THOUGHTS In Your Own Hands While she searched for the magic key to unlock the door to joyfulness, Robin H-C, author of Thinking Your Way to Happy!, learned the only person who stopped her from feeling good was herself.
This may seem simplistic, but mental wellness experts agree it is sound advice.
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ou may think happiness is achieved when you get something you want. But guess what, it’s not. Happy feelings come as you make your way on the journey, not when you arrive at the destination, according to leading researchers on positive psychology. Also known as the “science of happiness,” positive psychology is the scientific study of the strengths and standards that enable individuals and communities to thrive. It became the rage several years ago when social scientists began focusing on how people stay mentally well. The researchers confirmed common observations: Happy people tend to be healthier and live longer than unhappy ones. But what makes people happy? The answer is different 4 0 RE A L H E A LTH FA LL 2 011
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for everyone. Still, researchers found a universal truth: When people expect a specific goal—such as wealth, a great career or marriage—to bring them bliss, once they pursue and attain that goal they often end up feeling unhappy. What do scientists suggest to increase well-being, reduce misery and flourish overall? Don’t wait for some thing or some one to make you happy. Instead, just live your life. Also, happy isn’t measured by the “stuff” you’ve accumulated. The keys to nirvana are to interact with people and build good relationships, stay positive, find meaning in life and enjoy accomplishing small, everyday goals. And accept that this feeling comes and goes each day. You’ll be so much happier. —Kate Ferguson
realhealthmag.com
THE EXPERT SAYS Everybody wants to be happy, says Manhattan-based psychotherapist Mary Pender Greene, LCSW-R, but people must learn what happiness really means. What are some of the major misconceptions people have about happiness? Many people think making money will make them happy. But getting happy is an inside job. It comes from working on yourself so that you feel good [about undertaking that day-to-day process] rather than acquiring things. How can people get more realistic about happiness? Realize that you can feel happier and less happy at certain points. Agonizing about not being happy all the time makes people lose the opportunity to enjoy what they do have. Can seeking happiness become problematic? When being happy becomes a destination, it’s problematic. Happiness is a journey—and even when you arrive, you don’t stay there. People should start by doing things that lead them toward the happiness they seek. Then enjoy your travels along the route. Never wait until you reach your destination to be happy. —KF
DREAMSTIME.COM/SHVECTOR
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
A few years ago, everyone and everything was in the way of me finding happiness. Nothing in my life—people, events, my recently ended marriage—aligned with the way I thought life would look at my age. Then I started doing research on how to get happy. But I came up empty. I finally realized I was seeking happiness from other people. In the process, I made my self a victim. So I started creating experiences that generated joy. I did simple things, such as exercising and changing my diet. I also surrounded myself with inspiring people. I challenged myself to take small risks, such as writing a book without knowing if it would be published. Why? Because it made me happy. This process showed me that happiness is a learned behavior. When I created joyful experiences for myself, I was empowered. Surprise! I found happiness was up to me all along. —As told to Cristina González
