OVERCOMING FEAR

It s a new year and so many exciting things are coming up However with this there’s also change Most of you are in a new grade some in an examination year or even a new school Being in a new situation having to figure things out finding a new group of friends can be quite scary You re asking yourself ‘ Will I get the right grades ’ ‘ Will I fit in ’ ‘ What if I mess up ’ ‘ Will I make new friends ’ ‘ Will people like me ’

No worries I’m here to help W hen e ver you feel fe ar just be BRA VE

Break the silence and say the fear out loud

REA SON look at the ‘why ’ behind your fear

ASSESS PLAN make a list of what you can do and develop a plan

VISUAL ISE see yourself succeeding

Embrace the fear and put your plan into action

So how does this work Let s say you re in an examination grade and you re scared about whe th er or not you will do well Follow the BRA VE plan

1.BREAK the silence and say to yourself out loud, 'I'm afraid that I won't pass my exams, and my parents will be disappointed in me.' When you say something out loud, it doesn't seem so bad as when you keep it inside. Now that you've named the fear, go on to the next step.

2.Examine the REASON behind your fears.

'Do I doubt that I can pass?' 'Do I think I don't have the discipline to study?'

3.Once you have the reason make an ASSESSMENT on what you’re able to control and what you can’t. Figure out what you want to happen and make a plan. You can control how much time you put into studying. You can control distractions such as social media & watching Netflix. If you need extra tutoring, ask your teachers for help or someone in your class who understands the subject well. Maybe form a study group with friends.

4.With your plan in hand, spend some time VISUALISING yourself passing the exams. Your brain doesn't know the difference between something you imagine and what’s real, so when you spend time imagining yourself passing the exams, your brain will look for ways to make sure that image comes true.

5.Finally, EMBRACE the fear and put your plan into action.

Fear is just the thoughts you tell yourself about the things you can’t do The longer you keep these thoughts inside the bigger the fear gets

As you learn to speak your fears out loud and take action you will be more confident and experience less fear in your life When the fear does creep in just remember to be BRAVE

Contact details:

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Share with me how you put this in practice and how it works out for you Good luck SKY Girl

Hi SKY, I know lying is bad, but sometimes it feels necessary to not hurt my friend's feelings, but I still feel guilty; what should I do?

Hey sis, we know that people usually lie to protect someone’s feeling but, it doesn’t really help, and remember the truth always comes out. It's like putting aloe vera on a wound that needs stitches. It may be soothing at first, but without the proper treatment (the truth), the wound can get worse and even get infected. For example, a lot of people are conscious of how they look. So, if your friend asks you if they are getting fat, and you have indeed noticed that they are putting on weight. Instead of lying and saying ‘no,' try this: ‘Why did you ask this? Has someone said something, or do you feel that your clothes don't fit you as well as they used to?' This can then spur on a conversation about how your friend feels about gaining weight and how it's affecting her confidence. This gives you the chance to talk to your friend about self-confidence and self-esteem coming from your own thoughts and opinions about yourself. Telling a white lie may seem like the right thing to do, but there's a reason you feel guilty afterward because you know that if you were in your friend's position, you would want to know the truth, no matter how badly it would hurt. A white lie is a story we tell ourselves that it is better for someone else to hear than the truth. But who are we to decide how someone else deals with the truth? By doing this you're controlling a situation and not giving your friend the chance to handle the situation with all the facts and information. When you get used to telling 'white lies,' it can start building to a point where you won’t be able to tell the difference between a 'small' white lie and bigger full-on lies. So just stick to the truth but be kind in the way you share it.

Hi, there's this guy I like, and we've been going out for 6 months, but my mum doesn't like him.

Please help.

Hi sis, I don’t envy your situation. Being a parent means having to be the bad cop sometimes and sharing unpopular opinions. Your mum has wisdom and experience to share, so perhaps the first thing to do is hear her out. You’ve been going out with this guy for 6 months, so your mum has formed an opinion based on her observations and what you say about him. Let your mum explain to you what she doesn’t like about him and then make an honest assessment of whether or not what she says is true or coming from the point of a protective parent. If the reasons are valid, you can make a better-informed choice of whether or not you want to continue with the relationship. If you decide that you do want to continue, don't keep it from your mum.

Tell her why you like him, why you have been with him for 6 months, and why you're staying in the relationship. Even if she still doesn't approve, she will respect the fact that you're open and honest with her.

Hey SKY! I'm always talking about my depression, but people think I'm just seeking attention. How do I open up about my struggle without seeming that way?

It's important to feel able to express your feelings, emotions, and vulnerabilities. It should be applauded and not kept to yourself.

I understand that it comes off as attention-seeking; however, many times, we don't always ask for attention in the way that another person might. Expressing your feelings, emotions, and thoughts does not make us any less deserving of help, and it doesn't mean that we should be dismissed as just attention-seeking. At that moment, we need that attention and support; if we get it, we may feel more able to talk about our feelings next time and ask for help sooner. I wish to guide you to reframe it as care-seeking or accept that we all need attention from time to time; please continue reaching out for help.

Reach out to people who care for you and can offer you support. If the people you reach out to feel overwhelmed, then consider calling lifeline Childline Zambia on 116 or 933, which is a toll-free line. Alternatively, if you feel you can not find the right people, seek professional help from a mental health professional. What also helps is journaling and writing how you feel. Be as expressive as you want in the journal and check in with how you feel, what emotions you feel, and what thoughts you have. Talking to others does help, and the answer is not how you should do it but rather finding the right people who will understand you. Be willing to get guidance and support when offered.

Hey SKY girls! How do I overcome the trauma that comes with being a victim of bullying?

Trauma comes in many forms. Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible life event. Bullying causes trauma which is difficult to forget and equally difficult to express when it is caused. We often suppress our feelings and suppress emotions to avoid confrontation followed by embarrassment. The trauma of bullying does not fade away as life goes on. It just finds different channels to let out and pops up in an unusual manner and unexpected situations. Overcoming bullying trauma is a journey, and the following can help.

• Understanding and Acknowledging – Identifying the event as bullying and interpreting the trauma thereafter is an important process.

• Reframing the idea of 'self-worth' – Usually, people who experience bullying are likely to feel worthless and incompetent and develop a poor self-image. It is important for you to acknowledge your self-worth and start believing that you deserve good things and are worthy of happiness.

• Closure and Control – Trauma of bullying might appear in the poor self-confidence of a person. Try taking control of your life by understanding that whatever happened was in the past. Understanding that, accepting and moving on while establishing complete control over your life and being in power over everything around you will help you find closure by defusing the feelings of helplessness.

• Seek professional help. If you feel overwhelmed, see a professional mental health care specialist to guide you through the above steps and many more tools.

Most importantly, remember that you are not defined by another person's worth and value of you. You are the most unique version of yourself, as there is only one you. Be kind to yourself, be brave in yourself, and be you.

Are you a teen girl who is passionate about being true to yourself and wants to have an active role in helping shape SKY Girls Zed?

Lend your voice to a community that wants, needs and values your contributions. We are in search of teens with the best vibes, mind, attitude and heart to be part of an exclusive team. If you are outgoing and outspoken we would like you to be part of the Teen Advisory Board (TAB).

The Teen Advisory Board members are the eyes and soul of SKY, they know what’s going on around the community and share ideas that would be great for SKY! They inspire the SKY brand and activities by contributing to content development, research and providing feedback on all things SKY, to make sure we give nothing but the best! Most of all, they can reach out to SKY sistahs and encourage them to stay true to themselves and join the SKY sisterhood.

Interested? You can apply by completing an online application form that you can find on our social media pages. Or visit the SKY Hub at Arcades Shopping Mall and apply in-store. Applications are accepted until 12th March, 2023.