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Parent Circle

Relationships I Health I Nature I Culture I Learning I Activities

editorial

For the Parent in you To know, to understand, to connect

very year, my children’s school in the US set aside a special Grandparents Day. Grandparents were invited to visit the school and spend half a day, visiting the classrooms and doing activities with the children. Later they were entertained with a special show performed by the children for

them. I had the privilege of organising these events and it was always such a joy to see the excitement on the faces of both the children and the grandparents, as the children proudly showed off their classrooms, their work, their friends and their teachers. It was very moving to watch the joyful interactions between the children and their doting grandparents. I too, have very fond memories of my own grandmothers. I remember playing ‘Dhaayam’ and ‘Omali Gunta’ (traditional board games) with my paternal grandmother and listening to her stories. When we were away in school she would collect ‘Binaca charms’ (small plastic animals) for us. I still have these charms, which I treasure very much. My maternal grandmother was a source of strength for the whole family. Whenever I was frustrated and upset with my parents, I would run to her, seeking

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comfort and solace. I miss them both very much. This issue is dedicated to Grandparents everywhere, in celebration of Grandparents Day on September 11th. Read our cover story ‘A Tribute to Grandparents’ to see what roles today’s grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren. September 5th is Teacher’s Day. In our feature ‘The Teacher as the Guru’, we examine the evolution of the teacher’s role in the education of the child, from the days of the Gurukulam to what it is today. September is the beginning of our festival season, starting with Vinayakar Chathurthi on September 1st. Our special feature on ‘The Changing Face of Traditions’, talks about the various traditions that have evolved in different cultures as part of festival celebrations. We also discuss the importance of evolving your own family traditions, be it a family game night every Friday evening or a trip to Grandma’s every Deepavali. I like to leave you to explore this issue with a tribute to grandparents everywhere: Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children. ~ Alex Haley

Nalina Ramalakshmi PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Nalina Ramalakshmi

CREATIVE HEAD Rangashree Srinivas

HEAD - OPERATIONS Neeta Kamath

MANAGING EDITOR Nitya Varadarajan

VISUALISER G Swarupa

SENIOR EDITOR - COPY DESK Shashwathi Sandeep

GRAPHIC DESIGNER M Ravisankar

ADVERTISING General Manager S Visalam Assistant Manager G Suresh Kumar

CONTENT COORDINATOR Asita Haq

PRODUCTION CONSULTANT Poochi Venkat ADMINISTRATION Sheeja Sasindran

CIRCULATION C Ganesh S Thirumalai SUBSCRIPTION Dolly Preethi Martina M

PUBLISHED BY Nalina Ramalakshmi Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. (A Ramco Group Associate) 8/14, First Cross Street, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020 PRINTED BY R Dhayalan, Sun Graphics, 51, Gangai Amman Koil Street, Vadapalani, Chennai 600026 To advertise in this magazine call 044 24461066/67/68 or email advertise@parentcircle.in

Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.

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SPECIAL P.12

The Changing Face of Traditions RESOURCES COVER STORY P.24

A Tribute to

Grandparents

PARENT CHEF Grandma’s Recipes

CHECK IT OUT Pick a Flick

HANDS ON Paper House

EVENTS Chennai this Month

FORUM

REGULARS IN FOCUS

YOUR WORD

ROOTS Navaratri Celebrations Across India

PARENT EXPRESS The Need for a Sibling

MINDSET Myths About Discipline

VIEWPOINT The Abhimanyu Syndrome

HEALTH CIRCLE Tackling Respiratory

DISCUSSION POINT Strict or Lenient Teachers?

LIGHTER VEIN Time Out

Infections in Children

FEATURE The Teacher as the Guru

LEARNING Math: Go from Nay to Yay!

VALUES Adopting the Right Attitude Towards Food

TEEN CIRCLE Tackling Substance Abuse in Teens

DESTINATIONS A Kaleidoscopic View of Kanyakumari

ON THE COVER MEGHA CHINNAPPA AND HER GRANDMOTHER MUTHAMMA PHOTOGRAPH BY ARJUN DOGRA

Parent Circle / September 2011

P.30

A few Chennai grandparents and grandchildren

your word

Letters to the Editor The magazine is very interesting. All the articles are equally good. In the latest issue, I liked the article on

I am extremely happy that you have brought out a magazine exclusively for the parents. The cover of your August issue is beautiful. It is the teenage children who have to be given great importance. They are confused, as there is a

Tech Talk where they gave the websites which are

transformation going on in their mental makeup.

helpful for studies. I can relate to it as I have two

Parents need to act as a guiding spirit, to help them.

grown up children and this is very useful for them. I

I am simply at a loss to pick an article which is not

also like the recipe pages very much.

outstanding. You have been able to compile

S PRAVEENA, mother of two children

interesting and thought provoking articles.

Each and everything about this magazine is very nice.

SUDHA KASTURIRANGAN, Teacher

I like the way the articles are written. We get a lot of information and tips on parenting our kids. The

Wow! What a magazine! The other day when I went to

photographs used are also nice and bring a smile on

Nilgris store, I saw this magazine in the stands. I really

one’s face. I also have seen the recipes page. I would

liked it. PARENT CIRCLE can be read by the young and

love to try out all those dishes but I have not yet found

the old parents. It is an ideal magazine for parents of

the time.

school going children. I have recommended the

DR KRISHNAPRIYA, mother of two children

all success.

just one issue of the magazine. Right from the cover

S GANESHAN

to the photographs used and the articles, they are really good. The article on pre-school in the last issue

I just completed the magazine from cover to cover. I

was very relevant and useful for me as I have just

came through the magazine while I was glancing

started sending my daughter to pre-school. The page

through the magazine shelves in Landmark. The

on Events is Chennai oriented. I live in Mysore and it

name PARENT CIRCLE attracted me. After going

really does not matter to me here about what is happening in Chennai. It should include other cities too. LATHA RAGHUNATH, mother of two children In the Events section you only give the events in Chennai. What about the rest of the country? I think that you should include events in other cities so that we will be aware of what is happening in our city (Bangalore) as well. Apart from that, the other

Please send in your letter with the subject line “Letters to the Editor”, before September 15, 2011, to editorial@ parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

magazine to many of my friends. I wish the magazine

I have just started subscribing and have gone through

through each and every article, I really thought that the money spent was worthwhile and I will continue to buy it in the future. I have always wondered how to approach my son to make him sing rhymes, paint etc. The article on identifying a child’s learning style gave me the idea that it is easy for me to approach him from his point of view.

sections are pretty interesting. I particularly like the

Regarding preschools, I am certain that I’ ll put him in

‘Check it Out’ section; it gives so much information on

the best preschool available. I never knew that there

the books we could make our children read. Most of

were so many checks to be made to find a good

the articles are really good and so are the

school for my dear son. I am sure that the prevention

photographs. The recipes section too is

aspects of dental problems highlighted in your

very interesting. RANJANA AJITKUMAR, mother of a 6-year-old

*Editor’s response: We really appreciate the fact that we have readers like you subscribing out of Bangalore and Mysore and giving us your valuable feedback. At the moment, we are Chennai-centric in terms of the bulk of our circulation. But we are planning to expand to other centres in the country and we will get more broadbased in our events.

Parent Circle / September 2011

Health article will be noted by parents like me who want their children to be healthy. RAJESWARI VEERAVEL, mother of a 2-year-old boy

in focus SAMACHEER KALVI TEXTBOOKS ONLINE The Tamil Nadu School Education Department has hosted the Samacheer Kalvi textbooks online. Both the Tamil and English medium textbooks for students from the 2nd to 5th standards and from the 7th to 10th standards can be accessed on the web at: www.tn.nic.in, www.textbooksonline.tn.nic.in and www.pallikalvi.in

The holy month of Ramzan is being observed by the Muslims across the world and here is how a 13-year-old observes Ramzan

chicken and dosa. We say our dawn prayers. Then I sleep till 8 a.m. I have my bath and go to school.

MY RAMADHAN

My hunger is forgotten in school. After coming home, I sleep for a while. I read the Quran after I get up and then I make dua (supplication) for my family and friends. Before sunset, my mother calls me to help her at the dining table. We break our fast after sunset by drinking Zam Zam (Holy water) or eating dates.

ALYINA IBSAN, 13 YEARS

Ramadhan is a holy month for Muslims when we fast everyday. My sister is a soccer star, and she kicks me out of the bed. I get up half-an-hour before dawn and eat food for suhur (pre-dawn meal) with my family. We eat ghee rice,

SUPERMARKETS

Tamil Nadu swimmers are on a record-breaking high. Two young swimmers from Tamil Nadu have broken national records at the 38th Junior National Swimming Championship held at Bhopal in August 2011.

Raghavi M broke the record in the 15 -17 years age category. She completed the lap in a record time of 2 minutes 46.96 seconds (the earlier record was 2 minutes 47.08 seconds). Raghavi was the only swimmer from Tamil Nadu to have participated in the Commonwealth Games held in November last year. Jayaveena’s brother, Jaywant is now preparing for an International swimmers meet, the Asian Age Group Swimming Championship to be held in October at Jakarta. He is the only swimmer to represent Tamil Nadu at the event.

Parent Circle / September 2011

At night, we go to the mosque for our night prayers as well as our Tarawih prayers (a special prayer prayed in Ramadhan). After that I go to my room and sleep till my sister makes her next soccer goal!

NO MORE FREE PLASTIC BAGS AT

SWIMMING TOWARDS SUCCESS

V Jayaveena, aged 13 years, broke two records in the 13 -15 years age category. She completed the 100m breast stroke in a record time of 1 minute 19.02 seconds (the earlier record was 1 minute 20.32 seconds) and the 200m breast stroke in 2 minutes 54.90 seconds (the earlier record 2 minutes 55.93 seconds).

Then we eat different kinds of food like samosa, burger, pizza, potato balls, French fries, fruit salad, different types of chicken and follow it up with Nannari sherbet. Then we say our sunset prayers.

ASSISTIVE DEVICES FOR THE

In addition to paying for your groceries be prepared to pay for the plastic carry-bags provided by the shops and supermarkets. The Union Ministry of Environment and Forest has come out with a rule that plastic bags below 40 microns should not be used and that shops should charge customers for carry-bags above 40 microns.

ELDERLY AND DISABLED A shoe lace that coils up on its own, seat cushions which lift themselves up automatically – these are some of the assistive aids for the elderly and the disabled developed by Activities of Daily Living (ADL) Neurotech. ADL has come out with 23 innovative assistive aids within a price range of ` 1,000 and ` 30,000. “ADL was conceptualised as an offering that would help improve not only the lives of the aged and infirm but also enable them to live semi-independent lives without having to depend on a care taker,” says Dr Prithika Chary, a senior neurologist and neurosurgeon, who is also the brainchild behind ADL. For more details, you can log on to: www.adlneurotech.co.in

WORKSHOP ON PARENTING Chennai Counselor’s Foundation held a workshop, ‘Root 2 Fruit – A Parenting Carnival’ on July 30th at Chinmaya Heritage Center. Special sessions that included guest lectures and panel discussions were held for the parents of children in the age groups of 0-5 years and 6-12 years. After each session, a video was presented highlighting the different parenting styles - the authoritarian, the indulgent and the balanced parent. This was followed by a Q&A session and a quiz for the audience. Most interesting was the very animated debate between parents and teens on topics ranging from social networking to career planning.

parent express

The need for a sibling

used to knock at the doors of my neighbours in my apartment building asking if they had children. Having been a career woman all my life, and not having interacted with the tribe of homemakers, I made an effort to make friends with a few. Maybe, they could never be my best friends but I tried to enter their well-oiled family system to draw my son into it. I toyed with the idea of dogs but my friends quickly squashed the thought. How will you care for the animal when you are off to work? Delete. I accompany him to all the animation movies and try to be his friend. I invite as many children as possible for sleepovers. I sacrifice my sleep to give him the thrill of

Gita Krishnan

pillow fights and jabbering with him late into the night.

onestly, I am uncomfortable when

minute. My son is a single child and

I also resort to statements like “thank god

people gush over their deep

inhabits a world centering round his

you don’t have a brother or sister. You do

relationships with their siblings. I

father, his mother (that is me) and himself.

not have to share our love. You get

have two siblings and our relationships are like the chilly breezes that blow over Antartica. It is an awkward and stilted relationship. I cannot explain why.

He is not close to anybody in the world but us. Guilt gnaws at me when I see him sometimes during the holidays sitting on his own, glued to the TV or his PSP.

everything in the world you ask for.” But I know that this is not what I should be saying. Sometimes I explain to him in a rational manner, that some people do share great sibling relationships which can

On the face of it, we are very different

There is no one to toss his hair or pick a

people and pursue different paths in life.

fight with him or play a game with him. He

That could be one reason. Or, we never

never speaks to me about it. But,

gave each other reason to be extra-caring

sometimes I see his expression get

towards each other. After my parents

awkward when he watches siblings in our

He acts unconcerned, but my heart goes

died, we tried to rally around each other

friend’s circle jostle with each other. He

out to him when he plays with younger

but we quickly dropped the pretence and

quickly adopts a Mr Bean kind of look.

children. I find him extremely gentle with

continue to be strangers.

The first time he spoke to me about the

Yet, I always console myself that they are

issue (and if I remember correctly, it was

around in the same planet and will not

also the last time he spoke about it) was

hesitate to come to my side (hopefully, I

when he was in the third standard. The

may add) if I so require. Or, vice-versa.

school teacher wanted the children to

I have never known what it is like not to have a brother or a sister. They were part

introduce themselves and talk about their brothers and sisters.

of my mindscape as I first grew conscious

My son had nobody to talk about. He

of the world around me. They were a

came home angry wanting to know why

smudge in my childish memories, an inerasable mark in my growing up years. It is extremely difficult for me to put myself in my son’s shoes even for a

Parent Circle / September 2011

close to my siblings. It could turn out that way too.

them. He seems to open his vulnerable heart to them, wrapping them around him like a stuffed toy. I know he will make a great brother but I also know he will never get that opportunity. Maybe, God will compensate him with a bunch of good friends. n GITA KRISHNAN IS THE MOTHER OF A TEENAGER.

he did not have a sibling. I could only compensate by searching for children to make friends with him. When he was a toddler, I

be a source of comfort, but that I am not

Write to us on parenting experiences in 600 words, with the subject line ‘Parent Express’ to editorial@parentcircle.in or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

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SHUTTERSTOCK IMAGES

special

the changing face of

Saritha Rao Rayachoti

Traditions ike anything else in life, even

extended family join in the festivities. The

as we try to recreate our own childhood

traditions are not static. Changing

resplendence of firecrackers, the delight

memories of the occasion. Still, tradition is

times are resulting in the death of

of buying a new doll for display before

an important cornerstone in bringing the

some practices, or in the

Navaratri or the special taste of a

family together.

modifying of existing practices.

Christmas plum cake lingers on in

New ones evolve, or sometimes existing

one’s memory.

traditions are deeply examined and

Where have those days gone?

better understood!

tradition and festivals There are so many facets to tradition,

Shanthi laments, “Today, festivals like

“When I was a child, a week before

from religious ceremonies that mark the

Deepavali are mostly spent in front of the

Deepavali, my sister and I would divide

rites of passage to evolving a family

television. Nobody is waking up early.

the firecrackers between us and keep

tradition unique to a particular family.

Children do not want to burst firecrackers.

them out to dry when the sun came out,”

Celebrating festivals is only one aspect of

Depending on the age, they are either

says Shanthi Ramkumar, mother of two

tradition, but a very important one.

scared, or they think that it is not

boys. “We had about two or three days’

environment friendly, or a waste of

leave at school. We would be so excited

money. We cannot even take the car out

“It is our custom handed down to us from

that we would not sleep all night

for fear of damage from firecrackers. The

generations before us,” says Nithya

before Deepavali,” she says.

only charm left of the concept, are the

Madhavan, “we have to teach our children

new clothes. ”

that this is how we follow our religious

Talk to any parent about traditional

Why do people celebrate festivals?

practices.”

festivals in their childhood, and you can

Our children live in a different world than

be sure to find a wistful smile as they

the one we so fondly remember. Perhaps

Priya Srikanth has two daughters who are

recount the simplicity of life before

our nostalgia plays a major part in the way

enthusiastic participants in the festival

television and the delight of having one's

we involve our children in festivities even

arrangements in the house. Priya says,

12 Parent Circle / September 2011

abroad, who spend lakhs of rupees just to

children will learn about it. Besides, it

come here to be with us for two or

gives us peace and fulfilment, especially

three days.”

as I have seen my mother doing these rituals regularly. We also get to

ARJUN DOGRA

“Celebrating a festival is the only way our

Shanthi Ramkumar is appreciative of her friend who hosts a pooja called Kedar

meet relatives.” Today, there are smaller families, and hence fewer relatives, who are all geographically distributed across the country and the world. Some families still make the effort to come together for a festival. Sahar S believes that the two Eids are occasions for people to come together. “My parents made sure we all got together on these two occasions, so that I established good relations with my cousins. Our family has grown to almost three hundred people. My daughter gets a chance to meet her first cousins, second cousins and third cousins. I appreciate

Gowri, usually on the evening of Deepavali. “She invites all her friends, along with their spouses, to visit her for at least ten minutes. If we time our arrival together, then in this small get-together, our respective husbands also get to meet and interact,” Shanthi says.

festivities and the child

Five year old Niya offers daily prayers with her mother

“Putting up the Christmas tree is a family activity”, says Raji Monisha Cherian.

wearing a sari they say that they want a

“Each one of us adds our own touch. The

pavadai set. They help with the setting up of kolu (the traditional doll exhibition at home). My older daughter gets very excited and keeps asking when each festival would come.

biggest association for my son Advait, is the gifts. Till he was seven years old, Advait believed in Santa Claus. It gave my

those people in our family who live

husband and me great pleasure in hiding

Sriya and Pranaya Srikanth

magically under the tree. When Advait

the gifts and making them appear was seven, he watched the movie, Polar

Express and got to know that Santa was a myth. Now he is fifteen, but when we meet Santa at Spencer Plaza and at the Church, he still takes great delight in shaking hands with him.”

Ishita Sharma says, “I have been married for twenty seven years. When it comes to Deepavali, we go to my in-laws’ house for lunch. Until seven years ago, when both my parents were alive, we used to have dinner at their place. From the time my daughters were in Class 9, it became an occasion for them to wear a sari and get a

Priya Srikanth says, “My girls are very

family picture taken. You never know who

traditional. The moment they see me

will not be there next year, especially when you have elderly people around.” For Nithya Madhavan, Navaratri is the

in the workplace

occasion when she can try out a new recipe for one sweet and one savoury. It is

Karthika Venkatraman works in an IT company and believes that thanks to the hours

also the time when she gets to dress her

they work, celebrating a festival has become optional. She says, “We are working on

daughter in traditional clothes against her

a project based in the UK and their festivals are different from ours. So, if it is not a

usual attire of jeans. “My mother-in-law

holiday in the UK, you may not get a day off here. I believe that even our festivals

gifted my daughter with a pavadai for

should be celebrated. The least that can be done is the ‘traditional’ day that we have

Deepavali. She wore it on that one day,

every year at office, be celebrated on a festival day.”

but the rest of the time, it is lying in the

Dona Konidena has more to say about her workplace in telecom some years ago, in

cupboard. I tell her that this is also our

India. “We would ask colleagues visiting Kerala to bring us gold bordered saris, for our office activity on Onam so we would be dressed appropriately. For Sankaranthi Pongal, we would fly kites and there would also be Rangoli drawing. I was in the Aahaar (food) committee and our responsibility was that during festivals like

dress and she should wear it occasionally, at least once in 2 months,” she says.

the nri factor

Baisakhi, there would have to be one Punjabi food speciality so that people know

Aparna Rao was in for a serious case of

about the food that is special in that particular community.”

culture shock when she moved to 8

www.parentcircle.in 13

ARJUN DOGRA

special

Five year old Kiyara plays pallankuzhi with her mother, Roopali and a friend every weekend

Outsourcing Food Shanthi Ramkumar believes that although festivals are an occasion to make those delicacies that are typical to the tradition, outsourcing makes a lot of sense. “Back in the old days, there would be varieties of sweets and snacks only for Deepavali. During the rest of the year, it would just be normal food with the occasional exception. Nowadays, everything is available throughout the year for consumption. There is no separate charm in Deepavali

bakshanam.” “Today, we are unable to make limited quantities of bakshanam at home. When we use so much oil, it does not make sense to cook anything less than two or three kilos. Plus, it is labourintensive. Working women who return from work the previous evening, make these bakshanams throughout the night and then feel fatigued on the festival day. If it does not turn out alright, nobody eats it. It makes better sense to make a simple payasam for auspiciousness at home and buy a limited quantity from a store or a caterer”.

14 Parent Circle / September 2011

Cupertino, CA, USA. “Cupertino has a

rituals, considered almost sacrosanct in

very high Indian population. It is a very

India – like buying new clothes – are not

busy time for all the South-Indian ladies,

as relevant to her as the deeper

during Navaratri, going out nearly every

significance of the festival. “I make do with

day to each other's houses for kolu' By

even a new top or a salwar that I wore

the end of Navaratri, I swore not to eat

probably once which makes it ‘new’ in

sundal for the rest of the year!”

my mind,” she says.

Non-Resident Indians embrace tradition with great fervour. Many are disappointed

family traditions

with the previous generation for not

Other than religious and cultural traditions,

properly inculcating tradition in them right

there are family traditions – activities or

from childhood.

rituals that bring the family together.

Meena Radhakrishnan says, “We have

For Meena Radhakrishnan, that special

always celebrated festivals, but took

family tradition is the trip to India every 2-3

them for granted. We never understood

years. “We do miss the atmosphere in

the symbolism or significance nor did our

India - nothing to beat that on any festival!

parents or elders bother to explain them.

My oxygen tank signals 'empty' and I just

The focus was on fun - fireworks, sweets, meeting relatives and friends. We now celebrate the traditions with a deeper sense of appreciation and understanding. Also, I suppose, we as uprooted desis, have a fear of raising ABCDs (American Born Confused Desis).” Aparna's friends' circle celebrates Halloween with a potluck meal and all the children in the apartment complex go

‘trick-or-treat’ing. She also ensures that her children celebrate Indian festivals with equal fervour. “Whether they follow it or not as adults is left to them - we have to do our best to provide exposure to our Indian values and culture. This will set their bandwidth when it comes to ‘westernisation’,” she says. Rather than doing time-consuming rituals, Meena Radhakrishnan, shares with her three sons, the significance and what can be imbibed from the festivals. Some Meena Radhakrishnan’s sons and their cousin

need to be there,” she says. Ishita Sharma who lives in Chennai says, “My husband works in Bangalore and comes home every alternate weekend. When he is here, Sunday evening is dedicated to playing Scrabble as a family, quite late into the night.” Ishita also believes that anniversaries and birthdays are great occasions to bring the family together. She says, “We've all been celebrating our 25th anniversaries in the family. On my husband’s side, we get together at a place not in our own town. It's such fun because some of us have not seen each other in a long time.” Dona Konidena's family, based in Jakarta, looks forward to an annual holiday, especially since her husband travels a lot. “We make it a point as a family to never miss a new year's eve together. In the last four years, we have visited different countries. My eldest son is already asking where we will be going this year,” she says. While Sahar and his family love to travel, they spend every weekend with a group of like-minded friends irrespective of caste or creed. “We have food together, we then put the children to sleep. Sometimes, there are things to discuss and we talk until 3 a.m the next morning,” he says. 8

TwoWomen, ManyTraditions

Meet Ruchi and Dona, two women who are so different in the way they celebrate tradition or evolve their family culture, but so unanimous in their approach in bringing the family together, using tradition as a cornerstone.

Ruchi Bhayani

daughters, her in-laws and her

Paryushan is considered the most

grandmother-in-law. She ensures that

sacred period of the year where each

Ruchi Bhayani married into a Jain family,

her daughters are inculcated into the

day is dedicated to a special

and went on to willingly follow all the

Jain tradition. For this, she learns first. “I

characteristic of the Jain religion, Ruchi's

customs and traditions of the religion.

know the basics and my husband also

family also celebrates Rakshabandhan to

She says, “I married Vikas for love. He is

supports me. We have made sure that

promote bonding among cousins and the

very religious and very strong on the

my elder daughter recites the basic

close-knit community.

principles of the Jain religion. Before

'shloks' every night before bed. Seeing

committing ourselves to the relationship,

her, my second one also joins her

he was very particular that I accept his

hands together,” she says.

religion. He was very logical about it. He did not impose anything but made me understand a lot of things. Following the Jain tradition was made easy because Vikas and I share a superb rapport.” Ruchi lives with her husband, her

“For Rakshabandhan, we get together with my late grandfather-in-law's four brothers and their families. The families

Ruchi’s entire family makes it a point to

of each of these four brothers take turns

visit the temple on Sundays. In addition,

in celebrating Rakshabandhan every

on Saturdays, Ruchi's elder daughter

year. All the brothers of my father-in-

voluntarily visits the temple with her

law's generation and all the brothers of

grandmother and great grandmother for

my husband's generation stand in line

an hour in the morning, when the

and are tied 'rakhis'. If the sisters are not

‘mandal’ sings devotional songs. Ruchi

there, they send the 'rakhis' so that other

says, “When her grandmother was away

sisters can tie them. We order idli-vada,

in the US, my daughter continued to

pongal, chutney, coffee and tea from

accompany her great grandmother to the

Welcome Hotel and have it for breakfast.

temple every Saturday and also slept

Thanks to this, my children will

beside her at noon to keep her

understand family values, family

company.” While the annual festival of

bonding, and relationships,” she says.

Ruchi Bhayani’s children and their cousins

Dona Konidena

want this to be carried forward. I

following

understand that it promotes closeness

the

When Dona Konidena, who lives in

between my husband and son. I would

traditions

Jakarta, enrolled for an international

not want my child to be deprived of this

yoga teacher's training course in

of their

blessing from his father. It's a rare

Chennai, she was in for a paradigm shift.

paternal

occasion when they actually sit in front of

“It is amazing to see people from

family,

the idol and do a pooja.

they are

different parts of the world coming to India to learn our culture and traditions.

“Last year, for a short stint, I had some

This country has so much to give and as

work in Hyderabad while my family

Indians, we do not utilise it. We take our

remained in Jakarta. During Ganesh

traditions for granted.”

Chaturthi, I picked up an eco-friendly

Dona is a Bengali married to a Telugu Brahmin. She has been celebrating Ganapati Pooja for the last nine years, and considers it to be very special. “This pooja is a tradition in my husband's family and being the daughter-in-law, I

clay Ganesha from Hyderabad and took it to Jakarta. We did the pooja, kept the Ganesha for five days and on my return to Hyderabad, I immersed the idol in the Tank Bund,” she says. Not only are the Konidena children

also imbibing

Dona Konidena and her family

the customs of their mother's family. Dona says, “Durga Pooja and Mahashivratri are part of the Bengali culture. My husband's family does not follow these, but I carry on that tradition from my mother's side. For my children, it is not about two cultures coming together - this is our family culture!”

www.parentcircle.in 15

going that extra mile

Significance

There are so many

Raji Monisha Cherian says, “The practice of

ways to instill

having a doll kolu during Navaratri had its origin in the ancient

tradition in our

agricultural economy, where dolls were made from the clay from

children. The way

riverbeds to encourage dredging and desilting.

to do it is only limited by the

Nine year old Calvin and his parents catch up with a game of chess on Saturdays

Why do we display dolls during a Navaratri festival?

Why is an oil bath important on festival days?

extent of our

“Our ancestors had a logic about the oil bath on Deepavali day.

imagination.

The body is heated up with all the sweets (glucose) we have

Priya Srikanth, for

consumed. We have an oil bath to cool our system. Before the

instance, tries to

traditional oil bath we are fed vethalai (betel leaf) and anointed

do a different theme every year for the Navaratri display. “One

with manjal (turmeric). Betel Leaf is a digestive and lines the

year, I made a model of Mount Kailash depicting the story of Lord

stomach’s defense mechanism. Turmeric reduces the intensity in

Ganesha and Lord Muruga going around the world. I also make it

case of burns because of firecrackers. Also, since we South

a point to put up a chart explaining it so that the children who visit

Indians burst crackers at 3 a.m., an oil bath ensures we take a

will also learn the story,” she says. The Internet is an immense source of information and everything from history to rituals is available in English and most Indian languages. Aparna says, “It is easy to explain the significance of

nap soon after lunch,” Raji says.

Why are gifts exchanged during Christmas?

festivals to our children. Often, the priest tends to explain the

Being married into the Christian faith, Raji

significance of the pooja in English, step-by-step. It does take

also says, “Christmas tree gifts encourage the act of giving. This

longer, but it's really worth the time as the entire family gets to

also teaches the child to learn to wait for something he

understand it. I also love the fact that Satyanarayana 'Kathas' are

desperately wants and how to value a gift”.

read in English. “During festivals, it also helps to get children to participate in an

Why do people fast during Ramzan?

activity – be it painting, drawing competitions, or reading a shloka

Sahar says that fasting during Ramzan is a lesson

– it makes it more interesting and interactive for them”.

in the importance of food. “After 30 days of fast, you come to

In our efforts to involve children in learning about tradition, we forget that we too have a lot to learn. Nithya Madhavan raises a valid point. “Since our generation keeps saying that we do not have time, we are neither following nor learning traditions. We

discover the feelings of a person who cannot have food, or who is left with not even a drop of water to drink. You understand how lucky or blessed you are that you are not only getting 3 meals a day, but

have to find the time for this. Our elders know plenty, but not

you also get very good, tasty food. At that

enough people in our generation are getting that information from

time, if you see the importance of food, you

them. We only have to ask them and they will be happy to share

will not take it for granted”.

what they know”. Meena Radhakrishnan has some simple advice for families when it comes to tradition. “We need to take the time to slow down, shut-off all technology, including TV and cell phones and truly enjoy these festivals first. Then, if we take the time to share its significance with the children, it could go a long way forward in getting them to appreciate and continue these traditions,” she says. n SARITHA RAO RAYACHOTI IS A FREELANCE WRITER.

16 Parent Circle / September 2011

If you want to know more about any particular cultural or religious tradition, it is best to ask an elder in the family. India is a multi-cultural land and just as languages and dialects changes every 100 kilometres, so do the traditions and interpretations of the traditions. The Internet may not always have all the answers!

ARJUN DOGRA

special

roots

avaratri (or the nine-night festival of the Goddess Durga) is a much awaited festival in Tamil Nadu and

is loved for the sheer colour of its celebrations. The bommai kolu or the doll exhibition hosted in many homes as part of the tradition, is the key highlight. Women and children gather together at their creative best to set up the Kolu, which consists of steps in odd numbers. Gods and folk dolls of various hues and colours are arranged together in a meaningful way. Many of these kolus even have specific themes and the display revolves around that theme. The legend goes that the buffalo-headed Asura (demon) Mahishasura, vanquished the Devas (demigods) and became lord of the heavens. The tormented Devas headed by Brahma approached Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva and sought shelter under them. From the angry faces of Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma, great lights issued forth that combined with the lights emanating from the bodies of all the Devas. From this combined light emerged a female form of great beauty. The Gods and Devas presented the Devi (Goddess) with jewels and weapons drawn from their own weapons. The mountain Himavat presented her with a Lion to ride on. This

Shashwathi Sandeep

Navaratri Celebrations Across India 18 Parent Circle / September 2011

powerful Devi, giving out a loud roar, easily defeated Mahishasura and came to be known as Mahishasuramardini. Later when she destroyed the demon Durg, she was worshipped as Durga. During Navaratri, the Goddesses Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswathi are allotted three days of worship each â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;to remove the demons of the mindâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, for peace and prosperity and for the acquisition of knowledge. Ayudha pooja (the worship of all tools, gadgets and implements) is also performed on the ninth day, while Vijayadasami signals an auspicious beginning to new learning. Different sects follow different traditions in the state. For example, the Kalasham (the traditional metal or mud pot decorated

with coconut and mango leaves) is kept

is also an exhibition held behind the

among the people after the puja. “The

on the topmost step by some families after

palace, where food and game stalls are

rituals we follow in Goa are quite unique.

a ceremonial worship. Others, who

put up, somewhat similar to the fairs held

The whole city wears a festive spirit for

worship the kalasham everyday, place it

of yore for the visiting villagers.

the nine days,” said Shreekumar

on the bottom step for convenience.

During Vijayadasami, gun shots are fired

Sarjyotishi, Priest at the Shantadurga Devi

Families who have missed out other festivals (for example, Varalakshmi

Vratham – a Lakshmi Pooja) observe it during Navaratri. Some communities, light the holy lamp made of sweetened rice flour at this time. Still others do Sumangali Pooja or Kanya pooja every evening depending on their capacity. Others believe that Durga is seated atop a needle and therefore tailors take a break from work!

to signal the start of the procession of the ‘golden’ Goddess from the palace. An elephant carrying the golden chariot with the idol walks with great fanfare. The chariot is made of 720 kgs of pure gold. The elephant Balarama, weighs about 4610 kgs and is 53 years old.

Devasthan, Kavale.

BENGAL

The festivities begin on the

sixth day. But on the first day, prayers are offered to Ma Durga and the Chandi Paat is recited early in the morning. Bengalis buy new clothes and jewellery for the

“Interestingly, it always rains a little on this

family and also gift clothes to others.

day, signifying that the Gods who are

Durga Pooja is not a household pooja, but

watching from above are pleased and are

a community pooja. That is why the

showering their blessings” explains

Pandals are put up and people join

Traditions and celebrations relating to

Deepthi Ranga, a resident of Mysore.

together and celebrate the festival.

Durga abound elsewhere in the country.

GOA In Ponda, located in North Goa, all

Bengalis believe that Goddess Durga

Some of the well-known ones are listed below.

GUJARAT In Gujarat, devotees believe that Lord Rama was fighting Ravana for nine days before the latter was killed on the tenth day. During the celebrations, the people dance the Garba and Dandiya Raas (traditional dances of the state) all through the nine nights into the early hours of the morning.

the temples and not just the Durga temple, do a ghatasthapana (setting up of the ceremonial pot) on the first day. A Navadurga puja is done. The Saptashati, a collection of 700 slokas on Goddess Durga, are recited in all the temples and a Nanda Deep (a lamp which burns

they are opened and she comes to life; until then, she is just a mud statue. On that day, Khichdi is offered to her as

From the sixth day onwards, flower

the idol takes the nine forms of the

devotees dance around her. “Lord Rama

Goddess. Each day after the pooja, she is

prayed to the different forms of Mataji on

taken out in a procession.

Some devotees observe fasts. All wear

eyes of the Goddess are given to her,

outside the sanctum sanctorum on a

top of a mud pot is invoked and the

Pooja Bhatt, a Gujarati living in Chennai.

performed. “That is the time when the

The idol of the Goddess Durga is kept swing. During the nine days of festivities,

do. Then the celebrations start,” says

fifth day and that is when the first pooja is

neivedyam,” says Papri Sriraman, a Bengali resident of Chennai, and a journalist.

continuously during the festival) is also lit.

Goddess Durga whose picture is kept on

all the nine days, which is what we also

came to her mother’s place only on the

A new garland is offered to the Goddess each day, but the old garlands are not removed. In some of the temples, the

offerings (Pushpanjali) are made to the Goddess and the day’s fast is broken at noon. On all these days, Bhog (Meal) is prepared by the entire community together. Various stalls are put up, and theatre festivals are held, much like a carnival.

number of new garlands offered to the

On the eighth day, many of the devotees

Goddess sequentially increases – one on

MYSORE In Mysore, the people keep

offer saris and even jewellery to the

the first day, two on the second day and

Goddess. On the tenth day, the women

Kolu at home. According to the palace tradition, on the first day, the immediate members of the royal family of Wodeyars (who still live in a portion of the palace allotted by the state) worship the Goddess Chamundeshwari made of pure gold, in a private ceremony.

so on till the ninth day, when the garlands

follow a special ritual. They put Kumkum

are distributed as Prasad. Hari Kirtans are

on the Goddess’s forehead and on each

held in all the temples in the evenings.

other’s forehead. They offer sweets to the

The devotees are expected to visit all the

Goddess and to each other.

A Chandi Havan is done on the ninth day

river or the sea. This is to symbolise that

During the nine days, the palace is

in all the temples. On the tenth day, the

she is leaving for her husband’s place,”

completely lit up and kutcheries (classical

leaves of the Apte tree, considered to be

says Pratima De, an 82-year-old from

music concerts) are held every day. There

the equivalent of gold, are exchanged

Bengal. n

colourful clothes.

temples in the area as part of the tradition during the festival.

“After this function, the Goddess is taken out on a procession and immersed in the

www.parentcircle.in 19

mindset

Kesang Menezes

hen parents are asked, “What do

so much easier for us. Take the example

encourage acknowledgment of the error

you want most for your child?”,

of children near crystal objects. The child

by the child, or an understanding and

the most common responses are

sees a lovely glass ornament that is shiny

acceptance of the true reason behind the

Self-discipline, Honesty, Responsibility

and attractive. His brain tells him to touch

disciplining. As a result, to avoid our

and Independent-thinking. The irony is

it and learn more about it. As he leans

disapproval and punishment, she may

that when we raise our children, our own

forward to pick it up, his mom shouts

even begin to lie.

actions do not reflect this. In fact, the

“Don’t touch that!” Repeated verbal

methods that we use to discipline our

instructions and scolding make him obey

children seldom promote what most of us

without understanding why. The mother

would like for our children, which is

has just trained the child to obey her at

self-discipline or true inner discipline.

the cost of ignoring his own instinct.

We believe in many myths regarding

As he grows older, adults are replaced by

discipline. Let me elaborate.

peers. His parents then ask him, “Why

Discipline means obedience

can’t you think for yourself? If your friend

When we see a child who does

They hardly realize that they have spent

as he is told, we smile and

his entire childhood conditioning him for

tells you to jump into the well, will you?!”

Rewards are a form of positive discipline If punishment has so many

adverse effects, then surely reward is a much better way to motivate or subtly discipline children? Not really. Punishment and reward are just two sides of the same coin. That coin, as we saw earlier, does not buy very much.

appreciate his obedience. Does

precisely this. As parents, we have to

Every parent knows that a reward can

obedience equal discipline? To obey

understand the need behind the child’s

quickly get a child to obey. So we use

someone, actually requires a person to

behaviour so that we can meet those

these all day, every day – from the

completely quell his own thoughts and

needs and not make him obey blindly.

smallest to the biggest task. “If you get

follow another’s orders, regardless of his own opinion. The reason why a child is willing to obey you is either out of fear, or a desire to please, or a deep conditioning that the adult figure ‘knows best’. An obedient child makes life

ready soon, I will buy you chips”, “If you

Punishment or scolding is necessary to teach children the right way Punishing your child deters him from repeating the offending behaviour for a short while. Through threats and punishment, we can get a child to do what

SHUTTERSTOCK IMAGES

watch TV”. We justify this by saying that the child has to be ‘motivated’. Children are indeed ‘motivated’ to do these things for the reward – and not because they know that these are things which have to be done. They are not disciplined enough

we want. But we must also realize why he

to complete the tasks on hand.

is not repeating this offending behaviour.

For example, if you promise to reward

It is mostly because he wants to avoid getting punished. He has still not understood that it is the not right thing to do and hence should not repeat it. Take the case of the child who keeps her toys in place in her own house for fear of punishment. But in her friend’s place, this very same girl just runs away leaving the toys lying around without any care. This child has not truly developed the qualities of orderliness for its own sake.

20 Parent Circle / September 2011

finish your dinner/ homework, you can

your child with a bike for doing well in his exams, he may work hard and get good marks (hopefully without cheating). However, in the process, he has been robbed of the invaluable lesson of the importance of doing well for his own sense of achievement. In fact, subconsciously, many of us believe that the child has no motivation to do well without a reward. Because of the quick fix results that rewards give, children do not

Punishment comes from a position of

realise that getting ready on time for

authority that the parent has. It does not

school, doing home work, putting away

toys, etc. are things that need to be done simply because it is a responsibility.

What then is the alternative? If there are so many pitfalls in these ways of disciplining, then why do we continue using them? It is our own conditioning and the quick results that these methods provide. We function on an auto pilot mode, following whatever we had SHUTTERSTOCK IMAGES

experienced in our childhood and that which ‘works’ for us. The second and the most important reason are the assumptions that we have of our children. We think that if we do not constantly correct them, they will never learn.

ParentsSpeak

To look at discipline in a new way, we

Mrinalini Ponappa Banerjea - a mother of a nine year old boy and four year old girl

have to first understand what we mean when we say that we want our child to be disciplined. Do we want him to be an individual who has his own set of values, who is a responsible human being, and is

“When I found that I had a choice to deal with discipline in a different way, I became more balanced. I did not feel the need to shout or scold. As my children have no fear of punishment, they own up to their mistakes. They deal with them, make amends and move on. They are encouraged to hold on to their own ideas and thoughts and are on the

honest and true and to himself?

way to becoming independent thinking individuals. “

Once we are clear on this, we then need

Sujata Dewaji - Mother of a 13 year old boy and 15 year old girl

to reflect on our role as parents. Should

Not using external forms of control proved to be beneficial, as it has opened up

we badger and beat our children into a

communication channels between my children and me. We have discussions for better

shape that has been chosen by us or just

understanding and cooperation between us. We have developed mutual trust and respect

walk alongside them and be their guide in

for one another and amicably arrive at solutions - be it in the usage of mobile, internet,

whatever their heart desires?

and phone or in the planning of their work schedules.

Finding alternatives is a journey of exploration that each one of us must undertake. When one road is blocked, another will definitely open up. Dialogue, problem solving, listening and speaking respectfully, being mindful of the needs of the child - these are the paths we need to tread. The result is then a wonderful relationship, where a child

Suggested Reading These books would help you discover alternative ways of discipline:

to achieve all that he dreams of. n

Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

Next issue: If punishment or reward are not the answers, then what should a parent do?

Discipline That Works by Thomas Gordon

KESANG MENEZES IS A FACILITATOR WITH PARENTING MATTERS, AN ORGANISATION THAT CREATES FORUMS FOR PARENTS TO SHARE AND DISCUSS THEIR CONCERNS REGARDING PARENTING AND RECEIVE INPUTS ON PARENTING SKILLS.

Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon

believes in himself and has the discipline

www.parentcircle.in 21

health circle Upper Respiratory Infections The most common upper respiratory infections are: • Common cold • Sore throat- Tonsillitis • Sinusitis • Middle ear infections • FB (Foreign Body) aspirations. This generally happens when you draw in some foreign body when you breathe. • FB (Foreign Body) in the nose/ear

care centres • Exposure to Pollutants/Passive smoking • Environmental factors, leading to allergies • Genetic • Lack of breast feeding

differential diagnosis are Asthma,

The lower respiratory infections

Oesophagial Reflux

infection of the larynx, windpipe, and bronchia. It is characterised by a barking cough. • Bronchitis: Inflammation of the

main passages of the lungs.

22 Parent Circle / September 2011

family, crowded places and day

Lower Respiratory Infections

commonly known as croup, is an

The new concept is the ‘One way air disease’. It is considered that most of the upper airway diseases later lead to lower airway diseases. For example Sinusitis and Allergic Rhinitis often lead to Asthma.

pathogens (viruses) within the

causes inflammation of the nose

• LTB: (Laryngotracheabronchitis)

Earlier, for medical practitioners, the airway was divided into upper and lower airways. The portion from nostril to larynx was considered as upper airway and the trachea and the lungs formed the lower respiratory passages.

• Exposure to Respiratory

Common cold (Rhinopharyngitis)

These comprise of

CAUSES

• Viral group

Infections.

s paediatric practitioners, we have observed that 50% of our out-patients come in with Respiratory Infections.

sound when you breathe in or out)

• Inhalation or ingestion of kerosene

are also known as Chest

Dr Santha Narayanan

• Stridor (A harsh, high pitched

• Bronchiolitis: Swelling and

Pneumothorax (Collapsed lung), Cardiac causes, Gastro

SYMPTOMS • Fever • Evidence of previous Upper Respiratory Tract Infection • Cough or difficulty in breathing, audible wheeze • Rapid Respiratory Rate • Grunting in severe cases • Feeding difficulties • Difficulty in speech

mucus build-up in the smallest air

TREATMENT According to the

passages in the lungs.

condition, age of the child and

The presence of these conditions

severity of symptoms, fluid,

depends on age, affected person,

antibiotics or Nebulization is

and the part of the body affected.

administered to the child.

CAUSES

Any child that shows signs of

• Both Virus and Bacteria cause

recurrent respiratory infections

Lower Respiratory Infection

lasting for more than 3 weeks,

• Mycoplasma (bacteria like

where their nutrition intake also

organism that lacks cell walls), can

reduces and if the child has been

also lead to atypical Pneumonia

exposed to persons with chronic

• Inhaled Foreign Body

cough, Tuberculosis should also

• Other causes which mimic

be considered, since TB is widely

respiratory infections, known as

prevalent in our country.

and pharynx. Symptoms

in children between 4-7 years

severity. It is characterised by

according to the weight of

include discharge from the

of age.

pain in the ear, redness of ear

the child.

Sinusitis is an inflammation of

drum, perforation (thin hole) of

nose, sneezing, a painful throat, difficulty in swallowing and fever of moderate to high degree. Colds are common in the child’s first year and is prevalent among children 1-6 years of age. Sore throat (Tonsillitis) is a

the sinuses, which are air filled cavities in the skull. This

the ear drum, fever and vomiting. This is common in

problem is found in children

children up to 7 years of age.

over 2 years of age and is

Upper Respiratory Infections

characterised by stuffy or runny nose, slight fever, cough, pain over the sinuses,

are the leading cause of sickness in children leading to absenteeism from school.

PREVENTION • Improve your child’s immunity by providing a healthy and balanced diet. • Give Influenza and Pneumococcal vaccinations. • Provide rest and adequate

Since most of the infections

amount of fluids.

Middle ear infections are

are viral, there is no need for

• Provide vitamins and

inflammations of the middle

antibiotics. Only if secondary

nutritional supplements.

Fever, swollen neck glands

ear. There may be a pus or

infection with bacterial

• Wash hands often.

and difficulty in swallowing are

fluid within the middle ear

pathogen occurs, appropriate

• Limit contact with people

all signs of tonsillitis. It is found

cavity depending on the

antibiotics are to be given,

exposed to the illness.

condition in which the tonsils

headache and lack of appetite.

become swollen and red, with or without white patches.

Asthma Asthma is a chronic condition of the lungs, manifested by the inflammation and tightening of the airways. It results in shortness of breath, chest tightness and wheezing/ coughing. It is caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

CAUSES • Viral infections predominant in 40% cases • Food allergy - Difficult to prove. Grapes, Banana, Citrus fruits, Fried foods, Tomato, Ice cream and Chocolates • Pollen and Moulds (7.5%) • House dust, Cold air, Passive smoking, Cockroach, Debris, Cologne spray, Mosquito coil smoke (6.3%) • Pets - Mainly dog’s saliva, dander, allergens from cat urine • Exercise induced asthma - 55% of children, more often in males • Temperature changes poorly tolerated by asthmatics

• Air Pollution - Oxides of Nitrogen, Sulfur dioxide, particulate matter produce airway inflammation. Often, a nocturnal cough may be the sole symptom of asthma. Still, the doctor should be able to come to a conclusion after a detailed diagnosis and assessment related to the chest condition. Three types of Asthma that exist among children: • Recurrent wheezing in early childhood, primarily triggered by common viral infections of the respiratory tract • Chronic asthma with allergy that persists into later childhood and adulthood • Asthma also typically emerges in obese females and with the early onset (by 11 years of age) of puberty. There is a cough variant of Asthma, characterised by a dry cough which lasts for 6-8 weeks. It occurs at any time of the day, wakes one up at night and worsens during exercise.

TREATMENT Different modes of treatment exist which you need to be aware of, so as to provide your child with the right kind of treatment. Relievers and Controllers Relievers give immediate relief and Controllers are taken for a longer time. These are mostly inhalants administered through asthma inhalers. Oral Medications These should be given for a short period of time only. Nebulizers A popular medication, Nebulizers make a mist of water and asthma medicine that is breathed in. They are not recommended for regular use, since the oxygen saturation has to be normal before using the nebulizer.

PRECAUTIONS to evade that asthma attack 1. Clean the house at least once a week and wear a mask while cleaning. 2. Avoid pets with fur or feathers. 3. Clean the bedding, sheets,

pillow cases and mattress pads regularly. 4. Encase the mattress, pillows and box springs in dust proof covers. 5. Replace bedding made of foam/cotton with synthetic material. 6. Consider replacing upholstered furniture with leather or vinyl. 7. Consider replacing carpeting with hard wood floors/tiles. 8. Use air conditioners for dust free rooms. 9. Maintain the humidity in the house at optimum levels. 10. Work closely with your doctor to decide what your treatment goals are and how to achieve them. Recognising danger • Increased pulse rate • Increased respiratory rate • Difficulty in talking • Inability to stand up and walk • Confusion and drowsiness n DR SANTHA NARAYANAN IS A PRACTISING PAEDIATRICIAN FROM CHENNAI

www.parentcircle.in 23

ARJUN DOGRA

cover story

a tribute to

grandparents! T

101 year old Janaki Ammal enjoys a game of carrom with her great grandson Sharan, his mother and his grandmother.

Rangashree Srinivas

he average Indian grows up

surrounded by relatives. Every

family has an elderly head who

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humour, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies. RUDOLPH GIULIANI 24 Parent Circle / September 2011

is propitiated when an

important family event takes place.

ONE BIG FAMILY With both parents working, the best care for children can come only from grandparents. If the grandparents are willing and fit, these parents can consider

Grandparents not very long ago, were

themselves blessed. Uma Maheswari,

also important decision makers. The

Senior Associate - HR, Ford, is very

dynamics have shifted significantly with

happy in her joint family set-up. Her family

the onset of nuclear families and

(husband Vinoth, two children Tharika,

geographical distances separating the

4 1/2 years and Reya, 6 months old) and

grandparents from their children

her brother-in-lawâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s family (spouse and a

and grandchildren.

new-born) all live together with her

What is the role of an elder in the family today? When we look at some urban families, we find that grandparental roles

parents-in-law. The grandparents J Kasturi and Jayaraman are 63 years old, enjoy good health and love children!

vary from being primary care givers

She says â&#x20AC;&#x153;My parents-in-law are both

to-seldom-seen-long-distance relatives.

educated and very systematic in their

And everything in-between!

habits. This ensures a clean and

disciplined environment for my children”.

are rather dusky. One day Tharika

Uma is out working from 7.45 a.m until

commented that her grandma was brown.

8.30 p.m. At home, she ensures that the

This upset the older lady. Uma used this

homework is done, and that the uniforms

opportunity to explain to both her daughter

and shoes of the children are in place.

and mother-in-law, that such physical

Tharika’s grandparents wake her up,

attributes were God-given and should be

bathe and feed her and get her ready for

accepted as a gift. “Tharika has taken this

school. Her grandfather takes her by cycle

so much to heart that she even refuses to

to school. “She enjoys the ride and my

call coffee brown,” laughs Uma.

GRANDPARENTS 4Take interest in your grandchildren’s

Uma, on her part takes care not to

4Develop your own interests and try to

father-in-law says that he gets his work-out! They both know the children’s likes and dislikes and ensure that they have a happy environment”.

converse with her daughter in English at home, as her in-laws are not very

Bridging the gap what grandparents, parents and grandchildren can do

interests. involve your grandchildren in them without forcing them.

conversant in the language. “I do not want

On the flip side, there are issues like

4If you have to take care of your

the children to think that their

grandchildren, work in tandem with their

controlling the upbringing of the children.

grandparents are in any way less

parents. Discuss ahead and resolve

For instance, Uma has recently objected

knowledgeable than us,” she says.

differences of opinion.

to the number of presents being showered

4Focus on the positive and keep your

take these gifts for granted and will not

CONNECTING WITH GRANDCHILDREN

appreciate their value. Little Tharika for

Senior management consultant MS

maintain friendships, even if it is only by

instance,says, “Daddy does not get me

Jayaraman (70) and his self-help

telephone.

anything, only Chithapa (dad’s younger

consultant and writer wife Rukmani

brother) does.”

Jayaraman (63) are erudite grandparents

Uma also feels that Tharika should learn

of Gitika, 10 years and Dhriti, 7 years.

on them. She feels that the children will

to complete her home-work on her own with the elders only guiding her. If the child exhibits a reluctance to write, my

They feel an inexplicable disconnect with their granddaughters, who live in Singapore. They blame it on a lack of exposure to home culture and language.

sense of humour.

4Avoid isolation. Make an effort to

PARENTS 4Openly acknowledge the grandparents’ support in raising your children.

4Treat the elderly with respect and patience. Your children will follow suit

hand and make her write.

Though the grandparents are extremely

4Include grandparents in family fun. 4Discuss family issues and allow them

“The adults in any family should make

fluent in English, they find it difficult to talk

to air their views. Their rich experience

about their own childhood stories in an

may give you a new perspective.

alien language. In Jayaraman’s home-

4Encourage and facilitate the elderly to

office, the words are boldly written

develop their own interests and

–‘Teach Dhriti Tamil!’

social circles.

Jayaraman also says “The mythological tales we accepted without question are

GRANDCHILDREN 4Spend at least 10 minutes quality time

hard for today’s children to digest. I have

with your live-in grandparents every day.

to tone down the violence a great deal.”

4Insist on visiting grandparents living

When he told them that Lakshmana

elsewhere, every fortnight/ every

scraped Soorphanakha’s nose just a wee

quarter/ every year depending on

bit because he was angry, Gitika retorted

the distance.

‘That’s not a nice thing to do’. “How does

4Keep in touch through letters and

mother-in-law would rather that I grab her

sure that everyone is valued for what they are,” says Uma. For example, her mother-in-law would always highlight people’s complexions as fair or dark. While Tharika and Reya are both fair complexioned, the other family members

Reya and Tharika with their grandparents

one argue with that?”, he asks. At the same time, the Jayaramans are full of admiration for the

phone calls.

4Share your ideas and interests with grandparents.

4Encourage them to be as active as possible, depending on their state of

grandchildren’s

health. Every now and then, involve

intelligence, quick grasp

them in outdoor activities that

and creativity!8

you enjoy.

www.parentcircle.in 25

cover story The children love art and Rukmani

winning short film, is a heart-warming tale

involves them in little projects like making

of a grandfather, granddaughter and her

a birthday booklet filled with poems and

stuffed toy, a Dalmatian puppy.

drawings. They also enjoy doing puzzles together.

GRANDPARENTS AND TECHNOLOGY Sahitya Akademi and Padma Shri awards winner, writer Indira Parthasarathy has been acclaimed for his path-breaking contribution to contemporary Tamil theatre

Apurva with grandfather Indira Parthasarathy

The

through his plays. His short story Nayakan, later made into an award

teen you

Teenagers have such a reputation for being difficult. Most of the time, when teenagers seek an ear, they want a sounding board, not solutions.

SO, JUST LISTEN and empathise... Share similar experiences but only if they ask you. AVOID CRITICISING the child’s appearance or dress. You may not like or approve of your teenage grandchild’s manner of dressing, hair style or body ornamentation such as

He recounts a poignant anecdote reflecting the status of senior citizens. He visited an old age home on the outskirts of Chennai a few years ago to check it out. Walking through the silent, pristine corridors of the home for affluent elders, he was astonished to hear the cry of a child emanating from an open doorway. Thinking that the inmate had visitors, he peeped in. His host led him inside the apartment, and Indira Parthasarathy was shocked to find an old man in his 90s enjoying a video of a crying child. Apparently, all ‘family scenes’ had been recorded for him by his son on videos. The old man said, “I can talk to my son anytime. See, he is never busy for me,” and played a video of his son greeting him. He even had videos of family quarrels, says Indira Parthasarathy. “In a technological society, emotions and sentiments are technologically resolved,” he observes.

tattooing, but stay mum. The parents may not have a problem with the issue, or they are

There are grandparents who are willing to

unable to control it. Your criticism will be unwelcome by your children and your

embrace technology. They prefer to learn

grandchildren.

from their grandchildren as their own

TEENAGERS IDENTIFY themselves completely with their friends. When you respect their friends and speak well about them, the bond between you and your grandchild strengthens. DO LEARN SOMETHING about their world...Take interest in the activities they enjoy. Even if you are not able to play tennis with them, you may at least take time off and watch them play or talk about the latest Wimbledon or the US open with them.

children do not have the time to teach them. Many grandparents become adept at internet surfing and sending emails, even in the local language. Rukmani Jayaraman is genuinely amazed at Gitika’s speed on the computer. Her seven year old sister, Dhriti is even

FEED THEM. Teenagers love to eat, and eating together can be a bonding experience. Cook for them if you like to cook. ALLOW GRANDCHILDREN to help you. Offer a suggestion such as, "How about setting the table while I make the salad?" It's especially gratifying to your teen if he can help you learn to do something, like downloading music or playing a video game. ASK YOUR GRANDCHILDREN to play some of their favourite music for you and explain why they like it. You may be surprised to find that you like it as well. Rock is still the favoured genre for all groups. The Beatles and the Rolling Stones are popular among all age groups. So while Coldplay may leave you cold, you may still be able to find some areas of agreement in the oldies category. Rukmani Jayaraman is a grandmother and consultant at TT Ranganathan Clinical Research Foundation, Chennai. She has written several self help books for the foundation.

26 Parent Circle / September 2011

The Jayaramans with grand daughters Gitika and Dhriti

quicker! “I love watching them because I

tree outside our window. Her home in

see how quickly they learn from the

Bengaluru is in a concrete jungle, so here

computer, how much they love the

she communes with nature,” says Rohini.

process and how marvellous their tiny

PASSING DOWN THE BATON

brains are. Learn from them little things like SMS - ing on your mobile or smarter googling! Or if you have an iPod, ask your grandchildren

Lasya with her grandparents

Indira Parthasarathy inculcated a habit of reading in his granddaughter Apurva (16), who lived in the opposite apartment.

to show you how to use its little known

“Grandparents should have the advantage

features. They show you how much fun it

of a retired life to enjoy the grandchildren’s

can be and soon you’ll be the one

childhood,” says Indira Parthasarathy. “I

shouting My turn!,” she says.

used to read aloud a lot of stories to

bags and returned to India. She remained

Apurva from the time she was very young

an emotional wreck for a year.

VISITING BUNDLE OF JOY Tax lawyer Rohini and Senior Journalist R Mohan are grandparents who enjoy three-year-old Lasya’s regular visits from Bengaluru to be with them. Since Lasya is bundled off to Chennai on most school

from the Ramayana, Mahabharatha, Valley Tales, and even Shakespeare’s works. I would create a medley of all these tales to tell her. I would take her to book exhibitions. She is a voracious reader even today, though I find her

“My children could come nowhere near me. I would burst into tears when anyone tried to even speak to me. It was my mother who took everything into her hands and managed my family,” recollects Hema.

reading mostly Vampire stories, ” he

Pankajam Krishna, Hema’s 73-year-old

chuckles. “I am happy to note that she

mother is a remarkable woman. Her life

also writes and does well in

has been one long story of continuous

loves all the adoring attention her

elocution contests.”

loving, nurturing and learning. Never one

grandparents shower on her, but the

A PILLAR OF SUPPORT

holidays, she has learnt to programme her little mind to be away from amma and appa for that duration. Of course, she

minute amma comes to pick her up, she

to sit idle, she has done courses in Montessori education, special education

In 2003, when Hema Shankar’s husband

and holds a post graduate degree – all

passed away unexpectedly at the age of

acquired between raising her three

“She is a very level headed child and an

44 in the US, she was totally shocked.

daughters and six grandchildren.

absolute angel when she is with us. We

Worried about the future that loomed large

take her swimming, read her stories and

and uncertain, and not quite sure about

she loves conversing with the birds on the

her financial health, she packed up her

turns away from her grandparents.

childspeak Eleven-year-old Maithreyi Sundar, a class VI student of Sishya in Chennai, loves the two months she gets to spend all by herself with her 87-year-old grandmother and two doting aunts in a rural area close to Salem. Every summer she is packed off to that magical world of stories, delicacies and abundant play time.

On Hema’s tragic return to India, Pankajam Krishna took 14 year old Abhinav and 10 year old Tarunya under her wings. She soothed their traumatised8

Pankajam Krishna and Kalyanakrishnan with grandchildren on a holiday in Munnar

Meetu, as she is fondly called, says “My ammumma (maternal grandmother) and my aunts make sure I am very comfortable. They cook the most amazing dishes and shower me with undivided attention. They enjoy my poetry. There are lots of girls in the neighbourhood to play with all day. My grandma complains that no one talks to her, so I try to spend a lot of time with her. Since I love history, I enjoy her anecdotes from the freedom struggle which she has actually witnessed! Isn’t that exciting? We also compare costs of things in those days and now. She says that when she was a girl, a pencil would cost ‘arai anna’ (about 6 paise!) Can you imagine that? I love to explore the old and mysterious rooms in the Salem house. I want to keep going back there and spend time with ammumma,” exclaims Meetu.

www.parentcircle.in 27

cover story minds, gave them a comfortable home

would say that my grandchildren are

and ensured that their education did not

getting even less from me! So we have to

suffer. She took a lot of effort in getting

make a greater effort to connect with our

them admitted to good schools in the city,

grandchildren.

though they had arrived mid-term.

In this changing society, the sources of

Today, her six grown-up grandchildren are

information and knowledge are not

very fond of her and seek her company

required to be handed down as before.

more than that of their own parents. Living

Information can be acquired from different

in different parts of the world and India,

sources.We learnt cooking from our

they somehow find time to visit their

grandmothers, they told us stories. Now

Sudha Narayanan

grandma in Chennai every year. The

you can get that from varied sources like

PRINCIPAL, LEARNING TREE MONTESSORI SCHOOL

grandchildren and grandparents have

books, TV and the internet.

taken off on fun holidays to Bangkok,

People forget that the elderly remain

For six years now, we have been celebrating ‘Grandparents Day’ on the last Friday of every July. We felt that grandparents who were shouldering most of the parenting responsibilities these days need to

Scotland and Munnar. “They are all so close to her, they confide almost everything to her. It was she who was a bridge between me and my son who was getting a little out of hand when he went overseas for further studies. Now

individuals foremost, with their own interests and skills. Unfortunately, they are no longer needed and they turn to TV serials to ward off loneliness. This addiction further alienates them from their family. They are unable to build their own

all is well,” sighs Hema with relief.

social circles, because of the limitations of changing face of society.

programmes and snacks for the

CHANGING SOCIETY AND GRANDPARENTING

grandparents. They feel very

Mina Swaminathan (78) a grandmother, a

not only have to deal with working

special and this has made the

renowned educationist and a child

mothers, but also with working

parents very happy too. Of course

development expert says, “The dynamics

grandmothers!” quips Mina Swaminathan.

the children feel very proud to have

of grandparenting have changed

“But grandparents who have careers and

their grandpas and grandmas visit

significantly. My children got much less

passions of their own are a happier lot

the school!

knowledge and information from their

and are able to connect better with their

grandparents, than I got from mine. Now I

grandchildren.” n

be felicitated. It has become a tradition for us now to celebrate this day with special cultural

Tribute to a beloved Grandma Dhwani Sabesh, a graduate student in Chennai lost her grandmother recently and blogs about the irreplaceable loss and the admiration she had for her. My paati was a fiercely independent woman. We had tried in vain, to get her to live with us, once Thatha had passed on. But she believed in doing everything by herself in spite of her health issues. Her eyesight was failing her, she had a stroke earlier, her rheumatic arthritis troubled her knee, but she still managed to keep her house spic and span. I often used to tell her in jest that I could see my face reflected off her floors! Ever since the day she had her first stroke, until the morning of May 9th when I saw her breathe her last, I experienced love and grief like never before. As a family, she brought us closer. Every time I sat by her bed and heard her utter a slokam, I believed in a supreme power a little more. She remains even today, in that bowl of rasam, that particular dosa and in our hearts. Paati, I miss you”.

28 Parent Circle / September 2011

mobility. They live in a kind of limbo in the On the other hand, grandchildren today,

www.parentcircle.in 29

cover story Rishabh, Aryan & their grandparents

Rishabh (9 months) and Aryan (7 months) are cousins who love being with their grandparents K V Chandran and Shylaja Chandran. Their grandpa takes them out and plays with them. All the hugs and kisses though, are reserved for their grandmother. The grandparents love their company, and find the house empty and boring if the children are not there. They are not just grandparents and grandchildren, but four good friends who miss each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company when they are away from each another.

Muralidharan & his grandparents Muralidharan (4 years) shares a special bond with his grandparents, K R Muralidharan and

Vedh, Sanjana grandparents

& their

K M Jayalakshmi. He was living with his grandparents until recently. They give him many toys and books. Murali misses his grandparents very much as he is not able to see them on a daily basis. Whenever his thatha and paati come home, he gets all excited and lists out the many things he has done at school.

Sanjana (12 years) likes solving Math problems and discussing Science with her Vaidyanathan thatha, while Vedh (9 years) performs Sandhyavandanam with him. Vedh also helps with his thathaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s puja and cracks jokes with him. Seetha paati teaches them Sanskrit and regales them with stories.

30 Parent Circle / September 2011

Anandhitha Aravind with her grandmother & parents Anandhitha Aravind (6 years) and her grandmother, Shyamala Ramesh Tantry and his wife Geetha adore their three lovely smart and active grand children - Hrishikesh (11 years), Prateeksha (9 years) and Dhaksha (14 months). This grandpa feels young, energetic and enthusiastic whenever he is in the midst of his grand children and admits that their company brings in fulfilling moments. When the grandparents participate in their fun-filled moments of shouting, crying, dancing and jumping, they feel rejuvenated

Radhakrishnan love playing games together. Anandhitha pretends to be a teacher, a doctor or even a dentist and her grandmother becomes the student or the patient. While the grandmother thinks that her granddaughter is a nice, obedient, intelligent, beautiful, god fearing and well behaved girl, the granddaughter feels that her grandmother is beautiful. Anandhitha likes her paatiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s stories and also her â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;spicy rasam.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; She is very friendly and talks with all the relatives. According to her grandmother, Anandhitha sings very well and likes reading books.

and relive the joy of family life.

Hrishikesh, Prateeksha Dhaksha with their grandparents

Prema

Saroj

& family

For Adithya (16 years), both his grandmothers, Prema

Adithya & his grandmothers

Radhakrishna and Saroj Sabrinath are very special. They shower their

affection on him through gifts and anything else that Adithya likes. His ammumma (Saroj) is his best friend. She comes down to Chennai to see him as he cannot leave his pets and visit her in her hometown.

www.parentcircle.in 31

feature

Rangashree Srinivas

Shobanaa Bhalachandra and her students at Tharanginee Dance School

significant days that celebrate teachers and learning TEACHER'S DAY September 5 The Birth Anniversary of Sarvepalli

long with our parents, the

passed on from one generation to the

Guru occupies a key

next. Education was free but students

position in our culture, in

from well-to-do families paid a

guiding us towards the

Gurudakshina, a voluntary contribution

absolute truth. Even

after the completion of their studies.

today, the teacher as a Guru, should be a para-parent interested in the overall development of the child. Parents too,

Radhakrishnan

should consider education as a means to

GURU PURNIMA The full moon day in

to help bag well-paying jobs.

the Hindu month of Ashad

self-development, rather than its attribute

In the Gurukulam system of education, no child was ever rejected or sent away. The child was the centre of every learning activity. Personal attention was given to him, focusing on his physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual strengths - the four

(July-August)

India has a long history of organised

pillars of education. Gurus and their

VIJAYADASAMI The tenth day of the

education. The guru-shishya system or

shishyas, stayed, dined, played, learnt

the gurukulam system that was practised

and worked together, though somewhere

here very actively until a few centuries

during its evolution, the Gurukulam

ago, has been around since the Vedic

system became largely restricted to boys

days, which cannot be dated. Students

from the upper castes. This traditional

were taught orally and knowledge was

Gurukulam system is no longer being

Navaratri festival WORLD TEACHER'S DAY October 5

32 Parent Circle / September 2011

followed, except in a small way, in the

classes are held under one roof, teaching

EVERY CHILD has a favourite teacher

occasional traditional performing arts,

is a product susceptible to customer

- create opportunities for your child to

dance or music.

demand. Many of them cater to the needs

bond better with her. Even if your child

of parents who just want to ‘keep the child

outgrows the teacher's class, make it a

busy’, or ensure that the poor child is

point to keep in touch

THE SHIFT IN THE GURUSHISHYA TRADITION Chennai abounds with traditional dance and music schools that follow a Guru parampara tradition passed down through generations. Shobanaa Bhalachandra is a danseuse and teacher who comes from a

‘stuffed’ with skills! In such places, many teachers fall considerably short of the academic standards. These teachers are themselves under the mercy of the parents, who expect ‘result’ and ‘performance’ as against any excellence

strong lineage of gurus of the calibre of

in learning!

the Dhananjeyans and Kalanidhi Narayan.

NURTURING THE STUDENT

She comments on the shift in the

IF YOUR child complains about a

teacher or abuses her, take the opportunity to explain to your child about the need to be objective and courteous ; also have an open, friendly discussion with the teacher to understand her better DISCOURAGE YOUR child from

spreading rumours about a teacher or

Guru-shishya relationships, in the

As in the

traditional teaching of art: “As students,

Gurukulam

our guru’s home was almost our home,

tradition,

TELL YOUR child stories from your own

we did all kinds of chores for him and his

the least

childhood, highlighting interesting

family. It was a privilege. Today, it is not

that can be

moments shared with teachers

practical to expect our students to do the

done by

same, when they have so many

any

FIND A special day to appreciate the

pre-occupations. We used to be in awe of

educational

our gurus and feared them, but now the

Swami Suvijnanananda

students are like our friends. This

institution, school or

approach today, promotes better

activity centre, is the nurturing of the

understanding and learning.”

student. The parent should abide by this.

Shobanaa, in line with the times, ascertains the child’s interest and capability for a few sessions, before formally taking her on as a student. Her defence: “If the child is not naturally inclined, it will be a struggle for her to learn classical dance,” she says.

TODAY’S EDUCATIONAL CULTURE Unlike the Gurukulam system, today’s modern education has completely divorced academic learning from all other forms of learning, like fine arts and social

Swami Suvijnanananda, who in his

ENCOURAGE HER to follow your

traditional customs in paying respect to teachers with a simple namaskaram before class

and colleges, says that teaching should not be called a ‘profession’. “Professionals have clients, but a teacher has no clients, only students. A teacher should make eye-contact with every student. He should gently nudge the student into a place where it is impossible not to learn. This should be done with utmost love, patience and care. Students automatically respect a teacher who is knowledgeable and who nurtures them. “Despite the punitive action by teachers that was common those days, my

in the mushrooming activity centres. Thus,

students knew that I truly cared for them. I

the education system is missing out on

would engage them in innovative learning

two vital elements - a holistic approach to

through cross-country treasure hunts and

learning and the building of an

mountaineering. Some of my students,

In the ‘activity’ centres where several

her a hand-made card

and Science for five decades in schools

outside school, after school hours, usually

teacher and the student.

teacher in a simple manner - like giving

pre-sanyasa days taught Maths, English

skills. Such lessons are provided at places

inter-personal relationship between the

using unsavoury nick names

now settled in the US, tell me that what I had taught them, helps them in their boardrooms today!” he exclaims. n

parentspeak Unlike other demanding parents, Usha Venkataraman, mother of 10 year old Veena who has been learning Bharathanatyam from Shobanaa Bhalachandra since 2007, is in no hurry for her daughter’s arangetram. “It will happen when her teacher feels that she is ready”, she says. “Veena was initially reluctant to join dance class. But she was totally taken up with Shoba akka’s warmth. Now she loves learning dance so much, that she never misses a class despite hurdles”.

www.parentcircle.in 33

AD FEATURE

BABY STEPS TO LEARNING Vijaya Dasami is the last day of the Navaratri festival and is celebrated all across India in different ways. Vijaya Dasami is also the auspicious day to start formal education. Students keep their books and offer puja to them on the ninth day and start using them from the tenth day.

intellectual

skills

based

the

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SA..BUU..3 KIDS At Sa..Buu..3, children are initiated into schooling through child - centric, fun filled and recreational activities like games, story-telling, singing and dancing, building and molding and arts and crafts. The school’s monthly themes are designed to cater to the cognitive, motor, language, social and emotional development of every child.

KRIYATIVE KIDZ

It is traditional, on Vijaya Dasami, to admit children who are nearing 2 years, to a preschool. This day, the child gets out of the house environment. Many preschools thus start a new batch on this day.

Kriyative kidz is a fast expanding

Here we look at some of the preschool offerings and some others offering special courses.

multiple

preschool chain with an interesting set of programs for children who are 2 ½ years and above. Its unique intelligence-based

daily

plans and programs are proven to effective. The preschool chain has

EUROKIDS

Started in 2001, EuroKids is India’s

affiliations with various associations

largest preschool chain today with

like NAEYC (National Association for

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across 280 towns and cities in India.

and ASCD.

celebrates its 10th year anniversary

FIRST STEP

SEED

and has introduced a new approach

First Step nursery and preschool

With spacious air-conditioned class

to pre-primary education with the

works towards preparing your child

rooms, large outdoor areas, 15

launch of Curriculum Version 5.0.

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developmental centers, pet zoos,

This curriculum emphasizes on inte-

them with necessary skills and self

splash pools and ball pools, the

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school provides a safe and nurturing

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atmosphere and a tailor made curric-

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nology for instruction. This will

ulum, it is designed to mould young

offers children a place to explore,

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discover and learn about the world

overall development of a child.

sensory, physical, emotional and

through a time-tested curriculum

EuroKids International Ltd. is the leading provider of Preschool education in India. This year, Eurokids

34 Parent Circle / September 2011

AD FEATURE MAHAVIDHYASALA

and innovative teaching methods.

and designed to help the child reach

Seed offers a variety of programs for

its maximum potential in an environ-

all age groups and is open from 8 am

ment that will stimulate the child’s

Mahavidhyasala is a center providing

to 8 pm. With centers in Chennai,

language, social, emotional, physical

guidance for children of all ages and

Bangalore, Madurai, and Coimbatore,

and reasoning skills.

abilities in school subjects and skills

Seed is developing its network in all

VAEL’S BILLABONG KANGAROO KIDS

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Xseed Preschool seeks a firm foun-

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High, were created to fire the imagi-

create lifelong learners with the true

different learning abilities, making it

nation of children from a young age.

belief that every child is unique and

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The aim is to create a purpose for

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major cities across India.

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which is an innovative social enterprise with a vision to transform India's schools. Led by alumni of Harvard, IIM, IIT, XLRI, iDiscoveri has high-quality

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BAMBOOLA The premise is spread across 15,000 sq ft, with 3 large play grounds, air

strengthens the child’s educational base and learning pace. They devise most

appropriate

route

solvers, and to orchestrate experi-

Alchemy Kids Theatre Club (AKTC)

ences resulting in a natural and inte-

has been actively working with chil-

grated development of knowledge,

dren in the area of personality devel-

skills and thinking. The vision is to

opment

develop a range of pathways to life-

through theatre, for over 5 years

long learning. The school believes that all the children should have the opportunity to experience the joy of discovery and develop a love of learning.

THE WONDER YEARS PLAYSCHOOL

and

talent

promotion

now. The Theatre Club has till date trained over 5000 kids in Chennai and over 1500 kids in Coimbatore. The age group of children trained at the center spans from 4 to 15 years. The Theatre Club has been educating and entertaining children with resonant, engaging and exciting theatre.

conditioned class rooms and the

The age group of children at this

Alchemy Kids Theatre Club has asso-

best quality of education. It follows a

playschool spans from 10 months to

ciated itself with a number of organ-

1:5 teacher child ratio. Bamboola

5 years. The building is facilitated

izations to run short-term camps for

play school has a structured syllabus

with air conditioned classrooms, play

children. Currently, Alchemy Kids

which covers over 10 topics for the

stations, A V Room, Sand Pit and

Theatre Club is running an exclusive

children through a play way method-

Splash Pool. Regular workshops for

Annual Theatre Training Program as

ology. The school also offers full-day

parents are also conducted to help

part of the SPA activity for the

care facilities for working parents. All

them overcome any anxiety regard-

students of Vaels Billabong High

the activities are carefully selected

ing their child.

International School.

36 Parent Circle / September 2011

MATH: go from Nay to Yay! P

Lakshmi Saravanan

reviously, we have talked about what we could do to incorporate math in everyday life. In this article, we will look at how to use manipulatives to teach math, making it easy and fun to learn math. According to Wiki, “A mathematical manipulative is an object which is designed so that a learner can perceive some mathematical concept by manipulating it. The use of

manipulatives provides a way for children to learn concepts in a developmentally appropriate, hands-on and an experiencing way.” Now, let us look at the many different ways to make math fun by incorporating manipulatives for different age groups.

Toddlers

Preschoolers

Developing Number Sense: For this age

This is a fantastic age to start using

group, anything that they can hold with

manipulatives for teaching math. Simple

Grouping, Sorting and Comparing The

their little fingers, such as grapes and little

things like relating every spoonful to their

concept of grouping can be introduced/

crackers can serve as a manipulative to

actual age can go a long way in making

re-visited at this age. Have the child group

learn quantity. The children can be

them understand quantity. For example,

several beads or beans of same colour.

encouraged to feel the number of snacks

when kids refuse to eat, you could say,

Then sort the groups from the smallest to

that they have and take pride in the

“How old are you?” and when they reply,

the largest, thus comparing quantities of

quantity that they have eaten so far. As

use the answer as the number of spoons

different sizes. Different kinds of snacks or

an example, you can tell the child, “Here

that they will eat before they say ‘no’ to

toys can also be sorted and compared.

are 3 grapes for you to eat”. Then after he

it.This gives them an idea as to how much

Sorting also leads to grouping. For

has eaten one you can add, “So you have

quantity is expected from them. Many

example, sorting kitchen toys, stuffed

eaten one grape. Now you have two more

everyday things can be used as counting

animals, regular animals, etc. and putting

left to eat”. You can also use larger items

tools in this age.These include marbles,

similar toys together gives them the idea

and say: “Bring me two apples” or “Bring

buttons, shells, erasers, hard candies, dry

of grouping. This concept can further be

me three spoons”.

beans and old game board coins. Again,

enhanced by having the child arrange toys

shapes can be cut out in different colours Learning shapes and grouping: Cutting

by way of height, to give them an idea of

and sorting by both colours and shape

out shapes in cardstock or coloured

ascending and descending order.

can be encouraged.

construction papers, helps the child in

Elementary School Kids

understanding shapes and object comparisons. Sit with the child and have him bring you all the pieces that are similar in shape to the one you are holding in your hand, and you can even mention

Anything that they learn at this age serves as the foundation for their future knowledge of math.

your child to figure out how many both of you have altogether or how many are left after you have hidden a few.

Basic Operations These are the foundation steps in learning math. Everyday objects ranging from toys to snacks could be used to add to or subtract from the total quantity. Every evening when they put away their

the shape name. Grouping is thus

Counting Use beads, snacks or dried

toys before bedtime,have the

introduced without the children or parents

seeds or beans to count the numbers.

child count the number of

even realizing it.

Play addition and subtraction games with

toys used that day.

40 Parent Circle / September 2011

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learning

Record this number somewhere for use the next day. Compare the next day’s total number of toys with the previous day’s count and compute the difference. Money can be introduced to children at this age – monopoly money works wonders. Laminate some of the paper

In addition to the everyday things that are readily available, several products are available in the market to assist in the teaching of math concepts to all age groups. The following are some of the products that are available:

money so that it is durable.This laminated

Shape sorters These help toddlers understand the concept of shapes and matching and also give an idea of a third dimension.

Pattern Blocks Pattern Blocks are a tangible way to

money can then be used to teach addition

help you introduce the concept of three dimensions,

and subtraction. Pretend-shopping game

after the child has been introduced to two

can also be played at home to teach children all the 4 basic operations.

dimensional objects like squares and rectangles.

Fractions Have the children divide their

more specifically equivalent fractions.

These can also be used to introduce fractions and

snacks among friends, and use this opportunity to introduce fractions. Cakes

Lego Blocks

and pizzas double up as great tools to teach fractions and as a delicious meal. When making a fruit salad, enlist the

Stacking blocks

can be achieved by

children’s help in measuring the fractional

help to

pieces of fruits that need to be added to

understand

make it yummy. Involve the children while

grouping, sizes

making food with any recipe, because

and stacking.

recipes serve as a classic example of

They can be used

using fractions in everyday life.

as counting

Measurement and Volume The kitchen

using the lego blocks. These could be used to teach comparisons, grouping, sorting,

milk to form yoghurt. Measure two different liquids and mix them together to introduce the concept of proportions, by comparing the two quantities. As an example, have the child measure 1 cup of curd and 2 cups of water and mix them together. Then explain that the new mixture has been mixed in the proportion of 1 curd is to 2 waters. Geometry There are geometrical shapes

and dividing numbers and fractions.

Unifix Cubes Interlocking

measurement and volume, starting with to the amount of yoghurt to be added in

stacking, adding, subtracting, multiplying

blocks too.

serves as a hub to teach the concept of how much water or juice the child drinks

A plethora of ideas

These blocks

cubes can be used as fun

Base 10 materials Base 10 materials are used to teach numbers and place value concepts. For example, to represent 452, use four flats (hundreds), six rods (tens) and two cubes (ones). Basic operations of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division can also be taught.

all around us. Cookies of different shapes

objects to introduce numbers and basic operations, grouping and sorting. The concept of fractions can also be taught using these cubes. These are just some of the products available in the market for use in teaching. There are many more to explore. Some NGOs in India that make and sell manipulatives: Taleem:http://www.eklavya.org/productforsale.html JodoGyan:http://infoac.net/jodogyan/mathematics

can be used to teach shapes. Play a treasure hunt game and have the child bring you rectangular or circular shaped objects.

introduced by showing an actual object

These are just a few picks in the ocean of

that they can hold as opposed to a picture

ideas that are available to us in our

of the object. Alternatively, you and your

everyday life. n

This is a good time to introduce the

child can build 3D shapes with thick

concept of three dimensions, even though

paper, by printing out the printable 3D

the child may not comprehend it fully. This

models from the website:www.senteacher.

idea of a third dimension is better

org/Worksheet/12/NetsPolyhedra.xhtml

LAKSHMI SARAVANAN IS A MATHS TEACHER FROM THE US, CURRENTLY TEACHING IN THE AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL, CHENNAI.

www.parentcircle.in 41

values

very time we throw out food or make a face at the sight of it, we should remember that we cannot

Food meets a basic emotional need

take food for granted. Everyday,

For a child, being fed means, having a

close to 300 million Indians go

basic emotional need met. When one’s

without food. The World Bank says that

basic needs are not met adequately, one

441 million of our one billion population are

loses trust in one’s environment. Most

still poor.

societies have an elaborate etiquette

According to the Global Hunger Index in

related to the sharing of food. These

2010, India ranked 65th out of 68 countries with a hunger rate of 23.9 per cent.

customs express each society’s attitudes and values towards food.

Countries like Uganda which ranked 38th in the list, Zimbabwe which was 58th, and Mauritania at 40th, fared better than our own country. According to the World Bank,

What the Vedic society taught us In the Vedic society, the attitude towards

years of age are underweight, while 30 per

food and the customs associated with it

cent of the world’s hungry live in India.

emphasise an inner maturity and an

mothers send their children to schools because they are assured that their child will get at least one square meal everyday. In contrast, the children of middle and upper classes are given pocket money to indulge in fast foods and junk foods as they blithely complain that home food is boring! Does the problem lie with parental

practised as a discipline.

Food as a Prasada The Upanishad says ‘do not look down upon or find fault with food’. In the Vedic culture, food is considered as prasada,

46 per cent of Indian children below five

Today, many Below Poverty Line (BPL)

attitude towards food that need to be

appreciation of God. Our generative capacity, cells and growth are all due to the energy supplied by food. The body, in essence, is a product of food and is thus called annamaya, the modification of food. Without food, one’s physical and mental capacities malfunction. Even after death, the body becomes part of the food cycle and provides food for other forms of life.

that which comes from the Lord. In most homes in India, after the food is cooked, it is offered to God. The preparation of food is carried out with a cheerful attitude keeping in mind that it is offered to God. Before cooking, the lady of the house takes a bath and sanctifies the hearth. The food is not tasted till it is offered to the Lord with a prayer and once it is offered to the Lord, it is considered as

prasada and is accepted with gratitude.

The ritual of eating The Upanishad reminds us that every act

upbringing? Can parents themselves be

The third chapter of the Taittiriya

of ours and the attitude we adopt towards

taught to revere food and pass on the right

Upanishad, sections seven to ten,

it, has the means of taking us to Godhood.

attitude to their children?

contains verses in praise of food and

This is true of eating as well. Before

42 Parent Circle / September 2011

eating, one chants the following prayer -

“Any means of offering is Brahman, the

disposition in everyone. Do not discuss uncomfortable topics during meals.

oblation is Brahman, the fire in which

Food for good health

the offering is made is Brahman and the

Adi Shankara says ‘For treating the

one who offers is also Brahman. Indeed

disease of hunger, take daily, the

Brahman is gained by such a person

medicine of food’. Do not seek tasty food

who abides in Brahman”.

but accept cheerfully whatever has been

Traditionally, while chanting the prayer,

takes medicine only in the quantity and

one pours a small amount of water in one’s right palm and sprinkles it around the plate. Water is a purifying agent and this is also supposed to sanctify the food. Following this, six small portions of food are eaten symbolically in the form of an

obtained by grace. For a disease, one manner prescribed. Taking more does not cure the illness sooner. Either more or less is detrimental to the body’s well-being. A Sanskrit verse advises how much to eat

offering to the Lord within as prana, the

to preserve good health:

physiological system. Water is sipped

“May one fill half of one’s stomach with

again at the end of the meal as an offering. Even if such a ritual is not followed, one should at least chant a prayer and be aware that the food is being offered to the Lord. Many religions offer a thanksgiving to the Lord before and after meals.

Do not discard food Again the Taiitriya Upanishad says annam

na paricaksita – do not discard food. Most forms of life take from the environment only as much as is needed for sustenance. Human beings alone choose to take more than they need and discard what cannot be consumed. But if one looks at the food as prasada, it cannot be discarded, as this indicates lack of respect for the food.

solid food, the third quarter with water and leave the fourth quarter for the free movement of air (food).’’

Sharing food with others The Upanishad also advises – ‘may one produce plenty of food’. In today’s context, it means that one can develop a capacity to provide plenty of food which can be shared with others. Only two forms of giving make the recipient feel truly full. One is anna dana (giving of food) and the other is atmajnana – dana (giving knowledge of the self). In any other form of giving, there is a chance that the recipient will not have a sense of having enough. One must not cook and serve food with an

Eating together Have a cheerful attitude while eating food. Eating a meal with one’s family provides an opportunity to relax and to strengthen bonds between family members. Experts say that if parents and children have at

angry disposition or a condescending attitude. When we give food in charity, we should do so with humility and prayerfulness, thanking God for giving us the capacity to share our resources with others. n

least one meal together in a day as a family ritual, drug abuse among children would not happen. Eating together is an important family activity. Food can be attractively presented to create a happy

EDITED EXCERPTS FROM PURNA VIDYA (A VISION OF HINDU DHARMA), AUTHORED BY SWAMINI PRAMANANDA SARASWATI AND SRI DHIRA CHAITANYA

teen circle

Tackling substance abuse in teens Sudha S

ubstance abuse is more apparent in teenagers than in adults these days. The adolescent stage is the most critical and vulnerable phase of life

and thousands of teenagers in India are having their first drag of a cigarette every minute. Teenagers get easily addicted to smoking, alcohol or drugs. The acceptability of smoking and drinking as a social behaviour also persuades them to try it out in the early teens.

What is substance abuse? Substance abuse is the harmful or hazardous use of behavioural, cognitive and physiological changes in a person. Generally, substance abuse includes alcohol, tobacco, illicit drugs, steroids and prescription drugs. Says V Thirumagal, programme consultant at TTK Hospital, Indira Nagar, “Risk taking behaviour is higher among teenagers. They tend to take risks, and the chances of experimenting with alcohol or drugs are present. Peer pressure to try alcohol or drugs can also influence the choices they make.”

What is addiction? Addiction is actually a chronic brain disorder and once

Early symptoms of addiction Be an alert parent, look out for changes in your child’s behaviour. If he shows any of these signs, seek expert help immediately. - Sudden outbursts of anger for no reason

a person gets addicted to a substance, he cannot

- Poor concentration or lack of interest in studies

control his need for the same. The alcohol or drug the

- Fading memory

person consumes, triggers a series of changes in his

- Lying, stealing and over-spending

body and affects his behaviour. He ignores his health problems and even the social and legal consequences. Studies on the human brain show that drug/alcohol addiction severely affects decision making, learning and memory retention. Abusers go into a state of deprivation and taking substances becomes

44 Parent Circle / September 2011

- Irregular school attendance and poor academic performance - Feeling tired or fatigued quite often, restless behaviour - Changes in sleep cycle, appetite and food intake

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psychoactive substances, which can lead to

with low self-esteem and who feel

that develop after repeated substance use

depressed and are troubled are at even

typically include a strong desire to take

greater risk.

the drug, difficulties in controlling its use, and continuing usage despite harmful consequences.

If a parent suspects that the adolescent is using drugs or alcohol regularly, it would help to see if a combination of signs is

How should parents handle the situation? Parents are at a loss of words, thoughts and actions when it comes to actual handling of the situation. If you actually find that your child has taken to substance

Who are at risk?

repeatedly noticed over a period of time.

The chances of children taking to

changes in appetite or sleep patterns,

substance abuse is greater if there is a

change in leisure activities or friends,

genetic predisposition or if someone in the

deterioration in academic performance,

family is already taking it, which means

skipping of classes or tests, being

that there is an easy access to the

secretive, spending a lot of time alone or

substance. So if there is a family history of

away from home, isolating oneself,

substance abuse, watch out for early

demands for money, changes in

problem immediately. Your child may just

symptoms in pre-teens and teenagers

appearance such as reddishness in eyes,

require outpatient help and counselling,

because they are already at risk. Children

droopy eyes and loss of weight.

and some medication if necessary.8

These could be a change in daily routine,

abuse, do not panic, but try to get information from the already affected or depressed child. Have an open talk with the child and do not use authority or force him to tell you what happened. In the meantime, get expert help from a counselling centre and address the

Causes and adverse effects of substance abuse SMOKING/CHEWING TOBACCO

Ten years ago, teenagers loved to experiment with smoking. But today, the awareness of the hazards of smoking is high and there is also a ban on smoking in public places. So teenagers are turning to chewing tobacco as it is available more easily, and are increasingly getting addicted to it. Tobacco in any form is hazardous as it contains nicotine which is highly addictive.

marijuana, cocaine, opiates, stimulants,

time. Parents

hallucinogens, inhalants and steroids. The

should tell

psychoactive substances in them can

their children

lead to a dependence syndrome, and

to stay alert

those who become addicted tend to want

at all times

more of the drug progressively at shorter

and avoid the

intervals. Sadly, the factors that contribute

food or drink if

to illicit drug abuse are the disintegration

it has a strange

of the joint family system, absence of

taste. It is

parental love and care, especially when

advisable to stay or

both parents are working and the decline

move around with friends

of religious and moral values in

or with familiar people.

SOCIAL DRINKING VS. BINGE DRINKING

todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s teenagers.

Teenagers get caught up in the scene

CLUB AND DATE RAPE DRUGS

because they are simply curious, want to behave like adults, or due to peer pressure and believe that it can reduce stress. How much of alcohol is too much? Many social drinkers cannot stop at the threshold or limit quantity and tend to become uncontrolled or binge drinkers. Consumption of too much alcohol can be dangerous as it can result in the loss of sensory perception and lead to blackouts.

Club drugs are the order of the day and even experimenting with them is dangerous. When teens and young adults enjoy parties, they sometimes encounter a dangerous problem of substance abuse. Collectively known as club drugs, substances like Ecstasy, GHB, Rohypnol, and Ketamine induce intoxication. These colourless, tasteless and odourless drugs when added unobtrusively to beverages,

PRESCRIPTION DRUGS

Drug misuse of common prescription medications can have an adverse effect on the system and induce dependence. Some over-thecounter (OTC) medications and cough syrups give immediate relief and teenagers tend to misuse them quite often, even without a prescription. Chronic

ILLICIT DRUGS

are not easily detectable.

The United Nations estimates that some

Pre-teens and teenagers should be

nervous system and signals that more of

200 million people all over the world use

cautious not to drink anything that looks

the substance is needed to relieve pain or

illegal drugs annually. Illicit drugs include

suspicious or left unattended for some

produce the desired effects.

use leads to a change in the central

www.parentcircle.in 45

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indispensable for survival. Phenomena

Talk to your child

(Partnership Attitude Tracking Study)

Parents should accept the fact that

parents ignored the issue were about two

pre-teen children and teenagers are susceptible to substance abuse. They should preempt this by having a friendly talk with the child making him aware of the abuses and presenting facts in a simple way. If your child is in his pre-teens, talk to him saying that food can be healthy and non-healthy. Present the information on

revealed that boys and girls whose times as likely to use drugs than kids who learned ‘a lot’ at home.

Substance abuse is preventable Prevention is always better than cure and it is a collective social responsibility.

substance abuse in the non-healthy

Though parents have an important role to

category. Emphasise on the immediate

play in this, it is also the responsibility of

after-effects of smoking, drinking or taking

the school, teacher, neighbour, relatives

drugs rather than the long-term ill effects

and friends. In the post-teen period,

like lung cancer or liver damage. Put the

between 18 and 21 years of age, it finally

information across in a simpler way – tell

zeros in on individual choice. So, it is very

him that bad habits like these can make

important that children in their pre-teen

him age quickly, cause red eyes, cause

and teenage years build positive

bad breadth and have several adverse effects. A survey done in the US in 1998

Tips on helping your teen keep away from drugs, alcohol and tobacco Having established Dr Gautham’'s Neuro Centre in Chetpet decades ago to address problems in adult and child psychiatry, Neuro-psychiatrist Prof Dr U Gauthamadas outlines some preventive measures that parents can follow to prevent addiction in teenagers. A few points from case studies conducted at the TT Ranganathan Clinical Research Foundation have also been included in this list. - Always be honest, frank and open with your children and encourage the same from their side. - Spend some quality time with them every day. Maintain eye contact with your children when they talk to you. It makes a lot of difference and they will want to tell you more. - Get to know your children, their friends and their activities. Do not talk badly about your child’s friends or make fun of them. Also, letting your child down in their presence hurts him deeply. - Make your children feel comfortable in discussing their problems with you. In case of

46 Parent Circle / September 2011

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teen circle

relationships all around them. n

Types of drugs There are many drugs available out there and most of them are manufactured in amateur labs. The new drugs have no quality control standards and their after-effects and side-effects are unknown. A few of them have been identified and the risks involved therein have been highlighted. Stimulants Stimulants improve mood, relieve anxiety and induce feelings of euphoria. They decrease appetite and promote weight loss, counteract lethargy and fatigue through the day, improve concentration. Amphetamines, caffeine, cocaine, diet pills, and methamphetamines. Depressants

failure or getting below average marks, raise the bar of achievement little by little and tell them that they can reach it. - Converse, but do not lecture. - Give your children your love, guidance and support at all times. Tell them that they can approach you at times of crisis or when in trouble. A gentle touch or holding the hand has a tremendous effect on a troubled child. The child feels that the parents are always there for him and becomes closer to them. - Educate your children about drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex. Talk to them openly and unabashedly about the effects and outcomes. - Encourage them to develop a hobby or sport and keep them engaged in healthy games and activities. - Be a good role-model and lead by example. Remember that actions speak louder than words. - Appreciate the child’s participation in the everyday activities like laying the dining table, caring for his sick grandmother or going out for a walk with his grandfather. This will build his self-esteem. - Help your child arrive at informed decisions, after learning the relevant facts and the pros and cons. - Help him develop good inter-personal skills.

Abuse of depressants can cause confusion, lack of coordination, low blood pressure, and a slower heart rate and breathing. Someone who takes them may have slurred speech and an inability to concentrate, and he or she may fall asleep at work or school. Barbiturates, benzodiazepines and alcohol. Hallucinogens The more they use these drugs, the shorter the time span for that next usage. The drugs may cause panic, confusion, suspicion, anxiety and loss of control. Long-term effects include mood swings, impaired thinking, unexpected outbursts of violence and depression that may lead to death or suicide. Common hallucinogens are: Psilocybin (shrooms), DMT (dimethyltrptamine), LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide), Peyote and Mescaline and PCP (phencyclidine, an intravenous anaesthetic). Narcotics A psychoactive drug with sleep inducing properties, the term has become associated with heroin, morphine and their derivatives. Doctors often prescribe these in smaller doses for patients with chronic diseases and after surgery.

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The American Academy of Pediatrics’ book C ‘ aring For Your Teenager provides additional inputs.

Getting to the truth You might suspect that your child is a substance abuser but do not know how to approach him. Here is a subtle way of asking him:

“We have noticed some changes in you lately.” Name the changes. Then say “We love you and sense that something may be troubling you. Sometimes people act differently because they experiment with drinking or other drugs and then realise that they have gone way too far to return. Should we be concerned? If so, we hope you will be honest with us so that we can help you to stop.” Remember that substance users are very good con artists, so look at them in the eye even when you get these responses:

“Drugs? I’ve never used drugs. I swear. Not even once!” OR “I can’t believe you have so little faith in me!” OR “All right, so me and some friends have gotten drunk once in a while. I don’t have a drinking problem, okay? It’s not a big deal. I’ll stop, I promise.”

Treatment options SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 1: Occasional

use of tobacco, alcohol and marijuana

n No leaving school or college premises

Impose stricter limits at home;

during the day. Ask the teacher to keep an

Enrollment in a Drug Abuse

eye on your child.

Rehabilitation Program.

n Curtail pocket money. Give money

Drug Rehabilitation Programs

only for definite requirements. If more money is needed, question closely the reason.

Short term outpatient therapy: These programs are typically for children who

n No attending parties that have no

are still under control and can be treated

adult supervision.

by behavioural therapy. After four to six

n Tell them that you reserve the right to search their rooms. SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 2: Frequent

use (4 to 5 times per week); has purchased drugs

months, if the child is pronounced recovered, he enters the aftercare phase of the treatment where he comes back once a week for six months to a year. Short term residential therapy: Four weeks of inpatient care is followed by six

TREATMENT: Impose stricter limits at

to twelve months of aftercare as

TREATMENT: Impose stricter limits at

home; Involve the child in Peer

an outpatient.

home:

Support Groups.

n Get to know the company he keeps,

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 3: Your child

therapy: Substance abusers receive their

and see if you can network with the

starts using substances daily and gets

dose of medication as outpatients and

parents. If there is a school/college

involved in selling drugs.

return to the centre for counselling.

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 4: Your child

Long term Residential Therapy

n Strict imposition of the policy ‘No

will require more drugs to avoid

(Therapeutic Communities): This

drugs, alcohol or tobacco use’.

withdrawal symptoms.

includes a blend of academic classes,

n No associating with peers who are

SUBSTANCE USE STAGE 5: Your child

substance abusers.

will require drugs to even feel normal.

n The door to his room has to be kept

TREATMENT: For Stage 3, Stage 4 and

prepare himself to rejoin society. Here, he

open at all times. No locking the door

Stage 5 offenders and for those

gets back to his studies or takes up

when any friend comes over.

suffering a relapse at any stage -

a vocation.

counsellor, get in touch with her.

Long term outpatient maintenance

therapy sessions, exercise and social skills training. After six to nine months, the child is transferred to a dormitory to

www.parentcircle.in 47

destinations

A Kaleidoscopic view of Kanyakumari Sudha S

Beach destinations have always fascinated me. No doubt, Kanyakumari, which also doubles up as a famous pilgrimage centre, was on the top of my list. Situated at the southernmost tip of the Indian sub-continent, it was formerly known as Cape Comorin. The scenic beauty of Kanyakumari is so enchanting, that it is now a favourite pilgrimage and tourist destination for many. One can experience the confluence of the Indian Ocean,

Legendary

Breathtaking view of the

significance

sunrise

Though it was a bit tiring after the long

After some refreshments at the restaurant,

train journey from Chennai, I wanted to

we got the keys to our room. I was very

visit the temple dedicated to Goddess

particular that we get a room that has a

Kanyakumari first. My friends agreed to

window facing the sea and we were lucky

this idea. Legend has it that Kanya Devi,

to get one. The next morning, we woke up

an avatar of Goddess Parvati, was all set

before dawn and got ready for a truly

to marry Lord Shiva, but he failed to arrive

wonderful experience! We had our

on the day of the wedding. Rice and other

cameras ready to roll as we headed to the

grains that were stocked up for the

beach for a beautiful view of the rising

wedding feast are said to have turned into

sun. The sky turned orange and we could

stones and pebbles with the passage of

see a few sail boats with fishermen. As

time. Kanya Devi still remains a virgin

the sails propelled the boats through the

goddess and the city gets its name from

gentle waves, we could see the sun rising

the deity.

slowly on the horizon. The waters

Kanyakumari is a much-favoured destination for tourists due to its rich and varied cultural heritage. Its mixed heritage

reflected the rays of the sun and it was an unforgettable experience!

SHUTTERSTOCK IMAGES

the Arabian Sea and the Bay of Bengal, unique to this city.

Gandhi Memorial A quick breakfast fuelled us for the great day ahead and we headed straight to the Gandhi Memorial. Its architecture is distinct and resembles that of an Orissa temple. Mahatma Gandhi’s ashes were kept here before they were immersed into the sea. This is an architectural marvel because on Gandhi Jayanthi (October 2), the sun’s rays pass through a hole in the roof and fall at a particular place inside the memorial. Vivekananda Rock Memorial

and varied culture is evident from the

My eyes were set on the Vivekananda

structures dedicated to Islam, Christianity

Rock Memorial the moment we reached

and Hinduism. We decided to stay

Kanyakumari. Boat rides are scheduled

overnight at a hotel close to the sea, to

every 30 minutes and we boarded one of

enjoy the enchanting beauty of the sunrise

them. India’s southernmost tip was a sight

and the sunset.

to behold, as we rode through the waves

48 Parent Circle / September 2011

How to Reach

BY ROAD There is a well-connected road network to Kanyakumari. NH 47

BY AIR If you are travelling by air, the nearest airport is Trivandrum, which

Accommodation

that stretches through Thiruvananthapuram ends here.

is about 90 kilometres west of Kanyakumari. You can hire a taxi from here to reach the city.

Kanyakumari offers good accommodation facilities, especially near the

BY RAIL Kanyakumari is well connected by rail to all the major cities and

Development Corporation offers excellent boarding and lodging facilities at

some of the superfast trains take you to the southernmost railhead.

competitive rates.

beach, with excellent sea view suites. The Tamil Nadu Tourism

View tower and telescope

the festival which commemorates the

house

victory of the goddess over the demons.

To get a panoramic view of the entire city

Shopping

of Kanyakumari, we went atop the View SHUTTERSTOCK IMAGES

Tower. The strong winds, lilting waves and a flock of birds that flew past are still fresh in my mind and have created memories for a lifetime. I was constantly clicking photographs to capture the scenic beauty of the landscape. Through the to the rock memorial that was about 400 metres away from the mainland. The

telescope, we got a close-up view of some more enchanting landmarks.

confluence of the seas comes alive under

Fairs and Festivals

the bright sun and reflecting waves. Be

Pilgrims throng the Kumari Amman

cautious while you get on and off the boat as the waves tend to toss the boat. Wear life jackets that are available with the boat service provider.

On the shores of Kanyakumari beach, and in the premises of the temple, there are abundant handicraft shops with many seashell products. Traditional saris and other dress materials are available in some shops. A specialty here is the coloured sand, available as small packets, which can make for a valuable treasure back home. n

temple’s car festival in May/June every year when the Devi’s idol is taken out in a procession on a chariot. Navaratri is a very big celebration here and September/

The lagoon, formed by a series of rocks,

October is the right time to visit and enjoy

lends a charming look to the memorial.

the festivities. The deity is decorated

Built in 1970, Swami Vivekananda is said

uniquely during each of the nine days of

to have meditated on the rock where the memorial now stands. Make sure to plan your visit to the rock memorial between

Places to visit around Kanyakumari

8 am and 4 pm. Tiruvalluvar statue The majestic 133-ft Tiruvalluvar statue is a recent addition to the city, and it signifies the contents of the poet’s great work,

Tirukkural. Steps leading to the poet’s feet, the pedestal and the height of the statue represent the different chapters of the Kural. The pedestal is surrounded by

Padmanabhaswamy Temple, Thiruvananthapuram

Padmanabhapuram Palace

Suchindram Temple

an artistic Alankara mandapam and the elephant statues signify the different

On a longer trip, plan a visit to the nearby places like Tirunelveli (80 kilometres),

directions. The visiting times to this

Tiruchendur (90 kilometres) and even the Courtallam falls. Don’t miss the waterfalls if

memorial are restricted, so plan your

you happen to be there during the months of June-July!

trip accordingly.

www.parentcircle.in 49

parent chef INGREDIENTS Wheat Flour Sooji (Rava) Jaggery Ghee Pepper Milk Curd Salt and Soda Oil for frying

RAGI THAYIR BONDA

Jayalakshmi Srinivasan

randmaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recipes

(To make 25 bondas)

METHOD

INGREDIENTS

Full of protein, Vitamin C and Minerals!

INGREDIENTS FOR CURD Curd Chaat Masala Black Salt

Dissolve jaggery with a little water and strain. Mix together all other ingredients except oil. To this mixture, add jaggery water. Bring to dosa batter consistency. Grease appakarai (Paniyaram pan usually found in all vessel stores.

Ragi 50 gms Black Urad Dhal 50 gms Toor Dhal 50 gms Puffed Rice (Aval) 50 gms Bengal Gram 50 gms Oil for frying Green Chillies, Ginger, Coriander Paste (3 green chillies and a small bit of ginger, five to six leaves of coriander) Salt 1 1/4 spoons

1 1/2 cups 1/2 spoon 1/4 spoon

Preferably non stick) with cooking oil (ghee optional). Pour batter into karai. Use medium heat, and turn midway until both sides are golden brown. If karai is not available, you can deep fry the batter.

Rich in calcium, protein and minerals!

METHOD For Bonda Soak the ragi, black urad dhal, toor dhal, puffed rice, bengal gram for an hour. Grind them coarsely along with the chilli-ginger-coriander paste. Fry them in a non-stick appakarai (use oil as necessary), rather than a deep-fry kadai, as there is less oil consumption. Turn the bondas over midway to fry completely.

JAYALAKSHMI SRINIVASAN IS A CHENNAI GRANDPARENT.

3 cups 1 cup 2 cups 1 tbsp 1 tbsp 1 cup 1 tbsp a pinch

Alternately, ragi, black urad dhal, toor dhal, puffed rice, bengal gram can be ground coarsely in a flour mill and stocked. Before making the bonda, the mixture should be soaked for an hour and and ginger-garlic-coriander paste to be added to it along with the salt. For Curd Add the black salt, chaat masala to the curd and mix well. Put the bondas in the curd for 15-20 minutes. Take out and put the other bondas in the curd. Decorate with coriander and carrot gratings.

50 Parent Circle / September 2011

MALPUAS (APPAM)

(To make 25-30 Appams)

INGREDIENTS Green Gram Dhal 100 gm Bengal Gram Dhal 100 gm Kasoori Methi (Dried Methi) 100 gm Salt 1 tsp Green Chillies 3 Ginger a small piece Cooking Oil 1 tsp Maida 150 gm

URAD DHAL LADDU (To make 25 laddus)

For seasoning Mustard and Cumin Seeds 1 tbsp (50 gm) METHOD Dry roast both green gram and bengal gram dhal. Pressure cook with 3 cups of water for three whistles. Take out, cool the mixture and grind it with salt, green chillies, ginger and Kasoori Methi. Put oil in a kadai and put mustard and jeera till it sputters,

Urad Dhal is rich in protein and calcium. It gives strength to the back especially for girls and women. Jaggery is rich in Iron and Folic Acid. INGREDIENTS Urad Dhal Flour* 1 cup Brown Sugar/ Jaggery Powder 1 1/2 cup Ghee 1/2 cup Cashew Optional Cardamom/Dry Ginger Powder 1 tsp

pour in the ground mixture and stir till it becomes thick. Allow it to cool. Knead 150 gms of maida with 2 tsp of cooking oil and a pinch of salt. Add the required amount of water and make a soft dough. Divide the dough into small balls, roll it, fill the stuffing, roll it again and make like parathas in a non stick tawa.

This is enriched with Vitamin C and protein and is low on cholesterol.

METHI PROTEIN POLI (To make 25 polis)

METHOD To 1 cup of flour, add 1 1/2 cups of jaggery powder and hot melted ghee. Mix together with cardamom and dry ginger powder. Make it into small laddus. Preferably make the balls when the prepared flour is warm. For this, you can lightly dry fry the prepared mixture. This will ensure that the balls do not â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;splitâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;.

* Dry roast urad dhal till golden brown and grind to a fine flour. You could grind it in your mixer-grinder and sieve out the fine powder. Alternatively, grind the same in a flour mill.

www.parentcircle.in 51

check it out

Watching a favourite animation movie is like going back to a favourite book – it's comforting in its familiarity and there are also new perspectives to discover in that familiarity. But if the umpteenth viewing of Madagascar sets your teeth on edge, it's time to overhaul the DVD collection. Here's a list of non-animated movies – some known and some lesser known – to liven up boring weekend afternoons.

Saritha Rao Rayachoti

FANTASY/ADVENTURE

COMEDIES

NIM'S ISLAND (2008) is about eleven-yearIn UNACCOMPANIED

old Nim (Abigail Breslin), who lives on a secret

MINORS (2006), siblings

island with her marine biologist father, Jack

Spencer and Katherine are

(Gerard Butler) and her animal friends. Nim

asked to wait in the

replies to an email on her father's behalf while he's away. It turns

Unaccompanied Minors

out that the email is from her favourite author, Alex Rover, who

room, when the airport they

wants some help in fleshing out details for the next book in the

are flying out of gets snowed-in, on Christmas Eve. The children in this room are on a rampage, wrecking and messing up the place. Spencer enlists some children to help him make Katherine's Christmas, a special one. The children pull out all the stops to make the most of the snowed-in Christmas, even as they give the surly Mr Porter the slip many a time.

adventure series. When Nim's father goes missing, she tells the Alex Rover that she is afraid. Little does she know that the author of the swashbuckling adventures is actually a woman (Jodie Foster) who is too scared to even step out of her own house! Based on the book by Wendy Orr. In ALEX RIDER: OPERATION STORMBREAKER (2006) Fourteen year old Alex (Alex Pettyfer), discovers that his uncle Ian Rider (Ewan McGregor), who died under mysterious circumstances, was actually a spy. Alan Blunt (Bill Nighy) of the MI6 enlists him to undergo Special Forces training to become a

Set in Africa, THE GODS MUST

spy himself. Rider's first operation is to

BE CRAZY (1980), is about the

find out the motive behind Darius Sayle's

adventurous journey undertaken by a

(Mickey Rourke) generosity in creating

bushman (N!xau) to the end of the

and donating Stormbreaker personal

earth, to dispose of an object that is

computers for schools. Lots of nifty

the cause of much unhappiness and

gadgets, cool chases and the big question

unrest in his tribe – an empty bottle of Coca Cola!

- is Ian Rider really dead? Based on the series by Anthony Horowitz.

52 Parent Circle / September 2011

CLASSICS If your children have the patience to watch an

Trapp children. Maria ushers in some much needed

old-fashioned musical, there's nothing quite like THE

colour and music into the household, ultimately

SOUND OF MUSIC (1965), to have them romping

discovering that a warm heart resides within the stern

through the house, singing Do Re Mi over and over

Captain Von Trapp (Christopher Plummer). Lots of

again! Maria (Julie Andrews), who wants to become a

music set in the wonderful landscapes of Austria.

nun, is sent as a governess to mind the seven Von

ANIMALS/WILDLIFE Long before March of the Penguins, there was the nature documentary, ANIMALS

ARE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (1974). Shot entirely in Southern Africa, it is a crash-course in geography, featuring the many species that inhabit the deserts, rivers and delta of the region. The excellent background score is a perfect fit for the antics of some of the most adorable creatures, and the commentary puts the habits of wild species in the context of our own urban lives.

FOR PARENTS Based on Simon Carr's true story, THE

BOYS ARE BACK (2009) the movie is about sports journalist Joe (Clive Owen), whose life is turned upside down by the death of his wife. He now has to bring up their son, Artie, all by himself. When Harry, who is Joe's son from a previous marriage arrives from the UK, Joe tells him that he runs 'a loose ship' with as few rules as possible in the house. Harry and Artie forge a close bond even as Joe learns to juggle with the demands of work and home. This is a movie that steers clear of clichés, and raises the all-important question “How much discipline is too much? How much is too little?”

WORLD CINEMA

PARENTHOOD (1989) has an ensemble cast that portrays parents with different

VIVA CUBA (2005) is a Spanish

challenges in child-rearing. Gil (Steve Martin),

movie set in Cuba, about two friends - a

a sales executive, is torn between work and

boy named Jorgito (Jorge Milo) and a

home. Helen (Dianne Wiest) is a single

girl named Malu (Malu Tarrau Broche).

parent who gets more than she can handle,

They come from different social

when her teenage daughter gets married and

backgrounds and their mothers hate

becomes pregnant. Nathan (Rick Moranis) is

each other. When Malu's mother wants

obsessive about his daughter's IQ. Frank

to leave the country, the only person with any power to stop it is

(Jason Robards) wants to help his grown-up son Larry (Tom

Malu's father. The children set out in search of Malu's father, to

Hulce) deal with a gambling problem, but finds himself

dissuade him from signing forms that would take Malu and her

bringing up a grandson! Funny and heart-warming.

mother away. Along the journey, the children discover the true meaning of friendship.

SARITHA RAO RAYACHOTI IS A FREELANCE WRITER.

www.parentcircle.in 53

viewpoint

The Abhimanyu Syndrome

e live in an age

medicines for most

when, the earlier

known diseases are

you complete any

only lengthening the

task, the better you

distance to be run, into a

are perceived to be.

double marathon. In India, for

Expectant mothers are routinely told that

example, the average lifespan has

Abhimanyu, one of the tragic heroes of

risen from 48 years in 1970 to over

the epic Mahabharata, began learning the

64 years in 2009, within four decades.

art of war when he was in his mother’s

Over the next three decades, expect it

womb. (Hidden message: get your baby to

to shoot beyond 80 or even 90.

start learning before he sees the world!). Many entrepreneurs have jumped onto this bandwagon of early brain stimulation, offering teaching tools and food products to make your baby the smartest one yet, at the earliest!

Children born today can be expected to live well into their nineties. Second or third careers, right now exceptions, could become the norm. Two successive generations of retired persons in a family living at the same time could also become

The message is clear - life is no longer a

the norm. It is clear that learning the skills

marathon; it is a 100 meters dash.

to cope with the vicissitudes of a long life

So sprint!

span is becoming increasingly critical.

Result: Many parents want to ‘teach’ alphabet and math and a lot more to their children when they are not even two years old. In schools, admissions are sought in classes higher than what is good for a child’s age. Some parents hold press

Mistaking fake genius-like attributes in infants for competence for negotiating in a long life span is a fallacy that could lead to disappointments and worse, even disasters. Here are some facts for you to consider:

conferences to ‘showcase’ toddlers who can recite world capitals, names of world

n Infant education experts, who promise

leaders, tens of couplets of Thirukkural

to turn your child into an Einstein,

and much else. If they can perform on a

overlook the fact that the greatest scientist

TV show as toddlers, there is nothing

of modern times was four years old before

better. They have already proven their

he could speak and seven before he could

worth; they have arrived.

read. His parents even consulted a doctor

What is this hurry to dump indigestible facts into an infant’s brain? Does an infant’s ability to master facts guarantee ‘success’ in later life?

about his slow learning habits. He was also a cheeky rebel. This rebelliousness led one headmaster to expel him. Another headmaster, to history’s everlasting shame, said that he would never amount

Yes, life does remain a marathon. If

to much! But it is precisely this cocky

anything, better healthcare and effective

contempt for authority that led Einstein to

54 Parent Circle / September 2011

RAVIKIRAN VISSA

Sriram Naganathan

question conventional wisdom. His slow verbal development made him curious about things such as space and time that most adults take for granted.

When should your child start learning? While there is no such thing as the right age for a child to start learning, evidence suggests that a later start may not be a bad idea. In fact, in Scandinavian countries such as Finland, Sweden and Denmark, a child goes to

brain growth. Here is a short list:

school when he is 7 years old. School students from

interaction, touch, stable relationship,

these countries top the developed world, year after

self-esteem, safe & healthy environment,

year, in the quality of education attainment measured

quality care, play, music and

through the Programme for International Student

communication. More importantly, the

Assessment (PISA), a worldwide evaluation of 15-year-

effect of these stimulants can be observed

old school pupils’ scholastic performance.Teachers

only over the long term. There are no

from the US and other countries make regular

short-cuts here.

pilgrimages to Scandinavia to learn best practices.

n Sure, the first three or four years of a

What is more important than academics at an

child see the most rapid changes, due to

early age is the encouragement for

the bombardment of experiences

unstructured learning, exploration,

(everything is new!). At this time, the brain

language development and play. These

is like a sponge ready to absorb and

happen naturally. So the next time you

learn. However, touching and talking, and

find your child gazing at a butterfly for a

the things that an infant sees, hears and

long time, do not pull him in and force

smells all build positive connections in the

him to do arithmetic. You might

brain, if done with continuity in a loving

interrupt his learning!

ARJUN DOGRA

n Children need a few simple things for

and predictable manner. Just provide a sensually rich environment with meaningful relationships. This is enough. There is no need to get the child to cram facts far beyond her understanding!

can note down the most interesting questions asked by the child and find answers together. They can enjoy cognitive development unfolding in the

Forcing Your Child To Learn? Think Again. Forced learning does not just make the child unhappy; it can actually have

Architect Buckminster Fuller is reported to

child. Making the child understand values

have said ‘All children are born geniuses

like honesty and consideration by

and we deal with the first six years of their

practicing them, is a better idea than

lives in degeniusing them’. Ironically,

trying to drill facts into the child’s brain.

Buckminster Fuller himself had a very

Here’s a thought: Abhimanyu might have

rigorous early upbringing. His father,

learnt the art of war when he was still in

James Mill, wanted to create a genius

his mother’s womb. But he had not learnt

out of his son, and brought him up in an

it completely. If he did not have this

environment deprived of simple

‘partial’ knowledge, he may not have been

pleasures like playing with other

allowed to penetrate the opposition’s

children of his age (strictly prohibited!).

complex battle formation and perhaps

John Mill was taught Greek when he

Of course, much of the base for future

been better off that way. Instead, he got

was three; by eight he could read

development is built in the first few years

killed in the battle when he was still in his

classics; and write an extension for

of childhood. We can also say that the

teens to the eternal sorrow of all Indians.

Homer’s epic Iliad; by ten he had

learning of some skills is easier in early

In contrast, his uncle Krishna, who had a

mastered Euclidean Geometry, Algebra

life. However, the windows of opportunity

care-free and happy childhood, full of fun

and Latin. He had also read a great

do not close at a certain age and learning

and play, ended up being the hero of his

deal of history by ten. Then, by twenty,

is possible at any age. So, instead of

times. n

he had a nervous breakdown. It took

normal childhood, was expelled from Harvard twice, never completed his college education and popularised the geodesic dome that made him famous when he was in mid-50s. No sign of infant genius there.

getting very young children to cram unrelated, indigestible facts, parents could instead focus on being a co-explorer of all the things the child is interested in. They

SRIRAM NAGANATHAN IS THE FOUNDER OF IGNITE MINDS, AN EDUCATION SECTOR START-UP AND A RESOURCE PERSON AT THE SCHOOL, KFI.

disastrous consequences later in life. The classic example is that of the famous English philosopher John Stuart Mill, who was given an extremely

several years, and the simple pleasure of reading verses of Wordsworth, to bring John Mill to normalcy.

www.parentcircle.in 55

hands on

THE WALL: Take the long 15x3.5” strip of card and cut out a door shape in the centre of the strip.

Courtesy DakshinaChitra

Staple 4 small pieces of card,

15x3.5”

card shapes needed

6x6”

2 above and 2 below the door of the wall. Fold the entire piece into a cylinder

materials required

and staple at the top and bottom of the overlap. At the

4” radius

top and bottom joints staple

acrylic paints, brushes cutter

1 small piece of card each.

scissors

THE ROOF: Cut out a sector from

card/ thick paper stapler

6 small pieces of card (1x3”)

the circle as shown and overlap it to make a cone. Staple the overlapping ends together. ASSEMBLING THE ROOF AND WALL: Place the cone on top of the wall and staple them together on the inside using the small pieces of card on the wall.

THE FLOOR: On the square piece of paper, make 3 slits using the cutter (parents can help do this). Align the slits to the pieces of card at the bottom of the wall. Push in the small pieces of card through the slits and staple together.

Your hut is ready! Trim the edges off the card ‘joints’. Paint your house in attractive colours and patterns.

5 Demonstrated by Saraswathi Amma

56 Parent Circle / September 2011

events

CHENNAI this month September 2

Rusty Moe – The White Lady Unwind Centre, Gandhi Nagar, Adyar A tribute to classical British and American rock music. Time: 6:30 pm – 9:00 pm (9841379494, 9941005949)

Till September 15

Art Exhibition

DakshinaChitra, East Coast Road, Muttukadu Exhibition of paintings by Tejo Menon (044-27472603, 044-27472783)

September 4

Tree Walk Boat Club Road Tree walk organized by Nizhal is to promote tree culture in urban areas, to create awareness of the role of trees, planting the right kind of trees and caring for

Sept 2011– Aug 2012

them.

Clinical Art Therapy

Time: 7:00 am – 8:00 am (9003011372)

Centre for Counselling, Nungambakkam, Chennai Participants will learn to use visual arts

September 7-10

September 16

(drawing, painting, collage, sculpture with

Aarush

clay, etc) to work with people who have

SRM University

Saxophone Concert

specific types of challenges.

A national level techno-management fest, Aarush,

Srinivasa Sastri Hall, Luz Church

Time: 10 am – 4 pm

provides the students with the perfect opportunity to

Road, Mylapore

(9884700106, 9884700104)

utilise their knowledge in practical applications that

Saxophone performance by

require innovation and out-of-the-box thinking. Spread

Shri G. Ramanathan

across four days, it confronts the students with

hosted by Indian Council

challenges. These include real-life scenarios, present

for Cultural Relations and

and future problems of the nation and other

Sri Ariyakudi Music

technological impediments.

Foundation under the

(9791023773, 9791640085)

monthly “Horizon” Programme.

Till September 10

Nature Workshop

Time: 6:30 pm (044-24460767)

Hippocampus, 4, 12th Street, Nandanam Extension A workshop to know more about ecosystems, preserving and protecting nature, through art, craft and storytelling. (044-42067159)

Till September 30

SARGAM Children’s Choir SARGAM, Poes Street, Teynampet Memberships for SARGAM Children’s Choir open. Learn choral techniques, songs from different languages and voice culture. (9840132913)

58 Parent Circle / September 2011

September 10-11

1st State Level Children Tournament Samarao School, Near Parthasarthy temple, Mylapore Chess tournament for children under 8, 10, 12, 14 and 16 years. Time: 10:00 am (9841815992, 9941848839) For event listings contact us at PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India. Ph. no. 24461066/67/68. Email info@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Events’.

discussion point

Should teachers be very strict or lenient with children?

Teachers have to be lenient with the

them, rather than being strict with them. Their self-confidence is

students. If they are strict, the students will

boosted. Depending on the situation and the student, we should first

always fear them. They will surely do their

warn him a couple of times before becoming strict.

homework on time and study well, but only

Annalakshmi Chellam, Teacher

out of fear of punishment. If the teachers are friendly, the students will listen to them and get the correct perspective on a subject. Uma Premnath, mother of a 12-year-old

might be punished or get scolded. If you are too friendly, the students might take advantage of you and they may lose focus on their work. At times, you have to be strict with them when they get out of hand. Otherwise it is better to be friendly with them and explain things in a

The students will learn only if there is

nice way so that they will listen and respond accordingly.

some discipline. By strict, I do not mean

Jyothi, Teacher and Coordinator of a pre-school

that they should have a cane in their hands, but impose rules wherever their concentration in class. Sujatha S, mother of a 11-year-old The teachers should neither be too strict nor too friendly but be balanced in their approach. The teachers have to be strict when it comes to studies and homework; they have to make the children understand

As a teacher with more than four decades of experience, I would definitely say that the present generation of teachers have to be both friendly and strict with the children. Children will feel more secure in a class where the teachers are both friendly and good disciplinarians at the same time. Sudha Kasturirangan, Teacher A teacher who is friendly would find it easier to spot a student who is having difficulties in understanding the subject. Doubts can only be clarified if the teacher encourages the students to do so.

that studying is necessary. When it comes to

We have all seen some teachers who are surrounded

helping out the student, they need to be

by students just after the class is over or during

friendly or else the children will not listen.

intervals. Those students are eager to interact with the

They will start fearing the teacher and hate

teacher to understand various concepts; whereas there are

the subject.

teachers who will never be approached for clarification of

Padmaja, mother of a 9-year-old

doubts because he is a terror. If the objective of the

For us, it is a mix of both, though the balance is tilted more towards friendliness. We have to be friendly with our students because that is when they will truly understand what we are trying to teach them. Education and knowledge are two different things and we have to impart both to the students. We are

Please send in your responses before September 15 2011 to editorial@ parentcircle.in with the subject line â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Discussion Pointâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;, or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.

children, they might just pretend to listen to you as they fear they

I feel that the teachers have to be strict.

necessary so that the children do not lose

Is your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s current school timing conducive or detrimental to his health and his natural body rhythm? What do you think should be the optimal timing and why?

For me, it is a combination of both. If you are too strict with the

responsible for making them good citizens.

teacher is to make the process of learning fun then he has to be friendly. Otherwise learning will become serious and boring. Anil Pillai The teacher is supposed to be strict or friendly with her students according to their behaviour. Sometimes, when the class is going on, a child might whisper. The teacher immediately throws her chalk down and says, "If you know everything, I'll stop teaching." At

For a teacher, the student-teacher

the same time, if the children present a neat

relationship is as important as a child-parent

project or if the whole class gets good marks in

relationship is to the parent. Sure, when the

the exam, she says, "This is the most wonderful

student gets out of hand at times, we need

set I've ever got!" I feel teachers should not be

to put a full stop to it by being a little strict. I

too friendly because the students take

believe that a friendly approach brings

advantage of them. They shouldn't be too

happiness to both the students and the

strict either because the child might be

teacher. They respect us and they are also

scared even at the sight of the teacher.

more responsive when we are friends with

Sneha S, 10 yrs

www.parentcircle.in 59

lighter vein

Carol Band

TIME

OUT

am, Bam, BAM! My neighbor’s

Kids get up early. Really early. Maybe

6-year-old son was firing Nerf

they’re so eager to rise because their

gun pellets against the door of

parents make them go to bed while it’s still

his parents’ new Audi. BAM!

His parents intervened with a display of parental discipline rarely witnessed these days. “That’s a TIME OUT!” they ordered and sent him into the house and up to his room. His indignant howls echoed through the neighborhood.

you’re a kid, every day is full of new possibilities. You don’t have a stupid job with pointless meetings and an ego-maniac boss, or a sink full of dirty dishes from last night’s dinner or a kid who volunteered you to be the parent helper at the 3rd grade Colonial Faire.

Kids don’t like time outs. In fact, they don’t

When you’re a kid, there’s nothing to

like many of the things that adults think

make you want to spend the day hiding

are pretty terrific. For instance, in an

under the covers.

informal poll, 100 percent of the adults in my house said that they would welcome a time out. I know I would. 15 or 20 minutes to do nothing but lie on my bed and contemplate the ceiling or maybe read a few pages of the book that’s been languishing on my nightstand sounds delightful. For a kid, however, a 15-minute time out is practically a life sentence. For an adult, it’s not a punishment – it’s the chance to take a quick nap. Kids don’t like to take naps, either. In fact, they hate to go to bed at any time – even when it’s late and their parents have to get up early for a meeting or desperately need to have just a few minutes alone with a bottle of wine. Kids are never tired. Just ask ’em and they’ll tell you. “Aren’t you tired?” you ask your 7-yearold, who has spent all day jumping on the couch and interrupting your phone conversations.

When they do get up, adults run straight to the bathroom to brush their teeth because they have stinky morning breath. Kids don’t. In fact, kids won’t brush their teeth at all unless an adult asks them to do it over and over and, even then, if the adult doesn’t come into the bathroom and witness the actual act, it’s likely that the child will merely turn on the faucet, wave his brush in the water and go on to live another day with skuzzy molars. Kids view cleanliness with suspicion. They yell as if they’re being tortured if you try to clip their toenails, comb their hair or scrub their faces with a washcloth. Grownups, however, pay perfectly good money to have people perform these tasks at places called salons. Kids are also brutally honest. “Gramma, who let all the air out of your arms?” my son once asked my mother in-law. If you want to know if you have flabby arms, if the wrinkles under your eyes look like a

“No,” he’ll say. “Can we get a trampoline?”

tic-tac-toe grid or if your breath smells like

Adults are always tired. In fact, we are

clams – just ask your kid. A grown-up,

exhausted. Adults can’t wait to go to bed. But kids will do anything to stay up. They

even if that grown-up is your husband, will not tell you the truth when you ask, “Do

will argue and stall and beg for a glass of

these Capri pants make me look fat?”

water, another story and another check

If he did, he’d get a time out. n

of the closet for monsters. Adults sink onto the mattress and … Zzzzzz. They are out until they hear the kids fighting over the television set at dawn. Which is another way that you can tell who is a grown up and who is a kid.

60 Parent Circle / September 2011

light outside, or maybe it’s because when

CAROL BAND IS A JOURNALIST BY TRAINING AND MOM BY CHANCE. THIS ARTICLE WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED IN HER COLUMN ‘HOUSEHOLD WORD’ BY DOMINION PARENTING MEDIA. PLEASE SEND YOUR FEEDBACK TO EDITORIAL@PARENTCIRCLE.IN WITH A CC TO CAROL@CAROLBAND.COM.

RNI NO. TNENG/2011/38388

Like relationships,

it strengthens with time!

Parent Circle Volume 1 Issue 5 September 2011 Price ` 40

For the Parent in You!

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