LEADERSHIP REAL LEADERSHIP

REAL LEADERSHIP

by Pauline Melnyk

I struggled to write this month, not because I didn’t have something to share or give, but simply because I struggled with my leadership presence. I think we have all been there at one time or another. My worlds aligned as I have been wanting them to, and for a moment I thought… What did I ask for?

When this happens, it’s important to realize that you are in a place to grow as a leader and as a human being. This is exactly what happened for me.

You see, often when we are working as leaders, we feel like we are doing it alone, and that no one else understands the journey we are on, or how passionate we are about the work that we are doing. Do my employees care about the business as much as I care? Can I trust that they will show up and represent me, my brand? Then, the question hit me and I began to wonder, am I representing my brand?

It hit me that this is where I needed to be truthful - authentic and real. Being a leader is hard, and can be lonely for a solopreneur, director, CEO, or general manager. The reality is I am not alone nor lonely. I belong to many teams. Not defined along the traditional lines, I live my values and blur the bounds of collaboration. I’m neither black nor white. Everything that I have been facilitating, hoping, designing, transforming is happening right in front of me, with me and for me.

We all know that the leader is the one who steps up when there is a void, it may be the formal or informal or unexpected leader. The emergence of a true leader comes from simple acts such as seeing that someone might need support and reaching out. Taking responsibility in part for just owning your role or position.

One of the responsibilities of the leader is to take our teams into the space where something can emerge that is greater than yourselves. Part of this requires really listening. Some of the work I have participated in at The Presencing Institute was around listening. The Presencing Institute, was founded in 2006 by MIT Sloan School of Management Senior Lecturer Otto Scharmer and colleagues to create an action research platform at the intersection of science, consciousness, and profound social and organizational change. As I worked with the team, we listened deeper in a practice of extending space and growth in order to be fully present.

Another aspect of leadership is asking for and helping the team collaborate. When asking for collaboration,

each member of the team needs to add their voice and truly ask for what they need. This is where sometimes egos and agendas get in the way. As a leader, it’s important you don’t assume what it is the other person wants or needs.

Start the conversation with ‘why,’ then step in and be curious and genuinely connect. Know that if I connect with you, there is a reason. Do the discovery, set an intention to deeply listen; get curious, ask questions and don’t make assumptions.

As communication increases, judgement decreases. Simply lean in, particularly where your worlds involve diverse, and varied disciplines. My intent is always to help people feel included, be treated as an equal and fairly. Working virtually means we are all responsible for having a voice and a place at the table. Everyone is responsible for helping create that space, not just the leader. Leaders need to let their team speak. A great way to do this is to take three rocks (or pins or pens or whatever you have handy) and the only time you get to speak is if you give up one. That means you have only three questions to ask, so you better make each question count. Give your team space, then let them do the talking and help them focus.

Extending patience and caring is not about graduating from the latest course in emotional intelligence or fierce conversations. It’s what you do every day, it’s the deep connection between your values and how you show up day in, and day out.

Pauline is a Certified Coach, Culture Guardian & Facilitator of Change for Individuals, Teams, Group Organizations and her community at Melnyk Consultancy.