editorial
For the Parent in you To know, to understand, to connect
I
recently came across an article on MSNBC that was titled: ‘Did Being Adopted Contribute to Steve Job’s Success?’ In this article, the author, Jeremy Greenberg comments, “I actually think that adopted kids like Mr Jobs might grow up to have an abundance of faith and confidence,
because they get to experience the remarkable love and generosity of their adoptive parents – people with the exceptional capacity to take any child as their own.” He concludes with the statement, “Who couldn’t conquer the world (or at least create the iPad) with that kind of foundation?” Our cover story, ‘Opt to Adopt’, features adoptive parents, who in turn feel blessed for the child that has entered their lives in such a special way. Today we have a lot of options and changes happening across school boards and curriculums. At the state level the Matriculation, Anglo Indian and State boards are all merging into one Samacheer Kalvi. In the CBSE (and soon in Samacheer Kalvi) there is a change in the evaluation process from the
Find us on
summative testing (tests and exams) to the formative testing of the Continuous Curriculum Evaluation (CCE). Also, today we have a choice of international boards such as the IGCSE and IB. What does all this mean? How do I know what is best for my child? In our special story on, “The Curriculum Dilemma”, we try to answer some of these questions, so you the parent can make a more informed decision for your child. It is not only important to understand what each board has to offer, it is equally important to know and understand your child’s aptitude and learning style, so that you may select a school where the child is most comfortable learning. Our Teen Circle introduces a topic that most parents are uncomfortable discussing with their children – puberty. In today’s world where information is freely accessible, it is important for the parent to openly discuss this issue with the child and clarify any misinformation the child may be exposed to. We now have our magazine online for you to read. We encourage you to participate in our online discussions and to share your articles, recipes or pictures with other parents at www.parentcircle.in. With all this discussion on the best curriculum for your child it is important to keep in mind the Chinese Proverb: “Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.”
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1
COVER STORY P.30
The Curriculum Dilemma
SPECIAL P.22
Opt to Adopt CENTRESPREAD P.28
REGULARS 6 10 20 14 16 19 42 38 46 48 56
IN FOCUS Help Build your Child’s Self-esteem Helicopter Parenting
50
LEARNING Encouraging Public Speaking in Chidren Helping Children with Public Presentations
52
HEALTH CIRCLE
54
Nutritional Deficiencies in Children
CHECK IT OUT Board Games of Yore
PARENT CHEF 5 Healthy Soups
EVENTS Chennai this Month
TEEN CIRCLE Talking to your Preteen about Puberty
FORUM
DESTINATIONS God’s Eden: The Valley of Flowers
ROOTS Heritage Trips Made Fun The Revival of Traditional Games
LIGHTER VEIN Voice of Experience ON THE COVER ADYANTH GANESH PHOTOGRAPH BY ARJUN DOGRA
2
RESOURCES
MINDSET
Parent Circle / November 2011
4 8 9 55
YOUR WORD PARENT EXPRESS ‘We wanted to adopt’
TEEN EXPRESS Unconditional Love
DISCUSSION POINT Pocket Money and your Child
your word
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Letters to the Editor A close weaving of Tamil culture is maintained in all the articles, which is refreshing. The articles in the magazine ensure a feeling of walking in the morning grass still alive with dew drops. VENKATRAMAN, A CHENNAI PARENT My best wishes to Parent Circle on the launch of their website. I appreciate the authentic information on parenting and other child related information in your magazine. Wishing you growth and success. S JAYANTI, PSYCHOLOGIST, HYDERABAD The magazine is well-balanced & the different sections take into account the many facets of parenting & child rearing. The magazine is also like an ‘advice tool’ which helps the parents in their parenting role. Especially in today’s world of ‘nuclear families’, where there is no elder in the house to advise or give tips on parenting, this kind of help is invaluable. Also for the young parents, the first timers, it is almost like a step by step guide on
PARENT FORUM
what to do and what not to do. All in all, it is a complete magazine for all kinds of parents. It is a
Dhanya Bhaskaran from Ayanambakkam, Chennai posted her nature-loving son Niranjan’s picture in PARENT FORUM.
very valuable and a well-thought-of magazine! MAHIMA BHANUKUMAR, BANGALORE It is a wonderful magazine for all parents in bringing up their children. The articles that I read here relate to my experiences in day to day life. I like the suggestions you give, as they are very
You too can post pictures, share parenting experiences, post recipes, videos and links!
helpful and practical. I would also like to make a suggestion. It would be great if you could also publish Parent Circle in Tamil. This way it would have a greater reach. It would be very useful to those parents who do not know English, but who could definitely benefit from the articles published in the magazine. In fact, I have
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been asked whether there is a Tamil edition of this magazine by many parents on several occasions. P WILLIAM CHARLES, CHENNAI
Also find... n Local Listings n Activities & Workshops n Education & Enrichment n Articles & Information n Read, subscribe, advertis e in the Ezine And more... Please send in your letter with the subject line “Letters to the Editor”, before November 15, 2011, to editorial@parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.
4
Parent Circle / November 2011
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Get to know more ABOUT US n ADVERTISE in our web & print editions Apply for JOBS n CONTACT US n Send us FEEDBACK Find FAMILY RESOURCES ALL RESOURCES LISTED IN THE WEBSITE CURRENTLY PERTAIN ONLY TO CHENNAI
in focus Kids taught to deal with differently-abled siblings LUCKNOW: Siblings of differently-abled children had an
opportunity to learn to deal with their brothers and sisters on September 11, 2011. In a sibling workshop organised by SPARC India, (School for Potential Advancement and Restoration of Confidence), boys and girls were sensitised about their responsibilities towards their challenged siblings.
18 year old Arun Vajpai scales new heights
The counsellor through a play, created an awareness on handling and cooperating with the differently-abled people. The siblings
Arjun Vajpai, a student of Ryan International School created
were taught to be polite and patient in dealing with them. There
history on the morning of October 14, 2011. He not only
were various activities to motivate the children and to spread the
became the youngest person in the world to have reached
message of love to their not so fortunate siblings.
the summit of Mt. Manaslu (8,163 meters), the eighth highest peak in the world but also became the youngest person in
Cops to counsel parents, school authorities if minors caught driving
the world to have climbed three mountains of more than 8000 meters height. Arjun Vajpai was successful in this endeavour after
NEW DELHI: The Delhi traffic police has adopted a four-pronged
negotiating with the ever-changing extreme weather
approach to desist minors from driving vehicles in the city. The
conditions. He started his climb on 1st October 2011. There
police have decided to detain the vehicle, call the parents of the
was a hitch in the beginning of the expedition where the
child for counselling and issue a fine of `1000 for allowing children
weather played the spoilsport. But once that hurdle was
to drive their vehicle. In addition, they have decided to counsel
cleared, there was no looking back.
the school authorities on the measures to be taken if the students were found parking and driving vehicles right outside the
The summits became steeper during the climb. Arjun had to
school premises.
cross tributaries along with the camping load and equipment. After reaching the peak the 18-year-old said, “this summit is
The traffic police are checking for violations after school hours
such a small place that only one person can stand at a time.
when most of the children could be noticed driving outside their
The wind was blowing at a high speed due to which it was
schools. Earlier, senior traffic cops had met the principals and
very difficult to hold the tri-colour. I unfurled the flag of India
teachers of 45 leading schools of Delhi that are part of the Road
and the flag of ESSAR foundation at the top…and what a
Safety Club. This club was formed with 25 schools last year
moment it was…If I close my eyes now I can still feel the wind
before the Commonwealth Games.
blowing on me on TOP OF THE WORLD!”
Kids to learn fielding 'Jonty's Way' MUMBAI: Mumbai based Omtex Sport Academy launched "Jonty's Way", a
specially-designed programme to change the concept of fielding. Talking about the programme which was designed by Rhodes himself, the former South Africa cricketer said that India has talented fielders like Virat Kohli, Suresh Raina and Yuvraj Singh, but more were required to make a strong impact at the international level. Jonty's Way will provide professional training to cricket associations, schools, clubs and players of all age groups for periods ranging from three to fifteen days.
6
Parent Circle / November 2011
How are
A home, clothing, food and security: Every child has
India’s
the right to a home, food, clothing, education, health care
children?
and security. More than 4 out of 10 children in India live in
India has
extreme poverty with less than $1.25 (`55) a day to live on.
ratified
Protection against violence: Children have the right to be
(signed) the
protected against all forms of violence, including neglect,
UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. This means that India
maltreatment and abuse. No child can hurt or abuse another child.
must respect the rights of the child and listen to what children have
Indian schools have banned corporal punishment since July 2010.
to say. Are the rights of the child respected in India?
Hazardous child labour: The child has the right to be protected
The first fact: Of the 1.2 billion population, more than 447 million
against both economic exploitation and work that is hazardous to
are children, of which 127 million children are under the age of five.
his health or that which prevents him from going to school. All work
Name and nationality: From the day a child is born, he/she has
is prohibited for children under 12 years. An estimated 30 million
the right to have a name and be registered as a citizen of this
children in India are working in some way.
country. 27 million children are born every year in India. 6 out of 10
School and education: The child has the right to go to school.
of them are never registered. There is no documented proof that
Primary and secondary schools should be free for everyone. 8 out
they exist!
of 10 children in India go to school, but many of them leave school
The right to live: 1 out of 14 children in India (more than 1.8
too early.
million every year) dies before the age of 5, usually due to causes
THE CHILD’S VOICE MUST BE HEARD! The child has the
that could have been prevented. 25 million children are orphaned.
right to say what he thinks about any issue that affects him/her.
Water, sanitation facilities: 9 out of 10 children in India have
The adults should listen to the child’s opinion before they make
water from improved water sources. Only 3 out of 10 children can
decisions, which must always be in the child’s best interest!
use adequate sanitation facilities.
Source: http://worldschildrensprize.org/
Parent Circle’s event for parents Be the support that your children need but let them make their own career choices
Panel discussion at the workshop
- that was the underlying message given to the parents at the ‘Guiding your
Guest speaker, N Ilango, a visually-
Krishnan, Chief Gardener, Theosophical
child into the future’ event held at the
impaired person, who runs a skills training
Society; and Navaneetha Rao, a cancer
Bhavan’s Rajaji Vidyashram school by
company said “My mother was simple and
researcher from the US. Their success
the Parent Circle Magazine and Ignite
illiterate, but she ensured that I was able
stemmed from following their passions
Minds, an educational sector institution, at
to take care of each day as it came, in a
despite the challenges and obstacles they
Chennai on October 22.
self-reliant way. This is the ultimate desire
faced in their career paths.
of every parent for his child, whatever the Anita Sanyal, a career consultant spoke
career. Sometimes education can be a
Arundhati Swamy, the President of
on the importance of face to face career
stumbling block for parents who forget this
Chennai Counsellor’s Foundation
counselling to understand the child’s
goal and try to impose their own unfulfilled
concluded the session by advising
aptitude and interest.
dreams on their children.”
parents on the importance of informal
Sriram Naganathan, an educationist and
The highlight of the event was the
8th standard. “Our parents guided us to
the Managing Trustee of Ignite Minds,
panel discussion and a question and
face an earlier environment, suitable for
who gave the keynote speech, stressed
answer session. The panelists were K
those times. We too, need to prepare our
on the important mix of interests, abilities
Satyanarayan, co-founder of New Horizon
children appropriately for the changing
and income potential for a bright and
Media (a publishing company); Poochi
dynamics of tomorrow’s world,”
successful career.
Venkat, a naturalist and photographer; V
she said.
career talks with the child starting at the
www.parentcircle.in
7
parent express
‘We wanted to adopt’ D ANITA
BY V SATISH AN
O
to Bhubaneswar with her to complete the medical tests suggested by our doctor in Chennai, since there were no hospitals nearby that would do the tests we required. The haemoglobin analysis indicated possible health problems which could not be confirmed without doing a DNA analysis, for which Bhubaneswar did not have any facilities. We were also uncomfortable with the attitude and opinion of the paediatrician in Bhubaneswar. We came back to Chennai with her reports and a blood sample to get the
the necessity and importance of revealing
DNA analysis done. When we received
ur journey to bring Nidhi
the child’s adoptive status to him/her. We
the report we were relieved and thrilled
home began several
then had multiple discussions with our
to see that it ruled out the possible health
years ago when we
parents and siblings about our decision to
concerns indicated earlier. Nidhi was
dreamt of starting a
adopt a child. It took us about a month to
indeed meant to be with us! Euphoric,
family through adoption.
collect all the required documents and we
we went back to sign the foster care
submitted our application form.
paperwork to bring her home in May 2010.
though, of having a biological child had
One of the social workers from the ACA
While Nidhi continued to grow swiftly, we
always been open to us. During the last
visited us at home and prepared our
continued to follow up with the agency
ten years, we interacted closely with many
home study report. She told us that the
and lawyer to fix a date for our court
adoptive families - parents and children.
ACA would inform us if they received any
hearing. We went for our court hearing in
We strongly felt, beyond any doubt,
request for placing children from the state
Orissa in June 2011, got our court order
that we should start our family through
agencies. She also informed us that there
in August 2011 through mail, and went
adoption. It just felt right!
were several parents waiting ahead of
back there in October 2011 to register
From the year 2000, we became more and more oriented to this idea. The option
us and that it may take us up to a year
the adoption deed. The legal paperwork
We also felt that the total acceptance of
to receive a referral to adopt an infant.
is now complete and Nidhi has all the
a child not related through blood, could
She suggested that we contact various
legal rights that our biological child would
only accentuate the importance of the
adoption agencies in Tamil Nadu and also
have had. The adoption agency in Orissa
parent-child relationship; and that such
those from other states (since we were
will now apply for her birth certificate and
a love would be truly pure and selfless.
willing to travel) to see if they had an infant
send it to us as soon as they receive it.
We met several other people who
that could be placed with us.
We expect this to take another couple of
supported our dream, and there were
months. So all in all, the entire adoption
some who expressed some concerns.
We began to call up agencies in
process from the beginning to the end has
Once we brought Nidhi home though, all
Tamil Nadu and Karnataka and were
taken us about two years. Meanwhile Nidhi
the concerns and worries disappeared
disappointed to hear that the waiting time
is growing up and will be 2 years old in
magically. Of course we expected that, but
was about 2 years. One of the agencies
December! Life has been complete, full of
it was wonderful to see it happen.
we contacted in Bangalore asked us to
joy and challenges, with her.
get in touch with CSA (Catalyst for Social We started the adoption process in
Action) in Pune. We did, and they put us
ANITA AND SATISH ARE A YOUNG COUPLE
October 2009 by visiting the Adoption
in touch with an agency in rural Orissa that
FROM CHENNAI WHO HAVE RECENTLY
Coordinating Agency (ACA) in Chennai.
had a child-referral for us.
ADOPTED A GIRL CHILD.
They explained the entire process and also helped us to think through some of
We went to see Nidhi in March 2010 when
the post-adoption issues that families may
she was three months old, after a long
encounter. They also talked to us about
journey by flight and car. We travelled
8
Parent Circle / November 2011
Write to us on parenting experiences in 600 words, with the subject line ‘Parent Express’ to editorial@parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.
teen express
Unconditional BY AVANTIKA SIVARAMAN
I
n life, we all have that someone. That someone who can make the world seem like zero gravity
exists. That someone who makes the sky bluer and makes the sun shine straight down your path. That someone who can always put a smile on your face, despite the stormy conditions you face. It can be anyone, your father, your mother, your best friend, your classmate or even your dog‌but, there is always someone. To you, it seems that whatever that someone does is miraculous. Such people make the earth move slowly and give you a feeling that you have all the time in the world.
does, it is a part of life. Reality strikes.
heart. Try to not cry when you think about
They make it seem like you have no more
Hollow, traumatised and scared, you face
them at night. Try not to be sucked into
tears left to cry ever again. That is what
reality without your supply of happiness.
self-doubt and jealousy and the torture of
you love about them - the way they make
Everything seems cold, rigid and insecure.
the thought that you are not good enough.
you feel, how they take away every pain
You can barely manage a smile. Laughing
You see yourself in a mirror and you
imaginable without even knowing that they
is unimaginable. Your heart keeps
practically smash the mirror to bits.
do so.
screaming for them, your mind flashes images of the times when you were
Nothing has ever been comparable to
As time passes, you grow more and more
together and pain consumes your being.
this kind of pain. It is sharp, crucial and
attached to them, become more and more
Whatever should have barely scratched
undeniable. How could the person who
dependent on them. You see that they are
your self-esteem, now makes massive
provided all the happiness bring you
the ones who start showing you the beauty
gashes. You are more alone than you ever
the worst form of self-doubt? How could
of life, what it is like to trust again and
have been. Your source is gone. Life
the person who made life so beautiful
breathe freely, without having a care. They
is dark.
suddenly turn into a source of pain? How could the one person you need, not care
show you what it is like to laugh wholeheartedly and they give you unadulterated
Want to know what could hurt more? If
happiness. The world can never be lighter
you find out that someone else is more
about you?
than when you are with them. You love the
important to them. That there is someone
Worst of all, how could you still love this
world the most when you are with them.
they care about more than you. Someone
person? How could you still see that face
they would much rather be with, than you.
and still find the slightest sliver of peace?
The more time you spend with them,
Someone, who compared to you, is like
the more you feel that they are a part
the sun. They no longer think about you
The answer is: unconditional love.
of you. You do not know how to cope
as someone special but now they think of
Beautiful and heart-wrenching. Filling and
without them. You rely on them more
you as someone long gone and of no use.
tearing. Powerful and exhausting. Truly
and more and your need for them grows,
You see them happy with their special
unconditional.
as if they provide all the happiness‌
someone and all you want to do is fade
What happens when they are suddenly
away. You try to scratch such images out
AVANTIKA SIVARAMAN IS AN EIGHTH GRADER
not there? Separation comes, it always
of your brain, try to rip them out of your
STUDYING IN HEBRON SCHOOL, OOTY.
www.parentcircle.in
9
mindset
BY ARUNDHATI SWAMY
SHE IS A SWEET 16, and has it all – the
HE IS A YOUNG ENGINEER, working his
accepts others’ decisions, pleases others,
looks to die for, a talent beyond her years,
way up the executive ladder, technically
and goes out of his way to help them. He
academic achievement, even a couple
very sound, and having excellent analytical
is described as ‘a wonderful boy’ by adults
of coveted titles! But none of these make
skills. Just announce a crucial meeting,
and peers, because he never disagrees
her feel fulfilled. She is unable to accept
and he gets so stressed that he draws a
or argues with them. Beware! Behind that
compliments or enjoy her achievements.
blank. It is all there in his head but dare he
calm demeanour is an individual angry
There is an inexplicable vacuum deep
speak? Words fail him; he stumbles and
with himself, unable to express his ideas or
inside. The world around her is in adulation
stutters, desperately searching for a way
stand up for himself, unable to say ‘no’ to
and even envious of her, but she strangely
out. He presents a confused self.
others. He feels weak within, and projects
feels that she is just average, sometimes even less than average!
a weak self-image – an ideal victim for the Peers are surprised. They know how good
big bullies.
he is at work, how clearly he thinks and
HIS LIMITING BELIEF “I don’t like myself…”
She does not know it, but she carries
how capable he is. Unknown to them, he
THE SYMPTOM low self-esteem.
deep-rooted memories of being told
is constantly haunted by fears of making
THE OUTCOME passive/submissive in
that whatever she did was just not good
a fool of himself. An early childhood
childhood; aggressive/defiant
enough, and that she always had to do
experience taught him to feel ashamed
in adolescence.
better. Memories tucked away in the
and embarrassed when he once made a
deepest recesses of the unconscious
mistake in class, in front of other students.
THEN THERE ARE the unfortunate ones
mind, triggered in the present, by anything
HIS LIMITING BELIEF “What if I make
who have ‘high achieving’ older siblings.
even remotely related to ‘performance’.
a mistake…”
The situation is further compounded
HER LIMITING BELIEF “I must achieve
THE SYMPTOM low self esteem.
by well-meaning adults who expect the
more, this is not good enough”.
THE OUTCOME confusion and doubt.
same, if not more, from the younger ones.
THE SYMPTOM low self-esteem.
They have unrealistic expectations and
THE OUTCOME dissatisfaction, pushing
HE IS A QUIET, non-interfering,
compare and deride the younger child
too hard.
conforming child. He goes with the crowd,
for not emulating his sibling. They do not
10 Parent Circle / November 2011
recognize the child’s abilities in other
with their mother, parents, family, school,
academic and non-academic areas, and
teachers, friends, peers and community.
close the door to his world. THE CHILD’S LIMITING BELIEF “they
Thus, through a variety of positive life
expect too much…”
experiences, a child learns to feel loved
THE SYMPTOM low self-esteem.
and valued during the total dependence
THE OUTCOME under achievement.
phase of infancy. In the early childhood phase the parents encourage the
WHAT ABOUT THE TEENAGERS
first steps in learning to do things, the
who crave for the latest gadgets, have
enthusiasm to explore and understand,
expensive tastes? Only to lose interest
that helps build will-power and self-
within hours or days after these are
control. Middle childhood is when the
acquired. They live lifestyles that do not
family supports children in their search for
suit them, that create value conflicts about
opportunities towards learning new skills.
wealth and power. People see through
Teachers, friends and community help to
these pretensions and reject them anyway!
build the pre-adolescent’s efforts to learn,
For teenagers, it is a desperate search for
work well and progress towards feeling
something that is meaningful and lasting.
competent, responsible and capable,
THEIR LIMITING BELIEF “Others are better
reinforcing self-esteem. The adolescent
than me….”
is growing up, developing an identity
THE SYMPTOM low self-esteem.
and self-image. This complex process is
THE OUTCOME demanding, lying,
individualistic, yet teens require the adults
stealing etc.
to cheer them on in their voyage of self discovery.
A checklist for self-esteem A positive self-image
Getting on well with peers Comfortable with self, in spite of differences and imperfections Happy with self Receiving compliments with joy Acceptance by peers Perseverance when things get difficult
Low self-esteem is a symptom of a deeprooted sense of inadequacy and poor
Across the life span, the interplay of adult
self-worth. Each of these individuals and
and peer interactions makes significant
groups described above has learnt to
contributions towards building a child’s
focus on the absence of something, not
self-esteem.
Appreciates own achievements Independence in many tasks Stands up for self Takes initiative, expresses ideas Can adapt to new situations
on the presence of what they are and
Receives comfort when upset or sad
what they have. This is a debilitating
Thus, from infancy to late childhood,
cycle that got set in motion, when at
children are working through trust and
some crucial developmental stage, they
hope, in exploring, and understanding their
had experienced a crisis; or when their
environment. This is the foundation on
belief and self-worth.
fundamental needs were not adequately
which they build their capacities, become
THE OUTCOME self-satisfaction and
and appropriately met.
industrious and confident. Upon this
confidence in oneself, becoming
foundation lies the future of growing up into
industrious and assertive.
SELF-ESTEEM NEEDS TO BE NURTURED
young adults.
Comfortable with visitors
WHAT LEADS TO POOR SELF-ESTEEM
A sense of worth must stem from deep
When children receive positive,
inside one’s being, where it should have
encouraging messages through their
When parents are insensitive
been nurtured through all the stages
critical stages of development, they
Do adults choose to bring up children with
of growth.
are more likely to become caring and
low self-esteem? Not deliberately. Often
productive in their relationships and work,
ignorance about the developmental needs
The influential theories of psychoanalyst
as young adults. The stage is now set for a
of children is the cause. Many adults
Erik Erikson have contributed to our
fulfilling adult life!
believe that very young children do not understand most of what is happening
understanding of personality development through one’s lifespan. He identified the
THE POSITIVE BELIEF “I like myself. I am
around them, and therefore take the
basic virtues and strengths that develop
capable and valuable…”
liberty to make callous, insensitive and
when children enjoy fulfilling relationships
THE ‘SYMPTOM’ positive self-esteem, self-
judgmental remarks about them. 8
www.parentcircle.in 11
mindset Young children’s minds are not mature
worked for me, should work for my child”.
or ‘arrogance’. Denial of one’s abilities is
enough to discern between untruth
An oft repeated justification is that “I
appreciated as modesty, a precious value
and reality, and so they accept almost
turned out fine, in spite of all the negative
strongly upheld in our culture. However, it
everything as being true, including all
comments I received from my parents and
is truly a misunderstood concept, one that
the negative comments hurled their way,
teachers”. This is not up for dispute, but do
needs correction.
either in good humour or intentionally. The
look deep into yourself and you may just
embarrassment and humiliation are stored
find some remnants of low self-esteem still
Acknowledging one’s abilities is a sign of
in the unconscious as painful emotional
lurking there, asserting their influence in
self-worth. To blow one’s trumpet while
experiences, which can get triggered by a
subtle ways.
putting down someone else is ‘showing off’.
random event. (Conversely, they will also accept the pleasant and complimentary
Cultural influence
comments as being true, storing the
Perhaps cultural influences play a
Health problems
memory of happiness and satisfaction
significant role in this programming of the
Physical, emotional or neurological
associated with the appreciation.) Poor
mind. Ask a group of children to tell you
disorders are traumatic experiences for
self-esteem has its roots in the stored
one thing that they are good at or like
parents and children, leading to low self-
negative beliefs. They then perceive and
about themselves and the chances are
esteem. Early intervention is crucial to
interpret a situation from these beliefs. The
that a majority will squirm in discomfort,
help empower the child to overcome the
negative perceptions produce negative
hesitate, look around at others and speak
challenge. A direct outcome is improved
behaviour and outcome at a later date.
with formidable reluctance. A minority
self-esteem.
will tell you about themselves without
‘I am OK, so you should be OK’
inhibition, and will most likely draw
More likely, it is their life experiences that
unfavourable looks from the rest. They
HOW POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM HELPS
adults draw upon. Typically it is, “what
have been judged for ‘showing off’ and/
Very often, helpless parents meekly yield to their child’s irrational demands. In reality, such demands are an outcome of negative perceptions – of self and others. The child believes that material
ve i t i s o p a ld i u To b self-esteem Don’t’sents
Harsh punishm tive comments Repeated nega Comparisons istakes Condemning m lts
Waiting for resu
Overprotection preciation With-holding ap
Do’s
nsequences Use logical co ed back Give honest fe child’s abilities Focus on the learning Turn them into
experiences rt, offer Appreciate effo all t, recognize sm en em encourag successes bility d give responsi Teach skills an Express your
feelings
possessions are the only means to compensate for the self-worth that he lacks deep within. Such behaviour in children is often squarely blamed on peer pressure, ‘bad friends’ and ‘wrong company’. Why is it that all children do not succumb to these? What makes them resistant to temptations and inappropriate behaviours (at least the more risky ones)? The answer is evident – positive selfesteem. It is natural for self-esteem to fluctuate according to circumstances. It is the inner resources (positive memories and emotions) that help the self-esteem to stay within safe boundaries, to perceive and interpret situations in the present context, or to even bounce back from some of life’s most difficult times. ARUNDHATI SWAMY IS A FAMILY AND STUDENT COUNSELLOR FROM CHENNAI.
12 Parent Circle / November 2011
learning Some of them paused and punctuated their speeches with ‘ums’ and ‘uhs’ to fill the gaps. Agitation, sheer helplessness made some quit half-way. What really tugged at my heartstrings was when some sought out their parents’ eyes in the audience or in the wings, with tears,
R
ecently I was asked to judge
silently beseeching for help. I noticed that
an Interschool Literary event
some got worried at their parent’s reaction
for primary and middle school
to their fumbling and some were just plain
children. There were about 15
ashamed or embarrassed that they had let
to 20 schools participating and
their parents down.
at least 50 children ranging between the ages of 6 and 14
I consoled a crying child and then asked
were bursting with enthusiasm
him why he was crying. He said, ‘My
to showcase their talent for
mother told me not to do so many things,
the oratorical and elocution
but she did not tell me what I should do!’
competitions. The younger children had memorized their
Following this, I had yet another occasion
respective poems or speeches
during Navarathri to observe this
and the older children had
phenomenon. It is also an occasion when
small cards with pertinent
children are urged to sing at the houses
points to help them jumpstart
they visit. In one of the houses I sensed
their talks.
the same unease and nervousness prevailing in one of the children when she
I looked around and
was asked to sing by her mother for the
observed the scene before
golu (dolls exhibition). The child started with hesitation and kept looking at her mother for direction and reinforcement. The mother kept a steady look at the child to ensure she started at the right pitch, maintained the raagam and the thalam and remembered the words. The look changed to a glare when the child mispronounced a word. The child’s song was barely a whisper when she finished. At one point the mother was visibly irritated that her daughter had not lived up to her usual standard of singing. The child hung her head in shame.
the start of the event. Some were practicing aloud furiously, walking up and down. I smiled when I saw some of them hit their foreheads BY MEERA SHIVASHANKAR
when they forgot a point or made a mistake. The younger ones were anxiously nodding, looking up
We should make the child realise that he should focus more on enjoying the opportunity of speaking and having fun rather than worry about the result! 14 Parent Circle / November 2011
solemnly at their parents as their attires were being adjusted even as they were being given last minute tips about going on stage and speaking. While the actual competition itself left me in awe of the children and their
THE PARENT’S RESPONSIBILITY
aptitude, I could not help but be drawn
What makes one child so confident
to a handful of those children who forgot
and another so self-conscious that it
all that they had prepared, who started
interferes with his natural propensity for
to stutter and stammer. Then there
expression? What role do parents play in
were those who fidgeted or fumbled,
this? As parents, are we living our dreams
intimidated by the unrelenting crowd.
through our children? Do we ‘accept’ our
children only if they do a good job? Who
stringent, unrelenting parents need more
is responsible for creating an aversion
than just help!
or destroying confidence in the name
ChilFor dren
When you have been selected
of fostering talent? How does a parent
MOULDING THE CHILD
balance his expectation with the child’s
We should make the child realise
speaking
actual capabilities? How does one inspire
(particularly if he is a self-achiever who
event, there is
confidence in a child?
cannot take failure) that he should focus
just one thing you
more on enjoying the opportunity of
need to do most of all –
for a public
Practise, practise and practise!
In a public arena, when a child’s abilities
speaking, singing or dancing in public
are on display, there is bound to be a
and having fun rather than worry about
certain amount of fear or apprehension,
the result; and that it is okay to not be the
for both the child and the parent. The child
winner all the time. That way, the pressure
has a trepidation that he is going to be
to perform is removed. Then the child will
children in a manner that allows them
judged, and accepted or dismissed based
feel less fretful and will learn to put his best
to naturally bloom and come to fruition,
on his performance. Quite often, the parent
foot forward.
rather than making them wilt and wither.
wants a good performance, so that society
Children have no way of knowing about
can acknowledge him and credit him for
Often, children’s fears stem from the
self-doubt or negativity, unless they have
the success of the child.
unrealistic expectations their parents have
heard something hurtful or insensitive from
of them, leading to a build-up of great
somebody they look up to. One loose,
While the genuinely confident children
pressure. A child will definitely stutter if he
careless remark can undo years of
need our encouragement and support,
is continuously bombarded with negative
building talent. 8
the not-so-confident, self-doubting, fearful
stimuli. Therefore, it becomes the parents’
MEERA SHIVASHANKAR IS A MOTHER, AUTHOR,
ones need our help. Of course, the
responsibility to water and nourish the
PSYCHOLOGIST AND TEACHER.
Fornts Pare
Having understood the genesis and
Inculcate optimism. Invest time and identify their fear or
the prognosis of the problem,
difficult areas if any, and help them tide over it. Give rewards
one needs to look at a few
and incentives where possible.
pointers that can help children face the public with confidence
Laugh with them, but never at them. Tell them to have
in their abilities:
fun. It takes the rough edge off the whole thing and softens the
Children always learn by example. Hence let us make sure we are not bumbling in public first. Our children are always watching us.
Put yourselves in the child’s shoes and empathize. Appreciate the fact that even attempting a public event takes a little something extra.
Let us help the child earnestly prepare. Take them for public speaking events and talks where a child can observe how it is done. Record their speech and give ideas while they
experience for them. When they are on stage, smile and urge them on silently.
Give constructive feedback. Never take a child’s victory or effort for granted. If you must criticize, do so in a constructive manner. Eg: Instead of ‘You never get the song right!’ how about ‘Focus on practising and improving this one line.’
Parents shape their children’s handling of success or failure. Tell them that it is okay to fail and that it is more important to make a sincere attempt. The child is definitely more important than his shield, trophy or certificate!
going wrong. Suggest that they speak in front of a mirror so that
Be there for the child and infuse positive reinforcement. ‘Come on kanna, give it your best’, definitely
they understand their body language and do not become self-
sounds more pleasing than ‘Better come first or else!’
speak in front of you, so that they understand where they are
conscious. Help them make props or presentations as these will definitely divert their mind from any sense of
Encourage, inspire, motivate and applaud! Remember
nervousness.
that children are perfect with their imperfections!
www.parentcircle.in 15
learning
Helping children prepare for
public presentations Freddy Koikaran guides parents in a simple Q & A format What should the parent do as a first step in helping the child prepare for a presentation?
each one,
To ensure that a presentation is effective, the first step is to
concisely;
determine its objective. So ask the child questions that lead him
finally reiterate
to the overall objective. Some questions could be:
what has been
w What is the purpose of giving the presentation?
told and conclude.
clearly and
w Who is your audience? Is it other students, class teachers, other parents?
Can visual aids be used?
w What do you want the audience to think or feel after your
Whenever possible, visual aids (fun images and pictures)
presentation?
should be used to help people remember better. If the
w Why do you think your audience would be interested in what
presentation is made using slides, each slide should have less
you have to say?
than 6 lines. Pictures should be large, and the colours used
Consider how familiar the audience is with the topic. Their
should be easy on the eyes.
familiarity with the presentation topic will help determine how much information the child should provide, the length of the
Ensure that the child does not turn his back to the audience
presentation, and other such relevant factors.
but that he positions himself where he can see the slides while facing the audience. This is why practice is important; the
How to help in the structuring of the presentation?
child should have memorised his presentation so well that he
Consider the time that has been allotted for the presentation.
knows exactly which slide follows which one. If stagefright kicks
Teach the child to break up that time into smaller segments,
in – tell him to stay focused on the purpose. Good preparation
with each segment tackling a specific task or idea (all of which
will ensure that the child does not spend extra energy trying to
reflect the overall objective of the presentation). For example,
remember what to say.
the first segment should be the presentation’s introduction. presentation, explaining the topic, why its being covered and
Can you suggest some tips and techniques to keep nervousness at bay?
what the child hopes to accomplish.
Tell your child to use these tips:
In this segment, the child should give an overview of the
w To keep cue cards with bullet points on them, in case he The next segment should tackle the first item on the agenda,
forgets what to say. He has to just pause, refer to the cards,
with the following segment tackling the next item on the
and jump back in. Though he may not say exactly what was
agenda, and so forth.
rehearsed, he will still get the point across. w He should visualize himself succeeding.
Then, the conclusion should be thought about. The introduction
w Sometimes due to nervousness, his breathing can speed up
and the conclusion of the presentation should have the
and this can make the child giddy. Deep breathing is the trick
strongest impact.
to remember. w Record a video of the child rehearsing, to make possible
How to achieve clarity and impact?
changes and improvements. It is not just about being perfect;
Tell your child to keep his presentations short and simple and
he should also be able to handle interruptions and
highlight the most important parts. An effective method is to use
distractions.
the “tell ‘em” structure: w He should tell them what he is going to say (For instance, “In
FREDDY KOIKARAN RUNS TRAINING PROGRAMMES FOR CORPORATES
this presentation I will show you…”).
AND SCHOOL CHILDREN ON BUILDING SKILLS. HE RUNS A THEATRE
w He should tell them the key points, expanding and illustrating
COMPANY, STAGEFRIGHT.
16 Parent Circle / November 2011
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health circle
Protein and mineral deficiencies in children BY DR SANTHA NARAYANAN
I
n the last issue we had discussed Vitamin and Iodine deficiencies in children; we are concluding now with a few more nutritional deficiencies.
calcium BENEFITS
1. One of the important macro minerals in the body. 2. Helps to build strong bones. 3. It is involved in Neuromuscular, enzymatic, hormonal, and other metabolic activities. 4. Used in blood clotting, muscle contraction and maintenance of cell membranes Note 1. Vitamin D or exposure to sunlight increases its absorption. 2. Calcium decreases with ageing. 3. 99% is stored in bones and teeth. 4. It is not manufactured by body. Hence, supplementation is a must. SYMPTOMS OF DEFICIENCY
1. Bowlegs/ Pigeon breast/
Knock-knees in children 2. Cramps in legs 3. Delays in motor milestones 4. Heart becomes irregular 5. Weakness of bones 6. Poor sleep disorder Long term deficiency leads to osteoporosis. Though osteoporosis is the disease of the elderly, today’s young adults who do not expose themselves to sunlight and work long hours in AC rooms also suffer this. Excess of calcium leads to constipation and loss of appetite. FOOD SOURCES Dairy products - milk, cheese,
yoghurt, salmon fish, green-leafy-vegetables such as broccoli, spinach, calcium fortified foods, ice creams.
protein
iron
BENEFITS An important component
BENEFITS Iron is essential for the child’s
of every cell in the body, protein is needed to build strong structures in the body (bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments), to rebuild body tissues and to produce enzymes.
growth and development. It moves oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body and helps the muscles to use and store oxygen. CHILDREN AT RISK OF FACING IRON DEFICIENCY ARE:
1. Early weaning and feeding of starch rich cereals. 2. A diet high in starch and low in proteins.
1. Babies born prematurely or having low birth weight 2. Babies on cow’s milk before the age of 1 3. Breast-fed babies who are not given iron after six months 4. Babies on formula which is not fortified with Iron 5. Children with chronic infections or restricted diets 6. Children who drink more than 700 ml of cow’s, soy or goat milk everyday 7. Adolescent girls who lose Iron during menstruation
SYMPTOMS
SYMPTOMS OF DEFICIENCY
Protein Energy Malnutrition (P.E.M) It is a manifestation of chronic under-nutrition, consuming food with insufficient protein energy or both. Both Marasmus and Kwashiorkor come under the P.E.M. category. CAUSES FOR KWASHIORKOR
1. Fluid collection in the body. 2. Thin extremities 3. Liver enlargement
4. Skin changes 5. Brittle hair- flag sign 6. Constipation
In Marasmus, the body utilizes its own tissue for energy and appears skeleton like. Children also have: 4. Dry skin 1. Poor appetite 5. Low body temperature 2. Sparse hair 3. Anxious look TREATMENT
1. Fatigue or weakness 2. Pale skin 3. Poor appetite 4. Shortness of breath 5. Irritability
6. Inflammation of the tongue 7. Susceptibility to infections 8. Irregular heart beat 9. Behavioural problems 10. Unusual craving for other nonnutritive substances like sand.
Untreated Iron deficiency in children can cause physical and mental delays in areas such as walking or talking. PREVENTION
1. Provide adequate nutrition 2. I.V fluids if necessary 3. Treat underlying infections
1. Breast feed or give iron-fortified formula to infants 2. Encourage a balanced diet 3. Enhance absorption with Vitamin C 4. Give iron supplements
Breast-feeding a baby up to six months is the best way to prevent childhood malnutrition.
FOOD SOURCES Lean red meat, seafoods, all kinds of beans,
FOOD SOURCES Dairy and egg products, meat, fish, grains,
greens, tofu, broccoli, drumsticks, brussel sprouts, nuts and dried fruits, egg yolk.
nuts, beans
DR SANTHA NARAYANAN IS A PRACTISING PAEDIATRICIAN FROM CHENNAI.
www.parentcircle.in 19
mindset
A
re you watching over what your child is doing, and not
doing, every day? Do you plan and schedule most of your child’s activities?
Helicopter Parenting
Do you actually do
BY SRIRAM NAGANATHAN
and not merely help with the homework that your child is supposed to do? If your child is at
Being an over-involved
home and if you are
parent will
away, do you call her (or
eventually
someone who is at home) from your cell phone every
drive you
now and then to check what
nuts.
she is up to? If your answer is ‘yes’ to these questions, and if you are wondering what could be wrong with your actions, watch out, you are in a psychological danger zone - you could be a ‘Helicopter Parent’, causing more harm than good to your child!
Consider yourself a Helicopter Parent if you:
discussing ineffective parenting styles
WHAT HELICOPTER PARENTING DOES TO YOUR CHILD
in their book Parenting with Love
You may have the best of intentions, but
or fails to meet expectations, either
and Logic: Teaching Children
overprotection has serious long-term
yours or others.
Responsibility. Helicopter Parenting may
consequences. Experts say that children
appear to arise out of love and affection
need to learn to cope with failures to be
for the child, but is actually rooted in a
effective in life. Sadly, this is out of the
such as protesting an unfair grade
perceived insecurity about the
question for a Helicopter Parent.
or score in a test.
Foster W Cline, MD and Jim Fay coined the term ‘Helicopter Parent’ while
child’s future.
WHAT IT DOES TO YOU
p Feel ashamed when your child fails,
p Fight your child's battles for her,
p Take over your child's projects and
Such a parent will not accept the child’s
Being an over-involved parent will
failure in anything and hence, will not
eventually drive you nuts. Studies have
let the child learn from his or her own
shown that Helicopter Parents reported
mistakes. Like helicopters, such parents
more sadness, negative beliefs about
your child's activities, practices,
hover closely overhead, rarely out of
themselves, and less joy and contentment,
schedules and performances and
reach, whether their children need them
irrespective of whether their children were
only talk about these issues with
or not.
‘succeeding’ or ‘failing’.
your spouse.
20 Parent Circle / November 2011
homework. p Are preoccupied with the details of
WHAT YOU CAN DO IF YOU THINK YOU ARE A HELICOPTER PARENT Expand your care: This should be the first
Worse than Helicopter Parenting!
you want her to do by herself next year on her own?
There are worse types of overindulging
Remember, the antidote to Helicopter
parents.
Parenting is not an uninvolved or passive
remedial action. Try to include your child’s
parenting. Parental involvement, in the
friends - either from his class or from the
Black Hawk Parents are those who
right measure, always matters. There
neighbourhood or elsewhere - within your
cross the line from a mere excess of
is a line between need-based, involved
‘I care’ limit. For example, take them all out
zeal to clearly unethical behaviour, like
parenting and ‘Helicopter Parenting’. You
on a picnic and be attentive to everyone.
writing their children’s poems or essays
alone can define this line from time
Your child is unlikely to complain; the
or even drawing a picture for
to time.
chances are that he will be proud of you.
a competition. SRIRAM NAGANATHAN IS AN EDUCATIONIST
Help your child cope with anxiety: What
In chess tournaments, some parents
if your child is already spoilt and wants you
position themselves strategically so
to act on his behalf most of the time? Well,
that they can clearly see the child’s
you have a tough job on hand. Ask him
moves and can send alerts through
to define the problem (in his own words)
SMSes! Of course, the child is made
and come up with solutions rather than
to hide the cell and keep it the silent
attempting to manage it for him. It could
mode. These perfectly qualify as Black
be as simple as seeking the meaning for a
Hawk Parents!
word from the dictionary (you are not one! The dictionary is on the shelf and is
The term Lawn Mower Parents
open to all!)
describes parents who seek to mow down all obstacles, real or otherwise,
You could even ask the child to create
ahead of their children. Such an
a drawing of the problem. This gives the
attitude is a sure recipe for disaster in
child a purpose, maybe even a distraction
the long term.
and something for him to do. Try it out a
AND THE FOUNDER OF IGNITE MINDS.
Authoritative Parenting In contrast to the highly indulgent Helicopter Parenting, Authoritative Parenting - also called ‘Balanced Parenting’ – is most recommended by experts to parents. Authoritative Parents believe in the growing maturity of their children, can understand their feelings and teach them how to regulate them. They do not attempt to solve their children’s problems but only help them find appropriate means to solve problems.
few times, and then he may not need your
Limit your curiosity to know what
Authoritative Parenting allows the
help in sorting out many issues.
happened in school: If your child is not
children to explore more freely, and
forthcoming about what is going on at
encourages them to make their own
A note of caution: You should, of course,
school, drop the matter. It’s ok. Do not grill
decisions based upon their
know what is best left to the child and what
her with questions like “what happened
own reasoning.
is not, to sort out. Think it through.
during the second period today?” If you
An Authoritative Parent does not punish
have a concern, do not barrage the class Do not take on your child's projects
teacher with phone calls. If you do notice
or home work: Every parent is tempted
behavioural changes for the worse, seek a
to make his child's project the best one
meeting instead.
ever, but it's more important to let children learn to do things on their own. In fact,
Keep an annual ‘independence’
if the school overplays the parental
checklist: Parenting is all about training
role in projects, lodge a protest. Offer
children to acquire capabilities to live well
encouragement but minimal help.
when we are not around or gone. And we will be certainly gone! So allow them
A typical Helicopter Parent worries that
to gradually take their lives in their own
if the child does not do well in primary
hands. Is your child less dependent on
school, he will not do well in life later!
you this year than she was last year? Can
There is absolutely no evidence to justify
you mention a few activities that she does
this anxiety.
without your help now? What activities do
the child, but teaches or reasons out with him through extensive dialogues if there is a short-coming. The disciplining measures of Authoritative Parents are consistent, never arbitrary. Ageappropriate independent thinking in children is relished as a sign of growth. How does all this reflect on children? Experts say that children of Authoritative Parents have a higher self- esteem and a lower fear in facing the world. And of course, they retain a very healthy relationship with their parents through their lives.
www.parentcircle.in 21
special
BY RANGASHREE SRINIVAS
A
this through the stories of some
ahead with an unrelated adoption of a child
adoptive families.
in need. Today she is a favourite
BOND OF LOVE dopting a child is no
with everybody.
G Nageswaran and R Revathi are the
Srividhya already knows and has accepted
more or no less than an alternate way
parents of a lively little six-year-old girl.
her adoptive status. We are Sai Baba
to parenting. As a part of an important
Srividhya was adopted when she was
devotees and have told her that she is
nodal body, the Adoptions Coordination
just 72 days old. When Revathi had
a gift from God. We have exposed her
Agency, Tamil Nadu, I come across varied
some trouble with her pregnancy leading
to people who are economically less
perceptions to the idea of adoption. I am
to complications, the couple decided to
fortunate and have explained to her that
constantly in touch with scores of parents
adopt a child. “What began as a selfish
waiting in the wings to bring a child into
thought, transformed into a need to do
their homes, whom they can call their own.
something purposeful with our lives,” says Nageswaran. “When Srividhya
It is said that a biological child is born from
came into our lives, our family dynamics
your womb, but an adopted child is born
was transformed into something magical.
from your heart. The bond between the
We gave up minor squabbling and strove
adoptive parent and adopted child is very,
to make our home a haven of peace for
very special. It cannot be expressed in
our child. Initially my family wanted us to
words, but here is an attempt to illustrate
adopt from within the family, but we went
22 Parent Circle / November 2011
Srividhya with her parents
sometimes, people hope to give their
film called Kannathil Muthamittal that was
to building a family. Several families have
children a better life by giving them up for
about the adoption of a Srilankan refugee
opted to adopt their second child. Some
adoption. She seems to have accepted this
child. My son was very impressed about
have adopted even the first out of choice.
reasoning as to why her biological parents
the idea of adoption. That was when we
may have given her away.
told him about his adoptive status. After
Vidya Shankar is an ‘old’ adoptive parent.
six months we told him that we wanted
Her biological daughter Varsha is 21
It is important for children to know their
to adopt a baby girl. We felt that he was
years old and adopted son Vishal is 19.
adoptive status early in life, as it may come
lonely and needed a sibling. He was very
The family has long years of experience
as a shock to them if they come to know of
enthusiastic and we brought home one-
in parenting and Vidya asserts that there
it from sources other than the parents. We
and-a-half year old Aishwarya. She had not
is no difference whatsoever between
have no fear in answering her questions
yet begun speaking and we were worried
parenting a biological child or an adopted
about her adoption. She is very attached
that she may have missed a milestone.
one. She is a person who likes to give
to us.”
back to society what she has received – in But once she was in our home, with the
her case, the joy of parenting. Her doors
love that our son lavished on her, she
are always open to parents and children
Fourteen-year-old Satish was adopted
started talking. Today she is the most
who want counsel. In fact her children also
when he was only six months old. His
talkative child on the block! Brother and
help other children who have issues with
parents R Deenadayalan and D Kalaichelvi
sister are inseparable, have their usual
their parents!
decided to adopt a child after two difficult
squabbles and dote on each other,” says
abortions. “My wife took the initiative, and
Deenadayalan.
TWO OF A KIND
her parents supported her completely. In
Among the many hats she wears, she is an adoption educator and a Founder
turn, I got enthused. When Satish was
A HELPING HAND
eight years old, we took him to a Tamil
Adoption is not necessarily the last resort
Secretary of the adoptive family support group called SuDatta. Vidya feels that 8
The adoption process in India, though
children by counselling and guiding them through the adoption
fairly regulated is not easy. Due to
process. However, whenever possible, it is best to encourage
lack of awareness, malpractices and
these families to raise their own children by giving them the
bureaucratic inefficiencies, many
additional support they need.
children in need of nurturing families and several families desperate to adopt, miss out on each other. However with proper
Provide support to friends and family members who want to adopt by giving referrals and information.
documentation and some patience, it is possible to adopt a child.
Talk to orphanages and institutions to facilitate their young inmates to be adopted.
The long wait list of prospective adoptive parents and an equally long list of destitute children without any hope of being
CARA with the help of state governments, functions as the
embraced by a family, only goes to show that there is a wide
nodal body for adoption of Indian children and is mandated to
procedural gap in bringing these two groups together. As
monitor and regulate in-country and inter-country adoptions.
members of the public we can raise awareness about legal adoptions and the need to deinstitutionalise children (move
Prospective parents are encouraged to adopt twins or siblings
them from orphanages into families). To do this you can:
together. Domestic adoptions are encouraged more than oversees adoptions. All the stakeholders in the adoption
Report an abandoned child to the police or call
programme are trained and sensitised in the process.
Childline no: 1098. The CARA (Central Adoption Resource Authority) website also has a list of registered foundling homes.
If you are considering adoption browse CARA’s website
You can contact a local one.
http://www.adoptionindia.nic.in which has all the information required. You can also apply online to register for adopting
You can help parents who are unable to raise their own
a child.
www.parentcircle.in 23
special
The Journey
Home Birth Parent
Surrenders/ abandons child Child Welfare Commitee of the State Govt. verifies circumstances of surrender/ abandonment. Certifies the child ‘free for adoption’
Child
Vidya Shankar with her family
positive parenting plays a key role in
adoption. “We have sharing platforms, and
bringing up today’s child. Power play is
it was thrilling to see how the children held
there in every family, whether the siblings
on to each other when the topic of ‘Search’
are biological or adopted or a combination
was discussed,” she says. Vidya has
of both. Depending on each child’s
helped with such ‘searches’ which happen
temperament, parents must alter their
occasionally, when the adopted child
approach to resolve situations. Only then,
wants to trace her biological parents.
will they be equally fair to all their children. If there have been negative experiences
Foundling Home
Documentation, homestudy, counselling of prospective parents. Identifying child
Adoptive Parent
Adoptive parent takes child home Legalisation - Foster care arrangement for 6 months followed by the issuance of the Adoption Deed by court
24 Parent Circle / November 2011
Talking about her adoption experience she
in adoptive parenting, the parents are to
says, “My husband Shankar and I decided
blame, Vidya says. “Parents do not wish
to have our second child through adoption
to understand the natural turbulence
when our daughter turned two. We started
caused by the hormonal changes during
the adoption process in 1992. We were not
adolescence and the associated peer
very welcome those days, as the agencies
pressures. Instead of attributing problems
felt that we could have other biological
to the source, which is the teen age, they
children.
use the adoptive status as a scapegoat.
We registered with the VCA (Voluntary Co-
It is very sad for the children during
ordinating Agency now known as Adoption
these times; we counsel them towards
Co-ordinating Agency TN) and were
acceptance of their parent’s attitude and
finally placed with a sweet little child in a
help them cope with it. The age gap
month. We started the Adoptive Families
between parents and adopted children is
Association in 1995 with the help of the
usually wider than with biological children
VCA to help handle the legal issues and
and hence the challenge is that much
the delays related to adoption.”
more, to keep up with the times” she says.
Vidya advises other adoptive parents that
SuDatta Adoptive Families Association
children can be told about their adopted
functions at No: 7/9, Basement, Sriram
status when they are two and half years
Nagar Main Road, Thiruvanmiyur,
old through the story-telling route; she has
Chennai-41. Ph: 044 24527644,
also written a book about this.
94444 49644
She also facilitates children to talk naturally
ONE FOR ANOTHER
about their adoptive status in family
Kalaivani Sadagopan, a senior level
gatherings. In SuDatta, some of the older
marketing professional had always wanted
adopted children come forward to help the
to adopt a child. When she thought that the
younger ones understand the concept of
time was right, she went ahead; 8
special regardless of the fact that she did not have
straight out and I am always open and
a partner. She adopted Anjali when the
honest with my answers. She loves to hear
child was just 75 days old.
the story of my going to a ‘place’ to pick her up.”
While applying for adoption, Kalaivani awkward questions from officials about her
LEGAL ADOPTIONS IN INDIA
single status and why she wanted a child.
Foundling homes that are licensed to
had to answer several unnecessary and
give children in adoption are either RIPAs “I registered online for a passport for Anjali
or LAPAs. RIPA stands for ‘Recognised
and I had several problems, because the
Indian Placement Agency’. They are
father’s name is mandatory and the system
recognised by CARA and are allowed to
prints it out as ‘not applicable’ which is not
place children in inter-country adoption.
accepted by the authority. Fortunately for
LAPA stands for ‘Licensed Adoption
me, a helpful soul in the passport office
Placement Agency’. They are recognised
helped me fill out the manual form in a way
by their respective states. These agencies
that I could circumvent such issues.”
are private and are only allowed to handle domestic adoptions. They do not receive
“I am a professional in a flourishing career
any kind of government funding.
and my world centres around Anjali,” says Kalaivani. “I have a lot of family support –
Tamil Nadu and Pondicherry for instance,
my parents, siblings and extended family.
have about 15 RIPAs and 14 LAPAs.
Anjali is never alone and has taken her
Other orphanages and homes are not
adoptive status and the lack of a father in
allowed to give children in adoption but can
her stride,” she adds.
route adoptions through the licensed agencies.
Today, Anjali is an energetic six-year-old
BOOKS ON ADOPTION The Penguin Guide To Adoption In India BY ALOMA LOBO AND JAYAPRIYA VASUDEVAN
Talking with Young Children about Adoption BY MARY WATKINS AND SUSAN FISHER
w Couples can adopt children in the age group of 0-3 years, if their maximum
with a lot of questions. She has been told
Adopting through legal means from these
composite age is 90 years; the individual
of her adoption story according to her
agencies is safer than going in for adoption
ages should not be less than 25 years or
growing comprehension levels, right from
from within ‘known’ circles or illegally
more than 50 years.
the time she was two and a half years
through dubious agents or hospitals
old. She began having questions about
because the documentation process is
w To adopt children above three years
‘birthing’ when she noticed pregnant
rigorous. This ensures that there will be no
of age, the maximum composite age of
family members and the resultant babies.
future uncertainty or legal hassle about the
couples should be 105 years; the individual
When school mates ask her “What is your
adoptive status of the child.
ages should not be less than 25 years and
father’s name, she says that she does not have one, without any embarrassment,”
WHO CAN ADOPT?
says her mother. “She asks me everything
more than 55 years. w A single person desiring to adopt should
According to the law, a child can be given
not be less than 30 and more than 50.
in adoption w To a person irrespective of marital
w Prospective parents should be in good
status.
health and have a sound financial status.
w To parents who have their own living children. The adopted child can be of
w A second adoption is allowed only when
either sex.
the legal adoption of the first child has
w To a childless couple.
been finalized, though in the cases of twins or siblings the legalization is done together.
ADDITIONAL ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA: Kalaivani with daughter Anjali
26 Parent Circle / November 2011
w 2 years of stable relationship in case of
w Single males are not permitted to adopt
married couples.
girl children.
Common public perception/ myths on adoption:
the child's understanding grows, state as factually as possible
1
circumstances. There was a case when an adolescent girl was
It is a great act of charity: Yes it is, on the part of the child.
The child graces your family by being a part of it.
the circumstances of her adoption. Sooner or later someone is going to tell the child and this may not happen in the best of told this, in a shouting match between the parents! It took years to repair that damage.
2
Children are available for the picking: Certainly not. The
ratio of children available for adoption to waiting prospective
6
The child must never be allowed to talk about her
parents is nearly 1:6. And if you are lucky, you will be picked
biological parents: In most legal non-family adoptions,
among many - by destiny and the child.
information about the biological parents is confidential - known only to the State and foundling home. However tell the child
3
Once we have made the decision we can bring home a
as much as you know. Never berate the birth parents or make
child that very day: You have to wait at least as long as you do
the child feel she was 'not wanted'. Tell her that circumstances
when you are pregnant or more!
make people take certain decisions which are always in the best interest of the child. If the child is insistent – then allow and enable
4
Adopted children need to be indulged in, lest they feel
the child to trace her roots. You can be 100% assured that she
neglected: No way! The laws of parenting are the same for both
considers you to be her safest haven and will never leave you.
the biological and adopted children. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. DO NOT let the child manipulate you. Be kind, but firm.
7
Adoption is the last resort: Many couples especially in
India put-off the adoption decision until they are well into their 40s,
5
Adoptive status must never be revealed: It can be revealed
after many frustrating and expensive attempts to conceive. If you
as early as when the child is 2 or 3 years old. A good way to start
want to have children, decide early. Imagine having to deal with a
is by telling stories of great adoptions from your own culture. As
teenager when you are 50 plus!
centrespread
Rohan Kaushik
Arun Pandian Arun Pandian is a 4th standard student
My son Rohan is now five years old. He is
studying in the Avvai Home School in Adyar.
intelligent and shrewd but at the same time, he
He is a bright boy with a big smile, very
is very mischievous. In spite of this, he is his
enthusiastic about learning. When he is not
teacher’s pet and his mother’s darling. He
playing or taking care of his younger siblings,
is learning yoga for the past two years
he can be seen drawing and colouring.
and he is really good at it. I am very
NALINA RAMALAKSHMI, NEIGHBOUR
proud of him. RAHUL SURESH, FATHER
November 14 is
Children’s Day! We are thankful for our
Shricharan Raghavan
Shricharan is a very special child for us! Yes, he is a leap year baby
Our bundle of joy is two and a half years
born in 2008! He is three and a half
old. He knows to speak the words most
years now and is caring, confident,
important to him, ‘No’, ‘I want’, ‘give it’ and
self-aware and respectful of those
uses them with intense emotion. He’s probably
around him. At this age he does
the youngest user of the iPod and an unconventional
all the work (like eating, writing
listener, because he enjoys the most complex
homework etc.) by himself. I am
Carnatic compositions. He also insists that capsicum
glad that I have a son like him.
is only ‘Casasum.’ PRADEEP CHAKRAVARTHY, FATHER
JAYASHREE SURESH, MOTHER
P Dharini
C S Dhruva
My student, P Dharini, studying in 9th
Sixteen year old Dhruva
standard, is multi-talented. She learnt to
epitomises truth and
make artificial jewellry when she was in
honesty. His journey from
the 6th standard and has also learnt
childhood to adolescence,
tailoring and folk dance. Her aim is
his innocent explorations
to become an IAS officer.
of the environment
VATHSALA
around him and his unique
PARTHASARATHY,
perception of people and
TEACHER
situations have taught us lessons in humility and that life is precious. LAKSHMI SATISH, MOTHER
Vinisha Kathiravan
Sanjana Vinod Five-year-old Sanjana loves to be with children and enjoys outdoor games. Fond of dancing, she also loves doing
My daughter Vinisha, a class IX student, is a
gymnastics on the swing. When asked to
child prodigy, who has performed many solo
paint, she gets very enthused.
classical dances. She has won many
SOUMYA VINOD, MOTHER
trophies and performed in various events of significance including Perur Natyanjali Festival Coimbatore and Dance Festival at Mamallapuram. She was also conferred the Guru Pandanallur T S Shanmugasundaram Pillai Award by music exponent, Dr M Balamuralikrishna. I am very happy and proud of her. JAYASUDHA KATHIRAVAN, MOTHER
Arvind Srinivasan I am the blessed father of Arvind, 13 years. Through his
site, which I have created for him, you will see his love for art. He has over 300 creations published in
the site. I am really proud of my son. R SRINIVASAN, FATHER
cover story
BY V VENKATACHALAM
CBSE In 1965, the Central Board
Board level exams. In 1985, in Chennai
of Secondary Education (CBSE) was
which 85 were affiliated to this system.
reorganized from the existing Board of Rajputana at Ajmer, which was prevailing
The ICSE:
in five states. The board was given
of Secondary Education ( ICSE) is a
an all-India character under the
Christian Minority board, that has been
chairmanship of Zakir Hussain before he
given the status of a national board.
became President.
Handed down from the British, It is
alone, there were around 237 schools, of
The Indian Certificate
relatively less popular in the country. In The CBSE curriculum was adopted by the
terms of syllabus standards, it is close to
Kendriya Vidyalaya schools – the schools
the CBSE.
attended by the children of people serving in the armed forces and the government.
Other Boards:
At that time, the CBSE was called Higher
Across the country there are
Secondary. People liked it because there
totally 32 boards, excluding
was no requirement of a pre-university
the two national boards CBSE
course (PUC) after this, which amounted
and ICSE. Most of the others
to a one year ‘saving’ in education. Later
follow state patterns like the
after the 10 plus 2 was introduced, this
Manipuri pattern, Punjab
advantage was lost.
pattern, West Bengal pattern, Tamil Nadu pattern. Some like
Owing to the huge popularity of the
the Anglo Indian Board, the
CBSE and the inability of Kendriya
Madarasa Board or the Oriental
Vidyalayas to expand, private schools
Schools have community or
were allowed to get affiliated to this Board.
religious undertones. The 32
Until 1975, all the CBSE schools were
boards, instead of trying
following their own curriculum when Dr
to complement
K Venkatasubramanian, a renowned
each other
economist and eminent educationist
to promote
introduced the Plus 2, standardising the
value-based
30 Parent Circle / November 2011
education, compete with each other and
4 Eliminating cut-throat competition
Samacheer Kalvi has managed to
bring cleavage into the system.
among high achievers
downgrade the Matriculation system (to
4 Reducing societal pressure and
accommodate the learning capability
providing the learner with more flexibility
of students from lower hierarchies) and
the Matriculation Board to compete with
IGCSE and IB: The
upgrade the Corporation and
the growing popularity of the CBSE board.
International General Certificate of
Earlier the Matriculation Board was under
Secondary Education (IGCSE) and A level
There is another important observation
the Madras University, subsequently
is certified by Cambridge and EDEXCEL
to be made in this context, which is
taken over by the state. At the Plus 2
– Pearson in India. EDEXCEL IGCSE is
‘capability’ versus ‘copability’. Why are
level alone, the Matriculation schools
followed by a few schools in the North,
there such high suicide rates inside the IIT
shared a common syllabus with the State
but they only offer ‘O’ level. EDEXCEL
campus? The reservation has not ensured
government and Corporation schools. The
is not aggressive in its marketing, while
‘copability’ despite apparently providing
Matriculation schools offered English and
Cambridge has its own ‘oomph’ to it.
‘capability through curriculum’. For many
Hindi languages, which the public wanted
This is preferred by the socially affluent
students entering a ‘CBSE or Matriculation’
and which were not offered by the state
people having diverse cultural needs,
standard when their parents have not been
schools. Since the CBSE system was
and the global Indian. The International
educated, the ‘copability’ is that much more
perceived to be tough and these schools
Baccalaureate (IB), like the IGCSE,
difficult. Even for me, though I am a Dean
commanded more fees, Matriculation
encourages thinking, research and
of a prestigious institution today, I would
schools became popular.
analysis, application and skill development,
have been better off if my grandparents
even decision-making depending on the
were educated! That would have resulted
Today, the Tamil Nadu state has
subject. Unlike the Indian boards which
in two generations of education before
introduced Samacheer Kalvi, and the
are product-oriented, the IGCSE and IB
me and I would have done better in life!
Matriculation schools have to follow the
are process-oriented. IB requires huge
The greater the education levels down the
state syllabus even at the lower classes.
investments in teacher training and the fee
generations, the better the capability and
Nothing prevents the Matriculation schools
is very steep for students.
copability of the subsequent generations.
THE ‘SOCIAL’ EVOLUTION OF EDUCATION
I also feel that as systems become more
these schools may not be incentivised sufficiently to do this. Though content-wise
Whatever the Centre and State
CBSE exams in 1975 for instance, used to
the CBSE Plus 2 and State Plus 2 syllabi
governments may do to provide uniformity
be very tough. Getting distinction (above
are on par with each other, the actual class
of syllabus, they cannot bring about
75 %) was a great achievement. Today
room transactions vary a great deal due to
‘equality in education’.
many schools follow CBSE and all are
In Tamil Nadu for instance, the late Chief Minister M G Ramachandran popularised
from offering more than what is mandated, but with the restriction on school fees,
lack of infrastructural facilities or trained/
Government schools.
popular, there will be dilution in content.
orienting their students to pass, preferably
committed human resources. A system
There is a distinct hierarchy even
that lacks these facilities will be liberal
in education, despite a comparable
with distinction.
in evaluation.
curriculum overall. As the earnings of
I predict the same thing will happen to the
people improve, their aspirations also
IB and IGCSE patterns, ten years down
The national boards are therefore
improve. The person who studied in a
the line. If they have to sustain themselves
better than state boards in recall and
Corporation school will aspire to put his
in terms of viability they will have to grow
application, and in encouraging a higher
son in a Government school. For parents
in reach, so there is bound to be some
order of thinking skills. The ICSE does
who have passed out of Government
dilution in their offering. 8
not have continuous and comprehensive
schools, their children will invariably go to a
evaluation (CCE) yet, so the CBSE has
Matriculation school. The aspiration levels
V VENKATACHALAM
an advantage. CCE has been instituted
move onwards to CBSE, ICSE, IGCSE,
IS AN EDUCATIONIST
with the idea of leading to a better learning
IB. So whatever may get done to provide
AND CURRENTLY
environment by
‘uniformity in education’ and ‘education
DEAN, VAEL’S GROUP OF
for all’, there will always be different fee
SCHOOLS.
4 Minimizing misclassification of students
structures, to accommodate the growing
on the basis of marks
aspirations of people.
www.parentcircle.in 31
cover story medical or engineering colleges, even though the student may actually possess relatively superior depth in conceptual clarity. However, the flexibility of exam schedule in A Level (equivalent to 12th) frees up lots of time for aspirants for competitive exams. For e.g., one could sit for the A Level exams by November of the previous year and then devote the rest of the time till May next year, intensively preparing for the national-level entrance exams. Since any student can appear for the IGCSE or A Level exams as a private candidate by simply paying the examination fee (one does not need to belong to a school), some students of national boards in India have begun sitting for IGCSE and A Level exams, on their own. This gives them a sort of ‘dual’ qualification which can be leveraged for higher education anywhere. A word of caution: Good teachers are
IGCSE and A Level BY SRIRAM NAGANATHAN
imperative for a school offering IGCSE/A compared to Indian syllabi and focuses
Level course. While many schools are
on application-based learning. Critical
jumping into the bandwagon presumably
thinking is encouraged. IGCSE also offers
lured by the prospect of high fees they
The International General Certificate
flexibility: active learners may opt for more
can charge the students in these courses,
of Secondary Education (IGCSE) is a
subjects (as opposed to the minimum 5)
few actually take pains to attract the great
modified version of the UK based GCSE, a
or more rigorous testing. Of course, since
teachers the students deserve. So select
qualification for students in the 14–16 age
both IGCSE and A Level are globally
the school carefully and then sit back and
group. It is a two-year programme, spread
recognized qualifications, they do help with
watch your child blossom into a
over Classes 9 and 10, and culminates in
admissions to colleges abroad.
global citizen.
10 every year in May and November.
Now to some structural issues that go
Many schools in the UK are switching from
against IGCSE and A Level.
The International Baccalaureate (IB)
GCSE to IGCSE, pointing to its increasing
To clear prestigious entrance exams like
popularity. Advanced Level (popularly
IIT JEE in India, one has to work extremely
known as A Level) exam is the equivalent
hard in cracking the patterns of the papers,
The IB is an internationally recognized
of the 12th class board exam in India.
besides being smart. IGCSE or A Level
curriculum that was developed in 1968,
offers no advantage here. The IGCSE or A
by the International Baccalaureate, a non-
So what’s great about IGCSE or A Level?
Level Science and Maths syllabi are seen
profit educational foundation based
Many educators view IGCSE and A
as relatively less demanding compared to
in Geneva.
Level as superior to CBSE or ICSE/ISC
those of Indian equivalents such as ICSE/
exams in terms of testing the student’s
ISC or CBSE. The fact remains that a
It consists of three programmes offered as
conceptual clarity, depth of understanding,
great A Level performance may still not
a continuum or individually, the Primary
etc. The syllabus is broad-based
be enough to get past the gates of local
Years programme (K to 5th std), the Middle
the final examinations at the end of Class
32 Parent Circle / November 2011
SOURCE: IBO.ORG
Yashasvini Rajeshwar
do in the long run, what matters is that such an option is available to them.
My tryst with Cambridge began in Grade 8. We started IGCSE training a tad early in some subjects
Yes, Math with Cambridge IGCSE, is lower in standard than a
and I continued with the system until I passed out
Class 10 equivalent in CBSE or ICSE. Yet, the other subjects
of high school earlier this year.
are almost two years ahead of the local boards. Admission into colleges is not an issue with all major universities and
Cambridge allows us to think. It makes us understand, and
their affiliated colleges. Still, students find it easier to secure
analyze, and question, and apply. It changes the way we
admissions with colleges having entrance exams or interviews,
approach issues at hand - we tend to unconsciously use
where they avoid the hassle of explaining the ‘missing’
everything taught in our classrooms and textbooks. It gives us
percentages in the final certificates. An IGCSE student stepping
a global perspective on whatever we study as the syllabii spans
into a college in India, will need to get acclimatized to the Indian
the entire world, and our competition is quite literally, the planet
system of education. Again, this should not be much
at large. After doing three subjects more than the five prescribed
of a problem.
minimum, I finished my IGCSEs and decided that this stream of education was what I wanted throughout my schooling.
Based largely on the equality of opportunity and personalised education (learn as much as you want to), it is a brilliant
Cambridge, whether it is at IGCSE or at A Level, gives every
opportunity to make a lasting impact on the rest of the student’s
student the advantage of choosing preferred subjects early on.
life. I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed my high schooling and will
While many students, and most parents, are of the opinion that
whole-heartedly advocate this system of education to anyone
children as young as 13 years old hardly know what they want to
who wants to learn as opposed to those to want to be taught.
Years programme (6th to 10th std) and the
n Individuals and Societies
lab work as part of the internal assessment
IB Diploma (11th and 12th std). Of these, the
n Language Acquisition (second
requirements, which constitutes 20% to
IB diploma programme is the most popular.
language).
30% of final grade.
The IB diploma is a very challenging, rigorous and holistic programme, with
The sixth subject can be either an art
How does the IB help Indian children
emphasis on the development of:
subject or one from any of the
pursuing their higher studies?
other groups.
National: Since 1983 the International
n Intercultural understanding and respect n Independent learning and research
Baccalaureate Diploma has been In addition the following are required:
recognized by the Association of Indian
n A four thousand word Extended Essay
Universities as an entry qualification to all
n Critical thinking and analytical skills.
(EE), as part of an independent study
universities in India. The IBO produces
n Skills for communication and
research project.
and issues for universities, a document
n Theory Of Knowledge (TOK), a course
detailing percentage equivalency along
that encourages students to reflect on the
with the transcript of results. IB scores
For the success of the IB programme,
nature of knowledge by critically examining
are scaled in the range of 1 to 7, with a 7
teachers require extensive training. Hence
different ways of knowing and different
being an equivalent of a 96% to 100% in
it becomes expensive for schools to
kinds of knowledge.
the Indian mark scheme. The student can
implement the IB.
n 150 hours of Creativity, Action,
request this document from their Diploma
Service (CAS) that requires students to
Programme Coordinator.
skills,
collaboration
CURRICULUM
actively learn from the experience of doing
Students are required to study 6 subjects.
tasks outside of the classroom.
At least 3 subjects must be at the higher
The course content of IBDP for the Sciences and Mathematics is in line with
level, with the others at a standard level.
ASSESSMENT
the prescribed syllabus of most Indian
One subject must be chosen from each of
Students take written examinations at the
open entrance tests for Engineering or
the five groups –
end of the 2 year programme, which are
Medicine undergraduate studies. All IIT’s
n Language and literature (first language)
marked by external IB examiners. Over
and other specialized institutes
n Experimental Sciences
the period of the two years, students are
recognize IB.
n Mathematics and Computer Science
required to do projects, presentations or
Note: Students need to prepare and 8
www.parentcircle.in 33
cover story choose beforehand, ‘preferred’ subjects liked by colleges offering professional courses if they want to study further in India. International: Globally, it is recognized as a challenging curriculum that equips children with the skills necessary for success in higher education. It is becoming the curriculum of choice for students wanting to go overseas for higher studies. US Universities specifically grant students college credits for subjects they have performed well in.
Central Board of Secondary Education (CBSE) S SESHADRI
The Board has affiliated more than 8090 schools including 141 schools in 21
Harish Raja
countries. It grants affiliation for Classes 9 to 12. It approves the curriculum for Primary and Middle schools and conducts the All India Secondary School
I have always been one who looks for challenges, one who looks for the most intellectually stimulating path. Ever since I moved to India a little more than three years ago, I have had the IB diploma on my radar. I
examination at the end of Class 10 and
looked at the Extended Essay as something that would give me an opportunity to think
All India Senior School Examination at the
creatively, TOK as something that would change my perspective on the world, and
end of Class 12. The syllabus is based on
CAS as something that would allow me to reach out to the community.
NCERT Curriculum. I like to think, and apply the concepts that I learn. Instead of just repeating the same CONTINUOUS COMPREHENSIVE
math problem 30 times, I enjoy the challenge of applying a variety of concepts to solve
EVALUATION (CCE)
complex problems. The IB has enabled me to take on this challenge in a way that has
One of the major reforms the Board has
kept me engaged in the learning process.
embarked upon is the examination system for assessment and evaluation. CBSE has
IB bridges the gap between school and the real world. In Economics for instance,
introduced Continuous Comprehensive
students are required to bring in real world situations to demonstrate the failures of
Evaluation (CCE) for Class 10 Board
theoretical concepts. Sitting in economics class, I think math. Sitting in English I think
Examination mainly to reduce examination
Physics. Sitting in Physics I think TOK. I love that IB is not a set of compartmentalized
stress. CCE covers all aspects of
classes, but rather a lens through which to view a multifaceted world.
Curriculum namely Scholastic (Academic and Work Experience, Physical and Health Education and Art Education) and Co-
work, homework, oral questions,
health education gets graded in a
Scholastic (Life skills, attitudes and values
quizzes, projects, assignments and tests.
5 point scale.
and other outdoor activities).
Summative assessment is an end of the term examination of the curriculum.
Under the Co-scholastic areas
There will be two terms in a year.
Overall, there are three heads of
assessment head, Life skills (thinking
Assessment will be in the form of
assessment. Under the Scholastic Areas
skills, emotional skills, social skills) get
two formative assessments and one
assessment head, academic performance
graded in a 5 point scale; and attitudes and
summative assessment in a term.
gets graded in a 9 point scale and work
values in a 3 point scale.
Formative assessment covers class
experience/art education/physical and
34 Parent Circle / November 2011
Under Co-scholastic activities
are from CBSE schools, followed by the
Shakespeare. There is no option except to
assessment head, health and physical
State Government with 39% and ICSE
crack the two English papers if one wants
education activities (like Sports) get
with 5%.
to clear Class 10. Similarly, there are three
graded on a 3 point scale; likewise, literary
(COURTESY Times of India October 10, 2011)
papers in science – one each for Physics,
and scientific skills, performing art, clubs (like Eco Club) get graded on a 3 point scale. Non-academic achievements are essential! CLASS X: SECONDARY SCHOOL
The Council for the Indian School Certificate Examinations (CISCE) BY SRIRAM NAGANATHAN
EXAMINATION
Chemistry and Biology – compared to a single Science paper in most other boards. For each subject, CISCE scopes out the themes and topics comprehensively. What needs to be covered in depth and what can be done in passing is clearly spelt
The CISCE is a unique private board. It
out. However, it stops short of explicitly
The school sets the paper (for summative
conducts two ‘public’ exams: ICSE (The
mentioning how many marks a topic (say,
exams) and also assesses. However,
Indian Certificate of Secondary Education)
Electricity and Magnetism) commands in
students are given the option of having the
at the end of class 10 and ISC (The Indian
the ICSE or ISC exam. Nor does it suggest
second or final summative exam assessed
School Certificate) at the end of class 12.
to the teachers how many hours they
by the Board. In such an instance, 60 per
should spend on a particular theme.
cent of assessment is done by the school,
It is not very popular in the country.
and only 40 per cent is left to the Board.
Chennai accounts for 13 schools out of the
While this ‘non-marks’ oriented approach
The final result is a combination of both.
total 62 in Tamil Nadu that are affiliated to
should be welcome and would suit a
the Board.
creative teacher, a less capable teacher
Curriculum for Class 10: Two languages,
who requires instructions at every step
Mathematics, Science, Social Science,
So what is good and not so good about
could find the task of preparing the
Work Education or Pre-vocational
ICSE and ISC? The standard of English
students for the public exams daunting.
Education, Physical and Health Education
is relatively high. In the class 10 exam
And of course, students do figure out how
and Art Education.
(ICSE), students sit for two papers in
CISCE ‘thinks’ from the patterns of
English – one dealing with the functional
past exams!
Advantage: CCE promotes regular steady
English and the other, with English
learning due to an on-going evaluation, it
literature. It does not matter if a wannabe
Ironically, despite a heavy science load,
is a fairer system of assessment.
software engineer is keen on C++ and not
CISCE tilts slightly towards promoting liberal arts. Environmental Education is 8
Disadvantage: Teachers need to be fairly objective in their assessment and one cannot rule out the possibility of
Subha Rajagopalan, a teacher and parent, currently based in New Delhi
unfair practices by them. CLASSES XI AND XII: SENIOR SECONDARY SCHOOL EXAMINATION
People in transferable jobs (the armed forces/government officers etc who were the earliest to patronise it), are now finding CBSE slightly disadvantageous, due to the CCE. When parents get transferred midway during
Class 11 examination will be conducted by
the term, the teacher in the new school cannot grade the student effectively on the
the school, Class 12 by the Board, Marks/
criteria outside of pure academics, because she does not know the student. This, for
grades will be awarded for the individual
no fault of the student, results in lower grades.
subjects. I also find that a student who is really good in academics is put on par with a student Curriculum: Currently English and four
who is not so good because of the other criteria. This could be a disincentive for the
subjects, with 100 marks allocated to each.
interested learner.
“CBSE students leading the race” –
Still the system does remove a lot of stress from the student. It has not been enforced
Analysis of JEE 2011 shows that among
yet at the Plus 2 level, but I feel that there is no point in going back into the old
the qualified candidates 56% of students
system. Students will get disturbed by such fluctuations.
www.parentcircle.in 35
cover story a compulsory subject at the ICSE and ISC examinations. In ICSE (class 10), a student could choose not to do Science and Maths, but has to sit for History, Civics and Geography. Some experts also think that the examination patterns of pan-India entrance examinations such as IIT-JEE and PMT follow the syllabus of CBSE rather than CISCE. This makes it necessary for students taking the ISC exam to reorient themselves in order to take a shot at the prestigious competitive exams. CISCE still goes by ‘marks’ (in contrast to ‘grades’) in assessment and does not allow private students.
Samacheer Kalvi in Tamil Nadu Vasantha Krishnan, Swamy Matriculation Higher
That said, it is well known that a student who migrates
Secondary School, Chennai
to CBSE or any other board after ICSE (i.e., in Class
Sridevi Rudraiah, KRMM School, Chennai L M Vimala, Ammaniammal School, Rajapalayam
11), would find it a breeze. Switching to another board after ICSE is a popular tactic adopted by students who find it easier to score high marks or grades in exams
This year all the state level boards in Tamil Nadu (Matriculation, State,
of other boards to be in the reckoning for engineering
Anglo Indian) have been combined into one Samacheer Kalvi, a board
and medical college admissions, sans entrance
that is still evolving.
exams. ICSE and ISC remain the toughest exams that a student can take in India at Class 10 and 12 levels.
Earlier, the prevailing Matriculation system was on par with the NCERT
However, at the national level, CBSE has begun racing
syllabus mandated for the national boards upto 10th standard. Because of
ahead of CISCE with some progressive measures,
the higher levels of the matriculation curriculum, the 12th standard state
partly goaded by the government.
exams were a cake-walk. Now the syllabus has been downgraded, so the Matriculation school children will learn less than before – though for
Kapila Avinash My daughter is in the 11th standard and has opted for the Science group against the advice of many. I was shocked
state government schools there has been an upgrade. There is a plan to introduce CCE in the future as well. Unlike the national boards, in the 12th standard, a second language is compulsory along with English and four other subjects. A total of 200 marks is allotted for each subject; Science practicals are alloted 50 marks; likewise an oral examination in language is alloted 20 marks.
when I saw the two volumes of textbooks for each science subject, each 5 inches thick with such tiny
The Board exams at the 10th standard are evaluated on a total of 500
print. I am a post-graduate in Maths and I observed
marks, with 100 marks each for English, Language, Science, Social
that what I had learnt in the 3rd year of college was
Studies and Math.
being taught in the 11 standard. I understand why th
many students wish to change their boards when
For all students entering the sixth standard, there has been a ‘language’
it comes to the Science group – its just too tough!
upgradation in the syllabus. For students, both in the English medium
The teachers themselves narrow down the portions
and Tamil medium schools, the first language is Tamil and the second
based on exam patterns. Why are then such bulky
language is English. The other subjects will be taught in the respective
books prescribed? Why can’t the emphasis be on
mediums. Schools may opt to offer a third language for 3 hours a week,
quality rather than quantity?
but there is no exam for this subject. Existing students from the 7th standard and above will continue with the earlier system. All children upto
Art as a subject requires 3 hours regular work each
8th standard have to be promoted irrespective of performance.
day. So a combination of art and science in the ISC leads to even higher stress. I find that the accounts
Note: It is easier to get admission into the State Engineering Colleges and
and commerce group takers are the only
the various reputed Deemed Universities, after passing out from the State
ones relaxed!
Board, as evaluation is liberal.
36 Parent Circle / November 2011
onth! e of the M l z z u P z e Kid v i t a Kriy
Help Priya! Priya is in a fruitshop and there are three boxes of fruit that have been billed and kept in front of her. One box contains only fruits. One box contains only vegetables. The other box contains both fruits and vegetables. Each box is labeled. One reads "Fruits", one reads "Vegetables", and one reads "Fruits and Vegetables". Priya knows that NONE of the crates have been labeled correctly - they are all wrong.
s
fruit
s+ fruittables vege
bles
ta vege
If she can only take out and look at just one of the item from just one of the boxes, how can Priya label ALL of the boxes correctly? Help her solve this problem!
Word Puzzle
The same letters in this calculation mean the same digit. Can you replace all the letters with the respective digits in such a way that the calculation is correct? ALFA + BETA + GAMA = DELTA SEND + MORE = MONEY ABC Ă— DEF = 123456, if A = 1
Send in your entries before 20th October, 2011 to the address given below, with your name, age, class, school name, address and phone numbers. Hurry up!
Surprise gift for the FIR ST correct responses!
50
destinations
God’s
Eden The Valley of Flowers BY ARPAN KANTHAL
I
t all started with a description of ‘Phoolon
Karnaprayag 30km 4 Nandaprayag 11km
Ki Ghaati’ to a close friend of mine by
4 Chamoli 58km 4 Joshimath 21km 4
her driver on her way to Badrinath. This
Govindghat.
information, duly passed on to me, kindled my interest for this mystical destination. He
PLANNING TIP: When you plan, do keep
told her about a valley, nestled amidst the
two buffer days to handle unpredictable
majestic Himalayan peaks of Nanda Devi,
contingencies like landslides/cloudbursts,
Rathaban and Nilagiri, a valley covered
which are very common in Garhwal region.
with flowers of all imaginable shapes,
Remember that night travel is not allowed
sizes, shades and scents, a valley so
in the mountains, so break up your
beautiful that it is considered an abode of
journey accordingly.
the fairies by the locals.
THE PURSUIT
After a month of planning, preparation and
I wasted no time upon reaching Delhi, as
coaxing of my manager to grant me leave,
every minute saved, releases more time
I finally managed to book tickets to Delhi.
for the trek. But, do keep in mind that it
I could barely wait, it was just a matter of
is the journey that makes the destination
time before I could see the place rumoured
more alluring, so do not rush through it.
to be ‘God’s Eden’.
From Delhi I caught a bus to Haridwar at around 3 p.m (You get buses to Haridwar
The Valley of Flowers is a part of the
from ISBT Anand Vihar every half an hour.
Nanda Devi Biosphere Reserve, in the
Please avoid private buses as they always
Chamoli District in Uttarakhand. The final
put money over the safety and comfort
lap of the journey involves trekking from
of passengers.) I reached Haridwar by
Govindghat. The route-map to Govindghat
8.30 p.m. You get numerous shared taxis,
by road is given below:
buses, autos going towards Rishikesh round the clock. I got down at the
Haridwar 25km 4 Hrishikesh 70km 4
Rishikesh Bus Stand at 9.15 p.m where
DevPrayag 31km 4 Srinagar 34km 4
the first bus to Joshimath was to leave at
Rudraprayag 23km 4
3.30 a.m the next morning. A casual chat with a local tea vendor opened up another
alternative. He suggested that I take the
to a crawl and the song reduced to an
Press cab. These are cabs which deliver
ultrasonic hum. My morale was taking a
newspapers to far-flung areas; hence there
beating with every step. It was a matter of
are no night travel restrictions on them. As
time before I gave up. I sat down on a rock
I was travelling alone, I took my chance. A
and could not muster enough will to even
cab-ride at night is not for the faint-hearted.
stand up. That is when I got this pat on my
It gets a tad scary. After some 10 hours
back. I turned around to see a Sikh pilgrim
of a gruelling ride through the scenic and
smiling upon me, telling me “Hosla rakh
overpowering Garhwal mountains, I saw a
puttar. Aaj bhagwan ki godi me sona hai. Vaheguru saari thakaan mita dega” (Don’t fret son. Tonight we sleep in the lap of god. He shall take all your weariness away).
completely mangled van being pulled out of a landslide. There were eight casualties. This was an eye-opener to me about the perils of the mountains. Nevertheless, I had to go on. After reaching Joshimath at around 2.30 p.m, I immediately set out for
That did the trick. I just remembered how
Govindghat, catching another shared taxi,
beautiful the valley was and the thought
which I later discovered to be the last one
spurred me to keep going. I realized that
for the day.
a climb becomes arduous only if you think of it as a roadblock. I lifted my head from
Once you reach Govindghat, you have
the stones that I had been staring at in
completed the easiest part of the journey.
the ground before me, and I realized what I had been missing all along. I forgot the
EXPENSES
fatigue when I saw the path lined with
The valley seen in full bloom
Delhi - Haridwar by Bus: `320
beautiful flowers of all shapes and sizes.
It was a scary experience. Upon reaching
Haridwar - Rishikesh by shared auto: `30
Numerous waterfalls and magnificent
Ghangaria, I realised that my limbs were
Rishikesh - Chamoli shared taxi: `325
peaks were standing guard against the
no longer responding to my commands,
Chamoli - Joshimath shared taxi: `60
marauding sun, giving the valley a
so I rushed into the nearest guest house,
Joshimath - Govindghat: `30
shaded comfort.
threw the backpack to a corner and slumped onto the bed. Two hours later,
THE GRIND
The climb to Ghangaria ideally takes 6-8
I woke up shivering, only to realise that
I call this phase ‘the grind’ because this
hours and passes through the picturesque
I hadn’t pulled the blanket on. Clumsily
is the time your muscles get ground to
villages of Pulna and Bhyundar. It is very
covering myself with whatever I found, I
pulp by the rough and rocky mountain
important to start early and finish before
snored away to glory. The temperatures
terrain. After offering a silent prayer at the
daylight fades. Ensure that you take plenty
go below zero at night, so do carry
gurudwara in Govindghat at 3 p.m, I set
of rest on the way as there is a lot more
warm clothing. Accommodation is freely
out towards Ghangaria. This place is the
trekking to be done in the coming couple
available, but during the peak season
base camp for both the Valley of Flowers
of days. Fortify yourself with plenty of
(June-August) do book your rooms at the
and the Hemkund Sahib. The distance
glucose-water. Many tea shops are set
GMVN (Garhwal Mandal Vikas Nigam)
was 14kms. ‘Piece of cake’ I thought. How
up at vantage points offering picturesque
guest house in advance.
wrong I was!
views of the snow clad peaks above and
I had committed two cardinal sins that a
the gushing river below, so do linger over
Owing to the place’s remote location,
backpacker should never commit:
a cup of tea; enjoy nature and remember
everything is priced at thrice the original
that the journey is not a race, it is an
price, so make sure that you carry most
experience.
of your stuff with you. Be prepared to
1. Measure the complexity of a trek
pay exorbitant prices for mediocre food.
by distance I had started rather late, and managed to
It is advisable not to try out fancy stuff
reach Ghangaria only by 8.30 p.m (five
like ‘Mushroom Masala’ or the ‘Mexican
I began on a sprightly note, with a hop in
and a half hours). I had to trek two hours
pasta’. You might get more than what
my step and a song on my lips. An hour
in the pitch-black forest with just a flimsy
you bargained for. Stick to the safe Aloo
and 3 kilometres later, the hop reduced
beam of light from my torch for company.
parathas and Masala tea.8
2. Carry a backpack weighing 12kgs
www.parentcircle.in 39
destinations EXPENSES If trekking is not your idea
so many vivid shades and wondrous
of fun, and you only want to visit the valley
perfumes, that from time to time, you could
then you can hire mules to carry you to
be forgiven for standing still, mouth agape,
Ghangaria.
mesmerised. This is a trail open to your
COST `700 per person one way.
exploration. Avoid walking fast, and do not
ACCOMODATION Hotel Priya Single
assume that there would be a name-board
Room: `300 (Very basic Amenities)
heralding your arrival. Savour every whiff
GMVN Guest House (Can be pre-booked
of fresh air mixed with the smell of flowers
online) Deluxe tents at `1800.
and every view of the snow-clad peaks that
Prices grow exponentially during July-
stand guard.
August peak season. FOOD `200 per person per meal.
THE EDEN OF GOD
As I headed along the trail I came across the grave of Joan Margaret Legge, the botanist who tragically died in the valley
For six months, I had awaited this day.
after an accident. I rested for a while, had
I had lost count of the times when I had
lunch, paid my respects to the departed
this dream where I was seemingly lost
one, and moved on. I returned to the
in the valley, walking leisurely past wild
checkpost by 5 p.m.
roses and rhododendrons with a smile stuck to my face. Now I could not wait
Along the trail, I met many interesting
for the sun to rise. All of yesterday’s
people - Itamar from Israel who had
tiredness disappeared into thin air. After a
spent two years planning the trip, a warm
sumptuous breakfast of a double omelette
couple from Chennai, workers clearing the
and strong coffee, I set out. Crossing a
landslide who were kind enough to share
flimsy makeshift bridge made out of sheet
hot tea with me in exchange for stories
metal, I reached the entrance to the park.
about life in the city, and a group of women
The entry fees to this haven was `150,
who had come all the way from Mumbai.
a price that does no justice to a place which gives so much joy to people, without
Back in Ghangaria, I stumbled upon
expecting anything. The guards ask you
Rajneesh Chauhan’s shop, a treasure
to be back by 6 p.m as camping inside the
trove of information about the valley.
valley after dark is not only illegal,
Rajneesh knows the valley and its trails
but dangerous.
thoroughly and conducts guided tours. After grabbing a few souvenirs from his
The 6 km trail which starts from the check-
shop, I headed back to my room for some
post and ends somewhere in the valley is
sleep. The next day would be
by far the most beautiful trail I have ever
more arduous.
walked. I gushed aloud oohs and aahs the majestic pine trees, the river roaring
THE ICY LAKE: HEMKUND SAHIB
below and the eager anticipation of the first
You will notice along the way to
valley-view leads to a euphoria beyond
Ghangaria, many Sikhs. They are however
words. The valley officially starts when you
conspicuous in their absence in the Valley
cross the 5th makeshift bridge, but even
of Flowers. This is because, every year
before this, you can guess that it is close
between June and September, Sikhs
at hand. How? The scent of a thousand
throng to Hemkund Sahib on a pilgrimage.
blooming flowers flows into your nostrils,
This is a 6 km uphill climb from Ghangaria.
making you experience heaven on earth.
At 15,000 ft above sea level, you see
with every step. The moss covered logs,
plenty of Sikhs even in their late 50’s The path itself is lined with flowers of
40 Parent Circle / November 2011
climbing, without breaking a sweat.Their
permitted on the road leading to Rishikesh. You can hope to reach Rishikesh by 6 p.m in the evening. Be patient if you are caught in a landslide as more often than not, it may take 3-4 hours to clear. But if lifestyle must be healthy! With breathtaking
given a warm blanket and a hot ball of
you are unlucky, you might be stuck for
views, slow, melting glaciers and a wide
sweetened rice. Only then did the impact
days at a stretch. I was stuck for 32 hours
array of exotic high altitude flowers like the
really hit me - that I had done it, that I had
in the middle of nowhere with just a few
Blue Poppy and Brahmakamals, this trail
accomplished what I set out to do. What
rundown shacks catering to the needs of
comes quite close to the Valley of Flowers,
seemed and was deemed impossible by
some 500 marooned people. You get to
if not equal to it.
most, was now on my ‘done and dusted’
meet a lot of interesting people and share
list. After offering my heartfelt gratitude
wonderful stories with them. To be very
Hemkund is the name of the lake formed
I rose from my spot, only to be whisked
honest, it was great, to do nothing all day
by water from the melting snow caps
away by a gentleman to the langar
for a change and just watch rocks tumbling
and glaciers in this region. Undaunted
(Gurudwara kitchen) for some hot tea and
down the gorge! Finally, after losing hope
by subzero temperatures and the risk of
a bowl of steaming khichdi. Both the tea
of the landslide getting cleared, a few
hypothermia, thousands of devotees take
and the khichdi were marvellous, and so
fellow trekkers and I decided to trek our
a holy dip in this lake. Although I had no
was the hospitality of the people. I had my
way across the mountains with the help of
such intentions, when I saw men twice my
fill as I needed every ounce of energy to
some local school boys. After a 7 km grind,
age take a dip with aplomb, I decided to
complete the 19 kms trek back
we finally reached the other side. From
go ahead.
to Govindghat.
there we hitched a ride to the nearest town and then took a shared taxi to Rishikesh.
The water was so cold, it felt as if icy
EXPENSES Again, if you are not willing
needles were pricking every pore of my
to trek to Hemkund, you can hire mules
As my shared taxi crossed the last
skin. I could barely finish my third dip
to take you to the peak, for prices ranging
landslide-affected region and drifted
before rushing out. Another ten seconds
`500-700 per person up and down.
away from the mountains, I experienced
of exposure and I am sure hypothermia
mixed emotions. Sad, because I was
my post-mortem report. But strangely
THE JOURNEY BACK: AN EXPERIENCE IN ITSELF
enough, after you get out of the pool you
I started my descent quickly hoping to
proclaiming ‘Thank you Visit Again’, I
start feeling warm, partly because the
reach Govindghat before daylight faded
shouted back “You bet I will!”. Amen.
temperature outside is lower than your
and reach Joshimath where I intended to
body temperature and partly because of
halt for the night. From Joshimath, there
the sense of achievement of completing
are frequent buses leaving for Rishikesh,
what seemed to be insane in the
starting from 5 a.m to 7 a.m from the
first place.
GMOU (Garhwal Motor Owner’s Union
ARPAN KANTHAL IS A SYSTEMS ANALYST ON
Ltd.) office. You could also get shared
WEEKDAYS AND A BACKPACKER OTHERWISE,
After quickly drying myself, I went to the
taxis to Srinagar/Rishikesh but make
PASSIONATE ABOUT WRITING, TRAVELLING AND
gurudwara to offer prayers. Inside, I was
sure you start early as night travel is not
FOOTBALL.
would have made an appearance on
leaving, but happy as I had got a glimpse of God’s Eden. So when I saw the board
EXPENSES Joshimath to Rishikesh Shared Taxi: `370
www.parentcircle.in 41
teen circle
Talking To Your
Preteen About
Puberty
BY DR LAKSHMI KRISHNAN
S
leepless nights, temper tantrums and force-feeding spinach pales in comparison to the challenge of
talking to your child about puberty. This topic leaves most parents feeling awkward and inadequate. Though it is a trying time for both parents and children, it can be a positive and enriching experience for both, if there is an open communication. A lack of communication between the parent and the child, particularly when the child is groping for support and security, can lead to anger, frustration, and a lack of selfesteem in the child. Each family and perhaps even each parent may have a different take on how to approach puberty and its changes. It is important for parents to agree on a consistent approach to provide stability for the child during this period of change. They must make an effort to have an open dialogue on the topic, despite taboos and societal pressures. The dialogue must be an ongoing one, so that the child and the parents can work through the different issues that come up, as the child goes through varying stages of puberty and maturity.
WHEN TO START Today’s children are exposed to abundant information about sex and relationships through the media. Sometimes they think they know all about puberty and the associated changes! It is important for parents to be aware that the information they receive is not always reliable. Beginning the dialogue before the onset of puberty, prepares a child to face the challenges of an awkward few years. Girls go through puberty between the ages of 9 and 13 while boys experience it from the ages of 11 to 16. An ideal time to start the conversation is around 9 years for the girls and 10 years for the boys.
42 Parent Circle / November 2011
WHAT TO SAY Talking to your child
cause the child some anxiety. Use simple
Again, this would depend on whom the
about the physical changes, described
language. With girls, the menstrual cycle
child feels more comfortable with. Many
under the heading Pubertal Changes, is
can be explained when a few of the other
boys are close to their mothers and do not
as important as the emotional changes
secondary sexual characteristics have
have a problem discussing this with them.
that they go through. While going through
started appearing (breast buds, axillary
puberty, the child may feel insecure,
and pubic hair). This could be followed up
WHEN TO WORRY Puberty
anxious, embarrassed, often angry and
with discussions on the uterus, ovaries
is a physiological process and in most
sometimes even depressed. Reassure
and hormones.
instances, progresses without incident. It
them, empathise with them and most
is always a good idea to have an annual
you had experienced similar emotions
WHO SHOULD TALK MOTHER, FATHER OR SOMEONE ELSE Mothers are
when you went through puberty.
usually the ones who discuss the changes
is the onset of puberty prior to age 8 in
importantly, listen. Be open and honest in your approach and assure the child that
check-up with the child’s doctor to monitor ongoing changes. Parents should also know about precocious puberty which
with the girls. There are instances when
girls and age 9 in boys. Delayed puberty
Issues relating to general care such as
another female member of the family may
is after the age of 15 in girls or 16 in
hygiene must also be addressed. It is
be designated to do this - an older sister,
boys. Both warrant an evaluation by the
important to acknowledge the changes
aunt, grandma etc depending on the family
endocrinologist to detect the medical
happening in both sexes as adolescents
situation. Either parent could talk to boys.
problems that may be causing this. 8
notice changes in each other. Interest in the opposite sex is normal. Children should be educated on the changes occurring in both sexes so that they can treat each other with respect and recognize the changes in one another.
HOW TO OVERCOME INHIBITIONS WHEN TALKING TO THE CHILD
PUBERTAL CHANGES IN BOYS Boys usually start puberty between the ages of 12 and 14. Initial changes would be a gain in height, weight and muscle mass.
The easiest way to start is by talking about changes in height and weight.
Physical characteristics: Enlargement
Girls for example start gaining a little
of the genitals, pubic hair, axillary hair
weight and growing a little taller, a year
and body odour appear in succession.
before puberty. So you could start the
The skin becomes more oily and acne
conversation by saying –“Oh look you
may appear. The hair too can become
are growing! Soon you will start changing
oily and dandruff may be noticed. Voice
little by little and one day you will look like
changes then start, followed by the
able to accept you as his friend (at least
mom!” Some girls have body odour or
appearance of facial hair.
sometimes!!).
changes and ask questions. The key is
Emotional changes and behaviour
Erections/ Wet dreams: A scientific
to start the conversations in a way that is
changes: Defiance, independence,
explanation of these – hormonal changes
not alarming to the child. It is sometimes
anger are common. A desire to fight
are the reason for enlargement of
harder to start dialogues with boys. Dads
against the establishment and establish
genitalia. Functional responses such as
can do this when they notice changes
rights makes for conflicts between the
erections (masturbation) and ejaculation
in shoe sizes which often precede even
parents and the child. Acknowledging
occur after peak height has been
height increases. Boys mature later than
these and dealing with them in a patient,
reached. These episodes occur randomly
girls both physically and emotionally.
non-authoritative manner is the key to
and this may be the most embarrassing
maintaining a successful relationship
aspect of male pubertal changes for both
with the child. The child must be able
the parent and the child. Reassuring the
to look up to you as a parent, and be
child that this is normal is important.
pubic hair and may be curious about these
HOW TO EXPLAIN THESE CHANGES While it is important to use the right scientific words, it may also
www.parentcircle.in 43
teen circle PUBERTAL CHANGES IN GIRLS Puberty starts between the ages of 9
but to react as calmly as possible while
and 11.
handling the situation.
Physical signs: The first sign is usually an enlargement of the breasts. This is
Once periods are established, the cycles
a good time to start wearing training
may be more predictable, usually 21 to
bras. Height and weight changes
28 day cycles are the norm. Each cycle
occur simultaneously, followed by the
may last 3-5 days with the heaviest
development of pubic hair, axillary hair,
bleeding occurring on the second and
body odour, acne etc. Some girls develop
third days. Anovulatory cycles that occur
pubic hair prior to breast development.
immediately after the onset of menarche
On an average, menarche (the onset of
are not associated with much abdominal
periods) starts 2.6 years after the onset of
cramping. So it is not uncommon for girls
breast development. For several months
to have painless periods for a few months
before menarche, there may be some
and then start having cramps. The degree
clear discharge from the vagina. This may
of cramps varies from child to child.
occur every month. The discharge is a normal part of the puberty process. Dealing with emotional issues is just as
Initially, the child must use pads and not tampons and be educated on hygiene.
important as dealing with the physical
Periods: Bleeding from the vagina
Frequent changing of pads at least 2-3
issues. You may have to worry if the child
is known as a period. Periods occur
times per day is important. Hand washing,
is consistently unable to cope with
because the body goes through hormonal
bathing and keeping the genital area
her feelings.
changes during puberty which result in
clean must be emphasized. Tampons
the shedding of the lining of the uterus.
may be used after the child has settled
Sometimes, physical issues may lead to
Although periods are supposed to occur
into a good routine with her periods.
emotional issues - how tall or short the
once a month, they may be irregular and
There are some dangers of using
child is, acne etc. Since genetics plays
unreliable for the first several months
tampons - toxic shock syndrome due to
a big role in the many physical aspects
to a year after the onset of menarche.
a retained tampon. It is therefore very
of puberty, it would be wise to seek the
This happens because the first several
important to make sure that the child is
doctor’s opinion on anything that seems
cycles are Anovulatory - in other words
responsible and aware that these must
out of the ordinary. Any major deviation
the hormonal balance that is required to
be removed in a timely manner. Today,
from familial characteristics
release the ovum or egg from the ovary
girls are involved in a variety of sports.
warrants attention.
has not occurred. Both parents and the
There is no reason to restrict activity
child must know that this is a normal and
due to periods. Proper protection (pads/
expected phenomenon.
tampons) and appropriate instruction to
Appropriate educational materials* are available that can help the child
the child can make the participation in
understand the process of puberty.
The first period may be a mere dark
sports easy. Encouraging them to stay
Parents must read and review the material
bloody stain on the underwear or may
hydrated by drinking fluids will help.
before sharing it with the child.
be frank bleeding. It may last a day or several days! Due to this unpredictability,
Emotional behavioural changes:
*1. www.iwannaknow.org
the child may have to carry pads with her
Self esteem issues are common at this
2. www.aap.org
to school for several weeks or months
time. Girls who mature late may feel
3. www.teenshealth.org
prior to the actual event. Then again,
disadvantaged and different. Height and
it may happen when the child is least
weight differences may cause anxiety
DR LAKSHMI KRISHNAN IS A GRADUATE
prepared for it. The parent must explain
as also the appearance of acne. Girls
OF THE MADRAS MEDICAL COLLEGE, A
to the child that bleeding may happen
too go through the emotions of defiance,
PAEDIATRICIAN WORKING IN FORT MYERS,
anywhere and teach her not to panic
impulsivity and anger.
FLORIDA, USA.
44 Parent Circle / November 2011
roots
BY PRADEEP CHAKRAVARTHY
C
an you take us to a temple
up in the US, Bangalore and Delhi - they
in Madras?”, asked Sanjay.
were city-bred, ensconced in a liberal
I said ‘Sure’, but with some
environment and were not exactly frequent
hesitation. Sanjay is a successful
visitors to temples. They were probably
leader who has worked in the IT
doing their first trip to Chennai. To tip the
field and is now doing his own
balance were Sanjay’s parents, also from
consulting for organizations. I
the North. A very different group of people
had never associated him as
compared to what I was used to.
being historically-inclined. The three children - Aila, Ayaan and nephew Saket - were all brought
I was not sure about their interest in the history and the mythology that surrounded temples in Tamil Nadu. Still, I decided that it would be a great opportunity to test my own hypothesis that there is much more to ancient Indian temples than just religion; and that history does not have to be a jumble of dates and kings, but could be contextualized and made meaningful for the young generation. The Parthasarathy temple in Triplicane was our destination. As we all got into the vehicle, I thought it was important to get a sense of what the children liked and more importantly, what they did not. “What bores you about temples?” I asked and thankfully (predictably) the answers were quick and candid. The crowds, the dirt, the noise, the ‘why should I go?’ were all negatives and I heartily agreed and congratulated myself for having chosen a weekday morning. What do we like about temple visits? It was the food! Parthasarathy temple has a lovely pillared porch and we spent a few minutes there,
46 Parent Circle / November 2011
especially
Another pillar and yet another sculpture
MESSAGE TO PARENTS
around
of a warrior in a curious pose! What was
I may not be able to take your child to
a sculptured jester in a comical pose having a long coneshaped-hat. The story about Tenali
the sculptor trying to tell us? The children had enthusiastic and imaginative answers. Could we touch the pillar and recognize
Raman (a jester) was narrated and
the quarried stone, and why this was a
the children too, shared some stories
preferred material for construction in the
about their favourite comic characters.
past, I asked.
the temple but here are some things that you can do. The Parthasarathy temple is a small one, so you can imagine the wealth of ‘sight-seeing’ possible in larger temples. Contextualize information to current
Soon, the sculpture was not a boring, meaningless image on the pillar but a
As we left the pillars we watched the
day problems. Images have not changed
very ‘live’ character that they had seen
greedy pigeons fluttering around. We then
much down the years!
in other forms on TV and in books. The
passed by many small but fine elephant
mood was now less lethargic.
statues. I recited some poems about elephants; the children in turn supplied
Inside the temple, we looked at the
their own stories/riddles; and there was
gold-plated Dwajasthambha (Flag-post
much speculation on the elephant statues
between the sanctum and the entrance).
and the reason they were there.
We spoke about how the Flag-staff was an important part of the palace.
We then crossed a sculpture of Trivikrama,
In Tamil Nadu, there is a very strong
Vishnu’s 5th incarnation. The children and I
and clear connection as to how kings
pieced the story together and discussed its
used temples to further legitimise their
relevance for us today. “Not having a big
authority; and how in turn, temples
ego”, was an unexpected response that
used kings to garner political support
took me aback. I did not expect this from a
to protect their wealth. Now I was
7-year-old but I guess that with a father for
having the rapt attention of the elders
a leadership/HR consultant, I should have
as well.
anticipated such an answer.
Some research on the inscriptions and history of the temple helps. Do not mindlessly repeat the sthalapurana. All of them are concoctions from the 16th century to encourage people to come back to temples after the Muslim invasions. The inscriptions are more interesting and relevant and available in English. It is a good idea to visit the libraries of the State Archaeological Survey in Halls Road. They have old, out-of-print books by K R Srinivasan, S R Balasubramaniam and others, which trace the evolution of temples from a social, political and historical context. The libraries also have
On the side of the Dwajasthambha is
The temple’s oldest inscription dates back
a carving of some of the incarnations
to 808 AD. I spent some time talking about
of Vishnu. I resisted the temptation of
this inscription, as also other interesting
naming them and the children had a small
ones and their significance to us. The
guessing game. Then I asked whether the
children were all eyes on the food stall
children create their own stories from the
sequence of the avatars also indicated
nearby. So after this round, we did a quick
sculptures. They can even try drawing
an old Hindu concept that life began first
darshan – an hour had passed!
some of them and learn a few songs
the inscription reports for all temples and monuments across India. Ask a lot of questions, and let
associated with the temple.
in water. The children’s thought the trail however led to sea-monsters upon seeing
I knew that the visit was a success when
the Matsya Avatar (Fish avatar) and they
two of the children actually held my
enquired whether the temple tank had its
hands and asked for more explanations
own monster. OK, the original mythological
from some sculptures! Knowing when to
idea was diluted, but it was all in the spirit
stop is the hallmark of a wise one. We
of things.
parted ways with all of us having learnt something.
Poet and saint of the 8th century,
We have to recognize that a lot of our pride in our country rests with our heritage. We need to pass this on to our children. Though this article is focused on a temple, most of the principles apply for other such historical monuments or even
Tirumangai Azhwar’s verse on the
PRADEEP CHAKRAVARTHY IS A LEADERSHIP
temple, attributed the beauty of the town
COACH IN INFOSYS, BASED IN CHENNAI. WRITING
to its water bodies and we all agreed on
ON LEADERSHIP AND HERITAGE IS HIS PASSION.
Know when to stop! Our job is to
the importance of water conservation.
HE DOES HERITAGE WALKS EVERY MONTH AND
kindle a love for learning and curiosity in
How can we save water? This was our
IS THE AUTHOR OF ‘THANJAVUR - A CULTURAL
children, not to smother them
discussion as we went inside.
HISTORY’.
with information!
natural reserves and wild life parks.
www.parentcircle.in 47
roots
The Revival of Traditional Games BY SHASHWATHI SANDEEP TRADITIONAL GA MES still flourish in the temples
E
of India
ven today, when our grandparents
terraces of temple gopurams, walls, pillars
strategy. Dayakattam for instance,
talk to us about their more
and even floors!
has been in existence from the days of
youthful days, the joint family
the Mahabharata, when the Pandavas
system and the rituals they
Not just in Karnataka, but the well-known
lost their kingdom and their wife Draupadi
followed, we enjoy the
Kapaleeshwar temple in Chennai has such
to the Kauravas; King Nala too lost his
conversation. An interesting conversation
evidence of people amusing themselves
kingdom similarly, to a cousin.
would perhaps centre around how they
in its precincts. “Dayakattam, Dahdi, Ashta
spent their free time in those days when
observation skills.
Chemma and many more games can be found in just this one temple, though others like the Marundeeshwarar Temple and Sri Dhenupureeswarar Temple also have such ‘exhibits’,” says Vinitha Siddharth, who runs Kreeda. Kreeda is an organization in Chennai, which is working towards popularizing traditional games among students and corporates.
When we visit temples, how many of us
Some of the games have also spread
notice these games etched on the
to other countries. “In those days,
temple walls?
considerable exchange happened through
there was no entertainment. There were no video games or television. There was no Cricket, but Gilli Danda and there was no Ludo, but Dayakattam. These are games that teach us something about our culture and traditions, and sharpen our
trading routes. People used to travel “I had been to a temple in Belur for our
for years together. They lived and even
research. We discovered a stone block
married while travelling. That is how
on the inside of the well which had the
people from other countries started playing
game of Aadu Puli Attam etched on it! The
these games and have adapted some
workers must have played the game on it
of them into their own culture,” explains
and used the stone later for the well,” says
Vinitha.
Raghu Dharmendra from Mysore, who has been researching traditional games for
It is difficult to date the origin of these
over a decade. Many games have been
games, many of which were devised by
found scratched/etched on the ceiling, and
combining the elements of chance and
48 Parent Circle / November 2011
Ever heard of the name Parampada
Sopanam? This is the traditional version of ‘Snakes and Ladders’, played by the kings in the olden days. Parampada Sopanam means ‘Steps to the Highest Place’. “It was believed to be symbolic of a man's attempt to reach God,” says Kamala Gopalan, a traditional games expert. “There are little known games like Pandi (hopscotch) we used to love playing. Another game I fondly remember is the Puliamkottai Aattam where we would blow a group of tamarind seeds in such a way that one seed would not touch the other,” she adds.
Childspeak
I have been playing traditional games since I was five years old, with my mother and grandmother. My favourite one, is the shell sandal game. In this, you tie two dry coconut shells together with a rope, place your feet on them and try to walk. It is real fun. SHREYA THOMAS, 10 YEARS OLD.
these games and and keeping them alive. As Raghu has blogged, “Further south from Nanjangud towards Chamarajanagar is the small village of Hemmaragala. Its sole claim to fame is the ancient Sri Santana Venugopala Swamy Temple… The cement flooring here is marked with half a dozen game boards. The well-used glistening floor and the shallow pits of the game boards give away the fact that the place is a haunt of gamers… The villagers were surprised by the interest
access to the traditional games, which I had always liked. When I came back to India, I started playing these games with my children. They totally got hooked on to it. We make it a habit to play such games during the weekend. Today, traditional games are a huge hit even in parties. During my son’s thread ceremony, we had a separate area where the children could sit and play these games. There are some weekends when I may not be able to play, but my children never forget and continue this tradition. SUJATA VIJAY,
SRI SANTANA Venugopala Swamy Temple at Hemmaragala
MOTHER OF TWO CHILDREN AGED 13 AND 9 YEARS.
shown by me to learn the games… An unwilling Rangaswamy, a man in his fifties, has decided to be my opponent
(Aadu Puli Aattam) … It looked like the honour of the entire village was at stake… Rangaswamy’s folks are delighted by his win. Later, I learnt that this village has several experienced gamers who play for hours at a stretch during their spare time when agricultural activity is at a bare minimum.”
© kreedaakaushalya.blogspot.com
The old folks in the villages are still playing
Parentspeak In the US, I had very little
Photograhs by Raghu Dharmendra, Ramsons Kala Pratishtana, Mysore
KEEPING THE GAMES ALIVE
exhibitions of these games every year for people to get to know about them. Through such exhibitions, the team at Kreeda Kaushalya also gets to learn more traditional games. Raghu has blogged about one such incident. “On the third day of the exhibition,
When it comes to the revival of these
in walked a group of three ladies with five
games in the city, there are a few
children. ... the boisterous group learnt a
organizations that are working hard to
few games and shared with us one of their
popularize them among the urban crowd.
own. Quickly a game board was sketched
Kreeda, for example, holds workshops in
on the back of a calendar print using a
schools and corporate offices to spread
scale and pen… the game was almost like
these games. “These games teach adults
Vimanam… 12 pawns were placed in both homes, a pair of stick dice started to roll… the game took almost two hours to finish.”
and children life-skills, apart from the sheer pleasure they get by playing them. In the olden days, whole families used to
KESHAVA TEMPLE, Somnathpur, a chipped stone assemblage of a game of pallanguzhi
discovered more games in some of the temples that we have visited, but are still
sit together even if there were differences
Kavade is yet another organization in
figuring out the rules of the game,”
or disagreements among them and play
Bangalore that sells these games and also
says Vinitha.
these games, says Vinitha. Kreeda is
conducts workshops and tournaments
working out the details for more such
from time to time. “I also conduct classes
THE GAMES PLAYED
products. The employees also visit old age
at Kavade for children. They sit with me
Games played for concentration: Aadu Puli
homes to gain knowledge about
and learn the games patiently. They are all
these games.
curious about these games and they love
Aatam, Pallanguzhi. Games played for strategy: Ashtaa Chemma, Dahdi, Chaturvimshathi Koshtaka, Panch Kone, and Chaupad. Game to recognise numbers: Paramapada Sopanam. Game that requires hand-eye coordination: Gilli Danda.
playing it,” says G S Sreeranjini who runs Kreeda Kaushalya, based in Mysore,
the place.
of which Raghu is a part, is another organization which actively hunts around
There are many more games waiting to
for traditional games with the sole intent
be discovered, if only people keep their
of reviving them. The organization holds
ears, eyes and minds open. “We have
www.parentcircle.in 49
check it out
Board Games of Yore T
AADU PULI AATAM This game requires two players. A rectangle passes under a triangle, and there are intersecting points. There are three tigers and 15 goats. “The three tigers were represented by bigger stones and the 15 goats by smaller ones. The tigers are initially placed on the apex and in the 2 inner places near the apex, while the goats appear one by one on the board at the intersecting points,” explained Kamala Gopalan, a traditional games expert. Both players alternate in turns.
raditional games are a way of learning about
A tiger can capture a goat by jumping over it to an adjacent free
the past and they also enhance the overall
position whereas the goats cannot move until all of them are on
development of the people who play them. These
the board. The goats have to be placed in such a way that they
games, though almost forgotten, are still available in
immobilize the movement of the tigers. The tiger wins if it captures at
some places. Here is a brief on some of these games
least five goats and the goats win if they are successful in blocking
and where these are available…
the tigers’ movement.
This game is one of strategy and quick thinking.
PALLANGUZHI
Available at Kreeda, Chennai `250 Kreeda Kaushalya, Mysore `695
This game was born in the villages of Tamil Nadu where it was a favourite pastime for the bored housewives. Two players are needed. Boards, made out of wood, contain 14 cups
DAAYAM
and each player gets seven cups. Women used
(Ashta Chemma in Telegu, Chowkabara in Kannada)
either Cowries (Sea Shells) or tamarind seeds, six of which were placed in each hole. The player who starts first, picks up the seeds from any one of the holes on her side and proceeds
The object of the game is to move all your
in a clockwise direction, placing one seed in
pawns from the starting point to the centre
each hole. When she drops her last seed, she
‘home’. But watch out as your opponent can send your pawn back
picks up the seeds from the next hole and
to start by landing on the same space. Earlier, either a 5x5 grid or
continues in the same way. This goes on till the
7x7 grid was drawn on the floor with a chalk. Each player takes turns
last seed falls into a hole with an empty hole
by throwing 6 cowrie shells (sea shells). A pawn can be moved onto
next to it. The seeds in the hole adjacent to
the board only by getting the number 1 (Daayam). Dice can be used
the empty hole belong to her. The next player
instead of cowries.
continues play in the same way. The game ends when a player has no more seeds left on her side to play with, on her turn.
The game increases the motor skills of the players and also their mathematical ability. Kreeda, Chennai `760
50 Parent Circle / November 2011
This is a game of both luck and strategy that increases critical thinking and mathematical skills. In the past, children and grandparents spent quality time and bonded together playing this game. Kreeda, Chennai `350 Kreeda Kaushalya, Mysore `550
PARAMPADA SOPANAM
FOUR-HANDED CHADURANGA
The ladders represented
The four-handed Chaduranga
the virtues and the snakes
is what is called Chess in
represented the vices. If any
the present days. Except that
player reached the highest point
there are four players in this game instead of two players.
in the game, it was believed that
This game also involves the use of dice. Each player gets
it assured a place for him
an opponent where player 1 would play with player 3 and
in heaven.
player 2 would play with player 4. Each player gets eight chessmen in the form of a Raja, an Elephant, a Horse, a
Kreeda, Chennai `760 Kreeda Kaushalya, Mysore `625
Ship and a Pawn. The throw of the dice decides which coin has to be moved. The team that captures both the opponent Rajas wins the game.
CHATURVIMSHATHI KOSHTAKA
Kreeda Kaushalya, Mysore `2850
An old Sanskrit book written in
DAYAKATTAM
Sanskrit by Harikrishna, son of Venkatram, is the inspiration
(Pagade, Chaupad)
for this simple strategy game,
Dayakattam is an Indian dice game
developed and promoted by Krishnaraja Wodeyar of Mysore in the nineteenth century. Chathurvimshathi Koshtaka simply means 24 boxes or squares in Sanskrit. This is a battlefield game where two players with eight coins each, literally battle it out to gain control of enemy territory. The coins can move only in specific directions.
played by two or four people. Players
have six coins each. The ‘dayam’ or ‘1’
is needed for the coin to start moving forward. Players get another chance to roll the dice if they get ‘1’, ‘5’, ‘6’ or ‘12’ and they can move different coins during such sequential throws. Coins can cut opposing coins by landing on the same square, unless it is in a safe zone. Another variant of this game requires 8 coins for each player.
Kreeda, Chennai `120
The coins move forward in pairs only upon and ‘even’ number throw of the dice. The coins are moved forward by half the number indicated by the dice throw.
VIMANAM
Kreeda, Chennai `600
This is a game played by two players. Each player gets 6 coins each of the same colour and starts from a point called ‘Home’. There
DAHDI
the form of an aero plane and that is why the game is named
(Navakankari in Sanskrit, Saalu Mane Aata in Kannada)
the Vimanam. Both the players throw the cowrie shells and
Two players are given 9 coins each. Players have
move forward in different directions. If one player lands on
to collect as many points as possible by lining
the same square as the other player, then the latter has to
up 3 coins in a row. Although the game is similar to the game
take the pawn back ‘home’ and start the game again. But, if
of noughts and crosses, it is far more complex as coins can be
the pawn is in a darker square, the other pawn cannot be cut.
moved and the opponent’s coins can be removed.
Kreeda Kaushalya, Mysore `1075
Kreeda, Chennai `250
are darker squares and lighter squares. The game board is in
www.parentcircle.in 51
parent chef CHINMAYIE BHAT IS A FOOD BLOGGER & A GRAPHIC DESIGNER FROM BANGALORE. SHE BLOGS AT LOVEFOODEAT.COM
Creamy Potato Soup (SERVES 4)
Peas and Spinach Soup (SERVES 4)
CHINMAYIE BHAT
Gazpacho (SERVES 4)
INGREDIENTS:
2 medium sized potatoes 1 medium onion 1 tbsp butter
INGREDIENTS:
1 cup milk
INGREDIENTS:
3 cups of spinach
2 cups water
3-4 ripe tomatoes
1 cup of peas
Mixed Italian herbs for seasoning
1 small cucumber
1 clove of garlic
½ small onion
2 slices of white or
METHOD: Peel and dice the potatoes
1 or 2 cloves of garlic
brown bread
and onion. Heat the butter in a pan. Add
Salt
the potatoes and onion and fry for a few
Sugar
METHOD: Clean the spinach
minutes. Add about 2 cups of water and
1 tbsp olive oil
well and place it in a vessel
bring it to a boil. Let it simmer till the
Coriander to garnish
with ½ cup of water. Add the
potatoes are cooked.
green peas and garlic to it. METHOD: Peel and chop all the ingredients and
Bring it to a boil and simmer
Turn off the heat and let it cool. Once it
put them in a blender! Garlic and onion give it a
till the spinach changes
reaches room temperature, blend it into a
very pungent taste as they are raw, so don’t add too
colour. Do not overcook it as
smooth puree.
much. Serve chilled with finely chopped coriander
the soup will lose it’s bright
as garnish. Alternatively you can also garnish it with
green colour. Tear the bread
Put it back on the stove and add 1 cup
some finely chopped tomatoes or cucumber.
into small pieces and add it
of milk, or more, to bring it to the desired
to the spinach-peas mixture.
consistency. You can even use water
Let it cool down for a few
instead. Season with salt and some mixed
minutes and blend it into a
Italian herbs and let it simmer for a few
smooth paste. Add enough
minutes. Serve with some extra butter and
water to bring it to the desired
pepper (optional).
Cold soups are great for a summer afternoon. They are filling, cooling and delicious.
consistency and simmer the soup for 5 minutes. Season with salt and serve warm.
Peas and spinach are just boiled for a few minutes which helps retain most of the nutrients.
Potato soup takes only minutes to make and is hearty and comforting!
Beetroot and Yoghurt Soup
Sweet Pumpkin and Rice Soup
(SERVES 4)
(SERVES 4)
INGREDIENTS:
INGREDIENTS:
Healthy Cheese Bread Stick (MAKES 10 TO 12 STICKS) INGREDIENTS:
1 cup whole wheat flour
2 cups beetroot
2 cups of diced sweet pumpkin
1 tsp salt
1 cup + 2 tbsp yoghurt
1 cup diced onion
1 tsp dried thyme
METHOD: Peel and cut the
¼ cup lightly torn sage (or any
3-4 cloves of garlic beetroot into cubes. Place it
other fresh herb)
in a pressure cooker with ½
2 tbsp of olive oil (or any other
2 tbsp olive oil ¼ cup grated cheddar cheese ¼ or more yoghurt
cup water and cook till you
oil of your choice)
METHOD: Combine flour,
get one or two whistles. Do
¼ cup cooked rice (red
salt and dry thyme and mix
not overcook. Beet should
or white)
well. Add the olive oil and
still have its taste, shape
2 cups water
mix with your finger tips till
and colour intact. Blend it
Salt for seasoning
the flour resembles coarse
into a smooth paste. Place it
bread crumbs. Mix in the
in a heavy bottomed vessel
METHOD: Heat olive oil in a
and bring it to a boil and
pan. Add the garlic and onion
cheese and stir well. Now add enough yoghurt to make a stiff
then reduce the heat. Beat
and sauté for 5 minutes. Now
dough. Knead well, wrap in a silver
the yoghurt well to make
add the diced sweet pumpkin
foil or cling film and refrigerate for
it smooth with no lumps.
with the skin and the sage
Slowly add it to the beetroot
leaves. Fry for a couple of
at least an hour. Roll it into thin bread sticks of not more than ½ cm thickness
puree stirring continuously.
minutes and pour 2 cups of
and bake at 120 degree C for 10 minutes
Add more water if you do
water. Cover and cook till the
or until it turns golden brown. Let it cool
not want the soup to be too
pumpkin is soft. Turn off the
completely as it will continue to harden.
thick. Season with salt.
heat and blend it into a smooth
Serve with soup or as a snack!
puree. Put the soup back on Serve with some extra
stove and bring it to a boil. Add
yoghurt on top to create a
the cooked rice and season
nice white swirl!
it with salt. Sprinkle some red chilli flakes for some heat. Serve hot with some fresh bread on the side.
Add a fresh/dry red chilli or some cumin to give it an Indian touch.
Replace the thyme with cumin, red chilli flakes, asafoetida or any other favourite spice to make it more Indian!
Sweet pumpkin is a great vegetable for soups as it gets creamy when cooked and pureed, and it is sweet to taste.
www.parentcircle.in 53
events
November All Sundays
Nov 11 & 19
Nov 12 to 13
Hansel & Gretel, 11, Jagadambal Street, T.Nagar
Kartwheel, 21/1, Lady Madhavan Road, Mahalingapuram
Bhavan’s Rajaji Vidyashram, Kilpauk Garden Road, Kilpauk
Learn Chess from
On Nov 11, Kartwheel
organised by age groups.
Grand Master Arthie
is hosting a Pot Painting
Time: 9:00 am (94440 44576)
Ramaswamy, Coach for the World
workshop for children of the age group 4 to
Youth Chess Championship. Also learn
12 years. On Nov 19, a cookery workshop
Art and Dance.
will be conducted for both adults and
Time: Chess - 4:00 pm – 6:00 pm
children.
Art - 2:00 pm - 4:00 pm
Time: 4 pm to 6 pm (Kousalya Ganesh -
Dance - 10:30 am - 12 pm
80150 15074)
Chess Workshop, Smart@Art and Music and Dancercise
Pot Painting and Cookery Workshop
8th TN State level Chess Tournament Tournament for children of all ages;
(044 28152549 / 98404 31549)
Nov 12
Age Group: 4-8 years
Children’s Day Celebrations by Little Angels Playschool Nov 5 & 19
Photography by Konica
German Hall, Prakasam Street, T Nagar
Nov 13
The finals of the competition will be held
Children’s Workshop
for various activities like drawing
Indra Nagar
Konica Colour Lab, No. 24 & 25, Siva Ganga Road, Off Sterling Road, Nungambakkam
and singing.
Fun in the garden through games,
Time: 9:30 am to 1:00 pm
activities and art by Nizhal.
(9884390540/ 044 28341368/ 28342236)
Time: 9:30 am – 11:30 am
Age Group: 3 to 15 years
Age group: 6-12 years (90030 11372)
Konica Colour
Nov 12
Lab and Studio
Eureka Run for Children
in association
Marina Beach
with Dhams Photography is conducting
It is a 5 km run starting from the Gandhi
a one-day photography workshop for
Statue at Marina Beach. This run is to
children of 10 years and above.
support the cause of quality education.
Time: 9:30 am (99400 78820)
Time: 6:30 am (Selva - 97909 51652)
Children’s Day Celebration
Nov 6
Nov 12
Bamboola Play School, No.73 (Old No.26), Venkatakrishna Rd, Raja Annamalaipuram
Jeeva Park, G.N. Chetty Road, T Nagar
decorate your own cookie/fruit salad
Tree walk organized by Nizhal is to
Vanilla Place, No 89, Bishop Garden, Greenways Road, R.A. Puram
promote tree culture in urban areas, to
A sale which allows the parents and
Time: 4 pm to 6 pm (044 24611779/
create awareness of the role of trees,
children to set up stalls where they can
98403 94190)
planting the right kind of trees and caring
buy, sell or exchange products with other
for them.
stalls. This is to understand the value of
Time: 7.30 am to 8.30 am (90030 11372)
money and importance of recycling.
Tree Walk
Bring and Buy Sale
(044 42266660)
54 Parent Circle / November 2011
Nov 14
Make your own sandwiches/juice/ and enjoy a picnic with Bamboola
For event listings contact us at PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India. Ph. no. 24461066/67/68. Email info@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Events’.
discussion point
Do you think pocket money should be given to your child?
Maturity rather than age is the criteria. On
ChildSpeak
the amount to be given, that depends on the parent. To teach children the value of money,
We children do not have many needs,
give them small projects, like purchasing
other than some school items like
household groceries within a budget. Many
stationery and text books. We do not
parents introduce the concept of budget
require pocket money.
after seeing their teen’s lifestyle. This should
Thameena S, 14 year old
not be the entry point to the subject. If the household expense is handled by your child,
Pocket money should be saved more and
he gets to know the value of money and the
spent less. We need to account for it, keep
art of budgeting in a subtle way. The next
it safe and even inform our parents before
step is to teach him to shop for small events,
spending it. We can give some of it in
like a get-together among friends. Guide him
charity, for the welfare of poor children.
as needed. A kiddy bank box is also a good
Aishwarya, 11 years
idea to inculcate the savings habit in a child. Shyam Sekhar, Father of three children aged 10 years, 7 years and 3 years
of the parents or on festive occasions like Diwali. It should be ‘earned’ by the child for
Yes, introducing children to money and
doing simple chores at home or for being
making them realize the value of it is very
well-mannered. Parents can discuss how it
essential from the age of 7. We can give
should be utilized by the child and monitor
them some money to go and buy things
the spending.
from the nearby shop; we can introduce
Sohrab, father of a 5-year-old
them to the idea of Savings Accounts in the bank; we can make them pay the
I come from a world where each household
vendors who come home and have them
had several children and parents never
collect the change etc. This will make them
believed in handing over any money to them.
understand the value of money.
There were times when I used to yearn for
Kalpana Rajiv, Mother of a 8-year-old
a little money of my own, to feel the cash in my hands. It is better to give a little money to
School bags are getting heavier. What do you think schools should do about it? Please send in your responses before November 15, 2011 to editorial@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Discussion Point’, or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.
I really like what ICICI Bank has done in its
the children around the age of 8 or 10. It will
Young Star account, a separate animated
make them feel important and worthy of the
section in their website/ e-banking on the
trust bestowed upon them by their parents.
need for savings. It is an innovative and fun
We can monitor the spending in subtle ways
way of making the children realize the value
without breathing down their necks. The
of money and the importance of saving it.
children will understand the value of money
Venkataraghavan Srinivasan, Father of a
and how to spend it judiciously.
8-year-old
Surayya Sheriff, Cochin
We have an `50 pocket money budget
I feel that children are too young to handle
for our son. With this money, he plans his
money and no matter how much you teach
expenses meticulously. He then tells us to
them the importance of money, they will end
pay budget excesses from the many gifts he
up spending it on frivolous things. At this
gets from his aunts and uncles. But overall,
age, they will not understand the concept
it has been a useful exercise for him in
of saving. Their meaning of 'needs' and our
understanding money and budgeting.
meaning of the same thing is different. Once
S Srinivasan, Father of a 9-year-old
they grow old enough, they will automatically manage money.
Pocket money could be given as a fixed
Malathi Srinivasan, mother of a
amount monthly depending on the lifestyle
10-year-old
www.parentcircle.in 55
lighter vein know that as a first-time mom, she’s
kid is just average,” I could say. “Don’t
probably really tired and feeling totally
worry about cleaning the house until they
overwhelmed. I remember feeling like
go to college. Kids need to be exposed to
that, too. And I must have looked as out
germs. A healthy house is a messy house.”
of control as I felt because it seemed like everyone had helpful advice about how to raise a baby.
I have pearls, nay, priceless gems of parenting wisdom that I would love to impart. “If your kid is smart, keep it to
“Don’t you think he should be
yourself. No other parents, except possibly
wearing a hat?” an older woman
your own mother, are interested.”
in the supermarket inquired as my firstborn fussed in the grocery cart.
“Make your child take piano lessons.
“Air conditioning is chilly for a baby.”
Really.”
“He sure looks hot,” a man in the
“No matter how good a parent you think
produce aisle said. “You should take
you are, when your child is 16, they will
off his socks.”
smash your car.”
At the checkout, as I frantically dug
So when the woman with the stroller
through the diaper bag for my credit
stopped in front of my house, I couldn’t
card while simultaneously trying
resist. I peeked past the cup holder to
to wiggle a pacifier into Nathan’s
see the baby and to say something that
screaming mouth, a woman in line behind
would transform the new mom’s parenting
me sagely commented, “Sounds like
experience and provide a lasting impact
somebody needs a nap.” Duh.
on the well-being of her child. Something that would make me look like the parenting
I know that all of these people were merely
goddess that I am.
offering helpful advice with no motivation BY CAROL BAND
T
beyond my child’s welfare. And now I have
The infant was swaddled in blankets. It
raised three kids (and by raised, I mean
was 80 degrees outside. He looked hot.
that I never lost them at the supermarket his morning, a young woman pushed
or forgot to feed them. I never ran away
“His name is Elliot,” the mother beamed.
a stroller by my house. I used to
to Bora-Bora, even when my son put
Elliot is the name of my brother-in-law,
watch her as she hustled by on her
earthworms in the dryer. And none of my
but I didn’t mention that or point out that
way to work. She was always dressed for
kids are behind bars or working as pole
her child was probably working up a
success in a business suit with heels and
dancers or suing me for psychological
sweat under his downy wraps or relate the
a briefcase.
damages), I consider myself somewhat of
hardships of parenthood prior to
an expert on parenting.
cup holders.
suits for maternity clothes. She swapped
Back in the 1990s when my kids were
Instead, I said, “He’s beautiful.
her high heels for comfortableflats, and I
babies, strollers didn’t have cup holders,
Congratulations.” And then I shut up.
noticed that she walked a bit slower to the
so the whole motherhood business was a
Maybe I am a parenting expert.
city bus stop.
lot tougher. Somehow I managed, my kids
Then one day, she traded in her power
survived and I now have years of valuable
CAROL BAND IS A JOURNALIST BY TRAINING
Today, she was pushing a stroller. She
expertise and advice that any young
AND MOM BY CHANCE. THIS ARTICLE WAS
paused on the sidewalk to adjust the sun
mother would be foolish to ignore.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN HER COLUMN
screen, then pulled a portable coffee mug from the stroller cup holder and took a sip. I don’t really know this woman, but I do
56 Parent Circle / November 2011
‘HOUSEHOLD WORD’ BY DOMINION PARENTING “Get off the cell phone and talk to your
MEDIA. PLEASE SEND YOUR FEEDBACK TO
baby,” I could command. “Forget that
EDITORIAL@PARENTCIRCLE.IN WITH A CC TO
Baby Einstein stuff, and be glad that your
CAROL@CAROLBAND.COM.