MARCH 2015
Child FIRST AID
When hiring a Baby sitter
Crippling Parent Behaviour Are you damaging your kids?
Empowering parents to be the best they can be
Handmade and quality children’s products
Fabric dolls Custom handmade nursery products Bedroom cushions Plush toys Baby and toddler clothing Mention this ad when you like us on facebook to receive a $5 off coupon for any purchase www.angelbabes.com.au www.facebook.com/myangelbabes
March 2015
Contents Regulars 5 Letter from the Editor 12 Ask a professional - questions from readers 13 Monthly Recipe - Gluten free blueberry, quinoa and lemon muffins 15 Did you know? with Simone 18 Your Story - A family trio 21 Make a Change 32 Small Steps to business - with Chris Crowe 34 Something Extra - by Carolyn Galbraith 36 Kid’s fun 38 What’s happening online
Articles 6 Could it be PND? 10 To sleep or not to sleep... Inspiring kids for their future 14 Can you afford schooling 16 Are our actions affecting our kids 26 Exercising when pregnant
Special Features 9 22 24 29 30
Choosing a babysitter Children save mum Recreating your child’s space Photography with Tina Bullying and violence
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Letter from The editor Dear Reader, Welcome to the March issue of Small Steps. This month’s issue is packed with great articles and lots of relevant information for mums that are pregnant all the way to mums with young teens.
Sleep advice for infants (p10)
Creative Director Julie-Anne England
We have another new contributor to our mix too, so we are pleased to introduce Tina Gaddes who will be sharing her love of photography with us and giving us some great tips on taking professional images.
Contributing writers Abby Fleming, Carolyn Galbraith, Chris Crowe, Clare Christie, Dianne Ward, Kim Hendricks, Kirsten Mitchell, Lynne Hall, Michael Voss, Ruth Bosanquet, Sarah Cannata, Simone Yuen, Tina Gaddes
I just want to give a great big thank you to all the contributors on our team. Each one of them works tirelessly on their own businesses and provides us with fantastic content each and every month. I would like to encourage you to check each of them out on our website and look at their websites to show your support.
Join our community on Facebook to share your thoughts on parenting, connect with other mums and dads, win prizes and get great activities and kid ideas
Don’t forget to join us on social media and share your parenting ups and downs. Happy parenting!
Contact us
Julie-Anne England
0415 216 186 info@smallstepsparenting.com Www.smallstepsparenting.com
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Could it be post-natal depression? Current statistics tell us that postnatal depression (PND) now affects one in 7 new mothers and one in 20 new fathers. But despite the increased incidence of PND in our society, there still seems to be misunderstanding about what PND actually is and how it is treated. Beyond the “Baby Blues” In recent years there’s been an increased awareness of the “Baby Blues”, that short period of time after childbirth in which new Mums can feel exceptionally sad or teary for no apparent reason. This episode generally coincides with the new Mum’s breast milk “coming in” and is primarily hormonal in its cause. However, postnatal depression shouldn’t be confused with the baby blues, because it is something else entirely. When feelings of sadness, hopelessness, fear and worry extend beyond a period of a few weeks it can signal that the mum is in fact experiencing postnatal depression. Welcoming a new baby into the world is an experience like no other. Being a new parent brings a whole gamut of emotions, responsibilities and questions. Many of which we’re completely unprepared for.
How do I know if it’s PND? The difficult thing about diagnosing PND is that the early signs and symptoms are so similar to the general experience of many new mums who may be overwhelmed with their new role as a parent.
But what happens when those emotions, responsibilities and questions become too much? When “unprepared” becomes Feelings of worry, exhaustion, bouts of “unable to cope”? tearfulness or irritability, feeling inadequate as a mother, feeling unable to cope, When does new parent overwhelm beblaming yourself when things go wrong, come postnatal depression? being overly critical of yourself, decreased sex drive, difficulty concentrat6
Could you have PND? For the past two weeks or more have you felt the following on a regular or frequent (daily) basis?
Difficulty being able to laugh and see the funny side of things Decreased ability to look forward to enjoyable activities. Blaming yourself unnecessarily when things have gone wrong Feeling anxious or worried for without good reason Feeling like things are frequently “getting on top of you” Difficulty sleeping or sleeping excessively Frequently feeling sad or miserable quite often Frequent bouts of crying Having thoughts of harming myself of others
**If you answered yes to the final point, please seek immediate support. If you, or someone you know has been exhibiting several of these symptoms frequently over a two week period or more, please advice from your doctor, midwife or community health agency.
ing, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite. The majority of mothers can relate to having felt these emotions as a new mother – but they are also classic symptoms of PND. So how do we know if a Mum is just “going through a rough patch”, as opposed to something more serious? With the early stages of depression there is no definitive test you can take which will answer “yes” or “no” to the question of “do I have postnatal depression?”. Which is why I always encourage anyone who might be worried they have PND to seek support from an experienced and understanding health care worker. In my professional opinion, it’s a case of “better safe than sorry”, as the types of interventions generally recommended for a woman with mild PND are the sort of things that would also support any mum
who is simply overwhelmed. These might include:
One to one, or couples counselling Relaxation and stress management strategies Mindfulness and meditation strategies Changes to diet and lifestyle – including sleep and exercise Increased practical support around the home
As with many other things in life, PND generally occurs along a continuum. It is rarely black and white. The experience of PND can range from a mild case with the mother experiencing just a few of the common symptoms for a period of a few months, through to extreme PND where a mother may feel exceptionally hopeless and have thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Both examples would be considered de7
pression, they’re just at different levels of PND, the best course of action is to seek intensity. support from a health professional. Speaking to your maternal health nurse, midwife, obstetrician, or GP is generally I think I could have PND – what do I the first step. But you can also feel confido now? Many women put off seeking help for dent seeking out a counsellor, mental PND due to a number of reasons, frehealth OT, or psychologist, which in quently downplaying or talking themself many cases doesn’t require a referral. out of speaking up. “It’s really not that bad”, “I’ll feel better once I get some de- For further resources about PND, please cent sleep”, “It’ll get better once my baby visit the following websites: is older”. These kind of assumptions can delay women from seeking timely supwww.panda.org.au port. www.beyondblue.org.au We know that early detection and treatment is the best possible course of action for parents who experience PND. If we can recognise the signs early, parents can access the type of support services listed above, and make lifestyle changes straight away. In many cases this can help to prevent the depression from becoming worse. But when PND is left unaddressed for long periods of time, it can escalate rapidly, meaning more intensive treatment options could be required, including the addition of psychiatric care or antidepressant medication. For anyone concerned that they, or someone they know, might be experiencing
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Contact Lisa 0416 030 584 www.tuttifruttilollybuffets.com.au
www.gidgetfoundation.com.au If you require immediate support, please contact Lifeline on 131 114 Sarah Hausler is a Women’s Health Occupational Therapist, blogger and director of Bloom Wellbeing. Her area of specialty is in supporting women to adjust to the emotional and physical demands of pregnancy, the post-natal period and motherhood. Sarah provides individual and group programs from Adelaide, South Australia, as well as online mentoring for mothers from around the globe, via Skype. For more information on Sarah visit www.bloomwellbeing.com.au
It’s babysitter time
I have done the babysitter thing from both sides - for years I was the babysitter and nanny and now I am a mum of two. Babysitting is a strange business…. I understand that at times you need someone else to look after your children but generally it involves paying a random person to care for the most important assets in your life for a minimal cost. So how do most people go about getting a babysitter? I know many utilize family which is a cost effective and often safer babysitting alternative but some of us don’t have the luxury of using family members due to distance or time restraints. Here I list a few tips that you can use to get the most out of your babysitting and feel at ease knowing your kids are in good hands. 1. Always use a babysitter that you are comfortable with. It doesn’t matter whether they are close family or friends, if you are uncomfortable with the thought of leaving your child with them it is best to err on the side of caution. 2. Any babysitter that you don’t know well needs to be fully
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checked out. Make sure they have a police check and first aid training at a complete minimum. Get references not only from professionals such as employers but personal references such as family friends to learn about their temperament and personality. 3. Listen to your children when they show problems with the babysitter. If they are normally happy to be with anyone and don’t seem to like the new sitter, maybe you should find out why. Pay your babysitter like they are handling your most important assets because they are! Paying a pittance shows that you underestimate their job as carer. Even if you have a small budget to work with there are other ways of showing your generosity such as having a meal ready for them or providing snacks and drinks while they are working. Create a good communication flow between you and the babysitter. Leave them notes about the kids in a notebook so they know when they last sleep, what they ate etc and have them do the same. It makes it easy to maintain a routine and cover all bases when the communication is good.
Overall trust your gut when it comes to leaving your kids. If you aren’t happy, how much fun are you going to have going out anyway? Julie-Anne England 9
To sleep or not to sleep... I really do understand why parents want an idea of what their babies are doing so they can make plans around their baby’s feeding and sleeping times. What I don’t understand is that most parents themselves don’t have a ‘routine of eat, play, sleep’ yet are determined their baby (often as young as 2 weeks) should feed and sleep on command.
to promote their business. Right from the beginning, babies are driven by an instinct to survive and their needs are very simple, food, warmth, sleep and security and are constantly providing cues as to what they need.
“The unnatural method of sleep training is more unhelpful than you think”
While most of us have a similar wake, eat, work routine throughout the week, we use the week-ends to relax and enjoy less structure. By Monday morning we are ready to fire up again for the routine of the working week, flexible and adaptable to any hiccups, dramas or variations in that time.
Many mothers look at me guiltily when I ask them what they really want to do when their baby cries, “ I know it’s the wrong thing- but I want to feed/cuddle/ sleep with my baby!” This is perfectly normal and appropriately responsive beWhy then are parents so fixated on a rou- haviour. Why should a mother feel guilty tine for a baby who is born with only about responding to her instinct and think about 25% of their total neurological de- that an unqualified stranger could know velopment? It takes babies roughly 5-6 more about her baby then she does? years for their brain to complete neurological development -evidenced by their Couples in a relationship are generally language and gross motor abilities by the able to watch and respond intuitively to time they start school. the verbal and non-verbal cues of each other without needing an outsider to tell Babies generally don’t have feeding or them how to do manage their relationsleeping problems but sleep trainers will ship. tell parents their babies have sleep issues 10
Some babies certainly do need more help than others to sleep, just as some of us at times need more help preparing for and maintaining sleep. It doesn’t mean a baby who can’t put himself to sleep, has a sleep problem. The answer lies in helping parents learn to read the cues more effectively. Watching a breastfeed or a baby using a bottle may also provide clues as to why the baby is not settling easily as well as giving the mother some guidance to understanding how to feed the baby effectively. There may be a physical or neurological issue that needs addressing that can affect a baby’s ability to feed effectively or sleep easily. Many babies who may initially respond to sleep routines are considered to have ‘regressed’ rather than developed and grown if they are no longer sleeping as a ‘routine’ prescribes. I see mothers in tears as their babies lose weight and start waking again, or their milk supply has dropped off. I believe helping mothers in particular (and partners) watch, learn and respond to early non verbal cues will help their babies develop age and milestone appropriate eating and sleeping patterns far easier than imposing an eat sleep or play routine the baby can’t comprehend. Parents can a develop a positive relationship with their baby and the quality of
that attachment has implications for their baby’s ability to explore the world from a secure base and is associated with good psychological health as an adult (Bowlby - pioneer of attachment theory). I think Prof James McKenna’s tip of putting yourself in your baby’s shoes and asking yourself ‘ how would I feel if someone did to me what I am about to do to my baby’ is a very useful one to help parents respond more empathetically and intuitively to their babies and young infants (2104 ABA conference). Learning about a baby in the early weeks and months is challenging, a cue response approach well supported by scientific research is a better outcome for you and your baby. There are alternatives to controlled crying, sleep and eating regimes. There are books and help available from qualified professionals who use gentle approaches when you need support with your parenting skills. Lynne MacKensie Hall is our go-to expert for lactation and infant settling techniques. Her background in midwifery makes gives her understanding and professional knowledge and expertise in all areas of babyhood. You can learn more about Lynne on our website or www.betterbeginnings.comau or to purchase from her many informative books.
www.betterbeginnings.com.au Sensible, practical and science-based Breastfeeding and Early Parenting Guides
Ask a Professional... QUESTION: I have heard that five meals per better are better for you than three. Is this true? Hi…. An excellent question! Thank you for asking. Eating five small feeds per day is optimal for the body’s metabolism to work well and aim to have one serve of protein per feed. Why? When we are regularly fueling our body every few hours (like we do our babies!), the body takes this as a sign to start burning what it is consuming. If we are inconsistent with our refuelling, the body goes into reservation mode “I better not burn this fuel as I don’t know when the next meal is coming!” What happens then? Food is converted into fat stores! Yikes! Please do not hesitate to contact me if you wish to have any further information. Warm regards Kirsten This answer has been supplied by Kirsten Mitchell who is our personal trainer. You can learn more about Kirsten on the About Us page of our website. If you would like one of your questions answered please send us an email or contact us on our facebook page.
Phone: 0408 660 673
www.facebook.com/emmajeangracedesigns 12
This delicious healthy recipe includes quinoa flour which imparts a slightly earthy flavour, so I think it works best combining it with a more traditional flour such as oat or rice. These would make excellent breakfast muffins, with a good dollop of yoghurt and extra blueberries.
Monthly Recipe GLUTEN FREE BLUEBERRY, QUINOA AND LEMON MUFFINS
Ingredients 1 cup quinoa flour 1 cup oat flour or favourite gluten free flour 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar 3 tsp baking power pinch salt 1/2 cup oil 1 cup milk 2 eggs 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp lemon zest 2 cups blueberries, fresh or frozen Method 1. Heat oven to 180 deg. Line your muffin tin with paper cups. 2. Mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a large bowl and then set aside. 3. Whisk together the milk, oil, eggs, lemon zest and vanilla in a smaller bowl. Add this to the dry mixture and stir very gently being careful not to overwork, you want to get to where it’s just barely combined. 4. Add in the blueberries and fold into the batter being careful not to break up the blueberries. Stir just enough to evenly distribute the blueberries throughout the batter. 5. Divide the batter evenly between the cups. Bake for 22-25 minutes until the tops are golden brown. Move to a wire rack to completely cool. If you aren't planning to eat these straight away, I recommend freezing and pulling out of the freezer as required. This recipe is brought to you by Dianne Ward. Dianne is a mother of two young children, freelance food writer and founder of e-mag The Sassy Cook. Learn more about Dianne on our website. 13
Can you afford schooling for your child? Following on from a previous article last year, when we suggested it costs a family between $500K and $1M to educate 2 children to the age of 18, depending on the choice of schools you send your children to, I have been asked what is the best account or tax structure to save for that type of long term expense. If one of you is either not working or are on a lower tax bracket than the other, which is most case is likely, it is best to put the savings in their name so the earnings on the funds are taxed at the lowest rate. For example, currently you can earn, including investment earnings, up to $18,200 p.a without being eligible for PAYE tax. The accounts that you can direct these savings to can either be a Unit Trusts which has a range of investment options designed for your time frame and risk profile or direct investment in to property or shares. If the tax paid on these investment returns are higher than your marginal rate, you with then be eligible for a tax refund on any tax that the Trust has paid.
years. However, with an insurance bond you are limited to the investment options that the insurance company offers. This may be too restrictive for your liking as you will not be able to choose the underlying investments, such as the individual shares. So the short answer is, that it depends on the long term tax bracket for you or your spouse. It also depends on what level of investment decisions that you want to make with the funds, whether you want to use a manager or do it yourself. The most important thing is that you are comfortable with the long term savings strategy and that the funds are available when you need them. With uncertain employment income, volatile investment earnings and potential relationship breakdowns it can be tricky to budget for education expenses that can go on well past the age of 18 for your children.
The best strategy is to seek advice and review it regularly to ensure that your budget is on track. If you income is between $18,200 and If you have any questions on the above $37,000 your tax rate would be about 19% please contact me at mi(not including the 2% medicare levy) so chael.voss@arrowfa.com.au. your best investment option would proba- Best wishes Michael Voss CFP bly still be a Unit Trust. The income tax Disclaimer: This is general advice only bracket above $37,000 rises to 32%, 37% or the highest rate of 45% depending on your level of income, so an insurance bond with a maximum tax rate of 30% would be an option providing that you hold the investment for a minimum of 10 14
DID YOU KNOW? Water play is an excellent activity for children. When they pour, stir, swoosh and squeeze, they are relieving tensions and releasing their emotion. Fill a shallow container with water, rubber ducks, plastic cups and plastic sea animals.
DID YOU KNOW? The breathing technique required for blowing bubbles will help calm your children when they feel stressed or anxious. Play a game of blowing bubbles with your children. Laugh and have fun.
Lovely mums, you deserve a break. Here’s a great Summer activity for your kids: Washing toys! Let your kids have fun washing blocks, teddy’s clothes, doll’s dresses and any toy you can find that needs a bit of cleaning. Maybe teddy needs a bath too. Just remember, with any water play activity your kids will need to be supervised, why not have a cuppa whilst you watch them clean the toys!
Written by Simone Yuen, children’s book author, www.rainbowballs.com.au
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Are our actions affecting our kids? So as parents we do what we think is right What this means is, we do what we do and we cross our fingers that as the kids because it is beneficial for us at that time. grow up we have done an OK job. People smoke for a positive, they really As a father, I am constantly amazed with do! They love to fit into a group and to how much we influence our kids and as a stop smoking can isolate them from the professional practitioner I am even more group. amazed at issues I am faced every day through the actions of parents and the re- Smokers also smoke because it gives them time away from the children, a break from sulting beliefs, habits and fear that has been created in the elite athletes, entrepre- work and gives them the ‘perception’ of relaxing because they get out to socialise neurs and kids I work with. or have a mental break. All smokers know I have a great understanding of the uncon- the dangers of smoking, they also underscious mind and the fundamentals that stand the cost and despite this… the beneexist in all decisions and actions. It is with fits to smoke out way the dangers. this that I share with you some of these So too the kids, if they wet the bed it is for fundamentals that will, as a parent, give you awareness of what you are doing that a positive benefit, I can hear soo many will influence kids, and by changing you, parents out there now questioning… HOW can this be a benefit? your children will change. Firstly… Everything
we do has got a positive benefit.
Simple, if they have a fear of the dark… they stay in bed. 16
If they don’t like sleeping alone, the glass of water trick, the sore tummy, the crying, the constant up and down are usually the behaviours experienced to keep you close… knowing eventually they have to sleep alone… so by wetting the bed, they get attention and get to go into mum and dad’s bed! WIN!!! In their mind and they will keep wetting the bed because of the benefit. Now I am not able to cover all situations in all behaviours in one article, I can certainly give you many examples of this. Examples of this in parents may be in weight loss in people. In my experience, being the weight you are is beneficial for you at this time. It serves you to be in this situation because of a natural process that is evolution… for millions of years it was ‘survival of the Fattest’, an abundance of food meant comfort and safety. So by forcing ourselves into a super fit state is against nature. I have also experienced a very high portion of overweight people have created this physical barrier based on previous unwanted attention. The intention is to keep people from getting close, as soon as they start losing weight the unconscious mind (90% of how we think act and behave) becomes aware of gaining attention and somehow self protection cuts in and up goes the weight again. People call it self sabotage… nature calls it protection from potential hurt or harm, physically or emotionally.
don’t plan for the future, so every action as bad or weird as it seems to you, is right for them at the time as they are not aware of ‘consequence’ and ‘in the future’. I am sure you have heard the saying ‘the best way to change your kids… is to change yourself’. This is soo true. Just for today, think of every action, reaction, word and habit… they are copying, listening and learning. If you don’t think kids listen??? They don’t need to, they watch. And communication is 7% words, they do not need to listen. If you knew your kids would grow up and do everything you do, what would you change today to become the best version that they can copy themselves off? Have an interesting and very conscious day! Stuart Walter is as Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner. Stuart is also a father and with the knowledge about how our minds work and stories he used for his own son, he created a world first concept in dealing with building confidence and dealing with kids issues. See www.stuartwalter.com www.meta4kids.com
OHHHH that was a bit deep, it is true though, we have to be aware that all our actions and those of your kids are for a positive for them … at the time. And there is another addition, ‘at the time’ kids have a now mentality, they 17
Your Story - A family trio I met Lisa, Owen and Hugh in 2013 at their family home in Canberra. The boys were just over three and I vividly recall the moment I entered the house. These two little dudes had a certain something and, whatever it was, I wanted some! It was simple, really. They were overflowing with life and energy. I tried to capture it on camera as they raced up and down in the yard. Here I talk with their mother. When did you find out you were having twins? At seven weeks. I knew I was pregnant and wanted some reassurance after an earlier miscarriage. ‘There it is’, said the sonographer, pointing to the screen. ‘Wait, I think I can see a second one’. It was the moment that changed my life. At the 20-week ultrasound, we couldn’t wait to find out the makeup of our family. We’d agreed that two children were ideal for our family, and we knew the twins would be the same gender because they were identical. We were delighted to discover they were boys. The sonographer checked them from top to toe. She commented that the boys were cuddling so much that they’d tangled their legs together and she couldn’t tell which foot belonged to which baby. At the time we thought nothing of it – we just thought it was cute that the babies were already affectionate towards each other. How were the early days? I was scheduled for a C-section at 38 weeks because of the high risk with identical twins. It was a daunting experience even though I trusted my obstetrician and was comfortable with the decision. I remember the epidural and then about twenty people introducing themselves all at once. All I could think of was ‘please get these babies out of me’, ‘I wonder who they’ll look like’, and ‘I can’t believe I’m about to be a mummy’. We were so relieved when the twins were born without complications, but soon afterwards we were told they had ‘turned-in feet’. I had no idea what that meant. We called the boys Owen and Hugh. Hugh was born with hypoglycemia so spent the first few days in the Special Care Nursery, but Owen was allowed to visit me. The paediatrician also visited numerous times to update me on the boys’ feet. Both were born with talipes, a condition affecting one or both of a baby’s feet from birth, where their foot is turned inwards and downwards. Talipes is commonly known as clubfoot. Both of Owen’s feet were affected and one of Hugh’s. We heard from physiotherapists and watched DVDs to help us learn more about the condition.
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My sister had researched that the best treatment for talipes was available at Westmead Children’s Hospital in Sydney, a three-hour drive from home. We travelled the sixhour round trip once a week for nine weeks. At each appointment the boys would have casts reapplied from the tops of their thighs to their toes as part of a gradual process to adjust their feet into the correct position. Then at 12 weeks, they had surgery on their Achilles tendons. How did you manage as a single mum? My husband and I separated a couple of months after Owen and Hugh turned two. We agreed that I would have full custody of the boys, and all of a sudden I was a single mum. Luckily, I had an amazing support network of family and friends, especially my parents. They helped me more than I can ever repay them for. Owen and Hugh were, and will always be, my everything. At first, it was upsetting to see families having Sunday picnics and kids at the zoo with their mum and dad holding hands. However, as a little trio, we made the most of what we had. I was the mum who played tag with the boys in the playground, and took them down the big slides. I was more involved than I had ever been. Before, the adults talked while the kids played, but with no other adult around, I became a big kid too. We loved it. How long was the boys’ treatment? Owen and Hugh’s Pa, my dad, came with us for the boys’ Westmead Hospital appointments from when they were two. After their Achilles tendons operations, they wore leather boots with a metal bar attached. From three to six months of age, the boys wore these boots and bars for twenty-three hours a day. Then from six months to four years of age, they wore them for twelve hours at night. It was an emotional battle watching them so restricted, while knowing it was best for them. It was hard to stay strong on the nights they pleaded with me to take their boots and bars off. I was nervous about their final appointment, as I’d been waiting for four long years to hear their specialist say that their treatment was over. I knew how devastated I’d be if he’d said the treatment had to continue. We were delighted to hear that the treatment was finished. Instead of being carried, an elated Owen and Hugh walked proudly to bed that night, singing ‘No boots and bars, no boots and bars’. These days we just have occasional check-ups. As the boys have grown up I’ve adjusted to our family of three, and I couldn’t be happier. Being a single mum of twins is special. Even though I’m often the odd one out, I’ve realised there are many benefits of bringing up my amazing little men alone. I get to make all the decisions without compromise, for the benefit of the boys and to give them the life I know they truly deserve. Although my little family trio is not many people’s idea, I know it’s right for us. Segment from: A World of Twins, Stories and images of Australian twins, triplets and their families First published 2015 © Helga Dalla 2015 ISBN: 978-0-9870780-3-2 19
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Make a
Change Small Steps Mum of the Year!! With Mother’s Day coming up in few short months we want to celebrate a special mother from the community and we want your help! Do you know a mother who deserves to be pampered? Maybe she has struggled with her health, survived a health scare, has a lot of children or is a real super mum! Please write in and tell us about why you think she deserves to be honoured. One lucky lady will be chosen to receive a pamper session, including hair and makeup, a massage and a “Mum of the year” recognition. Email your Mum of the Year nomination to info@smallstepsparenting.com by 15th April 2015. 21
Children save mum’s life WHEN Mum Maria collapsed unconscious at home recently, her young children flew into action. While many kids would panic, the 11-year-old and nine-year-old remained calm and got their mum the help she desperately needed. Maria said it happened after her husband had gone out to visit friends. "I was home with the two kids - my son, who is 11, and my daughter, who is nine," she said. "I'd come home from work, had a shower and had been feeling unwell so I went to lie down. "My daughter called out to me, so I got up and went into the hallway and I blacked out and collapsed." Maria said everyone should learn basic first aid, so they know what to do in an emergency. Her son said he was watching TV and heard a bang, looked down the hallway and saw his mum lying on the floor. "I put her on her back, she wasn't breathing and I started CPR, which my dad had taught me," he said. While he was doing that, his sister phoned 000.
"They told me to check her pulse, it felt like a really long time waiting for the ambulance," he said. "It just highlights how important basic first aid is, because you never know when you will need it," he said. Maria’s doctor at the hospital that night said it was vital children knew what to do in a similar situation. "Maria's case is a beautiful example of how we want our kids to act in an emergency� said their Dad "Children, even at a young age, should be aware of the emergency systems around us and respond to challenges as they arise. "A prompt phone call to 000 with a clear story of the reason for the call can be life saving."
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Avoidable Deaths How many times have we read or heard in the news, about children saving a parent or grandparents life, because the child knew what to do in an emergency? Even to call 000? Primary school kids learn first aid Some school students in first aid courses, learn how to apply bandages and slings, how to recognise serious conditions like heart attacks, and dealing with cuts and burns. It is really important that children feel confident, if they come across any problems that they know what to do. Children are never too young to learn first aid, and by school age, there is plenty they can do. They can be taught, how to be calm in a first aid situation, to be able to deal with bleeding. If they see somebody who's got a major bleed and put pressure on it, they could save a parent’s or friend’s life.
Students find the course useful and are more confident, that they know what to do if a friend was hurt in the playground, or even an unwell parent at home. Children can be taught CPR, control of bleeding, how to treat a burn and how to put someone into the recovery position. The sooner children learn first aid the better. It has become a well known fact, that some children have saved the life of a family member or friend from simple basic first aid knowledge. We always hope that the skills taught to the children will never be needed, however if they are, it may just be enough to save a life. Kim Hendricks is the Director of Citadel First Aid in Castle Hill, mum of two and has experience in Pharmacy and Childcare. Her role as first aid trainer helps her to save lives and teach the vital skills to others. Learn more about Kim on our website or www.citadelfirstaid.com
Why not encourage your child’s school to hold a first aid course for the students and parents? Schools can arrange first aid courses by contacting CITADEL FIRST AID on 1300854353 or citadelfirstaid@gmail.com First aid is an essential skill for the entire family to learn. Learning CPR and what to do in an emergency could save your child’s life or even your own, if the children also learn these skills. To book a first aid course call Citadel First Aid on 1300854353 or go to www.citadelfirstaid.com for more details. 23
Recreating your child’s space A child comes with a growing and ever curious mind and we can always aim to do a little thing here and there to tweak a space to spark those creative powerhouses! This needn't be an expensive task. Sure it's easy to flick through home magazines showing the newest and trendiest items out there but take these pages and use MAKE IT PERSONAL Your child's bedroom isn't just somethem as inspiration, certainly not law. A where to store clothes, toys and sleep beautiful, warm and welcoming space It's their haven. With having to share toys can be created with both a big budget or with brothers and sisters, the bedroom tiny budget. can be a retreat where they can go do what they feel like without being disSOMETHING FOR EVERY SURturbed (most times) and really foster their FACE creative skills First things first! A room is made up of at least four walls, a floor and a ceiling obvious yes, but are all surfaces given the IT'S A GROUP EFFORT No one knows their child's interests better same attention? not usually! and then than mum and dad, but recreating your there's all that space in the middle to play child's space should include your child at with! every stage! Not only can re-decorating  FLOOR make you feel refreshed and rejuvenated Rugs & Mats are a great way to cover in general, but it's a process your child old carpet and tiles that have seen better will likely enjoy being a part of. Helping days. Play with scale, shape, texture & make decisions and provide ideas assists material. If you consider yourself quite in opening lines of communication, con- crafty this is a great way to show your versation and a wonderful opportunity to child how to crochet or knit a small mat create memories. Pinterest is a fantastic source for DIY tutorials, with some great results seen WORK WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT using torn up old t-shirts as the material 24
crocheted into a rug. Another alternative is to buy a cheap plain coloured flat weave rug and paint on your own design. Amazing things can be done with items you already own. *Hint* A cute thin rug can also make a gorgeous wall hanging - go on, throw it up there - I dare you! CEILINGS Most ceilings are blank, but if you're looking up there every now and then why not have something interesting to look at? If you have the budget look into an interesting suspension light. If not, what about creating some real visual interest by installing an LED light bulb that changes colour? These can be purchased from your supermarket and for a small outlay you can pop in a new bulb that gives you all the colours of the rainbow and a small remote that controls these very features (Have a look next time you're in the supermarket or the hardware store). Another low effort and high impact suggestion would be decals who said they could only go on walls? Lots of fun for kids and changes the look of the entire room for a minimal amount. WALLS A wall without art is like an egg with no salt! Not only does art create visual interest, but it adds height to the room by the very action of 'looking up' . Concerned you're in a rental and don't want to leave holes? then 3M velcro tabs are your best friend! Mix up a wall cluster with framed pieces, loose pieces hung by bulldog clips that can be easily refreshed and bunting (again, some great DIY tutorials can be found online). Feeling extra crafty? spray paint plastic figurines (think army action figures, a handful of those 'barrel of monkeys' or old Lego pieces) in your favourite colour and hot glue into a box frame - instant personalised 3D art! (and it gets a more toys off
the floor!) EVERYTHING INBETWEEN How about that bed? why not block colour the fitted sheet, flat sheet and doona. If the budget isn't allowing for an overall change then get crazy with the pillows alone! A cute cushion or two (in interesting shapes and textures) can do wonders for a bedspread. Do you have a spot on a shelf that could home a little succulent or cactus? a plant doesn't have to be boring in your child's space - bring out the Venus fly traps! How about that study desk or play table is it looking a little tired? how about painting some geometric patterns on top or collaging some favourite pictures? Is that dresser or cupboard looking a little sad? invest in some new handles to really change the feel of the piece and bring it back to life. You'll probably realise a lot of these suggestions can be used throughout the home and not just your child's space - why not look into refreshing another room and getting your young designer to help in the design process too? "Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort." Franklin D. Roosevelt DIY TUTORIALS http://diymakeit.com/diy-rug-t-shirts/ http://upcycledtreasures.com/2014/08/diy -painted-rug-inspired-west-elm/ http://sayyes.com/2014/08/diy-bedsidepom-pom-rug.html http://ruffledblog.com/tissue-papergarland-tutorial/ Crystal Amesbury is an Interior Designer For more information ph: 0401 651 409 crystal@crystalamesbury.com www.crystalamesbury.com 25
Exercising when pregnant Congratulations! Whether you are pregnant with your first baby or subsequent, it is a time of mixed emotions – exciting new beginnings, changes of lifestyle, routines and workload. During this time, the pregnant woman generally becomes engaged with eating well for growing a new life, resting, preparing the house and existing family members (including the furry ones!). Women who have been physically active up to falling pregnant may wish to continue with their exercise regime but may think it is not possible or advisable. Meanwhile many non-exercising women wish to commence to exercise when pregnant as the new life they are nurturing stimulates a desire to adopt a more positive attitude to healthy behaviour. The great news is that research has determined that moderate exercising when pregnant (if low risk) not only leaves the mum feeling good, it is also beneficial for maternal fitness and bub post natal. The influence that moderate exercise during pregnancy has been linked to a reduction in baby birth weight, which may result in less birthing trauma and improved childhood and adulthood weight levels.
feel completely normal albeit a little fatigued or you could be very sick with morning sickness. So for those who already have an exercise regime, you may be wishing to continue “business as usual” whilst you have not shared your news. You can, however whilst the organ development is occurring, it best to avoid high intensity programs. If you are wishing to commence an exercise program for the first time, remember this is not the time to try and set any world records! Firstly discuss with your health care provider your level of health and physical fitness readiness. In both cases, DO confidentially advise your gym, fitness instructor of a class and or personal trainer, they are there to keep you safe! They may ask you to obtain a medical clearance from your physician to exercise. Be aware – not all fitness instructors and personal trainers are specially trained for pre and post natal fitness.
When can I start exercising? Some of us learn very early when we are pregnant and although may be dying to shout out the good news to the world, choose to wait until the safety of the first trimester is finished to share the news. During this time, you may 26
What kind of exercising should I do? Once you have the green light from your health care provider to commence / continue exercising, start with moderate aerobic activity such as walking, swimming, bike riding. Avoid running, high impact gym classes, high load of weights and abdominal crunching style of exercises.
disservice too – so what to do?
Do Walking. Not only is it good for the heart, it also aids digestion! Keep your pelvis in alignment with hips, knees and feet – keep everything stacked! Pelvic tilting, quadrupeds, down dog, Work on strengthening the pelvic Moderate aerobic activity is important as floor muscle it is conditioning your heart’s health… Work on leg strengthening: squats, greatly needed in birthing and for the short lunges interest of your longevity! Keeping your Work on arm, shoulders and back heart rate moderately high as opposed to strengthening: bicep curling, shoulracing is important, as your pregnant der pressing, lat pull downs body is already in an “exercising” state Activate the transverse abdominals with an increase of blood volume, cardiac (they reach from the back and join to output and higher resting heart rate. the sides of the body), they support the lower back and lower the risk of As you progress through your pregnancy, abdominal muscle separation: belly many physical changes occur from hordraw ins when on all fours monal whereby relaxin affects joints, Meditate and concentrate on your ligaments and more; weight gain which breathe awareness can increase stress on joints and organs; changes to balance due to postural alteraExamples: tion (more load on joints!); altered abLeg strength dominal mechanics and pelvic floor. Our legs can take a hammering during pregnancy with added and sometimes Taking all this into consideration, you sudden weight gain leading up to Bmay decide to exercise under the guidDay…then on the day labouring can be a ance of a fitness instructor / class qualibig workout including endurance. So fied in pre natal exercise. The types of strong legs allows your body to cope bethighly beneficial classes for the pregnant ter at the time and recover quicker. woman to attend are Pre Natal Pilates, Pre Natal Yoga, Aqua Aerobics, General Squats: body weight squatting with feet fitness groups specifically for pregnant stacked under your hips, going as low as women or 1:1 with a qualified Personal you can and squeezing glutes on the way Trainer. up. Try squatting with your back and shoulders to the wall for support. What can I do by myself at home? Breathe in going down and out as you Lots! As previously mentioned, the return up. stress on your joints is a chief concern, 10 repetitions and hold last one in the particularly in the pelvic region. The squat position for a count of 10 double edged sword is….if you don’t exercise you could be doing your body a 27
Spinal alignment, core and balance Keeping the spine stable will help keep the pelvis stable and give you better balance. Remembering the pelvis is cradling bubs, so we need to ensure that the pelvis and spine are doing their best to support this growing bub. Quadrupeds: kneeling on all fours, with wrists stacked under shoulders and knees directly under hips. Keep your back as level as possible, eyes to floor. Take opposite arm with opposite leg and reach them away from the body, try and really stretch away and return, slowly transition to the other side. Imagine you are balancing a glass of water on your lower back‌.to keep your hips stable! 10 repetitions per side. Pelvic Floor This muscle is hammock-like that holds all the pelvic organs including the uterus UP! Hence exercising this muscle is vital for pre and post natal health for the fe-
male. During pregnancy with the gravitational load bearing down on the pelvic floor, it becomes weakened so leakage from either bowel or bladder can occur. Simply exercising it as frequently as possible can strengthen it.
Contract the muscles around your front and back passage and vagina, and lift up inside as if trying to stop passing wind and urine. Lift these up as high as you can and count to 10 and then let them fully go. Repeat 3 times. Practice short pulses, for fast twitch reactions (ie coughing and sneezing). Lift up your Pelvic Floor and count 1-2 and release, repeat 10 times. To avoid urinary tract infections, never try to lift your pelvic floor midstream whilst urinating. Kirsten Mitchell is our fitness professional. You can learn more about Kirsten at Moves to Motivate or from our website on the About Us section.
Need someone to help you get through the tough times? Someone to give advice and most importantly, solutions? How I can help you? I provide remote coaching service via Skype, to help people deal with issues which are preventing them from moving forward. These issues include stress, depression, negative emotions, low confidence, and just general advice on how to best balance multiple things at once. As a parent, this is very valuable since you don't have the time to seek out coaches who are specialized in these fields. With our remote coaching service, you can get this coaching support, right from your home or workplace. To organize your remote coaching service with David, please send an email to: enquiry@nlpapac.com 28
Hi there! My name is Tina and I'm a photography addict – I love to look at great pictures, I love to take great pictures and most of all I LOVE having fabulous images of my sweet babies. (oh, and I happen to be a photographer at Stellar Images). I'm fairly certain that I'm not the only mummy out there who spends a large amount of time trying to get her babes to not crawl away when the camera comes out, and hopes and prays for that one heart stopping pic to pop up on Instagram to show the world why I'm so immensly proud of them. So, to facilitate our common image addiction I'm going to be providing you with tips every issue on the mechanics of taking the very best photos you can. Stopping the babies from crawling away is going to have to be up to you! Of all the possible tips I could give you, one of the most important things you need to focus on above all else is capturing the spirit and emotion of the moment. You can have a technically perfect photo that is devoid of feeling – if you think about it some of the most amazing images in photographic history don't have the subject looking at the camera. So mummy, feel free to sneak up on your precious babe while they are completely engrossed in what they are doing. That photo of your little man with paint all over his face and a death grip on a giant paint brush will make you giggle for years to come – it conveys so much even though he's not staring directly into your lens. In summary – your homework task is to suppress the overwhelming urge to pop up and yell “Look at the camera sweetie! Say cheese!” Capture the tiny fleeting moments of their lives. Did you manage to capture an amazing quiet moment this month? Tag us with #littlephotographysteps Much love, Tina 29
Bullying and violence why we need to stand together According to Bullying. No Way!, Australian research suggests that up to one in four tudents have experienced some level of bulling.
bullied for you to become defensive. Bullying. No Way! cites three strategies that aren’t recommended for dealing with bullying:
So, what is considered ‘bullying’? Re Fighting back searches have defined bullying in numerous ways but according to The National Bullying the person who has bulSafe Schools Framework, bullying is delied them fined as repeated verbal, physical, social or psychological behaviour that is harmful Remaining silent and involves the misuse of power by an individual or group towards one or more So, as a parent, what can you do? The persons. Bullying. No Way! website advises parIf the situation wasn’t already complicated enough, the ever-increasing popularity of the internet has thrown a spanner in the works in the form of cyberbullying. This is defined as bullying through information and communication technologies (for example, the internet or mobile devices). This month marks the National Day of Action against Bullying and Violence which is held annually on the third Friday of March. In 2015, it will be celebrated on Friday, 20th March. There’s no doubt that as a parent, two of the harder issues you’ll face are bullying and violence. Regardless of whether your child is on the receiving end or is the culprit, chances are, you won’t know how to react. Bullying. No Way! says that aggressive language such as ‘Get tough on bullies’, can actually become part of the bullying problem on a wider level. As parents, it’s only natural that if your child is being 30
ents to:
1. Listen carefully to your child and
Attempt to deflect the bullying behaviour
what they want to say
Say ‘No!’ or ‘Stop it!’ firmly
2. Reassure them that they’re not to
Talk to a trusted adult at school or at blame and ask open/empathetic questions home to find out more details Bullying is a complex issue – while a ‘get 3. Ask your child what they’d like to do tough on bullying’ approach may work in the short-term, both relationship and soand what they want you to do cial factors need to be addressed. 4. Discuss a range of sensible strategies to handle the bullying: fighting back isn’t In a nutshell, we should avoid adopting an ‘us’ and ‘them’ mind-set: people sensible (including parents, teachers and so on) need to work together in order to create a Contact your child’s school safer and more nurturing environment for If your child feels safe, the website cites our kids. the following suggestions for parents to Sarah Cannata is the Communications pass onto their children to counteract Manager for HelpMeChoose.com.au. The verbal or social bullying: online comparison service compares private health insurance, energy, life insur Walk away ance and home loans. Feel free to email Try to act unaffected or unimpressed Sarah at: sarah.cannata@helpmechoose.com.au
Receive our quality publication conveniently delivered into your inbox each month or subscribe to the gorgeous full colour print version to receive it right to your door! www.smallstepsparenting.com info@smallstepsparenting.com
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Don’t be a Cheater! A couple of months ago, a real s#*t storm hit someone in the business circles that I move in as a Virtual Assistant. Now, please excuse the French, but this was a huge, huge incident that has totally destroyed one woman’s business, and even worse, her reputation. She may never recover either her credibility or her clients. So I thought it would be a good idea to let you know what happened, so that you are super-aware of not making the same mistake… although to be honest, mistake is probably not the right word for it… disastrous brain-fade is probably more apt! The lady in question is a coach and mentor and has built up some wonderful products and packages that she has sold on her site for years. I’ve been following her for years and have even purchased a few things from her to build up my own business knowledge. A couple of months before it all hit the fan, her approach to selling changed and became more aggressive and “salesy”. I noticed it and thought it unusual, but didn’t give it too much thought beyond that. She then introduced a couple of really awesome-sounding packages and
training courses and started selling them off her website. The storm hit when it was revealed that the new courses she was offering were in fact a direct copy of courses that someone else in another industry had been running and selling for years! She had done an absolute copy and paste – she hadn’t even re-written any of the content in some vague attempt to make it her own! As well as this – the salesy emails were also lifted from that person’s emails (which is why they sounded so different to her previous communication style). The original author of the products found out about it after someone who had purchased both products realised that they were identical! Naturally (and quite rightly), she was furious and sought legal advice on the matter. The author tried to contact the lady who was copying her stuff and didn’t hear back from her for a number of days. In this day of social media, the original author then put a post up in her private group naming and shaming. What happened next is what destroyed the reputation of the lady who did the copying… it went viral… 32
and I mean, seriously viral in the business circles I mix in! People started sharing the original post on all sorts of Facebook groups, including the coach and mentor’s (who stole the content) own page. Because it’s a global village we live in, she didn’t see any of the posts until hours after they were posted – it was night-time when it all started, so she woke up to people talking about the issue in many, many groups. She sought legal advice and took down the offending packages, but quite frankly, the damage was done. She has admitted that she copied the content and now her credibility and her business is damaged, quite probably beyond repair. There are literally thousands and thousands of people who now know what she did.
see if your site, or any content has been used before.) And please remember, don’t be tempted to take short cuts with your content, and never, ever steal content from anyone. Chances are very high that you will get caught and all hell could break loose, just as it has for this lady I know. Until next month, Chris Crowe Specialist VA Coach www.c2admin.com.au
If you have a business question you would like addressed in an article, please email Chris at chris@c2admin.com.au and she will endeavour to answer them in an upcoming edition.
So, my point for this article this month, is whatever you do, please, please, always post original content. If you’re “not creative”, then hire a copy-writer to write content for you. Let them know what you want your message to be and that you want original content that matches your brand. (A great tip before you post anything written for you, is to put it through Copyscape at http://www.copyscape.com/ . This site is a wonderful site where you can check to
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Destructive Play What? I meant Constructive Play, didn't I? No one who has ever spent any time around two year olds would disagree that little kids really enjoy breaking things. If big sister has just finished building a tower, you can be sure little sister will come along and knock it down, with great pleasure. You've just completed that thousand piece jigsaw puzzle? All the fun you had putting it together is nothing to the sheer joy of toddler tearing it apart. At my block play centre, Kids Build Together, I have noticed that some children when faced with blocks that seem challenging to them will start to throw them or destroy the work of another child (often a sibling). I've noticed other children anticipating with great excitement the moment before a block tower falls down – the sounds, the sight of the tumbling blocks.
those early years of putting anything breakable out of reach and wait for the days when the kids will use toys 'properly'. Of course no one wants their homes torn apart. But is there anything positive about 'destructive' play? I think there is. If you look at what a little child does with a new object, there's something we can all learn from. Children see the whole object and are immediately curious – what's inside it? What's it made of? What small parts make up this entire object? These are questions that we often don't ask ourselves. You receive a new smartphone. You might investigate what it does – but how often do you take a look at what it's made from? Do you have a clue what's inside the cover – and are you curious about it? A child is.
A child wants to know what happens when you pull up those flowers by the The destructive impulse is one that can be roots. Where are the roots and what do seen as something negative which we they look like? need to train out of children. We survive 34
What happens when I pull each petal off, and what about the funny stuff inside? What happens if I squeeze all the toothpaste out of the tube, all the soap from the bottle? If I take the back off the clock, what fascinating pieces will I find?
the time to observe what it is he or she enjoys about destructive play. Is it the sound – the feel – the excitement – or your reaction? What could you provide to give your child that experience, without your cherished objects being under threat?
There are, of course, safety reasons for keeping a lot of items out of reach – poisons, choking hazards, sharp edges. And there are economical reasons too – who can afford to replace the toothpaste every day? But allowing children time, space, and freedom to pull things apart can be important. It encourages children to follow their instincts of curiosity, of wonder. It allows children to understand that there are many parts to a whole. And it supports individual interests and passions.
Let's honour the impulse of curiosity and wonder which our children have, and try to support their quest for knowledge through destructive as well as constructive play. Learn more about Carolyn on our About Us section of our website.
Give children some space in the garden that is theirs to deconstruct. Allow them to knock down the blocks without a negative comment. Give older children, with supervision, old objects to pull apart, like alarm clocks or battery-operated toys (check online beforehand that the object doesn't contain any dangerous chemicals, and cut off electrical cords). Give them clear boundaries around things that can and can't be pulled apart, understanding that small children can't appreciate the monetary value of items or the difficulty of putting things back together. If you have a child who is very destructive, please take
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Kids Fun!
Spot the difference These two pictures have five differences. See if you can find them.
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Find a Word - Find the words from the list, words can be vertical, horizontal and diagonal
S U M M E A S M A T N D A R O D E R J W N G P R E Q E I F L E D C G S Z A N T S G I I P F C P C Y L H L J K W S A O G D Q Y V U R E T U I D H W T J I F A M I L Summer Sand Beach Waves Friends Park Family School Picnic Happy
R L E K W V H X G C A G R A S Y
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A H L B X C P O A Y P A J K F B T W V B V E U E E G V N S E W S Towels Excited Ants Grass
A I I F F R I E N D S E R H Q U
P P R T T E A W J O K N T S A C A H E O W O H L D N D E U J N R Clouds Play Laugh Sun
Y H D V P T P H F F T K L P G R
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On our blog... There is plenty of fun to be had through our blog this month. Find Fun quiz to do with your partner Preparing for school printable Fun dice game for kids printable 10 things to do before summer ends Getting your year organised Plus lots more
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