DEAR KACIE

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS OF COMFORT

My cousin just got diagnosed with cancer. We’re pretty close but I’m at a loss as to what to say to her. What do I tell someone when they've been diagnosed with cancer?

First of all, most people don’t know what to say. You’re not alone in having a loss for words. The most important thing you can do is reply in a way that feels comfortable to you, because it will be genuine. Your cousin will want to hear your words, not a canned response. Even if you’re completely honest and answer with, “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

Most of the time, simple expressions of concern are the most appreciated. And even not saying anything at all can be helpful if your cousin just needs someone to listen. Be encouraging, but don’t show false optimism or tell your cousin to always stay positive. Doing these might discount her very real fears or concerns. Using humor is helpful, but let your cousin take the lead on this. And if she looks great, tell her!

Above all, being present and supportive is what most people need. And always listen—sometimes your words aren’t needed if you just listen.

If you have any questions you’d like Kacie to answer, submit them to contact@simplykcmag.com.

EMPTY FINDING YOUR NEST AN END WITH A NEW BEGINNING “HAPPY PLACE”: TIPS FOR CULTIVATING A HAPPIER, HEALTHIER YOU

WRITTEN BY DEBORAH EAKIN OSBORNE A braham Lincoln is credited with saying, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” And, like it or not, there’s a lot of truth to that. Here are just a few of the many ways to put mind over matter and increase the happiness quotient in your life.

Get adequate sleep

Getting enough sleep (between seven and eight hours per night for most adults) enables you to do your best work and helps you handle life’s daily challenges. People who sleep well are generally healthier and happier than those who get very few zzz’s. If you’re not getting enough sleep, or the sleep you are getting is not restful, the following tips may improve the quantity and quality of your sleep: • Cut back on caffeine intake. Consume caffeine-containing items such as coffee, sodas, energy drinks, bars, and foods with chocolate early in the day—or cut out caffeine altogether. • Go to bed earlier. Since you’re probably already getting up at the latest time possible, the only real alternative is getting to bed earlier. • … And at a set time. If you don’t ritualize a specific bedtime—including winding down at least 45 minutes to an hour before you turn out the light—you likely will find ways to stay up later, just as you’re doing now.

Smile more often

It’s good for you, and good for those around you. The “feel good” neurotransmitters that work to fight off stress—dopamine, endorphins, and serotonin—are released every time you smile, relaxing your body and lowering your heart rate and blood pressure. In addition, the endorphins act as a natural pain reliever, and the serotonin serves as a natural mood lifter. Not only do you feel better when you smile, others perceive and treat you differently. Plus, have you ever noticed that a smile is contagious?

Researchers in a Swedish study found that their subjects automatically smiled when looking at a picture of someone smiling. In fact, it took a conscious effort for them to frown when asked to do so. Whenever you smile at someone, their brain essentially tells them to smile back. As a result, both of you experience a release of those “feel good” neurotransmitters.

Laugh, and your body will thank you

Laughter provides many of the same short-term benefits as smiling, such as an increase in the endorphins released by your brain. In addition, laughter can stimulate circulation and aid in muscle relaxation, helping reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress. But there also may be long-term effects associated with laughter, such as the release of neuropeptides that may help fight stress and serious illnesses. Laughter also can make it easier to cope with difficult situations, and helps you connect with other people. Need help getting in touch with your “inner funny bone?” Here are a few suggestions for adding more laughter to your life: • Find a few simple items that make you laugh. Place them where you can see them in your home or office. • Start or add to a personal library of funny movies. Watch them when you need an extra boost of humor. • Make a habit of spending time with friends who make you laugh. Then return the favor by sharing jokes or funny stories with those around you.

Go with your flow

“Flow” is unique to each of us, and occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we completely lose ourselves and all track of time. Hungarian psychology professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi observed that people who report their lives as happy engage in activities that require both a high level of challenge and a high level of skill. Whatever it is, find your flow and go with it—often.

Develop an attitude of gratitude

The new and rapidly developing field of positive psychology has discovered fascinating, evidence-based answers to many questions about happiness, including how practicing gratitude may increase perceived happiness levels by as much as 25 percent. Here are some tips on how to incorporate more gratitude in your own life: • Keep a daily gratitude journal. List whatever comes to mind, and try to list different things each day. • Pray. Regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof, a ritualized form of giving thanks may help increase gratitude. • Think and act in a grateful manner. Make an effort to put a positive spin on the automatic (or self-talk) thoughts that occur all day long. Practice expressing gratitude for even the little things by saying thank you.

Sources: Money Crashers, Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Mayo Clinic, WebMD, Joyful Days blog, Pick the Brain, PsyBlog

All in one place.

Continuum of care living can give you the reassurance of knowing that whatever the future brings, you may never have to leave behind the life you’ve created and the friends you’ve made.

Villas Senior apartments Assisted living Memory care assisted living

To learn more about our continuum of care community in Olathe, visit cedarlakevillagekc.org or call (913) 780-9916.

All faiths or beliefs are welcome. © 2020 The Evangelical Lutheran Good Samaritan Society. All rights reserved. 200902

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER ... SEPARATELY

WRITTEN BY JULIE BURTON / PHOTOS BY SAMANTHA LEVI

Divorce. Does the word make you tense? Nervous? Uncomfortable? I can get the thesaurus out and keep listing words. I’m betting most people don’t feel sunshine and freedom at the mention of divorce. It’s a tough topic to discuss. But so are the intricacies of marriage.

I got a divorce in 2020. Like becoming a parent for the first time, you don’t really know what it’s like until you’ve been through it. Marriage works for some, and that’s great. But if your quest for happiness isn’t fulfilled with marriage, you can’t ignore what so many have gone through—divorce. What to expect when you’re getting divorced:

Married people will say “I’m sorry” and divorced people

will say “Congratulations!” Of course, divorced people might say they’re sorry too. Bottom line: you weren’t happy. Married people see that and feel bad. Divorced people see that too but know your search for happiness has begun.

There is a greater need for a divorce registry than a wedding registry. We live in a GoFundMe world, but we’ve been GoFundMe’ing weddings for a century. I googled it.

When two people come together in holy matrimony with two incomes and most likely two of everything anyway, we shower them with more. But when those two separate, everything in one home gets spread over two. And the woman is left putting together hand-me-down furniture in the kids’ room with a single screwdriver and a hammer.

Friends will pick sides. They have to. No matter how much they love both of you—the neighbors will stay with whoever is in their proximity. Old friends will probably go back to the one they’re closest to. Families should stay with families. It’s just different. You’ll make new friends.

People are nosey. It’s natural to want to ask, “but why?” They want to validate your decision. There may be a clean cut answer. But most likely, there are several reasons and it’s impossible to tell people what happens

Some Gluten Free, some Dairy Free, some Naughty.....

We’re here to please them all. Billie’s Grocery will bring mostly organic, nutrient-dense whole eats and treats to the community’s ever-growing health food scene.

COME VISIT US TODAY!

ONLINE SPECIAL ORDERS ACCEPTED

Order full cakes, catering, box lunches any inquires: eatwith@billiesgrocery.com

Cooking classes or if you want to teach with us: cookwith@billiesgrocery.com 3216 GILLHAM PLAZA, SUITE 100, KANSAS CITY, MO 816.638.4400 BILLIESGROCERY.COM in a marriage once the front door closed. You can choose to tell as little or as much as you want, but be prepared for the questions.

You’ll feel worse before you feel

better. It’s not instant happiness. Divorce is a major life change. Big decisions need to be made. Your finances will change. Your home will look different. Your children’s lives will change. You might be back on the dating scene. Maybe your career will change too. It’s a lot to take all at once. Let people help you. You’ll get to the other side; it will

Julie Burton is an Overland Park mom, writer, K-State lover, and bacon-hater. She is a blogger and contributing author to the humor book, But Did You Die?: Setting the Parenting Bar Low. Burton’s also been named one of the Today Show’s “funniest parents.” And yes, she really does hate bacon. Please don’t drop her

as a friend. Follow Julie at: julieburton.blog • facebook.com/julieburtonwriter • twitter.com/ksujulie • instagram.com/ksujulie

just take time.

GET READY FOR FALL! Start an exfoliating routine that will brighten and hydrate your skin!

With any service, mention this ad, and receive 3 FREE travel size Circadia products; 1 Cleanser, 1 Serum & 1 Moisturizer!

(A $15 VALUE)

Cal l today 81 6. 9 4 5. 2 8 8 9

3619 Broadway Blvd. • Kansas Cit y, MO elevateskinkc.com

ZOOM HAPPY HOUR WITH APPLE CIDER SANGRIA

WRITTEN BY GINA REARDON / PHOTO BY MELANIE MCDOWELL

Family and community should always be a priority, and now more than ever it feels right to shop local and support family industry and enterprise. This includes our local growers and farmers. You can do this by making an apple cider sangria, which may just become your new seasonal favorite!

First, start by making your apple cider selection from one of the many local apple orchards that also sell ciders at their farm stands, including Stephenson’s Apple Orchards, Louisburg Cider Mill, or one of the many orchards located in Platte City, Weston, or Belton, Missouri.

For this sangria, I chose a lovely Pinot Grigio from Amigoni Urban Winery. Add brandy, fresh squeezed orange and lemon juices, and lots of fall fruit, and you’re almost there. A day or two is all you need, and then refreshment is at your fingertips for your next Zoom happy hour. Cheers!

Fall Apple Cider Sangria

INGREDIENTS 2 cups fresh apple cider 1 bottle white wine—pinot grigio or 1/2 cup brandy 1/4 cup fresh squeezed orange juice 2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice 2 apples, thinly sliced 1 pear, thinly sliced 1 orange, cut in half, thinly sliced 1-2 cups grapes, halved 2/3 cup pomegranate seeds 2 cinnamon sticks Club soda Additional cinnamon sticks for garnish, optional

DIRECTIONS Combine all ingredients except club soda in a large pitcher or container. Cover and let marinate for between 3 and 24 hours. Serve Sangria over ice with plenty of fruit in the glass. Top with a splash of club soda and garnish with a cinnamon stick!

Yes. We install in your area. Lifetime “No-Wrinkles” Installation guarantee

OPEN TO THE PUBLIC

All the latest colors styles and patterns Complete manufacturer warranties Brand names at WHOLESALE PRICES Interest free fi nancing (w.a.c.)

127th & Metcalf

STORE HOURS Monday -Friday 9am-5pm | Saturday 10am-5pm | Closed Sunday

12619 Metcalf Ave, Overland Park, KS 66213 | www.KCWholeSaleCarpetStores.com (913) 327-1361 Experience the Paint Difference. Our fume-free environment is expertly designed with elegant decor, large selection of premium products + accessories and high sterilization standards ensure the utmost perfection in aesthetic, comfort + cleanliness