PARENTING

WHY PARENTING STYLE MATTERS

WRITTEN BY T.E. CUNNINGHAM

Parenting is one of the most rewarding—and occasionally frustrating—experiences we are blessed with in life. And how you parent affects your child’s self-esteem, health, and development. How you influence your children will stick with them for the rest of their lives. It is widely held via extensive research that there are four main parenting styles, and that these styles are most on display when the parent is exhausted or stressed.

Authoritarian

This parenting style might be best summed up by “you believe when it comes to your children, it is my way or the highway!” Rules are made to be followed. While discipline is a good parenting tool, not considering your child’s feelings can have very negative results. For instance, if your child seeks to understand why you have made a particular decision, instead of explaining, you might offer a simple, “because I told you so.” You may not be allowing your children to problem-solve and learn to make decisions for themselves later in life. Additionally, studies have shown children parented in this way may suffer from low self-esteem and develop aggressive and mean behaviors. Finally, children who are parented by authoritarian parents learn to become pretty good liars; they do this to avoid harsh punishment for mistakes.

Authoritative

These parents still demand much from their children, but authoritative parenting is generally considered the most effective parenting style. These children tend to perform better than those of other styles in academia, social interaction, emotional development, and so forth. One of the great things about being an authoritative parent is you demand the most of yourself as a parent— you hold yourself, not just your child, accountable. You put serious time into your child and the relationship, and while you still have rules, you will explain to your child why those rules are in place. You still hold your child accountable when they mess up, but you consider how to handle those instances by evaluating why your child broke a rule. You also take their feelings and opinions about the situation into account versus handing out instant punishment. You also reward and praise your children when they do good work and deeds. Children raised in this manner tend to become success-

ful, high-functioning, confident adults. More importantly, they tend to be happy.

Permissive

You are all talk and no action. You set rules, but you rarely enforce any of them. These parents often “let things go” and forgive quite easily. When they discipline their child by grounding them or taking a privilege away, they tend to cave in and give back the restriction earlier than was set forth. More concerning, this style of parent tries to be more of a friend than a parent, while they talk to their children about many of the most important things, they don’t tend to discourage their child when they are doing something wrong. Children raised in this style are often poor students and sometimes exhibit bad behavior socially. This is because they don’t respect authority or rules. Worse, they suffer from low self-esteem and may also suffer from depression or sadness. The parents’ permissiveness often extends to the child’s diet, so obesity and lack of exercise are concerns with kids parented in this manner.

Uninvolved

Do you know where your children are right now? Do you know when their next big test at school is? Do you spend time in the evening or on weekends with your children whenever you can? If you answered no to all of these questions, you might practice the uninvolved parenting style. By being uninvolved, you may make some of the same mistakes a permissive parent does by absentia. If you don’t know where your child is or what he’s doing, how are you making and enforcing rules? Children in this area don’t get much of anything—support, emotional nourishment, mentoring, or health support. Sometimes this style may be practiced unintentionally by parents struggling with multiple jobs, single-parenting, substance abuse, or other concerns. They also could be very young, inexperienced parents who simply don’t know much about child development. Children raised in this kind of environment tend to perform poorly as students, have behavioral issues, have self-esteem issues and struggle with sadness and depression. “The most important thing to remember is that you are human and will make mistakes, regardless of your parenting style. And that’s okay,” notes Catherine Craig, licensed specialist clinical social worker. “We all need compassion and limits. Pause and take a breath, gain insight, and maybe try counseling or reading up on some parenting articles to learn to do better and keep going! Your connection with your child is what matters most.”

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