…
How does the need for connection land in your system?
A story of friendship?
A relentless search?
A hopeless experience?
Conditions for Connection
Remember a moment when you longed for connection and your nervous system supported you in reaching out.
Remember a moment when you longed for connection and your sympathetic survival system activated and your bid for connection was received as overwhelming.
Remember a moment when you longed for connection and your dorsal survival system activated and prevented you from taking any action.
“Earth will be safe when we feel in us enough safety.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Self-Compassion: Kristin Neff and Chris Germer (https://selfcompassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/ Neff.Germer.2017.pdf)
1. This is a moment of suffering.
2. Suffering is a common human experience.
3. May I be kind to myself.
Patterns of connection and protection are being shaped and re-shaped in every moment. We are not stuck. With patience and persistence, when we stretch not stress our system, we find the way to a new rhythm.
Through the Language of the Nervous System
1. My nervous system is in a survival response. (Notice and Name)
2. Moments of protection happen for everyone. (Normalize)
3. May I bring some ventral energy to this moment. (Invitation)
An anchor in ventral helps us stay hopeful when things feel hopeless, engage an effective survival response in the face of danger, manage levels of stress in an ongoing stressful environment, and keep moving forward when the world around us is filled with suffering.
When ventral is unfamiliar it can feel overwhelming and unsafe.
The nervous system is re-organized through small moments.
Micro-moments of ventral regulation accumulate and compound leading to increased autonomic flexibility.
Autonomic reorganization happens with patience and persistence.
A glimmer is a micro-moment when we feel a spark of ventral energy. Glimmers are all around us, but from a state of protection they are very hard to find. Even when we are anchored in safety and connection, we can miss glimmers if we’re not looking.
• routinely appear but frequently go unnoticed
• gently and significantly shape our systems
• reminder the nervous system can hold both dysregulation and regulation
SEE — How do you know you’ve encountered a glimmer?
STOP — Acknowledge a glimmer as it happens.
APPRECIATE — Look for all the different feelings a glimmer can bring. See the predictable and the unexpected.
SHARE — Find a glimmer buddy. Create a glimmer group.
insympatheticfight andanger
For self: stand up for what I believe in; speak with strength; be forthright; navigate the world with purpose and passion
For others: simply offering your autonomically regulated presence to others begins to change their experience; see others as dysregulated and “just like me”
For change: anchor in the ventral energy needed to support having difficult conversations; create the critical mass of ventral needed to shape the world in a new way
Autonomic communication is always happening between our “selves”, others, the world, and Spirit. Our state impacts the world.
We are responsible for the autonomic information we are sending out into the world.
The scientific definition of contagious: something that is transmitted by either direct or indirect contact
Changing the World One Nervous System at a Time
Am I a resource or a threat?
Am I sending a welcome or a warning?
Send person to person and global invitations to connect.
Ventral vagal energy is an unstoppable force!
Create a Cascade of Kindness
What state am I in?
What do I need to be anchored in ventral regulation?
Where is the other person?
What does their nervous system need in this moment?
Write a Connection Intention
How do you want to be a co-regulating presence in the world?
If it’s too big it will overwhelm you.
If it’s too bland it won’t keep your interest.
Make it small enough to so you can be successful and big enough so you feel a purpose.
Look for words that invite you in…
The active, ongoing, intentional use of ventral vagal energy in service of healing…