FINANCE PICKING UP THE PIECES

PICKING UP THE PIECES

by Wanda Rogers

One of the biggest financial impacts to a woman’s financial security is a sudden change in circumstances, often a divorce or separation. This article is not going to talk about the legal ramifications or rights, I am no lawyer. No. I am one of those women who lost it all because of a sudden change of circumstances. What I want to walk you through in this piece is how to pick up the crumbled bits of yourself and to build yourself up again.

Day One: Shock, pain, fear. I remember day one. I took a selfie of myself in that most immensely painful moment so I would NEVER forget it. I looked around at my life and made a promise to myself that I would never be in this position again.

What I did that worked.

I sat down and wrote out ALL my financial obligations, no matter how minute. I cancelled everything that was not necessary. I called ALL my lenders and told them I needed some grace. I wrote down all the money I had, savings, checking accounts, retirement. I kept notes of everything I did, I knew my mind was not working clearly. I then did something that was incredibly hard, I asked for help. I connected with some people in my support network of friends and family, and I was put in touch with a program through our local church called Faith In Deed. They helped me with an urgent financial need of paying some utility bills and then provided me and my children with food for the next 9 months while I got my feet under me. This is something that many churches have available. I had small children at the time, and they were used to having lots of activities and fun events in their life, I did not want them impacted. So, I made a game out of it. We had $25 a month for fun, and we had to do something one day a week. I scoured Facebook events for free family events, we went to the library, we chased rainbows one day all over the countryside. We went to the river swimming. It was one of the most fun years we have ever had.

What did not go well?

Well big banks do not purport to have much flexibility. I was a longtime client of one of the big banks and held multiple products with them. I had connected with them to ask for grace, to ask for relief. They gave me a small amount initially; they skipped one mortgage payment. What they do not tell you is that they have many more stronger programs available for people that cannot make their bills. Keep pushing and asking for what you need, tell them when it will not work.

I had a longer-term problem though. I had gone from a double income in multiple six figures to my single income which was still good but not enough to pay all the bills. What happened was the bank did not take care of me like a valued customer. I was treated as an inconvenience and not helped. I ultimately made the incredibly hard decision to file for consumer protection and filed a consumer proposal. At the time it was one of the most painful, pride destroying decisions of my life. Today I am so grateful for the relief it offered me.

Once the proposal was granted my situation got much easier. My next step was to increase my income as much as possible. I held Garage sales, sold on Facebook marketplace, and picked up side gigs inspecting gas stations and doing mystery shopping. I set up goals to challenge myself to earn additional income to build up an emergency savings account. I charted out miscellaneous expenses I would have to pay during the year and set up sinking accounts for them. I budgeted down to zero every single month.

Quite honestly the biggest thing I did for myself was I told myself how proud of myself I was as I crawled out of that place. I filled myself with positive affirmations of how good it felt to have money in savings, I reminded myself that I did it, no one else, it was me. I worked so hard during that time, somedays I did not know what end was up.

My take away?

Document everything, have a conversation with the bank? Write it down. Agreed to certain terms; get it in writing. Tell your bank that if they do not help you that you will go bankrupt. If they do not listen, do it if it is right for your situation. Do not hesitate. The faster you start rebuilding the faster it will get better. Make the tough decisions and do the hard work to make it better. Get $1000 into a savings account and do not touch it unless the world blows up again. Downsize as much as you can, it will be painful but that will pass. Find ways to cut costs in your budget, buy from discount places for your food, meal prep, take care of your own esthetic needs. I was chicken to make some of the hard decisions because of the immense grief I was experiencing. Now I regret not doing some things sooner.

How is life now?

I am in my own place that I rent, a lovely 3-bedroom home, I have a good job, I have savings, my kids have education savings accounts, I donate money every month to Faith in Deed and I do NOT worry about money anymore. Every single dollar I earn has a job and I am so proud of them. I am still paying the credit proposal; I have a couple of years left unless I come into some money to pay it off. My credit has increased 200 points while in the proposal. Life is smoother than it was before. I worked through some emotional baggage I had around money and using it as well. Money is a tool for me now. It does not scare me anymore; I have a plan. I am proud of myself.

How to get here?

Make the hard decisions. Grieve them. Work on yourself every day. Ask for help. Take steps to become selfsufficient and proud of yourself. It is always an equation, make more money or reduce expenses. If you cannot get the expenses off, you will need to use whatever method there is even if it is hard, ie. bankruptcy. It will not magically get any better unfortunately. I heard this somewhere once “Embrace the suck.” It will not always suck. But it will at the start. Dream up that magical new life and what it will be like. Then make it happen.

Wanda Rogers has spent 11 years in Human Resources Management and now calls Airdrie home after many years in Northern Alberta. She lives with her two sons, crazy cat, Siberian Husky and ex husband with whom she co-habitats to raise their children and they all give her all she needs to write about.