Why Do People Cheat?

Why Do People Cheat?

Article by Chayo Briggs

Have you ever wondered what compels a person to cheat? The reality is, people will cheat for many reasons, and a new study published in ‘The Journal of Sex’ research found the biggest reasons why people are unfaithful; a lack of sexual satisfaction in the relationship.

A panel of researchers conducted a survey of 495 adults with an average age of 20 who were asked if they’ve ever cheated in a relationship and if so, what was their motivation. Since the survey was non-specific questions, researchers grouped the responses by commonality to find that there were 77 separate motivations for infidelity.

Among all the reasons given, the number one reason as to why people cheat was due to the unsatisfied sex, they felt unloved as if their partner did not care enough to make them feel satisfied. In fact, 77 percent of the responses either explicitly stated, they fell out of love; while the motivation came from the person feeling unloved.

Shula Malamed, relationship coach, stated the lack of love could mean the person felt a lack of appreciation or playfulness from their partner. On the other hand, a healthier approach to dealing

with these issues would be to build stronger communication skills with the domestic partner. Shula, warns that the word ‘love’ is a verb, meaning it requires action to keep the relationship growing. In any intimate bond between people, love needs to be nurtured, replenished, and not taken for granted. So, the lack of love in the relationship is the biggest motivator to cheat, but is this the only reason?

Some other studies reported that infidelity showed over 10% across adulthood, with a peak of 20% occurring for couples in their 40s. Those who discover their partner’s unfaithfulness regard the experience as “shattering” and believe that it signals the end of the relationship. Then only if the relationship is going to recover, the cheating partner must admit to being remorseful. Now, something odd is the couples who face an affair but don’t get divorced are happier in their marriage if they remain together. The action causes them to build communication skills thereby, strengthening the bond. However, both parties must be committed to making the relationship work.

In some cases, strongly held religious beliefs might prevent partners from seeking a divorce causing some deep-seated resentments to grow. However, couples

use their religion to help get through the difficulties of dealing with the infidelity said they found ways to handle the affair

much more effectively. In summary, by recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of an unhappy marriage, can lead to increased intimacy.

The second most common reason was the desire to have additional sexual encounters. Now, many of the studies found that people were reluctant to admit their lust for additional sexual encounters. For example, one man in the study stated that he felt he needed more sex in his life to reward him for performing well at his job.

Some other common reasons are a situational reason. For example, “I was at a club and got drunk.” Over 70 percent admitted to alcohol being the actual reason. If you’ve heard that excuse it’s time to look deeper at some underlying cause to the affair. The action may be is more than just they don’t love you, or want out of the relationship. As a matter of fact, those may not have anything to do with the situation.

“In general, cheating does not necessarily parallel to the love of one’s partner,” family and relationship psychotherapist and author, Dr. Fran Walfish says, “If the person cheated only one time, and demonstrates genuine remorse, regret, empathy, and apologizes, the breach of trust can be repaired with two willing partners.”

Another valid reason is to boost their self-esteem. As people age and loose quote, ‘sex appeal’ they need to find someone who makes them feel alive and young once again. The need to boost their self-esteem was a big motivator for 57 percent of people. Although, this is just one of the more common.

“They consciously or unconsciously are feeling insecure and use the seduction and conquest of an extramarital encounter to feel good about themselves,” Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, relationship therapist and founder of the online relationship community.

One of the less common but highly confessed reasons is out of anger; maybe they fought with their partner and want to get even. The study showed 43 percent admitted a big motivator. A Third of the people admitted to saying they just wanted to have sex. In General, the study found men were likely to cheat for variety, then women.

Personality type also played a role in why someone chose to cheat. For instance, people with commitment issues were more motivated by sexual variety while hopeless romantics cheated because of a lack of love and commitment. But overall, experts say it’s important to know that being cheated on is not your fault. Regardless of what someone’s reason for cheating at the end of the day, it is about them and not you.

A small tidbit in the current societal situation is there are three zodiac signs more likely to cheat post-quarantine. Astrologers say if you are worried about your partner cheating, look at their birth chart.

It can be easy to give your partner a lot of time, love, and affection when there’s nowhere to go, and you’re stuck inside the house. But once quarantine is over, some people may have a hard time staying monogamous, especially when their partner isn’t around to monitor their behavior.

For example, astrologer Clarisse Monahan says, “if someone has Jupiter (the planet of expansion) in opposition or square to their Venus or Mars (the planets of love and sexual desire), that person is more likely to seek out other people when they’re in a relationship.”

The next category is people with planets in fire signs who tend to higher sex drives and get bored easily. According to Monahan, their partners need to be on their toes which helps keep them looking to someone else who can fulfill their desires.

Neptune in the seventh house of relationships; meaning most time green pastures are on the other side of the fence. They can easily get tempted by other options, especially if their relationship isn’t going well.

Gemini on the other hand, gets a bad mark, when in fact they just get bored easily in relationships. “It’s a dual sign, represented by the twins, meaning they exhibit dual personalities,” Monahan says. “You never know just quite what you’re getting with a Gemini.”

The sign is also associated with The Lovers in the tarot, which always represents choices. A common outcome is whether you should stay or stray.

According to Monahan, “Gemini still has Venus blazing through their sign until August 8, which means love and desire will be on their mind 24/7. After being unable to go out during quarantine and their birthday season, they’ll be looking at making up for lost time,”

One of the other zodiac signs that can tend to stray is cancers because they will be feeling a little more nostalgic about past relationships. Although they love playing house with their partner, the state of the world can leave them feeling unbalanced and overwhelmed.

The last but certainly not the least is Sagittarius who is the most adventurous sign among the zodiac. Along with a bit of a reputation for being into anything new and shiny. Due to their natural personalities, they tend to have jobs or careers that deal with traveling. It opens the door for more opportunities to cheat.

According to Monahan, they’ve spent the past few months cooped up

in quarantine so they’ll be “on the hunt for trouble” even more so than usual. If there’s one thing a Sagittarius can’t stand, it’s boredom. If they’ve been feeling too much monotony in their current relationship, they’ll be more susceptible to cheating post-quarantine.

In summary, communication is the key to any successful relationship. However, that does not make it immune to infidelity. So, talk to your loved one. Even the briefest infidelity can inflict major damage, but healing is possible, especially with the help of couple’s therapy. Although prevention is far preferable. Be savvy, not naive. Stay clear of situations with any of the above risk factors. Exit early from situations that trigger initial sexual feelings. If you must continue to interact with a highrisk individual or in a high-risk situation, protect yourself.

Yet many couples are reluctant to talk about infidelity for fear that even mentioning the term might invite this dreaded phenomenon into their world. Discuss your concerns with the one you love; listen appreciatively if your loved one shares concerns about a potential affair. Honesty is generally the best policy; working as a team to keep your love safe benefits you both.

Photo by Prostock-studio / Adobe Stock