BE REAL, NOT PERFECT. BY V. JOLENE MILLER
READING ON THE RUN Binge reading on the run because everything else can wait. ABOUT THE COLUMNIST
In Alaska, I’m a behavioral health instructor by day and a Ph.D. student by night. When I’m not teaching, I have my nose in a textbook or a scholarly article. These days, my writing is nonfiction and my puppy, Omar, is lucky if I can spare ten minutes to play fetch. I still carry a book in my purse because I hope to get a few minutes to read. Fifteen minutes before dawn, in between assignments, or right before falling into bed. Reading is my resting place.
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I saw a quote today that read, “be real, not perfect.” I quite like the sentiment. First, there’s the reality: no one is perfect. You can die trying, but you (nor anyone else) will be successful. Plus, there’s something to be said about authenticity. Take my dog, Omar, for instance. She’s complete in her realness. For example, if you’re standing at the kitchen counter eating crackers and hummus (as I often find myself to be) without giving her a snack, she will walk away and sulk. Likewise, if I am too tired to engage in a game of catch in the living room (also a frequent occurrence as of late), she will take her ball to her bed and lie there…until she hears the rustle of crackers. Omar pulls no punches. She knows what she wants and when - her authenticity is laced with boundaries. You won’t play catch; she won’t even grace you with her presence. It’s how she rolls. Many moons ago, I read Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say NO to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. If you aren’t familiar with it, there is an accompaniment workbook. The writing is simple, straightforward, and offers readers opportunities to practice the art of setting boundaries. I recommend it to students, friends, and acquaintances who report feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and overcommitted due to someone’s push to do more. Setting boundaries is an art and not the abstract kind. The boundary must be as firm as the person creating it. Waffling about is not recommended. Boundaries are also not meant to be touched or crossed, not by the one
