I am drowning

I am drowning

ANONYMOUS, PHD UNIVERSITY OF THE ARTS LONDON

I am drowning in a sea of whiteness

I switch on my TV

There are several white models staring back at me

With flowers in their hair

The ad represents purity and innocence

I should buy that perfume

Perhaps then I can become part of that fantasy

After, there is a white male model with his top off

An array of girl’s faint when they see his naked flesh And I think of how beauty is being packaged

Nothing has changed since I was a kid

There is only one type of beauty that is

Valued and sought after throughout the world

Or at least that is what they would have you believe

On the show the host is paid lots of money

To talk to or cook for his friends

Oh, it’s a nice job if you can get it

I turn over looking for images of myself in something

The drug dealer dies and the man is on deathrow

He is begging for his life.

Well that was depressing

Representation hasn’t changed much in all these years

I flick from channel to channel

The black dancers in the background are providing a lovely brown silky canvas

To Iggy Azalea as she gyrates like a white dancehall queen

Bursting into American rap s

he is from Australia

She is No 1 in the charts

Wouldn’t it be great if I were able to see the origins of where she took those dance moves from.

On X factor this guy sings Marvin Gaye

He is straining like his throat is gonna snap

He sounds out of tune to me

He gets a standing ovation

A plus sized woman with an afro sings with such

Conviction that it makes the hair on your neck stand up

She gets voted off in the first round by the British public

In between programmes there is a product advertised

That gets rid of frizz like it’s a bad thing

My hair is sometimes referred to as frizzy

Am I a bad thing or is it just that I have no sense of humour

On my TV there are bears with afro dreadlocks that are rapping

This seems like racial stereotyping of the worst kind

Yet again I fail to see the joke

Question time is on again

And the politician is avoiding questions

With his public school etiquette

They act like thugs in the House of Lords sometimes

But that’s ok because no-one says anything about this

Because when you have money and privileges you can do what you want

I am stupid for noticing such things

I need help perhaps the way

I look at things Is stopping me from getting a promotion

But my boss doesn’t know me on this level

So this is not true,

I’m gonna straighten my frizzy hair

And laugh it all off it is my failure to change that is holding me back

I will get a therapist and work on myself

Because this is all in my mind

Right ?