PARENTING

THE EAGLE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING

WRITTEN BY LAUREN DREHER

“Only 10 more years left,” you said as you shut the door after a rough bedtime routine. But fast-forward to dropping your child off at college or watching them drive on to the next chapter of their life, and that may not be the thought running through your head. Instead, you fight back tears because your child is gaining independence by the minute.

On the one hand, you’re proud of the young adult they have become. At the same time you pray they make good decisions. What are your next steps? I sought advice from parents who have navigated this new stage of life and are satisfied with their current situation.

EMBRACE THE NEWFOUND FREEDOM One of the biggest things you can do for yourself as an empty nester is understand that you are now in a new stage of life and accept that it will take an adjustment period. It’s okay to be sad that your kids are out of the house if they also become your friends. It’s also okay to be happy your kids are out of the house and be proud of who you raised. Chances are you have some extra room. Don’t feel bad about wanting to downsize to a home that requires less maintenance. You might think of this as an opportunity to relocate to somewhere you’ve always wanted to live.

If you’re not ready to head out just yet, this could be a great opportunity to rearrange rooms. Change things up so it feels less lonesome to sit in a room without them. Unless your kids are living close, chances are you want to keep a room for them to stay when they come home. This, however, doesn’t mean they have to stay in the same room they always had. The parents I spoke to didn’t wait long to change up some rooms. They often used the extra space for hobbies and interests. Hobbies and

interests are a big topic with empty nesting, because you now have to fill in the open time. Kids take up a lot of time, and it’s likely you’ve spent a lot of time with them.

If you’ve had hobbies in the past that are still of interest, maybe it’s time to take a deeper dive and expand those skills. Use those spaces in your house to do those activities. There are lots of places to help do this, whether it’s an online class or something at a local studio or school.

Multiple parents mentioned that they make sure to have an exercise routine. It’s very easy to pull up a computer and find a virtual class or a program you can play on demand. But there is something to be said for physically being at the gym. First, you get the endorphins from the exercise which make you happy. An added extra is you find friends who are possibly in the same stage as you and looking to spend some time being social. You could find a class with a group who meets a couple evenings per week. This will also lead to social time outside of recreation.

No matter your personality type, you need human connection. This comes from being social. You may have those social relationships with parents of your kids’ friends or perhaps friends you’ve held onto from before your kids came. One parent said, “You can get so involved in kids. Don’t let those relationships fall apart. When kids leave you need them.” Sometimes it takes nothing more than a visit a couple times a year to keep those up. But try to be intentional about that so when the time comes, they are there. The last piece is getting out of the house. Make it a point to take trips, no matter how nearby. One parent said, “We had lots of opportunities to go places when we had kids, but the kids were our priority so we didn’t take them. Now that the kids are out, we’re really excited to travel and take those opportunities.” Another parent said, “We made it a point to try restaurants we wouldn’t take the kids to, and we would try a new one each week.” They started taking longer trips to utilize some of the hobbies they had as well. With all of these things, they still wanted to see their kids, so they took small trips to visit them.

If you’re a new empty nester, know that it’s okay to be sad. Try your best to look forward and embrace the newfound freedom. Find satisfaction that you did your part and raised your kids, now it’s time to enjoy the next stage of life, whatever that looks like for you.

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