Over the Fence:
By Brandon Dyer, Executive Director of Community Renewal of Pottawatomie County
Making a Choice When the Truth Stinks
D
uring a weekend last month, my son invited a group of his friends and their parents over to take pictures of them all fancied up in their prom attire. They looked amazing, such a beautiful and handsome group. Dazzling dresses, suits and smiles lit up our backyard. The parents took pictures of every pose and combination of people imaginable, because that’s what we do, of course. It’s a memory worth preserving. Each parent was equal parts glowing pride, nerves and nostalgia knowing these soon-to-be adults were about to drive themselves to the city for dinner before returning for the prom. In the process, they would be creating a snapshot in time worth remembering. That’s when things abruptly changed. A gentle south breeze brought with it an overwhelming reminder that our septic tank needed replacing. Pronto. With teeth clenched, an uncomfortably large smile and the skill of a ventriloquist I whispered to my wife, “Is this really happening?” In retrospect, I probably should have checked her pulse instead, because I know her heart stopped. Let’s just say it was an unpleasant experience for all. In a moment like that, you really only have two options: ignore it and hope it goes away, or just lean into it and say, “Yep. That’s what you think it is.”
Brandon Dyer
We chose option two and immediately expedited the photo opportunity. The truth is I had already called the septic tank guy, and it was scheduled to be replaced. I’ll spare you the unsavory details, but when he came for the inspection, he explained that after 50 years of operation the system was failing. Its environment underground had gradually changed. A new system would be required for the future. Change is inevitable. You don’t need me to tell you that. Try as we may, we cannot avoid it. With any luck, we see it coming and can prepare. However, it can also be abrupt.
Sometimes it is relatively mild, and we can easily adapt, much like having to hold one’s breath during prom pictures. Other times it may be serious, like the loss of a job or even the loss of a loved one – or maybe the sudden loss of life as we know it at the hands of a global pandemic. Changes of environment can put such pressure on our systems that it sometimes causes them to fail. This can happen both at a micro, personal level and also at a macro, societal level. In any case, what’s interesting is that we always have those same two choices. Ignore it. Or lean into it. Recently, it became clear that I could no longer manage my hectic, sometimes unpredictable schedule. Stress was trending up and relief down. Normal methods of coping with stress were failing. Something had to give. My existing, some might say missing, system of organization that had mostly served me well my whole life was buckling under the pressure of a changing environment around me. For a while, I ignored it thinking I could tough it out and outlast the changes. It was a defensive move. I fought like my back was against the wall to avoid change. Finally, I heard a wise person say that as leaders, we are our organization’s capacity. For whatever reason, a lightbulb went off. I chose to embrace the changes necessary to remake my system. Now I wish I had done this
years ago. How many opportunities did I forfeit from my stubbornness to change? Have you ever been there? Systems can also fail at the macro, societal level. As we know, these systems can be much more difficult to change. If any of us is paying even a modest amount of attention these days, we can see that many of our systems are buckling. Perhaps it’s time to consider something new. New collective solutions for our evolving future. My purpose in writing this is not to suggest what those changes should be. Rather, my purpose is to offer a suggestion for how we ought to get there. Systems that work for all of us require all of us to be engaged in the process. As we work for solutions together, especially at the local level, we must hear each other as equals. Instead of starting with explosive differences that engage our defenses, perhaps we should begin with common hopes, common dreams. Isn’t this how healthy relationships begin? Very little effort is necessary to become an enemy. One simply has to decide it to be so, but to be a friend requires intention. That means we have to go out of our way. It means leaning into the challenges and the differences and creating something new that works for all of us. Let’s not ignore it. Let’s lean into it. That would be a snapshot in time worth taking.
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