Publisher's Letter: My Reflection in the Movie

Movie, movie, on the screen; who’s that handsome drama queen? I have seen my reflection captured in various movies so well, I could swear some overzealous scriptwriter lifted my life from my journal.

I find the best movies carry us on a rollercoaster of relatability through a series of emotional turns with tears of joy and pain along the way peaking on a grand — and often unexpected — twist, resting on a conclusive finale of self-discovery.

For me, that feeling is compounded after I watch a movie with a gay theme or character. Those that resonate the most with me are the quintessential coming out stories.

The romcom coming out movie I related to most was the 2003 comedy-drama, Mambo Italiano. The movie was about Angelo Barnerini, the son of Italian immigrants, who shocked his parents and sister by moving out on his own without getting married then revealed he was gay. His boyfriend, also Italian, wasn’t ready to come out when Angelo did. Replace the Italian family with a Latino one and it was my story on the screen.

One of the funniest moments, to me, was when Angelo first summed up the courage to reveal his personal secret to his entire family and invited guests at his high school graduation party.

“I want to become a television writer,” Angelo said. He narrated, “My mother still refers to it as …. The next scene panned to his mother looking directly into the camera saying, “The day you took 10 years off my life.” Angelo narrated again, “So I went to university to study law.” The parallels to my life are uncanny.

At the time, Angelo could not imagine telling his family he was gay. Later, after his childhood friend, Nino, reunited with Angelo and became his secret gay lover then moved into Angelo’s apartment, Angelo’s parents confronted him over dinner. His father asked, “How come you prefer to live with Nino instead of with me and your mama and your sister? Why?!”

Pressed relentlessly, Angelo imagined replying, “because he is my lover.”

His parents screamed. That did not actually happen, only imagined as he confided to an agent on the phone at Gay Help Line.

Then when Angelo’s sister Anna caught them in the act by accident, she acted like she was okay, but clearly wasn’t.

“Are you okay?” they asked. “I will be once the Valium kicks in,” she replied. “Anna, I am so sorry,” Angelo said. “Sorry? Why sorry? I’m thrilled. You two are a couple. Yay. I reacted the way I did because I saw my brother naked, you know, ew.” Anna continued, “I gotta go.” “Hey, you just got here,” Angelo replied. “Did I? Gee, time flies when you’re mortified,” Anna replied.

The movie took a dramatic turn after Angelo decided to tell his parents he was gay. They in turn, informed Nino’s mother. Convinced this was a phase, both meddling mothers interfered, attempting to introduce Italian single women to their lives. This upset Nino so much, he left Angelo.

After a period of time, Anna asked Angelo how his writing was going. “Never better,” he replied. “I gave up.” She knew that was because he was upset about Nino so she tried to convince him to meet other gay men at a bar. Angelo hated bars.

“There’s got to be one gay place in this city filled with boring people just like you,” Anne said. So, Angelo volunteered at Gay Help Line. There were other gay people there. He was terrible at it, but he did meet the agent who consulted him before, Peter.

When he gave Angelo advice on answering callers, Peter said, “Just remember that callers need to feel that what they’re saying is not falling on deaf ears, okay? We’re not here to give advice. We’re not here to judge.”

“No judging?” Angelo asked. “Then what’s the point?” A little self-deprecating Italian humor.

As they left for the night, Angelo said he guessed he was not “helpline material.” Peter responded, “Active listening is not for everyone.” Angelo replied, “Well, I’ve got years of non-experience. Talking and not listening is an Italian tradition.” Peter laughed. Angelo asked, “Let me ask you something. Do you really think you are helping people by going so easy on them? Peter asked, “What do you mean?” Angelo replied, “Take me for example. I came out of the closet knowing that my boyfriend didn’t want to. Now, do I need to hear, ‘Oh, your boyfriend left you?’ No. I need someone to tell me, ‘Next time, think twice before you fuck up.” Peter responded with a rhetorical question, “Angelo, if you can’t have compassion for yourself, how are you going to have it for others?”

That was the takeaway from the movie. They ended up together and Angelo became a successful television writer. It was a romcom after all, where things always worked out in the end.

In the final scene of the movie, Angelo and Peter walked arm-in-arm with Angelo’s mother in between them, with Anna and dad arm-in-arm right behind them, through the Italian community vegetable garden.

A neighbor couple we have seen before observed them. The husband said in Italian then in English, “What is this world coming to?” His wife replied in English, “At least Angelo could have had the decency of finding himself a nice Italian boy.”

And so, the cycle of judgment for something continued. The relatability is strong in this one.

My life? My Italian boyfriend and I broke up years ago. I am a successful writer though. I learned to have compassion for myself, and thus of others. That compassion is seen in my work.