February 2022 SOCO magazine

FEBRUARY 2022

Magazine

THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE

OUR SPECIAL

VALENTINE’S DAY ISSUE THE COMPLEXITY OF ATTRACTIONS AND THEIR TRAPPINGS Understanding Relationship Dynamics —Improve Yours Today

SOCOMAGAZINE.COM

EST.

1980

THE SOUTHCOAST’S LEADING BROKERAGE OF DISTINCTIVE PROPERTIES SOUTH DARTMOUTH | $1,450,000

Newly built 5/6 Bedroom 3.5 bath custom colonial set on 1.26 acres close to the beaches and all the Padanaram has to offer. Contact Sarah Meehan 508.685.8926.

SOUTH DARTMOUTH | $335,000

Fabulous opportunity to purchase two pastoral estate lots totalling nearly 12 acres. Open rolling meadows, pristine woodlands, ancient stone walls Create your own enclave, gentleman’s farm or family compound near historic Russells Mills Village. Offered at $670,000. Contact Alice Petersen 508.965.6938 SOUTH DARTMOUTH | $895,00

SOLD Country Colonial set on .75 acre offers 3,500 sq.ft. of living space including four bedrooms, fully finished lower level and two-bedroom guest/au pair apartment. Contact Will Milbury 508.525.5200.

MATTAPOISETT $1,295,000

Enjoy the intoxicating views of Buzzards Bay from this seaside 1840’s Colonial in the heart of Mattapoisett Village. This jewel is zoned Business/Residential. Contact Roberta Burke 508.498.3285 WESTPORT | $595,000

Prime 34 acre parcel offers 580 feet of road frontage on scenic Drift Road. The parcel is wooded and gently slopes up to the west. There are some wetlands but flagging has been done as yet. The property is intersected with ancient stone wall and features a wide variety of beautiful pines, holly, beech trees. A unique opportunity. Contact Will Milbury 508.525.5200.

SOUTH DARTMOUTH | $1,079,000

SOLD This divine cottage-style home in mint condition, situated on three-plus glorious acres with river access is turnkey waiting for a new owner. Contact Roberta Burke 508.498.3285.

MILBURYRE.COM | 304 ELM STREET, SOUTH DARTMOUTH | MA | 508.997.7400

EST.

1980

THE MILBURY & COMPANY DIFFERENCE

I

nnovation, experience and networking are the keys to Milbury and Company’s success! We embrace cutting-edge technology and social media while sticking to our old-fashioned work ethic and superior customer service. Our team of dedicated professionals have an extensive network of buyers and sellers from across the South Coast, the country and around the world. If you’re considering selling, it’s a great time and chances are, we already have the buyer for your home.

Give us a call and put the power of the Milbury team to work for you.

SOLD

MEET SOME OF THE MILBURY TEAM COLLETTE LESTER 508.287.2075

Collette Lester, Sales Associate is licensed in Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Florida. A lifelong South Coast resident, with over twenty-five years of real estate experience concentrating in premier properties ranging from year-round waterfront properties, to seaside second homes, Collette’s love of the area and its natural resources give Collette keen insight when marketing South Coast properties. Collette is a member of the New Bedford Country Club, and a proud supporter of the New Bedford Art Museum, New Bedford Child and Family Service and the Lloyd Center for the Environment.

BETHANY MELLO 508.858.8313

Bethany Mello, sales associate, is a lifelong resident of the South Coast. Raised in New Bedford, Bethany has lived in South Dartmouth for over thirty years, where she raised her family. Bethany and her husband Curtis have been active in the local real estate market for many years. From commercial property ventures, residential land development, and income properties. She is an avid golfer and boater and is a member of the Country Club of New Bedford and the New Bedford Yacht Club.

SARAH MEEHAN 508.685-8926

Sarah Meehan, Sales Associate, has lived in South Dartmouth with her husband and three children for over fifteen years. Having grown up in Minnesota and moved to the South Coast from California, Sarah knows what it takes to help families moving into the area find the right home and become connected with all the South Coast has to offer. Sarah is a member of the Massachusetts Association of Realtors and the Realtor Association of Southeastern Massachusetts.

CATHARINE KATZENBACH 508.636.7777

Catharine Katzenbach, formerly owner/broker of Katzenbach and Company, joined Milbury and Company last year. With over 40 years of real estate experience, Catharine is licensed in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. She is a well-respected and knowledgeable Westport real estate icon, whose honesty, integrity and commitment to superior customer service make her stand out in the industry.

PATTY PEELEN 508.951.3367

Patty Peelen, Broker/Associate is licensed in Massachusetts and Rhode Island and is a member of the Massachusetts Association of Realtors and the National Association of Realtors. Patty has been Realtor for over 25 years and has been with Milbury and Company for over 14 years. She is a member of both the New Bedford Yacht Club and The Dartmouth Natural Resources Trust. She is known for her expertise and integrity in the marketing and the sale of Padanaram Village properties as well as the surrounding towns of Westport, Tiverton and Little Compton.

ANNIE ATHERTON 617.676.7621

Annie Atherton, sales associate, is a lifelong New England resident who joined Millbury and Company in 2020.

Having renovated and sold her own homes for decades, Annie has a deep understanding of exactly what kind of service, expertise, and information both buyer and seller need to enjoy an extremely positive and beneficial real estate experience. Annie is licensed in both Massachusetts and Rhode Island.and enjoys photography and exploring the fascinating and historic South Coast.

MILBURYRE.COM | 790 MAIN ROAD, WESTPORT | MA | 508.636.2400

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HARBOR VIEW FARM

Westport, MA • $1,250,000

Terry Boyle

617-821-7745 tboyle@landvest.com

Joanna Dresser

617-584-6855 jdresser@landvest.com

Betsy Lawrence

508-317-8669 blawrence@landvest.com

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february 11

WELCOME Looking ahead; optimism is the commodity used by visionaries, and positive thinkers—we share some of ours with you

12

IMPRESSIONS Love is an old game with new devices; what does the future hold?

14

6 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

14

HOME Life on the farm, Westport property offers an opportunity to live remotely—permanently

25

HISTORY VALENTINE’S DAY: Facts around the day reserved for love may surprise you

28

28

62

AFFECTIONS Don’t miss our luxurious Valentine’s Day Gift Guide.

There is a treat for everyone’s taste

INTIMACY Feel like your partner is tone-deaf?

An examination of the topic and the ensuing result

32

FIELD TRIPS More adventures that will keep you moving and active until spring arrives

HEALTH Do you know your attraction style in relationship attachment and bonding? It is essential to discover for long-lasting love

64

53

38

TRAVEL With the second round of COVID upon us, we unpack the future of travel

32

48

LIVING WELL Will telepathy replace your cell phone?

53

38

ITINERARY Mansions, zoos, museums, and music are prescriptions for the winter blues

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10 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

Welcome

A Bright Future Awaits

T

There’s much to appreciate, although he good news is that much sometimes it feels like the light at the end of like New England weather, the tunnel isn’t shining bright enough; take a There's much to economic uncertainty, moment to add up all the experiences you’ve increases in COVID appreciate, although enjoyed, see if your focus has been on the infections, and misgivings sometimes it feels wrong horizon. of optimism, will change like the light at the This month we bring you insights into for the better if you give it a living well and taking care of yourself, plus end of the tunnel minute. It’s good advice from a magazine that plenty of reasons to be assured—the best has has been tasked with making predictions for isn't shining bright yet to come. Being a magazine for “thinkers,” nearly 17 years. And, because of a remarkable enough; take a we are pleased to provide thought-provoking success rate, it’s how we approach 2022. moment to add up articles, news, and opinion. You’ll be pleasantly After experiencing various unexpected and surprised by this month’s content, as we focus all the experiences turbulent events during the last two years, on a subject we began to investigate a couple we’ve found gratification in gains of resilience you've enjoyed, see of months ago—personal development and and insight. Moreover, those familiar words if your focus has growth. For February, we continue the series from Wall Street—stop looking at the market been on the with Attachments, Bonding, and Relationships, day to d.ay and instead be in it for the long wrong horizon. and our monthly feature Intimacy; both haul—serve as a satisfying relief for tension. are good reads.

If you have a plan of action with a desirable Also, we present a different type of home outcome, a few bumps, or forks in the road, review this month by highlighting an authentic “Green Acres” won’t keep you from your destination. It is important to farm in Westport, Massachusetts. This historical property could remember that life isn’t a flatline; it comes with twists, turns, interest a gentleman or gentlewoman looking for a lifestyle and surprises. change and becoming part of the agricultural community.

Here we are in February; it has been a mild winter, and Now is the time for patience and hope; enjoy reading now we get to celebrate Valentine’s Day, then a long weekend another superb issue, and try to appreciate all that comes to enjoy Presidents’ Day, with Daylight Savings Time your way; you deserve it! H returning shortly after.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 11

Impressions VALE NTIN E’S DAY;

IT ’S COMPLICATED

F

ebruary is a unique month; as Valentine’s Day approaches, obscure but tangible sensations begin to influence attitudes and behaviors.

In secure and nurturing relationships, experiences that fortify or renew trust and intimacy strengthen commitments. Such bonding occurs when honesty and emotions are shared, problems solved, and the focus remains on mutual satisfaction and selflessness. And, while this sounds idyllic, it is slowly fading, the same as our oldest generation.

Courting used to be kept close to home; many young couples married the person next door, others met at a community dance or were invited to social events—well chaperoned—at least for an initial meeting. Today, introductions to a potential mate are conducted online, at large venues, or left to the all-tofamiliar bar scene.

Finding attraction has been reduced to hours of flipping pages on a dating site and evaluating—in a millisecond— beauty, financial viability, or sexual prowess. Some apps are designed specifically for finding affairs, or the unencumbered ritual of meeting, greeting and separating, sometimes not knowing the true identity of the other person.

It’s also the season when couples make decisions about their relationships; not all pleasing. Troubles may have been brewing, and a day reserved for celebrating love results in calling a failing relationship quits. Of course, there is always a story about partners juggling or practicing triangulation, leading to unexpected disclosure due to suspicion or a faulty plan of action.

12 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

Then, there is the purgatory of Valentine’s Day, souls searching for a mate, hoping to land companionship, but due to external pressures of pairing at a critical time, they end up alone—although remaining optimistic.

The juxtaposition of a day, we are supposed to be starry-eyed and filled with love, directly contrasts reality. Many emotions are forced upon couples, especially in our new society, where romantic connections have become transactional rather than relational, partly due to the media’s influence. No longer is a bouquet satisfactory; this thoughtful gift had become the first course of a night of exaggeration and demonstration of wealth and a willingness to impress at any cost.

Society is suffering, the result of technology, a pandemic, and the lost art of “coupling.” Further inflaming the problem is promiscuity, witnessed by soft porn on television, extreme theater content, and lyrics that were once banned from broadcasting. Much of the information consumed is detrimental; today’s music sexualizes women, views them as subservient, and purposefully victimizes them; all in the name of profitability.

As for the Internet, psychologists note that at around the age of 11 years old, children are exposed to graphic and often violent sexual behavior on their devices. This content will influence their development and forever shape their perception of human relationships.

Research shows that marriages are declining, and when they do occur, the partners are older. In years past, it wasn’t unusual for a couple to wed in their teens; today, millenials are waiting

until they have reached their late twenties or early thirties to commit. Adding to this, the wealthy are marrying more often than their less fortunate counterparts. With waiting, interest in career advancement, and the cost of living, the birth rate is depressed.

Not all is lost; although 45 percent of marriages end in divorce, it is expected separations will begin to decline by couples waiting to wed.

The pace and uncertainty of the future weigh heavy on individuals and couples, and whether they are coming together or splitting up is part of the human process. The best you can do is practice self-love, engage in reflection, and avoid the intoxicating lure of romanticism, which covers flaws and red flags when entering a new relationship.

Valentine’s Day has been around for centuries, and our conditioning holds on to some of the same ritualistic and highly charged behaviors that influence our choices. The expectation of a triumphant relationship often correlates with the amount of time and interest invested in another person; to expect a positive result by being a bystander is not enough to justify staying together as a couple—not these days. H

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 13

Home

Harbor View Farm OFFERS OVER 90-ACRES OF OPPORTUNITY AND GOODWILL

BY STEVEN CHAN

14 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 15

H

ave you considered leaving the stress of corporate life? Has the allure of pulling up stakes and leaving a high-pressure career caused you to daydream about a different future? How about embarking on a path where you’re able to reconcile your desire to be successful while satisfying your social consciousness? If so, this could be the opportunity you desire.

Harbor View Farm is 92.87-acres, set on a ridge, benefiting from the salt-air climate and prevailing ocean breezes. As a “Right‐to‐Farm” community, the town of Westport offers special privileges and opportunities to those interested in pursuing the noble task of promoting agriculture while protecting vast acreages of farmlands.

Reminiscent is the comedy series Green Acres, which began in 1965 and ran for six successful seasons. The show was based on a successful Manhattan lawyer, Oliver Wendell Douglas, played by actor Eddie Albert, and his lovely wife, Lisa Douglas, portrayed

by Eva Gabor. While enjoying a life of luxury, he decided there was more to be gained by moving to the country and toiling in the soil.

The series concept was tongue-in-cheek but may have had an effect, causing many families to imitate the enjoyment of getting in touch with the earth and contributing to the well-being of others.

Harbor View Farm in Westport, aptly named the western most port in Massachusetts, is part of the Farm Coast of New England. A chain of historic coastal villages and vineyards along the Atlantic Ocean. Along with Tiverton, Little Compton, and Dartmouth, Westport shares a unique setting of antique Colonial-era villages, general stores, mill ponds, stone walls, salt marshes, and rural pastures rolling down to the bay or rivers.

The property includes a two-family residence with 2,246± square feet of living area with five bedrooms, barns, and support structures. Its interior terrain consists of wooded uplands, pastures, and cornfields. There is modest development potential, whereas most of the land is subject to an Agriculture Preservation Restriction (APR), with all improvements located outside the APR. Nearly 12.95± acres of the property has development potential.

16 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 17

HARBOR VIEW FARM IS 92.87-ACRES, SET ON A RIDGE, BENEFITING FROM THE SALT-AIR CLIMATE AND PREVAILING OCEAN BREEZES. AS A “RIGHT–TO–FARM” COMMUNITY, THE TOWN OF WESTPORT OFFERS SPECIAL PRIVILEGES AND OPPORTUNITIES TO THOSE INTERESTED IN PURSUING THE NOBLE TASK OF PROMOTING AGRICULTURE WHILE PROTECTING VAST ACREAGES OF FARMLANDS.

THE STATE EXPLAINS THE POTENTIAL OF THE LAND AS:

The word “farm” shall include any parcel or contiguous parcels of land or water bodies used for the primary purpose of commercial agriculture or accessory thereto. The words “farming” or “agriculture” or their derivatives shall include, but not be limited to the following: • Farming in all its branches, and the cultivation and tillage of the soil • Dairying • Production, cultivation, growing, and harvesting of any agricultural, aquacultural, floricultural, viticultural, or horticultural commodities

18 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

•

• • •

Growing and harvesting of forest products upon forest land, and any other forestry or lumbering operations Raising of livestock, including horses Keeping of horses as a commercial enterprise Keeping and raising of poultry, swine, cattle, ratites (such as emus, ostriches, and rheas), and camelids (such as llamas and camels), and other domesticated animals for food and other agricultural purposes, including bees and fur-bearing animals

“FARMING” SHALL ENCOMPASS ACTIVITIES INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE FOLLOWING: •

•

• •

•

•

•

Operation and transportation of slow-moving farm equipment over roads within the town Control of pests, including, but not limited to, insects, weeds, predators, and disease organisms of plants and animals Application of manure, fertilizers, and pesticides Conducting agriculture-related educational and farm-based recreational activities, including agri-tourism; provided that the activities are related to marketing the agricultural output, or services of the farm Processing and packaging of the agricultural output of the farm and the operation of a farmer’s market or farm stand, including signage thereto Maintenance, repair, or storage of seasonal equipment, or apparatus owned or leased by the farm owner or manager used expressly for the purpose of propagation, processing, management, or sale of the agricultural products On-farm relocation of earth and the clearing of ground for farming operations

If you want to trade a suit for a flannel shirt and jeans, this may be the place to do it.

Harbor View Farm in Westport is offered at $1,250,000 by LandVest/Christies’s International Real Estate with offices in Boston and the SouthCoast. A summary of data and conditions is available upon inspection of the listing. H For details or to make an appointment for inspection, contact Terry Boyle at 617-821-7745, or tboyle@landvest.com, or Alexander “Sandy” Olney at 415-577-1999 or 617-948-8005.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 19

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History

Valentine’s Day; A H I S T O RY O F L OV E A N D RO M A N C E

I

BY ROBERT WRIGHT

f you haven’t noticed, the holiday reserved for lovers, family, and friends is upon us; February 14 is a day people worldwide celebrate their thoughts and feelings with expressions of kindness and gifts.

Scholars have traced the day of romance to ancient Rome and the pagan ritual known as Lupercalia. With uncertainty surrounding whether the festival took place in February, it appears the Catholic Church moved the Christian holiday into the month to resist the efforts of non-believers.

Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

During the fete, Roman priests, “Luperci,” would retreat into a cave (where legend has it); the brothers were cared for by the she-wolf Lupa and offered a blood sacrifice. According to the History Channel website, “…priests would sacrifice a goat for fertility, and a dog for purification. They would then cut the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood

and take them to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, the women in the city would place their names in a big urn, allowing the city’s bachelors to select a mate and become paired for the year. These matches often ended in marriage.”

Towards the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius put St. Valentine’s Day in place of Lupercalia in mid-February; about nine centuries later, Valentine’s Day became known for celebrating romance.

The Catholic Church recognizes at least three saints named Valentine, each martyred. With confusion, the research indicated that Emperor Claudius II believed unmarried soldiers made better fighters and decided that young men could no longer take wives. Valentine, a priest, realizing the injustice of the order, continued to marry young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s defiance was discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

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Other historians believe Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop, was named after the day; while not much can be found on this individual, it wasn’t long before he too was beheaded.

A third account is much more poetic; it is believed that this Valentine was caught assisting Christians to escape their prison cells, ending up in one himself.

According to Ebenezer Cobham Brewer’s book, A Dictionary of Miracles: Imitative, Realistic, and Dogmatic; With Illustrations, while captive, Valentine supposedly cured his jailer’s (Asterius) daughter of blindness. Claudius was impressed and attempted to spare the prisoner by convincing him to convert to paganism. In contrast, Valentine tried to turn the Emperor into a Christian. The evening before his death, Valentine allegedly sent a note to the young girl, signed, “From your Valentine.”

Valentine would later become one of the most popular saints in England and France, as detailed in a journal article, St. Valentine, Chaucer, and Spring in February, by Jack B. Oruch.

English poet Geoffrey Chaucer, in 1375, recorded St. Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic celebration, and in his poem “Parliament of Foules” wrote:

“For this was on Seynt Valentynes day Whan every foul cometh there to chese his make Of every kynde that men thynke may And that so huge a noyse gan they make That erthe, and eyr, and tre, and every lake So ful was, that unethe was there space For me to stonde, so ful was al the place.”

In modern English: “For this was on Saint Valentine’s Day When every bird comes there to choose his match Of every kind that men may think of

What is Valentine’s Day without Cupid? During the build-up to February 14, a naked archer appeared sending golden arrows to engulf lovers with romantic emotions. Cupid, the chubby cherub, and Greek god of love, a.k.a. Eros, became the symbol of love and affection.

During the 17th century, Valentine’s Day became popular in Great Britain, only to accelerate at the turn of the 18th century.

The public enjoyed sharing hand-made notes and gifts. In the early 19th century, with rapid advances in printing technology, Valentine’s Day cards became available for the silent expression of pent-up feelings and romantic intentions.

Wikipedia sites that during the middle of the 19th century, Esther Howland, from Worcester, Massachusetts, began making Valentines with paper lace and embossing and selling them from her father’s book stationery store. It appeared the holiday was established and would only flourish from here. Cadbury of England began packaging chocolates in heart-shaped boxes at roughly the same time, which took hold and remains popular today.

During the 20th century, the practice of upping the price of a gift began to take hold; jewelry, diamonds, dinner, and more, began to replace modest cards or flowers.

Still, research compiled by the US Greeting Card Association found that nearly 190 million Valentine’s Day cards are shared in America; half are within families, with another billion cards made and exchanged in school settings.

In 2010, the average purchase for a Valentine’s Day gift was estimated at $108, rising to $131 in 2013. In a 2020 survey compiled by CompareCards, those polled said they expected their partners to spend about $201; any more would be a turn off.

The survey found how the generations feel about spending their money on loved ones and reported:

And that so huge a noise they began to make That earth and air and tree and every lake

Generation Z

18-23

$82

Was so full that not easily was there space

Millennials

24-39

$113

For me to stand—so full was all the place.”

Generation X

40-55

$293

Baby Boomers

56-74

$55

Men plan to spend, on average, $249, and women will spend a shy $57.

Based on the National Retail Federation estimate, predictions for 2021 spending on Valentine’s Day was $27.4 billion; it is safe to say 2022 could outrank the previous year. H

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What is Valentine’s Day without Cupid?

During the build-up to February 14, the naked archer’s appearance sending golden arrows at lovers to engulf them with romantic emotions is traced to mythology; Cupid was seen as the Greek god of love, a.k.a. Eros. Over time the chubby cherub became the symbol of love and affection.

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Affections

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The February Gift Guide GREAT PROMPTS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY

BY JAMES HOLDEN

Y

es, cards are lovely for your family or a friend, but here are a few suggestions if you want to put your partner in the mood and be cherished.

While we don’t get brand-specific, you’ll definitely see something you like here; all it takes is to leave the page open with a circle around your favorite gift.

In most cases, these curated selections are enjoyed and appreciated by all genders, so use your imagination when deciding; or, listen to the impromptu conversations that come up over coffee or a drink as we approach that romantic day. H

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VACATIONS-SOUTH

After some frigid temperature here in the north, a jaunt to the islands or Florida, will take the chill off and keep that tan working for at least another month or two.

SPA TREATMENTS

There is no reason not to look your best, and nothing is more relaxing or appreciated than being pampered.

Many locations will give you a discount or added benefits when you purchase a gift card with multiple visits.

TIME AFTER TIME

Watches are the perfect accessory; they not only look good, but they feel lovely. If it weren’t true, then one of the most lucrative businesses in the world would not exist for so long. Simple to extravagant, a watch does more than tell time; it says a lot about you.

GETTING BETWEEN THE SHEET

No doubt about it; high-quality sheets feel and look great, and considering the average person spends half their life in bed, why not be surrounded by luxury and comfort?

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WINE AND CHOCOLATE

There are no excuses why these two items don’t accompany your primary gift. Plus, you get to enjoy them too.

DIAMONDS—THEY’RE STILL A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND

All shapes, sizes, colors, and quality; if you want to be a star in their crown—go for it!

CIGARS

Not just for the guys, take the time to find a box of the best. Your partner will see you care and are interested in their pursuit of relaxation.

ROSES, ROSES, AND MORE ROSES

Make an impression, don’t make the delivery yourself, and be sure you go for at least two dozen longstemmed. But if you intend to sweep your partner away—go big—three to four dozen will keep her satisfied until summer.

LIBATIONS AND CRYSTAL

Finely, sculpture decanters and glasses, along with one of those cigars, can be a heavenly retreat. Whether your preference is scotch, rye, whiskey, bourbon, or cognac, a relaxing night in front of the fire is the perfect release from daily stressors.

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Health

Attachments, Bonding, And Relationships What You Don’t Know May Be Hurting You

BY NATALIE SIMMONS

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I

Early childhood development directly impacts the enjoyment of adult partnering; it also determines the mental health of individuals and whether their brain function is complete or subject to serious personality disorders.

t is essential to know what lurks in your conscious and unconscious minds if you’re involved in a relationship (and who isn’t?). Our perception of who we are, specifically who we are attracted to and feel comfortable interacting with, results from our earliest experiences. From birth to about two years old, accompanied by traumas endured later in life, our ability to bond is either reinforced or left unresolved.

Early childhood development directly impacts the enjoyment of adult partnering; it also determines the mental health of individuals and whether their brain function is complete or subject to serious personality disorders.

ATTACHMENT STYLES

There are four identifiable attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious/ Insecure, and Disorganized; we possess at least one of them, but may also rely on others in our interpersonal relationships.

Intertwined with trauma bonding, they are the pathways leading individuals to fall in love and determine the level of personal satisfaction and outcomes.

Each style is a predictor of how close and satisfying our personal and loving relationships will be during our lifetimes; they also indicate possible devastation and long-lasting pain because one or both partners are emotionally unavailable to connect.

Research indicates that a mere 60 percent of adults fall under the Secure

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Attachment Style, while the remainder fit within the three other categories.

Attachments develop just after birth and continue to around 24 months. During this time, a child experiences four stages of development: Pre-Attachment, Attachment in the Making, Clear-Cut Attachment, and the Formation of Reciprocal Relationships.

The relationship between a child and caregiver is vital to establish intimate connections and feelings of needs being met. When fear, neglect, or uncertainty are felt during the formative years, the child turns inward for security.

SECURE ATTACHMENT

This desirable attachment develops when a child’s most basic needs are met; they are responded to when they require emotional and physical contact. When uncomfortable, they are soothed, their cries are attended to, with a sense of safety instilled.

This form of attachment translates to adulthood; it is found in those who easily connect with partners and friends.

Their interactions are viewed as normal and balanced. When conflict arises, these individuals can discover resolution without blaming a partner; they rely on providing love and a safe environment.

AVOIDANCE ATTACHMENT

Those with this personality were likely neglected; caregivers were unavailable or rejected their child. Numerous reasons may have played a role in why a parent may have been distant; some include work, illness (mental or physical), or they possessed the same attachment style. As a result, feelings of closeness are underdeveloped.

Individuals with this injury are likely to be viewed as highly independent and have trouble requesting help or assistance with tasks. They have not been able to rely on others and find it

more comfortable to be alone; they also prefer to isolate themselves and have difficulty sharing emotions and feelings with others.

There is a tendency to use physical interaction (sex) as a means for attachment because they are emotionally and verbally disadvantaged.

ANXIOUS/INSECURE

The consistent care of a child during the early years is crucial; when faced with inconsistency, they become aware that attention to love is conditional.

Because of this, individuals focus on the “good” and ignore the “bad.” However, it can lead to compulsive behaviors later in life. Unable to predict when satisfaction will be provided, adults with this unfinished business are the most demanding and preoccupied with their needs. In some cases, because these individuals are afraid of abandonment, they often will leave a relationship first

to avoid the hurt they might feel if it were the other way around.

DISORGANIZED ATTACHMENT

As an infant, it should be about feeling safe, comfortable, and secure, but if a child views its caregivers as a threat, is surrounded by anger or resentment, and must fend for themselves, feelings of fear and uncertainty ultimately take hold, are locked in through adulthood.

Often parents treat offspring in this manner due to their own unresolved experiences and are unable to provide consistent care for their child. It is a serious problem that results in avoidance, insecurity, and high anxiety levels as an adult. This same person may likely have been abused with elevated incidents of trauma, resulting in problems with intimacy.

TRAUMA BONDING

In its simplest terms, bonding means

to feel close to someone and provide a mutually positive experience through affection and empathy. Conversely, traumatic bonding is when a person connects with an abuser and confuses harsh or bad behavior with love.

Trauma Bonding during infancy is highly detrimental to the young, leaving them to face dysfunction in all future relationships. As a result of abusive treatment during the formative years, they associate fear, neglect, hurt, and shame with caring; this leaves them extremely vulnerable and unable to leave a toxic relationship.

Through repetitive abuse, a child begins to associate abandonment and insignificance with love and will forever be burdened by falling prey to those with personalities that prey on partners with high levels of empathy who are in search of security. At the same time, the erosion of self-confidence leads to a list of mental health issues such as anorexia, substance abuse, narcissism, or other clinically diagnosed personality disorders founded in feelings of self-loathing and hate.

In an adult relationship, it is often seen that those with narcissistic tendencies target those engulfed

by Trauma Bonding; in fact, it is common for the narcissist to refer to a person they are pursuing as being a “magnet” to them and speak about their coupling as destiny. This attraction quickly develops into a co-dependency relationship, leading to emotional abuse, manipulation, and control.

With intermittent love followed by fear or disdain from a partner, the victim

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will face countless incidents of abuse, often taking the blame for the partner’s anger and acting out. Fearing rejection, the abused partner walks on eggshells to not offend or upset the abuser. And, while they don’t trust the partner, they are powerless to defend themselves and allow the hurt/love cycle to continue.

The manipulation process is easily noticed; although it can be difficult to back away from, the appeal of being wanted only to be rejected is masked during the process.

Here are the steps used to create dependency; it is important to watch for them in new relationships.

It begins with what is known as Love Bombing, where a target is mirrored; the controller will see the needs of their victim and provide—for a short time—feelings and behaviors that disarm them. They will speak of a future without knowing the new partner, often telling them they are meant to be together, even to the point of talking about marriage within only weeks of first meeting. The abuser will be viewed as perfect by the new partner and their promises.

The next step is building Trust and Dependency; the perpetrator will instill reliability and show it through thoughtful communication and actions.

They will offer support and relate their commitment to providing comfort and safety for their target. Also, dates will be extravagantly expensive during this phase, combined with unlimited adoration and attention.

This stage quickly turns to Devaluation, where the new partner will be slowly mocked or criticized for their personality, tastes, and behaviors.

The offending partner slowly slips from flooding interactions with compliments and replaces them with hurtful observations that they have secretly

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kept track of during the Trust and Dependency phase.

Next is Manipulation. The controller will provide varying degrees of love and hate to push buttons at will and exert control over their victim. They have learned the weakness of their new partner and lack of ability to back away. At the same time, they confirmed the strength of the attachment, and from this, they will solidify an effective communication style that allows abject control.

At the same time, the abused is losing all self-identity, self-esteem, and any boundaries they may have left.

Control of the relationship is now in the disturbed partner’s hands and mind, which leads to the final stage: Addiction.

When we feel loved in a healthy relationship, chemicals within the body are released and create a feeling of euphoria; these agents are potent and cause an unusual connection between our need for acceptance and love and the abuse rendered. For example, suppose a person has been treated harshly for whatever reason, only to be later idolized and told they are exceptional and perhaps be invited for a sexual encounter. In that case, the mixed messages will be misinterpreted and confusing. By the act of presenting acceptance, causing the release of intoxicating neurochemicals, or providing sexual pleasure after an emotional assault, is a sure-fire method for controlling a partner’s addiction, making it almost impossible for them to leave the relationship.

To begin the journey on the path of resistance, a few simple actions need to be taken. While the outcome is to cut off all communication from the abuser and end the relationship, it will require the support of friends, family, and a trained therapist.

SEEKING HELP

Learning about Attachment Styles and Trauma Bonding is the first step in getting out of a toxic relationship; it will also be a valuable guide for finding a good match for the future.

Stay healthy, and stay safe. H

The seriousness of the topic cannot be understated; considering the statistic of dysfunctional relationships, most people are aware of their problematic relationship but have become powerless to act.

PREVENT THE MADNESS FROM BEGINNING n

When entering a relationship, watch for the red flags of control, pressure, Love Bombing, unrealistic expectations, or just moving too fast.

n

Establish personal boundaries and adhere to them. Learn to say no and not feel guilty.

n

Be keen on your partner’s behavior towards you; do you feel like you are rewarded after a fight?

n

Are they giving you backhanded compliments that seem to be degrading you?

n

Stop idolizing your partner, and see them for who they are, not the image you create in your mind.

n

Pay close attention to the switching of acceptance and disdain and watch for a pattern.

n

Talk to those you trust and seek support early on.

n

Seek professional help; it could be in person, online, or you could research any of the terms used here. You’ll find volumes of information on each subject.

Learning about Attachment Styles and Trauma Bonding is the first step in getting out of a toxic relationship; it will also be a valuable guide for finding a good match for the future.

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Travel

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

BY SUSAN FLETCHER

D

o you recall the first breakout of COVID? I do, and it sparked fear in everyone’s hearts, especially travelers who had booked their dream vacations or planned to explore the globe.

Flights were canceled, cruise ships docked, and countries closed their doors to international visitors; it seemed life would never be the same.

But, as we learned more about COVID, the public followed safety protocols and got vaccinated. Restrictions

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and travel options opened, and finally, recovery from the pandemic appeared inevitable; but gave a false sense that we had beat the infection.

People don’t like restrictions, and they grew tired of isolation and those pesky masks. As a result, many became relaxed, disinfectant supplies dwindled at public areas, while some continued to refuse urging to comply with vaccination requests.

As the weather slowly cooled and crowds began to congregate at enclosed locations such as bars and holiday events, the conditions ripened for spreading variants like Delta and Omicron.

In January, record-breaking infections were recorded, and healthcare facilities and their staff were overwhelmed fighting the onslaught of new patients. There were also reports of disruptions in supply lines and essential services.

Now, the good news; fear and apprehension will begin to dissipate as the numbers of infections decline; greater vigilance observed, and more vaccinations will result in the curve heading downward. In combination with good weather and the opportunity to be outdoors, we should expect to be back where we were before the newest scare.

With optimism, experts predict an explosive year for travel.

For example, Fodor’s Travel points out, the transportation and industry-related venues have provided flexibility and incentives to attract consumers back

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and entice them to make travel plans for 2022. Booking a trip without fear of financial loss for canceling or changing a flight or destination is commonplace.

As for increasing desirability and lowering costs, many companies offer incentives such as two-for-one deals, room upgrades, or food and beverage credits during a stay.

Another benefit of traveling this year is the new standards imposed on the industry. New cleanliness and sanitation rules can be found within the cruise industry; plus, with reporting require-

In combination with good weather and the opportunity to be outdoors, we should expect to be back where we were before the newest scare.

ments strengthened, as soon as a problem is identified, it is made public, and the choice to travel can be made.

What will remain with us are proof of vaccination and a COVID-free test result. It does add a crinkle to an already busy schedule, but it will continue to be required.

Another change likely to be found this year is a rise in vacation rentals.

The appeal of having less contact with crowds, the freedom to arrive at will, and being self-contained with full amenities will be very appealing; we should see a significant rise in bookings through Airbnb or Vrbo this year.

Now is the time to make your reservations. It won’t be long before everyone realizes the pain we’re feeling is not forever, and the best locations and offers will dry up soon.

Today is the best day for you to decide where you’ll take your next vacation; there is no better time to research and be ahead of the hungry pack that is itching to enjoy new experiences once the tide turns. And, think about it, when do you get a chance to enjoy what may be the lowest prices in years?

The choice is simple; be stuck at home for a couple of months and clean or binge your favorite show, or plan a super vacation.

Given a choice, what will you do?

Enjoy your travels. H

The choice is simple; be stuck at home for a couple of months and clean or binge your favorite show, or plan a super vacation.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 41

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Share Your Good Taste With A Valentine’s Day Charcuterie Kit

by True Story Foods Take Valentine’s Day dinner to the next level with the True Story Foods Charcuterie Kit. The 5th generation, family-owned company, has crafted a kit filled with everything you need for a beautiful charcuterie and cheese spread, complete with an adorable heart-shaped bamboo cutting board.

Provisions include (2 packages) uncured Genoa Salame and (2 packages) of Heritage Breed Prosciutto paired with a decadent Mt. Tam cheese from Cowgirl Creamery. In addition, the kit includes a bonus package of the brand’s Kurobuta Heritage bacon.

True Story’s humanely raised meats

PLEASE PLEASE RECYCLE RECYCLE

and Cowgirl Creamery’s organic cheeses are crafted with the finest raw ingredients and artisanal techniques, with no preservatives, nitrates, or extras.

True Story Foods Valentine’s Day Charcuterie Kit is $99.99, ships nationwide, and is available on TrueStoryFoods.com.

Sweet Indulgence Founded in 1924, in a small town south of Boston, Hilliards Chocolates is a family-owned business in its 4th generation. In 1950, one of Hilliards’ seven children opened a store in North Easton, M.A. called Hilliards Kitch-In-Vue because the candy was made in full view of the customers. Located in a white with blue-trimmed house, and a signature giant box of chocolates affixed to the facade, the store became a landmark, and over the next 69 years, drew crowds of

candy lovers. In 1981, Hilliards’ daughter Judy and her husband Charlie McCarthy acquired the business and renamed it Hilliards Chocolates.

Today Judy’s and Charlie’s daughters, Maegan and Erin, run the business and continue the legacy that started so long ago. Under their leadership, Hilliards Chocolates continues to delight customers, make people smile, and maintain an uncompromising dedication to confection perfection.

Bouquet of a Dozen Chocolate Roses The perfect marriage of two beloved Valentine’s Day favorites, a dozen rich, creamy, solid milk or dark chocolate roses come attractively packaged as if coming from the florist! A welcome surprise for the chocolate lover in your life who is also an affinity for roses. Pick from different quantities. $49.95/dozen

Easter Cream Eggs (coming soon) Hilliards Cream Eggs are the most authentic taste of Easter’s past.

Handcrafted with a signature family recipe passed down to four generations, each egg begins with a decadent creamy center and is dipped in rich, delicious milk chocolate and finished with a colorful Easter decoration. Available in four classic cream-filled eggs, including Butter Cream, Coconut, Chocolate Nut Fudge, and Peanut Butter.

Butter and Coconut are available in rich dark chocolate as well. $9.95 (4-piece box)

Valentine’s Truffle Collection An intoxicating assortment of truffles flavored with some of your favorite liqueurs! Two gifts in one, this decadent assortment of handcrafted dessert-sized truffles are beautifully featured in a wooden keepsake box perfect for jewelry or knick-knacks of your choosing. Assorted Truffle flavors include Strawberry Champagne, Kahlua, Grand Marnier, Irish Cream, Raspberry, and classic Chocolate. $49.95 (12 truffles)

Limited Edition Lemon Lavender Truffles (coming soon) A surprisingly delightful dessert-sized truffle creation, with subtle notes of lemon and fragrant lavender, defines this spring addition to our Truffle Collection. Enjoy this distinct and delicate truffle, made with velvety smooth ganache enveloped in our rich dark chocolate—the perfect gift for Easter, Mother’s Day, spring Bridesmaids, and other seasonal occasions. $15.95 (4-piece box)

Pick up, or order online at hilliardscandy.com.

Easton 9-8 Monday-Saturday 10-6 Sunday 316 Main Street (Rte 138) North Easton, MA 02356 508-238-6231 | 1-800-286-8533

Norwell 10-6 Monday-Saturday 12-5 Sunday 81 Washington St (Rte 53) Norwell, MA 02061 781-878-8533

Mansfield 10-7 Monday-Saturday 12-5 Sunday 333 School Street - B150 Mansfield, MA 02048 508-339-5333

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Order in time for Valentine’s Day at realcookiesco.com.

Living Well

Speaking Without Talking TH E QU E STION OF M ENTAL TELEPATHY

BY ROB SAINT LAURENT, M.ED

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F

rom the Greek, tele, meaning distant, and pathos, meaning (among other things) feeling and perception, the modern phrase mental telepathy is used to mean “the purported vicarious transmission of information [thoughts, feelings, or activity] from one person to another without using any known human sensory channels or physical interaction.” Once called thought transference, the term dates to 1882 when it was first used by Society for Psychical Research founder Frederic W.H. Myers.1 As many as 20 percent of identical twins claim to know each other’s thoughts and feelings without verbalizing them.2 Some would say this goes beyond the common ability of two-lifetime partners who

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TELEPATHY RESEARCH

While telepathy may remain a pseudoscience, unless and until more tangible evidence emerges, these otherworldly experiences support the belief that we are spiritual beings at our core having a temporal, material existence.

can finish each other’s sentences because of long-time shared experiences and instead points to a type of psychic connection.

OF LIKE MINDS?

The notion of “twin telepathy” often arises when discussing the idea of direct brain-to-brain communication and is steeped in folklore. In their 1961 book The Encyclopedia of Superstitions, Superstitions, folklorists Edwin and Mona A. Radford explain that it was very common for our ancestors to view twins as connected by strong sympathetic bonds. In the same way, one sibling knew instinctively when the other faced immediate danger; they would also sense when the other was experiencing happiness—even when separated. When one died, the other soon followed.2 But paranormal expert Benjamin Radford, M.Ed., deputy editor of Skeptical Inquirer—The Magazine For Science and Reason,, and the author of seven books, remains skeptical.

Reason Radford points to a famous example of alleged twin telepathy from 2009, where U.K. teenager Gemma Houghton began sensing that her sister, Leanne, needed help in the bathtub.

Sure enough, when she went to check, she found her sister in the process of drowning after having a seizure. While Gemma’s seemingly “sixth sense,” as the newspapers called it, allowed her to save her sister’s life, Radford notes that the family already knew of Leanne’s propensity for seizures. It was likely they were already on the lookout for odd periods of silence while Leanne was bathing, and any family member (not just her twin) would probably have been able to rescue her.2 Moreover, it is estimated there are some 100 million twins globally, yet only the most dramatic cases, like Houghton’s, ever make the news. If twin telepathy were genuine, he argues, we should be hearing of many more amazing stories by sheer numbers.2 “As intriguing as the idea is, there is no credible scientific evidence that psychic powers exist, either in the general population or among twins specifically,” Radford concludes.

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Much of the early evidence for the possibility of mental telepathy, sometimes called extrasensory perception (ESP), can be traced to the 1970s work of American parapsychologist Charles Honorton, who sought to replicate the sensory deprivation (Ganzfeld) experiments of psychologist Wolfgang Metzger.

In these Ganzfeld experiments, two participants would be separated into different rooms. In one room, there was a “receiver.” To block out ordinary sensory distractions and facilitate ESP, this person had their ears filled with bland static and ping pong balls over their eyes, while a red light was used instead of bright lights. In the other room, a “sender” projected mental images of a randomly chosen picture. The receiver would relate everything that came into their stream of consciousness and then select the picture that best matched these mental images.3 Honorton caused a stir in the parapsychology community when he concluded that his 42 Ganzfeld studies were sufficient to support the possibility of ESP. As blogger Charles E. Peck Jr. explains, Honorton’s work grabbed the interest of psychologist Ray Hyman, a skeptic who found critical design and statistical flaws in Honorton’s research. Together, they discarded 14 studies, leaving 28 with a successful match rate of 38 percent—far exceeding the expected 25 percent. In an official Joint Communique in 1986, they concluded there was “an overall significant effect” that couldn’t be reasonably explained by selective reporting or extensive analysis.3 In the 1990s, the Ganzfeld methodology was automated, and many more studies were conducted. Honorton and Daryl Bern conducted a large analysis of 11 automated Ganzfeld studies consisting of 329 sessions that produced 106 matches for a significant 32 percent rating that far exceeded the chance rate of 25 percent. In these studies, both still and dynamic (video) images were used, with the dynamic images yielding better results.

Since that time, other large analyses of Ganzfeld studies have shown consistently positive results, but a relatively low level of study effectiveness and performance (minimal effect size).3 A unique study in 2014 expanded on standard Ganzfeld experiments by using a computer-brain interface to successfully transmit thoughts between study participants in different nations. Led by neuroscientist Carlos Grau of the University of Barcelona, a “sender” in India sent signals by electroencephalograph (EEG) to several “receivers” in France whose heads were linked to transcranial magnetic stimulators (TMS). Traditionally used for treating anxiety and depression, the TMS was used to produce a flash of light called a phosphene in the mind when placed at the rear of the brain (the visual cortex). Using biofeedback, the sender was trained to generate a one by envisioning hand movement and a two by envisioning foot movement. The ones and zeros were encoded into words like “hola” and then emailed to the receivers, linked to TMS. Ones were received through one electrode that produced a phosphene; zeros were received through another electrode that produced nothing.4, 5 Grau et al. concluded their experiment was the “realization of the first human brain-to-brain interface” and provides a “critical

proof-of-principle demonstration for the development of conscious B2B communication technologies.”4 Neuroscientist Eric Haseltine, Ph.D., is also excited about the findings he says illustrate that linguistic communication is achievable telepathically. In the article “Mental Telepathy Is Real,” he proposes the experiment could be a game-changer. “We may be seeing the birth of a revolutionary means of communication that will transform our world in the way the telegraph, telephone, or television did.”5 Overall, telepathy research has been viewed negatively by the scientific community due to lack of replication and poor design (for example, no controls used in the Ganzfeld studies).1

Even during their own time, Myers and fellow psychical researcher William F. Barrett were criticized for bias by attempting to prove their own belief in telepathy versus objective analysis of its existence.1 SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

Aristotle once said, “the energy of the mind is the essence of life.” And we know that energy cannot be created nor destroyed.

It just changes states.

One area where the possibility of telepathy frequently arises is near-death experiences (NDEs), in which people depart from their physical bodies while maintaining consciousness, and have a heightened 360˚ awareness of their surroundings. Though some will argue that life after death and a spirit world cannot be proven scientifically, there are numerous, profound stories online of genuine NDE experiences with Christian faith recalling instantaneous, telepathic communication with angelic beings and Jesus Christ/God Himself.

Like our ancestors, recent surveys show many of us today believe in psychic, supernatural phenomena, with up to half of Americans having recurrent spiritual experiences.

Researchers say these experiences have become normal in our society yet, to now, have gone largely ignored by scientists. For example, 40-70 percent of us report the common experience of “telephone telepathy,” where we’re thinking of someone right before they call. Even a CBS survey from 2002 showed that 57 percent of Americans believe in spiritual-psychic occurrences.6 While telepathy may remain a pseudoscience, unless and until more tangible evidence emerges, these otherworldly experiences support the belief that we are spiritual beings at our core having a temporal, material existence. H 1. Telepathy. (n.d.). Wikipedia.

2. Radford, B. (2018, March 26). The Riddle of Twin Telepathy. Live Science.

3. Peck Jr., C.E. (2020, April 21). Research on Mental Telepathy and Ganzfeld Studies - Brief Summary.

Spirit, Truth, and Meaning.

4. Grau, C., Ginhoux, R., Riera, A., et al. (2014, August 19). Conscious Brain-to-Brain Communication in Humans Using Non-Invasive Technologies. PLOS ONE. 5. Haseltine, E. (2015, March 6). Mental Telepathy Is Real.

Psychology Today.

6. Cosgrove-Mather, B. (2002, April 29). Poll: Most Believe in Psychic Phenomena. CBS News.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 51

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Itinerary

T

his month we highlight attractions and their organizations for outstanding efforts in meeting the cultural needs of the communities they serve.

They are this month’s favorites because of their commitment and service, and we urge you to support them during 2022. H

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 53

Zoo New England—

FR ANKLIN PARK ZOO AND STONE ZOO

54 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: ZOONEWENGLAND.ORG

Z

oo New England’s mission is to inspire people to protect and sustain the natural world for future generations by creating fun and engaging experiences that integrate wildlife and conservation programs, research, and education.

If you haven’t been, here is what you need to know. The Franklin Park Zoo is a 72-acre site within Boston’s historic Franklin Park; it has long been held as the ‘crown jewel’ of Frederick Law Olmsted’s Emerald Necklace Park System. Founded in 1912, the zoo was managed by different agencies until Governor William Weld signed legislation to create the private Commonwealth Zoological Corporation (CZC). In July of 1997, the CZC changed its name to Zoo New England to reflect the regional appeal of the Zoo. Stone Zoo, formerly known as Middlesex Fells Zoo, is located on a 26-acre site near the sparkling Spot Pond reservoir in Stoneham, M.A. The zoo was founded in 1905 by Charles Price and renamed to honor Walter D. Stone, a former zoo director. In 1991 the CZC took control of both the Stone Zoo and the Franklin Park Zoo. The Zoos boast vast exhibits that will thrill and excite the whole family. From a rarefied world of the Tropical Forest, with lush greenery, rushing waterfalls, pygmy hippos, ocelots, and western lowland gorillas, to the Serengeti Crossing, home to zebras, white-bearded wildebeests, and warthogs.

On November 27, 2021, Zoo New England officially broke the one-millionth attendance mark for guest visits in 2021; and will hopefully surpass this in 2022. H For more information, visit zoonewengland.org.

Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: GARDNERMUSEUM.ORG

T

he Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum is a premier setting for exhibiting one of the finest European, Asian, and American art collections. Its paintings, sculpture, tapestries, and decorative arts, are a fitting accent to the magnificent 15th century inspired Venetian palace.

Located in the Back Bay at the ‘Fens’ in Boston, its intimate setting provides an atmosphere of warmth and elegance.

Antique carvings and architectural elements were incorporated into the design of the turn-of-the-century home of Isabella Stewart Gardner.

Visitors will learn it was a rumor the original building was transported from Venice. The belief was most likely because of the use of tiles, the placement of antique capitals on modern columns, and the breathtaking interior garden courtyard with dramatic lighting attributed to the glass roof, allowing the lush flora to bloom all four seasons.

Besides this, there’s more history to know. On March 18, 1990, art thieves dressed as police officers worked their way into the museum and made off with 13 of the finest works in the facility. Their value has been estimated at some $500 million and has yet to be recovered. Today, a $10 million reward for information leading to their recovery remains.

The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum provides a long list of programs, musical experiences, and hands-on activities throughout the year and can be found on its website. H To learn more, visit gardnermuseum.org.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 55

Boston Symphony Orchestra

I

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: BSO.ORG

t can not be described any better than how the BSO explains its mission, “The Boston Symphony Orchestra’s mission is to foster and maintain an organization dedicated to the making of music consonant with the highest aspirations of the musical art, creating performance and providing educational and training programs at the highest level of excellence.”

And, they do it in such a manner, it is befitting to call the organization ‘World-Class.’

Its music hall is a gem in itself, and when combined with incredible talented conductors, musicians, and guest-soloist, it is the admiration of those who support its worthy cause.

Now in its 141st season, the BSO gave its inaugural concert in 1881, realizing the dream of its founder, Henry Lee Higginson. The Tanglewood in western Massachusetts, the Hatch Shell on the Charles River during 4th of July celebrations, and the millions of people who enjoy listening to beautiful music on the internet, television, and radio are how the BSO continues to fulfill the vision of its founder through performances and educational offerings.

Resilient and determined, the organization had to remain idle for live productions for a year; however, during this second round of escalation, they have taken steps to ensure their guests’ and performers’ safety and have an outstanding season planned. H Visit bso.org for more details.

56 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

The Newport Mansions

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY: NEWPORTMANSIONS.ORG

he Newport Mansions are one of the most visited tourist destinations in New England. While more than one million tours are hosted annually, the Preservation Society of Newport County continues to surpass its previous record in 2019, when the 40 millionth guest passed through the door.

Grand and gracious, The Newport Mansions has the support of more than 40,000 members and is accredited by the American Alliance of Museums. Of the 30,000 museums in the United States, approximately 1,000 are accredited by this prestigious organization.

The Preservation Society of Newport County, Rhode Island’s largest cultural organization, protects, preserves, and presents the best of Newport County’s architectural heritage. Its 11 historic properties and landscapes— seven of which are National Historic Landmarks—trace America’s architectural and social development from the Colonial era through the Gilded Age. Open all year long, their calendar is filled with countless events and programs for all ages and interests. H To learn more, visit newportmansions.org.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 57

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In all matters of relationship, intimacy and passion Helping people love for over 25 years New Bedford 508-997-6091 x106 www.helpforpassion.com Love is Simple, But We Are Not: A compilation of 13 years of articles by Andrew Aaron, LICSW is available for download.

60 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

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P U B L I C S E R V I C E A N N O U N C E M E N T P R O V I D E D BY T H I S P U B L I C AT I O N .

Domestic Violence in MASSACHUSETTS WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN MASSACHUSETTS •

• • • • •

33.9% of Massachusetts women and 31.7% of Massachusetts men experience intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner sexual violence and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes. 1 In 2019, there were 28 domestic violence homicides in Massachusetts. 2 In one day in 2019, 1,857 adult and child survivors were served by Massachusetts domestic violence programs. Another 441 requests of services went unmet due to lack of resources. 3 In 2008, domestic violence was declared a public health emergency in Massachusetts. 4 In 2015, there were 30,172 active protective orders in the National Crime Information Center for Massachusetts in 2015, down from a high of approximately 55,000 in 2011. None of these protective orders had a disqualifying Brady indicator. 5 As of December 31, 2019, Massachusetts had submitted 2,442 domestic violence misdemeanor records and no active protective orders to the NICS Index. 6

DID YOU KNOW? • • • • •

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. 7 On a typical day, local domestic violence hotlines receive approximately 19,159 calls, approximately 13 calls every minute. 8 In 2018, domestic violence accounted for 20% of all violent crime. 9 Abusers’ access to firearms increases the risk of intimate partner femicide at least five-fold. When firearms have been used in the most severe abuse incident, the risk increases 41-fold. 10 65% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 96% of the victims of these crimes are female. 11

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE-RELATED FIREARMS LAWS IN MASSACHUSETTS

• • • •

•

Massachusetts law prohibits domestic violence 12 and stalking 13 misdemeanants from possessing firearms.

Respondents to final protective orders are prohibited from possessing firearms, including dating partners. 14 Persons prohibited due to final protective orders must surrender their firearms. 15 Massachusetts judges must prohibit respondents to ex parte protective orders from possessing firearms if there’s a substantial likelihood of immediate danger, including dating partners. 16 In this case, the respondent must surrender their firearms. 17 Firearm identification cards, issued after a background check, are required for all gun sales in Massachusetts. 18 Massachusetts can strengthen its laws to protect victims and survivors of domestic violence by o Prohibiting dating abusers from possessing firearms; o Prohibiting respondents to ex parte protective orders from possessing firearms;

If you are in crisis, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or www.TheHotline.org.

Please visit the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s website at www.ncadv.org for more fact sheets, membership information and valuable resources.

Suggested citation: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020). Domestic violence in Massachusetts. Retrieved from www.ncadv.org/files/Massachusetts.pdf.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 61

Intimacy

MINDING THE INTENSITY

BY ANDREW AARON, LICSW

62 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

H

ow we handle emotional intensity in difficult moments plays a prominent role in our friendships and love relationship; noticeably, speaking with high intensity invites exchanges of mutual harm.

Instances of passion provoke defensiveness and significant reactions, which draw couples into conflict. These conversations quickly escalate into arguments; minor problems swell into big ones. Incidents of disrespect, threats, violence, and destruction, often happen when someone acts and speaks from high intensity.

The fear and danger associated with problems, awaken buried pain, much like a match excites a tank of gasoline.

Intense expressions often arrive quickly and surprise the person who intended to express a mild message.

Harsh words will derail attempts to solve problems, allowing escalation and the removal of calmness and peace from a discussion. Even positive feelings expressed at high intensity can produce adverse effects, but most of the risk comes from painful emotions.

The way we manage our emotional pain determines if we can prevent it from harming our success. A sign of built-up internalized emotion is when reactions are disproportionally larger than the triggering event. Painful emotions are often released with intensity because they are withheld.

We have little cause to withhold good feelings; they rarely contribute to conflict or hurt. When emotions become built up, as is often true when uncomfortable situations are repetitively experienced, pent-up frustrations may be released with a forceful flood. A sudden increase in voice volume is evidence that internalized pain has been aroused. Frustrations, irritations, and resentments are at risk for intense release.

Regulating this emotion is the necessary strength of the skilled problem solver.

Withholding negative feelings, also known as internalizing, is a short-term strategy to avoid conflicts that comes with long-term costs. Many internalize painful emotion as an unconscious habit. Unsolvable chronic problems that build frustration and powerlessness amass an internal reservoir If regular efforts are of pain, contributing to mental health challenges such made to calm your as negativity, unhappiness, internal state, you anxiety, depression, and mood instability. will avoid speaking Painful emotion built and acting with over a long period, makes a person vulnerable to intense damaging high intensity. expressions. With the abrupt Consciously releasing release, often accompanied by loud volume, rapid speech, old anger, resentment, and hateful language, extreme and fear, strengthens expressions push others away while provoking hurt your capacity to and defensiveness. Without be more at peace. conscious intent, built-up emotion hijacks our words Meditation is an and actions and tries to gain excellent practice for attention for our pain, instead of inviting solutions letting go of unresolved or offering compassion for others. painful feelings, starting High intensity is the to love yourself, and trademark of self-centered, self-sabotage, and impulsive forgiving others while acts that create destructive remaining peaceful. consequences. Maintaining an inner low intensity response offers greater choice over the quality of interpersonal exchanges. Additionally, skilled emotional regulation allows for the possibility of harmonious relationships.

Keeping intensity low is synonymous with keeping the peace. The greater the power of emotion, the more strength is needed to regulate it so that it is harder to be accurate. The greater the intensity of an expression, the harder it is to be sensitive to the well-being of others.

If regular efforts are made to calm your internal state, you will avoid speaking and acting with damaging high intensity. Consciously releasing old anger, resentment, and fear, strengthens your capacity to be more at peace. Meditation is an excellent practice for letting go of unresolved painful feelings, starting to love yourself, and forgiving others while remaining peaceful. H Andrew Aaron, LICSW, is a sex and relationship therapist who practices in the New Bedford Seaport.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 63

Field Trips 1

The Harvard Art Museums

A

rt may not be the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name Harvard, but as a leading academic art institution, it has become recognized for research, restoration, presentation, and fabulous collections.

Its art museums are tailored for teaching and learning with innovative programming for diverse audiences.

The University’s collections are broken into curatorial divisions and include Asian and Mediterranean Art, European, American Art, and Modern and Contemporary Art. Located adjacent to Harvard Square, there are three floors to explore, and while most of the week there is an admission charge, on Sundays, visitors are allowed to enjoy the venue free of charge.

Hours are 10 a.m. – 5 p.m. The entrance to the museums is located at 32 Quincy Street, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. H Visit harvardartmuseums.org for reservations and visitor safety regulations.

2

T

Cape Cod Museum of Art— A Valentine Music Event

he Museum preserves the work of the Cape’s finest artists and celebrates the distinctive artistic identity of the Cape, the Islands, and the region. It is also a major hub of the cultural life on Cape Cod. Enjoy in-person concerts this winter at the CCMoA from a variety of genres such as Swing, Bluegrass, Classical and more. As part of the Winter Concert Series, a special Valentine production is planned for February 13, entitled; “Music To Touch Our Hearts,” featuring Monika Woods on clarinet, Lisa Gross on cello, and Abigail Field on piano.

This in-person concert will be held on Sunday, February 13, from 3-4 p.m. and stream live on Zoom. H Visit ccmoa.org for tickets and more information.

64 | FEBRUARY 2022 | NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA

3

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: PATRIOT-PLACE.COM

W

Ice Skating at Patriot Place

inter Skate, offering day and evening public skating, is the perfect antidote to cabin fever this winter. It is a fun and affordable activity for parents with children and a romantic addition to a dinner date. Patriot Place offers guests 19 restaurants, a variety of shopping options, a 14-screen Cinema de Lux movie theater, and more.

The 60-by-140-foot refrigerated ice surface is explicitly designed for recreational skating, non-contact hockey, and figure skating. The ice skating rink features an observation deck for non-skaters and is large enough to accommodate beginners and experts alike. The professional surface provides ideal skating conditions at all times. On-site skate rentals, concessions, and bathrooms are available, and parking is free.

Open seven days a week; rates are $10 for adults, $6 for children 12 and under, and $6 for Senior Citizens. Skate rentals are $5. H For more details, visit patriot-place.com/tenant/winterskate/.

4

Historic Lovers

PHOTO BYWORCESTERART.ORG

L

ove Stories from the National Portrait Gallery, London, runs through March 13, 2022, at the Worcester Art Museum.

It is the first stop on an international tour while the National Portrait Gallery is closed for redevelopment.

Exhibiting nearly 100 masterpieces, the collection is considered the most extensive of its kind. Love Stories reviews the changing face of love from 16th century Renaissance-era painting to contemporary photography. Couples include; John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Oscar Wilde and Lord Alfred Douglas, Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert

Browning, and Emma Hamilton and Lord Nelson.

“Portraits are a visual record of a

relationship, celebrating key moments like engagements and weddings, serving as memorials to the deceased, or expressing adoration or disdain for an absent or scorned lover,” said Matthias Waschek, the Jean and Myles McDonough Director of the Worcester Art Museum.

The Worcester Art Museum, located at 55 Salisbury Street in Worcester, M.A., is open Wednesday through Sunday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. On the first Sunday of each month, admission is free for everyone. Museum parking is free. H For more information, contact worcesterart.org.

NEW ENGLAND NEWS + MEDIA | FEBRUARY 2022 | 65

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DAY TRIPPING!

Catchaafast, fast,fun, fun, safe safe trip trip to to beautiful beautiful Cuttyhunk Cuttyhunk Island Island on board boad the Catch theM/V M/VCuttyhunk!

Cuttyhunk!

• Depart from New Bedford’s historic waterfront; a short walk to downtown New Bedford’s many restaurants, boutique shops, museums & galleries.

• Enjoy the gorgeous views of Buzzards Bay as you make your way to the laid back island of Cuttyhunk.

www.cuttyhunkferryco.com 66B State Pier, South Bulkhead New Bedford, MA 508.992.0200

• Friday Night Sunset Cruises! Breath taking scenery, comfortable accommodations, not to be missed excursion.

WEATHER NOTE: IF SEVERE WEATHER ADVISABLE CALL IN ADVANCE WEATHER NOTE: IF SEVERE WEATHERISISPREDICTED, PREDICTED, ITITISISADVISABLE TO TO CALL IN ADVANCE OF DEPARTURE SCHEDULING CHANGES. OF DEPARTUREFOR FORPOSSIBLE POSSIBLE SCHEDULING CHANGES.

*WINTER: OCTOBER 12, 2021-APRIL 15, 2022

*WINTER: OCTOBER 12, 2021-APRIL 15, 2022 Depart New Bedford

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