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Fall 2013 $5.95 US/CAN
Liz Hurley Celebrating
10 years
of running to fight breast cancer
Combating Bullying — Finding your true identity
Groundwire:
breaking through the noise of the world
singer
PLUMB
shares story of
reconciliation
Escaping a secret life of Domestic Violence
+13
Date Ideas for you and your
spouse
beauty from within Reminders of discovering true beauty from our friends Ginger Lang Sansom and Shanon Kyser
Ginger
Authentic friendship and relationship with the Lord and with His body has done so much to create in me a spirit of confidence, which I believe is one of the essences of outward beauty.
B
ecause of the trials endured and my deep faith and blessings I have received through these trials, I have become a stronger person. While I was growing up, my mother often told me that beauty comes from within. This has helped guide me as I’ve matured in life. Trials, tribulations, and good times all work to shape character in our lives. Our responses to life, when we allow Christ to be first in our heart in all things, can mold us into truly beautiful women — caring, considerate, thoughtful, and empathetic women. Church (more importantly, a relationship with Christ) has been very important to me throughout my entire life. The relationships experienced in my sweet church family have proven a source of encouragement, accountability, and reassurance from my Creator.
I
f someone would have asked me ten years ago what it meant to be beautiful, my answer would have been very different than my response today. Ten years ago, I would have responded with a very worldly view of what defines beauty. A typical response would have been, “Tall, thin, blonde hair, and blue eyes.” Thanks to a relationship with Christ, a marriage, a child, and some difficult life experiences, my definition of beauty is completely different. I now realize that you create beauty with your actions, your words, and your behavior. A woman may meet society’s standards of having the perfect figure, perfect hair, perfect skin, and yet still be extremely distant from being truly beautiful — with a beauty that will last over time. As it states in Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” In my life I have come to realize that I am a true child of God who is fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. Christ sees no imperfections in my appearance.
While serving as an ambassador for the Chamber of Commerce, I have also had the opportunity to serve our community by taking meals to homebound persons, helping with the Women’s Job Corp, and even raising money for ministry oriented fashion shows. All of these activities as well as working in the public helped to make me aware of fashion during the years. Being aware of the fashion trend during those days, I dressed accordingly. I even enjoyed all the fashions that were all the rage. However, trying to meet the world’s view of what we should be by the clothes we wear or the newest hairdo often leads us to think we have to dress or look a certain way in order to be “pretty.” Oftentimes, the newest rage in fashion is also very uncomfortable and unflattering. As I have matured, I still enjoy fashion but now I dress more for comfort and what feels good to me, which makes me feel pretty in my own unique way. I have come to believe that true beauty is not about which trendy top or the next new shoe style I wear, but rather how I love and serve others. Often reflecting on my mother’s words, I now understand what she meant by “ beauty comes from within.” With that being said, I try to remember to live by doing unto others as I would have them do unto me (Matthew 7:12 paraphrase), which I believe would be how God defines true beauty.
Shanon
My beauty is affirmed by the words of worship music speaking to my soul, my husband’s gentle embrace every afternoon when he comes home from work, and my son’s sweet kiss before he leaves for school each day. My beauty is displayed in my daily interactions with those around me. Most importantly, I know that I am beautiful because God made me!
by
Abby Ricks
A
s someone in my twenties, it had never occurred to me to make such a bold request as to pray for my dream home while looking to purchase my first house. I mean, who gets their dream house that young? It especially never occurred to me that I would come across something that far surpassed my wildest dreams and actually fell within my price range. I longed for somewhere I could find rest, solace,
my grandparents’ farm in Louisiana. As my eyes traveled quickly over each and every curve and whimsical detail of this sweet house, I felt immediately romanced and pursued. I was awestruck as I stepped out of my car and started taking in all the love notes — I’m referring to things that shout “I see you” and “I know you better than you know yourself.” Examples of such things were innumerable so much so that even I got
and comfort; a haven where I could sit and soak in God’s provision in my life — a provision I had struggled to accept yet yearned to believe.
it. God did a number on me with this one. Lavish is the word that comes to mind when I think of this gift.
The gravel driveway wound around to the back of the house. The crackle of tiny rocks as my car eased up the driveway immediately connected me to fond memories of driving along the gravel road to
The deepest desire of my heart — to really be seen and known — was met a hundred times over as I took in each detail of the home. Over the past few years I had struggled to be seen by my own husband. I was
“This cottage stood as a symbol of God’s compassion and steadfast love.”
heartbroken when it became clear that he had little interest in me. Sitting on a figurative pile of rubble from the devastation of an ended marriage, I was overwhelmed with feelings of rejection and inadequacy. I brought my shattered dreams and broken heart before God and longed for healing and renewed hope for my future. As I stared at this cottage nestled on an acre of beautiful land, there was undeniable proof that someone saw me! Someone was pursuing me. This someone was not just anyone, but the Creator of the Universe. God had not left me during my deepest moments of pain and He would not leave me. This cottage stood as a symbol of God’s compassion and steadfast love. It was a reminder that I could look to the future with hope as I entrusted it to Him. This charming historic home sits humbly on an acre of lush Alabama land and has been completely upgraded and renovated. It has high ceilings, original wood floors, a nostalgic fireplace, proud windows to let in plenty of natural light, a charming claw foot tub, and the most amazing open kitchen. The yard has one of the largest hydrangea bushes I’ve ever seen, and mature trees as old
as the home itself. You know, the types of trees you can’t even wrap your arms around? To top it all off, there’s a charming wooden swing installed on the deep front porch. Why God chose to bless me with a gift I do not deserve, I cannot say. I will forever see this home as a tangible reminder of His lavish grace. With so much sentiment attached to this gift, it seemed only natural that I should name this beautiful dwelling space. If you’d be so kind as to humor me, we will refer to it as Grace Haven from here on out. Welcome, sweet friend! I’ve always known I would want my home to be a haven not only for me, but for all who set foot in it. A place to relax, feel safe, extend mercy, sympathize, nourish, and ultimately love my friends and family. Add some creativity and attention to detail and a home can tell a unique story about those who inhabit it. Which currently consists of me and my five furry pets! Even greater, our homes can be a tool for communicating God’s love to our guests. Here is a list of simple touches that I’m incorporating little by little:
Furniture meant for living. Sturdy antiques and
distressed yard sale treasures invite others to use it without fear of leaving behind fingerprints or scratches. My hand-me-down sofa and loveseat don’t match, but now look great with slipcovers that can be tossed in the wash after an accidental wine spill or a pair of overzealous puppies with muddy paws.
Bring outside inside.
In the fall, add pine cones to apothecary jars and display branches in large clear vases. The addition of houseplants, a neatly kept terrarium or a flourishing windowsill herb garden, are a nice touch to creating the inviting space I desire. Also, don’t forget burnt orange and garnet mums to sprinkle on the front steps.
Nostalgic comforts. Nestle textured pillows, mix matched quilts, and crocheted blankets onto chairs and sofas. No spot in the house is out of reach to a cozy throw! Old books from thrift stores, children’s books from my past, and wildly colorful coffee table books invite guests to dive in and momentarily get lost in the pages.
Sensory Overload. Fall presents some ideal weather to open
up the windows and let in fresh air. Bake a few tablespoons of vanilla in the oven on its lowest setting or cook something aromatic to share. Fall is the perfect time of year to bring out the crock pot for some mulled apple cider, slow roast a pot of chili, cook some fresh pumpkin bread, or bake snicker doodle cookies to share. Let what is created in your home, pour out.
FEATURE
Broken but not
Defeated story shared by
“Victoria Rose”* Knight
photos by Joshua
I
*“Victoria” ’s real name has been withheld to ensure her and her family's safety.
had just graduated from high school and was looking forward to starting my adult life. I had strong Christian values and though I was young, I knew what I wanted. I had a great relationship with my parents. They never had to worry about me because I had always made good decisions for myself. I was more than ready to start writing the next chapter of my life and head off to college. An education in Christian counseling was set on my heart with the ultimate desire to help hurting people. I also dreamed of becoming a wife and mother and knew that I would raise my kids in a loving home where my husband and I would teach them about God just like my parents did with me.
different reality I had never heard the words “domestic violence” spoken before. It was not a prevalent message or a topic that had much awareness when I was young. I also never knew a man who was abusive or seen a woman who had been beaten. So I didn’t know what to watch out for or what the warning signs were. No one I knew had ever heard about it or seen it. I didn’t know it was something we had to run away or hide from. I would have told someone, but I didn’t know how to even explain it. I would have stopped it, but before I could, things would improve for a moment, and I would think he could change. I would have asked someone for help, but I was too humiliated. I should have pulled my sleeves up and shown the bruises after the first time he grabbed my arm in anger, but I had convinced myself that it was my fault because I didn’t have dinner ready on time. I should have pulled up my pant leg up to show the deep cuts and bruises from when he threw me off the front porch, but I was too ashamed. I was desperate for someone to save me the night he slammed me against the wall and put his hand around my throat so tightly that I gasped for a breath, but I couldn’t speak. Jake’s web of deception, manipulation, and intimidation pulled me in so quickly that I didn’t even know what was happening to me. All of a sudden my life became dramatically transformed and consumed by his chaos. I would sometimes stand bewildered at how I went from being a strong, independent young Christian woman with big dreams to someone I didn’t even recognize. What happened to me? How did that one date so many years ago turn into twenty years of abuse and violence in a marriage that I was alone in? He said he wanted to be a Christian and needed a sweet girl like me to help him be a better person. I knew my mom had led my dad to Christ soon after they were married, and I thought it plausible that I could do the same for him. Even though he scared me every now and then with his explosive anger, he always apologized and brought me flowers the next day and assured me that he would never hurt me again me. He promised me the world, so I jumped in with the young eyes of a woman wanting to be loved and dreaming of her future-to-be. As soon as we were married, his anger and hostility became more frequent — a complete 180 degree turn that left my head spinning and my heart crushed. He denied ever wanting God in his life. In fact, he claimed that the traits he had once admired in me now disgusted him. He became violent and his moods were extreme. Our conversations were confusing and he always said that I was the one misunderstanding. His namecalling being so frequent, my everyday labels like “stupid” and “worthless” simply became normal and a part of my identity deeply buried in the wounds he created in my heart.
suffering quietly We moved often and became more and more geographically isolated from family. He preferred that I stayed home to raise our son, and he whipped me into submission declaring me too stupid to do anything else. He controlled the money and limited the time I spent talking to my parents or anyone else. He objected to me having friends over and wanted me available for him at all times. I was never to complain about being ill and whether I was or not, I had every day duties that,
if not completed, would result in disaster. Many times I wanted nothing more than to leave him, but knew that if I ever did I might never see my son again. Jake always threatened to find me and steal our son and move to another country where I couldn’t find them. When I mustered up enough courage to ask a pastor what I should do, he told me that I needed to stay with my husband and just pray harder. Jake wasn’t interested in getting help because according to him, it was always my fault. The violence escalated. I was five months pregnant when Jake came home early from work and saw the mess from putting up the Christmas decorations hadn’t been cleaned. He was so furious at me that when he threw me on the floor, he kicked me in the belly like I was discarded trash. Hours later, I miscarried. When he brought me home, he smiled at me and said that he had me all to himself again. I suffered quietly for years over that day. On December 4th, I always remember. On another occasion, I asked him to quit driving so fast. His response was to reach across me, open the car door and begin to push me out of our moving car. He justified his actions by stating that it was the only way to get my attention since I was being so bossy.
reality: a wakeup call As years passed, I reflected on how life had become so exhausting and complicated. I had grown weary of always living in fear and hiding my wounds, physically and emotionally. I was growing more disgusted with what our lives had been reduced to. I was depressed, fatigued, and always sick. Jake had always told me that I was a leech and could never stand on my own two feet, but I was certain that God was still there and could hear my prayers. I was so grateful that He had kept me alive this long, and I knew that nothing I went through was in vain. I finally got to the point where I knew I had to make a change. Because I had mastered the art of coping with my dysfunctional environment, the uncertainty of starting over was scary, but I was desperate to do whatever I had to do. Being a single mother and never having worked outside the home made me fearful, but I was ready to follow God’s lead. Regardless of the unknown, I knew that my current situation would eventually kill me. I didn’t want to ruin any more of my life trying to rescue Jake from his demons. I was also concerned about my eleven year old son. I had guarded him from the abuse, but he was now at the age where he hated his father for being so mean to me. And because he was beginning to adopt his father’s attitude of disrespect towards women, I knew it was time to remove him from the wrong atmosphere. I had homeschooled our son through seventh grade and during those years, I poured my heart and soul into his life, reminding him of how much God loved him and how he could always count on me to be there for him. I tried everything to counteract the abuse that he was exposed to, but sadly I also knew that a father has a powerful influence on a son.
the escape plan After months of praying, planning, and surrendering to God, He heard my cry. He moved our family to another community closer to family and friends. I began taking my son to church on a regular basis, in spite
of the relentless abuse. He and I developed some very special friends there and were able to share our plight with them. Together, along with the pastor, we created a carefully thought out escape plan. We had just moved into our newly built home and when I thought the time was right, my son and I fled.
If you or someone you know is in a domestic violence situation, you can find resources, advice, and help by going online to www.helpguide.org or by calling 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). You can get help. It is not too late. Before the end of that night, Jake had called around town looking for us, frantically demanding that we return. It was the first time I didn’t rescue him from his suicidal threats. Instead, the police were notified. It was reported that Jake was at a standoff with two loaded pistols while making phone calls to me. He left six messages on my voice recorder threatening to kill me. The last was him accusing me of his suicide (that never happened). He said he wanted me to rot in hell with his blood on my hands. Meanwhile, a SWAT team engulfed the property, and hours later he was in custody. Jake was evaluated and released. To my dismay, I was told he had been released to his girlfriend of 20 years. The betrayal was more than I could bear. Twenty years of my life was ruined while he loved another woman.
years restored Some years have passed since that day, and I have had to ask for help along my journey. I’ve learned that with God, my pain was not in vain. The years I thought I lost are being restored. The moments in each day are much more special than ever before, and I take nothing for granted. I’ve learned to reach out to family and friends when I’m lonely. I’ve found some healing while helping others who are victims of abuse. I’m discovering how to love myself and accept the things I cannot change. I’ve had to realize that in order to be truly free, I need to forgive Jake. I now know that no one has the right to define my worth but our Maker, and that He has a plan and purpose for all who seek Him. Financially, I’ve started at the bottom, yet I have seen God provide in ways far above what I can amass in earthly wealth. Through my healing, I’ve learned not to let anyone or anything get between God and me. I am reminded daily of His unconditional love and acceptance of me and know that He wants to bless me. So, I’m learning to not hold onto the pain of the past but instead release my grip so that I can accept His blessings each day. I have chosen to never again live in secrecy and darkness again. I have found peace in where I am today.
Grow in Jesus
Reconciliation: by
R
Katie Caldwell
God’s Great Plan
econciliation is one of the most beautiful words in our vocabulary. In the eyes of the world, it means a state of restored harmony after discord. However, as much as there may be times when reconciliation takes place with man, the ultimate example of reconciliation is not man-made — it is heaven-made. People have the tendency to run from reconciliation, in fact, destroy it. Think about it — divorce, war, murder, lost friendships, and lawsuits are all man’s inventions and thrive where
reconciliation is not truly sought. Reconciliation is God’s idea and that is what makes it so precious. Romans 5:1-11 has much to say about God reconciling man to Himself. The first two verses teach that Christ is the way to peace with God and that faith is the key that allows us to access true reconciliation. When Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sin, the Cross became the
“Reconciliation is God’s idea and that is what makes it so precious.”
stage upon which God’s greatest promise became reality — a restored relationship with His people (Isaiah 62:11-12). Faith in this promised reality allows us to stand as people reconciled to their awesome Creator.
the master plan My husband Matt first noticed me as a lowly freshman at Auburn University, and it didn’t take long for him to begin his pursuit. I, however, wanted nothing to do with him. Week after week, month after month, he found various ways to ask me out, and every time, I had excuses: “I have to study” and “I have to cut the grass. Yes, I know I live in a dorm, but the grass needs cutting.” At one point I even called him a stalker - harsh, I know. However, little did I know that he had initiated what he proudly calls his “Master Plan”- and it worked! It took some time and some craftiness on his part, but the Spirit finally opened my eyes to see the awesome opportunity for love that was before me. Even after all my attempts to avoid a relationship with Matt, he continued to pursue me and seek reconciliation. While Matt is not perfect, he is a very good example of the great lengths to which God reconciles the unlovable to Himself and shows them His love. Even though I did not want anything to do with Matt, he pursued me. In the same manner, we wanted nothing to do with God, but He pursued us. Romans 5:9-11 continues to explain this wonderful truth with much harsher words: enemies, wrath, and death. We should never ignore harsh passages of Scripture — God uses stern language to communicate the reality of sin and our need for grace. In this passage, we see the need for the cross. Before Christ’s sacrifice, we were God’s enemies, completely opposed to Him and His desires for us. Before Christ’s sacrifice, we faced God’s wrath as the penalty for sin.
ambassadors on mission However, in the midst of hopelessness, Jesus’ death provides reconciliation between the Father and His people. His resurrection allows us to enjoy a relationship with God for all eternity! So, how can we apply this to our lives right now? Second Corinthians 5:1620 describes how believers are to act now that they have reconciliation with God. It describes us as “Christ’s ambassadors” who proclaim to the world that God has made a way for people to have reconciliation with Him- “not counting men’s sins against them.” He has given us a mission and a message that we must tell to everyone: “Be reconciled to God” (v. 20b). We are to see people as God sees them (v. 16) and have a ministry that shows them the way to reconciliation. I believe that one of the best ways that we can proclaim God’s reconciliation is to model it in our relationships with one another. When the person you love pushes you away, forgive and seek peace with them. If you have pushed a loved one out of your life, make every effort to mend the broken bridge. Our relationships illustrate our relationship with God. Therefore, make every effort to allow His love to provide an environment of peace and reconciliation within our relationships!
not the end… only the beginning Keep this in mind: Reconciliation is not the end of Christ’s work. Not
at all! Instead, it is the means through which believers become more like Him. Romans 5:3-5 illustrates this beautifully. Even though we have reconciliation with God, we are still in this world for a time. This world is cruel, difficult, and hopeless — after all, we are all guaranteed the same fate. However, peace with God allows believers to have peace in the midst of difficult situations and to grow stronger and deeper in hope — our ultimate hope of eternity. Verse 2b says, “And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God” (NIV). This hope of glorification is our reward! But that’s a subject for another day... Katie Caldwell is a small-town girl from Hayden, AL, whom God called to missions as a teenager. She graduated from Auburn University with a B.A. in Spanish in 2008 and served for two years as a Journeyman with the IMB in Peru and Bolivia. She married her college sweetheart, Matt, and in 2012 they added son Owen to the family. She is currently finishing her M.Div. in International Church Planting at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY. While she and Matt wait to serve as medical missionaries abroad, God has allowed her to speak at missions’ conferences, and she finds great joy in encouraging others to obey the Great Commission of Christ. Check out her blog A Disciple’s Sketches at www.adisciplessketches.wordpress.com.
More Study Passages: Proverbs 10:12; 15:1; 17:9 Jeremiah 30-31; 32:38-41 Matthew 5:21-32 John 17:20-23 1 Corinthians 3:1-23
Rwanda: by
Wendy McGee
Photography this page provided by: Bailey Vinson Bottom photo and right page photos provided by: Wendy McGee
O
n a Sunday morning in the summer of 2008, a team from my home church shared about their recent mission trip to Rwanda with e3 (equip…evangelize…establish) Partners ministry. I listened to their stories and saw their pictures — the dusty children in rags with grins a mile wide, the women with baskets on their heads, the mud huts — and I felt a tug. Something struck a chord with me. I thought to myself, “Maybe one day I’ll go.” I felt like I had just reached a point where I could stand on my own two feet. The death of a dear friend, the tragic loss of my mother to pancreatic cancer, and a recent divorce had left me feeling like a survivor at best. I was exhausted, in need of healing, and was looking for stability, routine, and consistency. The thought of being a minister or missionary in any sense of the word was out of the question. I wasn’t strong; I wasn’t spiritual. How could I possibly do anything great for God? A friend introduced me to Mike and Mary Wagner, e3 Partner leaders for Rwanda and members of my home church Summit Crossing. Again I thought, “One day...” But still, the faint tug to go to Rwanda would not go away. It was growing. I remember talking to the Lord about this while getting ready at the bathroom mirror one morning. He gently whispered to me, “Walk through this door and I will take you the rest of the way.” My knees hit the floor as I came undone. I began weeping at the humbling fact that God wanted to use a mess like me. Questions immediately came to mind like, “How will I ever raise enough support?” and “Who will get my daughter to school?” The invasive questions endlessly popped up one after the other. Each question and objection
was more stressful and confusing than the last: logistics, finances, health, safety, etc. Finally, I said, “ Yes, I’ll go. Lord, you can work it out.” The first step of faith was to apply for the trip on the e3partners website (www.e3Partners.org). The amount of money I would need to raise was approximately four thousand dollars. Although it was extremely hard to ask for financial support, the funds came in steadily — just enough and right on time. Feeling smaller and smaller with each donation, it became clear God had not and would not leave alone me in this. I received tremendous encouragement from my prayer team of family and church friends.
One of the prerequisites for going on the trip was to type up a personal testimony. That was a big challenge. To me, my testimony is not at all exciting or victorious. How would I ever connect to the Rwandan people who had suffered through mass genocide in 1994? How could I offer any amount of condolence or understanding to the people of Rwanda with my simple testimony. Virtually every adult in Rwanda has been affected by the genocide and, in many cases, continues to be affected. Most have lost a family member, neighbor, or friend. For others, someone close to them participated in the murders. Alcoholism is common among the men, who many times leave their wives with the burden of providing for their children. A single mother in Rwanda has no legal rights to child
And so, through my translators, I began: “I’m here from America to tell the people in your village about how to know God. I manage a household. I work to provide for myself and my daughter. I do not have a husband and was worried about whether I could do all this by myself. Because I believed the Word of God, I have the peace of knowing that God will take care of me and my family.” One of the women looked me in the eye and said, “ You are just like me.” The others nodded in agreement. The door for sharing Christ was wide open. The ladies gave their hearts to Jesus and pointed the way up the hill to another family that needed to hear the gospel. Since 2009, I have taken three e3 trips to Rwanda. It doesn’t take someone who has it all figured out to respond to God’s call. It doesn’t
There is someone who needs to hear your story. Not in spite of, but because of your life circumstances and heartaches, you are perfectly positioned to tell it, and God will receive the glory for your obedience. support or aid. Moreover, if their husband happens to be in prison, they are responsible for providing meals for their spouse. The genocide, while thankfully over, has produced damage beyond repairs of just men and women. Jesus is needed in these beautiful hills. I remember expressing to Mary Wagner my concern over writing a simple testimony. She reminded me that Revelation 12:11 states, “And they overcame him [the devil] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” Never had I considered that my testimony was a weapon to overcome the power of the enemy. I realized that speaking one’s story of coming to Christ or speaking aloud what the Word says about salvation is truly a weapon against the enemy. My personal testimony is exactly what opened the door for sharing the gospel with my beloved Rwandans. Even though I remained skeptical about whether a person in Africa would want to hear what I had to say, I was incredibly blessed to see God’s hand at work. After telling Him, “Lord, I have absolutely no idea what to say to these women. Why would they want to listen to me?” He gently whispered, “Tell your story.”
necessarily take flying to Africa to be obedient. It doesn’t take an eloquent speaker to tell the story of God’s love. Even our feelings of unworthiness cannot stop the Word of God from accomplishing His purposes. There is someone who needs to hear your story. Not in spite of, but because of your life circumstances and heartaches, you are perfectly positioned to tell it, and God will receive the glory for your obedience. Wendy McGee is the owner/director of Providence Music in Huntsville, AL, offering classes and lessons in piano, voice, guitar, and saxophone. Wendy is a conference and workshop speaker in the areas of music and worship. She has a bachelors degree in professional writing from the University of North Alabama, and bachelors and masters degrees in music from Wichita State University. She has served as a short-term missionary in the countries of Costa Rica and Rwanda. Wendy plays saxophone in the Moondust jazz band and enjoys watching “Dr. Who” with family and friends. She is married to Drew McGee and is mom to Victoria, age 15 and step-mom to Andrew, 21; Katelyn, 19; Nathan, 17; and Cara, 13. Check out her studio Providence Music at www. ProvidenceMusicStudio.com.
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