BECAUSE I SAID SO

BECAUSE I SAID SO... WHAT I DID ON SUMMER VACATION

WRITTEN BY JULIE BURTON / PHOTO BY JAMI BOWMAN

I haven’t been a student in … well, let’s not talk about that. 17 years, okay? I haven’t been asked what I did over summer vacation in 17 years. So what did I do over summer vacation 2021? I got you, Teach.

• I sweat my butt off in 100-degree heat, pleading with the heavens above for my kid’s softball team to please just throw the game so we could leave softball tournament hell. • I got challenged by my kid:

“Three glasses of wine, Mom?”

There was ice in it, okay. • I taught my kids the life lesson of

“when you have a gift card for a restaurant, you always tip on the total bill, not the discounted one.”

They responded with “Okay” while staring at their phones. • I cried in the shower because of teenagers. • I watched my kids cry in the kitchen because of their mother of teenagers. • I got invited by my ex-husband’s girlfriend to his surprise 40th birthday party. My parents and sisters showed up too … I couldn’t make up this summer if I tried. • I took my kids on a summer vacation to Chicago. Of course,

I took them to try Chicago-style pizza. When the host asked for my name to be put on the waiting list, my daughter responded,

“Abe Froman. The Sausage King of Chicago.” • I had several movie nights with my kids. They’re at an age where

they can start watching more mature movies such as Rocketman. “Wait, Mom. Elton John is gay?” Life lessons. • I offered to take the kids to the zoo. “It’s too hot there.” I offered to take the kids to the water park. “That place burns my feet.” I pushed their heads in the freezer. • I listened to other moms at the pool say how good their babies smell after a bath. My kids go to bed smelling like chlorine. • I did my annual happy dance through Target in the back-toschool supply section while my kids rolled their eyes. They’re all yours, Teach.

Julie Burton is an Overland Park mom, writer, K-State lover, and bacon-hater. She is a blogger and contributing author to the humor book, But Did You Die?: Setting the Parenting Bar Low. Burton’s also been named one of the Today Show’s “funniest parents.” And yes, she really does hate bacon. Please don’t drop

her as a friend. Follow Julie at: julieburton.blog • facebook.com/julieburtonwriter • twitter.com/ksujulie • instagram.com/ksujulie