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THE FRUIT OF OUR LOINS

An Experiment on How Certain Fruits Affect Bodily Fluids

By Jocelyn Bermundez

I hate pineapples. I’m not even sure why; the other day I forced myself to eat a small cube and cringed, if only because I’ve been in the habit of hating them for so long. Unfortunately for me, however, I’ve heard that pineapples have a pretty sweet effect on the fluids our bodies excrete, especially downstairs. And although I’m sure we’re all interested in why, the question I’m more interested in is whether or not it really works, and if so, how long would it take? In order to help determine whether or not these fruits are helpful or hoaxes, I enlisted the help of my partner.

I believe that I have a fairly normal diet: I usually eat at least three meals a day, I rarely drink coffee (I’m a tea kind of gal), I don’t smoke cigarettes, and I drink an outrageous amount of water throughout the day. I also believe that I have good overall vaginal hygiene, which can plausibly affect its overall taste and odor.

That being said, my partner and I decided to conduct two tests, the first in which I would eat as I normally would and the second in which I would eat both pineapples and cranberries and record the results of each as best we could. We used colors to help better articulate the overall taste, with red meaning sweet, green meaning sour, yellow meaning salty, and so on.

Roughly five hours before our first test, I ate what I would on a normal day, which was a spicy sausage with some rice, so nothing too far from the norm.

When the time came for us to test how I tasted, my partner was at a loss for words; apparently I smelled “like nothing” and for the most part tasted “bland, or maybe just a little mild,” whatever that means.

The overall verdict was that I tasted vaguely red.

About a quarter of a pineapple was eaten almost four hours before conducting the second test, the same time that I also began drinking cranberry juice. The results were completely lackluster, to put it nicely. In the end, I ended up tasting “way too green,” which was disappointing considering the reputation that cranberries and pineapples have in reference to bodily fluids. Of course, there were multiple outside factors that may have affected my overall reaction (or lack thereof) to the fruit; maybe I had drunk less water than usual, or maybe I hadn’t given my body enough time to process the pineapple.

Although the specific test that my partner and I conducted was a failure, this does not effectively prove or disprove the validity of claims concerning the nature of pineapples and cranberry juice. There are a significant number of both controllable and uncontrollable factors that affect the taste of vaginal fluids and each vagina has its own unique mix of flavors. So while you might worry about how you taste, chances are that your partner isn’t worried about it; as long as you’re both healthy, comfortable, and safe, it isn’t going to ruin your moment.

by Vanda Williams

“Vagina Dispatches”, Laura Callaghan

Oh Vagina, Where Art Thou?

Question: When will the vagina make its transition from male muse to female subject?

Answer: When it is more acceptable for a woman to showcase her/a vagina than it is for a man to exploit one.

If you are not familiar with the general appearance of a vulva, or have yet to see one besides your own, or have yet to see any in popular culture besides in the work of (our beloved) Georgia O’Keeffe, feast your eyes on the detailed workings of these kindred contemporaries.

Maria Kulikovska’s body of work not only captures the vagina but also employs the vagina as the subject through sculpture. Her piece titled, “Pisanky” is an installation of incredible vaginas which cannot go unnoticed, cannot be shamed, and are claiming the right to their public space and recognition through Maria’s art activism.

Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues, is an anthology of monologues which has largely contributed to making female sexuality a topic of public discourse. A recurring theme throughout the pieces is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality. Each of the monologues addresses an aspect of the feminine experience such as sex, love, rape, menstruation, female genital mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm, et al. Ensler challenges conservative squeamishness and forces her audience to face their discomforts with female sexuality, educating them in the process.

Laura Callaghan fashions the vulva through illustration for a new Guardian web series called “Vagina Dispatches.” The illustrations themselves depict a variety of lady caves, each unique and beautiful in their own way. Coupled with the web series, the illustrations serve to educate by bridging the knowledge gap in how women’s bodies work and function.

Jamie McCartney uses sculpture to elucidate the vagina. McCartney’s most famous work, Great Wall of Vagina, used cast molds to replicate thousands of labia. Thousands of vaginas. If a single representation of a vagina courts controversy, do thousands of representations renounce it? This piece is as confrontational as its inherent taboo— and all an audience can do is succumb to it and the hidden power in-between our legs.

Casey Jenkins takes the work and function of the vagina to the halls of performance art. In her 2014 piece titled “Casting Off my Womb,” Jenkins inserted a skein of wool into her vagina and used knitting needles to unravel it in a 28-day long performance (Yes, with menstruation and all). This piece connects the vagina to its socially constructed domesticity; it is bound to its culturally relevant counterpart, through rain or shine (or blood).

Megumi Igarashi takes sculpture out of her hands and places it into her audience’s. In 2014, Igarashi successfully crowd-funded the 3D printing of a Kayak in the shape of her vagina. However, during the process, Igarashi was arrested twice for distributing digital templates of her vagina for 3D printing in Japan.

Igarashi’s piece invites us to consider this question: Why is it a criminal act to aestheticize a vagina in Japan? Especially if it is our own?

And still, the question remains: Where ART thou, Vagina?

“Kayak”, Megumi Igarashi

Vaginas are so often taboos even in the most liberal of societal contexts. Within the sphere of contemporary art, the portrayal of vaginas (especially by women) is seen as contentious and even criminal. Although you might come across plenty of female nudes in museums and galleries, you have to ask how many of those were made by women. Now is the time to take back the female form.

Whether you already spend quality time in the mirror gazing at your most private of parts, or you’ve yet to stare at yourself up close and personal, vagina art provides an outlet for women to explore what the vagina means to them. The female artists’ endeavor to deconstruct the dominant narrative on the vagina having only sexual connotations, serves to further dismantle the highly patriarchal nature of contemporary art. Yet, the visibility of the vagina, or lack thereof, and the societal stigma surrounding it still restricts women within and outside of the field of contemporary art.

Great Wall of Vagina, Jamie McCarthy

Pisanky, Maria Kulikovska

P P CULTURE

By Emily Drake

Righting the Wrongs on the Taboos of Sex

Growing up, we learn a lot about sex—whether it’s factual or fictional. From making sure the first person you have sex with is the “love of your life,” to hearing that your first time will be painful and bloody, to learning that virginity is fully dependent on men sticking theirs into yours, there are a lot of myths that experience itself will debunk. And as much as we’d like to believe our society has become truly progressive, all of these misconceptions about sex do still exist today. In health classes all around the country, teachers are still telling young girls horror stories of sex to seemingly scare them away. Have no doubt: the patriarchy is still alive and well.

But the sexual revolution is making its rounds again and females need to take what is rightfully theirs. But what happens when girls find out that sex isn’t supposed to hurt and that it’s actually fun? If that happens women, might take over the whole world— and here at Vag Mag, that’s a prospect we don’t discourage. So sit down and buckle up because this is a lesson you can’t afford to miss. image from The Virgin Suicides, bustle.com

Lets Get Married (Have Sex) Besides my own biased, nearly irrational hatred of marriage in all its disillusioned glory, it is even more irrational to think that sex will be the answer to love. Sex does not make you love someone more. Sexual intercourse may have been romanticized since the dawn of time, but that does not mean it still has to be that way. Of course, making love still exists and doing it with someone you already care about can in fact bring you closer. But sex, as a general act, should not mean waiting for Prince Charming to come.

There is a misconception that women grow strongly attached to first person they have sex with. So, they need the first person to be special and the rest don’t have to matter as much. But if you ask me, this might actually be 110% wrong.

It’s a quasi-placebo effect that turns independent girls into post-sex-needy-when-are-we-having-our-first-childgirlfriends that are trained to lose all sense of oneself upon finding a potential mate. This could partially be a result of mothers who have been teaching their kids this principle for so long that they just assume it’s true. But theoretically, women wouldn’t get attached if their parents didn’t tell them they would get attached to the first guy they slept with.

Did I Lose my Virginity to a Tampon?

A quick internet search tells us a virgin is, by definition, “a person that has never had sexual intercourse,” and then describes sexual intercourse as “penis into the vagina.” It also says the first usage of virgin in history was in Old French and Latin around 1150.

Let’s start off with the fact that virginity has no scientific backing. It is entirely a social construct that depends on men to marry, claim the woman as his property, and then deflower her.

The word virginity needs to be revoked, as it is undeniably archaic. Just think of anyone that doesn’t follow the heteronormative ideals of Dictionary.com’s “penis into the vagina.” What happens to ladies that have known since before engaging in surreptitious sexual acts with other females that penises were not for them? And if they use vibrators, dildos or strapons, does that make them virgins until the day they die? For people that engage in anal sex only because vaginas are not in their cards, does not having vaginal sex make their sex less sexy? Even for straight people that haven’t had “penis into the vagina” yet, does masturbation still mean celibate? For the women that are planning to rule the world, this is your time to stand up against social constructs. That isn’t to say that a tampon should be the thing that “takes your virginity” because it isn’t in a sexual manner, unless you mean for it to be. It is our task to redefine what sex means to us.

Let’s Get Kinky Since Fifty Shades of Grey and the trend to get kinky took off, you’d think America would be open to stepping up and talking about real sex. A recent article written by Lydia Morrish for Dazed Magazine interviews Shannon Boodram, a clinical sexologist, who talks extensively about hickies. Boondram says “When you see a visual representation of (sex), then everyone knows what you did last night versus everyone doing the same thing but not talking about it. Which is how our society seems to prefer sexual activity.” It is unlikely that we can change the old, sturdy taboos over night, but speaking about them out in public and talking to one another about them will help along the way. Whether you’re sleeping with the one and only or an elite list of tinder princes, sex shouldn’t be scary or shied away from.

Mainly, the concept of sex being for male’s pleasure, for his taking, is wrong. Sexual intercourse, as a team activity, needs to be reestablished. Since the uptake of consent, consent, the verbal “yes,” and more consent, you’d think with that we would have done away with this “taking what was hers and now is his” nonsense!

Being sexual is an individual’s choice alone. It shouldn’t be something that women have to wait around for men to take. After all, it is theirs in the first place—and they should be allowed to keep it or define it as they see fit.

Yeast Of Burden: Candidal Vulvovaginitis Explained

by Alysen Smith

A vaginal yeast infection (or Candidal vulvovagnitis, if you’re fancy) is a fungal infection located in the vagina and the tissues at the opening of the vagina (the vulva). Glamorous, huh?

Not really. Yeast infections are one of the most unpleasant feminine hygiene-related issues that women have to deal with, but we’ll let you in on a secret: 75% of all women will have a vaginal yeast infection at least once in their lifetime, and 50% will have more than one. So it’s time to break down the wall of embarrassment, because this problem is way too common to shy away from talking about it.

Symptoms Vaginal yeast infections are generally characterized by itching, burning, and/or soreness in and around the vagina opening and the vulva.

Women may also experience pain during urination and sex, and will likely notice vaginal discharge that’s thick, white, and usually odorless.

Causes Yeast is a naturally occurring fungus in the vagina which is maintained by a certain type of bacteria. When a woman experiences an imbalance between this bacteria and the vaginal yeast, her yeast levels become higher than they should be, and a vaginal yeast infection can occur.

Typically, this imbalance occurs as a result of pregnancy, antibiotics, untreated diabetes, a weak immune system, poor eating habits, stress, a lack of sleep, and hormonal spikes near your menstrual cycle. Because vaginal yeast infections are so common and can have a variety of culprits, they aren’t usually harmful and treatment is simple and accessible.

Treatment Vaginal yeast infections generally don’t require treatment from a physician, so at least you can spare yourself the discomfort of having a doctor’s head between your legs. Except for extreme cases, these pesky infections can be treated with oral and/or topical medications that can usually be purchased at a drug store. Brands like Vagisil, Azo, and Monistat offer one-day, three-day, and seven-day at home treatment options.

For you you and

more severe infections, or, if these methods don’t work, should see a doctor for a prescribed treatment plan. If experience severe redness, swelling, and bleeding in around the vagina and vulva, or if you have more than

four yeast infections in a year, it’s time to head to the gyno.

Prevention Often, vaginal yeast infections can be prevented by practicing good personal hygiene down below. Make sure to wash your genital area every time you shower with a mild, unscented soap (we recommend purchasing a feminine wash that’s made for your lady parts). When you’re on your period, change pads and tampons often, and avoid genital products with synthetic ingredients like genital sprays, powders, or perfumes.

Avoid wearing clothing or undergarments that are tight in the crotch and retain heat and moisture. Breathable, natural fabrics like cotton, linen, and silk are good choices for underwear, tights, panty hose, and leggings. And when you go swimming or wear a bathing suit for any reason, change out of it as soon as you can. Don’t ever sit in a wet bathing suit for longer than necessary!

Understanding what causes vaginal yeast infections, how to recognize them, what to do about them, and how to avoid them is essential for anybody with a vagina. If we haven’t made it clear enough yet: three out of every four women experience these infections at least once, so it’s very unlikely that you’ll never have to deal with one. So don’t be embarrassed and don’t panic if you experience symptoms of this all-too-common infection; just head to the drug store for some slimy, yet soothing, at-home treatment.