Building Empathy and Finding Common Ground Across Cultures - Sino Associates John Dorris by Sino Asssociates

E#*+$(%2! 辅导文摘

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"#$%!&#''() 是一名顾问及培训师，他在亚洲的培训及企业发展领域中带领团队开展项目超过 78 年。!"#$% 尤其擅长的课题包括文化工具的建立、组织文化的建立及领导层文化意识的建立。他曾与许多高级管理团队合作，并培训过上万名中国及亚洲地区的专业人士，让他们在跨文化的商业环境和团队中的工作变得更加高效。! !! "#$% 有着丰富的多元文化背景及经验。他是一名在新加坡出生的美国人，在亚洲、美国和中东地区成长。在九个国家生活过的他，熟练地掌握着三门语言（英语、普通话和意大利语），同时还掌握其他四种语言。除了在美国和中国工作过之外，"#$% 还曾经在日本担任过跨文化培训的专家。他在中国的六个城市居住过：北京（7VP8F7VPQ），香港（7VPTF7VPU），沈阳（7VPPF7VPV），上海（8WWXF8WWQ），广州（8WWTF 8WWP）以及深圳（8WWPF8W7X）。!

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一个关于同理心的案例"

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身为教练，我与领导者及管理层有许多合

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作! 。我指导过许多初到中国的领导者如何适应新的团队以及新的世界观，也从我们的讨论和辅导的案例中中总结了一些经验教训，作为国际化领导者应对新文化环境挑战的借鉴。虽然这些案例均发生在中国，并且主要强调中国与K西方L之间的关联，但是，当跨国领导者在海外面临类似的挑战时，这些经验依然可以让他们从中获益。这些经验教训是：! ! -?! 我们自己可以选择用K自我文化中心论L 还是!K文化相对主义论L的眼光看待世界! +?! 我们可以对另一种文化的K主观的所谓现实L!进行系统化分析! .?!我们要成为高效的跨国领导者，就必须同时兼顾团队个人的倾向特点和团队整体的文化! 这三点经验可以帮助我们对跨文化形成一个宏观的理解，并在不同的文化之间创造一个共通的平台。能作为跨国领导者的教练，并有机会发掘出文化理解对增强同理心和改善人际沟通的有效作用，是一种非常幸运的经历。! 01" 我们可以选择用 8自我文化中心论 :或是 "8文化相对主义论 :的眼光看待世界 " Q':*#0! R8008** 在他的作品《 M#B7&>2! 7! 18@8:#$=80*7:! Q#>8:! #G! A0*8&6E:*E&7:! 4802'*'@'*%》中，系统化地推广了K跨文化能力L这一概念。这个系统将如何学习跨文化技能归纳为六个步骤。前三步属于 K自我文化中心论L范畴，后三步则属于!

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competency the first three falling into the group labeled as “Ethnocentric” and the later three into the group known as “Ethnorelative.” We can think of these two groupings or six stages as different ways of finding or making meaning of our own reality.

Bennett’s ideas line up nicely with developmental psychology and the idea of how we experience the world first from our point of view and as we develop we become better able to experience the world from another’s point of view. Taken from his perspective we also are able to experience the world through the eyes of another culture and in doing so be more competent when working with others.

Coaches will find that the stage-based structure generally lends itself to discussing development with clients and leaders. There are three caveats when using this model. The first is that the word ethnocentric has taken on a negative connotation when used in English as in, “you are being too ethnocentric” rather than practical as a statement of development. Therefore, during a selfanalysis coaches may run into resistance towards the label ethnocentric. The second is that Milton sees these stages as all or nothing while substantial research in developmental research shows in similar models people may be at different stages of development in different situations. Finally a client may be resistant to the idea that he

“文化相对主义论”范畴。我们可以将这两组概念或六个步骤视为认知我们的主观实在的不同方法。

Bennett 的观点遵循发展心理学的规律，也与以下观点一致：我们的世界观由我们最初的处世方式塑造，并且，随着我们的成长，我们会逐渐具备从他人的角度处世的能力。从他人的角度出发，我们同样可以用另一种文化的眼光看待和体验这个世界，并在这个过程中锻炼自己与他人共事的能力。

教练们会发现，这个循序渐进地系统对于同客户和领导者探讨发展问题同样适用。但是使用这个模型有三点要注意的地方。首先，“自我文化中心论”这个概念当前被使用的时候，有时不单纯指一种发展状态，而被赋予了一定的负面含义，就好像在说一个人“你怎么这么有文化优越感”。因此，进行自我分析的过程中，有些教练可能会对“自我文化中心论”这个标签产生排斥感。其次，Milton 模型有点非有即无的特点，但很多发展研究表明，人们在不同的情境下可能会体现出不同的发展阶段特点。最后一点，客户可能因自己被定义为

or she is an intercultural incompetent, which the label “ethnocentric” also applies.

“跨文化无能”或“自我文化为中心”而产生抵触心理。

To counter resistance in coaching it is important for a coach to reduce the negative connotations of being “ethnocentric” since we all are ethnocentric in some ways in some situations. This idea that we make meaning in different ways depending on situations becomes empowering in your coaching discussions as it allows your client to make a choice to shift how they look at the world and leadership situations. After all how can we expect leaders to be better at showing empathy if we can’t be prepared to empathize with them?

为了在辅导当中应对抵触心理，帮助客户降低“自我文化中心论”负面含义的影响对教练来说非常重要，因为我们每个人在某些场合都或多或少地表现出一些对自我文化的优越感。因此在辅导当中，要给客户提供选择的机会，帮助他们依据不同的场合情境作出不同的定义和框架，转换视角和调整领导方式。毕竟，如果我们不以同理心对待领导者，我们又怎么能指望他们表现出更好的同理心呢？

When we are finding meaning from an ethnocentric stage we view reality primarily from our cultural context. A simple example of this came out during a recent training course to introduce German culture for an automotive parts company in South China. During the course discussed German food and we came upon the topic of (Chinese dumplings) dumplings, one participant said, “German dumplings are basically just like jiaozi 饺子 right?” As many enthusiasts for German cuisine can attest they are similar as they are dumpling like in shape, but they are in fact fairly different when it comes to ingredients. If we break down this question though we begin to understand how “ethnocentric” meaning making works

当我们停留在“自我文化中心论”的层面时，我们认识现实的主要依据是我们自己的文化背景。对此，这里有一个很简单的例子。我最近进行了一个向华南地区某一汽车零部件公司介绍德国文化的培训。谈到德国食物的时候，我们说起了中国的饺子，一位与会者说：“德国人吃的饺子跟我们中国的饺子基本上一样吧？”正如许多热衷德国菜的人会说，虽然德国的饺子可能外观上跟中国的饺子很像，可是馅料是完全不一样的。如果我们深入探讨这个问题，我们就能认识到“自我文化中心论”带来的麻烦。

1. Terms and ideas are evaluated from the viewer’s past experience or context. In this case dumplings are defined by the food the speaker has eaten most of his life.

1. 说法和观点是以个人自己的经验或文化背景来衡量的。在这个例子中，那位与会者是以她过去一直在吃的食物为标准来定义饺子的。

2. Terms and ideas are cross-applied from the user’s context. Here, “what I eat is what you eat.” Why should a common food be eaten differently in different places? 3. We assume that others should see the world from our point of view because our point of view makes the most sense to us.

Ethnocentric behavior can range from the benign, to belligerent, to willfully ignorant. These three stages are called Denial, Defense, and Minimization. As we said before anyone can be at a stage in different situations. In the case above the participant in the workshop was simply unaware that dumplings came in different shapes, it would be hard to believe that she was equally uninformed about other aspects of German culture and business. The most commonly cited form of ethnocentric behavior is the most obvious, defense, which is frequently characterized by a refutation of another’s cultural norms. While denial makes it hard to empathize with others because differences are unknown or ignored, defense actively calls another person’s view of reality wrong or at least not as good as the viewer’s own point of view. Consider this statement I hear frequently in China, “people don’t just come out and say what they think when they disagree with you here, it feels dishonest.” When Daniel Goleman writes about the “Pain of Rejection” he could easily be the Chinese colleague casually objectified as dishonest by his/her foreign colleague.

2. 说法和观点会从个人的文化推及到其它文化中。这个例子中，“我们吃的是同一个东西。”凭什么在不同的地方吃法不同？ 3. 我们想当然地认为其他人看待事物的观点和角度跟我们的一样，因为我们认为自己的观点总是最有道理的。

自我文化中心论导向的行为分为温和的，敌意的，以及有意忽视的。这三个阶段被称为否定、辩护，以及最小化。就像前文所说，每个人因为场合情况的不同会处在不同的阶段。那位与会者只是单纯的不了解饺子可以有不同的外形。也就不难想象，她对于德国文化和经济的其他方面可能也并不知晓。

对于自我文化中心论导向的行为，最常见的的形式就是辩护，往往以反驳他人的文化规范为特点而体现。然而，否定的态度会很难与他人建立同理心，因为这种情境下，差异往往被有意或无意地忽视。这种辩护的体现形式是称对方的世界观是错的，或者至少不如自己所持的世界观好。

我在中国总是听到这样的声音，“他们明明不同意你的观点，可是他们从来不站出来告诉你他们在想什么，这样非常不诚实。”Daniel Goleman 写过有关“否定之痛” 的文章，他笔下的描述，就像这些外籍同事口中的所谓“不诚实”的中国同事一样。

When we experience the defense stage we see our subjective reality as a truth or standard for evaluating behavior (honest and direct being linked here) and consider the subjective reality that conflicts with ours as wrong-headed.

当我们处在抵御阶段的时候，我们把我们眼中的主观实在当成事实或标尺，以此来衡量他人的行为（这个例子中，诚实和直截了当被画上了等号），并认为那些和我们的相冲突的主观实在是固执己见、执迷不悟的产物。

The last kind of ethnocentrism is reconciliation towards universal values and definitions. This would work well if values worked like the law of gravity and were the same everywhere among all people. Philosophically Greco- Roman influenced cultures have been searching for the “truth” for some time and sometimes this leads to the idea of one best definition for a subjective idea. In largely homogenous countries like China we often hear about an “Asian” way of defining things that is shared among a large group.

最后一种自我文化中心论是对普世价值和定义解释的调和。但这种情况就像要求价值观如万有引力定律一样，对每个人来说都是一致的，不太可行。与希腊罗马哲学一脉相承的文化曾一度痴求“真理”的存在性，所以这有时候造成了主观意识必然有相匹配的一个最佳定义的观念。在一些同质性较高的国家里，比如中国，我们常常能听到一些对所谓“我们亚洲人的”做事方法的统一定义。

If you are a part of a diverse team an activity to explore this stage could be to have everyone write down their own answers to questions with the framework: How do you show…Respect? Leadership? Team Spirit? Disagreement? Engagement? Freedom?

如果你所处的团队背景多元，你想探索一下，大家所处的阶段，你可以用这个办法：让大家针对这样的问题写出答案“你怎么表现出……敬意？领导力？团队精神？异议？参与？自由？”

Do you think that among your team members you will get the same answer? If they are different can you accept those differences? If you can then you may be more ethnorelative than ethnocentric.

你认为你的团队成员们都会给你一样的答案吗？如果答案并不一样，你能接受吗？如果你能接受，你可能更多的属于文化相对主义论型而非自我文化优越型。

Choosing to be Ethnorelative

选择文化相对主义论

If we accept ethnocentric behavior comes from either a lack of information or an unwillingness to accept a different point of view it opens up the door for change. At the first of Bennett’s ethnorelative stage, “Acceptance,” leaders approach the reality

如果我们认同自我文化中心论导向的行为是出于缺乏必要信息或不愿接受其他的世界观，那么这就给改变打开了大门。在 Bennett 的文化相对主义论的第一阶段 “接受”中，

of others with the understanding that it is both subjective and possibly different from their own. This means the leader acknowledges that there is a difference and that neither reality is inherently right or wrong. Normally this stage follows a period of building up knowledge about other cultures or norms, implying that we can by spending time looking for understanding chose to at least recognize differences.

领导者对他人行为的理解，既带着主观色彩，也带有不同于他自己的主观实在的成分。这意味着这个领导者承认差异的存在，而且这些差异在现实中并没有对和错之分。一般来说，紧随此阶段的是一段对其他文化以及准则的积累时期，这意味着我们可以花时间去理解和认知差异。

At this stage leaders are more likely to be able to offer sympathy than empathy. This is because a choice has been made to recognize a difference but not to fully adapt or change how a leader would handle that difference. In short awareness changes but leadership strategy sees little or no change.

在这一阶段，领导者表现得更多的是同情心，而不是同理心。因为认知差异还处于选择阶段，尚未完全适应或改变领导者处理差异的方式。简言之，此时，领导力模式还滞后于意识的转变。

Adaptation – Bennett views empathy as key for this level of cultural competence. It is at this level that most global leaders show a willingness to not only understand and recognize the point of view of their colleagues from other cultures but are able to respond in ways that align with another cultural point of view.

适应——Bennett 将同理心视为文化能力这一阶段的核心。正是在此阶段，多数国际领导者不仅仅乐意去理解和认知他们的不同文化背景下的共事者的观点，还能够用和他们一致的文化模式对他们的观点作出回应。

During a recent team building an American GM in China put forward a rather “defensive” request, change the food that Chinese colleagues served their visiting global leadership team to avoid offending them. From his point of view serving certain food in the traditional Chinese way would offend visiting leaders. He was unaware that his point of view created hurt feelings among his colleagues, until one team member suggested an adapting strategy. Rather than hide traditional dishes, involve some of the previously identified high potential leaders in serving food and

最近的一个案例是，在一次团队建设中，一个来自美国的总经理提出了一个非常 “防御性”的要求：为避免引起不快，换掉中国同事为来自他国的领导考察团准备的食物。在他看来，用传统的中国方式招待会触犯来访的领导。他没有意识到，他的观点伤害了他同事的感受。好在一位团队成员提出了一个改进的解决方案。与其把传统菜式藏起来，不如让公司的预备

explaining why it was served that way to senior leaders. In doing so he shifted the thinking of his GM away from a defensive and ethnocentric position e.g "that food is yucky" to a more accepting position, "I understand that these foods are traditional and I can accept them being served as part of culture sharing." His team member's suggestion comes from an adapting position rather than defensive one, as he was able to accept his GM's position about the food and also appeal to his desire to develop and expose local leaders to the global leadership team. Bennett says that by developing empathy we can find it easier to operate from the adapting position. Adapting may require finding creative ways to ensure effective communication and understanding. If the previous case is any indication that kind of communication can also reduce tension and increase respect at the workplace. As a coach, are there situations your clients are facing where you feel they are not operating from an adapting position? One stumbling block that leaders face at this point is moving away from an "either/or" perspective about culture and deciding to be inclusive. When leaders begin to approach the latest stage on the continuum, integration, they do not see the other side’s reality as something to adapt to from time to time but something that they include in their own worldview. I recently interviewed focus groups at a global law firm where their leaders had showed strong integration behaviors including language adaptation

领导团队成员来招待，向那些高层领导者解释这样上菜的理由。他改进了总经理原先辩护式和自我文化为中心的立场。例如：把“那个菜很难吃”变成较能让人接受的“我理解这些菜都是传统特色，我同意把他们作为传统招待的一部分”。这位同事以一种适应性的而不是反抗性的方式，向总经理提建议，因为他不仅仅接纳了总经理对食物的立场看法，还同时迎合了他希望借此机会培养新领导的愿望。

Bennett 说，通过建立同理心，我们可以更轻松地以适应性的姿态待人处事。而适应的过程需要我们创新高效沟通理解的途径。前文所述的案例还侧面反映，这样的沟通方式还能降低工作场合的紧张感并增强相互尊重。作为教练，你有没有发觉过你的客户没能有效地以适应性姿态待人处事？

当领导者迈向这个系统的最后一个阶段 “融合”的时候，他们不再把他人的观点当成某种自己必须时不时调整适应的东西，此时，他们已经把他人的观点融入到了自己的世界观里。最近，我在一家国际律师事务所采访了几个焦点小组，发现他们的领导者都展现出了很强的“融合”行为，比如语言调整，以及对当地文化习俗的投入以及实践。员工们几乎一致认为工作给

and a commitment to local culture and practice, almost universally they described a happiness and being understood by their leader and that they recognized leaders were willing to see their version of reality. In another case an outgoing Plant Manager with 8 years of experience as a plant manager in China was describing to his staff how a great team operates like the kitchen at a seafood restaurant in the Haizhu district of Guangzhou with each team members playing a role and assisting. The team so appreciated the metaphor they still use it today 7 years after the plant manager left. By integrating a local view of reality into leadership the foreign manager could also refocus the “reality” of his plant’s culture for years after his departure. When we help our clients see that cross cultural empathy is a choice it empowers them to believe they can find common ground. When cultural competence is tied too tightly to a strict development model it can instead inspire shame at being ethnocentric or incompetent. It is important to remember that as a coach that we want empowered clients rather than shameful clients.

他们带来了欢乐，他们也能感觉到上司对他们的世界观的理解。

这里还有一个例子，一位即将离职的有 8 年于中国管理工厂经验的工厂总经理给他的员工们打了个比方，一个优秀的团队就像广州海珠区的一家海鲜餐厅的厨房一样，每个团队成员都承担着各自的角色并相互协助。他们从这则比喻中受益良多，尽管如今那位经理已经离开工厂 7 年了，他们还沿用着这个比喻。通过将当地的生活特点、观念与个人领导力相融合，这位外籍经理也可以将他自己的主观现实中的工厂文化深化根植到当地员工中，即便当他离开了公司若干年后，也仍然具有影响力。我们可以对另一种文化的“主观的所谓现实” 进行系统化分析我们让我们的客户看到跨文化同理心是一种可选择的态度时，他们寻求共通点的信心大大增强。当文化能力被套上了严格的发展模型，这会刺激客户因自我文化中心论或文化无能而产生羞耻心。作为教练，我们要时刻谨记，我们要的是让客户感到自信而不是让他们感到自卑。

II. Another culture’s “subjective reality” can be talked about systematically

II. 我们可以对另一种文化的“主观的所

Since social psychologist Geert-Hoffstede published his finding from his research at IBM and popularized the notion of cultural dimensions there have been many models presented by intercultural experts. While I will not make a claim to the effectiveness or value of any one particular model I will

自从社会心理学家 Geert-Hoffstede 出版了他以 IBM 员工为研究对象作出的调查报告之后，文化维度这一概念得到了极大的普及，跨文化专家们也相继提出了大量的研究模型。我不打算在此特别表扬某一

谓现实” 进行系统化分析

个模型来做参考，

state that having a model is better than having no model at all. By being able to systematically talk about cultural differences we are enabled to find better solutions and methods to understand one another and build better relationships. To make a generalization most models contain dimensions that can be discussed in three broad areas: How we relate to others, how we make decisions, how we express our thinking. Below are some thoughts on becoming more aware of these differences and how to shift your style accordingly. How we relate to others – not long ago I was in Beijing working with a Finnish high tech company that found their Chinese and Finnish colleagues miscommunicating across multiple channels. In order to create awareness of these differences I asked participants to bring in some of their e-mail correspondence for analysis. We found some of the following information and I have included some of the perspective provided by the receiver. Finnish e-mails sent to Chinese colleagues (and also to other Finns) started focused on the project or task e.g. “in regards to x and y task.” The e-mails were marked by heavy emphasis of pronouns like “I, mine, you and your” with a very clear division of tasks and timeline. Chinese readers described the email as “cold” and “pushy or dominating.” Chinese e-mails sent to Finnish colleagues and other Chinese colleagues started with a personal message intended to build goodwill e.g. “I hope you had a good weekend.” The e-mails were marked by heavy emphasis of pronouns like “we” and “our” with statements of the group’s focus

我想说明的是，有一个模型在手比一个都没有要强得多。因为有了一种模型后，我们能系统地针对文化诧异进行描述，我们也因此能更好地了解他人，从而为建立关系而找到更合适的办法。总的来说，大部分模型所包含的维度都能大致划分出如下三个领域：我们如何与他人相联系，我们如何做决定，我们如何表达我们的想法。接下来，我将谈谈我对于怎么提高差异辨识能力和相应调整方式的理解。

如何与他人相联系——不久之前，我在北京和一家芬兰高科技公司进行合作，我发现这家公司里的中国同事和芬兰同事之间在不同层面上存在着信息传达不到位的问题。为了使他们意识到跨文化差异，我要求他们提供给我一部分往来的电子邮件作分析之用。我们所得到的信息罗列如下，并囊括了部分收件人的观点。

芬兰同事写的邮件往往开门见山，直接关注所涉及的项目或任务，例如：“关于 x 和 y 任务，”邮件当中对人称，比如 “我，我的，你，和你的”之类的代词出现频率较高，并清晰地划分了任务和期限。中国同事将这样的邮件形容为“冷冰冰地”甚至是“强势或专横”。

中国同事写的邮件总是以个人信息起笔，以表友善，例如：“周末过得好吗？高频率代词如“我们”和“我们的”表达了中国同事对集体目标和限期的关注。

and final deadlines. Finnish readers described the e-mail as “evasive” and “unclear.” From a systematic point of view these emails were clear indications of cultural dimensions such as the preference for a task focus or relationship building or the dimensions of individualism or collectivism. When team members became aware of the difference they could start to appreciate their colleague’s point of view and even begin to adapt their writing style to be more effective in the future. They also took the connections made looking at that writing and cross applied them to phone and face to face communication. How we make decisions – A few years ago I was working for a Canadian insurance company that wanted to align their high potential leaders in Hong Kong with the leadership style the global leadership team espoused. In order to start a dialogue on leadership we divided teams in culturally similar groups and asked team members to draw a picture of what a successful leader looks like. The predominantly local team created three similar pictures and the nonlocal team created a very different picture.

芬兰同事们则认为，这样的邮件表意“模糊”且有“推诿”之意。

系统地来看，这些邮件都是文化维度显而易见的体现，比如写信人是更重视任务，还是更重视关系，是更重视个人主义还是集体主义。当他们了解差异的存在后，他们开始领会到了其他同事们的观点和角度，他们进而调整自己的书信风格以提高沟通效率。他们甚至还尝试将此种书信沟通的文化特点交叉运用到电话和面对面的交流中去。

如何做决定——几年之前，我为一家加拿大的保险公司提供服务。他们希望用总部管理层认可的领导力模式对香港的高潜能领导者进行培训。我们按照文化背景相近度将他们分组，让每个组用图画的形式表现一个成功领导者的样貌，以此来展开一次有关领导力的对话。本地文化为主的小组给出了三张非常相像的图画，而非本地文化小组给出的图画则大相径庭。

These pictures pick up on several ways that the cultures behind them address two important questions: “How do we cope with uncertainty?” and “How do distribute power?” In the first picture we have a clear leader with a multitude of leadership traits (almost 20 in this one picture) that tells us who creates structure and the requirements to fill this kind of leadership role. The second picture shows us a culture that prefers individually defined roles and rules with the bar for leadership set relatively lower. Starting from this baseline the leadership team could start to talk about what their organizational culture expected in the face of national culture preferences. How we express our thinking – Chinese born and German educated artist Yang Liu gained some fame a few years ago for her collection of prints titled “East Meets West.” Her pictures have been found across the Internet and can be purchased in printed format at web page. The contrasting images represent differences Yang Liu had discovered between China (East) and Germany (West) unsurprisingly her sensitivity also produced prints that reflect cultural dimensions of the ways of thinking can be expressed including but not limited to:

这些图画从不同的方面让我们体会到它们背后的文化，其中的两点是“我们如何应对不确定因素？”“我们如何分配权力？” 第一张图画里的领导者具备多种领袖特征（大约 20 种），是一个创造架构和要求的领导者。第二张图画展现了一种强调每个团队成员的个人角色及责任，对其团队领导的要求相比第一幅图而言要低些。这些图画帮助了个领导团队进行探讨，理解他们在各自的文化偏好之下，他们的企业文化应该是如何建立和发展。

如何表达我们的想法——几年前，一位在中国出生在德国长大的艺术家 Yang Liu 凭借作品《东西相遇》赚得了不少名气。她的作品在网上随处可见，还可以通过网页支付购买。对比鲜明的图像代表 Yang Liu 眼中的中（东）德（西）差异，她的敏感也让她自然而然地创作出了能够反映思维方式的文化维度的作品。以下是她作品中体现的一些文化差异： ® 自我推销中的成就导向性文化特征

® Achievement orientation cultural traits as shown in self-promotion

® Emotional expressivity or emotional restraint

® 情感外露还是情感压抑

® Talking about and dealing with problems in a linear or circular method

III. Effective global leaders can see both the individual and the group culture

® 直截了当还是委婉迂回地讨论和解决问题

Daniel Goleman author of the books Emotional Intelligence and Social Intelligence describes several ways we can break the bonds of empathy. Specifically he writes about the relationship between two people, “I and You,” and how it can become an “I and It” relationship. This happens when one person lacks any attunement to another’s view of reality. This state of being out of attunement creates an even greater sense of emotional isolation in the other person and makes it harder to build empathy. To some degree we have covered this by discussing how if a leader sees the world from an ethnocentric point of view he/she is already out of tune with others across cultures. A few years ago I worked with a team of leaders and supervisors at a company where disengagement was so problematic that their employee turnover rate was over 120% annually. After a new Plant Manager assigned from Europe started I was asked to help facilitate a strategy of making leadership more engaging at the supervisor and middle management level. After they explored the emotional stages of

III. 我们要成为高效的跨国领导者，就必须同时兼顾团队个人的倾向特点和团队整体的文化 Daniel Goleman 是《情商》和《社会智商》的作者，他描述了多种我们可以跳出同理心框架的方法。他还特别写了关于“我和你”之间两个人的关系，以及这个关系又是如何变成一个 “我和它”的关系的。当一个人很难接受别人的价值观时，这种情况就会发生。这种缺乏协调的状态会让对方感觉被孤立并且很难建立同理心。如果一个领导者不能协调与其他人的跨文化关系，那么他（她）应该怎样以自我文化中心的角度来看这个世界呢？事实上我们已经在某种程度上讨论过这个问题了。几年前，我曾与一个员工敬业度问题很严重的公司合作过，这家公司每年的员工流动率是 120%。当时我跟这个公司的领导和主管做一个项目。

engagement and their expectations for leadership they concluded the following behaviors that they expected from each other and hoped to see from their leaders: 



Round table format sharing avoiding lecturing when new information arrives; Greater one on one feedback and coaching; and Expanded listening and encouraging during challenging projects

In other words they were looking to be treated as a “you” in Goleman’s terms. They expected their leaders to try to see the subjective reality they were experience. At the end of the session the supervisors and managers had a new sense of energy and hope for their return to work. Before they left the new Plant Manager arrived to share a few words to make sure everyone was on the same page. As he walked to the front of the group he cleared his throat and simply said, “I want you to know that I am happy to be working with all of you. Furthermore I want to share that going forward if you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem.” His first message to many of his colleagues was this short two-sentence message and almost as quickly as he spoke those they thought out his words and his supervisors visibly became unhappy. The new Plant Manager had managed to ignore the “you” relationship instead and equated the whole leadership team to either “solutions” or “problems” a clear “It” relationship. In this case the leader ignored

主要是这家公司从欧洲派来一个新的工厂经理，他要我辅导主管和中层管理者进行公司策略讨论。通过他们对大家敬业度所处情绪阶段进行深入讨论后，他们总结出了以下几个对彼此的，以及对上司的行为期望： 

 

以圆桌会议的讨论形式，取代单一的上传下达形式来进行信息交流；提供更多一对一反馈和辅导的机会；在工作中遇到挑战和难题时，更需要聆听和鼓励

用 Goleman 的术语来说，他们期望被当成“你”来对待。同时，他们还期望他们的领导试着去发现他们所经历的主观现实。

在会议的结尾，主管和经理都充满活力并期待再次回到工作中。在他们离开之前，这个新来的工厂经理到达了会议现场并分享了几句话以确定所有人都达成了共识。他走到组员的前面，清了清嗓子，如是说：“我希望你们知道，能跟大家共事，我很高兴。此外，我想强调，在今后的工作中，如果你们不能成为解决问题机制的一部分，那么你们就是问题本身。”这是他第一次他的同事们传达这样短短两句话的信息，几乎在他开口的同时，这些听众就开始了思考，慢慢地，大家的表情就不再是开心兴奋了。

这个新上任的工厂经理选择了忽视与“你” 的这种关系，而是将团队定义为要么是问题的“解决途径”，要么是“问题”本身 ——明显的“它“的关系。在这个案例中，

the organizational culture, which through these supervisors and managers had expressed an expected kind of leadership behavior as part of the collectively/culturally subjective reality. Not only had the new Plant Manager not seen them as individuals he had not even seen them as a collective with specific hopes and expectations for both themselves and him. Effective global leaders tune into the needs of the collective as surely as the needs of the individual whether at a national, organizational, or even team level. I have seen numerous leaders say things like, “it is just a matter of time until they adjust to my leadership style.” In the above case if that had been the leader brought in to help execute the turn-around he simply didn’t have time to alienate his whole team in hope they would appreciate his style later. As a result of unimproved employee engagement, which lead to unimproved employee performance and turnover, this plant was shut down and the remaining essential talent and services absorbed by a different unit. Whether you are working with a multicultural leadership team or you are the global leader there is a need to find common ground and build empathy. Global leaders who lack empathy can eventually be found at the root of lost talent, lost clients, and lost return on investment. To improve cross-cultural empathy leaders need to remember:

这位领导忽视了固有的企业文化，而这里的主管和经理们都早已形成了一种与他们公认的主观现实相匹配的领导模式。这位新任工厂经理既没有把他们看做个体，也没把他们看做一个集体，既没有对他们提出特定的期望，也没有表达自己的理想。

高效的国际领导者不论身处国家层面、企业组织层面，还是一个团队层面，都能够同时与集体的需求和个人的需求相调和。我听过无数的领导者这样的说辞： “只要他们能适应我的领导方式就好了，这只不过是时间问题。”在以上的案例中，要是那位领导者能调整自身，他就用不着抱着他的团队会理解他的希望来疏远他们了。员工敬业度的持续欠佳导致了低水平的员工绩效和大量的员工流失，所以那家工厂最终被迫停产关门，其核心人才和业务也被另一个集团公司挖走了。

不管你是在与一个多元文化领导共事，还是你自己就是一个国际领导者，你都有必要寻求共同点并建立同理心。很难与他人建立同理心的国际领导者到头来都会成为人才、客户和投资收益流失的根本原因之一。如何增强跨文化同理心，领导者们必须谨记：

  

To choose to find an ethnorelative view of other people’s reality To view culture as systematic and understandable To engage with others as both individuals and groups

Starting from these three steps leaders can begin to improve the quality of their connections and leadership interaction.

  

选择用文化相对主义的眼光看待他人的主观实在相信文化是成系统的，也是可以被理解的从个人和集体两个角度与他人建立关系

能从这三点做起，领导者们就能开始走上人际关系和领导质量的进步之路了。

Author Contact Information John Dorris Email: john.dorris@sino-associates.com