October 2014 mag

OCTOBER 2014

Meet our cover star cutie!

Top 5 best pets for kids Secrets kids Shouldn’t keep

Tips from a mum to her daughter

Your Free online Parenting magazine

Contents

October 2014

Regulars 5 Letter from the Editor 10 Ask a professional - questions from readers 11 Monthly Recipe - Vegetarian Chilli 14 Your Story - My struggle with percreta 16 Make a Change 17 Mums and the City - with Alexis Galloway 20 Fashion with Dominique 23 Something Extra - by Carolyn Galbraith 26 Did you know?

28 Kid’s fun

Articles 7 Meet our cover star model!

18 The truth about travelling with kids

8 Secrets kids shouldn’t keep 24 My 2014 money challenge 26 Anxiety in boys

Special Features 12 Tips on dating - from a mum to her daughter 18 5 best pets for kids 27 PJ Millar Caterpillar book review

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Letter from the Editor Dear Reader, Well it’s been a long wait but finally you get to see our cover star winner. It is not hard to see why this little cutie stole the hearts of so many of our readers. You can learn more about him on page 7.

This month has been a busy month here at Small Steps with not one, but two magazine issues coming out this month. This regular issue plus our special issue Mums in Business which comes out on the 13th of October. This issue will be packed with information on starting and running your own home business, tips on growth, advertising and social media plus real case studies with some local mums in business. This is an issue not to be missed for business owners or people wanting to start their own business so please share with friends and family.

This month we introduce to you a brand new fashion kids section written by mum and business owner Dominique Perri. Dominique will be joining us each month to share some of her favourite kids brands.

Lastly, we have been receiving many requests for our magazine to come back into print. So as not to mess up our green initiative we have decided to look at printing for those who want to purchase our print copy each month. This way we will avoid wastage and just print for those who prefer to have the print copy. Interest needs to be calculated before we decide to go ahead so please comment on our social media, or website to let us know your thoughts - print or online?

Kindly,

Julie-Anne England

Meet our cover star model!

Xavier Miller

After an overwhelming response to our cover star competition and photos of the cutest kids around, we were able to choose finalists and our readers sent in their votes for their favourites. Today we announce the winner of the 2014 Small Steps Parenting Magazine’s cover star winner - Xavier Miller. It is not hard to see why this gorgeous little man was selected. As our winner he receives a framed copy of this month’s magazine and a photoshoot by our talented Kate Roberts from Big Fish Photography.

Here we speak with Xavier’s mum Rachael.

Were you surprised when you found out that your little boy had been voted as our cover star model? Yes I was, there were so many beautiful kids, and his Dad was very excited to break the news to me.

What is Xavier like as a child? (personality etc.) He is very matter of fact and detail oriented, he wants to know why. He is very loving. He shows amazing resilience and understanding for his age dealing with his Dad’s deployments.

Does Xavier have any siblings? No, Well yes if you include his “big brother” Bugsy our Great Dane, they are inseparable.

An interesting story/fact about him – He loves spicy food, we recently went to Singapore and he ate everything, and always asked for satay where ever we went, What you love most about him? I love that he makes me laugh every single day, and that he always is excited about life.

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Xavier’s entry photo into our 2014 cover star competition

Xavier’s favourites Food - pasta Game - Hungry Caterpillar app on iPad Time of the day mornings after breakfast Animal - his pet dog Bugsy Person - Daddy Toy - George from Peppa Pig

Secrets Kids shouldn’t keep As a child how many times were you asked to “keep a secret”?

Keeping a secret can be harmless. For example, when you are hiding a birthday present from someone, or if you are simply wanting to “surprise” a loved one.

These are fun secrets, with the intent of making the recipient happy.

Including children in these secrets is exciting and wonderful, and in fact, they can be a handy tool in helping to teach children about managing impulsivity and delayed gratification. The key however, is in the language we use. There is a very big difference between the words “secret” and “surprise”.

So what about secrets children shouldn’t keep? These are typically secrets that cause a child distress and/or anxiety. As a guide, examples of these kinds of secrets are: If an adult in their life is making them feel "icky".

Many children, especially younger children, do not yet have the self-awareness and understanding to be able to accurately label how something makes them feel. As such, it is important to use their language, and so describing something as feeling “icky” or “yuck” is often better than using words such as “anxious” or “upset”.

Children should be encouraged to disclose any secret that makes them feel uncomfortable. As an adult, we can do this by provid8

ing reassurance that they won’t be in trouble for “telling” and teaching them about healthy boundaries.

If they know someone who is being bullied.

This can be really tough, as children will almost always feel a loyalty towards a friend, even if they are doing the wrong thing. Sticking up for someone who is being bullied also carries the associated social stigma of being labeled a “dobber” or “traitor”. All children need to learn that they have the right to feel safe. No matter what. This means ensuring that they do not suffer negative consequences for naming unacceptable and hurtful behavior.

If someone they love is being hurt/harmed We all feel scared some times. And fear can be paralyzing, especially if that fear is about a loved one being hurt, or of someone hurting us. For a child, carrying the burden of knowing a loved one is being harmed – is psychologically and emotion-

ally damaging. Children are “egocentric” meaning that they see the world according to themselves. Consequently, they internalize blame. They feel as though it’s their fault, even if it isn’t. Asking a child to “not tell” is basically saying; “if you tell, it will be all your fault”.

If they feel sick/unwell Most children don’t like upsetting adults if they can avoid it. Remember they internalize blame, and so this means that an adult’s upsetting reaction can be interpreted as “it’s my fault”. This can also be the case if they worry that telling an adult they are unwell or sick will result in a negative reaction. As adults, we simply need to be mindful of how we react to our children, so that they feel supported and nurtured, especially when they are unwell.

If they are worried about something It may sound simplistic, but the rule of thumb is this: If a child is worrying or over -thinking ANYTHING, they should always be encouraged to talk to an adult. Ensuring that your child has trusted adults in their life is really important, as there will often be times that they don’t feel comfortable talking to a parent. This is particularly the case when children develop into teenagers.

For these older children, not disclosing something to a parent is not necessarily an indicator that there is something wrong.

Rather it may just mean that they feel uncomfortable talking to mum and/or dad.

This is where a trusted aunt/uncle/ grandparent/coach or teacher comes in very handy!

Children’s brains develop rapidly, however it is not until our mid 20’s that our brains are fully developed. This means that children do not have the cognitive capacity to be able to make abstract, and well thought out decisions. They see the world in black

and white, and are not able to accurately weigh up the pros and cons of an issue or problem. They are impulsive, and emotionally reactive – and young children see themselves as the center of the universe, which means that they often feel responsible for the reactions of others, especially if that person is a trusted adult.

For these reasons having a “no secret” rule for very young children is the safest bet, as well as keeping all communication lines open. This means holding back our “adult” interpretations and judgements and instead, viewing the world through our child’s innocent eyes. It also means being mindful of how we react to our children, and accepting and acknowledging when we get it wrong and make mistakes.

As children grow and develop, the challenge for adults and parents is to accept the fact that their “child” doesn’t tell them everything anymore. Rather than interpreting this as a negative thing, it’s important to support and nurture your growing child’s independence while always ensuring that you are emotionally available should they need you.

However, if you sense that your child is keeping a secret that’s bothering them – encourage them to talk to a trusted adult about it, even if that adult isn’t you.

This is the “tight rope balancing act” of parenting. We all fall off from time to time, but it’s important to get straight back on and keep trying!

Written by Leanne Hall, clinical psychologist and Mind & Body Expert on Network 10's The Living Room and Studio 10. Plus, mum of two. Learn more about Leanne on her website www.leannehall.com.au 9

Ask a Professional...

QUESTION: I am 31 weeks pregnant and my baby is in breech position. Will it still be able to turn before birth?

The short answer to this question is yes, it is certainly possible for your baby to turn to the head down or cephalic position before birth particularly at this stage in your pregnancy. At 31 weeks gestation babies generally still have room to move fairly freely in the uterus. As your pregnancy progresses and baby becomes larger in size it is perhaps less likely that he/she will turn however, as a midwife, I have seen babies change position from breech to cephalic right up until term (40 weeks) Occasionally there may be a reason why a baby adopts the breech position, for example the shape of a woman’s pelvis or a placenta (afterbirth) which is not normally situated, for example one that embeds in the lower part of the uterus. Your health care provider will monitor your baby’s position with ultrasounds particularly as you get closer to birth. It is wise to discuss any concerns that you may have regarding yourself or your baby with your doctor or midwife as every woman is an individual and not all pregnancies are the same.

This answer has been supplied by Ruth Bosanquet who is our expert panel midwife.

Learn more about Ruth on our "About Us" page on our website.

Combos Slides Obstacle Castles Slushie Machines Phone: (02) 4571 1240 or 0402 100 681 Email: tomcatjim1@bigpond.com Birthdays/Corporate Events/Preschools/Fetes/Christmas/New Years

Monthly Recipe

FRUIT BITES INGREDIENTS 200g Dried Fruit (see suggestions below) 50g Desiccated Coconut 3-4 Teaspoons Honey (to taste) Fruit Suggestions (choose 1 or mix them):  Apricots  Mango  Apple  Pineapple (no need to add honey)  Paw Paw (no need to add honey)

METHOD 1. Place ingredients (start with the light coloured fruits) into the food processor or thermomix and blend on the highest speed for 45 seconds. Scrape down the sides and repeat. If using a food processor you may have to repeat again, in a thermomix 2 times is enough.

It is ready when it starts to form a ball as the blade is turning. It will be nice and moist but not to wet, if its wet add a little dried coconut.

2. Roll the mixture into small balls then roll in extra coconut.

3. Store in the fridge for up to 2 weeks or freeze them and take them out the morning you want to use them.

This recipe comes from Trendy lil treats. Check them out on their website www.trendyliltreats.com.au 11

From a mother to her daughter

Tips on dating It’s hard to imagine a time when you will be old enough to drive, finish school, make your own plans, start dating. Right now you lay in my arms fast asleep, the beautiful new born that I delivered only hours ago.

But as I watch you breathe I find myself picturing the future, making plans for you, seeing you in my minds eye running and splashing at the beach, being thrown in the air by your dad, asking for help on your homework and bringing home your very first boyfriend.

As a mother I feel like my job is to protect you, I never want you experience pain or hurt or have your heart broken but I know that this is outside what I can possibly do.

All I can do is prepare for your life ahead

and pray that you choose to make the right decisions.

One day you will be old enough to start looking for a man, one who you could begin a life with, one who will make you a mother.

Before you embark on this exciting journey please me share some things that I have learnt. #1 For any first date make sure you meet somewhere nice and public. Being picked up from your home is never a good idea with a brand new relationship as he will now know where you live. Best to leave this until you know him better. Also being in a public place will protect you if you decide you are not happy with your date choice. #2 Have a plan B in case your date doesn’t

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go to plan. Get one of your friends to call you sometime during your date. This will give you a nice out if you need it. If you are enjoying the date, just tell your friends you are on a date and you will call them back later, but if you would rather end the date use this phone call to have you needing to be somewhere else. #3 Always tell someone where you are going. I know most guys seem nice and many are but there are some with bad intentions.

Protect yourself by letting someone know where you are and let him know that others know too. #4 Don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with. If he is a decent guy he will not expect you to do something you don’t want to. #5 Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them, #6 Never be afraid to say no. #7 When dating, look for the qualities that will complement you and your dreams. You need to be with someone who will believe in you, love you, trust you, protect you, challenge you and cherish you. #8 Don’t ever settle. The perfect one for you will come along when the time is right.

Don’t ever settle in fear that you will miss out. #9 Marriage is a big and lasting decision.

Doubts are a warning signal that all may not be right. #10 When things seem to be getting serious make sure you discuss big issues together such as children, living arrangements, parental boundaries and home responsibilities.

Tackling these questions early can help you discover deal breakers or red flags in your relationship. #11 Discuss your dreams and desires with each other. You don’t want to find out years down the track that you are on two totally different paths. #12 Watch him in a variety of situations see how he copes when he is angry, frustrated, tired, stressed, sad and so on. You can 13

learn a lot about him from these situations. #13 Watch how he interacts with his mother and sisters (if he has any). This will show you the respect he has for women. If he treats his mother badly don’t assume it is because of her, this may well be how he treats you in the future. #14 Don’t give your all, very early into a relationship. You need to show him that you are precious. If everyone gets every part of you it won’t be special for the one you are meant to spend your life with. #15 Allow yourself to hear the opinions of others about your new date but don’t make decisions based entirely on them. Some people have good intentions and want to protect you others may be just jealous. #16 Go with your heart, if it is right you will feel peaceful about your decision. You and only you are the one who has to live with your choices. #17 Don’t ever, ever forgot that I am your mother. I love you and want nothing but the best for you so you can come to me anytime, with anything. There is no mess that I won’t try to help you with.

Written by Julie-Anne England.

Your Story Christina’s Story - My struggle with Percreta On the 23rd of Nov, 2012 it all started. I was pregnant with our 7th baby, and very happy to be. I was feeling good and excited to be expecting again. This morning I got up with my then one and half year old, and started on getting him some breakfast when I felt a gush. It was unexpected, I didn’t need to pee, but I though maybe I had a weak bladder moment. So I went to the toilet to check. When I got there I discovered it was not wee, but was actually blood.

to check we still had a live baby. Finally at my 20 week scan it was discovered that I have Complete Placenta Previa, where the placenta sits at the bottom of the uterus, covering the cervix, making a vaginal birth very dangerous for both mother and baby.

a miscarriage. After several scans, it was discovered that I was still pregnant, but had lost a twin. We were both happy and sad at the same time. I had a SCH (Sub Chronic Hemorrhage) and what looked like a low-lying placenta.

I was rushed directly into the OR, where Marcella was deliver immediately. They then turned their attention to saving my life. It turned out that I not only had Complete Placenta Previa, but also Percreta (the worst form of Accreta) and my placenta had grown through my cervix and uterus, attached to my urethra, bladder and major blood vessels in the area. Accreta is a life threatening obstetric condition, that can be fault to both mother and baby. The condition has three stages, ac-

I was thankful when I got to 24 weeks and my baby at least had a chance of life.

I was then grateful when I got to 32 weeks, which meant I could stay in my area to deliver and be near my family, My heart sank. My first thought was “I’m should she come early. losing my baby”. I cleaned up the mess As the pregnancy progressed I spoke with the best I could, and as I stood up, I felt doctors about the chance of me having something else. A lemon size clot came Accreta, there was a slight chance and the out. It looked like it was containing my placenta was near my old c-section scars baby. I couldn’t put this is in toilet, so my dear husband kindly went and buried but they didn’t think I had it. it.

Then on the 18th of June I was sitting at We then went on to the hospital. I have a home with my then 6 children, and I felt negative blood group so knew I needed to another gush. My heart sank. I knew I was bleeding. I went to the toilet to check go get an Anti-D injection. While there the Doctors did a few tests, which when and blood was pouring out. My children they came back surprised them. My HCG helped me call an ambulance, my husband and someone to come and stay with levels were quite high for a single pregnancy, let alone someone that was having them.

This was the beginning to what was a very stressful pregnancy.

Over the next 13 weeks I had over 10 bleeds, each time I needed to make another trip to our local hospital, for a scan

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very lucky to be here.

As fast as they were putting the blood in, I was losing it. Due to all the blood, it was hard for them to find where the placenta ended and I began, and the only tools they had to help guide them were their hands. They did the best they could.

Under the belief that I probably wasn’t going to make it, the NICU nurse’s brought my creta, increta and percreta, being the baby down and put her on my chest, so worst. Accreta is where the placenta abthat we could have some time together normally adheres and invades the uterine before I died, and my family and baby wall. In the case of percreta, the placenta would have some memento to remember invades completely through the uterus me by.

The moment that they put her on and then beginning attaching to other my chest I responded, I rubbed my chin blood vessels and organs in the area, most on the top of her head, and that is when I commonly the bladder, bowels, and arterstarted to improve. ies. Due to the involvement of blood vessels and organs, the threat of bleeding out I am very glad to be here today to be able during delivery is a very real concern, and to tell my story, and enjoy the life I have the number 1 reason for maternal death in with my children. Since coming home Accreta cases. The cases of Accreta in from hospital and starting to move on pregnancy are on the rise due to the inwith my life I have become the President crease rate of c-sections, D & C’s, aborof the Australian Chapter of the Hope for tions, placenta previa, pregnancy in Accreta Foundation. Through which I am women over 35, uterine surgery, endome- helping many women and their families triosis, and other invasive contraceptive that are going through a similar experimethods. ence. I am also working the Red Cross, It took a team of doctors and specialists, 5 to help bring attention to the need for days on life support, 23 hours of surgery, blood donation, with out the donations of so many people I would not be here toa full hysterectomy, bladder and urethra repair, and a massive blood transfusion of day.

54 units of blood and 80 blood products, (a total of around 134 donations) to save my life, using all the available O- in my State.

This was a trying time for everyone involved; the doctors explained that I was

If you have or are experiencing Accreta, please contact me via email: cmathewson.hfa.aus.nz@gmail.com and I will help connect you with someone local to you. www.hopeforaccreta.org

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Make a

Change

When Caroline Meehan started a not-for-profit organisation called Heartfelt Homes just over a year ago she could have had no idea what was coming. Heartfelt Homes is a charity that finds hotel, motel and B&B rooms for people in desperate need such as those who find themselves being treated at hospital as an outpatient or those who have a loved one in hospital.

Within months of starting this charity Caroline’s husband Andy was ironically and devastatingly diagnosed with cancer. With two small children to care for Caroline was suddenly thrown into a new role of caregiver and breadwinner. As a family who lives in rural NSW she also discovered just how essential Heartfelt Homes is.

After being diagnosed a week before Christmas the family had a rough path ahead of them as they sought to deal with childcare, long drives back and forth from the hospital and countless specialists. A surgery date meant they needed accommodation but with a surgery reschedule the cost of accommodation was forfeited and a new date was set.

Andy’s diagnosis had a massive financial impact on the family. A builder and carpenter, Andy was the main income earner. This stopped on the day he received his diagnosis.

“We had all our usual bills to pay – mortgage, utilities, petrol, food, etc – and nothing coming in, as I wasn’t receiving a wage at Heartfelt Homes,” explains Caroline. “This gave me such an understanding of what it is like to be in this position. All the research I had done over the past year to try to understand what people endured and how they managed could not have prepared me for this” “Along with the intense worry you constantly live with, you also have to figure out where the next mortgage payment is coming from and how you will afford the petrol for the continuing hospital trips – not to mention the cost of parking and childcare. I truly didn’t know how we could pay for it. I had to hair-dress to bring in the odd bit of cash here and there; this was a relief but also added to my exhaustion.”

Fortunately, Andy’s surgery went well, as did his radiation therapy in March. Andy still has to visit the hospital every month, which means a six-hour round trip every few weeks, as well as petrol costs, parking costs and childcare costs.

Rather than distracting Caroline from Heartfelt Homes, her husband’s illness spurred her on to grow and develop this much-needed charity. However, like every not-forprofit organisation, Heartfelt Homes is totally reliant on the generosity of donors. It depends on kind-hearted people making financial donations, and hotels, motels and B&Bs donating rooms or offering rooms at a charitable rate.

“If we can provide a destitute family a room for a few nights, this can relieve some burden and help them heal faster and cope better,” Caroline concludes.

To find out more, visit www.heartfelthomes.org.au or call Caroline Meehan on 0449 683414 or show your support by making a donation.

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Did you

Know?

Written

by Simone Yuen, children’s book author, www.rainbowb alls.com.au

Painting can tell a story. It helps develop children to be effective communicators.

Spend time painting with your child and ask her what she is painting. Her answers may surprise you!

Painting enhances brain development. Research shows that art stimulates the brain centres that control emotion, cognition and memory.

Peg butcher paper to the fence and let your child finger-paint or with a paintbrush and leave the activity there for a few days for your child to revisit.

When your child paints, both sides of his/her brain are engaged, helping the right and left brains make connections. When both sides of the brain work together it releases potential.

Sometimes, the painting does not have to represent anything at all, simply let your child paint freely.

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The

best pets for kids

While working with families during and after the Black Saturday Bushfires, I was blessed to see the true benefits pets can bring to a child’s life. So many people, mostly us grown-ups were telling the kids how they should be feeling, what they should be doing to cope and more. The truth was what they needed was someone to listen, not have an opinion, not offer advice, just plain old listen. That task fell to their pets, providing counsel, a cuddle and an ear, even if they didn’t understand what was being said, at least their pets were listening. Those animals came in all shapes and sizes, feathered and furred. All kids need someone to talk to at some time and my best 5 pet recommendations are as follows.

1. Guinea Pigs are just little bundles of cuteness and are great pets for those with limited space. They can be housed indoors or outdoors in a suitable cage and prefer to be housed in small groups as they are very social animals. They require a complete diet in the form of pellets and plenty of fresh fruit and veg. Children should be seated when handling Guinea Pigs to avoid dropping them, otherwise they are a fairly robust pet.

should be vaccinated and desexed. Female bunnies can get especially territorial if not desexed. A balanced diet of rabbit pellets, fresh fruit and veg, and items for chewing, like pine cones and branches from fruit trees to help with dental health. You are not able to own pet rabbits if you live in Queensland.

3. Chickens make great pets, coming in all sorts of fancy colours and breeds. From Silkys and Bantams in small yards up to larger Arcana hens with their cool blue eggs. If handled from a young age they can be very affectionate and the added benefit eggs for the kitchen and bug control in the garden you are on a winner all round. Chickens will live up to 10-12 years and really do make great pets, although you might want to stick to hens unless you have several acres and understanding neighbours. Most councils will allow 2 hens without a permit.

4. Cats tend to own us I think, some love a cuddle however others can be very independent. Being a clean animal and able to be toilet trained makes them a great house pet. Cats need vaccinating as kittens and then annually and 2. Rabbits are a great size, should be desexed. I prefer to keep my cats live for 10-12 years and are indoors, not only to protect local wildlife but able to be toilet trained. also to prevent them from contracting disThey can be housed indoors eases like Feline AIDs from stray and feral and outside in a suitable cats. Long hair breeds will need regular cage, although will need to grooming, and dental care with a balanced watch timber furniture and the electrical diet for overall health are important. My wiring if allowed access to the house. Bunfavourite breeds are the Burmese - very dog nies should be housed inside in the warmer like, and the Devon Rex - great personality months as they are prone to heat stress and and no hair shedding = BONUS diseases spread by mosquitos. Rabbits 18

5. “Dogs are Man’s best friend” and there is nothing like sitting in the backyard having a cuddle and telling your dog all you problems like I used to do with my Labrador Kim as a child. She suffered through many fancy dress outfits, nail painting sessions and swimming lessons in the pool. She went everywhere with us, even fishing in a little dingy out on the bay. Before buying a dog though consideration needs to be given to a breed that suits that age and activity level of the child and time availability of the family. Consider the size of the dog, the temperament of the breed, the exercise needed, grooming requirements, the space you have available and whether the dog is inside, outside or both. Vaccinations

as a puppy, then annually, regular worming, flea control, heartworm prevention and a good diet are essential. Training from the puppy stage with a registered and accredited trainer is a must, after all if you put in the hard yards as a puppy you are going to have a great dog for life.

Dr Karen Davies is a veterinarian and owner of Direct Vet Services. Along with her fiancé Brett and her children Daniel and Nathan, she lives with a tribe of Bulldogs, and her Devon Rex cat Piper. You can contact Dr Karen at DirectVetServices@bigpond.com or visit the web site www.directvetservices.com.au Below photograph supplied by Kate DiBlasi

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LABEL LOVE: Wilson and Frenchy

Melbourne-based Wilson & Frenchy is the kind of label that leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

I first stumbled across this beautiful baby brand in 2012 and was instantly impressed by the classic styles and premium quality. It was not at all surprising how quickly Wilson & Frenchy become a best selling brand.

Being a business owner in children’s fashion, I know how important it is to use only the highest quality products. Little did I know just how well-made these tiny pieces were until I started using them myself! Only a year after discovering this brand, I gave birth to my first little boy Lucas who suffered from reflux and suddenly found myself washing his entire wardrobe every single day.

From long sleeve bodysuits to leggings with feet, Wilson & Frenchy quickly became my everyday go-to as every single piece managed to still look stylish and new wash after wash.

But there’s so much more to love about this brand – the sizes are extra generous, self proclaimed as ranging from just-brought-into-this-world (size 0000) to “hey, I’m getting used to being out here” (size 0) and I’m so sad this will be the last collection Lucas fits into!

Summer 2014/2015 has just launched and includes nautical elephants, whales and geometrics for boys, golden polkadots and pretty florals for girls, plus a mix of feathers and twilight prints for genderneutral styles.

Dominque is our children’s fashion expert. You can learn more about Dominique or her online store Baby Dino on the About Us page on our website or www.babydino.com.au

Structuring time Not content You've decided to catch up with a friend.

Do you plan your entire dialogue in advance - including your friend's script - and expect both of you to stick to it? Of course you don't. Not only would the expectation be impossible, but you'd miss out on the unexpected news from your friend, or the funny turns of your conversation.

as the other children did. Keeping things open-ended increased the children's flexibility.

One study found that if a teacher showed a child a new toy, and the way to play with it (perhaps pressing a button to play a tune) the child was more likely to play with the toy that way and that way only, rather than exploring all the other options

Maths play is open-ended - we'll play dice games or abacus games, and she gets to ask the questions in turn with me - and reading time means the kids' choice of material. I'll introduce new material regu-

One of the easiest ways to do this is to think about planning time, not planning content.

We try to draw every day with our two (aged 3 and nearly 2), and I might put up You've said you're going to spend the something to provoke ideas, such as a weekend deciding on which dishwasher to household object or something found on buy. Do you make a strict schedule - a our walks like a flower. But they can draw plan you can't deviate from? No, of course what they like, and frequently surprise me you don't. You search the web, following when they do. links, making a few calls or visits to stores if necessary, and you might even go over We rarely do structured, step-by-step your budget a little if you find the right crafts. Instead, recyclables and art materipurchase. als are made available for them to create with.

Flexibility is essential to our lives. We all learn in different ways, and we all need to It doesn't matter if it doesn't look like a be open to new possibilities. We can also unicycle - she's put the time into designing ensure our little ones have flexibility to and building it, which is better than just learn in their own ways too. copying.

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larly, but I don't expect the kids to say yes to everything I offer - allowing the choice means they're less suspicious of new things next time, because they have the right to say no.

When we play, rather than demonstrating exactly what a toy does, we will let them explore. And if Miss 3 decides that her coloured pencils are a doll family, then that's what they are.

Providing choice not only increases the ability to problem-solve, but it also means that what is chosen will be interesting to the child, and therefore more motivating and also more likely to be remembered.

Flexibility is even more important if your child is anxious or has an autism spectrum disorder. Making sure you don't say the same thing in exactly the same way each

time (Dinner time! It's time for tea! Sit up for your meal please!) means a little extra work in understanding but a lot more learning. Ensuring that things change about sitting in different spots on the couch, taking different routes to school or shops, using a range of cutlery and plates - are all important as they mean a bit more problem solving (if I can't sit here, where can I sit?) and a bit more learning.

Our adult lives are full of flexibility - flexible workers are sought-after and flexible jobs are prized - so we need to start looking at how we can build the same flexibility into our kids' lives, too.

Caroline is a regular columnist with Small Steps. Her monthly article shares insight and knowledge for parents of special needs children. She has two children of her own.

Handmade and quality children’s products

www.angelbabes.com.au www.facebook.com/myangelbabes

01 My 2

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Money Challenge

This month was about the little things. living rooms, kitchens and dining Small, seemingly insignificant things we rooms often have the lights left on durcan do to cut back on our spending and add ing the evening hours because they a little more to our savings. seem to be the rooms most used. Try I sat down and went through our spending turning these off and making it a habit. habits looking at spending that may have  Try to cook up your meals all at the one been overlooked or areas where I can minitime. I know on busy nights I am guilty mise the spend. of switching the oven on at least twice Grocery shopping lately has been somefor the children’s dinner and then our thing I have been not as good on which is meal. Planning ahead and using the pretty bad considering I had a great budget oven at the same time for both meals down earlier in the year and was spending will save electricity costs. Or even betapprox $150 a week on my groceries. Unter cook up a large batch so you don’t fortunately bad habits have meant that I have to cook on another night and just have slipped back into doing a small shop reheat instead. several days a week and not a large shop  Buy energy monitors for your biggest once a week like planned - I am going to appliances. These are accessories that rediscipline myself with that this week onyou plug into your electrical items such ward! as TV’s to monitor how much energy Other places that we spend money include they are consuming. This can help you the obvious like electricity, water and petto reduce the amount you are using by rol so I came up with a list of ways to reeither using it less or getting a replaceduce these bills. Here are my tips for reducing your bills in these areas:  Turn off the TV. TV’s (especially the large HD and plasma screens) can use up quite a lot of power. Declaring a TV free day or evening is a good way to not only reduce your energy bill but also allow you some extra time to bond with the family through games night or a fun outing like hiking or playing at the park.  Switch off lights in rooms that are not being used. I know this sounds like a pretty obvious one but many rooms like 25

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ment that costs less to use.

To save water try showering the kids a couple of nights a week rather than bathing. Baths use a lot more water than is necessary and showers can be just as much fun.

If you are using water for things like paddle pools in the warmer weather, make sure you cover them at the end of playtime to avoid getting leaves or bugs in the water. This means that next time you want to play you don’t have to use fresh water to fill it up again. Then just refresh it when necessary.

To save petrol plan your grocery trips for when you are out for other reasons such as dropping the kids at school, on your way home from work or during kids sporting activities.

Try to fill up your car with petrol on days that are cheapest. My husband watches this carefully and we are usually able to save over 10cents a litre each time we fill up.

Car pool where you can. Share the drive to and from work or take turns dropping your neighbours kids at school. If you

do one week and they do the alternate you will halve your petrol bill for school drop-offs!

These are just some of the ways that I noticed our savings increase. Being organised means you are better able to save money. I notice that when I am time-poor I tend to spend more for convenience so my goal is to become more organised with my meal planning, my outings in the car, my activities for the kids and more.

Next month I will share with you how I planned a four year old birthday party for my daughter including a cake, activities, prizes and more for under $100! Who says you need to spend a lot of money to have fun.

If these articles interest you, you may also like our blog post on 30 free activities for kids. This a great post for those days you need something to do and best thing is that they are all free! Check out this post and more on our website www.smallstepsparenting.com

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Open 6.30am-6.30pm From birth to 6 years Nutritious meals daily Community based Not for profit centre  Preschool transition programs 69 Andrew Thompson Dr, McGraths Hill Ph: 4587 7141 or email: mhcc@westnet.com.au

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Anxiety in Boys truth is, kids today have worries we just don’t get. When it comes to young boys, if those fears are not identified, aired and dealt with by the time High School collides with puberty, there can be real trouble in adolescence.

Growing up isn’t easy. When you ask parents what they want most for their kids they invariably say “I just want them to be happy”. Naturally we all have our own take on how to get happy but the wish is universal.

Another thing that often comes as a shock to parents is that despite the fact that we all try as hard as we can to shelter our kids from our own troubles and strife, we generally kid ourselves about that and then they spend a good chunk of their childhood worrying about us. It wasn’t until my own children were adults that I realised how true this was.

Sadly, it’s getting harder and harder to strike all the right balances that will give us carefree kids. Is there anything more frustrating and upsetting than watching your child lose the happy, playfulness they had when they were younger. Fear changes people (especially little people) and we need to understand what causes it and how best to help them.

The Anxiety Recovery Centre of Victoria (Australia) puts the prevalence of anxiety in children at between 5.7 - 15.4% in 7 to 11 year olds and 8.7 - 17.7% for 12 to 18 years. That being said, in my own practice the number of little boys presenting with debilitating fears about life and the world around them is growing every day and I believe it warrants a special look.

Developmentally, kids are able to get seriously worried about what might happen in the future from about eight years of age. It can be hard as adults to imagine what they could possibly have to worry about. The

And then there’s school…

Anxiety surrounding school can result in lots of unwanted behaviour including desperate attempts to avoid school. That often results in lots of unexplained sickness.

There’s no question dealing with this kind of stuff can be frustrating and even distressing but don’t be tempted to believe you’re seeing dishonest, attention seeking behaviour.

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More often than not, young kids just don’t know how to process intense emotions. It makes no sense to them but physical illness does. Think about it, there’s a cut-and-dried procedure for a tummy ache or a sprained ankle. Go to the sick bay, receive some understanding and wait for someone to come and take you home. Wait happens when the pain is invisible? Make sure there’s a procedure for over whelming emotions at school too.

Another not-so-fun-fact about school anxiety is that while it can certainly be about fear or worry about something at or on the way to school, it’s usually about the fear that something bad will happen at home and to loved ones while they’re away at school and can’t protect anyone. Imagine what a huge responsibility that feels like?

Then there’s the very real worry of becoming a tiny little fish in a high school shark pool after being a big, confident fish in a little primary school pond. Ouch!

What to look for…

just doesn’t seem ‘himself’, he’s probably not.

What to do…

My top ten list of things to take seriously when helping your little boy through a fearful time:  Quality of sleep. This is ESSENTIAL for any mood issues.  Diet. Make sure meals aren’t skipped and are made up of wholesome, healthy foods.  Talking things out. Let them share their feelings without judgement or interruption.  Share your own fears and ways of coping. Be human but don’t over expose.  Limit screen time. It’s not ok to let them control their own technology exposure.  Exercise. Get those muscles moving and bodies tired.  Make busy, creative minds. Empty brain space will fill up with worries.  Talk about the good side of anxiety and how it can keep you safe in the right setting.  Learn what they like. Spend time doing things one-on-one together.  If the worries and behaviours continue, seek out professional help These periods need only be temporary if they’re grabbed early and dealt with sensitively but seriously. Let them know how normal it all is but we must never tell them we know how they feel. We don’t. Open communication and good quality rest and counselling will go a long way to seeing you all through.

Little boys will usually reveal their anxiety in three of ways. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they’ll just tell you they’re scared and what of. Then there are the times when a young man will decide for himself that his fears make him inferior and he may become withdrawn and quiet. Lastly there are the projectors. These are the boys that are not willing to accept feelings of vulnerability so they’ll compensate with displays of power with people they trust (sorry, Mum, but that’s usually you!). They’ll be angry, loud and bossy in a bid to claw back a feeling of strength and control. This method of coping is tricky because the underlying emotional fragility understandably often gets Written by Angela Bradley, B.A., Grad. Dip. Psych., AMAPS, Registered Psychologist. missed.

For more information or advice, contact Most importantly, look for change in your Angela via www.angelabradleyonline.com boy’s behaviour, mood and attitude. If he 27

Kids Fun! Find the matching pairs. Draw a line between the animals that are the same.

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A Book Review PJ Millar Caterpillar

By Jamison Sky and Martine Tunaley RRP $5.99 Available on Amazon Kindle www.amazon.com Reviewed by Julie-Anne England The first book in a planned series of PJ Millar Caterpillar is a complete delight to read. Simple rhymes and an interesting story meant even my 18 month old was able to enjoy and be held captive throughout the story. The pictures are bright and simple.

In this book you will be introduced to the cute little caterpillar PJ. It tells of his little adventure out into the world and what he encounters. From a cute ladybug to the whooshing wind you will meet some delightful characters and fll in love with PJ Millar Caterpillar.

Read this to your children several times until they become familiar with the story. Allow them to point to the illustrations and share their thoughts on PJ’s adventure.

Here are a few activities you can do during the week:  Go for a nature walk and see if you can find any caterpillars. Talk to your children about other things you might find on your walk such as ants, beetles and maybe even a spider!

 Make your own caterpillar by glueing pompoms in a line on a piece of paper. Add googly eyes for a face.

 Climb into sleeping bags and pretend to be caterpillars by wriggling along the ground.

I hope you and your family enjoy this book as much as we do, it’s definitely a favourite!

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How to stop technology taking over

Being the best Parent you can be

Making life simple again

15 ways to make life easier

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