3 minute read
Lincoln’s Life Lessons
Cannabis cookies for dummies
Well, the saga starts with my plan to go to multiple nurseries to drop off some price lists. I noticed a bloke setting up a stand selling “Cannabis Products”: pills, oils, even biscuits. Out of politeness, I stopped and asked him what they were for. He rallied off a whole slew of ailments, from insomnia and gout to cancer and everything in between.
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It was a like listening to a snake oil salesman from the old west, someone who’d sell you a cough expectorant to solve all your ills, but which really just gave you chronic diarrhoea from the directions: “Oom, vat twee slukke en hou styf vas aan daai boom. Jy sal te bang wees om te hoes!” Anyway, I digress.
In the midst of his cannabis display were some cookies. He gave me one for free, and another for my wife. I thought, well these look like digestive-type health biscuits, and he seems pretty cool in a shabby-chic kind of way, so what’s the harm? He told me all about the cookies, but he lost me in the second half when he starting trying to sound medical (although he was not a doctor but more like a herbologist from the Sangoma School of Fine Art in Phitatotjaba, close to Qwa-Qwa, close to Bethlehem in the Free State, not Israel … but I digress again).
Anyway, I took the two “health” cookies and drove off. On the way I remembered that I hadn’t had breakfast. So I ate them both.
I remember that I went shopping. Two shops in – I was in Fruit & Veg City looking for ingredients for a chilli sauce – BLAAANK! I was having an out-of-body experience. I lost my trolley completely (it was behind me). Then it got worse. “I’m having a stroke,” I thought. I was pushing my trolley, which I’d found again, but it felt like pushing someone else’s. When I had to pay I had to think for ages about my bank PIN and type it in reeeeaaally sloooowly….
Fortunately the car park was small, so there was no way I’d lose my CAR. But I did. So I pressed my alarm, which went off two cars away from where I was. So far so good. Well, getting out of this carpark is tricky enough when you’re feeling okay, but when you’re high as a kite, it’s another story entirely. Aided by prayer and the grace of God I made it safely home. My wife and daughters thought it was hilarious. My mother-inlaw wanted to call the police. I slept it off and five hours later I was fine.
The moral of the story is: have an Ouma’s rusk instead!
Fairways Lifestyle Village is the final phase of the Victoria Country Club Estate in Pietermaritzburg, situated on a prime north-facing location above the 18th fairway of the Victoria Country Club golf course. The village has been carefully designed to create a superior residential choice for discerning seniors, offering home-based care options from full independent living to full 24/7 inhouse care.
The village comprises of 14 Cottages and 12 Luxury Maisonettes directly overlooking the golf course, and 52 Apartments in 5 multi-storey blocks also enjoying magnificent views. A Village Centre will provide a central hub for medical and wellness staff and services, as well as personal care and community facilities.
Residents will be provided with security and individually-tailored health management in the comfort of their own homes. Every unit will be built with the internal infrastructure to accommodate the latest in Smart Home Technology Solutions, non-invasive home monitoring devices, and connected iHealth devices which permit self-measurement and health management, extending to professional assistance from a team of care givers, nurses and doctors.
Purchasers will determine the level of services they require in their home, with options to upgrade as their needs evolve. The aim is to provide residents with easy and continuous access to their required level of care, based on own demand and under their control.
For further information contact Pam Golding Properties agents Grant Becker 083 780 3924 and Janine van Greunen 076 200 4482 or visit the website www.fairwayslifestylevillage.co.za.
