SINGA Lampoon Issue by SINAG

CRS Waitlist Module takes away UP Character Sinangag Rice

On January 3, the Computerized Registration System (CRS) Team unveiled the Online Waitlist Module to be first used during the enlistment period of the second semester of the academic year 2017-2818. Serving as an extension of the preenlistment module, it centralized the individual waitlists for the leftover slots and newly opened subjects by various departments and colleges.

as the default method for student enlistment. Though older and similar methods were still used by some departments, such as professor’s prerogative and begging, the CRS waitlist module was widely implemented. However, the introduction of the Online Waitlist Module effectively removed the long lines found in the university during enlistment week, which undermined the identity and character of the campus. For the enlistment period of the second semester, students mulled about colleges aimlessly. They loitered around, sitting in benches and corners, with their eyes glued to their laptops and phones. Though that’s not very different from usual, students reported a shared itching in their feet from the lack of running across buildings and slow death from idleness.

In previous years, UP Diliman students enlisted for classes through luck and by lining up in enlistment centers. If a student was not accepted during enlistment week, they may ask for a teacher’s prerogative by asking the professor personally or by dancing in front of class. If a student was not accepted in their desired classes before the deadline for the change of matriculation, tough luck, they’re underloaded.

In 2015, when UP Diliman’s student Similar to pre-enlistment modules, population ballooned due to the largest students can enlist only up to 20 subjects batch of incoming freshmen, many for courses which have open queues. upperclassmen pushed the limits. They Like always, they are not automatically arrived outside of colleges and enlistment granted to students as they have to wait centers at around 4AM, and some for God to enlist them in the class. The students brought sleepover materials unit handling the respective courses to camp out. The demand for slots and may open or close the module per their classes overwhelmed the university availability and emotional states, and faculty and banned this practice the next may choose the method by which they semester. select students to be enlisted (priority “It doesn’t feel like I’m in UP if I’m not to graduating and freshmen students, wondering whether I can be a student In response to The Incident, many random selection, or everybody except the coming semester,” a third-year departments started using online waitlists you). engineering student commented. and raffles to grant leftover slots to desperate students. Many used either Google Docs as Since its release, the UP administration How it started their main sign-up method, or they simply left compelled all departments to use the system

Mocha Uson for senator, confirmed Gigi Hadid It Again

Motivated by the Alumni Award she has received from the University of Santo Tomas Alumni Association Inc., Communications Assistant Secretary Margaux ‘Mocha’ Uson is now set to grab a spot in the Senate. In her facebook page, Mocha expressed her gratitude to the organizers and the Alumni Association for recognizing individuals like her who continue to deliver competence in their work and contribute excellent service to the Filipino people. She then quoted Philippians 3:13-14 as she announced her will to run in the senatorial elections. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me. Mga kaDDS, sa kagustuhan ni Tatay Digong, ang inyo pong lingkod ay tatakbo para sa Senado. Sana po’y patuloy niyo akong suportahan. Ipakita natin sa mga Delawan na hindi tayo matitinag!” Mocha wrote. This was later confirmed by House Speaker Pantaleon Alvarez as he released PDP-Laban’s senatorial slate in which Mocha is part of. Prior to her position at of the Presidential Communications Operations Office (PCOO), Mocha has also been appointed as one of the

board members of the Movie and Television hate and divisions among the people. Review Classification Board (MTRCB) in 2017. She would also want to put up a committee She is ineligible for civil service and has zero dedicated to fight off the proliferation of fake experience in government work. However, as news. Statements that speak against the Duterte a blogger and a former entertainer who was administration shall be considered as such and most known for sharing sex tips, House Speaker shall be taken down. Individuals who oppose the Alvarez believes and insists that she already government’s programs will also be put to trial possesses the necessary knowledge she needs for sedition. to do her job well. Furthermore, she recognizes the error she has Alvarez also deemed Mocha as a good role made recently on Mayon Volcano being in Naga, model for all DDS members out there who aspire and so to compensate for this ‘imperfection,’ she to secure a high-paying position in government. vows to push for the Mayon Volcano Permanence Act--a bill that legally proclaims Mayon Volcano “Mocha is a great senatorial candidate. She as part of Albay province and not of Naga City. objectively supports Digong, is a true and just Any attempt to transfer the volcano in some journalist, exposes the Dilawans for who they other place will be considered as a criminal are, and completely aware of the world. I support offense. her," Alvarez said. She also plans to give back to her fellow DDS Meanwhile, in an exclusive interview with SINGA, by creating the Anti-Self Discrimination Bill Mocha talked about her platform as a senatorial which enables DDS members to sue those who candidate and shared the programs she would try to disprove their illogical statements on want to implement if ever she gets elected. Facebook’s comment section. The DDS as the country’s ‘majority’ shall be deemed superior at As an attempt to unify the Filipino people, Mocha all times. Hurting their ego shall be considered told SINGA that she will prioritize the Antias a violation of the Anti-Self Discrimination Dilawan Bill--a bill that seeks to ban anything Bill. that is colored yellow as it encourages ideas of

papers at their offices for students to fill up. Students were more frazzled than ever due to manual enlistment atop with keeping track of all the online waitlists they signed up for. Two semesters after, the administration initiated a centralized online waitlist in response to these problems.

How they responded Since the implementation of the CRS Waitlist Module, students forgot how enlistment worked. “Where do I go after this? I don’t have to line up anymore? What world am I living in?” A fourth year political science student said. “It’s just that I’ve always chased my units. It feels like I’m being duped.” At present, students are in the first quarter of their semester. Fortunately, students still have the comfort of readings-hunting to make their lives easily difficult. UP Fair is also upcoming, so UP students still have the luxury to line up in various ways.

10 Reasons Why Hindi Ka Babawi This Sem. And kung last sem mo na, hindi ka na babawi at all. @ThoughtCatalog

1. Last sem sinabi mo babawi ka doon sa sem na ‘yun. Let’s face it. Pang-ilang sem mo na itong sinasabi. Palagi mo na lang pinapasa sa next sem ‘yung pagbabawi mo. Babawi ka ba talaga this sem o sinasabi mo lang ‘yan to feel good about yourself?

2. Hindi naman pumapasok ang mga professors mo. Dapat walang one-sided relationship, diba? Nag-effort ka pang pumasok, hindi naman pala pupunta ang professor mo. Nagsayang ka pa ng oras sa pagmamadali sa klase, tapos wala ka lang dadatnan o matututunan—sayang lang.

3. Jinujustify mo ang pagiging tamad gamit ang year level mo. Kung freshie ka, GEs pa lang naman, hindi ka babagsak. Kung sophomore ka, hindi pa naman kahirap ang mga majors mo katulad ng mga juniors, doon ka na lang magpakahirap. Kung junior ka, wala ka pa namang thesis, kaya hindi ka pa magkakaproblema. At kung senior o graduating ka, iisipin mong nabuhay ka for the first three years nang nagpapakatamad, so mabubuhay ka rin hanggang grumaduate ka.

4. Nakatambay ka nanaman sa org mo. Akala mo makababasa ka ng readings sa tambs, ‘no? Inisip mo makakasama mo orgmates mo sa pagaaral ng majors at iba pa. Pero, iba pala nangyari sayo—natuto kang mag-pusoy dos, sumama sa mga org dinners at magkwentuhan ng kung anu-ano basta hindi ang acads mo. Kapag tumambay ka pa ng mas matagal, mapapacut ka ng wala sa oras.

5. 7 AM classes. Hindi na ito pagdududuhan. By midsem, maximized na ang absences mo kasi earliest mo nang gising ay 8 AM. Malayo pa ang building, large class pa. Sobrang daming dahilan para hindi na puntahan.

6. Mas maraming problema sa labas ng pamantasan. Lalo na sa mga nangyayari ngayon, mas lalo nating nakikita ang kahalagahan ng pagkilos sa labas ng silid-aralan. Madalas, may mas mahahalagang bagay kaysa sa pag-aaral—at kahit isakripisyo muna ang sem na ‘to, okay lang, basta maipaglaban ang demokrasya ng bayan.

7. Nakatulog ka nanaman sa klase. Boring ba professor mo? Nagbabasa lang ng PowerPoint? Ang hina ng boses sa kwartong may lamang 50 na mag-aaral. Tapos, malamig pa ang room mo—umaga pa. Ayun, nakatulog ka. Hindi mo na alam ang lecture. May quiz pa naman next meeting. Wala ka ng choice talaga at hindi ka na makababawi.

8. Unang reading pa lang, wala ka ng gana magbasa. Sa pagbasa mo ng mga unang pangungusap ng reading mo, wala ka nang maintindihan. Masyadong malalim para sa’yo. Habang nagbabasa ka, nakatulog ka. Ayaw talaga ng katawan mo magbasa ng readings.

9. Magkakalayo mga classes mo. First class mo, sa science complex, tapos kasunod noon babalik ka sa AS. Tapos, biglang may PE ka sa CHK. Kung hindi ka makapaghintay ng dyip, kailangan mong maglakad. In a day, sobrang dami mo nang nilakad. By midsem, malaki ang possibility na may cinut ka ng class. Makababawi ka pa ba?

10. Wala kang kwenta. Sinabi ko na: Wala ka talagang kwenta. Kapag binasa mo lahat ng mga nangyayari sa ginagawa mo ‘yun, ibig sabihin n’un napakatamad mong estudyante. Ano ba ‘yan? ‘Di ba tayo ng reputation bilang UP students na kayang mag-multitask ng pagiging active sa loob classroom? Baka ikaw ‘yung nirerefer ni Duterte na hindi karapat-dapat sa UP. Offensive, Papayag ka ba?

P.S. Bumawi ka na nga lang next sem!

taas, tapos nag-bubuild at labas ng pero totoo.

ANSWERS FROM OCT NOV ISSUE ACROSS

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SINANGAG RICE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF GREGORIO R.R. MARTINEZ ASSOCIATE EDITOR

ICE LATTE LEMOWN LANG LIYAB PEDRO PENDUKO JESSICA SWSWSW @THOUGHTCATALOG WRITERS

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INDAY SAYN GIGIL HADID GIGI HADID IT AGAIN LAYOUT ARTISTS

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PRESIDENTIAL COMMUNICATIONS (GOVERNMENT OF THE PHILIPPINES)

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CATS OF CSSP INTERVIEWED BY JESSICA SWSWSW

Here are your resident cats in CSSP. Kadalasan nyo silang nakikita sa Lobby, sa hagdan, sa basurahan at higit sa lahat, sa tabi nyo! They’re hoping to see you around sa AS! Narito sila with their words full of inspiration, thoughts and wildness to fill up your empty hearts this semester.

P R E XY Strong af Sanay mag all-nighter pero sabaw naman sa klase May exam sa Math 17 bukas but chose to sleep Kumakain ng whiskey Nagtatawag ng uwak kada alas dos ng madaling araw. Q: Anong masasabi mo sa haters mo? A: Grades don’t define me”

R AY Have seen so many horrible things in life Have embraced the dark side Resident taga-inom ng luha tuwing Finals Week Tuwang tuwa sa bawat paghihirap ng estudyante tuwing enrollment season May 21 units with PE sa CRS kada first batch run. Crush ng Bayan Q: So, kamusta ka naman? A: “Ito, inaabangan ko humagulgol si Kuya Boy because stressed na siya”

LA TRINIDAD Anino ng nakaraan Kilala ang lolo ng lola ng lolo niyo. Kayang maghintay at magmahal for thousand years Iniwan na ng jowa niya 7 times Hopia na, Hopeless Romantic pa Q: So, bakit ka ba naghihintay dyan, mare? A: “Mahal ko pa siya eh!” Q: Pero ang tagal ka na niyang iniwan A: “Hindi, babalikan niya ko. Nagsabi siya sa akin. Kahit kalian, di niya ko iiwan!” Q: Sige. Sabi mo eh.

LUGTU Laging tulog sa klase pero uno sa majors Travel Goalzzzzzzzz Pagod lagi pero woke af Pinagpala ng God of Cats Mahal ni Chancy Q: Pano ka gumagawa ng requirements kung tulog ka 17 hours a day?! “That’s what you call *talent*.

*turns back* *wiggles tail* *goes to sleep*

KETPU

BERTO Allergic sa tao Loner pero di raw siya lonely May trust issues pagdating sa groupings Nangangalmot ng maingay Halaman Q: Bakit UP? Ang dami namang universities dyan ha?

A:“………………………..” Q: Will you answer me? A: *slashes the interviewer’s face* Interviewer’s Note: Kaya ayoko ng aggressive masyado.

Friendly at di toxic Madalas magtago sa bush pag class naw Di mahal ni CRS Binatak ng mga Terror na Profs Shy type pero magaling sumayaw sa prerog Magaling mag frisbee Q: Bakit ang bibo mo friend? At bakit ka nasa AS 101 ha? Dito ka ba nage-SA?

A: “Bibo is the new hero! Di talaga ako taga CSSP pero gets? Sa CSSP, masaya ka!” Interviewer’s note: Pulitiko ‘to in the future. Pramis.

PUSHY Abangers Handang magpaka rebound Gusto laging katabi si “The One” Mahilig mag joke at naging memelord bc torpe kay Crush “Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo. Hanggang dito lang ako. Nangangarap na mapasayo…. Q: Bakit ka ba umaasang mapapasayo siya? Ha? Alam mo naman na hindi magiging kayo pero push ka pa rin ng push? Ano ‘to? May the force be with you? “*cries with uhog at onse sa ilong*

SARRY Di pinapansin ng sangkapusahan Akala niya pusa siya

“BA’T KA BA NANDITO HA?!”

Adorable talaga pero di mahal ni Inang Kapusahan

Mahilig sa hotdog pero pwede rin maging hotdog (Iykwim)

Q: Sabi mo pusa ka, paano at bakit mo nasabi na isa kang pusa?

A: “I am enlightened that my dog-ness

was never perceived by anyone else, and I realized that my potentials were the same to the cats, and so I want to fully embrace the cat-ness in me, that’s why I’m a cat and not a DOG” Interviewer’s note: Philosophical. Just. Wow.

You’re reading KAPPuso’s Lagoon LS 97.3 special advice column, Lagoon Love Stories with Papa PDuts. Tokhangan na!

adies and gentlemen of the Republic of the Philippines, and especially to my number one haters, the UP Diliman community, maayong adlaw sa inyong tanan. Bilang pangulo ng Republika ng Pilipinas, ako ang nagsisilbing haligi ng tahanan ng buong bansa. For the duration of my term, I am the father of the Philippine republic at trabaho ko na pagsilbihan at tulungan ang sambayanang Pilipino sa kanilang mga problema. Napansin niyo na naman na istrikto akong tatay sa aking mga anak. Well, that’s part of being a good father. Kung rebellious ang mga anak, papaluin mga ‘yan, pero ginawa ‘yun dahil mahal kayo. That’s tough love. Kayong mga UP students, putang ina niyo pa rin. Pero I am the daddy of the Philippines, kaya mahal ko pa

only human, and I am fallible. Pero sa tingin ko, ako ang tatay na kailangan ninyo. Medyo marahas, yes, pero malinaw magsalita at matindig. Matapang. Bonus points na ang suwave at tamang malandi. Naging teenager din ako. Papunta pa lang kayo, pabalik na ako. Pinagdaanan ko ‘yang pinagdadaanan ninyo. Dati, ikinakasuklam ko mga magulang ko. Gusto ko silang i-oust. Now that I am older, I tell you this: take my advice. Take the advice of your elders. Alam nila ginagawa nila. Sabi nga ni Heddy Joy Tady Tan sa viral post niya sa Facebook, “I do not mince words with my children. I have told them to F off when they are out of line and downright disrespectful.”

to cross a street properly. Sobra Anyway, magtatanggap Today, I was invited – na pala talaga ang pagkabulok ako ng mga tanong galing sa nilapitan ako ng… SINAG, ba ng edukasyon, which further inyo. Susubukan kong sagutin ang mga hinanakit ninyo. yun? SINGA? Anyway, it’s a convinced me to help you out. small-time student publication Nakita ko rin sa The Diliman of a college. They called it the Files. Ang daming nagtatanong Q: So I have this super mega home of the “konsensiya ng ng advice kahit ang dali-dali best friend and I love him so mga bayan.” Siguro walang nag- naman ng solusyon. Sinasabihan much to the point that I don’t ra-rally dito, nakokonsensiya pa nila ako na rapist at manyak, know if it’s romantic already. sila. Haha. pero mas malala ‘yung laman How do I know? I don’t want Anyway, nandito ako ng page. Mga hiporkito talaga! to cause trouble kasi taken na para magbigay ng advice. Pero kahit tigang na tigang, ‘di siya. – Jane Specifically, love advice. It has sila marunong maghanap ng Mahirap ‘yan, iha. Pero come to my attention na ang makakantot. Kamay lang laging kasama. Y ou know, when I was madali lang ‘yan. Una, kailangan mga taga-UP, even though they’re book smart, wala silang a law student, I had sex with 20 mong alamin kung may alam sa buhay. When I visited women from UP – and I was from nararamdaman ka ba talaga. the campus, tawid lang sila San Beda. I also killed a man Baka bespren-bespren lang na ng tawid kung saan-saan. there. Yes, during the fraternity intense ang nararamdaman mo, Pisting yawa, pagkakasagasa wars. ’Yung mga estudyante pero akala mo pag-ibig. ang ikakamamatay nila, hindi diyan ngayon, walang bayag. Nagkaroon ako ng ganyang tokhang. Mukhang hindi alam Sigaw lang ng sigaw, wala experience. ‘Di ko siya matalik kung ano ibig sabihin ng namang paninidigan. na kaibigan. In fact, magkaaway pedestrian lane, kahit may To me, it looks like all of kami. ‘Di ko rin maintindihan mga dambuhalang linya sa you need proper guidance. nararamdaman ko para sa harap ng building. Even my Alam ko naman na hindi ako kanya. Kung naaalala ninyo si granddaughter Kitty knows how ang perpektong tatay. I am Ma’am Leni Robredo – but I don’t rin kayo.

blame you if you don’t. Si Ma’am Robredo ng Liberal Party, she’s a very respectful woman. Taken rin siya, pero technically, patay na asawa niya. Kung gagamitin ko ang termino ng kabataan, “in the market” na siya. ‘Yun nga lang, di ako sigurado. Siyempre, i-co-consider ko iisipin ng mga tao. Sabi ni Bong, “PDuts, bise presidente mo siya. Ano iisipin ng tao?” So that was a tangible barrier. So, how did I know? I looked up her skirt. And then, I knew it was love. ‘Yun advice ko sa’yo, iha. Look at his junk. Nandidiri ka ba? O naiinitan ka ba? Kung nandidiri ka, kuya lang turing mo sa kanya. Pero kung yung isa pa, alam mo na.

Pwede kayong makinig sa regular na programa ni Papa PDuts sa KAPPuso FM Radio Station Lagoon LS 97.3. I-like ang Facebook page namin sa facebook.com/Lagoon97.3. Tokhangan na!

You’re probably thinking, “Daddy, paano ko naman titignan titi niya?” To that I tell you: you are a UP student. You are supposed to be smart, inventive, and worth the taxpayers’ cents. Find a way. Sabi nga ni Rico Blanco, “kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto, lagi mayroong paraan.”

Q: Papa PDuts, I just found out that my girlfriend of five years cheated on me during our first year of our relationship. Noong kinausap ko siya, sabi niya ‘yun lang yung time na nagcheat siya, pero ang hirap nang pagkatiwalaan sinasabi niya. Hihiwalayan ko na ba siya? Kaya pa ba? – Juan

Kung nalaman mo na ang nararamdaman mo, what’s the next step? Going by how UP students and teenagers would act, maghahanap kayo ng iba. Minsan magkamukha, o may kaparehong ugali. Minsan naman, titingin ka lang sa malayo. ‘Yan ang dahilan kung bakit pumatok ang mga commercials ng Jollibee. Maraming naka-relate na sawi. Wala talagang mga bayag.

Tarantado talaga ang babae mo, ha. Well, to be honest, marami namang taong gumagawa niyan. For example, me. I can’t claim to be an exception or anything noble. I am just human. Pati rin ang jowa mo, nag-succumb lang sa human nature.

You know, there’s this term we call in Bisaya “gaba.” Simply, it means karma. Kung ano man ang ginagawa niya, Kung ako sa’yo, gumawa ka babalik sa kanya ‘yan. Rest ulit ng paraan. Maparaan naman assured na sa kabilang buhay ang UP students, ‘di ba? Prove niya, reincarnation man ‘yan Daddy right. o sa langit, pero putang ina

pa rin ng simbahang Katoliko, makakatikim siya ng lintik. Pero sa tingin ko, hindi naman malaking sala ang adultery. It happens to the best of people. Natural lang siya. Para sa akin, iho, kaya mo namang patawarin ‘yung girlfriend mo. Ilang taon na rin ang nagdaan noong nangyari ‘yun. Pero I understand that it’s difficult to know surely that she hasn’t committed more adultery before. Kung ako sa’yo, iho, I’d find it in my heart to forgive her. Kung ang concern mo naman ay maging patas kayo, e ‘di just cheat with a girl for a year. Ayun, karma na sa kanya ‘yun. Tawag diyan sa inyo, retributive justice.

Q: Papa PDuts, mahal ko ang Pilipinas, pero inaabuso siya ng administrasyon. Ang sakit na makitang nagdudusa pa rin ang bansa at ang sambayanang Pilipino. Paano po kayo ma-

oust? – April Putang ina talaga ng mga taga-UP, kahit kailan. Kayong mga leftist, papatayin ko kayo. I will admit it, pasista ako. So I will categorize you already as a terrorist. Sabi nga nila, dapat handang pumamatay para sa minamahal. Mahal ko ang Pilipinas, kaya papatayin ko kayo.

Salamat, UP. Kayong mga – (unintelligible) (applause).

1 LAGOON RATING

Sa Lagoon, madami nang nangyari. It goes in the list just in terms of pure historical significance. Sa bagay naman, hormones + a dark place = a lot of possibilities. Don’t lie, it’s either may kilala kang may experience dito or ikaw mismo naka-experience dito. Plus points because it’s basically accessible for everyone, not just UP students. Also mag-ingat sa mga dahon: baka pumasok sa pants niyo.

Akala mo ba Touch Football lang ang mga touching touching sa Sunken? Pag lumubog na ang araw at nagdidilim na ang paligid, the iconic Sunken Garden becomes a place where pagpapawisan ka, pero di dahil sa sports. Extreme pa din, pero at least nakaupo lang kayo or nakahiga. Dala ka lang ng panlatag, good to go ka na.

Kung gaano kadaming puno na ang nakakita nang mga pangyayari sa lagoon/10. The trees remember what you did that night.

RATING

5/10. Apart from exposed, malamok.

C A L C O T TA G E S

MOMOL MAP YO U R G U I D E T O U P ’ S “ H O T ”

4 THE

BIG UP LETTERS

Alam niyo ba mga mars one time may nakita ako dun na sobrang bongga ng energy nila natumba nila yung malaking U. Oh ano kabog. The things you can do when you’re in love nga naman. One time, pumunta ako dun and tinry ko itulak para makita ko kung gaano kadaming force ang kailangan para maitumba yun and it’s either sobrang lampa ko, or may nabalian ng buto sa kanilang dalawa nung gabi na yun. You win, couple sa UP letters.

Malaki mang isyu ngayon sa ating pinakamamahal na unibersidad ang kawalan ng org spaces para sa ating mga estudyante, nakalimutan natin na ang ating napakamapagbigay na UP Admin ay binigyan naman tayo ng sandamakmak na spaces para sa ating mga personal at pribadong mga chukchukan – and by chukchukan, I’m not being metaphorical.

A personal anecdote: one time noong nakapila ako for slots sa AS, I went to the CAL cottages to confirm the stories. Lo and behold, two of the cottages were “occupied”. This was at 3 AM and okay bakit nga ba ako nag-s-straight english? Basta ayun naglalampungan sila dun. Plus points kasi actual org space din siya that doubles for a momol space.

RATING 6/10. Malamok kasi, more so than Lagoon and Sunken.

RATING Rating: 5/10. Damp and dark and humid, perfect for fungi, not for people.

Ayon sa ating admin, ginamit nilang gabay ang mga magagaling na sikolohista na sila Sigmund Freud at si Abraham Maslow at sinimulan ang pagprioritize ng mga espasyong ito. Ika nga nila, kapag may tawag ng laman, you gotta get somewan and you gotta get somewhere as well, at mabuti naman na nakapagbigay sa atin ang admin ng mga lugar na pwedeng maging “somewhere” (although technically pwede naman kasi talaga anywhere). Bakit pa nga naman tayo magdedemand ng spaces when we already have these?

HEARTBREAK HILL

I characterize Heartbreak Hill as the Lagoon for people with cars. Naku kapag madadaan ka diyan sa mga oras na wala na usually ang mga tao, makakita ka ng kotseng umaalog, and mababalik sa ‘yo yung mga memories mo nung bata ka na sumasakay ka dun sa mga rides na umaalog habang nag-go-grocery yung nanay mo. Ahh, the good old times. But then you are reminded of the cold hard bitter fact na may nagchuchukchakan diyan sa kotseng tatlong minuto mo na tinititigan.

RATING 9/10! Perfect na sana kaso it’s exposed to the elements.

RATING

7 THE

RATING 7/10, but only if you have a car, bro.

UP PROMENADE

Introducing the newest and brightest momol area na ibinigay ng admin satin. Brightly lit, and complete with furnishings (roofs and seating). It’s also a transformation of the oh so sketchy area na ang tagal na nating kinatatakutang daanan pag gabi: ang Beta Way. ‘Di ba, kahit ‘di tayo nabibiyayaan ng admin ng spaces to organize, they bless us with areas such as the UP Prom.

SINGA ranked these places and came up with a top 5 MOMOL PLACES in UP Diliman (although, nga, technically pwede naman anywhere). These are ranked in no particular order.

10/10 and to gain access to this topnotch MOMOL area all you have to do is sign up for the official publication of the College of Social Sciences and Philosophy. Check our Facebook page for more details. ;)

SUNKEN GARDEN

SINAG OFFICE

It’s a room. With a lock. Could you ask for more? May aircon pa ano hahanap ka pa ba ng iba? May mirror din, if narcissist ka or kinky/weird.

Saan ka ‘man mapunta, nagkalat ang mga biyaya ng administrasyon ng UP na mga spaces where we are free to express ourselves in our most basic form, ang ngatog ng laman. Bakit pa nga ba tayo humihingi ng spaces to organize, when we already have plenty of spaces for our most basic needs? Baka mas gusto ng admin na we engage ourselves in pleasures rather than mastress tayo in organizing ourselves and actively campaigning our principles with like-minded people through activities where we try to impact the real world. Stressful nga naman kasi talaga ang magtipon tipon at maging bukas ang isipan sa diskurso na nabibigay ng mga organisasyong ito, at makita ang mga kabulukan ng lipunan at ng UP admin mismo at ang mga failures niya. Stay woke, people.

THE MOMOL MAP

PWEDE DITO!

La ng L i y a b POEMS

In grade school, a boy called me faggot. That remark was so low even for him. I said: “If you are going that low, you might as well blow me.” —‘Lang Liyab

Fictive Kinships Some people you meet on the street, and never see them again. Ever is where I saw him, salt and pepper stubble belly bloated bubble. Growing up, I never had a father. But now I have a Daddy —‘Lang Liyab

Poetry

Low

Big 4

Sometimes, poems are a simple matter of hitting enter —‘Lang Liyab

Jesuit boys are not my thing. Bleeding blue means erectile dysfunction. Jaundiced Dominicans are too chaste. Crucifixes will burn in there. Green helps with bowel movement. But arrows will tear the rectum, causing me to bleed maroon. What I need is that UP D. —‘Lang Liyab

Three Bags Full Bababa ba? Bababa. —‘Lang Liyab

Anything Goes Asshole I should have listened when friends said he was an asshole. Perhaps it’s true, when people say: you are what you eat. —‘Lang Liyab

He is in bliss. On a plastic broomhandle he sits. —‘Lang Liyab

Inspired by Lang Leav and Rupi Kaur. Voila, look at this tangle of thorns. More poetry from Lang Liyab at http://facebook.com/LangLiyab and @LangLiyab on Twitter

FENG SH*T MASTER HANS HACHOO-AH HOROSCOPES

RAT

1948, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008

1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009

TIGER

1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010

RABBIT

1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011

DRAGON

1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012

LUCKY COLORS

LUCKY NUMBERS

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

LUCKY FLOWERS

Bluer than blue, sadder than sad 2,3

Lahat ng tangang direction papunta kay crush. Wildflower

CAREER

Halaman green, Mapanghing yellow 4,5

Kung saan man direction ng grade mo this sem. Two lips, one bud, hairy surroundings

Hindi ka mamalasin ngayong taon CAREER dahil una sa lahat, wala ka Congrats! Promoted ka na! namang career. Promoted palabas ng opisina!

HEALTH

WATCH OUT. Matatapilok ka kahit Drink lots of water to hydrate patag naman ang daanan. Wala your lucky flowers. kasing sasalo sa`yo.

LOVELIFE

Masagana ang love life mo! Marami kasi siyang mahal na iba!

HORSE

1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014 LUCKY COLORS

Rusty pero pwede pa bronze

LUCKY NUMBERS

LOVELIFE

Na sa`yo na nga eh, pinakawalan mo pa.

GOAT

1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015 LUCKY COLORS

U may be white on d outside, but u r black like ur soul

2+2 is 4, minus 1 that's 3 quick maths!

LUCKY NUMBERS

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

Mixed signals kasi si crush so pakatanga ka na lang din.

LUCKY FLOWERS Callalily, Bamboo

CAREER

Opposite sa Tiger, wala kang nakuhang units sa CRS.

HEALTH

Eat ka naman ng vegetables ‘pag may time, wag puro meat. Naooffend pagka horse mo!

8080, 2363, 222

Iwasan ang lahat ng mga madidilim na eskinita, magbeblend in soul mo.

LUCKY FLOWERS

50 shades maliban sa Christian Grey 6,7,8

Malay ko, tanong mo kay waze.

LUCKY FLOWERS

Lily Cruz and Sunshine Cruz

CAREER

Good news! Nakakuha ka ng units even sa waitlist ng CRS.

HEALTH

Mahihirapan kang mamili between Chicken Joy and Mini Stop chicken.

LOVELIFE

Slow down, hoes crossing.

0918-213-4567

Depende eh… by jeep, by train, o walk ka lang? Minsan White flower, madalas Katinko.

CAREER

HEALTH

Waw lodi! Wala kang mapost sa What`s ur Ulam Pare kasi wala na naman kayong ulam! Petmalu! Ulam nga wala ka, love life pa kaya?

MONKEY

1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004, 2016 LUCKY COLORS

Madilaw pero makintab gold

LUCKY NUMBERS

Sa letra ng B: 7, sa letra ng O: 72

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

ROOSTER

1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005, 2017 LUCKY COLORS

Red na lang kasi ayaw mo i-spell fuchsia

LUCKY NUMBERS TNR 12, Arial 11

Southbound, with light to moderate traffic.

Bodak Yellow, Boysen Blue

LUCKY NUMBERS Please dial *143#

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

Saan pa ba? Edi all ways papunta sa aahasin mo!

LUCKY FLOWERS

Broccoli, Cauliflower

Ano ba yung na sa kapitbahay niyo?

CAREER

HEALTH

Sad naman, wala yung favorite flavor mo ng cup noodles sa 7 eleven.

LOVELIFE

Tama na puro inom at fastfood, kaya Sssawi ka pa rin eh.

LOVELIFE

It's either ikaw yung ahas or ikaw Wala tong kinalaman sa pagka yung nagpapaahas. Either way, dragon mo pero tandaan mo pre sa'yo pa rin naman siya babagsak. may ‘SURE’ sa CLOSURE.

DOG

1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006, 2018

PIG

1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007, 2019

LUCKY COLORS

LUCKY NUMBERS

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

Luntiang brown, Earth green 3, 4, 9 (legit to)

Piglet pink, Kulangot black 11:11, 010110

LUCKY DIRECTIONS

Either daan na may traffic or traffic na may daan

Try mo sundin direksyon ng Depende, may direksyon ka ba sa mga magulang mo. Try mo lang buhay? naman.

LUCKY FLOWERS

Sampal-guita, Derrick Rose

CAREER

HEALTH

3(2x1)(x+2)= x

LUCKY COLORS

EDSA, C5, Marcos hi-way, lahat ng may traffic dadaanan mo this year. Lahat ng pekeng bulaklak sa flower crown

Mapapansin ka siguro ni crush kung active ka sa class. Lul prof mo muna dapat unang makapansin sa'yo!

ML blue, LoL black, DOTA green

Nice! Tinaasan ang sweldo mo Mukhang maSssagana ang Konting push pa, i-uuno ka rin ni this month! Last mo na raw kasi income mo thiSss year! Siyempre, prof! Numero unong ibabagsak! eh. mukha lang!

LOVELIFE

Rose-ter, Cherry blossom, Sinandomeng

Sabit-sabit ka lang sa mga puno Agahan mo tiktilaok mo, together with your grades. maraming umaasa sa`yo. Healthy ka naman, saging pa more! Pero try mo rin mag mango.

Try mo naman lagyan ng dressing yung kinakain mong Nako teh Halaman lahat ng crush damo. LOVELIFE mo eh. Pero baka born siya sa #WalangKayo: Feelings in all year of the Goat. LOVELIFE levels are suspended due to Wag na umasa. You eat halaman, heavy tears according to your therefore you are halaman. pag-asa.

LOVELIFE

Regla red, Pisngi pink, Eyebags brown

SNAKE

1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013

Wag kalimutang lagyan ng tubig yung sinaing, baka mag trending ka.

LOVELIFE

Flowerpuff girls, Boss Baby`s breath

CAREER

LUCKY FLOWERS

Duhffodil, Gumagapang orchid

CAREER

It`s going down for real kasi naubusan ka ng Pigrolac.

U will not find a stable job bc a stable job will find u. Yun nga lang HEALTH busy magwalwal sa Exile. . You are so healthy because you don`t eat your own kind. Taba HEALTH lang ng fish. No need to take care of yourself bc everyone will pet you. Malay LOVELIFE mo trending ka sa ‘Who`s your “Siopao ka ba? Binobola-bola ka pupper, senpai?’ na, asadong-asado ka pa.”

“Buti pa ang sinaing, binabantayan, binabalikan, hindi iniiwan.” eh LOVELIFE ikaw? Nako, bes! Baka BESTINY nga kayo. Besties forevaaaaa! .

UP FAIR: CANCELLEDT SERIES THE WORST HORROR STORIES IN TOWN

JENSEN NAGFLOP, SUDS, MILES INEXPERIENCED, and a whole lot more! THEIR BENEFIT CONCERT GIG W/ FREE MEET & GREET PASSES!