11/3/2009
Academic Skills Series: October - November 2009 for B.A. Graphic Communication (Year 3) (Professional Skills Module)
Today’s aims • Find out what makes up the language and context of persuasion … and what doesn’t. • Work through toolbox of language enhancement techniques.
Writing to persuade
• Write a short text of your own. Image and bullets are from: http://www.montblanc.com/products/black_resin_gold_149_fountain_pen.10575.php
1
2
Today’s tasks are Loads of writing (but no more proof-reading, promise).
This lesson is called
You make most of your own worksheet (for a change).
The weekend that wanted your money
We work almost exclusively off the screen (so make sure you can see the screen!)
and it was somewhere near Christmas
More working individually (but feeding back to your table group and the main group) 3
Scenario 1
Task 1 1
2
3
4
4
It’s Friday, about a week before Christmas.
5
Appeals to
You’ve been running around doing the last of your Christmas shopping in central Cardiff.
Likely success
You are heavily laden, but quite chuffed because you found everything, and didn’t overspend.
Causes of your reaction
You’re headed into the train station to go home. 5
6
1
11/3/2009
Scenario 1 (cont.)
Scenario 2
At the last minute, a chugger blocks your way. He jumps up and down, holding his arms out.
Same evening. You’ve escaped the goat chugger.
You have five minutes before your train.
You’ve made it home, and are recovering with a large drink in front of the telly.
The chugger wants a direct debit from you to buy a goat as a Christmas present for a starving third world family.
You are catching up on your favourite TV serial in time for the next instalment this evening.
He claims the debit is so small you “won’t even notice it.”
You’re halfway through, and the phone rings: “Good morning! How are you today?” 7
8
Scenario 2 (cont.)
Scenario 3
It’s an offshore sales rep for an ISP offering all-in landline, mobile, broadband and TV package.
Saturday morning arrives in your well-to-do, but not affluent part of town.
You have considered a ditch and switch from your own rubbish providers for some time. So you agree to talk.
This leaflet drops through the door, along with another ten items of junk mail, some of which are disguised as Christmas cards.
Patiently, you explain that you only want the landline and the broadband. The rep persists in trying to sell you the whole package. This pattern occurs three times.
There is no other post addressed personally to you, not even bills. 9
10
11
12
2
11/3/2009
Scenario 4
Scenario 5
Saturday evening. The Dr Who Christmas special has started, when the doorbell rings. It’s a pair of casually dressed, charming young chuggers, from another third world charity. “Would you like to help Africa this Christmas?” Yes, the Christmas goat is back! Once more, the chuggers claim the debit is too small to be seen. They don’t have any literature to leave with you.
Sunday morning latish. You stroll out for fags, milk and a decent Sunday paper. Strictly adhering to your political inclinations, you choose The Observer, though your purchase is encouraged by the free DVD enclosed. Amongst the additional contents is the same leaflet from Scenario 3.
13
14
Write and speak to your audience
not at your audience
• How, if at all, was the target audience considered in each case?
All scenarios were ‘at’ writing and speaking. The best case – the Crisis leaflet – only included I and you (connecting to the individual reader) in the personal and payment details part of the leaflet. We (=Crisis) used sparingly throughout.
• What techniques were used to reach them? • What could have changed the likelihood of success?
15
You/your
The phone salesperson prejudiced her script over her interlocutor, even in a 1:1 situation! Even her you was part of the script.
16
Ways to write to ‘you’
The most important words in persuasive writing! Put up a picture, brief description, notes of your target. Include working context where known.
Do not overuse; place at strategic points.
Get key details correct e.g. job title, preference for Ms/Miss, spelling of names.
Be clear if you/your refers to a person or a company. Where appropriate, use names e.g. “As an employee of UWIC I would … “ . Don’t confuse you (target audience) with the general you: “If you go down the woods today”. 17
Hold an imaginary conversation with your target before you start writing. 18
3
11/3/2009
Contextualise what you say
Ways to write to you (cont.) Gather information from published formats e.g. if your target is the author of a website, this will be a key to preferred style.
Cliché ,“you won’t even notice it”, a turn-off, especially if repeated in the wrong context.
If a job ad gives you the chance to contact your target by phone DO SO!
Chuggers annoyed people running for trains wanting the train more than them, and half the country watching David Tennant’s last episode.
This will give you masses of information about language preferences e.g. does your target readily use your first name?
Junk mail junks all other mail, but you are more likely to take notice of the same leaflet in the right context i.e. a middle-Britain aimed newspaper. 19
Readers/listeners hate
20
Readers/listeners love
Time-wasting/repetition Stale cliché Being made to feel guilty or cornered Being patronised Downright inaccuracy Being badgered and hectored
Brevity Originality Sense of being able to make a choice Acknowledgement as a person Signposting Metaphors they can relate to 21
Task 2 – you
22
Task 2 – suggested rewrite
Look at Text 1 on your reference sheet. It’s from the Crisis leaflet. Rewrite it, with the same message, but use you at least twice.
23
Crisis has a passionate belief to help vulnerable people rebuild their lives and fulfil their potential. This is where you come in: help them leave homelessness behind for good. The Christmas meal, companionship and comfort you fund are just the start of a long journey back for homeless people. We know that many people we help have suffered years of abuse, and trauma. Together, we can start reversing that process for someone this Christmas. 24
4
11/3/2009
Task 3 – verbs
Task 3 – examples
Look at Text 2 on your reference sheet. It’s from the Crisis leaflet.
Here is some information about the project. To inform you about my project, I shall first ... -------------------------------------------------------------Support for those with dependency issues is on hand, plus advice on detox services.
Rewrite it, converting at least four adjectives and nouns into verbs. Here’s some examples.
Those with dependency issues can be offered immediate support and advised about detox services. 25
26
Task 4 – (-) into (+) 1
Task 3 – suggested rewrite
Negative and cold language is sometimes unavoidable, but shields the reader from the message of a text like windows fogging up: all the reader sees is the negative.
• The hidden homeless stay in hostels, and B&Bs, squat, or sleep on friends’ floors. Mental and physical health problems debilitate the lives of the homeless, while misery isolates them.
Examples are: afraid, disappoint, repeated use of not, unfortunately and problem. Beware of a lot of negative prefixes like un-, im-, dis- and anti-.
• - note use of ‘homeless’ adjective as noun – shifts emphasis away from bland ‘people’. 27
Task 4 – (-) into (+) 2
28
Task 4 – (-) into (+) 3 Don’t clog text with neutral, dull verbs. Avoid: become, has, are, go. Phrasal verbs are thoughtless and slangy e.g. show up, pick out. Pick verbs with intrinsic meaning e.g. transform, own, arrive, select, emerge. Verbs can carry a lot of subtle feeling without being emotional. Now do all this for the Task 4 sentences from the leaflet.
Tentative/over-qualified language is just as bad. The repeated use of ‘if’ and ‘but’ signal lack of commitment and confidence. Scan texts you write for negative and tentative language and try to eliminate it.
29
30
5
11/3/2009
Task 4 – (-) into (+) – suggested rewrite A. These people are absent from government statistics and are overlooked for social housing. B. They may have endured domestic violence, divorce, redundancy or ill-health. C. Volunteers bless us with their time at Christmas. No negatives are left and some powerful verbs have been introduced!
Task 5 – inverting Compare:
New clothes and a new haircut enable people to leave Crisis Christmas with new confidence and their heads held high. 86 percent [sic] of people who visit say the experience has made a positive impact on their life.
31
Task 5 – inverting
32
Task 5 – inverting rewrites 1
With:
A. Not only does spending a Christmas alone erode self-esteem, the 1 in 3 homeless who do journey towards introversion and unhappiness.
Not only do new clothes and a haircut enable people to leave Crisis Christmas with new confidence and their heads held high, but 86% of visitors say the experiences impacts positively on their lives.
B. Only with your urgent help can we raise the £410,000 for running costs before the centres open.
Note repetition of ‘people’ is avoided and the text slightly shorter. 33
Task 5 – inverting rewrites 2
34
Task 6 – say it in 30 words
C. Never had so many people settled down to Christmas dinner as at Crisis Christmas last year.
Not only do you see the homeless street sleepers; you don’t see the thousands of poorly-housed, low priority people hidden from government statistics; and uninvited to Christmas dinner. (28)
e.g. 1 Hardly have we finished one Christmas than we are preparing for the next. e.g. 2 Nowhere else can a homeless person get their teeth and eyes seen to on the same day. 35
36
6
11/3/2009
Resources Books Lloyd, S. (2004, 2008) Writing for the Web Ashburton: Stephen Lloyd Training – explains AIDA structure and shows how to construct components, also touches on use of you and uncovering verbs. Good basic guide to plain, clear language. Palmer, R. (1993) Write in Style London: Routledge – Chapter 7 “Fight the flab” contains most of the techniques above for tightening up writing. The best guide I know to concise writing Key websites http://www.copyblogger.com/ Good advice about persuasive writing, though some of the grammar advice should be taken with caution. http://www.mindtools.com Mind-boggling array of short papers and entries on life-skills, amongst which feature prominently persuasive presentation techniques. See past the managementspeak for some good stuff about how to and how not to.
37
7