Parent Circle Feb 2012 by ParentCircle

editorial

For the Parent in you To know, to understand, to connect

ccording to billionaire investor Warren Buffett, the perfect amount to leave children is “enough money so that they would feel they could do anything, but not so much that they could do nothing.” Of course, the billion-dollar question is, “What is this perfect amount?” Yes, we as parents all want to ensure the financial security of our children in the future. Most parents are prepared to sacrifice and do what it takes towards this end. Today, investing in education means investing in their future and families spend a substantial amount of money on their child’s education- be it for a top rated preschool or for an overseas education.

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Traditionally, we Indians have invested in gold and silver, saved for our children’s weddings, provided them a house or some land and built an inheritance, however small, ensuring that our children had a financially secure start. Now times have changed and though we continue to plan for these investments, we also have other priorities such as taking vacations, investing in hobbies and even planning for our own retirements. Hence we need to take financial planning seriously. With a plethora of investment options available today, we need to make some wellinformed financial decisions. Our cover story “Planning Financially for your Children”, will help you sort through some of the options available in planning your financial investments. February 14th is Valentine’s Day, a day associated with love and romance. Our Valentines special features: “Pamper Yourself”, talks about the importance of loving and taking care of yourself first and “Romancing the Spouse”, discusses the importance of strengthening spousal relationships in building strong families. As we talk romance, how do we deal with teen romances? Our article “Teen Crushes”, explores this important topic. We are continuously innovating our website. Check out our online videos relating to some of the articles we feature in our magazine. Please visit us at our website www.parentcircle.in and give us your feedback. You can now subscribe to our magazine online. A Valentine’s Day thought: Love your children; love them unconditionally.

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Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.

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contents RESOURCES 50

PARENT CHEF Microwave Snacks

CHECK IT OUT Pick a Flick!

KALEIDOSCOPE

FORUM 4

COVER STORY P12

Planning Financially for your Children IN FOCUS

LEARNING Everyday Experiments!

FEATURE Puncturing Exam Stress

HEALTH CIRCLE How Muscles Move

LEARNING Englishman or Indian?

MINDSET Food for Thought

VALUES Who is God?

TEEN CIRCLE The Rebel in your Teen

DESTINATIONS Dandeli’s Delights

CIRCLE OF LIFE Volunteer for a

Parent Circle / February 2012

DISCUSSION POINT Pester Power

PARENT EXPRESS Pester Power Dynamics

VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL

Positive Exchange

ON THE COVER GAUTHAM SIVAKUMAR PHOTOGRAPH BY ARJUN DOGRA

VIEWPOINT Very Early Childhood Education

REGULARS

YOUR WORD

Romancing your Spouse Teen Crushes Pamper Yourself What I Love Most

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your word

our

Letters to the Editor I am 80 years old and have 9 grand children between the age group of 5 and 18. The article “Salutations to the Sun, Surya Namaskar” published in Dec 2011 issue is informative and very useful for the young as well as the old. This practice will stimulate the brains and the bodies of all – irrespective of age. I hope more such useful articles appear in the future issues. V SUBRAMANIAN, Chennai

he et t

The article ‘Swing Away your Teen’s Blues’ in the January 2012 issue was quite informative and interesting. Perhaps a couple more of real life experiences would have further enriched the article. The article Mom's Morning Rush was very interesting. Applying the lean manufacturing concept at home is quite an innovative idea. The 5S is applicable in every room in a house and more so in the kitchen. Children learn from their mother and the way she keeps the things in the kitchen!

on y s t per

top! k s de

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As for the cover story on home schooling - what happens to the child after the 10th or 12th standard? Does he/she goes to college or pursue distance education? What about the job market for such people? The article could have highlighted these points. V JAGANNATHAN, Chennai My little daughter – five and half years old - brought home a copy from her school (PSBB) and my eyes fell on the article “Autism: Rewiring our Perspective”, written by Ms Rekha Supriya (December issue). This is an excellent article, very sensible and meaningful. This article would help not only parents of autistic children, but also many teachers who may encounter such children in their class rooms in regular schools. I know of many teachers who are lost when they come across such children. We are displaying this article in our school notice board. Apart from the content which is very good, I also like the layout and design. ATHMA RAJ, Chennai

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in focus Chinese language option has a forced landing Chinese has been dropped as a third language option from the CBSE after the teachers failed to grasp the language. CBSE has now withdrawn the language from the syllabus for the time being. In September 2010, minister Kapil Sibal had put forward the idea of bringing in the Chinese language as a third language option. Around 200 teachers were to be trained for this purpose. The board had then announced the introduction of Chinese, starting from Class VI from the 2011-12 academic sessions as the third language. The initiative did not gain any momentum as the teachers found it difficult to grasp the language and the coaching had to be stopped midway. The board has stated that the interested students can learn the language online through a private educational firm but will have to spend upto `1,600 for the same.

Minor change in the CCE grading policy of CBSE The standard 9 students of the CBSE board can now score up to 65 grade points in their co-scholastic areas or extra-curricular activities for the current academic year 2011-12, from the maximum of 42 points earlier. This will be taken forward in the future. The policy change also enables students to move up automatically to the next higher grade in the scholastic area in a maximum of two subjects, thus increasing their overall grade point average. Preference will be given to the subjects where they have got more marks that come closer to the next grade bracket. Students who get E2 grade (below 20 marks) or get A1 grade (between 91100) – the lowest and the highest in any subject – will not/cannot be upgraded in those subjects. Two new fields have been added with the change in the policy - 'Work education' and 'Visual and performing arts'. Each of these areas carry five grade points each.

Parent Circle / February 2012

Swimming programme launched for school students in Dindigul In the wake of many deaths related to drowning, the district officials of Dindigul have launched coaching classes in swimming for students in the district. This initiative is the first of its kind, adopted by a district in Tamil Nadu.

Chess to be made compulsory in State schools

Skilled trainers will be coaching the students in appropriate batches in the safe environment of a swimming pool. Four swimming pools across the district have been zeroed in for this purpose. The matriculation school students will be taught in the morning while the government school students will be trained in the evening. A nominal fee of `250 will be charged per programme. The programme will go on till the month of March, after which there will be a break for exams.

Gujarat has already implemented it and Tamil Nadu is to follow in its footsteps. The Chief Minister J Jayalalithaa announced this in August 2011 after the President of World Chess Federation, Kirsan Ilyumzhinov had met with her. The state is implementing compulsory chess classes from the next academic year in the government and state aided schools. The game is said to improve the cognitive skills of students. The physical education teachers of all the schools will be given training for this purpose.

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learning

Everyday Experiments! The following experiments are from the book The Agenda of the Apprentice Scientist by Nicole Ostrowsky, published by Universities Press. Over the next few months we will be carrying experiments from this book. These experiments are intended to inculcate in children a sense of curiosity and a love of science, helped by lively characters: ‘labcoat’, depicting the scientist and ‘little net’, the apprentice. Encourage your children to do these experiments on their own, observe the results and discover for themselves. An explanation has been provided for parents to guide their children through this process of exploration and discovery. Further information is available at http://apprenticescientist.com.

The raisin dance

How to make a spinning top

Pour some soda water into a glass and drop some raisins into it. Do they float or do they sink? Note down what you see: __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

Take a stiff sheet of cardboard and cut out a disc with a radius of 5 cm. Push a sharpened short pencil through the middle. It should stick out a good couple of centimetres. Place the head of the pencil on the ground and set it spinning. Describe the top’s movement: ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

“A dance is a poem.” Denis Diderot The raisins are denser than water, so initially they sink to the bottom. Bubbles collect around their wrinkled skin, and with the help of these ‘buoys’, the raisins rise to the surface where the bubbles burst. The raisins sink once again and the dance begins anew.

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Parent Circle / February 2012

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cover story

BY KARTHIKEYAN JAWAHAR

The Need for Financial Planning

here is an old saying in Tamil which challenges one to “Build a House and Marry off a Child” – a financial implication that starts when the parents are in their 40s. Today, the challenge starts as early as when the child is in preschool; when the parents are still in their twenties or early thirties. Never in India’s history has ‘quality’ education been so expensive and daunting.

close to `22.25 lakh in 18 years at 10% inflation. Will a young couple have the wherewithal to save for this? Indian parents are deeply stressed over the rise in gold prices. With a sovereign of gold costing around `23,000, gifting one’s daughter 100 sovereigns of gold for her marriage is more of a pipe dream for many parents. Also consider that some of the ‘best’ caterers are charging upwards of `125 per plate for marriage functions. Is it the end of 3 day marriage celebrations with a gathering of 1000 people (for the middle class, at least)?

THE TRADITIONAL CHALLENGES The traditional avenues that any parent is concerned about, while planning for expenses relating to children, are for their higher education (college and PG programs) and their marriage. With inflation hovering in double digits, the expected cost of higher studies for their children, leads to a mental paralysis for any parent. A quick calculation in a spreadsheet shows, that based on today’s cost of `4 lakh for an engineering education, one requires

12 Parent Circle / February 2012

THE MODERN CHALLENGES The modern challenges facing today’s parents start even earlier. Just the LKG admissions cost anywhere from `25,000 to `50,000 in an ‘average’ school in a Class B city. Metro schools cost more and so do ‘premium’ schools. Added to the above ‘basic’ needs, there are the other needs related to social and peer pressure facing children that parents feel they need to satisfy.

It could be a laptop requirement from the school for students of Class 5 and above. Or it could be that foreign vacation that the parent cannot afford, which is routinely indulged in by his son’s classmates. It could be that your daughter wants an Apple iPhone4s, because all the ‘cool’ girls in her Class XI carry smart phones. While they update their Facebook page every minute, she has to wait to get home to her PC to update her Facebook page.

FINANCIAL PLANNING Financial Planning for our children has two parts. The easier to solve is the financial part, the more intense and difficult one is the behavioural part. The financial part of the financial planning is as follows: 4 To set goals on what is to be done in the future. 4 Assign values / estimates at today’s cost. 4 Forecast (there will be large margins of error here) the expected cost in the future.

4 Start saving/ investing to reach the targets 4 Fine tune on a yearly basis (more or less, or as often as the situation demands). Just some knowledge of basic mathematics and use of a spreadsheet should be able to take anyone comfortably through this process. The data related to returns forecasting and inflation related data can be taken from Google and mutual fund sites. (Go to www.parentcircle.in/articlesa-information/itemlist/category/34articles.html for a detailed article on how to do calculations using the spreadsheet. This will help in your budgeting and reviewing exercises.)

BEHAVIOURAL ASPECTS OF FINANCE Though the above process is (relatively) easy, each of the steps has behavioural aspects that could make or break the planning and execution. The key is to set ‘realistic’ targets /goals, with the least amount of stress. The problem is that there is no absolute standard here – everything is relative. Things such as ratios (spend 10% of your income for children, 30% on your housing loan, 10% on food, etc) also do not work, as they are all dependent on the income levels and commitments that one faces (do you live with your parents/ in-laws, do you work away from your home town [travel costs], what are your existing loans, what are your hobbies, etc). The realistic goals again depend on one’s aspirations, society (peer group) and self-image. Today, one faces questions such as - Is it ok to spend `20,000 for a birthday party? Is the school that charges `1 lakh per year in the 1st standard the right school for my child? Do I need to spend `3 lakhs for my daughter’s ‘Arangetram’ (first stage

appearance in singing or dancing)? Should my child study abroad? The answer to all the above questions is “It Depends!” It depends on the family’s situation now and what we need to sacrifice now, and later.

STATIC INERTIA The last thing that anybody would want to do on any given day is to fill a boring application form for an investment or insurance. Even if we cross the problems of setting goals, to actually implement them is something that faces a lot of static inertia, even if it is for our children.

STICKING TO A PLAN Have you had emergencies where you had to pull out an investment? Everyone has. The difference is that the severity of the emergency will vary. The emergencies may be - My father is in the ICU; my son’s school fees needs to be paid; its Christmas/ New Year shopping season; I absolutely need to have this new car/bike/mobile phone/ laptop/TV/home theatre; my mother-inlaw is visiting. The other two major reasons why many do not stick to plans are: 4 Slick financial products sales people who make you change a plan because it has completed its 3 or 5 years minimum term, and he now advises you to buy a plan in the new company that he is in. This way, you lose and he wins. 4 Market fluctuations – When we plant a tree, do we pull it out every month to check if the roots have grown? And if the growth of the tree (above the ground that is!) is slow, do we give it more fertilizers and

protection or just pull it out and plant a new one? Then why do we need to check if the child’s fund (which is planned for a 15 year term) has grown or not every month? If the market is down, do we need to invest more or do we close a fund and get out with a loss?

THE WAY AHEAD The challenges for financial planning today are very different from the ones faced by our parents. Parents need to invest time and effort in thinking ideas through; financial planning also needs a basic knowledge of economics trends and financial products in the market. It will not do to let things be and face things as they come. The best part though, is that every parent can do a proper financial plan for their children and come out successfully. The first step in this process is to realize and accept that there is a need to systematically plan and execute. Only we are responsible for our children’s financial future.8

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cover story

Avenues for Investment for Children

one of the investment avenues in the market today are specifically designed for children. However, we can make use of them for our children based on our intentions. The exception to this rule is some of the protection plans from insurance companies which have special features to protect our children (and spouse) in our absence.

SAVINGS VS INVESTMENT First, we need to understand the difference between savings and investments. Yes, they are different! Savings is what you do for the short term (maximum of 3 years). Typically you do not want the value of the savings to go down, come what may; you can’t buy half a bicycle, can you? The other reason for saving may be to get a regular stream of income (interest). The objective of savings is not to increase the value of the investment (a bank deposit of `1 lakh remains the same) but to ensure that it exists after the intended period. Investment is primarily done to increase its value. This is done for the long term - typically a minimum of 5 years (will you start a business to sell it in one year?). Since the duration of the investment is long, one does not bother with short-term fluctuations in returns or loss of invested value as long as the path taken by the investment is as per plan. Investment is not done

14 Parent Circle / February 2012

for regular steady return but for capital appreciation. For example, money invested in the shares of a bank (in contrast to the deposit made in the same bank) may not give a steady dividend but the value of the share itself will grow.

FACTORS TO CONSIDER WHILE INVESTING/SAVING Savings and investing are not just about returns. So it is not necessary that one plan/product that gives 25% returns is better than the one that gives only 10%. All of us have seen dozens of ‘finance’ companies promising very high returns and then running away with our money. Even in returns we have to look at two things; the regular income that the avenue will give and the capital appreciation that it can give. We also need to see if there are fluctuations in the returns. An avenue with high fluctuations is considered to have more risk. For example, two investments may give 10% average returns over a 5 year period. The first one gives 10% on a yearly basis. The second one gives returns varying between 40% gain and 10% loss, but its compounded average is still 10%. This means that the final amount in our hands at the end of the 5 years is the same. However the second investment carries higher risk.

different avenues are given in a separate table for your information (on Page 16).

ASSET VS LIABILITY VS EXPENSE Another set of distinctions have to be studied before we can look at investment strategies for children as it will determine how we release cash for our children’s needs. This is to understand the difference between assets, liabilities and expenses. From the personal finance angle, the definition of an asset is something that generates a positive cash flow. Liabilities create a negative cash flow and expenses take away our money just once. The car is a liability as it continues to guzzle cash (in the form of fuel, maintenance and insurance). Your daughter’s school books are an expense. Your daughter’s Apple iPhone 4S is a liability (higher rentals - in spite of the 50% discount offered by the service providers. The question is will you choose the same rental program for a normal phone?). A house given out on rent is an asset and so is the house that you live in if you intend to sell it with capital appreciation. However the house that you live in and don’t intend to sell, is a liability. Please think whether the jewellery that you buy for yourself is an expense or an asset.

MUST DOs Liquidity or marketability is a key factor to consider while investing for children. I cannot ask the college management to hold the seat for my daughter for the next 3 months, because I have to sell a piece of land at the right market price. An avenue having high liquidity can be sold at the market price quickly. Tax implications also have to be considered before a particular avenue is chosen. The details of the comparison of

Apart from the above strategies, there are a few MUST DOs related to children. The first and foremost is to take a life insurance term plan with high cover. The term plan is the only TRUE insurance. There is no money returned, if there is no loss of the life insured. A car worth `7.5 lakh will need an insurance premium of about `17,000, and you only make a claim when there is damage. For the same premium, a 35-year-old person can be insured for `1 crore. Consider the term

plan premium as an expense that you make for your loved ones. By taking up a term plan I ensure that my children’s dreams and my dreams for them happen whether I am around or not. The need for a term plan can be calculated as 12 times your annual income plus the outstanding loan principals. Reviewing the term plan cover has to be done once in 2-3 years. (The 12 comes from taking the long term average bank interest at 8%). The insurance cover should give our family members at least the income that we make today if we are no more. This can be done by depositing the insurance claim in a bank deposit and the yearly interest has to be equal to our income So cover has to be = (Income/8%) or approximately (Income x 12). This thumb rule is the minimum cover that one needs and it does not cover for inflation. Take up a health insurance plan for the family with at least `5 lakh as a floater cover. The floater plan is one, where the cover is shared among the members of the family. When you cross 45, shift from the floater to individual cover of `5 lakh. If your forefathers had any critical illness (cancer, heart/kidney failures, stroke, etc) then it is advisable to take a top-up health insurance going up to `10 lakh. These values are for today, as inflation increases the health care costs, the covers will also need to be increased.

DONT’S Public Provident Fund (PPF), endowment type insurance plans and money-back insurance plans are a strict NO NO! They are what are technically called as ‘Asset Class Mismatches’.

They are savings plans but designed for the long term. Hence, their returns are lower than inflation and they hardly have any liquidity. Their typical form of liquidity is to take a loan from the fund. It does not make sense to me to take money from my savings and then pay an interest to somebody. The money back plan of course has liquidity planned into it. But one has to pay a much higher premium for the plan. The other ‘must not do’ is to borrow to invest in a tax savings plan or for trading in the stock market (day trading). Borrowing for a liability is also a NO NO! A car bought on loan is the typical example. On one side you pay more than the car’s worth due to the interest, on the other side the car depreciates. Instead, think of buying a second hand car with the cash that you have.

CAN DOs

STRATEGIES FOR CHILDREN No single investment avenue in the market can take care of all the needs related to our children. The best way to plan for their future is to segregate needs into the short term and long term. The short term needs like school admissions, computer, the bicycle, holidays, hobby expenses (my daughter wants to go to Srilanka and Malaysia for Yoga camps and competitions), etc need to be met from savings type avenues. Long term needs like college admissions, PG courses and marriages need to be met from investment type avenues. However, many of the long term investments like land and buildings have very low liquidity. Also mutual funds and direct investment in stocks fluctuate based on the market conditions. I cannot stop a market from falling because it is the year of my daughter’s college admission. The strategy here will be to stay invested in the long term investment till a year or two before the actual need. Then the investment needs to be shifted into a savings avenue with quick liquidity. (Sell the piece of land when she is in her 10th or 11th standard and keep it in a bank deposit or debt mutual fund).This way we can make the gains and also manage the market fluctuations. One should not worry about the ‘virtual’ loss if the markets do grow in the last year also.

Changing trends need different thoughts too. Along with the changes in social and economic scenarios, we also need to think differently for our children. Here are a few of the things that we can do for our children. Can you think of: 4Giving your daughter a house instead of 100 sovereigns of gold on her marriage? It has more utility. 4Create a business fund instead of a higher education fund? An education loan is easier than a new business loan. 4When a child is born, instead of buying gold, plant a set

of teak trees. The trees are good for the environment and also will yield timber which is appreciating in price, faster than gold. 4Build a set of row houses (2 or more smaller apartments) rather than one big one – the rental income will be higher again. Also based on the need, you can sell them one by one to meet the different needs of your children. On the same note, build a commercial building rather than a house. The rental income is higher for commercial properties. 8

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16 Parent Circle / February 2012 Average

Section 80C benefits for Equity Linked Savings Schemes No long term capital gains tax after 365 days. No tax on dividends received. Very High

Interest received is taxable.

High

Convenience

Public Provident Fund Moderate but Section 80C benefits Maturity tax free locked till end Nil 8% Negligible Low Can not be attached in case of insolvency. Low of the term Life Insurance Policies Moderate but 5.5% Section 80C benefits and - Endowment locked till end Nil Average Moderate Average Section 10 (10)D benefits. Low of the term Rent from house Low High 5% Negligible Low Expenses can be deducted before Fair Maximum calculating tax. (short term) Gold and Silver Nil Moderate Matching inflation Average High (loan No tax benefits High possible. Capital gains tax applicable. Selling is very difficult) ULIP’s with minimum Nil High 12.5% Average Can be adjusted “High Section 80C 5 times cover over 5 yrs on based on market (but after and Section 10(10)D benefits High invest corpus only conditions three years)” - maturity and claim amounts are not taxed. ULIP Pension plans Nil High Section 80C benefits & 1/3 tax free Average commutation on maturity amount Pension received is taxable.

Mutual Fund - Debt Moderate Low 11% Low High Dividends received are tax free. Gains a Average over 1yr re taxed both in short term and long term. Very High Bank Deposits Moderate Nil 8% Negligible High Section 80C benefits for 5 year deposit. Average All interests are taxable. Very High

Mutual Fund - Equity Low High 13.46% Average over High High last 5 years

Average

8% Depending on company

Debentures /Bonds Moderate Moderate Low

17.17% No long term capital gains tax after As per SENSEX High High 365 days Dividends received are tax free. returns since 1979

Equity Shares Low High

Investments Return Typical Returns Risk Marketability Tax Treatment / Liquidity Current Capital Yield Appreciation

Comparison of Investment Avenues

cover story

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cover story

Unit Linked Children's Plans Compared

Company Plan* Unique Plan Number Birla Sun Life Insurance

BSLI Classic Child Plan

109L066V01

HDFC Standard Life Insurance

HDFC SL YoungStar Super II

101L065V01

HDFC Standard Life Insurance

HDFC SL YoungStar Super Premium

101L068V01

ICICI Prudential Life Insurance

ICICI Pru Smartkid Premier

105L120V01

Life Insurance Corporation of India

LIC Child Fortune Plus

512L251V01

Max New York Life Insurance

Max New York Life Shiksha Plus II

104L062V01

MetLife India Insurance

Met Smart Kid

117L072V01

Kotak Mahindra Old Mutual Life Insurance

Kotak Head Start Child Assure

107L066V01

SBI Life Insurance

SBI Life Smart Scholar

111L073V01

Tata AIG Life Insurance

Tata AIG Life Insurance United Ujjwal Bhawishya Supreme

110L094V01

Tata AIG Life Insurance

Tata AIG Life Insurance Gyan Kosh

110L099V01

Bharti Axa Life Insurance

Bharti Axa Life Bright Stars EDGE

130L035V01

Bharti Axa Life Insurance Bharti Axa Life Power Kid Insurance Plan

Explaining ULIPs and Children plans The total annual premium for any ULIP or Unit Linked Insurance plan has two components. The first is the life cover or actual insurance, known as ‘Sum Assured’. The amount deducted for this is called Premium allocation charge. Additionally administration charges are deducted, and the remaining goes into the other crucial component – your investment. Units accrue into your account from these investments made on your behalf by the insurance company, either into the equity markets, or debt markets, or a mix of both (you choose this). In normal ULIP plans, the insurer pays out either the sum assured, (the actual insurance amount or risk cover) or the investment amount (from the Units), whichever is higher, upon the death of the insured. The total plan terminates at this point. If the person survives the

18 Parent Circle / February 2012

entire term, only the investment amount is paid out. Units can be redeemed when needed, (the value of your investment can be tracked at the company’s website) but it pays to stay on for the full term and be regular with premium payments. In a Child plan, the parent(s) are insured, and the beneficiary is the child. On the loss of the insured parent, the plan does not terminate, but continues till the end of term. Future premiums need not be paid, and the plan’s benefits will continue for the child. Some policies or plans also provide a monthly/yearly allowance for the child till the end of the term. Some policies give a double benefit. They pay the Sum Assured immediately upon the loss of the parent and take the onus of paying future premiums into the investment account, for the remaining term. This ensures that the investments continue to grow for the child. Since the benefits are more in a Child plan, the charges are also higher

130L048V01 than the normal ULIP plans. Children Plans cannot take care of all the life insurance needs. They can be taken after sufficient cover is achieved using term plan(s). NOTE ABOUT THE COMPARISONS: 1. Charges mentioned are a percentage of one annual premium for the first 10 years. Fixed charges have been converted to a percentage, based on the lowest allowed annual premium. 2. Only Unit Linked Plans have been compared, since only these plans make sense for long term investment. Endowment plans being savings plans are not suitable for long term investments. 3. The Unique Plan Number is provided by IRDA. Quote this number when asking for a plan and cross check the same when you receive the policy

Age at Entry Maturity Age - Policy Term Minimum Sum Assured for the Parent Child's Age (years) Yearly or Grand (years) Premium Parent (years) (Rs) Min Max Min Max Min Max Min Max

Total Premium Total Total Charges Allocation Administration for first Charge for Charge for 10 years first 10 years first 10 years

25,000 1,25,000 No Limit

54%

14%

68%

15,000 1,50,000 20,00,000

31%

38%

69%

15,000 1,50,000 20,00,000

31%

38%

69%

18,000

90,000 12,50,000

56%

58%

10,000

50,000 No Limit

57%

34%

90%

24,000 4,80,000 No Limit

40%

31%

71%

18,000 1,80,000 20,00,000

53%

15%

68%

20,000 1,00,000 No Limit

28%

30%

58%

24,000 1,92,000 No Limit

28%

25%

53%

18.

20,000 2,00,000 No Limit

23%

53%

76%

20,000 2,00,000 No Limit

23%

53%

76%

18,000 Not Mentioned

58%

11%

68%

26,000 6,50,000 No Limit

30%

44%

74%

document. Sometimes similar sounding names of plans have caused confusion leading to purchase of wrong plans. 4. The comparisons are based on charges. The lesser the charges, the better will be the returns. 5. The lumping of charges towards the beginning of the plan will lead to slower fund growth. 6. When using Unit Linked Funds, invest preferably on a monthly basis. Continue investing in the equity oriented funds till 3 to 4 years to maturity. At this point, shift the accumulated corpus gradually into the debt/liquid funds. This will maximise the returns and safeguard the funds. Unless market savvy, it is not advisable to use the switching option. KARTHIKEYAN JAWAHAR IS A FOUNDER DIRECTOR OF FINERVA FINANCIAL SERVICES, ADVISING ON PERSONAL FINANCE.

Open Ended Debt Mutual Funds Rank Scheme Name

Last 12 Monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ABSOLUTE RETURNS (%)

Canara Robeco InDiGo Fund - Growth

Sahara Short Term Bond Fund - Growth

Peerless Short Term Fund - Growth

Sundaram Select Debt - Short Term Asset Plan - Appr

Escorts Income Plan - Growth

SBI Dynamic Bond Fund - Growth

UTI Bond Fund - Growth

IDFC Dynamic Bond Fund - Plan A - Growth

Escorts Short Term Debt Fund - Growth

HDFC Floating Rate Income Fund - Long Term Fund - Growth

Templeton India Low Duration Fund - Growth

UTI Short Term Income Fund - Retail - Growth

Templeton India Income Builder Account - Plan A - Growth

Templeton India Income Builder Account - Plan B - Growth

JM Money Manager Fund - Regular - Growth

Average of the Top 15 (1 Year)

www.parentcircle.in 19

feature

BY DR JYOTSNA CODATY

he word ‘exam’ has always been scary. But today, it describes a stage beyond fear, to continuous stress and its resultant problems. Examination means different things to different people. To school children it is an ever present ogre, threatening their very happiness and influencing their daily lives in myriad ways. To the parent, it is the gateway for the future of their child’s career and financial wellbeing. To the teacher, it is a means of evaluation. Both the parent and teacher abet each other in pushing the child towards a goal perceived as ‘ideal’ to them that may or may not in the long term, coincide with the child’s aspiration. In the past, one believed that a well-prepared student (as in a first or

20 Parent Circle / February 2012

second ranker) was without such fear, but today’s competition levels do not spare anyone. BEATING STRESS: DOs AND DONT’s With exams around the corner, what can each home do to reduce the stress levels all around? The ideal solutions would be long term. In the month of February, there can only be some bandaid cures which will contain the pressure. Sufficient sleep: Staying up late into the next morning, making do with 4 hours of sleep are a big no-no. Even during exam time, the child must get his required 8 hours of sleep, adjusted to 6 hours for teens only for a special test, and not for the entire examination week. This is required to give the brain

time to recoup and retain whatever was imbibed earlier. Recollect: Learning anew anything at all on the eve of the exam is neither practical nor useful. This period is only for recollecting whatever was learnt over the year. Relax: A short nap after returning from the examination or some form of relaxation is a useful tool to unwind and feel fresh. The ideal situation would be for the child to be outdoors for an hour, playing games. Outdoor play releases Serotonin, a stress-buster. If other children are not available, the family/parent can take him for a long walk - but avoid talking exam or any related matter during this time. Incidentally, this will relax the parent

also. The child could also sing or listen to classical music, which is another known stress-buster, and actually helps him concentrate better. Avoid caffeinated drinks: Caffeine drinks like coffee, tea and aerated drinks, particularly the power drinks advertised for athletes are best avoided. Traditional brain boosters (even if they won’t do much for the brain!) like Horlicks and Bournvita are better options. (Please don’t kid yourself that a child reared on these is about to become the next Einstein.) Don’t skip breakfast: A warm bath and a good breakfast is another must do activity. A hungry belly does not provide enough nutrition for the brain. Do discourage any ideas that this morning bath and breakfast is a waste of time and that a quick gulp of a glass of milk, Horlicks etc will do. It won’t. Healthy diet: A healthy diet for the child and indeed the entire family helps. While planning a menu, add the child’s favourite dishes to help him eat better. Allow snacking: A child while studying, indulges in snacks. Do keep handy snacks like pop corn and fresh fruits and nuts as against fried snacks. If fried snacks rank high-up as favourites, you can add them in small quantities. Gauge stress levels: If the child has stomach cramps or feels nauseous, these are signs of high stress levels. A heart to heart talk with the child is absolutely necessary. This is best done in a relaxed atmosphere and the first requisite is that the parent should not be stressed. An honest selfassessment by the parent that he is not the cause of this ‘result-oriented fear’ is necessary. If the situation persists, professional intervention is needed

either immediately if the situation warrants, or soon after the exams for long-term solutions. Revision: Ask the child to mark out chapters that he feels needs extra attention. Have him devote more time to these and ask him to skim over the chapters he is confident about. This of course is a personal preference and each child has to have his own strategy. It is best to be organized through the year. Before entering the exam hall: Encourage the child to first identify and answer the questions he knows, instead of wasting time in the beginning, answering questions he is not confident about. Remind him about writing his role number and trying to keep aside 10 minutes to quickly review his answers and so on.

paper done and finished with. It is a total waste of time and causes a great deal of anguish for both you and the child, trying to calculate hypothetically lost marks. Simply hit the delete button and look at tomorrow. Organize work and play: Help your child make a resolution (and help him keep it) for the next year’s strategy. Books should be kept in an organized manner. Home-work, reading, revising, assignments, prep-work should be done regularly, and without a pile-up. Equal emphasis should be given for outdoor play. Parents should remember that such play, (particularly if the child is going to special classes for physical activities and music) should not be performance/competition oriented. This leads to even more stress. DR JYOTSNA CODATY IS A PHYSICIAN

No post-mortem: An important stress buster is to avoid post-mortems of the

AND HAS WRITTEN BOOKS ON STRESS MANAGEMENT. (www.letstalkdoc.com)

Your child is his own person A well-known person who was studying to be a doctor went to his mother with an invitation and a scholarship to study music. She said, “Show me your MBBS degree and then you can do what you want.” This person went on to complete his medicine, never worked as a doctor and became a world famous musician in his genre. His name is Dr L Subramaniam. Parents, while all our children may not become the world’s best in some field or the other, they have the right to make choices and work in the sphere they want to. Today’s world is indeed a global village and no longer does the good, better and best exist in the choice of professions. Multitudes of youngsters study in one field and take up careers in a totally different one. Please keep an open mind. And lastly water finds its own level. A check dam can marginally improve performance, not drastically. No amount of tuitions can increase a child’s performance from 60% to 99%. As a long term strategy for your child’s well-being, help him to be organized from the beginning of the school year, observe and identify areas where his aptitude and inclination lie and let him develop those skills. Your child is his own person.

www.parentcircle.in 21

special

BY KAVITHA SHANMUGAM

t is not just teenagers who date. Homemaker Preeti Thomas, a hands-on mother of three boys and her busy real estate entrepreneur husband often go on dates together. Married for twenty years, Preeti often reschedules gym workouts and Thomas his meetings, to grab a quick coffee together, to go for a walk on the beach or to catch the morning show at the local cinema. “This is our time together, when we escape our roles as parents, as a boss or daughter or son and see the world as a couple,” says Preeti. Both are extremely conscious about bonding with one another, despite pressing work. Says Preeti, “If we do not communicate with each other now, we are bound to end up as strangers at 50. The best part of our lives will be over. We won’t have good memories to share.” Like her, 37-year-old entrepreneur

22 Parent Circle / February 2012

Devina Hemdev, married for 12 years and a mother of two, ensures she gets ‘bonding time’ with her husband despite their heavy work schedules. “We go on holidays and dine out regularly just to nurture our couple equation. We do whatever it takes to stay on track,” she says. Staying constantly connected with the spouse is very important according to her, as people change with age. “The children of emotionally bonded parents are usually happy and welladjusted. The post-children era for parents will be smooth if they have nurtured their couple relationship. Good parenting is not about putting our children or our marriage first. It is about nurturing both everyday. Our children will grow up and leave before you know it. What will they leave behind: an empty nest or a couple of lovebirds?

The choice is yours,” says Saras Bhaskar who is a family counsellor. BALANCING ROLES Couples are slowly waking up to the fact today that their own relationships have to be nurtured as much as nurturing their children. Saras Bhaskar, says that ninety per cent of the couples she counsels put children ahead of their marriage. Husbands get caught up in their careers, providing material comforts for the family. Wives meanwhile assume the role of homemakers and mothers to the exclusion of everything else. They end up living under the same roof as Devina with her family strangers.

Couples lack clarity about balancing their roles. “It is necessary for a husband to focus on his career. But, he has equal responsibility to play out his roles as a husband and a father. The same goes for his spouse,” she says. Commitment and communication are important factors which keep the marital spark alive. “If these two elements are in place, the next step is to spend time together,” say the Thomases. THE MEANING OF ROMANCE “It does take great courage to put marriage on an equal footing with children,” Saras admits. Once the children are born, couples do not want to behave like newly-weds and do not feel it is necessary to be romantic. “Do we always have to conclude that spending time together means romance?” she asks.

Rashmee with her family

POINTERS TO KEEP THE SPARK ALIVE Commitment, communication and respect. Do not take your spouse for granted. Take short vacations together Express or display your affection and regard. Make the effort to have a cordial relationship with the spouse’s family. Do not magnify small faults. Accept the person as he/she is. Provide space for each other to grow.

Time for each other could mean anything from sharing activities, exchanging viewpoints about a movie, book or events. Developing an interest in a partner’s passion adds meaning to the relationship. “Romance follows naturally when you have this stable and consistent interpersonal relationship,” she says. In this scenario, sex too plays a big role in keeping the marriage alive. According to psychiatrist Dr Hema Tharoor, intimacy and sex should not end once the children are born. “If your spouse is not interested in you then it might be good to introspect if lack of sex is causing the emotional distance. The need and frequency for physical intimacy may vary over the years, but it should not be ignored," she says. Rashmee Ram, homemaker and mother of two, does not consciously work at her six-year-old marriage. She religiously follows one routine though. However late her husband comes back from work, she makes it a point to wait and have dinner with him. “Our conversations together at night reassure me that he is still a part of my life. We have no time for romantic frills such as candle-light dinners or cosy music sessions,“ she adds. Other acts help. When Rashmee cared for her mother-in-law suffering from cancer, she grew several notches in her husband’s love. “Where there is understanding, external triggers are not needed to keep love alive,” she says. At the end of the day, marriage is always “work in progress”, says Dr Hema. Couples need to realize that they have to work hard to find ways to keep the love meters ticking and reach a stage of total harmony. KAVITHA SHANMUGAM IS A JOURNALIST

When you marry it is forever! Married for 21 years, N Mohanakrishnan and homemaker Radha, who are in their late forties, remain inseparable. There are usually a thousand reasons for couples to drift apart, but in their case, love binds them totally. “You don’t need to recharge or renew marital love. When you marry, it is forever,” says Mohanakrishnan. He is the last person to crack silly wife jokes in the office. “My best friends are my wife and children,“ he says. His secure and happy marriage did not happen overnight, he admits. It was a bond nurtured with time. Initially, both made compromises. His wife had to adjust to living in a joint family. “I admired her for the respect she gave my family. I felt bound to behave in a similar manner,” he says. Values are very important. When Mohanakrishnan learnt that Radha had brought home his sick grandmother and nursed her, he was proud of her. Radha has her own reasons to bond with her husband. Small acts of kindness reflect his concern for her. For instance, his encouragement in her pursuit of higher education pleased her. Both give each other space to follow their individual passions. He is a movie buff and she a Carnatic music rasika. This loving bond between the parents has rubbed off on their children. They are also extremely friendly and well-adjusted. “My sons love the atmosphere at home and invite their friends over. They introduce us with pride,” says Mohanakrishnan. The circle is complete with this happy family.

FROM CHENNAI.

www.parentcircle.in 23

special

reamy, glazed looks, lost in thought, butterflies in the stomach…..whoa, the 'crush' bug has struck…and how. Goodbye kiddo, hello life! Yes, your little one is growing up, whether you like it or not. Welcome to the world of teens. The process of self-discovery has begun and there is no stopping it. It has to run its natural course and play a part in the drama of life. The crush bug is relentless in its pursuit, stalking the unexpected, aiming its cupid bow at the most unsuspecting victim, sometimes subtle and sometimes dramatic, unnerving but ever so exciting. So what exactly is a ‘CRUSH’? The onset of puberty is the precursor to a series of bio-psycho-social-intellectual changes. A crush or infatuation is that first flush of a strange new feeling, undefined and inexplicable. It is nature's way of telling us that all is well with the natural processes of growing up. The new uncertain feelings are an important milestone of puberty, bringing in their wake a series of emotional changes. Primary among them is the gradual awareness of an interest in the opposite sex, and that cannot be a bad thing, since we want our children to enter into long lasting relationships as adults in the future.

BY ARUNDHATI SWAMY

Teen crushes form a part of growing up. Parents can stand by their children when this happens and offer reassurance instead of flying off the handle.

24 Parent Circle / February 2012

A crush is typically a one-way feeling. The other person is mostly unaware that someone is attracted to him. It can be entertained and enjoyed in the privacy of the mind. What makes the feeling difficult is the add-on guilt accompanying it. Established norms of social behaviour do not favour ‘crushes’. The safe thing about a crush is that it is usually short-lived, and this is precisely why we need not worry about it. Till the next one occurs! However, things can get complicated and confusing when teens realise that they can be attracted

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special to different people at the same time! Now, we are talking about multiple crushes! Is it time to hit the panic button? Not at all, because they are simply starting to understand and acknowledge different attributes and characteristics that interest them. Usually the attraction for each person is for a different reason. They are testing their masculine and feminine social roles. They will define themselves and their world through their social roles. The crucial journey of discovery, of the self and of the others, has just begun. Some teens tend to discuss their crush freely among peers, and this leads to teasing and pairing up of individuals. They may begin to believe that they are 'in love', when they are actually experiencing a harmless crush. Then, expectations get nurtured beyond bounds resulting in disappointment. The cautious parent switches to an advisory mode, offering all kinds of messages such as - “This is not the

age for all this”, “concentrate on your studies”, “do not waste time on unwanted things”. “But, I cannot help feeling this way,” is what the child thinks. Yes, because these changes are being determined by their natural hormonal cycle, over which they have no control. The parent in denial says, “Such things don’t happen in our family”, leaving the child more confused. The liberal parent says, “Wow, can I meet him/ her?”. The over-enthusiastic parent gets excited and discusses this with friends and family or teases the child, often causing embarrassment and resentment in the child. The child feels that people are trespassing into his private space. The understanding parent supports the child through this dilemma, seizes the opportunity to explain the changes as a normal phenomenon of growing up and offers reassurance. Remember the time when you had your first crush!?

ARUNDHATI SWAMY IS A FAMILY COUNSELLOR FROM CHENNAI.

How a mother deals with her teen’s crush BY KAVITHA SHANMUGAM

When her 16-year-old daughter confided in her about her crush, Vidya Shivaraman’s* first thought was: “I am glad she had the confidence to tell me about it. It was heart-warming to know she believed that I would react judiciously.” Vidya did get upset despite being mentally prepared. She knew that her daughter was facing the pressure of being called a ‘geek’ or ‘nerd’, since all her friends had boyfriends. But Vidya decided not to reveal her anger. “I realised that if I show my anger she might not confide in me any more. She is always angry with my husband and refuses to talk to him because he is strict with her on this issue,” she says. Vidya did lay down some rules, however. The

26 Parent Circle / February 2012

TIPS TO PARENTS ON HOW TO HANDLE TEENAGE CRUSHES Encourage teens to understand the changes. Help them develop a healthy attitude towards themselves and their peers. Nurture their self-worth. Their physical, mental, emotional and emerging sexual energies must be channelised into productive channels of healthy and creative activities. Teach them the value and security of moving in mixed groups, rather than isolating themselves with one particular boy or girl. Allow them to spend this phase of their life getting to know as many boys and girls. Let them learn what their own levels of comfort are with different types of people. Prepare them for their world. Stand back and give them all the support they need. Keep it light, do not overreact and get melodramatic.

boy had to come home to meet them and her daughter could not go out with him on her own. Though Vidya was not impressed with her daughter's choice, she accepted it. Her daughter did break the rule a couple of times about meeting her ‘crush’ alone. “One cannot lock up one's daughter. Instead, I just explained to her that she was not experienced enough to know what was good or bad for her. Going out alone with him was just not acceptable,” she says. Luckily for Vidya, her daughter slowly outgrew her crush. “She realised that he was lying to her and stopped seeing him. I believe a crush is an emotion that comes with age. You have to deal with your teens in a cautious manner. They will always find a way out,” she says. “It is all about negotiating”, she continues. “You have to convince them that you have taken two steps forward to meet them and you expect them to step back a bit,” she advises. *Name changed

BY SHASHWATHI SANDEEP & PRIYA DHARSHINI P K

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and love is in the air. But we say – Love yourself first; indulge yourself, nay, pamper yourself once in a while – your body houses a wonderful person within. Feel rejuvenated. As Indians, we are already familiar with the concept of massage and wellness; it is as old as our civilization. Do it at home, or step into a spa.

eetha Perumal (45), is managing a household of seven people, that includes a difficult thirteenyear-old. In addition, she has to manage a couple of pet dogs. When her friend suggested that she get herself massaged at a spa, this conservative housewife was a little apprehensive. Finally she mustered the courage to go to one, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience. “It is a great relief to get away from routine, responsibilities, and

stress, once a month for an hour. I start getting soothed the moment I decide to get a massage. Then the ambience puts me in a calmer frame of mind, while the massage rejuvenates both body and mind,” she says. Massages relieve pain. S J Kumar of Bangalore, who is in the marketing field, regularly started going for massages after he developed intolerable back pain. “I started going for Ayurvedic massages upon my doctor’s advice. The pain has completely disappeared, but I still get the massages done at regular intervals,” he says. Dr Kannan Pugazhendi, a well-known sports physician and director of the SPARRC Institute in Chennai emphasises that massages have to be done for a purpose, preferably to heal pain and stress – and should not be resorted to on account of boredom. He votes for

Ayurvedic massage treatments, but is unbiased about other types of massages. “Each massage has its science behind it. Every country has its own style of massage and I don’t see any particular massage having negative effects, provided the masseuse is well-trained and follows hygienic practises. The simplest form of massage is a reflexology – a hand and foot massage which can be done by the self at home. There are few other massages like the Shiatsu massage wherein you build a rapport with your client through the process. Sometimes, even talking to someone decreases your stress level,” he says. Shoba Ravishankar, an event manager in Chennai prefers to massage herself to look and feel beautiful. She uses

www.parentcircle.in 27

special What science says after research and trials about massage An article from Newsweek dated September 3, 2008 has been summarised below. Massaging pain areas: You don’t have to necessarily massage only the aching part of the body to get relief. If you have pain in the lower back for instance, your friend could massage your shoulders instead. Massage in general, brings about chemical changes; these reduce pain and stress throughout the body. One example: Massage reduces levels of Substance P, a brain chemical related to pain. Immunity: Massage may improve immunity as it reduces Cortisol levels in the body. Cortisol is activated when your body is stressed and it kills cells important for immunity. So when stress levels are reduced through massage, chances are that you may also avoid catching a cold or other such illnesses. Blood pressure benefits: Massage reduces hypertension, because it stimulates pressure receptors; these in turn activate the Vagus nerve. The Vagus nerve regulates the blood pressure, apart from its other functions. Which technique: There is little scientific evidence to support the superiority of any particular technique for specific health benefits, though proponents may speak differently. The key is to use a pressure that is firm enough to make a temporary indentation in the skin. Oil can be used, provided one is not allergic to that particular oil.

28 Parent Circle / February 2012

trusted materials from the Grandma’s home remedies armoury. “I prefer a honey, curd, gramflour and lime juice mixture – a great moisturizer - for the body. Tomato and papaya pieces can be rubbed onto your face to produce that glow! For a home-made body and a wonderfully aromatic wash, you can mix turmeric, gram flour, and powdered vettiver/khus (an aromatic root). This mixture is readily available at the Dabba Chetty shop in Mylapore. Use coconut oil for a facial, and malai (cream of milk) for dry skin; both do wonders. Go back to the roots. There is so much waiting to be discovered,” she says.

Hawaii. The therapist uses medium pressure and makes use of his forearms, arms and elbow to massage the body. Experts claim that it lowers the heart rate and improves blood pressure.

VARIOUS TYPES OF MASSAGES Interested parents can opt for any of these, if they go to a professional masseuse.

Abhyanga: Abhyanga is an ancient Indian Ayurvedic oil massage treatment. It incorporates an aromatic combination of oils prepared with warm herbs to suit your purpose or ailment. A variety of strokes and techniques are applied to work along the energy channels of your body in a synchronized manner to restore the flow of energy. This massage is also a good energy booster like the Swedish massage, but with a Desi touch.

Swedish Massage: This massage involves applying medium pressure using oil with five long strokes. It promotes a healthy functioning of your lymph system by directly stimulating and relaxing your muscles. Balinese massage: This massage uses a combination of stretches and acupressure along with medium pressure strokes to stimulate the flow of blood, oxygen and energy around the body. This is useful for parents having irregular sleeping patterns. Thai massage: Also known as ‘nuat phaen boran’, the technique combines massage with yoga-like positions ; one version emphasizes stretching while another emphasizes acupressure. For those who need an energy boost or want to cure that nagging back ache, they can opt for this dry massage. Lomi Lomi Nui massage: This massage which means rub, press and squeeze comes from the islands of

Hot stone massage: This is a native American practice where warm basalt stones are used to massage the entire body with long and gentle stokes. Stones are placed in water and heated before placing it on the body. They are placed at specific points on the back, between the toes and in the palms of the hands. This massage is said to relieve certain health problems like anxiety and depression.

SOME FANCY OFFERINGS Hanakasumi: Oasis Spa (9884200747) This massage incorporates ancient Japanese bath tradition and floral Asian aromas. It starts with exfoliation using Cherry Blossom rice powder and Papaya enzymes. “Warm, melted aromatic Shea butter is massaged into the skin. It is followed by a foot massage where the feet are wrapped in hot towels, re-energizing the body.” says Nalini Raymund of Oasis Spa. Oasis Spa is one of the few spas which have this rare massage. Exotic Aroma Candle Foot Massage: Spa Senza (044 43018888) Spa Senza stands out with its variety of foot massages. “The Aroma Candle

Why they like it! Shreevidya Venkatraman, who is a practising doctor and shoulders home responsibilities says, “Often I have to make do with less than my normal quota of sleep. During the massage, I relax completely and I sometimes fall asleep! Then I feel charged.” Sandhya R, a mother of two daughters goes for a massage as part of her gym package. “After a strenuous work-out, I find a massage very helpful. It could just be any type of massage.” Foot Massage for instance, is a candle light treatment to calm your senses and relax your feet. You are massaged with warm molten oil from the aroma candle for about 70 minutes,” says Yogita Shah of Spa Senza. Pregnancy Massage: Aura Spa, The Park (044 42676000/42144100) This massage is exclusively for the moms-to-be. Dr Anuradha Mathad, Associate Director of Aura Spa at The Park says “We do not massage the sole of the feet and the lower back as these parts are very sensitive. Only olive oil is used as this is not considered detrimental to their condition.” Watsu: Paradise Spa, The Dune, Pondicherry (0413 2655751/3244040) If you love water and would like to try something truly different, head to the Dune Eco Village and Spa in Pondicherry, a couple of hours drive from Chennai. The spa has some water treatments inspired by Zen Shiatsu. The Watsu is a very gentle method using the therapeutic properties of water kept at body temperature. “It is a warm water pool with a temperature of about 30 degrees. The person floats, feeling the

rhythmic movement of the water. He gets the benefit of light acupressure, stretching and rocking,” explains Dr Indira Priyadarshini, an ayurvedic specialist working at the Dune. Vichy Shower: Spa Influence (044 45038436) This massage originated in France. “The Vichy shower has 52 nozzles and warm water is sprayed all over the body. This is then followed by an oil massage which is good for blood circulation,” says Varsha Jain, Proprietor of Influence Spa, the only spa in Chennai having Vichy Shower. The spa also has a Vino Therapy package where you can indulge yourself in a wine scrub and a wine wrap! Massage using organic materials: Ananta Organics (044 28116034/35) Using products that are completely organic for massages has its own advantages. “Organic products, unlike chemical products, do not disrupt the water and oil balance in the skin, but help harmonise it. They help improve the skin texture” says Ningchan Ramsan from Ananta Organic spa. Mud Therapy: Cholayil Sanjeevanam (044 26243249) In this therapy, mud is processed by soaking it overnight in water and made into a paste. It is then packed in cotton cloth and the pressure applied and

removed alternately, on the abdomen and eyes, for about 15 – 30 minutes. The therapy reduces heat from the body, relieves gas and eliminates toxins. Diabetic patients are expected to derive some specific benefits.

Spa Listings Spas in Bangalore 1. The Spa Bar (Golden Palms Resort and Spa) - 080 23712222 2. Nature Cure - 080 26631945/ 26346035 3. Walk In Beauty 080 41501220/8105807272 4. SPA.ce - 080 42171051/41327526 5. The Four Fountains Spa 080 42056666/ 42193175 Spas In Hyderabad 1. Leonia Holistic Destination 040 66400000 2. Tangerine Spa - 040 23554800 3. Nirva Spa - 040 23002488/ 99590 20199 4. Aalankrita Spa - 040 23554800 Spas In Chennai 1. Oryza Day Spa - 044 42110930 2. Prana Spa - 044 67411000 3. Bubbles Spa - 044 45543883/ 98412 11221 4. Jiva Spa - 044 67413333 5. Bodhi Spa - 044 22310101 6. Spa Accord - 044 43911000/ 28161000

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expressions

Asma

Class 3

Children have pure emotions towards their immediate world. Here, they express their love in words and pictures... Courtesy: Students of Vruksha Montessori School, Chennai

a Chaitsasn5y Cla

Pranav Class 5

Varadhu Class 3

Tarun Class 4

Safia Class 4

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health circle

How Muscles Move BY C KATHIRESAN

Muscles move the body by contracting and relaxing. During contraction, the muscles get shorter. The muscle fibres slide together and stack up to make a fatter shape, a bit like when you shuffle a pack of cards together. While relaxing, the muscle fibres slide apart and the muscle gets longer and thinner. Muscles which move bones act together in pairs. This means that as one muscle contracts, its partner relaxes. Then as the partner muscle contracts, the first muscle relaxes again. The brain sends simultaneous messages to the relevant muscles to contract and relax, so that they act in unison. WHAT CHILDREN SAY “My legs hurt when I am in bed sometimes. Mom says that it is due to growing pains.” “I hurt the hamstring in my leg while running. It hurt for a long time.” “My muscles still feel sore after playing a game of football, but much less than what I had experienced before the start of the training.” “Sometimes I get cramps in my foot when I am in bed. It hurts and I have to

32 Parent Circle / February 2012

ustle an called B m g n u o y a le There was up his musc ild u b to d te Who wan d each day He exercise went away All his fat , hooray! ted “Hip, hip u o sh e h d An get up and walk around.” “My brother does weights. He wants to build up his muscles and have a six pack.” “My mom has big muscles in her legs, she plays a lot of tennis.” WHAT CAN CAUSE MUSCLES TO HURT? When you exercise a lot, your muscles get tired from all that contracting and relaxing. Your muscles might hurt. They can still be sore the next day if you have not been exercising regularly. Have you ever had a cramp? This is when your muscles seem to lock up, and you have a pain in your foot or your leg, or a 'stitch' in your side. This happens when one or more of your muscles contract and do not relax again (called a spasm). If you exercise for too long, you can get a build up of chemicals like lactic acid in your muscles, and this can cause them to tighten up. Sweating and not drinking enough fluids on a hot day may lead to a muscle cramp. If you develop a cramp, drink water. Then stretch and massage the muscle that hurts. You will feel better. When muscles are over-stretched or strained, the fibers can tear and there can be bruising inside the muscle. It will take several days for the fibres to heal and the bruises to disappear. C KATHIRESAN IS A FITNESS TRAINER AND HOLDS AN MPHIL IN PHYSICAL EDUCATION.

KEEP YOUR MUSCLES WORKING Muscles need to move to keep healthy and strong. Have you heard the saying, ‘Use it or lose it?’ Probably not, as it is usually said to older people who do not exercise enough! You can help your muscles stay strong and healthy by exercising every day and by using different sets of muscles when you exercise. By doing push-ups you will activate and strengthen your chest muscle (pectorals) Standing upright and lifting any weights using your hands will activate and strengthen your arms (biceps) Any lifting movement above the head will activate and strengthen your shoulder (deltoid) In a seated position, extend your legs. This will activate and strengthen your front thigh muscle (quadriceps) By lying down on your stomach and pulling your legs towards your butt, you will activate and strengthen the muscles at the back of your thigh (hamstring) By standing upright and raising your heel, you will activate and strengthen your lower legs (calves)

learning

Englishman or

asked a group of school children from upmarket Chennai what their mother tongue was. They blinked as if they did not know what ‘mother tongue’ meant. So I asked them what language they spoke at home. Without batting an eyelid, they all said ‘English’.

LANGUAGE OF MONEY English is the global empowerment language. Schools discourage children from speaking anything but English on their campus; non-English speaking families are berated for talking to their children in the vernacular. The urban and rural poor who want their children to be upwardly mobile, crave for an English education at great cost. English learning lands us jobs. Then why is it wrong to focus our energies on that single language that is going to earn us our living, we can argue. “Today the world of power and money functions in English for most of the developing countries. If tomorrow the language of global economy turns out to be Chinese or Hindi, will we stop learning English?” asks Dhanya Bhaskaran, a Chennai parent and author of detective novels in Malayalam. MULTI-BENEFITS OF LANGUAGE LEARNING “Research shows that each language fires a different set of synapses in the brain,” says Krishna Shastri Devulapalli whose debut novel ‘Ice Boys in Bell Bottoms’ has recently made it to the Harper Collins best seller list. Devulapalli, himself the grandson of a renowned Telugu

34 Parent Circle / February 2012

Indian? KNOW THE NATIVE DIALECT BY RANGASHREE SRINIVAS poet , emphasizes that the mother tongue has to be learnt foremost. “Not knowing your mother tongue is akin to pretending that you do not have DNA. Your mother tongue, to a large extent, makes you who you are. It's the xylem that takes the nutrition from your roots into your being,” he says. Thanks to his fluency in Telugu, his native tongue, he is able to relish his father’s memoirs (Naanna – Nenu) written in that language. Devulapalli does not advocate the learning of a language merely for its commercial prospects. “Any language

(including foreign ones) contributes to one’s inner growth, and should be learnt out of interest” he says.

“The more languages one learns, the more the analytical abilities and communication skills improve” says Chennai parent Lata Rajagopalan Kumar. It is good to start with the mother tongue, which can be learnt quickly at home. Children can learn another language at school as part of the syllabus. If they opt to learn a foreign language apart from these, that would be an additional strength for them. “Their ability to grasp different languages simultaneously is amazing,” she adds. SECOND RATE LANGUAGE? Says Shubra Shastri, a Class IX student from New Delhi, “When I was small, I used to converse with my grandfather living in Varanasi in Sanskrit. Sanskrit is now a subject at school, but taught very boringly. I have lost interest in the language. Thanks to my childhood exposure to the language I score a distinction, even if I don’t bother to listen in class or study for the exam.” Second and third language learning at school is often a dreaded prospect, as it is considered to be among the least of the priorities, but a must-do for the sake of marks. Students, who do fairly well in other subjects like Science

and Math, fall short when it comes to language, thereby reducing their overall percentage. Often, it is the responsibility of the language teacher to make her classes enjoyable and learning fun. Shuba Dinesh, a Tamilian teaching Hindi at the Sarla Birla International School in Bengaluru, is always thinking of innovative ways to teach the class. “I pick out interesting stories and fun poems from the prescribed text book to begin the year. I ask the children to visualize the story and draw comics or play games and puzzles around the lesson,” says Shuba. LEARNING THE LOCAL LANGUAGE When we observe people like Shuba who have grown up outside their home state, it is obvious that learning other languages is a natural process, born out of a need to learn. Typically, mothers learn the local language faster than fathers as they interact more with the local people like vegetable vendors and domestic servants. Likewise, children pick up the local lingo from their friends. NRI parent Kalyana Krishnan, a Tamilian was brought up in Delhi and his wife is from Vizag. Both are not very proficient in Tamil, though Krishnan knows Hindi, Punjabi and a smattering of Malayalam, while his wife knows Telugu and has become proficient in Hindi. “We used Hindi as a secret language around our children but now they have also learnt the language,” he smiles and says. Krishnan says, “The literature pertaining to a language percolates into our children's pysche and enables them to have a wide cultural perspective. As an NRI in the US, while interacting with Americans, I realize that language is very much linked to culture. Many times I am unable to understand an

Americanism or a joke. If our children do not learn their native tongue, they will lose that unique culture. It is important that children know their native language and the language of the place they live in.” Ideally Krishnan would like his children to learn Tamil more in depth, but is constrained for resources. But he makes sure that they are learning Tamil and Hindi, albeit in an informal way. Krishnan also feels strongly that the education system in India does not expose children to literary (local language) works of great Indians. “In my childhood, I was fed on Shakespeare and Wodehouse and made to think that only they were great. Because of this, I miss the thought-processes of our exemplary people; what I have today is just an addled-up brown sahib mentality,” he rues. Finally, a note to parents. No doubt,

Not knowing your mother tongue is akin to pretending that you do not have DNA. Your mother tongue, to a large extent, makes you who you are. It's the xylem that takes the nutrition from your roots into your being. KRISHNA SHASTRI DEVULAPALLI, WRITER

it requires much planning, effort, dedication and juggling of priorities to build mother-tongue and other language capabilities in children. But it is well worth the trouble. The benefits last, not just in this lifetime but for many generations to come.

Create an interest in Language learning Encourage children to speak the local language as much as possible at home. Play word - building games using the ending alphabet of the current word to be the starting letter of the next word in alternating languages, for eg. Hut – tharai – Rain - nel and so on. Enact a scene from your child’s favourite story in the language she is learning. Encourage her to come up with the dialogues. Watch children’s films in regional languages. National Film Development Corporation (NFDC) has an excellent collection. Revive childhood play songs and limericks, like the Tamil song ‘Oru kudam thanni vittu’. Bilingual books and flash cards can be used to build vocabulary. Books in as many as seven Indian languages are available with Tulika publishers (www.tulikabooks.com). Flash cards can easily be made at home. Reading can be introduced with simple card games. Make your own cards with your child’s help. Tell them the life stories of great poets and litterateurs like Subramanya Bharathi and Munshi Prem Chand.

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mindset

Food for Thought Can children be in charge of their eating habits? BY SUJATA DEWAJI

ost mothers have this tale of woe to share with all and sundry: They spend a lot of time thinking, planning and cooking nutritious meals and placing it in front of the child, only to see the child screw up his nose, and look the other way. Finally, the only item he gladly eats is Maggi noodles, and Lays chips, they moan. Did you know that it is not always the taste of food that causes the child to push the plate away? WHY THE CHILD ADOPTS A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE TOWARDS FOOD Distracting the child: Picture this scenario. The mother or the caregiver wants to finish feeding the child. There are other chores waiting for her. She takes the child to the balcony to show him the outside world - the cars, the vendors, the crows, the moon and the stars. No sooner does the child part her lips in wonder, the ball of food is stuffed into her mouth. Bribing: The child is fed by being bribed with a chocolate or permission to watch TV at the end of the meal, getting her used to a compulsory treat.

36 Parent Circle / February 2012

Praising: The child is praised overtly after a meal, which makes her think that she must eat to make mother happy. Threaten: The last resort would be a threat to tell Appa or, ‘the boo-boo man will come if you do not finish your food’. Rigidity about meal times and food quantity: The child is forced to have his meal at the dotted hour, despite him snacking fifteen minutes earlier. He is made to eat pre-defined quantities of whatever is served. Negative remarks about the child’s eating habits: Children get upset when family members say, ‘she is such a fussy eater’, ‘she is so thin’, and ‘he likes only junk food’ thus worsening

the situation. The dining room becomes a battleground, a reverse tug of war between the parent and child. The parent pushes the plate towards the child, the plate is pushed right back to the parent and a battle of wills ensues. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE CHILD IS FORCED TO EAT? Yes, a parent has only good intentions when it comes to feeding the child, but then, pressurizing them to eat can have adverse effects on the child. Force-feeding leads to eating disorders. When the child has no control over his eating habits, he will not learn to be in tune with his body’s needs. He will not recognize hunger, or how much food he requires and when to stop eating. This could lead to eating disorders in the future.

For instance, Sonia thinks that a child does not recognize hunger and will not ask for food. Deepak cannot understand how a child can gauge how much he wants to eat and so he should not be allowed to serve himself. Ashok believes that children prefer junk food to healthy foods. Sarita is emphatic that children should eat whatever is cooked at home and not be given choices; else they will never learn to eat whatever is available.

Force-feeding affects digestion and nutrition. Nutritionists say that unpleasant experiences related to food leads to stress during meal times. Stress and anxiety affects digestion and blocks assimilation of nutrients. The child acquires a negative attitude towards food. If he dislikes something, he throws it in the dust-bin or outside the balcony, pours it into the mud, or surreptitiously passes it on to the pets. He will then sweetly say that he has finished eating all that was there on his plate. The child does not ever learn the benefits of eating a balanced meal. THE PARENTAL MINDSET Many of the problems relating to children’s eating habits arise from the basic mindset that parents have about children and food.

Mothers could do well to remember that once upon a time, their precious infant when hungry, cried to be suckled, and that the baby would be kept aside only when she stopped feeding. The mother never knew how much milk the baby consumed but trusted that the little one knew how much she needed for sustenance. So why should it be different now that she is older and is on solid food? Don’t we trust her anymore? We need to be aware of our own beliefs and observe if these are creating disharmony between us and our children. HOW CAN YOU HELP THE CHILD BE IN CHARGE OF HIS FOOD HABITS Start early: When your infant is about 8 to 9 months old, give her finger foods or table foods that she can pick up and eat by herself. Let the baby decide for herself when she is done. Do not force every last spoon in. Even if she skips a meal, it is alright. She will make up for it during the next mealtime. Remember, babies are born survivors, they will not starve themselves.

Involve the child in planning the meals: For instance buying foodstuff from the market he takes great pride in picking carrots and beans and putting them in the basket, planning the menu of the day, helping in the preparation of the meal - keeping in mind the age of the child and what he can do, laying the dishes at the table – the child takes pleasure helping out, chatting about different kinds of foods and its merits, to get them to try out different foods Happy times around the dinner table: Have at least one meal together as a family. Let the child sit in his own high-chair/ chair and eat. Encourage the child to scoop his food and serve himself in small amounts with additional helpings if needed. This will make him understand how much food he needs to consume. Instead of a bribe, praise or threat, encourage the child by saying, ‘Looks like you enjoyed your dinner’. Healthy snacking in between meals: Eating small meals frequently during the day is the way to good health. Keep healthy snacks and finger foods readily available and give children free access to the food cabinets. Keeping junk food away: You cannot restrict your child from eating junk food if you keep them at home. If you decide to store them at home, they will binge whenever they have access to forbidden foods. Instead allow them an occasional treat of their favourite foods. Explore alternatives: If the child throws up at the sight of milk, try to serve other dairy products like curds, raita, custard, paneer, pudding, milkshake and other such healthy options.

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mindset Make eating a stand-alone activity: Eating in front of the TV is a bad habit for children and adults. A child must be fully tuned to what he is eating. He should know when his stomach is full and when to stop, or this could lead to eating disorders later in life. The child also gets addicted to eating this way and will refuse to eat without watching his favourite serial. Break the habit, even if it takes some time. Parent as a role model: The parent can set an example by eating a balanced and healthy diet. The child that watches the parent enjoy a meal, is less likely to be picky. A study of parent and child food preferences found that toddlers tend to like or reject the same fruits and vegetables their parents like or dislike. Trust the child: By letting go, the child will take responsibility over her eating. Then she will learn that food has to be eaten for good health and will eat enough to satisfy her body needs. Patience is the key: We need to ensure that a variety of good, nutritious food is served to our children. It may take several attempts to introduce new foods to a child, but keep in mind that eating preferences change. Patience is the key and experimentation is the watchword.

Parent Food had always been a big issue for my four and a half-year-old daughter Anju. Until six months Speak ago, meal times were a major power struggle. Though she was active and healthy, we felt that she was a poor eater. We used all kinds of tricks such as bribing, rewards, and scolding and even enticed her with TV viewing; but nothing worked. She continued to be a fussy eater. As a mother I was clueless as to what she preferred, it seemed as though she did not like food at all, everything was a big ‘NO’! Between the ages of two and a half to four years, she had gained only about half a kilo. This was the only major hiccup in our otherwise beautiful relationship with our child. But in the last six months, she has gained about 2 kilos, (now she weighs 12 kilos) she eats by herself and she has had a positive attitude towards food. This happened because our attitude towards her eating changed. We had this notion that the most important way to nurture a child was by physically feeding her. I did not realize that in my attempt to make her eat, I had completely taken love out of the picture. Once we realized our mistake, we told Anju that she could serve her food herself and that she could eat as much as she wanted. We told her that it was okay if she wasted food in the beginning. We assured her that we loved her a lot and didn’t mind if she did not eat if she did not want to. For the first few days she thought that this was some new trick we had discovered to make her eat, to entice her to finish her food. She soon realized that it was not a trick. At first, there was a backlash; she ate much less than before. This was the most difficult period for me as a mother. I started keeping some healthy snacks every day like dry-fruits and nuts, carrot and cucumber sticks, cut fruits, sundal or boiled peanuts, peanut candy, steamed corn, paneer cubes sprinkled with chaat masala. I told her that she could pick on these whenever she was hungry. For a few days she did not touch them, then she slowly started snacking on them. I also juggled the menu for the meals. Instead of the standard fare every time, I replaced it with chapatti roll with vegetables or stuffed parathas, whole grain pasta or whole grain pizza with vegetables, burger with patties and boiled vegetables, whole wheat sandwich with different fillings, cutlets and different varieties of soups.

CHENNAI BASED GROUP

She continued to eat small amounts, but we noticed that she had started enjoying her food and meal times were becoming a pleasurable event. When we took her to the doctor, she had gained close to a kilo! His response was, “When children stop seeing meal times as torture sessions they start relishing the food and become healthier”. Now Anju serves and eats by herself and has started trying out new foods. Many times she comes and asks me “Amma, what’s for dinner?” which has never happened before! Our daughter is a petite child and eats small quantities of food, but that is who she is and we love her for it.

RUNNING PARENTING

VASANTHI RAMALINGAM

SUJATA DEWAJI IS A FACILITATOR WITH PARENTING MATTERS, A

WORKSHOPS.

38 Parent Circle / February 2012

(names changed on request)

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values

BY NALINA RAMALAKSHMI

ho is God? Why do we worship deities? Why do our Gods have wives? Why do we pray?” Pujyasri Swami Paripoornananda Saraswati, a promoter of Advaita Philosophy, is bombarded with questions from a group of 11 to 18 year olds who are eager to comprehend the mystery behind this person we all call ‘GOD’. Swamiji is only too happy to respond to all their questions with patience and clarity! WHO IS GOD? Swamiji asks, “Have you ever looked at a tree and pondered what is the cause of the tree?” A 13-year-old girl pipes up, “ A seed.” Swamiji continues. “What is the cause of the seed? There must be somebody who has carefully thought about and designed the seed. Now let us look at this house. Have you ever wondered how much planning, design and organization has gone into building this house? There definitely needs to be a person who is responsible for the planning, creation and organization of this house. Look around you. The sun rises every morning in the east and sets in the west. The moon waxes and wanes every 28 days. The seasons happen once a year. The electrons circle the nucleus of an atom. There is order everywhere, in everything. There needs to be someone

40 Parent Circle / February 2012

who has planned, designed and organized every little detail of this world around us. There is an invisible CAUSE to this universe. This CAUSE is what we call GOD.” “How do you spell God?” asks Swamiji. An eleven-year-old boy responds, “G-O-D”. Swamiji continues, “Do you know what G-O-D stands for? G is the Generator, O is the Organizer and D is the Destroyer. Everything created has to be maintained and when its usefulness is done it has to be destroyed. WHY DO GODS HAVE WIVES? In order to create a car, the creator has to know how to build the car and be knowledgeable about all its parts. Similarly Lord Brahma, the Generator (Creator) needs knowledge to create this universe. Hence his spouse is Goddess Sarawathi, the Goddess of knowledge. Once the car is built, it needs to be maintained and in order to maintain this car, one needs money. Lord Vishnu is the organizer or maintenance person for this Universe. He has to ensure that everything is kept in balance. The earth cannot spin too fast or too slow. It has to rotate at the right speed. But he needs ‘money’ to support his maintenance effort. His spouse Goddess Lakshmi, the Goddess of wealth, helps finance his maintenance works.

Once the car is old and worn out, it needs to be destroyed. What do you need to destroy this car?” asks Swamiji. “Power”, answers a seventeen-yearold boy. Swamiji continues, “Yes, that is why Lord Siva, the destroyer, needs Goddess Shakthi (power) by his side to do his job”, By this time, the youngsters are fully mesmerized by what Swamiji has to say. Everything suddenly starts to make sense to them. But Swamiji has a lot more to say. WHY DO WE WORSHIP DEITIES? “When you see the Indian flag, does it not evoke a sense of patriotism for your country, India? The flag is not India, only a symbol of the country, yet it has the power to make you feel patriotic. Similarly, deities are but symbols of the invisible cause “GOD”. When you visit a temple and see the deity. It evokes in you a feeling of devotion, a sense of spiritualism. We cannot sense God with our five sense organs. Hence we create deities that we can see and chant names that we can hear in order to comprehend God via our senses. Once we truly understand the all-pervasive nature of God and our Oneness with God, we don't need any symbolic representation of God. In the next issue: WHY PRAY?

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teen circle conclusions about various concepts, God being one of them. The parents were shocked when their son who until a few years ago, visited temples and attended poojas, suddenly started questioning their beliefs. The teen wanted to become an atheist. Gaurav and his family had many discussions and debates about the existence of God; the communication channels were kept open throughout. In the end, Gaurav made his choice based on the available pros and cons. This is a classic example of a teenager who is at a stage of discovering and developing his own values; an important process to gain autonomy and assert independence.

BY Y G SAMYUKTHA & LEELA B

our teen is talking back and shouting at you, slamming doors, arguing vehemently against anything and everything you say. He is deliberately engaging in such behavior just to show that he can go against you and assert his independence. You are dismayed, though you are aware that this behavioural phase is expected, as part of your adolescentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s transition from childhood to adulthood. You know that your teen is feeling his way forward, exploring, making mistakes and learning. But you are still unable to reconcile to this stage of growth, particularly when he prefers to develop

42 Parent Circle / February 2012

his own values, separate from the values and ideas of your family. Is your teenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rebellion a healthy one or an unhealthy one? You are confused. It is important to distinguish between the two to deal with the teen and (yourself) accordingly. EXAMPLE OF A HEALTHY REBELLION In the Rams* household, their 16-year-old son Gaurav* who followed the practices of his parents and grandparents where religion and tradition were concerned, began questioning the concept and existence of God. He wanted to come to his own

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY REBELLION Healthy rebellion helps teens shed their protective cocoon-like environment and grow into independent, responsible and autonomous individuals. The teen is allowed by the parent to make age-appropriate decisions, despite the possibilities of him making mistakes. Such decision-making is a natural part of his progression into adulthood. Healthy rebellion involves open communication lines between parent and teen, where the parents are willing to listen and try to understand the teen. Opinions and feelings are freely shared. Healthy rebellion allows for gradual, occasional and varied outbursts/ expressions by the teenagers. Teenagers learn to stand up for themselves and their beliefs, in positive and constructive ways. Adults let go and give guidance where needed. Teens get confident of relating to adults as peers. EXAMPLE OF AN UNHEALTHY REBELLION During the adolescent years, teens begin to relate to the opposite sex in new and unfamiliar ways. When parents

remonstrate authoritatively with the teenagers, they may feel threatened and view their parents as the enemy/ villain in their story. This may recoil badly on the parents; teenagers could make rash decisions and act out their impulses. Making the teenager feel that you are not on their side, is enough to instigate them to do things to spite you. They will deliberately disobey you. Priya Nair’s* parents had arbitrarily set standards for her and made rules for her, which she did not like. They objected strongly to her mingling with people of the opposite sex. In retaliation, Priya, who just turned 15 a month earlier, started dating a boy. She knew that the very act of dating would upset them. To make matters worse, the boy had the lifestyle and values totally different from whatever her parents believed in. This was an act of rebellion to reflect her annoyance against her parents. She wanted to prove to herself (and to them, if they found out) that she could make her

own decisions, irrespective of their feelings, because she thought that she was old enough. THE CHARACTERISTICS OF UNHEALTHY REBELLION Closed communication channels encourage unhealthy rebellion, and lead to a strained relationship between parent and child over time. Where there is no open and honest discussion, the teen feels the need to rebel. In an unhealthy rebellion, there are sudden and extreme expressions of independence. Defiant outbursts of anger, explosive arguments are common. Resorting to teen fads is another example of such behaviour. A teenager can get herself a tattoo-piercing against her parents’ wishes, with the attitude that she has the final say about her body.

she attempts to cover up, justify or explain away her actions. There is a build-up of increasing resentment against restrictions, rules, discipline and all kinds of authoritative figures, (particularly parental authority). Finally, such teenagers isolate themselves from any kind of encouragement or guidance from adults. They become determined to cross the limits of accepted behavior and attempt drastic actions. Remember that you want your children to be self-sufficient, responsible and independent adults. Nature ensures that someday the fledgling is going to leave the nest. As parents, remember that you cannot fly for them but you can teach them how to fly. Guide them and allow them their space to steer their own flight (do not overdo the back seat flying!) Y G SAMYUKTHA & LEELA B ARE COUNSELLORS AND PSYCHOTHERAPISTS AT

Due to a lack of mutual trust between parent and teen, the teen often tends to be outright dishonest and deceptive. If she is caught lying,

MEDALL BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES, CHENNAI samyuktha@mbhs.in, leela@mbhs.in *names changed on request

Tips to handle Teen Rebellion Establish clear rules and boundaries with your teen 4Provide clear expectations about curfew, chores, etc. 4Discuss and develop consequences for not meeting expectations. 4Be accommodating upon need, and relax boundaries when appropriate. Provide help rather than control their decisions 4Support and provide inputs. 4Ask for the rationale. 4Encourage and praise when deserved. 4Help them weigh their pros and cons. Adopt an exploratory and participatory tone which is non-threatening – leading them to the decision-making process. 4Just provide your views. Never thrust your results and conclusions on them. When confronted with a demand (sleepover, outing with friends, buying a bike etc… ) remember to 4Listen patiently: what do they want?

4Discuss the need: why do they want it? 4Understand their problems and concerns. 4Explore available alternatives: what else could satisfy the need? 4Consider safety issues. 4Negotiate the arrangement: curfews and supervision. Involve teens in discussions and family decisions 4Ask for their opinion. 4Inform them of the family decisions made. 4Designate responsibilities: picking up younger siblings, cooking a meal on weekends, baby sitting etc. Support them when they undertake responsibilities Discuss, do not confront when a line has been crossed 4Let them know that it is not acceptable. 4Explain why. 4State the consequences: be firm but fair. 4Give them the consequences that you would provide for an adult.

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destinations

HAL

BY ARPAN KANT

ife has its own unique ways to tell us that we need a break. Some fall sick, some suffer from anxiety attacks and some start getting irritated for no reason. I knew that my ‘take a break’ moment had come when I tried swiping my ID card to open the front door of my house. So when I put this idea forward to my friends, the first response was ‘Where’! Normally the pristine beaches of Goa and Gokarna come to one’s mind when we think of a break. But I wanted something different, something that would rev me up and jump-start my sedentary lifestyle. And what better way to do this than rafting! Rafting, for those who are as yet uninitiated into adventure sports, is a sport where a float (inflated rubber boat called a raft) is navigated through a rapid (a stream of fast flowing water). Simple enough?? I bet you’ll be surprised!! It is an exhilarating experience which totally awakens every living cell in your body. In India, Hrishikesh is a hub for rafting (rapids here range on a scale of danger from 1-5) but since we were running on a tight schedule (no casual leaves left in the account) and budget (end of

44 Parent Circle / February 2012

the month, need I say more??), Dandeli became an obvious choice. HOW DO I REACH DANDELI A quiet settlement on the banks of the river Kali, Dandeli in Uttara Kannada district of Karnataka serves as a perfect example of a forgotten Indian town. More known for its wildlife reserve, this town has good connectivity to North Karnataka cities like Dharwad and Hubli. There are several trains from Bangalore to Hubli, from where you can rely on the local transport to take you to Dandeli. We caught a train from Bangalore to Hubli (Ajmer Express: 16210) which left Bangalore by 10:00 pm and arrived there at 7:00 am. From Hubli we caught a bus to Dharwad (45 minutes) From Dharwad we caught another bus to Dandeli (1.5 hrs 60 kms). ACCOMMODATION It was evident the moment we entered Dandeli, that the main business here was tourism. Every third shop boasts of Wildlife Tour Package/ Adventure/ Rafting. So accommodation is not a problem. In fact, with the array of wildlife stays available, you might be spoilt for choice. Camping in the wild was an idea

that appealed to me. After a lot of research and correspondence with many tour operators, we zeroed in on ‘Dandeli Wild Adventures’, a tour operator affiliated with Jungle Lodges and Resorts. The tariff was `1200 per person for a night. This included food and transport to the campsite. The pictures on the website looked too good to ignore and we decided to go through with it. While booking, do flex your negotiation skills as they might be rewarding. If camping is not your idea of fun, there are a host of other options available like the Hornbill and Bison river resort, Anshi and Kulgi Nature Camp, Stanleys Farm House etc. These resorts are in the range of `1500-2500 for a 2 Days/ 1 Night package (however do note that rafting or any other activity is not included in the package). These places completely give back your money’s worth. HOW DO I SPEND THE TIME If lying in your hammock, sipping cola and reading a book leisurely is your idea of relaxation, then Dandeli is perfect for you. But if going out and engaging your muscles for a session of rock climbing or hiking in the forest to catch a glimpse of a shy peacock is what you want, Dandeli would not disappoint you either. In short, Dandeli can cater to your alter ego, the slacker or the adrenaline junkie. For children, it would naturally be an adventurous holiday, where they can connect with the wild. Besides rafting, which is a must if you come here, there is a long list of activities that you can engage in: trekking, kayaking, canoeing, bird watching, taking a Jacuzzi bath, the list goes on. OUR RAFTING EXPERIENCE Imagine this, you are on an inflated

boat; jagged rocks that could perhaps sink the Titanic are sticking out of water; the water is flowing faster than the local trains, you are sitting right at the edge of the raft and then suddenly the raft slides down a slope. You can hear your instructor shouting instructions repeatedly to get down. But with all the screams and yells and water splashing around, for a second you feel as if you have gone overboard, and you close your eyes. And then you open them to see that you haven’t. This is just the beginning.

The Kali River cuts through these rocks forming many small caverns which house hundreds of pigeons. A word of warning to visitors: Never ever enter the river. Many a naïve soul has lost his life here ignoring the signboard proclaiming the presence of whirlpools and very strong currents. Play safe, stay safe.

The 9 km stretch of the river used for rafting has many such thrilling slides, twists and turns, which can be navigated only if every single person on the raft listens and does exactly what the instructor says. I cannot stress enough on how important it is to listen to the instructor to keep out of danger.

Kavala Caves: Situated 25 kms from the main city of Dandeli, these caves ought to figure in your ‘places to see’ list for Dandeli. A small trek through the jungle followed by an arduous stair climbing session (around 1000 steps) might be back-breaking but the discomfort fades once you reach the caves. Considered to be the abode of Lord Shiva, this place might be an awe-inspiring place, but only if you can ignore the stench from the bat droppings!

The rafting is done late in the afternoon around 2:00 pm. The organizers are from Hornbill resorts, but people from other resorts are allowed to participate. This is due to the local agreement between tour operators in the area. Please make sure that you inform your tour operator to pre-book, as the number of rafts is limited to 10 (8 people per raft). The whole experience cost us `1300 which included pick up and drop off services from our campsite to the rafting bay, an hour of introduction to rafting, basic commands and manoeuvres and 9 kms of pure adrenaline rush.

Jungle Safari and Crocodile Park: The only place in India where the Black Panther is found in the wild is Dandeli. This reason alone is enough to try out the safari. Although the chances of you spotting one is very very dim, it is always worth an attempt. Locals tell us that the ideal time to spot animals is in the summer, when they venture out in search of water. Besides you may catch a glimpse of the shy Malabar Squirrel, foxes and other wild animals in the area. Children would enjoy this. When we camped in the forest we were lucky to catch a glimpse of the flying squirrel. It was an amazing sight!

PLACES IN AND AROUND

After visiting a crocodile park near the paper mill, we came back to the Dandeli bus stand at 4:00 pm to return home. Departure was at 8:00 pm. To while away the time, we decided to see the film ‘Rockstar’ released a few days earlier. With the help of a few locals, we found our way to a theatre playing the movie. What followed next was

Syntheri Rocks: Tall, magnificent and awe-inspiring, these rocks have stood the test of time to enthrall us with their rugged beauty. Situated around 28 km from Dandeli, the huge monolithic slabs of granite inspire awe in every soul that comes to see them.

just shock and pure disbelief. Balcony tickets were priced at `30 while the first class was `20. Forget tickets, we don’t even get popcorn for that price in Bangalore. This actually put things into perspective for us. We felt that we had travelled back in time and suddenly this sleepy city looked warped in a time machine. After munching on a few snacks (the samosas of Dandeli are quite famous, especially from the lane just before the Srihari theater) and buying souvenirs (mostly kokum squash, a local delicacy which can be mixed with water and sugar and served chilled), we got into our buses stealing our last glimpses of this beautiful place which gave me a break from the race of life. Thank you Dandeli! ARPAN KANTHAL IS A SYSTEMS ANALYST ON WEEKDAYS & A BACKPAKER OTHERWISE, PASSIONATE ABOUT WRITING, TRAVELLING & FOOTBALL.

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circle of life

BY RANGASHREE SRINIVAS

A little boy with a rescued pup at the Chennai Adoption Drive

olunteering time, effort and resources for a cause is intrinsic for the welfare of the human ecosystem. Often, volunteerism is mistaken as an act of ‘charity’ towards a less fortunate person. In fact, when you give yourself to an effort without expecting any monetary benefit, you get much much more in terms of personal growth and learning. THE TRUE MEANING OF VOLUNTEERISM Instead of considering volunteering as something that you do for people who are not as fortunate as yourself, begin to think of it as an exchange. Consider that most people find themselves in need at some point in their lives. Today you may be the person with the ability to help, but tomorrow you may be the recipient of someone else's volunteered effort. Even now you might be on both sides of the service

46 Parent Circle / February 2012

cycle: Maybe you are a volunteer tutor for someone who cannot read, and just last month the Exnora volunteers cleaned up your neighbourhood. Volunteering also includes ‘self-help’. So if you are active in your neighbourhood crime watch, your home gets protected even as you protect your neighbours' homes. When you add your effort to the work of others, everyone's life gets better.

of the benefits he had derived from it. In 2004, he brought together some like-minded friends and set up an NGO DreamIndia, to teach under-privileged children.

YOUR SPIRIT EXPANDS You are at the pinnacle of your growth curve when you realize that you want to go beyond your own needs to the needs of the society, the country and the Earth. Different people have different motivations before they volunteer.

Says Varun, “One Sunday afternoon, we were playing with some wonderful children from a nearby slum. This initial tryst led to regular weekend study sessions with the children. We took them out to various places from time to time. Suddenly, the weekends seemed the most important part of the week. I was earning well at work and was happy; but by doing such activities, I experienced pure joy. We had a positive influence on children, we ensured that they did not develop bad habits and that they went to school regularly.”

Varun Rangarajan, a software professional, opted for social volunteering because he wanted to give back to society in gratitude, a part

Today DreamIndia has more than 50 active volunteers from all walks of life volunteering to teach underprivileged children across the country. One of

them is Jamuna Rangachari from Mumbai. “Three years ago I was teaching spoken English to a group of girls from the slum. I had to discontinue this when I moved to another area. However I am still in touch with the girls and am gratified to see them bloom into confident young adults,” says Jamuna. Divya Rolla, a Yoga teacher says, “I was looking for an avenue to teach Yoga to people who really needed it. I got the chance through the NGO, Nalandaway, and I started teaching Yoga to the young girls at the Kilpauk Juvenile Centre for Girls in Chennai. My experience has been very satisfying; I teach, but I feel that I have much more to learn from those I teach.” Divya also volunteers with Chennai Volunteers, an agency that acts as a bridge between NGOs and individuals looking for opportunities to volunteer. Several people with varying skill sets have signed up with Chennai Volunteers. There are various requirements - from teaching Yoga to painting walls at an orphanage - for which the volunteers can devote as little as an hour a week. VOLUNTEERING BY STUDENTS The recent reforms in Indian education with the introduction of CCE, has made social work an essential part of school curriculum. “This augurs well for children, as they would grow up to be more balanced and sensitive as adults,” says Divya. Says Malathi Rao, mother of Shreya Rao (a class IX student from Bengaluru), “My daughter’s school, Sri Kumaran Children’s Home, has integrated the Duke of Edinburgh Award scheme in their CCE.

My daughter and her group of friends enthusiastically went from door to door taking pledges for a plastic-free lifestyle. They also sold cloth bags made by rural women, and gave them back the proceeds of the sale. This was a win-win situation for everyone. The children got their grades along with a sense of pride by being socially productive; the rural women could sell their products without any intermediaries; and the buyers of the bags could purchase good quality cloth bags at a very reasonable price at their door step. CITIZEN VOLUNTEER GROUPS Greenagers from IIT, Roorkee is an association of young, green minds who are reaching out to other youngsters through social media networks. They have a slew of creative projects, like making people ‘Green Magnets’ who will practice and motivate others in the greening/cleaning of their immediate environment; the ‘Green da Cafe’ drives where green practices are introduced (eg: using eco-friendly plates and disposal of waste mechanisms); trips to green spots and industries near their campus. Find Greenagers on Facebook. Chennai Adoption Drive is a group of passionate people working to increase public awareness about Indian strays. With an aim to reduce the stray dog population, they organize monthly adoption drives for Indian puppies and educate the public about animal birth control. The members of this group are animal lovers who rescue strays and abandoned pups, nursing them till they are fit for adoption. Find them on Facebook. Chennai Volunteers is an online platform to connect volunteers to NGOs. Find them on facebook to find the best-suited volunteering activity at a convenient time and location, for you and your friends.

Reclaim Our Beaches (ROB) is a youth-led initiative that aims at reclaiming democracy while empowering youth to take informed action. They address issues relating to garbage, waste management, corporate social responsibility and consumer ethics. ROB has organized cleanup drives, waste audits, symposiums, music concerts and other related activities. Find them at: www.letsrob.org

Why Volunteer? Some of the reasons people have to want to volunteer: To chase a passion to share a skill to keep busy for recognition to help someone to learn something new to get to know a community to demonstrate commitment to a cause/belief to gain leadership skills to do your civic duty to gain satisfaction from accomplishment freedom from routine schedules to be challenged to make new friends to explore a career as a therapy for fun! for religious reasons to earn academic credit to keep skills alive to build your resume to be an agent of change because of personal experience with a problem, illness to stand up and be counted upon

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viewpoint

Early Childhood Education BY PRIYA ARUN

I spoke to another parent whose child is in Standard I (again CBSE). This child could write sentences from the previous year and now follows the question/ answer pattern. Another child studying in LKG in a State Board school also can write letters of the alphabet in Tamil and English, apart from numerals up to 20. The mothers of all these children felt that LKG was comparatively easy. The children started with strokes and moved on to writing the letters of the alphabet. They also learnt to write some numbers by the end of the year. However, the UKG syllabus seems to have taken a giant leap from here, with the learning speeding up immensely. The 3 Rs have now become - Rapid Rigorous - Rote Learning! My question: Is there a regulatory body that checks on the kindergarten/nursery school syllabus followed in different schools?

There are as many different syllabi as the number of schools in town. Isn't there anyone to monitor this? There seems to be no common pattern at all.

esterday, I came across two of my daughter's playmates - one in the LKG and another in the UKG , studying in different schools, both affiliated to the CBSE. The LKG child had just finished learning to make ‘strokes’ and was moving on to writing the letters of the alphabet.

I am not even talking about 'alternative education' systems like Montessori and Waldorf that ideally integrate play, nature, day-to-day life and education. I am just referring to the regular mainstream education that city schools offer.

The UKG child’s syllabus included the writing of numerals 1-100, numbers in words from one to fifty and 3 letter words! This boy's mother tells me that the school gives him so much homework that his tiny hands start aching.

Added to this confusion, is the age factor for admission. Each school follows a different age bracket for admissions into the LKG level. In this mix, a three and a half year old and a child who is 4+ years old will learn the same thing, in spite of a world of

48 Parent Circle / February 2012

difference in their 'readiness' to grasp a concept. I did some research on the Internet and I understand that in India, schools come under the ambit of any Board of Education, starting from Standard I. Anything that happens before that, is totally up to the discretion of the individual school. The school is free to either let the children sing and play all day or impose them with heavy writing work. The Department of Education, Government of India has a jargon-filled website that indicates that there is a body to look after Elementary Education but they seem to have other albeit well-meaning priorities like getting the children to come to school in the first place! I am sure there is already some structure and regulation in place that I am not aware of, and only proper implementation is needed. If not, I feel that there should definitely be a concerted framing up of rules and regulations, with licensing and penalties, if the guidelines are not being followed. The curriculum should be framed with a modern outlook in mind, based entirely upon the toddlers/ preschoolers’ developmental needs and milestones. Children are like sponges. They will learn anything you teach them – whether it is the 100 Thirukkural verses or names of 100 countries with their capital cities. That gifted children are ‘born’ or ‘made’ remains a topic for yet another discussion. But where early education is concerned, I think we need to draw a line somewhere - not how much a child can learn but how much a child needs to learn. PRIYA ARUN IS A CHENNAI PARENT AND A COPY EDITOR IN A PUBLISHING COMPANY.

www.parentcircle.in 49

parent chef

Microwave Snacks BY SHWETA AGARWAL

Chatpata Dhokla A G u ja r a ti d is h made out of gram f lo u r & s u ji

Til Tadka Khandvi

s n a c k , ju s t e im t a e t y An eas s r ie c o n s c io u lo a c e h t r o r ig h t f

Shahi Tukda A de lic io us sw ee t m ad e fr om m ilk an d br ea d

um D i h a h S Paneer urry

to c y t s & ta A quick r rotis u o y y n accompa 50 Parent Circle / February 2012

Shahi Tukda

Chatpata Dhokla

Til Tadka Khandvi

Shahi Dum Paneer

INGREDIENTS

4 large slices of sandwich bread (cut to desired shape) 1 cup milk ¾ cup condensed milk 1 tblsp raisins 2 tblsp ghee ½ tsp cardamom 1 cup sugar Garnishing Ingredients: Crushed Almonds/ Pistachio

½ cup gram flour (Besan) ¼ cup suji ½ cup sour curd ½ cup water ½ tsp meetha soda A pinch of sugar ½ tsp turmeric A pinch of asafoetida 1 tsp ENO fruit salt Salt to taste

¾ cup curd 1 cup water ½ cup gram flour (Besan) ½ tsp turmeric A pinch of asafoetida 1 tsp chilli ginger paste Salt to taste

200 gm paneer (cut into pieces) 3 tblsp onion paste 1 cup tomato puree 3 tblsp white butter 1 tblsp ginger-garlic paste ¼ cup cream ¼ cup water 1 tsp cashew nut paste ½ tblsp garam masala ½ tblsp red chilli powder A pinch of sugar ½ tsp turmeric A pinch of asafoetida Salt-pepper to taste

TEMPERING INGREDIENTS METHOD: Pre-heat

convection oven to 250°C. Bake the bread slices for 8-10 minutes till golden brown. Apply ghee on both the sides of each slice. In a deep bowl, mix milk, condensed milk, raisins and cardamom powder and microwave at 100% power for 4-5 minutes and then at 50% for 5-6 min until it thickens. Allow the mixture to cool. Prepare the sugar syrup. Add half cup water to one cup sugar and heat it in the microwave oven for 3 minutes on full power till it thickens. Stir well. Alternately, sugar syrup is readily available in shops. Arrange the baked bread slices after dipping it in sugar syrup in a serving dish and pour thickened milk over it. Garnish with crushed almonds and pistachio nuts.

1 tsp oil ½ tsp mustard seeds 2 green chillies slit 8-10 curry leaves

TEMPERING INGREDIENTS

2 tsp oil ½ tsp mustard seeds ½ tsp sesame seeds 2 green chillies slit 8-10 curry leaves GARNISHING INGREDIENTS

GARNISHING INGREDIENTS

1 tblsp grated coconut 2 tblsp chopped coriander

METHOD: Mix all the

ingredients together to make a batter. Pour this batter in to a bowl or plate and microwave at 70% or 80% power for 6 to 7 minutes. When it is done, pour ¼ cup of hot water over it. Cover it with a lid for a minute, to make it soft. In a bowl, add all tempering ingredients and microwave for 2-3 minutes at 100% power. Pour this tempering over the prepared dhokla and cut into pieces. Sprinkle chopped coriander leaves and grated coconut on the Dhokla.

ingredients for the Khandvi in a deep bowl. Microwave at 80% power for four to five minutes, stirring in between. Repeat the process till the mixture thickens. Take out the mixture and spread it as thin as possible on big plates with the help of a flat spoon. As it cools, cut out broad strips and roll each to make several small rolls and serve them in a serving dish. Take all the tempering ingredients in a small bowl and microwave at 100% for two minutes. Pour this on the Khandvi rolls kept in the serving dish. Sprinkle chopped coriander leaves and grated coconut over the Khandvi.

METHOD: In a bowl add butter, onion paste, ginger garlic paste and microwave for 2 minutes at 100% power. Add the rest of the ingredients except paneer and microwave at 100% for 3-4 min. Stir in between. Lastly add the paneer pieces and microwave for 3 min at 80% power. Serve hot with Nan/ Paratha/ Roti. SHWETA AGARWAL IS A HOME MAKER WHO LOVES COOKING AND HANDWORK.

p le S er ve s 4- 5 p eo U se on ly m ic ro w a ve ov en p ro of di sh es www.parentcircle.in 51

check it out ANIMATED FUN Children share a deep bond with the animal world. Right from picture book stars to cartoon characters they are fascinated by anything that runs, hops, flies, swims or crawls. Here are some animation movies featuring animals that you can enjoy seeing with your children over a bowl of popcorn and a glass of hot chocolate in the privacy of your home.

COMPILED BY SMITA SHENOY

Finding Nemo This poignant story of a father’s search for his son is a must watch for every Dad and kid. Marlin, a clownfish, is overprotective of his only son, Nemo, and doubts Nemo’s ability to do anything on his own. When Nemo is captured by a scuba diver, a distraught Marlin embarks on a mission to rescue him. On the way back, father and son have quite a few adventures which make Marlin realise that Nemo is perfectly capable of looking after himself. This strengthens the bond between the two as Marlin acknowledges Nemo as a hero. PS: After the movie, visit the nearest aquarium with the children and let them learn all about marine life. (CD: `199; DVD: `499)

52 Parent Circle / February 2012

Ice Age (I, II, III) Tag along with Manny the woolly mammoth, Sid the giant ground sloth and Diego the sabre toothed tiger, as they tackle deadly animals, dinosaurs and meltdowns in the Ice Age trilogy. Hilarious throughout, it is power packed with information too. In fact, the movie franchise is a great way to introduce your kids to the pre-historic era. Watching Ice Age will have children heading to the libraries to look up mammoths and dodos in encyclopaedias. Join them in their search and help them get acquainted with the vibrant past. (CD: `199; DVD: `399)

Happy Feet

A Bug’s Life

In penguin colonies in snow covered Antarctica, the ability to sing is a must. Mumble, the blue eyed penguin, is a misfit in his group because he cannot hit a note. But he has a talent that none have: a flair for tap dancing. How Mumble convinces his family and friends of his skills and wins their approval forms the crux of the film. Having auditory and visual appeal, Happy Feet is one big joyride through the Icy Continent. (CD: `199; DVD: `499)

A contemporary take on the famed Aesop’s fable “The Ant and the Grasshopper”, the movie chronicles the (mis)adventures of an ant named Flik, who is a promising though somewhat bumbling inventor; and how he emerges a hero after helping his colony ward off the mighty, wicked grasshoppers. PS: Explain the importance of teamwork and unity as displayed by the ants to your young child. (CD: `199; DVD: `499)

TIMELESS CLASSICS

Jungle Book The Bible of animal cinema, Jungle Book narrates the adventures of orphan boy Mowgli and his trysts with the animals of the forest. (CD: `199; DVD: `599)

OTHER FAVOURITES

SPECIAL EFFECTS It is

The Chronicles of Narnia The well admired

easy to discern why tweens and teens relish a good thriller. They love the spirit of adventure, the sense of fun and the element of mystery embedded in these films which promise to take the young ones on a rollercoaster journey.

The Incredibles This computer-animated flick is the story of a family with super powers and how each member uses their unique powers to save the world. Although the plot may sound clichĂŠd, the execution is superb and will have the young ones in splits as they follow the incredible adventures of the Parr family as they battle the evil outside and the evil within. (CD: `199; DVD: ` 499)

books by fantasy thriller writer C S Lewis find perfect translation in this compelling film series which predominantly follows the adventures of the Pevensie siblings in the mythical kingdom of Narnia. (Cost of each: CD: `199; DVD: `399)

Wall E This is a touching tale of a waste cleaning robot called WALLâ&#x20AC;˘E who is designed to clear trash from Earth after earthlings abandon it when the planet gets covered in garbage. He meets another robot, EVE, and together they manage to convince the earthlings to restore the planet to its old, green glory. (CD: ` 299; DVD: `499)

Prices of CDs & DVDs courtesy: Landmark. SMITA SHENOY IS A FREELANCE WRITER.

Night at the Museum When divorced father Larry Daley took up the job of a night watchman in a museum, little did he know that the exhibits come to life every night. The movie follows his adventures as he grapples to restore normalcy to the museum. (CD: `199; DVD: `399)

Jumanji This adventurecomedy film is about a supernatural board game where the animals and other scary objects on the board materialise at the throw of the dice. Robin Williams is brilliant as the boy who gets sucked into the game and who pops out of the board years later as a wild man. (CD: `299; DVD: `599).

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discussion point My son is 7 years old and I got him a Beyblade last month, but he wants the latest version now.

How do I handle

The best way to handle pester power is to ‘connect with the child first and correct later!’ For instance, the beyblade pester can be addressed by sitting with the child and making a beyblade mask instead. You can also try distracting the child from the actual ‘pester’ by giving them something more interesting like a ‘mock photo shoot’ session with your mobile phone camera; get your child to click as many pictures as possible. Children like it when you spend some time with them out of your busy schedule. For them, LOVE = TIME. Spend more time doing simple, quality stuff with them and watch the MAGIC unveil.

pester power?

My daughter recently pestered me for a mobile phone as most of them in her class had one. I just explained to her that if I buy her a cell phone, it was her responsibility to look after it safely and not lose it. That was enough to convince her to not buy one as she was scared she might lose it. I told her that if she wanted, she could use the landline as much as she wants. Sheeba Satish, Mother of a 14-year-old

Deepa Aathreya , Mother of a 6-year and a

You must never give in to the child’s pestering. You must allow the child to pester, until the child gets tired of pestering. Your child is bound to get tired of pestering you and will give up on what he wants.

10-year-old

KS Dakshina Murthy, Father of a 16-year-old

In such situations some children may throw a tantrum and get what they want and others may accept what the parents say, but feel disappointed. These children can become introverts by thinking that the parents are the obstacles for their fun and it is of no use sparring with them. My opinion is kids should be taught the value of money. They can be told that instead of buying Beybaldes endlessly, they can save the money for buying a keyboard or skating kit.

My son tells me that only if I buy him something that he fancies, will he study. Once he finishes studying I promise to take him to buy whatever he wants. He could have more choices then, I point out. He usually agrees. After he is done, I take him to a shop, that I know does not have the particular object. I suggest to him nicely to buy something else and I point out a more useful toy, which is educational in nature. I do this only when I think that he is asking for something not appropriate for his age.

Priya Kasi, Madurai

Rahul Suresh, Father of a 5-year-old

What is the right age for my child to have a Facebook account? Please send in your responses before February 15, 2012 to editorial@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Discussion Point’, or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

54 Parent Circle / February 2012

I do not feel it is right to hand over such expensive gifts to young children, which they tend to break in no time. Instead of directly and abruptly saying “No, I can’t buy it!” we can try to convince them more patiently. We can say “The next time you get good marks, I’ll buy you what you want” or we can explain how it will distract him during study time.

As I am a working mother, I delay our shopping, pleading office work and household responsibilities. I tell her (my daughter) that she has to buy that object with her pocket money. I make it clear that if there is a deficit, I would not be able to help; I get only finite money in the office and have to clearly plan the household expenses. Most of the time, she changes her mind about a particular purchase.

Sudha S, Mother of a 10-year and a 5-year-old

Kala Rajendran, Mother of a 12-year-old

Divert their attention to something else that they can have immediately, and highlight its attractiveness. It works 95 percent of the time!

I explain to them that as parents, we have enough for their needs but not for their greed. If they persist, which is very rare, I usually ignore their pestering.

Gayathri K Panickker, Mother of 2 children

Reshma Jacob, Chennai

parent express

Pester Power Dynamics

the inflation gauge, we are not really spending more than what our parents spent on us. But then, as children of our parents generation, we did not demand (and get) a top every day!

BY VENKATARAGHAVAN SRINIVASAN “They (the children) use all the pester power they can muster to talk their parents into purchases, a narrator warned,” (The Washington Post, February 1979)

hildren of this generation have always been able to influence their parents’ purchasing power with their relentless badgering. Today’s parents are more likely to take a child's demands seriously, whereas in earlier times when they were children, they were expected to be content with whatever they were given. Also, today’s parents work longer hours owing to the increased pressure of the environment. This has led to a society that is increasingly cash rich and time poor, and parents find it an easier option to buy their way out of the timeconsuming task of fending off demands. According to the 2001 marketing industry book Kidfluence, pestering or nagging can be divided into two categories –’persistence’ and ‘importance.’ Persistence nagging (a plea, that is repeated over and over again) is not as effective as the more sophisticated ‘importance nagging.’ This latter method appeals to parents as it plays on any guilt that they may have

about not having enough time for their children. I have always believed that this generation of Indian Parents (read folks born in late 60’s, 70’s and early 80’s) are a sad lot. They had no choice but to listen to their parents. But today, their children are a lot smarter than they were at that age. I am a parent of a 11-year-old and I am aware that this generation, born in the late 90’s and 2k, is really intelligent. In a way, this is good in the broad scheme of things, since it means that the collective intelligence of the society is increasing with time. Today's generation of the Cola, KolaVeri Kids have more autonomy and decision-making power within the family than the previous generations, so they are more vocal about their requirements. They tend to use this ‘pester power’ to nag their parents into purchasing items that might not be otherwise bought. So, how do we understand and curtail this ‘pester power?’ For a generation that only had bambarams (manual tops), today a bey blade, which is the Chinese Bambaram, has become a reality that the parent needs to accept. What was `6 in the 80’s is `140 now! Going by

So, the only way out for us would be to smile and yet not give in. Speak out “Yes, that L Dragon bey blade looks really cool but you do know that you probably won't be able to have everything you want.” Leave the decision-making-process to the child and be firm with the conditions and the responsibility this entails. For example, if pocket money is being allocated to the child, then the child decides whether he wants the bey blade now or whether he will be happy enough with the Kaagitha Kappal (paper boat); since the trade-off might be a video game session at Blur. We may assume that most children would go in for the instant gratification of a bey blade, but trust me – you are going to be surprised. These kids don’t think the way we used to! Of course, with slightly older children, we can explain how advertisements try to influence our purchases. Also it is much easier talking to older children about the cost of items, their affordability and the value of money. As I am writing this, I can hear my mother shout aloud from the drawing room even as she is watching Velukkudi’s programme on the Pothigai channel - “Finally, what every child wants most is a loving, happy time with the family. This is what we cherish when we look back at our childhood. Any toy we remember, is because of the fun we had playing with it rather than how much it cost.” Wasn’t I right about us being the sandwiched Paavam (pitiable) Parent Generation? VENKATARAGHAVAN SRINIVASAN IS A MANAGEMENT PROFESSIONAL FROM CHENNAI.

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Kreedo launches unique educational aids Funskool introduces Ravensburger 2D puzzles

Kreedo, an organization based in Bangalore, has come up with some educational aids that will help pre-schoolers learn and understand the world around them better.

Funskool India Ltd, the official distributor for Ravensburger Puzzles in India, is introducing Ravensburger 2D Puzzles, Puzzle Balls and Pyramid Puzzles, for adults. The puzzles come in innovative designs and themes that include cartoon characters, comedy and classic scenes, making puzzle-solving a delight. These are priced at `349 onwards and are now available at all leading outlets across the city.

While developing the aids, they kept certain criteria in mind. They looked at a curriculum covering all the essential areas of development, then used relevant materials that would aid learning and also devised tools to help evaluate a child’s progress.

Arts book for children launched Sara Vetteth recently launched her books Art for Kids at Kids Central Nursery and Play School in Kotturpuram. Art for Kids is a series of two books that displays the art of two well-known artists: A Ramachandran and Ram Kumar. A Ramachandran is one of India’s foremost painters, honoured with the Padma Bhushan for his contribution to contemporary Indian art. Ram Kumar is one of the country’s most celebrated abstract painters. He was awarded the Padma Shri in 1972. The book not only carries pictures of their paintings, it explains them in simple terms and leaves some questions open for children to develop their own perspective. Sara wants to bring about an awareness of renowned artists by giving shape to them in the form of books, so that children become aware of the world of art. Art for Kids has been launched in Delhi, Mumbai, Bengaluru, Chennai and Kerala.

Shakti Foundation’s musical extravaganza Shakti Foundation is hosting a musical extravaganza on February 11, 2012 at the Music Academy. The legends John McLaughlin, Zakir Hussain, U Shrinivas, V Selvaganesh and Shankar Mahadevan will be coming together in this musical treat. Donor passes will be available at the Shakti Foundation in Kilpauk. For further details, contact: 26611213, 9952 829457/9003633457/9600976457. Shakti Foundation is an NGO whose aim is to provide medical care for the rural under-privileged and the weaker sections of the society. It also works with people with disabilities. Launching a new product or service? List it in ‘Kaleidoscope’. Send in the information to editorial@parentcircle.in

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The curriculum and materials are intertwined together. The curriculum developed is based on the best practices incorporated from several well-tried early childhood philosophies. Furniture is designed to provide an attractive learning environment. Kreedo also offers multimedia-based teacher training, and tools to help the teachers formulate an individual education plan for each child. Additional tools are provided to formulate a profile for each child. The prices range from `1.5 lakhs to `2.5 lakhs. For further details, contact: 080 26690220/ 99454 56741 or email: info@kreedology.com Web: www.kreedology.com

Math workshop for parents If your child gets bored at school and finishes his work before his classmates do, if he completes his homework with ease, then this workshop is for you. The workshop is being conducted on 9th February, 2012 from 10:00 am to 12:00 noon at the Russian Centre of Science and Culture. The workshop will reveal a new approach to education designed for high-performing students. You will learn specific techniques and types of questions to help your child stay challenged and focused. The workshop is free, but space is limited. For further details, contact: +91 89399 32088 or log on to chennai@spiritofmath.com