2013 07 11

“Embrace, Encourage, Empower” Remembering Pride 2013 pp 12-13

July 11-24, 2013 | www.sfbaytimes.com

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MOMENTUM

NCLR P rid e P a r a d e C o n t i n g e n t (Ph o t o b y Cath y B l acksto n e )

Marry i ng at C i ty H al l

Dyke s o n Bikes C onti ngent

(P h o t o b y S t e v e n U n d e rh i l l )

( Photo by R i nk )

Pride Afterglow Lights the Way

Why? Why Not? There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not? - Robert F. Kennedy (paraphrasing George Bernard Shaw)

When the Supreme Court struck down Proposition 8 and Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act, a gaping wound in our collective psyche began to heal. For so long we have been treated as a separate and lesser class of people. Now the tide has turned, such that securing our full civil rights nationwide is not a matter of if, but when.

We at the Bay Times are thankful to have been part of this year’s historic Pride Parade, celebrated just days after the SCOTUS rulings. The Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir, shown above, made its first appearance at Pride, filling the street with songs of joy and reclaiming faith for our community. Faith for us equates to our complete trust and confidence that, as Bay Times columnists Stuart Gaffney and John Lewis said, “Love wins in San Francisco.”

The power of our community is now palpable. We are a mighty force that now holds tremendous weight and influence, leading to social change and correcting past wrongs. How will we next use that power? Anger and frustration about a myriad of issues—some personal, many not even directly tied to LGBT matters—can cause us to turn on ourselves. Prior victims of bullying can unleash their hurt on others, leading to relentless, destructive attacks. Energy can explode and fizzle, or it can be conserved to fuel strategic, measured and (continued on page 22)

This week marks a milestone for me – I celebrate my 50th birthday. Friends have been kind, with pithy responses like “50 is the new 40!” or “You wear 50 well!” or “It’s just a number!” I appreciate the sentiment and enthusiasm others have for my new decade ahead, but I confess the body is beginning to feel it a little. I am fortunate that I can still do most everything – it just seems that it now takes longer to recover . . .

Do Ask, Do Tell Zoe Dunning

With milestone birthdays, one is allowed to indulge in a bit of sentimental ref lection. What have you accomplished?

What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

I have the benefit of pondering these questions with the backdrop of the recent U.S. Supreme Court decisions overturning the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), paving the way for federal recognition of legally married same sex couples, and dismissing Proposition 8, allowing marriage equality in California. What an amazing and historic day June 26, 2013, was, not just for the LGBT community, but also for all of America. The highest court in the land ruled that the U.S. Constitution provides equal protection to lesbians and gays. From now on, they said, if a law’s purpose and effect are to impose “a disadvantage, a separate status, and so a stigma” (continued on page 22)

Editor’s Note: The “Bay Times” is proud to continue our commitment to post-Prop 8 good news with our new Engagements & Weddings page. Inquire how your social announcement can appear free of charge or how your wedding services ad can be included at a special rate: Publisher@sf baytimes.com or 415-601-2113.

Congratulations LGBT community!

Congratulations LGBT community!

Show your love on the dance floor!

Celebrate your special event!

Music customized and personalized for you!

Mobile Music DJ E-mail: salsabrate@sbcglobal.Net 650 464-3730 / 707 623-0140

Taking Pride in Marriage Equality: San Francisco, June 2013

By Thom Watson, Marriage Equality USA Best San Francisco Pride ever? There’s certainly a good case to be made that the answer is an enthusiastic “Yes!” At a minimum, I think I can state without exaggeration that Pride in 2013, due to the momentous decisions of the U.S. Supreme Court and the Ninth Circuit that week, along with a prompt, powerful and fully supportive response to those decisions on the part of city and state officials, marked a unique and historic moment for our city, especially in regards to marriage equality.

For same-sex couples who married in California in 2008 before Prop 8 was enacted, for those legally married in other marriage equality states in the U.S., and for those marrying thereafter, Pride week marked the moment these marriages were no longer subject to a “not-recognized-by-the-federalgovernment” caveat, no longer just the “skim milk” marriages highlighted

by Justice Ginsburg during oral arguments in Edie Windsor’s case challenging the constitutionality of DOMA. For the estimated tens of thousands of same-sex couples where one spouse or partner is a foreign national, Pride week spelled an end to the cruel and heartbreaking choice between love and country previously forced upon them by the government.

For LGBT Californians, Pride week meant finally fully enjoying the same freedom and opportunity regarding marriage – whether to marry, whom to marry, and when to marry – already available to and often taken for granted by our siblings, friends, and colleagues.

For San Franciscans and visitors in person at City Hall and the Civic Center marriage pavilion and for millions across the globe via television and the Internet watching so many happy, loving committed couples getting married – in the only city in the state that granted licenses to and conducted marriages for same-sex couples throughout the weekend – Pride week opened a win-

P HOTO B Y J UL IE BE RN ST E IN

Engagements & Weddings

T hom Wats on wit h his par t ner J eff Tabac o

dow onto a brighter tomorrow where love wins, equality triumphs, and freedom more truly rings.

And for LGBT people all across America, Pride week saw one more brick pried loose from the wall of inequality and indignity, and brought us one week closer to that wall tumbling completely into dust. It offered a ray of hope that all state marriage bans might soon be a thing of the past, albeit tempered with disappointment that the Court’s procedural punt in the Prop 8 case forestalled a sweeping decision that could have brought marriage equality to all Americans now rather than later. It demonstrated real progress for LGBT equality, however unevenly distributed it might be for now. And to many LGBT Americans and their most intimate relationships and their families, though regrettably not all, it accorded greater “dignity,” to use a word frequently repeated by Justice Kennedy in his majority opinion overturning DOMA Section 3.

Hope, Progress, Dignity. It even has the ring of a Pride theme. 2014 Pride committee, be my guest.

To be sure, the end of Prop 8 and DOMA Section 3 doesn’t mean the f ight for marriage equality is over.

Far from it: There still are 37 states where we aren’t yet free to marry

whom we love, and the legal status of our marriages as we cross state borders remains very much unresolved. And even though many more of us now enjoy the freedom to marry, far too many of us still live in cities and states where we legally may be fired just for putting a photo of our spouse on our desk, or for asking for the same spousal benefits that our colleagues already enjoy.

So we all need to roll up our sleeves and keep doing the hard work to ensure that the right to marry the person one loves – along with the right to employment free from discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression – doesn’t depend on one’s zip code. One easy way to become involved in winning marriage equality across the U.S. is to sign up for Marriage Equality USA’s National Equality Action Team (NEAT) initiative: http://www.marriageequality. org/neat On a personal note, for my f iancé Jeff and me, Pride week will merit at least two spots among our persona l “where were you when…” moments. I will never forget what we were doing or where we were – t e a r f u l ly embr a c i n g a nd joyful ly cheer ing in t he Rotunda of Sa n Fra ncisco Cit y Ha l l – early Wednesday morning when Prop 8 (continued on next page 22)

Ever-Powerful Words: “I Now Pronounce You Spouses for Life” timistic character: wishing a couple well as they embark on life’s journey.

Perhaps it’s the ceremony and ritual.

Or perhaps it’s simply that I’ve always been a romantic, with “I do’s” as the epitome of a couple’s public declaration of legal partnership.

Weddings Howard Stieremann My fascination with weddings started in junior high. There was a large church in the center of my hometown.

I recall sitting on a bench across the street on the weekends, excitingly anticipating the bride and groom’s joyous exit out the double doors, surrounded by their cheering family and friends.

I’m not totally sure what it was (and what it is today) that captivates me about weddings. Perhaps it’s my op-

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Fast forward to 2008 when the California Supreme Court legalized same sex marriages. Couples were flocking to San Francisco to be legally married. Some of my friends who knew that I was a lay leader in my synagogue asked me to officiate at their weddings. Couples from around the globe contacted me. It was my honor and pleasure to stand before them as they took their legal vows.

At each and every wedding I perform I get choked up. Be it an intimate wedding with just the couple and one witness, or a grand event with hundreds of guests, it is the following words before which I take a deep breath so I can proudly declare: “By the authority vested in me by the laws of these lands, and in the beloved company of family and friends, it is

my honor – and with absolute delight – that I now pronounce you spouses for life / wife & wife / husband & husband.”

I am so thankful that the State of California once again recognizes all love as worthy of legal marriage. And I’ll continue to marvel at couples when I am before them as the Off iciant or when I happen upon them, be it amidst the sequoias of Muir Woods or in front of a downtown hotel or house of worship.

Thank you for reading my first column. I encourage you to let me know what you’d like me to write about. Or ask questions you’ve been wondering about concerning weddings. My first column mentioned why I started officiating. In my next column I plan on sharing how I started officiating. After that, I hope to tailor my writing to your interests. Until then, I do! I do!

Howard M Steiermann is an Ordained Ritual Facilitator based in San Francisco.

For more information, please visit www.

SFHoward.com.

Getting Married at City Hall

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Bay T imes photog rapher s Steven Underh i l l a nd Phyl l is Cost a were among the observers at City Hall during Pride Weekend 2013 as happy same-sex couples obtained marriage licenses after the lifting of Prop 8. Some couples took the additional step to be united in marriage in ceremonies performed by of f iciants and were cheered by friends and family attending.

The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

A San Francisco Kind of Democrat Rafael Mandelman What a June! The Supremes’ holiday gift to our community, just in time for Pride no less, made Queer Chrismakah all the sweeter. In retrospect, it was an astonishingly short journey from the disappointment and outrage of that morning in 2009 when the California Supreme Court’s upheld Proposition 8 to the jubilation of that magical June 26 morning when America’s highest court acknowledged the full and equal humanity of gays and lesbians.

A few years ago I heard a speech by Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network Executive Director Eliza Byard, which included a line that went something like: “Even after we have won full legal equality for the gay, we will still need to look out for the queer.” As the community enters what looks to be the home stretch in our march toward complete legal equality, Byard’s observation seems to me increasingly relevant.

Back in 2008, Horizons Foundation published a study of queer giving, which found that although LGBT people make signif icant charitable contributions, they do not generally invest in LGBT charities, and further that when LGBT people do give to LGBT charities, they typically give to advocacy organizations rather than social service organizations. In the wake of the Supreme Court decisions, one of the more urgent questions for us LGBT folk is how to define ourselves not just as a collection of people seeking civil rights in a hostile legal and political environment, but as a community of people who take care of each other.

Meanwhile, down at City Hall, Supervisors David Campos and Scott Wiener were able to deliver big time for the community in the City’s budget process, garnering millions of

dollars for HIV treatment and prevention, other queer healthcare needs and programs and services for queer homeless youth. Nice job of looking out for the queers, Gentlemen!

A last piece of great news came at the end of June, when we learned that Hyatt and UNITE HERE (the hotel

workers union) had finally reached a settlement of their four-year fight.

I have written about that strike here before, but a special congratulation goes out to Cleve Jones and all the other LGBT activists who worked so hard on this worthy campaign.

I suppose the good news was bound to end at some point, and July is off to a truly miserable start. The announcement by the Accrediting Commission of Junior and Community Colleges that it intends to terminate City College’s accreditation effective July 2014 was stunning and outrageous.

After all the College had done to respond to the Commission’s initial “Show Cause” sanction one year ago, few believed the Commission would actually move to terminate the largest community college in the State. We were wrong.

For months I have listened politely, but skeptically, as faculty and others argued that the ACCJC was a rogue institution, arrogant, riddled with bias and out to get City College of San Francisco. Sadly, today, I am a believer. City College has more than its fair share of problems, but the ACCJC is the institution in dire need of reform. It’s going to be a fight, but in the end I believe it’s a fight San Francisco can win. After all, we’re used to tough fights.

Rafael Mandelman is a member of the San Francisco Community College Board of Trustees. He is also a partner at Burke, Williams & Sorensen, LLP.

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Bay Times

@ sfbaytimes.com.

BAY T IM ES JULY 11, 2013

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National News Briefs compiled by Dennis McMillan

Las Vegas, NV - Yes, Drag Queens Do Say, “I Do!” - 7.3

Lansing, MI - Legislation Launched to Legalize Same-sex Marriage in Michigan - 6.24

Rare is the moment Frank Marino is rendered speechless, but that moment unfolded in front of a showroom full of fans and friends on the Vegas Strip. Marino, the iconic “Divas Las Vegas” DQ headliner was about to close his show at The Quad Showroom when the music stopped and the suspense started. Draped in the dripping-with-rhinestones gown and blond wig he typically favors to close the famous drag review, Marino stood stunned as his production was interrupted by a guy in a tuxedo gripping a microphone and a small box.

A group of state lawmakers launched a legislative effort to make same-sex marriage legal in Michigan as the US Supreme Court ruling on gay marriage was anticipated to pass that week. Democratic state representatives are sponsoring a package of legislation that would ask voters to repeal the 2004 state constitutional amendment outlawing gay marriage and create state recognition of same-sex marriages performed in Michigan and other states. The proposals would require the approval of two-thirds of both the GOP-controlled House and Republican-dominated Senate.

The lawmakers had also wanted the Republican-controlled Legislature to pass a non-binding resolution calling on Congress to repeal the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). “Anyone in Michigan who loves another person should be able to join with that person in marriage and that relationship (should be) respected by the state and our laws,” state Rep. Jeff Irwin, D-Ann Arbor, said.

That person was Marino’s future husband and partner for 20 years, Alex Schechter.

Schechter is the vice president of SPI Entertainment, which produces “Divas Las Vegas,” and as such can hop onstage pretty much whenever he likes. Schechter introduced himself and called out to the many friends and family seated at the back of the room. He then introduced a video-montage of photographs of Marino and him through the years as Shania Twain’s “From This Moment On” played on the showroom’s sound system.

The bill sponsors acknowledge they face an uphill battle in the Legislature but are seeking to spark a legislative debate on the issue after recent public opinion polls showed the majority of Michiganians support same-sex marriage and granting gay couples the same civil, adoption and property rights of heterosexual couples. The death of DOMA, of course, will be an added influence.

As the video faded out, Schechter bent to a knee and produced a 5-carat, whiteand-black diamond ring with a white-gold band. Marino, who smiled quietly and confusedly during the presentation, then looked down at Schechter as he knelt.

Schechter then stood, and the two kissed as the crowd rose and cheered. “Is that a yes?” Schechter asked. Marino managed a joke. “You’re asking me to marry you?

Do you get 50 percent, though, if I say yes?” Schechter’s swift answer: “Seventy!”

“We’re making a statement today that Michiganders need to be treated equally under the law,” said Emily Dievendorf, managing director of Equality Michigan, an advocacy group for the LGBTQ community. Since 13 states (and District of Columbia) now recognize gay marriage, Democratic state Rep. Adam Zemke said the current ban “sends a message that we’re a backwardthinking, regressive state.”

A statewide poll released last month to The Detroit News found 56.8% of Michiganians support same-sex marriage, up 12.5 percentage points from a year ago. About 54% of voters would repeal Michigan’s 2004 constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, according to a Glengariff Group telephone poll of 600 registered voters released last month. Let’s get those numbers higher!

It was a “yes” in what has to be the first same-sex marriage proposal ever onstage during a Strip show. Marino says he’s never heard of one, and he’s been a Las Vegas headliner for nearly 30 years. That’s a long time in drag years!

Source: detroitnews.com

Source: lasvegassun.com

Bisbee, AZ - Bisbee Same Sex Partners File for Formal Civil Union - 7.5 It’s not quite gay marriage, but as of July 5, same-sex couples can claim some of the privileges of married couples in one Arizona town. It’s Bisbee.

Sometimes small steps in small towns lead to big changes. In Bisbee, Kathy Sowden and Deborah Grier went to Bisbee City Hall to file the papers to recognize their 21-year relationship as a formal civil union. The documents spell out how they want to handle some of the privileges that come with marriage, such as the ability to make medical decisions for each other.

Deborah Grier says, “I think it didn’t feel a whole lot different - but just the knowledge that somebody will actually recognize our union of 21 years.”

Kathy Sowden says, “It’s not marriage one hundred percent, but it protects us a little more. We’ve had friends who have had major problems when one of them has been ill.”

Bisbee’s City attorney says because the city wrote the documents like a contract between two people, Bisbee’s civil union carries legal weight outside Bisbee and throughout the United States. Sowden and Grier were not aiming to be in Arizona’s first official civil union. They just got to City Hall early, so they could file, and open their business on time.

Some other cities already set up what they call domestic partner registries that give couples a place to file legal paperwork to help define their relationship, but Bisbee is the first to use the term “civil union” to suggest two people joined under the law. Just last month, Tucson followed Bisbee’s lead and wrote civil union into Tucson’s city law. It seems equality is getting busy in Bisbee!

Source: kgun9.com

Albuquerque, NM - Same-Sex Couples Ask New Mexico Supreme Court to Protect Their Right to Marry - 7.3 Same-sex couples experience significantly less favorable treatment than The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) of New Mexico, ACLU national, the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR), Albuquerque law firm Sutin, Thayer & Brown PC and Albuquerque attorneys filed a writ of mandamus with the New Mexico State Supreme Court seeking a ruling on the issue of whether same-sex couples can marry in the State of New Mexico. The writ also asks the court to clarify that New Mexico respects the marriages of same-sex New Mexico couples who married in another state, which is necessary to ensure that those couples qualify for all of the federal programs that are now available to married same-sex couples as a result of the United States Supreme Court recent decision invalidating the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

Juneau, AK - Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski Backs Same-sex Marriage - 6.19 Senator Lisa Murkowski expressed support for same-sex marriage, becoming the third sitting Republican senator to do so. The Human Rights Campaign announced the Alaska senator had backed marriage equality in a statement.

“This is a hard issue. It is hard because marriage is such a deeply personal issue,” Murkowski said. “There may be some that when they hear the position that I hold that are deeply disappointed. There may be some that embrace the decision that I have made.” She added, “I recognize that it is an area that as a Republican I will be criticized for.” Murkowski had said in March that her views were shifting on the issue. “The term ‘evolving view’ has been perhaps overused, but I think it is an appropriate term for me to use,” she said.

A writ of mandamus is a special legal action that permits the New Mexico Supreme Court to resolve an issue without waiting for the lower courts to rule. The New Mexico Supreme Court is not legally required to accept writ petitions, but it may do so when presented with an issue of great public importance.

“Senator Murkowski’s courageous and principled announcement sends a clear message that marriage equality must come to all 50 states in this country,” said HRC President Chad Griffin. “As the Supreme Court [has ruled] in two landmark marriage cases this month, a growing bipartisan coalition is standing up for the right of all couples to marry - and there is no turning back that tide.”

There are more than 1,100 places in federal laws and programs where being married makes a difference, including eligibility for family medical leave, social security survivor’s benefits and access to health care for a spouse. With DOMA now overturned, same-sex couples could immediately become eligible for these federal benefits and protections, as well as all of the protections given to spouses under state law, if the New Mexico Supreme Court rules that New Mexico law permits same-sex couples to marry and also requires that the state respect the marriage of same-sex couples who have married out-of-state. Next stop on the equality train: New Mexico!

Murkowski joins Republican Senators Rob Portman (Ohio) and Mark Kirk (Ill.) in supporting same-sex marriage. Fifty-one Senate Democrats favor it as well. Like the majority of Alaskans, Murkowski supported a constitutional amendment in 1998 defining marriage as only between a man and a woman, but her thinking has evolved. “Why should the federal government be telling adults who love one another that they cannot get married, simply because they happen to be gay?” Murkowski said. “I believe when there are so many forces pulling our society apart, we need more commitment to marriage, not less.” We need more Republicans like her as well!

Source: nclrights.org

Source: huffingtonpost.com

Local News Briefs California Senate Passes Bill Supporting Transgender Student Success

Summer Queer History Programs to Highlight Bears, Beatniks, and Bayard

The California State Senate passed the School Success and Opportunity Act (Assembly Bill 1266), sending the bill to Governor Jerry Brown for signature. The bill ensures transgender students have the opportunity to succeed in school by prohibiting discrimination against them.

Authored by Assemblymember Tom Ammiano, the bill passed the Senate 21-9. The bill passed the California State Assembly last month 46-25.

The summer series at The GLBT History Museum will include panel discussions on the bear subculture, on the legacy of gay civil rights organizer Bayard Rustin, as well as a talk on beat poet Allen Ginsberg. Events take place at the museum at 4127 18th Street in the Castro.

AB 1266 will ensure that California public schools understand their responsibility for the success and wellbeing of all students, including transgender students, and will allow transgender students to fully participate in all school activities, sports teams, programs and facilities in accordance with their gender identity. “Ending discrimination and exclusion is important for everyone, including transgender youth, and AB1266 moves us closer toward that goal,” said John O’Connor, executive director of Equality California.

Co-authored by Senators Mark Leno and Ricardo Lara and Assemblymember Toni Atkins, the bill is backed by a coalition of leading local organizations, including Transgender Law Center, Gay-Straight Alliance Network, Gender Spectrum, Equality California, ACLU of California, National Center for Lesbian Rights, statewide teacher and parent organizations, and dozens of other organizations.

AB 1266 will make it clear that California’s public schools are required to respect a transgender student’s identity in all school programs, activities, and facilities. It will provide guidance to district and school leaders about how to meet their obligations to protect the safety and wellbeing of all students, including those who are transgender. Absent this bill becoming law, countless lawsuits would be filed against school districts that discriminate against transgender students, resulting in money that should be used for education instead of being used for litigation. By signing this law, Governor Brown can continue his civil rights leadership and, in the process, save California money.

Story by Dennis McMillan 4

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“What Is a Bear? Exploring and Defining a Gay Male Subculture” is July 24. Today’s bear culture has an endless list of labels for bodies and styles, from cub and otter to the traditional bear, wolf, black bear and panda. This panel discussion will explore what it has meant to be a bear in the past, how the self-image and media images of bears have changed over time and how bears are creating a community of inclusion in San Francisco today.

“From Beatniks to Gay Liberation: Allen Ginsberg and Queer San Francisco” is August 15.

What was the world that Allen Ginsberg inhabited in San Francisco in the 1950s? How did the then-lively gay scene in the North Beach neighborhood interact with the rest of the city? And what happened to that scene between Ginsberg’s controversial public reading of “Howl” at the Six Gallery in 1955 and the dawn of the era of gay liberation? Ginsberg, Jack Spicer, Sam Steward, James Broughton and José Sarria will be examined.

“March on Washington: 50 Years Later - Where Are We Now?” is August 21. The Bayard Rustin LGBT Coalition presents a panel discussion on civil rights leader Rustin, a gay man who was a prominent strategist for the 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. Participants also will look at the journey of the African American community over the past half-century, and will address the issues of queer economic status and demographics of today.

Story by Dennis McMillan

BAY T IM ES JULY 11, 2013

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Round About - The Pink Triangle of Twin Peaks A record number of volunteers joined The Pink Triangle project founder Patrick Carney and his family for the 18th annual installation atop Twin Peaks on Saturday, June 29th and Sunday, June 30th. For the ceremony, San Francisco Symphony’s Grammy award-winning conductor Michael Tilson Thomas read the History of the Pink Triangle.

Following at the podium were numerous civic and political leaders, including MTT’s close friend Senator Mark Leno. Members of the SF LGBT Freedom Band performed.

Pride Parade Celebrity and Community Grand Marshals, including Bay Times co-publishers/editors Betty Sullivan and Jen Viegas, gave remarks and joined in the christening ritual with pink champagne opened to laughter and applause from those gathered on the morning of the festive day now known as Pink Saturday. Congratulations to Patrick, his partner, mother, sister and other relatives who have made it possible for The Pink Triangle to become a valued tradition of San Francisco Pride.

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Money and Finance Is a Reverse Mortgage a Sound Option for Retirement Income?

• Reverse mortgages are typically limited to individuals age 62 and older.

Money Matters Brandon Miller, CFP & Joanne Jordan, CFP The concept behind reverse mortgages is nothing new. They provide a way for those who are retired or about to retire to generate cash flow based on the value of their home.

The terminology may sound confusing, but a reverse mortgage is considered a loan to the individual—similar to a home equity loan.

A reverse mortgage is an option for retirees to tap into the equity they’ve accumulated on their home, particularly if the mortgage is paid off or if the balance on the mortgage is low.

But reverse mortgages can take different forms, and it’s important for homeowners to clearly understand the terms of any agreement they consider.

Given the f inancial strain many retirees feel today as a result of the volatile investment markets of recent years and despite the fact that home values were hard hit in recent years, curiosity about reverse mortgages remains high. Retired homeowners who are looking for income in addition to what they will receive from retirement plan savings, pensions and Social Security often consider this option to help meet their financial needs in retirement.

• Although payments are based on the equity in your home (among other factors), there is an obligation to repay the full amount received plus interest either at the death of the homeowner or when the home is sold. However, in many cases, the amount due will not exceed the value of the home when it is sold.

• Those who receive reverse mortgage payments remain obligated to pay taxes and insurance on the property. This becomes difficult for some—the number of borrowers who default on reverse mortgages has increased in recent years. Many don’t have sufficient assets to make property tax and home insurance payments, or they simply weren’t aware of this requirement. A good solution is to set up an automatic payment program through a bank or cash management account.

• The biggest factors that affect the amount one can borrow are current age (older individuals may receive larger reverse mortgage payments), and the amount of equity one has on the house.

Three Different Options There are three different types of reverse mortgages. They include: • Home Equity Conversion Mortgages (or HECMs), insured by the Federal Housing Administration • Single Purpose Reverse Mortgages (offered by some state and local government agencies and nonprofit organizations), typically aimed at low and moderate-income homeowners

Key Facts About Reverse Mortgages:

• Proprietary Reverse Mortgages – private loans backed by the companies that originate the loan

• A reverse mortgage allows one to receive income based on his or her home’s value while continuing to own and live in the home.

The vast majority of loans in the market today are government-sponsored HECM’s. Participants can receive payments monthly or even

establish a line of credit that can be opened when or if needed.

Obligations of the Borrower In many ways, reverse mortgages are similar to home equity loans in which the value of the home is used to generate cash flow while you continue to own and live in the property.

There are costs involved and private loans tend to be more expensive than those offered through government agencies.

Un l i ke a home mor tgage, t he amount you owe on a reverse mortgage increases over time. Interest is charged on the outstanding balance and added to the amount owed each month.

Repayment occurs by selling the home or having heirs take care of repayment after the death of the homeowner. Therefore, it is important to let heirs know in advance that the reverse mortgage is in place. Most of these loans have a “nonrecourse clause,” protecting heirs from owing more than the value of the home when the loan becomes due and the home is sold.

It’s also vital to be cognizant of the interest rate charged on a home equity line. Although some have fixed rates, most utilize a variable rate, so the net value of payments made can decline over time if interest rates rise.

Be sure to meet with an advisor for advice on the terms of any reverse mortgage you consider. This meeting is required for all who apply for a federally backed Home Equity Conversion Mortgage.

Brandon Miller, CFP and Joanne Jordan, CFP are financial consultants at Jordan Miller & Associates, A Private Wealth Advisory Practice of Ameriprise Financial Inc. in San Francisco, specializing in helping LGBT individuals and families plan and achieve their financial goals.

The World of Humanity

Speak Up! Speak Out! Laugh Often!

matter much to me. When acts of cruelty are committed against gay men, lesbians, transexual people, children, women, black men, the elderly, it matters little the cause. The effect is suffering... for the individuals, their families and friends, and the world at large. Somehow, we as humans need to cultivate and activate a deeper sense of interconnectedness so that we can alter our very human response towards violence in the crucial moment.

dents, particularly young people, with the opportunity to engage in critical thinking, an environment where they can learn to employ a systematic approach of analyzing the assets and liabilities inherent in any decision-making process. Because she trusted me, my assistant was able to accept my words, speak with her husband, and send her daughter off to college with a better understanding of what she might gain from the experience.

When I had a corporate job many years ago, my assistant asked to speak with me

I share this story because the idea of creating value as the barometer for right action needs to be further explored within the context of our own personal human development. It is the hope of an enlightened humanity that as we change for the better as individuals that society will change as a direct result. Pursuing higher education later in life and continuing to be a lifelong learner has enabled me to get a handle on my baser animal instincts and to strive to bring out my human sensibilities. I must challenge my own angry nature and transform it into passion for justice, thereby short-circuiting violence in pursuit of meaningful dialogue and opportunities for growth. Each of us has a responsibility to make the world a safer, more humane place to live, grow, learn, and enjoy. When we focus on creating value through our human interactions, there is no room for cruelty.

Karen Williams, M.Ed I try to mind my own business. I am appalled and often shocked about the news events of the day, due to the constant and continuous bombardment of violent acts. While at the nail salon getting my pedicure and nails done, the Trayvon Martin case was on the television screen. I make it a point not to watch the news. Something about all that negativity lodging itself in my psyche when I’m working so hard to heal myself seems counter-productive. Yet, I had the same visceral response to his murder as I had about Matthew Shepard. The autopsy report revealed that Martin was probably alive for about ten minutes while he was bleeding to death inside his heart cavity.

How cruel!

Whether the case is determined to be self-defense or murder doesn’t seem to

because she was concerned about her daughter’s desire to go to college. She expressed that she didn’t see the reason for college since neither her husband nor she had attended university and life was working out for them. In response, I asked her about their decision-making process.

She replied that decisions were largely based on their emotions, how they felt about what they want to buy, or where they want to travel, and so forth. I told her that college education provides stu-

Imagine a non-violent world! That’s news!

Karen Williams prays every day for peace. Share your prayers with her at karen@sfbaytimes.com

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San Francisco Pride 20

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San Francisco Pride 2013 was ripe with colorful, memorable sights and sounds. We thank Bay Times photographers Rink, Steven Underhill, Phyllis Costa and Cathy Blackstone, along with our guests Emily Hamann of the North Coast Journal and Mike Matas of Facebook, for capturing the spirit of the day on Sunday, June 30th, with scenes from the Pride Parade plus the Main Stage and VIP Party at City Hall.

PH OT O BY ST EVEN UNDERH ILL

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Pride, More Than A Parade Arriving at the contingent staging area on Spear Street, we managed to weave our way through the glorious crowd of celebrants anxious to start the mile and half long march towards Civic Center.

We found our contingent and I asked someone to direct me. That is the last I remember. The next thing I knew, I was lying flat on my back with several people holding me down, my dear Alejandro holding my head with someone from the Bay Times telling me not to move. All I knew is I was covered in blood and hurt like hell. I had apparently fallen over the hitch of a portable metal sign trailer that was in the staging area, hitting head first onto the pavement. (Editor’s note: It appeared to be a sign put in place by the city.)

Kim Corsaro Publisher 1981-2011

2261 Market Street, No. 309 San Francisco CA 94114 Phone: 415-503-1375 525 Bellevue Avenue Oakland CA 94610 Phone: 510-846-8158 E-mail: editor@sfbaytimes.com www.sfbaytimes.com

Guest Editorial The Bay Times was the first newspaper in California, and among the first in the world, to be jointly and equally produced by lesbians and gay men. We honor our history and the paper’s ability to build and strengthen unity in our community.

Dr. Betty L. Sullivan Jennifer L. Viegas Co-Publishers & Co-Editors

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Writers Rink, Sister Dana Van Iquity, Ann Rostow, Kirsten Kruse, Teddy Witherington, Kate Kendell, Pollo del Mar, Heidi Beeler, K. Cole, Gary M. Kramer, Dennis McMillan, Tom Moon, Paul E. Pratt, Terry Baum, Gypsy Love, Joel Engardio, Rafael Mandelman, Scott Wiener, Shelley MacKay, Kit Kennedy, Leslie Katz, Karen Williams, Gary Virginia, Stu Smith, Zoe Dunning, Kathleen Archambeau, Jim Tibbs, Mark Penn, Marcy Adelman, Stuart Gaffney & John Lewis Brandon Miller & Joanne Jordan

Troy P. Coalman Pride, for me, is deeply personal! It is as much of a core value to our community as it is an annual event. Pride for me is an annual celebration of who we are as a people and a culture; it is an opportunity to share our vibrancy, honor our past, and this year, in particular, to celebrate our victories.

This year I was to join in the celebration, as I usually do, by marching in the parade, yet the hand of fate had other plans for me that Sunday morning because by 10:30 AM I was loaded into an ambulance headed for the hospital. I was in extreme pain and crying that my Pride for this year had come to an end. Even as I recall the events of that morning I am shedding tears because it was so emotional. In a matter of seconds what was a joy gave way to disappointment, terror and tears!

My fiancé, Alejandro Blanco, and I had arrived to march with Grand Marshal Betty Sullivan and the SF Bay Times contingent. This was not my first parade. I had marched many times before, and I looked forward to this one with the same enthusiasm and excitement. What made this year special was having my sweet man on my arm, the man I will marry; this was to be his first time marching in a Pride parade. I was so proud to have him at my side and thrilled that we would march knowing the victory of gay marriage was at hand!

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my partner who told me, “It will be okay. You are in good hands, Honey, so stay strong.” I knew at this point I had gashed open my forehead and three people were apply ing pressure to it to stop the bleeding. I was conscious and knew this was the end of my Pride. Tears st a r ted i m med iately. T h rough t he chaos I heard that awesome booming voice of Betty Sul livan, “Troy we gotta stop meet ing like this!” It made me laugh.

My head injuries were not serious, although the pain is still with me and the stitches and scars will be with me for a while. I am on the mend and will be back to full power shortly.

This is a Pride I shall never forget, nor will my beloved A lejandro. What we experienced that morning was the perfect illustration of our communit y and the PR I DE we take in caring for people. I am PROUD to be a gay man and I am PROU D of our communit y!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone. I love you and I celebrate you!

Medics arrived, quickly followed by the ambulance. Being lifted onto the backboard and onto the g urney, I heard a bunch of people yel l, “ Troy, t h is P r ide is for you!” I cou ld

Troy P. Coalman i s the D e velopme nt D irector of L eap: Arts in Education . Before joining L eap, he was the principal of SFA, a San Francisco-based full service advertising, interactive and consulting f irm.

“Moment of Joy,” which celebrates the overturning of DOMA and Prop 8 with a color silhouette of Ernie and Bert snuggling in front of a black-and-white TV showing the Supreme Court.

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Arriving at the hospital, so sad, and feeling like I let so many down, one thing changed my outlook: remembering hearing ever yone yel l i ng, “ We love you! ” Tea r s f lowed yet again. W hy? Simple. It was the outpouring of love and compassion that came from complete strangers, those that not only took care of me, but also took care of my partner. Not only did I get a sense of true love from those that f irst responded, but also from the strangers who saw me on the gurney, from the medics who helped me, from the ambulance crew, and from everyone! I’ve always known of the emergency plans that SF Pride has in place.

Never did I think I’d exper ience them f irst hand. So my thanks go deep and far, to those that did the planning and to those who spent the hours ensuring emergency plans were in place and easily activated. I am deeply and profoundly af fected by this accident and the care I received.

A Matter of Muppets

Photographers Rink, Dennis McMillan, Steven Underhill, Phyllis Costa, Cathy Blackstone, Robert Fuggiti

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I remember very little except hearing people yelling, “Medics are on their way,” and, “An ambulance has been called.” I could also hear

not stop crying. I wanted to be there so bad, marching w it h my beloved, marching w it h our community, marching for what we have all fought so long and hard for.

Brass Tacks Heidi Beeler The Friday of Pride Weekend, a comment was lobbed over my cubicle wall that alerted me to the latest skirmish in the Culture Wars: “A Muppet can’t be [sudden whisper, almost a hiss] gay. [Gradual crescendo] Ernie and Bert are puppets, for crying out loud! [whisper whisper whisper] And then children come home with questions!”

Wondering what the heck was up, I Googled “Ernie and Bert” and up popped this week’s New Yorker cover,

That’s when all the screaming and yelling started - the hollering in my head as I argued with myself over whether to seize an educational moment or get back to work. My place of employment is a Republican-owned FiDi office with a delicate mix of employees who practice Christianity and feng shui, localvorism and Mormonism, stark-raving Hillary-phobia and, yes, LGBT rights activism through trumpeting. True, the neutral zone had clearly been violated here, but I’m also aware of my debating style and shouting expletives at a Central Valley native who hadn’t technically been talking to me is no way to win over hearts and minds. So the two lobes of my brain compromised on keeping my lip zipped and writing this article instead.

I have to say, my own reaction to The New Yorker cover was more complex than a simple booyah for Team Rainbow.

After 48 hours of playing in the streets and receiving congratulations from co-

workers, that hissed condemnation of our Sesame Street violations slapped me back into the real world, and my first thought was for Sesame Street’s safety. I’ve laughed over Ernie and Bert for years, but I’m a huge NPR/PBS fan and few things rile me up more than Neocon campaigns to eliminate its funding.

The one appeal that stirs up massive public support across party lines is the plea that Neocons want to cut off Big Bird. By making Sesame Street appear to pick sides on a controversial issue in the mainstream, as the Obama campaign did briefly last fall, with so many Teapartiers in Congress already wreaking havoc, I feared The New Yorker put at risk one of the last reliable national news sources we have in this country, all for a laugh.

On the other hand, looking at “Moment of Joy,” it really is a pretty excellent laugh. Given that Pew Research Studies show that younger generations are more likely to approve of same-sex marriage, the Sesame Street crowd might actually be Marriage Equality’s biggest fans.

Artist Jack Hunter depicts the softsculpture pair in an imagined off-

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The San Francisco Lesbian / Gay Freedom Band in the 2013 Pride Parade

camera moment. It’s nighttime, nary a Sesame Workshop PR rep in sight, and they cuddle with the lights off before the TV - Ernie resting his head on Bert’s shoulder. For all the brouhaha over blatant, unadulterated snuggling, Ernie and Bert aren’t really the focus of the scene. The central image, shot over their shoulders, is the TV showing the Supreme Court. In a brilliant commentary, Hunter has made that TV 1950s black-and-white. The image of the justices caught behind the glass TV screen looks outdated and, ironically, less real than the snuggling Muppets who share their room and our full-color world with us. Created over a year before the Pride-week rulings, the image says we’re all watching and waiting for the Supreme Court to join us in our century.

Now that the Supremes have – well, almost, by virtue of majority decision – left Kansas to join us over the rainbow, we can celebrate the triumph of the technicality that brought down Prop 8. My co-worker reminds me, though, there’s much more to do before Ernie and Bert – and the couples in the 35 states that have yet to legalize samesex marriage — can have their sunny day too.

The Week in Review

By Ann Rostow Finishing the Job Our twin Supreme Court victories may have been short on explicit legal reasoning, but they have delivered a powerful shot of adrenaline into an already energized GLBT civil rights movement. That’s essential, because as Freedom To Marry’s Evan Wolfson reminds us, we cannot sit back and expect marriage equality to roll effortlessly over the country like a warm tide. We must continue to work for it, and we must work hard.

I know it has seemed easy enough over the last few years, hasn’t it? But underneath the rising support have been sophisticated educational programs.

Our legislative wins have been well organized by savvy political activists. The referendums we’ve won have been fought with technical acumen.

And the arguments that have secured court rulings in our favor have been polished and perfected by GLBT lawyers for decades. Success hasn’t fallen into our laps. We’ve earned it. And much of it has been paid for with small donations from average GLBT citizens as well as larger gifts from our richer brothers and sisters and our allies.

On Tuesday, Freedom To Marry released a new roadmap for “finishing the job” of bringing marriage equality to every state in the nation. Clearly, the end game will find us back before the nine justices. But before that day arrives, we must build “a critical mass” of equality states, and an “undeniable momentum” in public opinion. Without first meeting those conditions, we are unlikely to win our next High Court showdown.

According to Wolfson’s group, the critical mass is at least 20 states, or roughly half of the American population. The undeniable momentum would be public support of at least 60 percent and rising. Freedom to Marry thinks we can meet these goals by the end of 2016, and indeed that seems doable.

First, we can ask the states with civil unions to upgrade to marriage equality. With the demise of the Defense of Marriage Act, such states are no longer offering equal benefits to samesex citizens. Indeed, the Obama administration has bolstered this argument by making clear that the federal government will not recognize state-specif ic partnership regimes.

We’ve always called them secondclass statuses. Now there’s no question that civil unions are discriminatory, plain and simple.

New Jersey is a particularly blatant case, since the state supreme court has already ruled that same-sex couples must be equal to their heterosexual neighbors. Ever since the legislature reacted to that ruling with a civil union law, our side has argued vociferously that New Jersey’s unions fail to meet the test of equality that the court purported to enforce. We’ve been litigating this issue in state court for a couple of years, but after the Windsor ruling, Lambda Legal has amended its complaint and asked for quick summary judgment in our favor. Do civil unions provide New Jersey citizens with equal marriage rights? Hell no.

But even in states where courts have yet to order equality, the case against civil unions is now clear. Those states are proliferating, and could upgrade to marriage either through court action or through political will.

Second, several of the states with antigay constitutional amendments are likely to repeal those amendments if the electorate gets another chance to vote. That is what we hope will happen in Oregon next year, when voters

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will be asked to reverse their amendment and legalize marriage.

finish. By that time, she will probably have knocked down a wall or two.

Third, another handful of states where no amendment is in place could legalize marriage equality through the political process. Illinois has passed marriage equality through the state senate, and although we haven’t amassed the necessary votes in the house, they could be there by this fall. In the aforementioned Garden State, lawmakers have already passed marriage rights in a bill that was vetoed by Chris Christie. It’s not impossible that our side could override that veto with a two-thirds majority before next year.

Meanwhile, although trial watchers by nature, we have been following the travails of Mr. Zimmerman, who appears to be wriggling out of criminal charges for murder. How on Earth can you get out of your car, stalk an innocent teenager through a dark subdivision, shoot the unarmed kid through the heart…and claim it was all the kid’s fault? Even if Trayvon had turned around and confronted Zimmerman, or even knocked him down or whatever, why wasn’t it Trayvon who was acting in self-defense? Surely it is not self-defense when you create the very circumstances that require defense in the first place. Can a burglar claim self-defense after breaking into a house, getting caught, feeling threatened, and then killing the homeowner?

Finally, we have the federal option.

These are the Prop 8-style cases we bring in federal court, arguing that the antigay policies of Your State Here violate the U.S. Constitution.

We already have federal cases in progress against the states of Hawaii and Nevada. This week, the ACLU filed suit against Pennsylvania, and announced plans to file federal marriage cases against Virginia and North Carolina. I think there may be another one or t wo f loat ing around because I have lost track and become confused as our national litigation strategy has f lowered over recent years.

Marriage will be won or lost on the back of one (or more) of these Prop 8-type lawsuits. The Hawaii and Nevada cases are being heard together by the Ninth Circuit; the others are just getting started. As such, potential scenarios abound.

What if the Ninth Circuit rules in our favor a year or two from now?

If the High Court ducks an appeal, marriage could be legal throughout the western United States. If not, this will be the case that decides our fate, maybe four or five years from now. What if the Ninth Circuit rules against us? Will we suffer defeat and try our hand in a different circuit?

Or will we roll the dice and petition the justices? Would that be asking for trouble? Maybe so.

You can see that in order to win the war, we have to win many if not all of the battles. I was just listening to an interview with Justice Kagan, who was asked to what extent the High Court pays attention to polls and public opinion. Our decisions are not based on polls, she said (and I paraphrase) but nonetheless, we live in a real world and we don’t close our eyes and ears to the changes in society and public attitudes.

Surely, to return to the original premise, we cannot approach the Court for a final decision without the clear weight of public opinion on our side, as well as the clear sense that marriage equality is a dictate of our history and our constitution.

Sidetracked I almost kept riding the above train of thought that has chugged easily through the first thousand words of this column. But really, why? You get the picture. Isn’t there anything light and fun, dare I say it…gay…to write about? Let’s disembark at Petticoat Junction and share random musings at the Irrelevant Cafe!

My wife Mel decided to remove a pug stain on the carpet in our bedroom.

When the stain didn’t resolve itself, she scurried off to Home Depot and bought an expensive rug machine with a pet attachment. She then removed all the furniture from the bedroom and treated the entire floor.

Now, she’s decided to paint the bedroom baby blue since the furniture is out. I would normally be glad to aid in this evolving project, but unfortunately I have to write this column. I suspect that it will take me hours to

Let’s just say that we don’t get it.

So, I read that Alec Baldwin succumbed to one of his deranged fits of temper and called someone a “toxic little queen,” along with a few other antigay epithets. We have all been urged to tear up our Capital One cards to teach the man a lesson.

I think he apologized to the GLBT community but, quite frankly, I have not done a great deal of research on this incident. As such, I cannot recommend a course of action.

Now here’s something. I just read an article in USA Today that tells me there are some gay men and lesbians who might not get married, even if and when they have the opportunity.

So say the “experts” consulted for this piece, who also note that many straight people do not marry for a variety of similar reasons.

Don’t you hate contrived topics?

What next? Some animal lovers don’t have pets? Some children don’t like ice cream? I particularly object to the stories that single out the one gay person in America who actually opposes same-sex marriage because he or she is unhinged in some way, and deliver a profile under a headline like, “Gay Community Divided on Marriage Rights.”

Hey. Check out the cool YouTube video called something like “All American Boy,” a musical vignette about a guy who falls in love one night at a party around a campfire. It’s become an instant hit. It’s like a novel in five minutes.

Watching Paint Dry Where else can our banter take us?

Mel went to buy paint, by the way, so I figure I have to drag out the end of this column for another three hours or so. There have been some antigay attacks in Macedonia, so be forewarned if you’re headed to the Balkan Peninsula.

Here’s a perfect topic. Let’s analyze this letter to a conservative advice columnist in the Washington Times.

The letter writer’s daughter goes to a Christian school where one of her classmates told everyone he was gay.

The kids didn’t seem to care! “How can we help our kids to understand the principle of ‘loving the sinner but hating the sin?’” asks the parent, “when their gay friends--- who are terrific, loving and even faithful people--- seem perfectly normal and acceptable?”

I had to check to make sure this wasn’t an Onion letter. In fact, the letter writer sounds exactly like the alter ego I developed for the Bay Times in the 1990s, Nan Parks. Nan was a fictional Marin County housewife who was oblivious to her many contradictions and prejudices. This is exactly the sort of dilemma that would con(continued on page 22)

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Launch a Mission to Inner Space LEO (July 23 – August 22) Listen closely, Leo. Subconscious stirrings seek your attention now. Meaningful meditations will invoke soulful sensations that serve to guide and protect you. Get to know your guardian angels.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21) Sharing is caring, Sagittarius. Whether you’re applying this to the bedroom or the boardroom, you must respect the sweet sanctity of joint resources.

Appreciate the preciousness of all parties involved.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Feed your mind, Taurus. Facing facts will furnish fun opportunities to sharpen your skills and build benevolent bridges. Even friends and significant partners will benefit when you feast on knowledge.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22) Take stock of your tribe, Virgo. The Universe is offering cosmic support as you broaden social horizons and deepen connections within the community. Value the various voices of your village.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19) You’re releasing harmful habits that have historically hindered your relationships for far too long.

Read between the lines, Capricorn. Matters of the heart reveal important pathways toward personal transformation.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) New systems and structures are settling now – especially surrounding work and wellness. Striving to stay afloat? Jump in, Gemini. Diving below the surface will dilute your fear of change.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22) Expansion and good fortune shine brightly in your career sector now. Even if profits appear slowly, you’re laying cosmic groundwork for future gains.

Have faith, Libra. You’re worth the wait!

ARIES (March 21 – April 19) Nurturing emotional needs is simpler than it seems, Aries. Searching for satisfaction and security?

Delight in domestic dealings now. Nestle in your nest before you roam too far from home. better.

Astrology Gypsy Love Author and spiritualist Ekhart Tolle describes “inner space” as a vital stillness existing between sense perceptions. While humans consume themselves with processing thought objects continuously arising in our consciousness, we risk over-packing our heads and hearts with excess baggage. It’s only the empty space, suggests Tolle, which offers gateways to enlightenment. Current celestial cues summon us to launch mandatory missions to inner space. Seize your stillness, and blast off.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22) Claim stake in your sense of self, dear Cancer.

This is a particularly positive time to refine personal goals and promote your public image. Your potential is limitless. Get creative!

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21) Believe in the big picture, Scorpio. While your view from inside may be baffling, the perspective outside is quite promising. Widen your thought process to make room for unforeseen variables.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18) Loosen up, Aquarius. Hiccups in your daily routine could usher in remarkable novelties now. Take a step back, and refine how you react when plans go awry.

Embrace the unexpected.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20) It’s party time, Pisces! Success and fulfillment are inextricably linked to the frequency of your fun-factor now. Head to your nearest joy gym, and beef up on beautifully bountiful bliss.

www.AstrologyByGypsyLove.com

Gypsy Love’s astrology readings have helped 1000’s of people attract what they authentically desire.

As Heard on the Street . . .

compiled by Rink

AL L PHOTOS BY RIN K

What do you like best about SF Pride and why?

Joe Balass

Minna Tao

“I enjoy the faery spirit that adds an organic feel to the way SF Pride celebrates.”

“It is a time of celebration and freedom.”

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Linnette Peralta Haynes “Today is a beautiful and historic day to celebrate with my son Oziah.

Fran Kipnis

Sister Soami

“Everyone is happy and it feels good, and they love this day.”

“I love the way we bless the street in such beautiful numbers, and it is a feeling of irrepressible joy.”

Arts&Entertainment Erotic Thriller Tumbledown Is Sexy, Sinister stories had to be told/seen from each character’s point of view—that they could not comment on what has happened.

GMK: The characters, it is written, “Believe what they want to believe, remember what they want to remember, and tell the truth they want people to believe.” How did you play with reality and truth?

Film

Gary M. Kramer Tumbledown, co-written and directed

by Todd Verow, is a striking drama, now out on DVD, about a dangerous love triangle involving Rick (cowriter Brad Hallowell), Jay (Verow) and Mike (Brett Faulker). The film, an erotic thriller inspired by actual events, is told from three different perspectives to deliberately blur reality about a crime of passion.

Verow creates a sexy, sinister mood, and artfully uses shadows and light, as well as (usually naked) bodies to communicate the characters’ desires and despair. In a recent email exchange, Verow and I discussed Tumbledown, a film I assisted in editing.

GMK: What prompted you to make this film and tell this particular story?

TV: Brad Hallowell f irst told me about his friend’s story. (The friend and everyone else involved preferred to remain anonymous. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.) Brad thought it would make an interesting film. I agreed and went up to Maine to talk with Brad’s friend and other people who were involved in the actual events. The more we uncovered, the wilder the story got.

We knew we needed to make this film.

GMK: Why did you take the multipleperspective approach to Tumbledown?

TV: As we interviewed different people, we discovered that their accounts varied wildly. Even talking with the same people on different days we would get different stories. I knew the

TV: We lie to ourselves and others all of the time, and most of the time it isn’t even intentional. We justify our actions by making excuses for them.

This is why Jay actually has two different versions of what happens in a pivotal scene. He justifies his actions by remembering them in a different way.

But at the same time he knows what he is doing—that is the scary thing, I think. He knows, but does not think what he is doing is wrong. In fact, he considers himself to be the victim.

GMK: The film addresses themes of guilt, revenge, and wrongdoing. The characters get to justify their bad behavior. Can you justify this?

TV: I am really sick of how black and white films have become. Someone is either evil or good, black or white, there is no gray. When in reality there is only gray. This makes us uncomfortable because we like to think of ourselves as “good” people—but guess what? Jay thinks of himself as a “good” person too.

GMK: Mike has a speech in his section about being “saved” and/or “destroyed” by guys like Jay. How do you think gay men in general and Rick and Mike, in particular, cope with a lack of self-worth, brought on by, say, bullying, or the use of drugs, which perhaps cause a fear of intimacy?

TV: I think it is about a fear of rejection. When you are bullied and have no way of fighting back and no one to turn to to make it stop, it feels like you are being rejected from society. What do you do then? You can remove yourself from society completely by killing yourself or you can harden yourself and carry on. That is when the fear of intimacy develops. It’s easy to lose yourself in drugs and sex, but opening yourself up to someone makes you unbearably vulnerable. I think Mike is

right in that many gay men want to be saved and destroyed at once. We spend so much time and energy protecting ourselves, shielding our core being that we just want someone to come along and take over and either save or destroy us it doesn’t matter which as long as we can let go.

GMK: Did you specifically write Jay as a role for yourself? How did you get into his mindset?

TV: Initially I had no intention of playing Jay. Brad suggested that I play Jay, and I said no, we would find someone to play him. But it was too late; he had planted the seed in my brain.

As I worked on the script I got inside Jay’s head and then I realized that I did have to play him. It was the hardest part I ever had to play. I knew it would be difficult but I knew that I had to play him.

GMK: Tumbledown features a lengthy sequence involving a horrific sexual crime. Can you explain why this sequence is so long and graphic?

TV: Brad and I agreed that this was the most important scene in the film. I knew from the beginning it had to be realistic and it had to be shot in real time. The audience has to be there with Jay as he experiences it. There is no escape for Jay in this scene and there shouldn’t be for the audience ei-

ther. It was one of the last things we shot. I rehearsed the scene many times when we had days off; it is all one take with two cameras, so there couldn’t be any mistakes.

GMK: The other sex in the film, in comparison, is hot and tender. How do you make these scenes exciting and erotic?

TV: The other sex scenes in the movie are more about connecting with someone and feeling real emotions.

Sex scenes are both easy and difficult to shoot. It is hard to describe. The viewer (and me, the director) have to be there in the moment and we have to feel it with the actors. That is where I think the chemistry is. Sometimes you have to wear the actors out with take after take until their guard is down and they let loose. Other times you just have to get what you can from them before they clam up. Sex scenes aren’t about being sexy. They are about letting go and being intimate with your partner and the audience. First and foremost it’s about trust, assuring the actors that I respect their boundaries, know what I want and am not interested in exploiting them. I work with the actors on what needs to happen, what the sexual journey needs to be, and then we start shooting.

GMK: You also provide many visual triangle motifs in the film and play

with shadow and light. How did you approach framing the actors to magnify the drama?

TV: I was very interested in the visuals—the somewhat oppressive vastness of the exteriors and the claustrophobic shadowy interiors. Most of the time, the camera is stationary, so when it moves it is jarring. The characters are all confined to the spaces. Jay is often seen in reflections because he himself feels like he isn’t there--like he is witnessing his own life rather than living it. Rick and Mike are in the shadows, because they are either lost or hiding.

It is only when they embrace the sun that they become free.

GMK: At the film’s end, viewers will have to make their own decision about what happened and what happens next. What response do you want audiences to have?

TV: It is an emotional ending. I want audiences to feel that emotion. What happened or what happens next you can think about later. © 2013 Gary M. Kramer Gary M. Kramer is the author of “Independent Queer Cinema: Reviews and Interviews,” and the co-editor of the forthcoming “Directory of World Cinema: Argentina.” You can follow him on Twitter @garymkramer.

Xavier Toscano: Pop Music Is the Soundtrack of Our Lives Xavier believes that pop music is the soundtrack to our lives. He feels it etches powerful memories in our minds.

Gems of The Bay Kippy Marks In this installment of Gems of the Bay, I am very excited to bring you talented pop music artist Xavier Toscano.

Born in Guadalajara and raised in San Jose, Xavier brings a very special quality to his performances. His recent debut at this year’s San Francisco

“When you hear a song from your past, it immediately takes you back,” he says. “Faded, sepia-toned memories rush in with a colorful pop, and when you hear a great pop song on that road trip or at that school dance or that time just hanging with friends, you know it’s going to be a memory that will last forever. This is the power that I hope to infuse into my music and lyrics.”

Xavier’s music is impassioned and vigorous. He blends his love of disco, rap, rock, reggae, and R&B together to create musical magic. Combined with his energized dancing ability, he presents a dynamic stage show.

Xavier, a well-rounded artist, keeps a very busy local performance schedule in the Bay Area for countless nonprofit organizations. He also tours nationally and internationally. Xavier has a strong acting background as well. In addition to performing in local theater, Xavier appears in film and commercial projects for such well known names as Nextel, NASCAR and Sony PlayStation, just to name a few.

Some of Xavier’s musical inf luences growing up were artists like Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Madonna, Cher, Barry White, Lou Rawls, and The Beatles. One day, while he was walking home from school, Xavier found an old turntable along with a milk crate of old vinyl records of various artists. There was one record in particular that inspired him so deeply that he found himself playing it every morning to get his day started for school. That group was the 5th Dimension and the song that he loved,

PHOTO COURTES Y O F RICHMOND-E RMET A IDS FO UNDATIO N

LGBT Pride celebration was unforgettable.

in particular, was “Aquarius (Let the Sunshine In).” He shared that sometimes his sibling would be driven crazy with his happy-go-lucky cheerful expression toward his mornings and his life overall.

Xavier is currently working on a new CD project with producer Gawain

Mathews and DJ Crayola. He expects it to be released later this year.

In person, you can experience his zeal at Castro Valley Pride, Rock 4 the Walk, Reno Pride, Salinas Valley Pride and, most notably, the 2013 music indie fest in Las Vegas. Please go to w w w.xaviertoscano.com for event listings.

BAY T IM ES JULY 11, 2013

17

Inspired by Love and Guided by Knowledge: Remembering Jack Morin

Examined Life Tom Moon, MFT The LGBT community lost an invaluable resource and I lost a dear friend with the passing of Dr. Jack Morin, Ph.D., on June 14. An author and pioneer in the fields of sexology and sex therapy, he was 67.

When I met Jack in 1975, change was in the air. We were both newly out young gay men. The sexual revolution was in full swing. Stonewall was still a recent memory, and the American Psychiatric Association had removed homosexuality from its manual of mental illnesses just two years earlier.

Jack was a doctoral student in psychology, and his great ambition was to apply the principles of humanistic psychology to the study of sexuality and the practice of sex therapy. Sex therapy was still new, and many in the f ield believed that it was their business to determine for the rest of us what was and was not “normal” sexual behavior. Words like “perversion” and “deviance” still appeared in “scientific” papers on sexuality.

Jack’s mission was to change all of that. He wanted to replace the practice of pathologizing with the humanistic principle of “unconditional positive regard” in therapy, and to replace ancient prejudice with scientific rigor in the study of sexuality.

Early in his work as a therapist, both men and women patients began sharing with him that they wanted to have anal sex, but that they were too tense and uncomfortable to enjoy it. Jack checked and discovered that no one had ever done serious research in this area. He invited patients to work with him in finding an approach that might help. Soon, as word spread about his work, he was leading regular “Anal Awareness & Relaxation Workshops” to handle the growing demand.

In 1981, he released the results of his research in a book called Anal Pleasure and Health. The whole subject was taboo, and he got a lot of negative attention. Fundamentalist Christians loudly condemned him. A Daily Show interview was non-stop ridicule.

Howard Stern did a “serious” interview -- with continuous fart sounds playing in the background. Jack bore it all with his characteristic professionalism, patience, and humor. No detractor ever succeeded in provoking him. He had the last laugh, because his critics were his best advertisers, and because -- surprise! -there was a huge audience for what he had to teach. Thirty-two years later the book is still selling briskly, and is widely regarded as the definitive reference on the subject of anal sex.

In 1995 he published his magnum opus, The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment, a groundbreaking and comprehensive theory of the psychological underpinnings of sexual arousal.

His theory of the “erotic equation,” explained, among other things, why emotions like shame and fear can function both as sexual inhibitors and aphrodisiacs, simultaneously.

Laypeople find the book a fascinating and comprehensible read, but it also secured his place in the history of sexology.

Every area of sexuality that he examined yielded new insights. To point to just a few of his accomplishments: He did ten years of research that shed light on how some long-term couples are able to maintain sexual passion and avoid the waning of sexual interest that troubles so many couples. He developed guidelines to address the “love/lust split” — which I have personally found extremely helpful in my work with gay men. When he noticed that many approaches to treating sexual compulsion involved demonizing sex, he developed an approach that avoided making sex the enemy.

He wrote, “If you go to war with your sexuality, you will lose, and end up in more trouble than before you started.

I have never seen a single exception to this principle.”

The roots of Jack’s success were the twin passions that governed his life: compassion and curiosity. He didn’t have to work at unconditional positive regard – it was his natural response to virtually everyone he met, family, friend, and patient alike. I’ve had many teachers, but of all of them, he taught me the most about the healing power of love and respect. His passion for understanding wasn’t clouded by ideology or prejudices, and he had no axes to grind, which allowed him to see what so many others could not.

The great humanist philosopher, Bertrand Russell, once described the good life as “inspired by love and guided by knowledge.” Jack, more than anyone else I have ever known, embodied this ideal. His life was a commitment to service and an adventure of discovery. It was an honor to have known him and a privilege to have been his friend.

A public celebration of Dr. Morin’s life will be held on August 17 at 1:00 p.m. at the LGBT Center.

Tom Moon is a psychotherapist in San Francisco. His website is tommoon.net.

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BAY TIMES JULY 1 1 , 2 0 1 3

Performing at the 35th Annual Pride Concert were the SF Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band, LGBT Chorus of San Francisco and the Vocal Minority ensemble of the SF Gay Men’s Chorus. Held on June 22 at the Conservatory of Music, the concert also featured youth activist Jason Galisatus of the Bay Area Youth Summit and Supervisor Scott Wiener as emcee.

(Photos by Rink)

By Sister Dana Van Iquity Sister Dana sez, “Ding! Dong! The DOMA’s dead! And as U2 sings: ‘Love is the higher law.’”

DAY OF DECISION, when the marriage ban was lifted by the SUPREME COURT, was celebrated in grand style, produced by Marriage Equality USA, March4Equality, Unite Here Local 2, and other groups. It featured hundreds of happy activists dancing in the streets, being entertained by talented performers, and listening to encouraging speeches on two Castro stages. Placards spotted: “Marry who you love!” “Today we are MORE American!” and “Oppressed by the oppressed no more!” T-shirt seen: an added “d” to make “Legalize Gay” into the past tense: LEGALIZED! Confetti and balloons galore. Activist/spiritual

P HOTO B Y ST E VE N UN DE RH IL L

Sister Dana Sez

Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi with philanthropist Jim Hormel in the line-up area before the Pride Parade

electric violin to open the dance floor with DJ Pornstar spinning.

INSTALLATION OF THE PINK TRIA NGLE saw the largest crew in 17 years, when nearly 200 people spent Saturday morning affixing 175 bright pink tarps with 5,000 steel spikes to create a symbolic pink triangle that stretched nearly an acre of Twin Peaks, visible from the Market Street parade.

I so wish the triangle could remain all year long!

PHOTO BY RIN K

We got up close and personal with some of the 2013 Grand Marshals at the 15TH ANNUAL PRIDE BRUNCH benefiting POSITIVE RESOURCE CENTER w ith our Hosts Gar y Virginia and Donna Sachet and presented by Wells Fargo. A rainbow carpet led us into the elegant Grand Ballroom of the Hotel Whitcomb where we delighted in Dixieland Dykes + 3 band and enjoyed open bars hosted by Barefoot Winery and Tito’s Handmade Vodka.

leader Gregg Cassin emceed and brought to the stage such luminaries as Senator Mark Leno, Cleve Jones, Terry Stuart, Kate Kendell, Dennis Herrera, the SF Supervisors, Jose Cisneros, Bay Times columnists and Marriage Equality USA leaders John Lewis and Stuart Gaffney, and more. We all sang “Going to the chapel, and we’re gonna get married.”

I asked 19 people to marry me: bigamy? that’s big of me!

I’m proud of the Supremes for doing away with DOMA and Prop H8, but pissed that they put a dagger in the heart of the Voting Rights Act. But let’s just stay with the pride theme, since that’s what we just went through last week. A whole lotta PRIDE! Last Thursdee was verree bizzee for Pride events. GLA AD held a meetn-greet for their board members and GLAAD national spokesperson Wilson Cruz at M.Y. China where we dined on Asian cuisine under the dome at Westfield Center. I especially enjoyed the Madame Butterfly cocktail with Ketel One, cointreau, lemon juice, and simple syrup. The San Francisco LGBT Pride Committee and Celebration held a media party at the W Hotel, co-emceed by Donna Sachet and Christine Luv, DJ of 98.1 radio, where we got to mingle with the Grand Marshals. Parade Executive Director Earl Plante commented that we have just achieved a couple of big victories, but our fight for equality is far from over. Congratz to the Parade with its estimated 1.5 million attending!

Then it was off to SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE high atop the Starlight Room for a fundraiser for RICHMOND-ERMET AIDS FOUNDATION, where the lovely Cassandra Cass greeted us dressed as a mermaid emerging from her giant seashell. An open Stoli bar accompanied sushi snacks. Donna Sachet and Patrik Gallineaux co-emceed the stage, where gorge entertainment was by Leanne Borghesi and Brian Kent dueting to “I Am What I Am.” Kent also sang “Don’t Stop Believin.’”

Gypsy Love sang her composition, “Beautiful Thing” to Kippy Marks’

SF GAY MEN’S CHORUS presented HARVEY MILK 2013 at Nourse Theatre. It was comprised of two acts. Act I featured works culled from art (music, dance, visual) submitted over the last two years as a testament to the life and legacy of Harvey Milk. Act II featured the world premiere of I AM HARVEY MILK, a musical and emotional tour de force with words and music by Tony and Grammy Award nominee Andrew Lippa (The Addams Family, Big Fish).

It was produced by Academy Awardwinner Bruce Cohen (Milk, Silver Linings Playbook), and featured an all-star cast including Tony Award-winning soprano Laura Benanti (G ypsy), Lippa himself, and the 300 singers of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. Stunning!

35th Annual Pride Concert: RIPPED FROM THE HE A DLINES! was hosted at the SF Conservatory of Music by LESBIAN/GAY CHORUS OF SA N F R A NCISCO and the S A N F R A NCISCO L E SBI A N/ GAY FREEDOM BAND with Artistic and Music Director William Sauerl a nd a nd Guest D i rector Bradley Connlain, and guest performances by Metropolitan Community Church Choir, Oakland East Bay Gay Men’s Chorus, and Vocal Minority (of the SF Gay Men’s Chorus). Guest emcee was Supervisor Scott Wiener. Jason Galisatus, executive director of Bay Area Youth Summit (BAYS), the first completely youth-led LGBTQ organization in the world, also joined them.

PINK SATURDAY, the annual Castro street party the night before Pride Parade Sunday produced by THE SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE, drew an estimated 250,000 according to Police Command, but there were still huge crowds at Dolores Park and on 18th St at 10pm, which means crowds in the general neighborhood were in excess of 300,000 on Pink Saturday.

FRAMELINE37, the annual, elevenday film festival, wrapped with recordbreaking attendance, prestigious honors, and historic political implications. The world’s largest and longest-running film festival celebrating LGBTQ films and filmmakers, the SAN FRANCISCO

INTERNATIONAL LGBT FILM FESTIVAL, closed with Darren Stein’s highly anticipated comedy G.B.F., followed by a closing night party and awards ceremony at Temple Nightclub.

The Festival drew an audience of 65,000. Wells Fargo First Feature Award went to OUT IN THE DARK, a tension-filled, painful romance between a Palestinian student and Israeli attorney. Honorable mention went to CONCUSSION, about a suburban American woman’s struggle to find her own place at mid-life amidst domestic pressure and demands from her wife and family. Outstanding Documentary Feature Award was VA LENTINE ROAD, that masterfully told the story of the tragic 2008 murder of 15-year old Larry King and the effect that the trial of his murderer had on the local community. Honorable Mentions went to BIG JOY: THE ADVENTURES OF JAMES BROUGHTON, the insightful documentary about this trailblazing artist; and THE NEW BLACK, an inspirational legacy of civil rights seen through the eyes of under-represented African American LGBTQ communities. Audience Awards went to REACHING FOR THE MOON, a stunning love-story between the American poet Elizabeth Bishop and Brazilian architect Lota de Macedo Soares that is set in mid-century Brazil; and THE NEW BLACK. Best Short went to the hilarious Australian comedy DIK. THE 43RD ANNUAL SF PRIDE PARADE was fabulous but lo-o-o-ng (my Tivo DVR cut off after four hours), but Sister Dana had a blast blowing kisses to the crowds from the Bay Times topless bus! And the VIP after-party in the City Hall Rotunda was fun.

THE SISTERS OF P.I. presented a (“Not Your Grandmother’s”) BINGO BENEFIT at Marriott Marquis with live performances and the zany, raunchy antics of us fun nuns. It was a benefit for ALL JOIN HANDS (supporting the funding of projects that will preserve and promote LGBTQ square dancing and other associated dance forms) and The Sisters. Also THE SISTERS presented LATE NIGHT COUNTRY WESTERN DANCE at the Marriott, where we joined hundreds of square dancers from around the world for the INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF GAY SQUARE DANCE CLUBS convention. Sister Dana helped judge this year’s HONKY TONK QUEEN CONTEST, with a pair of “Siamese twin” drag queens, Ivanna and Igotta Barf, winning the coveted country title and Steffany, a DQ who was the very first to enter (but not win) the contest 30 years ago, receiving the Lifetime Achievement Award.

Yeeeehaw!

CUMMING UP! The LADY BUNNY said to me, “Darlin’, I am releasing a dance single called “TAKE ME UP HIGH,” and no, it isn’t about my weight or cholesterol!” In support of the song’s release on July 1st, she’ll be DJing for Juanita More on 7/31 and performing at Glamamore’s new night on 8/1. It’s an infectious summer anthem, which RuPaul says, “Dare you not to move your body! The sound is classically familiar, yet very (continued on page 22)

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compiled by Robert Fuggiti

PHOTO COURTESY OF AIDS WAL K SF

See many more Calendar items @ www.sfbaytimes.com

The San Francisco AIDS Walk will be on July 21 in Golden Gate Park. (Photo: aidswalk.net)

• 11 : T HURSDAY

Real Talk: Marriage Equality – SF LGBT Community Center.

Free. 6 pm to 8 pm. (1800 Market St.) www.sfcenter.org.

Join the Real Talk forum to discuss what the Supreme Court decisions around DOMA and Prop 8 mean.

Go Deep – El Rio. Free. 8 pm to 2 am. (3158 Mission St.) www. elriosf.com. Cruisy guys, drag

queens and man-on-man lube wrestling make this a night to remember.

80’s Night – Cat Club. $6. 9 pm to 3 am. (1190 Folsom St.) www.sfcatclub.com. Serving up drink specials and classic 80’s hits all night long.

• 12 : F RIDAY

Man Dance Company – Marines’ Memorial Theatre.

$25-$60. 8 pm. (609 Sutter St.) www.mandance.org. This is one of the first ballet companies of its kind to allow male dancers to express their athleticism, sensuality and compassion, free of restraint.

This Just In – Bayfront Theater. $17. 8 pm. (B350 Fort Mason Center) www.improv.org. BATS’ takes on politics, current events, and the news of the day. The stories behind the news you won’t hear anywhere else because BATS just made them up! Also July 19 & 26.

Cubcake – Lonestar. Free. 9 pm. (1354 Harrison St.) www. lonestarsf.com. A monthly bear dance party happening second Fridays.

of women’s human rights around the world, as well as preventing violence against women and girls.

• 14 : S UNDAY

In a Daughter’s Eyes – Brava Theater. $15. 3 pm. (2781 4th St.) www.brava.org. A powerful story of two women fighting to protect their father’s name.

Tangerine Arts with Kit Kennedy – AWE Gallery. Free.

2 pm to 5 pm. (678 Portola Dr.) www.tangerinearts.net.

Tangerine Arts is a group of female artists from the San Francisco Bay Area working in a variety of mediums.

Salsa Sundays – El Rio. $10. 3 pm to 8 pm. (3158 Mission St.) www.elriosf.com. Enjoy live music and dancing every second and fourth Sunday.

• 15 : M ONDAY

Peaches Christ Productions will show “The Craft” at the Castro Theatre on July 13.

(Photo: Austin Young)

• 13 : S ATURDAY

Peaches Christ’s The Craft – The Castro Theatre. $25. 3 pm.

(429 Castro St.) www.peacheschrist.com. Peaches Christ Productions proudly presents a star-studded pre-show celebrating this 90’s masterpiece.

Underwear Dance Party – Q Bar. $3. 9 pm. (456 Castro St.) www.qbarsf.com. Castro’s only underwear dance party, with free clothes check.

Women and Human Rights – Rockridge Public Library. Free.

2 pm to 4 pm. (5366 College Ave., Oakland) www.oaklandlibrary.org. Dr. Rita Maran will tell of the promotion and protection 20

BAY TIMES JULY 1 1 , 2 0 1 3

Piano Bar 101 – Martuni’s.

Free. 9 pm. (4 Valencia St.) www.dragatmartunis.com. Sing along to your favorite songs with friends and patrons.

Gay Bowling – Mission Bowling Club. $15. 5 pm to 8 pm. (3176 17th St.) www.missionbowlingclub.com. Mix, mingle and meet new friends at this weekly bowling social. Full bar and restaurant inside club.

LGBTQ Support Group – Petaluma Health Center. Free.

5:30 pm to 6:30 pm. (1179 N. McDowell Blvd., Petaluma) www.phealthcenter.org. A positive support group for the LGBTQ community in Petaluma.

Meetings happen every Monday.

• 16 : T UESDAY

A Vision of Angels - James C. Hormel Center. Free. 6 pm. (100 Larkin St.) www.queerestlibraryever.blogspot.com. Enjoy an evening with Timothy Jay

Smith, author of “A Vision of Angels.”

Easy – The Edge SF. Free. 7 pm to 2 am. (4149 18th St.) www.edgesf.com. Enjoy $2 well drink specials and a fun-loving crowd.

Block Party – Midnight Sun. Free. 9 pm. (4067 18th St.) www.midnightsunsf.com. Enjoy weekly screenings of your favorite music videos.

• 17 : W EDNESDAY Meditation Group – San Francisco Public Library. Free.

12 pm to 12:45 pm. (100 Larkin St.) www.sfpl.org. A weekly meditation group to find inner calmness and peace.

Booty Call - Q Bar. $4. 10 pm to 2 am. (456 Castro St.) www. qbarsf.com. Juanita More! hosts this weekly party with hot guys, strong drinks and fun dance mash ups.

BINGO – The Billy DeFrank LGBT Community Center. $15 to play. 7 pm. (938 Alameda, San Jose) www.defrank.org.

Early game starts at 6:30 pm.

• 18 : T HURSDAY

Tinsel Tarts in a Hot Coma – The Hypnodrome Theatre. $15$35. 8 pm. (575 10th St.) www. thrillpeddlers.com. “Tinsel Tarts in a Hot Coma,” is a new fulllength, restored version of The Cockettes’ 1971 musical extravaganza. Extended through July 27.

Fauxgirls – Infusion Lounge.

Free. 7 pm. (124 Ellis St.) www. fauxgirls.com. The Fauxgirls revue present an exciting dinner show that is not to be missed.

Bear Coffee – Café Flore. Free.

6 pm to 8 pm. (2298 Market St.) www.cafeflore.com. A monthly meet-up and social for bears in the Castro.

• 19 : F RIDAY

Chance – Alcove Theatre. $40-$60. 8 pm. (414 Mason St.) www.chancethemusical.com.

A musical play about love, risk, and getting it right. Inspired by quotes from the writings of Oscar Wilde. Through July 28.

Fabulosa Fest – Walker Creek Ranch. $180-$360. 6 pm. (1700 Marshall Petaluma Rd.) www. fabulosa.org. A 3-day lesbianfocused festival with live music, dancing and outdoor activities.

Trannyshack! Michael vs Janet Tribute – DNA Lounge. $15-$25. 10:30 pm. (375 11th St.) www.trannyshack.com. A night to salute two music legends, full of talented drag performances and special guest Jinkx Monsoon.

• 20 : S ATURDAY

GameBoi Launch Party – Rickshaw Stop. Free before 10:30 pm. 9:30 pm to 2 am.

(155 Fell St.) www.gameboisf. com. The official GameBoi SF is back and with a brand new location.

Beatpig – Powerhouse. $5.

9 pm to 2 am. (1347 Folsom St.) www.beatbigsf.com. A kinky party happening third Saturdays of the month.

Jalwa – Club OMG. Free. 10 pm to 2 am. (43 6th St.) www. clubomgsf.com. Enjoy a night of dancing at this unique, Bollywood themed gay bar.

• 21 : S UNDAY

AIDS Walk San Francisco – Golden Gate Park. Donation based. 9 am. (Sharon Meadow, Golden Gate Park) www.aidswalk.net. Benefiting the San Francisco Aids Foundation and HIV/AIDS programs throughout the Bay Area.

Margarita Party – Beatbox. $10. 1 pm. (314 11th St.) www. beatboxsf.com. Join the Circle of Friends as they kick-off the summer with a margarita party.

The 2013 California Gold Fundraising Pageant – Beatbox. $20. 5 pm to 9 pm.

(314 11th St.) www.cagold. eventbrite.com. Northern California’s largest fundraising drag pageant returns with a beautiful and talented group of contestants.

• 22 : M ONDAY

Karaoke Mondays – Lookout.

Free. 8 pm to 1 am. (2600 16th St.) www.lookoutsf.com. KJ Paul hosts a weekly karaoke night.

Motown Monday – Madrone Art Bar. Free. 6 pm. (500 Divisadero St.) www.madroneartbar.com.

Dance the night away to favorite Motown songs and remixes.

Radical Vinyl – El Rio. Free. 8 pm. (3158 Mission St.) www.elriosf.com. A revolving cast of well known record collectors spin the most eclectic mix of vinyl you’ll find in San Francisco.

• 23 : T UESDAY

Beach Blanket Babylon – Club Fugazi. $25-$48. 8 pm. (678 Green Street.) www.beachblanketbabylon.com. Beach Blanket Babylon, the world’s longest running musical revue, is a high energy pop culture satire and is the perfect night out with friends. Use code “Betty” for $10 off.

queer leadership and progress during this awards and dinner ceremony.

Play with BeBe – Harvey’s.

Free. 8 pm. (500 Castro St.) www.harveyssf.com. BeBe Sweetbriar hosts a weekly trivia game night with drink specials and prizes.

Candlelight Flow Community Yoga – LGBT Center. Free.

7 pm to 8 pm. (1800 Market St.) www.sfcenter.org. Replenish your energy level with this weekly “Candlelight Flow” class.

Trivia Night – Hi Tops. Free.

10 pm. (2247 Market St.) www. hitopssf.com. Test your trivia knowledge at this popular sports bar.

Funny Tuesdays – Harvey’s.

Free. 9 pm. (500 Castro St.) www.harveyssf.com. An LGBT comedy night hosted by comedian Ronn Vigh.

• 24 : W EDNESDAY

“Chance” will be at the Alcove Theatre through July 28.

(Photo: Jean-Claude Vorgeak)

The Harvey Milk LGBT Democratic Club’s Annual Dinner – Roccapulco. $40+.

7 pm. (3140 Mission St.) www. milkdinner2013.eventbrite.com.

Celebrate 37 years of positive

“Tinsel Tarts in a Hot Coma” will be at the Hypnodrome Theatre through July 27. (Photo: David Wilson) BAY T IM ES JULY 11, 2013

21

(MARRIAGE EQUALITY continued from page 2) and DOM A Sect ion 3 lost at t he the front of the line at that same ofSupreme Court, and again just two f ice full of hope that Judge Walker days later when love won and wed- would rule Prop 8 unconstitutional, ding bells began to ring once more only to leave empty-handed, crying for same-sex couples in California. tears of frustration and disappointment, when that hoped-for ruling For the two of us, that last week in was stayed.

June will occupy a singularly important and revered place in our hearts This time, though, after ten years and our shared history. On Friday, together and nearly f ive years after June 28, Jef f and I were fortunate Prop 8 was enacted, we walked out to be at City Hall to watch Prop 8 of t he clerk’s of f ice back into t he plaintiffs Kris Perry and Sandy StiRotunda, beaming and crying tears er proclaim their marriage vows to of joy, surrounded by fr iends and each other, and to be pronounced “spouses for life.” After witnessing wel l-w ish i ng st ra nger s, w it h ou r that emotional and historic moment marriage license in hand. Moments from mere feet away, we made our later, about 100 members of the San own way downstairs to the clerk’s Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus f illed the space with love and song, seroff ice. enad ing K r is a nd Sa ndy a nd t he In August, 2010, marriage license many other couples marr ying that application in hand, we’d been near afternoon with an excerpt of “San (ROSTOW continued from page 15) found her. According to the person who provides the advice, this situation is a teaching moment when the parent can explain just why sex should be reserved for an effort to procreate within a heterosexual marriage. That should go over well, particularly since the boy in question never said anything about sex to begin with.

And people wonder why the generations now reaching maturity or moving through young adulthood seem to support our cause. What’s a conservative parent to do when today’s gay and lesbian teens defy the stereotypes of the past by being terrific, loving, faithful and, most importantly, confident of their human value?

The answers to this question, as ref lected in the vague blandishments

of the Washington Times advisor, are now in short supply. Where once we could simply demonize the offending classmate, we must now resort to scriptural arcana and stern warnings about premarital sex. Good luck with that, Christian Mom and Dad! The painter has returned with a three-pack of Ferrero Rochers for me and a jar of pickles for herself. Outside, the day is windless and the Texas heat has swelled to triple digits. A few miles away, our legislature is about to pass the anti-abortion bill that we killed two weeks ago before our despicable governor called another special session.

We Texas democrats can’t be anything but pleased by the news that Rick Perry will not run for yet an-

(SISTER DANA SEZ continued from page 19) contemporary. I’m living for this!” “Hi Q U E E R A S T R O L O G Y C O N Buns, I think you’ve really tapped into F E R E NC E , cos pon sored by t he something here; it’s really really what SAN FR ANCISCO ASTROLOGis going to happen!” says rock goddess ICA L SOCIETY and the Sisters of Debbie Harry. Sister Dana agrees. Perpetual Indulgence, is July 20-21.

Download it and find out for yourself!

Join professional and novice astrolWhat are you doing on Sunday, July ogers alike at this groundbreaking 21st? How about a walk in the park? Join conference to explore the intersecAIDS WALK SAN FRANCISCO! It tions of study/practice and queerbenef its SF AIDS FOUNDATION identif ied life. The conference will and HIV/AIDS programs and services consist of lectures, group process, throughout the Bay Area. Deets: (415) pa nel d i s c u s s ion s , a nd a t r ibute 615-WALK (9255) or aidswalk.net. to Sa n Fr a nc i sco a st rologer a nd

Francisco” from the new oratorio, I A m Ha r ve y M il k . A s I l i stened , once aga in fu l l of hope, w it h my arm around Jeff ’s shoulders and his around my waist, I was reminded of Harvey Milk’s words, “I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living…

Gotta give ’em hope.”

A bout t hat favor ite word of h i s, Harvey also said, “Hope will never be silent.” In September, Jeff and I will be back at City Hall once more.

And we’ll be the couple af f irming loudly, hopeful for the future, with dignity, and with pride, “I do.”

T hom Watson, a leader in the nationwide grassroots organization Marriage Equalit y US A , w ill be m ar r y in g hi s partner of ten years, Jeff Tabaco, in September.

other term, and indeed, many of us look forward to a Perry Presidential run, when we assume Perry will again make a fool of himself. The man is not very smart. But he is extremely self-important and has evidently convinced himself that his 2012 stumbles were an anomaly and that better preparation will lead to success. He is wrong and we look forward to watching him overreach once again.

Unfortunately, our conser vative neighbors will most likely elevate Attorney General Greg Abbot to the governorship, which, believe me, will do nothing to improve Texas politics.

That said, we have a year and a half before the election, and miracles do happen. arostow@aol.com

S i st er B o om B o om of Per p et u a l Indulgence: Jack Fertig. queerastrology.com.

Adult f l ick picks: Heretic and a lso Hol e 1 f r om r a g i n g st a l l ion .c om , wh ich i s to be cont i nued . Si ster Dana can’t wait for Hole 2!

Sister Dana sez, “In 34 states you can still be f ired for being queer. Our next big battle is to pass the federal ENDA, the Employment Non-Discrimination Act!”

(WHY NOT? continued from page 1) upon gays or their unions, there is a majority on the court to overturn it.

more remaining to do. Which leads me to my opening quote . . .

Why not provide equal benefits to married same sex couples?

That morning my wife Pam and I joined hundreds of others at San Francisco City Hall to witness the announcement of the decision. The crowd around us ranged from the very young – small children of LGBT couples – to the indomitable Phyllis Lyon, nearly 90 years old. I envied the children, because they may grow up without experiencing the kinds of discrimination I have seen under Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, DOMA, and other homophobic policies and laws. I envied Phyllis and the perspective she has gained over the past 60 years she has been fighting for LGBT and women’s rights, and the sense of accomplishment she must feel as she witnesses these events.

For years we have lobbied on Capitol Hill, in Sacramento, and at the White House advocating for full equality. We did this by attempting to answer the question: Why? Why should we pass legislation to protect you from hate crimes? Why should we allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military?

In preparation, lobbyists and grassroots advocates would bring reams of research, testimony and data to convince decision makers we are worthy of equal protection and treatment.

Why not give bi-national married couples the same citizenship opportunities?

Despite this temporary envy, I eventually realized that I would not wish to be any other age than 50 right now. My contemporaries and I have the benefit of seeing and experiencing enough discrimination to deeply appreciate these recent gains, yet we should (we hope) have many years ahead to benefit from these civil rights accomplishments and participate in efforts to secure even more. It is an amazing time we live in, with so much change in the past several years, yet so much

With the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and DOMA, it feels like we have hit a tipping point. The burden of proof is shifting. Reasons and justifications for continued discrimination are beginning to crumble. We are answering the question, “Why?” less frequently, and are now asking, even demanding, “Why not?”

Why not allow gays to serve openly in the military?

Why not allow loving same sex couples to get married?

Why not protect gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender employees from discrimination?

Why not implement programs to prevent and respond to bullying?

Why not allow transgender men and women to serve in the military?

Tell us, why not?

We have accomplished much, and there is much more to do. But I feel a wind at our back, a momentum we have not had before. Now is not the time to rest, but a time to double down and, as Robert Kennedy said, dream of things that never were, and ask, “Why not?”

I can’t wait to begin the next 50 years.

Zoe Dunning is a retired Navy Commander and was a lead activist in the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. She currently serves as the 1st Vice Chair of the San Francisco Democratic Party.

(AFTERGLOW continued from page 1) non-violent acts, such as the lengthy effort that led to our recent victories.

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We have so much to do. Marriage equality is still not a reality nationwide.

There is no federal law prohibiting discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation, with 29 states having

no such protections. According to a recent FBI report, crimes directed against individuals on the basis of sexual orientation remain high, surpassing crimes committed on the basis of religion and being second only to crimes based on race. At least 82 countries enforce laws

holding that sexual activity by LGBT individuals is a crime.

Rights have been won, but we must work to secure and build upon them.

We have momentum now. Maintain it, respect it and use it wisely.

Round About – Bay Times Contingent – Pride Parade 2013 Bay Times proudly featured the world famous Oakland Interfaith Gospel Choir in our 2013 San Francisco Pride Parade presentation comprised of Bay Times contributors, subscribers, advertisers and friends. Led by co-publishers Betty Sullivan and Jennifer Viegas in the Grand Marshal’s BMW convertible, the contingent also included two open-top touring vehicles provided by Gray Line/Super Sightseeing.

Accompanying the vehicles was our large group of supporters who delighted spectators by distributing goodie bags provided by Extreme Pizza and Honda of Oakland with contributions from Wolfe Video, Yoshi’s San Francisco and Oakland, Fountaingrove Lodge, Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco, Grand Lake Kitchen, VFMS Building Maintenance and Phoenix Rising Hair Salon and Day Spa. Special thanks also to NAPA Cellars Wines, Dixie Horning, Gray Lines/Super Sightseeing, Randall Schiller Productions and SF Pride, as well as to all who joined in to help in every way possible.

PH OT O B Y P HY L L I S C O S T A

PHO TO BY R IN K PHO TO BY EM ILY HAMANN/NORT H C OAST JOURNAL

PH OT O BY EMILY H AMANN/NORT H C OAST JOURNAL

PHOTO BY RI N K

P HO T O B Y P HY L L I S C O S TA

P HO T O B Y P HY L LIS CO S TA

PHO TO BY PHY LLIS C OST A P HO T O B Y PHY LLIS CO S TA

P HOTO BY ELIZ A BE T H ST E W A R T

PHO TO CO U R TES Y O F IR EN E HEN D R ICK

PH OT O BY MANNA MOO

PHOTO BY RINK P HO TO B Y K I R S T E N K R U S E

BAY T IM ES JULY 11, 2013

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