DEAR KACIE

DearKACIE

DON’T YELL AT ME

To the parents who don’t yell—how do you get your kids to do as you ask? I swear, I have to remind my kids 1,000 times to do something or not do something and they only respond when I freak out and yell at them. I need a strategy that isn’t yelling all the time. Any advice?

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?! I’ve heard it. I’m a mom too.

Remember, calm Suzy (and her terrible rock-throwing son on the playground) is probably not the same at home. She also probably only posts family portraits on her Facebook. And “best day ever!” beach pictures with the kids. She’s lying. There is a 100 percent chance there is sand in her toddler’s butt and he had a meltdown over it. My point is you’re not alone in losing it. I’ve yelled at my kids’ deaf ears too.

But there are ways to yell less. First of all, studies have shown that yelling doesn’t work. It scares the kids. But what does work?

Figure out your trigger. Yelling isn’t automatic. It’s built out of frustration. Maybe you had a hard day at work. Maybe you need to give the kids a snack while you eat a snack yourself. Be wary of what makes you triggered to yell.

If you’re directing your kids to do (or not do) something, give them a warning. Warnings let kids mentally prepare for a transition.

Take a timeout for yourself. Go yell in the bathroom. Yell at the birds outside. Give your neighbor, Suzy, a show. You’re human. You can yell outside.

Know that children won’t be perfect. They don’t listen. They are always testing their independence with you. If they misbehave, use it as a teaching moment later. Yes, get down to Danny Tanner level (may he rest in peace). Make sure you realize yelling is more about you than the children. YOU HEAR THAT, SUZY!?

If you have any questions you’d like Kacie to answer, submit them to contact@simplykcmag.com.