Sisu Magazine Issue 7: Lawful Bodies by Sisu Magazine

SISU m

issue 7

lawful bodies

SISU Pronounced see’-soo. A Finnish term embodying the spirit of grit, guts, and perseverance. Sisu represents a human being’s ability to face any adventure riddled with hardship, hopelessness, and impossibility, yet they still choose to stay the course. It’s not a temporary state of courage, it’s a way of life. SISU MAGAZINE A collection of uninterrupted stories, brilliant photographs, and stunning art that evokes the indomitable human spirit that exists in all of us. An exploration into the experiences and perspectives about the outdoors, told by our contributing writers, photographers, and artists who represent a bold, insightful collective voice.

f r o n t a n d b ac k cov e r i l l u s t r at i o n b y m i c h a e l a m A c p h e r s o n

@ c l ay t i t s

It can be the walk?easy to talk the talk for, upliftin Are you followin , but are you walk and payin g, checking in on g, supporting, vot ing What we sg BIPOCs? If not, , learning from/aboing intention ay AND do has all there’s a disconne ut, the value. every time c Impact ov t. . er

CONTENTS

re v is it

ing yo r e f le c u r tion

6 kid deep

Pag e 18

Moms Can & Will by Ryan Michelle Scavo

8 ask jenny

2gay2function by Jenny Bruso

62 sex is an adventure 10 an indoor girl on the outdoors Love + Light by Melanie Briggs 12 The pitch Creating Community With AdventurUs

Women

Rajagopal-Durbin

66 Making Climbing My Own

Mental Illness by Monica Nigon

Revisiting

Your Reflection by Rachel Ricketts

70 The Trailer

20 shouting from summits what’s in her pack

72 Brand roundup 74

28 Black Lives Matter & The Outdoors Merrell Ambassadors Speak Out Getting down in the dirt

nipplegate 2018 Olivia Fromm

Finding Truth in Nudity by

How Not To do sex education Like A Basic Bitch Where Race and Travel Intersect by Kiona

poetry in motion Dawn by Abbey Gordon

Getting it On Outside by Meghan O’Dea Photography by Shoog McDaniel

Let’s Talk About Sex by

Erica Zazo

Filled to Train with

Erin Parisi

Heading Outside Boldly by Ali

Wines

A New

Narrative for the Trans Community with Erin Parisi

4 6 suspend

How

to Climb Responsibly by Hayden Seder

68 At Odds With Myself Traveling with a

18 soulful social justice

Facing My Fear of Fear: Climbing with Anxiety Anxiety On and Off the Wall by Rebecca Long

14 THe Power of Affinity Spaces Healing in Affinity Spaces by Aparna

How To Navigate

Sexual Terrain by Natasha Buffo

selfcare ≠ selfcare Selfcare Debunked

by Samantha Romanowski

DIY

marketplace

86 in g Bl ack in e b is o . d ow n t as been it boils t a never h h w d n a B ut e f . ot sa urselves 88 ntry is n otect o r p o this cou t is . r n e r d a r e l o r k ha ing we mor e. W Every th o D . e t a because . Assimil t work a s Blend in n io gress ter microag Accept es Mat .” v is i it L y a k Blac ors ust the w that’s “j Outdo e h T & 8 Page 2

Natural Dyes with Seawitches by Margaret Seelie Shop It

eat, drink, + be merry

Summer

Strawberry Cobbler by Vanessa Barajas

that’s what he said

Sisu Does Satire

by Andrew Pridgen

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STAFF

follow @sisumagazine #gritandguts

EDITOR IN CHIEF Jennifer Gurecki CREATIVE DIRECTOR Lauren Bello Okerman COPY EDITOR Lacey England associate editor Charlotte Harris

CONTRIBUTORS

Never miss an issue. Subscribe at SisuMagazine.com

CONTACT For general inquiries, write to hello@sisumagazine.com

SUBMISSIONS If you’d like to contribute, email us at submissions@sisumagazine.com

SPONSORS To enquire about advertising or sponsorships, get in touch at sponsor@sisumagazine.com

STOCKISTS

Vanessa Barajas Melanie Briggs Jenny Bruso Natasha Buffo Latasha Dunston Abbey Gordon Olivia Fromm Michelle D. Jackson-Saulters Kiona Rebecca Long Monica Nigon Meghan O’Dea Erin Parisi Andrew Pridgen Aparna Rajagopal-Durbin Rachel Ricketts Samantha Romanowski Ryan Michelle Scavo

Hayden Seder Margaret Seelie Mirna Valerio Ali Wines Erica Zazo

If you’d like to stock Sisu Magazine, write to stockme@sisumagazine.com

photography & art letters to the editor Send your letters to editor@sisumagazine.com and snail mail or gifts to 3983 S. McCarran Blvd. #481 Reno, Nevada 89502

Olivia Chase Latasha Dunston Abbey Gordon

Shoog McDaniel Michaela MacPherson

©2020 Sisu Magazine, All rights reserved. Printed on 100% recycled paper. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the editor, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Illustration by MICHAELA MCPHERSON | @claytits

Clay Tits is owned and founded by artist Michaela MacPherson in Brooklyn, New York. As a fat, queer feminist she strives for representation of all marginalized bodies in the areas of ceramics, illustration and design. 3

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FROM THE EDITOR

Here we are again. Another letter beginning with the sentiment “these are unprecedented times.” As I write this, not only are we still in the middle of a global pandemic that is swallowing the United States whole, we are simultaneously navigating the greatest civil unrest we’ve seen since the civil rights movement. It’s all connected. For the first time in decades, we’re not so busy anymore. Every single inequity in this country has been exposed, revealing how most of us are just hanging by a thread. And as such, the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery are no longer blips on the evening news, but instead, the tragic catalysts that have ignited a collective demand to end police brutality, defund the police, address systemic oppression and racism, and require engagement in anti-racism work. White people have awoken from our slumber. Yet many people have struggled with the protests and the ensuing change. I wonder if the same people who cry for it to come to an end also cry for the Black, Brown, and Indigenous lives lost to police brutality, to systemic racism, to hundreds of years of oppression? I certainly hope so. We cannot advocate for an end to protesting, rioting, and looting without also demanding an end for oppression and white supremacy. We can’t hide behind lawfulness because many laws have always oppressed People of Color. We can’t fight against the violence caused by looters but then permit statesponsored violence. We can’t remain silent. Silence is oppression, it’s an act of complicity, and it allows for continued violence. That is why the theme of this issue is Lawful Bodies, and inside the pages of Sisu Magazine, we are exploring the systematic ways in which certain bodies have been deemed unlawful and unwelcome in society. Along with that, we are also celebrating these bodies and our own as we question social norms about body positivity, sexual health and intimacy, self-care, and joy. This might seem like the usual mix of topics, but one thing I took away from my conversation with Erin Parisi, the first trans woman attempting to summit the Seven Summits, is that we have to do more than share our pain and trauma. We have to share our joy and our triumphs too. We’re grateful to have partners like Merrell who helped make this issue come to life. What an honor to be able to include members of their Ambassador team—Michelle Jackson-Saulters of the Outdoor Journal Tour; Jenny Bruso, a regular Sisu contributor and founder of Unlikely Hikers; Erin Parisi, the founder of TranSending 7; Latasha Dunston, the artist otherwise known as Jitterbug Art; and runner, speaker, and author Mirna Valerio. Their personal experiences and perspectives on Black Lives Matter are an important and necessary addition to any conversation about being in the outdoors. I hope that as you flip through the pages of this issue you find reasons to be hopeful about the future and take solace in knowing that we are surrounded by people who are committed to making this world more just, equitable, and diverse. It’s going to be messy, difficult, scary, and painful, but in the end, it will be worth it. Jennifer Gurecki Editor In Chief

FROM THE creative director The human body has been a subject for artists as far back as humans have been creating. Clothed, unclothed, partially clothed. Working, playing, sleeping, reclining, bathing. Our physical selves have long been our main muse. Art and image makers, though not wholly untouched by the forces of appropriation and contamination, have in many ways indulged in the pleasure of being inspired by the bodies presented before them. And perhaps by design or by happenstance, art makers have grasped the immense power of capturing the human body without judgment. Like landscapes or still lifes, the bodies in our artworks are often most satisfying when they are raw and unimproved, showing flaws and foibles, wrinkles, rolls, color, hair, scars, freckles, and flesh. Even when the culture around these artworks has hijacked the human body for money, currency, and control, art has repeatedly salvaged the power of the honest body, and through the lens of the muse, held it with adulation. Today as we again battle the boundaries of which bodies are “worth” saving, protecting, and acknowledging, there will always exist a sanctity in the inspiration of the physical form by an art maker, where bodies can be protected in the bell jar of artistic capture, separated from their political and societal caste, and held as sacred as the muse. In this Issue of Sisu Magazine, Lawful Bodies, we touch on myriad stories and images of the disconnect between what a body is worth or not worth to society and what it is worth to ourselves. Shoog McDaniel’s photographs in “Suspend” capture their chosen muses suspended in an underwater setting, reframing the often derided fat body in vignettes of lithe vessels, flowing and bending, matching curve and recurve. Their work “suspends” our script for the body and lets us see in honesty for maybe the first time. We have many miles to go to counteract the illegal, immoral body narrative we are bombarded with daily, whether by ideology or image. It’s of the utmost importance to reclaim our bodies and reinvigorate our reverence to them, as they are our most basic transport, our own vessels, our temples. On the journey, remember that there is a respite in self-expression. Art will always hold us where we can pause and escape judgment, indulge in adulation. Let yourself be drawn, sculpted, painted, fêted by creativity. Let yourself be a muse, be your own muse.

Lauren Bello Okerman Creative Director

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Kid Deep One mom’s story of how recreating with children is not only possible, but so worth the effort Ryan Michelle Scavo | @ryoutside

I remember the moment I realized my life was about to change in ways I knew I didn’t understand. I was seven months pregnant with my first child, skiing into the southern San Juan backcountry for a weekend hut trip. I had a constant urge to pee, my feet throbbed, and a persistent back-of-my-mind voice wouldn’t let up. I thought to myself, What am I doing and why am I doing it? Maybe it was the need to prove––to others and myself––that just because I was pregnant and just because I was about to have a baby, I was not going to slow down. But, even as I would repeatedly attempt to convince others of my goals––i.e., to stay active, no matter the challenges of motherhood––I was told horror stories of once-active women just “giving up.” As the stories went, the kid(s) demanded too much time, too much energy, and too much selflessness on 6

the mother’s part. So they broke down and dropped their dreams of summiting mountains, biking long trails, or completing multi-day ski trips. I knew difficult days would come. I also knew myself, my body, and where my mental clarity was/is found: in outdoor pursuits. I responded to the naysayers with logical explanations as to the how and the why related to my activity level and adventuring expectations as a mother, all while listening to their cautionary tales… but still received countless “Oh, just wait” responses. (Insert eye-roll here.) Fast forward nearly two years to a gorgeous early winter morning in southern Colorado. With countless road trips, trail hikes, and Rio Grande river floats under our belts, two more backcountry ski hut trips and dozens of baby-towing ski tours, we were ready for our first bikepacking trip as a family of three. It

was unseasonably warm, I was getting antsy for activity, and while, on a typical year, I would have spent that morning loading up our skis, my persistent restlessness instead resulted in releasing our bikes from their winter hibernation. If Mother Nature was giving snow chasers a big, stanky-sour middle finger, you better believe we made some slightly-tangy lemonade with it that day. If I’m being honest, I’d also tell you that this trip had another purpose. We wanted a second child and I was ready for a new me: stronger, fiercer, and ready to take on any challenge by bike, ski, or other—with an 18+-month-old in tow. In an attempt to fulfill my personal fitness goals and clear my head of still-not-pregnant

disappointment, I loaded up our Burley trailer with a mix of camping gear, cold weather layers, and comfort camp food and we headed for the national forest.

Self-doubt and those allt oo - c o m m o n q u e s t i o n s when things get tough crept right back into my mind—what am I doing here and why am I doing this? As I pedaled into the mid-day sun, the sweat poured down my face and back. I struggled with the “Why am I not pregnant yet” question… and the steepness of the terrain. My bike was over-packed, my son was asking “Are we there yet?” and my hunger level was rising. Self-doubt and those all-too-common questions when things get tough crept right back into my mind––what am I doing here and why am I doing this? Adventure is a funny thing. It calls to me in ways I don’t always know how to answer. I knew then and still know now that chasing outdoor pursuits with my family is critical to my existence. That’s a big statement, I know. I also know, thanks to life experiences and myriad “failed” and successful outdoor adventures, it is without a shred of doubt who I am and it has become who we, as a family, are.

Today, I’m two kids deep––a four year old and an 18+-month-old––and we chase adventures daily. Depending on the terrain and location, we load up either the single or the double Burley trailer and embrace whatever comes next. We cross-country ski, ride our fat bikes, take on bike fishing and backpacking excursions, and make time for daily jaunts around our neighborhood. If there is one thing I learned by continuing to physically push myself after bringing two humans into this world it’s that persistence is the key. I must continually ask myself hard questions. If you don’t ask yourself––and the world around you––those hard questions, you will never know the answers. Can I tow my kid and overnight gear 20 miles today in the snow, rain, and wind? Yes. Yes, I can and I will. This piece was made possible by Burley, who puts their heart and soul into every bike trailer they make. Give them a follow on Insta at @burleydesign.

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ASK JENNY bruso Questions and answers about life, the outdoors, and whatever from the creator of “Unlikely Hikers,” an online community for the underrepresented outdoorsperson JENNY BRUSO | @jennybruso

Dear Jenny Bruso, I am a 33-year-old married white woman with no kids by choice and a life that almost fits that social media “outdoor fantasy,” as I’ve seen you call it. My husband is a wonderful man. He is kind, sensitive, and considerate. He shows me he loves me in so many ways. We have a small business together making dehydrated foods for outdoor adventure and we live in a sweet converted bus. I know this is already sounding kind of nauseating. Bear with me. For the most part, I’m happy. I don’t take any of this for granted, but there’s a major problem: I think I might be gay and I am terrified to come out. I’m afraid you’re going to call me out on resting in straight white lady privilege and internalized homophobia. I’m afraid of so many things. I’m afraid of disappointing my parents who have always been there for me. They were truly supportive, loving parents my entire childhood, although they did struggle with my lifestyle decision of moving into a bus, but after a while they grew to accept it. I’m afraid to tell my friends, who are all good people, but I don’t feel deeply, spiritually connected to any of them. Probably, because I’M LIVING A LIE. I don’t have any gay friends outside of social media, but I also don’t live in a big city. Mostly, I’m afraid to break my husband’s heart. He is my best friend. I do feel spiritually connected to him. I love him immensely, but I also don’t know if I can honestly say I am attracted to him, even though he is a great lover. He has, however, been asking me where I “go” during sex and I feel so guilty. I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to destroy his world. I also don’t know if I want him to be my husband anymore. I had none of these thoughts when we were dating 8

or when we got married. I’ve occasionally had feelings of attraction for other women throughout my life, but the strength of what I’m feeling now has really only developed over the last couple of years. How do I make the choice to change every single relationship I have in one fell swoop? How do I change my entire life at 33? What if all I have is a lie because of my own secret-keeping even if the person I’ve been hiding from most is myself? ––2gay2function

Dear 2gay2function, Your letter cracked me open. I feel your fear deeply and I have so much compassion for it. I don’t have to call you in for resting in straight (passing) white lady privilege and internalized homophobia because you already have and, truly, we both know it isn’t that simple. First, it doesn’t really sound like you’ve been “resting” at all. Have the privileges and comforts you’ve experienced made it easier for you to ignore your feelings? Probably, but we all have privileges to interrogate and internalized homophobia even if we’re queer as hell. We live in a homophobic culture despite all of the rainbow shit at Target and gay best friends on TV. It is possible, perhaps likely, that you are only coming to terms with this now because of how safe and loved you feel in your life. You didn’t say how long you and your husband have been together, but maybe his friendship and support is exactly the reason you feel like you need to explore your whole self now.

“People come out at all ages because, for one, it’s a privilege to come out. We don’t all have the safety systems in place to come out without being harmed, but also because sexuality and attraction are fluid...You haven’t been living a lie.” Surrender any fantasy that there might be a perfect way to come out. You can’t predict or manage the feelings of your loved ones. How they react is about them, not you. You deserve to be happy and that means you have to come out. You are still so young for this world. You haven’t lost time or squandered something. People come out at all ages because, for one, it’s a privilege to come out. We don’t all have the safety systems in place to come out without being harmed but also because sexuality and attraction are fluid. You said you weren’t having these thoughts in quite the same way when you got married. You haven’t been living a lie. Like you said, you were in love with your husband when you married him. You wanted your life together. Spoiler: How you feel about your sexuality now might not be the same in five years or even next year. The best thing you can do for everyone in your life, especially yourself, is to go out and get your life as honestly as possible at all times. What if you accepted that you’ve been exactly where you’re supposed to be, even if now it’s time to be somewhere else?

As for your parents, you didn’t mention if they’re homophobic, which leads me to believe they (generally) aren’t. Give them a chance to surprise you and give them the grace of not getting it 100% right at first. They are going to have so many of the same anguishing thoughts you’ve had about all you have and everything that will change. The most likely scenario is that they will love you enough to want you to be as happy as possible and accept you as you are. Be brave. You found all of the things that make up your lovely life once, you can find them again and better. You will have to make unimaginable sacrifices for a period of time. Your business, your bus, your partnership all sound so dreamy, but they are not the sum of your life. The next best thing is right around the corner. Are you going to go get it? Put your whole heart in the way of it. Come out for the person who can’t because they aren’t safe to do so. Love,

You love your husband enough to know he deserves to be with someone who is attracted to him. Someone who wants to be his wife, not his best friend. He may feel betrayed by this. After all, you both signed up for something different when you got married, but I suspect he wants you to live your absolute best life even if it’s not with him. Yes, you might lose your best friend. Hopefully, he’ll come around.

Jenny Bruso

Do you have questions for Jenny? Hit her up on Instagram at @jennybruso for a chance to have your questions answered.

You need and deserve community, especially now, 2gay2function. I want to urge you to find an LGBTQIA+ support group. I know you don’t live in a city, so if you’re not able to make a drive without taking your entire home and sounding the alarm with your husband, find something online. They exist! 9

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an indoor girl on the outdoors MELANIE BRIGGS

love & light Love and light. Love and light? How dare you. That isn’t addressed to anyone particular, though you could also argue that it’s addressed to everyone. To everyone who is responsible for creating the centuries-long pandemic of oppression and to the person who had the audacity to coin that phrase, as though there could ever be love and light when our endoskeleton is built on hate. And to the rest of us who have had a hand in propping it up, knowingly or unknowingly, since… basically ever. How dare any of us ever use that phrase, when it is so flagrantly blind to all the hate that brought us the land we live on, the education we thrive on, and the jobs we depend on. Knowingly or unknowingly. Love and light indeed. All these righteous words and half-jokes. The combined anger and impotence of White Lady Rage tends to manifest like this. So many statements of solidarity that we put on any platform we can reach through an Internet connection to decry injustice that is neither new nor different, thinking that we’re taking a stand or making a difference. Are we, fellow White Ladies? What is the value of our Status Update Rage? What are the consequences?

You are either actively working against racism or standing by and letting the system go on unchecked. You are Status Update Becky or you are Trojan Becky. Do the work. Read all the books. Write the checks. I’ve discovered over the last decade or so that men, and frankly most humans, are like dogs. They don’t understand words when you scold them. They just hear a harsh tone, their name every now and again, and are praying to get the hell out of the room as soon as possible. But consequences? That’s something they understand. You misbehave, you go outside. You cheat on me, you lose me. You vote for a man whose administration has enacted more than a dozen policies that actively endanger the LGBTQIA+ community? You don’t get my friendship. Your company puts up an all-black profile picture on Black Out Tuesday, but doesn’t put forward a company-wide racial justice plan? You don’t get my money. Consequences. Maybe Status Update Rage starts a fight with our Racist UncleTM that ends with the heart and mind of approximately no one being changed. Maybe we figure out who we should have defriended years ago (see above re: consequences). We have a fraught legacy to contend with, White Ladies, and it also has consequences. We are a product of a system that oppresses pretty much everyone, no matter how much we claim to be “not racist.” We can denounce it and decry it, but we can’t disown it, and that has to be part of the rage. Consider this:

“For decades, Black men were lynched, often for allegedly looking at a white woman. Our mothers’ mothers cut the Black bodies of their sons and husbands down from the trees. But we Black women did something we didn’t have to do before we buried them. First, we washed their bodies.”1 That is part of our legacy. It also describes a devastating act of love. Look at both of those things under bright fluorescent lights and don’t look away. We carry that with us in our backpacks of privilege whether we like it or not. Make this part of your daily practice. Make it part of your rage. Become a Trojan Becky. Weaponize your whiteness by rolling into white spaces with compassion, self-awareness, and a commitment to having uncomfortable conversations about race. There is no such thing as being “not racist.” The opposite of racist is anti-racist.2 You are either actively working against racism or standing by and letting the system go on unchecked. You are Status Update Becky or you are Trojan Becky. Do the work. Read all the books. Watch all documentaries. Write the checks. Have the conversations. And don’t let anything slide. And don’t ever love and light me again.

i 1 2

Lewis, Jenifer (2017). The Mother of Black Hollywood: A Memoir. Amistad. Kendi, I. X. (2019). How to Be an Antiracist. First Edition. New York: One World. 11

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THE PITCH AdventurUs Women

An interview with

saveria tilden of AdvnturUs Women | @adventuruswomen

AdventurUs Women provides the opportunity for all women to learn new skills in beautiful environments

Tell us a little bit about AdventurUs Women. AdventurUs Women is a women-led company dedicated to providing the opportunity for women of all ages, sizes, backgrounds, and experience levels to learn new skills and try outdoor activities in beautiful environments. We strive to create affirming learning environments that encourage friendship and skill-building while connecting with nature in stunning locales. Our Escape weekends are designed to provide you the opportunity to come as you are and discover what adventure means to you. The weekends are perfect for women who have a curiosity or interest in the outdoors, who used to spend a lot of time outdoors and want to rediscover it, and anyone who wants to meet other women who share a passion for the outdoors. We offer outdoor skill classes, a variety of activities, and wellness workshops to create an experience that is part summer camp, part wellness retreat, and 100% fun.

What makes AdventurUs Women different from other outdoor programs? One of the things that makes our weekends special is that our classes and workshops are designed with beginners in mind (but they also have opportunities for women with experience to expand on their skills). A lot of other outdoor programs for women are focused on advancing a specific skill set such as rock climbing or mountain biking. These programs are great because they offer a deep dive into learning a new skill in an area you are already interested in, or improving 12

on a skill you already love and are often a great next step after one of our Escapes. We want women to try a bunch of different activities to see what resonates with them.

We also spend time carefully selecting our team of women guides and instructors because we believe that learning from other women is a powerful experience. Whenever possible, we commit to promoting and partnering with companies that are owned and operated by women and support these women locally in the communities where we host events. What inspired you to start AdventurUs Women? I spent the last few years working on a national outdoor event series for women and teaching women-only outdoor classes, which were life-changing for me both personally and professionally. I experienced and saw firsthand the impact of bringing together women in the outdoors. When this event series was sunsetted, I decided that what I had been a part of was too special to let go of, so I set out to continue creating spaces for women to gather and learn together. I wanted to create a special space where women could learn new skills while feeling supported and welcome, build self-confidence by learning these new skills, learn what they love and maybe donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t love about the outdoors, and discover the power of sisterhood. All while spending some much needed time with Mother Nature, eating fantastic food, and staying in a cool location.

What’s surprised you the most since launching in 2019? A global pandemic. Aside from that small thing, what surprised me the most was the overwhelmingly positive response to AdventurUs Women and that the events reflected what we were hoping to achieve in our mission—

one of your events, BUT I am too out of shape, too old, too inexperienced, too experienced, scared I am going to suck at [insert any number of activities here] and embarrass myself, scared of not fitting in, scared of not knowing anyone, feeling guilty about doing something for myself without my family, scared of leaving my family for the weekend because things will fall apart if I go, I can’t get away because I have too many people counting on me,” the list goes on. While I can easily assure women that this is a learning environment where no one is expected to be 100% “ready” and that having an open mind to try new things and a desire to have fun is all that is needed, the harder thing to convince them of is that they deserve this weekend, that they deserve to spend a weekend investing in themselves and that they deserve a break from the stress and responsibilities of home. What’s your ultimate dream with AdventurUs Women and how are you going to get there? I want AdventurUs Women to help women discover what adventure means to them and realize how much they are capable of through amazing outdoor experiences and provide a community where all women see themselves. Despite everything going on in the world, we have seen growth and resilience in our community. We have also heard from women that events such as ours are something to look forward to. The women in our community are our priority. As we look to the future, we are excited about planning future Escapes around the country and looking at innovative ways to expand and reach women within this new landscape we are all living in.

women spanning four decades in age, nearly half were Women of Color, many attendees were trying activities for the first time, and we were able to support multiple women-owned businesses and local guides. On a different note, another thing that continues to surprise me is the limits women put on themselves when it comes to trying outdoor activities and putting themselves first. I often hear, “Oh I’d love to come to

If people want to learn more or get involved, what’s the best way for them to do that? I would encourage women to check out who we are by visiting our website, AdventurUsWomen.com, sign up for our mail list to stay in the loop on upcoming events. I am also happy to answer any questions via email and am always looking for recommendations on women to follow, potential guides and instructors, and ideas for future event locations! You can reach me at saveria@adventuruswomen.com This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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The Power Affinity Spaces Of

Aparna Rajagopal-durbin | TheAvarnaGroup.com and PGMONE.org

10 Reasons Why We Need More Affinity Spaces Last summer I was invited to the AdventurUs Women’s Bend Escape to learn outdoor and adventure skills from and with other women. Given the long history of women’s spaces not being intersectional and my previous experiences as a Woman of Color in mostly white spaces, I was hesitant at first. Imagine my relief when I arrived to discover I was not the only chocolate chip in the cookie. Over the course of the weekend, my skepticism gave way to relief, and ultimately, a profound feeling of connectedness with this diverse community that had been built in just three days. Affinity spaces have served as vital crucibles for communities with marginalized identities to heal, celebrate, collaborate, and mobilize. As a co-founder of the PGM ONE Summit, which convenes Black, Indigenous, and People of Color who live, work, or organize in connection with the environment, I’ve seen firsthand the profound impact these spaces have on the psyche. And in the months since the onset of the COVID-19 crisis, I’ve seen virtual gatherings hosted by the disability justice community, conservationists of color, and Indigenous women to have conversations about the disproportionate impact the pandemic is having on Black, Brown, poor, disabled, and older folks.

Photos courtesy of AdventurUs Women

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So what is the affinity space magic sauce that creates the conditions for people to at once feel relief, connectedness that comes from shared challenges and shared grief, and joyful abandonment, all at once? I think this sauce has at least the following 10 ingredients: 1. Safety: We need spaces where we don’t have to code-switch, assimilate, feel tokenized, and face constant microaggressions. This “identity stress” causes real emotional harm. 2. Feeling the feels: People with marginalized identities—women, BIPOC folx, queer folx, fat folx, and more—need spaces to just vent and to FEEL THE FEELS: anger, rage, guilt, shame, and more. Emotional release with others who share our identities helps heal our hurts and make more space for us to thrive. 3. Healing: We need to be able to build alliances, support groups, and networks with each other to talk about the challenges we face and heal from experiences of oppression and community trauma. Healing happens in so many ways (art, dance, body work, yoga, sports, counseling, therapy, etc.) and affinity groups allow us to connect with others who might heal in similar ways. 4. Connection: Many of us feel like we’re the “only ones” in our communities, workplaces, or outdoor spaces. Building connections with others like us helps us feel like we’re not the only ones and makes these spaces that much more welcoming.

5. Role models and mentors: When we’re swimming in dominant culture, it’s hard to find role models who look like us to help us navigate spaces and places that were not built with us in mind. People with marginalized identities often cite the lack of role models as a barrier to their continuing to be involved in outdoor pursuits and careers. Affinity experiences can connect the emerging leaders of today with these mentors and role models. 6. Less intimidation: In outdoor spaces in particular, I feel very intimidated by what I perceive to be ciswhite-hetero-patriarchal toxically male misogynistic culture (yes, I used all of those words). Regardless of the fact that my cis white male friends (and partner) don’t believe in patriarchy, the culture of these spaces can enable misogyny and toxic masculinity. That, combined with a perception that “technical” activities like mountain biking or climbing are “masculine,” can make it very difficult to enter these spaces without feeling scared out of your panties. My biggest successes in the outdoors have been around women and People of Color because I’ve been able to shed that fear and intimidation. 7. Exploring our multidimensional selves: There is a tendency to assume that people with a particular identity are part of a homogenous group (i.e. “all Indian women”). Affinity spaces allow us to explore the other facets of identity we all have that are visible or invisible. This isn’t possible outside an affinity space because we’re often reduced to a single visible identity and aren’t comfortable showing up as our complex selves. I’m not just a woman. I’m a Woman of Color. And I’m not just a Woman of Color. I’m a Woman of Color in her mid-40s. 8. Unpacking our own shit: Because in most spaces we’re reduced to a single identity, we never get to explore all of the other shit that our own communities enact upon each other. Take a woman’s space, for example. News flash: Women are not a monolith. And we have to unpack all of the ways we contribute to our own pain and others. Yes, I’m talking internalized sexism, respectability politics, and standards of professionalism we have for women, transphobia, and the refusal to recognize gender beyond the binary, anti-Blackness

and not engaging in intersectional work, and toxic masculinity (yes, even women can be toxically masculine). Affinity spaces help us peel back all these layers to expose us as the complicated people we are. 9. Decentering dominant identities: Affinity spaces allow us to decenter dominant identities. At the last PGM ONE Summit, queer feminist writer and activist adrienne maree brown talked about what it would look like to center joy, healing, and power instead of organizing ourselves “from a place of suffering and unhealed shared trauma” by centering whiteness. “If that is where we are locating ourselves and locating our solidarity,” she cautioned, “it’s never going to be the right texture to hold us together. There’s gotta be a texture that is deeper and more solid and not based in pain because hopefully we heal from the trauma. How do we feel affinity and alliance and solidarity for each other, that’s not just about whiteness, right? The moving against whiteness is not enough to give us solidarity. Also an absence of whiteness is not enough to make us a community. Oh, Yeah! In all of those cases we’re still centering whiteness SO MUCH.” 10. Radical imagination: We are in the midst of so many pressing crises—climate change, environmental degradation, a broken system for workers, immigration injustice, housing insecurity, health care injustice, a broken criminal justice system, food insecurity, COVID-19 (which is amplifying all the others), and more— that are impacting marginalized communities. People with dominant identities can’t solve their way out of these problems without impacted leadership, which means relinquishing power to those most impacted. Though integrated spaces may support some innovation, they don’t support people with marginalized identities being able to innovate solutions to the barriers we face in the outdoors and conservation, or to those crises we feel the most. Affinity spaces are a venue for people of particular marginalized identities to share stories, discuss common challenges, and innovate solutions to these challenges.

Ok, so maybe I didn’t convince you and you’re still like, “Yeah, but aren’t these spaces exclusive?” Yes, yes they are. And it’s OK because it’s the one party to which folks with dominant identities are not invited. Perhaps a better question is to ask, “How can I support these spaces?” Besides the obvious (help create them with funding and support your marginalized identity friends in going), you could also create an accountability space. Accountability spaces are spaces for people with dominant identities to gather to not only process their own feelings around confronting their own privilege with others, but also to figure out ways to be better allies and accomplices in this work. Yes, white-cis-hetero-thin-able-bodied-man, we need you too. Dismantling a wall cannot happen when it’s just the oppressed who are tearing down the wall, brick by brick. If you have a wrecking ball, bring that thing over, will ya?

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magazine

soulful social justice

Revisiting Your Reflection: The Inner Work Required for Radical Racial Justice

RACHEL RICKETTS | @iamrachelricketts

There’s been a major awakening

in the collective consciousness as of late. For the first time in history white folks are truly leaning into and holding space for the impact of racism and the experiences of People of Color (POC). And it’s about damn time! Conversely POC, particularly Black and Indigenous womxn, are doing what we’ve done for centuries—rally, educate, voice our pain and triumphs, and caretake for our communities. The difference now is the increased appetite for hearing what we have to say and seeking to engage. But the question that undoubtedly still arises is: How?

The Lowdown What I see time and time again, are well intentioned hue-mans (usually the fair skinned folks) who seek to engage in racial justice by addressing the oppression they see “out there.” And this is where we fuck it up. Because real talk— creating racial justice starts as an inside job. It begins with you taking a long look in the mirror at all the parts of yourself and the ways you may be (and likely are) perpetuating the problem. No matter your race, shade, or origin, white supremacist patriarchy harms everyone. Not equally and no one more than Black + Indigenous womxn. Still, it is one of, if not the, greatest forms of social trauma be it historical or present day. This is why bringing about racial justice starts within.

Real Race Talk To all my white folks—you belong to the construct of whiteness, benefit from white privilege ,and uphold white supremacy. That’s not a personal attack for the record, it is simply a fact. The status quo is white supremacist patriarchy. It’s a truth that most POC have had no choice but to contend with as we’ve been battling whiteness our entire lives. White supremacy is the air we all breathe and white folks are just beginning to notice its stench. Being anti-racist means acknowledging and owning the racism, intentional or otherwise, inherent in you and ALL white folks. Then, committing to the active, daily, lifelong work of causing the least amount of harm moving forward. You cannot BE an ally, but you can work your hardest to partake in allyship as often as possible. For my fellow folks of color—our racial justice work is to unearth and address our internalized oppression, meaning the ways in which we have bought into a corrupt system that works damn hard to keep us small and powerless. I, for one, spent much of my life believing I was unworthy. That I was too loud, too emotional or too extra. That my requests to be seen, heard, and supported as my bold Black self must be invalid. I was subjected to gaslighting, spiritual bypassing, daily micro-aggressions, and an onslaught of emotional violence; I was made to believe that I was the problem. Well, no more! We deserve to prioritize our needs and desires. To stand unapologetically in all that we are and refrain from constantly ensuring white people’s comfort to the detriment of our own.

No matter your race, shade, or origin, white supremacist patriarchy harms everyone.

We need ALL hands on deck to achieve this mission. White folks need to lead the charge in doing the internal work to unplug from the matrix that is white supremacy, and POCs need brave, sacred spaces to heal from the grief and trauma of oppression.

Some Tools for Reflection My guess is by now many of you are thinking “Ok but, how the heck do I do this!?” Below are some initial prompts for a deep dive within: #1 Embrace Vulnerability Embracing vulnerability means trying with the knowing that you may get it wrong. It means dropping your defenses and accepting things as they truly are. It means sitting in your discomfort so you can learn why it’s there and using that information to create deep and meaningful change. #2 Get Honest The need to be good and right often trumps any chance at meaningful change. We need to lay down these patriarchal “needs” so we can create the groundwork for action. For my POCs, let’s get honest about the harms we’ve caused ourselves or other POC by internalizing white supremacy. For white folks, get honest by owning your racism + whatever harms you’ve undoubtedly caused People of Color.

#3 Acknowledge Your Anger Many of us were made to feel ashamed or guilty for expressing anger. Anger arrives to inform us that something is wrong and needs changing, which is pretty helpful. Righteous anger has and continues to be at the forefront of many leading social justice revolutions so we need to learn how to embrace and channel it for good. #4 Stand in Integrity It can be easy to talk the talk, but are you walking the walk? Are you following, supporting, voting for, uplifting, checking in on, learning from/about, and paying BIPOCs? If not, there’s a disconnect. What we say AND do has all the value. Impact over intention every time. #5 Accept AND Act Feeling guilt, grief, or shame is part of the process of stepping into the truth. But if we get stuck there we won’t keep growing and flowing and engaging in this fight. Accept what needs accepting, and then get the eff to werrrrrk. Practice loving kindness towards ourselves for what we did not know AND do better. Each and every one of us is needed to bring about racial justice. Your best chance at making meaningful change and sticking up for social justice is by continuing to do the inner work and commit to leading from and with compassion.

Now get to it! Reprinted from Issue 1 of Sisu Magazine

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magazine

How the Transendingâ&#x20AC;&#x2020;7 founder is creating a new narrative for the Trans community JENNIFER GURECKI | @yogurecki

Photography by B Davis courtesy of Merrell

It’s

a story that you don’t hear told too often: a story of triumph, of joy, and of resilience in relation to the experience of the transgender community. But for Erin Parisi, the founder of the nonprofit TranSending 7, who is on a mission to summit the seven highest peaks in the world, that’s the only narrative she’s willing to accept. When Parisi confirmed her gender, she expected to lose everything. Surprisingly, she didn’t. She emerged on the other side of one of the most terrifying and validating decisions she’s ever had to make with a perspective that is so radically positive. It challenges nearly everything that the mainstream media and society at large portray about the trans community. And while the important facts of murder and sex trafficking and unemployment and tragic loss are real and acknowledged fully by Parisi, she wanted to create a new narrative so that people like her had a story of success to look toward. “I spent decades weighed down by the narratives that were handed to me. I didn’t have that narrative that was in front of me—I couldn’t be it because I couldn’t see it.” Parisi’s mission is to humanize the trans story, to go from being all of the things that society tells them who they are to being like “other people” with dreams and goals. She’s done with the marginalized narrative about people like her. And she’s chosen to challenge it through the outdoors.

sisu

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Climbing

the Seven Summits was a way for Parisi to literally and metaphorically climb out of that shadowy narrative that the world tried to put on her and instead climb to a place where shadows can’t be cast upon her. She succeeded in summiting four of the seven peaks: Kosciuszko, Kilimanjaro, Elbrus, and Aconcagua. COVID-19 has put a halt to any further summits in the near future. In the meantime, she’s training and mentally preparing for what will be the most difficult summit, Everest. But for Parisi, bagging these peaks has less to do with her and more to do with her community. “I want to be screaming from the top of the world, ‘Here I am and you can’t hold my voice down.’ The world has forced trans people to be silent and tried hard to say we don’t exist. In a lot of ways, this is my way of saying ‘You can’t say I don’t exist.’” Parisi believes, and with good reason, that a lot of what happens to the trans community happens because of the lack of trans voices or trans ally voices. Like when men attack

women for being weaker or not being able to keep up. Or that for-some-reason-still-justified locker room talk where men are told not to cry like girls or be pussies. And even from socalled feminists who proclaim to be saving women’s sport by forcefully advocating for the exclusion of trans women.

“

I want to be screaming from the top of the world, ‘Here I am and you can’t hold my voice down.’ The world has forced trans people to be silent and tried hard to say we don’t exist. In a lot of ways, this is my way of saying ‘You can’t say I don’t exist.’” The irony in the latter, Parisi points out, is that “It’s not that far of a cry when you start attacking trans women, you are attacking all women.” Parisi is well aware of the microaggressions against trans people that occur when she’s not in the room. “I was at the water cooler before I came out—I know what is said… I’m well aware of how strong those voices are and silence is just as strong as the people who say things… What people need to do is to stick up for us.” In sum? Your silence is heard.

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One

more thing worth noting— stop viewing women as sexual objects. Because that, in part, is why Parisi believes that it is so difficult for society to accept trans women. Because trans women don’t fit neatly into the box of what it means to be a woman through the lens of cis-gendered straight men. “Guys really view women as sexual partners. They don’t understand what it means to be male or female. It shouldn’t take a trans person questioning your ideas about gender to make you think about the ways you objectify women.” Parisi shared that her frustration with the mainstream narrative about trans people goes beyond gender. It lies in the fact that we all have something that makes us different. “The thing that gets lost in all of this is that in the future, I hope that the world is a kinder and gentler world to anyone, no matter how they are perceived as different. When we stop seeing it as our right to tear down other people and see it as our privilege to have access to so many different people out there, we’re stronger when we respect other people for who they are.”

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There’s

a part of Erin’s story that we didn’t cover in this article that you can watch in the film “TranSending,” made possible by Merrell. It’s a story of resilience that shows Parisi as a person who feared losing everything. “I wanted to make a movie that showed how hard it is to train for one of these big athletic goals and to have a support network. Rather than me fighting, it’s about rallying the troops. It’s not me against the world. It’s as much an ally story and the empowerment of having a community and being resilient as it is about knowing what you love and being stronger than the narrative the world has for you.” Head on over to Merrell.com to learn more.

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what's in

her pack

Erin’s go-to gear for ‘seven summits’ training

Patagonia Nano PufF Whether I’m gearing up for a pre-dawn summer start, an afternoon hike during shoulder season, or layering for a day of backcountry skiing, I almost always have my Patagonia Nano Puff down sweater. It compresses small and it’s light so it’s easy to stash, super warm, and fits easily in a backcountry layering system or on its own. Garmin inReach Explorer

There are so many days when we end up on the trail alone, whether it’s due to the need for escape or by a friend flaking. When I’m in training for an upcoming expedition, it seems to happen even more. A Garmin inReach is a perfect tool to map out your locale, send a text message that you’re running late, or to get a distress signal out. The drawbacks are you have to make sure it’s charged up and that you have an active monthly service plan, meaning don’t ditch the old-fashioned compasses and maps completely, but it’s always nice to get a message home if you’re spending the night out there.

Snacks Chocolate in the winter or on expeditions and Sour Patch Kids in the summer. ‘Nuff said! Gallon jugs of water, filled to train— At eight pounds per gallon, I practice my three Rs of sustainability by reusing old water jugs. The jugs are great for pack ballast because you can lighten your load and stay hydrated while you train, or in a pinch, drop all of your ballast and make a quick line to the car. And they make it easy to track fitness progress during those uphill training sessions. My Osprey Aether 85 easily fits eight gallon-sized jugs.

Merrell

Moab Ventilator This shoe works for a solid three seasons in the foothills of Colorado’s Front Range. It’s lightweight, sturdy, rugged, and looks all kinds of good when it’s muddy.

â&#x20AC;&#x153; Racism is so universal in this country, so widespread and deep-seated, that it is invisible because it is so normal. â&#x20AC;? Shirley Chisholm American Politician ,

Educator , and Author 1924 - 2005

sisu

magazine

What

does the outdoors and the Black Lives

Matter movement have to do with one another?

Everything. From safety while recreating to representation to accessibility and accountability, we know that we cannot proclaim that the â&#x20AC;&#x153;outdoors is for everyoneâ&#x20AC;? without taking a critical look at the systems and structures that have silenced and sidelined communities of color. We teamed up with Merrell to share the perspectives of their Ambassador Team to bring more awareness to issues of race that require our attention and action today and tomorrow.

I have a confession to make. I used to say “All Lives Matter.” Cringe. Let me explain. I’m biracial. My Mom is German (read: white) and my Dad is Black. To add an additional layer to the mix, my Dad was in the Army and I grew up in Germany on a military base with other soldiers and their families. I grew up in a bubble, to say the least. Honestly, when I think about it—it’s probably not much different than white folks in this country—a mostly untouched bubble where race isn’t a part of daily life. So, when I said “All Lives Matter,” I thought I was defending my Mom and my Oma and Opa, whom I am very close to. I thought saying “Black Lives Matter” meant that theirs didn’t—and in turn, mine didn’t either. God was I so wrong. Not growing up in this country put me at a disadvantage. Racism is different in Germany, even on a military base. It absolutely exists, but surprisingly, it’s not systematic. It’s not ingrained in the culture the same way it is in the US. As a kid running around on base with my friends, I never—NEVER—thought about being Black, or feared the MPs (Military Police). So, when I moved to the States solo at 17 years old to go to college, I had serious culture shock. I didn’t understand that the system was stacked against me because I was Black, which I didn’t even identify as, by the way. Back then I identified as biracial because again, my Mom, my Oma, my Opa—they were such an important part of who I was. In my mind, identifying as Black meant I erased them. Wrong again. This country doesn’t give a shit about my family or where I am from. When I walk into a room, I walk in as a Black woman. Period. My skin, my hair, my features, my curves. When I naively denied that, I unknowingly abandoned who I am. I fell into the same trap of white supremacy that I fight against today. I didn’t understand that then. For me, it was about my family and my experience. I didn’t consider the 400+ years of oppression that tainted this country—or my ancestors that I’m connected to regardless of my maternal lineage, which is a whole other rabbit hole to go down. We are not educated about this country’s true history. In first grade, we learn a catchy song about Christopher Columbus sailing the ocean blue, not about the disease and despair that he brought to the Indigenous people or the death and destruction of the African Slaves that followed.

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PC: Alonso Talbert For merrell

This shit runs deep. After more than two decades of living in this country, I’ve learned some things that I wish were not a reality. But what it boils down to is being Black in this country is not safe and never has been. Everything we learn is to protect ourselves. Blend in. Assimilate. Do more. Work harder. Accept microaggressions at work because that’s “just the way it is.” Text your wife if you get pulled over by the cops because you never know. If you see other Black or Brown folks pulled over by cops, stop and wait to make sure they get out of there alive. Avoid areas with confederate flags and pickup trucks. Don’t be offended when people ask how your hair “got that way.” Smile, nod, don’t draw attention to yourself. Fuck. That. I am a Black woman who happens to be mixed. I say Black Lives Matter loud and proud and stand behind everything it means because in this country, being Black has meant that our lives don’t matter. And in order for all lives to matter, Black and Brown lives have to matter as well, not just the white and white-passing ones. So until little Black boys and girls can play with theirs toys at the park, or walk home in the dark, or Black men and women can be pulled over by cops, go to a grocery store, or go for a fucking run without being assaulted or murdered, don’t you dare fix your lips to talk about “All Lives” because it’s the Black and Brown ones that this country has tossed aside. We must stand behind Black Lives Matter. We all deserve to be safe, seen, heard, and protected. I wish this wasn’t the world we live in. I wish Emmett, Trayvon, Riah, and so many more could have lived in safe bubbles, where their skin didn’t make them a target. They deserved so much more than what the world gave them. What I learned is that BLM does not negate my family, nor does it negate anyone else. From the perspective of our society, their lives already matter, it’s mine that is disposable. They benefit from their white skin whether they want to or not. I don’t have that privilege. Period. This was a disheartening lesson to learn, but I hope that my overdue epiphany hits home for someone else out there. Be proud of who you are, but we can’t afford to walk through this world ignorantly. Everyone should be screaming BLACK LIVES MATTER because all lives matter and those that are disproportionately affected by police brutality and systematic racism need the support in order to dismantle the system and make real change.

Michelle D. Jackson-Saulters Co-Founder of the Outdoor Journal Tour and We Hike To Heal Movement

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;The most painful changes

in our

lives often take uncomfortable introspection and a profound commitment to slow and deliberate work. That couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be truer than now, as we face the absolute and undeniable evidence that racially unjust systems are violently killing our black community members, including dozens of black trans women. We must respond urgently and upend these systems with a force greater than the inertia that has kept them systems in place generationally. Doing any less proves our complacence.â&#x20AC;?

erin parisi Founder of TranSending 7

PC: b davis for merrell

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magazine

“Silence

is a big indicator of complicity and violence.

There’s no way we can be silent right now; even businesses can't be. Social justice should be on-brand. We can’t disconnect ourselves from what is happening in society. Everything is connected. I personally cannot separate any parts of my life from what I see happening in the world at large and American culture. I have a responsibility to speak up and acknowledge the things that are wrong in the world. Now’s the time to use

PC: courtesy of merrell

our voices.”

Jenny Bruso Founder of Unlikely Hikers

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I have always been my own unique shade of Black—

breaking the rules and crashing the barriers that society has tried to box me into. It has been such a journey to accepting my reality that I am “other”—a bright, strong, Black woman. The type that you can’t help but stare at in awe because I am doing all the things that history has tried to claim are not for me, even down to the man I love. My shade of Black is doused in desert dirt and wildflowers. I find pride in my strong connection to nature and plants. I am unique in my shade of Black but I am fully aware that there are so many others just like me: a different, special shade of Black. I hope to encourage and redefine what it means to be a Woman of Color in America today. You do not have to color inside of the lines or fit any definition someone else has made for you. There is a lot of room for correction to the image that is portrayed of us. I go and explore in the outdoors for the younger version of myself that had no idea those wild spaces existed. Nor did I believe that it was something that I could attain. I would love for my younger sister (pictured in the illustration) to see that there is a much bigger world out there, just waiting for her to take up that space. My dream for her is that she paints her shade of Black all over this world—for her to find passion and share it with others. I wear my shade of Black with pride, dignity, and honor. No need to code-switch, no need to hide. Be the biggest, best version of you that you can be.

LAtasha dunston artist

Jasmyne by LATASHA DUNSTON | @jitterbug_art 37

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PC: courtesy of merrell

One

gorgeous but very hot Sunday morning in May of 2015, I was completing a 16 mile long run on the road where my house was in Rabun Gap, situated in the North Georgia Mountains. The road overlooked the beautiful and lush Wolffork Valley, where the local lore is that people still find old Cherokee arrowheads. I was running down a hill in white capris, a bright pink top, a hydration vest, a running cap, sunglasses, and with a carved walking stick to fend away the aggressive, roaming dogs. As I neared the bottom of the hill, a white SUV driving in the opposite direction slowed down to a complete stop and the driver, a white woman, took out her phone and spoke to whomever she was speaking to while glancing up at me several times. When she was done, she drove slowly in my direction, staring at me the entire way, passing me. I smiled, and even waved, because that’s what you do in the South, and also that’s what you do to send the message that you’re friendly and nonthreatening. A few minutes later, a police officer drove in my direction from the north, slowed down, and took a good look at me. I smiled, waved. Not even five minutes later, another police officer drove in from the other direction, slowed down, took a good look at me, and then drove off. I smiled, waved. And wondered what I had done, while running, that caused a woman with outof-state plates to call the police on me. Later when I told some friends what had happened, most sympathized, but some remarked that maybe my walking stick frightened her. You see, the problem of racism is not in the running industry itself, it is in the larger society that cannot envision black people in certain spaces, even on the streets where we happen to live. I kept running on the road, almost every Sunday, venturing further and further away from my house, with various iterations of a runnerly outfit—bright colors, race shirts, running tights or shorts or skirts. You could NOT MISTAKE ME for another kind of athlete. My activity was unmistakable, or so I thought.

mirna valerio Runner, Speaker, & Author

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Getting down in the dirt How sex in the outdoors can feel expansive and even spiritual

Meghan O’Dea | @live.true.stories

ure, sex in a bed is great, but have you ever felt your bare ass slide against silky tactical nylon as you kick your sweaty undergarments into the brush, the scent of woodsmoke and hair oil radiating from your partner’s body as you turn an ENO Double Nest hammock into a backcountry sex-swing and stretch your trail-tired body into thrilling new positions? It’s true that I’d never felt less sexy in my life than the second date I’d spent trudging out of a gorge on a trail far beyond my capabilities in rural Tennessee. I was mosquito-bitten, sweaty, and chafed, carrying a pack laden with an unnecessarily wide assortment of meats, bagels, and canned goods which I’d curated in hopes of impressing my incredibly hot AF, experienced wilderness partner. It grew dark and we realized we were nowhere near the site we’d hoped to reach. I bit back tears

as we made camp, convinced this whole thrilling romantic enterprise was going to end in my untimely demise. But while dusk dipped into a late spring blue hour, the bourbon started to warm my aching limbs. My date’s dark brown eyes locked with mine from across the crackling campfire and, oh. It was on. For the rest of our relationship, my former partner and I loved to hike and camp together. When the opportunity arose, we also loved to drop trou and grind it out. We had sex against boulders that perfectly fit my lower back and left flecks of lichen clinging to my salt-crusted skin after a midtrail quickie. We fucked in, and used, hammocks, tents, and trees. We came up with creative new ways to defile our well-worn sleeping bags by the dying embers of our campfires and in the mornings when dew was still dripping off the humid grass like, well, you know.

Though I still rarely feel sexy when I’m sucking serious wind at the top of a ragged series of mountain switchbacks, my hair stuck to the back of my neck and musky pheromones wafting from my pits and nethers, I have come to realize that few settings are quite so alluring or primal as the great outdoors when it comes to getting down, whether with a partner or the tender touch of my own right hand as I wind down—and rev up—to the song of tent-side tree frogs and babbling brooks that gently mask and harmonize with all the usual gasps and moans.

deep in the present moment.

I’m definitely not alone. As the outdoor industry diversifies, so does outdoor sex. And as everyone from BIPOC to LGBTQIA+ to the disabled break barriers outdoors, barriers are falling, too, for talking about the myriad ways we can fuck outside and really, really enjoy the experience.

That opportunistic use of the landscape to enhance the sexual experience is one of the most thrilling parts of backcountry hanky panky for many participants. When you find a spot that looks like it has the right blend of privacy, comfort, height, angles, curves, or textures, all you need is consent and an amorous mood to make the most of your surroundings.

“S

“The sex I have outdoors is usually spontaneous —like when we found a secluded cedar grove with a fallen log in the middle that was the perfect height to bend over or ended up on the rocky beach by an alpine lake that happened not to have any other visitors that day—and so I don’t worry about being ‘properly prepared’ or having the ‘right supplies,’” Lacey explained, who identifies as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.

ex outside is FUN! It adds a level of excitement that can make an orgasm last longer or increase intensity, and who doesn’t want that?” May, a 34-year-old outdoor enthusiast, said. Making time to please your partner or yourself can even enhance the activities you’re ostensibly heading outdoors for, upping your endorphins and helping with recovery, both for your body and your mind after an especially big challenge. “Full days on a bike can leave you fatigued, chaffed, and inflamed,” cyclist Jen Engers said. “But there is no better place for sex than under the stars, or in a tent if privacy is an issue. Having your partner go down on you at the end of a long day of riding feels like a sexy, soothing, orgasmic trip to the spa.” After all, so much of heading outside is about discovering the awesome things you can do with your body, whether it’s about getting on top of a mountain, working your fingers into a tight crack on a challenging climbing pitch, or finding the right rhythm for your paddle stroke as you flow down white water. Having sex outside can be equally full of physical and emotional discovery, helping you and/or your partner get more creative, in tune, and

“My story is rooted in trusting your mind as you learn to trust your body,” Laura West said. She describes an adrenaline-fueled round of sex after completing an early climb, in a shady gully with a view down the wash. “My fingers scraped the rock and my feet held. Just as they did on the wall, now as he held me angled on the uphill face. We rocked gently together, my legs strong in their shake. My climb and sex instincts mirrored… to move as I could, and trust my body.”

“What ’s most important for me to enjoy sexy activities outside is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable...” 41

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“What’s most important for me to enjoy sexy activities outside is to get comfortable with the uncomfortable,” she added. “There will probably be something buzzing nearby, likely some dirt involved, usually some scratchy, hard, or uneven surfaces. It’s all part of the experience.” While some of those sensory irritants can pull you out of the moment at first, some experienced outdoor sex enthusiasts say that the lack of walls and presence of so many other living creatures— as long as they aren’t fellow humans—can make sex feel more expansive and even spiritual. “Intimacy in nature is a soul-deep connection —not only are you and your partner engrossed in one another, but with Mother Earth as well. I feel it brings us back to our calling, our true form and allows us to embrace the universe,” Hannah Greene said. “My boyfriend and I have had sex on the beach, in the mountains, camping, etc. It definitely gives me vibes of animal-ness and wildness, but also makes it sacred because nature witnessed it, not just our own eyes.” That said, there are a few precautions you can take to make all that spontaneous, soul-shattering sex a little more cozy, safe, and accessible—from packing certain items like cushy sleeping pads (looking at you, Therm-a-Rest) or double-wide sleeping bags to knowing how various landscapes tend to contribute to your sexual experience. “First, get consent with your partner(s) on just how outside you want to get. Choosing a location that makes you both comfortable yet lends itself to a sense of adventure will provide a happy and memorable experience for all, and can be a kind of foreplay,” Molly McKinney, a queer outdoor enthusiast who identifies as disabled, said. “Now, consider the sensations you’d like to include. How would it feel to find a breeze-lit patch of sunlight, with alternating heat and cool on skin that isn’t normally so exposed? When you lay your lover down, would you like them to feel springy moss or slightly prickly pine needles?” McKinney added. “Perhaps take advantage of new spring blooms and find a patch of aromatic wildflowers to bed down near. You can even work some of the environment into sensory play, like running lamb’s ear over the skin. Or, take advantage of

the thunderstorm that rolled through and strip down for lovemaking in the rain. Just make sure to watch out for the stinging nettle. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. And use protection, natch.” It’s ok to try different things and cross them off the list if they don’t work for you and the people you’re having sex with. Lisa, for example, said, “As much as hammock sex seems like a great idea it has never worked for us! Turns into a circus act with a weird rhythm. I prefer hanging out on a warm rock in the sun followed up with a quick dip in the river or lake’s cold water.”

“Intimacy in nature is a soul-deep connection—not only are you and your partner engrossed in one another, but with Mother Earth as well.” In the great outdoors, as anywhere, it’s important to be clear about what you like and dislike, what you’re willing to try, and what wasn’t a repeat technique. Often you might have a good idea of what positions you like from getting hot and heavy at home. But when you take your show on the road—or trail, as the case may be—you might find that settings that seemed sexy in your fantasies, at the cinema, or in the pages of your favorite book don’t translate as well when it’s your body in the middle of them.

“As a kayaker, I’ve spent a lot of time on western rivers. Especially on the Grand Canyon where sand is everywhere, trying to have sex on a Poco Pad on a raft. Otherwise, just assume you will have sand in every orifice of your body,” Jo Jones said, who at age 36, has had decades to perfect her game at both white water and the ol’ motion of the ocean. “You can have sex in the river but be careful of the current, whirlpools, crazy eddy lines or you may end up heading down stream. Want to be the safest? Both you and your partner can wear PFDs with one of you hooked to a flip line of a raft.”

In addition to communicating ahead of time about what making love in the wilderness may or may not include for the people involved and what settings you prefer, you’ll also want to plan ahead insofar as to pack a few supplies that will facilitate the experience. “My sex tip is always to carry a little container (tightly sealed!) of coconut oil. I use it as a natural lube that travels easily, moisturizing without the scent and chemicals,” West said. Another hiker named Hayden agreed. “If you’re trying to have a quickie while on a hike or somewhere people might come along, bring lube,” she said. “You won’t have time to ‘warm up,’ per se. Keep as many clothes on as you can, especially if you’re doing it against a tree or other rough surface. If you have a more private area where people are less likely to come along, set up in a spot so that if people do come, you can see and get covered in time. Bring a blanket or whatever else is feasible as well as wet wipes to clean up both before and after—before is important if you’ve been backpacking for several days!” There are a variety of travel-size, reusable containers you can use to transport your preferred lubricant—like humangear’s GoToobs, for example, or Matador’s FlatPak Toiletry Bottles. Just be sure to label them and store them in a different part of your pack from similar containers filled with, say, cooking oil, biodegradable soap, or—I wince just thinking about it—the hand sanitizer you’ll want to make sure your fingers are penetration-ready.

Thirty-year-old outdoor enthusiast Rose seconds the concerns about sand. “Sex in the outdoors was a part of us,” she said of an old flame, with whom she enjoyed trysts everwhere from Bahamian beaches to the groves of Yellowstone National Park. “Doggy style works great, take those extra steps into the woods to ensure you don’t get caught by a stranger (but remember the way to the trail!) and you will, no matter the precautions taken, get sand in your vagina if you have sex on a beach.”

You might also consider an (aptly-named) fanny pack to keep your frisky essentials close at hand. You don’t want to kill the mood searching high and low through your gear for lube when you just wanted to get in a quickie en route to your final destination or when, after a long day of alpine seduction, you suddenly can’t wait even a moment more. Don’t forget to include a sealed container like a Ziploc bag or odor-proof Loksak Opsak for your used wipes when all is said and done and you’re basking in the afterglow. It’s also wise to dodge an appropriate distance from the trail or any water sources to have a quick post-coital pee. After all, Leave No Trace principles say you should leave with only memories, not a nasty UTI.

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Planning ahead for a quick cleanup is especially important in peak seasons, when hot weather and binding athletic apparel can leave you feeling less than fresh. “Bike shorts are tight and can trap in heat and sweat,” Engers said. “I recommend stripping down before your partner’s face is two inches away to give things a chance to breathe. Wipes are your friend. Test these out before you go—some are heavily perfumed and don’t mix well with your natural body odor. I like to smell like myself, just clean. A dip in a lake or river is even better!” If you don’t have the luxury of time, picking a good location and the right outfit can go a long way to creating the conditions for satisfying nature nooky. “When we were younger, my partner and I would hike out high enough and far enough that we could strip down, take our time and revel in our nakedness in nature,” April explained. “Now that we have kids at home, and the mountains around us are much more populated, our adventures tend to be quicker and more clandestine. We seek out granite formations where we can sneak in a quickie. The rocks give us privacy, creative position options, an early warning system, and a great view of the sky above. Plus, if you hike in a skirt, that gives quick access.” If you’re looking to go all the way in all seasons, it’s inevitable that early spring, late fall, and winter can present their own challenges. Year-round adventurer May recommends that horny hikers or snow sports enthusiasts who anticipate cumming on the summit pack gear like full side-zip pants or butt-zipper bibs to ensure easy access when the time is right, especially in cold weather or if you’re locked into skiing or snowboarding equipment. That way all you have to do is “get flirty and set the mood—teasing talk on the chair lift or skin track, flash of the underwear, whatever you like.” Clothing that you can quickly remove and get back into can also offer peace of mind for safety-conscious campers whose marginalized status leaves them feeling more vulnerable in the outdoors. No one wants to get caught in the act outside (well, except serious exhibitionists), but marginalized groups often feel especially cautious about being publicly outed in such a private moment.

For example, when I was on that initial long weekend rendezvous with my former partner, we were very aware of our visibility as an interracial couple in the rural south. When we hiked out for a beer run to a nearby town, he waited in the car while I stepped inside to make the purchase after we noticed an abundance of Confederate flags on the vehicles in the parking lot and the package store itself. But because our campsite was so secluded, we felt very free and comfortable once we were back in the woods. However, being mindful of passersby is important no matter how you identify, not only for safety, but just to be respectful. Not everyone traipsing by consents to seeing or overhearing your private porno, no matter how hot you and your partner(s) may be. “As a former trail crew member, my first tip for sex outdoors is to be respectful of ‘the public’ on public lands and practice LNT,” Marieke Flynn noted. “Be conscious of delicate terrain (i.e. crypto or the tundra). Second, I cannot stress how liberating bringing a closed-cell foam pad for outdoor sex can be. Although the tent can be very intimate, sex outside of the tent is exhilarating, keeping my first tip in mind. Also, a small camp towel is better than a sock or your sleeping bag for clean up. Trust me.”

That said, if you’re the only ones around for miles and have room in your pack, it can be fun to bring other gear along to enhance the fun, from pocket rockets and discreet necklace-style vibes to you and your beloved’s favorite strap-on. Just don’t forget to go wireless, pack extra batteries, or bring a solar charging system to keep your toys running, and opt for waterproof, lightweight, non-breakable, and easy to clean versions over, say, a heavy glass piece or your longest, girthiest suction cup dildo.

We seek out granite formations where we can sneak in a quickie. The rocks give us privacy, creative position options, an early warning system, and a great view of the sky above.

For those who drink, a little tipple can help ease any anxieties about having sex in a new and different way. Or, if it’s legal where you live (and you aren’t on federal land), cannabis or even hallucinogens can help you feel even more present in your body or aroused by the sensory nature of your surroundings. Just be extra sure to stay safe and discreet—especially if you’re new to either the substances or getting amorous au natural. Another option, especially if you’re car camping, is to bring along a portable speaker or LED lantern with party settings that let you change the colors or brightness. While you’re there to enjoy the sites and sounds of nature, sometimes you want to set the mood no matter where you are, and having a little control over the environment can help you get from clammed up to ready to roll. Whether you dip your toes (or any other body parts) into the wild waters of outdoor sex by getting hot and heavy in your car or find yourself awash with lust after skinny dipping in some secret spot far from civilization, the most important thing is to stay safe, take care of your partner(s), and—have a lot of fun. Check the legality of what you might get up to in the area where you’re planning on going before you head out, pack the essentials to feel your best, and keep your mind open to how sex might be different, more challenging, more vulnerable, and more spectacular when you’re free of four walls. You just might find a whole new meaning to when nature calls.

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Suspend Photography and Words by SHOOG MCDANIEL | @shooglet

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I started becoming really into

photography when a friend of mine sent me a whole bunch of disposable cameras that they found behind a Walgreens, probably when I was about 17 years old. I started taking photos of all of my friends and getting them developed and making collages out of them in different photo albums. I became really into having that role in my friend group as a photographer because I was pretty socially awkward as a kid and didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a lot of friends. I felt like it was something I could provide or offer my friends. Then it just grew.

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can escape capitalism, T hrough photography, Itransphobia, fatphobia,

the hellscape that we’re currently living through, the Trump administration. Just all of the phobias that surround me and my identity, as well as my friends’ identities. That includes racism, xenophobia, colorism, and the things that affect people that are close to me or people that aren’t close to me. I’m trying to thrive in the face of all of this.

of freeness, I create a vibe, aoffeeling wholeness, of

being seen for exactly who you are, for being beautiful in the face of all these people telling you that it’s not possible for you to be beautiful. I think that’s the key to liberation for everyone—to create art that reflects what we want the world to become. That’s my goal in life.

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Nature

is my spiritual guidance. I take a lot of inspiration from nature. I feel the best when Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m in nature. I have a spiritual practice around nature and sunsets specifically. Nature has a very powerful way of showing us ourselves. And I think that when people are intertwined with nature, they feel more whole. Nature also is bonding because a lot of people have a very similar reverence and respect for nature. If you combine fat bodies and otherwise marginalized bodies with nature, people can start to shift their views of those bodies based on the fact that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re surrounded by something that they acknowledge as beautiful.

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I use the word fat

all the time. I feel like I love that word. When people call me fat, I shrug my shoulders and say, “Yeah, that’s true.” We can’t play into this whole, “Oh no! You’re not fat. You’re not really fat. It’s okay.” Like it’s a bad thing. It’s not a bad word. We have to de-stigmatize the word “fat” because it’s literally just a descriptor. There’s thin people, there’s fat people. There’s short people, there’s tall people. But for a lot of reasons, for racist reasons, for fem-phobic reasons, for all these reasons, society put a code on fat to mean something negative and bad. It is our responsibility to take that away because we need to just be who we are without having any kind of morality attached to the size that we are.

I want people

to take away from my work that they have the power to change their views about their own body and their views about other people’s bodies through art and through practicing self-love and taking photos and displaying them proudly and standing up for what they think is right. I think that’s what I do. I put forth bodies that are marginalized out into the world that are not often highlighted because that’s who I want to see. That’s my role model. That’s who I look up to. So I want those people to be lifted up. So that’s what I do and I hope that other people will continue that.

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Shoog McDaniel is a southern, queer, non-binary, fat photographer and artist living in Tallahassee, Florida. Their latest project is conducting photoshoots of folks that are in quarantine using technology such as Zoom, capturing different angles of their body and exploring how we can continue to document through this really hard time where we’re all being made to stay apart from each other. “It’s really fun to see how adaptable and vibrant our communities can stay even through the worst shit.” Learn more about Shoog’s work at shoogmcdaniel.com and follow them on Instagram at @shooglet.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Eventually, doctors will find a coronavirus vaccine, but black people will continue to wait, despite the futility of hope, for a cure for racism.â&#x20AC;? - Roxane Gay American Writer, Professor, Editor, and Social Commentator 46 Years Old

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Nipplegate A Story of Bravery, 2018: Nudity, and Ultimate Olivia Fromm | @oliviabylove

Frisbee

At the age of 11, I was standing on nudity’s last frontier.

my own compass for that of the masses and caged my wildness.

Like most unseen childhood boundaries, it never merited a thought until it was a place I could no longer enter.

I can’t remember even thinking about nudity again until much, much later. Until my first postgrad employment––a weed farming gig in Mendocino––took me far out into the California mountains.

I was with a friend at a semi-public natural swimming hole in Florida. Thus far unconvinced by the early onset and entirely unnecessary pre-teen fascination with bras, I was letting my tiny breasts fly free. At this stage of breast development, they were imperceptible in a T-shirt but unclothed you might see my nipples were thinking about making a stand of their own. But only if you really looked. In my mind, I was as free and discrete as a pancake. And so told my best friend––at her nervous pleas to clothe myself before someone saw––to just call me “Alex” if anyone came too close. It was easy to rebel against one friend imposing cultural norms, but against the unrelenting template of Southern femininity? I craved belonging too strongly. So I quietly and internally traded 60

Choosing that job was the first time I let what is wild in me have the reins again. It led me to the grubby freedom I’d spent a lifetime aching for: a small patch of hippie farmers working redwood mountain land, an hour and a half from even the faintest town. There was no one to impose cultural norms anymore. For the first time since childhood, I began to stretch into what I wanted to do. Which just so happened to be nude sunbathing that summer. My every cell thrilled and purred under that most essential pouring life force of sun. But behind pleasure: a connection to source crooned with everything I’d forgotten. There was an intimate sense of reunion, touching the

PC: courtesy of oliva fromm

desires of my truer self was touching earth in the same unfolding. The only thing keeping me from entirely blasting off into the astral plane was discovering a weekly social outlet of ultimate frisbee in town. Ultimate is a really loose sport, like the loosest classification of sport you can have while still being a “sport.” Honestly, it’s much more about the debaucherous bouts of drinking, costumes, dancing, nudity, and side games than the competition itself.

It’s truly the best sport ever. On one hot August day, my friend Kelly suddenly popped off her sports bra and started playing completely topless in the public park, as if she had suddenly overheated and, without another thought, rectified the situation. I saw everything I wanted to be in that single act. I said to a friend––we were all staring at that point––“Someday I’ll be there too.” But as I said it, I realized the simple truth: How would I

“Real wildness comes from listening within and having the courage to stand in that most authentic fire of your own truth.” ever feel ready to bare the breasts I disliked before any audience (other than the trees) if I didn’t just do it? I whipped my sports bra off like the second thoughts crowding in and ran onto the field toward Kelly. She whooped when she saw me, eyes sparkling with the excitement of her own wildness. Six months later at a tournament, I played a fully naked point with my comrades in front of 500 other clothed people. And somehow, that was so much less scary than that very first time. I’d always loved the kind of women who were roaringly bold like Kelly. And now I understood: Real wildness comes from listening within and having the courage to stand in that most authentic fire of your own truth.

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Sex Is An Adventure Natasha Buffo | @dirtandtears Art by MICHAELA MACPHERSON | @claytits

Pleasure. Communication. One word elicits tingles, the other brings tension. In all areas of life, especially with sexuality, we are trained to seek pleasure and avoid communication. What this leads to is okay sex. Or worse, bad sex. How do we solve this horrifying dilemma? First, throw generalizations out the window. Just as we all choose different outdoor activities, we are beautifully unique in our preferred sexual activities. Not weird, or different, or abnormal, but beautifully unique. Second, we need to talk about those preferences. Just like you talk to your partner about your favorite hobbies, it’s time to talk about sex. Kris Roudebush, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in serving the LGBTQIA+ community, believes that we should verbalize the specifics of when and how you get excited, and then ask your partner to share in return. Accept and explore those differences. When you understand your own type of desire, and your partner’s, then you have something to work with! Just as there is a spectrum of how we get excited about sex, there is also a magical rainbow of sexual acts. We boast about our hobbies on social media, on resumes, and when outside, instantly bonding with others engaged in shared and socially acceptable activities. Yet when it comes to sex, we keep it locked up tight, never to be discussed. The result is dull, repetitive, unimaginative sex. This is unacceptable. We deserve to experience exciting sex! To get there, first we must figure out what we like and what we don’t. This is challenging because, as Roudebush points out, “Sex education has nothing to do with pleasure.” We were never taught the options or how to explore them. Instead, we were taught what is 62

“normal” versus what is “unconventional,” touting the latter as immoral. What if we treated sex like any adventure—where we find ourselves open, curious, and exploratory, solo, or with a partner? For example, say you have never gone camping before (or you never tried anal), but your partner is a backpacker (and loves it). You would like to explore this world (because backpacking is definitely next level camping), but you are nervous (for many good reasons). Communicate both those feelings—that you are nervous and want to explore, and that you need to take it slow. Start with car camping, sleeping on an air mattress with pillows and a duvet. (Start with just the tip of a finger, applying pressure to just the opening). Agree that if you are miserable, it is okay for you both to go home (agree on a “safe word” to stop the anal play). Know that if you don’t complete the camping trip that time, it does not mean you cannot try again. After, when you are back home (or are not naked in bed), both of you share what you liked and what you did not like. Be honest with one another. Repeat for other activities you or your partner are curious about. Let’s be real—honesty is fucking hard. Communicating about our unique sexual identities is challenging because of one feeling—shame. Sex and shame go hand in hand, and layers can run deep. Everyone is embarrassed about something and most of us are actually ashamed of the same things: low/high libido, an interest in a sexual activity that society has deemed unconventional, a contracted sexually transmitted infection, or religious beliefs we were raised on. Trauma from an unwanted sexual act is hidden even deeper and for longer, and unfortunately is also a shared experience. The problem is that we rarely talk about these areas of shame. Roudebush insists

that “The way in which we talk about [sex] will set the tone for how it will be received.” In other words, if you present what you are embarrassed about as horrible and relationship ending, that’s likely what it will be. But, if you present it as part of who you are and something you want to work on, then it’s far more manageable. We need to present these topics not as a hopeless negative trait, but as a normal part of the human experience. Still, with all this exploration and acknowledgment, we can get stuck. We hit a wall and find we can’t navigate the terrain on our own, or even with a partner. With a lifetime of generalizations, bottling up our fantasies, and shame, we need help from experts. Fortunately, help is out there. Most of us never received a proper education on the individuality of sex or how to talk

about it. Now is the time. Find a class at your local college, online, or seek out an experienced couple’s counselor.

What if we treated sex like any

can be amazing and to get there, it takes effort and assistance. Even with the challenge, every adventurer knows that feeling at the top of a pass, a pitch, or at the base of the single track. It’s worth it.

adventure—where we find ourselves open, curious, and exploratory, solo, or

Get Wild With These Sex-Positive Instagram Accounts

with a partner? We take lessons to learn how to ski, we attend weekend-long mountain biking clinics, and we watch videos to build a bed platform in a van or truck. Yet when it comes to sex, we must maintain a persona of being as skilled as an Olympic athlete, without the years of obsessive practice, or being coached by an expert. Sex

@salty.world @ihartericka @raquelsavage @karleyslutever @erikalust

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PC: courtesy of hayden seder

Facing My Fear of Fear: Climbing with Anxiety Rebecca Long | RebeccaCLong.com

For most of us, fear is an intrinsic part of rock climbing. Whether you’re 1,000 feet above the ground on a big wall in Yosemite or 20 feet up in the air at your local climbing gym, entrusting your life to a harness, a rope, and a friend gets the adrenaline pumping. As someone with anxiety, that nervous, on-edge feeling is familiar, although in less obviously terrifying places: on the bus, in a check-out line at the supermarket, at a work meeting, at a restaurant. Being afraid of the mundane is exhausting and disempowering. It may seem counterintuitive, but that’s one of the reasons I climb—to seize back control. Both a coping mechanism and an unofficial form of exposure therapy, climbing allows me to safely face my fear... of fear. In a recent interview with National Geographic, climber, photographer, and director Jimmy Chin observes, “Fear is a useful emotion since it can keep you alive! But when it becomes overwhelming and paralyzing, that’s when it won’t serve you.” This is an important distinction: When I climb, my fear serves me, unlike in my daily life. Anxiety disorders come in many forms—generalized anxiety, phobia-related—but quite a few involve excessive worrying and/or panic attacks, either caused by triggers or brought on unexpectedly. The senselessness of my anxiety, the absence of its cause, is what I struggle with the most. Why do I feel afraid? Why am I having a panic attack? Oftentimes, for no reason at all. However, suspended dozens of feet off the ground, clinging to a granite or resin crimper, my fear makes sense. As I reach from hold to hold, pausing occasionally to steady my breathing, heart racing from exertion and nerves, I know exactly why I feel uneasy; in fact, I’ve chosen to. When I begin to experience anxiety-like symptoms on the wall—pins and needles in my hands and feet, palpitations—I remind myself that these are appropriate, healthy responses to the situation I’m in. Although I’m safe, the danger is real, unlike when I experience those same manifestations of anxiety on a conference call for work or surrounded

by strangers on the subway. Climbing has helped me retrain my mind to understand when panic is useful and when it isn’t. I’m not alone in turning to this sport to combat mental health issues. Many recent studies have found that, aside from being a great workout, rock climbing can have positive effects on symptoms of depression. While they’re not replacements for therapy or medication, climbing and bouldering—a form of climbing done on smaller rock formations without using ropes or harnesses—force participants out of their own heads. It’s hard to focus on anything but the wall in front of you when you’re trying not to slip off. There’s a reason bouldering routes are called “problems”: they require all of your attention. As a woman with anxiety, there is irony in finding comfort in a sport that is not only “scary” by nature, but also frequently inhospitable for climbers who aren’t white men. But in the past decade, the community has made strides toward becoming more welcoming and inclusive—my local gym has monthly Vogue Fem workshops and meetups for LGBTQIA+ and women climbers. Some of the best-known athletes in the climbing world, like Beth Rodden, have begun to openly discuss issues like body image pressure, eating disorders, trauma, and mental health. Rock climbing, more than many other sports, fosters empowerment in its participants. To climb— to literally reach the top of a mountain—is to overcome. At the climbing gym, there are no goals to score, no team to fret about letting down, no game to win. It’s just you, your fear, and the wall. I’m not what you would call a “good” climber. But if I can send a route, buoyed by a diversifying climbing community and a supportive belayer, you can, too, anxiety and all.

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Make Climbing

n w O You r

Hayden Seder | @heady_sender

Photography courtesy of Hayden Seder

Rock climbing can be an intimidating sport. There’s the gear, the secret-code-like language, the ego, and the risk. But with the rise of indoor climbing gyms and a more inclusive and welcoming community, the time is ripe for more people to get involved. I began climbing five years ago when an exboyfriend took me to a local crag and threw me on a rope. I was hooked. While the boyfriend went by the wayside, I found a new sport in my mid-20s that would change the direction of my life. Making climbing my own, and not something that I would only do with an intimate partner, was not easy. I didn’t know anyone in my local rock climbing community. Walking into a climbing gym full of people who didn’t look like me was discouraging. That’s why organizations like Flash Foxy, which is dedicated to celebrating women climbing and creating places where women can feel inspired and connected to each other, are so important. COVID-19 has changed the way that we can climb, so I checked in with Flash Foxy to find out their top tips for how to climb responsibly this summer.

Flash Foxy

Beta

1. Be prepared to be flexible. Your personal mission is not more important than the health and safety of others.

2. Climb with people in your household. Ditch your squad and avoid crowds. Remember that these need to be people whom you trust and have fun with. Having complete confidence in your partners is key to keeping a clear mind and being able to focus on what you’re doing on the wall. Knowing they have your spot or a safe belay can make or break how you perform.

You can learn a lot by watching other climbers. Seeing how varying body sizes and shapes execute routes differently can help you understand movement on the wall.

3. If your local crag or boulder is occupied, save your send for another day! If you can climb outside, keep space for passing hikers and fellow climbers when spotting or belaying. Educate yourself on the area. Use hand sanitizer before and after you climb. Know if there are any restoration acts in place. Do not leave trash and pick up what you see. If you’re bringing your dog, be mindful of how that affects others and the area. Be a good steward of the earth and respectfully educate those who aren’t. 4. Be safe! Climbing is dangerous. Know how to fall if you’re bouldering and how to be a conscious spotter for your partners. Do regular safety checks if you’re on ropes and communicate with those around you. Remember to stay safe and that hospitals and other resources are being used for COVID-19 patients. First responders and police cannot social distance in an emergency. Be respectful and mindful of your safety and theirs. 5. If you can’t climb responsibly, watch a YouTube video instead. You can learn a lot by watching other climbers. Seeing how varying body sizes and shapes execute routes differently can help you understand movement on the wall. There’s never one right way to do something. Want more info on how to recreate responsibly this summer? Head on over to RecreateResponsibly.org to learn more. 67

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At Odds With Myself Myself

Reconciling the urge to experience new places with an unpredictable mental illness Monica Nigon | @monicanogin

My brain and I are often at odds with one another, given that it tends to have a mind of its own when it comes to travel and adventure. My impulses lead me to travel across the world for lengthy periods, often alone, despite having a rather inconvenient case of bipolar disorder. In 2019, I traveled to New Zealand for five months following that same unavoidable impulse. The steps one must take to manage this doozy of a diagnosis—taking your medications, regular sleep, no alcohol or drugs, a stable environment—are upended while traveling. Indeed, blasting apart the fortress of routine and comfort is sort of the point. I had arranged to have my medications sent to me by some generous friends back home and thought

it was all taken care of. Things I didn’t consider: pharmacies can make mistakes and are hard to contact with an 18-hour time difference, New Zealand is really far away, and bipolar disorder is actually no joke. On numerous occasions during my stay there, my medications were filled incorrectly. One time, the employees of New Zealand customs held the whole batch in their trove of foreign goodies, demanding $200 for these very legal drugs you’d be unlikely to find being sold in an alleyway. Although I wouldn’t take my trip to New Zealand back for anything, I could have avoided a lot of heaving breakdowns in my tent if I’d prepared a little more adequately. I’m taking all of these into account on my next international journey.

Find healthy outlets For me this was rock climbing and sometimes even striking off on a strenuous hike by myself. The extra endorphin boost and escape from the dripping, dark hallways of my neurons almost made up for that missing 30 milligrams.

Learn ways to relax This might be things like yoga or deep breathing. But for a person like me who despises yoga, listening to Harry Potter audiobooks and staring aimlessly at swirling currents in a river seemed to assuage some of my struggles.

Don’t stop taking your medications For travel lasting less than a year, it is best to have your medications shipped from home. Make sure to have a note from your doctor to get it through customs both in the package and in your possession. Stress to your friends or family at home the importance of getting these medications on time.

Communicate with your psychiatrist or therapist These people need to know your plans and have an action plan for a potential psychological disaster. This could include extra anti-anxiety medications or a letter explaining your need for medications in the case of a psychotic break. Make a self-treatment plan, like ensuring adequate and regular sleep, journaling, breaking various ceramics in half on Wednesdays, etc. Check your medical or travel insurance to see if it covers an emergency trip home or hospitalization.

Sometimes you’ll have to say no Going on a week-long bender in the city with your friends can’t be as casual as it is for others. For us, adhering to a routine with flashes of healthy spontaneity has to be the reality. You might feel like you’re missing out, but you’d also be missing out on mental stability, which I’ve heard is nice. In the end, given the right planning and care, traveling has always been worth it. Even though I had to cut my trip short, I came back with unparalleled stories and lifelong friendships and the certainty that resilience and a fantastic support network were more important than a diagnosis.

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The trailer It was early evening when I saw him coming out of the forest toward me. The day had been uncomfortably humid, and now the setting sun was causing steam to rise off the milkweed and high grasses beside the trail, creating a strange yellow haze. It was hard to make him out, but as he got closer I could see that he was middle-aged, shirtless, wearing a battered cowboy hat, and riding an ancient fixedgear bike, which creaked as he moved over the uneven ground. Behind him rattled a rusty metal trailer filled with black garbage bags. For the briefest moment, I had the sense of being trapped underwater: everything felt slightly distorted. Something wasn’t right. He wasn’t right. Somehow, I knew I needed to smile. He stared back at me. Hard. My smile fell away, I felt my stomach contract, and wondered if I was going to be sick. I pulled off the main trail and into the head-high grasses as he rolled slowly by, never taking his eyes off me, the trailer bumping and creaking in the sun-hardened ditches behind him.

ali Wines | @ali_wines

that the railway company had put up to deter mountain bikers from rebuilding trails in the woods. I breathed out. Turning my bike around, I continued to look for the disguised trailhead, making slow progress through the dense overgrowth. My discomfort still sat heavily in my stomach, and I was conscious of being completely alone. The woods were normally full of other riders, but tonight it was too hot. I glanced regularly over my shoulder, the only sound a deafening hum of cicadas. Even the birds were quiet. And then I saw him. He was riding back towards me, fast, over the stony, weedcovered double track. His trailer was empty now. My heart hammering, I stood up on my pedals and pushed with a speed and strength I’d never felt before. The tall grasses hit me in the face and blurred my vision as I tried to make it back to the wider track. If I could get there ahead of him, maybe I could outride him on my lighter, more agile bike.

What could possibly be in those garbage bags? Mushrooms, I tried to reassure myself. He was probably in the woods picking mushrooms. But mushrooms don’t grow in the height of summer and anyway, who would store mushrooms in sweating black plastic?

I reached the double track and turned sharply, jolting over the rock-hard fourwheel-drive ruts, invisible in the overgrowth. Don’t slow down. Don’t fall. Ahead of me was the railway hoarding, surrounded by sharp, fist-sized stones. Focussing only on getting to the other side, I willed my tires to hold up.

After what felt like minutes, he disappeared behind the bleached hoardings

Breath ragged, sweat stinging my eyes, I rounded the hoardings. The forest and

Photos courtesy of Tiffini Eugene

hidden trails gave way to manicured parkland and a paved bike path. Commuter cyclists flew past, oblivious to my presence, getting their miles in after work. Families strolled alongside each other, enjoying the warm evening before heading home to cook dinner, their joyful dogs bounding in and out of the cool, shallow river. I stopped. The man with the trailer was nowhere to be seen. The Backstory This is a true story. I want to share it because it’s not just about the man with the trailer. It’s about the guy in the ill-fitting T-shirt and bowl haircut, who looked at me for a second too long in the pine forest. It’s about the group of young men who blocked the path to the beach, laughing, forcing me and my friend to walk between them, like zebras through a pride of lions. It’s about the fact that I hike and ride with a whistle, not in case I get lost, but in case I get found by the wrong person. Many of us carry our own version of these stories with us every time we go outside. Women, LGBTQIA+ folk, People of Color. There are many, many stories about overcoming fear in the outdoors. Usually, they are about a heroic man who conquers fear to scale great heights or survives against seemingly impossible odds. I’m yet to hear a story about a man who feared another man on the trail. The fear that many of us feel when we’re alone outdoors is less about what could happen because of nature and more about what could happen because of another person. It’s inhibiting, limiting, it stops us seeing more women and diverse populations represented and achieving their potential outside.

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Let’s Talk About S ex

4 Sexual Health Brands We All Need (and Deserve) to Know ERICA ZAZO | @onecurioustrvlr

Let’s face it: Most times you can’t have sex with-

out stigma.

Social pressures and judgments falsely dictate how much sex we should (or shouldn’t) have. Political governance limits where and how we consume information on sexual intimacy. And we certainly aren’t supposed to talk about our sex lives around the dinner table. But even more so, the unwritten societal censorship of sex has limited our ability to access accurate, helpful, and, above all, relevant insight on how to have safe and pleasurable sex. That rings even more true for non-white and non-cisgender folks. Young, Black, Latinx, LGBTQIA+, non-binary, women, disabled, poor, and other under-resourced people are, yet again, pushed to the fringe when it comes to sexual health—from disproportionate health disparities to a lack of reproductive rights. Miss Grass MissGrass.com

“The War on Drugs has disproportionately affected the lives of People of Color,” Co-founder Kate Miller said. “And that history is still very present today. There are over 40,000 people in prison for nonviolent cannabis crimes and so many others who are prohibited from working in the legal industry due to their records. It’s imperative the industry only moves forward in an equitable and reparative way.”

What’s better than good weed? Good weed and good sex. Miss Grass knows both. Their cannabis product marketplace and online magazines make cannabis consumption more conscious by helping connect people with the best weed products possible. Through actual product testing, company vetting, and putting an emphasis on culture and diversity, Miss Grass enables people to vote with their dollar when buying cannabis products. Their top-selling, sexual health-focused product combines cannabis and pleasure. The Miss Grass Sex Kit—a starter kit for anyone wanting to incorporate CBD into their sex life—includes Foria’s Awaken CBD lubricant, a Miss Grass rose gold lighter case, Dame’s Kip vibrator and a Boy Smells candle. The brand also curates a Sex Shop online which features the top sexual wellness products across the Miss Grass catalog. On diversity, Miss Grass admits the cannabis industry has deep racist roots, but that is exactly why the company focuses on pushing forward initiatives around social equity and criminal justice reform. 72

b condoms bcondoms.com When b condoms founder Jason Panda was growing up, he didn’t see faces that looked like his in TV commercials and certainly not in condom ads. This is true across many industries, where marketing budgets and brands consistently ignore communities of color. Later in life, after influences from his mother who ran a detox and transitional care facility supporting many

people impacted by HIV/AIDs and teenage pregnancy, and as a patent lawyer for HIV biopharmaceutical drugs, he found his calling: creating the first and only Black-owned condom company in the nation. b condoms zeros in on promoting sexual health while also reducing health disparities, particularly in African American communities. The company makes organic, vegan, and lubricant-safe condoms, while also operating on a strong social mission to support and connect with African American communities addressing sex trafficking, HIV/AIDS prevention, teen pregnancy, and sexual health. “By marketing in a culturally represented way, and focusing on education where other companies aren’t investing, we’re able to build real partnerships in communities that aren’t paid attention to,” Panda said. “From prioritizing donations to tens of thousands of local non-profits to partnering with organizations that are not heavily capitalized—we’re making sure that condoms are available in areas where they’re not easily accessible.”

“For many years we’ve hosted regular classes by a rotating and ever-changing mix of sex educators, sex therapists, authors, researchers, and intimacy coaches, on topics ranging from sex and medicine to specific sex skills to healing after trauma to navigating non-monogamy and more,” Gretchen Leigh, She Bop’s education coordinator, said. She Bop also frequently partners with Portland’s feminist and LGBTQIA+ organizations, low-cost health clinics, non-profits, and college campuses for education purposes and fundraisers. “When we say that She Bop is a small business, we truly mean it. We have two storefront locations and a staff of about 13 folks at most, including the owners. We do everything ourselves, with management working alongside staff members in shipping, on the sales floor, and in our classes. Cheesy though it may be, I think that love for each other, what we do, and who we serve is what makes us different!”

MiddlesexMD MiddlesexMD.com MiddlesexMD, and founder Dr. Barb Depree, M.D., serves as a resource for sex life questions after 40—specifically for women looking for knowledge about safe, healthy sex during and beyond menopause. As a gynecologist and women’s health provider for almost 30 years and a menopause care specialist for over a decade, Dr. Barb focuses on what’s rarely discussed among health care providers and the media: that all individuals deserve to enjoy their sexuality for their whole lives. She Bop SheBopTheShop.com When She Bop founders Evy Cowan and Jeneen Doumitt opened their store in 2009, boutique adult sex shops—let alone those specializing in safe and inclusive products—were few and far between. Today, their small business in Portland, OR sells sensuality products, vagina-friendly lubricants, sex-positive books, and inclusive toys for all folks on the sexual spectrum. It also serves as a safe space and sex-ed resource for people of all genders, ages, backgrounds, and experiences.

“Menopause in particular wreaks havoc on sexual function and many women didn’t anticipate this or know how to navigate these changes,” Dr. Barb said. “What is unique about the women we work with is that we’re able to address questions and concerns about sex during menopause that arise as a result of the physiologic changes experienced when women lose their source of estrogen. Sexuality and sexual health is a universally human aspect of existence—it doesn’t discriminate. All individuals deserve to enjoy their sexual selves and in order to optimize this, it requires self-care.”

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How Not To Do Sex Education Like A Basic Bitch from the creator of “how not to travel like a basic bitch: where race and travel intersect”

Kiona | @hownottotravellikeabasicbitch

Welcome to the USA! Where the government took advantage of the COVID-19 pandemic to shut down Planned Parenthood and abortion clinics. Where the school system’s comprehensive sex education is called “abstinence-based,” “abstinence-plus,” “abstinence-only,” “abstinence-centered,” “abstinence-only-until-marriage,” or ABSO-FUCKING-RIDICULOUS. Without sex, humans would not exist. So to promote a culture of abstinence not only denies sex as a human characteristic and survival technique, it also denies hormonal development, denies the mental benefits of sex, promotes body shaming, and also primarily serves the patriarchy. This form of “sex education” is the least possible education you could possibly give to children. And you can forget about addressing sexuality; only 13 of 50 states even require a discussion on sexual orientation. So let’s travel to a place that actually puts EDUCATION in SEX EDUCATION and see how it has developed sexual freedom in Cuban culture. ¡Bienvenidos a Cuba! Where it is HOT… and I’m not just talking about the weather. Cuba. Where the first thing students learn at age 14 is how to use a condom because the government understands that sex starts at an early age. Cuba. Where sex education includes sexual orientation, both at school and on television. Where the government funds an organization called CENESEX, best known for advocating tolerance of LGBTQIA+ issues, stressing acceptance of sexual diversity, and campaigns for the rights of transgender persons, including the rec-

To promote a culture of abstinence not only denies sex as a human characteristic and survival technique, it also denies hormonal development, denies the mental benefits of sex, promotes body shaming, and also primarily serves the patriarchy.

ognition of an individual’s gender identity, regardless of birth sex, and provision of state-funded sexual reassignment surgery. CENESEX also created an animated series for TV to address sexual orientation to adolescents. Cuba. Where sex education teaches what type of condom homosexual men need to use to withstand more resistance. And where men are not afraid to declare they are bisexual. Cuba. Where they teach you how to put on a condom, how to use contraceptives, and how to prevent unwanted pregnancy at an early age. They even teach ALL genders ovulation cycles so that both partners can keep track of a menstruating person’s reproductive cycle in order to safely have sex without a condom. (Pause. Think about that. Teaching young men how to track a menstrual cycle. Just incredible.) Cuba. Where they continuously teach about sexual disease transmission. Where extra special attention is paid to homosexual men because––while illegal––it is known that prostitution is most common between Cuban nationals and foreign men.

Cuba. Where abortions are a right. Where abortions are free and frequent. And where there is no Puritan religion to make it taboo. People talk about it openly, without shame. Cuba. Where schools will do exchanges with doctors to give courses in the psychology of sex. This sex education results in a culture that is nearly free of sexual shame and armored with education. And while it is not a perfect country and homophobia still exists in the most ignorant of people, Cuba is killing it in both sexual education and attitudes towards sexual health and orientation in comparison to the USA. Cuba is where I learned to drop my own sexual inhibitions (only certain holes permitted) and break my own sexual rules (sex only after three months of dating… yeah right, as if. Didn’t even last two days). But it’s also where I learned sexually free can also translate to sexually free outside of one partner. So adjust your expectations of monogamy accordingly. But that’s a different story for a different day…

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poetry in motion Words and Art by:

abBEY gordon | @abbeygordonart Dawn You know that feeling when you wake up in a tent? And the air is dry, and sort of warm, and it smells like your favorite sleeping bag, but also of the sea. And also of dust. And you zip open the door, and the sky is still dark, but not quite dark. Most of the sky is night, and there are small little patterns of stars. But then in that other small shoulder of the sky, it is dawn. And over the dusty, sandy, cactus-filled hills, It is dawn. And I think to myselfâ&#x20AC;Ś What could be more perfect than this? This moment of waking up. Reentering the world, and realizing that everything I love is right in my hands. In my nose. In my lungs. Under my dry, dusty, salty toes. Running the length of my body as it slips through the clear, warm, sea. And that this moment is just the beginning of the day. Because in the shoulder of the sky, it is dawn.

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selfcare ≠ #selfcare SAMANTHA ROMANOWSKI | @smilingsamantha Artwork by Olivia Chase |

I really dislike the term “self-care.” It’s become a buzzword. It’s trendy. The meaning has become diluted. Green juice. Moon juice. Massage. Facial. Retreat. Crystals. #selfcare #wellness #ugh What does it mean to be well in 2020? What does it mean to practice “self-care”? Self-care is really about making conscious choices that nurture your body, mind, and spirit. It’s about loving the way that certain activities make you feel. And if you go deeper, it’s self-love. The catch? It’s a daily practice, not something you do to escape your stress or your life. Do you drink enough water? Are you getting enough sleep? Is there self-judgment or negative self-talk in your mental space? Do you make time for hobbies and social interaction? The small things you do to take care of your health (physical and mental) are self-care. And more importantly, it’s time to recognize that self-care is a part of your health care. Taking care of your health is a continuous process of proactively considering and tending to your needs. It’s about making the most caring choice you can make for yourself in a situation. It includes making small, sustainable changes in your life, that you can commit to keeping up. It’s maintaining your physical and mental health in ways that don’t add stress to your life but are a reflection of what you actually need to be healthy and well. It’s vital to start considering the WHY behind the choices we make. When you take the time to reflect on why you do certain things (and how you take care of yourself), it can reveal a deeper understanding about your intentions. Do you want to be distracted? Do you need a sense of control or accomplishment? Do you desire to feel more alive or connected? 78

@oliviachasedesigns We make countless decisions during the course of a day and when you uncover why you make certain decisions, you can begin to adjust the things that don’t serve you, that don’t make you feel good, and that don’t contribute positively to your health. It’s essential to view our self-care practices as part of our health care because they give us ownership over our health. When you view the small, daily (self-care) habits you do as part of your overall health care, you begin to recognize that you have the opportunity to change how you feel, both physically and mentally. Let’s be real—I’m not suggesting that you can use positive affirmations to pull yourself out of a funk. Or that eight hours of sleep is going to magically change your life. But maybe these are small steps that lead to larger gains that cause a real shift in the way you feel. Reflecting on why you do certain things, then making adjustments along with setting an intention to foster self-compassion, nonjudgment, and acceptance through your daily self-care practices will help you feel better. Go deeper and you’ll understand that true care for oneself is an act of self-love. And self-love is as fundamental to your health as food, water, and shelter. When you practice self-love, you increase your feelings of selfworth and foster growth within yourself and throughout your life. So let me ask you again—what do you do for self-care? Can you begin to shift your thinking around your daily (self-care) habits? Can you think of those things you do to take care of yourself as part of your health care? Can you take ownership of your health? That’s the most radical act of self-love I can think of.

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A DIY project by

Make Your Own Natural Dye from Avocado Pits with

Margaret Seelie | @seawitches.zine | @margaretseelie

As I write this, we’ve been under Shelter in Place orders for almost four months. I’ve missed being in nature and feeling wild and free. One way I’ve coped with staying inside, while also getting creative about my relationship to nature, is making my own natural inks and dyes. I’d like to share my simple dye-making recipe with you so you too can deepen your relationship with nature and your creative spirit. You’ll be surprised by how easy dyemaking is, and by what incredible, varied, and vibrant colors your environment can yield. The best part about making your own dye is following the rhythms of Mother Nature. She’ll bring you oxalis flowers in spring, explode with wild fennel in summer, and litter the ground with color-filled acorns in fall. You’ll protect her from toxic dyes produced by large corporations producing fast fashion that pollute. According to the World Economic Forum, “Textile dyeing is the world’s secondlargest polluter of water.” I’ve made some dyes that have blown my mind and some that were so underwhelming I dumped them down the drain. But my friend who taught me all I know about making natural inks and dyes instilled in me the most important ingredient—there are no mistakes, only happy accidents. Seawitches 4 was our avocado pit dyed issue, including these shirts and zine covers.

Smash It Up

What You’ll Need 10 Avocado Pits Large Metal Pot (canning pot works great) Metal Tongs Water Optional: Soda Ash (Dharma Trading) pH-neutral soap (Dharma Trading) Fabric: About 2.5 - 3 lbs. (about five T-shirts or pillowcases), non-synthetic, such as 100% cotton, linen, or silk

Step-By-Step

forage

It all starts with foraging for the material you’d like to try making dye with. It is important to forage responsibly by only taking what you need from locations where foraging is permitted. To paraphrase the natural ink maker Jason Logan from his book Make Ink: A Forager’s Guide to Natural Inkmaking, he practices two kinds of foraging: wandering and focusing. When wandering, he “picks a landscape and explores it without preconceptions.” His focused searches are about finding one single ingredient. For our recipe, we are going to go on a focused foraging adventure for avocado

pits. We need to find ten pits and we want them to be fresh. You can either eat ten avocados and save the pits, or I’ve had a lot of luck asking my local cafe to save their pits for me. Remember to bring them a token of your gratitude, like something you made with their avocado pits—a painting or dyed piece of fabric. The fresher the pits are, the more vibrant color they’ll yield. If you can’t use the pits right away, wrap them in a wet paper towel and put them in an air-tight container in the fridge until you’re ready to make your dye.

Wash Fabric To prepare your fabric for dyeing, wash it using a pHneutral soap. This step is important because most fabrics, even organic ones, come with oils and waxes on them; for your dye to bond with the fabric, you have to wash these off. I use the professional textile detergent from Dharma Trading. There are other options, such as simmering it with Marseille soap and washing soda.

Clean and Chop Clean off any avocado meat from the pits. Some pits have a thin brown skin on them; do not remove this, you want it in your dye bath. Once they are clean, chop each pit into quarters. They can be slippery, so be extra careful when cutting. Use tongs or something to hold them steady to avoid cutting your fingers.

Simmer Fill the pot between halfway and two-thirds with water. Add the chopped avocado pits. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer. Let them simmer until they turn the water red, about 30 to 60 minutes. Remove the pits with tongs.

Dye Fabric & Add Modif iers

This is where the fun happens! Depending on the color you’re trying to achieve, you can add modifiers to your dye bath. These can brighten or sadden the color, depending on what modifier you use. For example, alum will brighten and iron will sadden the color. You also don’t have to use modifiers if you like the color of your dye bath. I recommend cutting some smaller strips of fabric to test the color. If you’ve got five T-shirts, try dyeing one, then adding a modifier and dyeing another. To dye fabric: Wet your fabric in clean water and wring it out. You want it to be damp but not dripping. Then add it to your dye bath and make sure it’s submerged using your tongs. Keep the bath simmering. Leave it in the dye bath for as long as you like. The longer it’s in the bath, the darker or deeper the color will be. If you want light pink, only leave it in the bath for 10-15 minutes. If you want a deeper rose, leave it in for longer.

Artwork by Savannah Rusher and available at SeaWitchesZine.com

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Once you’ve reached a color you like, remove from the dye bath and let rest for 15-20 minutes. Wash again in pH-neutral detergent to remove excess dye. If you have leftover dye, you can put it in a jar and keep it in the fridge and try dyeing with it again. You can try painting with your dye on watercolor paper too. How to use a modifier: My favorite modifier is soda ash because it tends to deepen the color and it’s good for helping the dye bind to the fabric. If you want to use that for your recipe, add 1 tablespoon of soda ash to your dye bath and stir with your tongs. Most importantly, keep experimenting with materials, modifiers, and materials to dye. Continue your journey with Sasha Duerr’s book Natural Color: Vibrant Plant Dye Projects for Your Home and Wardrobe. Make your own recipes! And remember, there are no mistakes, just happy accidents.

Seawitches, a zine for waterpeople, is a bi-annual print publication. We are here to tell stories inspired by water that are rooted in nature and diversity.

These covers are dyed with inks made from indigo plants, oxalis flowers, eucalyptus bark, and avocado pits. Each cover is designed by a different Artist in Residence.

Margaret Seelie is an artist and writer living in San Francisco. She is the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Seawitches.

Photos courtesy of Seawitches

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Marketplace

The Honey Pot Co TheHoneyPot.co The Honey Pot Co is the first complete vaginal care system that cleanses, protects, and balances your vagina. Founder Bea Dixon started The Honey Pot Co because she was suffering from bacterial vaginosis for months and couldn’t get relief. One night, an ancestor visited her in a dream and gifted her with a vision to heal herself. With her help, she created the Honey Pot Co to solve what other brands wouldn’t, using the power of herbs.

Momotaro MomotaroApotheca.com The vagina is complex and that’s why Momotaro keeps it simple. Momotaro is a pH balanced vaginal care line that believes that when it comes to vaginal wellness, clean is an adjective, not a verb. Inspired by their own experiences, they’ve created products that safely support the vagina’s natural ability to relieve symptoms associated with uncomfortable and unexpected issues like infection and itching stemming from yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, pH imbalance, and general irritation from sex, clothing, and exercise, without disturbing friendly bacteria.

BLK + GRN BlkGrn.com. The BLK + GRN marketplace connects Black people with natural lifestyles to high-quality, toxic-free brands that share in our mission of health, wellness, and community cultivation. All of their Black artisans are carefully chosen by Black health experts who know what an all-natural product truly looks like.

golde Golde.co Golde is an independent, Brooklyn-born brand centered on making superfood-boosted essentials for health and beauty. At Golde, they believe that being well should feel good. That means products that look good, taste good, and help you feel like your best self. Trinity Mouzon Wofford co-founded Golde with her partner Issey Kobori in 2017 with the mission of bringing good vibes to the wellness industry. Their products are always natural, easy, and (most importantly) fun.

GoDeep GoDeep.live GoDeep brings you badass blends of adaptogenic herbs, mushrooms, and collagen for enhanced energy, focus, and sleep. Founder Dana Knowles Licko founded GoDeep to help her take back power, and have control over her health and wellness. Each one of GoDeep’s blends is carefully crafted by Dana to ensure that everyone who tries them receives the same benefits that she has. At GoDeep they are all about keeping it simple, letting go of what no longer serves you, learning how to care for yourself first before you can take care of anyone else.

Ivy’s Tea IvysTea.com

Ivy’s Tea Co. is owned and operated by first-generation herbalist and Tea Bae, Shanae. The decision to study herbalism came when she decided to learn more about living off the land and using the land for healing. She launched Ivy’s Tea Co. in November 2016 and since then, the brand has transformed into a Hip-Hop inspired tea company. Through Ivy’s Tea Co., Shanae hopes to change the way you see tea drinkers and introduce more African holistic health remedies into the holistic health industry. The goal is to make the industry as inclusive and reflective and accepting of all cultures as Hip-Hop.

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eat, drink, + be merry

summer

strawberry cobbler VANESSA BARAJAS | @vanessabarajas The inspiration behind this fruit-filled recipe is simply that strawberries and blueberries are in season. Yay! And since they are my favorite fruits, I really wanted to make you something fresh, berry-esque, and give you a reason to hit up your local Farmerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Market. I am seriously excited about berries being in season.

Ingredients strawberry Filling 2 pounds of organic strawberries (cut and hulled) and/or organic blueberries 2 tablespoons fresh-squeezed lemon juice 2 tablespoons raw honey or pure maple syrup

cobbler crust 2 cups sifted blanched almond flour

1/2 cup grass-fed butter (cold)

1/2 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup organic palm shortening

2 tablespoons coconut palm sugar

3 eggs (2 for the dough and one for the egg wash)

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 cup canned coconut milk, full fat (room temperature)

1/4 teaspoon sea salt

2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

a few dashes cinnamon

sliced almonds

Directions

strawberry filling 1. Put all the ingredients in a saucepan on low heat for five minutes and stir until combined. This step is just to get everything mixed together, you don’t really want to cook the berries at this time since they will cook when the cobbler goes in the oven.

4. Then add the organic palm shortening, two eggs, coconut milk, and apple cider vinegar to the dough and pulse again until combined. You should now have something resembling dough. (I hope.)

2. Remove the berries and use a serving spoon to line the bottom of a 9- to 10-inch cast iron skillet with them. Set aside and make your dough. There will be some extra juice, so if you want to leave the liquid in or remove it, it’s totally up to you and your personal preference. I ended up using some paper towels to blot some but not all of the excess liquid.

5. Now it’s time to top your berry-filled cast iron skillet. Grab a hunk of your dough and pat it into a biscuit-like circle that’s about two to three inches in diameter and about 1/2-inch thick (it doesn’t have to be perfect) and place it on top of the berries in the pan. Repeat this process until you have used all your dough to cover the berries. (I ended up putting one in the middle and then just working around that centerpiece.)

cobbler crust 1. Preheat oven to 350°F. 2. Add the almond flour, coconut flour, coconut palm sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon to a food processor and pulse a few times just to combine the ingredients. 3. Now add the cold butter to the food processor. (I just chopped mine up into cubes.) Mix until you have a mixture resembling bread crumbs.

6. Use a basting brush to apply an egg wash on top of the dough. To make the egg wash, whisk together an egg and 1 tablespoon of water in a small bowl until well combined. 7. Sprinkle the sliced almonds on top and bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool. Eat as is or top with some coconut milk ice cream or even a nice berry compote drizzled on top! It’s your cobbler, do what you want!

Notes

You could try and sub coconut oil for the grass-fed butter and/or organic palm shortening. However, since it’s not cold it might thin out and greasify (yes that’s a very technical baking term) your dough a little. If you use it to replace just one, then I would use maybe 1/4 cup. If you end up using the coconut oil as a substitute for both of them, I would only use about 3/4 cup, maybe even 1/2 cup total.

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thaT's what he said

Translations of Their Final Transmission ANDREW PRIDGEN | @andrewjpridgen

haos rules the earth. Nothing matters anymore. You’ll never go to a movie again, or a Pita Pit, or into work. And everything you spent the last 13 years working toward, whether it was a job title, some project, all these emails sent to someone about something—a weird presentation or a false priority—all those fitful nights flipping your pillow, all that wellness and self-help bullshit, all the courage it took to squeeze into uncomfortable shoes you were too lazy to send back and a blazer held together by flop sweat and terror… all of it... just disappeared down your shower drain along with tears of joy, silence, relief, and that one unidentifiable source of pain that started just above your kneecaps and had settled into your stomach area Sophomore year and lived rent-free ever since. You named it. Your pain had a name. So good-bye to all that. But they—they’re still out there. They’re not going away. There’s an all-youcan-eat buffet of lament pulling every little firing synapse to the sad part of their brains and they need YOU to know about it.

Yes, they’ve got nothing to do but send messages from the interminable beyond. Why are they reaching out to you? What could they possibly want? Can’t they see that now is the time, THE ONLY TIME, that you’ve been left alone? Can’t they tell this is your moment to become a feral beast living in a horniness vacuum who needs nothing but cinnamon, sugar, butter, and tortillas? That you’re only a third of the way through Cagney & Lacy and just now starting to understand the white-hot hotness of Tyne Daly? Don’t they know that you’re in the middle of placing everything with a cut tag or the description of waistdefining on the curb? Don’t they know the total of activity radiating from you is the ceremonial licking of your fist to be dipped in a five-pound bag of rainbow sprinkles while downloading pictures of the Spice Girls and Robyn to finish decorating your room as you meant to in 2002? 88

Don’t they understand that happiness has been achieved at last? No. They don’t know this.

And THESE ARE YOUR EX’S WORDS

Sent to you in a fucking text during a global pandemic.

Hey.

Someone’s been taking a crash course in Jordan Catalano. Weary like you, but hasn’t completely given up. Vaping, masturbating, smashing bugs, drinking less than he claims to be, seeing how long he can leave the stove on till his cookware melts. Cereal at noon. Cereal at 4 p.m. Cereal at midnight. Rediscovering Battlestar Galactica and nobody to share it with. Maybe he’s alone, isolated, tender, and thinking about what Elvis stole and what was his. Maybe he’s none of the things he thought. Maybe he’s just a thermostat turned 15 degrees too high, a lost Springsteen lyric cut and left on the floor to suffocate on his own exhaust like a dying fish. Leave this man to his own devices. What comes next should you engage is… not great.

I wanted to let you know...

I just thought that...

Hooooboy! Here we go. The Confession. The Penance. The Attempt. The I’m-afraid-I-may-getsick-and-die-and-I’m-never-getting-a-job-againand-I-hate-everything-about-my-life-and-it’s-myfault-for-impassively-doing-nothing-for-the-last64,000-hours-but-also-I’ll-never-admit-that-it-isand-SEE-ME-because-I’m-still-here-so-why-nottake-a-chance. Should you let this vampire through the threshold, you’ll receive a mix of ginned up nostalgia and late-night-in-the-dorm philosophical meandering. You know, reminiscing about the time you guys got fro-yo and saw the midnight premiere of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 when what really happened is you missed the movie because you were loudly breaking up in the parking lot for five hours before you finally ran inside the only store that was still open and got a mango strawberry mash-up with gummy worm topping that gave you the runs for three days. Don’t fall for this person who’s sitting on his phone scrolling through your Insta feed and making up a narrative of you doing slightly better than he is (not really!) and wondering what his life would’ve been like if he hadn’t gotten stuck listening to all those Rogan podcasts and spending four hours (or less!) a week trying to improve himself and get rich while ignoring your every need. The BEST outcome for this one should you respond: He’s going to ask for a ride somewhere.

Revisionist historian alert! This one has taken all the days in between your last episode and reworked whatever it was he did into some Austenesque unmasked male vulnerability trope. And that he, RIGHT NOW, is willing to come back in human form and creep up on you standing on a hillside, wind billowing through your chestnut hair, pale hand protruding from your yellowed and tarred wedding dress, and whisper… the right thing. And you’ll let out a soft exhale as your hands intertwine. And then he’ll lead your trembling fingertips to his lips which are sunbursts. And then you’ll mount his steed effortlessly without him having to, you know, ride it around a whole bunch to get it warmed up. And you’ll gambol toward the forever horizon breathing in unison. Fall for this and get a follow-up 1:1 Zoom invite with his available time slots. Do you, but DO NOT take the 3 a.m.!

I’ve been doing a lot of soul’s (sic) searching lately and I’ve decided to...

He’s terrible at homeschooling and wants to say fuck it, sell the Pilot, buy a bus ticket to a random city that sounds shitty but probably really isn’t, like Omaha, where he can start over and join a band. And maybe, just maybe, you might want to come out and visit?

So anyway, hope you’re doing well.

It’s fucking over. It’s so fucking over. It’s over over over. You’ve given up. He’s given up. He’s in a loincloth running through empty aisles where once there were hundreds of boxes of Vizio TVs lined up like robot dominoes. Now a spiked bush of forbidden fruit grows through the cracks in the place where giant bags of Tostitos SCOOPS! did stand guard. Parking lots turned into waves of asphalt and animals have taken over beauty salons and big and tall emporiums. You are permanently in sweats and a T-shirt like a GI Joe, just that’s your outfit, that’s it. Bras are for target practice. Heels are for sharpening and shanking. Everyone has a mustache now. It’s The New Way. Somehow Wi-Fi still exists. Somehow you still haven’t updated your profile since 2019 or whenever that was. Was it 30 years ago? Fifty? Time is a construct. Is it still August? Is it always? You’ll never know. He’ll never know. You’re destined to never see one another in the flesh, or in any form, again. Did you, as the two of you, even ever exist? Maybe. Hardly. Who gives a fuck. But at least you know this: Yes, he can rest assured, it is well you are doing.

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