finance
P I C KI N G U P T H E P I E C ES
by Wanda Rogers
One of the biggest financial impacts to a woman’s financial security is a sudden change in circumstances, often a divorce or separation. This article is not going to talk about the legal ramifications or rights, I am no lawyer. No. I am one of those women who lost it all because of a sudden change of circumstances. What I want to walk you through in this piece is how to pick up the crumbled bits of yourself and to build yourself up again.
I had small children at the time, and they were used to having lots of activities and fun events in their life, I did not want them impacted. So, I made a game out of it. We had $25 a month for fun, and we had to do something one day a week. I scoured Facebook events for free family events, we went to the library, we chased rainbows one day all over the countryside. We went to the river swimming. It was one of the most fun years we have ever had.
Day One: Shock, pain, fear. I remember day one. I took a selfie of myself in that most immensely painful moment so I would NEVER forget it. I looked around at my life and made a promise to myself that I would never be in this position again.
What did not go well?
What I did that worked. I sat down and wrote out ALL my financial obligations, no matter how minute. I cancelled everything that was not necessary. I called ALL my lenders and told them I needed some grace. I wrote down all the money I had, savings, checking accounts, retirement. I kept notes of everything I did, I knew my mind was not working clearly. I then did something that was incredibly hard, I asked for help. I connected with some people in my support network of friends and family, and I was put in touch with a program through our local church called Faith In Deed. They helped me with an urgent financial need of paying some utility bills and then provided me and my children with food for the next 9 months while I got my feet under me. This is something that many churches have available.
36|
Well big banks do not purport to have much flexibility. I was a longtime client of one of the big banks and held multiple products with them. I had connected with them to ask for grace, to ask for relief. They gave me a small amount initially; they skipped one mortgage payment. What they do not tell you is that they have many more stronger programs available for people that cannot make their bills. Keep pushing and asking for what you need, tell them when it will not work. I had a longer-term problem though. I had gone from a double income in multiple six figures to my single income which was still good but not enough to pay all the bills. What happened was the bank did not take care of me like a valued customer. I was treated as an inconvenience and not helped. I ultimately made the incredibly hard decision to file for consumer protection and filed a consumer proposal. At the time it was one of the most painful, pride destroying decisions of my life. Today I am so grateful for the relief it offered me.
