Success Through NLP Coaching Insights for Performance Breakthroughs Daniel Smith Daniel Smith is the Chairman of The China NLP Society. He is a multi-Certified Trainer of NLP, Certified Trainer of New Code NLP, and experienced coach beyond NLP. Mr. Smith completed five university degrees, including psychology, law and an MBA. He is currently a Doctoral Candidate, whose thesis has the working title, “Transferring Expertise”
以 NLP 取胜 如何更上一层楼
Copyright © Sino Associates & Daniel Smith 2012-2022. All Rights Reserved.
Around the world, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is mainly used by elite performers. Like giving you an instruction manual for your brain, NLP is a set of practical techniques, pragmatic strategies and powerful principles that you can use to be more effective in your personal and professional life.
放眼全球，神经语言程序学（后 文简称为 NLP）还是主要在精英圈子 中得到运用。就像是给你的大脑提供 一个指导手册，NLP 是让你在私人生 活和职业生涯中变得更有效率的实操 技术、实用策略和强大原理。
它由三个最重要的元素所组成： 神经学、语言和程序。神经系统调节 It encompasses the three most important 人体功能的运作，并对内在的情感感 components of human experience: 官和外在行为都有所影响。语言是沟 neurology, language and programming. 通的主要方式，而程序决定了自我构 The neurology regulates the functioning 建的世界。简单来说，NLP 探索了精 of the human body and affects both 神和身体之间的动态关系（神经）、 internal sensations and emotions and 语言（语言学）以及它们之间的相互 external behaviours. While the language 作用（程序）是如何影响人类的行为。 is the main form of communication, the programming determines the world one “NLP explores the dynamics has created for oneself. In a nut-shell, NLP between mind and body explores the dynamics between mind and (neuro), the language body (neuro), the language (linguistic) and (linguistic) and how their how their interplay (programming) affects interplay (programming) affects human behaviour human behaviour.
NLP 探索了精神和身体之间的
F u r t h e r m o re , i t i s a n a p p ro a c h to 动态关系（神经）、语言（语 communication and thinking aimed at 言学）以及它们之间的相互作 getting better results from ourselves and the people around us. Solution-focused 用（程序）是如何影响人类的 coaches and consultants around the 行为” world deploy NLP in order to achieve set 此外，它还是一种让我们与自己 goals and more effectiveness. Based on 或身边的人更好地沟通思考从而取得 modeling outstanding performers from 更好成果的方法。世界各地致力于解
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a diverse array of domains, distilling those patterns is key so that they can be applied by others. NLP offers techniques, approaches and patterns that are used to reduce stress, improve relationships, enhance your personal charisma, learn faster and have the clarity, focus and awa re n e s s to m a ke h i g h e r q u a l i t y decisions. NLP makes high quality, tacit
决问题的培训师和顾问都开始用 NLP 装备自己，从而实现目标和提高效率。 关键是从各个领域出色人士的模型中 提炼出其独特的特征和规律，从而让 这些方法也适用于其他人。NLP 能提 供一系列的技巧、方法和规律，让你 降低压力、改善关系、提升个人领导 魅力、提高学习效率和变得头脑清晰、 注意力集中从而做出更高质量的决
knowledge explicit, accessible and 定。NLP 能让优质的隐性知识更清晰、 transferable. 易理解和可传达。 In the years that I’ve been involved with “NLP offers techniques, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, I’ve approaches and patterns encountered many powerful experiences. that are used to And you might have heard about how reduce stress, improve NLP can be used to cure phobias, increase relationships, enhance sales conversion rates and upgrade your personal charisma, leadership skills; how someone trained in learn faster and have NLP can be a more charismatic speaker, the clarity, focus and a more effective negotiator, and enjoy awareness to make higher better relationships at work and at quality decisions home. Since the 1970s, NLP has helped NLP 能提供一系列的技巧、 make the skills, talents and even genius 方法和规律，让你降低压力、 of outstanding individuals accessible to 改善关系、提升个人领导魅 the rest of us. I have been studying and 力、提高学习效率和变得头 working with NLP since 1996, applying it 脑清晰、注意力集中从而做 extensively in my business and personal 出更高质量的决定” life, and in training and coaching. I’d like 在我研究神经语言程序学的这些 to share with you some of my experiences 年里，我有许多神奇强大的体验。你 that you might be able to use yourself.
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Public Speaking Earlier this year, I was working with a young management consultant who struggled with his presentation skills. He was very smart and successful, but was so terrified of public speaking that one time he had gone to the bathroom before an important presentation – and not come out until after the presentation
可能有听说过怎么用 NLP 来克服恐 惧、提高销售转化率、提升领导技能； 听说过一些人经过 NLP 的训练后，变 成一个有超凡魅力的演讲者、有说服 力的谈判家，或无论在家还是在工作 都有着融洽关系的人。自从 20 世纪 70 年代，NLP 让普罗大众有机会获 得那些杰出人才的技能、才能，甚至 是天赋。我从 1996 年开始学习和投 身工作于 NLP，无论是职业或私人生 活，还是在培训或辅导别人，都能广 泛地运用到 NLP。我很乐意向你们分 享一些我的经历，希望你们也能学以 致用。
was finished! This was a man who had something important to say, whose opinions were valued and time precious, yet someone who had a gaping hole in his skillset. Within just a few hours working together, he was routinely making confident presentations to groups around 公开演讲 Shanghai and launched into a new APAC 今年初，我和一个努力想改善自 role with both the confidence to perform with his existing abilities immediately and 己演讲技巧的年轻管理顾问一起工 the skills to continue to improve into the 作。他十分聪明和成功，但特别害怕 公开演讲，有一次他在一个重要的演 future. How did we do it? 讲前去了洗手间，直到演讲结束后才 Being at Your Best 出来！他是一个有想法、意见常常得 To start with, we spoke about some of the 到重视而且时间宝贵的人，但同时他 times that he was at his best. And he had 也是一个有技能漏洞的人。然而，只 many of them. So one of the first things 是经过几小时的合作之后，他变得能 that we did was to start building better 在上海各大企业前做出自信的展示， access to those states when he was at his 蜕变成既拥有能临场展现自身能力的 best; if he could be in the state he had 自信，又有改善未来的技能的新型亚 been while he played elite-level tennis 太地区人才。我们是怎么做到的呢？
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when he next made a presentation, he 处于你最佳的状态 would be hitting clean winners all the 首先，我们先聊了一下他最佳状 way home. We also setup some specific 态的时候。他有许多这样的例子。所 habits, routines and gestures so that he 以我们首先做的事中有一件就是让他 could trigger himself into feeling more 学会更好地进入那些他曾经经历过 resourceful when under pressure. 的最佳状态；假如他能用他在打高手 A huge part of top performance is the 水平的网球赛的状态来做下一次的展 inner game – that it’s not as much about 示，他一定能战无不胜。我们还设计 having better skills as it is about being 了一些特定的习惯、日常行为和动作， able to better use the skills you already 从而他能在压力之下触发更好的自我 have. As Sian Beilock observes: “If you can 感觉。最佳的表现大部分取决于内心， manage to interpret your body’s [fear] 能够很好运用现有的技能比起拥有厉 response to the situation as positive, as a 害的技能更重要。正如 Sian Beilock call to action, you are likely to thrive. But 所观察到的：“如果你能正面地解读 if you interpret your body’s response as 你身体对情景的（恐惧）反应，那你 a sign that you are in a bad place with no 很可能会胜利。但如果你把身体反应 way out, the worries and ruminations that 解读成你无路可逃的信号，所产生的 result may send you into a ‘choke’.” But 忧虑和焦虑可能会让你‘窒息’。” beyond the powerful but basic strategy “If you can manage to of triggering more useful resources and interpret your body’s better interpreting the stress response of [fear] response to the his body, I wanted to share a strategy that situation as positive, as he could use to continue to raise the bar a call to action, you are of his performance in the years ahead.
Points of View
likely to thrive 如果你能正面地解读你身体 对情景的（恐惧）反应，那 你很可能会胜利”
When we are children, we think the world revolves around us. And, if we are lucky, for a period of time it really does! 但是在分享一个能找到更多有用资源 As we get older, we start to realize that 和更好解读身体压力反应的策略之
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other people have feelings too – we develop empathy and come to understand how others think and feel. You might be familiar with the aphorism that challenges us to “walk a mile in another man’s shoes before judging him”; this is another expression of the concept that there are a number of different ways to look at things. You might call these “points of view” or “perspectives” or “angles”. My father said to me when I was in high school, “Sometimes you need to stand on the table to get a different perspective on things.” Points of view are part of our ordinary language, yet for most of them are left implicit. That’s where NLP comes in: By turning something that is generally tacit into something that is explicit, we make it far more useful. If we are having a conversation, you might think of there as being “my perspective” and “your perspective”. And things will look different from my position than they will from your position. From my position, I will see the world through my eyes, based on my experiences and biases and preferences. From your position, you will see the world through your eyes, based on your experiences and biases and preferences. These different perspectives could have vastly different opinions.
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前，我想先分享一个他能用来长期持 续改善自身表现的方法。
观点与角度 当我们还是儿童的时候，我们认 为世界围绕着我们来转。而且，假如 我们够幸运的话，它在一段时间内还 真的是这样。随着我们长大，我们开 始意识到其他人也有感受——我们学 会换位思考和明白别人是怎么想和感 觉的。你或许记得那句要求我们“穿 着别人的鞋走一英里再来评论他”的 格言。这其实是换句话来说看待事物 是有多个角度的。你可能把这些称为 “看法”、“观点”或者“角度”。 当我高中的时候，我父亲曾跟我说： “有时你需要站在桌子上面来看到事 物的另一面。”观点存在于我们的日 常对话，但它们大部分是含蓄的。这 正是 NLP 该出场的时候：通过把一些 通常是隐藏的含蓄的东西变得明确清 晰，从而使得事情更利于自己。如果 我们正在交谈，你或许觉得当中存在 着“我的观点”和“你的观点”。而 且事物在我眼中和在你眼中是不一样 的。站在我的立场，我将基于我的经 历、偏好和倾向用我的眼睛看待这个 世界。而你也同样基于你的经历、偏
I’m going to label these two perspectives as “1st Position” and “2nd Position”. Having strong access to 1st Position ensures that we can have a sense of purpose, direction, and goals. Spending a lot of time in 1st Position can be emotionally engaging – if things are good, being in 1 st Position is the place to experience the highest highs, though if things are bad this is also where you feel the lowest lows. 2nd Position allows us to understand those around us, to have sensitivity, empathy and understanding so we can keep our stakeholders satisfied. Spending a lot of time in 2nd Position can be great for those around you, though leaves some people feeling like they have “lost their sense of self”. Yet something is missing here: Some people use a different perspective from either of these, don’t they? Have you ever met somebody who could understand what was going on, without getting emotionally involved? They might seem like a computer at times, the way they can be so objective, so rational, so cool, calm and collected. This is also an important perspective that I’m going to label the 3rd Position. Being so objective is immensely valuable since you can see things fairly and with proper perspective, so you can make sound decisions. Yet being stuck
好和倾向，站在你的立场上用你的眼 睛看待这个世界。这些不同的角度能 得出很不一样的意见。 现在我要把这两个角度标记为 “立场 1”和“立场 2”。站在“立 场 1”，我们能够有动机、方向、目 标的意识。花大量时间在“立场 1” 上会让我们投入感情——如果事情是 好的，用“立场 1”来看可以让我们 情绪达到高峰，然而如果事情是不好 的，那“立场 1”则让我们情绪跌到 低谷。而“立场 2“是能让我们理解 身边的人，学会敏感、换位思考和谅 解从而我们能让相关的人感到满意。 我们花大量时间在“立场 2”对其他 人来说很好，但是会让某些人觉得“失 去了自我”。这里还缺了一种情况： 部分人用的是与这两个都不一样的角 度来看的，难道不是吗？你曾经有遇 到过一些能不带任何感情而能理解周 围发生的事情的人吗？他们或许有时 看起来像是机器人，他们的做事方式 是那么的客观、理性、冷静、沉稳和 镇定。这就是我将要标记的而且很重 要的“立场 3”。变得如此客观是有 极大好处的，因为你能用合理的角度 公平看待事物，故你能做出很好的决 定。然而停滞在那里也会有问题，所 以我们需要的是找到一个平衡。
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there is a problem too. What we need is to find a balance.
Using Points of View with Public Speaking My client who was afraid of public speaking was feeling pretty good by now. He could feel confident, charismatic, persuasive, able to bring his very best states to the presentation stage. So I had him imagine making a short presentation to the audience (of empty chairs in the boardroom). We started out with him watching himself make that presentation – such that he could see himself standing in front of the group of people, and could recognize the postures that the members of the audience were using. It was like he was watching it on a security camera – a clean 3rd Position. Once he could see himself out there, presenting to this audience, he stepped into 1st Position. He was speaking, and could see the audience responding to what he said. Then he stepped back out to the security box off to the side – so he could see himself and the audience again. It was important that out in 3 rd Position, he saw himself as a non-involved observer of someone who looked like “him” rather than personally identifying with the person on the stage.
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使用观点角度来公开演讲 我那个从前害怕公开演讲的客户 现在好多了。在演讲时，他能感到自 信、充满魅力、充满说服力而且能用 他最佳状态来示人。所以我让他对着 （会议室的空座位）想象自己在向观 众做一个简短的展示。我们首先让他 想象看着自己在做这个展示——从而 他能看见自己站在人群面前的样子， 能发现观众的姿态。那就像是他在一 个安全的镜头前，一个纯净的“立场 3”，看着这一切。一旦他能看到自 己在那里向观众展示，他进入了“立 场 1”。他在说话，并能看到观众对 他所说的是如何反应。然后他回到“安 全区”，从而他能再次看到自己和观 众。站在“立场 3”来看是重要的， 这样他能以一个无关的旁观者的角度 来审视一个长得像“他”的人，而不 是带着个人感情来看待舞台上的自 己。之后再让他坐到台下其中一个座 位，从而他能想象自己是一名观众。 当他在想象自己向新公司做自我介绍 的时候，他能想象自己是某个特定的 观众，坐在他们的位置想想他们对自 己所说的会做出怎样的姿势或手势。 当他回到“立场 3”，他会发现有些 他刚在做的事情是很有用的。
He then sat down into one of the seats that he had positioned to be a member of the audience. As he was imagining making an introduction of himself at his new company, he could imagine some of the specific members of the audience; sitting in their seat, he took on what he thought would be their posture and their gestures in response to what he was saying. When
当他发现他所做的一些动作是多 余的甚至是有碍的，此时一些核心的 措辞能产生强大的影响力。我不需要 告诉他应该做什么或说什么——他能 自己发现——并且当他用这些新信息 装备自己之后，他能迅速地找到更有 效利用自己肢体传达信息的新方法。 这一切只需几分钟。让我们回顾一遍， 首先他识别情景（在这里是公开演
he stepped back into 3 rd Position, he 讲），然后他进入“立场 1”（成为 recognized that there were some things 演讲者），感受到他所能看见、听见、 that he was doing that worked really well. 感觉的东西。下一步他回到“立场 3”， 就像变成一个导演或中立的旁观者， Some key phrases that had made a 然后去到“立场 2”（成为观众）。 powerful impact, while he noticed that 通过观众的角度，他在脑海里看了一 there were some gestures that he had 场他扮演展示者的电影。最后他再次 used that were unnecessary and even 回到“立场 3”，去自省他能做些什 got in the way. I didn’t have to tell him 么来提高演出的质量。提高你展示的 what he should do or say – he could 技巧能带来极大的好处。 see it himself – and armed with that new information, he quickly generated 成为一个好的演讲者能提升你作 new ways to use his body and get his 为领导的影响力，增强你在同事面前 message across more effectively. All of 的自信，还有提高你作为团队成员的 this took just a few minutes. To recap, first 价值。前文那个简单的过程能帮你实 he identified the situation (in this case 现这个目标。虽然在脑海里回想已经 making a presentation). Then he accessed 很有帮助，但假如你够勇敢的话，你 1st Position (being the presenter), noticing 还可以用录像帮你完成这个过程，那 what he could see, hear and feel in 样你就可以真实地看到观众所看到的 being there. Next, he came back to 3 rd 情景。你甚至可以用另一部录像机拍 Position, like being the director or a 下观众的反应，那样你就可以准确地 neutral onlooker, before moving to 2 nd 看到导演所看到的景象了。
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Position (being the audience). From the perspective of the audience, he watched a mental movie of his performance as a presenter, as if he was a member of the audience. Then he returned to 3rd Position and asked himself what he could to do enhance the quality of the performance. Improving your presentation skills can be immensely valuable. Becoming a better speaker can increase your impact as a leader, your confidence with your peers, and your value as a member of the community. This simple process can help. Though a mental review is itself incredibly useful, if you are really brave, you might try doing this process with a video recording of yourself, so you can actually see precisely what the audience is seeing. You might even get a second camera to record the audience responses so you can see precisely and specifically what a director would be able to see.
Improving Sales and Negotiation Skills You can use the same process to enhance your sales and negotiation skills. Instead of having 2 nd Position represent the “audience” you could have 2 nd Position
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改善销售和谈判技巧 你可以用同样的方法来改善你销 售和谈判技巧。不过“立场 2”则变 成你潜在顾客或谈判对象的角度，而 不再是观众的角度。我曾帮助一个客 户，他的谈判对象——关键供应商总 是同时有两个谈判代表而不是一个代 表。 所以他加了另外一个“立场 2”， 由此更好地理解这两人之间的关系， 并给他的谈判带来帮助。
与高要求的同事工作 和别人共事可以有很大的挑战 性。你有试过一段并不是按你希望的 方向所发展的关系吗？进行一次前文 的过程是一个发现更多选择和更好地 反应的一个方法，而这次是把别人放 到“立场 2”。无论是上级、直接上 司或是同事，这方法都能帮你更好地 理解对方是怎么想和感觉的，从而让 你处于主动的位置。我们常常以为自 己明白别人的想法：这过程能让你获 得更准确的理解，从而得到更好的成 果。 这个简单的过程能让你体验到神 经语言程序学所能带来的帮助。通过 对领导力、谈判和自我管理的广泛应 用，NLP 能帮助你，帮助每一个人改 善自己的表现，让生活有更高的质量。
as your potential client or negotiation partner. I did this process with one of my clients who regularly negotiated with a key supplier who would be represented by two people on the other side of the table rather than just one. So he added an extra 2nd Position chair and noticed that he found himself better understanding the relationship between those two
This simple process is a taste of what Neuro-Linguistic Programming can offer. With a wide array of applications to leadership, negotiation and personal management, NLP can help you as it helps individuals around the world increase their personal performance and enjoy a greater quality of life.
“Whether a superior, a direct report or a colleague, this process can help you better understand how the Working with other person thinks and Demanding Colleagues feels, to put you back in the Working with other people can be driver’s seat very challenging. Have you ever had a relationship that wasn’t working the way 无论是上级、直接上司或是同 you wished that it would? One way to 事，这方法都能帮你更好地理 generate more options and the ability 解对方是怎么想和感觉的，从 to respond better is to go through this 而让你处于主动的位置” people – and used that understanding to his advantage.
same process, this time placing the other person in 2nd Position. Whether a superior, a direct report or a colleague, this process can help you better understand how the other person thinks and feels, to put you back in the driver’s seat. We often think we understand others: This process gives you access to even more precise information so that you can get even better results.
To read the full Sino Forum 点击阅读完整版的赛诺论坛
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