Southeast Monthly: December 2013

DECEMBER 2013

FIELD OF BOYS

BY LISA FISCHER

“Field of Boys” originally ran in May 2013. went out to gather the boys for dinner.

When five families with abundant blessings gather to break bread together in modest square footage, the children flee to the open outdoor spaces and we always end up with a field of boys. There were a total of five scattered in the fields, each entrenched in their own mission.

same as loving Jesus, loving like Jesus.

Love Him and care for His sheep.

The oldest was furthest away and off the beaten path. A path I know all too well. As we age we tend to wander in our growing courage, our maturing strength—sometimes into the bushes.

Not that this particular boy is a wanderer but it made me think of the days when I found independence and used it so unwisely. I whispered it right there.

IF WE LEARN AND NEVER SHARE, NO GLORY CAN COME TO THE ONLY ONE WORTHY OF IT.

The socialite was talking over the fence to the neighbors in their backyards.

The evening breeze carried his tiny voice down wind and I could hear him asking.

“How are you?” “What are you doing?” “Is that your mom?” He wants to know them.

And I whispered it right there.

Sweet boy, don’t run from your compassion but always stand this bold in it for Christ. Always want to know them because knowing them is the

Don’t be anything like me. Be stronger than that, wiser.

God’s got great things for you. I know this because He really has this for all of us. Great things. We just need to choose Him. Choose Him, sweet boy.

Daily.

The three remaining boys were strewn along the middle of the path, each

IT’S THE BEST OF Some of these articles might look a little familiar. We’ve been publishing the Southeast Monthly for almost two years, and we decided to showcase some of the more popular articles from the past. They struck deep chords with you or had a meaningful impact on your lives.

Is it too soon to do a “Best Of” compilation? We don’t think so. And as you read through this month’s edition, we think you will agree that these articles are the best of what we’ve seen so far. Don't worry, we’re not finished. Next month, we’ll be featuring brand-new articles and continue creating great content that is both timely and relevant. Enjoy!

Peter Barber Care Pastor and curator of this best-of issue.

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11/16

OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD

11/24

THANKSGIVING NIGHT OF WORSHIP

11/28

TURKEY BOWL

12/8

MEET THE PASTORS

12/12

K–8TH CHRISTMAS CONCERT

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See Page 6

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12/14

KIDS CHOIR IS SINGING

12/15

SECOR CHRISTMAS OUTREACH

12/21

SECOR CHRISTMAS OUTREACH DELIVERY DAY

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Delivering packages to families

12/24

CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICES

12/25

OFFICES CLOSED

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Southeast’s Offices are closed December 25–January 1.

LEARN MORE ONLINE AT SOUTHEASTCC.ORG

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OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD DROP-OFF DATES

NOT SO AMONG YOU

BY PHIL VAUGHAN

“Not So Among You” original ran in January 2012.

and planned on doing something in the medical field.

hen I started this series several weeks ago I had no idea that I would be stepping in as Acting Lead Pastor at Southeast Christian Church. It’s interesting how life can throw you some serious curve balls every now and then.

Throughout my first semester a discontentment began to grow in me until I finally relented. One night at dinner I explained to my parents that I needed to switch schools and pursue ministry as a calling. My mom looked at me and said, “Well, Philip, we already knew that. We were just waiting for you figure it out.”

Some have heard me say before that I am a reluctant pastor. It’s not that I don’t enjoy

I FELT A VERY DISTINCT CALL TO MINISTRY DURING MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE. being a pastor, it’s just that I wouldn’t be a pastor if I felt released to do anything else.

I felt a very distinct call to ministry during my freshman year of college. I’ve never heard the audible voice of God, but at times I sense his leading so strong that it seems audible. That’s what my call to ministry was like. During high school I had a sense that I might end up in ministry, but I resisted the idea pretty strongly. I enrolled at the University of Kentucky

That was 25 years ago. Ever since that time I’ve been involved in ministry. I’ve always resisted the titles of distinction that come along with my calling. Back east, early in ministry, it was “Brother Phil.” For the past 6 years or so it’s been “Pastor.” In both cases I often remind people, “Just call me Phil.” For some the position demands a title, and I try not to CONTINUED ON PAGE 6

Saturday, November 16 3:00pm–6:00pm Sunday, November 17 8:00am–1:00pm Monday, November 18 9:00am–12:00pm Tuesday, November 19 9:00am–12:00pm Wednesday, November 20 4:00pm–7:00pm Thursday, November 21 9:00am–12:00pm Friday, November 22 9:00am–12:00pm Saturday, November 23 3:00pm–6:00pm Sunday, November 24 8:00am–3:00pm Monday, November 25 9:00am–11:00am If you would like to be a part of our collection week team, please contact Lela Perkins at PerkinsLS@bv.com.

GET TO KNOW OUR PASTORS Sunday, December 8 at 9:00am.

Learn more about our ministries at Meet The Pastors. You’ll connect more personally with the pastors who serve you, and learn about their passion and vision. Register online.

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LOVING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

BY JASON MCBRIDE

“Loving Difficult People” originally ran in June 2012.

“How do I deal with difficult people who cause turmoil in my life?”

“Are we to be friends with everyone?”

“How do we love the unlovable?” ifficult people are everywhere, aren’t they! They stand in front of us in store lines, share our road space, work beside us or at least down the hall, and some even show up at our family gatherings—or even live in our own homes. Boy, aren’t you thankful that we aren’t those difficult people?

The truth is, relationships are messy. So what are we to do about the relationships that feel nearly impossible to make work, or about the person who continues to cause havoc in our lives? How are we supposed to like them—let alone “love” them? What does Jesus ask of us?

Looking to the Bible for answers, we find Jesus saying to his followers, “A new command I give you: Love one another.

As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one 4

another.” (John 13:34-35) On another occasion he states, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you...” (Matthew 5:44).

As followers of Christ, we are to love all people, including the difficult and “unlovely.” Someone once said that we are never more like Jesus than when we are loving our enemies. God invites us to enter the messiness of relationships in ways that will transform us to be more like Jesus, reveal the reality of God’s love, and hopefully restore others to relationship with God. So what does it look like to love another person? Beth Moore once shared these three principles about loving others and I think they are very helpful in answering our question:

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I MUST KNOW AND RELY ON THE LOVE GOD HAS FOR ME

In the Bible, John states, “We love because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19) John is saying that he has experienced and is relying on God’s love for his life.

Therefore he is free to love others with God’s love, knowing that his value and CONTINUED ON BACK COVER

RESOURCES Here are a few resources I have found helpful when dealing with difficult relationships: Boundaries: When To Say Yes, When To Say No, To Take Control Of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide To Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them by John Ortberg Safe People: How To Find Relationships That Are Good For You And Avoid Those That Aren’t by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way Of Thinking About Human Interactions by Roberta Gilbert

FIELD OF BOYS (CONT.)

squatting near their very own discoveries.

Sticks in hand, poking and prodding, fingers in the dirt. Because sometimes you have to get dirty to find the real Truth.

They eventually migrated towards each other. They wanted to share their findings.

Because if we learn and never share, no glory can come to the only One worthy of it. And I whispered it right there.

CHRISTMAS KIDS CHOIR One of our favorite Christmas traditions is our Kid’s Choir. You’ll get to experience it December 14–15. Children in 1st through 6th grade are invited to sing. Kids need to be at all weekday rehearsals, weekend warm-ups and services to participate. There’s no need to signup, just be at the first rehearsal.

TUESDAY REHEARSALS December 3 from 5:00-6:00 pm December 10 from 5:00-6:00 pm WEEKEND REHEARSALS AND WORSHIP TIMES December 14 from 2:00-4:30 pm December 15 from 8:00-11:30 am

Your plans for all of our children. Help each of us see them like you see them.

Help us cultivate their strengths and guide them to lean in to You in their weaknesses. Show us how to train them, disciple them for Your Kingdom.

Show us how to lead them. Give us the strength and wisdom to water them in this season and find joy in these trenches. Come, Holy Spirit, come.

And as I peeked over my shoulder to see if any heeded the call to dinner, I noticed

MAY WE HAVE COURAGE TO LET GO OF OUR DREAMS AND TAKE HOLD OF YOUR PLANS FOR ALL OF OUR CHILDREN Never stop looking for Him, sweet boys. Study His truth and spread it like wildfire. Share it with all you meet.

Carry His grace with courage and love to this broken world, setting the captives free and glorifying the One who sent you. And don’t be afraid if you get dirty because you already stand clean. Whiter than snow, actually.

And as I turned to walk back, I whispered it right there for all us mamas too.

Lord, may we become less so you become all. May we have courage to let go of our dreams and take hold of

the quietest of them all boldly following behind me. And I prayed right there, whispered it straight to heaven.

Lord, let this moment constantly remind me that I never know when they will choose to follow, so may I always be running straight to You.

LISA FISCHER is just a beautiful mess serving a holy God. She is a wife, mama, Jesus girl, runner, reader, picture taker, grace clinger, joy hunter, adventurer and sporadic scribe at JustABeautifulMess.blogspot.com.

THANKSGIVING NIGHT OF WORSHIP Before the holiday season gets too crazy, let’s spend a night singing praises and thanksgiving to our God. You won’t want to miss our Thanksgiving Night of Worship. Join us Sunday, November 24 at 5:00 pm for this family worship event.

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NOT SO AMONG YOU (CONT.)

make a big deal about it. For most the simple encouragement to leave the title off is enough.

Part of my disdain for titles comes from an unhealthy elevation of leadership. This is far too common in Christian circles, and

of my calling and role as a servant-leader in the Body of Christ—and, I accept that with deep gravity. It’s the other, more spurious expectations that trouble me.

Usually a Pastor has more answers than questions. For me it’s the other way around. Often a Pastor is perceived as more holy, or more spiritual. I kinda break that mold as well. I’m painfully aware of

I JUST LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU CALL ME PHIL it leads to much church dysfunction. This is why Jesus told the disciples, “...not so among you.” Leadership should look a lot more like servanthood than it does. But, far too often the church mirrors secular culture—certainly more than we are willing to admit.

The other part of my discomfort with ministerial titles has to do with the variety of interesting expectations that comes along with them. Don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe that I will be held to a different standard of judgement because

my own shortcomings, and often the title of Pastor prevents others from seeing me as I really am.

I love doing what I do. Teaching, helping, caring, and serving people who are searching for God in their daily lives. I just like it better when you call me Phil.

PHIL VAUGHAN has been the Lead Pastor at Southeast since 2011. You can connect with Phil on Facebook at Facebook.com/PhilandDonnaVaughan.

GET READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL! The games are Thursday, November 28 at 9:00am at Sierra Middle School.

Are you ready for some football?

Southeast is hosting our first Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl. We invite friends and families, men and women, boys and girls to play football on Thanksgiving morning.

It’s a great time to meet some people and work up an appetite. Register online, and we’ll build the teams.

We hope to have several games for different ages. Be sure to bring a football and wear some comfortable clothes and shoes.

ALL-SCHOOL CHRISTMAS CONCERT Thursday, December 12 at 6:00pm.

Join the preschool through 8th grade at Southeast Christian School as we sing praises to celebrate the birth of our King. God gave us so much through his Son; what can we give him?

It's a free and public event to celebrate in the midst of the Christmas season. We hope you'll celebrate with us.

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GIVE HOPE THIS CHRISTMAS You can help SECOR serve families in the community this Christmas during the Christmas Outreach! It starts with purchasing a gift for a child in need between November 16–December 15. Take a gift tag from the trees in the lobby and purchase the gift.

Then, you can serve at any time from December 16–21.

CONFESSIONS OF A SELFISH DAD

BY MITCH BOLTON

“Confessions of a Selfish Dad” originally ran in June 2013. name is Mitch, and I’m selfish.

The level of my selfishness frustrates me, especially in my interactions with my children. I find I’m thinking about myself, my needs and even my stuff before my kids.

My oldest son was just over a year old. We had a picnic at a playground. We tromped around the equipment, slid down the slides, and climbed through tunnels. My wife had started back to the car to get all of our stuff unloaded (you know how it is with your first kid; you bring everything, always). Jack and I were slowly walking back to the car, when he tripped over his feet. His lip scraped on the sidewalk and blood started gushing everywhere.

Here, the good dad would scoop up his child and hold him close. He would calm and soothe the child on his shoulder.

Not me.

Instead of cradling my hurting boy, I picked him up and held him at arm’s-length. I rushed back to my wife at the car, holding

my son in this insanely awkward position as his blood dripped on the ground.

Gift Wrapping, December 16–18 in the Southeast Lobby from 9:00am–8:00pm (only 16 and older).

Packing Night, December 20 at 6:00pm.

Deliveries begin at 9:00am on December 21.

Why would I choose not to cradle him when he needed me? I was afraid to get blood on my shirt. My shirt! How did I get hired for this gig anyway; valuing my clothes over the love my son needs?

A short time later, on a Father’s Day weekend, I was working with him on a project for the grandpas. We picked up some bird houses and were painting them red with our hands. The project was fun and messy. Perhaps we bought the wrong kind of paint, or maybe it was just his sensitive skin, but as the paint started to dry, my son freaked out. He started crying and yelling for me to hold him. My wife rushed inside to fill up the tub (she’s good like that). It was my job to transport him there. But he was covered in paint! I picked him up by the shoulders and held him out in front of me as I took him back to get cleaned up.

I mean, I certainly can’t have paint on my clothes…(sarcasm) CONTINUED ON BACK COVER

CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICES We have five Christmas Eve Services this year at 12:00, 1:30, 3:00, 4:30 and 6:00pm. We’ll watch your children two and under at all but the 6:00pm service. We’re making parking easier with a shuttle from the Parker Recreation Center. You'll find it easier to sit in the Worship Center at the earlier or latest services. Pick up a few cards at the Welcome Center and to invite your family, friends and neighbors.

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DIFFICULT PEOPLE (CONT.)

significance does not depend upon the response he receives from another person. When we experience God’s love and allow our identity to be in God, then we can love others like Jesus did, and as God asks us to, not because the person has earned it or deserves it.

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I MUST LEARN TO LOVE WITH GOD’S LOVE

Within myself and my own strength, I don’t have what it takes to love another person the way that God expects. That kind of love is only possible when I am experiencing God’s love and allowing his love and grace to flow through me to another person. In Romans 5:4, Paul states, “And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been

Our love for others is to be filled with wisdom and insight. As we try to love those who seem hard to love, we must wrestle with questions like: “Is this person acting this way from a wound or hurt in their past?”

“Who is God for this person and what is he currently doing in their life?”

“How does God want me to respond to this person?”

“What does this person need from me and others?”

“What are healthy boundaries for this relationship?”

Loving someone does not mean that we give them what they want, remove healthy boundaries, allow them to hurt us, or even give them significant

AS FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST, WE ARE TO LOVE ALL PEOPLE poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

God is continually pouring his love into our life through his Spirit. As we learn to daily engage God’s love, He will transform the way that we view and interact with other people.

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I MUST LEARN TO LOVE WITH WISDOM AND INSIGHT

In Philippians 1:9-11, Paul states, “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.”

sechristian.org 303-841-9292 9650 Jordan Road Parker, CO 80134

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CONFESSIONS OF A SELFISH DAD (CONT.)

influence in our lives. It means that we seek God’s direction and give them what they need. We may need to draw closer to these people and journey with them in their pain. Perhaps we need to confront and speak truth into their lives.

Sometimes the most loving thing I can do is set strong boundaries, pull back from the relationship, and hold them accountable to those boundaries. But in order to discern what the appropriate and loving response is for another person I must be growing in God’s wisdom and insight myself.

JASON MCBRIDE is the Spiritual Formation Pastor at Southeast. He plays a big role in helping people connect with small groups and more.

Later that night, the voice in my head began to chastise me.

That’s the second time, dummy. What kind of dad are you that you value your stuff over your own child? A shirt is easily replaced. That moment to comfort your child is not.

Ouch! A moment like that can change your heart. Mine certainly was.

Since then, I’ve added a couple more kids and they reap those benefits as well. Now, when they wake up covered in vomit, I’m not afraid to hold them and dry their tears. My clothes will wash. I’m intentional about those moments now.

I’ve changed these emotional interactions with my kids. I want them to know they’re more important than anything I own.

I’m not perfect. I’m still a selfish dad. My kids are forced to listen to podcasts when they ride in my car. And many times, my iPhone creeps into our family time. I’m working on those too.

I encourage you to look for an area in your life where you’re favoring something over your kids. Even just one thing. Write it down or find another way to remember it, then watch for those moments when you have a choice between that one thing, and your child. Choose the child, and see what happens.

MITCH BOLTON is the Creative Director at Southeast and the father of 6 and 4 year old boys, and a brand-new girl. You can find his notes and writing online at muntz.me.