Issue #1 Vol #6 Oct 09
ROCKER! CIRCUIT! FUSE! PIONEER! CHILLER! RALSTON! DECEMBER! LIB TECH! AMBITION! UNGI BUNGI! AESMO! PLUTO SPORTS! MINUS SEVEN! EXTREME GRIP! FLORIDA POWDER!
0910!
FREE
BUYERS GUIDE!
n t o u i v r e ol
Snowskate Shop Wenatchee, Washington
509-665-6662 revolutionsnowandskate.com
“You notice how I’m not mad but he’s mad? That’s being a dick.” William murderface on the correct way to be a dick.
Quotes
“Starfish your bindingless movement sounds like it's run by a bunch of money hungry, product selling, frosted haired, white sunglasses wearing, wakeboarding, UFC watching, NON FUN!!!! ASS HOLES!!!!!, go fuck your self and your product!!!!!” Owner of morrow snowboards rob morrow on our t-shirts and stickers. “How can i be a fan of it, more like a anti fan of starfish snowskate mag. I will bring it down “ Terry parker might be sick of us calling him a poser. “Whoa, whoa, whoa buddy” Jenna low on the idea that anything might work better than a noboard. “snowskates ARE the future.....hell the no binding movement is the past rolled into the future!” Brice Rich on global domination. “You must have got a bootleg copy, the editors at starfish never make mistakes.” Jordan Armstrong on alleged typos. “The future looks bright” Shin Biyajima on starfishes arrival in Nagano. photo by Dane o.
photo by Dane o.
For this years buyer’s guide starfish contacted the best binding free companies from all over the U.S., Canada and Europe and asked them this simple question; “what’s new?” Some of the companies were contacted by phone some of them typed up their responses and mailed it in. Wanna know what’s new in the snowskate world? Read em and weep.
Buyer’s Guide Photos by Leavitt
photo by Dane o.
Photos by Big John
what’s new at Chiller skates?
“I’m trying to make it so the board that I sell would be the same boards that I would want to ride.” cally the same size on the decks
Mark Edmundson: It’s all new,
coming off a 40 inch mold and a 38 inch mold.
it’s always all new. You know you ride all winter you get feed back from everybody then summer comes along and you kinda think about how you wanna tweak stuff and then you know it is pretty much... everything is new, lighter and stronger hopefully. The same shapes on the concaves. Basi-
You know the lighter stronger bit, I’m going to replace some wood with some fiberglass, lighten some things up especially because it is so big. The powder board is gonna be like 10 1/4 by 39 and then there will be a 9 inch by 39 and then smaller 38 will be like 9 or
9 1/4 and then there will probably be a narrower one like 8 1/2 whatever people want. Trucks, I’m still thinking about stuff, hopefully making things easier to deal with and less rattle. After you ride you can kinda see things like “well, this is an issue here”, you know you can fix stuff. So we are trying to change all of that so things will last longer and you won’t be wor-
ried about failures. Hopefully kinda this new...I just worked on it today... a new quick release, you know I had the wire pins last year which worked great and were available but this new set-up will be a little bit lighter because it is not going to use a whole wire pin and it should be easier to use too. umm, what else??? got new graphics from a snowskater. somebody set me up with a new crash test
“you wanna get rid of boards that break, you wanna get rid of subs that suck.” lot’s of flexibility. You know with me riding the way I ride I will carry a couple of subs with me and just swap things out depending on the conditions and I like that. People I talk to want to have a bunch of subs and just one top deck that’s a great way to go it gives you a lot
Mark Edmondson dummy motif which seems pretty fitting for the first real graphic. Umm.... new grip, it will be just a five pound solid grip.
Are you doing something with Florida Powder too? yeah, hooking up with Florida and that will be the big powder board and we did a custom little run with some Florida Powder skates Graphics on the bottom and chiller decks kind of a combo. It is all green, green grip , green graphics and a green sub it should look pretty
of flexibility. Other people like to have a bunch of boards set up and then you have a “buddy board”. People like that don’t need to have as much fancy hardware.
What’s the best place to get them?
good. I’m trying to make it so the board that I sell would be the same boards that I would want to ride. But, at the same time you know the cost is always an issue for people. You wanna get it for as cheap as you can but to have it work well is a good thing so that is kind of a balancing act. Hopefully I will simplify a few things so it is not as expensive to make. Simple is always better but at the same time there will be that option if people want multiple holes on trucks and
Adam baker, Florida Powder Mountain lab
Photo by Leavitt
Photo by Leavitt Chillerdecks.com we should have a new web site I’m getting some help on that. Hopefully I will have some Ralston 41’s that I will set up with smaller 38 inch top decks and I will have a batch of the 152 Florida Powder Skates and the 125’s that I will have available locally here out of the shop. You can always order top decks from me. Florida Powder will have some of my top decks available on their boards so you can get one from them. Umm... what else is new? It’s all new . It’s all new but it is an old idea you know? If you think about it how long ago was it when Frink cut down that first ski? Like 12-15 years ago he cut down that ski and nailed it to a board and it worked great and then here we are 15 years later still tweaking it making improvements, trying to make it easier. But it seems like all across the front there is something to be improved with everything but at the same time you want to keep it simple because the original idea works and you don’t wanna get to far away from that. You want to get rid of globbed on ice balls, you wanna get rid of boards that break, you wanna get rid of subs that suck. I don’t know man.
Bully
Brad
ford
“Obviously we all ride powder skates but.. freestyle is where it is at.” what’s new at ralston snowskates?
Danny Sheehan: umm, New factory, new skates... (laughter) that’s it.
A little bit wider sub, sidewall construction, Move the trucks inserts a little bit...
That’s it?
Are you guys making a powder board?
We got the 105 coming back this year it is gonna be the featured model of the year.
No, not for sale this year, no. Our next available board is gonna be a
Smaller kids board A 32 inch skate and a 35 inch ski. That we will be proto typing it might be available in the Spring. But right now it is the 41 inch sub and the 36 inch deck. We kinda reworked the sub a little bit , We made it wider but with the same flex and no more cap, now it has a sidewall. A new top deck design too. We got a new mold, a 36 inch deck by 8 1/2 a 7 inch nose and tail, a little bit longer nose and tail, a little more concave and it is gonna have Marine Epoxy coating over 7 ply maple. New logos. New Tshirts. New hoodies. New everything.
“Actually don’t even put a color because we don’t even know what color we are gonna have, whatever is on sale” Black... Actually don’t even put a color because we don’t even know what color we are gonna have, whatever is on sale. It might be grey. But the molded diamonds I think the Molded diamonds are the best all around grip. Obviously certain grips are better for certain conditions but for the one shot grip, molded diamonds. We are looking into different types of
What’s the best place to get them? Ralstonsnowskates. com
What are you guys doing for grip? Fs grip.. Oh I’m sorry hydro-turf. Molded diamonds,
Pat Quinn
spiked mats we will have available. We are selling different riser plates for beneath the trucks so you can stiffen the ski. All of the skiis are coming soft we are just gonna make them as soft as we can because they are the most durable. So, like a skateboard bushing if you want a stiffer ski we are gonna have different risers that you mount on top of the nose and tail, stiffen it up a little bit
with out messing with the integrity of the ski.
You wanna mention the team? Yeah we got Quinn, Bonzer, Jomi, Seth Hall.
Anything else? We are focusing on the 41 and the kids skate and then the powder skate. There is a lot of people with there hand in the powder right now and we are just focusing on freestyle. Obviously we all ride powder skates but.. freestyle is where it is at.
wolle nyvelt
What’s new at aes
mo? Photo by Eli Eberl
wolle: Her is a shoot from this years pow in zillertal. The foto is from my friend eli eberl
We are trying to bring out our first series pretty soon. No fixed date yet but we hope before new
year! Just giving the final touches to the deck and grip and will spread all the tech
stuff once its 100%. Otherwise hit us up at aesmo@aesthetiker.com
What’s new at Florida Powder skates?
“PROVEN POWDERSKATES IN THEIR THIRD SEASON OF SHREDDING.”
Adam b.: LOTS OF OLD SCHOOL RAP MUSIC AND ROVING PACIFIC UNDULATIONS ARE FEEDING OUR IMAGINEERS . THE RESULTANT POWDERSKATE COLLECTION IS SHREDDING POWDER LIKE NOTHING SEEN BEFORE. THERE ARE FOUR SKIS TO CHOOSE FROM IN 2010. THE 125,151, 152, AND 158cm. ALL SKIS ARE ENGINEERED TO BE RIPABLE FROM THE ICY MOLE HILLS
TO THE DEEPEST DOLPHIN FRIENDLY POWDER HARVEST ZONES. THE 125, 152, AND 158 ARE PROVEN POWDERSKATES IN THEIR THIRD SEASON OF SHREDDING. THE 151 IS NEW FOR 2010 AND BRINGS BACK SOME POWDER DRIVEN GEOMETRY. SPECIFICALLY, WE GAVE THE NOSE A WAY MELLOW TRANSITIONAL KICK. THINK SIMS TERRY KIDWELL SLEDS FROM BACK IN THE DAY.
O.K. now that you have seen these photos, cut them out and put them in the pocket of your skate pants. Then, the next time people ask you if those things work in powder? You can take this sequence out and show it to them.
Adam BAker Photos by Leavitt Florida Powder Mountain Lab
THROUGH ALL OUR SHAPES, GRAPHIC AND GEOMETRIC DESIGN IMPROVEMENTS WILL RULE PERFORMANCE AND QUALITY. WE STAND BEHIND OUR PRODUCTS 200%. RED ALERT. WE ARE SELLING POWDERSKATE COMPLETES. CHILLER COLLAB. WILL BE RIGGED WITH MARK’S PROVEN TRACTION FRIENDLY DECK AND ULTRA ADJUSTABLE TRUCKS. STRAIGHT UP FLORIDA POWDERSKATE COMPLETES WITH FP
“THE ABILITY TO CONTROL ANY POTENTIAL TANGLY ENCHANTMENTS”
DECKS AND ROCKER TRUCKS ALSO AVAILABLE. GET AN UNGI BUNGI LEASH. THIS LEASH SAVES LIVES AND IS SPECIFICALLY ENGINEERED FOR BINDING FREE SNOW RECRE-
ATION. DO NOT LOSE YOUR RIDE. UNGI BUNGI IS A URETHANE CORD WITH QUICK RELEASE VELCRO ON BOTH ENDS. ONE END FOR YOUR PERSON, AND ONE FOR YOUR RIDE. AS A GUIDELINE, A LEASH
SHOULD BE MOUNTED ON YOU AS FAR AWAY FROM YOUR HEAD AS POSSIBLE AND ON AN APPENDAGE THAT HAS THE ABILITY TO CONTROL ANY POTENTIAL TANGLY ENCHANTMENTS. FLORIDA POWDERSKATE DEMO WILL BE AROUND THIS WINTER. CHECK OUT FLORIDAPOWDERSKATE.COM
Photo by Dane O.
Clarke #3 in the world. Method to fakie
what’s new at Lib Tech? Shag: We decided that it is time to put the skate back in snowskate and we are going to offer a little bit smaller of a model and that comes in
as the deck is 38 long by 9 1/4 wide the sub is just under 40 inches at 39 and 7/8 with a 4 1/2 inch waist width and the contact point length is... I forgot, you can blame that on the alcohol.
When are the new boards coming out? The ones you see in the stores that are for this year are technically the same as last year with a softer sub flex. However after Christmas the new shorter skinnier model will be available. So you will be able to get the C2... oh yeah they are c2 subs by the way, we can blame that on the alcohol as well, ha, ha... So you will be able to get the new boards by Christmas time, pretty much.
“We decided that it is time to put the skate back in snowskate”
I wanna add that Mike Olson is Awesome, I just wanna throw that in there.
What about the Bulgarians? Oh yeah Bulgarians are um.. Bulgarians are going bonkers for Big banana batches something, something like that... I was supposed to throw that in there somewhere too. Bulgarians are going bonkers for beer banana things... I don’t know.
That seems reasonable. Anything else you wanna add? Photo by leavitt
Craif Fauria “I just wanna add that I am proud to be a snowskater.”
What’s new at Pioneer? in the slush also. Craig Fauria: I’d say powder skates are the new thing for this year and they are going to complete our line. We will have all three boards available. The powder skate is super fast it is designed for deep powder and it works really good
How many boards do you have available? About 50 boards this year ready to go.
Fifty powder skates? No 25 powder skates and 25 medium boards and a few small boards.
What’s the best place to get them? I’d say online through the web site pioneersnoskate. com. That way you can avoid the retail nightmare. Buy direct from the dealer.
Any other plans for this year?
Try and build our team a little, get some more good kids on there. I’d like to have maybe a team challenge and just promote the sport. I wanna make quality products that work and help the sport grow. I also wanna thank Richard at toes on the Nose he has been really good to us.
Anything else? I just wanna add that I am proud to be a snowskater.
Phil Smage
Photo by Cameron FoSTER
WHAT iS NEW AT AMBITiON SNOWSkaTES?
alex Blais: With two years behind us, we stay true to our vision; the production of quality snowskates worthy of the sport's potential. Our hard work has taken us a long way from where we began, and the tremendous response from our worldwide customers only motivates us to keep pushing the sport. This third season marks a new beginning for Ambition, as we have now extended our production to our own independent snowskate factory located in Quebec, Canada. Not only do we now stand fully capable of responding to the ever growing demand for
our boards, but have also taken our product development to an all-time high. Snowskating is not skateboarding. This is the essence and focus of this year's products. Although dominant in the skateboarding industry, the all-maple ply design just doesn't cut it for snowskating. As a result, we have developed our unique Carbon Fiber Technology which introduces the use of carbon within our snowskate fabrication. By combining this new technology with our traditional design, we created snowskates that are lighter and stron-
ger. Available in different sizes, the Alan Gerlach and Phil Smage pro signature models also benefit from the addition of built-in concave. In addition to the pro boards, we slightly redesigned our team board model while keeping it price sensitive. This classic entrylevel snowskate is now manufactured in two color-ways. Last but not least, we are proud to present our first full-length video: True Color. This film is about the people and moments that
will forever re-
define single level snowskating. True Color captures the mind-blowing talent of these snowskaters like never seen before, the way we've always envisioned it. The DVD, also featuring JuxSkateCo's Documentary will be available for purchase on the Ambition Snowskates web site October 1rst 2009. Check out www.ambitionsnowskates. com for more information and make sure to keep an eye out for all of our upcoming updates.
Mike Steinhauser: This year
what’s new at 0910?
is a big year for us at 0910. Our first snowskate is coming out in October and we are so stoked about it. The past 2 years were all about testing protos. We have tested about 8 different upper decks and we finally managed to develop a ski that reacts on snow the way we wanted. The ski is going to be something very special. Not to long but not too short, the perfect tool for jibbers and all around snowskating. We are so stoked about how every-
thing is getting together now. We have been working on this project since 2005 and to see it coming into life is just amazing. Also we have welcomed new riders in our family and to see guys like Adri Barat throwing backside bigspins downslope is just what we always wanted to see happening. Beside the release of the snowskates we are also working on a Snowskate jam/ contest that will take place in France in January 2010 and we are already preparing our next team movie.
what’s new at minus 7? Start Communiqu’ From Minus 7 General Command of the Snowskate Army of Liberation The secure Sierra Nevada Mountains, Minus 7 Rebel Base of the Sovereign Bear Flag Republic of California Summer, 2009.
negotiations is to equitably allow access to said terrain. Third. - Minus 7, throughout its seasons of public life has demonstrated that its word enjoys credibility, we pride ourselves on fulfilling our word. That is confirmed not only by our history, but also by our current willingness for dialogue.
To the Masses: Fourth. - Minus 7 demands concrete signals from the
To the Riders of the world: In response to World Economy Collapse, Global Warming and Terrain Expulsion Policy, Minus 7 defines its position regarding the possibilities for a peaceful solution to the conflict. Minus 7 recognizes that we have moved from a “latent and incipient movement” to Phase II: Insurgency. We have begun to manufacture weapons of massive destruction First. – Minus 7 reiterates its commitment to riding all available terrain. Second. - The objective of
Bourgeois Establishment that will prove their willingness for dialogue and negotiation, their commitment to reaching accords and fulfilling them. Fifth. - The signals we are demanding are: A) - Fulfillment of the I.I.V. Accords. Specifically, the transformation of previously restricted terrain into equitably accessed areas. B) - The release of all prisoners in jails and bindings only terrain. Minus 7 knows that the de-
Ph
ot
o mand by by the pl w national and p international public is growing, but it believes it is also our duty to offer the most technologically advanced snowkate weapon available to all rebels.
The various governmental, private, military and police forces are occupying prime terrain and their presence will not be tolerated Minus 7 demands the withdrawal of said forces and opening of all available terrain. Equality! Liberty! Justice! >From the Sierra Nevada Mountains, Minus 7 Rebel Base of the of the Sovereign Bear Flag Republic of California
what’s new at circuit?
Jordan Armstrong: um... I got 40 boards on the go, made out of reclaimed material, out of old pallets and recycled wood and overstocked plastic and everything. I got that going for me. Umm.. What the hell else? I am making some powder skates, powder surfers.
How big are your powder skates?
Minus 7 General Command of the Snowskate Army of Liberation
powder skates are gonna be 140 to 150’s.
Subcomandante Zapata.
What is the best place to get them?
End Communiqu.
“Umm.. what the hell else?” the snowskateshop.com.
You’re supposed to say starfish. and starfish, which is actually the same thing.
what’s new at december?
Anything else? umm.. I am kinda in the middle of loading up my truck and going to the dump.
Kevin Brennan: made a few molds this summer that have been turning out top decks
around 42"+ inches in length with extra kink in the kicks... Also have a new mold in the 38" range for top decks, with some healthy concave, more of a park style deck... Completed a new single mold for 38"+ snowskate, also currently working on a mold to make a 48"+ deep powder specfic single snowskate, still
“got to shred with quinn and Bonzer and the whole crew and really see what it is all about”
what’s new at fuse?
Paul elkins: Tons of shit is new, we are doing all things snowskate, the 1x1 double deck models from short t o long. Basically, the 105 range ski for inbounds trick riding up to riding pow a board in the 150 range. Of course we are doing the 4x4 still and flatdecks.
So you guys got into the powder skates this year? Yeah, you know I got a Florida powder skate last year and started riding that thing and started feeling the whole double deck. Especially in pow it was sick how it worked on a Florida Pow-
derskate. Then I came out to Sierra South shore in March for the ralston Cup and that pretty much sealed the deal. Brought my powder skate and a couple of other double deckers I put together and also got to shred with quinn and Bonzer and the whole crew and really see what it is all about on the mountain. Cuising Sierra cruising Heavenly it was super sick especially on the ralson, That was the first double deck I ever rode that actually felt good turning and keeping a line and
“Had to write it on my phone” experimenting with various materials for that board... This summer been pressing a bunch of skateboards, for mostly friends, .. and lastly working on some prototypes... I hope this is acceptable. Had to write it on my phone, so it might be alittle rough..
basically riding all mountain.
What is the best place to get a Fuse board? Well, right now it is gonna be online, everything will be available online. The 4x4 stuff you can get through other sources like CCS still and other big shop accounts. All of the 1x1 boards are going to be basically through the online store and then eventually a few other locations and it is looking like they will be available by decemmber... Decemberish, for atleast one model of the 1x1 and the Flat Decks the other stuff will be coming just around the new year.
What’s new at Rocker Trucks?
Jake Tomlinson: Do you want your snowskate to ride more like your skateboard? Then get some Rockers!! They have new replaceable wear bushings, oval deck mount slots, a death black anodize
“Do you want your snowskate to ride more like your skateboard?”
hard coat, surgical stainless hardware and risers to smooth it all out. All this good stuff will let your ski flex from tip to tail giving your ollies more crack and super snappy turns.
Product Of The Year
A
good leash is one of the most valuable pieces of equipment a snowskater can have. After sick dogs embarrassing performance at last
years Olympic event it was clear to everyone that sick dog leashes just weren’t cutting it. Sick dog was banned from international competition, For safeties sake something had to be done.
Fortunately, the snowskate researchers at Florida Powder, Rocker Trucks and Starfish worked with the former members of the Sick Dog team to develop UNGi BUNGi LEASHES. These leashes are the safest
and most functional designs the snowskate world has ever seen. They stretch to almost 15 feet with almost no snapping back and will not break. Leash failure is really the only thing still jeopardizing lift access for skaters. If someone was injured by a run away skate it would cause major drama with the already skeptical Ski Patrollers and could result in skating being banned. Do snowskating a favor, support your fellow skaters and buy an Ungi Bungi Leash from either Florida Powder or starfish.
PLUTO SPORTS IS HOME TO THE WORLDS FIRST SNOWSKATE COUNTER, VANS SNOWSKATE SHOES, ROCKER TRUCKS, GRIP, MOUNTING HARDWARE AND LIB BOARDS IN STOCK NOW. WHY WAIT?
PLUTO SPORTS WEST 245 N. Seven Oaks Dr. Knoxville, TN. 37922 865-693-8990
WWW.PLUTOSPORTS.COM
PLUTO SPORTS 1723-C Cumberland Ave Knoxville, TN, 37916 865 523-0045
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Starfish presents the second annual
serpentine massacre at silver fir
March 2oth High noon
SNOWSKATE RESORT GUIDE
USA State Resort CA Bear Mountain CA Boreal Mountain CA Dodge Ridge CA June Mountain CA Kirkwood CA Mammoth CA Mt. High CA Northstar at Tahoe CA Sierra at Tahoe CA Snow Summit CO Breckenridge CO Buttermilk CO Copper Mountain CO Crested Butte CO Keystone Beaver Creek CO Vail CO Telluride ID Schweitzer ID Silver Mtn ID Sun Valley IL Chestnut Mountain IL Raging Buffalo IN Paoli Peaks IN Perfect North ME Sunday River
Jake Tomlinson. Photo by Leavitt MI MI MI MI NC NC NH NH NM OR OR PA PA PA
Bittersweet Caberfae Holiday Hills Marquette Mountain Appalachian Ski Mtn. Wolf Laurel Loon Mountain Waterville Valley Angel Fire Hoodoo Timberline OR Ski Liberty Ski Round Top Whitetail
TN UT UT VT VT VT VT WA WA WA WA WA WY
Ober Gatlingburg Brighton Snowbird Smuggler's Notch Stowe Stratton Sugarbush Hurricane Ridge Mt Baker Mt Spokane Summit at Snoqualmie Steven's Pass Snow King
CANADA Province AB AB AB AB AB AB AB AB AB AB BC BC BC BC BC NS NS QC QC
Resort Castle Mountain Canada Olympic Park Hidden Valley Lake Louise Marmot Basin Nakiska Rabbit Hill Snow Valley Sunshine Tawatinaw Fernie Mt. Seymour Red Mtn Whistler BC Whitewater Martock Wentworth Mont-Comi Park Tremblant
m u i d o P
Wade white Wade wight recently made snowskate history by descending Mt. Elbert in Colorado. At 14.433 feet above sea level Mt. elbert is the tallest peak in colorado. eye witness’s had this to say; “what I witnessed last Friday on the highest peak in Colorado was pretty darn incredible; a remarkable display of athleticism, coordination, determination, courage, and stupidity.” The skier/jocks at teton gravity felt obliged to report the event and ultimately had this to say; “I feel obligated to bring you the following report. Perhaps a first descent needs be claimed, perhaps a first descent by a snowskate is not worth claiming.” Apparently the skiers/jocks at teton feel threatened by snowskaters freedom. Nobody seems to remember who accomplished the first descent of Mt. elbert on skiis or a snowboard therefore snowskaters are claiming a first descent. Although this claim has created a huge controversy within the Colorado skier/ snowboarder community nobody seems to be able to come up with a name and here it is, provided by starfish : Wade white Within two weeks of making this claim starfish correspondents were cornered by an angry mob of skiers/snowboarders outside of beau jo’s pizza in Idaho Springs . Ultimately the starfish representatives had this to say: “That shit was sick”
Through his death Popcorn Sutton seams to have become a martyr. Popcorn was the world most renown moonshiner and after his death last spring and subsequently Starfish’s Moonshine article many states have rewritten their laws relating to microdistillaries. Many states are now encouraging the production of liquor at home and the making of moonshine is now viewed as an agricultural practice similar to wineries. Moonshiners and potential moonshiners should look into their state laws because they may be changing. Once there were three scientists who were walking in the woods. They were searching for butterflies. While they were sleeping that night a tribe captured them and put them in a tent. The first guy wakes up and sees the tribe chief with a spear he says: Death or Ungi Bungi? The first guy says: Ungi bungi because I don't want to die! So they take him away. Ungi Bungi is a guy with a ten foot long dick and he sticks it up the other guys butt for ten seconds and then the second guy wakes up and he sees the first guy come staggering back saying: Pick death! Pick death! But the guy doesn't believe him so he picks Ungi Bungi. And then the same thing happens to him. Then the third guy wakes up and see the guy staggering back saying: Pick Death! So the guy figures that what the heck? And he picks death and then the chief says: Death! by Ungi Bungi!
Shortly after the April Fools Primordia section featuring Sean Keneally was released Sean got sponsored by December Snowskates. Snowskating’s #1 band “The Tea Bagging Bandits” featuring skaters Pete Ireton, Clarke Hurlbut #3 In The World and Big John played their second show ever at the Showbox Green room in Seattle. Later the venue reported that the Tea Baggers brought in all time record liquor sales and door count for a week night. Look for the Tea Baggers new album “Alpha, Kenny, One” out now and available through Starfish. Steven Bourdelais has declared Saturday, January 16th 2010 as national go snowskating day. After along summer of work by Jordan the starfish web page is finally cool. The new page features all of the back issues and more video clips than ever. Check it out at starfishsnowskatemagazine.com. The snowskate genius’s Allan Gerlach and Phil Smage have teamed up with ambition snowskates to create the new video “Someday, Almost Everyday”. This movie is defiantly the best snowskate film yet created and is available through ambition snowskates. The second annual Serpentine Massacre at Silver fir has been scheduled for March 20th. The event consists of a top to bottom Chinese downhill with a coarse designed by Adrian Rassmussen. Show up and try your skills against the reigning champ Dane O.
allan Gerlach
Photo by Nick Weber
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“don’t think these T-shirt ads come easy.”
The anatomy of a starfish T-shirt photo shoot By Jack Hitchcock At Starfish Headquarters you never really know when a Starfish T-shirt Ad is gonna go down so you gotta be ready. This ad was shot closing day at Ski Acres. The mountain was closing so we decided to go home and make some shine. Nobody planned a photo shoot, that is just what ended up happening. We just got lucky, or maybe we cooked our shine to hot and it got mean, either way once the liquor took hold things got ugly quick. It was the usual snowskate crew hanging around Starfish Headquarters, Ted, Dane and Hitchcock sat around sipping on fresh liquor and watching skate videos a typical Sunday evening, then the shredder showed up. The shredder was up and coming snowboard jock we will just refer to as Spenc Dog. Spenc Dog had just done
about a year in jail and was trying to get on top of his game. Shredding the park, talking shit, getting ahead in the jock game of snowboarding. Weighing in at 130 lbs. and all of 5 foot 1 Spenc Dog was destined to become a drunken angry midget like his snowboard hero Devon Walsh. Anyway back to Headquarters, there we are, Spenc Dog shows up and starts drinking fresh liquor with the seasoned snowskate crew. After only a few sips the little dude becomes extremely belligerent and queer. He starts repeating things like: “I’ll fight anyone here” “I’ll knock you out” “I’ll kill you with my bare hands” Then there was the queer quotes that for political reasons we will not repeat here, not yet any ways. Let’s just say that little
Spenc Dog repeatedly threatened to vandalize our bottoms and tea bag all of us. At this point the angry shredder decided to pick a fight with Ted. Ted spent a year in Iraq was trained to kill first and ask questions never. The drunken 5”1’ shredder did not have a chance of doing anything but getting killed. So, while Ted went out to smoke I advised him to calm down. Spenc Dog agreed, at least until Ted came back in, then he was fired up and ready to fight again and perform un-writable acts of homosexuality. Ted apologized and said he had to leave because he felt things were just going to get worse. As Ted headed to the door Spenc Dog continued to talk shit as if he had proved something. When Ted was about five feet from the door the Shredder decided to push him one last time. The vet spun around and grabbed the shredder by the neck and dropped him instantly. The look on Spenc Dog’s face made me believe that he was actually peeing down his leg. However with his baggy pants it was
hard to tell. Ted seized his neck and advised him to, “ Learn some respect” Good advice from an American Vet. Then Ted apologized and said he had to leave before things got worse. They did. About an hour later Austin shows up, thirsty for some fresh liquor. We had been feeding the little Spenc Dog high proof alcohol for the last hour and now he was really ready to fight. He decided that his best chance of becoming a pro snowboarder now included knocking out current pro Austin Hironaka. Apparently, Austin was not ready to give up his pro status to some drunken dwarf and he easily wrestled Spenc Dog into submission. Once again the little shredder appeared to pee his pants. Next Clarke Hurlbut #3 in the World showed up. After his embarrassment fighting the up and coming snowskate star Ted and the snowboard pro Austin Spenc Dog decided it was time to fight the snow aged
shred icon Hurlbut #3. Hurlbut’s age and skill easily navigated him around any physical violence with the shredder in spite of Spenc Dog continued threats: “I’ll fight anyone here” “I’ll knock you out” “I’ll kill you with my bare hands” Spenc Dog also continued his threats of unspeakable vandalism to our bottoms as well as some kind of homo erotic tea bag fantasy. Things were getting ugly. Where would this all end? Popcorn had warned me that if I ran my still to hot the liquor would get mean. Was this some how my fault? Had my magical elixir turned my little shred buddy into some kind of raging violent homo? That certainly seemed to be the case. It was fascinating and we kept feeding booze to the angry midget as if to say what’s next? At this point Spenc Dog is so drunk he couldn’t even stand up. He begins falling in various places around the house. He falls on the garbage can and hits his head on the fireplace. He trips over the couch then looks at me and say’s, “I’ll fight anybody here” I remember telling him, “How can you fight any-
“I’ll fight anyone here” “I’ll knock you out” “I’ll kill you with my bare hands” body? You just got taken out by a couch.” Spenc Dog disagreed in his homo erotic way and then fell onto Dane’s new camera gear. Not cool. This was the Starfish lifeline. Things were going from bad to worse. Dane removed the camera gear and politely asked the little shredder to sit down and sleep it off. He should have done it. Instead he continued to try fighting and sexually harassing any male in the house. He even tried to molest Cooper Starfish’s 200 pound St. Bernard. This crossed whatever line we have here at Starfish Headquarters. Finally the little shredder decided to fight Dane. This is at least three hours after Ted left, three hours of violent queer ranting. Dane looked right at the shredder and said patiently, “I weigh and hundred pounds more than you are you sure this is a good idea?” Spenc Dog almost showed some remorse as if he had thought rationally for the first time since showing up. “No” he replied. Finally a rational decision by the
drunk shredder. This moment of clarity lasted about seven seconds. Then it was back to the angry drunk dwarf now threatening to knock out Dane and preform terrible acts of vandalism to his bottom. Dane had, had enough, “That’s it go out side we are fighting” As Dane made his way to the street I grabbed little Spenc Dog with both hands by the back of the sweat shirt and began dragging the incoherent youth towards the street where he was facing an immediate sentence of about 6 broken ribs. As I dragged the shredder out of the house I banged his head on as many things as possible including the garbage can, the door jam and the bridge leading to the driveway. By the time we got to the street the poor kid had his sweatshirt over his head and his saggin pants around his ankles. Ironically, I had been just been talking to my friend about how I didn’t know how Cooper our 200 pound and docile St. Bernard would react if the shit really went down at Starfish Headquarters. I found out.
Cooper the mellowest dog that never barks came running out of the house and he was pissed not quite kujo pissed but pissed. As Spenc dog laid in the drive way shirted and pantst, Cooper jumped on him and began humping him and barking. Cooper never barks. Spenc Dog weighs about 130 and Cooper weighs 200. The scene was truly hysterical as this dog with a 70 pound weight advantage held down and dry humped this angry young snowboarders bare ass. Spenc Dog was so drunk he could not even get up and when he would try we would knock him back down and scream gibberish at him while Cooper needed no encouragement to mount him into submission. After little Spenc Dog was thoroughly raped by a dog. He pulled him self to his feet and said “That dog just fucked me up” Obviously, the little shredder was not aloud in the house at this point. He was aloud to pass out in his car without the key’s. After he passed out in the car we got the standard Starfish Props, a T-shirt, our uzi and pro snowboarders Austin Hironaka, Matt Edggers and Blair Habenict. Next we got out the fish eye and shot the ad. That’s it don’t think these T-shirt ads come easy.