June 2011 full issue

R.Dis.No.197/11

Dr.P.Mannar Jawahar Vice-Chancellor

Anna University Sardar Patel Road, Guindy, Chennai-25 www.annauniv.edu

Parent Circle Volume 1 Issue 2 June 2011 Price ` 40

ABOUT ANNA UNIVERSITY Anna University was established on 4th September 1978 as a unitary type of University to promote teaching and research in the field of Engineering, Technology, Architecture and Applied Sciences by bringing together the following famous institutions in Chennai.

PARENT WELLNESS

n College of Engineering, Guindy (CEG), established in 1794 n Alagappa College of Technology (ACT), established in 1944 n Madras Institute of Technology (MIT), established in 1949

Is your mind, body and spirit in sync?

n School of Architecture and Planning (SAP), established in 1957

True to its image as a premier technical institution in the country, Anna University constantly strives for excellence in education, research and societal service through highly dedicated and competent teachers who are also expert researchers in various emerging and cutting edge technologies.

Teen Circle

PEERING THROUGH PEER PRESSURE

The aims of the University are: n To constantly raise the quality of engineering education to produce superior human resource to match rapid technological developments, n To share its academic experience and infrastructure with other institutions for providing quality education across the state and help students to fulfill their dreams,

BACK TO SCHOOL

Easing the way

n To uphold the highest ethical and professional standards while imparting engineering education and while fulfilling its obligations to students and staff n To serve the society with technological advancement and actively take part in building knowledge-based society.

FOOD, TRAVEL BOOKS & MORE...

Anna University has two major campuses: the Main Campus on 189.48 acres of land is centrally located in Guindy and the MIT Campus encompassing 56.40 acres of land is in Chromepet, 15 kms from the Main Campus. Both these Campuses accommodate about 1700 staff members and 19,000 students. There is also a small campus at Taramani, 5 kms from the Main Campus encompassing 27.80 acres of land.

It houses 2622.50 sq.m. with advanced Biotechnology facilities, one of the best in the Country. Further, 38.27 acres of land adjacent to the Main Campus has been provided by Government of Tamil Nadu.

New Programs Introduced

Anna University offers 45 UG Programmes (including 15 Part-Time Programmes), 110 PG 1 M.E. Programmes (including 26 Part-Time Programmes), 6 M.Phil Programmes under Science and Humanities and Ph.D in all Engineering and Technology disciplines including Applied Sciences 2 M.Tech and Humanities.

Anna University has following eight faculties, each faculty headed by a Chairman.

Computer Science and

Engineering (Part-Time-SS) Information Technology (Part-Time-SS)

n Civil Engineering ing

n Mechanical Engineering

n Electrical Engineering

n Information and Communication Engineer-

n Technology

n Architecture and Planning

n Management Science

n Science and Humanities

Anna University has 32 University Departments and 46 Autonomous Centres with well-equipped research laboratories and infrastructural facilities. These departments and Centres attract international attention through their research potential and receive funds from Government agencies like UGC, AICTE & DST and other private agencies including industries.

Father’s Day Special

The Other Side of Parenting Prof.Dr.P.Mannar Jawahar, the Vice-Chancellor and faculty members of Anna University, Chennai with the four students going to National Tsing Hua University, Taiwan for the summer Internship program on 05.04.11

The final year students of MIT have been nominated by DRDO together with Indo-US Science & Technology Forum to participate in the “Young Engineers Visitation Program” at LOCKHEED MARTIN Center for Innovation, Suffolk, VA, USA from 13th to 17th June, 2011.

Relationships I Health I Nature I Culture I Learning I Activities

EDITORIAL

For the Parent in you to Know, to Understand, to Connect.

S

ummer vacations have just ended and it is back to school for most children. For both the children and you, it is time to get back to regular routine.

As a child, I was away in boarding school for nine months of the year. For me vacation was three long months, from November through February. Holidays were days of fun and frolic, days spent with the family, fighting with siblings, reading, exploring hobbies or travelling. I still remember the long drive back to school at the end of the three months. The sudden feeling of butterflies in the stomach, a catch in the throat and heartache. Yes, I was excited about meeting my friends after the long break. But I was going to miss my family, the laid back no schedule days and of course the delicious home food.

With vacations ending and schools re-opening a lot of children are probably going through similar mixed feelings of both excitement and anxiety - trying to get ready for the new school year, new class, new teacher and new responsibilities. Our 'Back to School' feature delves into some of the issues facing children at this time of the year and how to ease them back to school.

A happy child needs a happy relaxed parent. Our cover story talks about how important it is to first take care of your self - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

This year on June 19, we celebrate Father’s Day. The importance of a father in the child’s life cannot be overstated. This special bond can be seen through the eyes of both fathers and children in our 'Father Day Special' feature.

We have devoted several pages for you to express your opinions and ideas - starting with a page of letters we have received from you. We are always happy to hear from you and are truly encouraged by your positive feedback. We will keep in mind your suggestions as we bring you new issues of our magazine.

As you send your children back to school, keep in mind this quote by Marion Wright Edelman: Parents have become so convinced that educators know what is best for their children, that they forget that they themselves are really the experts.

To all your children - I wish them the very best as they start the new school year!

To all fathers - Happy Father’s Day!

Nalina Ramalakshmi PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Nalina Ramalakshmi

HEAD - OPERATIONS Neeta Kamath

MANAGING EDITOR Nitya Varadarajan

AD SALES TEAM R Balakrishnan S Visalam V Rajesh Babu

ASSOCIATE EDITOR Gemmarie Venkataramani CREATIVE HEAD Rangashree Srinivas

CIRCULATION C Ganesh S Thirumalai

VISUALISER G Swarupa

ADMINISTRATION Sheeja Sasindran

GRAPHIC DESIGNER M Ravisankar

PUBLISHED BY Nalina Ramalakshmi Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. (A Ramco Group Associate) 8/14, First Cross Street, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020 PRINTED BY R Dhayalan, Sun Graphics, 51, Gangai Amman Koil Street, Vadapalani, Chennai 600026 To advertise in this magazine call 044 24461066/67/68 or email advertise@parentcircle.in

Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.

www.parentcircle.in

1

COVER STORY 12 SPECIAL 16

Parent Wellness

Father’s Day Special

Is your mind, body and spirit in sync?

SPECIAL 30

Back to School

REGULARS 6

FOCUS World Environment Day World Children's Prize

8

VALUES AIR: The three values that start at home

RESOURCES 50 PARENT CHEF Lunch Box Ideas!

53 HANDS ON Dad’s Goody Box 54 CHECK IT OUT Books, movies and games

22

MINDSET Understanding Anxiety

56 EVENTS Chennai this Month

24

LEARNING Creative Writing

57 CLASSIFIEDS

36

TEEN CIRCLE Peering through Peer Pressure

38

HEALTH CIRCLE Summer Infections

40

CIRCLE OF LIFE Moving to Water Conservation

10 VIEWPOINT Is Parenting Instinctive?

44

ROOTS The Significance of Water

48 PARENT EXPRESS It's a Roller Coster Life!

46

TECH TALK Log it on a Blog

58 DISCUSSION POINT Marks vs Learning

On the cover: Elton Nathan with daughter Trisha Photograph by: Arjun Dogra

2

Parent Circle / June 2011

FORUM

59 Q&A 60 LIGHTER VEIN School Year Resolutions

YOUR WORD

Letters to the Editor

We gratefully acknowledge the 700 plus letters we have received. Your feedback has been very encouraging. We hope to incorporate some of your suggestions in our forthcoming issues. Please keep those letters coming. We love reading them!

Congratulations and thanks for bringing out a much

The articles in the inaugural issue are excellent. Each

needed and useful magazine Parent Circle. True to its

article inspires the reader a great deal. The Mother’s Day

name and mission, the magazine does just that - brings

Special was very touching and you have brought it out in

like-minded parents together and connects parents to

a unique way. The cover story, ‘Parenting-A Balancing

the larger community, thus providing value addition in

Act’ was very nice. The summer camps page was very in-

the all-round development of children. All the topics were

formative. Good job by the whole team of Parent Circle.

interesting and informative. Particularly, I found the sections ‘Discussion Point’ and ‘Check-it-out’ innovative and

R Rajarajeshwari, Kottur, Chennai

very useful. Please do add a feedback section. I wish you all the very best for the success of the magazine!

Murali Prasad, Dyna World, T Nagar, Chennai

The magazine gave me good ideas on the places to visit in and around Chennai. Most of the articles focus on parent-child relationship which is the need of the hour.

The article on career choices has actually cleared a lot

The magazine focusses on the main topic of good and responsible parenthood, which is the need of the day.

Other interesting and useful areas like information on curricular and extra-curricular activities are adequately covered. Useful tips on cookery also find a place. The layout

of my doubts. The article on Internet Safety is a must for all parents and children. And last but not the least I truly enjoyed reading Carol Band’s Lighter Vein. Congratulations for bringing out such a magazine. Keep it up!

Kanchana, Alwarpet, Chennai

of the magazine is excellent and the price is reasonable.

Your magazine is a welcome relief among the many magazines that focus on cinema and entertainment only.

T R Nagarajan, Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai

The magazine’s inaugural issue has inputs that both parents and children can read together. The Mother’s Day special is enough to flood us with our own memories.

P C Thenmozhi, Chennai

As parents and grandparents we find ourselves confused and almost helpless at the way modern trends are chang-

The magazine is amazing! As a mother of a teenager,

ing our children. With so many ideas woven into young

even though I know how to move with my daughter as

minds by peer pressure, the modern child finds himself

a friend, this magazine has helped me understand her

in turmoil. The reactions of some children are shocking.

even more and has given me a lot of tips to get closer to

We feel that your magazine will be a beacon of light in

her. It is very useful in making parents understand their

this context.

children better.

Dr G V Sureendra, Egmore, Chennai

S Sankaralakshmi, Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai

Starting from the cover page to the very last, each article and page was a treasury of information and an answer to the thousands of questions that run through my mind every single day, as the mother of two boys. The poem, ‘Your children are not your children…’ by Khalil Gibran is worth many reads. The article ‘Mixed Bag of Parenting’, kept me smiling throughout, the article in Lighter Vein was hilarious and the letters by kids to mom were really sweet.

Shymala Raja, Rajapalayam

4

Parent Circle / June 2011

Parent Circle is good reading material for parents. It is packed with information particularly useful for young parents. The articles are made interesting with the help of real life examples. They are so interesting that they linger in our thoughts even days after reading. Keep up the good work.

C Goshteeswaran, Valmiki Nagar, Chennai Please send in your letter with the subject line “Letters to the Editor”, before June 15, 2011, to editorial@parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

FOCUS

India hosts this year’s

World Environment Day

celebrations

F

or the first time in the 40-year history of the World Environ-

Though the socio-economic pressures on the country’s forests

ment Day, India is hosting the worldwide celebrations on

are tremendous, India has instituted a tree planting system to

June 5, 2011. Chosen for the country’s effort to embrace

combat land degradation and desertification, including wind-

the process of transition into a Green Economy, India will lead the nations in celebrating this year’s theme ‘Forests: Nature at Your Service’. Underscoring the intrinsic link between quality of life and the health of forests and forest ecosystems, this year’s theme also supports the United Nation’s International

To conserve its critical ecosystem, India has successfully introduced projects that track the health of the nation’s plants, animals, water and other natural resources, including the Sun-

Year of Forests.

derbans. These are the largest deltaic mangrove forest in the

According to Achim Steiner, UN Under-Secretary General and

the tiger, UNEP said.

United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) Executive

world, and home to one of India’s most iconic wildlife species:

Director, with the Indian population being 1.2 billion, people

Mumbai and Delhi – two of India’s most prominent cities will

continue to put pressure on forests - especially in the densely

be the venue for this year’s global celebrations, with a myriad

populated areas where people are cultivating on marginal lands

of activities to inspire Indians and people around the world to

and wherever overgrazing is contributing to desertification.

conserve forests.n

Congolese Activist Wins World Children’s Prize

M

urhabazi Namagabe, a Congolese children’s rights activist has won the World Children’s Prize of $ 100,000. The Stock-

holm-based award foundation cited Murhabazi’s dangerous struggle to free children who were

If I had my child to raise all over again, I’d finger paint more and point the finger less.

I’d do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious and seriously play.

I’d run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

forced to be child soldiers or sex slaves in Congo,

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

as the reason. Since 1989, Murhabazi and his

I would be firm less often and affirm much more.

organisation helped free 4000 child soldiers and 4500 girls who had been assaulted by armed groups. The winner was decided in a vote among 3.2 million children world wide. The Swedenbased Children’s World Association instituted the annual award eleven years ago.n

6

breaks and shelterbelts to protect agricultural land.

Parent Circle / June 2011

I’d build self-esteem first and the house later.

I’d teach less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

Diane Loomans

www.parentcircle.in

7

VALUES and spiritually. This is done by giving

Wolf’ for fun, and how nobody believed

children plenty of love and reassurance,

him when a real wolf arrived!

and by encouraging them to recognise their potential to achieve the best in life. Parents themselves have to be role

The three values that start at home Dr Mrs Y G Parthasarathy Accountability, Integrity, Responsibility (A I R) are three essential mantras for every living being contributing to a nation’s stature. If parents implement these

models to their children. They cannot stop with just the providing of food, clothing, housing, education and entertainment and think that their duties are over.

Children will have faith in trustworthy parents and confide in them when they are in trouble. They would also imbibe integrity.

RESPONSIBILITY Parents should accept responsibility for

Children are accountable too. They need

the way children finally shape up - physi-

to grow up into value-based responsible

cally, emotionally, and socially. Parents

citizens, with so much of parental effort

should do their duty impartially and own

and investment channelled into their

up if necessary, the mistakes made

growth.

through blind, misplaced affection or misjudgement.

in their daily lives and teach their children

INTEGRITY

Children have the responsibility of fulfill-

the value of these mantras, our nation

Parents need to be truthful and frank

ing the expectations of their doting par-

would benefit greatly.

with their children and not deceive them with false promises. They should not hide

ACCOUNTABILITY

the real state of affairs at home, whether financial, social or emotional. Once an

Parents are accountable to the communi-

adult tells a lie or perpetuates a deceitful

ty by ensuring that their children blossom

action, he loses credibility. Remember the

into fragrant flowers - physically, mentally

story of the shepherd crying aloud ‘Wolf,

ents who sacrifice time, attention, wealth and even health. Children have no right or authority to abandon these expectations, even if they are unpleasant.

Dr Mrs Y G Parthasarathy is the Dean and Director, Padma Seshadri Bala Bhavan

MSME – Technology Development Centre

CENTRAL FOOTWEAR TRAINING INSTITUTE

(Govt. of India Society, Ministry of Micro, Small & Medium Enterprises) 65/1, GST Road, Guindy, Chennai 600 032.

Phone: 044-22501529, Telefax: 044 – 22500876, website: www.cftichennai.in, email: cfti@vsnl.net

ADMISSION NOTICE Invites applications from eligible candidates for the following Job oriented training programmes.

S.No

Duration

Eligibility

Max. Age#

1

Diploma in Footwear Design & Production*

Course Title

2 years

10+2

25

2

Post Graduate Diploma in Footwear Technology

1 year

3

Post Diploma in Footwear Technology

1 year

Any Diploma

35

4

Certificate Course in Footwear Technology

1 year

10th Std.

35

Selection will be purely based on Academic Merit

Any Degree

* This course is accredited to the Textile Institute, London, U.K. # 5 years age relaxation for SC/ST candidates.

Prospectus & Application form can be obtained in person on submission of Demand Draft for Rs. 500/- favouring “Director, CFTI”, (towards cost of Prospectus & Application form) (or) by post by sending a request letter along with Demand Draft for Rs. 550/- favouring “Director, CFTI”, (or) the same can be downloaded from our website www. Cftichennai.in (Downloaded applications must accompany with the Demand Draft for Rs. 500/-) Those candidates who have appeared for Xth std examination during 2011 and result awaited may also apply for the course at serial no. 4 above.

35

Hostel facility available.

Placement assisted.

Sale of Prospectus & application commence from : 18th May 2011 Last Date for submission of filled in Application forms : 24th June 2011 (for S.No.4) Last Date for submission of filled in Application forms : 27th July 2011 (for S.No. 1,2 & 3) Commencement of Course : 01st August 2011 (S.No. 1,2 & 3) Commencement of Course : 01st July 2011 (S.No. 4)

22.5% seats are reserved for SC/ST candidates for which no tuition fees only will be charged subject to production of Caste Certificate in original from competent authority at the time of admission. Two photocopies of caste certificate duly attested by Gazetted Officer is required to be enclosed along with application.

Prospectus & Application form can be also obtained from our Ambur Sub. Centre at 121 A, M.C, Road, Sriramapuram, (opp. Hindu Higher Secondary School) Ambur – 635 802. Ph: 04174 - 247822

8

Parent Circle / June 2011

www.parentcircle.in

9

VIEWPOINT

Is Parenting Instinctive?

Kesang Menezes

W

hy would

the way we were parented. Where does jeal-

ing” (implying why can’t you be like her-again

anyone come to

ousy, hatred, greed and loss of values start?

guaranteed to create jealousy)

a workshop on

If we want everyone to live by love, sensitiv-

parenting, people ask me.

ity, brotherhood, and high morals, where

Isn’t parenting something

should we begin? The world we create for

one does by instinct? This

ourselves starts at home.

is a valid question but in our modern world are we confusing instinct with conditioning?

In today’s complex and fast-changing world, is it correct to assume that parents know ‘instinctively’ how to bring up their children?

We spend time (and money!) on classes to

I would like to know why this job, which is probably one of the most important jobs in the world, is presumed to not require inputs or preparation. This world of today is largely a result of

learn everything from salsa dancing to scuba diving, but we never think of investing the same time and effort in learning how better to understand and communicate with our

you are good, if not you are bad. How inadequate a child must feel) • “If you do not listen that policeman will come and take you” (we teach them to be fearful and insecure) • ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ (many of us firmly believe that what a child needs sometimes is a good spanking. Then we lecture children on how it is wrong to be violent).

children and build an enduring relationship

Our children grow up on a diet of criticism,

with them.

blame, comparison etc. Is it not surprising

Instead, we blindly repeat the same patterns of interaction that most of us experienced as we grew up (the most common being bribes and threats). Do we know any better way?

We need to change our notion that bringing up children is something that just happens without much thought.

It is important for our society to realise that effective parenting requires skills and awareness.

Support groups and schools have a role. We need to give parenting the importance it deserves.

We bring up children following behaviour patterns that we had observed in our parents and in those around us, not necessarily positive. Look at some of the age-old statements passed down from generation to generation: • “She is a small girl, you should give it to her” (this ensures that the older child hates the younger one) • “See how nicely she is eat-

10 Parent Circle / June 2011

• “Good girl/ bad girl” (If you do what I want,

that the world is full of anger and war? Can there be love and sensitivity in individuals who have not been respected and nurtured?

It is not an understatement to say that changing patterns of parenting is what will change the world. In this context, Gandhiji wrote to Maria Montessori in 1945 complimenting her on a system of education which respects the child. He said: “You have truly remarked that if we are to reach real peace in this world and if we are to carry out a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children…”

How do we do this? We need to be aware, open our minds, be conscious of our actions, break away from conditioning and reinvent the way we parent. We should not bring up our children on auto pilot, just repeating what generations have done before us. We need to start anew.n Kesang Menezes runs a parenting support group ‘Parenting Matters’ in Chennai.

If you have strong views write to us, with the subject line ‘Viewpoint’ to editorial@parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

www.parentcircle.in 11

COVER STORY

Parent

Wellness Is your mind, body and spirit in sync?

Arundhati Swamy 12 Parent Circle / June 2011

“

Parents need to take good care of themselves in order to take good care of their family

REWIND 1. To your BIG DAY. When

rather than from compassion and empathy.

accumulating anger, resentment and frustra-

you took your marriage vows. When you

Here lies the danger.

tion? Is the family atmosphere pleasant more

decided to give your partner your best.

As Swamy Dayananda Saraswati, a promi-

REWIND 2. To the moment of truth,

nent Vedanta teacher succinctly says, “The

often than not? Or is it tense and unpredictable most of the time?

concept of duty imposes a pressure on you

How are you doing at work? Is there a

when you were told that you would soon

unless you love to do what needs to be

work-life balance or is the scale tilting more

become parents. Initial excitement fades into

done. To get rid of the pressure, it is better to

towards one side? Is there a clash between

dreams, hopes and plans. Focus shifts to

learn to like your work.” So, look for ways to

family/personal life values and work values?

preparations and health check-ups for mom;

improve your situation, and learn to get back

Are work pressures causing guilt and conse-

advice and grandma tales abound, all for the

into the parenting glow.

quent overcompensations in family life, which

wellness of mom-to-be and baby. Nothing else can be more important than preparing to receive your child into the world. You vow to do your best.

FAST FORWARD.

To those won-

drous magical moments when you first held your fragile baby in your arms, overwhelmed with emotion and pride. Notice how seamlessly and effortlessly you transited into the parenting mode, how you did things instinctively, lovingly and tirelessly, rarely stopping or caring to listen to the signals emanating from your own life rhythm.

Instead, are you vitiating the cycle by loading

could then upset the balance?

it with other problems - health problems,

Do you meet up with friends at least once

financial distress, social pressures, and also

a month? Do you take time off for yourself,

the challenges brought about by life style

pursue a passion or a hobby, do something

changes? When stress creeps in, are you

for yourself, even if it is for one of the simple

treating it as an irritant best ignored?

pleasures of life?

Take an honest look at yourself - at your

Have you ever thought of taking time and

emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual well-

attention off yourself, looked around, reached

being. Solutions for every issue lie with the

out to others who might need a helping

correct channelling of the mind.

hand? (The experience helps put your own

REVIEW.

stresses in perspective and some new learnIdentify the areas where you

feel depleted. The following queries will help your analysis.

ing can happen too).

Do you believe in yourself, derive strength from a philosophy or have faith in a divine

STOP. Time for an audit. How are you

Are your family relationships fulfilling, or do

power? Do you have a life-line to hold on to

doing? Are you living, coping or surviving

they stress you out? Are you avoiding issues,

when all else seems to fail? 

the parent role? What is the reading on your physical and emotional health gauge? After all, parenting is a demanding 24/7 job that draws extensively upon your physical and emotional energies. In doing so, are you giving up too much of yourself? This need to give of yourself wholeheartedly to spouse, children and extended family members happens because you have been programmed to be selfless and practice sacrifice as a virtue.

The self shifts to the bottom of the priority list.

Responsibility and commitment to the family take precedence as self-neglect sets in. The silent downward spiral begins. Unconsciously,

All is not well IF you have a persistent health problem.

WHEN emotional stress interferes with your daily work and you cannot even do small things.

IF significant changes are happening within you in the last three to six months.

IF you are losing your temper and sleep over small things.

you give of yourself indiscriminately, mostly out of a sense of duty and responsibility,

www.parentcircle.in 13

DIFFUSE, DE-FUSE, REFUSE EXPLOSIVE BUILD-UPS Our resource reservoirs store all the life experiences that taught us to face situations, overcome our fears and to feel happy and courageous. These past lessons and experiences can be re-applied to the present and future. Anytime you feel challenged, try to recall how you handled a similar situation, and voila! You have most of the answers, all within you!

However, there are times when those blocks seem huge and immovable. Perhaps it is time to allow a third person to help de-fuse those blocks.

Do not allow yourself to be trampled upon by others’ needs. In terms of giving, in terms of time, you have a threshold. Draw that line and operate within it. Do not cross it or allow others to cross it. Reason with the spouse that you cannot handle some of the responsibilities under the current circumstances.

When you feel burdened, remember to turn to the family for love and affection. Lean on friends for unconditional acceptance. Work provides the recognition and appreciation, so essential for encouragement. Community life offers fullfillment and spiritual beliefs provide faith, in oneself and others.

VENUS VERSUS MARS Women tend to be the biggest defaulters in this self investment process. Marriage grabs all their attention. The husband and children

become an all consuming passion and the

work demands and career goals can keep

sole purpose of their existence, the self ne-

them in an overdrive mode, leaving little time

glect is seen as supreme sacrifice. They find

for rejuvenating themselves. Unlike women,

little time for their friends, hobbies, health and

men never give up their buddies and hobbies.

needs. The dependency on the family rises

They always make time for them, and rarely

steadily; unmet high expectations translate

allow their routine family life or work responsi-

into frustration; dissent and resentment take

bilities to steal their personal space.

away chunks of emotional health; coping skills are put to the test, and stress takes over. The cycle is complete. Can a woman in this state give off her best to the family?

For men, the role of being the family provider,

Ideas to make you feel one with the world again

Psychologists widely agree that men cannot handle intense emotional and family pressures as well as women and that they make excuses to get away. They have been taught to suppress ‘weak’ emotions like fear and sor-

Regular exercise: You don’t have to train to run a marathon. Simply maintain a healthy body by doing any exercise that suits you best.

Be it yoga, weight lifting, gym workouts, aerobics or dance exercises.

Even 30 minutes of brisk walking within your compound is good enough.

When short of time for physical exercises: Instead of mechanically climbing stairs, walking to the grocery store or school, or kneading flour, consciously think of all these acts as exercises.

Dr K Shankar, a consulting psychotherapist with Santosh Hospital says that the mind makes the body believe in the exercise value of routine activities, if these are done with attention. “The body gears itself into the exercise pose,’’ he says.

Chanting: Repeating the Gayatri mantra and other spiritual chants

14 Parent Circle / June 2011

“

Children can feel very distressed when they see you struggling with health issues and emotional stress. They make more demands on you. Therefore, strengthen and heal yourself, and stay healthy. Your children will also learn that personal well being is an important value and principle in life.

row and encouraged to be more aggressive (go-getters), like the early caveman hunter,

in their outlook. Today, men understand the

need to change and take on a greater proactive parenting role, if not for their spouse, at least for their children. They are slowly getting ‘rewired’.

THE LAST WORD Parents, invest wisely in your physical, emotional and spiritual health. Care for yourself as much as you care for the family.

The parenting instinct will push your needs to the back burner, but do not let them stay there any longer than they need to. Children can feel very distressed when they see their parents struggling with health issues and

PARENTSPEAK Interior designer Smitha Bhaskar’s life turned upside down when she got pregnant with her second child after a gap of four years. She had to put all her work on hold. Initially, Smitha who is in her late 30s, did experience a “begrudging feeling” at the unplanned pregnancy. That was however swept aside by the joy of having a baby again.

On a daily basis, Smitha finds no time for herself as she furiously juggles playschool schedules and activities for her five-year-old son and tends to a five-month-old baby.

“I read somewhere that every homemaker gets about 26 minutes of ‘me’ time but I am grappling

emotional stress. Their world becomes inse-

to find that,” she says wryly.

cure, they make more demands on you and

The way she tackled it: Learning and chanting

you do not have the strength to meet them.

The trap is set. Therefore, do what it takes for you to heal, strengthen and stay healthy.

Your children will also learn that personal well being is an important value and principle in life.n Arundhati Swamy is a family and student counsellor from Chennai

the Buddhist mantra Nam Myo Ho Range Kyo for three months before the baby was born helped her to regain her mental poise. “I took up chanting to help me through this period,” she says. “Also, once in a while, I take very short breaks when my husband, who runs an advertising firm, is at home. I skip across to Shopper’s Stop which is opposite my home and browse around the shops. I find this relaxes me,” she says. Keeping in touch with close friends and pursuing her love for reading while grabbing a bite at night also keeps her rooted.

for 10 minutes a day can help. While there are specific chants for

foods of today. If you can manage five small meals a day instead

various ailments and problems, great relief can be obtained by just

of three large meals, you will feel less down and out.

chanting the name of your family deity/God. (source: spiritualresearchfoundation.org) Meditation: Try Transcendental meditation or other such simple meditative practices. Often such meditation takes you to a deeply relaxed state close to sleep. After that three minute nodding of the head, practitioners vouch for the refreshed feeling that follows. For the sleep deprived, this is a better alternative to tea or coffee.

Massage: Quick home massages help; if time permits visit any of the ayurvedic massage centres in the city.

Take time off: With the help of friends and family, take an hour off daily to unwind. Find and pursue an activity that keeps you happy.

Visit a counsellor: The emotional well-being of a person is not a tangible thing. It is normally difficult to recognise that there is something wrong in the first place. Mothers often just need someone to listen to them without being judged. Both spouses may sometimes need to visit a counsellor to vent their feelings in order to get clarity and a sense of balance.

Yoga: Do simple bending and stretching exercises focussed on

Diet: A balanced meal with a good mix of protein, carbohydrates,

the spine and do pertinent breathing exercises, suggests Yoga

fats, vegetables and fruits makes you feel better than the typical fast

Raksanam’s D V Sridhar.

www.parentcircle.in 15

SPECIAL

The Other

Side of

Parenting Gemmarie Venkataramani

Yohaan, Elton and Trisha Nathan in the park Photograph by Arjun Dogra

L

ike many other children, I saw little of my father during those growing-up years. He was an engineer working

with a private company and travelled considerably. I cherished those weekends when he was in town, when we played board games together, went jogging, or watched basketball cheering for our favourite teams. This bonding

emotionally, academically and spiritually.

A different societal norm

growing up,” he says. “Fatherhood has structured my life”, he affirms.

Despite the societal mindset that dads should

Fathers and discipline

go to work and bring the money while moth-

Fathers are depicted as the one having the

ers take care of their children’s needs, there

authority, and many children understand this.

are some parents breaking this norm.

Eight-year-old Aakash usually throws his

led to happy memories and was more than

S Vaideeswaran is an involved father who

school shoes just about anywhere in the

enough to compensate for his absence. Fa-

prefers to work from home, while his wife is

house after coming home. Despite his moth-

thers have their own individual and invaluable

out at work. This allows him to attend to his

er’s pleas to place them on the shoe rack,

style of raising children. Many often go the ex-

two children’s (ages 6 and 8) needs at home

Aakash will not budge from his game or TV

tra mile, partnering with their spouse to bring

and school. “Professional achievements

show. But as soon as he hears the doorbell

out the best in children – physically, socially,

can wait but I don’t want to miss my children

ring at around 6:00 pm, he rushes to keep his

16 Parent Circle / June 2011

FOUR Selfless Acts Canadian psychiatrist and author Dr Michael Rayel, an involved father of four says that he is both a disciplinarian and a ‘cool’ dad. ‘We frequently laugh together but they know the family rules and boundaries’, he says.

According to Dr Rayel, a father must commit to four selfless acts so that children Anne and Roshan Thomas

shoes neatly in its proper place, afraid that his father might otherwise reprimand him.

can reach their full potential.

Set house rules If you want peacefulness and comaraderie to reign in your household, establish house rules right away. Let your children know the do’s and don’ts when they’re old enough to understand. Instill discipline. Be consistent

Spending Quality Time

and firm. Do not change your rules simply because they are inconvenient. Avoid

IT professional Roshan Thomas admits that

responsibility and accountability by showing that infractions have corresponding

during the week, he just catches glimpses

consequences.

of Anne, his 12-year-old daughter. Roshan

Show your love Shower your children with love. Laughter, hugs, and kisses

works on UK timings; he would still be sleeping when Anne leaves for school. Likewise, upon his return at midnight, Anne would be fast asleep. Weekends are a different story.

Music bonds them like glue. Be it playing

favouritism by letting one child get away with breaking some rules. Encourage

should be part of your daily routine. Provide advice. Give comfort and security.

Let excitement and surprises abound. Let them laugh. As a father, you decide the predominant mood in your household. Do you want your home to be happy, or sad, anxious and distressed? You have a choice. You have the power to create the

the guitar, tapping the keyboard or simply

emotional tone.

listening to the latest songs downloaded from

Instill hope Let your children feel important. Let them express their opinions,

the internet, this father and daughter duo certainly make up for the days when they missed each other.

concerns, emotional hurts, excitement and goals. Let them feel good not only about the present but also about tomorrow. Instill optimism by focussing on positive, uplifting developments rather than on discouraging ones. Cultivate a positive attitude

“I see a lot of myself in my daughter. I was

by focussing on their skills, talents, and victories instead of their weaknesses and

exactly like her when I was her age, tantrums

defeats. Always put them on a pedestal.

included”, says Roshan. He understands

Create a mission Your mission is not just to feed, shelter and clothe your chil-

Anne’s growing-up predicaments. “Being an only child, there is a natural tendency to pamper her, but we try to instill discipline.

She knows that I still have the last say!”

dren. You have to create opportunity and guide them to find their passion. Teach them so that they can gain wisdom and build character. Your mission is to show them the right path and help them find their wings, so that they can thrive and...fly!

he affirms. 

Connect with your child Reaching out to your child and establishing a connection is not complicated.

Here are a few ways to break the ice between you and your child.

What is the most important thing that happened today?

Hardly a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ kind of question. This will give you a glimpse of your child’s daily life.

How are you and your friends getting along? Get to know your child’s social circle. This would convey a message that you care about him.

What should we celebrate today? Find some reason to go out together. Take him out for an ice-cream treat just because he

finished his meal without a fuss.

What should be our plan for the weekend? This will make your child feel included in the planning and decision making. You also get to bond with him doing things that he enjoys.

Can you teach me how to use this programme? Children know many things that parents do not, especially related to computers and other gadgets. Learning from them also promotes closeness and builds their self-confidence.

www.parentcircle.in 17

Not just the other half

Fathers talk less but are

Duraivel Gopal cannot stop with just playing

heard more

the role of a father. He had to take on the mother’s role as well after his wife’s death,

Fathers are less verbose. Mothers tend

three years ago. Faced with the challenges

to explain at length and still end up

of raising eight-year-old Karthikeyan and 8-month-old Jasmitha, Duraivel had to make

being misunderstood.

a lot of changes in his personal and profes-

Mothers say: “Stop chatting with your

sional life. A school event holds the same

friends online, and start studying”. They

weight as meeting with important clients.

then follow it up with a long explanation about how children who are hooked

He had to come back from England where

online do not do well in school and are

his family was based for almost five years,

negligent of other responsibilities, etc.

to settle down in Chennai. According to him,

The child loses track of the direction

it is not easy, but not impossible, for a man

‘study your lesson’ in the midst of all the

to take care of his children. “Much as I learnt how to help my son put on his shirt, I learnt

other words.

how to braid my daughter’s hair”, he adds.

Fathers say: “You have had enough time

Duraivel sees to it that weekends are entirely

with your friends. It is time to study.” The

devoted to the children. They travel, eat out, shop, play, study and have fun together. His job at an IT company entails travelling, but

Naveen Narayanan with his family

Within India, he finishes work during the day

Be friendly and yet build respect

so that he is back at night with his children.

The vice-president of an IT company and

The itinerary for overseas travel is kept tight

father of two, Naveen Narayanan believes

to minimise time away from the children.

that fathers need to find ways to bond with

Duraivel’s attitude to life is admirable. “Never

the kids from day one. “We do not have the

have I looked at my situation as a problem,

power of the umbilical connection. I have

only as a challenge”, he says.

always started from that point,’’ he says. He

Duraivel reduces this to the bare minimum.

allows his children the space to think, emote, and share their thoughts. He also spends exclusive time with each child. He says “I prefer to inspire trust in them and be a role model rather than an instructor. Respect is the bedrock of bonding between fathers and their children”.

There is more to Fatherhood Fathers teach children self-control and social rules; they have their own style of raising children. Studies have shown that when fathers are involved in childrearing, children have less violent tendencies, have better control over their impulses, have better mental health and have higher IQ. Fathers who ‘indulge’ in children are less likely to sexually abuse their own or other children.

Researchers at the University of Maryland have determined that children who have fathers in their lives learn better, have higher self-esteem and show fewer signs of depresKarthikeyan, Jasmitha and Duraivel Gopal

18 Parent Circle / June 2011

sion than children without fathers.n

child rushes to concentrate on his lesson.

Active Fatherhood

Here are a few ways to slowly edge your way into active fatherhood.

Be observant. When your wife changes nappies, prepares breakfast and packs lunchboxes or takes out the children’s uniform, watch carefully. This will give you an edge when you volunteer to do it yourself.

Be available. Mothers do a lot of things apart from mothering. Lend help whenever she needs you. This will give her the confidence that she can rely on you to take care of the children when she is not around.

Be focussed. When taking care of children, avoid things that do not interest them. Switch off the television, keep mobile phones on silent mode, do not invite friends over.

Remember: Mothers are worryfreaks. It is not that they do not want your help in taking care of the children (they do so very much!).

They are just anxious whether you can deliver on the job! Reveal your talent...

SPECIAL

D

addy, Appa, Pop, Dada, Pitaji, Dad, Acchan, Papa... thus we address our beloved father in different languages. Today, more and more fathers play an

active role in parenting.

Says IT professional Sanjay Radhakrishnan and father of two “I love to spend time with my girls just hanging out and talking to them. I enjoy listening to their stories about school, friends, neighbours or just about anything they fancy. They ask the most interesting questions to which I may not have answers all the time, but that’s the beauty of our relationship - we learn from each other and we also learn together”.

Fathers have their own way of caring for their children. As we celebrate Father’s Day, we ask children what they think of their dad and how they like spending time with him.

Gemmarie Venkataramani have a lot of fun e with dad! We ar we en wh s y Time flie mes. We do man playing board ga swimming and ice f to have an u like jumping of ay things imprompt oking our Sund co bourhood or igh ne e th in m crea craze for us as cricket is a new ing ch at W st. breakfa The assurance ces of the sport. an nu e th ins ry dad expla feeling. He is ve ound is a great t of having him ar ights in almos all and has deep ins le ab ge led ow kn He values good atting with him. ch e lov e W s. e the topic ing the intelligenc much. Just build r fo behaviour very g rin g and ca gh, but respectin alone is not enou says. My dad he , ually important eq is als du ivi ind fortable. We are d makes us com an us r fo rd ha works . lucky to have him

father run (8) say of their Shruti (12) and Va n Naveen Narayana

Watching football matches, playing cricket, going out, chattin g…we do all this and loads more. We love cooking, studying, swimming and listening to rock music with our dad . He’s a real inspiration. We love spending time with him.

Pragya (14) and Prajjwal (9) say of their father Jayant Kumar Singh

20 Parent Circle / June 2011

ive person My dad is the most invent es and gam s on earth – he invent er and eth activities for us to do tog g badminhave fun. We love playin tball. We ton, basketball and foo ld be a little cou also cook a lot. He n I under‘too strict’ at times but the the best for stand that he just wants safe. me and ensure that I am

father Nachammai (12) says of her CT Ramasamy

Spending time with our dad is incredibly fun. On week days he works, so we don’t get to spend time with him exce pt for watching late night cricket mat ches. On weekends, we make up for the lost time.

We play cricket, surf the net and talk about the latest cars in the auto shows, go cycling or play bey blades.

The downside of spending time with dad is that he always makes us do maths, but then, everything has its pros and con s. Spending time with him improves our character and we admire him for his pati ence.

Akshay (14) and Aditya (8) say of their father Siva Balakrishnan

a bond s - we share Dad and u Dad is very ry special. ve is h ic h w us as es but serio kiddish at tim what he is. ve him for well. We lo al pera very speci To us, he is on to have a great pers is e H . n so to us. ry priceless at home, ve

say of d Suman (4) Vasisht (9) an Srinivasan their father R

Our dad is the be st! He takes us on wonderful ho within India and lidays abroad. We lov e the times when plays dinosaur he with us, or the tim es when he pret be a doctor and ends to starts tickling us . We just like sp time together ending playing video ga mes, surfing the watching cricket ne t or , screaming and yelling when so gets out or scor m eb ody es a six. We als o love to cook wi dad leaving a lot th our of mess for our mom to clean up !

Shreya (10) and Sh ipra (7) say of their dad Sanjay Radhakris hnan

www.parentcircle.in 21

MINDSET

understanding

Kavitha Shanmugam

ANXIETY

“A HANDLING

anxious children Empathise. Parents should first learn to empathise rather than worry unduly that something is wrong with their child. They should not push the child to do something he does not want to do.

Acknowledge the child’s anxiety. Help

nxiety is a diffused, subjective sense

sor V Jayanthini, Head, Child Guidance

of worry, apprehension, distress and

Clinic, Institute of Child Health in Chennai, “A

fear,” explains Sangeetha Madhu, a

parent, anxious by nature, can pass on this

clinical psychologist. It may involve worrying

attribute to her child. Parental attitudes like an

about something in the future (unlike fear

authoritarian father or mother can also cause

which is an immediate reaction to a definite

anxiety.” Psychologists believe that the

situation). If left untreated it can lead to low

parents of today need more intervention

self-esteem, deficient interpersonal skills,

than the child and need to relax.

adjustment difficulties, problems with making decisions, problems in concentration and sometimes even lead to depression.

What causes anxiety?

Anxiety can be genetic, or it can occur due to biological, medical and psychological

To drive home this point, Sangeetha Madhu narrates the case of a 14-year old student in Chennai who played a competitive sport. He was constantly losing in tournaments against juniors not considered to be as good as him.

The same teenager always won during practice sessions.

her face and tackle it. Some shared activ-

reasons. Parenting attitudes and child-rearing

ity takes her mind away from it. Listen to

practices are some of the key reasons

After a few counseling sessions, Sangeetha

the child, encourage her efforts, provide

for anxiety in children, say psychologists.

realised that the boy felt extremely pres-

reward and praise to improve the child’s self-esteem.

Counselling and medication. If the problem is severe, help should be sought from a mental health professional.

22 Parent Circle / June 2011

Anxious parents have anxious children

surised by his parents. The parents’ anxiety about his performance in the matches made him nervous and he developed a block in his mind. The fear and anxiety of ‘what if I lose’

Children of a nervous, anxious parent are

filled his mind and he ended up losing in

most likely to be nervous. Points out Profes-

tournaments. Sangeetha spoke to the parents

and convinced them that they had to ease the pressure on the child if they wanted him to win.

Negative thinking and other causes

It helps if parents encourage the child to be the best he can be

When a child is always habituated to thinking negatively, this can stir up anxiety. Not learning appropriate skills, inability to make friends, early childhood experiences, unrealistic expectations are other causes that create anxiety in a child.

When anxiety crosses bounds Experts say that 9 to 13 fears are permissible for a child of four years and above. She can be afraid of the dark at age 6. But if she cannot sleep alone at age 14, there is a problem.

Similarly, a child can be anxious before exams, but if she blanks out and refuses to sit for the same, there is an issue.

Fear of ghosts, animals, insects, doctors and injections, teachers and class recitals are all part of the package of childhood anxieties.

Children do out-grow many of them. If this does not happen, prolonged anxiety often carted to adulthood takes a toll on health. It hampers the quality of life. It could lead to phobias.

tempered. They would suffer from disturbed

Bringing up a composed and balanced child

sleep, perform poorly in school or even refuse

Says Dr Emma R Gonsalvez, a senior

to attend school.

psychological consultant and psycho-

Says Jayanthini, “an anxious child can be

therapist, “I would advise parents to be

its, they will frequently complain of headaches or nausea and be irritable, jittery or short-

restless, fidgety, sensitive, tensed up, cry for trivial reasons and constantly

in the Now, help children in what they are doing Now and not worry about the

seek reassurance.”

future. It is sad when children break down

She cites the case of the six-year-old boy

the parent.”

who refused to let his father out of his sight.

He would even refuse to attend school because of this. At home, alone with his mother, he would telephone his father every half an

trying to meet the unfulfilled dreams of “Parents should see what their child is capable of and tap his resources within.

They can ask: Was this your best? It

hour to find out if he was alright.

helps if parents encourage the child to be

The child was brought to a psychiatrist and

tional love works like magic and can relax

after many sessions, the reason for his excessive anxiety was discovered. It involved

the best he can be’. Ultimately, uncondia child like nothing else.”

a train accident which had occurred in Kerala when his father was there on work a few months earlier. The family suspected that the father might have been involved in the

Check it out Website http://www.childanxiety.net/

accident. There was panic and pandemonium

index.htm

Signs of anxiety

in the house for awhile. This palpable fear

Book Helping your anxious child, a

If children are anxious beyond the normal lim-

child and it remained with him.n

permeating the house was transferred to the

step-by-step guide for parents Dr Ronald M Rapee and others.

preventing anxiety Sangeetha Madhu suggests that parents need to raise children with values and vision. They need to build in the child: A sense of security in early childhood A sense of belonging, that results in self-assurance A positive self-image that results in self-confidence A sense of purpose in life, a “who am I” in the larger scheme of things

Dont’s

Dos

Don’t give your child excessive reassurance

Reward brave and non-anxious behaviour

Don’t be too involved

Prompt your child to cope constructively

Don’t allow your child to avoid age appropriate responsibilities

Be a brave and non-anxious parent yourself

Don’t become impatient with your child

Be supportive

www.parentcircle.in 23

LEARNING

creative WRITING Usha Venkatesh

Good writing doesn’t just happen; it is a learnt and carefully crafted process. Most of the writing in our lives falls under two categories – creative writing and critical or analytical writing. In a three part series, the author will discuss how to help your children become better writers.

W

riting is a skill we all want our

monkey do’! Our children do what we do,

children to develop because we

not what we say. The child that observes the

believe that as good writers they

parents reading, writing, or doing math puz-

will have great opportunities in life. In today’s

zles for fun is more likely to do some of the

highly competitive world, a big chunk of

same than the one who only hears the lecture

our children’s lives is spent in school, in

on how important it is to develop these skills.

post-school academics, and in organised

Don’t worry; we can make it fun for you too!

extra-curricular activities. In the short time children spend with us at home, we are intent on engaging with them not only emotionally and spiritually, but also intellectually. In many homes, this translates into more reading, writing and math ‘home work’ for the children and more frustration and headaches for the parents. The challenge, therefore, is to make the intellectual engagement seem like FUN. There is also truth to the adage ‘monkey see,

24 Parent Circle / June 2011

ity; all good reasons to write!

When was the last time you wanted to get something out of your system, but kept it bottled up because you feared the consequence of letting it out? Children too, need an outlet. Give them a journal to write in (and while you are at it, get yourself one too!).

WHAT IS CREATIVE WRITING?

Keep it spontaneous; it’s not school. The im-

Creative writing is just that – CREATIVE.

well organised writing with all the words

The most important reason to focus on it is to

spelled correctly. Correctness invariably inter-

encourage creativity in your child. Imagination,

rupts creativity. Give your children permission

quirkiness, originality, uniqueness, individual-

to allow the unregulated flow of thoughts and

ism, self expression are all aspects of creativ-

ideas as words.

portant thing is to create. What your children create need not start out as ‘correct’ – let go of your need to see grammatically correct,

If your child has a flair for creative writing

TIP!

Give details.

Author Judy Blume points out that the best writers write not because they want to, but because they need to. They feel compelled to write because there is a story inside them waiting to be told; a poem waiting to be written. Some children have this natural interest and flair for creative writing. They do not need motivation to come from outside. What they often lack is an audience.

As children, they are not taken seriously as writers by anyone except their English teachers. Their creative writing skills may also not result in better grades in their exams because of the assessment parameters, so parents dismiss it. This attitude has to change. Parents need to provide the encouragement and recognition their children crave and deserve.

Here are some easy ways to make the creative writer in your family feel important and encouraged:

by a particular incident, amused by a turn of

friends put out a block or neighbourhood

read or events in your lives (when doing this

newspaper - of, by and for the kids.

with teenagers, be sensitive to the fact that they feel the need to be unique almost as much as they feel the need to find connections and relate to the outside world).

Follow up on unfinished projects If your child has problems completing a story,

Get absorbed in your child’s work Become an active reader of what your child writes (unless your child does not want you

Showcase finished projects

to read what he has written). It is important

This is perhaps the most crucial thing you can

work is not to find the errors and correct them but more to understand his thoughts and stories. Express emotions that the piece may evoke in you – talk about whether you were saddened by something in the story, moved

TIP! Write about things that matter to you - and say why.

Suggest story books authored by the child as gifts for grandparents on birthdays or other occasions.

Use stories written by older siblings as

poem or project, gently follow up. Offer to help

to establish that your interest in reading his

 Help your child and neighbourhood

phrase. Relate it to other stories you have

or find a writer friend who may be able to help.

do for your young writer. Suggestions:

Bind all finished work into volumes with your child’s name as author.

Start a library of collected works by your child (and friends).

bedtime reading for younger siblings.

Reward all attempts (finished and unfinished) in different ways Show your appreciation for the writing effort with small and big rewards – get a new pen; buy a favourite book; buy a song from i-Tunes. Make it something your child will enjoy.

To motivate the child with little or no interest in creative writing Some children have no interest in creative writing and probably hate the idea of having to write even for school work, let alone outside school. Nevertheless, there are benefits encouraging creativity and self-expression in children.

Children without an internal impulse for creative writing need a reason to write, in

www.parentcircle.in 25

addition to the showcasing and audience talked about earlier. Two common reasons we would do things that we do not particularly enjoy are – wanting to become part of a

TIP!

s. etter than word b rk o w s re tu Sometimes pic

group, or to impress someone. Parents can create the need to write by encouraging a variety of activities:

Make writing collaborative Writing can be fun and less intimidating if done with someone else. This can be the parent, a sibling or a group of friends. Write a story on the same subject (like using a picture as the inspiration) and read the story to each other. Have different people write different

ok’ melia's notebo All tips from ‘A

parts of the story and put them together. Write the next sentence in the story and make it funny.

Age-Wise Activity Ideas Class K-2 Write names of objects or animals seen in pictures. To encour-

Make writing meaningful Write stories about the things that hap-

age creativity, cut and combine different parts of pictures creating ‘new’ and unique fictional objects or animals and ask your child to think of names combining the original names. For example, part of a tiger and part

pen in your child’s world. This can help him

of a dolphin can become a ‘tiphin’ or a ‘dolger’. A half chair, half table can

deal with events that may be weighing on

become a ‘chable’. Playing with words gives children this age comfort with

his mind.

creativity and language. They learn to manipulate language.

Write stories or poems that express your moods as a way to create an outlet. When your child is mad with a friend (or even with you) help him draw a picture in words or in colours to express the emotion. Write solutions or resolutions. When there is a difficult problem, have your child

Have your child tell you stories and you could write it for him. Later read it back to him.

Class 3-5 Keep an idea box into which any member of the family can drop words, phrases or ideas everyday. On a lean homework day or the weekend, takeout the pieces of paper from the idea box and mix them up. Create stories with individual words and ideas, or combine them and have fun.

write out how he would like to see it resolved.

Class 6-8 Rewrite endings for popular stories. What would happen if the

This may also make the child reflect on the

slippers do not fit Cinderella? Or, if she decides not to marry the prince?

complexity of issues.

Rewrite stories from the perspective of different characters.

Do not forget to showcase and reward!

Class 8 and above Encourage journal maintenance and blogging. Teens

In the next two issues, we will at look de-

may or may not want you to read their stuff. Offer to help if they need it,

veloping analytical/critical writing skills and

without being condescending or overbearing.

dealing with rewriting, editing and polishing written work.n

Sites to check out for writing and finding communities Fanfiction.net - can sort stories by rating to avoid exposing kids to highly racy material Livejournal.com - blogosphere

Usha Venkatesh is an English professor, social worker and mother of a teenager.

26 Parent Circle / June 2011

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www.parentcircle.in 29

TIME

Monday

Tuesday

Plan your year ahead!

days to remember

After School Activities

Study tips

Study when you’re most alert...not when you’re tired or sleepy!

Set up a routine by studying at the same time every day!

Do not try to memorise all the important facts in one day. Do a few every day.

Homework first! Other commitments (playing with friends, going out with the family) should be scheduled taking your homework in consideration.

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

important num

bers

Weekend schedule

Your study area should be uncluttered, away from windows, with good lighting and fresh air, devoid of TV and other distractions.

When studying, keep your tools handy: paper, pen, dictionary, atlas, ruler, eraser, sharpener, etc.

ay

SPECIAL

easin

Nitya Varadarajan

S

e g th

w

ummer holidays have just ended. It is the start of a new school

Completion of summer projects: Ensure that summer projects given

year, a time when children experience mixed emotions - excite-

by the school are spread-out and completed by the child during the

ment, disappointment, some trepidation. Children of all ages

holidays. Do not keep this pending till the last minute.

experience some difficulty in making that transition, particularly if they are going to a new school. A smooth start can influence a child’s attitudes, confidence and performance.

A few tips for parents before school starts: Highlight the positives: Talk to your child about the pluses of going back to school: catching up with old friends, meeting new classmates, showing off his new school bag and lunch boxes and even his new uniforms and shoes.

Bedtime routines: Teens too need to be clear about bedtimings and rules. They have to know that ‘lights off’ includes switching off of TV, cell phone, and computers, but they may listen to soft music to be lulled to sleep. Highlight the positive health benefits of a good night’s sleep.

TRANSITIONING TO A NEW ENVIRONMENT To prepare the child for that crucial first week of school, particularly if it is a new school, you should know your child’s strengths and weak-

Ask for a suitable pairing in class: If your child is going to a new school,

nesses. By addressing these appropriately, predictable problems can

and if he shows nervousness, visit his class teacher and ask if the child

be avoided.

can be paired for awhile with a classmate who is already familiar with the school. This will help him get better acquainted with the new school and surroundings.

the impulsive, ener getic child The exuberant child may be difficult to control in a classroom.

How was the orientation?: Many schools have an orientation before

For the young child, the transition from having an unstructured

the start of the holidays when the child gets to attend the next grade.

time at home to a structured full-day at school may be hard.

Ask your child how he feels about the new class. This way, you have enough time to ease out potential mindset problems and you can work with the teacher after school reopens.

Come home early: If both parents are working and grandma is not there to receive the children when they return from school, it helps if one parent is at home during the first week to receive them. This is bet-

Schedule active after–school activities: These children need to work off their energy.

Physical activities in class: Enlist the teacher’s help (depending on the child’s age) to involve the child in some activities. This could be cleaning the blackboard, distributing work-sheets etc.

ter than packing them off to a relative’s place, or some activity centre.

Reinforce expected behaviour: At home, praise the child when

Schedule your office work appropriately.

he waits his turn to talk at the dining table, or waits for his turn

Set mealtime routines: Do this at least one week before school starts, and follow the school timings for snack and lunch breaks.

32 Parent Circle / June 2011

while playing a board game. This reinforces expected behaviour in the class.

the anxious child Empathise: Acknowledge the child’s fears. Ask him to talk about the three things that he is anxious about. Asking very specific questions will help him sort through his fears and feelings. Dis-

Spend time with children during the holidays

cuss these situations with him and help him through role-play,

Spending quality time with the children during

acting out the various scenarios.

the holidays can help in handling some back-to-

Communicate: Let your child know that he can talk to you about

school emotional issues of children.

anything. Just listening can help. It is not necessary that you

Role-playing This can actually be used to mimic

solve all his problems.

real life situations, with various endings that may

Encourage: Ask him three things that he likes about school. This

relieve back-to-school anxieties. For example, the

will help him see the positive side of going to school and he will

child can play the role of a difficult student seated

be excited.

next to him and teasing him, while the father can act out an appropriate solution. According to psychotherapists like Dr K Shankar, role-play can help in making good choices and settling conflicts.

the shy child

Playing with toys and games Apart from

Empathise: Your child may be very cautious by nature and slow

sharpening the mind, this teaches the child social

to warm up. He could be shy in developing and maintaining

and behavioural skills such as sharing, following

friendships. Says Chitra Mani, Associate director at Kalvi Trust

the rules of the game, and learning to take turns.

for Research and Education, “Even if you are assertive by

This helps the child become more socially accept-

nature, you should first learn to empathise with the child, rather

able in school avoiding unwanted snubs

than push him into behaving the way you think is suitable.”

or conflicts.

Use a gentle approach: Help her manage her shy tendencies with

Reading aloud Read aloud to children and in

practice and role-play.

turn make them read. Discuss the story and draw

Set up play dates: Make arrangements for the child’s old and

connections to the child’s world if appropriate.

new friends to come over and play with him one on one in

This allows children to be creative and helps them

familiar settings.

express their fears and excitement. This habit of

Appropriate seating in class: Talk to the teacher at the beginning

reading helps to improve the reading, writing and

of the school year requesting the child to be seated next to

speaking skills of the child in the classroom.

someone the child will be comfortable with.

the gifted child Keep up the excitement of learning: Planning and choosing a school that will challenge the child appropriately is important.

Encourage the child to pursue his passion: This will help the child maintain interest and motivation and build self-confidence.

Maintain a balance in his activities: Children need a range of experiences to gain knowledge and varied perspectives. It is important to not only engage him in activities in which he excels, but also in those where he is less competent. This will help him deal with success and failure appropriately.n

www.parentcircle.in 33

ORGANISE SCHOOL WORK

avoid stress

S

Gemmarie Venkataramani

chool has just reopened and schoolwork has just started. Before we know it, it is time for mid-terms and exams. We usually find children overcome with stress and anxiety, cramming for

each test and studying late into the night. This can be totally avoided.

To minimise stress but maximise productivity and result, a little planning, strategising and time management from the start of the school year will go a long way.

Here are some guidelines for parents and their children to live stress free schooldays.

At the beginning of the school year, prepare a separate ‘review’ notebook for each subject. This need not be taken to school. At home after

review notebook

finishing a chapter in a subject, encourage your child to write notes and summaries in the review notebook. The lesson will still be fresh in the child’s mind and it would be easy to jot down important ideas. The review notebook is handy during revisions.

You could ensure that your child writes down key points learnt from

cue cards

each lesson on cue cards kept handy in various places. Writing and re-writing important facts will help memory retention. Later, if the child wants, you can use these cards to quiz her.

mind map

mind maps

voice recording

Memory aids like mind maps and other illustrations are useful memory tools. The use of different colours and shapes add to the memoryretaining value of the diagram.

Give your child a digital voice recorder or a similar device to record his notes while reading them. He could listen to this recording in his spare time.

After finishing a topic in class, the child should try and get more infor-

research

mation about the subject. He should resolve all questions and doubts at the earliest. If he has to write essays later, such information may be handy.

planners study groups study place

Buy your child a planner (some schools provide the child with diaries) wherein he can log notes on homework, projects and reminders. This will serve as a valuable guide to plan work.

Studying with friends and classmates outside the classroom is a good idea. This will allow for sharing of notes, thoughts and ideas, understanding and solving particular problems.

Set aside a special study space/area that is clean and decluttered.

Unwanted books or magazines, lying around may distract the child.

The place should be free of distraction and noise, from cellphones, computers, television, and music systems when he starts work.

34 Parent Circle / June 2011

WRITE LESS, UNDERSTAND MORE!

Mind mapping is a diagram that gives an overview of important points and keywords (such as dates, facts, personalities) linked around a central idea or a particular topic. It can be drawn by hand or with the aid of the computer. The idea is to put down a chapter/lesson (from the book) on one page. This will help the child to quickly review lessons before tests or exams.

A GUIDE TO CREATING A MIND MAP: START by placing the main idea or keyword in the centre of the paper. On a separate sheet, list all the things that relates to the main idea.

PICK out the different features/characteristic/ parts that described the main idea and create a link (or stem) from the centre of the map.

Remember that each stem should carry only one keyword or image.

FROM each stem, add more detailed information about the subject. Minor stems can emanate from these stems for giving additional information.

USE different colours and illustrations to make it more vivid and easier to remember.

KEEP it clean. Do not clutter your map. Make sure your links are easily identifiable and interpreted.

An actual example of note-taking. A good way of making a one page summary of a complete chapter.

Courtesy: Bianka Venkataramani

www.parentcircle.in 35

TEEN CIRCLE

peering through

PEER PRESSURE Trish Joudrey

I

s my child drifting away…? I don’t know her anymore! Why is she acting this way? These and many more questions are common with parents who are bringing up adolescent children. So, let’s take a

look at what is indeed happening to the adolescent child and parent, the role of peer pressure, and what parents need to do to maintain a

your

AND

you!

Be conscious of your child’s personality. Is she the kind to be susceptible? Does she lack self-esteem? Does she feel comfortable with herself as she is?

Be friendly, but be strong, determined and sufficiently authoritarian with your child. There is a theory that the child needs to use you as an excuse to get out of a ‘peer pressure’ situation with his peer group.

36 Parent Circle / June 2011

healthy relationship with their child during this time.

Why the world view expands beyond Mom Young children play quite happily together, with the occasional squabbles, which can easily be ‘fixed’ with mom intervening. Enter the Teenage Years! With the hormonal changes, children start exploring their own identity and relationships with people, as a preparation for adulthood. There is turbulence within. Yet the push to independence does not allow for the ‘easy fixing’ by mom as in the past. Suddenly, friends with whom they share common ground, become far more influential, while parents may occasionally be allowed to guide.

The hormonal changes in girls and boys During the ages of 11 to 14, girls are generally one to three years ahead of the boys in pubescent development. By the 6th standard some girls are already interested in the opposite sex and many are experiencing the effects of pressure from their peers. Only at ages 12 to 15 do boys experience change. Overall, young adolescents become self-conscious of looking and feeling ‘different’ as they go through these emotional and physical changes, and they try to ‘belong’ somewhere.

The power of peer pressure This need for adolescents to ‘belong’ and ‘fit in’ is why peer pressure can be so powerful at this stage. The media dictates what is ‘cool’, from dress to music to fashion, which is easily picked up by savvy teenagers. These become tools in group identities: hair style, dressing similarly, having the latest technological toy, facebooking etc. Parents, as their children get older and more responsible, start exploring and fulfilling their own personal desires. They become busier. As a result, many adolescents at this time begin to move away from their parents and get closer to peers.

The challenge and the opportunity

A true story by Krithika Ram, mother of two teenagers “Some years ago, when my son was in school he went through a period when he was behaving totally out of character. He was caught lying, hacking into the school computer system and indulging in unsavoury activities. I could not understand this dramatic change in him. He was such a wellbehaved and good student.

I did not shout or scream at him. Instead, I went for a walk to calm my nerves and told him that I was extremely sad about what he was doing and could not understand where I had gone wrong.

That was effective. He was ashamed. However, my son was caught in the spell of this new kid, the cool guy, who was an anti-social. All the boys and girls in his class looked up to him and my son was no exception.

The next day, we were listening to the radio on

Peer pressure cannot be wished away. Ultimately the experience provides insight

our way to school and there was this football

and signals maturity. Through pep talks from mentors, teenagers can realise that

coach talking about how it was the nerds who

peer pressure stands as a mirror to themselves. Now is the time to reassess and

succeeded in life and not necessarily the dudes.

re-examine their own beliefs and values, which will help them attain their individual-

And how he wished he had known that in his own

ity and true potential. With that realisation, the ‘pressure’ will go and meaningful

schooldays! That message helped. Fortunately,

friendships will be made. Then the balance between ‘being true to oneself’ and

the rebellious boy was thrown out of school and

‘fitting in’ can be attained! n

our lives returned to normal.”

Trish Joudrey is a Middle School Counselor, American International School, Chennai.

PEER PRESSURE CAN HAVE POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EFFECTS Explains Chipkala Shankar, a biology teacher at Vael’s Billabong International High School “There are children who are focussed and set goals for themselves. They, in turn, inspire and motivate their friends.’’

On the other side, Nisha John, a trainee child counsellor says “Peer pressure can drive people to seek new experiences like smoking, drinking and trying out drugs. One of my classmates tried drugs, got addicted, nearly died and had to go to rehab”.

Recognising signs of peer pressure Look out for radical changes in your child’s mood and behaviour, even in school performance. It could be a signal that something is going on which may not be healthy and that your child needs help to cope with the influence from peers.

If your child, who is an outgoing, chatty person, abruptly withdraws into herself, then it is a sign that something is affecting her.

If your child, quite unlike himself, suddenly stops talking about his friends or school with you, watch out.

Be alert to the “I have to have this” syndrome. It could be the pressure to fit in with a peer group.

how parents can help

Parents can try guiding their child through the decision making process, by allowing the child to sort out his feelings and decide what is best for him in the particular situation.

Support the child’s decision and be there for the ‘fall’, if there is one. Through mistakes there is learning. Resist the temptation to say, ‘I told you so’, but rather respect his choices. Ask, ‘what did you learn from this?’ or ‘if you had to make this decision again, what would you have done differently?’

Having a diversified group of friends can help ease the effects of peer pressure. Encourage your child to become involved in activities, hobbies and interests outside of school. The more a teenager is meeting new friends and developing his identity through the mastery of skills, the more self-reliant he becomes. His selfesteem also grows.

www.parentcircle.in 37

HEALTH CIRCLE

Summer Infections Dr V Ramasubramanian

S CHICKEN POX

ummer is a time for fun and travel, but it is also the time when infections flourish. The hot weather can increase the spread of certain infections, especially when children get together during

vacation time.

DIARRHOEA L

This is a viral infection spread through the airborne route.

DISEASES

Preventive measures The infection can be prevented by 2 doses

Bacteria and viruses causing diarrhoea and typhoid are common dur-

of the chicken-pox vaccination

ing the summer months when water can be scarce.

given four to eight weeks apart.

Vaccination also helps prevent

Preventive measures Kids and

Symptoms Common symptoms

Shingles (Herpes Zoster).

adults should wash their hands

start with vomiting, tummy pains

after visiting the toilet and before

and cramps, followed by loose

eating. Repeated reheating of

stools with or without fever.

Symptoms Chicken-pox starts

foods should be discouraged.

with fever associated with vesi-

Water should be ideally boiled

cles or bubbles over the body.

and stored hygienically (may

The rash starts scabbing or dry-

be cooled before drinking).

ing in 5 to 7 days. Till then, the

Remember the adage especially

patient can be infectious

for travel ‘Cook it, boil it, peel it or

to others.

forget it’.

Treatment Antivirals like Acyclovir are necessary for adults though children settle down without any treatment.

Complications Severe dehydration can lead to cramps, drowsiness and even kidney failure.

Treatment Vaccination for typhoid fever is strongly advised for all in India. Plenty of fluids should be given to prevent dehydration.

Neem is traditionally believed to help heal the illness.

Avoid caffeinated drinks. A bland diet is en-

Scratching the rash may lead to secondary bacterial

couraged (like curd rice, idlys, green gram

infections. Anti-histamines or Lacto Calamine may help if

dhal rice without spices and oil, boiled veg-

there is itching. A normal diet is encouraged.

etables, barley water, etc). Anti-diarrhoeals like Loperamide reduce bowel frequency.

Complications Pneumonia and Encephalitis (a type of brain

Antibiotics are advised only if fever, profuse

fever) are complications sometimes seen among adults.

diarrhoea or blood in stools occurs.

38 Parent Circle / June 2011

URINARY INFECTIONS When water intake is not adequate especially in women during summer months, urinary infections can occur. The infections are usually due to bacteria from the person’s gut and not from skin infections, social contact, usage of public toilets or certain foods as is commonly believed.

Preventive Measures Urinary infections can be prevented by plenty of fluid intake to ensure passing of urine at least 4 to 5 times a day. Good personal

Treatment Symptoms of irritation can be alleviated by drink-

hygiene and appropriate under-clothing also help.

ing cranberry juice or other urine alkalizing agents (like

Symptoms Include burning sensation when voiding, along with increased fre-

Citralka). A urine routine examination and a culture test

quency; sometimes blood in the urine indicates cystitis. Fever with chills and

can diagnose and confirm the problem. Antibiotics based

vomiting can also occur. Loin pain and severe shivering with high fever may

on the growth clear the infection. Recurrent infections can

denote involvement of the kidney.

be due to stones or obstruction to the flow of urine.

Hot summer months with sweating can cause skin irritation and infections. While excessive sweating causes physical irritation, this gets compounded by infective agents like bacteria or fungi.

SKIN

INFECTIONS

Preventive Measures Good

or waist with itching (ring worm).

using a soothening talc. Fungal infections

personal hygiene is

This may indicate a fungal infec-

like ring worm require anti-fungal creams or

paramount. Cotton cloth-

tion. Prickly heat is commonly

powders. If bacterial infections are severe,

ing and frequent bathing

seen over the back and neck and

antibiotics are advised by the doctor.

during the hot summer

presents itself as a fine red rash.

days can help prevent

Bacterial infections may also oc-

skin diseases.

cur as painful pimple-like lesions

Symptoms Rashes can

which may spread on scratching.

occur especially in the

Treatment Prickly heat responds to

folds of skin like groin

bathing, keeping the skin dry and

Plan your travel in advance.

Take water bottles with clean water, biscuit packets or bananas especially when travelling with kids.

If travelling abroad, speak to your doctor regarding possible problems in that country and preventive vaccinations.

Diet Avoid spicy and hot food. Plenty of fluids and fruits in your diet keep the skin healthy in summer.n Dr V Ramasubramanian is a Consultant (Infectious Diseases) at Apollo Hospitals and Director Boosters Adult Vaccination Centre & Travel Clinic.

TIPS

for travel!

Get a travel insurance policy that covers appropriate medical emergencies.

Take a first aid kit that contains pain killers, paracetamol, anti-histamines, antidiarrhoeals, bandages & skin disinfectants.

If you develop any illnesses during travel do not panic. Most conditions are selflimited and should respond to simple and symptomatic treatment till you are able to see a doctor. The indications for an immediate visit to a doctor include - high fever, profuse diarrhoea with vomiting, generalised rash with or without itching, difficulty in breathing and drowsiness with or without fever.

www.parentcircle.in 39

CIRCLE OF LIFE

MOVING TO

water conservation Gemmarie Venkataramani

R

emember those days in 2001 and

how such lack of knowledge and improper

2002 when many of you had to stand

planning could endanger the water situation in

outside your apartment past midnight,

the city.

to fill up buckets of water from the Metrowater tanker that had just commuted 250 kms to bring it to you? Or that you had to request your teenage children to help you in bringing up the water? Their health and yours must have suffered on account of sleep deprivation. The old-time residents of Chennai have learnt to thank the rain gods copiously year after year, and many have done rainwater harvesting.

This has helped, but more can be done.

Looking back into rainwater harvesting “Chennai’s only source of water is rain. The groundwater is either salty or iron-laden. Regular recharge of groundwater with rain dilutes these elements making it usable for purposes of washing and cleaning. It is important for us to continue to harvest rainwater”, says Dr Sekar Raghavan (SR) of Rain Centre. Rainwater harvesting (RWH) is just the capturing of rainwater and storing it for future use.

As the roads and front and backyard of the houses were paved (and still are) in most places, there was no scope for rainwater to penetrate the soil and be stored underground.

A long time resident of Besant Nagar and a former university professor with a doctorate in Physics, Dr Raghavan observed 16 years ago

40 Parent Circle / June 2011

He went on a door-to-door campaign in 1995 to spread awareness on RWH . Many gave him a cold shoulder, others instructed their watchman not to allow him in their compound.

Some shouted. A few listened. Not many showed interest. But nothing could deter him from realising his dream of a Chennai that was free of water problems.

The city adopts RWH He published a series of articles on the importance of rainwater harvesting and this resulted in good responses from the public.

Eventually in 2002, the Government of Tamilnadu brought out a law making RWH mandatory for both old and new buildings.

The Metrowater Board was also given the task of popularising the concept and there was no looking back for Chennaiites.

WHAT YOU CAN DO Conserving water at home

Solution: To identify the leak, place a drop of food colouring in the tank; if the colour shows in

Watch that flush

the bowl without flushing, you have a leak. Fix it!

Challenge: If your toilet uses a lot of water

Make it Full load

Solution: Install a two flush button, one for full flush which

Challenge: Washing machines use lots of water

flushes complete water from the flush tank & the other being

per load.

half flush. This option can save an average household approxi-

Solution: Wash only full loads of laundry.

mately 7560 litres of water each year.

Shower Power

Fix that leak Challenge: Leaky faucets that drip at the rate of one drip per second are a big waste Solution: If your apartment has an individual water meter, read it before and after a two-hour period when no water was used.

Challenge: The shower knob is fun to turn, but a lot of water gets used.

Solution: Use bucket and mug, be amazed at how much water you will save.

If the meter does not read exactly the same, you have a leak.

Turn it Off

Fix it!

Challenge: Children and adults are unaware of the running water

Leaky toilet

from the tap when brushing their teeth or shaving.

Challenge: A leaky toilet can waste about 7560 litres of water

Solution: Turn off the tap and keep a plastic tumbler for use while

every day.

brushing your teeth or shaving.

BISLERI AD

www.parentcircle.in 41

A big difference

A person needs 135 litres of water per day

During the monsoon of 2005, Chennai received 250 cm of rainfall

Drinking – 3

Flushing – 40

ferent parts of the city indicated that their groundwater table rose by

Cooking – 4

Washing clothes – 25

six metres (20 ft) and many wells that were completely dry for years

Bathing – 20

Washing Utensils – 20

(nearly double the average rainfall of 130 cm). Sixty people from dif-

have come back to life. Likewise 39 temple tanks, in and around areas where residents did RWH, are maintaining 3 ft. of water.n

Conserving water in your neighbourhood Rain water harvesting programs should be intensified. In

Associations of large apartments can set up good water

Chennai city alone, the run-off water that can be collected will

management practices, if the builder has not done it.

be about 60 million cubic meters.

We should take our children on a tour of Rain Centre

Citizens should be vigilant to save urban lakes from encroachment, so that rainwater could be stored. This would

(044-24918415) where one can find model structures and information on Rainwater Harvesting.

prevent flooding of cities.

We can volunteer along with our children in group efforts to

Citizen/Apartment association bodies could approach corporates to rehabilitate urban tanks as part of their Corporate Social Responsibility initiatives.

We develop children to:

clean up the neighbourhood by removing the garbage that clogs pipes and groundwater. Groups like Exnora (044-24759477, 044-42193596, 044-28153376) conduct such activities.

Personality Development for your Child

be good public speakers be better time managers respect elders overcome shyness be independent have good etiquette ... and more

• • • • • •

CHELLAMMAL

Admission open for those interested to know and work with young children THE XXI MONTESSORI TRAINING COURSE

(A House of sign Makers)

K. Chellammal R. Muralidharan

Course starts from July 6th 2011

Call 2815 1569 to register for a free workshop @ T. Nagar

For details contact

Centre for Montessori Training-Chennai

2/1 Habib Complex, 5 Durgabai Deshmukh Road, R.A Puram, Chennai -600 028.

Tel: 4234 8329, 24951077, 99401 64929, E.mail: kalvitrust@gmail.com

Cell: 98407 67009 98844 31631

TRAFFIC SIGNS REFLECTIVE SIGNS BARRICADES GLOW SIGN BOARDS ACP SIGN BOARDS METAL ETCHED NAME BOARD METAL LETTERS (BRASS, ALUMINIUM, STEEL) DIGITAL PRINTS (INDOOR, OUTDOOR)

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Know. Understand. Connect.

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42 Parent Circle / June 2011

www.parentcircle.in 43

ROOTS ‘‘These waters are pure and auspicious

major festivals are celebrated. Sacred waters

that societies unanimously acknowl-

(which cleanses);

are thought to be great equalisers; people of

edge across the globe. Many ancient

These are the medicines (healers, physi-

different castes bathe together.

civilisations speak of the Great Flood which not only destroyed but also helped humanity to survive. Religions like African traditional religion, Hinduism, and Shintoism, (from Ja-

cal and spiritual) of all; these waters help growth and provide prosperity for all.

‘‘

T

here is no life without water, a fact

Such is the deep significance of waters

Down south, the celebration on the banks of the Kaveri

pan) continue to venerate water by worship-

in Bharat.

ping water deities, while many others accept

Hinduism believes that water has spiritu-

of Aadi (July 15 to August 14) fresh waters

its purification value beyond the physical into

ally cleansing powers. Water from rivers

flood the river Kaveri. On this day, known as

the subtle. Thus, water is extensively used in

are considered sacred, but seven rivers in

ritual purification across cultures.

India namely Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswathi,

Aadiperukku, women celebrate a water ritual all along its banks. Mulaipari - the sprouting or germinating of nine grains or navadhanya in a basket or in clay pots, takes place. From the temples of the nearby village goddesses, a procession begins. Along with the image of the temple deity, women carry the sprouting pots to the Kaveri. The pots are immersed

In Tamil Nadu, on the 18th day of the month

Godavari, Narmada, Sindhu, and Kaveri

The heritage of the Hindus

have been accorded a greater sanctity than

The Rig-veda proclaims:

of rivers (Srirangam), coast (Rameswaram,

the others. Holy places located on the banks Tiruchendur) , confluence of rivers (Mukkoodal) carry a special significance, where

the significance

of

water Dr Prema Kasturi

44 Parent Circle / June 2011

Some water deities of mythology Celtic Sinaan is

ding and during special pujas. The seven

Holy baths are given to pregnant women

sacred rivers are invoked into the Kalasa

during the Seemantha ritual in the eighth

and the water inside symbolically becomes

month with accompanying prayers, to ensure

as sacred as nectar. The Kalasa represents

a safe delivery and a healthy child.

the blessings of immortality. Revered guests

the Irish God-

are given an honourable welcome with

dess of the River

the Kalasa.

Shannon; God-

mantras some water is sprinkled over the

associated with

person to symbolise purification of the body

River Seine from France.

at the start of religious ceremonies. Likewise,

Indian Varuna,

the right hand cupped in the shape of a

there is a ceremonial sipping of water from

the God of oceans and aquatic life;

Goddess Sequana

the water deities of the seven sacred rivers Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswathi, Godavari, Narmada, Sindhu, Kaveri.

Greek Poseidon the God of seas and

plate or plantain leaf to purify the food. We do the same after eating to prevent insects

During rituals, along with the chanting of

dess Sequana is

Before eating, we sprinkle water around our

cow’s ear, during sun worship. This signifies the cleansing of the spirit within.

The holy water we sip in temples is always the Abhishekam theertham or water used to bathe the idol.

from coming into the plate left behind.

After a funeral, head baths are compulsory for all who attend. The bath signifies the end of the relationship with the departed. The entire house of the departed soul is washed and sanitised for ritual purity. The underlying reason for the bath is that people should not catch any hidden diseases from the departed one.

Ashes of the dead are immersed in holy rivers. This is believed to either put an end

Peneus, God of rivers.

When a girl attains puberty, she is given

to rebirth, or provide a favourable future birth

African The Yoruba river is presided by

a ceremonial bath with water containing

for the departed.

turmeric to bestow auspiciousness.

Goddess Oshun.

To conclude, water is a precious gift of nature that creates, nourishes, sustains and regenerates all living things. Symbolically,

in the river. The women pray to the goddess

water relates to the human life span and the

for good rains, for the fertility of soil and

crossing over to the realm of eternity. To

good harvest. This is followed by folk dances

respect and conserve water is our duty.n

(Kummi) and singing.

Gaily dressed women with their families bring mixed rice varieties in carts which they share with everyone, offer homage to the river and spend the day on her banks.

This festival in a nutshell, symbolises the belief that water provides fertility to the soil and the human race.

The poornakumba or kalasa

Dr Prema Kasturi is the co-convener of the Indian National trust for Art and Cultural Heritage (INTACH), Chennai. She has authored several publications on South Indian Heritage.

Water rituals in other religions Buddhism Water pouring is a must for funerary functions. It is poured into a bowl, which is placed before a monk and a dead body and allowed to overflow – this signifies water being

The symbolism of water in daily life A dip in the Ganga is believed to remove sins - she originates from the feet of Vishnu and spreads on the earth through the locks of Siva and hence is considered sacred.

offered to the departed.

Christianity All the Christian sects have an initiation ritual involving the use of water referred to as Baptism, the symbol of liberation from the Original Sin. Jesus describes himself as the ‘Living Water’, and that eternal life flows through him.

Ganga water is kept in every household for

Islam Mosque courtyards have a pool of clear water in the

purifying baths on Deepavali day and a sip is

centre for ablutions. Muslims are expected to wash before

given to the dying.

prayer and before touching the Koran, while the dead are

The poornakumba or kalasa - a brass/

also washed before burial.

A child being baptised

mud/ copper/ silver pot filled with water

Judaism In Judaism the Torah recommends washing to maintain ritual purity and water is

and decorated on top with mango leaves

importantly used for initiation rites in temples.

surrounding a coconut, is a familiar sight in Tamil Nadu. A Kalasa is placed with due rituals on all important occasions such as a traditional housewarming ceremony, a wed-

Shintoism Shintoism includes veneration of the Kami - the innumerable deities who are part of natural phenomenon like springs or geysers. Standing under the waterfalls for ritual washing is considered sacred.

www.parentcircle.in 45

TECH TALK

LOG it on a

BLOG E

Gemmarie Venkataramani

verybody seems to be blogging. Dads blog on cars, technology,

posting is not essential, it is good to aim for it. Can you write some-

jobs, sports and travel while moms blog on recipes, diet, health,

thing new every day?

exercise, family life, fashion & beauty, hobbies, shopping, work

and career, spirituality.

Teenagers and youth upload blogs on their hobbies, school, celebrities, personalities, friends, subjects, destinations, camps, relationships, ambitions, television programs and others.

The internet is now saturated not just with well-researched and welldocumented information but with the everyday log of happenings in different parts of the globe.

Usually maintained by an individual, blogs carry commentaries, thoughts on specific topics, and descriptions about events. They could also be personal online diaries. Blogs typically combine text, images

Do you enjoy reading? You should also read what others are writing.

Are you an organised person? It is always better to organise your thoughts before putting them up online for everyone to see.

Do you enjoy ‘virtual’ relationships? It is important to be ‘virtually intuitive’.

One of the dangers of relating to people online is that all cannot be as it seems. Gauging whether others are indeed who they say they are and of good character, needs skill.

Are you a creative person? This is not a ‘must’ – just an advantage. The web is a cluttered place and being able to develop content and community that stands out from the rest is a big plus.

and links to web pages or other blogs related to the topic. Designed to

Are you consistent? Bloggers can lose the respect of followers when

be interactive in nature, they allow visitors to leave comments

they change their blog theme, when they increase reader expectations

via widgets.

too fast, or have others writing in their name.

As of February 16, 2011, there were over 156 million public blogs in existence. India is placed 12th in the global blogging list accounting for 2.14% of the total.

Children and blogging Today only a handful of children engage in blogging. Trying to type-in their thoughts and upload them as blogs is taken as a disruption of

Are you ready for blogging?

Darren Rowse, founder and editor of ProBlogger notes that there are certain requirements to make for a successful blogger. He has listed questions that potential bloggers should ask of themselves before mak-

their usual routine, or robbing them of their time with friends. Still, blogging contributes to the child’s development.

It increases children’s confidence levels, helps foster pride in their work as they are provided the opportunity to share their thoughts and

ing the decision to get into blogging.

ideas. It is also a great way to improve their writing and typing skills,

Do you enjoy writing? If you do not enjoy writing then you may not

videos and links).

enjoy blogging.

What’s your Message? While there are many applications for blogging, the topmost is simply communicating information or messages.

Are you better at writing than speaking? If so, this will suit you.

Are you a self-starter? While blog software simplifies the starting point, it still takes a motivated person to get a blog off the ground.

Are you disciplined? Blogs require regular attention over time. While daily

46 Parent Circle / June 2011

while bringing out the creativity in them (by adding clipart, drawings, A safe, simple to use blogging platform that encourages school children to blog is kidslearntoblog.com. Children and parents are given guidelines on the do’s and don’ts of blogging. Parents are also given tips to guide their children’s creativity, originality and self-expression.

Designed for children between 11 and 14 years old, the site offers free membership for the ‘Blog of the Month Club for Kids’ where children are given tips on how to blog, write creatively and be safe on the net.

Children also get a chance to interact with other bloggers.n

!

G N I G G O L B T STAR Children often have countless ideas on what to write but find it dif-

you do it? This topic will make the child think about what he re-

ficult to start. They face a lack of direction when trying to jot down

ally likes and how he would make his decisions based on the

their thoughts. Here are a few themes that could help their creative

current situation.

minds to focus better.

If you could meet a famous person, who would it be? The answer to

Which movie character are you? This is a fun way for children to iden-

this varies according to the age and interest of the child. It will

tify with character traits and qualities that they want to represent.

certainly create a spark in his imagination.

What is your idea of a dream vacation? Today’s children have a much

If you were elected Prime Minister of India, what is the first thing you

wider knowledge of the world around them. It would be interesting

would do? Children like to be empowered. They could think

to read about their plans and aspirations on this subject.

If you are given one crore rupees and are asked to spend it in a day, how will

of all the wonderful things they could achieve by using that power vested in them.

50 + 35 to 50

20 and under

21 to 35

Blog, but remember‌ Do not reveal your full name. Come up with names or pseudonyms that best describe who you are, or something that you want to do.

Do not reveal your school/office name.

Do not reveal your address, e-mail, or phone number.

Do not reveal your location or your future location.

www.parentcircle.in 47

PARENT EXPRESS

l l e o ! r R e C f o i a a L s t er It’s S hirin, my 14 year old daughter is on a

the most intelligent, genuine, loving and car-

conference call late into the night. We

ing person on Earth. When she was young,

argue about that. She says that she is

Shirin was daddy’s darling and still is.

trying to help two of her friends through some teenage trouble. She is on phone again at

Moving on

5 a.m! I tell her that she should switch off her

Two things followed one another. We found

phone by 9 p.m. at night, and can talk again

a fantastic doctor on mental health to treat

at 5 a.m. in the morning. I believe that she is

my husband and his condition has now im-

indeed a helpline to her friends; she is that

proved considerably. He still does not have a

kind of a person, strong and wise, capable of

steady job, but I have one I enjoy and I want

helping others emotionally. But she is herself

him to heal completely after all the years of

a child. She should not get drained emotion-

abuse in the guise of treatment. He takes

ally in the process. She should sleep well

care of Shirin completely and lets me work

at night, so should her friends. She agrees.

in peace.

We are both happy. I am glad we have the normal teen-parent challenges. Otherwise, our life has not been so normal.

Four years ago Shirin, my well-balanced child had academic problems at school. She had always scored quite low. She was a highly distracted child finding it difficult to put in the necessary few hours of work after school. I was constantly stressed out and so was she. Every PTA was a scare for me, the veiled accusations on my ‘failed’ parenting, judgements on her character based purely on the marks she was scoring. Each year’s promotion to the next class depended on my ability to beg and plead with the principal. I tried everything – getting her assessed and enrolling her in additional classes with a learning intervention counsellor, special tuitions, mass tuitions, me working from home to spend more time with her... No improvement in marks! The marks spectre was taking over our lives.

In addition, my husband had extreme mood swings affecting his daily work. We visited various doctors and counsellors, in vain, till he was recently diagonised with bi-polar disorder. He had trouble holding onto jobs and I necessarily had to work. He was no help with my daughter’s marks either.

Inspite of these seemingly ‘big’ problems

A spark in me lit up one fine day that perhaps the current school environment did not suit Shirin. We tried schools with alternate education options, but they were too expensive.

Then I zeroed in on an old world school with a charming campus and with no great ‘achievements’ to speak of. The students were from different socio-economic backgrounds. I thought that Shirin would adapt better here.

Today Sure enough, she is a happy, confident child today managing to move from class to class without undue stress. A gentle lady comes home everyday to help her with school work. I have decided to stay away from a part of Shirin’s life, just about hovering in the background, because we have better things to do together!

Growing up, Shirin is trying come to terms with her father’s mood swings - both the ‘manic’ and the ‘depressed’ - and is a little distant from him. But she understands. He is getting the right treatment now and is medically well managed. And the love that we share is the glue that keeps us grounded through any situation. Perhaps this is why Shirin is the friend, philosopher and guide to her friends. I am sure that she will be one to us, her parents too!n

we were reasonably happy. I had great times with my daughter when we were not focussed on marks. To me my husband is

48 Parent Circle / June 2011

Pramila Das

The author's name has been changed on request.

Write to us on parenting experiences in 600 words, with the subject line ‘Parent Express’ to editorial@ parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

www.parentcircle.in 49

PARENT CHEF

Lunch box IDEAS!

Vidhya Jayaram

Stuffed Cup Idlis

Dhal Wraps

15 individual katories required for steaming idlis.

INGREDIENTS

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE WRAP Dhal powder mix*

1 cup (250ml size)

Idli batter

Water

a little more than one cup

Mini Soya Chunks

1 cup

Chilli powder

½ teaspoon

Onion

1 large, chopped

Salt to taste

Garlic

4 flakes, minced

*(2:1 Channa dhal and Urud dhal sundried and ground into fine powder. Make ahead and store.)

Tomatoes

3 medium sized, chopped

Chilli powder

1 teaspoon

Garam masala

¾ teaspoon

Ajinomoto

a pinch (optional)

Coriander leaves

2 tablespoon, minced

Oil

1-2 tablespoons

Salt

to taste

FOR THE FILLING Paneer

300 gms, cubed

Onions

1 large onion, chopped fine

Capsicum

1 small, chopped

Red chilli flakes

½ teaspoon

Jeera powder

a pinch

Pepper powder

a pinch

METHOD

Lemon juice

a few drops

FOR THE STUFFING Soak mini soya chunks in hot water for 10

Oil

1 tablespoon

mins. Squeeze and drain.

Salt to taste Favorite chutney or ketchup

METHOD FOR WRAP Mix all ingredients to make batter. Heat griddle and make 7 dosas. Keep aside.

Heat oil. Saute onion and garlic till glazed. Add chilli powder and tomatoes. Fry till water evaporates. Add soya, salt and garam masala and cook till dry. Garnish with coriander leaves.

TO ASSEMBLE Oil the katories. Fill 1/3 rd of each Katori with idli batter. Spoon a tablespoon of stuffing over the batter. Cover the

FOR FILLING Heat oil. Sauté onions and capsicum till

stuffing with idli batter, to ¾th level of katori. Steam for 10 mins.

glazed. Add paneer cubes, jeera powder, chilli flakes,

Cool 5 mins. Separate idli from katori sides. Turn over onto plate.

pepper and salt to taste. Mix together and cook for 2 mins.

Serve with favorite chutneys.

Add lime juice and remove.

SWEET VARIATION Stuff with chopped dry fruits and chopped

TO ASSEMBLE WRAPS Take a dhal dosa. Spread

roasted nuts. Top with glazed jam. (Jam + a little hot water mixed

ketchup or chutney. Fill with the paneer masala. Roll it up.

together).

50 Parent Circle / June 2011

www.parentcircle.in 51

Mini Dhal Burger

Apple and Peanut butter

INGREDIENTS Pav bread

10 pieces

Masoor/Toor dhal

½ cup

Onion

1 large, chopped

Green chillies

2 minced

Ginger

½ inch, minced

Tomatoes

2 medium sized

Chilli powder

¾ - 1 teaspoon

Maida

1 teaspoon

Lemon juice

½ teaspoon

Ghee

1 tablespoon

Bread

4 slices, made into crumbs*

A children’s favorite

Slice apple. Rinse in salt water. This keeps the apple from turning brown over a longer period of time. Pack some peanut butter as a dip to eat with the apple.

*(Toast till golden brown and crush) Maida

2 tablespoons, for paste

Salt to taste and oil for deep frying

Oat and Nut Ladoos INGREDIENTS Oats

1 cup, lightly roasted, and coarsely powdered

Almonds

1/3 cup, lightly roasted, and coarsely powdered

Cashews

1/3 cup, lightly roasted, and coarsely powdered

Pista

1/3 cup, lightly roasted, and coarsely powdered

FOR CUTLET Pressure cook dhal in 1/3rd cup water, till soft and dry

Khus khus

¼ cup, lightly roasted, and coarsely powdered

(make sure it doesn’t become a paste).

Dates

¼ cup, seedless

Boil whole tomatoes till the skins crack. Remove from water, cool, peel

Honey

3 tablespoon

METHOD

the skin and chop fine.

Heat ghee. Saute onion, green chillies, ginger till glazed. Add tomatoes, chilli powder, salt. Cook till dry. Add dhal and stir together. Add 1 teaspoon maida if required to hold the mixture together.

Add lemon juice and coriander. Divide into 10 balls.

Make a paste of 2 tablespoon maida with 4 tablespoon water and a pinch of salt. Dip each ball in maida paste. Flatten and roll in breadcrumbs. Deep fry in hot oil until crisp. Drain on tissue.

TO ASSEMBLE Split pav bread in half. Butter lightly and pan fry.

Assemble burger with cutlet and other condiments of your choice (cheese, sliced tomato, cucumber, lettuce, ketchup, mayonnaise).

52 Parent Circle / June 2011

METHOD Grind together the dates and honey to make a paste. Mix together with remaining powdered ingredients. Shape into one inch diameter balls.

Makes 25 ladoos approximately. Alternatively you can make them in fun shapes that children will love.

Vidhya Jayaram is a Chennai Resident.

Send your interesting recipes to editorial@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Parent Chef’ or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

HANDS ON

dad’s

GOODY BOX

Bianka (12), Nithya (13) and Shaila (14)

MATERIALS

Empty shoe boxes, poster paint + paint brushes, permanent markers, poster paper, thick card board, scissors and cutter, glue, glitter glue, pen, pencil, ruler

1

Paint the shoe box with any colour you like.

Draw and cut letters out of poster paper (it could be D-A-D or the name of your dad).

3

Paste them on the lid of the box.

Decorate the four sides of the box using glitter glue, paint, markers or stick some pictures.

5

decorate them for the wheels (their dimensions depend on the size of the box).

using glue.

6

From another empty shoe box, cut a portion of the lid and use it as a support for your box to stand.

Make a car seat and steering wheel using thick cardboard to sit inside the box.

4

Cut four circular shapes and

Attach them to the bottom of the box

7

2

8

Now, your dad’s goody box is ready for Father’s Day. This can be used for keeping his stuff like wallet, pens, keys, etc.

www.parentcircle.in 53

CHECK IT OUT

AGES 2-4 YEARS

AGES 4-6 YEARS Gulla and the Hangul Mariam Karim - Ahlawat Publishers: Tulika ` 125 When he takes his sheep and goats to graze in the moun-

GOOD

The Cat in the Hat

for all ages

He may be an old standby, but he never

READS

AGES 0-4 YEARS

Dr Seuss Publisher: Random House ` 405 (hardcover)

lets us down. When in doubt, turn to the story of the cat that transformed a dull, rainy afternoon into a magical and just-messy-enough adventure. There’s another hidden adventure too: this book will really help children learn to read.

With his simple and often single-vowel vocabulary, the good Doctor knew what he was doing: hear it, learn it, read it laughing all the way. The Cat in the Hat is a must for any child’s library.

tains, Gulla is always careful of bears and leopards, the terrible Banbudhiya, and also of the men with guns. But one day he sees a little hangul being chased by wild dogs and he forgets to be careful. In rushing to save the deer, Gulla goes deeper and deeper into the forest.

This is a story from Kashmir, where the hangul is a protected animal. It carries the many shades and tones of the region, the quiet life of the villagers in the valley, their close links with nature, as well as the underlying disquiet that they learn to live with.

AGES 6-8 it herself until it is old enough to be shipped

Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?

off to the nearby farm. Wilbur is now fattened for bacon, only to be saved once

Bill Martin and Eric Carle ` 405 (check out Barnes & Noble website)

again, this time by a cunning spider named Charlotte, who weaves messages celebrating Wilbur’s uniqueness into her webs.

The gentle rhyming and gorgeous

Wilbur wins the special prize at the county

illustrations in this classic picture book

fair and becomes a hero. Yet Charlotte

make it a dog-eared favourite on many

dies, as all spiders must, after she lays her

children’s bookshelves. On each page,

eggs. A heartbroken Wilbur takes charge

we meet a new animal who nudges us onward to discover which creature will show up next: “Blue Horse, Blue Horse, What do you see? I see a green frog looking at me.” This pattern is repeated

Charlotte’s Web

E B White Publisher: Harper Collins ` 400 (paperback)

of hatching her offspring himself, ensuring that Charlotte’s legacy is perpetuated.

Did you know? In a letter to one of his fans E B White wrote: “in real life, a spider doesn’t spin words in her web . . . But real

over and over, until the child can chime

In his classic and much loved novel,

life is only one kind of life - there is also

in with the reader, easily predicting the

E B White tells the memorable story of

the life of the imagination. And although

next rhyme. One thing that readers

the friendship between Wilbur, a little

my stories are imaginary, I like to think that

might not predict however, are the funny

pig and his clever spider friend Char-

there is some truth in them too - truth about

characters that make an appearance at

lotte. A young Maine farm girl, Fern,

the way people and animals feel and think

the climax!

rescues a runt pig from the axe, raising

and act.”

54 Parent Circle / June 2011

AGES 10-12 YEARS

AGES 13-16 YEARS

BOOKS FOR Y OUNG

AD

ULTS Where the R ed Fern Gro ws by Wilson Summer of Rawls the Monkeys

by Wilson R The Cay by awls Theodore Ta ylor

Up Over Down Under Allie Finkle’s Rule for Girls Meg Cabot Publisher: Scholastic ` 400

Allie Finkle is beginning a whole new life. Moving to a new town is a lot for this little girl to handle – a new neighbourhood, a new school and new friends. To top it all, she has to deal with the bullies who try to make her life miserable. No sweat! She faced her worst fears with some tough new rules for the girls!

Micol Ostow and Noah Harlan Publisher: Penguin ` 290

Eliza Ritter and Billie Echols are two very different girls. But soon, they found something very much in common when they had to live each other’s

PARENT READ Children: the Challenge Rudolph Dreikurs and Vicki Stolz Check out amazon.com and Barnes & Noble (Recommended by Brinda Jayaraman, Chennai family counsellor)

lives. As they swap places

This book provides a key to parents to build trust and

through their SAS exchange

love in their families and raise happier, healthier and

program, they experience how

better behaved children. America’s foremost child psy-

it is to literally step into each

chiatrists present an easy to follow programme helping

other’s shoes.

parents understand their children’s actions. It guides them to discipline children lovingly and effectively.

Cinema Classic PG 13+

Boardgame

Online Game

Life is Beautiful Genre: Movies DVD available

This classic has a wonderful underlying message. Anyone going through a rough patch in their lives can take heart at the way the Jewish character in this film creates a make-believe world for his little son inside a Jewish concentration camp. All along the boy never realises that they are in captivity as his father makes him think that he is in the middle of a Holocaust game with the prize being a battle tank. Set in the Italy of 1930s, this story is centred on the childlike, carefree Jewish book-keeper called Guido. His life initially reveals itself like a fairy tale as he courts and marries a lovely teacher from a nearby city.

They have a son and live happily together until the occupation of Italy by German forces.

Time’s UP

R & R Games ` 675

Super Collapse Puzzle Gallery 5

In this game players compete

A perplexing puzzle collec-

with each other in three rounds of

tion of clever conundrums! It

increasing difficulty, to identify the

features 300 all-new puzzles

same set of celebrities. Each addi-

designed to twist your brain

tional round brings in a new restric-

and provide hours of addic-

tion, and you’re almost guaranteed

tive fun. Clear the screen of

to be on the floor laughing at some

brilliantly crafted images, each

point. In round 1, almost any kind

one assembled from colourful

of clue is allowed while in round

Collapse! blocks, by removing

2 no more than one word can be

groups of three or more in the

used in each clue (but unlimited

fewest possible moves. Most

sounds and gestures are permit-

challenging and addictive.

ted) and in round 3 no words are allowed at all. An excellent game to bond with the family.

http://www.gamehouse.com/onlinegames/super-collapse-puzzlegallery-5-online.

www.parentcircle.in 55

EVENTS

CHENNAI this month June 2-7

June 12-30

Photo Exhibition

Art Exhibition

Dakshina Chitra, East Coast Road, Muttukadu Exhibition featuring Bhuta Kola rituals.

(044 – 27472603, 044 – 27472783)

June 3

Bharathanatyam Performance R.K. Sivaswamy Kalalaya Sr. Sec. School, No.5, Sundareswarar Street, Mylapore, Chennai-4 Bharathanatyam dance by Ms. Akmaral Kainazarova from Kazakhstan hosted by Indian Council for Cultural Relations and Sri Ariyakudi Music Foundation under the monthly “Horizon” Programme.

Time: 6:30 pm (044-24460767)

June 4

Book Reading

Dakshina Chitra, East Coast Road, Muttukadu Exhibition by “ Shilpataru Foundation” an artist group from Pondicherry.

June 12

Fun in the Garden Indra Nagar A workshop organized by Nizhal for kids between 5 -10 years and has limited registration.

Time: 9:30 -11:30 am (94449 55903)

June 13

Mirage Dakshina Chitra, East Coast Road, Muttukadu An evening of Ghazals by singer Kuldeep Sagar

Anna Centenary Library, Kotturpuram

Time: 6:30pm

To encourage children to read and love books,

(044 – 27472603,044 – 27472783)

Scholastic is planning to have activities like dramatized reading, book signing and others. This time, Geronimo Stilton (author, journalist and editor of The Rodent’s

June 18

Gazette) is on a tour of India and visiting the library. The event will

Bharathanatyam Arangetam

be open to children and others.

Time: 3:00pm – 4:00pm (044-65515031)

Sivakami Petachi Auditorium, MCTM School, Alwarpet Bharathanatyam Arangetam by Kumari Sampoorna Venkatesh disciple of Guru Smt. Bhagyashree Satthish, Founder of Om Nrithya Kshethra,

June 5

Tree walk Semmozhi Poonga, Cathedral Road Tree walk organized by Nizhal is to promote tree culture in urban areas, to create awareness of the role of trees, planting the right kind of trees and caring for them.

Time: 4:30-5:30 pm Reporting time: 4:15 pm (90030 11372)

Besant Nagar.

Time: 5:30 pm (99401 92306)

June 18

Parenting Matters Karna Prayag Trust, 10 Raja Krishna Rd Teynampet.

Parenting Matters, is an organisation that conducts weekly parenting sessions, under a specific programme spanning 3 months. It

June 11

Music Band Concert

partners with parents to build parenting skills and to promote inner discipline in children. There will be a free, open session, to help parents understand what to expect from attending such programmes.

Students from the American International School-Chennai are organ-

Time: 11am -12pm

ising a band concert to raise funds for the Japan Tsunami relief effort.

(98400 33283, 97104 29930, 044 – 27472603,044 – 27472783)

High school students from the various Chennai schools will be performing in this concert.

Time: 7:30-9:30pm Contact: japanconcert@gmail.com or www.japanconcert.org

56 Parent Circle / June 2011

For event listing contact us at PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India. Ph. no.

24461066/67/68. Email info@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Events’.

CLASSIFIEDS All in one / Miscellaneous School of Success in R A Puram is having programmes in theatre, acting, movement and dance, puppetry, interactive stories, video shows, field trips, other projects, to transform children. Addresses developmental issues, forming of good habits ages and stages from 3 years to 15 years. For details call: Deepa Aathreya: 97899 06146 Dyna World at Vyasar Street, T.Nagar, offers the following programs for students of classes 3rd to 10th - Personality development, Drawing and Painting classes, Storigami classes, Carnatic vocal, Spoken English, phonetics and storytelling classes ( for 3+ kids). The centre is air-conditioned with a well-stacked library and a reading hall. Call 97910 96234

hobby all under one roof. For details contact: (044) 43511735, 43851638, 42666136 mail: info@bookznmore.in Art/Music/Dance

Sports

Feet 2 Feat at 13,Shantinath Apts,7 Rajamanar St, T.Nagar, behind Jiva Park is conducting various dance workshop such as Jazz, Hip Hop, Contemporary, Lyrical, Afro, Bollywood, Folk, Salsa, Jive, Basics of Ballet. Special batches for Garba and Dandiya will commence 3 months before Navaratri. For details contact: 98408 93403 Sargam Children’s Choir is starting a new batch of 12 sessions of music and voice training classes from the 1st week of June. For details call: 98401 32913.

Handwork

Jack and Jill organizes classes for kids in karate, Drawing, Yoga, Dance, Music, Sloka, Keyboard and guitar. Ph: 04466247855, 90031 07278 Little Angels 13/9 Ist Floor, Near Nadikar Sangam, Habibullah Road 3rd Lane, T Nagar is a day care centre, and play school. Also offers classes for special kids. There are regular drawing, chess, dance, storytelling classes for children and yoga for mothers. Contact: Ph - 98843 90540 Bookz ‘n’ More is a new generation private library chain.

Orange Square Activity Center is a unit of Bookz ‘n’ More, complements the library providing Children and Adults a place to experience “Fun, Fitness & Creativity” and has talented instructors for Western dance, Yoga, Aerobics, Instrumental, Carnatic Music and Creative Arts to make it a place to practice any

S.V Arts and Crafts at 19, 3rd avenue, Indra Nagar, Adyar conducts a workshop in Crochet bags, Utility bags, String bags, Clutches, Party purses, Doilies etc, Chennai – 20. Classes start from June 14. For details contact: 94445 21327

Talent Search Nehru Children’s Cultural Association Classes at Kesari Higher Secondary School, 17 Thiru-vi-ka 3rd St, Below Royapettah Flyover, Opp. Jammi Building,

Mylapore

any, Zoology, Biology, History and Geography. Contact: M.R. Sugumaran, President. Ph: 81444 16484/ 044-24453014

prepares

students of class 8 for National Talent Search Examination conducted by NCERT. Classes from 19th June to 13th November.

It will be held on all Saturdays (4:30pm-6:30pm) and Sundays (7:30am-12 noon) Subjects to be taught: Mathematics, Mental Ability, Physics, Chemistry, Bot-

Sink to Swim at Aqua offers Swimming classes from 1st -15th June between 4pm-5pm for kids of 4-14 years. Course Fee: Rs 7,500. Includes swimming lessons and snacks. For Registration: The Park, Anna Salai, Ph: 044 42144000 Shaolin Fist Kungu Fu International School of Chinese Martial Arts at 5/9, Near Anjeneya Temple, 1st Cross Street 4th Main Road Ram Nagar, Nanganallur, Chennai - 600061 has class everyday from 5:30am – 10:00am except on Mondays Admission Fee: Rs 1500, Monthly Fee: Rs1000, Uniform Fee: Rs 800 . Ph: 04466321089 Gat Table Tennis Club at No 4, Opp Pilot Theatre, Anthony Street, Royapettah, Chennai – 600014, has four classes a week starting from June for the children ages between 8 - 15.

Contact 98845 78477 MK Cricket Foundation No 33/16, Opp to Manthopu School, Kaveri Street, Saidapet, Chennai - 600015 conducts two classes a week for cricket, five classes for Tennis and six classes for swimming for people above 5years. For Further details call 94444 78092 Anna Nagar Chess Academy at Welcome Colony, Anna Nagar West Extension and also at 15th Main Road, Anna Nagar West has special coaching for three different levels Beginners, Intermediate and Advanced, for 5 plus ages. Students are given individual coaching and Tournament training. Contact: K.P Sundarrajan 98401 82753, 99400 11989

Handwriting, Drawing and Communication Kriyative Kidz at Pillayar Koil Street, near Modern Computers, Rajaji Nagar, Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai 600041 offers handwriting and communication skills workshop from June, six days a week–Call 94453 59884, 87544 98588 Arise ‘n’ Shine has Club 101 at New No 9 Old No 23 X Block, Near Ayyappan Temple, 5th Street, Anna Nagar, Chennai-40, that conducts Drawing, Coloring, Reading, Writing, Spoken English and Public speaking classes for three months starting from June for children between 3-12 yrs.

Contact : 98405 70309 Sri Gurukripa Learning Centre at Rangarajapuram Main Road, Kodambakkam, Chennai – 600024 has programmes for children ages of 5-15 on Personality Development and Communication skills.

For details call 94452 44950, 044-66426860 Storytelling Workshop for Adults World Storytelling Institute, Nungambakkam is having its next workshop on Sunday 19 June, and will meet for 8 consecutive Sunday mornings. Workshop is designed for Parents, Teachers & others. Workshop fee: Rs 3,000.

Participants explore and tell 1) traditional stories (folktales, epics, legends, myths, etc); 2) experiences from everyday life; and 3) original creative.

1st Sunday of each month: Chennai Storytelling Association monthly-meeting (review of projects, and story-swap).

Time: morning or afternoon. Ph: 98403 94282, 044-42080890 For your classified advertisements contact us at PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India. Ph. no. 24461066/67/68.

Email: advertise@parentcircle.in. Listing is free for a limited period.

www.parentcircle.in 57

DISCUSSION POINT Marks are a reflection of how much a child has memorised and not how much he has learnt. It

One school of thought believes that marks accurately reflect a child’s learning and should be greatly emphasised. Yet another says that there is little connection between the two.

what do you believe in and why?

is about how much they remember on the day of exam. It develops complexes among children, and encourages selective learning. The current grading system is very helpful, though it has not eliminated the problems listed above.

Uma Maheswari, Chennai

Marks just quantify an evaluation component. It is the evaluation component that needs to be analysed in detail. Does it test the conceptual skills or the recall ability of the student? The evaluation needs to be objective and unbiased. If an examination consists of questions wherein one has to recall data, facts etc then this will encourage students to memorise rather than think.

During my college days there was an evaluation component “Open book test” where the questions were meant to test our understanding rather than memory.These were never direct but application-oriented. We were forced to prepare for it by understanding the concepts through discussions and debates by the students.

Hence it may be out of place to generalize that marks do not reflect performance. The type of

Brother vs Brother

questions determines evaluation of performance.

Anil Kumar Pillai, Manappakam

Rohit Samuel, 17 years old (just finished 12th)

Traditionally, we have always believed that high marks implied high intelligence. There has been

I am against mugging up to get high

buzz words, if you want to enroll a 3 year old in school.

marks. I believe that answers should reflect understanding. I want to understand and apply what I studied in real life. I am very much against the prevailing systems which go by the percentage of marks a student gets. Schools and colleges should weigh a student by his/

a paradigm shift to this school of thought, thanks to the multitude of learning styles available today. ‘Holistic Development’, ‘Child Centered Learning’, ‘Activity Based Learning’ are all the Though a move in the right direction, we must not ignore the merits of marks and examinations.

In today’s competitive age, those few marks are what set the achievers apart from the rest.

Therefore it becomes the vested responsibility of educational institutions and teachers to strive and strike a balance between the world of rote learning and the new world. Easier said than done!

Hema Sivakumar, teacher from Uthandi

her overall development. Academic performance, sports, general knowledge, extra- curricular activities, service oriented activities like volunteering, NCC and NSS should be considered for admissions in colleges. A student can also be judged by how he applies his mind or reacts in a given situation.

If emphasis were placed on learning, then marks would automatically follow. Also the students would be able to apply their learning in their day to day lives & thus education would be more meaningful. Students would also achieve more by adapting to new situations which requires synthesising and applying their knowledge using higher levels of thinking.

Shanti Sridharan, Mandaveli

We have to be realistic in life. Marks matter a lot. Maybe more than learning, when we the middle class, think of our children getting into a good college without paying huge capitation fees. I believe that getting marks overrides the need to learn.

Michael Roshan - 10th Standard

Shoba Natarajan, Nungambakkam

All said and done it is only the marks that matter in our system. If we have good marks, we get a chance to study in premier institutions which will fetch us good jobs. This is a cycle. Even if I have to go to the extent of mugging up and reproducing something to get high marks, I will do so.

58 Parent Circle / June 2011

next month's

question

MAKING CHILDREN DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES:

Is it necessary for parents to instill this habit in children?

Please send in your response before June 15 2011 to editorial@parentcircle.in with the subject line 'Discussion Point', or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

Q&A

Should I allow my ten-year-old daughter to go for sleepovers?

I have many relatives in Chennai and my daughter Kripa has several cousins of her own age. One of her cousins is also her best friend.

They have been sleeping in each other's homes since they were little. Now my daughter is 14. She goes for sleepovers to her other friends' homes now and then. I allow her to sleep in their homes only if I know the parents well. I have this intuitive feeling about family dynamics and I do not encourage her to sleep over in a friend's home if I am not comfortable with the family. I believe that 10 years is too young for a sleepover unless you have known the family for long. If your teen is emotionally balanced, I believe it is fine to have sleepovers, but make sure you know the family well.

- Jayshree Venkatesan, doctor I do not think 10 years is the right age to allow a child to go for sleepovers. She may be scared in a strange house and might be uncomfortable. She might have to go, if her friends force her. But, if her parents are comfortable with the family she is spending the night with, I think it is safe to send her for sleepovers.

- Kripa Nanda, 14 years

I wish to give my 14-year-old daughter a mobile phone so that I can keep in touch with her. But she insists that I buy her the latest model which is expensive.

Should I give in to her demand?

I understand your need to give your teenager a mobile phone. It will help you to keep in touch with her and ensure she remains safe. But is it necessary to give her an expensive phone at this stage? I feel

Should children be given a structured activity to do during summer holidays?

I do not want my child to have any structured activity during the summer holidays. She has been through enough of well-planned, organised schedules at school. I want her to relax mentally and do the things that she could not do during the ten months of school. She can sleep late or decide to spend time with friends, relax and watch television or just play. There should be no schedule to follow, no homework to do and no exam to prepare for. I do not want her to tax her mind. The two months of summer holidays is for her to be herself.

- Lakshmi Venugopal, working mother

that you should not hand out expensive gifts to your children. They will learn to appreciate their belongings only if they have earned it the

Students like me long for summer because this is the time that I can

hard way. Or else, it is likely her expensive mobile might be ‘lost’ in a

get up late or sleep late, doing whatever I choose to do. I do not want

few months.

to go for any classes during the summer because I can work on my

- Radha Muni, homemaker

other interests like painting and playing the guitar. If there is something

I feel that it is unnecessary to give expensive phones to children.

- Lavanya, 12 years

interesting I wish to participate in, I tell my mom and dad.

Often, children use such phones to show off to their friends. Children should work hard to get expensive gifts. Maybe they should have done well at school or done something exceptional. Having said this, I must admit that I have been pestering my parents to buy me a PSP. - Siddharth Thomas, 13 years

Do you have a question to ask of other parents? Write to us and get answers from other parents and their children.

Email questions@parentcircle.in or write to Parent Circle, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14, First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

www.parentcircle.in 59

LIGHTER VEIN

Household Word:

School Year

Resolutions

E

Carol Band

very year at the start of the school

are building a model of a medieval town on

year, I vow that this year will be differ-

my dining room table, don’t expect me to

ent. This year, leftover lunches won’t

supply all of the sugar cubes, poster board,

moulder at the bottom of the backpacks.

glue sticks, pipe cleaners, modelling clay,

This year, homework will be done before

markers and pizza.

dinner and this year, the PTA will finally honour me for single-handedly keeping the school system afloat with wrapping paper, candy bar and sweatshirt sales.

The first day of school really is the start of a new year, so in that celebratory spirit, I decided to make a few “School Year Resolutions.” Yes, I’m going to try to keep my youngest son more organised. Sure, I’ll make an effort to have family dinners at least three times a week and, of course, I’m going to try to ban video games on school days. But the resolutions that I am really excited about are the ones that I’ve made for everybody else.

For the English teacher: Don’t flunk my kid because his book report is printed on the back of last month’s school lunch menu. We are working to reduce our carbon footprint - and we’re out of printer paper.

For the mom who worries more than me: Don’t talk to me about what private schools you are thinking about applying to or what town you might move to because your child is not being challenged. Don’t tell me that the math teacher is an escaped convict or complain that the science class watched Finding Nemo … again. Your words will haunt me. I will lie in bed at night and worry. I will toss and turn. I will wake up my

For moms of overachievers: Don’t tell

husband and tell him that we need to sell

me that your son spliced DNA at Stanford

the house.

and built homes for earthquake victims in Chengdu when I just told you that my kid spent the entire summer holed up in the basement playing video games and making pyramids out of empty soda cans.

For the soccer coach: Just because my son was late for practice that doesn’t mean that he isn’t dedicated to the team. He loves soccer. We just couldn’t find his cleats.

For the other soccer/band/scout/gymnastics/moms: Repeat after me: “I can drive today.”

Even with these resolutions, it’s possible that my kids might not make the distinction list or remember to bring home the permission slip for the field trip and it’s possible that I’ll still wake up some night and wonder why I ever thought that reproduction was

For my son’s best friend’s mom: Forgive

a reasonable idea. But today, there’s a

me when I call you at 6.45 a.m. and ask

notebook without any doodles, a pair of

whether today is an early release day or if

sparkling white sneakers and a new back-

the field trip money is due or if it’s the dead-

pack that doesn’t smell like dead bananas.

line for signing up for teacher conferences.

It’s going to be a great year.n

No, I didn’t see the notice that came home in the backpacks last week.

For the other kids working on the social studies project: Just because you

Carol Band is a journalist by training and mom by chance. This article was originally published in her column ‘Household Word’ by Dominion Parenting Media. Please send your feedback to editorial@ parentcircle.in with a cc to carol@carolband.com

Owned and Published by Nalina Ramalakshmi from No.8/14, First Cross Street, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai - 600020, and Printed by: R Dhayalan at Sun Graphics, 51 Gangai Amman Koil Street, Vadapalani, Chennai - 600026. Editor: Nalina Ramalakshmi, Phone No: 044-2446 1066/67/68.

60 Parent Circle / June 2011

R.Dis.No.197/11

Dr.P.Mannar Jawahar Vice-Chancellor

Anna University Sardar Patel Road, Guindy, Chennai-25 www.annauniv.edu

Parent Circle Volume 1 Issue 2 June 2011 Price ` 40

ABOUT ANNA UNIVERSITY Anna University was established on 4th September 1978 as a unitary type of University to promote teaching and research in the field of Engineering, Technology, Architecture and Applied Sciences by bringing together the following famous institutions in Chennai.

PARENT WELLNESS

n College of Engineering, Guindy (CEG), established in 1794 n Alagappa College of Technology (ACT), established in 1944 n Madras Institute of Technology (MIT), established in 1949

Is your mind, body and spirit in sync?

n School of Architecture and Planning (SAP), established in 1957

True to its image as a premier technical institution in the country, Anna University constantly strives for excellence in education, research and societal service through highly dedicated and competent teachers who are also expert researchers in various emerging and cutting edge technologies.

Teen Circle

PEERING THROUGH PEER PRESSURE

The aims of the University are: n To constantly raise the quality of engineering education to produce superior human resource to match rapid technological developments, n To share its academic experience and infrastructure with other institutions for providing quality education across the state and help students to fulfill their dreams,

BACK TO SCHOOL

Easing the way

n To uphold the highest ethical and professional standards while imparting engineering education and while fulfilling its obligations to students and staff n To serve the society with technological advancement and actively take part in building knowledge-based society.

FOOD, TRAVEL BOOKS & MORE...

Anna University has two major campuses: the Main Campus on 189.48 acres of land is centrally located in Guindy and the MIT Campus encompassing 56.40 acres of land is in Chromepet, 15 kms from the Main Campus. Both these Campuses accommodate about 1700 staff members and 19,000 students. There is also a small campus at Taramani, 5 kms from the Main Campus encompassing 27.80 acres of land.

It houses 2622.50 sq.m. with advanced Biotechnology facilities, one of the best in the Country. Further, 38.27 acres of land adjacent to the Main Campus has been provided by Government of Tamil Nadu.

New Programs Introduced

Anna University offers 45 UG Programmes (including 15 Part-Time Programmes), 110 PG 1 M.E. Programmes (including 26 Part-Time Programmes), 6 M.Phil Programmes under Science and Humanities and Ph.D in all Engineering and Technology disciplines including Applied Sciences 2 M.Tech and Humanities.

Anna University has following eight faculties, each faculty headed by a Chairman.

Computer Science and

Engineering (Part-Time-SS) Information Technology (Part-Time-SS)

n Civil Engineering ing

n Mechanical Engineering

n Electrical Engineering

n Information and Communication Engineer-

n Technology

n Architecture and Planning

n Management Science

n Science and Humanities

Anna University has 32 University Departments and 46 Autonomous Centres with well-equipped research laboratories and infrastructural facilities. These departments and Centres attract international attention through their research potential and receive funds from Government agencies like UGC, AICTE & DST and other private agencies including industries.

Father’s Day Special

The Other Side of Parenting Prof.Dr.P.Mannar Jawahar, the Vice-Chancellor and faculty members of Anna University, Chennai with the four students going to National Tsing Hua University, Taiwan for the summer Internship program on 05.04.11

The final year students of MIT have been nominated by DRDO together with Indo-US Science & Technology Forum to participate in the “Young Engineers Visitation Program” at LOCKHEED MARTIN Center for Innovation, Suffolk, VA, USA from 13th to 17th June, 2011.

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